All language subtitles for The Nanny S04 E03

Oh, what a beautiful
day
for a picnic.

I'll tell you I'm so glad
we got out of that dining
room

and back in to nature.

-Peppermint or Darjeeling?
-Mint.

You know, Ms. Fine,
it really was a wonderful
idea
of yours to have a picnic.

But I never took you
for the natural, outdoor
type.

Please, why do you think
I don't wear make-up.

You know, at Camp Kindervelt,
Val and I used to roast
marshmallows on my curling
iron.

And if you steam a frankfurter
in your hot curlers

you'd swear
you were at Nathan's.

Oh, I'm sorry.
What were you saying?

Mr. Sheffield, that's
the third time you said
"What are you saying?"

There's something wrong
with your left ear.

-I think your
hearing's going bad.
-Nonsense.

The herring's fine.

The egg salad's
a little suspicious.

You know, my father
had hearing problems.

And ma dragged him
to the doctor.

He had to have a
whole irrigation going on.

They found enough wax in there
for Madame Tussaud

to make herself a nice
little Linda Hunt.

Ms. Fine, he'll
never
see a doctor.

He's far too vain to
admit
his hearing is going.

-Tsk, tsk, tsk...
-You know, it's so sad
when a man can't age
gracefully.

Would you look at that
spectacle, that 30-year-old
man
kissing that young girl.

She could hardly be
more than Margaret's age.

Where are her parents?
That's what I want to know...

Hi, Maggie.

Calm down. Calm down.

This is just a
phase.
It'll pass.

I once dated an older guy
when I was in high school

and it led to
nothing
but a heartbreak,

especially when
he failed me in
math.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪

♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪

♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing to the
Sheffield's door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there to sell
makeup
but the father saw more ♪♪

♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪

♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny ♪♪

♪♪ Who would have
guessed that the girl
we've described ♪♪

♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪

♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Such♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪

♪♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪

All right, young lady,
you've got some
explaining to do.

Now start talking.

-Daddy, I just want you--
-I don't wanna hear it.

Now, go upstairs to your room.

Oh, come on, like she couldn't
climb out the window

shimmy down the trellis
and pay Niles extra
so that she...

uh, but, uh, uh...

This is between you
and your daughter.

That boy is much too
old
for you, Margaret.

Dad, he's only 25.

It's the best relationship
I've ever had.

-When did the two of you meet?
-This morning.

-At a book store.
-Wow! A book store.

Gee, that's a great place
to meet intelligent guys.

Whoopsie, they'd have to
light it bright enough
so you could read.

Nah. No good.

Come on, Dad,
you don't even know John.

He's self-reliant, ambitious,

plus he's already
a vice president.

-Where?
-His dad's firm.

Oh, perfect.

Some spoiled little rich
brat
living off his father.

What'd I do?
Huh.

Dad, I'm not a little
kid anymore.

Why don't you trust me
to go out with him?

Because I was
a 25-year-old boy
once

and I had nothing on my mind

but sex, women
and how to combine them.

My luck, I don't get to meet him

until he's going deaf
and he can't digest corn.

Well, you better get
used to it, young
lady.

You're never
seeing
that boy again.

You are so unfair!

All right.
That's it. That
is it!

I'm locking her in her
room
until she's... your age.

Mr. Sheffield, you can't
lock her away for... five
years.

Come on why don't we at
least
meet the guy?

-Then Maggie won't hate us.
-All right. All right.

I'll keep an open mind.

I don't suppose there can be
any harm in meeting

the twisted, little
cradle-robbing, sex maniac.

Sex maniac?

Well, maybe I should
meet this guy by
myself.

This is insane.

I forbid Margaret to go
out
with some 25-year-old.

Well, fine.
If you forbid her to see
him,

she's just gonna
sneak out anyway.

I was 17 once too.

I snuck out all the time.

Of course, I didn't
have a boyfriend.

I just wanted to eat bacon.

