All language subtitles for Babs.2017.WEBRip.x264-XviD.AC3-XVID-English

Hi.

Are you international
superstar Barbara Windsor?

Get stuffed.

What are you doing on the floor?

The four poster was taken.

I've got a couple of
hours between the matinee

and the evening, thought
I'd grab some kip.

Have you eaten?

You need to take better
care of yourself.

I'm alright.

Do you want me to get you
something before you go back on?

Yeah.

What d'you fancy?

A nice steak.

Medium rare, side
salad, new potatoes,

and a glass of champagne.

How about I go and see
if they've fixed the car,

and then grab fish and
chips on the way back?

Perfect.

It'll be okay.

Everything will be alright.

Bet the press can't
believe their luck,

another divorce, end of
the pier one nighters,

and now a toyboy.

Let 'em think what they like.

You and me is all that matters.

Will you be okay
'til I get back?

Course.

Made a right old mess of
things haven't you love?

Not exactly the West End is it.

It's not funny though
dad, look at me.

Knocking 60.

Another marriage
down the toilet.

Skim.

Sitting here talking to myself.

When you got yourself into
trouble when you were little,

what did I tell you?

Take some time, think
through what happened,

go back over everything,
work out what you did wrong.

And don't do it again.

Take a deep breath and you
will be crossing over to...

The sunny side of the street.

Job done.

Sometimes it's
not that easy Dad.

That's your Mother
talking, that is.

Barbara Deeks.

Was I alright?

Why did you do a cartwheel?

I thought it was fun.

Was it your Father's idea?

Come on.

What did I tell you?

Take some time, think
through what happened,

go back over everything,
work out what you did wrong.

And don't do it again.

Deets, reporting for duty ma'am.

Should we salute the soldiers?

Princess Elizabeth.

Well done.

Bye bye!

Bye, bye darling.

Say bye.

Will Daddy know where I am?

I'll write and tell him.

Now, remember what I told you,

you speak nicely to the
people you stay with.

I will.

It broke my heart
when I sent you away.

That dirty old man touched me.

Yeah.

You ought not sent
her off like that.

We sent her to the Norths

as soon as we found
out, they were lovely.

You had no right
sending her away!

How would you know what I should

and have done,
you weren't there!

No, I was fighting
a war, wasn't I!

And they were
dropping bombs on us.

Didn't hit you, did they?

You oughta kept her with you.

Stop it.

They evacuated all the children.

Not all of 'em.

I did what I thought
was best John.

No, you did what you thought
was best for you, you mean.

Stop it, both of you!

What are you doin' love?

I don't know, just
working things out.

Trying to make sense of it.

And you need me to
help you do that?

I always needed you.

We both loved you,

just had different ways
of showing it that's all.

Wasn't my fault she
was a miserable cow.

That's better.

Sometimes a song would
come on the radio.

And you'd scoop me up,
twirl me round the room,

singing and dancing.

I'd see Mum watching us,

all the worries of the
world on her shoulders,

like she had two kids to
worry about of instead of one.

Well she didn't have to be
so serious all the time,

going on at you.

She didn't want you
singing and dancing.

She wanted what was
best for me is all.

It was that talent
scout, what was his name?

Brian Mickey.

He said...

She's really got
something Mrs. Deeks.

I have no intention
of putting my daughter

on the stage thank
you very much.

She's won a scholarship,
highest marks

in the whole of North London.

She's going to be a foreign
language telephonist.

First I'd heard of it.

See?

She changed her mind though.

Yeah, wonder why that was?

She talked about nothing else.

Do you remember Aida Foster,

head of my first drama school?

Should do, cost me enough.

Well Mrs. Deeks,
your daughter isn't

the usual little lady we have
coming through our doors.

She's different.

But we all think
she's got something.

Here we go again.

We don't know what it is,

but she definitely
has something.

Mary, keep those arms up.

They all said that.

But whatever it was,

it was something that
got me a lot of work.

And up, and smile, and up.

Next.

Next.

Next.

Next.

She's got...

Something?

You had something else.

You had my name.

Look at this, you know you
get this from your Father.

Nine hairs and a nit.

It's too thin to
do anything with.

Sorry Mum.

Don't be sorry,
it's not your fault.

I just wish you had
my hair that's all.

Truth is I'm not
sure your father

has got anything
worth passing on.

I've got his laugh too.

Don't remind me.

Talking of things you've
inherited from your father,

do you know this play Mrs.
Foster wants you to do?

Love from Judy.

Well you'll be travelling
all over the country,

it will be your
first very big part.

