All language subtitles for National.Lampoons.Vacation.1983.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG
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1
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,742
Clark Griswold.
I'm trading my wife's old car in.
2
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:42,411
[CHUCKLES]
3
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,913
Say goodbye
to the old gas-guzzler, Russ.
4
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:46,623
See you later.
5
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,333
Pretty exciting, isn't it, Rusty?
6
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:51,378
-What's that, Dad?
-Picking up the new car.
7
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:54,339
Yeah, you can't wait, can you?
8
00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,758
-Hi there, Ed.
-Good to see you, Mr. Griswold.
9
00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:59,219
-How're you doing? Ruben, right?
-Rusty.
10
00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:01,263
-Okay.
-Look at him. He can't wait.
11
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,140
So did you bring your trade-in?
12
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:06,059
Yeah, a guy just took it away
a couple of seconds ago.
13
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:07,644
-Let's get to it, then.
-Okay.
14
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:10,522
We were afraid the new one
wouldn't come in yet.
15
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:14,151
On our way to California. The big vacation,
the whole family, Walley World.
16
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,612
-Walley World? Very exciting, Clyde.
-Clark.
17
00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:19,239
Well, there she is.
18
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:20,449
Where?
19
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,367
Right here. The wagon.
20
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:25,078
Dad, this is not the car you ordered.
21
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:29,333
Take it easy, Rusty.
Ed, this is not the car l ordered.
22
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,629
I distinctly ordered
the Antarctic Blue Super Sportswagon...
23
00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:36,298
...with the CB
and the optional Rally fun pack.
24
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,259
You didn't order the Metallic Pea?
25
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:43,138
Metallic Pea? No, Antarctic Blue.
26
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:46,642
The Sportswagon.
This isn't even the right model.
27
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,311
I think you're right.
I don't think this is the car.
28
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,480
This is the new
Wagonqueen Family Truckster.
29
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:55,150
This is a damn fine automobile,
if you want my honest opinion.
30
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,152
Beats the hell
out of the Sportswagon.
31
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,987
But l want to make you happy.
32
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:00,364
Davenport.
33
00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:02,282
I'll get to the bottom of this.
34
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,742
DAVENPORT:
Yes, Mr. Ed?
35
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,912
Mr. Griswold ordered a blue Sportswagon.
Where is it?
36
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,956
I don't know, sir.
37
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,044
I know what must have happened.
38
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:15,796
It didn't come in.
39
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:21,510
Ed, l'm not your ordinary,
everyday fool. Okay?
40
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,930
Now, l'd like my Antarctic Blue
Super Sportswagon right now.
41
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,684
If you can't get it for me,
I'm gonna take my business elsewhere.
42
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,102
Where's my old car?
43
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,733
I'm just as upset as you are. Believe me.
44
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:38,527
Davenport.
45
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:42,114
Get Mr. Griswold's car back.
Bring it back here.
46
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:51,748
I can get you the wagon, no problem.
The problem is, it might take six weeks.
47
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:54,710
I owe it to myself
to tell you, Mr. Griswold...
48
00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:57,546
...if you're thinking of taking
the tribe cross-country...
49
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,840
...this is the automobile
you should be using.
50
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,009
The Wagonqueen Family Truckster.
51
00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,845
You think you hate it now,
but wait until you drive it.
52
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:08,432
I don't want to drive it.
I just want my old car back, okay?
53
00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:12,728
I'm not falling for this bit.
No way. Let's go, Russ.
54
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,989
[CAR ENGlNE RATTLlNG]
55
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,220
Clark, is that the right car?
56
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:50,432
No, it isn't, honey. l changed my mind.
57
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,393
They flattened our old car like a pancake.
58
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:56,813
Are you serious?
Is this really our car, Dad?
59
00:05:56,981 --> 00:06:00,067
What happened? I thought we were
gonna get the little Sports thing.
60
00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:02,819
Oh, no. The Sportswagon's
much too small.
61
00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:05,113
Besides, l got a great deal on this one.
62
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:08,909
Let me tell you, if we're taking
the whole tribe across country...
63
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,661
...believe me, this is your automobile.
64
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:12,954
[RATTLING CONTINUES]
65
00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:14,748
Why is it still running?
66
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,416
Oh, all new cars do that.
67
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,043
I'll take care of that in a second.
68
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,878
[CHUCKLES]
69
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,758
You may think you hate it now, honey,
but wait until you drive it.
70
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,470
Whoa! An air bag.
71
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,890
You know, Clark, it's not too late
to fly out to California.
72
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,308
We only have two weeks.
73
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:36,478
Let's not get into that again,
sweetie pie. Please?
74
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:40,524
Lots of families fly, Clark.
Especially cross-country.
75
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:44,653
The whole idea of a family vacation
is to spend time together as a family.
76
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,239
You get on an airplane,
you put on your earphones...
77
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,574
...and you're lost in your own world.
78
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,952
It's an awfully long ride, Clark.
79
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,329
I'm looking forward
to an awfully long ride.
80
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:58,959
You get to see the kids all the time.
I see them two minutes in the morning...
81
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:02,546
...two minutes in the evening.
Maybe three hours on the weekend.
82
00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:06,758
Sheesh. One of these days l'm gonna
get up and realize that my little babies...
83
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,969
...are all grown up. And then what?
84
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:13,140
I just thought it might be easier to fly.
85
00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:16,518
Nothing worthwhile is easy, Ellen.
86
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,687
We know that.
87
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:19,980
Kids?
88
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,231
[VIDEOGAME PLAYlNG OVER TV]
89
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,108
Who wants to see the triptych?
90
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,860
What? Dad, we're playing.
91
00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:28,864
Okay, shut off the video games.
Come on, Russ. Shut it off.
92
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:32,242
I know you'll enjoy this.
I worked out the trip on the computer...
93
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:35,287
...so we get the maximum amount
of fun time at Walley World...
94
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,248
...without missing any of the good stuff
along the way.
95
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,958
Here we go. There's us.
96
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,543
And there's Walley World.
97
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,297
let's just take a look at Day One.
Shall we?
98
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,175
Honey, come on in.
We're gonna do Day One.
99
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,051
[BEEPlNG]
100
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:56,725
Okay, now there's the Family Truckster
as we leave Chicago.
101
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,436
[VIDEO GAME BEEPlNG]
102
00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:04,191
CLARK:
Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster.
103
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:09,362
Russ, do you mind? I'm trying to work
this out here on the computer. Please.
104
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:14,868
Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey.
That's just great.
105
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,829
RUSTY:
Look out, Dad, here l come.
106
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,581
CLARK:
All right, that's enough, Russ.
107
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,791
Okay. Now, I think we're moving towards--
108
00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:23,919
Thank you. Good shot, Audrey.
109
00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:26,630
Dad, I forgot. Why aren't we flying?
110
00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:30,592
Why aren't we flying? Because getting there
is half the fun. You know that.
111
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,514
I turned off the water,
the stove, the heat and the air.
112
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:38,308
Locked the door, notified the police,
stopped the papers.
113
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,893
I called to get the grass cut.
114
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,604
Did I put the timers
on the living-room lights?
115
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,606
Oh, and don't forget the mail.
116
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,275
-Watch that elbow. Keep your arm straight.
-Bye!
117
00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:49,027
[ALL CHATTERING]
118
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,362
-Bye!
CLARK: So long.
119
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:54,908
MAN 1 : Drive careful now, Clark.
MAN 2: Watch out for the lndians, Clark.
120
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:57,285
Watch those freeways.
121
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:58,787
Oh, goodbye.
122
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,747
ELLEN:
Oh, l know I've forgotten something.
123
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,124
CLARK:
Walley World, here we come.
124
00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:04,626
[ENGINE STARTS]
125
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,138
CLARK & ELLEN [SINGlNG]:
Mockingbird, tell me
126
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:20,267
-Everybody have you heard?
-Have you heard?
127
00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:24,646
-He's gonna buy me a mockingbird
-He's gonna buy me a mockingbird
128
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:28,733
-And if that mockingbird don't sing
-And if that mockingbird don't sing
129
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:32,946
-He's gonna buy me a diamond ring
-He's gonna buy me a diamond ring
130
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:37,367
-And if that diamond ring don't shine
-lf that diamond ring don't shine
131
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:41,413
-He's gonna surely break this heart of mine
-lt's gonna break this heart of mine
132
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:46,167
-And that's why I keep on singin' in your ear
-And that's why, yes indeed, oh, yes indeed
133
00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:49,212
Yay, yay, whoa-oh-oh
134
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,673
CLARK: Come on, kids.
-We don't know any of your songs.
135
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,843
-Dad, is that made-up? It sounds made-up.
CLARK: Okay, I got one.
136
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:59,347
How about The Walley World
National Anthem? Huh?
137
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,641
-Okay, okay, you start.
-Ahem.
138
00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:05,437
ALL [SlNGlNG]:
Who's the moosiest moose we know?
139
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,771
Marty Moose
140
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:10,317
Who's the star of our favorite show?
Marty Moose
141
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:13,778
"M" is for merry
we're merry, you see
142
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,490
"O" is for oh, gosh
Oh, golly, oh gee
143
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:21,119
"S" is for super-swell family glee
144
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:25,081
"E" is for everything you want to be
145
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:29,085
M-A-R-T-Y
146
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:32,964
M-O-O-S-E
147
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,424
What's that spell?
148
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,093
Marty Moose, Marty Moose, Marty Moose
149
00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:38,386
Yuck!
150
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:39,721
That's me.
151
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,723
[IMITATES MOOSE LAUGH]
152
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,100
CARL:
All right. That's more like it.
153
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:45,477
Here's one you don't know.
154
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,730
We used to sing it when you were kids.
You're gonna like this. Ah....
155
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,815
BOTH [SINGlNG]:
Jimmy crack corn and l don't care
156
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,984
Jimmy crack corn and l don't care
157
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,903
Jimmy crack corn
158
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:16,174
[SINGlNG]
Swing low
159
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:19,594
Sweet chariot
160
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,472
Comin' for to carry me home
161
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,433
Swing low, chariot
162
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:28,186
I looked over Jordan and what did l see
163
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,355
Comin' for to carry me home
164
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,273
Band of angels comin'
165
00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:34,025
What smells in here, honey?
166
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,028
Russ. Russ. Your feet.
167
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:36,963
Clark, isn't this the gas tank?
168
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:38,506
Yes, l know, honey.
169
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:42,635
Get in the car.
I'm just fixing the license plate here.
170
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,225
CLARK:
Hey, see that, kids?
171
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:52,520
That's the St. Louis Arch.
The Gateway to the West.
172
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:56,441
It's over 600-feet tall, and there's
an elevator all the way to the top.
173
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,443
That's 60 stories to you and me.
174
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,780
RUSTY: Wow, Dad, can we go up on it?
CLARK: No.
175
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,615
Dad, what river is this?
176
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,534
That's the Mississippi.
The mighty Mississip.
177
00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:07,786
[CHUCKLES]
178
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:11,790
The Old Miss. The Old Man.
179
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:15,627
[SINGlNG lN DEEP VOICE]
Deep river
180
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:21,049
My home is over Jordan
181
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,676
ELLEN:
Clark, l think this is the wrong exit.
182
00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,888
CLARK: What's the difference,
as long as we get across the river?
183
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,106
[SIREN WAILlNG lN DlSTANCE]
184
00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,442
Clark? What are you doing?
185
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,403
-Just relax, Ellen.
-This is so dangerous.
186
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:45,365
We have no business
being in an area like this.
187
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:46,741
Well, look at it this way.
188
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:49,077
This is a part of America
we never get to see.
189
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,246
-That's good.
-No, that's bad.
190
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:54,666
I mean, we can't close our eyes
to the plight of the cities.
191
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,377
Kids, you noticing all this plight?
192
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,255
This will just make us appreciate
what we have.
193
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:01,923
[GUNSHOT THEN WOMAN SCREAMS]
194
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,424
Roll them up.
195
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,434
I'd better ask these fellas
how to get back on the expressway.
196
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:17,480
Pardon me.
197
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:20,942
I wonder if you could tell me
how to get back on the expressway?
198
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,112
-Fuck your mama.
-Thank you very much.
199
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,202
MAN 1 :
Hey, Darnell, check out this Truckster.
200
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,662
MAN 2:
It's a Truckster.
201
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,789
With a luggage rack.
202
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:40,879
CLARK:
Hey, excuse me, homes? Heh-heh. Aha.
203
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:44,215
What it is, bro. We're from out of town.
204
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:45,425
MAN 3:
No shit?
205
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:48,553
I'd really appreciate it
if you could give me directions...
206
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,513
...back onto the expressway.
207
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,474
-What? For free?
-Sure.
208
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:55,560
Five dollars.
209
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:59,397
-l'm not gonna give you $5 for directions.
-l think that's fair, Clark.
210
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,610
Okay. Here's $1 0.
211
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,653
Thank you.
212
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,697
[METALLlC CLANGlNG]
213
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:08,907
Keep the change.
214
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:12,327
Okay. Now, you see which way
you're pointing, right?
215
00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:13,995
-Yeah.
-Yeah, okay, that's good.
216
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,580
Because, you see that place?
217
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,958
-Yeah.
-Uh-huh. You see where it say, "Rib Tips"?
218
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:20,335
-Rib Tips.
-Mm-hm. Fuck that.
219
00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:22,295
You don't want to go that way.
220
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,422
I wonder if these guys
know the Commodores.
221
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,091
You gonna go all the way down
about half a block...
222
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,844
...and you'll see a Torino
with no wheels on it.
223
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:32,931
Inside that Torino is my cousin, Jackie.
224
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:35,350
You tell him that you're my boy,
and you're lost.
225
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,518
He'll make sure
you get where you're going.
226
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:40,605
You don't want to know from me.
This ain't my neighborhood.
227
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,483
I'm from the west side of Chicago,
here on vacation.
228
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:46,194
CLARK:
Thanks a lot. You've been a great help.
229
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:54,827
-Honey?
-Hmm.
230
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,665
This reminds me of the time in college...
231
00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:01,709
...when we drove down to Fort Lauderdale
in my Austin-Healy.
232
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:05,380
I haven't thought about that
for a long time.
233
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,800
Remember what we did in the car?
234
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,178
It's amazing we didn't get in an accident.
235
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,972
Want to relive a fond memory?
236
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,015
Are you serious?
237
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,434
-No.
