Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,455 --> 00:00:05,815
Pull up a chair, sit down. Have
a cup of tea with your neighbour.
2
00:00:05,815 --> 00:00:09,635
And get a reputation for
dallying with unmarried men?
3
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:11,935
Nobody's offering dallying.
4
00:00:11,935 --> 00:00:14,615
The sweetest you'll get is
a bit of sugar for your tea.
5
00:00:15,715 --> 00:00:17,235
I can't be dawdling about.
6
00:00:17,235 --> 00:00:19,475
I've got some baking to do.
7
00:00:19,475 --> 00:00:21,735
Who are you baking for?
8
00:00:21,735 --> 00:00:25,615
You live alone, woman. What does it
matter if you don't bake for once?
9
00:00:25,615 --> 00:00:28,195
It's Tuesday.
10
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,775
Tuesdays you bake!
11
00:01:26,835 --> 00:01:29,195
Tuesdays you bake.
12
00:01:29,195 --> 00:01:32,335
She's the old school.
13
00:01:32,335 --> 00:01:34,855
And you know what happened to that.
14
00:01:34,855 --> 00:01:37,735
They pulled it down.
15
00:01:37,735 --> 00:01:39,755
I wouldn't go that far.
16
00:01:39,755 --> 00:01:43,255
She just needs a lick of
paint and a smile transplant.
17
00:01:43,255 --> 00:01:46,235
They'd never get one to fit.
18
00:01:46,235 --> 00:01:48,735
How long are we stopping here?
19
00:01:48,735 --> 00:01:51,435
I'm thirsting for action.
I'm feeling underused.
20
00:01:51,435 --> 00:01:54,595
You don't like staring at water?
21
00:01:54,595 --> 00:01:56,495
Not all day.
22
00:01:56,495 --> 00:02:00,715
We were going to break for lunch.
We could be doing something...
23
00:02:00,715 --> 00:02:02,355
Stupid?
24
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:04,275
That's it.
25
00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:06,655
I knew we'd think of something.
26
00:02:06,655 --> 00:02:12,195
Don't look at me. I sleep in pyjamas
too thick for playful dreams.
27
00:02:12,195 --> 00:02:14,815
I bet they're no thicker than mine.
28
00:02:14,815 --> 00:02:18,375
They were all that slept between
me and the former Mrs Truelove.
29
00:02:19,395 --> 00:02:22,035
Mine are lightweight. Polka dot.
30
00:02:24,215 --> 00:02:26,955
I hope that never
becomes well known.
31
00:02:26,955 --> 00:02:30,175
I wouldn't know where to
start making excuses for you.
32
00:02:30,175 --> 00:02:34,275
You have a tendency
towards being flash, Alvin.
33
00:02:34,275 --> 00:02:37,895
I prefer to think of it as elegance.
34
00:02:49,475 --> 00:02:52,175
SQUEAKING
35
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:59,695
What are you assaulting the car for?
I'm listening to it.
36
00:02:59,695 --> 00:03:02,655
I know you've always talked to them
as if they were human,
37
00:03:02,655 --> 00:03:05,115
but I never
realised they were answering back.
38
00:03:05,115 --> 00:03:07,055
I've got a squeak.
39
00:03:07,055 --> 00:03:10,135
I'll still love you, Barry,
even with a squeak.
40
00:03:10,135 --> 00:03:12,155
I'm being serious.
41
00:03:12,155 --> 00:03:15,815
I think it reflects badly on the
owner if his vehicle has a squeak.
42
00:03:15,815 --> 00:03:18,075
Come and listen to it
while I rock it.
43
00:03:18,075 --> 00:03:19,855
Mother warned me.
44
00:03:19,855 --> 00:03:23,955
She said men would come along
with some very weird invitations.
45
00:03:23,955 --> 00:03:26,715
SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK!
46
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:46,115
So, I'm on my knees
with armfuls of books,
47
00:03:46,115 --> 00:03:47,995
and he walks straight past me!
48
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:51,135
They do. They walk straight past.
49
00:03:51,135 --> 00:03:53,915
You feel like it's time
to lower your sights.
50
00:03:53,915 --> 00:03:55,855
Or even your skirts.
51
00:03:55,855 --> 00:03:58,555
I mean, he could SEE
I was in difficulties.
52
00:03:58,555 --> 00:04:02,655
And getting into those is
not as easy as it used to be.
53
00:04:02,655 --> 00:04:04,975
I mistook him for a gentleman.
54
00:04:04,975 --> 00:04:07,435
Been there. Done that.
55
00:04:07,435 --> 00:04:09,395
Oh... But not recently.
56
00:04:09,395 --> 00:04:11,955
Oh, I know that type too.
57
00:04:11,955 --> 00:04:13,515
But no, not recently.
58
00:04:17,155 --> 00:04:18,895
Must be good dancer.
59
00:04:18,895 --> 00:04:21,335
How can you tell?
60
00:04:21,335 --> 00:04:24,275
It's him. It's in the advert.