I know.

And Mrs. Foster doesn't
think Barbara Deeks

is a very good stage name.

Why not?

It just isn't.

She said the Barbara's alright,

it's just Deeks
you'll have to change.

Change my name?

Lots of people do it.

But what would Daddy say?

Barbara, do you want to
be on the stage or not?

Yeah.

Well then, all this money

that we're paying
this Mrs. Foster,

don't you think we
oughta listen to her?

I suppose.

Look, it would just be like
your professional name.

Like Veronica Lake.

Isn't that her name then?

No, her real name is
Constance Ockelman.

I read it in a magazine,
only last week.

So it'd be like
a an acting name?

That should be all
right, shouldn't it?

Daddy wouldn't mind that?

It's up to your father

what he minds and
what he doesn't mind.

This is about
what's best for you.

So, what should I change it to?

I thought, Ellis,
my maiden name.

Ellis.

Either that or with it
being Coronation year,

you could use Aunt Dolly's
married name, Windsor.

Barbara Windsor.

She hated you having my
laugh, having my hair.

Anything that
reminded her of me.

She couldn't do anything
about them, could she?

It was Mrs. Foster's idea.

Course it was.

I was still your little girl.

Walking away again Dad?

Hello!

Now did Mrs. Foster get
you a return ticket?

In my pocket.

Don't lose it, come on.

The judge will ask
you some questions

about your Father
and we need you to

answer them as honestly
as you are able.

Can you do that?

I'll try.

Good girl.

Right.

Can someone find something
for Barbara Ann to stand on?

I think it's much better
if we can see her.

That's better.

Are you alright Barbara Ann?

Yes, thank you.

Now I'm going to ask
you some questions.

No-one is going to
get into any trouble,

we're just trying to work out

what's best for you
and your parents.

Barbara-Ann, have you ever
seen your parents arguing?

Yes.

And have you ever heard

your Father swearing
at your mother?

Yes.

Do you remember
what words he used?

You don't have to
say them out loud,

you can write them down.

Did you ever see your
Father lose his temper?

Sometimes.

With you?

No.

With your Mother?

Yes.

Can you tell me the kind

of things he'd do when
he lost his temper?

If you want to go for a walk,

then go for a walk with
your coat in the gutter!

I don't have to do this!

How are we going to
put food on the table?

And did you ever see your
Father hit your Mother?

Yes sir.

Come on ma.

Come on.

Well done girls!

There's other things too.

It's alright Barbara-ann,

you've told us what
we needed to know.

Well done.

Well done darling.

Is that it?

Yes.

It's all over now.

Daddy and I aren't
together any more,

but the judge says that
you can live with me.

Just you?

Yes, but you can still
see him once a week

and he'll pay for your keep.

But I didn't tell
them everything.

You told them just
what you needed to.

Here's Daddy!

Don't worry about your Father,
you know what he's like.

He wouldn't even look at me.

It will all be for
the best, I promise.

Now, chin up, you've
got a show to do.

Come on, or you'll miss it.

They said I had
to tell the truth.

I thought they'd ask me about
Mum as well, but they didn't.

I know she put you up to it.

Oh and none of it
was your fault?

It wasn't you who
did all those things?

Daddy!

I'm sorry.

I was angry.

You know what I'm like.

There was only one
place in the world

where people seemed
happy to see me.

People to tell me I
was doing alright.

Thousands of 'em.

Every night.

But never you.

I saw you once.

You didn't ought to
have done that Daddy.

Work so hard to make
me your little girl.

Not if you were going.

Leaving a ruddy
big hole I'd spend

the rest of my life
trying to fill.

Big shoes eh love?

Hello again.

You obviously like my number,
you watch it every night.

I think it's
wonderful Mr. Brandon.

Well that's very sweet of you.

Think he was my first crush.

He was queer as a nine bob note.

Don't knock it 'til
you've tried it dear.

You grew up to be such
a pretty little thing.

Boys must've been
buzzing around you

like bees round a honey pot.

People did keep telling
me I had something.

When I got older boys
must have thought so too

as they always seemed to be
fumbling around looking for it.

It was them boobs of yours,

god knows where
you got those from.

Wasn't your Mother.

Well I must have got
'em from somewhere.

Barbara Windsor!

The Director says
your tits are too big!

He wants 'em strapped
up, put this on.

The good thing was,
that once I worked out

what boys wanted, it
came in very handy.

'Specially in
between acting jobs.

Well you haven't exactly got
many qualifications have you?

I've been working as an actress.