-Why not?
238
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:21,145
Because, that's why.
239
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:23,398
The kids are asleep.
240
00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:27,819
Let's just wait until we get to a motel.
241
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:34,409
Okay, we'll wait.
I gotta find the best one on the road.
242
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,744
Do you want to put your head in my lap?
243
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,913
That's not what l was thinking.
244
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:43,459
The wheel. Let me get this.
245
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:46,170
There you go, move it out of your way.
246
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:47,964
Comfy?
247
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,426
Clark?
248
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:54,095
Clark, my head's stuck.
249
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,183
Clark, quit kidding around. lt hurts.
250
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:00,810
It's stuck.
251
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:03,646
Cut it out.
252
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:07,900
I know what you're trying to do,
and l think it's sick.
253
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,654
The wheel's stuck.
254
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,074
That was a dirty trick.
255
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,909
The damn wheel is all screwed up.
256
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:19,537
You're tired.
You get weird when you get tired.
257
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:23,708
Let's just find a motel.
I don't want you dozing off.
258
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,627
I'm not tired. Are you kidding?
259
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,630
I could go another 1 00 miles. Come on.
260
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,632
No problem.
261
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,163
[SNORING]
262
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,801
[MAN MUTTERING]
263
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,929
[HORN HONKlNG]
264
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,099
[SNORING]
265
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,694
[DOG YELPS]
266
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,405
[HORN HONKS]
267
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:44,413
Sparky, why don't you turn off the TV
and come to bed?
268
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,667
Okay, honey.
269
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,212
[SCREAMS]
270
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:09,772
Well, up and at them. We're here.
271
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:32,420
Oh!
272
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:34,297
[IMITATES "PSYCHO" THEME]
273
00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,257
Clark.
274
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:39,594
-Can l do your back, honey?
-l've already done my back.
275
00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:41,137
Can l do your front?
276
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,097
Go do your own front.
277
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,439
You know Clark, maybe we should
call Catherine and Eddie...
278
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:55,401
...and tell them that we won't be in
until tomorrow afternoon.
279
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,986
Afternoon?
280
00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:00,823
If we're not there by 1 0:00 a.m., it's gonna
throw the schedule completely off.
281
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:02,950
I planned everything very carefully...
282
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:06,621
...so we'd be at Walley World
first thing Saturday morning.
283
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:11,083
Sparky, l know how much
this trip means to you...
284
00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:14,420
...and that you want all of us
to have a great time...
285
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,298
...but it's a long way to Walley World.
286
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:22,053
And l think it'd be easier on all of us
if you'd just try to relax.
287
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,599
I'm way ahead of you, honey.
288
00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:34,649
[CHUCKLES]
Oh.
289
00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:36,484
When did you get these?
290
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,153
I have my little secrets.
291
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:44,617
-What a nice thought.
-Mm.
292
00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:50,581
[GlGGLES]
293
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,541
Don't drink yet.
294
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,335
[CLEARS THROAT]
295
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,342
Ready for this?
296
00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:04,011
[BED RATTLlNG]
297
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:12,186
Ahh.... I'd like to propose a toast, if l may.
298
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:16,023
Here's to a very restful vacation.
299
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,152
Here's to a very relaxing vacation...
300
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,905
...a renewed love affair...
301
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:27,952
...and a time ofjoy with our babies.
302
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,121
[BED SQUEAKING
& RATTLlNG lNTENSlFYlNG]
303
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,749
You know, honey, l never told you this.
304
00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:36,168
I know it's been a rough beginning.
305
00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:38,379
I think there's something wrong here.
306
00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:41,173
It's the bed. lt will slow up in a second.
307
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:45,303
I got it. Hold on to this. Enjoy it.
308
00:21:46,179 --> 00:21:48,973
-Clark, what are you doing?
-Let's try this, my darling.
309
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,225
Aha.
310
00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:53,602
Now we're talking.
311
00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:56,397
We haven't done this for a long time.
312
00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:57,690
[CLARK CHUCKLES]
313
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,191
[ELLEN MOANS]
314
00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:02,069
ELLEN:
Oh. Clark.
315
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:04,447
-What's that noise?
-What's going on?
316
00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:08,326
Hey. Don't you kids knock anymore?
317
00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:11,370
Sorry, we thought you were fighting
or something.
318
00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:13,831
Nobody is fighting in here.
319
00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:15,583
[RATTLING & SQUEAKING STOPS]
320
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:17,126
It's very late.
321
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:18,627
RUSTY:
Where is Mom?
322
00:22:18,795 --> 00:22:20,546
ELLEN:
I'm under here, kids.
323
00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,757
Go back to bed.
324
00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:25,259
Go back to bed, now. Rusty.
325
00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:27,011
The bed was very soft.
326
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:29,472
Weird-o-rama.
327
00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:31,265
Really.
328
00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:37,146
CLARK: This is the street Wyatt Earp
used to keep law and order on.
329
00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:39,732
ELLEN:
It seems kind of dirty and touristy.
330
00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:42,109
CLARK:
Oh, Ellen, the Old West was dirty.
331
00:22:42,277 --> 00:22:44,945
Everything isn't like home.
If everything were like home...
332
00:22:45,113 --> 00:22:47,114
...there'd be no reason
for leaving. Right?
333
00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:48,949
RUSTY:
Oh, yeah, Dad. This is great.
334
00:22:49,117 --> 00:22:53,037
-You know, l'm glad we didn't go to Hawaii.
CLARK: l'll bet you are.
335
00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:59,335
Okay. Kids!
336
00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:02,296
Let's go get a drink. What do you say?
Here you go, champ.
337
00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:03,964
[CHUCKLES]
338
00:23:04,966 --> 00:23:06,384
Well.
339
00:23:09,471 --> 00:23:11,013
Howdy, city slickers.
340
00:23:11,181 --> 00:23:14,725
Welcome to the Long Branch.
No fighting, no cussing, no gunslinging.
341
00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:18,813
Watch what you say to our bartender.
He's an ornery cuss.
342
00:23:19,022 --> 00:23:20,815
-Thank you, Sheriff.
-Marshal.
343
00:23:20,982 --> 00:23:22,483
CLARK:
Oh. Sorry.
344
00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:23,901
It's no sweat.
345
00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:25,986
Give me five, partner.
346
00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:32,785
That guy was a crummy Wyatt Earp.
He's wearing jogging shoes.
347
00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:34,412
They used to, Rusty.
348
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:38,040
Hey, knucklehead.
Set us up with four redeyes, will you?
349
00:23:39,876 --> 00:23:41,836
Hey, yellow-belly. l'm talking to you.
350
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:45,673
[CHUCKLES]
351
00:23:45,841 --> 00:23:48,676
Hey, tenderfoot.
Move your chicken wings, turkey.
352
00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:50,761
[LAUGHlNG]
353
00:23:55,058 --> 00:23:57,059
Clark. That's not nice.
354
00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:59,770
It's all part of the act, hon.
355
00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:01,313
Hey, underpants.
356
00:24:01,481 --> 00:24:03,107
Hey, yellow--
357
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:05,860
ELLEN:
Clark!
358
00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:08,320
I'm okay. I'm okay.
359
00:24:08,488 --> 00:24:09,822
I'm all right.
360
00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,198
[LAUGHS]
361
00:24:11,366 --> 00:24:15,953
I don't think that's very funny. A noise
like that could impair the kids' hearing.
362
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:17,997
Oh, come on.
363
00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:21,500
It was real. lt looked real, didn't it?
Hell, I thought it was a real gun.
364
00:24:21,668 --> 00:24:23,711
Didn't it look real when l fell down, hon?
365
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:25,754
-What?
-Didn't it look real, sweetie?
366
00:24:25,922 --> 00:24:28,424
-What?
-Are you happy now, Clark?
367
00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:30,759
-She's deaf.
-What's the difference?
368
00:24:30,927 --> 00:24:33,554
It was fun anyway. Let's have a drink.
What do you say?
369
00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:35,055
Pardon me, sir?
370
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,980
Catherine said we just stay on 50.
371
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:45,774
Well, l was thinking about
shooting over to 54...
372
00:24:45,942 --> 00:24:48,110
-...and zipping down to Liberal.
-What for?
373
00:24:48,278 --> 00:24:50,362
-The House of Mud.
-What's the House of Mud?
374
00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:54,116
It's only the largest freestanding
mud dwelling ever built, that's all.
375
00:24:54,284 --> 00:24:57,495
You see, kids, the pioneers
didn't have bricks, so they used mud.
376
00:24:57,662 --> 00:25:00,247
They didn't use mud, they used sod, Dad.
377
00:25:00,415 --> 00:25:03,334
Right, Audrey, and when they
ran out of sod, they used mud.
378
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:06,712
Clark, let's just skip the House of Mud.
379
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,507
I think Dodge City
was enough for one day.
380
00:25:09,674 --> 00:25:13,302
Besides, Catherine and Eddie
are expecting us.
381
00:25:14,137 --> 00:25:15,721
It's living history, Ellen.
382
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:18,307
But if you'd rather see your cousins...
383
00:25:18,475 --> 00:25:19,683
...it's okay by me.
384
00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:22,561
Personally, I'd rather see a pile
of mud than Eddie.
385
00:25:22,729 --> 00:25:25,439
-Knock it off.
ELLEN: What's going on?
386
00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:27,900
Rusty is licking his hand
and touching me with it.
387
00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:30,277
Clark, tell Rusty to behave himself.
388
00:25:30,445 --> 00:25:32,071
Rusty, behave yourself.
389
00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:35,449
Audrey's eating peanut butter
and smiling with it all over her teeth.
390
00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:37,701
Audrey, eat with your mouth closed.
391
00:25:37,869 --> 00:25:41,622
-No eating in the car, kids.
-You suck, you know that?
392
00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:45,084
-Retard.
-l am trying to concentrate on the road.
393
00:25:56,805 --> 00:25:58,180
RUSTY:
What did you say?
394
00:25:58,348 --> 00:25:59,515
[ELLEN TALKlNG INDISTINCTLY]
395
00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:03,310
ELLEN: Stop it, both of you.
Just give me the peanut butter.
396
00:26:08,942 --> 00:26:11,402
AUDREY: He started it!
ELLEN: I don't care who started it!
397
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:13,529
[KIDS & ELLEN ARGUlNG]
398
00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:15,030
ELLEN:
I don't care who started it.
399
00:26:15,198 --> 00:26:18,117
I don't want to hear another word
out of either one of you.
400
00:26:28,044 --> 00:26:30,671
Clark, you're doing 80 miles an hour.
401
00:26:30,839 --> 00:26:33,674
-Doesn't seem like it, does it?
-Slow down.
402
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:37,344
I don't know why.
We're making good time.
403
00:26:39,806 --> 00:26:43,350
[SINGlNG]
Love for sale
404
00:26:43,518 --> 00:26:45,811
Appetizing, yummy love for sale
405
00:27:01,369 --> 00:27:02,745
[DOG BARKlNG]
406
00:27:02,912 --> 00:27:05,122
CATHERlNE:
Oh, they're here. Eddie, come on.
407
00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:08,208
Oh, l can't believe it. lt's been an age!
408
00:27:08,376 --> 00:27:10,961
ELLEN: I never thought we'd get out here,
you look great!
409
00:27:11,129 --> 00:27:14,298
-Eddie, get down here.
-Eddie, you look terrific.
410
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,884
-Ellen, how are you?
-l never thought you'd get here.
411
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:18,761
ELLEN:
Good to see you.
412
00:27:18,928 --> 00:27:22,431
Come and meet your second cousins.
Look how they've grown.
413
00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:24,933
And you have lost weight, Catherine.
414
00:27:25,101 --> 00:27:27,770
Yeah, added a few more mouths
to the litter.
415
00:27:27,937 --> 00:27:29,104
[CLARK & EDDIE CHUCKLING]
416
00:27:29,272 --> 00:27:33,400
Let's see. Rusty and Audrey,
cousins Vicki and Dale.
417
00:27:33,568 --> 00:27:38,072
-Hi.
-And this is Eddie Junior and this is Junior.
418
00:27:38,239 --> 00:27:41,075
And this little moppet
on my skirts is Daisy-Mabel.
419
00:27:41,242 --> 00:27:43,494
Well. How old are you, little one?
420
00:27:43,662 --> 00:27:46,914
-She was born without a tongue, Clark.
CLARK: Ooh.
421
00:27:47,082 --> 00:27:50,250
But don't worry about her. She whistles
like a bird and eats like a horse.
422
00:27:50,418 --> 00:27:51,919
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
423
00:27:52,087 --> 00:27:55,047
Take your little guests out back
and show them your worm farm.
424
00:27:55,215 --> 00:27:57,925
Go on, scoot.
Ellen, come in the house.
425
00:27:58,093 --> 00:28:01,929
-l've got so much to tell you.
-Look at the flowers. l love them.
426
00:28:04,265 --> 00:28:06,892
Oh, boy. Look at that car.
427
00:28:07,060 --> 00:28:09,186
Yeah, that's the Family Truckster.
428
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:13,107
Boy, she's a beaut.
I like those green walls.
429
00:28:13,274 --> 00:28:16,110
We had some trouble in St. Louis.
430
00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:20,406
So you're looking really...
431
00:28:20,573 --> 00:28:22,074
...fit.
432
00:28:23,076 --> 00:28:25,452
This is the old homestead, huh?
433
00:28:26,496 --> 00:28:27,538
[SIGHS]
434
00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:31,583
Yeah, l don't know for how long, though.
435
00:28:31,751 --> 00:28:35,129
The bank's been after me
like flies on a rib roast.
436
00:28:35,296 --> 00:28:37,756
Yeah. l know the feeling.
437
00:28:38,758 --> 00:28:40,342
Fuck it.
438
00:28:45,306 --> 00:28:47,808
-l bet you could use a cool one, huh?
-Now you're talking.
439
00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:49,977
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
440
00:28:58,820 --> 00:29:02,239
I'm going steady. And l French kiss.
441
00:29:03,116 --> 00:29:07,286
-So? Everyone does that.
-Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
442
00:29:11,166 --> 00:29:12,791
Want a worm?
443
00:29:12,959 --> 00:29:14,835
No, thanks.
444
00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:17,546
Hey, you got Pac-Man?
445
00:29:18,506 --> 00:29:19,590
No.
446
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:22,009
You got Space lnvaders?