61
00:04:24,275 --> 00:04:27,315
"Lady seeks partner. Tall, slim,
62
00:04:27,315 --> 00:04:29,715
"unattached, must be good dancer."
63
00:04:29,715 --> 00:04:31,075
Well...
64
00:04:33,035 --> 00:04:35,315
He looks unattached.
65
00:04:35,315 --> 00:04:37,275
I don't think it's worth the bother.
66
00:04:37,275 --> 00:04:39,915
You have to believe.
67
00:04:39,915 --> 00:04:42,135
It's always worth the bother.
68
00:04:42,135 --> 00:04:44,055
Where's the bother?
69
00:04:44,055 --> 00:04:46,295
We brush your dancing up a bit.
70
00:04:46,295 --> 00:04:49,415
Now, what have you got
to show him where to put his feet?
71
00:04:49,415 --> 00:04:52,235
I usually put me
foot through things.
72
00:04:52,235 --> 00:04:54,595
Does he have rhythm?
73
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:58,175
I've got rheumatics
is what I've got.
74
00:04:58,175 --> 00:05:00,455
It'll do them good as well.
75
00:05:00,455 --> 00:05:05,595
- Now, what have you got to give him
some social polish? - Polish?
76
00:05:05,595 --> 00:05:08,475
I think you'll need a
good undercoat first!
77
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:09,995
Oh!
78
00:05:09,995 --> 00:05:12,635
Excuse me.
79
00:05:12,635 --> 00:05:15,235
What we're looking at here is...
80
00:05:15,235 --> 00:05:17,575
could he be turned into Cinderella?
81
00:05:17,575 --> 00:05:20,915
I think he'd do better
aiming for ugly sister.
82
00:05:20,915 --> 00:05:24,135
It was his idea. We gathered that.
83
00:05:24,135 --> 00:05:27,855
That's his trademark.
The triumph of hope over reality.
84
00:05:27,855 --> 00:05:30,435
It just came to me.
85
00:05:30,435 --> 00:05:32,955
I'm watching him load the vehicle...
86
00:05:32,955 --> 00:05:34,995
That's what he does.
87
00:05:34,995 --> 00:05:36,835
He watches,
88
00:05:36,835 --> 00:05:38,815
I load the vehicle.
89
00:05:38,815 --> 00:05:41,355
I'm the ideas man!
90
00:05:41,355 --> 00:05:44,575
I can't get too wrapped up
in the hustle and bustle,
91
00:05:44,575 --> 00:05:47,135
else you lose the wider perspective!
92
00:05:47,135 --> 00:05:49,755
I must get to Weight Watchers.
93
00:05:49,755 --> 00:05:53,855
I've been losing the wider
perspective for some time now.
94
00:05:56,915 --> 00:06:01,395
A gentleman would have insisted that
I'd be a fool to tamper with Nature.
95
00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:03,615
I think a bit of
tampering wouldn't hurt.
96
00:06:05,035 --> 00:06:07,755
You're right.
He does need some polish.
97
00:06:07,755 --> 00:06:11,175
Don't they all?
The Age of Elegance is dead.
98
00:06:11,175 --> 00:06:13,295
You can't say that!
99
00:06:13,295 --> 00:06:15,855
I've got polka dot pyjamas!
100
00:06:15,855 --> 00:06:20,015
And in the force, madam,
I was known as a bit of a toff.
101
00:06:20,015 --> 00:06:23,735
Even in the Vice Squad
I was known as a gent.
102
00:06:23,735 --> 00:06:28,175
Which isn't always easy when
you're undercover wearing a frock.
103
00:06:28,175 --> 00:06:32,875
By some lucky chance, this man has
fallen into exactly the right hands.
104
00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:34,815
Huh? Huh...
105
00:06:34,815 --> 00:06:37,455
Morning. Morning.
106
00:06:37,455 --> 00:06:39,335
Gadding out again?
107
00:06:39,335 --> 00:06:41,975
I'm not going anywhere.
108
00:06:41,975 --> 00:06:44,735
What are you all dressed up for?
109
00:06:44,735 --> 00:06:47,655
Oh, I'm not dressed up. I'm working.
110
00:06:47,655 --> 00:06:50,855
Well, it looks like dressed up.
111
00:06:50,855 --> 00:06:53,895
You've picked up some funny
habits while living away.
112
00:06:53,895 --> 00:06:57,035
Well, you had to get dressed up,
if only in self-defence.
113
00:06:57,035 --> 00:06:59,575
You look fine, love. Take no notice.
114
00:06:59,575 --> 00:07:02,755
We can't all have this
flair for looking derelict.
115
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,855
Where do you think you're going?
116
00:07:10,855 --> 00:07:16,795
I only realised this morning,
it's been ages since I practised any woodcraft.
117
00:07:16,795 --> 00:07:18,695
Get back inside.
118
00:07:18,695 --> 00:07:21,955
You want woodcraft, you've got
that skirting board to paint!
119
00:07:25,375 --> 00:07:30,195
You'll be sorry if ever you have
to rely on me for hunting our food!
