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1
00:00:05,961 --> 00:00:13,099
♪♪
2
00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,319
Are we -- are we gonna put it
back when we're done with it?
3
00:00:15,362 --> 00:00:17,887
Why? The only thing of value on
it is the secret treasure map.
4
00:00:17,929 --> 00:00:19,496
The rest is just instructions
for running a country,
5
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:20,932
and I'm pretty sure
they're online.
6
00:00:20,977 --> 00:00:22,457
It just feels a little wrong --
7
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:23,980
Morty, are you gonna be
a fucking America nerd
8
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,286
or are you gonna be cool
9
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:26,939
and steal the Constitution
with Grandpa?
10
00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:31,509
Here, hold this while I
crack the hermetic seal.
11
00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:34,381
W-Why not
just use this again?
12
00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:35,948
[ Ding! ]
13
00:00:40,865 --> 00:00:42,606
Morty!
You just destroyed the map
14
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,740
and activated the giant assassin
hidden in the Statue of Liberty!
15
00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:46,436
I'm sorry --
w-wait, what?
16
00:00:46,481 --> 00:00:48,612
It was a Trojan horse, Morty.
Never trust the French.
17
00:00:48,656 --> 00:00:50,310
Alright, fun's fun, but now
the federal government's
18
00:00:50,353 --> 00:00:52,225
gonna be pissed again.
Way to go.
19
00:00:52,268 --> 00:00:53,704
And on America's birthday
20
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:55,402
or whatever the fuck
Thanksgiving is.
21
00:00:55,445 --> 00:01:03,801
♪♪
22
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:12,159
♪♪
23
00:01:12,201 --> 00:01:20,515
♪♪
24
00:01:20,557 --> 00:01:28,914
♪♪
25
00:01:28,957 --> 00:01:30,176
Seal Team Leader:
Rick and Morty!
26
00:01:30,219 --> 00:01:31,525
You are under arrest
and surrounded
27
00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:33,093
by an anti-portal shimmer!
28
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,223
Come out
with your hands up!
29
00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:36,400
Well,
Happy Thanksgiving to me.
30
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:38,881
Can't wait to see what
a "shimmer" does to my prostate.
31
00:01:38,924 --> 00:01:41,013
Dad, can you please
just end whatever this is --
32
00:01:41,057 --> 00:01:42,841
I understand you're upset,
Mr. President.
33
00:01:42,884 --> 00:01:44,539
It's honestly
all Morty's fault.
34
00:01:44,581 --> 00:01:46,280
But in the meantime, you really
want to keep your army
35
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:48,804
of pointlessly camouflaged
Eagle Scouts off my lawn.
36
00:01:48,847 --> 00:01:50,674
Don't tell me what I want,
you anti-American
37
00:01:50,718 --> 00:01:52,024
piece of shit,
you terrorist!
38
00:01:52,067 --> 00:01:53,503
You know, you use that word
so much
39
00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,070
it's lost all meaning,
Mr. P.
40
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,680
It's like, at this point,
what's a terrorist?
41
00:01:56,724 --> 00:01:58,292
It's a guy you don't like.
Big deal.
42
00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:59,728
Hoo-rah!
43
00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:03,819
[ Screaming ]
44
00:02:03,861 --> 00:02:05,168
Told you to stand down.
45
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:07,605
You just lost two soldiers
over here. Good men.
46
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,171
Might be time to look
at the terrorist in the mirror.
47
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,868
You want a war?!
48
00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:13,044
I'll put your outer-space ass
in a goddamn Phantom Zone
49
00:02:13,088 --> 00:02:14,742
with a bar of kryptonite soap
around your neck.
50
00:02:14,786 --> 00:02:16,700
You're done, Sanchez!
You hear me?
51
00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:18,399
Oof.
He's really pissed this time.
52
00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:19,921
Why don't you guys just fuck
and get it over with.
53
00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,183
Okay, well thank you,
Summer,
54
00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:22,620
but I think
I've got a better option.
55
00:02:22,663 --> 00:02:23,838
Dad, no.
Ehh...
56
00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,536
hands are tied,
sweetie.
57
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,189
I have to turn myself into
a turkey and trick the President
58
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:29,018
into giving me
a Presidential turkey pardon.
59
00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:31,237
Again? How many times
have you done this?
60
00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:32,716
I don't know, Jerry, how many
years have I lived here?
61
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,240
Careful how you answer that.
62
00:02:34,283 --> 00:02:36,111
Geez, Rick, y'know,
y-you've done this a lot.
63
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,069
Don't you think the President
might see it coming this time?
64
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,812
He probably will, Morty.
That's all part of the dance.
65
00:02:40,855 --> 00:02:42,248
In the past,
I've inserted myself
66
00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:44,337
into the potential turkey
pardonee population
67
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:45,774
by brainwashing
the presidential turkey wrangler
68
00:02:45,817 --> 00:02:47,341
prior to the ceremony.
69
00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:49,560
But this time, the turkey
wrangler's been euthanized
70
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:50,908
and the turkeys
will be transported
71
00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:52,694
by armored military vehicles.
72
00:02:52,736 --> 00:02:56,045
Vehicles manufactured by ghost
corporations that I control.
73
00:02:56,087 --> 00:02:58,481
-Which we have audited.
-Allowing me access to...
74
00:02:58,526 --> 00:03:00,004
-Central computers...
-To track the...
75
00:03:00,049 --> 00:03:02,224
Real armored transports,
which he can never...