447
00:29:22,510 --> 00:29:23,969
Nope.
448
00:29:24,554 --> 00:29:27,765
-You got Asteroids?
-No, but my dad does.
449
00:29:27,932 --> 00:29:30,768
He can't even sit on the toilet some days.
450
00:29:33,438 --> 00:29:35,773
So, what do you do here, Dale?
451
00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:37,357
Well...
452
00:29:38,359 --> 00:29:40,569
...l got a stack of nudie books this high.
453
00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:45,157
Oh, she's beautiful.
454
00:29:48,536 --> 00:29:53,707
-Would you sell me any of them?
-Shit, no. l cherish these things.
455
00:29:55,084 --> 00:29:56,627
I use them a lot.
456
00:29:58,963 --> 00:30:00,464
How do you use a magazine?
457
00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:03,383
I was getting to that.
458
00:30:03,551 --> 00:30:07,763
A guy taught me something really neat
last year.
459
00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:10,224
Did you ever bop your baloney?
460
00:30:14,270 --> 00:30:16,271
[HUMMlNG]
461
00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:19,817
I guess we're 1 1 , aren't we?
462
00:30:19,984 --> 00:30:24,571
-No, we're 12 with Aunt Edna.
-Aunt Edna? She's still alive?
463
00:30:24,739 --> 00:30:26,198
Oh, you bet.
464
00:30:26,366 --> 00:30:30,160
I can't wait to see the look on Clark's face
when he hears that.
465
00:30:30,328 --> 00:30:33,580
Well, she came to help out
when Eddie ruptured his spleen...
466
00:30:33,748 --> 00:30:36,083
...and she's been with us ever since.
467
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:38,710
She wanted to go back
to Phoenix a year ago...
468
00:30:38,878 --> 00:30:40,879
...but Eddie wouldn't let her.
469
00:30:41,881 --> 00:30:46,301
Frankly, without her Social Security,
we'd never be able to live like this.
470
00:30:48,429 --> 00:30:51,974
Gee, Cath, it looks like
you've really got your hands full.
471
00:30:52,141 --> 00:30:54,977
Oh, it's not so bad.
472
00:30:55,144 --> 00:30:58,689
Eddie says after the baby comes,
I can quit one of my night jobs.
473
00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:05,279
How do you like yours, Clark?
474
00:31:05,446 --> 00:31:07,739
Oh, medium-rare, a little pink inside.
475
00:31:07,907 --> 00:31:10,242
No, your bun. Light or dark?
476
00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:13,120
Oh. Either way, it doesn't matter.
477
00:31:14,330 --> 00:31:17,833
Vicki, can l help you with that Kool-Aid?
Please?
478
00:31:18,293 --> 00:31:20,127
EDDlE:
Mm-mm-mm.
479
00:31:20,295 --> 00:31:25,090
I don't know why they call this stuff
Hamburger Helper. lt does just fine by itself.
480
00:31:25,258 --> 00:31:29,052
I like it better than Tuna Helper myself.
Don't you, Clark?
481
00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:32,097
You're the gourmet around here, Ed. Heh.
482
00:31:37,145 --> 00:31:38,437
No meat in this?
483
00:31:38,605 --> 00:31:42,441
You get plenty of meat at home.
Be polite. Have some ketchup.
484
00:31:47,113 --> 00:31:48,822
Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
485
00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:51,158
Nothing but the best.
486
00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:52,367
[CHUCKLES]
487
00:31:52,535 --> 00:31:55,746
Aunt Edna. Helper's getting cold.
488
00:31:57,498 --> 00:31:59,541
Is that your Aunt Edna?
489
00:32:07,675 --> 00:32:12,888
ELLEN: Aunt Edna. After all these years.
You're looking so good.
490
00:32:16,976 --> 00:32:19,603
CLARK:
Hi, Edna. Nice to see you again.
491
00:32:20,271 --> 00:32:22,898
You remember Clark, don't you?
492
00:32:25,276 --> 00:32:28,362
You were the ones who sent me
the fruitcake for Christmas.
493
00:32:28,529 --> 00:32:31,073
It made me so sick.
494
00:32:31,532 --> 00:32:34,952
I'm sorry.
We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
495
00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:37,704
You enjoy throwing up
every five minutes, Claude?
496
00:32:37,872 --> 00:32:41,041
-Clark.
-l thought so.
497
00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:45,504
Well, am I going to eat
or am l gonna starve to death?
498
00:32:48,716 --> 00:32:50,050
Catherine.
499
00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:53,845
Did you tell Clark and Ellen
the good news?
500
00:32:54,013 --> 00:32:56,431
No. I was just about to.
501
00:32:56,599 --> 00:32:58,642
Catherine, what's the good news?
502
00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:02,145
You're driving me to Phoenix.
503
00:33:05,525 --> 00:33:08,527
[POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADlO]
504
00:33:13,908 --> 00:33:16,368
Junior Pig Competition?
505
00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:18,578
You won this for raising a pig?
506
00:33:18,746 --> 00:33:21,331
Yeah. First Place.
507
00:33:21,499 --> 00:33:24,292
Does anybody know about it?
508
00:33:24,460 --> 00:33:25,711
Everybody knows.
509
00:33:27,088 --> 00:33:32,259
Vicki, don't get offended, but being
a farmer is not too cool, you know.
510
00:33:34,053 --> 00:33:35,887
Oh, yeah?
511
00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:40,017
Well, how cool...
512
00:33:40,184 --> 00:33:41,893
...is this?
513
00:33:48,943 --> 00:33:53,238
I'm real glad that things
are going good for you, Clark.
514
00:33:55,450 --> 00:33:57,034
Mm-hm. Tsk.
515
00:33:57,201 --> 00:34:02,789
I got laid off when they closed
that asbestos factory. Ahem.
516
00:34:02,957 --> 00:34:04,666
And now, wouldn't you know it...
517
00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:06,918
...the Army cut my disability pension...
518
00:34:07,086 --> 00:34:12,090
...because they said the plate in my head
wasn't big enough. Shoo.
519
00:34:15,386 --> 00:34:18,722
Eddie, Clark and Ellen don't want to hear
about our troubles.
520
00:34:18,890 --> 00:34:20,348
No, no. It's very interesting.
521
00:34:20,516 --> 00:34:23,560
Why don't you just ask him
for the money, Eddie?
522
00:34:23,728 --> 00:34:25,562
He sure as hell can't take a hint.
523
00:34:26,355 --> 00:34:30,525
Well, l didn't want to ask you,
Clark, you know, but....
524
00:34:30,693 --> 00:34:34,404
Could you, maybe,
spare a little extra cash?
525
00:34:34,572 --> 00:34:36,615
Sure, Eddie.
526
00:34:36,824 --> 00:34:38,283
[CHUCKLES]
527
00:34:41,037 --> 00:34:42,621
How much do you need?
528
00:34:42,789 --> 00:34:44,790
About $52,000.
529
00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:50,420
Goodbye, baby.
530
00:34:50,588 --> 00:34:52,422
And you'll send those checks?
531
00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:54,716
-All taken care of.
-Okay.
532
00:34:54,884 --> 00:34:58,345
-Okay, let's go. Come on, Edna.
-Lay off, lay off.
533
00:34:59,263 --> 00:35:01,348
Well, gotta be going.
534
00:35:01,516 --> 00:35:04,017
-What's this?
-This is for you, Clark.
535
00:35:04,185 --> 00:35:05,936
Oh, what is it?
536
00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:09,523
-Gift.
-You didn't have to buy me a gift, Eddie.
537
00:35:09,690 --> 00:35:10,982
Oh, go on, open it.
538
00:35:11,150 --> 00:35:12,526
Oh.
539
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:16,780
Oh, Eddie, you shouldn't have.
540
00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:19,699
-You really shouldn't have.
RUSTY: Those are great, Dad.
541
00:35:19,867 --> 00:35:22,410
-Quiet down, Russ.
EDDlE: Try them on.
542
00:35:22,578 --> 00:35:24,246
No, I don't want to get them dirty.
543
00:35:24,413 --> 00:35:26,540
I told you he wouldn't like them, Eddie.
544
00:35:27,625 --> 00:35:29,292
CLARK: l love them.
-l knew you did...
545
00:35:29,460 --> 00:35:33,046
...because the last time l saw you you
remarked about how much you liked mine.
546
00:35:33,214 --> 00:35:36,466
-Well, l guess we'd better be going.
-Yeah.
547
00:35:36,634 --> 00:35:38,051
-Whew.
-Ha-ha.
548
00:35:38,219 --> 00:35:39,302
-Bye, Eddie.
-Bye, Ellen.
549
00:35:39,470 --> 00:35:42,848
-Bye, Clark. lt's was great having you here.
-Goodbye. Thank you. Okay.
550
00:35:43,808 --> 00:35:46,434
Here he is, Uncle Clark,
all walked and evetything.
551
00:35:46,602 --> 00:35:48,103
What is this? A dog?
552
00:35:48,271 --> 00:35:51,523
He's Aunt Edna's. His name is Dinky.
He watches Family Feud.
553
00:35:52,233 --> 00:35:54,568
Oh. Hi, how are you, little fellow?
554
00:35:54,735 --> 00:35:56,069
[GROWLS THEN BARKS]
555
00:35:56,237 --> 00:35:57,737
Easy.
556
00:35:57,989 --> 00:36:01,616
Yeah. You folks didn't
get to meet Dinky last night.
557
00:36:01,784 --> 00:36:04,035
He had the shits, so he slept in the barn.
558
00:36:04,412 --> 00:36:08,248
Ah. Well, great. Better make some space
for him in the back. Come on.
559
00:36:08,416 --> 00:36:09,416
[GROWLlNG]
560
00:36:09,584 --> 00:36:12,544
Ow! No. No. Sit, sit. Roll over.
Come on, heel.
561
00:36:12,712 --> 00:36:16,256
-Here. Have a good trip.
-Thanks, Vic.
562
00:36:16,883 --> 00:36:18,884
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
563
00:36:22,555 --> 00:36:27,392
CATHERlNE:
Bye! Bye, kids, bye, Aunt Edna. Bye-bye!
564
00:36:43,951 --> 00:36:46,703
Look at these sandwiches.
Here, Aunt Edna.
565
00:36:46,871 --> 00:36:48,455
EDNA:
Thank you.
566
00:36:48,748 --> 00:36:50,123
Audrey.
567
00:36:51,083 --> 00:36:54,127
Oh, Rusty, stop playing with the dog
and come and have some lunch.
568
00:36:54,295 --> 00:36:56,296
[DOG GROWLlNG]
569
00:36:59,842 --> 00:37:01,384
Oh, Clark, look.
570
00:37:01,552 --> 00:37:04,638
Your favorite, baloney and cheese.
571
00:37:07,516 --> 00:37:09,768
And what should l have?
572
00:37:09,936 --> 00:37:13,939
Maybe some fruit or something like that.
573
00:38:18,421 --> 00:38:20,588
Mom, my sandwich is all wet.
574
00:38:20,756 --> 00:38:22,632
Well, they're all wet.
575
00:38:23,467 --> 00:38:27,846
Oh, God. The dog went
on the picnic basket.
576
00:39:27,365 --> 00:39:28,948
Russ, look.
577
00:39:29,116 --> 00:39:31,785
Excellent. They have a pool.
578
00:39:32,703 --> 00:39:35,288
Aren't the woods beautiful?
579
00:39:35,998 --> 00:39:39,292
Clark. Dinkums needs a long walk
and a bath.
580
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:42,087
Rusty, take care of Dinkums.
581
00:39:42,254 --> 00:39:45,298
-Dad, he bites.
CLARK: Bite him back.
582
00:39:55,976 --> 00:39:57,977
[RlNGlNG]
583
00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:06,694
-We'd like three tents for the night, please.
-All right. That'll be $37.
584
00:40:06,862 --> 00:40:08,988
Thirty-seven dollars
for three tents?
585
00:40:09,156 --> 00:40:10,490
Oh, they're very nice tents.
586
00:40:10,658 --> 00:40:13,993
And that price includes scenery
and wildlife fun.
587
00:40:15,996 --> 00:40:18,331
Oh, come on, Clark.
It seems like a nice place.
588
00:40:18,499 --> 00:40:21,209
It's got a pool and everything.
589
00:40:21,377 --> 00:40:23,962
-All right.
-Here you go.
590
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:26,714
-Fill out that.
CLARK: Mm-hm.
591
00:40:31,011 --> 00:40:33,972
Clark W. Griswold. You want my street?
592
00:40:34,140 --> 00:40:35,181
Please.
593
00:40:35,349 --> 00:40:38,435
-What do you need my address for?
-We like to send out a mailer.
594
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,524
AUDREY: I can't wait to get in.
RUSTY: Me, too.
595
00:40:44,692 --> 00:40:46,359
Get our bathing--
596
00:40:47,820 --> 00:40:49,154
Ugh.
597
00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:52,115
That's disgusting.
598
00:40:56,245 --> 00:40:58,455
Too cheap to pay for a hotel room, huh?
599
00:41:00,708 --> 00:41:04,461
Ooh. Clark, this tent smells.
600
00:41:05,212 --> 00:41:06,504
Edna, this is your tent.
601
00:41:06,672 --> 00:41:08,673
[FLlES BUZZING]
602
00:41:24,565 --> 00:41:25,899
[COUGHlNG]
603
00:41:26,066 --> 00:41:28,067
ELLEN:
Sp-- Sparky.
604
00:41:28,235 --> 00:41:31,404
-This isn't very romantic.
-lsn't it?
605
00:41:31,572 --> 00:41:36,451
No, I don't think there's enough room
for two in this sleeping bag.
606
00:41:36,619 --> 00:41:39,412
Honey, right now, we're one.
607
00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:43,625
-One heart beating for two.
-Oh, Sparky.
608
00:41:43,792 --> 00:41:45,793
[GROWLlNG]
609
00:41:48,964 --> 00:41:51,508
Sparky, there's a wild animal.
610
00:41:51,675 --> 00:41:52,926
-Yeah.
-No.
611
00:41:53,093 --> 00:41:56,137
-l know, l'm gonna go for it, honey.
-Wild animal-- No.
612
00:41:58,474 --> 00:42:01,226
Ow! Get off. Down. Go.
613
00:42:01,936 --> 00:42:04,395
I'm sorry, honey. lt's Dinky. Get off!