120
00:07:34,395 --> 00:07:38,115
HE SLURPS HIS TEA
121
00:07:39,775 --> 00:07:41,755
Does he always make
a noise like that?
122
00:07:41,755 --> 00:07:43,475
Only when he's depressed.
123
00:07:43,475 --> 00:07:45,235
In a good mood, he gets louder.
124
00:07:45,235 --> 00:07:47,555
He has good moods?
125
00:07:47,555 --> 00:07:51,215
Oh, aye. He gets quite playful.
126
00:07:51,215 --> 00:07:57,755
Maybe the lady will accept "playful"
instead of "must be good dancer".
127
00:07:57,755 --> 00:08:01,395
No need. All he's got to do
is LOOK like a dancer.
128
00:08:01,395 --> 00:08:03,035
He just needs a bit of practice.
129
00:08:03,035 --> 00:08:05,435
Or maybe a lot.
130
00:08:05,435 --> 00:08:07,295
Oh!
131
00:08:07,295 --> 00:08:11,515
We can make him look like a dancer,
then take his picture.
132
00:08:11,515 --> 00:08:13,335
Something he can show the ladies.
133
00:08:14,375 --> 00:08:17,495
I don't have to dance?
Not at this stage.
134
00:08:17,495 --> 00:08:21,635
One or two pictures of you
that LOOK as if you're dancing should get you started.
135
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,475
I can do that.
136
00:08:23,475 --> 00:08:25,035
I can have me picture took.
137
00:08:25,035 --> 00:08:26,675
Of course you can.
138
00:08:26,675 --> 00:08:28,275
Which is your best side?
139
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:31,475
He says it's from the back!
140
00:08:31,475 --> 00:08:34,855
I was only kidding.
141
00:08:34,855 --> 00:08:37,315
You nearly look
like a dancer already.
142
00:08:37,315 --> 00:08:39,755
All the ingredients are there. Hm.
143
00:08:39,755 --> 00:08:42,755
Then something went wrong
in the oven(!)
144
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:45,055
No, it's all there.
145
00:08:45,055 --> 00:08:48,135
He's tall, slim...
Look at the legs on him.
146
00:08:48,135 --> 00:08:51,415
Put it all together
and what do you see?
147
00:08:51,415 --> 00:08:54,855
I'm not sure, but it's never
going to be in big demand.
148
00:08:54,855 --> 00:08:56,515
Oh!
149
00:08:56,515 --> 00:08:58,295
Wrong.
150
00:08:58,295 --> 00:09:01,055
What we're looking at
is a dancer's figure.
151
00:09:01,055 --> 00:09:02,795
Potentially elegant.
152
00:09:02,795 --> 00:09:06,175
What we've got here
is basically Fred Astaire.
153
00:09:06,175 --> 00:09:08,895
I'm too tall for Fred Astaire!
154
00:09:08,895 --> 00:09:11,955
You see how unfair life is?
155
00:09:11,955 --> 00:09:15,895
If it hadn't been for that, it could
have been YOU with Ginger Rogers(!)
156
00:09:15,895 --> 00:09:18,535
Oh!
157
00:09:18,535 --> 00:09:20,755
So he's tall!
158
00:09:20,755 --> 00:09:25,555
What we've got here, basically,
is one and a half Fred Astaires.
159
00:09:25,555 --> 00:09:29,715
Yes, well, I'll go with you
as far as Fred, but, um...
160
00:09:29,715 --> 00:09:31,315
Here, Smiler, stand up.
161
00:09:33,315 --> 00:09:37,155
Now, then. Tall, slim.
162
00:09:37,155 --> 00:09:41,455
With a figure like that
plus a little polish, and you've got Cary Grant.
163
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:46,615
Smooth him off a bit and it's
goodbye Smiler, hello Casanova.
164
00:09:46,615 --> 00:09:48,275
I thought he was dead.
165
00:09:48,275 --> 00:09:52,095
He is dead! You can't be like
the live one straight away!
166
00:09:52,095 --> 00:09:57,015
Oh, well, if you're settling
for a dead one, then he's in with a chance!
167
00:09:57,015 --> 00:09:59,135
Now...
168
00:09:59,135 --> 00:10:01,315
What do dancers wear?
169
00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:15,355
Never stir paint clockwise.
170
00:10:15,355 --> 00:10:18,015
Rembrandt always stirred
anti-clockwise.
171
00:10:18,015 --> 00:10:19,735
I never knew that.
172
00:10:19,735 --> 00:10:22,535
Told to me personally by his cousin.
173
00:10:22,535 --> 00:10:24,335
It's all right for you lot,
174
00:10:24,335 --> 00:10:26,555
footloose and fancy-free.
175
00:10:26,555 --> 00:10:29,875
Very few of my fancies
were ever free.
176
00:10:29,875 --> 00:10:32,455
What are you doing
with top hat and tails?
177
00:10:32,455 --> 00:10:34,715
We're creating Cinderella.
178
00:10:34,715 --> 00:10:37,455
Cinderella was female.