76
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,661
Totally track
and sneak aboard.
77
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:05,271
And even if he does,
he'll be on a truck
78
00:03:05,314 --> 00:03:07,578
full of turkeys
and fully armed marines.
79
00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:09,537
Who won't recognize me
because the human eye
80
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,365
is inherently face blind
to turkeys.
81
00:03:11,407 --> 00:03:14,236
President: Fortunately, those
marines won't have human eyes.
82
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,847
They'll have turkey eyes.
83
00:03:15,890 --> 00:03:17,936
Jesus ever-loving Christ,
why don't you two
84
00:03:17,979 --> 00:03:19,764
just fuck
and get it over with?
85
00:03:19,807 --> 00:03:21,549
Careful, Dwayne.
You're only Vice President
86
00:03:21,591 --> 00:03:23,377
because I need 10%
of the white vote.
87
00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:26,074
There's a giant French assassin
attacking New York,
88
00:03:26,117 --> 00:03:28,295
and you're using the war room
to measure dicks
89
00:03:28,337 --> 00:03:30,296
with your alcoholic
sci-fi boyfriend?
90
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:31,993
Rick Sanchez
is more dangerous
91
00:03:32,037 --> 00:03:34,038
than some steam-powered
French bitch,
92
00:03:34,082 --> 00:03:36,216
and New York can handle its own
global emergencies.
93
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,478
General?
Initiate Operation Deep Gobble.
94
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:41,611
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
95
00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:43,484
Coop,
not on Thanksgiving.
96
00:03:43,526 --> 00:03:44,962
It's what I trained for,
Mary Lou.
97
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:46,835
It ain't our fight.Baby.
98
00:03:46,877 --> 00:03:49,445
That little race car driver
you got bakin' in your belly.
99
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:51,274
What world you want him
rearin' up in?
100
00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:53,668
One where some...
spiky-haired Doctor Who
101
00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:55,973
in a lab coat can
change the color of the sky?
102
00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:58,324
Or a world where he can fill
his pickup with hot dogs
103
00:03:58,367 --> 00:03:59,978
and drive it to a jukebox
104
00:04:00,021 --> 00:04:02,284
full of our demographic's
current favorite music?
105
00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:03,981
Obviously the latter,
but --
106
00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:06,288
Well, that world, Mary Lou,
the one with those meals,
107
00:04:06,332 --> 00:04:09,466
vehicles, and songs people in
this 30-mile area prefer...
108
00:04:09,509 --> 00:04:11,163
that world needs
a few good men.
109
00:04:11,206 --> 00:04:12,860
In a secret Pentagon lab.
110
00:04:12,903 --> 00:04:14,384
Turning into turkeys.
111
00:04:14,427 --> 00:04:16,560
You come back without feathers,
Coop.
112
00:04:18,605 --> 00:04:20,259
God, I love this country.
113
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,480
Hoooo-ah!
114
00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:25,874
♪ I got a pregnant girl
and a pickup truck ♪
115
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:28,005
♪ I got one by choice
and the other by luck ♪
116
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:32,228
♪ But now it's time
to turn into a turkey ♪
117
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:34,534
♪ I hope there
can be peace one day ♪
118
00:04:34,577 --> 00:04:36,579
♪ Till then, I pray my DNA
119
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,189
♪ Gets backed up
120
00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:40,454
General Green: These pills
contain tracking chips
121
00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:42,673
that identify each of you
as individuals.
122
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:45,675
That will be important later.
123
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,069
♪ Gobble, gobble
124
00:04:48,112 --> 00:04:50,377
♪ Gobble, gobble
125
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:54,771
♪ When I turn into a turkey
126
00:04:54,816 --> 00:05:00,038
♪♪
127
00:05:01,125 --> 00:05:02,867
Alright, boys,
search every bird.
128
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:05,348
If Sanchez is here,
I wanna hear you gobblin'.
129
00:05:05,391 --> 00:05:06,827
Let me look at you,
scum.
130
00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:08,350
Get outta here,
you wobbleneck.
131
00:05:08,394 --> 00:05:10,918
Sarge, this -- this ain't
like the simulation, man.
132
00:05:10,961 --> 00:05:12,747
I don't like it
-Keep it together, Martinez.
133
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:14,356
Eyes are on the ground,
sir.
134
00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:16,533
No sign of Einstein.Stay frosty, gentlemen.
135
00:05:16,576 --> 00:05:19,971
I want this pardoning pipeline
airtight.
136
00:05:20,014 --> 00:05:21,755
Sir!
We have hacked the garage door.
137
00:05:21,798 --> 00:05:23,497
We are in.
Eyes on the bogey.
138
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:25,237
Or you've got eyes
on a robot.
139
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:27,675
All due respect, sir,
I know flesh when I see it!
140
00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:30,286
Those flesh-covered [burps]
robots should buy us some time.
141
00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:32,461
The pardonable turkeys
should be on that truck.
142
00:05:32,505 --> 00:05:34,812
Ship, go stealth.
143
00:05:34,855 --> 00:05:37,379
Rodriguez, Fincher.
Get eyes on that.
144
00:05:37,423 --> 00:05:39,468
Huh.
Turkey Marines.
145
00:05:39,512 --> 00:05:41,122
The President
came to play.
146
00:05:41,165 --> 00:05:42,124
Jam those two radios.
147
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:43,254
Ship: Confirmed.
148
00:05:43,298 --> 00:05:45,127
[ Radio static ]Ah! Geez!