You know, I don't know
why dad's making such a big
deal

about me dating an older guy.

'Cause he's
concerned
about your welfare.

I mean, look
at Anna Nicole
Smith.

She marries a guy
60 years older than
her.

He dies. All she's
left with is his
fortune.

-So?
-So?

Sometimes they live.

Oh, my God. He's here.

Hi, Maggie.

Isn't he smart?

And who is your
beautiful friend?

Very smart.
Hi. I'm Fran
Fine.

Hi, this is my friend Mike.
We work together.

-Hi.
-Hi. I hope you don't mind.

I just came along
for a cappuccino and
the hot new Grisham.

Oh, well, I don't
know
about a Grisham

but the almond
horn
is delicious.

So, what do you think?

Honey, what can I say?

There's too big
of an age
difference.

It's never gonna work out.

[ALL LAUGHING]

That's incredible, I
can't
believe how much you and
I

I know. We're both Libras.

We both love jazz.

And, we both think that
on theMary Tyler Moore Show

Phyllis's off-screen husband
Lars might have been gay.

I love these shows.
I grew up on them.

-Me, too.
-Well,

hey, thank God
forNick at Night,
huh?

Uh, yeah.

-So, Fran, where'd
you go to school?
-Hillcrest High.

-Really? When did you graduate?
-My senior year.

So, Mike McMullen, what are
the chances of you being
Jewish?

Wha... you know, actually,
my mother's Jewish, Fran,

-so technically that makes
me--
-Say no more.

Now, to satisfy my
mother's second question,
what does your father do?

He's a buyer for Loehmann's.

Oh, I just could not get
out of bed this morning.

Oh, someone leave a big rock
on your coffin again?

Very funny,
janitor-shaped-like-a-dru
m.

I can't sleep,
and it can't be the
coffee

because all I
drink
here is decaf.

-Right?
-Of course.

Why don't I bring a nice cold
soda in to pick you up?

All right. But make
sure
it's caffeine free.

Of course.

Sir, I made an appointment
with the doctor

for your hearing test.

-What?
-I said I made an
appointment--

Oh, I heard what you--

I heard what
you
bloody said.

-Who told you
to call the doctor?
-Ms. Fine.

Well, excuse me,
but when did she become
master of the house?

Three years ago, September.

-Would you like me to cancel?
-Yes.

Would you like me
to kick back and take
the rest of the day
off?

I said yes.

All right.

So, Fran, you and John's
friend Mike really seemed
to hit it off.

Yeah. You know, it's so
refreshing to meet a guy

that thinksPulp Fiction
is John Travolta's first
film.

You know, this is so cool.

I mean, you're
going out with Mike.

I'm going out with John.

Well, you're half right.

-Fran.
-Honey, he's way
too old for you.

You're 17, he's 25.
That is a huge gap.

So? You're going out with
Mike
and he's 25 and you're 33.

I am not!

Yes, you are. We had
your
30th birthday here three
years ago.

Well, I lied.

I said I was older
to get the job.

Well, What
about your
parents?

You said that your
father
was ten years older
than

No, I didn't.

I said my mother took
ten years off his life.

You are
such a
hypocrite.

Why is it okay for Mike
to date you but it's not
okay
for me to date John?

Because, Mike
is not my daughter.

Well, neither am I.

Well, go ahead and cancel
the date with Mike

'cause now I'm dead!

Meanwhile, ma, it's been
two
whole days and Maggie's
still

No. I didn't try and bribe
her with a salty pretzel
and an egg creme.

And thank you very much.

Do you know how many years
it took me

to stop solving
my emotional problems
with food?

Don't yell at me
with your mouth full.

Good-bye. Good-bye! Ay!

-Fran.
-What?

Forget about Maggie.

I'm here and I
think
you're great.

-In fact, I think
you're the best darn--
-Brighton, you're not
going

to the make-out party.

Yeah, well,
you're on your
own.

-Fran.
-What, sweetie?

