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(thunder rumbling)

(priest) Nam etsi ambulavero
in medio umbrae mortis,

non timebo mala,
quoniam tu mecum es.

Virga tua et baculus tuus
ipsa me consolata sunt.

ROBERT BREA: She was furious with
me, because if I had my law degree,

I could have represented us.

The jury ruled against me.

I told my lawyer
I considered suicide.

I drove home from Nyack,
and guess what?

She had left me.

I recall almost
a sigh of relief...

EMILY MARIA LANDGRAF: Somehow it
made a lasting impression on her life.

My first child
came easy enough.

But with Patricia,
they had to open me up under anesthesia.

I've often thought that
perhaps the reason...

CHRISTOPHER: I told them
when I got here,

"Okay, I explored
the criminal lifestyle."

But I was an altar boy,
for Christ's sake.

Moltisanti is a religious name.
And still I'm fucked.

I met death on Route 23,
not too far from here.

But that was much later.

Back in 1967,
the man wearing the hat was my father.

In those days,
he didn't have a son.

Five dollars says
I spot him first.

I don't got five dollars.

Then you better win,
gagootz. Huh?

Uncle Dick, think fast.

Oh, you want to fight, huh?

CHRISTOPHER: The little fat
kid is my uncle, Tony. Soprano.

DICKIE: You got nothing.

(ship horn blows)

CHRISTOPHER: Well, we call him
my uncle, by marriage.

He choked me to death.

(ship horn blows)

(indistinct chatter)

There! Pay up.

We have a winner,
ladies and gents.

Huh?

CHRISTOPHER: My grandfather
and his brother were with

the DiMeo crime family
in Newark.

My grandfather
was an associate,

- but he stacked more scharol...
- Pop!

...than any of the made guys.

Hey, there he is!

CHRISTOPHER: Including
a Cadillac dealership.

Cara mia, fammi presentare
mio figlio, Richard Moltisanti.

Everybody calls me Dickie.

Welcome to America.

Benvenuta.

America! (laughs)

Most guys 65 go to Europe on vacation,
they come back with the gout.

You come back with the winner,
Miss Provolone, 1967.

(laughter)

Oh. Antonio Soprano.

U picceri.

CHRISTOPHER:
After he murdered me,

Tony gave my wife and baby
his pocket change.

But that was much later.

E squisita.

I'm embarrassed.
You're all such great cooks over there.

Can you translate for me?

Forget it.
She understands enough.

(knocking on door)

(clears throat)

(enunciating) Giuseppina,
what does your family do over there?

Mio padre...

The fascists killed
her old man.

Her mother never recovered.

Fuckin' Mussolini.

I don't get it.
When I was a kid, you and Vito Genovese

always praised Mussolini.

Let's not talk politics
at the table.

But I'll tell you, Dick,

it's paradise over there.

On the one hand,
you can't believe the beauty.

On the other hand,
they don't even have toilets.

I told Giuseppina that "you're gonna
live the life of a proud American lady.

And I'm gonna have my second
set of children with you."

And they'll be deluged
with a life

that they could never even
imagine over there.

Like you were, Dick,
as a kid.

These'll be your
brothers and sisters.

(clears throat)

So... Giuseppina
is your stepmother, Dickie.

(laughter)

DICKIE: Yeah.

- (grunting)
- (thumping)

(Hollywood Dick
and Giuseppina moaning)

(Hollywood Dick grunting)

(panting)

(boy) It wasn't me
who ripped you off!

(man) Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?

- Come on!
- (groaning)

(music playing on car stereo)

(music stops)

- (boy) Shit!
- Harold.

All right, already.

HAROLD:
This punk ass snapper.

Japped one of our runners,
took 600 bucks.

I want a full bag tomorrow.

Who the fuck are you?

The guy who one time put out somebody's
eye for talkin' to him like that.

(heavy breathing)

- You winded there, Jesse Owens?
- (chuckles)

I gotta quit smoking.

I agree.

Can't I get you
to switch to Newports?

(groaning)

(indistinct conversation)

ISOLA: Hey, Harold.
My son here say

he gonna be Hank Aaron
when he grown up.

LANDERS: I'm gonna hit
318 like him.

Hmm. 318, your lucky
number, boy, play it.

Yeah. Numbers
is the only chance

Black folks got to get
out of this sinkhole city.

How does that work, anyway?

Well, you pick out
three numbers,

like for you, 3-1-8.

You bet a quarter,

and if your numbers
come on at the racetrack,

then you win
$125 for a quarter.

- For a quarter?
- Mmm.

Bet a dollar, you get $500.

- You shitting me, Harold?
- Uh!

What if my numbers
don't come out?

Well, if your numbers don't
hit, you don't get nothing.

Harold collects everybody's
bets and gives it to the Man.

How you think the Italians
drive those long, fancy cars

and wear those diamond
Swiss watches on their wrists?

(band playing lively music)

(indistinct chatter)

Thank you. Thank you,
everybody, welcome.

- (music fades away)
- Uh...

Well, mostly, I...
I just want to say how pr...

(giggling)

Knock it off, Anthony.

I want to say how proud I am
of my big girl, Janice...

who is today...

a woman.

- (man) Cheers!
- (light applause)

You know, Janice, she, uh...

She went to her catechism.

She practiced her Latin.

She even stopped watching those
two stunods, Sonny and Cher,

long enough to think
about God, huh?

Too much fucking
salt on this.

At least for a minute or two,
but... boy, did she cost me.

You know,
I made a bet that, uh,

Janice would not do
her religious duties.

But if Janice did,
you know, got confirmed...

I'd shave off my mustache.

(all exclaiming)

Ooh...

- JOHNNY: Enjoy.
- His comare told him

it makes him
look like Robert Goulet.

(band playing lively music)

This stuff ain't so authentic.

Ow!

Just use your fork.

But, you know,
the gravy's good.

- JOHNNY: Oh. Come here.
- Your daughter's confirmation.

Congrats, skip.

I'm here, too, Mr. Handsome.

DICKIE: Yeah, and looking like
a million dollars.

And not
Mexican dollars, either.

- What are you talking about?
- (kisses)

Same fucking gang. Colored kids
hit one of my colored runners.

Threw him a beating.

You believe this?
How these people prey on their own?

Hey, Boot DiMeo's gonna
rag on me when he sees this.

JUNIOR: It looks bad too,
perception-wise.

Even the papers say the numbers is the
biggest percentage of our cash flow.

Junior's right, you gotta get
your arms around this.

You got big ears there,
gagootz?

Big brother, go and get yourself some Pez.
(clicks tongue)

(laughing)

Silvio, Puss, come here.

- Marone!
- Oh!

Ah? The second
Mrs. Hollywood Dick.

I was just explaining
to His Holiness, here.

I think I went to school
with your father.

Calogero Dante.

"Butch."

He said you were a bully.

Whoa, what do we got here?
The Italian actress, Sophia Lotsa-Pizza.

Get out of here,
you fucking mutt!

Uh... Sorry.

Buddha. It's Joe D.
He's up at the Boot's Mansion.

Mr. DiMaggio. Come stai?

Your saints name you took
in church today, Apollonia?

She's the patron saint
of dentists.

Take it from me,
chains are more effective than snow tires.

Why didn't you bring
the missus, Dick?

I tried, but the poor kid's
self-conscious about her English.

She's making progress, though.

I didn't catch the name.

Pussy.

Don't worry, Father,
it's not what you think it is.

(laughter)

(teacher)
This is my dog.

(all) This is my dog.

(teacher) This is your dog.

(all) This is your dog.

(whispers) Your dog.

(announcer on radio) Buddy
Durham in the light trunks...

the white trunks.

Durham has always been known
as a counter-puncher...

- Huh...
- (bell dings)

(announcer) He gets
a great hook in there.

Hey.

(kissing)

What did you learn to say?

This... is... his... ball.

Whose ball?

Spot.

Oh, I think this is
a waste of money.

(man on radio) We hear from
Hoboken's own Chairman of the Board.

(Frank Sinatra on radio) Hi, there,
my name is Francis Albert Sinatra

and I got news for you.

Here's your host,
William B. Williams.

My mother met
his mother once. Frank.

Frank? He grabbed me
to go to some party once.

It was on the Upper East Side,
it was a penthouse.

Some celebrity,
I don't know who.

So... he and Dean, they have this donkey
brought downstairs to the basement.