614
00:42:08,275 --> 00:42:10,068
I'll kill that dog.
615
00:42:10,778 --> 00:42:11,986
[SIGHS]
616
00:42:12,154 --> 00:42:13,613
I'm sorry.
617
00:42:13,989 --> 00:42:16,199
[GRUNTS]
618
00:42:19,119 --> 00:42:20,370
Ah.
619
00:42:21,121 --> 00:42:23,623
What do you say, honey? Uhn!
620
00:42:23,791 --> 00:42:26,918
In spite of all the little problems,
it really is fun, isn't it?
621
00:42:27,086 --> 00:42:28,419
No.
622
00:42:28,587 --> 00:42:31,965
But with every new day
there's fresh hope.
623
00:42:33,801 --> 00:42:35,885
Hey, kids, let's go.
624
00:42:36,053 --> 00:42:38,137
We're losing daylight here.
625
00:42:38,764 --> 00:42:40,139
Hey, did you walk him?
626
00:42:40,307 --> 00:42:42,934
Yeah. He took a big one
on Aunt Edna's blanket.
627
00:42:43,477 --> 00:42:45,770
-Good boy.
EDNA: Help!
628
00:42:45,938 --> 00:42:48,231
Oh, boy. Go take care of Aunt Edna.
I'll take the leash.
629
00:42:48,399 --> 00:42:49,983
[DOG GROWLS THEN BARKS]
630
00:42:50,776 --> 00:42:52,735
CLARK:
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
631
00:42:52,903 --> 00:42:55,280
Roll over. Ow.
632
00:42:56,532 --> 00:42:57,574
Dinky.
633
00:42:57,992 --> 00:43:00,743
Ow! You're tearing my flesh!
634
00:43:00,911 --> 00:43:04,622
Good morning, Edna. Ah!
No, Dinky. Sit. Roll over.
635
00:43:05,666 --> 00:43:07,834
Ah. Ah, ow!
636
00:43:08,919 --> 00:43:09,961
Audrey, you're next.
637
00:43:10,129 --> 00:43:11,921
-No way, José.
-Hey, Audrey.
638
00:43:12,089 --> 00:43:13,298
[SNlFFS]
639
00:43:13,465 --> 00:43:14,507
What's the problem?
640
00:43:14,675 --> 00:43:18,469
Ma, l had to sit next to Aunt Edna
last time. She smells like mothballs.
641
00:43:18,637 --> 00:43:19,762
Anyway, it's her turn.
642
00:43:19,930 --> 00:43:23,850
For your information,
Rusty slept in his underpants last night.
643
00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:26,686
-Yeah, I did.
-Hey, hey, hey! Easy, kids. Cut it out.
644
00:43:26,854 --> 00:43:30,440
Everybody in the car,
boat leaves in two minutes.
645
00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:34,277
Or perhaps, you don't want to see
the second-largest ball of twine on earth.
646
00:43:34,445 --> 00:43:36,112
Which is only four short hours away.
647
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:37,905
[CHUCKLES]
648
00:43:42,453 --> 00:43:43,494
[RATTLING]
649
00:43:43,662 --> 00:43:45,538
Sweetie, do you hear that rattle?
650
00:43:45,873 --> 00:43:48,708
-Where is it coming from?
-Beats the heck out of me.
651
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:52,462
I've been looking for it ever since we left.
It's driving me crazy.
652
00:43:52,921 --> 00:43:55,548
RUSTY:
God, Dad, check it out behind you.
653
00:43:55,716 --> 00:43:57,592
Oh, shoot. Now what have we done?
654
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:58,801
[SIREN WAILlNG]
655
00:43:58,969 --> 00:44:00,553
-Will you hold my purse?
-Huh?
656
00:44:00,721 --> 00:44:02,889
Just hold my purse.
657
00:44:09,063 --> 00:44:10,063
[SIREN STOPS]
658
00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:24,911
Hello, officer. What's the problem?
659
00:44:27,581 --> 00:44:29,624
Get out of the car.
660
00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:38,341
I don't think l was speeding.
Was I weaving?
661
00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:40,510
Shut your mouth, sir.
662
00:44:42,054 --> 00:44:45,640
If l wasn't in uniform, l'd split your skull
with the butt of this revolver...
663
00:44:45,808 --> 00:44:48,476
...faster than you could say
"police brutality."
664
00:44:48,936 --> 00:44:52,397
Well, officer, whatever it is I've done,
I'm sure l can explain.
665
00:44:56,527 --> 00:44:58,986
Explain this, you son of a bitch.
666
00:44:59,154 --> 00:45:01,072
Oh, my God.
667
00:45:02,324 --> 00:45:06,619
Do you know what the penalty
for animal cruelty is in this state?
668
00:45:06,787 --> 00:45:08,371
No, sir, l don't.
669
00:45:08,664 --> 00:45:10,123
Well....
670
00:45:10,791 --> 00:45:12,375
It's probably pretty stiff.
671
00:45:13,085 --> 00:45:15,837
You can't think
I'd do this on purpose, sir.
672
00:45:16,004 --> 00:45:19,674
Look, l tied him to the rear bumper
when l was packing the car.
673
00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:22,635
It was very confusing, l must've forgot.
674
00:45:23,929 --> 00:45:26,514
I'm very sorry. I feel terrible.
675
00:45:27,099 --> 00:45:29,600
How do you think that little dog feels?
676
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:32,937
[SHlVERS]
677
00:45:34,273 --> 00:45:38,025
Look, l told you l was sorry.
It really was an accident.
678
00:45:39,570 --> 00:45:42,989
Yeah. l guess l can buy that, sir.
679
00:45:43,157 --> 00:45:45,116
But it is a shame.
680
00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:48,411
I had a pooch like this when I was a kid.
681
00:45:50,998 --> 00:45:52,248
[VOICE BREAKlNG]
Poor little guy.
682
00:45:52,416 --> 00:45:55,334
He probably kept up with you
for a mile or so.
683
00:45:56,628 --> 00:45:58,087
-Tough little mutt.
-Tough.
684
00:45:58,255 --> 00:46:00,465
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
685
00:46:08,390 --> 00:46:10,808
EDNA:
I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark.
686
00:46:10,976 --> 00:46:14,687
You've been exceeding the speed limit
for thousands of miles.
687
00:46:14,855 --> 00:46:17,690
Dad wasn't speeding.
The cop stopped us because Dad forgot--
688
00:46:17,858 --> 00:46:20,651
-He was speeding, Rusty.
RUSTY: No, he wasn't, Mom.
689
00:46:20,819 --> 00:46:23,446
Russ! Listen to your mother.
I was speeding.
690
00:46:23,614 --> 00:46:24,989
I was driving like a maniac.
691
00:46:25,157 --> 00:46:27,658
We can all be grateful
to this man for stopping us.
692
00:46:27,826 --> 00:46:29,535
-You see, a car--
-Here's the leash.
693
00:46:29,703 --> 00:46:32,330
I'm going to get the rest
of the carcass off the road.
694
00:46:32,498 --> 00:46:34,248
-Thank you, officer.
-See you.
695
00:46:34,416 --> 00:46:36,000
Have a nice day.
696
00:46:36,752 --> 00:46:38,127
[EDNA WHIMPERING]
697
00:46:49,139 --> 00:46:51,849
EDNA:
This your idea of a good restaurant?
698
00:46:52,017 --> 00:46:54,101
Dog killer.
699
00:46:54,269 --> 00:46:56,562
ELLEN:
I'm sure the food is just fine.
700
00:46:56,730 --> 00:46:58,940
Uh-uh-uh. New car, I'll take it.
701
00:46:59,107 --> 00:47:00,441
WOMAN: Thank you.
CLARK: Thank you.
702
00:47:00,609 --> 00:47:03,694
Oh, kids. Oh, kids. Mm-mm.
703
00:47:06,740 --> 00:47:07,782
Waitress.
704
00:47:11,662 --> 00:47:13,663
[SNORING]
705
00:48:00,586 --> 00:48:01,627
[HORN HONKlNG]
706
00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:11,971
[EXCLAlMS]
707
00:48:17,978 --> 00:48:19,645
What happened?
708
00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:23,357
What happened to your hair?
709
00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:25,234
You're sweating.
710
00:48:25,402 --> 00:48:28,487
-Are you blushing?
-Don't be silly.
711
00:48:28,655 --> 00:48:30,156
Are you all right, Clark?
712
00:48:30,324 --> 00:48:32,533
Hell, yes. l'm fine. l'm having a ball.
713
00:48:37,623 --> 00:48:39,123
[SIGHS]
714
00:48:39,791 --> 00:48:42,168
Come on, honey, look at the mountains,
breathe the air.
715
00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:43,878
[INHALES DEEPLY]
716
00:48:44,171 --> 00:48:45,171
[EXHALES]
717
00:48:45,339 --> 00:48:48,007
Put on a happy face for me.
718
00:48:52,554 --> 00:48:56,015
I guess there's not much more
that can happen to us.
719
00:48:56,183 --> 00:48:58,643
I think the worst is behind us.
720
00:48:59,770 --> 00:49:01,437
[THUDDlNG]
721
00:49:07,069 --> 00:49:09,612
ELLEN:
Clark, l need my vanity case.
722
00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:11,864
We've got to go back and look for it.
723
00:49:12,032 --> 00:49:13,699
All my credit cards are in it.
724
00:49:13,867 --> 00:49:17,536
Honey, number one, l've already called
the bank and told them you've lost them.
725
00:49:17,704 --> 00:49:21,040
B, there's no way we're gonna find it.
We don't know where it fell off.
726
00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:24,877
And three, I've got my credit cards
and we've still got plenty of cash. Okay?
727
00:49:25,045 --> 00:49:27,797
No, we don't. You gave $500 to Eddie...
728
00:49:27,965 --> 00:49:31,550
...and everything has cost twice
as much as you figured out.
729
00:49:31,718 --> 00:49:34,261
There's nothing in that luggage
that can't be replaced.
730
00:49:34,429 --> 00:49:36,472
Except for your diaphragm.
731
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,016
We can always cash a check
down the road.
732
00:49:39,184 --> 00:49:40,768
Don't you trust me?
733
00:49:40,936 --> 00:49:44,563
As long as you don't tie me
to the rear bumper.
734
00:49:47,401 --> 00:49:49,068
That hurt, Ellen.
735
00:49:50,112 --> 00:49:53,406
ELLEN: Clark, l think we're lost.
CLARK: We're not lost.
736
00:49:53,573 --> 00:49:55,574
Will you please let me do the driving?
737
00:49:55,742 --> 00:50:00,079
ELLEN: I honestly don't think you're gonna
find the Grand Canyon on this road.
738
00:50:00,247 --> 00:50:02,873
CLARK: Jesus, it's only the biggest
goddamn hole in the world.
739
00:50:03,041 --> 00:50:04,875
EDNA:
Clark, watch your language.
740
00:50:05,043 --> 00:50:06,794
CLARK:
Make that the second-biggest.
741
00:50:06,962 --> 00:50:09,755
Dad, I haven't seen a car for an hour.
742
00:50:09,923 --> 00:50:12,675
Shut up, Audrey. You don't think
Dad knows where he's going?
743
00:50:12,843 --> 00:50:15,094
-Thank you, Russ.
-You're lost.
744
00:50:17,097 --> 00:50:19,932
-l saw some detour signs.
CLARK: l didn't see any.
745
00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:23,352
I saw them when you and Mom
were trying to fold the map.
746
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:26,731
When they close a road
they put up big signs. Like this one.
747
00:50:26,898 --> 00:50:28,107
[ALL SCREAM]
748
00:50:39,161 --> 00:50:41,454
[TlRES BURST]
749
00:50:43,331 --> 00:50:45,958
[GROANING]
750
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:52,089
-l think l broke my nose.
-l stabbed my brain.
751
00:50:52,257 --> 00:50:54,800
I just got my period.
752
00:50:54,968 --> 00:50:57,094
I'd better check under the hood.
753
00:51:09,608 --> 00:51:12,109
ELLEN: Audrey, gather up the clothes
and put them in a pile.
754
00:51:12,277 --> 00:51:15,571
Rusty, find the first-aid kit,
then get the suitcases.
755
00:51:15,739 --> 00:51:17,740
Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
756
00:51:18,492 --> 00:51:20,451
Find a bush, Audrey.
757
00:51:22,579 --> 00:51:25,372
RUSTY: Dad, you must've jumped this thing
about 50 yards.
758
00:51:25,540 --> 00:51:28,542
CLARK:
It's nothing to be proud of, Rusty.
759
00:51:29,002 --> 00:51:31,045
Fifty yards. Heh.
760
00:51:31,213 --> 00:51:35,341
EDNA:
Ellen! Ellen, get me out of here.
761
00:51:35,509 --> 00:51:37,927
Stay in the car.
It's hot and dangerous out here.
762
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:41,263
Don't you tell me what to do.
I'll do what I want.
763
00:51:41,431 --> 00:51:44,016
I should never have come
on this trip with you.
764
00:51:44,184 --> 00:51:45,726
I should have taken an airplane.
765
00:51:45,894 --> 00:51:49,688
And he-- He shouldn't even have a license
to drive an automobile.
766
00:51:49,856 --> 00:51:53,192
He should be behind bars.
767
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:56,821
Sit down and shut up.
768
00:52:03,078 --> 00:52:06,497
Move out of that seat,
and l'll split your lip.
769
00:52:13,922 --> 00:52:16,298
Rusty, come on up here.
770
00:52:16,466 --> 00:52:18,384
Hello, Russ.
771
00:52:18,552 --> 00:52:21,262
I'm gonna hike down the road
to find a service station.
772
00:52:21,429 --> 00:52:24,723
I want you to stay here
and take care of things.
773
00:52:24,891 --> 00:52:28,727
-You'll be okay, Dad?
-Oh, sure, sure, sure.
774
00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:33,023
You know, I haven't had much of a chance
to talk to you man to man, Russ.
775
00:52:33,191 --> 00:52:34,942
Well, l've only been a man
a few days, Dad.
776
00:52:35,110 --> 00:52:37,570
[CHUCKLES]
777
00:52:37,737 --> 00:52:40,489
You're growing up so damn fast.
778
00:52:40,866 --> 00:52:42,992
I've spent the last 1 5 years of my life...
779
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:46,871
...developing newer
and better food additives.
780
00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:49,832
I guess I've missed an awful lot.
