All language subtitles for The Nanny s05 e08

How lucky is your grandmother
getting married at her age?

I mean, do you know the odds
of a woman over 35
finding a husband?

One in 1245.6.

Uh-huh. How much
do you weigh, Ma?

Who can remember numbers?

♪ Like a virgin. Hui! ♪

Wow, Yettie.
I want whatever you're on.

Well, uh,
this is for inflammation.

-Oh.
-This is for spastic colon.

And I got an ounce of
glaucoma medication
that my doctor grew.

But I don't use it because
it gets me kind of loose.

You mean sexually?

No.

♪ Touched for the very
First time ♪

Look at her, all atwitter like
an 85-year-old schoolgirl.

Well, Ma, enjoy it.

At least you get to dance
at your mother's wedding.

Because at the rate
that I'm going,

you'll be coming to mine
in an urn.

There, I said it
before you did.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, that's him.

-Let me get the door.
-Okay.

Oh, I'm so excited.

I feel like flying to him
on gossamer wings.

[doorbell rings]

I'm coming.

Hey, baby.

Sameleh.

My Yiddish mama.

Oh, well, this is a first.

Your mouth is open
and there's no chewed-up
Snack Wells in it.

Ma. When you told us
that you were engaged,

you neglected to mention
that he's Black.

You're Black?

Yes.

No wonder.

♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪

♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Til her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪

♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪

♪ She was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪

♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell make-up
But the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there ♪

♪ That's how she became ♪

♪ The Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father
Finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪

♪ Such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red ♪

♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪

♪ The Nanny named Fran! ♪

Oh, Dr. Miller, I had the
weirdest dream last night.

Grandma Yetta was running
down a football field,
carrying a bridal bouquet

and Count Basie
was waiting for her
in the end zone

when Miss Piggy
comes walking by

carrying a very lean
corned beef sandwich,

and says, "You are not getting
any younger."

Clearly the dream indicates
that you are bitter and upset

at the fact that your
85-year-old grandmother's
getting married

for the second time when you
haven't been married once.

Really?

Now, you see, I just thought
I had a thing for jazz
and The Muppets, duh.

Fran, you have to
shift your focus.

Now, Isn't there anything
in your life besides marriage
that you're passionate about?

Like some inner dream
that you've always kept secret?

-Like my deepest,
darkest fantasy?
-Right.

Wanna tell me about it?

-Well, it's a little freaky.
-Oh, that's good.

I mean, that's all right.

Fran, it's never too late
to follow a dream.

You've got to stop dwelling on
the things that aren't working
in your life

and start making the things
that you want to happen happen.

Uh-huh. You know, Doc,
you are absolutely right.

I'm gonna stop obsessing
on wanting to be married
and follow my dream.

From here on in,

I am set out on a path
where I'm gonna be

a more interesting, mature,
independent woman.

Maybe then he'll propose.

Here's your invitation to
Yetta's engagement party
at the home.

Now, don't be late.
Dinner is served promptly
at 2:00 p.m.

I cannot think of a more
nauseous-making

mind-numbing evening.

-Well, I'm going.
-Me too. Where's mine?

Oh, I'm sorry. The maximum
capacity at the home is 640.

It was between you
and the woman handing out
Jimmy Dean samples

at the A & P yesterday.

I'm not invited?
Okay. Fine.

Because I've got lots
of better things to do.

Yetta?
Where's my pretty Yetta?

Mr. Sheffield, I have decided
to pursue my lifelong dream

and become a successful
career woman.

I finally have a direction,
a goal, a clear path.

I thought you wanted
to get married
and have children.

Wait, are you asking?
Because I could chuck
that other pipe dream.

Yeah, right. Well,
back to my clear path.

I am going to become
a TV weather girl.

Well, I think that's
the perfect job for you.

You'll be wonderful at that.

Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.

Daddy, I loved my lesson.
I wanna become a jockey.

Oh, I think that'd be
a perfect job for you.

You'll be wonderful at that.

Thank you.

What just happened here?

You were just humoring me,
weren't you?

You no more think
I could be a TV weather girl

than you think Gracie
could be a jockey.

Well, of course I do.
I mean, you're beautiful
and photogenic

and she's short.

Mr. Sheffield,
I'm not a child.

I'm gonna be 30.

Now, I can handle honesty.

No, Ms. Fine,
no, you can't.

Well, why don't you
just try me?

I don't think you could be
a TV weather girl.

[crying] Why?

Well, let's start with your
voice and a microphone.

You know, there is a fine line
between honest and cruel.

Oh, Ms. Fine,
it's unrealistic.

I'm not being cruel,
am I, Niles?

