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Sir, you need to see this.
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[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
3
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[SCREAMS]
4
00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:10,358
Mother of God.
5
00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:12,751
NARRATOR:
AHS: Double Feature.
6
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All new.
Wednesdays at 10.
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On FX.
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♪
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Today's a very special day.
10
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[laughs softly]:
It's my master's Accession Day.
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♪
12
00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:31,596
It's the anniversary
13
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,120
of when he was crowned
Supreme Viceroy
14
00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:34,860
for Al Qolnidar.
15
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So it's kind of a big deal.
16
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[whispers]:
His favorite. Crepe-y paper.
17
00:00:39,691 --> 00:00:41,171
Every year,
I try to do something special
18
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:42,999
for the occasion.
19
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,044
The whole house gets into it,
20
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,958
like, really into it.
21
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[bagpipes playing]
22
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,573
Yes! Oh, yeah!
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GUILLERMO:
Colin Robinson gets, uh,
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00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:56,099
a little too much into it.
25
00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:58,754
[laughing]
26
00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:00,930
[foreign language version
of "You're Dead" playing]
27
00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:03,454
♪
28
00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:25,607
♪
29
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-[exhales]: Ah...
- Oh, no.
30
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:38,968
No. I-I don't think you should
be wearing that turban again.
31
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,926
Well, I think you need to do
some research.
32
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,319
'Cause not only is
this turban accurate
33
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:44,930
to the ancient civilizations
of Persia,
34
00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:47,150
it also happens to be a gift
from my good friend,
35
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:49,109
the Maharaja Duleep Singh.
36
00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:51,067
So if you have anything to say,
37
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,200
- to either myself
or the maharaja... - I just, it's not that.
38
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,592
It was kept in storage
in the basement,
39
00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:56,638
and the rats were nesting
in there.
40
00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:57,856
Oh, right.
41
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,467
Oh. Here it is.
42
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:00,468
Let's go.
43
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:02,165
Off you fuck.
44
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:03,253
Hey, Master.
45
00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:05,473
♪ The sun has set♪
46
00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:08,084
-♪ The stars have all come out♪
-[Nadja humming]
47
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,781
♪ To celebrate
your big night!♪
48
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-[cheering]
- Happy Accession Day, Nandor!
49
00:02:11,914 --> 00:02:14,873
-[bagpipe playing]
-[Nadja vocalizing]
50
00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:18,355
[chuckles]
51
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:19,922
It's your big Accession Day,
Master.
52
00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,924
- Did you forget?
- No.
53
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:23,665
Okay.
54
00:02:23,708 --> 00:02:25,362
Well, it's just one of
those mornings, I guess.
55
00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:27,451
But the night's just beginning.
56
00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:29,192
- GUIDE: I'll bet.
- Yay!
57
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,673
I made you a little something,
and I hope you like it.
58
00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,109
Great.
59
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,285
Well, he didn't like that.
60
00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:37,418
[to tune of "Happy Birthday"]:
♪ Happy Accession Day♪
61
00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:39,811
♪ Mr. Relentle...♪
62
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:41,509
What's up with him?
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00:02:41,552 --> 00:02:42,814
Colin Robinson,
you can stop belly dancing.
64
00:02:42,858 --> 00:02:44,555
- He's not even in the room.
- I know.
65
00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:46,209
This is just for me.
66
00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:50,474
Another Accession Day.
67
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:52,215
Pitiful.
68
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:54,957
On this day
hundreds of years ago,
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00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,046
I rose to power in my country.
70
00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:59,875
Blah, blah, blah.
Yada yada yada.
71
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:04,009
It's just another milestone to
celebrate for the rest of time.
72
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:05,576
Believe it or
don't believe it, baby,
73
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:08,449
but vampire depression is
the real fucking deal.
74
00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:10,059
The prospect of immortality
75
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:12,017
can give some vampires
the shits.
76
00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:14,672
They hate the idea of staring
down life's eternal tunnel.
77
00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:16,805
What does it all mean?
78
00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:18,241
Nothing.
79
00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:20,635
LASZLO:
When a vampire is depressed,
80
00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:22,898
-the best treatment is
to avoid them at all costs. - NADJA: Yeah.
81
00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:25,161
NANDOR:
[sighs] I'm 700 years old,
82
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,076
and what have I got
to show for it?
83
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:29,644
I'm a fully grown vampire,
and I still have roommates.
84
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:31,559
I have no life partner.
85
00:03:31,602 --> 00:03:33,561
-[Nadja and Doll Nadja laughing]
- I have no living children.
86
00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:36,128
I have no one to share my dreams
or my fears with.
87
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:38,218
NADJA:
[clears throat] Sorry, Nandor. We were just...
88
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:40,655
- I just have to check
something, um... - DOLL NADJA: Hurry.
89
00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,657
NANDOR:
I mean, once you see Colin Robinson belly dancing
90
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,006
a few times,
91
00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:46,443
the magic kind of wears off.
92
00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:47,662
It doesn't matter that I'm
93
00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:51,492
an infinitely powerful being.
