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1
00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:54,900
Eugh! Ohh!
2
00:01:04,380 --> 00:01:07,400
Oww! Aaaaagh!
3
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:24,360
Would you like to buy a ticket
in my lottery?
4
00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:32,020
The first prize is me
and a wild weekend in Cleethorpes.
5
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:41,320
He's got a rash on the inside
of his arm, right into his elbow.
6
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:45,820
It's usually guilt.
It may be something he's eaten.
7
00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:51,440
In my experience, it's a bad
conscience. They come out in spots.
8
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:57,920
My Barry hasn't got anything
to feel guilty about. He works for a building society.
9
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,920
They've always got something
to feel guilty about.
10
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:06,900
Maybe not enough to bring 'em out
in spots, but always a few pimples.
11
00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:12,320
And speaking of pimples...
12
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,900
What a morning!
13
00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:19,000
What a morning for
a good, long ride on your bicycle!
14
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:23,480
THEY BREATHE IN HEAVILY
15
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,000
Wrong.
16
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:33,940
Wrong?
What a morning for doing the windows. Back and front!
17
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,440
Wesley! Yoo-hoo!
18
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,720
Wesley! Can I have a word with you?
19
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,760
Wesley!
20
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,380
Wesley, get your body in 'ere!
21
00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:01,160
Now what have I done?
22
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:05,180
Stand on that newspaper
and don't move.
23
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:09,140
It's been a quiet week.
I thought it wouldn't last.
24
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,880
You missed a bit, Howard.
25
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:21,000
Missed a bit?
I'm missing everything.
26
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,920
Life is passing me by, Cleggy.
27
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:31,900
It does that if you're lucky.
If it stops and involves you, that's when the trouble starts.
28
00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:37,620
Why aren't you on your bicycle? On
a morning like this you should be!
29
00:03:37,620 --> 00:03:42,620
Why should I be on my bicycle?
I'm only going to the dustbin.
30
00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:46,620
It's such a lovely morning
for a bicycle ride.
31
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:51,600
Especially if you went by a shady
lane and met a certain lady.
32
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:57,160
You could tell her I'm sorry,
but I couldn't get past Security.
33
00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,220
Shady lane? On a bicycle?
34
00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:07,320
There's a highway code at work
down there, Howard, that's only for advanced motorists.
35
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:20,640
I'm looking at you
because you gobble your food and then you're off to that shed again!
36
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:27,760
I want to make sure I haven't
been living with a stranger! You saw me at breakfast.
37
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:34,180
I HEARD you at breakfast,
behind your newspaper crunching your sugar-coated Popsicles.
38
00:04:34,180 --> 00:04:38,680
You never let me in the house.
Not in that condition!
39
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:45,040
You're welcome in the house
if you're not covered in oil. Can I go now?
40
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:51,040
Yes. I wanted to make sure
if we passed in the street, I'd recognise you.
41
00:04:52,060 --> 00:04:54,040
Feet!
42
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:05,920
Personal question, pay attention!
I haven't got time to listen to twaddle.
43
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,820
It's important. Pay attention.
44
00:05:08,820 --> 00:05:13,480
What about you? Have you got
a personal question too?
45
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:20,980
Not me. I've always made a practice
of never getting personal with anybody. Tha got married!
46
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:25,460
Only superficially.
47
00:05:25,460 --> 00:05:30,180
It never really interfered
with my amateur status.
48
00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:38,320
Get on with it. Your question?
It better not be too personal or you might be shorter by a head!
49
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:45,540
It's a perfectly "civilical"
question. Does tha think Nora Batty finds me attractive?
50
00:05:45,540 --> 00:05:51,140
I think she finds you scruffy,
obnoxious and a damn nuisance!
51
00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:56,580
Apart from that? I should think
that's enough to be going on with!
52
00:05:56,580 --> 00:06:03,440
It's all bluff. It sounds
pretty accurate to me. And to me.
53
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:10,580
She puts on this big act,
pretending she thinks I'm a dillop. Are you sure it is an act?