And the donkey's just stuffed
full of laxatives, right?

So they put it in
the private elevator.

They send the private elevator
up, the door opens,

and the donkey starts kicking and
shitting over everybody in the party!

(laughter)

Oh!

Ah, your sister's cunt!

Junior,
it's the Summer of Love.

♫ And though
It's just a line to you ♫

♫ For me it's true And never
seemed so right before... ♫

Nice car.

You a friend of Dickie's?

No English.

DICKIE: Oh!

Hopalong Che Si Dice!

It's fucking light again?

Picked up from most of the
runners, but this kid, Overall...

Who the fuck is Overall?

He's a crazy young motherfucker
that runs the Saints.

Leon Overall.

He's from East Orange.

My cousin's, uh, the placekicker
over at the high school over there.

Yeah, well me and Harold played
East Orange Thanksgiving game.

We used to beat 'em
every fucking year.

You should have
seen this man run.

Are you sure you don't
got no Black blood?

DICKIE: That's Sicilians.
I'm Napoletano.

Oh! I'm Siciliano.

Come on. Come over here.

The big picture, you told me this
thing was over with the Black Saints.

I know, I...

thought I schooled the kid,
Overall, when I whupped him, but...

(scoffs)

He's got a wild hair
across his ass.

I gotta know, Harold...

aren't you humiliated
by what you just said?

I know I would be.

You're a grown man.

Fucking punk street gang?

Come on in, son. Have a seat.

I think we lost him.

Hold up. Hold up. Turn around.

Would I for sure be going to Vietnam?
Like my dream?

You heard about the G.I. Bill?

Yeah, college. Sure.

Thinking about being a...

- scientist.
- Hmm.

Wait over there.

No, this... this war
wasn't my idea!

(dog barking at a distance)

Isola, turn that light out.
I'm trying to sleep.

That's why I brought you
a 7 and 7, baby.

What's the matter with you?

Goddamn Gentleman
Dickie Moltisanti.

Always comes to me
to handle his nasty work.

(scoffs)

ISOLA: Done made you
his house nigga.

Put it away.

The army won't take me now.

I always wanted
to join up, but I...

I had two felony convictions.

Take you?

Happened to stop by a recruiting
office today, and it made me remember.

(scoffs) Brothers doing all the dying
over there. We don't need no more.

Well, somebody's gonna to win
the Medal of Honor.

(scoffs)

Not a Black man.

Please.

(chuckles)

Ooh, baby, you are
a riot tonight.

(man) Make a right here.

It's a one-way.

Fuck it, make the right.

(sighs)

(song playing indistinctly
on radio)

(police siren wailing)

Fuck.

(exhales)

Step out of the car.

I know what I did, Officer.

(grunting)

♫ Soften my dreams
with your sigh ♫

♫ Tell me you love me... ♫

(crowd clamoring)

(horn honking)

DICKIE: Oh!

Hey, why aren't they home,
sleeping till noon?

Two officers picked up some colored taxi
driver, had to rough him up a little.

These morons think
we killed him.

It spread around
the Central Ward that way.

They broke windows
up and down Belmont Avenue.

They're throwing bricks
and bottles at us.

We got two officers
had to go to the hospital.

- (glass shatters)
- DICKIE: No shit.

- Hah!
- (glass shattering, people screaming)

(man) You ain't nothin'
without that badge!

You think this is funny?

♫ Let's make amends ♫

♫ Soften my dreams... ♫

(tires screeching)

♫ Tell me you love me
for a day... ♫

Get the fuck away
from the car!

(crowd continues clamoring)

♫ How lucky can one guy be ♫

♫ I kissed her
and she kissed me ♫

♫ Like the fella once said ♫

(indistinct chatter)

MC: Ladies and gentlemen,
let's hear it for our host tonight.

They call him
Gentleman Dick Moltisanti.

(all cheering)

(man) Ahh!

Paulie.

This?

It's about time. Pinto the
Butcher sent over some capuzzelle.

The fuck happen to you?

There's something
you gotta see.

(sirens wailing)

JOHNNY: What the fuck?

That's Belmont Avenue.

(in Italian)

(in English)
You wanna get smart now?

Ma vaffanculo!

(groaning)

(breathes heavily)

(panting)

(sirens wailing
in the distance)

(sobbing)

Why don't you go after
the ditsoon, huh?

They almost
burned the city down.

Oh, you'll hold
the door, huh.

(young Janice) Daddy!

- JOHNNY: Janice, go home!
- (young Janice) Daddy!

JOHNNY: Go home!
Take the bus.

(officer) Hey, stop! Stop!

- (gunshots)
- Agh!

- (gasps)
- (young Janice) Anthony!

Anthony! What are
you doing here?

(police siren wailing)

(indistinct chatter
on police radio)

My God!

What did they do?

We raided a card game,
but we got lucky.

Picked up your husband
on an outstanding warrant.

Had to take 'em somewhere.

Warrant? For what?

Assault with a deadly weapon.

The Lobster Trap Restaurant?

That wasn't him.
He didn't do that.

Where is he?

Downtown.

He's downtown,
where he might get burned to death?

- What are you people thinking?
- (young Janice sobs)

Janice, shut up with that!

What were the two of you doing
at that card game?

Dad took Janice to ride the
rides while he played cards.

But he wouldn't take me because I
passed gas while he was eating lunch.

Get inside, both of you!

Anthony!

(sirens wailing)

GIL SCOTT-HERON: Standing in the
ruins Of another Black man's life

Or flying through the valley
Separating day and night

"I am death," cried the vulture

"For the people of the night"

(people shouting)

In a wilderness of heartbreak
And a desert of despair

(gunshot)

Evil's clarion of justice
Shrieks a cry of naked terror

Taking babies from their mommas
Leaving grief beyond compare

Please help me! Help me!
Please, help me!

GIL SCOTT-HERON: So if you see the
vulture coming Flying circles in your mind

- (woman wailing) -Remember,
there is no escaping

For he will follow
close behind

Only promise me a battle

Battle for your soul
and mine (echoes)

And mine

(man on radio) Talk to young
Negro men on the street

and they will
tell you, they say,

they're supposed to go away and die for
this country that isn't really theirs?

This tells you right there that
for understandable reasons,

they don't consider themselves
complete Americans.

And I don't say this
comprises all of them,

but it's obvious the reason
they can burn their own homes...

DICKIE: Huge fire.

Ashes.

(in Italian)

(sniffles)

(in English) Thought I heard
somebody fall.

You fall this morning?

I tripped in the bathtub.

Oh.

(in English) You shouldn't wear your
sunglasses in the tub, you know?

(chuckles)

He's got a temper.

È arrabbiato, my father.

(in Italian)

(in English) He start to yell.

Yeah, he wasn't like this
back in Ariano?

'Cause he used to...
me, as a kid.

Every day.

(voice breaking)
I should have stayed there.

No.

(in Italian)

(in English) Maybe I come to
America for America money.

But...

(in Italian)

(in English) But here,
in America, he become...

Uno stronzo!

I think maybe
you still love him.

What's the matter with you?

My wife's right inside.

You're my father's wife.

(sirens wailing)

(grunts)

(indistinct shouting)

(tires screeching)

(engine starts)

(knocking on window)

Oh.

Where are you going?

I'm going down to Rexall.
The doc switched my blood thinner.

I'll ride with you.

What?

How high did she bounce?

What are you talking about?

When you threw her
down the stairs.

(chuckles) Got two left feet.

'Cause you used to throw
my mother down the stairs.

I didn't like it then,
I don't like it now.

Well, some women like the rough stuff.
Don't ask me why.

Yeah, it's funny how they're all
attracted to Hollywood Dick Moltisanti.

You wanted to get
into her fucking pants

since the day
I brought her over.

I give you permission to picture
her while you're jerking off.

I promise you, you hurt her again,
you're going down the stairs.

- Who the fuck do you think you're fucking talking to?
- You got away with it

once with Mom.
But I was a little kid.

You're not getting away
with it again.

Oh, I marry sluts.
What do I know?

Ow! Hey! Get...
Get your fucking... Get off me!

Hey! Hey!

(engine revving)

Dick...

(horn honking)

(horn honking)

(grunts)

(panting)

Pop.

Pop?

(siren wailing at a distance)

(young Tony) Uncle Dickie.

Anthony, what the fuck
are you doing?

The city's burning down.

