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1
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,240
OK. Now what?
2
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,860
Keep your eyes on your float.
3
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,640
Watch float.
4
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,560
In case it moves.
5
00:01:14,260 --> 00:01:19,580
How long watch float? All the time.
You never take your eyes off it.
6
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:25,660
What are procedures
in case of over-excitement?
7
00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:39,120
All these things that eat grass.
8
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,440
Why aren't they green?
9
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,420
You eat Old English Humbugs,
why aren't you sticky and striped?
10
00:01:46,980 --> 00:01:50,160
I thought he was sticky and striped.
11
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,580
No, that's just his moustache.
12
00:01:58,260 --> 00:02:02,480
I thought that life
would be strawberries and cream
13
00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,320
but it's really very baked beans.
14
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:08,060
You've had your share of cream.
15
00:02:08,060 --> 00:02:11,680
For a brief giddy period,
but it doesn't last.
16
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,620
Brief? You've only just retired.
17
00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:18,200
I know but you have to wait
for the right occasion.
18
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,820
Like your first hip replacement.
19
00:02:21,820 --> 00:02:23,860
You should have had them both done.
20
00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:28,420
Mind you, knowing you, you'd get
into trouble with only one good hip.
21
00:02:28,420 --> 00:02:33,620
Oh, will you stop cheering me up,
I'll never get used to baked beans.
22
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:37,220
There's worse.
With Howard, it's black pudding.
23
00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:41,860
I keep telling him,
"They're lumps of blood, Howard."
24
00:02:41,860 --> 00:02:44,760
I'm living with a
midget from Transylvania.
25
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,260
Mawnin' ladies.
26
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:54,100
Fahn looking day. Ignore him. He's
been reading cowboy books again.
27
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:59,880
Reckon I'll just mosey me along
and say howdy to mah neighbour.
28
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,900
The Black Pudding Pistolero.
29
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,180
I dread him reading The Godfather.
30
00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:09,980
He'll start wanting linguini
with his black pudding.
31
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:20,620
What are you doing playing
with a kite at your age?
32
00:03:20,620 --> 00:03:23,080
I've got a perfectly good reason.
33
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,360
My train set's come off the rails.
34
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:28,140
It's you that's off the rails.
35
00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:37,380
Hey! Keep away. I've got no time
for flirting with old widows.
36
00:03:37,380 --> 00:03:40,900
You'll just have to wait
till my standards get lower.
37
00:03:40,900 --> 00:03:44,300
They'll be low enough in
a minute if I flatten you.
38
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:48,720
Have you been like this
all your life? Have you never had a flirtation?
39
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:54,200
No I haven't, and I don't suppose
you've had many if you're still playing with a kite? Playing?
40
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:58,440
I shall use this craft, missis,
to explore the principal of flight...
41
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,460
to study the wind and weather.
42
00:04:00,460 --> 00:04:02,260
You're all wind.
43
00:04:02,260 --> 00:04:05,340
You don't fool me,
you're just playing with a kite.
44
00:04:06,940 --> 00:04:11,200
You'll soon be living, lass,
next door to the best little kite maker in the country.
45
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:15,240
I'd sooner be living next
door to an empty house.
46
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,460
You can't fool me, kid.
47
00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:19,180
I know where I'm wanted.
48
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,560
Go and play with your kite!
49
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,460
Yes, they used to
live in Denby Street.
50
00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:32,900
Number 14 Denby Street.
51
00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:37,820
They had a daughter. In fact,
they had three daughters.
52
00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:40,340
Three daughters? Mmm.
53
00:04:40,340 --> 00:04:44,600
But the one
you'll be interested in...
54
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,320
Hetty.
55
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,560
Not short for anything.
56
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,560
Her name was Hetty.
57
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,320
No, I don't know any Hetty.
58
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,380
You're joking.
59
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,440
I'm not joking.
60
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,440
I never knew a Hetty.
61
00:05:02,820 --> 00:05:06,420
Then allow me to
introduce you, Howard,
62
00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:08,020
to your mother.
63
00:05:09,580 --> 00:05:12,880
My mother's name was Elsie.
64
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:16,280
You mean you didn't know? Whoops!