94
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:54,843
-[groans]
- Doesn't mean anything when you live for eternity.
95
00:03:54,886 --> 00:03:58,542
Everything loses its meaning
when you live for eternity.
96
00:03:58,586 --> 00:04:00,631
GUILLERMO:
In all the years I've known Nandor, I've...
97
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,242
I've never seen him like this.
98
00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:04,592
I think he might be having
a midlife crisis.
99
00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:07,247
[chuckles]:
But he's immortal, so I guess...
100
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:09,858
maybe more like a crisis-crisis.
101
00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:12,164
[gasps]
Nandor's in crisis.
102
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:14,036
So, everyone, we have
103
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,778
a very important
Vampiric Council duty
104
00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:19,259
that I'm afraid is even too hard
105
00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:21,304
for my absolutely
amazing abilities.
106
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:22,871
Someone hasn't paid
107
00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,829
their Vampiric Council
union fees in a while.
108
00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:26,831
Oh, no.
109
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:30,052
Sometimes it is nice
to tiptoe in and remind Nandor
110
00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:32,489
that, uh, he's
very important vampire
111
00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:34,883
with very important
jobs to do and...
112
00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:37,189
Also, collecting
Vampire Council dues
113
00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:39,496
is basically vampire shit work.
114
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,324
And I don't want to do it!
[chuckles]
115
00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,413
But, you know,
more the first thing,
116
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:46,286
that I want to raise
my-my friend up.
117
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:48,244
So, who wants to tackle
this one?
118
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,767
GUIDE:
Well, I don't know, milady.
119
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:52,553
Are you sure anyone here is up
for this task?
120
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:56,644
Oh, shit. Um, yeah-- Oh.
No, my darling.
121
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,994
I wouldn't be man enough?
122
00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:00,865
Hmm. [hisses softly]
123
00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:02,432
O-Oh. Uh...
124
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:04,347
I-I would love to help you out,
125
00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:09,309
but I, too, fear I'm not,
uh, man eno-- whatever.
126
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,136
No, that's right.
You are very shit-stupid man,
127
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,182
so you can't do it.
128
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,271
How about you, Nandor?
Bill collection?
129
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,012
Okay, fine. I'll do it.
130
00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:18,361
There you go. Yes!
131
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:20,015
It's a very special job,
132
00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:22,365
- and we need the most...
- I said I'll do it!
133
00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:24,193
Give me that. Fuck!
134
00:05:24,236 --> 00:05:26,021
- Do you want me to come
with you? - No!
135
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:31,983
[groans]
136
00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:33,463
[mutters]
137
00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:34,551
Ah.
138
00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:35,683
Oh, great.
139
00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:37,641
They have wellness vampires now.
140
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,558
[groaning softly]
141
00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:44,561
[muffled music playing
in distance]
142
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:47,564
Um...
143
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,523
You don't happen to know
where I could find
144
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,525
someone called Jan, do you?
145
00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:52,917
Thanks very much.
146
00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:55,355
The fuck is that?
147
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,401
[chuckles]
148
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,925
- Come on, then.
-[Jan shouting]
149
00:06:00,969 --> 00:06:03,841
JAN:
Stretch those out. That's what I want to see, yes!
150
00:06:03,885 --> 00:06:07,932
Stretch those hammies,
feel the burn! Yes!
151
00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:11,501
- NANDOR: Um...
- Oh, welcome.
152
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,634
Sorry, I am just here for...
153
00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:15,462
Jan?
154
00:06:15,505 --> 00:06:18,334
Please join us,
bring your cameras.
155
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,032
- No secrets here.
- Uh, no.
156
00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:25,428
- I am just here
for your debt collection. - Take a seat.
157
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:26,864
So...
158
00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:31,826
What do we love?
159
00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:33,480
GROUP:
To sweat.
160
00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:38,223
JAN [singsongy]:
And how do we sweat?
161
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,877
GROUP:
By dancing.
162
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:42,750
And what do we say
to newcomers?
163
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:48,103
GROUP:
Welcome. You must stretch before you dance.
164
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:52,020
Uh, like I said,
as I was standing over there,
165
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:55,284
I am only here
to, uh, collect a debt
166
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:58,983
for Vampire Council dues
you haven't paid in 132 years.
167
00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:01,986
Oh, you must be mistaken.
168
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,988
No vampires here, pal.
169
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,425
[laughter]
170
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:08,340
-[laughter stops]
- But, you are Jan, yes?
171
00:07:08,384 --> 00:07:13,084
Yes, but I am no longer
a vampire.
172
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:16,914
That's... Wow.
173
00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:20,614
Eesh. You have all pulled
your own fangs out.
174
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:24,008
Very disturbing, uh,
but it does not negate the fact
175
00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:27,490
- that, uh, you owe a great sum.
- No sum to be paid, friend,
176
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:30,972
for we are no longer vampires.
177
00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:35,672
We have become humans again.
178
00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:37,065
Mm-hmm.
179
00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:39,328
How is such a thing
even possible?
180
00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:40,895
[chuckles]
181
00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:43,593
[muffled music playing
in distance]
182
00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:47,423
Welcome.