Then why do you want
to work in a shoe shop?

I'm in-between parts.

I'll work really hard.

You'll have to memorise all
the shoes, learn about sizes.

Well I'm used to learning lines.

And have you done any selling?

Oh yes, loads.

Liar.

Would you like to try them on?

Ta.

I think you should
get them love.

Are you sure?

They're really dear.

Oh, I'm sure he can afford
them, can't you darlin'?

I wasn't a flirt, not really,

I just learnt that
most men are so full

of 'emselves, they think
you fancy them anyway.

I just didn't tell
'em any different.

The trouble with blokes
is, you let 'em think

they can and they
won't leave you alone.

Voice of experience Dad?

I'm Peter Noble, you're
very cute in this show,

I'm producing a film, I
could write you in it.

Course he could.

My name is Monsieur
Vincent, I am from Paris.

Course he is.

Course you are.

You have a beautiful
singing voice,

I wish for you to
sing in my revue.

I'm Peter Charlesworth,
I'm a song plugger

but I'm setting up as an agent.

I'd like to handle you.

I bet he would.

I bet you would.

I'm Ronnie Scott.

'Course you are.

No I am, really.

I need a new singer for my club,

and you little one,
you've got something.

Bloody musicians.

Oh, I loved Ronnie.

He used to take me to a little
flat above a salt beef shop.

Like I said, bloody musicians.

I'm fed up with you
wasting your time

and your talent Barbara darling,

singing at all these clubs.

But I like singing Peter.

Magician's assistant.

I really liked that job.

Everybody could see you.

What?

In the box.

You were meant to disappear,
everyone could see your bum.

And your foot sticking
out the bottom.

Well they didn't
train me properly.

You were bloody awful
and do you know why?

Why?

Because you're not a
magician's assistant.

You're an actress.

Then get me an acting job.

I have.

You start in The Gimmick
with Bernard Braden

and Barbara Kelly,
two months on tour

then straight into the west end.

Big stars they were.

It was a big break.

You're sacked.

Eh?

Reviews are in.

Barbara number two out
acts Barbara number one!

Hi, I'm Slim Cattan,
I'm a film producer.

'Course he is.

'Course you are.

There's a great
little part for you.

You'll have to talk to my agent.

I'll do that.

All these blokes
wanting something.

I didn't know who to trust.

And that was all
my fault was it?

No.

Well maybe a bit.

When I was little you
always made me feel safe

I suppose part of
me was just looking

for someone else
to do that really.

Did a lot of looking.

Oi, there weren't
that many blokes.

There weren't!

That's not funny.

Sorry.

Did you go and ask about that
job I told you about darlin'?

I was busy.

I put in a word for you, all
you had to do was turn up.

He was bad news.

Yeah, maybe, but
not all of 'em were.

Alright Neil?

Yeah mate.

Aren't you going to introduce
me to this pretty lady?

Who you calling pretty?

You.

You must want your eyes testing,

I ain't wearing any make up on.

You're still pretty.

Watch him Babs, he's
after something.

Ain't they all?

I am after something as it goes.

What?

Your number.

I'll think about it.

Ronnie.

She says she'll be home by
11, you can call her then.

Ronnie.

Stan.

How's jenny and the kids?

Eating me out of house and home.

Give Jen my best eh?

Course.

Alright Ron.

Hi Billy.

Mr. Knight.

Frank.

You've got a lot of friends.

I am a very friendly fella.

Remind you of anyone?

Thank you, I had
a lovely evening.

Me too.

Can we do it again?

I'd like that.

Night.

Night.

You know he's married?

What?

With a daughter and
a baby on the way.

I just wanna see Barbara.

No.

I just want to see her.

No, I told you,
you're not welcome.

If you could just let me in.

No, out you go, come on now.

I just want to talk to her.

She doesn't want to see you.

I need to explain.

Shouldn't you be
explaining to your wife?

It's not what you think.

Oh, it's exactly what I think.

Now out you go, out Ronnie, out!

Barb, Barb!

I just want to talk.

The least I could do was
give him a chance to explain.

Well, it's your life.

I met June when
we was at school,

she got pregnant
so I married her.

Ain't much of a marriage though,

we live very separate lives.

I was gonna tell
you, I swear I was.

I'll get a divorce,
I'll prove it to you.

I don't want you doing
that, what about your kids?

I'll see they're alright.

I don't know Ronnie.

Look, whether I'm
with you or not,

I'm still not gonna be with her.

It's over between us.

I wanna be with you.

Well don't look at me.

Can I trust you?