65
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,200
Sit down, Howard, sit down.
66
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,800
You'd better have a cup of tea.
67
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,820
Anyway, I'll see you later, love.
68
00:05:42,580 --> 00:05:45,460
What happened
to the Black Pudding Kid?
69
00:05:45,460 --> 00:05:47,620
I think his horse just died.
70
00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:49,820
Hey, Clint!
71
00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:51,780
What happened to you?
72
00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:55,300
I'm an orphan.
73
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:57,780
They left me on a doorstep.
74
00:06:12,820 --> 00:06:16,060
Oh, Mr Entwistle.
75
00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:20,820
With whom I've had the privilege of
changing a wheel. Always a pleasure.
76
00:06:20,820 --> 00:06:23,580
Been fishing. So exciting.
77
00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:25,620
Read maintenance manual.
78
00:06:25,620 --> 00:06:28,740
Returning book. Already?
79
00:06:28,740 --> 00:06:31,400
There's really no need so soon.
80
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,920
Have you had time
to absorb everything?
81
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:39,580
Now this section on the clutch
and braking system looks jolly interesting. Have read book.
82
00:06:39,580 --> 00:06:44,220
Good heavens! What a grasp
for detail you must have.
83
00:06:44,220 --> 00:06:47,960
If you came across any difficulties
we could study them together.
84
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:52,180
I always think two minds are
better than one alone, don't you?
85
00:06:52,180 --> 00:06:56,180
Must go. Reconditioned Washing
Machine World waits for no man.
86
00:06:56,180 --> 00:06:59,900
Well, if ever you should need more
help on any problem on your truck,
87
00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:03,680
Mr Entwistle, do call on me again.
Truck fine.
88
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:09,200
Well, I hope you'll think of me
if you start losing oil pressure.
89
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,240
Hey up, Howard!
90
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,460
Morning, Howard. Good day to you,
sir.
91
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:38,840
I wonder who switched Howard off.
Well, the man's clearly dead.
92
00:07:43,260 --> 00:07:45,680
Then why doesn't he fall down?
93
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:49,100
Well, maybe he's
perfectly balanced and dead.
94
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:52,460
Being dead is not my idea
of being perfectly balanced.
95
00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:55,240
He never was well-balanced
when he was alive.
96
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,420
Maybe Pearl's had him stuffed.
Well, you would, wouldn't you?
97
00:08:02,380 --> 00:08:04,280
He's not in.
98
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,220
He's been like that
since Cleggy told him.
99
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,180
He's an orphan.
100
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,080
It's not funny.
101
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:16,040
Being abandoned on a doorstep.
102
00:08:22,140 --> 00:08:25,020
Now. Next question.
103
00:08:25,020 --> 00:08:27,660
Can you have it delivered
to the village hall?
104
00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:29,740
By this afternoon?
105
00:08:29,740 --> 00:08:32,180
Can I have it delivered
to the village hall?
106
00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:42,260
My Express Team will wing
it there before you can say "yes, we'll pay for delivery."
107
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,600
What kept you?
108
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,820
He trod on me.
109
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,860
He gets under your feet.
110
00:08:50,860 --> 00:08:54,320
Is this it - your Express Team?
111
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:59,240
The flying feet of these two can do
express deliveries in their sleep.
112
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,320
In fact I think he does
everything in his sleep.
113
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,580
He wakes up at meal times.
He eats like a donkey.
114
00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:08,440
You work here,
she treats you like a donkey.
115
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,740
What a wicked exaggeration
in front of customers.
116
00:09:11,740 --> 00:09:14,340
Put his nosebag on and shut him up.
117
00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:18,240
He doesn't look like he over-eats.
118
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,420
How does he stay so slim?
119
00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:22,800
She pays starvation wages.
120
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:26,560
I'm not paying as much as that.
You'll get the usual and that's it!
121
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:28,640
Go on. Off, off, off.
122
00:09:45,078 --> 00:09:48,238
How long's he gonna stand there?
123
00:09:48,238 --> 00:09:50,718
I am waiting...
124
00:09:50,718 --> 00:09:55,818
for the exact moment...when
the universe is in perfect balance...
125
00:09:55,818 --> 00:09:59,158
when every circumstance is right...
to launch this thing of beauty.