781
00:52:51,459 --> 00:52:54,211
At first,
I didn't want to take this vacation.
782
00:52:54,838 --> 00:52:56,881
But now l'm glad I did.
783
00:52:57,048 --> 00:53:00,593
It's given me a chance
to spend a lot more time with you and....
784
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,262
-Audrey.
-Audrey. Yeah.
785
00:53:03,972 --> 00:53:05,181
[SIGHS]
786
00:53:05,348 --> 00:53:08,142
You know, it's been real fun for me,
too, Dad. Really.
787
00:53:08,310 --> 00:53:10,477
Except for Aunt Edna.
788
00:53:10,645 --> 00:53:12,980
Oh, she doesn't mean
to be a pain in the rump.
789
00:53:13,148 --> 00:53:14,940
It's just the way she is.
790
00:53:15,108 --> 00:53:18,360
-Let's not let it spoil our fun.
-l won't.
791
00:53:18,528 --> 00:53:21,697
You know, maybe she'd be nicer
if she had a family of her own.
792
00:53:21,865 --> 00:53:26,076
You know, instead of always
having to glom onto someone else's.
793
00:53:27,704 --> 00:53:29,914
You're a pretty bright little guy.
794
00:53:30,081 --> 00:53:31,916
Excuse me. Man.
795
00:53:32,083 --> 00:53:33,459
[CHUCKLES]
796
00:53:34,252 --> 00:53:35,878
[SOBS]
797
00:53:37,047 --> 00:53:38,589
It's okay, Dad.
798
00:53:40,300 --> 00:53:42,051
You know what l wanna do?
799
00:53:44,137 --> 00:53:47,264
When I was your age,
my dad shared a beer with me...
800
00:53:47,432 --> 00:53:49,892
...and l thought it was
the best thing in the world.
801
00:53:55,774 --> 00:53:56,941
Ahh....
802
00:53:59,986 --> 00:54:01,153
[SIGHS]
803
00:54:01,321 --> 00:54:04,990
When I was a boy, just about
every summer we'd take a vacation.
804
00:54:05,700 --> 00:54:08,035
And you know, in 1 8 years...
805
00:54:08,328 --> 00:54:10,120
...we never had fun.
806
00:54:12,415 --> 00:54:14,083
But now l have my own family.
807
00:54:14,251 --> 00:54:15,668
And we're on our own vacation.
808
00:54:15,835 --> 00:54:18,462
-And you know something, Russ?
-What, Dad?
809
00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:27,346
We're gonna have fun.
810
00:54:27,847 --> 00:54:28,889
[BURPS]
811
00:54:29,057 --> 00:54:34,061
Hey. Don't let your mother smell beer
on your breath. She'll take it out on me.
812
00:54:35,355 --> 00:54:39,275
Well, l better get a move on if I want
to get us out of here by dark.
813
00:54:41,736 --> 00:54:42,945
Good talk, son.
814
00:54:43,113 --> 00:54:44,863
Good talk, Dad.
815
00:54:45,532 --> 00:54:47,199
Clark?
816
00:54:52,205 --> 00:54:55,916
I just had a good talk with Rusty.
You'll be in good hands here, honey.
817
00:54:57,585 --> 00:54:59,253
Where are you going?
818
00:54:59,421 --> 00:55:03,048
There's gotta be a phone or a gas station
around here somewhere, honey.
819
00:55:04,009 --> 00:55:07,011
All right, but if you're not back
in an hour....
820
00:55:07,178 --> 00:55:10,180
I'll be fine. You'll be fine.
I'm sure this happens all the time.
821
00:55:10,348 --> 00:55:12,641
A patrol car will be by any minute.
822
00:55:13,852 --> 00:55:15,894
CLARK [SINGlNG]:
Over the river and through the woods
823
00:55:16,062 --> 00:55:17,855
To Grandmother's house we go
Ho!
824
00:55:18,773 --> 00:55:22,776
A thousand bottles of beer on the wall
A thousand bottles of beer
825
00:55:24,612 --> 00:55:26,655
Four bottles of beer
826
00:55:26,823 --> 00:55:28,907
lf one of those bottles
should happen to fall
827
00:55:29,075 --> 00:55:32,328
I love a parade
828
00:55:32,495 --> 00:55:36,457
The trampling of feet
I love every beat l hear of a drum
829
00:55:36,624 --> 00:55:39,043
I love a parade
830
00:55:39,210 --> 00:55:40,252
[COUGHS]
831
00:55:40,420 --> 00:55:43,339
I hear a band
I just wanna stand
832
00:55:48,887 --> 00:55:53,390
CLARK: We pass a goddamn gas station
every 1 00 yards for 1 ,000 miles.
833
00:55:53,558 --> 00:55:56,602
But when you really need one,
you end up walking your ass off.
834
00:55:56,770 --> 00:55:59,271
This is no way to run a desert.
835
00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:02,483
Jesus. l'm gonna die. That's it! l'm dying.
836
00:56:03,276 --> 00:56:05,361
What an asshole.
837
00:56:10,367 --> 00:56:12,701
CLARK:
Taxi. Taxi? Taxi!
838
00:56:12,869 --> 00:56:14,328
Dead. I'm dead.
839
00:56:14,496 --> 00:56:17,664
Taxi! Here boy.
840
00:56:17,916 --> 00:56:21,794
Heat. The heat.
I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm finished.
841
00:56:22,545 --> 00:56:24,046
[GRUNTlNG]
842
00:56:24,214 --> 00:56:25,672
Hot. Hot.
843
00:56:34,057 --> 00:56:35,891
Hot wrist.
844
00:56:39,354 --> 00:56:41,355
[MUTTERING]
845
00:56:43,316 --> 00:56:45,484
Mom, Mommy?
846
00:56:47,862 --> 00:56:51,657
[SCREAMlNG]
847
00:56:53,952 --> 00:56:55,953
ELLEN: I'm not sure of his exact height
and weight.
848
00:56:56,121 --> 00:56:58,372
All I know is the man
was a saint with children...
849
00:56:58,540 --> 00:57:00,332
...and a genius with food additives...
850
00:57:00,500 --> 00:57:02,501
...and he was-- Clark!
851
00:57:02,669 --> 00:57:03,877
[IN HOARSE VOlCE]
Ellen!
852
00:57:04,045 --> 00:57:05,796
[ELLEN SCREAMS]
853
00:57:05,964 --> 00:57:07,798
-l was so worried.
-Russ.
854
00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:09,925
ELLEN: What are you doing?
-Russ, Russ!
855
00:57:10,093 --> 00:57:12,845
Audrey? Audrey.
856
00:57:13,430 --> 00:57:15,347
Have you grown?
857
00:57:15,515 --> 00:57:17,850
ELLEN: Are you all right?
-l feel fine.
858
00:57:18,017 --> 00:57:19,768
What happened? How did you get here?
859
00:57:19,936 --> 00:57:23,147
Well, these two nice lndians
and a man on a camel called a tow truck.
860
00:57:23,314 --> 00:57:25,649
-Daddy's back.
-A camel?
861
00:57:25,817 --> 00:57:28,193
A camel. Hey, kids, are you thirsty?
862
00:57:28,361 --> 00:57:31,447
-Yeah, I bet you are, too.
-You said it.
863
00:57:33,783 --> 00:57:35,701
[HORN HONKlNG]
864
00:57:51,092 --> 00:57:54,386
Okay. What do l owe you?
865
00:57:54,637 --> 00:57:57,973
Never heard of no one so shit-all stupid
as you driving off that road.
866
00:57:58,141 --> 00:58:01,059
You must have got
manure for your brains.
867
00:58:01,227 --> 00:58:03,854
Yes, well, l'm from out of town.
868
00:58:04,022 --> 00:58:05,731
What's the bill?
869
00:58:05,899 --> 00:58:07,691
[CHUCKLES]
870
00:58:10,236 --> 00:58:11,612
Come on, come on. How much?
871
00:58:11,779 --> 00:58:13,071
How much you got?
872
00:58:13,239 --> 00:58:15,699
No, I'm asking how much the repairs are.
873
00:58:15,867 --> 00:58:18,911
And l'm asking you, how much you got?
874
00:58:20,538 --> 00:58:22,289
You're out of your mind.
875
00:58:22,749 --> 00:58:25,125
I don't have time to play around.
How much is it?
876
00:58:25,919 --> 00:58:27,878
All of it, boy.
877
00:58:29,464 --> 00:58:31,465
What does your sheriff think
of your business practices?
878
00:58:31,633 --> 00:58:33,342
[LAUGHlNG]
879
00:58:54,155 --> 00:58:56,949
Audrey, honey, how much
babysitting money do you have?
880
00:58:57,116 --> 00:58:59,284
-How come?
-How much?
881
00:58:59,452 --> 00:59:00,536
What's the matter?
882
00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:05,207
Nothing. I just spent $500
on four bald tires and a tow.
883
00:59:05,375 --> 00:59:06,750
How much do you have, Audrey?
884
00:59:08,253 --> 00:59:11,046
-Thirty-five.
-She has $40, Dad.
885
00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:13,924
How would you know
unless you went in my purse, you sneak?
886
00:59:14,092 --> 00:59:16,593
Have you been going through
her private property?
887
00:59:16,761 --> 00:59:19,137
I don't give a frog's fat ass
who went through what.
888
00:59:19,305 --> 00:59:20,973
We need money.
889
00:59:21,975 --> 00:59:23,934
Edna, how much do you have?
890
00:59:24,102 --> 00:59:25,811
She's asleep, Clark.
891
00:59:26,563 --> 00:59:28,730
Russ, wanna look through Edna's purse?
892
00:59:28,898 --> 00:59:30,691
Clark.
893
00:59:36,114 --> 00:59:37,656
CLARK:
Unzip it, Russ.
894
00:59:41,661 --> 00:59:44,288
RUSTY: She has 1 1 cents, Dad.
-Terrific.
895
00:59:44,455 --> 00:59:46,999
ELLEN:
The motel will cash your check.
896
00:59:47,166 --> 00:59:49,126
They better. We're gonna run out of gas.
897
00:59:53,881 --> 00:59:57,634
I'm sorry, sir.
I can't accept this credit card.
898
00:59:57,802 --> 01:00:00,846
-Why not?
-The computer says it's been reported lost.
899
01:00:01,014 --> 01:00:05,350
Oh, no. You see, my wife lost her cards
in Colorado and l had to report it.
900
01:00:05,518 --> 01:00:08,353
The computer is probably saying
I lost mine, which I haven't.
901
01:00:08,521 --> 01:00:11,607
Well, you'll have to straighten
that out with your bank.
902
01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:15,068
-Would you take a personal check?
-For how much?
903
01:00:15,236 --> 01:00:17,779
-Three-hundred dollars.
-l can't do that, sir.
904
01:00:17,947 --> 01:00:20,532
I've lost all my cash.
We're on our way to California.
905
01:00:20,700 --> 01:00:23,910
-Walley World?
-Yeah. Walley World.
906
01:00:24,078 --> 01:00:26,788
And l'm sort of stuck between a rock
and a hard place.
907
01:00:26,956 --> 01:00:31,043
-You know, l'd really appreciate it.
-Not without a major credit card.
908
01:00:33,504 --> 01:00:36,048
I have $6.1 3 to my name...
909
01:00:36,215 --> 01:00:38,884
...so l can see we're gonna
have to work something out.
910
01:00:39,052 --> 01:00:41,303
I've already told you
I can't accept a check...
911
01:00:41,471 --> 01:00:43,096
...without a major credit card.
912
01:00:43,264 --> 01:00:45,307
I'm making this out for $1 ,000.
913
01:00:45,475 --> 01:00:50,228
All you have to do is give me $300 in cash,
and keep $700...
914
01:00:50,396 --> 01:00:53,899
...all for doing nothing more
than acting like a total creep.
915
01:00:55,234 --> 01:00:56,735
The only thing I can do...
916
01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:59,863
...is have you stay here
until the check clears.
917
01:01:00,031 --> 01:01:02,491
Ten working days.
918
01:01:29,227 --> 01:01:32,229
Okay, let's go, come on. Ha-ha.
Where is Edna?
919
01:01:32,397 --> 01:01:34,815
-She's in the car.
-Good. Come on, get in the car.
920
01:01:34,982 --> 01:01:37,984
Don't you want to look
at the Grand Canyon?
921
01:01:39,404 --> 01:01:41,488
Great, let's go.
922
01:01:51,499 --> 01:01:53,542
Rusty, up and at them.
923
01:01:54,585 --> 01:01:55,836
What?
924
01:01:56,003 --> 01:01:58,755
Crack open those sandwiches
I got at the gas station.
925
01:01:58,923 --> 01:02:02,259
I'm so hungry, I could eat a sandwich
from a gas station. Ha-ha-ha.
926
01:02:03,386 --> 01:02:05,137
There's one for everyone.
927
01:02:05,304 --> 01:02:09,266
Audrey, wake up Aunt Edna.
It's time for her to eat and take her pill.
928
01:02:09,434 --> 01:02:11,935
Please, get off me.
929
01:02:12,103 --> 01:02:14,396
Mom, tell Audrey to quit pushing
Aunt Edna on me.
930
01:02:14,564 --> 01:02:16,857
I'm sick of her lying on me all the time.
931
01:02:17,316 --> 01:02:19,317
Be quiet.
932
01:02:19,819 --> 01:02:22,946
-Auntie?
-Honey, it's only a few hours to Phoenix.
933
01:02:23,114 --> 01:02:26,032
-Let her be, she's fine.
-She's not fine.
934
01:02:26,743 --> 01:02:28,410
CLARK:
She's fine. Don't be silly.
935
01:02:28,578 --> 01:02:31,037
She's not fine, Clark.
936
01:02:31,205 --> 01:02:32,414
She's dead.
937
01:02:32,665 --> 01:02:34,332
[TlRES SQUEALING]
938
01:02:39,422 --> 01:02:40,464
[CLARK MUTTERING]
939
01:02:40,631 --> 01:02:42,841
AUDREY: She breathed on me.
A dead person breathed on me.
940
01:02:43,009 --> 01:02:45,594
RUSTY: Her hand touched me.
She's stiff already. Ugh.
941
01:02:48,723 --> 01:02:50,015
CLARK:
Ugh.
942
01:02:57,231 --> 01:02:58,857
Goddamn it, anyway.