I'll never let you
down, I promise.

You're not hiding anything else?

Nothing.

No more surprises?

No.

I swear to God.

Oh, please, don't tell me
you didn't see that coming?

I didn't, he swore
he was innocent.

I'm innocent Barb, I swear it.

15 months.

Wait for me!

Come along then!

Yeah, alright!

Slim Cattan, film producer.

We met a month or so back.

Did we?

Yeah, I said I was
making a movie,

there was a great
little part for you,

you said I should
speak to your agent.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, well I did.

And if you're still interested.

Well I've sort of got a
job, I'm singing in a club.

I'm sure we can
work around that.

The movie is called
Too Hot to Handle

starring Jayne Mansfield.

The Jayne Mansfield?

That's right, so,
you interested?

She's interested.

That's great.

I'll be in touch.

Can I ask you something?

Sure kid.

This part.

Why me?

You've just got, something.

Jayne Mansfield.

Is there anything
else Miss Mansfield?

I want flowers in
my dressing room.

Flowers.

Orchids.

Orchids, right.

And a bottle of champagne
on ice for guests.

I always have guests.

Orchids, champagne.

And in the chorus line,
I want all the tall girls

with big chests
moved to the back.

Tall girls with
boobs at the back.

Who's this?

This is Miss Barbara
Windsor Miss Mansfield,

she's playing Ponytail.

She's blonde.

Sure.

Is that a problem?

Have it coloured, light brown.

Sorry, you can't do that
only I've got another job

singing at a club you see

and if I'm not blonde
tonight I'll get the sack.

And do something
about those too.

Stuck up cow.

You alright love?

You've gone white as a sheet.

I feel a bit sick.

He's in Hans Crescent,
a bit more expensive

but you're up and about quicker.

He shoves Amyl nitrates up
your hooter then gets rid.

Doesn't sound very nice.

You could always keep it.

I needed you then.

Because your bloke
was still in the nick.

And your Mum was playing happy
families with her new bloke.

I needed you.

Does it matter why?

I was pregnant.

Is it mine?

Who else's would it be?

Wait, you said was.

Was pregnant.

I got rid of it.

Oh, okay.

You still working at the club?

Yeah.

And I've got a bit
part in a film.

Yeah?

Loads of blokes in it is there?

No.

Still waiting for me then?

Of course I am Ronnie.

I'm sorry.

What for?

All this.

You know.

Me too.

You know I love ya, don't ya?

Waste of space he was.

Don't say that.

True, isn't it?

He was good to me
and I loved him.

You deserved better.

You spent too much
time with him,

got yourself in a right mess.

Oh and your life was
so perfect was it?

I'm not the one in an empty
theatre, talking to myself.

I'm thinking.

Drowning more like.

Wyndham Theatre, Charing
Cross road, tomorrow morning.

What is it?

Ten sharp.

Morning.

What you after?

I'm here for the
auditions at ten.

It's only quarter to.

I know, I'm always early.

Mind your feet, mind your feet.

So what part you up for then?

I dunno, I'm only here cause
my agent told me to be.

Don't you want to be here then?

They said it's for a
musical at Stratford East.

I'd rather be in the west end.

See your name up there
in lights can you?

I ain't being grand,
my Nans a cleaner

at the Pimms factory
in Shoreditch.

It's just that I was
born in the east end

and Mum worked really hard
to get us away from there,

wouldn't be much point if I
ended up back where we started.

Well aren't you a
cute little thing.

Go on in, there's a
kettle in the green room.

Ta.

Hello?

Who are you?

Barbara Windsor.

Oh hello Babs,
Lionel, Lionel Bart.

Hello darling, is
this one of yours?

Yeah.

I couldn't see you there.

You still at the Winston
club with Danny La Rue?

Yeah, you'll have to come down.

I will.

Are you ready?

Yeah, I've had a cup of tea,
the cleaner let me in early.

Do you know what
part you're up for?

No, not really.

It's the part of Rosie,
an Irish prostitute.

Can you do an Irish accent?

No, sorry.

So where are you from?

Shoreditch.

Do they have prostitutes
in Shoreditch?

A few.

Then give me an East End Rosie.

When you're ready.

'Ello, short time, mister?

It's five bob for a J'
Arthur, ten bob for a plate

and a quid for the
full card trick.

That was very good.

Thank you.

Can you sing?

Yes.

Have you got something prepared?

Are you gonna play piano Lionel?

If you can sing,
you don't need him.

Go on love, just give it to 'em!

Where have you been all my life?