126
00:09:59,158 --> 00:10:01,018
Translation -
127
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:04,138
I daren't launch this thing
I don't think it's going to fly.
128
00:10:04,138 --> 00:10:07,998
Not to worry. He gives good
value in the way of entertainment.
129
00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:10,918
We shouldn't laugh, really.
But let's anyway.
130
00:10:12,498 --> 00:10:14,718
We are one with the wind and sky,
131
00:10:14,718 --> 00:10:18,878
the kite and I. Get on with it.
132
00:10:18,878 --> 00:10:21,378
I have to be ready spiritually.
133
00:10:21,378 --> 00:10:24,118
These occasions demand a
certain ceremony and style.
134
00:10:24,118 --> 00:10:27,018
You're depressing Billy here.
135
00:10:27,018 --> 00:10:29,658
He fears a reduction
in his drinking time.
136
00:10:29,658 --> 00:10:33,518
Won't do. Can't allow it.
Get thee clog down, Alvin.
137
00:10:33,518 --> 00:10:35,398
World,
138
00:10:35,398 --> 00:10:38,878
I have built this graceful thing.
139
00:10:41,318 --> 00:10:43,838
I, me, Alvin -
140
00:10:43,838 --> 00:10:47,098
Master of the Airy Arts.
141
00:10:47,098 --> 00:10:48,738
Of the what?
142
00:10:48,738 --> 00:10:51,678
I think he said "airy arts."
143
00:10:54,538 --> 00:10:57,498
Here we come, world. First flight.
144
00:10:57,498 --> 00:11:00,698
You spirits of the air do not...
145
00:11:00,698 --> 00:11:04,978
I repeat do not...put your
boot through these endeavours.
146
00:11:04,978 --> 00:11:07,558
Aaaagh!
147
00:11:09,918 --> 00:11:13,478
I think he's just fallen
on his airy arts.
148
00:11:19,918 --> 00:11:23,638
He doesn't look all that odd.
That's what I keep telling her.
149
00:11:23,638 --> 00:11:25,698
I didn't say odd. What is it, then?
150
00:11:27,118 --> 00:11:33,818
There's just a hint of something
that lets you understand why his mother left him on a doorstep.
151
00:11:36,058 --> 00:11:39,778
I bet she loved me, though.
I bet it broke her heart.
152
00:11:39,778 --> 00:11:43,278
I bet she picked a good doorstep.
153
00:11:43,278 --> 00:11:47,038
Oh,
I'd never leave him on a doorstep
154
00:11:47,038 --> 00:11:49,778
but how can the library
service be of assistance?
155
00:11:49,778 --> 00:11:53,958
Well, I was wondering if you'd got
"Teach Yourself Orphan"
156
00:11:53,958 --> 00:11:57,418
or "The Idiot's Guide
to Being an Orphan"?
157
00:11:57,418 --> 00:12:00,738
I think the last one was
the most suitable, don't you?
158
00:12:00,738 --> 00:12:05,598
And is there a list of how many
great men started off as an orphan?
159
00:12:16,238 --> 00:12:19,498
No, no. The act needs more variety.
160
00:12:19,498 --> 00:12:23,358
With your left hands couldn't
you be juggling three plates?
161
00:12:28,398 --> 00:12:30,118
Oh, Lord!
162
00:12:30,118 --> 00:12:32,698
He has made this graceful thing.
163
00:12:32,698 --> 00:12:35,738
I just wish he'd made
it so it could fly.
164
00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:38,838
According to my calculations,
it should fly.
165
00:12:38,838 --> 00:12:42,678
And according to my calculations
thou's a twillup.
166
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:45,358
Who says twillups can't fly?
167
00:12:45,358 --> 00:12:48,578
OK, then, two plates.
168
00:12:51,458 --> 00:12:55,358
Would you have loved me just the
same if I'd been an orphan, Barry?
169
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,158
Probably sooner.
170
00:12:57,158 --> 00:13:00,058
Your mother was always there.
171
00:13:00,058 --> 00:13:04,058
She liked you really. She'd have
liked me better in Australia.
172
00:13:04,058 --> 00:13:06,978
As long as I promised not to write.