149
00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:56,442
Fincher, Rodriguez, come in!
150
00:05:56,485 --> 00:05:58,139
Copy, copy, tango,
all good.
151
00:05:58,182 --> 00:06:00,795
Just a couple of branches
on the roof.
152
00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,797
Don't ever turn your radio
off again.
153
00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:04,319
-We will not surrender.
-We will never surrender.
154
00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:05,800
-We will not surrender.
-Oh, yeah?
155
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:07,932
Bring in
the David Blaine box.
156
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,675
Damn, is that
a David Blaine box?
157
00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:13,937
I told you we should have just
gone to my parents' house.
158
00:06:13,981 --> 00:06:15,939
No, you didn't.Well, I didn't say it out loud,
159
00:06:15,983 --> 00:06:17,463
but it should be
well known by now
160
00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:19,204
that I'd always
rather be there.
161
00:06:19,247 --> 00:06:20,641
-Oh, God, oh no!
-Aw, geez, Rick!
162
00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:22,598
Sir, we've got Rick and Morty
inside the box!
163
00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:24,165
Then that confirms it.Sir?
164
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:26,821
No David Blaine box
can hold Rick Sanchez.
165
00:06:26,863 --> 00:06:28,082
Scan the turkey truck!
166
00:06:28,125 --> 00:06:29,475
Huh. That's weird.
167
00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:31,521
ID chips for Fincher
and Rodriguez are glitching.
168
00:06:31,564 --> 00:06:32,740
Sanchez...
169
00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:34,610
I'll deal with
this bastard myself.
170
00:06:34,654 --> 00:06:35,742
Sir, don't be a cowboy.
171
00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,353
You can't
get re-elected dead.
172
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:39,093
System is calibrated,
sir.
173
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:40,965
That pill contains a tracking
chip that will identify --
174
00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:43,011
I know,
it'll be important later!
175
00:06:43,053 --> 00:06:44,620
Do it.
176
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:47,101
[ Screams ]
177
00:06:47,536 --> 00:06:49,016
Reporter: Moments from now,
178
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:51,105
the President will be
pardoning a turkey...
179
00:06:53,673 --> 00:06:55,066
Home stretch, Morty.
180
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:57,024
Here comes dip shit
right on schedule.
181
00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:59,593
Nothing can go wrong now.
182
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:00,855
Morty: Jesus, is that --Oh, shit.
183
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:02,204
The President
has the upper hand.
184
00:07:02,247 --> 00:07:03,726
G-Grandpa fucked up.
Sunglasses on.
185
00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:05,512
Act like a turkey.
What? Wha--
Are you scared?
186
00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:07,209
Act like a turkey!
187
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:11,168
That's Rodriguez
and Fincher, sir.
188
00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:13,867
It's Rick and Morty, you
useless fucking stump humper!
189
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:16,348
Sorry, don't tell 10% of
your friends I called you that.
190
00:07:16,391 --> 00:07:17,480
Mr. President.
191
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,350
Sanchez, admit it.
You lose.
192
00:07:19,394 --> 00:07:21,223
Say it and I'll let
your loser ass go.
193
00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:22,790
[ Exhales ]
194
00:07:22,832 --> 00:07:24,661
Did you just try to spit
in my face with no saliva gland?
195
00:07:24,704 --> 00:07:26,663
Just pardon me, dick.Why the hell would I?
196
00:07:26,706 --> 00:07:28,317
Oh, I dunno,
'cause if I move to Canada,
197
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,579
they'll be the best country!
198
00:07:29,622 --> 00:07:31,494
I'll peck your
Goddamn eyes out!
199
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:32,800
Ow!
Hey!
200
00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:34,497
Shit!
My plume!
201
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:36,543
Hey, back off!
202
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,893
Blueberries!
We got blueberries down!
203
00:07:38,935 --> 00:07:40,894
Hold your positions,
it's a feeding frenzy!
204
00:07:40,937 --> 00:07:42,199
I-I can't see.
205
00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:43,505
I mean, I can see.
206
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:47,901
270 degrees --
it's too many degrees!
207
00:07:47,944 --> 00:07:50,252
Sir, we are losing
the mental game down here.
208
00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:51,471
General Green:
Keep it together, soldier!
209
00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:53,211
POTUS is still in that pen --
210
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,915
We just lost New York
to France!
211
00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:03,526
Pull out the President
right now!
212
00:08:03,569 --> 00:08:05,745
Gobble Tango --
I want POTUS out of that pen!
213
00:08:05,788 --> 00:08:08,139
That is an order!
Locate the president's chip!
214
00:08:08,182 --> 00:08:09,706
Roger, roger.
215
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,055
There he is, I got him.
216
00:08:11,098 --> 00:08:13,274
Let's go, boys!
Let's fly out the Eagle!
217
00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:16,233
Hey, that's not me!
218
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:19,846
Package is secure.
Pull us out.
219
00:08:19,889 --> 00:08:23,240
Computer:
Reinjecting subject DNA.
220
00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:25,766
[ All scream ]
221
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:33,469
Hoppin' Jehovah, you look
like five pounds of shit
222
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,036
in a whore's lunchbox.
223
00:08:35,078 --> 00:08:36,907
You alright,
Mr. President?
224
00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:38,561
Yes.
I am...
225
00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:39,996
the President.
226
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,303
Clean his ass up
and get him to the War Room.
227
00:08:42,346 --> 00:08:43,653
Hey!
Gobble Squad!