179
00:10:37,455 --> 00:10:41,275
Was. Until she got
wrong side of wicked witch.
180
00:10:41,275 --> 00:10:42,435
What did she do?
181
00:10:42,435 --> 00:10:44,515
Stirred paint clockwise.
182
00:11:01,055 --> 00:11:02,335
Can you hear it?
183
00:11:02,335 --> 00:11:06,215
SQUEAK!
I can hear it, but I can't tell where it's coming from.
184
00:11:06,215 --> 00:11:07,975
Maybe you could get lower.
185
00:11:07,975 --> 00:11:10,775
I'm nearly on the floor now!
186
00:11:10,775 --> 00:11:13,175
Could you put your ear to the floor?
187
00:11:13,175 --> 00:11:17,395
Well, of course,
it's what I've always wanted, I thought you'd never ask(!)
188
00:11:17,395 --> 00:11:20,655
I wouldn't ask
if it wasn't important to me.
189
00:11:21,755 --> 00:11:22,875
Oh!
190
00:11:22,875 --> 00:11:27,595
If I'm doing ears on floor, you
keep your eyes on the road, Barry!
191
00:11:27,595 --> 00:11:28,835
Sorry.
192
00:11:31,095 --> 00:11:34,075
Look what they've brought you.
Instant Fred Astaire.
193
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:38,815
Nobody wears that stuff any more.
194
00:11:38,815 --> 00:11:40,855
Well,
you can start the fashion again.
195
00:11:40,855 --> 00:11:43,235
You could earn a
place in history, Smiler.
196
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:45,615
The man who brought back elegance.
197
00:11:45,615 --> 00:11:48,735
You'll get a grateful letter
from the "Tailor and Cutter".
198
00:11:50,315 --> 00:11:53,515
I'm too tall for top hats.
199
00:11:53,515 --> 00:11:56,415
I'll never get under low bridges.
200
00:11:56,415 --> 00:11:58,555
You can bend at the knees!
201
00:11:58,555 --> 00:12:01,435
You're a dancer.
You've a flexible knee.
202
00:12:01,435 --> 00:12:03,295
Maybe both knees.
203
00:12:04,875 --> 00:12:08,235
But suppose they get out of control?
204
00:12:08,235 --> 00:12:11,055
Don't listen to him, Smiler.
205
00:12:11,055 --> 00:12:13,775
You've got to have an air
of confidence that says,
206
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:16,335
"These knees are
precision instruments."
207
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:18,915
Where do I get an air of confidence?
208
00:12:18,915 --> 00:12:23,375
You ask that in the
presence of this man here?!
209
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:25,875
He's Entwistle Electrics.
210
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:29,635
And instructor of ancient art
of air of confidence.
211
00:12:29,635 --> 00:12:32,055
Plus, anyway,
he'll be taking your picture.
212
00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:34,695
Using own camera. That'll be extra.
213
00:12:34,695 --> 00:12:37,675
There's always a snag.
214
00:12:37,675 --> 00:12:39,895
There's more than one.
215
00:12:39,895 --> 00:12:42,575
For Fred Astaire
his feet are too big.
216
00:12:42,575 --> 00:12:44,955
Some of my
best friends' feet are too big.
217
00:12:44,955 --> 00:12:48,575
Put your hat on, Smiler.
Then nobody's going to be looking at your feet.
218
00:12:51,635 --> 00:12:53,215
KNOCK ON DOOR
219
00:12:56,815 --> 00:12:58,875
Where's he going in that?
220
00:12:58,875 --> 00:13:01,935
Oh, he's going to capture
a lady's heart.
221
00:13:01,935 --> 00:13:04,315
Does it work?
222
00:13:04,315 --> 00:13:05,995
Does it work?
223
00:13:05,995 --> 00:13:07,535
White tie and tails?
224
00:13:07,535 --> 00:13:10,835
Ladies can't resist. It's the
honey pot. They come like flies.
225
00:13:11,915 --> 00:13:13,535
I only want one!
226
00:13:13,535 --> 00:13:16,555
You'll
just have to brush the others off.
227
00:13:21,015 --> 00:13:22,975
Was there something, Howard?
228
00:13:22,975 --> 00:13:25,255
I forget.
229
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:41,311
Is it more in your right ear
or your left ear?
230
00:13:41,311 --> 00:13:45,351
SQUEAK!
It's beginning to get up my nose, Barry!
231
00:13:46,371 --> 00:13:49,091
Let's hope the battle
for law and order simmers down
232
00:13:49,091 --> 00:13:52,431
long enough for us to eat these
sandwiches. I'll drink to that.
233
00:14:00,271 --> 00:14:02,411
His head's on backwards.
234
00:14:02,411 --> 00:14:04,511
I noticed that.
235
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:07,371
No wonder he's driving like that.
236
00:14:07,371 --> 00:14:09,811
If we ever see him do it again
we'll have him.
237
00:14:11,431 --> 00:14:13,931
You mean you don't
want to have him now?
238
00:14:13,931 --> 00:14:18,431
I would say "yes", except for
the mitigating circumstances.