173
00:13:06,978 --> 00:13:10,118
It's just that she thought I ought
to wait a bit longer to get married.
174
00:13:10,118 --> 00:13:14,438
I know. She passed this little note
to the best man to give me as I'm walking into church.
175
00:13:14,438 --> 00:13:16,438
Don't lie, Barry.
176
00:13:16,438 --> 00:13:20,458
And when it gets to that bit where
the vicar says "Does anybody know of any just impediment..."
177
00:13:20,458 --> 00:13:24,038
I'm praying, "Sit down, Mrs Pegden.
Don't lose your seat."
178
00:13:25,658 --> 00:13:30,158
She got used to you.
You can get used to a bad leg.
179
00:13:30,158 --> 00:13:32,358
My favourite bad leg.
180
00:13:34,938 --> 00:13:37,578
Pack it in!
She's probably still watching.
181
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:42,018
Here.
182
00:13:44,278 --> 00:13:46,818
Maybe the air's not for you, Alvin.
183
00:13:46,818 --> 00:13:49,378
Maybe you should build a submarine.
184
00:13:49,378 --> 00:13:52,698
Right, you spirits of the air.
185
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:55,898
You get one more chance.
Stop prawning about.
186
00:13:55,898 --> 00:13:59,358
They're probably too busy laughing.
Are we ready?
187
00:13:59,358 --> 00:14:02,058
I am Alvin. He's always ready.
188
00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:03,858
Stand back.
189
00:14:03,858 --> 00:14:05,798
We're going for Mach One.
190
00:14:08,538 --> 00:14:13,918
There's something humbling
about being in the presence two such dedicated tulips.
191
00:14:15,618 --> 00:14:17,178
Woo hoo!
192
00:14:17,178 --> 00:14:19,878
Ha ha ha! Yippee!
193
00:14:35,838 --> 00:14:37,538
And don't be hanging about.
194
00:14:37,538 --> 00:14:39,858
They're waiting for
it at the church hall.
195
00:14:39,858 --> 00:14:44,418
Hanging about? You say that to me
and my assistant here. Fast Freddy.
196
00:14:44,418 --> 00:14:47,498
It takes me all my time to
keep him below the legal limit.
197
00:14:47,498 --> 00:14:49,858
He looks well below to me.
198
00:14:49,858 --> 00:14:53,638
How fast can you go with
one of these? Have you tried?
199
00:14:53,638 --> 00:14:58,718
Have you no ambition?
Have you never thought of having a shot at the handcart record?
200
00:14:58,718 --> 00:15:01,998
You've got the opportunity here
to become quickly forgotten.
201
00:15:01,998 --> 00:15:06,618
We are forgotten. We're just cogs in
the wheel of the secondhand trade.
202
00:15:06,618 --> 00:15:11,618
Antiques and Bygones if you don't
mind. If you're going to be a cog have a bit of pride in it.
203
00:15:11,618 --> 00:15:14,158
You're right about forgotten.
204
00:15:14,158 --> 00:15:17,698
I forget how many times
I've been forgotten.
205
00:15:26,298 --> 00:15:28,618
Has everybody got the hump today?
206
00:15:28,618 --> 00:15:33,618
Don't they realise
the recommended treatment is a spot of impulse buying?
207
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:39,858
Who have I got that cares,
since the budgie died?
208
00:15:43,718 --> 00:15:46,338
Hey, Alvin!
209
00:15:47,778 --> 00:15:51,298
Now we've done kiting can
we go for a drink? Done?
210
00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:53,438
We've only just started.
211
00:15:53,438 --> 00:15:57,498
That's not called starting, Alvin.
That's called starting badly.
212
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,698
Well, that's how things go.
213
00:15:59,698 --> 00:16:01,618
Life is a challenge.
214
00:16:01,618 --> 00:16:03,958
We have to overcome.
215
00:16:03,958 --> 00:16:07,018
Can we do a quick overcome
and then go for a drink?
216
00:16:07,018 --> 00:16:09,958
I am Alvin. Watch this space!
217
00:16:09,958 --> 00:16:13,398
Yeah. Watch my mouth -
let's go for a drink.