You're a wonderful little bird,

well not quite a bird,
not yet, more an egg.

Oh, you're the cleaner.

This is Joan Littlewood Babs.

And you, little birds egg,
got the job at the stage door.

Alright everyone, Fings
Ain't What they used To be.

Get yourselves into a circle,

we'll do a first read
through of the script.

But I want you all to
read each others parts.

Barbara I want you to
play Tosher the ponce.

You said I'm playing Rosie.

Yes, but for now I want
you to play Tosher,

find out what his character's
about, what his problems are.

Who he is.

But he's a bloke.

See, you're learning
already, birds egg.

Costumes.

Here, grab a hat, I
want you to improvise.

Now, switch genders, fully
inhabit each others roles.

Now, get into character.

Push his masculinity
little bird.

Yes, that one's
very good on you.

Now, switch characters.

This is a trust
exercise back to back,

up and down, now work together.

Stab and moan.

Very centred, very earthed.

Think about the
underbelly of the city.

Bigger, stronger, more liquid,

smooth like you are
moving through oil.

Now, stab, stab!

Very good!

Really kill!

Now look at the model
box, here we've got

Fings Aint What They Used To Be,

it comes down here like that.

Break the other
sets, stripped back.

Nothing for you to hide behind.

Back to the script.

Right, let's do it again,
everyone switch characters

and this time don't sing
the songs, speak them.

I don't get it.

We've read it backwards, sideways,
read other peoples parts,

pulled the story apart, then
put it back together again.

I mean?

You've changed the
songs, the lines,

who was doing what, and then
changed it all back again.

Why can't we just
all learn our parts,

learn the songs and
just get on with it?

You're not really enjoying
yourself are you birds egg?

No, I'm not.

Too much like hard work?

No.

What then?

You don't like doing new things?

Doing things differently?

I'm just asking why we can't
just rehearse it normally.

Because I'm trying to
find something else,

to make it better than
it has a right to be.

But I hate it.

So why don't you piss off then?

What?

You heard me.

Piss off to the west end if
that's where you'd rather be.

Alright then, I will.

That's it girl, you tell her.

That was terrible, I think
you should do it all again.

I've spoken to the Wyndham.

They've got some flamin' cheek.

Joan Littlewood is the most

innovative theatre director
this country's ever seen

and you've just
walked out on her.

She told me to piss off!

That didn't mean you had
to actually piss off!

Yeah, well I did.

Do you know how many actors,

with ten times the
experience you've got

would give their right arm
to work with Joan Littlewood?

Well let 'em then.

Barbara, please don't do this.

You've worked really hard
for an opportunity like this.

Don't waste it.

Stubborn.

Just like your Father.

Oi, oi!

More articulate!

More dynamic!

Hello birds egg, carry
on everyone don't stop.

Had a nice time up west?

See your name up
in lights did you?

Yes, it was very nice thank you.

Can I play Rosie now?

Someone find her a script.

Here y'are Barb.

What's this?

Joan asked me to
write a song for you.

She really thinks
you've got something.

Do you wanna give it a go?

What, just sing it, properly?

Sit her on a box.

What?

Centre stage, on a box.

Now sit on your hands birds egg.

My hands?

Yes your hands.

Otherwise you'll go
all west end on us,

waving your arms about like

you're flaming Judy
Hamin' Garland.

You got a minute Bar?

I've got some good friends in,

they'd really love to meet you.

'Course darlin', bring 'em in.

Bar, these are the Kray twins,

Ronnie and Reggie, and
their brother Charlie.

Hello boys.

Very nice to meet you.

You too.

We really enjoyed the show.

You were fantastic.

Thank you.

Can I get you all a drink?

No thank you.

We don't want to take up
any more of your time.

We've got a club on the
Mile End road, the Kentucky.

You should try and drop in.

Chuck knows where it is.

I might just do that.

Come on then, let's
leave the lady in peace.

Oh well, alright.

Well it was very lovely
to meet you boys.

That drink you offered?

Thought I might
take you up on it.

Oh.

Tomorrow night.

Maybe have a bit
of dinner first.

Blimey, you're not shy are you?

Was that a yes?

We'll see.

Thanks for that Bar.

No problem darling, they
seem like nice boys.

Yeah.

You've been doing alright
for yourself Barb.

I work hard.

I've been dreaming about
you doing me a fry up.

Don't get your hopes up,
I ain't much of a cook.

You missed me then?

Course I have.

You've been in the papers a lot.

Like I said, I've
been working hard.

Things are going really well.