239
00:14:18,431 --> 00:14:20,931
What mitigating circumstances?
240
00:14:20,931 --> 00:14:24,071
Well, it wasn't bad for somebody
with his head on backwards.
241
00:14:26,231 --> 00:14:29,211
You remember Betsy Robinson?
242
00:14:29,211 --> 00:14:32,751
The name,
but I can't put a face to it.
243
00:14:33,771 --> 00:14:38,071
I shouldn't bother. The face she had
then isn't the one she has now.
244
00:14:38,071 --> 00:14:41,071
She's been through two husbands.
245
00:14:41,071 --> 00:14:45,151
You don't accomplish
that without a few marks.
246
00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:47,151
I never liked her mother.
247
00:14:47,151 --> 00:14:48,731
Quite right.
248
00:14:48,731 --> 00:14:51,311
I mean, "Love thy neighbour"
is all very well,
249
00:14:51,311 --> 00:14:55,571
but not when it's
someone with inflated ideas about their puff pastry!
250
00:14:55,571 --> 00:15:00,391
I always felt sorry for him.
He had to reckon to like it.
251
00:15:00,391 --> 00:15:05,051
I used to see him moping in
the garden, trying to work off her Eccles cakes.
252
00:15:05,051 --> 00:15:07,231
Did she?
253
00:15:07,231 --> 00:15:08,771
Did she what?
254
00:15:08,771 --> 00:15:11,511
Have inflated ideas
about her baking?
255
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,411
I mean, I've seen you before.
256
00:15:14,411 --> 00:15:17,091
You were always a bit
defensive about your buns.
257
00:15:17,091 --> 00:15:19,231
You weren't really keen
on competition.
258
00:15:19,231 --> 00:15:22,771
Oh, she was no competition.
259
00:15:22,771 --> 00:15:25,571
She had no instinct
for how much lard.
260
00:15:25,571 --> 00:15:29,431
Oh, don't! That was
a naughty word where we were.
261
00:15:29,431 --> 00:15:31,191
What word?
262
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:33,411
Lard.
263
00:15:33,411 --> 00:15:36,131
What's wrong with saying lard?
264
00:15:36,131 --> 00:15:40,111
Nothing, until you move
to where they think it's obscene.
265
00:15:40,111 --> 00:15:42,511
How can lard be obscene?
266
00:15:42,511 --> 00:15:45,631
They have this fear of fat.
267
00:15:45,631 --> 00:15:47,671
It's a religious thing.
268
00:15:47,671 --> 00:15:49,911
They're all devout low cholesterol.
269
00:15:51,471 --> 00:15:54,271
You've been in some funny company!
270
00:15:54,271 --> 00:15:57,751
If they don't bake with lard,
what do they bake with?
271
00:15:57,751 --> 00:16:01,471
Well, they don't bake. Nobody bakes.
272
00:16:01,471 --> 00:16:06,071
They just wouldn't be seen dead
without all the latest low fat ingredients.
273
00:16:07,291 --> 00:16:10,691
That place must have been
full of neglected husbands,
274
00:16:10,691 --> 00:16:15,271
looking for old-fashioned comfort.
Oh, you can find them anywhere!
275
00:16:15,271 --> 00:16:18,251
PHONE RINGS
Oh, excuse me.
276
00:16:23,891 --> 00:16:26,171
Travis?
277
00:16:26,171 --> 00:16:27,491
What have you done?
278
00:16:28,491 --> 00:16:30,351
What...?!
279
00:16:30,351 --> 00:16:33,631
How can you get your foot fast
in a drawer?
280
00:16:35,811 --> 00:16:38,851
What was your foot DOING in a drawer?
281
00:16:40,871 --> 00:16:42,971
Stay there.
282
00:16:42,971 --> 00:16:46,551
Don't pull anything else down,
I'm coming.
283
00:16:46,551 --> 00:16:48,831
I'll have to go.
284
00:16:48,831 --> 00:16:50,471
Bless him,
285
00:16:50,471 --> 00:16:53,831
it badly affected his co-ordination,
286
00:16:53,831 --> 00:16:56,191
living in foreign parts.
287
00:16:58,131 --> 00:17:02,971
I think he does it on purpose
so that she comes running home.
288
00:17:02,971 --> 00:17:06,991
Oh, I couldn't do with a husband
as affectionate as that.
289
00:17:06,991 --> 00:17:09,471
You wouldn't feel free to be nasty!
290
00:17:09,471 --> 00:17:11,351
Oh, I've no doubt you'd manage!
291
00:17:11,351 --> 00:17:13,451
Well, I'd try.
292
00:17:13,451 --> 00:17:15,831
But you wouldn't feel comfortable.
293
00:17:17,351 --> 00:17:20,191
Well, just stay there, Travis,
294
00:17:20,191 --> 00:17:22,131
I'm on my way.
295
00:17:25,551 --> 00:17:28,291
Ah, Nelly!
296
00:17:28,291 --> 00:17:32,911
Would you mind posing for a picture
with a Fred Astaire lookalike?