Come on in, have a seat.
183
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:51,819
[Jan grunts]
184
00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:53,516
Uh, no, thank you.
185
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,650
As you know, being a vampire,
I cannot eat or drink.
186
00:07:56,693 --> 00:07:58,608
Poor you.
187
00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:06,398
Ah...
188
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:10,185
How long have you been caught up
in this whole vampire trip?
189
00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:13,188
I have been a vampire
for over 700 years,
190
00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:17,061
- if that's what you're asking.
- Yes, but-- one second.
191
00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:18,976
No, no, no, no, no,
you need to select
192
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:21,544
the Epson 4750
in the print queue window.
193
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,546
Not the Bonjour printing.
194
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:26,767
I am so sorry. One second.
195
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,686
Ah... Tell me.
196
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:37,691
Are you happy being a vampire?
197
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:40,563
- I've had better days.
- What if I were to tell you
198
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,260
that there's another way?
199
00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:45,046
A way that you can walk
into the sun.
200
00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:50,051
A way that you can
become human again.
201
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:52,488
I'd say you were full of shit.
202
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:56,971
Eh... Well, perhaps
this path isn't for you.
203
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:59,930
This is a difficult
and treacherous path,
204
00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:02,585
but the rewards...
205
00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:07,416
the rewards are unspeakably...
206
00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:09,679
delicious.
207
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:12,334
♪
208
00:09:23,127 --> 00:09:25,739
NANDOR:
So, after short deliberation...
209
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,305
Yes.
210
00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:29,699
...I have decided to join
Jan and her community:
211
00:09:29,743 --> 00:09:31,614
the Formerly Fanged.
212
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,311
The brochure is
very persuasive.
213
00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:37,620
I am skeptical by nature,
but this Jan,
214
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:40,710
she's really speaking to me,
you know?
215
00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:43,887
She also is incredibly beautiful
and has a rocking body.
216
00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,585
NADJA:
So, you're renouncing your vampirism
217
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,630
to go and try living as a human?
218
00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:49,676
- Yes. What part of that
is not clear? -[Nadja scoffs]
219
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,373
Well, how about the whole thing?
220
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:53,201
You can't just pretend to be
a human, you knoblord.
221
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:55,333
Pretending to be human is just
the first step.
222
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:56,683
Well,
what is the second step?
223
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,641
I'm not clear
on all the steps yet.
224
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:00,600
Why are you dressed
like a Playmobil figurine?
225
00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:03,211
Because this is how I used
to dress when I was a human.
226
00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:05,300
NADJA:
This is all very stupid.
227
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:08,042
Not to mention that we are the
leaders of the Vampiric Council!
228
00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:10,087
We're going to be a
laughingstock when they find out
229
00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:12,873
you've gone crying off to go
and play human dress-up.
230
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:15,136
- Right?
- I mean, I personally wouldn't laugh,
231
00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:16,790
but there are those who would.
232
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:18,792
Well, you don't have to worry
about that anymore,
233
00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:20,924
because you'll never
see me again.
234
00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:23,405
-[chains rattling]
- Give me that.
235
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:24,798
Give me that!
236
00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:27,583
Have a great,
unenlightened eternity.
237
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,889
Farewell!
238
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:30,455
Auf Wiedersehen!
239
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:32,762
Good night, Seattle,
and good mental health!
240
00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:35,069
- See ya.
- Master. Master?
241
00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:36,679
I get his room.
242
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,159
Master, wait!
243
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:39,639
As your official bodyguard,
244
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:40,944
it's my duty to go with you
everywhere--
245
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:42,250
I am no longer your master!
246
00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:44,078
I hereby relieve you
of your service.
247
00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:45,383
What?
248
00:10:45,427 --> 00:10:47,690
It is time for me
to find happiness.
249
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,518
Well, I want to find happiness,
too!
250
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,651
What do you think I've been
doing for the last 11 years?
251
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:53,304
Oh, boy. Here we go again
with this shit.
252
00:10:53,348 --> 00:10:54,915
Why do you think I've lived
with you this whole time?
253
00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:57,961
Can you please...
254
00:10:58,005 --> 00:11:00,703
please turn me into a vampire
before you leave?
255
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:02,792
So that after all these years,
256
00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:06,143
you and I both,
both can be happy.
257
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:09,756
[groans]
258
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,764
Guillermo.
259
00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:22,464
Despite my cold dead heart and
your "just okay" personality,
260
00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:26,686
I've grown to have
some affection for you.
261
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,818
- Just a little bit,
but, you know... - And I for you, Mas--
262
00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:30,385
Well, obviously.
263
00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:32,648
But vampirism is a curse,
264
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,172
and I care for you too much
265
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:38,523
to burden you with that.
266
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:41,309
It would weigh too heavily
on my conscience.
267
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:45,226
Boop.
There's that smile.
268
00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:49,317
Once a vampire...
269
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,059
tonight, I am only a man.
270
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:54,801
Dry your face.
271
00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:56,454
You look like a pair
of wet undies.