Over on Springfield Avenue.

Dickie? Who blew the horn?

DICKIE: I'm working
on the car.

You want pork chops tonight?

Yeah, that's fine.

(young Tony) Can I watch you
work on the car?

With the applesauce?

I don't know what sauce!

I gotta go out for a while.

(young Tony) Can I?

Can you what?

Watch.

What the fuck did I just say, God damn it?
Now, go home!

(basketball bouncing)

(newscaster)
...from the newsroom.

American warplanes have expanded
the air war over North Vietnam

with the bombing of five
previously untouched targets

near the heart of
the port city of Haiphong.

Four of the new targets, one of them
only a mile and a half from Haiphong...

(tires screeching)

(all shouting)

Democratic Majority Leader
Mike Mansfield

- sounded a warning tonight...
- Go ahead, sir.

He's white.

(panting)

(siren wailing
in the distance)

(explosion)

♫ Summertime will be
a love-in there ♫

♫ In the streets
of San Francisco... ♫

Three guesses
who they blame this on.

PUSSY:
The Harlem Globetrotters.

(chuckles)

Shh.

(organ music playing)

They called him Hollywood Dick.
Imagine what he looks like now.

Tell Ma what you told me,
about the bird.

There was a bird
in the garage.

So?

It means
somebody's gonna die.

(sighs) You're talking
through your hat.

A bird would never fly into
a garage to announce a death.

A house is another matter.

Poor Dickie.

I still can't believe it.

I gotta talk to Johnny Soprano,
the putrescible trash routes.

The Sposato Brothers
are making a grab.

You didn't hear? Johnny's gonna
be a guest of the government.

He couldn't make bail.

When my brother's away,
everything goes through me.

You got diarrhea?

(laughs)

Comedian.

The three C's I owe you.

What the fuck is this?
It's supposed to be cash.

That's an RCA.

What am I gonna do with this?

(kisses)

What a blow.

(voice shaking) Yeah, well, at least
you still got your brother. I'm...

Yeah. I got nobody.

Dickie, consider me your
brother from now on, huh?

Where's your brother?

He went to see if he could sneak into
the room where they do the bodies.

(man on TV)
In Newark tonight,

state troopers and the
National Guard ceased...

You son of a bitch.

You can't watch
television in here.

Vincent, it's the news.

...President Johnson,
we've been told,

has been following
the situation...

Ah, they're never gonna catch
those bastards. I told the cops.

(man on TV) In the dull and commonplace
occurrences of day-to-day living,

one thing stands out as a completely
unique experience: Colt .45.

(all exclaiming)

(man) Jesus Christ.

The fuck's
the matter with you?

You have no respect for my
father, you fucking animals!

He's dead!

CARMINE: Looks like the riots are
ending though, Dick, that's good news.

I wish that
the shooter killed you!

All of you!

(judge) John Francis Soprano.

On the charge of assault
with a deadly weapon,

I hereby sentence you
to no more than five

and no less than two years
in Rahway State Prison.

(bangs gavel)

(sobbing)

(handcuffs clicking)

(indistinct conversations)

- (buzzer sounds)
- (door opens)

Uncle Sally.

I'm Dickie,
your brother Dick's boy.

How are you?

You know, I'm sorry,
I know I never came to visit you before.

My father wouldn't allow it.

(clicks tongue)

I came to tell you...

your brother, my dad...
he passed.

They burned him up
in the riots.

I brought you
some sfogliatelle.

I don't eat dairy.

Oh.

Well, you being
out here isolated,

out of contact
with the family,

my old man said
you deserved it,

but I want to do whatever I can
to help you from now.

It wasn't right
how they treated you.

I was 25.

I murdered a made guy
in our own family.

I'm here for a good reason.
You don't need to help me.

(sighs) But...

What do you want, Richard?

I'll be honest with you.

I want to do a good deed.

Huh!

A what?

A good deed.

Miles.

Birth of the Cool.

What?

It's a record.

I'm a jazz nut.

Bring me a copy
next time you come.

If you come.

- (buzzer sounds)
- (door opens)

(door closes)

- Quant'e bella!
- Sì?

It's so beautiful.

We're gonna go down
to Bamberger's.

We're gonna fill
the place with furniture.

Madonna mia.

DICKIE: Mmm.

Could you give us
a few minutes?

You got it.

(door opens)

(door closes)

Aunt Concetta says
you've been looking for a job.

At, uh, DiLorenzo Brothers
Beauty Parlor.

I cut hair back in Ariano.

You don't need to do that.

I want to keep
taking care of you.

But I like to work, Dickie.
And America has so many work.

Un giorno, I want to have
my own beauty parlor.

Well, you're not gonna work
for those two fanooks.

The DiLorenzos?

(doorbell rings)

Motherfucker.

- (doorbell rings)
- I like that word.

Motherfucker.

(school bell rings)

Eighteen. Paul's birthday.

We don't take
Beatle birthdays.

We'd go broke.

Fuck it. Make it eight.
Micky Dolenz.

I dreamed about Whitey Ford last night.
He wears number 16.

(school bell rings)

(man on PA) The boys basketball team is
playing St. Stephen's this afternoon.

The high temperature today
will be 53 degrees.

Faculty advisory,
absentees: 16.

Sixteen, I hit the number!

LIVIA: You gotta talk to him.

- DICKIE: Johnny should do it.
- LIVIA: You're the only one he listens to.

Johnny should do it.
You're gonna see him visiting day.

- (knocking on door)
- LIVIA: Side door's open.

Johnny's just gonna
want to hit him,

and he can't because of
the glass partition

and he's just gonna
get frustrated.

(Junior whistling)

- DICKIE: Hey, Jun'.
- I got some Lady Schick blow dryers.

Livia, take one for yourself.
One for Janice.

I got bigger problems
than blow dryers.

Anthony got kicked
out of school.

Let me go talk to him.

I promised Johnny I'd take care
of Tony while he was in jail.

The way you talk,
you just confuse him.

He only listens to Dickie.

Ma vaffanculo.

Jun', leave me
a blower for Joanne.

What are you reading?

Oh, can't you read
a regular comic?

You know,
Superman, Jughead.

It's about some
Jewish girl and a knight.

And Robin Hood's in it.

I didn't know they had Jews
back in the Middle Ages.

Well... the Bible.

Anyway, your mother
asked me to talk to you, so...

What, about getting
suspended from school?

Hey, put that down, huh?

Sorry.

(sighs)

You know I don't like to
lean on you about stuff.

But you can't start a
gambling operation at school.

I know that...

now.

Hey, don't bullshit me.
You always knew it.

And it's not just the gambling.
It's everything.

The cherry bombs at the YMCA, letting
the air out of Mrs. Russo's tires...

- I apologized to her!
- You talk big about

wanting to be on the
football team in high school

and you're smoking
already? Oh!

You gotta have
a better attitude.

With your father gone,
your mother's got a lot on her plate.

You gotta be good.

I don't want to go
through this again.

I try to be good.

I don't think so.
Try harder.

Pinky swear?

Jesus.

Hey, you don't talk
to me like that.

See, you're not listening.

Fine. Pinky swear.

All right.

One time I went to Playland...

I saw the cops shoot a friend
of my dad's right in the back.

Yeah, Chickie Sasso. He still
can't move his bowels like normal.

I don't want that
to happen to me.

And it won't, gagootz.
Not while I'm around.

We're gonna see
that it don't.

Junior. Junior.
Where's Candy tonight?

Migraine.

Again with the migraine.

PAULIE: Keep a close eye
on that one.

She keeps disappearing, she's probably
fucking some Tom, Dick and Harry.

- Found a new gravy train.
- (laughs)

(man) A guy checks into a
hotel, calls up the front desk,

"I got a leak in the sink."
Clerk says, "Go ahead.

- Customer's always right."
- (drums beating)

Yeah, that was funnier when
Henny Youngman told it.

No, no, don't... Don't.
Just leave it the way it is.

I wonder what the origin of
the sobriquet "gravy train" is.

They named it after
the dog food.

I don't know
about you, Junior.

Guy tells you your girlfriend's
banging somebody else,

you're worried about
the origin of "gravy train"?

- PAULIE: Oh!
- (laughing)

Oh, smile, my brother.

(man singing indistinctly)

White flight.

Oh!
It's Hopalong Che Si Dice.

Whatever the fuck
that means.