228
00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:45,350
You got the wrong guy,
you morons!
229
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:46,787
[ Gobbling ]
230
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,701
Look at this dumb piece
of shit. Gobbling away.
231
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,616
Get back in there!
232
00:08:50,659 --> 00:08:53,533
Alright boys, you heard the VP.
Pardon is tits up.
233
00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:55,056
Pack up and ship out!
234
00:08:57,798 --> 00:08:59,886
As for you, Sanchez...
235
00:08:59,929 --> 00:09:01,541
bon appétit.
236
00:09:04,369 --> 00:09:05,936
Where is
this elevator going?
237
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:08,198
Where all the
unchosen turkeys go.
238
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:10,071
The feeding chamber.
239
00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:13,552
[ Creature roars ]
240
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:15,076
What the fuck
is that?
241
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:17,164
Not what...who.
242
00:09:17,207 --> 00:09:20,211
The only thing to fear is...
me!
243
00:09:20,254 --> 00:09:21,604
How the fuck does
the White House
244
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,519
have a cloned spider
of FDR?
245
00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:24,999
It's no clone,
it's FDR.
246
00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:26,696
He was a guinea pig
for the polio vaccine.
247
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:29,046
We asked ourselves
"What walks the most?"
248
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,787
"We?"
You're taking credit for this?
249
00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:33,963
The office comes with baggage,
Morty.
250
00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:35,225
Rick,
I'm afraid to die!
251
00:09:35,269 --> 00:09:36,663
You won't have to be for long,
Morty!
252
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:37,924
We're due to return
to human form any second!
253
00:09:37,967 --> 00:09:39,360
Then what?
254
00:09:39,403 --> 00:09:41,057
Then we just have to not
get eaten by the spider!
255
00:09:41,101 --> 00:09:42,842
Oh, so in other words,
be afraid to die?
256
00:09:42,885 --> 00:09:44,408
Morty, if winning an argument
is that important to you,
257
00:09:44,452 --> 00:09:45,628
you were never alive!
258
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:48,283
Time for a New Deal...
Murder!
259
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:50,459
President: I'm sick of hearing
how iconic you were!
260
00:09:50,501 --> 00:09:54,028
Try having an historical
administration after Facebook
261
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:57,379
goes online,
you old-timey bitch!
262
00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:59,816
Morty,
tear open that panel!
263
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:02,078
How's this
for a fireside chat?
264
00:10:02,123 --> 00:10:05,168
[ Screaming ]
265
00:10:05,212 --> 00:10:06,518
Woof.
You just killed FDR.
266
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:07,955
He was a monster,
though.
267
00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:09,913
Don't mythologize him.
He was a politician.
268
00:10:09,956 --> 00:10:12,089
Speaking of, you kind of saved
our bacon there,
269
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:13,394
so I'll make you a deal.
270
00:10:13,437 --> 00:10:15,178
You pardon us
and I'll make you human.
271
00:10:15,222 --> 00:10:16,658
Wrong turkey.
272
00:10:16,702 --> 00:10:18,442
Man,
the face blindness is real.
273
00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:22,056
I'd like these...
men...
274
00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:23,840
turned back into humans,
please.
275
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:25,537
Uh, yes, of course,
Mr. President.
276
00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:27,713
But I thought we
already rehumanized
277
00:10:27,756 --> 00:10:29,105
all the turkified marines.
278
00:10:29,149 --> 00:10:32,066
I'd like these men
turned back into humans.
279
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:33,240
I am the President.
280
00:10:33,283 --> 00:10:34,546
Yes, sir.
Uh, sure thing.
281
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:38,985
Increase their strength
by 1,000%.
282
00:10:39,028 --> 00:10:41,379
But...
that wouldn't be human.
283
00:10:41,423 --> 00:10:45,557
Turkeys have always been
more than human.
284
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,735
Okay, uh, so right there,
now I'm starting to --
285
00:10:50,213 --> 00:10:54,740
I am selling New York
to France.
286
00:10:54,783 --> 00:10:57,918
And giving all of the money
to Congress.
287
00:10:57,961 --> 00:10:59,484
[ Cheering ]
288
00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:00,702
Now that's how you do it!
289
00:11:00,746 --> 00:11:02,530
He became President today.
290
00:11:03,139 --> 00:11:04,837
[ Gasping, murmuring ]
291
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,274
That's right, murmur!
292
00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:07,927
And when you're done,
get me some pants.
293
00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:10,365
If you're the President,
who the hell have we been
294
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:12,802
governing the country with
for the last three hours?
295
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:14,543
An impostor, you good
for nothing idiot!
296
00:11:14,586 --> 00:11:16,457
You humanized
the wrong turkey!
297
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,807
It's possible.
298
00:11:17,850 --> 00:11:20,070
We shouldn't leave
anything to chance.
299
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:23,899
Wouldn't want Congress working
with the wrong president.
300
00:11:23,943 --> 00:11:26,554
A very good point,
Mr. President.
301
00:11:26,597 --> 00:11:28,296
Do we believe
this fine feathered,
302
00:11:28,338 --> 00:11:30,777
collaborative gentleman
to be our commander-in-chief?
303
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:34,171
Or are we gonna let "Mr. Cash
Bar at the Christmas Party"
304
00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:35,476
stay in office?
305
00:11:35,519 --> 00:11:38,131
All in favor of
Turkey President?
306
00:11:38,174 --> 00:11:39,394
You can't be serious.