-Maybe I can give
you
some advice.
-Oh.

Remember, I had a crush
on an older man once.

Ah, he used to bring me
all those gifts.

Sweetie, that was Santa.

-Oh, Niles.
-Hmm.

How am I ever gonna
convince Maggie

that she has nothing in common
with a 25-year-old?

-And you do?
-Absolutely.

I was 25.

-And for several years.
-[CHUCKLES]

I haven't slept for three
days.
Niles, are you sure
this is herbal tea?

Of course.

No sleep and yet I feel oddly
calm and relaxed.

-Ms. Babcock--
-[SCREAMS] What?!

I just wanted to say
that I'm glad you're here

because I really need
a woman to talk to.

Well, aren't you going
to say anything?

What? You mean,
because she said
that

you thought I was going
to say something about
you
not being a woman?

That is beneath me, sir.

What's on your
mind,
Nanny Fine?

Well, Maggie thinks I'm
being hypocritical because
I'm dating a 25-year-old

-and she's not allowed to.
-Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Who's Maggie?

Oh! The big one.

-Yeah.
-Oh, forget her.

So you're dating a younger guy.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Delicious!

You know, I think
it's
far more natural.

Women don't even reach their
sexual peak until their 30's.

Yeah, well, for me
it's happening much earlier.

Oh, girlfriend,
you got it going
on!

I'm sorry. I was
watching
something on FOX before
I came over.

When you were Maggie's age,
did you ever date an older
guy?

Oh, sure. My father didn't care.

But the world was a
different
place when I was a girl.

Yes. They thought it was flat.

You know what?
If I were smart,

I would just let her
go out with the guy.

Nanny Fine,
Maxwell will kill you.

Good idea.

Very unconventional.
I like it.

No. Don't you see?

They will have nothing to
talk
about with each other.

She'll get bored and break it
up
with him all on her own.

Of course, I'll have to
chaperone with the
young,
eager-to-learn Mike.

But it's not as if we don't
have
a lot of stuff in common.

We both dig
Toodie and the Blow Fish.

Tea, sir?

Tea, sir?

How's the hearing,
you lucky little brat
born into money?

On my right side,
I hear fine.

Just funning you, sir.

Uh, Mr. Sheffield,
about this Maggie-John,
situation,

I think I've got
the perfect solution.

All I want to hear is that
Margaret is never seeing
that boy again, Ms. Fine.

Fine, that's exactly
what you're gonna hear.

They call him Flipper,
Flipper,
faster than lightning

no one at sea is
smarter than he.

Well, go on.

And, you know, Flipper
lives
in a world full of wonder

lying there under,
under the sea.

And then she'll dump him.

-What do you think?
-Oh, fabulous. [CHUCKLES]

Fabulous.
Keep up the good
work.

Thanks.

Call for you on line one,
sir.
Christopher Plummer.

Oh, finally.

Now, get around here
and fix my blasted toilets.

-[DOOR BELL RINGING]
-I'll get it.

-Hi.
-Hi. Aren't you cute.

All right. Back off.
Isn't it enough I'm
letting you date her?

Young lady!

-What?
-What?

Hello, Mr. Sheffield.
Congratulations.

I read you're
doing a new show.

Why did Christopher Plummer
drop out?

Ms. Fine, you, me,
alone, right now!

Oh, typical male.

Doesn't know
what he's got till it's
gone.

What is that man still
doing
with Margaret,

and why were you
kissing his
friend?

Well, look at him.

You know, you didn't hear
a word that I said to you
yesterday, did you?

Well, that's the problem
with our whole relationship.

That and the fact that you
said
that you loved me in Paris

and then you took it back.
You just took it back.

I-- I thought we
agreed
to put all that behind
us.

Well, I thought we'd be
picking out China patterns.

You know, if you had
only--
Oh, come here.

If you had only gotten
your hearing checked,

none of this
would have happened.

Why are you so vain
about getting older?