Hey! Language.
There's ladies here.

What can I get you?

Bartender's special tonight,
for the ladies: Pink Squirrel.

Courvoisier and Coke.
Water back.

(scoffs) That what they
drink on the plantation?

(chuckles)

Oh, you didn't hear?
We're off the plantation.

We got wops digging ditches
since they come over.

Hey, come on.

It's Dickie's business.
Let it go, Paulie.

What the fuck's
the matter with you?

You got a murder warrant
over your head.

I'm heading down south.
North Carolina.

So where's your mule?
Get going.

Thing is, I need to
borrow some money.

- How much?
- A grand.

All right, I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna give you
five C's. Yeah?

It's my gift to you.
You don't gotta give it back.

No, I want to pay you back.

Ah, it's better this way. You don't
gotta be afraid to say hello to me,

I don't gotta chase you down.
Won't come between us.

So I guess this is goodbye.

Yeah, you said your goodbye,
so go.

(man singing indistinctly)

You don't stare at those people.
They don't like it.

(chuckles)

DICKIE: Brought you that
record you wanted.

Plus, a couple others
I picked out.

What's this?

Al Hirt. Trumpet.
He's on Carson all the time.

It's not jazz. Take it back.

These, too.

So...

you did your good deed.

Well, don't put it like that.

I plan to do a lot more.

Your poor father, huh?

He goes down to board up that
Atta Boy business that he had...

and he dies
in that horrible way.

It's just weird, though.

What, weird?

My brother's hands were soft.
Like a baby's pishadeel.

Always with the manicures,
your father.

Yeah, what's your point?

He never touched a hammer
or a board in his life.

What's your problem?

Well, for one thing...

my wife, she can't
get pregnant.

You know, it takes a toll.
I want a son so bad.

What would you do?

It's the wanting.

Huh?

The Buddhist will tell you:
"All life is pain."

Pain comes from
always wanting things.

A son is not a thing.

It's the wanting.

You know, Tone, we could still run that
numbers game down at the fucking CYO.

I got fucking suspended,
I can't get in fucking trouble again.

No. Fucking school
will never know.

(young Tony) I want to
make it to the NFL someday.

For that, I gotta
go to college.

So I gotta watch
my fucking ass.

(young Artie) My old man told me I gotta
run his fucking restaurant when I grow up.

What does your old man say?

(young Tony) He says I gotta fucking
rob your old man's restaurant.

(laughing)

Do you know who I'd wanna be?
Your Uncle Dickie.

How he fucking dresses.

He said he'd give me $500 if I
graduate from fucking high school.

Fuck, man.

♫ Destroyed your notion
of circular time? ♫

♫ It's just that demon life
has got you in its sway ♫

♫ It's just that demon life
has got you in its sway ♫

CHRISTOPHER: The '60s ended.

Neil Young gave that
speech from the moon.

Then came the RICO statutes
around when I was born.

I wish I had come before that.

Hey, Uncle Dick.

They're gonna be here soon.
We gotta get inside and hide.

DICKIE: Hey, Anthony,
you go see Dirty Harry like I told you?

"You gotta ask yourself,
do you feel lucky?"

"Well, do you, punk?"

JOHNNY: Madonna.

It's that old fig tree,
in 'Lino's backyard.

- Nothing changes.
- Yeah.

JOHNNY: Nothing changes?

That's... that's
Poupette's house.

- What are you mad at me for?
- Ah, you...

Mother...

How did you let this happen?

Oh, what do you want
from me, Johnny?

I had plenty on my shoulders taking care
of things while you were in the joint.

Yeah.

Raising Anthony. The disaster
with the Electricians Union.

- Ah!
- Your wife with the cramps.

Boo-hoo-hoo!
Look at Dickie Moltisanti.

His father gets whacked,
he steps up.

Takes care of his family,
takes care of all the business.

Not a peep out of him.
He's younger than you.

Yeah.

- (party horn blowing)
- (all) Surprise!

- JOHNNY: Jesus Christ.
- PAULIE: There he is.

All I want to do is bang my
goomar, go to sleep.

- Hey.
- Good to see you.

- JOHNNY: Hey, Paulie, how's your ma, huh?
- PAULIE: Much better.

LIVIA: Johnny.

Hey, baby, how are you?
Come here.

Oh... (chuckles)
Did the surprise work?

You know, I'll tell you
what surprised me.

You got shiners on
the block, huh?

Oh, look at you.
Not a pound.

He's just a regular
Charlton Heston.

JOHNNY: You come,
you visit...

But you don't tell me they moved in.
On my street.

He's a doctor.

- A doctor.
- He's not operating on me.

You gotta berate me
in front of everybody?

Ah, Jesus.

You know, just like always.

Ah, va' a Napoli.

Come on.

JANICE: Hi, Dad.

What do you got on?

Go upstairs, right now,
put on some decent clothes.

Johnny, it's what
they're wearing nowadays.

Go do what I said, Janice.

Sweetie. You recognize
your daddy, pumpkin?

Yeah. That's it. Yeah.

What's the matter with you? Go give
your father a proper hello. Stunod!

(Johnny chuckles)
Come here.

TONY: I missed you, Dad.

JOHNNY: I missed
you too, kid.

(sobs) You know, I made your
favorite pizza gain.

Even though it's not Easter.

I got everybody together.
I dressed up.

And you spit on
it all, on me!

I didn't invite the coloreds
onto the block!

Here we go.

DICKIE: Livia, give him a break.
He just did four years.

LIVIA: I did four years!

(banging vessels)

(music playing)

I missed
your baked ziti, baby.

I put extra veal bones in
with the sausage.

How about you, chooch?
You gonna be a linebacker, huh?

Coach says
I'm gonna be starting.

- He don't have the makings of a varsity athlete.
- (chuckles)

It was up to me,
you wouldn't be playing at all,

but you went ahead and
you forged my signature.

(laughs) Nah, relax.

He's not gonna get hurt.

JOANNE: Here he is.
Fresh from his nap.

- DICKIE: Joanne, Joanne...
- JOANNE: Yeah?

He hasn't met Johnny.

Aw.

JOHNNY: Wow.

Johnny, this is
our Christopher.

(laughter)

JOHNNY: Hello, Christopher Moltisanti.
It's your Uncle Johnny.

I'm back from England.

(laughs)

- Go with your daddy.
- Come here.

Oh! Bambolino!

Finally, huh? Corrado, right?
Got myself a son.

Hi.

I hear he's slow
with the talking.

TONY: Hi, Christopher, hello!

- (Christopher crying)
- Oh!

What's the matter?
Don't cry. It's only me,

- your Uncle Tony.
- DICKIE: Oh!

- What's wrong. Cootchie-coo!
- DICKIE: Oh! Oh!

Okay. All right. All right.

You know, every time you're
near him he cries like this.

I didn't do anything.

- JOANNE: What happened?
- (young Christopher giggles)

It's okay.

Look at that.

I don't know what it is,
it's like I scare him or something.

Some babies, when they
come into the world,

know all kinds of things
from the other side.

(conga playing)

(man 1) Night descends
As the sun's light ends

And Black comes back,
to blend again

- Wake up, nigga
- (audience member) Yes!

And with the death of the sun

Wake up

Night and blackness become one

Wake up

- Blackness being you
- (man 2) Wake up, nigga

(man 1) Peeping through the red
The white, and the blue

Dreaming of bars,
Black civilizations

That once flourished and grew

- Wake up, nigga
- Hey!

Wake up, niggas,
or y'all through!

(audience)
He's right. He's right.

(man 1) Drowning in the
puddles Of the white man's spit

(man 2) Wake up

(man 1) As you
pause for some drawers

- In the midst of shit
- (man 2) Wake up

And ain't got nothing
to save your funky-ass with

- Wake up, nigga
- You cool, fool

Sipping on a menthol cigarette
'round midnight

- (man 2) Wake up
- (man 1) Rapping about how the Big Apple is outta sight

- (man 2) Wake up
- (man 1) When you ain't never had a bite

(man 2) Wake up

Who are you fooling?
Me, you?

(both) Wake up, niggas,
or we're all through!

- (audience cheering)
- (woman) Yeah! Yeah!

CYRIL: That's some inspirational shit.
Even the speeches.

This decides me.

Know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna start my own book.

You're gonna do what?

We're gonna start...

first Black numbers bank
in the Central Ward.