[Niles]Absolutely not, sir.
She asked for the truth.

-Niles.
-Sorry, Ms. Fine,
Christmas is coming.

Well, I know what's
going on here.

You are just terrified
that I might become
immensely successful,

leave you, and your whole world
will fall apart.

Well, now, that's a tad
arrogant, don't you think?

I wouldn't dream
of keeping you here

just to satisfy my own
selfish needs.

Oh, really?

Well, then I got news for you.

There is no hope
for us, mister.

All right, what just
happened here?

[Niles]
Well, let's review, sir.

[tape rewinding]

[doorbell ringing]

[both] If that's my mother,
tell her I'm not here.

Hi, Sammy.

Hi, Yetta.

Oh, Fran, I just love
your voice.

I knew where the house was
before I even
got out of the car.

Hello, Samuel. Mother.

Why don't you guys go
take a seat in the living room

and we'll catch up with you
in a minute.

-All right, all right.
-Just go take a seat.

Well, send up a flare
when you get to the couch.

Ma, why are you being
so cold to them?

Is it because he's Black?

Please. I, of all people,
am not prejudiced.

You forget,
I come from a time

when the Jews were kept out of
the Oyster Bay Country Club.

Just you, Ma, and that's because
you stole a steak.

-You know why I'm upset?
-Why?

My father is not even
dead 25 years

and already she's running off
with another man.

They're not running
anywhere, Ma.

I'm sorry, I just
can't accept this.

Ma, I also had problems

with Yetta getting married
before me

but I channeled my anxieties
into a new career.

And that is what
you're gonna have to do.

You gotta find something
new in your life
and then focus on that.

I haven't tried the Viennetta
log from the Breyers people.

Hello, there. Maxwell Sheffield.
And you must be Sammy.

Yes. And you must
be Fran's husband.

Warming up to him yet, Ma?

I will never accept
another man as my father.

Sammy, you know,
you're a little confused,
sweetie.

Mr. Sheffield
is not my husband.

He's just the killer
of weather girl dreams.

Would you please get off that?
I am no such thing!

You are the killer
of weather girl dreams!

You cannot expect to just
walk in off the streets

and straight into
broadcasting.

You know, my nephew works
down at the television station.

Maybe he can help you out.

Well, there's your in, Ms. Fine.
You think I should look
for another nanny?

Well, maybe you know him,
Bryant Gumbel?

Bryant Gumbel's your nephew?

Papa!

You know, Fran,
if Bryant Gumbel hires you,

doing the weather could be
just the beginning for you.

Oh, I know. You know that movie,
Up Close & Personal?

Michelle Pfeiffer started out
as a weather girl,
and look who she became.

-Who?
-Well, Michelle Pfeiffer
for one thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Val, you go over there
with the cue cards

and, Gracie, you come up
with just some cute
little news headline

and then throw it over to me
in Weather Central.

Okay.

"Today President Clinton and
Chinese president Jiang Zemin

just signed a pact eliminating
nuclear proliferation
in the Far East."

She talks good.

And now, let's go to everyone's
favorite weather girl,
Fran "Fair Skies" Fine.

Fran?

Thank you, Grace.

Well, it's going to be
a crisp, delicious day
in the Tri-state area.

So...

my forecast would be to wear
something playful and autumny.

But if you happen
to be single,

and there's a cold front
coming, ladies,

I would wear this.

God willing,
you'll get pneumonia

and one, two, three,
you'll meet a nice doctor.

Oh, Niles, take out my Canali
tuxedo, would you?

I have to go down to
my lawyer's office.

Oh, you know, sir,
that's right near the studio
where Ms. Fine is auditioning.

You might want to drop by
and ruin everything.

Would you just stop it?

You really think
I'm that insecure?

Look, even if Ms. Fine
gets this job,

it doesn't mean she's
necessarily gonna leave us.

-Ready, Daddy.
-All right, sweetheart.

-Let's go over it
one more time.
-Okay.

"Fran, I really miss you

and you have to come home
because I'm afraid to be alone."

Excellent. Excellent.

-Now, remember,
wait for my signal.
-Okay.

Got it? Good.

You know, I can't believe
you're using me to manipulate
someone like this.

It's so Fran.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Oh! Bryant Gumbel.
Bryant Gumbel.

Excuse me?

Oh, I'm Fran Fine.
Uncle Sammy recommended me.

Oh, yeah, Fran.
You made it.

Oh, I'm just so glad
that we had an opportunity

to meet before the wedding.

You know, I'm gonna make sure
that you're sitting
between me and Ma

so you're not surrounded
by a bunch of nuts.

Lesley Stahl! Lesley Stahl!

Oh, Lesley,
I love you, I love you.