307
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:40,830
You think he cares
about America?
308
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:43,179
Is that why this is happening
to you?
309
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:46,706
Because you cared
about America?
310
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:48,794
Guards, these men are...
311
00:11:48,837 --> 00:11:49,838
oh, what is the word?
312
00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:51,493
Uh, terrorists.
313
00:11:51,536 --> 00:11:54,365
Okay, screw this.
Go, Go, Sanchez laser fists.
314
00:11:54,408 --> 00:11:57,325
Oh, shit, I was a turkey
for a while, wasn't I?
315
00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:59,196
Okay, guy's pretty strong.
316
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,720
Mary Todd Lincoln!
317
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:05,942
Who's dead weight now,
bitch?
318
00:12:05,985 --> 00:12:09,466
♪♪
319
00:12:11,077 --> 00:12:13,601
You should regain feeling
in your ass in a minute.
320
00:12:13,644 --> 00:12:15,211
Sorry my turrets
blew up your motorcycle.
321
00:12:15,255 --> 00:12:16,865
Just give me
some goddamn clothes.
322
00:12:16,909 --> 00:12:18,955
Must suck to have your only
safe haven be my house.
323
00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:20,347
Y-you want
your regular outfit
324
00:12:20,390 --> 00:12:21,827
or should we dress you
like a terrorist?
325
00:12:21,870 --> 00:12:23,830
I don't need to be here,
and I'm still the President.
326
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,788
Oh, glad to hear it. That means
you can give me that pardon.
327
00:12:25,831 --> 00:12:27,355
Or -- Or I could put you
out with the trash.
328
00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:29,486
What is your problem?!
Why do you hate this country?
329
00:12:29,530 --> 00:12:31,402
I hate every country
in the universe, brother!
330
00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:32,794
They're job placement
programs
331
00:12:32,838 --> 00:12:34,317
for the politicians
that invent them --
332
00:12:34,361 --> 00:12:35,798
Okay,
Fight Club.
333
00:12:35,841 --> 00:12:38,235
I get paid to protect
the sidelines you sit on!
334
00:12:38,278 --> 00:12:39,846
You get paid
to make sports metaphors!
335
00:12:39,889 --> 00:12:41,325
I clean your litterbox!
336
00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:43,544
So your little nerd paws
don't have to touch
337
00:12:43,587 --> 00:12:45,764
another nerd's nerdy poopies
while you're flexing
338
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,809
your grody little edge lord anus
all over it!
339
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,812
Guys, maybe you're both right
and both wrong.
340
00:12:49,855 --> 00:12:51,379
Both: Shut up, Morty!
341
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:53,250
You little bitch, you destroyed
the Constitution.
342
00:12:53,293 --> 00:12:54,643
You're the biggest
booger eater here!
343
00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:57,341
Do nottalk to my son
that way.
344
00:12:57,384 --> 00:12:58,778
Sorry, Mrs. Smith.
345
00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:00,126
The two of you
are ruining Thanksgiving.
346
00:13:00,169 --> 00:13:01,605
Together.
347
00:13:01,649 --> 00:13:02,738
And you can both either
come to the table
348
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,522
and eat food with my family
349
00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:07,830
or you can keep doing what
you're doing at the corner bar.
350
00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:09,875
Bars actually suck
at Thanksgiving.
351
00:13:09,918 --> 00:13:12,225
Dorothy: I'm still trying to
sort through this.
352
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:13,793
One of you wishes you had
the personal quality
353
00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:15,490
known as courage
354
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:17,578
but the other two of you
want actual vital organs?
355
00:13:17,621 --> 00:13:19,928
This Charlie Kaufman reboot
of "Wizard of Oz"
356
00:13:19,972 --> 00:13:21,625
is destroying itself.
357
00:13:21,669 --> 00:13:23,062
That's why I need a brain!
358
00:13:23,105 --> 00:13:26,240
I'm doing a terrible job
writing this!
359
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:28,850
Pass the potatoes.
360
00:13:28,894 --> 00:13:30,504
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
361
00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:32,288
Good green beans, Mom.
362
00:13:32,332 --> 00:13:34,552
The turkey's raw, Dad.
Shit's potato bunz.
363
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,597
Sorry, Summer,
the United States enclosed us
364
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,078
in a shimmer bubble
that scrambled my oven timer.
365
00:13:39,121 --> 00:13:41,428
So I guess elections
dohave consequences.
366
00:13:41,471 --> 00:13:44,213
Eat my ass, Jerry.
I've seen your IRS records.
367
00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:46,433
You can blame me
once you have taxable income.
368
00:13:46,476 --> 00:13:48,304
[ Laughs ] Yes, Jerry is
a piece of shit.
369
00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:49,784
I agree.[ News fanfare plays]
370
00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:51,787
Um, guys?
What's that?
371
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,181
Paula, as you can see,
President Curtis has enacted
372
00:13:54,224 --> 00:13:56,269
a plan to turn
all turkeys in America
373
00:13:56,312 --> 00:13:57,879
into hybrid super soldiers.
374
00:13:57,923 --> 00:13:59,881
The move has 100% approval
from Congress
375
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:01,971
following its third pay raise
in six hours.
376
00:14:02,014 --> 00:14:02,971
Back to you.
377
00:14:03,015 --> 00:14:07,280
♪♪
378
00:14:07,323 --> 00:14:09,196
My God,
the bastard's unhinged!
379
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:11,197
There won't be a single bird
left in DC!