Nigga, you talking about facing
down the motherfucking mafia.

Frank Lucas will be my backer.

He's got money
up his ass from the skag.

You know the Dope King?

Down home.

Country boys.

CYRIL: This ain't Greensboro,
North Cackalacky.

The Italians got
soldiers over there.

Okay?
That's what they call 'em.

What... what's the matter,
you ain't no soldier?

Never thought about
myself that way, no.

Well, think about it.

(Johnny Rocco on TV) Right. "He's got
a gun," you think, "and I haven't."

You figure it's the gun.

Well, listen, soldier.

Thousands of guys got guns,
but there's only one Johnny Rocco!

JAMES: How do you
account for it?

MCCLOUD: Well, he knows what he wants.
Don't you, Rocco?

- Sure.
- JAMES: What's that?

Tell him, Rocco.

Well, I want, uh...

He wants more.
Don't you, Rocco?

Yeah, that's it. More.

That's right, I want more.

Here. Why don't you buy you and
your friends some of those...

McDonald's.

- The burgers?
- Yeah.

- (scoffs)
- JOHNNY ROCCO: You, do you know what you want?

MCCLOUD: Yes, and I
had hopes once, but...

JOHNNY ROCCO: Hopes for what?

MCCLOUD: A world in which
there's no place for Johnny Rocco.

Okay, soldier, you can
make your hopes come true.

But you gotta die for it.

See where I'm aiming?
Right at your belly.

Go ahead, shoot.

(whirring)

- Your turn, Daddy.
- HAROLD: All right.

(music playing)

(car horn honking)

Hey, Hopalong Che Si Dice.

Oh, fuck.

DICKIE:
How's it going, Harold?

Cyril, how's your ass?

How you doing, son?

DICKIE: I'm taking my nephew
to the Yankees game.

(laughing)

Is something funny
back there?

Sorry, Uncle Dick.

No, really, I'm sorry!

You fuckstick.

DICKIE: I heard your ass
was back in Jersey.

You still got that warrant
over your head?

Lead detective died.
Nobody gives a shit.

Leon Overall
had been a white boy,

it'd be a whole
different story.

Hey, Harold, how 'bout you come
around, talk to me over here.

When are you gonna come back
and work for me again?

Got stuff of
my own percolating.

While you're waiting for
that Maxwell House to boil...

Hey, how much he give you?

Like I'm a fucking
Pullman porter.

Man, it's $100.

(music playing)

GIUSEPPINA:
I need to see the lease.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Due per cento
increase every year.

Six and a half years still.

Right?

- I like.
- Yeah.

(song playing indistinctly)

It's Dionne Warwick.

Comes from right over here
in South Orange.

I love Dionne Warwick.

Me, too.

I wonder where she
gets her hair done.

Probably some fancy place
in Beverly Hills.

I bet she pays $100.
Oof! Marone!

I should move
to Beverly's Hill.

Where'd you learn to do hair?

I learned from mia mamma.

- Mmm.
- My...

She had a chair
in the front room.

Women would come,
and I sweep up.

And I watch.

Oh, how wonderful.

But that's not the life
I want for me.

- Mmm.
- Over there,

you get old so fast.

Ten children and a big,
black dress.

You know, over there,

I wanted to be a priest.

- You mean "nun."
- No, no, priest.

Nuns have to do
what they told.

The priest is the boss. Capo.

So you never tried
the convent, huh?

Not for me.

I could not stand the silence.
No male.

No, yeah.

You wind up doing... push-ups
in the asparagus garden.

You know?

(laughing)

What's so funny?

GIUSEPPINA: Nuns.

Yeah. They weren't so funny when
they were hitting me with a ruler.

(kisses)

First thing you gotta do is look at
the lease. Is that, uh, the lease?

We already look at the lease.

It's good.

Oh, yeah? I'm gonna
look it over.

Two percent increase a year,
six years still remaining.

GIUSEPPINA: There's just one
thing I want to make better.

Oh, yeah?

- New sinks.
- Hmm.

Those are disgust.

(chuckles)
We can do that, sure.

This is some
fantastic salsicce.

Guarda basso.

I am worried about
the fucking boiler, though.

Looked like shit.

Inspector says it's fine.

Okay, okay. But the thing
about remodeling is,

you start with the sinks
and then you go,

"We might as well do this
other thing while we're at it."

It spins out of control.

Ah.

We don't want to be pouring
good money after bad.

Can you stop eating
for one minute?

Finisci di mangiare
poi stammi a sentire.

No capisce,
but I'm all fuckin' ears.

So we're not going to buy it
for me, the beauty parlor?

All I'm saying, I don't want us
walking into a stupid situation.

You think I'm stupid?

Oh, let me ask you,
what are you, on the rag?

Every time I say something you don't
like, you ask me if I'm...

il marchese.

First you tell me to find a store
I can turn into beauty parlor.

I do that.
You say it looks good.

Then you say, "No, let's buy a
place already a beauty parlor."

I find this place.
Now the boiler!

Sweetheart, why are we arguing
about fucking plumbing?

I always want to do
right by you!

You know, I love you!

Io ti voglio piu bene di quanto tu
ne vuoi a me, lo vuoi capire o no?

You know
I don't speak Italian!

Maybe you should learn!

Oh, where you going?

To put on a robe.
I'm cold.

(music playing indistinctly)

Better hurry up.
Pot roast night.

Right. You know Wednesdays
I gotta go home.

And what are you
getting so pissy about?

Why did I make the sausage?

To make me happy?

Because I love it?

But it's not as good as
Joanne's fucking pot roast.

Oh, you're digging
at Joanne again.

I hate her.

Of course you do.
It's only natural.

Go home and eat.
I don't want the beauty salon.

No, vaffanculo.

Motherfucker!

You think you know everything!

(door opens)

(door slams shut)

(ice cream truck
music playing)

(grunts)

(thudding)

Jackie, you drive stick?

- Fuck no.
- I do!

TONY: You drive.

Grab his arm, hold him down.

Fucking punks!

ARTIE: We're gonna get in
so much fucking trouble!

My father's gonna
use the belt on me!

You little shit!

If anybody tells anybody about
this, next time we use the belt.

♫ Stand back, stand back,
stand back, ♫

♫ It's my freedom Ah,
don't worry 'bout me, babe ♫

TONY: Oh! Come here!
Free ice cream!

(scatting)

Here, here.

Get more of it.

Here, here. Here you go.
Here you go.

How 'bout this one?
There you go, sweetheart.

That manicott
at Vesuvio's is so rich.

How'd you hear about them
throwing Mister Softee a beating?

LIVIA: His cousin Tony
Blundetto told Janice.

JOHNNY: I was down in the
islands when he pulled that shit.

If I was home, I'd have given
him a schiaffo he'd never forget.

What's he want to be
when he gets older?

Thinks he's gonna be
a football player.

He's good.
I don't think he's pro material.

What do you think, Dick?

Probably not. But who knows,
he puts on a few pounds,

four years of college ball...

He should go to work
for my cousin Frank

in the patio
furniture business.

Here we go with that tune.

So maybe he's not
a ball player, but Li,

you don't wanna step
on the kid's dream.

LIVIA: You always
take his side.

Look, you give him
the best advice you can,

you lead by example,
he'll make the right decision.

This kid's got what it takes.
That's what I'm saying.

We all do things like that
when we're kids, right?

Beat up the Mister Softee man.

If my Christopher grew up to be like
Tony, I'd be goddamn proud of him.

I told him the other day,
I said,

"You play football for a
career, it doesn't last long.

You wind up an old crippled
man by the time you're 32."

Bobby Piocosta, he's a junior,
on Anthony's team.

He fractured
his shoulder last week.

The mother was hysterical.

They had to take him to
a specialist at St. Barnabas.

You think the school's
gonna pay for that?

That's some
Christmas present, huh?

Having your kid laid up. He can't
help outside, hang the decorations.

He can't help
shovel the walk...

(screams)

(exhales)

Don't give me that look.

(panting and moaning)

(music playing)

(grunts)

(both breathing heavily)

I though it will be different.

What?

Make love with a Black man.

Is it?

No.

It's all about
Italian men, huh?

There's stories about Dean
Martin and Rossano Brazzi,

how they're great lovers.

If you feed them.

(laughing)

Oh!

You gotta give Dickie his
meatballs and his noodles.

I'm Dickie's comare.