297
00:17:32,911 --> 00:17:34,511
It's a charitable thing.
298
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:36,391
Oh, well, if it's for charity.
299
00:17:36,391 --> 00:17:38,131
Ah! Over here.
300
00:17:42,491 --> 00:17:44,991
Fine, don't worry about it.
Come along, Smiler!
301
00:17:44,991 --> 00:17:46,931
Nelly's waiting. I can't do it!
302
00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:50,311
I've changed me mind.
Me feet are too big!
303
00:17:50,311 --> 00:17:52,391
Don't be so silly...!
304
00:17:52,391 --> 00:17:56,951
THEY ALL ENCOURAGE SMILER
305
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:59,731
I'm sorry, I can't wait.
306
00:17:59,731 --> 00:18:02,351
I've got Travis fast in a drawer.
307
00:18:03,591 --> 00:18:05,011
Come along, man!
308
00:18:05,011 --> 00:18:06,851
You can't keep the lady waiting.
309
00:18:06,851 --> 00:18:09,231
You'll be all right.
Couple of quick snaps.
310
00:18:09,231 --> 00:18:11,251
Big smile and it's all over.
311
00:18:11,251 --> 00:18:14,771
Just hold the lady
as if you're dancing.
312
00:18:25,331 --> 00:18:28,831
What are you doing,
you long loony? Get off!
313
00:18:35,571 --> 00:18:39,331
You can't pack it in
because of one nasty experience.
314
00:18:39,331 --> 00:18:42,511
We'll find you a female
that's more co-operative.
315
00:18:42,511 --> 00:18:44,511
And, speaking of which...
316
00:19:00,511 --> 00:19:02,671
It works!
317
00:19:03,671 --> 00:19:05,411
It works!
318
00:19:17,391 --> 00:19:19,171
Up there?
319
00:19:19,171 --> 00:19:22,471
Yes. There's not enough
excitement in those pictures.
320
00:19:22,471 --> 00:19:25,111
I found it quite exciting,
321
00:19:25,111 --> 00:19:27,631
being snatched up as I walked past.
322
00:19:28,951 --> 00:19:30,791
Needs more va-va-voom.
323
00:19:30,791 --> 00:19:32,811
I'm game if he is!
324
00:19:32,811 --> 00:19:35,951
He's ready for va-va-voom.
I can feel it.
325
00:19:35,951 --> 00:19:39,231
Fred Astaire and his sister
once danced on the roof of a taxi.
326
00:19:39,231 --> 00:19:42,491
I'm not paying for a taxi!
327
00:19:42,491 --> 00:19:45,591
You're doing it up here
in Entwistle's truck.
328
00:19:45,591 --> 00:19:47,611
Alvin will take the pictures.
329
00:19:47,611 --> 00:19:51,191
You'll look really Fred Astaire
if you can dance in a moving truck.
330
00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:58,111
Right. Stand by!
331
00:19:59,631 --> 00:20:00,611
Oh!
332
00:20:02,411 --> 00:20:05,951
You can do it, Smiler.
Think of the drama, the effect.
333
00:20:05,951 --> 00:20:08,411
You'll look sensational!
334
00:20:08,411 --> 00:20:12,951
You want us to dance on the
roof of a moving milk float?!
335
00:20:12,951 --> 00:20:15,311
Well, you won't pay for a taxi.
336
00:20:15,311 --> 00:20:17,851
Excuse me, wouldn't it be dangerous?
337
00:20:17,851 --> 00:20:20,231
No, what's dangerous about it?
338
00:20:20,231 --> 00:20:22,611
Well, maybe just a bit.
339
00:20:22,611 --> 00:20:26,351
A bit which you can overcome
by skill and daring.
340
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,431
How is he on skill and daring?
341
00:20:28,431 --> 00:20:31,031
I always felt he had it in him.
342
00:20:32,171 --> 00:20:36,151
You never said. I was waiting
for the right occasion.
343
00:20:36,151 --> 00:20:38,091
And here it is.
344
00:20:38,091 --> 00:20:39,731
Lucky you!
345
00:20:39,731 --> 00:20:41,471
Not only the right occasion,
346
00:20:41,471 --> 00:20:44,971
but your act of skill and daring
will be captured on camera.
347
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:49,371
That puts me in a quandary.
What's your problem?
348
00:20:49,371 --> 00:20:52,771
I'm not sure which is my best side
to be photographed from,
349
00:20:52,771 --> 00:20:55,431
whilst falling from a milk float.
350
00:20:55,431 --> 00:20:59,071
We make you fall twice.
I get you both sides.
351
00:20:59,071 --> 00:21:02,171
There's no need for any falling.
He'll be driving steadily.
352
00:21:02,171 --> 00:21:05,531
That's all this thing does
is steadily.
353
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:09,371
Think of the impact when you
show the pictures to your lady.
354
00:21:09,371 --> 00:21:12,431
Think of the impact when you
take a nosedive off the roof(!)
355
00:21:12,431 --> 00:21:14,071
Oh! Oh...