272
00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:57,978
[armor rattling]
273
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,544
As I can no longer fly,
274
00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:01,633
I will have
a nice evening stroll to Jan's.
275
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:04,898
- Just a human man crossing
the street. - C-Careful.
276
00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:06,290
-[horn honks]
-[grunts]
277
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:08,118
Are you shitting me?!
278
00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:10,599
You can't just walk out
into the street like that.
279
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:12,775
You have to look both ways.
280
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:15,125
That's literally rule number one
of being human.
281
00:12:15,169 --> 00:12:16,910
NANDOR:
It's a bad start.
282
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,868
What the fuck am I gonna do
with this?
283
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:23,830
It's been about a month
since... What's his name?
284
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,657
Nandor!
Come on, Laszlo.
285
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,572
Sorry.
Uh, since he buggered off.
286
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:30,401
Nothing much has changed,
though, to be honest.
287
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:33,100
One thing that has changed,
which is such a relief,
288
00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:35,276
is you don't have
this constant soundtrack
289
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,147
of weeping in the house
the whole time.
290
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:39,323
- We don't miss that, do we?
- No.
291
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:42,109
So, I've moved
into Nandor's room.
292
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:44,546
Uh, it's taken me awhile
293
00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:47,505
-to get my scent on everything.
-[farting]
294
00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:50,334
Regular vampires have
no gastric system.
295
00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:53,816
Energy vampires do,
to annoy those around them
296
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,036
and mark their territory.
297
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,907
It's beginning to feel
like home.
298
00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,822
It's been kind of tough,
honestly.
299
00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:02,390
You know, I've known Nandor
for a long time,
300
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:05,654
and now he's not in my life
anymore.
301
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:08,048
He didn't even leave an address
or anything,
302
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:09,745
[chuckles]:
which is hurtful.
303
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,530
I mean, I guess know now
how it feels.
304
00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:14,619
All the times I left or quit.
305
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,839
I just never thought that...
306
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:20,408
that he'd be the one,
you know, to leave, so...
307
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:23,541
I'm just sorry that
we couldn't make him happy,
308
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:25,674
and I hope he's happy now.
309
00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:28,982
NANDOR:
♪ It's been one week since you looked at me♪
310
00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:30,940
♪ Cocked your head to the side
and said, "I'm angry"♪
311
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:33,203
♪ Five days since you
laughed at me, saying♪
312
00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:35,336
ALL:
♪ "Get your act together, come back and see me"♪
313
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:37,381
♪ Three days
since the living room♪
314
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:38,992
♪ I realized it's all my fault
but couldn't tell you♪
315
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:41,603
♪ Yesterday,
you'd forgiven me♪
316
00:13:41,646 --> 00:13:43,866
♪ But it'll still be two days
till I say I'm sorry♪
317
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:46,042
NANDOR:
I love my life here.
318
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:47,870
I feel invigorated.
319
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:50,438
- More broccoli.
- I forgot how exciting it was
320
00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:53,136
to live like a human.
321
00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:54,790
♪ Hot like wasabi
when I bust rhymes...♪
322
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,792
JAN:
Now, when doing your taxes,
323
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,621
women, act like you
don't understand.
324
00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:01,449
Yes, Nandy?
325
00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:05,018
Yes, it seems to me
that this Uncle Sam
326
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:06,715
is bleeding us dry.
327
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:09,022
Maybe we should bleed him!
328
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:11,763
No, no, no, no, no.
We blow off steam
329
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:15,942
with an IPA or maybe
an evening bike ride.
330
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:18,727
All right, let's move on
to how to tip.
331
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:21,425
NANDOR:
Every moment is precious.
332
00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:22,905
Come on, Nandy!
333
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:25,038
We rip out our fangs
every night.
334
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:26,909
[grunting]
335
00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:29,042
-[cheering]
-[exhales]
336
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:30,957
They always grow back
in the morning.
337
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,134
But Jan says she's working on
a way to make it permanent!
338
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,918
[cheering, whooping]
339
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:39,356
Because we are forbidden
to use our vampiric powers
340
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,489
or strength in any way,
341
00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:44,535
life is constantly
surprising me.
342
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:48,888
I have lost 123 straight
games of corn hole,
343
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:51,194
and I have never felt
more alive.
344
00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:53,283
-[Jan cheering]
I missed it! I missed it!
345
00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:55,677
JAN:
Yes, Nandy. Very human.
346
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,897
NANDOR:
Jan has taught me so much.
347
00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,594
This is especially
important for the women
348
00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:02,684
when you're an expert
about something,
349
00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:04,555
and a man is explaining it
to you.
350
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:08,951
Strained eyes
but really big smile.
351
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:11,693
ALL:
♪ It's been one week since you looked at me♪
352
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:14,174
♪ Dropped your arms to the sides
and said, "I'm sorry"♪
353
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:17,003
-♪ Five days since I...♪
- NANDOR: Who knew that living as a human
354
00:15:17,046 --> 00:15:21,181
would reignite the zeal for life
I thought to be long dormant?