Dickie and his friends,
they like their women to stay at home.

Don't go out.

Wait on them, hand and feet.

I'd stack my bread
if you were my girl.

You want to have
your own beauty parlor?

Knock yourself out.
I'd even back it.

You want your woman to work?

No, but I'd be
real proud of her.

Owning a business.

My mama used to
take in the washing.

I always respected her
for that.

Dickie says colored men don't
have no head for making money.

Well, that's what
we're gonna find out.

["The Revolution Will
Not Be Televised" playing]

GIL SCOTT-HERON: You will not
be able to stay home brother!

Four, two, seven.

Box it for me?

You know, another nurse
hit the number last night.

Big time.

Damn. Who was it?

What do I know, it was
up in the First Ward.

It was, uh...
It was St. Michaels.

That jinxes it for me.

GIL SCOTT-HERON: The revolution
will not be brought to you

by the Schaefer Award Theatre.

And will not star Natalie Woods and
Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia.

See, the law of averages say you
got the same chance of hitting

as any two random people.

Yeah, but two people
at the same time

don't have
the same chance of winning.

That's the law of averages.

That's a fallacy, Ms.
Johnson. It's all random.

You don't understand fate.

What do you got
for me, professor?

See you tomorrow.

Tomorrow there'll be
a brother here for the pickup.

No more whitey's cut.

What the fuck, man?

GIL SCOTT-HERON:
The revolution will be live.

(tires screeching)

DICKIE: And this Black guy,
Harold McBrayer, popped one of my guys.

He used to be a runner
of mine.

We don't know who ordered it.
We can't find McBrayer.

So what do you
want from me?

I was thinking maybe
you could ask in here.

Nation of Islam,
talk to Alonzo Turner,

see if any of them
knows anything.

I don't talk
to people in here.

I mostly read all day.

How you doing
on your merit badges?

I'm coaching
a beep baseball team.

A who?

It's baseball. For blind kids.

Get the fuck outta here.

No, for real.

(beeping)

(man) Run, run, run, come on!

Shortstop, left!

- (cheering)
- Attaboy!

Way to go, Coach.
Our boys looked sterling out there today.

(all) Two, four, six, eight,
who do we appreciate?

Coach Moltisanti!
Coach Moltisanti!

You're a saint!

(imperceptible)

(U.S. national anthem
instrumental playing on TV)

(snoring)

(car door opens)

(car door closes)

(grunts)

- CYRIL: Oh, shit!
- PAULIE: Gun!

(grunting)

Where's Harold?

In your mother's
fat guinea ass. (groans)

SILVIO: You take that back!

Who put him up to it,
Angelo Salerno?

Anthony Bello?

Chef Boyardee.

- Come.
- (grunting)

Put him on the table!

SILVIO:
Pussy, grab his legs.

(whirring)

What are you gonna do,
rotate my tires?

Dick, I just got this jacket.

(grunting)

You...

PAULIE: Open!

DICKIE: What about it?

(muffled) Fuck you!

(whirring)

Stop for a minute!

God damn it!

Oh! I don't fucking...

- So?
- (groaning)

Harold! Harold McBrayer!

I asked you
whose idea it was!

I told you! It was Harold!
Nobody put him up to it!

Oh.

(groaning)

(grunting)

(panting)

DICKIE: The fucker
acted on his own?

All right, Dickie.

- (dog barks)
- TONY: Go get it.

CHRISTOPHER: That fall, Johnny moved
to the suburbs, the Black thing.

And he was seriously earning.

This move made Tony half a
pussy, in my estimation.

MRS. JARECKI: What made
you think it was a good idea

to steal the answers
to the geometry test?

I didn't study,
and, uh, I needed to pass,

so I could stay
on the football team.

You know,

you got Charlie Nodzak
in trouble, too,

when you paid him
for the answers.

Well, he was the only kid
I knew on the mimeo squad.

Well, Charlie was
on the honor roll.

And you're missing the point.

You know stealing
the tests was wrong.

Yeah, I guess so.

But if you're gonna
kick me out of school,

I mean, you should just do it,
instead of us talking about it.

You talk a lot at home?

I don't know.

Well, your dad, for example,
what does he talk to you about?

The lawn.

What about the lawn?

I don't know,

he goes to Yankee Stadium and he comes
home and says our lawn looks crummy.

What about your mother?
Is she someone who likes to talk a lot?

I guess so.

Well...

what makes her happy?

Happy?

My mother?

(school bell rings)

Let's go, Anthony.

MRS. JARECKI: I wonder if I could talk
to you for a moment alone, Mrs. Soprano?

Well, it's gonna
have to be fast,

'cause I'm parked
at the hydrant.

MRS. JARECKI: On the basis
of the Stanford-Binet,

he's high IQ,
but you know that.

You can't prove it by me.
He's got a D-plus average.

Well, that's because he doesn't
apply himself, but he is smart.

There's a big difference between
a smart person and a smart aleck.

I also administered the Briggs-Myer
personality inventory just now,

and the results tell us,
he's a leader.

(snorts)

"Enthusiastic,
insightful, playful."

Ah, you're talking
through your hat.

He did tell me one thing
I'd like to share with you.

But it's gotta be fast,
because I'm still at the hydrant.

Do you remember
a children's book called

- Sutter's Mill?
- No.

About the gold rush
in California?

Yeah, maybe I do. Yeah?

He told me about a night
your husband was... away.

And you got in the bed
with Anthony and hugged him.

He said that?

No, his exact words were
you "snuggled up close."

Yeah. Yeah,
I remember that now.

You read to him
from that book.

Long into the night,
apparently.

He remembered details.

He didn't know
the word "ingot,"

and you explained it to him.

He said it was one of his
best memories of his life.

ISOLA: Is that a hotel Bible?

I forget where I got it.

Baby, Cousin Cyril is dead.

(laughter)

JOHNNY: You're supposed
to do an hour.

It's an hour on,
ten minutes off.

DICKIE: All of a sudden youse two are
only on 40 minutes and then disappear.

We don't know
where the fuck you are.

We're off somewhere thinking, "What more
can we do for Gentleman Dick and Johnny?"

JOHNNY: Don't get cute.

Where's Giuseppina tonight?

The movies
with her girlfriend.

I would eat her shit.

Oh!

(groans)

You don't talk
about her that way.

In fact, you don't
talk about her at all.

Hey, take it easy!

- I love her. I love her!
- (gunshot)

- JOHNNY: Get down!
- (woman screams)

(gun firing)

- HAROLD: Hey, asshole!
- JOHNNY: Dickie!

Motherfucker!

(woman screaming)

Come on, you fucker.
Come here.

- You like that, huh?
- (gunshots)

- How 'bout that?
- DICKIE: Come on, you motherfuckers.

JOHNNY: Fuck!

(Frankie yells)

No, no, no! Frankie,
Frankie, Frankie! Frankie!

No!

You mother...

Shit!

(tires screeching)

(clattering in the distance)

(sirens wailing
in the distance)

Anthony, come eat!

There's my big boy.

Oh, cool, man, a hamburger.

I thought you'd like a change
from a mortadella sandwich.

I made it special for you.

You look nice.

Aw.

Me and Aunt Mary are going to
the city to see No, No, Nanette.

What's that?

Broadway. A play.

Shoes are killing my bunions.

You should go see
Dr. Cuomo.

We don't go to him anymore.

We don't?

He said some
very rude things to me.

Like what?

He wants me to take pills
for my sleeping.

And... and other things.

(sighs)

I'm not some lunatic.

No, but maybe some
medicine would be good.

Ah, you and your father.
Why don't you get in line to blame me?

I wasn't blaming you,
I was just saying...

This new thing...
called Elavil.

For people who are sick
in the head.

♫ Go runnin' for the shelter
Of a mother's little helper ♫

What?

It's a song.

It's by the Stones.

Exactly what I'm talking about.

They're drug addicts.
I don't take drugs.

The song's not saying
that you take drugs, it's...

You smoking marijuana,
I suppose?

Mom, I'm on the team.

Your sister is.
I'm almost sure of it.

- This hamburger's great, Mom. It's really good.
- Agh!

Go on.

I went to all that trouble

just so we could have a nice
conversation for once, and for what?

How am I supposed to enjoy
a Broadway show

with my children
and their pot?

Ma, I don't smoke pot!

Well, your sister comes in here
smelling like a gypsy.