54
00:06:10,580 --> 00:06:13,980
Everybody thinks you're a dillop!
55
00:06:13,980 --> 00:06:16,540
It's all flannel.
56
00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:23,480
On the surface she might come on
like it's winter, but underneath it's springtime.
57
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,320
Who loves ya, baby?
58
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,640
Who can I get to take the message?
59
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,100
Eli.
60
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:46,360
Hey, Eli!
61
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,320
Eh? What?
62
00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:57,840
They should keep their dogs
on a lead!
63
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,600
Eli...
64
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,240
Wahoo!
65
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,880
Hey-up!
66
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,560
That's a great little boat.
67
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,240
It's bobbing about a lot.
68
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:24,000
So what?
I think I'm gonna be sick.
69
00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:29,820
You'd be the first to be sick
just watching a paper boat.
70
00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:36,840
I've never been a good traveller.
I told them that when they called me up during the war.
71
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:43,020
We're supposed to be
a seafaring race. Well, somebody has to come last.
72
00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:48,500
His cap's not falling to pieces.
A few stitches will put that right.
73
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:52,560
Get yourself a new cap,
you tight one!
74
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:57,640
Listen who's talking!
How much do YOU spend on clothes?
75
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,280
I'd spend it if I had it.
76
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:05,640
It's not just the money,
Little Willie person.
77
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:10,660
There were a time
when I were a snappy dresser!
78
00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:16,060
Then how come you've always managed
to look like a sack of manure?
79
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:20,960
Ah, yes. But then he was a sack
with very jazzy stripes.
80
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:25,960
Anyroad, it's not what tha wears,
it's the way tha wears it.
81
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,940
Or in your case,
the way you wear it out.
82
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:51,330
How can anybody cleaning windows
manage to have an argument with a bicycle?
83
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:55,810
I suspect his handlebars
are out of alignment.
84
00:08:55,810 --> 00:09:00,130
That's very like what my mother
used to say about you.
85
00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:03,770
You're a lot like your mother.
86
00:09:06,830 --> 00:09:11,350
Put your leg away before
it drives somebody apathetic.
87
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:14,370
DOORBELL RINGS
88
00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:18,350
Who can that be?
Well, go and find out!
89
00:09:24,570 --> 00:09:28,210
This woman I'm supposed
to give the message to - what does she look like?
90
00:09:33,350 --> 00:09:38,290
What was that?
Jehovah's Witness.
91
00:09:42,590 --> 00:09:46,550
Eli? What sort of witness
would HE make?
92
00:09:50,470 --> 00:09:54,790
Cleggy remembers
when I were a snappy dresser.
93
00:09:54,790 --> 00:09:59,250
Not really.
I must have been out that day.
94
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,810
I'm talking when we were young.
95
00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:06,810
Instead of being old and tatty,
you were young and tatty.
96
00:10:06,810 --> 00:10:10,810
Irene Hodgkiss thought
I looked terrific.
97
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:16,770
Irene Hodgkiss used to go round
banging her head on walls for pleasure.
98
00:10:16,770 --> 00:10:21,330
I often wonder why she did that.
You don't like to ask.
99
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:24,210
It were something she were good at.
100
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:28,590
"What did you do at school today,
Irene?"
101
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:34,910
Banging your head against walls
is not a bad way to train yourself for life.
102
00:10:34,910 --> 00:10:38,910
She only did smooth walls.
Had to be plastered.
103
00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:42,910
No wonder she fancied you.
You looked plastered.
104
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:46,830
She fancied me
because I looked terrific.
105
00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:50,630
Compared to a wall, yes.
106
00:10:52,670 --> 00:10:57,550
Listen, Josephine.
I can still pull the birds.
107
00:10:57,550 --> 00:11:00,450
Pass.
108
00:11:00,450 --> 00:11:05,470
I always found it was the uniform
that turned the ladies on.
109
00:11:05,470 --> 00:11:09,990
I have fond memories of coming home
to a hero's welcome.