218
00:16:13,398 --> 00:16:15,698
Think of it as back
to the drawing board.
219
00:16:15,698 --> 00:16:17,778
You can plan your next accident.
220
00:16:17,778 --> 00:16:19,618
What about me bicycle?
221
00:16:19,618 --> 00:16:21,698
It'll be all right over the wall.
222
00:16:21,698 --> 00:16:23,918
Who's going to see it over the wall?
223
00:16:33,318 --> 00:16:34,938
Ah, Entwistle!
224
00:16:34,938 --> 00:16:37,698
How would you like to earn
a place in kiting circles?
225
00:16:37,698 --> 00:16:40,238
How would you like to
buy washing machine?
226
00:16:40,238 --> 00:16:45,398
We can discuss that later.
Refreshments first. You can give us a lift.
227
00:16:46,418 --> 00:16:50,118
One moment while we
carefully park our bicycles.
228
00:16:55,718 --> 00:16:58,798
Do you believe in life after death?
229
00:16:58,798 --> 00:17:01,058
Only for inspectors and upwards.
230
00:17:01,058 --> 00:17:04,018
I'm trying to have a
serious conversation here.
231
00:17:04,018 --> 00:17:06,298
In future, could you
give me a warning?
232
00:17:06,298 --> 00:17:10,198
Are you suggesting I'm a
stranger to serious conversations?
233
00:17:10,198 --> 00:17:15,458
The only time I ever see you serious
is when you're thinking about what's for lunch.
234
00:17:15,458 --> 00:17:17,058
Rubbish.
235
00:17:17,058 --> 00:17:18,798
We had that yesterday.
236
00:17:18,798 --> 00:17:22,338
I'm surprised,
and not a little disappointed, that you haven't recognised
237
00:17:22,338 --> 00:17:26,858
the intellectual level of the partner
that backs you up in all emergencies.
238
00:17:26,858 --> 00:17:30,038
At that last one, you fainted.
239
00:17:30,038 --> 00:17:33,678
I like to think of it as
coming out in sympathy.
240
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:36,178
This is what I'm trying
to communicate to you.
241
00:17:36,178 --> 00:17:39,138
My level of sensitivity.
242
00:17:39,138 --> 00:17:42,178
You laughed at that old
bloke wit' funny nose.
243
00:17:42,178 --> 00:17:45,418
Only his nose.
I didn't laugh at rest of him.
244
00:17:46,878 --> 00:17:48,878
Close your eyes.
245
00:17:48,878 --> 00:17:50,598
What for?
246
00:17:50,598 --> 00:17:52,518
I'm conducting an experiment.
247
00:17:52,518 --> 00:17:54,258
Close your eyes.
248
00:17:54,258 --> 00:17:58,418
I want no distractions. I want you
to think hard about this question.
249
00:17:58,418 --> 00:18:01,138
What do you think
happens when we die?
250
00:18:01,138 --> 00:18:04,258
You'll never know.
You'll have fainted.
251
00:18:05,478 --> 00:18:08,058
Think! Concentrate, man.
252
00:18:08,058 --> 00:18:13,158
Shall we or shall we not
experience anything further?
253
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:15,778
Such as what? I don't know.
254
00:18:15,778 --> 00:18:17,298
Use your imagination.
255
00:18:17,298 --> 00:18:19,818
Harps. Heavenly bells.
256
00:18:19,818 --> 00:18:21,298
Tinkling music.
257
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:27,678
SWIRLING HARP MUSIC PLAYS
258
00:18:49,658 --> 00:18:51,678
SHE RINGS BIKE BELL
259
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:07,358
Why are you wearing your
funeral suit, Howard?
260
00:19:07,358 --> 00:19:10,818
I think I might always wear black.
261
00:19:10,818 --> 00:19:13,258
If you'd told me, I'd have changed.
262
00:19:13,258 --> 00:19:16,478
Don't change. Don't ever change.
263
00:19:16,478 --> 00:19:19,618
I need some things
to stay as they are.
264
00:19:19,618 --> 00:19:22,138
Oh, Howard, you'll have to face it.
265
00:19:22,138 --> 00:19:24,398
I shan't always be this young thing.