Well we can enjoy it
together now can't we?

Yeah.

So you ready for this then?

Not half.

Hardly your scene,
was it darlin'?

Housewife.

Just had a call, actually
I've had lots of calls,

how d'you fancy
doing some telly?

Not really.

Good, I'll tell them
you'll be there.

Well hang on, you haven't
even told me what it is yet.

It's a new comedy set
in a dress factory,

called The Rag Trade.

They love you, it's a hit.

The Tony Hancock
people want to see you

and there's a part in a film
called Sparrows Can't Sing,

now the director wants you
but the producers don't,

so we'll just have to
see how that plays out.

Who's the Director?

Either birds egg does it,
or you can all piss off.

I've just heard,
you've got the part.

So you're married to Jimmy
Booth who goes off to sea,

comes back and
you've buggered off.

We'll be shooting it
in Stepney mostly,

so you'll feel right
at home birds egg.

Oh, there's a scene at
the end in a night club,

do you know anywhere
we could use?

We don't normally allow shooting

in our club Miss Littlewood,
but on this occasion,

as you're a friend of Barbara's,
it would be a pleasure.

Well we're very grateful.

Do you mind if we get a picture?

Course not darlin'.

Right.

Smile.

Thank you.

You're very welcome.

The bloody hyenas are
gathering, birds egg.

The press are outside.

Apparently your boyfriend's
been arrested again.

It was a fit up Barb.

It always is.

They can't prove nothing,
they're just trying it on,

my brief reckons
she'll get me off.

You can't keep
doing this Ronnie,

I'm in the west end now,
I'm doing a new film,

the papers are all over me,
you have to tell me the truth.

I'm the one stuck out here
trying to deal with all this.

Shouldn't you be worrying
about me and not yourself?

Or are you getting
too grand for me

now that you're a big star?

No.

I am worried about you.

Then act like it.

Sorry.

Hey wait a minute!

Who's that?

Look Charlie I've
made up me mind,

I ain't coming back to you,

I don't ever wanna
meet you again.

You've already met
me haven't you?

Yeah, well.

Anyway I'm going home.

I'm coming with ya.

Shut up!

Can't think when you look at me.

Miss Barbara Windsor's
latest film role

in Sparrows Can't Sing
has proved a success

on both sides of the Atlantic

with Miss Windsor nominated
for a Bafta award,

cementing her place at the
very top of her profession.

In other news, Miss
Windsor's current beau,

Ronnie Knight has
been found not guilty

of theft from a
Chelsea power station.

What did I tell ya?

Ronnie.

What do you want?

I'm talking with my client,
if its all the same.

It's work, Ronnie.

You go on home, I'll be home
later, cook you a nice meal.

You don't know him
like I do, nobody does.

Be that as it may, it
seems that in typical

Windsor fashion, you seem to
have two tigers by the tail.

Eh?

Ronnie Knight and your career.

The offers are flooding in,

the best of which seems to be

from a producer
called Peter Rogers.

Peter Rodgers?

Yes, he wants you
for his next film.

Well that's amazing!

What is it?

It's a comedy.

Oh.

No, I think it'll
be good for you.

To do something
funny after Sparrows.

What's it called?

Carry on Spying.

Oh and I almost forgot,
June's agreed to a divorce,

so I was thinking.

What?

Well everywhere I go everybody
calls me Mr. Windsor.

So I thought.

Ronnie don't do this.

Do what?

You're gonna propose.

Don't you wanna marry me then?

I just like things
the way they are.

Good, and they'll be
exactly the way they are.

Only we'll be married.

Ronnie.

I mean it Barb, either
you marry me or I'm off.

You don't mean that.

Don't I?

Would it really be so bad?

Being my wife?

No.

Alright then.

You're a good girl.

You're not gonna get down
on one knee or anything?

Nah.

Alright everyone settle
down, this is Barbara,

she'll be playing
Daphne Honeybutt.

Don't worry Babs,
they're a good lot.

All right, arrival
at the restaurant.

Alright Babs?

Yes, ta.

Watch out for Kenny,
he can be difficult,

he doesn't really
like new people.

I've heard he's a
pain in the bum.

Watch he doesn't hear you.

Don't care if he does.

Didn't he fall out
with Fenella Fielding?

It's Kenny Babs, he's
fallen out with everyone.

Oh.

Alright, let's make
a start please.

Hi'ya!

And turn over.

117, take one.

And, action.

You can come in now.

Hello, good evening.

My cloak, thank you.

May I have your hat sir?

Thank you very much.

Thank you sir.