Well, I'm not my sister.
I'm always being accused.

Oh! Poor you!

(footsteps running)

(door slams shut)

(man 1) Sempre, sì,
sempre problemi al cuore.

Don't look so blue, kid.

You and me'll cut out,
go play catch.

It's raining.

(man 2) ...sa benedica,
gets put in the ground,

all they want to do
is eat my food.

It's not an Irish wake,
right, no food.

You get carried to your car.

Watch your step there, boss.

- How you doing?
- SILVIO: How you been?

(indistinct chatter)

JUNIOR: Eckley,
how's the boy?

Wonder what they
talk about in there.

(thunder rumbling)

Uncle Dick, can I talk
to you for a minute?

What's up, Joe Cocker?

JOANNE: All right, I'm gonna
wait in the car.

You help her? Help her.

Well, spit it out.

You ever heard of this?

Yeah, so, what about it?

Well, my mom's been
in a bad mood lately.

Lately? (chuckles)

The doctor said that this medicine
could help her, but she won't take it.

So what do you want from me?

So I was thinking maybe
you could talk to her.

What about your old man?

Nah, she's not speaking to him.
He did something.

I see the way
she looks at you.

Always sits
next to you at dinners.

She bought you that
fur hat for Christmas.

I never wear it.

I mean... she looks up to you.

And maybe you could
get her some.

You need a prescription.

I can't get it
in my own name.

I know you can get anything.

Don't be a wise-ass.

I'm not, I'm just saying
it could make her happy.

Even Janice says.

Janice.

There's somebody we all
want to take advice from.

JUNIOR: Anthony!

The pros play in the rain.

(groans)

- JOHNNY: Ah, what are you doing, Jun'?
- Uncle Jun'!

(chuckles)

(groans)

Oh, Madonna mia!

Stay down. Don't move him!

Uncle Jun'!

JOHNNY: I just said
don't move him!

(screams)

Your sister's cunt!

Corrado!

JOHNNY: I'm calling an ambulance.
God damn it.

Here you go. Here you go.

- Take my hand.
- Cocksucker!

(laughing)

(groaning)

- (Dickie laughing)
- (thunder rumbling)

♫ No one here can love
or understand me ♫

♫ Oh, what hard luck stories
they all hand me ♫

These are Frank Sinatra, Jr.
tickets for your uncle.

I gotta fly down
to the dog track.

(man on TV) They boast a string
of hits that seems to have no end,

out of Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania,

the mighty Delfonics.

Hey, kid.
How's your rash?

Uncle Dickie around?

(toilet flushing)

Hey.

Mezzanine?

What the fuck.

What?

That medicine.

Oh...

You nervous Nellie,
I got stuff to do.

Hey, hey, come here.

I want to show you something.

Holy shit. JBLs.

A pair of them are yours
to take home.

Yeah, well, they're hot.

Eh, fell off a truck.

Far out, man.

Oh!

DICKIE: Ten-inch woofers.

I want to go to college.

I can't get caught
with shit like this.

Okay, my friend Hesh...

says only goys
and children pay retail.

This isn't wholesale,
it's totally on the arm.

Look...

You want to be a civilian,
I appreciate that. I'm all for it.

But pay attention to me
for once, okay?

You take the speakers, right?

At the same time, you promise
yourself these speakers are it.

Now, you say to yourself,

"This is the last time I'm
ever gonna steal something."

And you stick to it.

It's that simple.

- (grunting)
- (bed creaking)

Maybe... Maybe
I should get on top.

(grunting and groaning)

(groans)

Agh!

Fucking Dickie Moltisanti!

(grunting)

It's more than a month now!

For God's sake, Corrado.

He didn't push you down the
stairs, you slipped.

He got a good laugh
out of it, though.

Any excuse not to fuck.

(heavy breathing)

(man) They don't vote the
motherfucker out of the White House,

somebody gonna
assassinate his lying ass.

Azalea, you got it!

Say, hey!

There's my farm boy
from the Garden State.

- (chuckles)
- Where's my tomatoes?

Brought you collard greens.

Ah, now you talkin'.
(chuckles)

Sit down.

Have a hot chocolate
and Baileys.

So, we square?

(woman) Ooh, Chanel.

Small bills.

You're doing good.

Soon I'll be in
the stratosphere with you.

Call me Buzz Aldrin.

Well, Buzz,
gonna hype you again.

State lottery's coming.

Your woman's not gonna be wearing
French footwear very long.

Now, with smack,

you got white kids coming in
from Long Island, New Jersey,

Westchester
to the East Village,

paying 30 bucks to
stick their arm in a hole.

Invisible person on the
other side finds a vein,

shoots 'em up...

Should tell you something
about the future.

You make a good point.
We'll talk.

Thanks.

This week I gotta...

gotta do something about this
guinea motherfucker or he'll do me.

Ah, DiMeo?

Nah, Dickie Moltisanti.

Controls the numbers,
whole rest of Newark.

You maybe need
an assist on the play?

Why would you want
to do that for me?

I got my own issues
with the Five Families.

I appreciate it, Frank, but...

Terms of the community.

I'd better do this myself.

FRANK: Darryl.

Merry Christmas, Buzz.

(horse whinnies)

(imperceptible)

♫ If I ventured
in the slipstream ♫

♫ Between the viaducts
of your dream ♫

♫ Where immobile
steel rims crack ♫

♫ And the ditch
in the back roads stop ♫

(panting)

♫ Could you find me ♫

♫ Would you kiss-a my eyes? ♫

♫ To lay me down ♫

♫ In silence easy ♫

♫ To be born again ♫

(laughing)

♫ To be born again ♫

♫ To be born again ♫

I'm so hungry.

I got news.

That beauty parlor?
I took it over.

For me?

We'll be partners.

It'll be in my name,
but you'll run it.

Exactly how you want it.
I'll be hands off.

Oh! (laughs)

Oh, Dickie! (squeals)

♫ If I ventured
in the slipstream ♫

♫ Between the viaducts
of your dream ♫

♫ And the ditch
in the back roads stop ♫

♫ Could you find me? ♫

♫ Would you kiss-a my eyes? ♫

♫ To lay me down ♫

♫ In silence easy ♫

♫ To be born again ♫

♫ To be born again ♫

♫ In another time ♫

♫ In another place ♫

♫ In another face ♫

Hey, what did the bartender
say when the horse came in?

"Why the long face?"

You told me that
a million times.

Yeah, so?
Why the long face?

I'm all, uh...

intronata.

You're mixed up? Well,
what are you mixed up about?

So many things.

Ten minutes ago, you were laughing
like an idiot. What did I do?

The beauty parlor.

The beaut...

I thought that's
what you wanted.

More than anything.

But now we partners
in business.

It's like a marriage.

I'm alone so much.

I get lonely.

Maybe you didn't
love me anymore.

Hey, if I don't
love you anymore,

you won't mistake it
for a maybe.

Someone else came along.

(voice breaking) I said yes.

Who?

Don't make me say.

What, you said,
"Yes, come fuck me?"

Is that what you're trying to say?
What else, yes?

It didn't mean
anything, Dickie.

- I love you!
- How many times?

I don't know.

You don't know?

So many times you can't remember?
Who was he?

- I doesn't matter, it's over!
- Who was he?

- I can't!
- Tell me! Fucking tell me.

Promise you won't hurt him!

I don't promise anything,

but you don't tell me,
it's gonna be worse.

Harold.

(exhales)

You fucked that
murdering nigger?

But I don't
love him, Dickie!

I love you! Please! Don't!

No, please! No! No!

(screaming)

(Dickie grunts)

(Giuseppina screaming)

(grunting)

Ah!

(loud rock music playing)

♫ Never in my life ♫

♫ Could I find
a girl like you ♫

♫ Never in my life ♫

♫ Could I find
a girl like you ♫

(Christmas carol
playing on speakers)

SALLY: One thing
I still miss at Christmas...

The Seven Fishes.
My wife used to make it.

And tripe, too.

She could make those two
things, out of this world.

You celebrate Christmas with your
goomar, or you stick around home?

What makes you ask?

I just remember, with my girlfriend,
it was always a big argument.

She died.

So young.

What happened?

Pneumonia.

Pneumonia?

She had weak lungs,
from growing up on the other side.

Fucked up doctors...

So much tragedy
in your life.

Your father, your mistress...

I don't even have
a picture of her.

You know, I... I try so hard.