355
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:23,835
-♪ Yesterday,
you just smiled at me♪ - Make sure that Baby learns.
356
00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:27,100
-[grunting]
-♪ 'Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry♪
357
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:32,496
-♪ It'll still be two days...♪
- NANDOR: Jan is just so alive and electric.
358
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:34,585
She has changed my life.
359
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:37,893
Oh, yeah, we're fucking.
360
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,765
-[cheering]
- One, two, three, four,
361
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:43,290
five, six, seven,
make it hot.
362
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,988
[cheering, whooping]
363
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,033
I should probably
check in on him.
364
00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:48,512
Not in a weird way.
365
00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:49,861
Like, I don't need
to check in on peop--
366
00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:50,993
I just want to
make sure he's okay,
367
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,473
'cause if something wasn't okay
368
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:53,778
and I didn't do
anything about it,
369
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:54,997
then I couldn't live
with myself.
370
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,303
So, as a good friend,
371
00:15:56,346 --> 00:15:58,522
I'm going to look
into what he's doing
372
00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,002
without him knowing.
373
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,525
I'm really worried about him.
374
00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:03,136
He's out there
in the real world,
375
00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:04,876
and it could be dangerous,
you know?
376
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,443
[groans]
377
00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:08,837
Like, what if he's
in real big trouble?
378
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,273
COLIN:
Whoa.
379
00:16:10,317 --> 00:16:12,362
What are you doing
in my room?
380
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:14,234
Nandor must have left
some kind of clue somewhere,
381
00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:16,279
telling us where he's at
or where he's going.
382
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,194
Like, maybe this pamphlet
383
00:16:18,238 --> 00:16:20,022
that's just sitting out
in the open?
384
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:23,025
"In case any of you dumb,
idiot assholes care--"
385
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:24,548
assholes with one "S," uh--
386
00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:26,463
"where I've gone, it's here."
387
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,117
Give me that.
388
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:29,640
All right, but you may want
to wash your hands.
389
00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:32,252
That has a full room
of butt wind on it.
390
00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,819
Don't want to get pink eye,
or maybe you do, I don't know.
391
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:36,430
Don't really give a shit.
392
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:38,345
[farts]
393
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:45,134
NANDOR:
Jan says that she has never seen anyone as dedicated
394
00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:47,267
to our way of life before.
395
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,529
Don't mind me.
396
00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:50,183
[laughs]:
Yeah!
397
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,750
So she has given me
a promotion of sorts.
398
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:54,883
I am now her number two.
399
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:57,320
- How do I look?
- Perfect.
400
00:16:57,364 --> 00:17:00,628
Jan says we will always be safe
from outsiders,
401
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:05,241
and, one day, we will be
human enough to see the sun.
402
00:17:05,285 --> 00:17:07,156
-[laughing]
- And I get to help with that.
403
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,766
In my former household,
404
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:10,855
I would have been teased
mercilessly
405
00:17:10,899 --> 00:17:14,033
for saying things like,
"I am a number two."
406
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:18,037
But here, number twos are
treated with the utmost respect.
407
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,560
- Hmm.
-♪ Sending out an S...♪
408
00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:22,650
GUILLERMO:
Something's wrong with Nandor.
409
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:24,739
I feel it, so I'm just
gonna make sure that he's okay,
410
00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:27,350
'cause I'm a good friend,
or we were friends.
411
00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:28,960
It's... you know.
412
00:17:29,004 --> 00:17:31,311
Just want to make sure
everything is okay.
413
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:34,096
A little check-in. How did
those get in there? [laughs]
414
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,751
Time to get our workout on.
[chuckles]
415
00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:38,753
-[car alarm chirps]
-[muffled music playing]
416
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:46,500
[quiet chatter]
417
00:17:46,543 --> 00:17:47,979
Hello.
418
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:49,633
Sorry. Sorry.
419
00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:51,418
-[sniffs]
- I'm just gonna put this over here.
420
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:53,855
Is this anyone's spot?
[clears throat]
421
00:17:53,898 --> 00:17:57,206
[whispers]:
Master. Master. Master.
422
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:59,991
Guillermo, what in the hell
are you doing here?
423
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:02,559
Just taking one of
my favorite classes.
424
00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:05,301
Yeah, what a coinkydink
to see you here, so crazy.
425
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:06,737
You think I was born yesterday?
426
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,652
I was born a long time
from yesterday.
427
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:09,871
- You're here
to spy on me, aren't you? - No, I just wanted--
428
00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:11,612
- JAN: All righty!
- Shit. Fuck.
429
00:18:11,655 --> 00:18:13,092
- Let's make it hot!
-[cheering] - NANDOR: Yeah!
430
00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:15,920
Yes! Who is ready to burn?
431
00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:18,401
-[cheering, whooping]
- Let's do this.
432
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:20,360
- Five, six, seven, eight.
-[upbeat music playing]
433
00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:23,276
Up, up. Come on.
Give me something.
434
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:26,322
Ooh, Nandy,
becoming a natural.
435
00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:27,889
Looking good, baby.
436
00:18:27,932 --> 00:18:29,456
Looking good, come on.