110
00:11:09,990 --> 00:11:16,850
Give over!
If a bloke's got animal magnetism, it don't matter what he wears.
111
00:11:18,630 --> 00:11:26,650
I always think that a cardigan
and weskit is a great way to stop the senses from becoming inflamed.
112
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:32,690
When did you have animal magnetism?
It looks more like moths.
113
00:11:32,690 --> 00:11:39,590
I've still got it. How does
tha think I kept the flame alive in Nora all these years?
114
00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:42,990
Better with the fire brigade!
115
00:11:42,990 --> 00:11:49,530
I admit you raise her temperature,
but that is irritation, not fascination.
116
00:11:49,530 --> 00:11:56,090
Give over! She's my bird
and she knows she's my bird. Hey-up! What's wrong with Norm?
117
00:11:56,090 --> 00:12:01,150
It's just that image
of Nora Batty as a bird.
118
00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:06,530
I'd just die if I saw her perched
on a rooftop by moonlight.
119
00:12:07,590 --> 00:12:15,010
Has she ever gone out with you or
invited you to tea? Not that anyone in their right mind ever would.
120
00:12:15,010 --> 00:12:17,570
We don't like rushing things.
121
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:21,730
It's not the impression we get
when you're eating.
122
00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:27,330
You're on. It's a bet.
123
00:12:32,550 --> 00:12:37,530
It sounds risky to me. Mind you,
most things sound risky to me.
124
00:12:37,530 --> 00:12:41,730
Let's get down to details.
Have you got some money?
125
00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:45,730
I won't be needing any.
This is a bet I'll win.
126
00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:50,750
Don't give me that. I want to see
the colour of your money.
127
00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:54,750
Before you call in
the Serious Fraud Squad,
128
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:59,730
I will give thee my next three
days' gee-gee money if I lose.
129
00:12:59,730 --> 00:13:02,290
I think he's serious.
130
00:13:02,290 --> 00:13:08,790
I think he's delirious.
Not only risking money, but kissing Nora Batty!
131
00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:13,250
It's a piece of cake.
I'm always kissing Nora Batty.
132
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:18,230
Yes, but the bet is that before
sunset tonight, she'll kiss YOU.
133
00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:20,750
No problem.
134
00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:28,610
I'd find it a problem if she was
kissing me. She never kisses anyone. She never even kissed her husband.
135
00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:32,630
Women don't go round
kissing their husbands.
136
00:13:32,630 --> 00:13:39,190
I'm not her husband.
I'm that magical, attractive figure what lives next door.
137
00:13:39,190 --> 00:13:41,670
Nora Batty!
138
00:13:41,670 --> 00:13:44,150
Here I come!
139
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:55,430
Are my lips on straight?
Get on with it.
140
00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:59,490
I'm looking forward to this.
Bravest thing ever!
141
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:04,510
Pure pleasure. I'd rather kiss
Nora Batty than one of my ferrets.
142
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:08,530
For me, it would have to be
a really nasty ferret.
143
00:14:08,530 --> 00:14:14,990
Before your wellies
get really steamed up, remember she has got to kiss YOU.
144
00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:21,150
I know what I'm doing.
I've got three days' gee-gee money going on this.
145
00:14:21,150 --> 00:14:25,170
Get on with it, then.
I'm going, I'm going!
146
00:14:39,910 --> 00:14:42,790
DOORBELL RINGS
147
00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:47,570
I don't like to think
of him being in any danger.
148
00:14:47,570 --> 00:14:55,170
Don't you? I don't mind.
But then, of course, I'm a leader of men. You have to be like that.
149
00:14:57,110 --> 00:14:59,590
And sometimes it's a real pleasure.
150
00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:09,510
What do you want? Sorry to bother
thee, Nora, but one of my ferrets has sneaked into your house.
151
00:15:09,510 --> 00:15:15,990
In my house? But don't worry.
I'll have him shifted in a minute. You better!
152
00:15:19,490 --> 00:15:26,430
He wasn't supposed to do that.
He was supposed to stay out here where we could see.