-[SCOFFS] I'm vain
about getting older?
-Yes.

I'm not the one
trying
to recapture my
youth,

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Now, would you please relax.
Maggie is a very smart girl.

I guarantee you one more date
and she'll realize

she has nothing in common
with him.

Hmm, what about you
and your young friend?

I'm a slow learner.

So get this, I finally call
the accountant up and I say

"You call this a tax refund?"
Two hundred bucks.

A lot more than I got back.

I got back 2,500,
after I declared
all my dependents.

Fran, you're a single woman.
What dependents?

Hey, I support a lot of people

Donna, Karan, Ralph,
Lauren,
Liz and Claiborne.

I've never paid taxes.

[LAUGHS] How do you do that?

Oh.

Hi, guys. What'll you have?

-Vodka martini straight up.
-Two, please.

Um, I'll have
a margarita, no salt.

Uh, Joan Collins, please.

Honey, that's Tom Collins.
And no!

You'll have a better chance
getting Joan.

But who doesn't?

Gonna have to proof you
guys.
Huh. Ma'am, you're fine.

Are you sure?

-[CLEARS THROAT] Excuse me.
Ma'am.
-What?

Please. I need
to see your I.D.

Oh, boy, this
is such a hassle.

Hey, you guys,
I got a great idea.

John, what do you say
afterwards,

we head down to the Blue Note

-we go listen to a little
jazz.
-Okay.

Jazz? Who likes jazz?

-I do.
-I do.

Wait a minute. We should
do something that we all
like.

What do you want to do?

Well, I could
seeClueless

Uh, tell you what.

Why don't we go
grab something to
eat?

-What do you think?
-Eating is good.

I could always eat again.

Fran, can I talk
to you for a minute?

Excuse us.

I want to go.

I just think that I
should be alone with John.

Well, I think that I
should be
alone with Armand Assante

but that ain't
happening, either.

I want to break up with him.

We have nothing in common.

Really?

Gee, you sure you
gave it enough
time?

Fran, he didn't even know

that theSaved By The Bell
kids went to college.

You knew this was gonna happen,
didn't you?

Yeah, but you had to
find it out for
yourself.

Honey, you're a
teenager,
he's an adult.

It's perfectly normal for you
guys to have nothing in common.

Well, I have everything
in common with you.

Well, I'm stunted.
I have no life.

I'm sorry I said
I wasn't your daughter.

You are like
a real mother to me.

Well, sweetie, why don't you
and John take the limo home.

-Me and Mike could cab it
later.
-You're not bored with Mike?

So not!

See, when your
sideburns are longer,

it makes your face
look thinner.

Mmm.

Plus it wouldn't hurt
to lay off the brie.

-Oh, next customer.
-Oh, well, all right.

Yes, I could use a
trim.
Thank you.

You know, Ms. Fine,
I just caught Margaret

making out with that
boy
from her class.

-Oh?
-God, I am so happy!

I don't know what you did,
but it certainly worked.

Well, I was just like Maggie
when I was 17,

except I wasn't tall,
rich and thin,

and I never put
Miracle Whip on a bagel.

[CHUCKLES] You know,
you were right about me,
too.

I was putting off
having
my hearing checked

because I was
afraid
of getting older.

Oh, well, I was dating Mike
because he made me feel younger.

And you know what I learned
from that whole experience?

Worked like a charm.

What'd the doctor say?

Oh, well, it seems I'm suffering

-from some short-term
hearing loss.
-Mm?

It could be a virus
or prolonged
exposure

to an unusual
frequency or pitch.

That's funny. I live here
and I've never had that
problem.

Brighton!

It must be a virus.

Oh, my God, I completely
forgot
you were waiting, C.C.

I am so sorry.

I've just been
to the ear doctor. I...

Oh, I feel
terrible.

Oh, look how lovely you look.

I'll tell you what,

why don't we go to your
favorite restaurant, huh?

Just the two of us?

[SNORING]

[♪♪♪]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]