437
00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:31,153
Put some stank on it.
438
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:33,460
[group grunting rhythmically]
439
00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,289
Stop the music!
440
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:37,551
-[music stops]
- NANDOR: Oh, shit.
441
00:18:37,594 --> 00:18:39,074
You...
442
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,336
Who are you?
443
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:43,992
Oh, I'm-I'm just Guillermo.
444
00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:46,603
What the fuck are you doing
here, Guillermo?
445
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:50,781
Um, I'm, uh, just...
446
00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:52,131
I don't know him.
447
00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:55,569
Just working on my fitness.
448
00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,179
- Mm-hmm.
- Check his bags.
449
00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:59,225
Well, that's my bag,
so you can't do that.
450
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:02,097
- That's my property.
- Oh, no. You didn't. Tell me you didn't.
451
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,795
- Yeah, just like towels
and stuff. -[others gasping, screaming]
452
00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:06,319
Weapons!
453
00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:08,495
- Shit.
- Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.
454
00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,061
That's just not what it...
that's not what it looks like.
455
00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:11,933
I wasn't gonna-- That was
just in case something...
456
00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:13,717
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no, Guillermo.
457
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:15,023
-[clamoring]
- I'm not gonna hurt anyone.
458
00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,416
I'm not gonna hurt anyone.
459
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:18,287
JAN:
My children!
460
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:21,377
My fellow human children,
461
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,119
we have been infiltrated.
462
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,991
- No, I'm...
- An interloper is here to ruin us.
463
00:19:27,035 --> 00:19:29,864
-[hissing]
- He is here to kill us and our dreams.
464
00:19:29,907 --> 00:19:31,561
He must not leave here.
465
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,781
He will bring more like him.
466
00:19:33,824 --> 00:19:36,175
[over P.A.]:
My children, we are under attack.
467
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:39,830
We cannot let this Guillermo
go unpunished.
468
00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:41,876
[hissing]
469
00:19:43,138 --> 00:19:45,793
- What did you do, Guillermo?
- Cover your face.
470
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:47,795
- What?
- Cover your face!
471
00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:51,407
- Ay! Aah!
-[screaming, coughing] - Now!
472
00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:52,800
Come on, let's go!
473
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,932
You covered my friends
in garlic powder!
474
00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:56,673
I'm sorry!
475
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:58,936
[grunting]
476
00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:00,677
- That's...
- Come on!
477
00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:01,722
Sorry, Janet.
478
00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:03,027
Hey, let go.
479
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,986
-[Guillermo yells]
-[grunts]
480
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:06,857
- You have a crucifix
in your pocket? -[vampire cries out]
481
00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:08,946
- That's not nice.
- Shut up! Let's go!
482
00:20:08,990 --> 00:20:10,383
You need to chillax!
483
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:11,688
- My friends!
- This way!
484
00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:13,124
NANDOR:
Don't hurt my friends!
485
00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:15,344
[grunts, yells]
486
00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:17,303
[grunting]
487
00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:19,392
Ow! Did you bang your head?
488
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:21,829
I don't know
what's come over him.
489
00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:24,440
-[grunting]
- Mimi!
490
00:20:24,484 --> 00:20:26,573
Mimi, I'm sorry about this!
491
00:20:26,616 --> 00:20:29,271
-[straining]
-[Mimi crying out] - Ay.
492
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:30,707
[both crying out]
493
00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:32,274
[both grunt]
494
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:35,146
- Come on! Come on!
- Let go!
495
00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:36,365
- Sorry, Mimi.
- Stay with me!
496
00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:38,237
[screams, grunts]
497
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,282
- Come on!
- You just punched Jeremy.
498
00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:41,544
GUILLERMO:
Fuck Jeremy!
499
00:20:41,588 --> 00:20:43,198
- Let's go.
- What are you doing?!
500
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,895
- I'm rescuing you, Master.
- If I wasn't a human,
501
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:47,768
I'd be crushing your dick
and slamming it on the floor.
502
00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:50,727
- You're not a human.
- Get off me! Ah! That tickles.
503
00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:53,077
- You've been brainwashed.
-[engine starts]
504
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:54,383
Where are you taking me?
505
00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:56,255
- I'm taking you home!
-[tires screech]
506
00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:58,300
Don't want to be out here.
I want to be in there with Jan!
507
00:20:58,344 --> 00:20:59,823
-GUILLERMO: You want to be home
with us. - PRODUCER: Get in the van.
508
00:20:59,867 --> 00:21:01,129
That's where you want to be,
okay?
509
00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:02,826
NANDOR:
I didn't need rescuing.
510
00:21:02,870 --> 00:21:04,437
I was having a great time
back there
511
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,047
till you came
and kicked everyone's ass.
512
00:21:06,090 --> 00:21:07,396
GUILLERMO:
They were trying to kill me!
513
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:08,528
NANDOR:
They pulled all their fangs out.
514
00:21:08,571 --> 00:21:10,269
No one's going to bite you.
515
00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:13,010
We're a gentle people,
a gentle human people.