153
00:15:26,430 --> 00:15:30,550
Well, I wouldn't
have dared look anyway.
154
00:15:30,550 --> 00:15:33,350
He's in breach of the rules.
155
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,250
Mind you, war's a lot like that.
156
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:42,070
Damned enemy always coming at you
from unexpected angles!
157
00:15:43,090 --> 00:15:45,910
Marriage was a lot like that.
158
00:15:45,910 --> 00:15:53,610
Yeah, I often thought I would get
married, but it would have been such a loss to the warrior classes.
159
00:16:09,230 --> 00:16:16,290
I thought you were looking for
a ferret. Why aren't you looking for it? It's gone out.
160
00:16:16,290 --> 00:16:23,410
How do you know? You haven't looked.
Tha can trust a ferret fancier to know these things.
161
00:16:23,410 --> 00:16:26,670
Why are you looking at that clock?
162
00:16:26,670 --> 00:16:33,690
I were thinking time is
passing us by. Maybe we should be grabbing our opportunities.
163
00:16:33,690 --> 00:16:40,230
Don't you go grabbing anything!
Are you going or will you stand here gabbing all day?
164
00:16:40,230 --> 00:16:45,190
I'm going. Don't I get anything
for getting rid of the ferret?
165
00:16:45,190 --> 00:16:49,210
You let the damn thing in.
Give us a kiss.
166
00:16:49,210 --> 00:16:55,650
All right, I'm going.
I've been here long enough to make it look convincing.
167
00:17:07,710 --> 00:17:11,650
Tha's coming on,
but we need more practice!
168
00:17:15,290 --> 00:17:21,790
She'll make a good kisser
when she learns not to slide round the corners.
169
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,370
Right, pay up.
170
00:17:24,370 --> 00:17:30,810
Don't give me that.
She never kissed you. Don't think I'm falling for that one.
171
00:17:30,810 --> 00:17:38,290
That's nice! Doubt the word
of a gentleman? Tha can still see the imprint if tha looks closely.
172
00:17:40,710 --> 00:17:43,350
Did she really kiss you?
173
00:17:43,350 --> 00:17:45,910
"Come here," she said.
174
00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:49,010
"Now we are alone."
175
00:17:49,010 --> 00:17:55,470
Then she slung this pair
of chunky arms round me, crushed me to her pinny,
176
00:17:55,470 --> 00:18:01,830
put her lips to mine and gave me
the biggest abba-dabba-doo tha's ever heard!
177
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,410
Didn't you hear it out here?
178
00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:10,130
Absolute rubbish! That's more
flannel than Nora Batty's nightie!
179
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:16,610
Did everything go black?
I'm sure if she grabbed me, everything would go black.
180
00:18:16,610 --> 00:18:21,630
Pay up. I'm not paying up until
it happens in front of witnesses.
181
00:18:21,630 --> 00:18:26,610
How is she gonna kiss me in public?
A shy little thing like that!
182
00:18:26,610 --> 00:18:29,190
That's your problem. Shy?
183
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:32,090
Well, underneath, Norm.
184
00:18:32,090 --> 00:18:36,090
If she bites you,
you'll turn septic.
185
00:18:36,090 --> 00:18:41,070
The man sleeps with ferrets.
How are you gonna poison him?
186
00:18:42,070 --> 00:18:44,730
We have separate beds.
187
00:18:51,550 --> 00:18:56,570
What are we stopping here for?
You know these premises are haunted.
188
00:18:56,570 --> 00:19:01,530
I wanted to see if she had one
of those instant cameras for hire.
189
00:19:01,530 --> 00:19:06,510
The sort of things that develop the
picture as soon as you've taken it.
190
00:19:06,510 --> 00:19:09,070
Tha means a haemorrhoid!
191
00:19:09,070 --> 00:19:11,910
I mean a Polaroid.
192
00:19:12,930 --> 00:19:15,510
I thought my granddad had Polaroids.
193
00:19:15,510 --> 00:19:19,670
God, that must have been
inconvenient at weddings!