356
00:21:14,071 --> 00:21:16,151
Oh, stop winding him up.
357
00:21:16,151 --> 00:21:17,811
He'll be fine.
358
00:21:29,911 --> 00:21:32,511
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
359
00:21:32,511 --> 00:21:35,271
Good heavens! Your nerves, lad!
360
00:21:35,271 --> 00:21:37,511
You need a tonic.
361
00:21:37,511 --> 00:21:39,571
And I've got just the thing.
362
00:21:39,571 --> 00:21:41,691
What were you doing
down there, Aunty?
363
00:21:41,691 --> 00:21:43,711
Looking for the phantom sixpence.
364
00:21:43,711 --> 00:21:45,351
I'll find it yet.
365
00:21:45,351 --> 00:21:47,911
What's a phantom sixpence?
366
00:21:47,911 --> 00:21:49,451
It's the one you can't find.
367
00:21:49,451 --> 00:21:51,711
I dropped it.
I know it's there somewhere.
368
00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:54,571
It's a while since
I've seen a sixpence.
369
00:21:54,571 --> 00:21:56,991
It's a while since
I've seen THAT one.
370
00:21:56,991 --> 00:21:58,751
I hate losing things.
371
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:00,391
When did you drop it?
372
00:22:00,391 --> 00:22:01,911
1953.
373
00:22:03,331 --> 00:22:05,591
Still, that's enough of my troubles.
374
00:22:06,791 --> 00:22:09,691
There you are. What's that?
375
00:22:09,691 --> 00:22:11,611
Your tonic.
376
00:22:11,611 --> 00:22:13,451
It's a cuckoo clock!
377
00:22:13,451 --> 00:22:17,091
Hm. They're very soothing.
It's a medical fact.
378
00:22:17,091 --> 00:22:19,931
They use them in Switzerland
instead of anaesthetic.
379
00:22:19,931 --> 00:22:22,271
I never knew that!
380
00:22:22,271 --> 00:22:24,531
They don't tell everybody.
381
00:22:24,531 --> 00:22:28,471
I'm only allowed to tell you because
you've bought all this stuff.
382
00:22:28,471 --> 00:22:30,931
But I haven't bought anything yet.
383
00:22:30,931 --> 00:22:34,271
That's only because
I haven't sold it to you yet.
384
00:22:34,271 --> 00:22:37,471
I don't want a cuckoo clock.
385
00:22:37,471 --> 00:22:40,171
I want some elegant evening wear.
386
00:22:40,171 --> 00:22:43,551
I thought maybe,
top hat and tails.
387
00:22:43,551 --> 00:22:45,751
How daft can you get?
388
00:22:45,751 --> 00:22:48,331
Oh, don't get me wrong. I like daft.
389
00:22:48,331 --> 00:22:50,551
It's very attractive in a customer.
390
00:22:51,551 --> 00:22:53,271
Now, let me think.
391
00:22:53,271 --> 00:22:56,471
Elegant evening wear...
392
00:22:56,471 --> 00:22:59,111
with a pocket for your cuckoo clock.
393
00:23:11,551 --> 00:23:13,831
Well, go on then! Up you go.
394
00:23:13,831 --> 00:23:16,151
Once you're up we'll pass Marina up.
395
00:23:17,731 --> 00:23:22,111
I wish I'd worn something more
suitable for being handled roughly.
396
00:23:22,111 --> 00:23:25,031
You got an outfit for every occasion?
397
00:23:25,031 --> 00:23:27,071
It never hurts to be prepared.
398
00:23:28,611 --> 00:23:30,231
You're all looking!
399
00:23:30,231 --> 00:23:33,051
Of course we're all looking!
400
00:23:33,051 --> 00:23:36,611
You're the centre of attention here.
It's your big moment.
401
00:23:36,611 --> 00:23:40,731
I don't want anybody looking
while I'm climbing up.
402
00:23:40,731 --> 00:23:43,551
Listen at him,
he's getting all temperamental!
403
00:23:43,551 --> 00:23:46,411
Stardom's gone straight to his head!
404
00:23:46,411 --> 00:23:48,991
You point camera,
they all become Madonna!
405
00:23:48,991 --> 00:23:51,211
Not from this angle!
406
00:23:51,211 --> 00:23:54,251
If it's a Madonna lookalike
you're after,
407
00:23:54,251 --> 00:23:56,991
I'm sure
there's something much closer!
408
00:24:00,471 --> 00:24:03,631
Turn your backs on him,
people, if it makes him nervous.
409
00:24:03,631 --> 00:24:05,391
Let's get this show on the road.
410
00:24:07,311 --> 00:24:09,631
Are you happy now? Can we proceed?
411
00:24:09,631 --> 00:24:12,271
No peeping!
412
00:24:12,271 --> 00:24:14,831
Nobody's looking at you!
413
00:24:14,831 --> 00:24:16,731
Get on with it!
414
00:24:16,731 --> 00:24:18,991
It sounds very difficult.
415
00:24:18,991 --> 00:24:20,991
A girl might need a hand.