266
00:19:24,398 --> 00:19:28,138
You think you've got a mother
and then...
267
00:19:28,898 --> 00:19:31,518
A mother?
268
00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:34,958
I may have got a bit windswept
coming here, but really!
269
00:19:39,898 --> 00:19:41,398
I'm an orphan.
270
00:19:43,638 --> 00:19:45,518
I was adopted.
271
00:19:47,118 --> 00:19:49,678
They left me on the doorstep.
272
00:19:49,678 --> 00:19:52,598
Didn't even ring the bell.
273
00:19:52,598 --> 00:19:54,618
You're a muffin, Howard.
274
00:19:54,618 --> 00:19:57,958
Why? Because if it's sympathy
you're looking for,
275
00:19:57,958 --> 00:20:03,498
you should have realised that
blonde hairs will show up on your funeral suit.
276
00:20:17,518 --> 00:20:22,538
How come you lot ride
and I get to gallop with the kite?
277
00:20:22,538 --> 00:20:24,798
Look at the legs on you.
278
00:20:24,798 --> 00:20:28,738
You were built for the gallop.
Faster, Entwistle.
279
00:20:28,738 --> 00:20:30,898
Is Billy all right?
280
00:20:30,898 --> 00:20:34,758
Billy has unexpected turns of speed.
281
00:20:34,758 --> 00:20:38,938
Faster. I'd hate to be the cause
of him dislocating anything.
282
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,898
He's got legs like a camel.
283
00:20:40,898 --> 00:20:42,638
He can go for days.
284
00:20:42,638 --> 00:20:45,378
They say they've got
some very nasty habits.
285
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:48,698
That's him. That's Billy.
286
00:20:48,698 --> 00:20:51,378
He's moving like a two year old.
287
00:20:51,378 --> 00:20:55,798
He'll be overtaking in a minute,
Entwistle. Chop, chop. Does he look comfortable?
288
00:20:55,798 --> 00:21:00,218
If you start going too fast, all
he has to do is let go of the kite.
289
00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:01,778
Hey up!
290
00:21:01,778 --> 00:21:03,538
Slow down.
291
00:21:03,538 --> 00:21:06,298
Thou's stretching me elastic!
292
00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:09,858
Hey, look...waving.
The man's enjoying it.
293
00:21:09,858 --> 00:21:13,638
Well, wave back. Don't let
him start feeling neglected.
294
00:21:13,638 --> 00:21:15,838
Going well, Billy.
295
00:21:15,838 --> 00:21:17,998
I don't know about well.
296
00:21:17,998 --> 00:21:19,658
I know I'm going like hell.
297
00:21:19,658 --> 00:21:22,638
Slow down, will ya? Slow down.
298
00:21:22,638 --> 00:21:24,758
Slower! What's Billy saying?
299
00:21:24,758 --> 00:21:26,878
He says you're going too slow.
300
00:21:26,878 --> 00:21:29,338
What a mover.
301
00:21:29,338 --> 00:21:32,878
I wonder if there's any
race we could enter him in.
302
00:21:32,878 --> 00:21:35,078
He's still waving. Aaaah!
303
00:21:36,858 --> 00:21:39,618
He's getting a
right old kick out of this.
304
00:21:39,618 --> 00:21:41,698
Thank you, love.
305
00:21:41,698 --> 00:21:46,338
What did you ladies do in
your day to share the same interests as your husbands?
306
00:21:46,338 --> 00:21:47,958
Same interests as them?
307
00:21:47,958 --> 00:21:51,158
How can anybody normal have
the same interests as them?
308
00:21:51,158 --> 00:21:54,358
You can't cross the
Great Divide, love.
309
00:21:54,358 --> 00:21:58,418
We work...they play.
Nature built it like that.
310
00:22:00,078 --> 00:22:02,778
Didn't you ever want to
share their interests?
311
00:22:02,778 --> 00:22:05,818
Not before marriage in our day.
312
00:22:05,818 --> 00:22:09,678
And not so damned much after either.
313
00:22:09,678 --> 00:22:12,538
We sometimes go shopping together.
314
00:22:12,538 --> 00:22:16,258
He doesn't like me
alone with his wallet.