380
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,808
Oh, wow, wiping out a native
population on Thanksgiving?
381
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,376
That's never happened before.What did you just say?
382
00:14:16,419 --> 00:14:18,248
Well, I-I associated
Thanksgiving with genocide.
383
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,380
It's what young people do.
I wasn't trying to --
384
00:14:20,423 --> 00:14:22,077
The Crypt
of the New World.
385
00:14:22,121 --> 00:14:24,341
That could be our one chance
to turn this thing around.
386
00:14:24,384 --> 00:14:25,647
You know
about the Crypt?
387
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,301
Ugh, so the treasure's
already gone.
388
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:29,476
Wait, is that why you were
stealing the Constitution?
389
00:14:29,519 --> 00:14:30,913
You old fart dick.
390
00:14:30,956 --> 00:14:32,610
The Crypt of the New World
isn't a treasure.
391
00:14:32,653 --> 00:14:34,177
But it might be our only hope.
Come on.
392
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:36,352
But isn't the crypt
underneath DC?
393
00:14:36,397 --> 00:14:38,006
The Turkey President's
got an army.
394
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:39,748
An actual Army.
And an Air Force.
395
00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:41,140
And Marines --Slow down, Morty.
396
00:14:41,183 --> 00:14:42,576
Walk us through
every military service.
397
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:43,883
Does somebody have a pen?
398
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:45,144
We've got something
more powerful
399
00:14:45,187 --> 00:14:46,798
than every army
in the world.
400
00:14:46,841 --> 00:14:49,192
Well, no, we don't,
but with the right speech,
401
00:14:49,235 --> 00:14:50,976
we could get a handful
of well-trained hillbillies.
402
00:14:51,019 --> 00:14:52,716
Eh, it worked against
the British. I'm in.
403
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,590
Birds replacin' people.
404
00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:58,071
What would Johnny Cash
or Dale Earnhardt say?
405
00:14:58,114 --> 00:15:00,333
He'd say "It's time
to walk the line"
406
00:15:00,376 --> 00:15:02,336
or "Drive very fast
between two of them."
407
00:15:02,379 --> 00:15:04,076
We don't serve
your kind here.
408
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,556
Oh, my God,
are you serious?
409
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,254
Read the sign.
410
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:08,341
He's my boss, Marvin.
411
00:15:08,384 --> 00:15:09,647
It's okay.
412
00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:11,998
Mistrusting Presidents
is a patriotic duty.
413
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:13,782
And that guy on TV
isn't me.
414
00:15:13,825 --> 00:15:16,001
He's a turkey
infused with my DNA.
415
00:15:16,044 --> 00:15:17,917
I'll be damned.
416
00:15:20,397 --> 00:15:21,876
Well,
I'm racist.
417
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,183
You better not be here
to take my man again.
418
00:15:24,226 --> 00:15:25,793
-Mary Lou.
-I'm poor!
419
00:15:25,836 --> 00:15:26,881
And pregnant!
420
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,187
With a poor person!
421
00:15:28,230 --> 00:15:29,667
And I need you.
422
00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:31,408
And 10% of your baby.
423
00:15:31,451 --> 00:15:34,933
Now, look, I know it's gonna
take more than some speech.
424
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,586
But what is a speech?
425
00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,371
Isn't it just a question?
426
00:15:38,414 --> 00:15:40,113
And isn't that a question too?
427
00:15:40,155 --> 00:15:41,722
Speeches are words.
428
00:15:41,765 --> 00:15:42,942
Repeated words.
429
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:44,290
Listed words.
430
00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,032
Repeated lists
of repeated words.
431
00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:47,642
None of that matters.
432
00:15:47,684 --> 00:15:48,990
You know what does matter?
433
00:15:49,034 --> 00:15:51,254
Me. Asking you.
434
00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:53,865
"Will you do what I say?"
435
00:15:53,908 --> 00:15:55,823
Just two questions,
Chief.
436
00:15:55,866 --> 00:15:59,044
Lock?
And load?
437
00:15:59,087 --> 00:16:00,263
They're rhetorical, sir!
438
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:01,394
Lock and load!
439
00:16:01,437 --> 00:16:03,178
[ Cheering ]
440
00:16:03,222 --> 00:16:11,404
♪♪
441
00:16:11,447 --> 00:16:13,928
Sir, we've got Rick and Morty
coming in what appears to be
442
00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:15,931
an unlicensed
"Star Wars" AT-AT.
443
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,412
Or as the millennials say,
A-T, A-T.
444
00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:19,760
So it begins.
445
00:16:19,803 --> 00:16:20,761
Gobblers!
446
00:16:20,804 --> 00:16:22,371
Tonight, we rise!
447
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:24,940
[ Gobbles ]
448
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:30,466
♪♪
449
00:16:30,510 --> 00:16:31,816
Aww, geez, geez, geez.
450
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,558
Nice driving, Sanchez.
451
00:16:35,602 --> 00:16:37,256
Wire's down,
pen is clear.
452
00:16:37,299 --> 00:16:38,649
You know the Goddamn rules!
453
00:16:38,692 --> 00:16:39,955
If you see something clucking
or pecking,
454
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,390
put a buckshot
in its panties.
455
00:16:44,698 --> 00:16:47,092
[ Roars ]
456
00:16:47,135 --> 00:16:55,491
♪♪
457
00:16:55,536 --> 00:16:57,885
Jesus Christ!
T-they got Johnson!
458
00:16:57,928 --> 00:16:59,452
He got off easy.