416
00:24:20,991 --> 00:24:23,911
No free hand. Mine on camera.
417
00:24:26,191 --> 00:24:28,771
Are you up yet?
How's it going, Smiler?
418
00:24:28,771 --> 00:24:32,671
I'm not as nimble as I used to be!
You never were.
419
00:24:35,191 --> 00:24:37,031
There's a good view.
420
00:24:37,031 --> 00:24:41,871
Oh, that's nice, we're
standing here like muffins and he's enjoying the view!
421
00:24:41,871 --> 00:24:44,491
CRASH, SMILER SCREAMS
422
00:25:04,911 --> 00:25:08,031
Any luck? You call this luck?
423
00:25:08,031 --> 00:25:10,011
Your husband locks you in the boot?
424
00:25:10,011 --> 00:25:12,211
I wouldn't trust anybody else.
425
00:25:12,211 --> 00:25:14,791
You're the only woman
I'd ever lock in the boot.
426
00:25:14,791 --> 00:25:17,191
You're not just saying that?
427
00:25:17,191 --> 00:25:20,031
No. Oh, Barry!
428
00:25:20,031 --> 00:25:23,291
You certainly know how to
coax a girl into your boot!
429
00:25:23,291 --> 00:25:25,311
Did you locate the squeak?
430
00:25:25,311 --> 00:25:28,211
Getting closer.
It's somewhere in this area.
431
00:25:28,211 --> 00:25:31,951
Oh, that's great!
You're great in the boot!
432
00:25:31,951 --> 00:25:33,511
Let's give it another try.
433
00:25:34,511 --> 00:25:35,751
Barry!
434
00:25:37,531 --> 00:25:41,571
I thought Glenda would be here.
I thought Glenda would be here.
435
00:25:41,571 --> 00:25:45,411
I expect she's busy.
I saw her in the car with Barry.
436
00:25:45,411 --> 00:25:49,071
Oh, he does drive it then,
as well as polish it?
437
00:25:49,071 --> 00:25:51,031
They seem very close.
438
00:25:51,031 --> 00:25:53,351
They go everywhere together.
439
00:26:18,571 --> 00:26:21,151
Get your right ear to the carpet.
440
00:26:24,991 --> 00:26:27,051
There he is again.
441
00:26:27,051 --> 00:26:31,031
That's just damn cheeky.
We'll have him this time.
442
00:26:32,031 --> 00:26:34,071
SIREN WAILS
443
00:26:40,351 --> 00:26:43,471
Oh! Expecting rain, Howard?
444
00:26:46,131 --> 00:26:47,931
Does that look good, or what?
445
00:26:47,931 --> 00:26:50,331
Why, Howard!
446
00:26:50,331 --> 00:26:52,671
That's very smart!
447
00:26:52,671 --> 00:26:55,431
Well, you have to make
the effort occasionally.
448
00:27:01,571 --> 00:27:05,211
Take the strain! Heave! Aargh!
449
00:27:05,211 --> 00:27:06,571
Heave! Aargh!
450
00:27:06,571 --> 00:27:07,551
Heave!
451
00:27:08,611 --> 00:27:11,791
Heave! Heave!
452
00:27:28,771 --> 00:27:33,071
This place gets weirder. Started
keeping their wives in t'boot.
453
00:27:33,071 --> 00:27:35,371
Shows initiative though,
wouldn't you say?
454
00:27:40,311 --> 00:27:42,891
That's a bit cheeky
in broad daylight!
455
00:27:43,911 --> 00:27:48,191
I was just giving the lady
a glimpse under my raincoat!
456
00:27:55,251 --> 00:27:57,411
I'm taller!
457
00:27:57,411 --> 00:27:59,951
I bet I'm two inches taller!
458
00:27:59,951 --> 00:28:03,351
Aunty will cut you down to size
when she sees her milk float!
459
00:28:03,351 --> 00:28:05,611
I think we better have
a collection for him.
460
00:28:05,611 --> 00:28:07,531
He's going to find it expensive.
461
00:28:07,531 --> 00:28:08,951
Well, must go.
462
00:28:08,951 --> 00:28:11,251
Hey! What about the collection?
463
00:28:12,251 --> 00:28:13,711
I supplied rope.
464
00:28:29,531 --> 00:28:31,891
CAR HORN BEEPS
465
00:28:34,451 --> 00:28:36,451
It's all a mistake, Cleggy!
466
00:28:39,811 --> 00:28:41,711
Friend of yours? Huh?
467
00:28:41,711 --> 00:28:43,891
Promise to vouch for him,
we'll let him go.
468
00:28:45,211 --> 00:28:46,571
Vouch for him?
469
00:28:46,571 --> 00:28:48,031
That's close enough.
470
00:28:49,611 --> 00:28:51,171
Ye gods!
471
00:28:51,171 --> 00:28:53,731
I've just adopted Howard!
472
00:28:53,731 --> 00:28:55,711
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
473
00:28:55,761 --> 00:29:00,311
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35140
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.