Ta.

Oh yes, well, never mind,
hair today, gone tomorrow.

What do we do now sir?

Well now we'd better split
up, you two go in together,

but from now on you don't
know me and I don't know you.

Understood?

Of course sir.

We don't know you.

Cut!

Babs, the line is
yes of course sir,

we don't know who you are.

Sorry everyone, my fault.

Darling, do please get it right.

Don't you talk to me like that

with Fenella
Fielding's Minge hair

stuck round your chops cause
I won't bloody stand for it!

Isn't she wonderful, I love her!

I'm Kenny!

I'm Barbara.

How lovely to meet you,
you are funny, aren't you?

Hey, how did you
know about all that?

From now on, you don't know
me and I don't know you.

Yes of course sir, we
don't know who you are.

That's right, mums the word.

Hello birds egg.

Hiya.

I've been asked to do

Oh What a Lovely War on
Broadway, do you fancy it?

I dunno, I'm not sure
it's my cup of tea.

Why?

Well it's a company
piece isn't it?

Nothing really for me
to get my teeth into.

Too grand for it now
you're a movie star?

No, I just like what
I'm doing, that's all.

Carry on Spying?

Well now who's being
bleedin' grand?

Did I mention it was
bleedin' Broadway?

I know, and I'd love
to do that one day,

with the right play, I'm just
not sure that this is it.

If you're not careful,
you'll end up playing

this sexy little blonde
for the rest of your life.

Spread your wings little bird.

Can I let you know?

I'll have to talk to Ronnie.

Quick as you can, birds egg.

All right.

If that's what you wanna
do babe, then do it.

It's for a few months.

I got fifteen months remember,
we lived through that.

He said I can go.

Good girl, see you in New York.

Think we might have another hit.

Do you think so?

You're the toast of
Broadway Babs, enjoy it.

Come on, someone
wants to meet you.

Who?

You'll see.

Warren.

Here she is!

Hi.

Oh, oh hello.

I just wanted to
say I saw the show,

I thought you were terrific.

And congratulations on
your Tony nomination.

Thank you.

Sorry, have we met?

Only you look really familiar.

I'm Warren Beatty.

Yes you are.

Yes I am.

Well I'm glad we
cleared that up.

Maybe we could have a drink
while you're in New York?

Tea at Sardi's Maybe?

Oh that sounds really nice.

I'll give you a call.

He's got the hots for you.

Me?

Don't be stupid, no he hasn't.

It's Warren Beatty, he's
got the hots for everyone.

For you.

Wasn't all work though, was it?

Shepard Coleman?

Oh no, dad, don't.

I thought that's why we're here,

you trying to make
sense of things.

I am.

Well then you shouldn't
miss things out,

might be important.

I was a long way from home.

I'd never met anyone
quite like him before.

It wasn't about sex.

We spent most of
our time talking,

til three or four in
the morning sometimes.

The most conversation
I'd ever had with Ronnie

was how many eggs he
wanted with his fry up.

I didn't know it
could be like that.

Being with Shep in New York

made me realise that marrying
Ronnie had been a mistake.

He wanted me to stay, but
we both knew I couldn't.

See, it's better
to talk about it.

Yeah, you're right.

So shall we talk
about when I got back?

Are you Barbara Deeks?

I was.

Do I know you?

I'm married to your Father.

Well that was a nice
surprise, wasn't it?

So I remarried, big deal.

And didn't you want me
to be your bridesmaid?

You weren't a part
of my life then.

You were always a part of mine.

I'd had a heart attack.

Come in.

Daddy?

Hello love.

How are you?

Julie said you've been ill.

You need to look
after yourself better.

Stop fussing.

Well.

You've been making quite
a name for yourself I see.

I wasn't sure you knew.

Made me very proud.

Should be proud of yourself too.

Doing so well.

Every audition I went to sung

Sunny Side of the Street,
just like you showed me.

And every time I got the job.

Well you always was Daddy's
little girl weren't you?

I still will be,
if you'll let me.

Not been much of a Dad, have I?

Don't say that.

It wasn't easy, I know that.

But all this time,
whatever I was doing.

Part of me was hoping
that you'd be watching,

and that maybe you'd
come and see me.

I nearly did, a 100 times.

You're here now though eh?

Yeah.

It was like I was
five years old again.

I think that's enough
now, he's getting tired.

But I've only just got here.

She's alright.

The doctor said
you weren't to get excited.

He needs peace and quiet.

Oh okay.

Well maybe I could
come back then,

or you can come to dinner?

At mine when you're up to it.