516
00:21:13,054 --> 00:21:15,186
You're not a human, Master!
517
00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:17,754
I'm not?
Then how do you explain this?
518
00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:20,104
♪ It's been one week
since you looked at me♪
519
00:21:20,148 --> 00:21:21,976
♪ Cocked your head to the side
and said, "I'm angry"♪
520
00:21:22,019 --> 00:21:23,717
♪ Five days since
you laughed at me.♪
521
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,545
I know the whole fucking song.
522
00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:28,069
I'd say that was pretty
gosh-darn human, wouldn't you?
523
00:21:28,112 --> 00:21:29,157
You've been brainwashed.
524
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:30,767
Brainwashed, "shmain-washed."
525
00:21:30,811 --> 00:21:33,161
You know, this is exactly
what Jan warned us
526
00:21:33,204 --> 00:21:35,076
that the nonbelievers
would accuse us of.
527
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:36,556
You've been brainwashed,
but it's okay,
528
00:21:36,599 --> 00:21:38,688
because we are going
to deprogram you.
529
00:21:38,732 --> 00:21:41,082
-[Nandor muttering]
- Stop. Let it go.
530
00:21:41,125 --> 00:21:43,563
Did you not think for a second--
Listen to me!
531
00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:45,565
Did you ever consider
for one moment
532
00:21:45,608 --> 00:21:49,264
that I might be happy
for the first time in decades?
533
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:51,310
Decades!
534
00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:54,791
That I found somewhere
where I feel that I belong?
535
00:21:54,835 --> 00:21:57,664
That makes me feel
useful and powerful
536
00:21:57,707 --> 00:21:59,709
in ways I've never felt.
537
00:21:59,753 --> 00:22:01,320
Never!
538
00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:03,278
Not in 700 years.
539
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:05,019
Did you ever consider that?
540
00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:08,588
- No.
- No.
541
00:22:10,285 --> 00:22:11,678
So what I'm going to do now is
542
00:22:11,721 --> 00:22:13,332
I'm going to get
out of this car,
543
00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,856
and I'm going to go and get
a taxi or a bus
544
00:22:15,899 --> 00:22:18,162
or subway or Lyft or Uber,
545
00:22:18,206 --> 00:22:22,253
and I'm gonna go back
to my human community.
546
00:22:22,297 --> 00:22:24,168
And that is that.
547
00:22:24,212 --> 00:22:25,866
[screams]
548
00:22:25,909 --> 00:22:28,434
When did you install
silver rope-lined seat belts
549
00:22:28,477 --> 00:22:30,131
in this little shitbox?
550
00:22:30,174 --> 00:22:32,655
Sorry, Master.
It's for your own good.
551
00:22:32,699 --> 00:22:34,744
-[Nandor cries out]
-[tires screech]
552
00:22:41,098 --> 00:22:42,883
[panting]:
You guys, you guys.
553
00:22:42,926 --> 00:22:44,363
Catch your breath, boy.
554
00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:45,494
I think I did something
really drastic.
555
00:22:45,538 --> 00:22:47,017
Oh, you pierce your pee-pee?
556
00:22:47,061 --> 00:22:48,758
- No, but--
- NADJA: Tattoo your pee-pee?
557
00:22:48,802 --> 00:22:50,804
- You guys--
- Tell us more about your pee-pee.
558
00:22:50,847 --> 00:22:52,109
You've never been
so interesting.
559
00:22:52,153 --> 00:22:53,415
Stop talking about
my pee-pee, okay?
560
00:22:53,459 --> 00:22:54,198
I didn't do anything
to my pee-pee!
561
00:22:54,242 --> 00:22:55,374
[all groan]
562
00:22:55,417 --> 00:22:56,592
Okay, just trust that what I did
563
00:22:56,636 --> 00:22:58,159
I had to do, okay?
Do you trust me?
564
00:22:58,202 --> 00:22:59,639
- LASZLO: No.
- COLIN: No. - NADJA: No.
565
00:23:06,689 --> 00:23:09,997
- LASZLO: Who the fuck is that?
- NADJA: Oh, my-- ew!
566
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,129
- COLIN: What the hell?
-[gasps]
567
00:23:12,173 --> 00:23:14,001
LASZLO:
I'd say he's been brainwashed.
568
00:23:14,044 --> 00:23:15,829
Right, okay,
Colin Robinson,
569
00:23:15,872 --> 00:23:17,439
go to the council library
and see if there's
570
00:23:17,483 --> 00:23:19,441
any literature on
the art of deprogramming.
571
00:23:19,485 --> 00:23:21,138
-[Nadja groans]
- No, there's no need to do that, Colin Robinson,
572
00:23:21,182 --> 00:23:23,010
because I am not brainwashed.
I am perfectly sane.
573
00:23:23,053 --> 00:23:25,491
I was just having fun
with my new friends.
574
00:23:25,534 --> 00:23:28,450
That's, uh, basically
what Patricia Krenwinkel said.
575
00:23:28,494 --> 00:23:30,713
Open your mouth. Good Lord,
he's pulled his fangs out.