194
00:19:19,670 --> 00:19:22,190
Did he have a built-in flash?
195
00:19:24,850 --> 00:19:27,410
He didn't say.
196
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:32,670
What interests me about cameras
is, who's going to pay for it?
197
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:37,690
Whoever loses the bet is gonna pay
for the hire of the camera.
198
00:19:37,690 --> 00:19:41,650
That'll be thee. Come on.
I'm not going in there.
199
00:19:41,710 --> 00:19:44,550
Come on, you can hide behind me.
200
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:49,530
That's a nice pair of trousers to
issue invitations like that from!
201
00:19:49,530 --> 00:19:53,550
Come on, that man.
I'll lead you through it.
202
00:19:53,550 --> 00:19:59,990
"Come in and browse
without obligation." You needn't buy anything.
203
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:07,690
If you believe that, you'll believe
anything. If she tries to sell you something, point at the notice.
204
00:20:10,950 --> 00:20:15,970
Tha's been on a buying spree!
I only came in to ask directions!
205
00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:22,470
Ah, three strong men!
Just what I need.
206
00:20:24,070 --> 00:20:26,610
One of you take these steps.
207
00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:29,410
Certainly, madam.
208
00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:35,490
You'll never regret it.
They're a bargain at �15.
209
00:20:35,490 --> 00:20:40,290
I don't want to buy them.
I thought you wanted them moving.
210
00:20:40,290 --> 00:20:45,250
Don't you hate it when customers
keep changing their minds?
211
00:20:47,270 --> 00:20:49,790
He's of a nervous disposition.
212
00:20:53,050 --> 00:20:58,030
That's like running to the referee
before the match has started.
213
00:20:59,070 --> 00:21:03,270
We don't give credit.
Nobody's asking for credit.
214
00:21:03,270 --> 00:21:08,270
If you're a cash customer, you're
well disguised. He wants a camera.
215
00:21:08,270 --> 00:21:14,790
I thought as you came in
you had the sort of profile that ought to be on camera.
216
00:21:14,790 --> 00:21:18,830
I don't want to buy one.
I just want to hire one.
217
00:21:18,830 --> 00:21:24,850
I like the north of England,
but they have a terrible habit of being thrifty.
218
00:21:30,430 --> 00:21:35,010
Thanks. How's your Barry's rash?
It's no better.
219
00:21:35,010 --> 00:21:39,410
He's probably eaten something.
But not in my place.
220
00:21:41,470 --> 00:21:45,550
How long's he had a rash?
It came on yesterday.
221
00:21:45,550 --> 00:21:48,070
Well, you didn't tell me.
222
00:21:48,070 --> 00:21:50,630
I've only just seen you.
223
00:21:50,630 --> 00:21:55,090
I don't like to be the last
to hear Barry's got a rash.
224
00:21:55,090 --> 00:21:57,650
It's only inside his arm.
225
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:04,410
I don't want the gruesome details,
just his general condition. Oh, Mother!
226
00:22:05,470 --> 00:22:08,110
They pick up all sorts of things.
227
00:22:08,110 --> 00:22:10,750
Mine does.
228
00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:14,350
Is it all inflamed and irritating?
229
00:22:14,350 --> 00:22:17,090
That's her.
230
00:22:17,090 --> 00:22:22,610
He says his blood may be too hot.
As long as it's only his arm.
231
00:22:22,610 --> 00:22:29,070
You don't see rashes
like you used to. Ringworm seemed to be popular in my day.
232
00:22:29,070 --> 00:22:33,410
And impetigo.
Whatever happened to impetigo?
233
00:22:33,410 --> 00:22:37,890
They found something cheaper.
Does he have an allergy?
234
00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:42,610
He reacts badly to woollen
underwear. Especially on me.
235
00:22:43,590 --> 00:22:46,430
Drink your coffee.
236
00:22:46,430 --> 00:22:49,190
Oh, Mother!
237
00:22:49,190 --> 00:22:55,670
Couldn't get mine out
of woollen underwear, not that I ever tried very hard.