Is that her real hair?

So where's my weather set?

What weather set?

You know, the one with the
temperatures and the maps

and the clouds that keep
rolling over and over.

Fran, we don't have
a weather set on this show.

No weather girl?

Oh, but that's what
I'm here for.

Are you sure you
don't wanna reconsider

because I got an Aunt Ida
with a Nielsen box.

You know, we do have an opening
for an editorial commentator.

Would you be interested in
auditioning for that?

Sure. I'd go for
editorial commentator.

-Whatever the hell that is.
-Lance. Great. Lance?

Why don't we get her audition
down on tape?

Would you like a hairdresser?

Oh, why, you think
it's a little
too subdued for TV?

Might not fit on TV.

Boy, come here.

Are you taking anyone
to this thing, Saturday night?

Well, let's see,
am I taking a date

or am I taking...

-You.
-Saturday.

Master Brighton, did she
ask you to take her
with you Saturday?

Yes.

Does she know that you're
not going to Yetta's party

but that she'll be helping you
man the Klingon booth
at the Star Trek convention?

No, but I mean,
maybe I should tell her.
It's just so cruel.

It's a wee bit crueler
than that, captain.

You ready to do this?

-Absolutely.
-Okay. I'll tell you
what we'll do.

I will give you a topic
off the top of my head

-and you just
run with it, okay?
-No problemo.

Good. Gene therapy.

-Gene therapy. Got it.
-Gene therapy.

Fran Fine test.

In five, four, three, two...

Hi, I'm Fran Fine.

How are you?

I'm here to do an editorial
commentary on gene therapy.

Well, if you want my opinion,

I think that there is nothing
more therapeutic

than slipping into
a pair of jeans

that make your tush look hot
in a pair of ooh-la-la Sassons.

Anywho, I would just
slip into those babies

whenever I wanted
to lift my spirits

or my grade point average.

Well, that's it for now.

This is Fran Fine signing off,
zei gezunt.

Go with God.

-No. No. No, no, no.
-No? Oh, my God.

Is it the hair?

Oh, I knew I shouldn't have
tried someone new.

Fran, gene therapy is the
alteration of our genes
by scientists.

But why would you
go to a scientist

when any dry cleaner
could put up a hem

and they've gotta charge more?

Fran, no, no.
Not those kind of jeans.

DNA, genetics,
our cellular infrastructure.

Oh.

Never mind.

Thank you.
We'll be in touch.

Thank you, Bryant Gumbel.

Uncle or no uncle,
I'm having him committed.

Excuse me.

I'm gonna have to ask
for your security pass back.

Won't I need it for tomorrow?

And the box of doughnuts.

They're the lemon-filled ones.
Nobody eats those.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
it was horrible.

Ms. Fine. Ms. Fine,
what happened?

That mean lady
took my doughnuts.

No, I mean what happened
with the audition?
How'd it go?

Oh, well, for starters,
they didn't need
a weather girl.

They made me audition
for editorial commentator.

Yikes.

Well, I mean that in a most
supportive way, of course.

Oh, it doesn't matter.
You were right
in the first place.

You know, next time
I have a dream,

just go ahead
and dump all over it.

It'll save me the heartache.

I wouldn't be so sure,
Ms. Fine.

I have a confession
to make to you.

You know, the real reason
I came down here today

was because, well, frankly,
I was terrified
you would succeed.

-Really?
-Yes.

Furthermore, I came up
with a rather elaborate ruse

to make sure
I could get you back.

-You did?
-Watch. Watch this.

Gracie.

Fran, I really missed you.

And you have to come home
because I'm afraid to be alone.

[Maxwell] Never mind.

Never mind.

Well, we did have it
all planned out. I promise.

Oh, that's so sweet.

But, you know,
a word of advice.

Next time you use a child
to manipulate an adult,

you gotta give them a protein,
not a carbohydrate

or they lose
their concentration.

Oh, why couldn't this
have been my category?

I could have been the next
Connie Chung-Povich.

Come on, honey,
let's go home.

Oh, wait a minute.

May I help you?

Yes, I'm here to meet
my nephew for lunch,
Bryant Gumbel

and my little girl
is anxious to meet him.

This is my daddy.

[piano playing]

That was gorgeous, Sammy.

Oh, thank you, baby.

But let me play you
my favorite.

♪ My Yiddishe mama ♪

♪ I need her more then ever
Now ♪

♪ My Yiddishe mama ♪

♪ I'd like to kiss
That wrinkled brow ♪

♪ I long to hold her hands ♪

♪ Once more
As in days gone by ♪

♪ Mmm-mmm! ♪

♪ Mmm-mmm! ♪

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]