576
00:23:30,757 --> 00:23:33,324
-[Nadja groaning]
- No, no. No, no, no, it's not what you think.
577
00:23:33,368 --> 00:23:35,544
- Nandor! [whimpering]
- LASZLO: You stay in there, old pal,
578
00:23:35,588 --> 00:23:37,546
and I'll go and find someone
579
00:23:37,590 --> 00:23:39,548
to mend that fucked-up brain
of yours.
580
00:23:39,592 --> 00:23:41,289
No, there's no need to do that.
581
00:23:41,332 --> 00:23:43,509
- Laszlo? Guillermo?
Please. Come on. - I'm sorry.
582
00:23:43,552 --> 00:23:45,728
Guillermo! No!
583
00:23:45,772 --> 00:23:49,993
♪ Lights go out all over town♪
584
00:23:50,037 --> 00:23:52,300
♪ People in the city♪
585
00:23:52,343 --> 00:23:55,956
♪ Could hear the siren's sound♪
586
00:23:57,218 --> 00:24:00,700
You said if we trusted you,
you would always protect us.
587
00:24:00,743 --> 00:24:02,353
WOMAN VAMPIRE:
You lied to us!
588
00:24:02,397 --> 00:24:03,833
- Calm down.
-[clamoring]
589
00:24:03,877 --> 00:24:05,661
- Please calm down, my children.
-[hissing]
590
00:24:05,705 --> 00:24:08,055
The time has come for the final
rejection of eternal life.
591
00:24:08,098 --> 00:24:10,449
-[cheering]
- It is time!
592
00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:12,189
For the ultimate burn!
593
00:24:12,233 --> 00:24:14,017
- Everyone, to the roof. Yes!
-[clamoring]
594
00:24:14,061 --> 00:24:17,281
[singsongy]:
We will all walk into the sunlight.
595
00:24:17,325 --> 00:24:19,370
Come on, baby.
596
00:24:19,414 --> 00:24:20,720
Come on. That's it.
597
00:24:20,763 --> 00:24:22,852
-[screaming]
- That's it. Oh...
598
00:24:22,896 --> 00:24:25,115
My children, my children.
599
00:24:25,159 --> 00:24:26,813
Don't worry, Marilyn.
600
00:24:26,856 --> 00:24:29,293
I'll be right out there
in a minute, girl!
601
00:24:29,337 --> 00:24:31,339
-[screaming continues]
- I'm right behind you.
602
00:24:32,558 --> 00:24:35,648
Well, back to the drawing board.
603
00:24:35,691 --> 00:24:37,476
[screeching]
604
00:24:38,999 --> 00:24:41,741
♪ Run with me♪
605
00:24:41,784 --> 00:24:44,831
♪ This is an emergency♪
606
00:24:44,874 --> 00:24:47,660
♪ Stay with me♪
607
00:24:47,703 --> 00:24:50,880
♪ Tonight♪
608
00:24:52,273 --> 00:24:55,581
♪ I'm sending out an SOS♪
609
00:24:57,887 --> 00:25:01,369
♪ It's the real thing,
not a test♪
610
00:25:02,805 --> 00:25:04,546
♪ Tonight♪
611
00:25:04,590 --> 00:25:06,635
♪ There's trouble in the city.♪
612
00:25:17,820 --> 00:25:18,255
COLIN ROBINSON READING]
613
00:25:42,105 --> 00:25:43,890
[COLIN ROBINSON CHUCKLING][UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
614
00:25:48,068 --> 00:25:49,112
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
615
00:25:54,683 --> 00:25:56,903
MONICA: Hello?
616
00:25:56,946 --> 00:25:58,557
WOMAN: [OVER PHONE]
Please hold for the President of the United States.
617
00:26:01,821 --> 00:26:04,388
MAN: Hey.
I've been thinking about you.
618
00:26:06,260 --> 00:26:07,261
Hi, handsome.
619
00:26:18,272 --> 00:26:19,882
MAN: My name's Archer.
620
00:26:19,926 --> 00:26:21,492
Uh, I'm an egomaniac
who endangers every mission.
621
00:26:21,536 --> 00:26:25,018
Also, I'm inebriated
almost 24 hours a day.
622
00:26:25,061 --> 00:26:27,324
Lose the almost
and then take it again
623
00:26:27,368 --> 00:26:28,804
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
624
00:26:34,244 --> 00:26:35,898
My name is B. J. Novak.
I wanna tell you about this show I made.
625
00:26:35,942 --> 00:26:38,335
It's a completely different
episode every time.
626
00:26:38,379 --> 00:26:39,467
- Pop culture.
- Sex.
627
00:26:39,510 --> 00:26:40,555
MAN: Revenge.
628
00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:41,600
Here it is. Is that it?
629
00:26:42,296 --> 00:26:43,297
That's it.
630
00:26:48,215 --> 00:26:49,129
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
631
00:26:49,172 --> 00:26:51,522
Nobody can know about him.
632
00:26:51,566 --> 00:26:52,959
People are going to
have to take sides.
633
00:26:53,009 --> 00:26:57,559
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