I'd like that.

Right then, I'll show you out.

He will be alright, won't he?

Yeah, I'll look after him,
just as I have been doing.

Well I'm here now, I can help.

If I need anything, I'll
be sure to let you know.

After I came to see
you, I kept calling,

writing you letters.

Why didn't I ever hear from you?

We weren't expecting you.

Well, we thought with
it being Christmas.

You should have phoned first.

I have been trying.

I want to see my Dad.

Who is it?

Merry Christmas Daddy.

I don't want nothing off you.

Hold on Mr. D,
what are you doing?

You can stay out of it an' all.

She's your daughter.

Not any more she ain't,

you ain't been to
see me for months.

Well now I don't
have time for you.

I have tried to see you
Dad, I called, ask her!

I said get out!

You know what John, if you
wasn't an old man, so help me.

Get out.

You heard him.

We want you to leave.

Daddy please don't do this!

Come on.

Come on.

How could you have done that?

She didn't tell me
that you were calling.

I thought you'd just
forgotten about me.

Well you could have asked me.

I saw red.

Like you did that day in court?

Oh there you go, drag all
that up again, why don't ya?

This isn't dragging it up!

It's my life!

All I ever did was love you.

Think the best of you.

All you ever did
was push me away.

Didn't do you any harm, did it?

Taught you stand on
your own two feet.

Toughened you up.

You really believe
that don't you?

It's true, isn't it?

And you're always
right, aren't you Dad?

I was right about
that bloke of yours.

Barb wait, Barb!

So while the police were
kicking down your front door

and questioning you
all night, guess what?

He was shagging someone else.

Alright, I know!

I'm a bad judge of men,
story of my bleedin' life.

And you know why Dad?

Because I believe them.

I believe them when they said
everything will be alright,

that I'm the only girl
they've ever really loved

and that we'll live
happily ever after.

Just like I believed
you when you said it.

So you want to go back to work?

Yes please.

Well they've offered you Carry
On film, Carry on Doctor.

Don't tell me, I'm a
sexy little blonde nurse?

How did you guess?

Who else is in it?

Usual crowd, they're trying
to get Sid James back.

He's been ill, but
said he'd do it

as long as he can stay in bed.

Go on then, I just
want to be busy.

You're a proper
actress little bird,

if you do this, that's
all you'll ever be.

The sexy little blonde.

You always was daddy's
little girl weren't you?

You don't know him like I do.

I'll never let you down.

You are a wonderful little bird.

Barbara number two
out acts Barbara number one.

I need a new singer for my club.

Nominated for a Bafta awards...

Where have you been all my life?

Can't turn the clock
back, can we love?

No.

What you doing here love?

Phone's not ringing
like it did Dad.

You'll always get work.

There's not much call for
fifty year old, sexy blondes.

You're much more than that
and all this is just a blip.

You wait and see, any time
now, you'll be crossing over.

My whole life, I've never
been able to find it.

The sunny side of the street.

And you know why Dad?

Cause there was always
your shadow across it.

Always making me think
I'd done something wrong,

that I'd let you down somehow.

So I could never
quite see the sun.

It left me trying to make
it better all the time,

to please you.

To make you happy with me again.

To make you pick me up
and twirl me round again.

And you weren't
bloody there were you?

I don't need this.

So I tried to make everybody
else happy instead.

Hoping that just one
of them would make me

feel the way that you did.

And that's all I've
ever been doing.

Since the day you walked past me

in that court room
like I didn't exist.

A little girl trying to make
her Dad happy with her again.

How could I have kids when
I'm still a kid myself?

And how could I
love anybody else?

I can't do it anymore Daddy.

I need to be happy.

It's my time now.

Ta da!

The car's done, but it
was two hundred quid.

Still, they reckoned
if we hadn't stopped

when we did, it would
have been a new engine.

So at least we don't have to
go to Wimbledon on the bus.

That'd be something wouldn't it?

You, turning up on a bus?

What?

Ain't you lovely?

Yeah, I am.

So what's brought this on?

Just had a walk round,
cleared me head.

Good, you'll need a
clear head munchkin,

cause we're gonna get you
out of these one nighters

and into a proper acting job.

Show 'em what you can do.

You reckon?

Nobody knows who I am any more.

Don't be daft, you're
Barbara bleedin' Windsor.

Here, maybe we should
change the posters.

One night only, Miss
Barbara Bleeding Windsor.

It'll do, until they
make you a dame.

We're gonna be alright,
aren't we darlin'?

Me and you?

Of course we are.