315
00:22:16,258 --> 00:22:19,398
You hear about them having
all kinds of hobbies,
316
00:22:19,398 --> 00:22:25,598
but I must say I
never met with any pressure to take up stamp collecting.
317
00:22:25,598 --> 00:22:32,038
I had a customer who built a
model of Atkinson's Bakery entirely in matchsticks.
318
00:22:32,038 --> 00:22:35,018
I bet he was a lot of
help round the house.
319
00:22:35,018 --> 00:22:37,538
Why Atkinson's Bakery?
320
00:22:37,538 --> 00:22:39,518
I never found out.
321
00:22:39,518 --> 00:22:43,478
He'd be in love with it.
With Atkinson's Bakery?
322
00:22:43,478 --> 00:22:47,378
Yes. They do. They fall in
love with railway engines...
323
00:22:47,378 --> 00:22:49,878
old buses...trams. Anything.
324
00:22:49,878 --> 00:22:52,698
How can you share
interests like that?
325
00:22:52,698 --> 00:22:59,218
How can you even occupy the same
planet as someone who's going to fall in love with Atkinson's Bakery?
326
00:22:59,218 --> 00:23:01,258
Not even the bread.
327
00:23:01,258 --> 00:23:03,118
Just the building.
328
00:23:03,118 --> 00:23:08,098
I think we should try to find
similar interests. It's bonding.
329
00:23:08,098 --> 00:23:10,918
Ooh, there's quicker ways than that!
330
00:23:12,038 --> 00:23:16,418
Bonding? That's all right for
repairing furniture.
331
00:23:17,578 --> 00:23:21,958
Could you seriously ever be
tempted to play with his train set?
332
00:23:21,958 --> 00:23:24,578
Did yours have a railway cap?
333
00:23:24,578 --> 00:23:26,858
Mine used to have a railway cap.
334
00:23:26,858 --> 00:23:29,278
And a whistle.
335
00:23:29,278 --> 00:23:32,478
The night we got back
from honeymoon,
336
00:23:32,478 --> 00:23:36,158
I'm wondering whether I ought to go
back to plain, no-nonsense nighties
337
00:23:36,158 --> 00:23:39,998
when I heard his whistle
sending the 9.40 off to Euston.
338
00:23:39,998 --> 00:23:45,398
I thought, "Yes, girl - goodbye
romance, hello housework!
339
00:23:45,398 --> 00:23:49,478
But surely you can
find a mutual interest.
340
00:23:49,478 --> 00:23:52,958
I'm going to start taking an
interest in motor maintenance.
341
00:23:52,958 --> 00:23:57,218
He'll not thank you if
his tea's not ready. No.
342
00:23:57,218 --> 00:23:59,118
They're not good at tea not ready.
343
00:24:08,958 --> 00:24:13,798
You know, I knew I was in trouble
when me underpants started smoking.
344
00:24:13,798 --> 00:24:17,558
Billy's underpants carry a health
warning. Not many people know that.
345
00:24:17,558 --> 00:24:20,818
We were impressed. Entwistle thought
you were going to pass him.
346
00:24:20,818 --> 00:24:24,758
I couldn't believe the speedometer.
347
00:24:24,758 --> 00:24:27,458
Something kept
flashing before my eyes...
348
00:24:27,458 --> 00:24:29,178
it were my legs.
349
00:24:29,178 --> 00:24:31,278
We thought you were showing off.
350
00:24:31,278 --> 00:24:34,438
We thought you were
within inches of taking off.
351
00:24:34,438 --> 00:24:37,238
We were just hoping you'd
take the kite with you.
352
00:24:37,238 --> 00:24:39,978
You were just a blur
in the rear view mirror.
353
00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:42,958
Story of my life. Ask the missis.
354
00:24:44,038 --> 00:24:47,078
I hear Barry's missis
wants to go to Spain.
355
00:24:47,078 --> 00:24:50,478
How come my missis never
wants to go to Spain?
356
00:24:50,478 --> 00:24:53,558
The former Mrs Truelove
was passionate about Clacton.
357
00:24:53,558 --> 00:24:57,938
It wasn't her only eccentricity.
Don't think so for a minute.
358
00:24:57,938 --> 00:25:00,858
I fancy a go at Mount Everest.