459
00:16:59,495 --> 00:17:01,149
Cooper: Hold off the bastards!
460
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,066
What now, Rick?
461
00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:05,633
Time to turn up
the broiler.
462
00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:07,287
[ Roars ]
463
00:17:07,329 --> 00:17:12,291
♪♪
464
00:17:12,335 --> 00:17:13,770
Whoa, i-is that --
465
00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:15,859
The Crypt of
the New World.
466
00:17:17,339 --> 00:17:21,170
The treasure you were after
is this country's oldest secret.
467
00:17:21,213 --> 00:17:25,044
One disguised by centuries
of Thanksgiving folklore.
468
00:17:27,915 --> 00:17:30,135
Is that...
a turkey dinosaur?
469
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:31,788
America's original rulers.
470
00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:35,096
Merciless beasts, grazing on
the flesh of cowering humans.
471
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:37,708
Then, in the 15th century,
a vessel crashed.
472
00:17:37,751 --> 00:17:38,839
Two vessels, really.
473
00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:41,669
On board --
our saviors.
474
00:17:41,711 --> 00:17:44,976
Sanchez, pull that lever
at the same time I do.
475
00:17:45,019 --> 00:17:53,984
♪♪
476
00:17:54,028 --> 00:17:55,161
[ All growl ]
477
00:17:55,203 --> 00:17:57,250
Oh, shit,
they're gonna fight!
478
00:17:57,292 --> 00:17:58,990
Morty:
No, wait, they love each other!
479
00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:00,688
They were at war
when they arrived,
480
00:18:00,730 --> 00:18:03,169
but they united over
their hatred of turkeys.
481
00:18:03,211 --> 00:18:05,213
And what they love even more
than each other
482
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:06,954
is kicking turkey butt.
483
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:07,999
Gentlemen!
484
00:18:08,042 --> 00:18:10,262
Ba'ruka Dar Tin'in Yo-Tei!
485
00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:16,747
Coooooooooorn!
486
00:18:16,790 --> 00:18:22,404
♪♪
487
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:23,971
It's working!
488
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:26,278
Come on, Sanchez, let's power
down the humanizer ray.
489
00:18:31,066 --> 00:18:32,633
Whose side are we on?
490
00:18:32,675 --> 00:18:34,939
I don't know, but we've done
enough to pay for college.
491
00:18:36,201 --> 00:18:37,942
Look, we're almost there.
492
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:40,857
Sorry,
my turn for a surprise.
493
00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:42,903
Damn, this guy loves
arriving from the shadows.
494
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:45,298
Look around. You can't
beat our ancient warriors.
495
00:18:45,340 --> 00:18:48,692
Can't I? My kind has always
dealt with predators.
496
00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:50,738
That's why
we sleep in trees.
497
00:18:50,780 --> 00:18:53,827
And that's why, in the wild,
we fly.
498
00:18:53,871 --> 00:18:55,960
♪♪
499
00:18:56,003 --> 00:18:58,180
Now you must choose ---
500
00:18:58,223 --> 00:19:00,748
Fight me,
or stop that weapon from turning
501
00:19:00,790 --> 00:19:04,403
all of America's turkeys
into a new master race.
502
00:19:04,446 --> 00:19:05,926
You dumb dip shit,
there's three of us,
503
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,232
and two of us
are spacemen.
504
00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:09,147
Obviously they're gonna
save America
505
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,278
and bring that
monument home,
506
00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:12,238
and I'm gonna
kick your ass.
507
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:13,542
Oh, and, Sanchez?
508
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,022
You got your pardon.
Aw.
509
00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,980
Shut up, Morty.
Come on.
510
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,505
Let's go, bitch.
511
00:19:18,548 --> 00:19:20,159
So be it.
512
00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:23,683
Is it true
what Turkey Man said?
513
00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:24,858
That turkeys
sleep in trees?
514
00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:26,208
Who the hell cares,
Morty?
515
00:19:26,251 --> 00:19:27,949
Let's just [burps] deactivate
this shit.
516
00:19:27,991 --> 00:19:29,603
Calibrating.
[ Gobbles]
517
00:19:29,645 --> 00:19:31,952
Targeting all American turkeys.
518
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:33,388
Oh, my God,
they gave it a voice?
519
00:19:33,432 --> 00:19:36,218
Who is this for?
We're in space.
520
00:19:36,261 --> 00:19:37,959
Geez, Rick,
I-I-I guess them?
521
00:19:38,001 --> 00:19:39,394
Morty, use this carefully.
522
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:40,788
Crack the humanizer core
and cut the blue wire.
523
00:19:40,830 --> 00:19:42,093
You hear me?
Blue wire.
524
00:19:42,136 --> 00:19:43,398
Wha-- Why don't we
just blow it up?
525
00:19:43,442 --> 00:19:44,835
It's a national monument,
fuck nut!
526
00:19:44,878 --> 00:19:46,228
We just got pardoned.
527
00:19:46,271 --> 00:19:48,056
You really wanna do this again
next year?
528
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:52,886
[ Both grunting ]
529
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,366
You forgot something,
Turkey Man.
530
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,978
No matter what you got people
to believe,
531
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:59,153
I'm still
the Goddamn President.
532
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:02,375
And you forget, in the one day
I've had your job,
533
00:20:02,417 --> 00:20:04,811
I've learned
10 times as much.
534
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:06,465
I've underestimated you.
535
00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,250
For the last time.