943
01:03:08,409 --> 01:03:12,037
She must have passed away
somewhere near Flagstaff.
944
01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:15,916
What are we going to do, Clark?
945
01:03:18,377 --> 01:03:20,712
We could leave her here.
The first phone we pass...
946
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:23,548
...we could call your cousin
and he could come and get her.
947
01:03:23,716 --> 01:03:25,425
That's the meanest, coldest--
948
01:03:25,593 --> 01:03:27,803
What do you want me to do,
call Federal Express?
949
01:03:27,970 --> 01:03:30,472
We don't have to ride
with a dead person, do we?
950
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:32,015
Please say we don't.
951
01:03:32,183 --> 01:03:34,392
It'd be real easy for Cousin Normie
to find her.
952
01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:37,020
All he'd have to do
is look for the buzzards.
953
01:03:37,188 --> 01:03:40,607
Hell. We'll drive her to Cousin Normie's,
for Pete's sake.
954
01:03:40,775 --> 01:03:44,402
I just didn't want to get caught up
in a funeral, inquests and all that crap.
955
01:03:44,570 --> 01:03:49,866
You are the most self-centered,
egotistical, manipulative--
956
01:03:50,034 --> 01:03:52,410
Don't say anything you'll regret, Ellen.
957
01:03:52,578 --> 01:03:54,996
I'm being practical.
If we drove straight through...
958
01:03:55,164 --> 01:03:58,208
...we'd have three days
at Walley World at best. Three.
959
01:04:00,795 --> 01:04:03,255
She can't weigh more than 1 00 pounds.
960
01:04:03,506 --> 01:04:06,466
Oh, no. You can't put her up on that roof.
961
01:04:06,634 --> 01:04:07,843
Yes, he can.
962
01:04:08,010 --> 01:04:11,930
You want me to strap her to the hood?
What's the difference? She'll be fine.
963
01:04:12,098 --> 01:04:14,599
It's not as if it's going to rain
or something.
964
01:04:15,643 --> 01:04:17,769
[THUNDER CRASHlNG]
965
01:04:41,085 --> 01:04:44,838
ELLEN:
This is terrible. Ugh.
966
01:04:45,006 --> 01:04:47,424
What a nightmare.
967
01:05:00,897 --> 01:05:02,898
[RlNGlNG DOORBELL]
968
01:05:03,274 --> 01:05:05,650
Don't just blurt it out about Edna dying.
969
01:05:05,818 --> 01:05:08,486
How about if I ask him
to play twenty questions?
970
01:05:11,115 --> 01:05:12,616
[RlNGlNG DOORBELL]
971
01:05:16,579 --> 01:05:20,790
-Oh, for Christ's sake, he isn't even home.
-Maybe the neighbors know where he is.
972
01:05:20,958 --> 01:05:24,836
-Moron knows we're coming and isn't home.
-Normie's always been flighty.
973
01:05:25,004 --> 01:05:27,547
-He's always been a jag-off.
-Will you watch your mouth?
974
01:05:27,715 --> 01:05:29,174
There's a note.
975
01:05:30,509 --> 01:05:33,428
"Have gone to Flagstaff.
Be back on Monday."
976
01:05:34,055 --> 01:05:35,722
Jeez, what a worm.
977
01:05:54,283 --> 01:05:59,371
ELLEN:
Oh-- Darn, it's locked.
978
01:06:03,376 --> 01:06:05,293
Okay, let's go.
979
01:06:05,962 --> 01:06:08,171
We can't leave her on the patio.
980
01:06:09,048 --> 01:06:12,550
You rather l slip her in the night-deposit
box at the funeral home? Come on.
981
01:06:12,718 --> 01:06:15,053
It's raining all over her.
982
01:06:15,221 --> 01:06:17,889
She can't catch a cold now, Mom.
983
01:06:18,724 --> 01:06:21,476
Clark, we have to at least say something.
984
01:06:21,644 --> 01:06:24,437
Okay, bow your heads, bow your heads.
985
01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:26,648
Oh, God.
986
01:06:27,858 --> 01:06:30,819
Ease our suffering in this,
our moment of great despair.
987
01:06:30,987 --> 01:06:35,782
Yea, admit this good and decent woman
into thine arms and the flock...
988
01:06:35,950 --> 01:06:38,034
...in thine heavenly area up there.
989
01:06:39,912 --> 01:06:43,832
And Moab he laidest down
behind the land of the Canaanites.
990
01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:47,627
And, yea, though the Hindus speak
of karma--
991
01:06:47,795 --> 01:06:49,963
-Clark.
-l implore you...
992
01:06:50,131 --> 01:06:52,674
-...give her a break.
-Clark.
993
01:06:53,134 --> 01:06:55,135
[SINGlNG]
994
01:06:58,931 --> 01:07:01,766
Clark, this is a serious matter.
I'll do it myself.
995
01:07:01,934 --> 01:07:06,146
Honey, l'm not an ordained minister.
I'm doing my best, okay?
996
01:07:06,647 --> 01:07:10,275
Lord, we love this woman
with all our hearts.
997
01:07:10,443 --> 01:07:13,278
-Let's not overdo it, Mom.
-Shut up.
998
01:07:13,446 --> 01:07:15,905
We know she deserves better than this...
999
01:07:16,073 --> 01:07:20,201
...but my husband wants his beloved family
to get to Walley World...
1000
01:07:20,369 --> 01:07:21,953
...to have their vacation.
1001
01:07:22,121 --> 01:07:25,081
I hope you understand.
Have mercy on his soul.
1002
01:07:25,249 --> 01:07:27,542
Amen. Let's go. Come on.
1003
01:07:27,710 --> 01:07:30,754
I hope you kids have learned
something about life and death.
1004
01:07:30,921 --> 01:07:34,090
AUDREY:
Yeah. Don't die unless somebody's home.
1005
01:07:35,801 --> 01:07:39,137
Normie will understand when he sees
the note we pinned on Edna's sleeve.
1006
01:07:39,305 --> 01:07:43,308
Sure. You left his dead mother
tied to a lawn chair in his backyard.
1007
01:07:43,476 --> 01:07:45,560
I'm sure he won't mind.
1008
01:07:45,728 --> 01:07:47,645
Look, it's all over and done with.
1009
01:07:47,813 --> 01:07:51,066
We'll find a place to stay and start fresh
in the morning. It's fine.
1010
01:07:51,233 --> 01:07:54,027
I don't want to be in the car anymore.
I want to go home.
1011
01:07:54,195 --> 01:07:55,987
I don't want to go to Walley World.
1012
01:07:56,155 --> 01:07:59,866
Clark, under the circumstances,
I wouldn't mind if we just went home.
1013
01:08:00,034 --> 01:08:02,744
In retrospect, it seems like
a pretty bad idea driving out.
1014
01:08:02,912 --> 01:08:04,954
It's been one disaster after another.
1015
01:08:05,122 --> 01:08:07,999
Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad.
1016
01:08:08,167 --> 01:08:10,335
Maybe we can try it some other time.
1017
01:08:10,503 --> 01:08:14,506
-Walley World's overrated anyway.
-What do you think?
1018
01:08:14,673 --> 01:08:16,591
[TlRES SQUEAL
1019
01:08:18,260 --> 01:08:20,345
I think you're all fucked in the head.
1020
01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:24,057
We're ten hours from the fucking
fun park and you want to bail out.
1021
01:08:24,225 --> 01:08:27,018
Well, l'll tell you something.
This is no longer a vacation.
1022
01:08:27,186 --> 01:08:29,646
It's a quest. lt's a quest for fun.
1023
01:08:30,397 --> 01:08:32,482
I'm gonna have fun
and you're gonna have fun.
1024
01:08:32,650 --> 01:08:34,609
We're all gonna have
so much fucking fun...
1025
01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:37,654
...we'll need plastic surgery
to remove our goddamn smiles.
1026
01:08:37,822 --> 01:08:41,282
You'll be whistling "zippity-doo-dah"
out of your assholes.
1027
01:08:41,450 --> 01:08:42,575
[LAUGHS]
1028
01:08:42,743 --> 01:08:45,787
I gotta be crazy. l'm on a pilgrimage
to see a moose.
1029
01:08:45,955 --> 01:08:49,791
Praise Marty Moose. Holy shit.
1030
01:08:50,793 --> 01:08:52,710
Dad, do you want
an aspirin or something?
1031
01:08:53,546 --> 01:08:54,712
Don't touch.
1032
01:09:09,270 --> 01:09:11,229
Next time you have
one of your outbursts...
1033
01:09:11,397 --> 01:09:14,399
...l'd appreciate if you'd have
some consideration for your kids.
1034
01:09:14,567 --> 01:09:16,818
-What are you talking about?
-You don't know?
1035
01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:20,155
All I know is l'm trying to treat my family
to a little fun.
1036
01:09:20,322 --> 01:09:22,740
Spare me, Clark.
I know your brand of family fun.
1037
01:09:22,908 --> 01:09:26,119
Tomorrow you'll probably
kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonald's...
1038
01:09:26,287 --> 01:09:30,540
...and drive us a thousand miles out of the
way to see the world's largest ball of mud.
1039
01:09:30,708 --> 01:09:33,001
You know what your problem is, Ellen?
1040
01:09:34,253 --> 01:09:38,131
You have a knack for looking at the
dark side of things. That's your problem.
1041
01:09:39,466 --> 01:09:41,885
You wouldn't know a good time
if it bit you.
1042
01:09:42,052 --> 01:09:44,929
-Where are you going?
-What do you care?
1043
01:09:50,102 --> 01:09:51,644
[PIANO PLAYlNG JAZZ MUSIC]
1044
01:09:51,812 --> 01:09:53,813
[PEOPLE CHATTERlNG]
1045
01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:18,630
[INAUDIBLE DlALOGUE]
1046
01:11:16,063 --> 01:11:18,398
Waiting for someone?
1047
01:11:19,233 --> 01:11:22,568
No. Ahem.
Do you mind if l sit down?
1048
01:11:22,736 --> 01:11:24,070
[CHUCKLES]
1049
01:11:24,405 --> 01:11:26,322
Fancy seeing you here.
1050
01:11:26,865 --> 01:11:29,659
Having a nice little family vacation?
1051
01:11:32,246 --> 01:11:34,789
[CHUCKLlNG]
Oh. No.
1052
01:11:34,957 --> 01:11:37,792
It would appear so, wouldn't it? No, no.
1053
01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:41,587
No, the truth of it is,
and this is highly confidential...
1054
01:11:42,047 --> 01:11:44,132
...l own this motel.
1055
01:11:45,134 --> 01:11:49,137
Own the whole chain, nationwide.
Twenty-two hundred units.
1056
01:11:50,347 --> 01:11:53,933
Yeah, once a year,
I travel across the country, incognito.
1057
01:11:54,101 --> 01:11:56,644
Check things out,
and see how the operation is running.
1058
01:11:56,812 --> 01:11:59,355
I thought you were gonna say
you worked for the CIA.
1059
01:11:59,815 --> 01:12:01,524
[LAUGHS]
1060
01:12:02,192 --> 01:12:04,819
-That's an old bit, huh?
-Really.
1061
01:12:04,987 --> 01:12:07,864
Oh, no. No, l'm not with the ClA.
1062
01:12:08,032 --> 01:12:10,908
I was, but that was a long time ago.
1063
01:12:11,076 --> 01:12:13,661
I don't like to talk about it, really.
1064
01:12:14,038 --> 01:12:17,290
No, I'm mostly interested
in my motels now.
1065
01:12:17,458 --> 01:12:20,168
-And my airline.
-That's great.
1066
01:12:20,336 --> 01:12:22,587
I'm just trying to have a little fun.
1067
01:12:22,755 --> 01:12:24,922
It's too bad you're married.
1068
01:12:25,090 --> 01:12:27,050
I'm in the mood for some fun.
1069
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:29,177
Married?
1070
01:12:29,345 --> 01:12:31,929
Oh, you mean those people l'm with?
1071
01:12:32,097 --> 01:12:34,182
That's my brother's family.
1072
01:12:34,350 --> 01:12:35,850
My brother's ring.
1073
01:12:36,018 --> 01:12:39,854
I usually borrow them on
these little inspection tours of mine.
1074
01:12:40,606 --> 01:12:44,650
It sort of helps to complete the disguise.
It's fun for them.
1075
01:12:44,818 --> 01:12:48,154
It's a good disguise.
I like the station-wagon effect.
1076
01:12:48,322 --> 01:12:51,366
Yeah? Well, that's a big part of it.
1077
01:12:51,533 --> 01:12:56,579
You know, in order to be convincing, you
have to look and act like an ordinary jerk.
1078
01:12:58,374 --> 01:13:02,627
You know, stop at all the stupid sites
and look like a fool.
1079
01:13:03,253 --> 01:13:05,546
Basically, be yourself?
1080
01:13:05,714 --> 01:13:07,298
Yeah.
1081
01:13:07,800 --> 01:13:09,926
You like the disguise?
1082
01:13:13,889 --> 01:13:18,309
CLARK: Yeah, my credo is,
if you have to have a credo...
1083
01:13:18,477 --> 01:13:21,187
...you know, "Go for it," pretty much.
1084
01:13:21,355 --> 01:13:25,691
You only go around this crazy
merry-go-round once. You know?
1085
01:13:25,859 --> 01:13:28,528
-l agree.
-Yeah.
1086
01:13:31,281 --> 01:13:33,199
[INHALES SHARPLY]
1087
01:13:33,492 --> 01:13:35,618
Yeah, that's my credo.
1088
01:13:39,331 --> 01:13:42,250
You don't have to have a credo, but....
1089
01:13:42,418 --> 01:13:43,709
If the fur fits, wear it.
1090
01:13:43,877 --> 01:13:47,380
A penny saved, pennies from heaven.
1091
01:13:47,548 --> 01:13:51,300
My favorite credo, oh, ha-ha...
1092
01:13:54,388 --> 01:13:58,433
...um, you know, a penny saved, and....
1093
01:13:58,600 --> 01:14:00,101
Thank you.
1094
01:14:00,269 --> 01:14:01,853
WATER SPLASHlNG]
1095
01:14:04,565 --> 01:14:07,024
Wow. This feels great.
1096
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:10,736
Well...
1097
01:14:10,904 --> 01:14:12,864
...are you gonna go for it?
1098
01:14:13,699 --> 01:14:15,283
Uh-- Here?