238
00:23:06,650 --> 00:23:10,870
I was only holding it.
I didn't want to buy it.
239
00:23:11,910 --> 00:23:16,610
Thank you for taking advantage
of our summer offers.
240
00:23:27,550 --> 00:23:31,550
How long does he expect
a lady to wait?
241
00:23:31,550 --> 00:23:35,510
Could he just be toying
with my affections?
242
00:23:36,530 --> 00:23:39,070
He could if he gets a move on!
243
00:23:39,070 --> 00:23:44,050
We're not going to have time
for a toy unless he gets a move on!
244
00:23:44,050 --> 00:23:47,010
BICYCLE BELL RINGS
245
00:23:48,670 --> 00:23:51,770
He's coming. He's coming!
246
00:23:53,870 --> 00:23:56,390
Message for Marina!
247
00:23:56,390 --> 00:23:58,950
Message for Marina!
248
00:24:00,550 --> 00:24:05,970
It's not him. He's sent
a substitute. How thoughtful.
249
00:24:05,970 --> 00:24:08,450
Over here, Eli!
250
00:24:12,070 --> 00:24:14,590
Get off the road!
251
00:24:15,550 --> 00:24:20,410
Oh, dear! I hope you haven't
damaged anything irreplaceable.
252
00:24:20,410 --> 00:24:24,390
I'm all right. I'm all right.
They never told me
253
00:24:24,390 --> 00:24:27,670
you were such an attractive lass.
254
00:24:27,670 --> 00:24:30,470
Flatterer!
255
00:24:31,810 --> 00:24:34,790
A real bonnie lass!
256
00:24:51,550 --> 00:24:54,870
"Help. I need the kiss of life?"
257
00:24:54,870 --> 00:24:57,410
That's cheating.
258
00:24:57,410 --> 00:25:01,370
Nobody said what sort of a kiss
it should be.
259
00:25:06,350 --> 00:25:08,990
Get ready with that camera, Cleggy.
260
00:25:08,990 --> 00:25:13,870
I say it's unfair. It's not
within the spirit of our agreement.
261
00:25:18,970 --> 00:25:21,530
GROANS OF PAIN
262
00:25:34,290 --> 00:25:41,470
Did tha see that? She left me
out there to die. You really are irresistible to women(!)
263
00:25:41,470 --> 00:25:46,770
I'm wearing a sign asking for help
and she leaves me out there to die!
264
00:25:46,770 --> 00:25:51,730
It says, "Come in and browse
without obligation."
265
00:25:53,330 --> 00:25:56,290
Little wonder she went back inside!
266
00:26:07,510 --> 00:26:10,130
I told him she'd never fall for it.
267
00:26:12,210 --> 00:26:14,790
Well, he hasn't given up yet.
268
00:26:14,790 --> 00:26:19,990
It's not the kiss of life he needs,
it's a suit transplant.
269
00:26:24,090 --> 00:26:28,070
It's Rudolph Valentino.
Look at this!
270
00:26:28,070 --> 00:26:30,650
Hormones on the hoof, kid.
271
00:26:30,650 --> 00:26:37,850
What are you using for after-shave?
Petrol? What have you been writing on your sign?
272
00:27:04,150 --> 00:27:06,670
"Smile, you're on camera?"
273
00:27:06,670 --> 00:27:11,650
Ssh! What camera? Tha's not
supposed to know. Know what?
274
00:27:13,690 --> 00:27:18,610
It's television. One of
them hidden camera programmes.
275
00:27:18,610 --> 00:27:25,550
They're trying to find out
who's got the kindest neighbour so I put your name forward.
276
00:27:25,550 --> 00:27:28,370
No, just a minute.
277
00:27:36,290 --> 00:27:38,810
Thank you.
278
00:28:02,310 --> 00:28:07,270
That's it, go on, be neighbourly!
Maybe you should take it as a sign.
279
00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:51,910
Subtitles by BBC Subtitling - 1996
280
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:56,510
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