536
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:13,211
♪♪
537
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:15,300
Rick, they're not exactly
primary colors!
538
00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,303
A-Are -- Are we cool with, like,
t-turquoise?
539
00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:19,521
Are you kidding me, Morty?
Just cut the damn thing!
540
00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:20,609
[ Gobbles ]
541
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:24,134
Oh, shit, oh, fuck --
542
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:26,486
Targets acquired.
Activating weapon.
543
00:20:26,528 --> 00:20:29,705
Oh, shit! Oooooooh!
544
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:31,446
Heritage destroyed.
545
00:20:31,490 --> 00:20:32,578
Morty!
546
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:37,018
God damn it,
you had one job!
547
00:20:43,111 --> 00:20:44,981
[ Groans ]
548
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:46,288
I beat you.
549
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:48,202
Look at me,
you turkey ass bitch.
550
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,856
[ Laughs ]
551
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:51,554
Wait, why are you --
552
00:20:51,597 --> 00:20:53,295
Is that a wishbone?
553
00:20:53,338 --> 00:20:55,384
I wish to explode.
554
00:20:55,427 --> 00:20:58,038
[ Laughs ]
555
00:20:58,082 --> 00:21:02,347
♪♪
556
00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:04,087
Man:
The Berlin Wall has come down.
557
00:21:04,132 --> 00:21:05,525
Man #2:
It's called the Playstation.
558
00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:07,353
The winner is...
"Shakespeare in Love."
559
00:21:07,395 --> 00:21:09,049
-Playstation 2.
-Hurricane Katrina
560
00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:11,051
slams Louisiana...
-Playstation 3.
561
00:21:11,095 --> 00:21:12,575
-This is Maroon Five...
-Playstation 4.
562
00:21:12,618 --> 00:21:16,144
-The Cubbies win!
-I want a Playstation 5.
563
00:21:16,186 --> 00:21:17,405
[ Gasping ]
564
00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:18,929
I wasn't sure when
to pull you out.
565
00:21:18,972 --> 00:21:21,105
I-I assumed you were running
through your whole life.
566
00:21:21,148 --> 00:21:22,237
Yes.
567
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,239
And what a life it was.
568
00:21:24,282 --> 00:21:27,807
Gentlemen, thank you once again
for saving this nation.
569
00:21:27,851 --> 00:21:29,722
Slloosh garg blurrg.
570
00:21:29,766 --> 00:21:31,289
I don't speak googa.
571
00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,378
The CIA only taught me
your activation phrase.
572
00:21:33,422 --> 00:21:34,857
But if I could say
anything...
573
00:21:34,902 --> 00:21:38,471
I'd say give America
one more chance.
574
00:21:40,690 --> 00:21:44,519
Kalaak 'ha
benben prilo garg.
575
00:21:44,564 --> 00:21:46,740
Oh, my God, they're gonna fight.
Th-They're really gonna fight.
576
00:21:47,958 --> 00:21:49,960
-Aw, they love each other!
-Never gets old.
577
00:21:50,003 --> 00:21:51,483
I'll never get tired
of that.
578
00:21:51,527 --> 00:21:53,789
So...after those aliens
discovered America...
579
00:21:53,834 --> 00:21:55,401
They went into
hibernation,
580
00:21:55,443 --> 00:21:58,751
leaving us the technology
we used to lead the free world.
581
00:21:58,795 --> 00:22:01,015
That and also to do stuff
like slavery.
582
00:22:01,057 --> 00:22:03,104
I always thought we were...
more special than that.
583
00:22:03,146 --> 00:22:05,105
Like we invented everything
and did everything
584
00:22:05,148 --> 00:22:06,586
and that's why
we own everything.
585
00:22:06,628 --> 00:22:08,805
Now I-I-I-I don't know
what to feel.
586
00:22:08,848 --> 00:22:10,502
Feel thankful, Morty.
587
00:22:10,546 --> 00:22:12,330
Feel thankful.
588
00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:20,208
♪♪
589
00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:28,085
♪♪
590
00:22:28,128 --> 00:22:35,962
♪♪
591
00:22:36,006 --> 00:22:43,839
♪♪
592
00:22:43,884 --> 00:22:45,972
I know, baby.
593
00:22:46,016 --> 00:22:48,845
Coop, honey, should we get
Lucky Charms or Kibble Bibbitz?
594
00:22:48,888 --> 00:22:50,542
You know
we can't afford either.
595
00:22:50,586 --> 00:22:53,459
Baby, the President owes you.
You saved him.
596
00:22:53,501 --> 00:22:55,112
Ain't his fault our insurance
got cut.
597
00:22:55,155 --> 00:22:56,592
They gotta build missiles.
598
00:22:56,635 --> 00:22:59,508
Ugh, fine, just -- Can y'all
hold Jakey for a second?
599
00:23:01,815 --> 00:23:05,775
[ High-pitched ringing ]
600
00:23:05,818 --> 00:23:07,472
[ Jakey crying ]
601
00:23:09,910 --> 00:23:11,085
Bag Boy:
What the hell's he doin?
602
00:23:11,127 --> 00:23:12,303
Deli Guy:
I think he's foraging.
603
00:23:12,346 --> 00:23:14,131
Crazy bastard thinks
he's a turkey.
604
00:23:14,174 --> 00:23:16,220
Well, I refuse to pay
for this man's health care.
605
00:23:16,263 --> 00:23:20,876
♪♪
606
00:23:22,488 --> 00:23:23,705
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