1099
01:14:15,451 --> 01:14:17,410
For starters, sure.
1100
01:14:17,578 --> 01:14:20,580
Why not? Don't you swim?
1101
01:14:20,747 --> 01:14:22,540
Oh, sure. Ha-ha.
1102
01:14:22,708 --> 01:14:27,795
Sure, l took third in the state finals
in my senior year.
1103
01:14:28,172 --> 01:14:30,756
Yeah, l swim. Heck, yes.
1104
01:14:30,924 --> 01:14:34,177
Oh, yeah, I feel completely at ease
in the water.
1105
01:14:34,344 --> 01:14:36,721
Yeah, l....
1106
01:14:36,889 --> 01:14:38,848
I'm proficient in many strokes and l dive.
1107
01:14:39,016 --> 01:14:41,976
As a matter of fact,
I could've been in the Olympics.
1108
01:14:42,728 --> 01:14:47,106
Yeah, uh.... Yeah, l'll be right there.
1109
01:14:47,816 --> 01:14:49,275
Yeah.
1110
01:14:50,402 --> 01:14:53,321
This is crazy, this is crazy,
this is crazy.
1111
01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:55,323
[EXHALES]
1112
01:14:55,491 --> 01:14:57,700
-How's the water?
-Exhilarating.
1113
01:14:58,785 --> 01:15:01,954
I'm in deep, I'm in deep.
1114
01:15:06,126 --> 01:15:07,960
Ah! Cold!
1115
01:15:08,128 --> 01:15:11,172
Jesus. Fuck. Ah!
1116
01:15:11,882 --> 01:15:13,424
Clark?
1117
01:15:13,592 --> 01:15:14,842
CLARK:
Cold!
1118
01:15:15,802 --> 01:15:17,386
Jesus! Ah!
1119
01:15:25,395 --> 01:15:27,063
Clark?
1120
01:15:27,648 --> 01:15:30,149
-Hi, honey.
-What are you doing?
1121
01:15:30,317 --> 01:15:31,484
Uh-- Swimming.
1122
01:15:31,652 --> 01:15:34,946
Yeah, my back was killing me.
1123
01:15:35,113 --> 01:15:38,991
I thought, you know, a good hot swim
would loosen up the muscles.
1124
01:15:39,159 --> 01:15:42,286
Why go to the car and get
the bathing suit? Jump right in.
1125
01:15:42,996 --> 01:15:44,830
It's exhilarating.
1126
01:15:44,998 --> 01:15:49,043
Guess what, honey?
This person here was here.
1127
01:15:49,461 --> 01:15:51,587
I didn't see this person...
1128
01:15:51,755 --> 01:15:55,299
...so l screamed, that's why l yelled.
I was so surprised.
1129
01:15:55,467 --> 01:15:57,969
You can imagine, can't you, honey?
1130
01:16:01,932 --> 01:16:02,974
Honey?
1131
01:16:03,141 --> 01:16:04,350
[DOOR CLOSES]
1132
01:16:13,819 --> 01:16:15,194
Uh....
1133
01:16:16,154 --> 01:16:17,989
Will you excuse me?
1134
01:16:18,156 --> 01:16:19,365
If you have to go.
1135
01:16:20,784 --> 01:16:23,578
Well, l'd stay if l weren't married,
but I am.
1136
01:16:23,745 --> 01:16:25,329
I know.
1137
01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:30,334
-l hope l didn't spoil your evening.
-No, it's been interesting.
1138
01:16:31,211 --> 01:16:33,170
Well, enjoy the rest of your trip.
1139
01:16:33,338 --> 01:16:34,964
You, too.
1140
01:16:38,844 --> 01:16:40,845
[ALL CHATTERING]
1141
01:16:43,682 --> 01:16:46,017
I can't believe this.
1142
01:16:46,768 --> 01:16:50,229
I am so humiliated.
1143
01:16:51,857 --> 01:16:54,358
Cut it out, Audrey. You don't even know
how to inhale.
1144
01:16:54,526 --> 01:16:55,985
So?
1145
01:16:56,153 --> 01:16:58,279
Maybe I don't want to.
1146
01:16:58,447 --> 01:17:00,823
You're such a dork, Audrey.
1147
01:17:01,867 --> 01:17:04,493
How can he do this to Mom?
1148
01:17:05,037 --> 01:17:07,246
They'll probably get a divorce.
1149
01:17:07,414 --> 01:17:08,914
I'd better go talk to him.
1150
01:17:13,795 --> 01:17:15,880
-Hey, squirt.
-Hey, Dad.
1151
01:17:16,048 --> 01:17:17,131
What are you doing up?
1152
01:17:18,383 --> 01:17:20,259
You woke the whole motel up, Dad.
1153
01:17:21,762 --> 01:17:23,137
Oh. Ha-ha-ha.
1154
01:17:23,305 --> 01:17:25,014
I was swimming.
1155
01:17:25,182 --> 01:17:26,432
Yeah, l saw you.
1156
01:17:28,560 --> 01:17:30,394
Russ, come here a minute.
1157
01:17:32,064 --> 01:17:33,105
[SIGHS]
1158
01:17:33,273 --> 01:17:34,440
Russ...
1159
01:17:34,608 --> 01:17:37,485
...you know l wouldn't do anything
to hurt your mom.
1160
01:17:38,904 --> 01:17:41,405
It's been a long drive...
1161
01:17:42,407 --> 01:17:43,741
...and, jeez, I work....
1162
01:17:43,909 --> 01:17:48,079
I work very hard for you
and Audrey and your mom.
1163
01:17:50,499 --> 01:17:54,669
I guess when you get older
you get these feelings...
1164
01:17:55,212 --> 01:17:59,548
...and these feelings make you do things
you wouldn't normally do.
1165
01:18:00,008 --> 01:18:03,511
-Like swimming naked with girls?
-Yeah. Like swimming naked with girls.
1166
01:18:03,679 --> 01:18:06,430
Well, not with girls.
You think I was swimming with girls?
1167
01:18:06,598 --> 01:18:09,558
It was just one girl. l saw that girl.
1168
01:18:09,726 --> 01:18:10,976
Who, that girl?
1169
01:18:11,144 --> 01:18:13,938
Oh, no, that's a waitress.
No, I was just ordering in.
1170
01:18:14,106 --> 01:18:16,774
She's a pool waitress. l was...
1171
01:18:16,942 --> 01:18:20,361
...ordering some fish for you
and Audrey and Mom.
1172
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:23,948
-She took your order?
-She took my order, yeah. Ha-ha.
1173
01:18:24,116 --> 01:18:26,158
Swimming waitress.
1174
01:18:26,326 --> 01:18:27,952
You understand, don't you, Russ?
1175
01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:31,122
Sure, l understand.
1176
01:18:31,456 --> 01:18:33,541
Do you think Mom will buy it?
1177
01:18:35,627 --> 01:18:37,586
Good talk, son.
1178
01:18:38,714 --> 01:18:40,589
Go to bed, Russ.
1179
01:18:40,966 --> 01:18:42,466
Goodnight.
1180
01:18:46,513 --> 01:18:53,144
Ellen?
1181
01:18:53,395 --> 01:18:54,937
Honey?
1182
01:18:57,399 --> 01:18:59,024
Are you mad?
1183
01:18:59,901 --> 01:19:01,652
No.
1184
01:19:03,155 --> 01:19:05,322
Do you like that girl?
1185
01:19:06,241 --> 01:19:08,159
Is that what you want?
1186
01:19:08,326 --> 01:19:11,537
Oh, no. No, no, no.
1187
01:19:11,705 --> 01:19:13,956
How could I like a girl like that?
1188
01:19:14,124 --> 01:19:16,000
She's ugly.
1189
01:19:16,877 --> 01:19:18,669
I love you.
1190
01:19:21,423 --> 01:19:24,049
I'm sorry about evetything.
1191
01:19:24,217 --> 01:19:26,510
I got angry because you were right
and l knew it.
1192
01:19:26,678 --> 01:19:28,512
I was hurt, honey.
1193
01:19:28,680 --> 01:19:31,599
I'm sorry, too. lt's not all your fault.
1194
01:19:31,767 --> 01:19:33,559
I know you've been trying.
1195
01:19:33,727 --> 01:19:36,020
I'm gonna try, too.
1196
01:19:37,773 --> 01:19:39,857
I know how to have fun.
1197
01:19:40,692 --> 01:19:42,526
And l'm going to prove it.
1198
01:19:43,278 --> 01:19:45,988
-Come on. Come on. Come on.
-Ellen? What are we doing?
1199
01:19:46,156 --> 01:19:48,532
Honey, you don't have
to prove anything to me.
1200
01:19:48,700 --> 01:19:52,328
Come on, Clark.
I want us to have some fun together.
1201
01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:56,373
-Come on.
-The water's very--
1202
01:19:57,042 --> 01:19:58,959
ELLEN:
Fuck! Aah!
1203
01:20:04,007 --> 01:20:05,049
Ooh!
1204
01:20:05,926 --> 01:20:12,681
Aah!
1205
01:20:29,908 --> 01:20:32,159
CLARK:
We must be getting close.
1206
01:20:32,327 --> 01:20:34,745
We're almost there.
Everybody just take it easy.
1207
01:20:34,913 --> 01:20:38,374
Just take it easy. We're gonna be there.
1208
01:20:40,752 --> 01:20:44,547
I know we're getting close.
What is that? What is that?
1209
01:20:44,714 --> 01:20:46,131
There it is.
1210
01:20:46,299 --> 01:20:47,800
Walley World, next three exits.
1211
01:20:47,968 --> 01:20:51,136
-Dad! Whoa!
-Walley World!
1212
01:20:52,472 --> 01:20:54,932
We made it, damn it. We made it.
1213
01:20:55,934 --> 01:20:59,186
The Griswolds are one hell
of a family, huh? We made it!
1214
01:20:59,437 --> 01:21:01,438
[FAMlLY CHATTERING]
1215
01:21:02,440 --> 01:21:05,401
Don't get too much sun, now.
Watch out. Watch out.
1216
01:21:09,239 --> 01:21:10,531
Oh.
1217
01:21:10,699 --> 01:21:12,449
It's beautiful.
1218
01:21:12,617 --> 01:21:15,244
It's just beautiful.
1219
01:21:16,288 --> 01:21:18,706
Oh, darling.
1220
01:21:20,709 --> 01:21:25,796
-We made it.
-You did it, Clark. Sparky.
1221
01:21:25,964 --> 01:21:28,465
I love you guys. l love. l love.
1222
01:21:42,105 --> 01:21:44,732
CLARK:
Aah. First ones here. First ones here.
1223
01:21:47,861 --> 01:21:49,695
First ones here.
1224
01:21:49,863 --> 01:21:52,156
ELLEN:
But we're so far away, Clark.
1225
01:21:52,324 --> 01:21:55,659
Right, right. And at the end of the day,
when the lot's all full...
1226
01:21:55,827 --> 01:21:59,455
...and everybody's fighting to get out,
we'll be the first ones out, too.
1227
01:22:00,832 --> 01:22:05,169
Why? Because we're the Griswolds.
1228
01:22:05,670 --> 01:22:07,171
[BOTH LAUGH]
1229
01:22:07,339 --> 01:22:09,173
Come on, l'll race you.
1230
01:23:19,911 --> 01:23:22,454
MARTY [ON RECORDlNG]: Sorry, folks.
We're closed for two weeks...
1231
01:23:22,622 --> 01:23:27,084
...to clean and repair
America's favorite family fun park. Sorry.
1232
01:23:27,252 --> 01:23:28,919
[MARTY CHUCKLES]
1233
01:23:29,087 --> 01:23:30,379
[CHUCKLES]
1234
01:23:32,132 --> 01:23:33,340
[DlSTORTED VOlCE]
Sorry, folks. We're closed....
1235
01:23:33,508 --> 01:23:35,467
Clark. What are you doing?
1236
01:23:35,635 --> 01:23:37,678
We watch his program.
1237
01:23:37,846 --> 01:23:40,931
We buy his toys. We go to his movies.
He owes us.
1238
01:23:41,099 --> 01:23:42,975
Doesn't he owe us, huh?
1239
01:23:43,143 --> 01:23:44,768
He owes the Griswolds, right?
1240
01:23:44,936 --> 01:23:46,603
Fucking A right, he owes us.
1241
01:23:46,771 --> 01:23:49,523
-Clark, you're scaring me.
-Don't be scared.
1242
01:23:49,691 --> 01:23:52,568
I just think somebody owes us
an explanation, that's all.
1243
01:23:52,736 --> 01:23:56,989
-Come on. Come on, come on.
-Clark, now just a minute.
1244
01:24:02,162 --> 01:24:03,746
[TlRES SCREECHING]
1245
01:24:03,913 --> 01:24:04,955
[ENGINE BACKFIRES]
1246
01:24:16,051 --> 01:24:18,552
Honey, you wanna check the mileage
for me, please?
1247
01:24:18,720 --> 01:24:21,346
ELLEN: Where are you going?
-l'll be right back.
1248
01:24:21,514 --> 01:24:23,474
I'm just gonna get some sporting goods.
1249
01:24:23,641 --> 01:24:25,476
[HORNS HONKING]
1250
01:24:25,643 --> 01:24:27,603
CLARK:
Thank you, thank you.
1251
01:24:35,487 --> 01:24:37,446
ELLEN:
Clark, will you listen to me?
1252
01:24:37,614 --> 01:24:40,824
Let's just find a hotel. I'll call my parents,
they'll wire us money.
1253
01:24:40,992 --> 01:24:43,494
We can fly home and forget
this vacation ever happened.
1254
01:24:43,661 --> 01:24:47,164
Honey, relax. l told you l'm not angry
anymore. l'm in complete control.
1255
01:24:47,332 --> 01:24:50,167
I'm sure they're not repairing every ride
at the same time.
1256
01:24:50,335 --> 01:24:53,253
I think they owe us a little explanation
and a little fun, okay?
1257
01:24:53,421 --> 01:24:56,507
Whatever happens, just trust me.
Will you just trust me? Huh, kids?
1258
01:25:02,472 --> 01:25:06,141
Sorry, folks, park's closed.
The moose out front should have told you.
1259
01:25:06,309 --> 01:25:09,812
-Yes, we're here to see Mr. Roy Walley.
-What is your name, sir?