What kind of God, huh?

I go to church
when Joanne wants.

I try to set an example
for my nephew,

I come see you...

I do all kinds of good things.

You know the Christmas song,
"My Favorite Things"?

Yeah.

Maybe some of the things
you choose to do...

aren't God's favorite.

What are you trying to say?

What do I know?
I'm a murderer.

As far as your nephew goes...

may I make a brief suggestion for a nice
Christmas present you could give him?

I'm listening.

Stay out of his life.

(Christmas carol playing
on speakers)

It's damaged.

And you're out of line
with your prices.

(grunts)

(phone line ringing)

DICKIE: Who is this?

Hey, Uncle Dick, it's Tony.
How's it going?

There's a party tonight,
and I was wondering

if we could get a couple
cases of Rolling Rock?

Uncle Dick?

(line disconnects)

Uncle Dick?

Hello?

There's something wrong
with his phone.

Your ass. Same as last time.

It doesn't have to be
Rolling Rock.

Does he know that?

It's not about
the fucking name brand.

Carmela, you got a dime?

JOANNE: Hello?

Hey, Aunt Jo. It's Tony.

Can I speak to Uncle Dick?

I haven't seen him today.

Yeah?

Well, how's Christopher?

You know, the colic?

For my money, you kids shouldn't
be drinking at your age.

DICKIE: Give me
the goddamn phone.

(line disconnects)

Fuck. Hey, Joe Jerk-off.

(laughing)

What'd you say?

I said, hey, Joe Jerk...

Your sister's twat!

What?

CARMELA: Stop it!

(both grunting)

Stop it!

What do you got for us?

It's what I told you,
furniture. Ethan Allen.

Dinette sets
and, uh, TV trays.

TV trays?

I didn't argue.

- Mmm.
- Fucking truck's not gonna unload itself.

(pounding on door)

I'll let him know.

(pounding on door)

Hey, Sil, I need to talk
to my Uncle Dickie.

He's not here.

His car's here.

Battery's dead.

You know where he is?

Who am I, Rand McNally?

Okay, well...

Merry Christmas, Sil.

You too, kid.

Carmine spotted Harold,
Rockhaven Motel, down on 46th.

Well,
we'll do it tomorrow.

I'll pick you up at 10:00
at the Pork Store.

(pounding on door)

SILVIO: It's the kid again.
I told him you're not here.

(knocking on door)

Turn the lights out.

But the guys,
they're still unloading.

(knocking continues)

(music playing indistinctly)

(pounding on door)

(laughing)

You know...

(sobbing)

(loud music playing)

The fuck are you doing?

TONY: I don't want these!

(music stops playing)

Oh! That was a gift!

You take 'em!

I don't want
any part of this!

None of it! I don't
want any part of this!

JOHNNY: Huh?
What "this"?

What "this"?

SILVIO: Night, Dick.

Dick...

The kid. I don't know
what happened with you two.

But he worships you.

He's got so much potential.

Anthony, with that
loony tune of a mother.

Johnny, who's in line
for a personality transplant...

- What, I'm some kind of example?
- What can I tell you?

You're his best shot.

Ah, I should never
have let this happen.

Get in close.

Dick, he misses you.

What?

Nothing.

Actually...

that's it.

Nothing.

I'm not sure I follow.

Yeah, well.

Okay.

I know I shouldn't
say this, but...

Anthony, he could
end up somewhere.

Be on this thing of ours, even.

Tell him Holsten's, tomorrow.

- There you go.
- Let me finish, for Christ's sake!

9:00 a.m. No later.

This is good.

Okay.

- It's all right, but it...
- Okay!

It's over, go home.

The fuck am I doing?

This one's yours.

(silenced gunshots)

(footsteps depart)

(car door opens and closes)

(car drives away)

(woman) Help!

My God!

Mrs. Moltisanti!

(phone ringing)

Yeah?

(man over phone) It's done.

(line disconnects)

(door bell jingling)

(music playing indistinctly
on speakers)

["Whatever Happened
to Christmas" playing]

♫ Whatever happened
to Christmas? ♫

♫ To the Christmas
way of living? ♫

♫ Whatever happened
to the giving ♫

♫ The magic in the snow? ♫

(whispers) Jun'.

♫ Whatever happened
to Christmas? ♫

♫ It's gone
and left no traces... ♫

You know, they found a couple bottles
of that Elavil in his coat pocket.

Oh.

I used to think
Dickie was so strong.

It shows you never
know about people.

God, he was
my favorite uncle.

Remember when he used
to take us to the movies?

Ones Mom
wouldn't let us go to.

CHRISTOPHER: That's the guy,
my uncle Tony.

The guy I went to hell for.

♫ Woke up this mornin' ♫

♫ Got yourself a gun ♫

♫ Your mama always said
you'd be the chosen one ♫

♫ She said, "you're one in a
million, you got to burn to shine" ♫

Kevin, quit bouncing
that ball.

Go do something useful, man.

Morning.

♫ Your papa never told you
about right and wrong ♫

♫ Hey but you're,
but you're looking good, baby ♫

♫ I believe that
you're a-feelin' fine ♫

♫ Shame about it ♫

♫ Born under a bad sign
with a blue moon in your eyes ♫

♫ So sing it now ♫

♫ Woke up this mornin' ♫

♫ You got a blue moon ♫
♫ Got a blue moon in your eyes ♫

♫ I see ya,
you woke up this mornin' ♫

♫ The world turned
upside down ♫

♫ Lord above,
things ain't been the same ♫

♫ Since the blues
walked into town ♫

♫ Hey, but you're,
but you're one in a million ♫

♫ 'Cause you got that
shotgun shine ♫

♫ Shame about it ♫

♫ Born under a bad sign
with a blue moon in your eyes ♫

♫ Woke up this mornin' ♫

♫ Woke up this mornin' ♫

♫ Woke up this mornin' ♫

♫ Woke up this mornin' ♫

♫ You wanna be,
you wanna be the chosen one ♫

♫ Yeah, you know it 'cause ♫

♫ You just can't
help yourself, yeah ♫

♫ Woke up this mornin' ♫

♫ Got yourself a gun ♫

♫ Got yourself a gun ♫

♫ Got yourself a gun ♫

♫ Santa Maria, Santa Teresa ♫

♫ Santa Anna,
Santa Susannah ♫

♫ Santa Cecilia,
Santa Copelia ♫

♫ Santa Domenica,
Mary Angelica ♫

♫ Frater Achad,
Frater Pietro ♫

♫ Julianus, Petronilla ♫

♫ Santa, Santos, Miroslaw,
Vladimir and all the rest ♫

♫ A man is placed upon the
steps and a baby cries ♫

♫ High above you can hear the
church bells start to ring ♫

♫ And as the heaviness ♫

♫ Oh, the heaviness,
the body settles in ♫

♫ Somewhere you can hear
a mother sing ♫

♫ Then it's one foot, then the
other as you step out on the road ♫

♫ Step out on the road ♫

♫ How much weight?
How much? ♫

♫ Then it's how long and
how far and how many times ♫

♫ Oh, before it's too late? ♫

♫ Calling all angels
Calling all angels ♫

♫ Walk me through this one
Don't leave me alone ♫

♫ Calling all angels ♫

♫ Calling all angels ♫

♫ We're tryin', we're hopin' ♫

♫ But we're not sure how ♫

♫ Oh, and every day
you gaze upon the sunset ♫

♫ With such love
and intensity ♫

♫ Why? ♫

♫ It's, uh, it's almost as if ♫

♫ You could only
crack the code ♫

♫ Then you'd
finally understand ♫

♫ What this all means ♫

♫ Oh, but if you could ♫

♫ Do you think you would
trade in all ♫

♫ All the pain
and suffering? ♫

♫ Calling all angels ♫

♫ Calling all angels ♫

♫ Walk me through this one ♫

♫ Don't leave me alone ♫

♫ Calling all angels ♫

♫ Calling all angels ♫

♫ We're tryin', we're hopin' ♫

♫ But we're not sure how ♫

♫ Calling all angels
Calling all angels ♫

♫ Calling all angels
Calling all angels ♫

♫ Walk me through this one ♫

♫ Don't leave me alone ♫

♫ Calling all angels ♫

♫ Calling all angels ♫

♫ We're cryin', we're callin' ♫

♫ 'cause we're not sure how ♫

♫ This goes ♫