1260
01:25:09,979 --> 01:25:12,106
Clark W. Griswold.
1261
01:25:14,692 --> 01:25:16,318
What's this regarding, Mr. Gristle?
1262
01:25:16,486 --> 01:25:19,905
We're here, public relations--
Summer inspection.
1263
01:25:20,073 --> 01:25:22,324
-Personal matter. lnspection.
-Ah.
1264
01:25:25,703 --> 01:25:29,873
Well, nobody notified
this office of anything.
1265
01:25:30,041 --> 01:25:32,251
Well, l'm notifying you.
1266
01:25:32,418 --> 01:25:34,545
I'm afraid I'm gonna need
more than that, sir.
1267
01:25:34,712 --> 01:25:36,547
Okey-dokey. How's this?
1268
01:25:36,714 --> 01:25:38,173
WHlMPERS]
1269
01:25:38,341 --> 01:25:41,677
Clark, have you lost your mind?
Where did you get that?
1270
01:25:41,845 --> 01:25:44,138
Sporting goods store.
You listen to me, fat ass.
1271
01:25:44,305 --> 01:25:46,557
Do what I say
and there won't be any problem, okay?
1272
01:25:46,724 --> 01:25:51,061
We just drove 2460 miles,
just for a little Roy Walley entertainment.
1273
01:25:51,229 --> 01:25:53,397
The moose says you're closed.
I say you're open.
1274
01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:56,024
We're not really violent people.
1275
01:25:56,192 --> 01:25:58,026
This is our first gun.
1276
01:25:58,194 --> 01:26:00,070
CLARK:
No, it isn't.
1277
01:26:00,530 --> 01:26:03,615
-What's going on here?
-You. Freeze. Freeze.
1278
01:26:03,783 --> 01:26:06,493
Sit! Sit, come on.
1279
01:26:06,661 --> 01:26:09,371
Lie down. Let's go, lie down.
1280
01:26:10,415 --> 01:26:11,874
Roll over.
1281
01:26:12,417 --> 01:26:13,834
Stay.
1282
01:26:15,587 --> 01:26:19,590
Okay. Okay. Let's ride.
Let's ride. Come on.
1283
01:26:19,757 --> 01:26:21,258
Stay.
1284
01:26:24,888 --> 01:26:28,098
Yee-hoo. This is scary, isn't it?
1285
01:26:28,266 --> 01:26:31,435
Make sure you keep your hands
on the handlebars at all times.
1286
01:26:31,603 --> 01:26:34,646
-We don't want any accidents.
-ls that a real gun, Mom?
1287
01:26:34,814 --> 01:26:38,400
I don't know, Rusty.
But when this is all over...
1288
01:26:38,568 --> 01:26:41,195
...your father may be going away
for a little while.
1289
01:26:41,362 --> 01:26:44,948
Boy, l sure am bushed.
Have you had enough yet, sir?
1290
01:26:45,116 --> 01:26:46,992
What do you mean, bushed?
1291
01:26:47,160 --> 01:26:48,952
Where are the big rides? The big ones?
1292
01:26:54,751 --> 01:26:57,211
Screamie Mimi! Let's go. Get in the front.
1293
01:26:57,378 --> 01:26:58,795
Come on.
1294
01:26:59,547 --> 01:27:00,797
Huh?
1295
01:27:02,884 --> 01:27:05,385
Has your father
ever killed anyone before?
1296
01:27:05,553 --> 01:27:08,347
Oh, just a dog. Oh, and my Aunt Edna.
1297
01:27:08,514 --> 01:27:11,850
-Hey. You can't prove that, Rusty.
-Ooh.
1298
01:27:13,853 --> 01:27:16,480
Rusty? May l call you Rusty?
1299
01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:19,399
I had a bad experience
on this ride once before.
1300
01:27:19,567 --> 01:27:20,984
What happened?
1301
01:27:21,152 --> 01:27:22,236
I threw up.
1302
01:27:28,326 --> 01:27:30,327
WHlMPERlNG]
1303
01:27:37,835 --> 01:27:39,920
No, don't do that again.
1304
01:27:51,015 --> 01:28:38,020
[SCREAMlNG]
1305
01:28:49,615 --> 01:28:51,616
[CHATTERlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY
1306
01:29:17,352 --> 01:29:20,729
Goodie, goodie, goodie! The Loop-D-Loop.
Come on, get in there. Let's go.
1307
01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:23,106
-Please, don't push.
-Come on, Audrey.
1308
01:29:23,274 --> 01:29:25,359
Isn't this fun, honey? Come on.
1309
01:29:27,403 --> 01:29:29,821
That's not a real gun, is it, Clark?
1310
01:29:29,989 --> 01:29:32,074
What? Are you kidding?
This is a Magnum P.I.
1311
01:29:32,241 --> 01:29:33,825
It's a BB gun.
1312
01:29:33,993 --> 01:29:36,119
Don't try me. I could put an eye out
with this.
1313
01:29:36,287 --> 01:29:39,790
-You couldn't break the skin with that.
-lt could. lt could break the skin.
1314
01:29:39,957 --> 01:29:42,542
It could lodge under the skin
and cause a bad infection.
1315
01:29:42,710 --> 01:29:46,129
-That's an old wives' tale, Clark. I'm telling.
-You're not going--
1316
01:29:46,297 --> 01:29:48,465
-Ooh!
-Clark.
1317
01:29:48,633 --> 01:29:50,300
See, l told you. l warned you.
1318
01:29:50,468 --> 01:29:52,803
If you wrecked these pants,
you're paying for them.
1319
01:29:52,970 --> 01:29:55,847
Yeah, l'll pay for them.
You'll pay for them.
1320
01:29:56,557 --> 01:29:59,142
LASKY: Why did you shoot me?
CLARK: lt's a BB gun. l told you.
1321
01:29:59,310 --> 01:30:00,936
LASKY: Well it hurt.
-What do you want?
1322
01:30:01,104 --> 01:30:03,105
-Why'd you shoot me?
-You tried to run away.
1323
01:30:03,272 --> 01:30:05,399
LASKY: l wasn't going anywhere.
CLARK: l thought you were.
1324
01:30:05,566 --> 01:30:06,900
RUSTY:
This is great, Dad!
1325
01:30:10,405 --> 01:30:12,239
[SCREAMlNG]
1326
01:30:27,004 --> 01:30:28,964
[CLARK LAUGHING]
1327
01:30:40,476 --> 01:30:42,477
-Whoa.
-Ow!
1328
01:30:43,604 --> 01:30:45,147
[ALL SCREAMING]
1329
01:31:02,623 --> 01:31:04,624
[CHATTERlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY]
1330
01:31:08,212 --> 01:31:09,504
Freeze!
1331
01:31:13,134 --> 01:31:14,384
Don't shoot.
1332
01:31:15,303 --> 01:31:17,053
MAN:
You, out.
1333
01:31:17,221 --> 01:31:20,056
All right, hands behind your heads.
1334
01:31:20,224 --> 01:31:22,267
Spread your legs apart.
1335
01:31:22,435 --> 01:31:25,687
And up against the wall.
You two, over there.
1336
01:31:28,858 --> 01:31:31,651
-Just a BB gun.
-You're all under arrest.
1337
01:31:31,819 --> 01:31:33,904
You have the right to remain silent.
1338
01:31:34,071 --> 01:31:37,616
-lf you give up the right to remain silent--
-Watch your hands, mister.
1339
01:31:37,783 --> 01:31:39,743
--in a court of law.
1340
01:31:44,207 --> 01:31:47,501
How many are there? A lot of them?
What, five? What, are they Arabs?
1341
01:31:47,668 --> 01:31:49,961
Whatever they want, pay them.
We'll pay them.
1342
01:31:50,129 --> 01:31:52,255
-What's going on?
-We've got it under control.
1343
01:31:52,423 --> 01:31:54,090
-These people are terrorists.
-Where?
1344
01:31:54,258 --> 01:31:55,467
-There.
-Them?
1345
01:31:55,635 --> 01:31:58,386
LASKY: Hello, Mr. Walley.
-He treated me like a dog, Mr. Walley.
1346
01:31:58,554 --> 01:32:01,473
-He humiliated my human decency!
-What did he do with your dog?
1347
01:32:01,641 --> 01:32:04,601
He kidnapped me, but l wanna tell you,
I had a great time.
1348
01:32:04,769 --> 01:32:08,480
It's the most fantastic time l ever had.
I like where I was way up high--
1349
01:32:08,648 --> 01:32:10,982
I'm glad you liked it.
Now, what's happening?
1350
01:32:11,150 --> 01:32:12,776
-That's Roy Walley, honey.
ELLEN: I know!
1351
01:32:12,944 --> 01:32:14,778
Mr. Walley, my name is Russ Lasky.
1352
01:32:14,946 --> 01:32:17,781
-l met you at the summer picnic last year.
-l don't remember.
1353
01:32:17,949 --> 01:32:20,367
-They kidnapped my men.
-l was the one who was sick.
1354
01:32:20,535 --> 01:32:23,620
Anyway, I went on all the rides,
and l didn't get sick this time.
1355
01:32:23,788 --> 01:32:26,540
-Normally, l get sick on all your rides--
-Quiet!
1356
01:32:28,459 --> 01:32:32,212
Uh-- Mr. Walley? Roy?
1357
01:32:32,713 --> 01:32:35,215
I think I can make some sense out of this.
1358
01:32:35,383 --> 01:32:37,634
Well, somebody better explain...
1359
01:32:37,802 --> 01:32:40,470
...or there'll be a lot of explaining to do.
1360
01:32:40,638 --> 01:32:43,431
-l'm Clark W. Griswold.
-Uh-huh.
1361
01:32:43,599 --> 01:32:46,226
And, oh, this is my wife, Ellen.
1362
01:32:46,394 --> 01:32:50,272
Hi. We're really big fans of yours.
We watch your show all the time.
1363
01:32:50,565 --> 01:32:53,108
-Oh.
-And my children, Audrey and Rusty.
1364
01:32:53,985 --> 01:32:56,069
ROY: Nice family.
-Heh-heh.
1365
01:32:56,237 --> 01:32:57,571
CLARK:
Uh....
1366
01:32:58,155 --> 01:33:01,908
-We're from Chicago, Roy. The Windy City.
-Yes, I've been there many times.
1367
01:33:02,076 --> 01:33:07,163
We just spent two weeks of living hell
driving out here.
1368
01:33:07,665 --> 01:33:10,625
We lost a very dear member
of the family along the way.
1369
01:33:12,837 --> 01:33:14,337
But the important thing, Roy...
1370
01:33:14,505 --> 01:33:17,549
...is that we could've gone anywhere
we wanted to this summer.
1371
01:33:17,717 --> 01:33:19,301
Anywhere in the world.
1372
01:33:19,468 --> 01:33:21,261
But when l asked my kids....
1373
01:33:21,429 --> 01:33:25,849
And l said-- Kids, remember when I said,
"Where would you like to go this summer?"
1374
01:33:26,017 --> 01:33:27,851
-What did you say?
-Hawaii?
1375
01:33:28,019 --> 01:33:30,353
Shut up, Russ. Audrey, you remember?
1376
01:33:30,813 --> 01:33:33,023
Uh-- Walley World, Dad?
1377
01:33:33,190 --> 01:33:36,693
Walley World, Dad. Roy Walley World.
1378
01:33:37,069 --> 01:33:38,862
I don't imagine you have any children.
1379
01:33:39,030 --> 01:33:41,072
Are you kidding? l have seven.
1380
01:33:41,240 --> 01:33:43,742
I thought so.
Seven, did you hear that, honey?
1381
01:33:44,327 --> 01:33:46,036
You look so young.
1382
01:33:46,579 --> 01:33:48,788
-You do look very young.
-Oh? Well.
1383
01:33:48,956 --> 01:33:50,790
Did you ever drive them across country?
1384
01:33:50,958 --> 01:33:52,167
Oh, hell yes.
1385
01:33:52,335 --> 01:33:56,671
I took the whole clan to Florida one year.
The worst two weeks l ever had in my life.
1386
01:33:56,839 --> 01:33:59,799
The smell from the back seat
was unbearable. You know families.
1387
01:33:59,967 --> 01:34:02,552
I know that smell. l know that smell.
1388
01:34:02,720 --> 01:34:06,973
But, Roy, can you imagine
how your kids would've felt...
1389
01:34:07,141 --> 01:34:09,225
...if when you got to Florida,
it was closed?
1390
01:34:09,393 --> 01:34:10,769
Oh, they don't close Florida.
1391
01:34:10,936 --> 01:34:14,981
I know they don't close
the state of Florida. But, you know...
1392
01:34:15,149 --> 01:34:17,567
...when we got here,
to Roy Walley World...
1393
01:34:17,735 --> 01:34:19,903
...and it was closed down, Roy....
1394
01:34:20,071 --> 01:34:22,447
If you had seen the look
on my kids' faces....
1395
01:34:22,615 --> 01:34:25,909
-l just went a little haywire.
-You went a lot haywire, if you ask me.
1396
01:34:26,077 --> 01:34:28,912
Well, l'm very sorry, sir.
And l'm sorry to all these people.
1397
01:34:29,080 --> 01:34:31,289
I didn't mean any harm.
1398
01:34:31,457 --> 01:34:35,043
I just want you to ask yourself one thing.
If you were....
1399
01:34:35,586 --> 01:34:36,878
If you were me...
1400
01:34:37,046 --> 01:34:39,839
...wouldn't you do the same thing
for your children?
1401
01:34:40,007 --> 01:34:42,342
-No.
MAN: We're all finished here, Mr. Walley.
1402
01:34:42,510 --> 01:34:45,136
You want me to take them downtown
and book them?
1403
01:34:45,388 --> 01:34:46,930
Um....
1404
01:34:48,933 --> 01:34:50,475
No. No.
1405
01:34:50,643 --> 01:34:53,061
Forget it, officer.
I'm not gonna press any charges.
1406
01:34:53,229 --> 01:34:55,313
[YELLS]
1407
01:34:57,608 --> 01:35:01,111
Walley. Good, huh?
What did l tell you? Did I say trust me?
1408
01:35:01,278 --> 01:35:02,946
Huh? Ha-ha-ha.
1409
01:35:04,323 --> 01:35:06,324
[ALL SCREAMING]
1410
01:38:13,220 --> 01:38:15,221
[ENGLISH SDH]
101979