359
00:25:00,858 --> 00:25:02,858
It's been done.
360
00:25:02,858 --> 00:25:04,898
On a bicycle?
361
00:25:04,898 --> 00:25:08,298
Right, who's getting them in?
362
00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:11,998
Not for me, I'm driving.
363
00:25:11,998 --> 00:25:16,318
What a terrible impediment it is
this driving. Is there no cure?
364
00:25:17,938 --> 00:25:19,978
Three pints, love.
365
00:25:28,578 --> 00:25:30,858
I haven't done this for a while.
366
00:25:30,858 --> 00:25:33,098
And it shows.
367
00:25:33,098 --> 00:25:35,658
What are you...the expert?
368
00:25:35,658 --> 00:25:38,538
Not at walking on 'em...
369
00:25:38,538 --> 00:25:40,198
vaulting.
370
00:25:40,198 --> 00:25:44,778
We used to take a run
and vault 'em one-handed. Who's we?
371
00:25:44,778 --> 00:25:48,478
Me an' t'Chief Inspector...
who else? Kids.
372
00:25:48,478 --> 00:25:50,898
When we were kids, you barmpot.
373
00:25:50,898 --> 00:25:52,778
No. It wasn't kids with me.
374
00:25:52,778 --> 00:25:55,558
It was when we were courting.
375
00:25:55,558 --> 00:25:58,178
It's an old courting
custom round here.
376
00:25:58,178 --> 00:26:00,838
You walk a stone wall blindfolded
377
00:26:00,838 --> 00:26:04,378
and if you fall off
she has to comfort you.
378
00:26:05,818 --> 00:26:08,178
Did it work?
379
00:26:08,178 --> 00:26:10,858
I don't know. Fell on me head.
380
00:26:10,858 --> 00:26:13,018
Couldn't remember a thing.
381
00:26:15,778 --> 00:26:22,818
She swore that she comforted me
so well that if I was any kind of gentleman we'd have got married.
382
00:26:22,818 --> 00:26:25,878
You do tell me some flannel, you.
383
00:26:25,878 --> 00:26:29,078
Think of it as
practising for the witness box.
384
00:26:30,618 --> 00:26:34,238
Well, are we gonna
see this vaulting then?
385
00:26:45,578 --> 00:26:48,078
CRASH!
386
00:26:52,378 --> 00:26:56,038
Can you believe some silly
prat leaves his bicycle down here?
387
00:27:01,778 --> 00:27:04,638
Poor old Howard.
388
00:27:04,638 --> 00:27:07,918
I thought he knew
I'd be pulling his leg.
389
00:27:07,918 --> 00:27:10,758
I didn't want him
to go all melancholy.
390
00:27:10,758 --> 00:27:14,798
You need ancient solution
between Bridlington and Hull.
391
00:27:25,458 --> 00:27:28,318
Hello, Barry. Hello, love.
392
00:27:33,478 --> 00:27:36,918
What are you doing?
It's togetherness, Barry.
393
00:27:36,918 --> 00:27:41,598
I thought we'd both start taking
an interest in the car. Oh, great!
394
00:27:43,178 --> 00:27:45,878
That's great! That's so great!
395
00:27:45,878 --> 00:27:50,798
Oh, Barry I haven't quite...
ooh Barry but I'd like to finish.
396
00:27:55,298 --> 00:28:00,638
Well, I don't know
what else a lady can do to revive your interest, Howard.
397
00:28:07,298 --> 00:28:09,698
Oh, Marina!
398
00:28:10,978 --> 00:28:13,518
Oh, Howard.
399
00:28:33,798 --> 00:28:36,998
Fancy telling people
they were adopted.
400
00:28:36,998 --> 00:28:40,458
You should have known
that I was joking.
401
00:28:40,458 --> 00:28:42,618
People couldn't afford to adopt.
402
00:28:42,618 --> 00:28:45,298
They had to do it by instalments.
403
00:28:45,298 --> 00:28:51,098
They only got as far as
adopting one of your legs and then the war broke out.
404
00:28:51,098 --> 00:28:53,078
You're pulling my leg again.
405
00:28:58,498 --> 00:29:01,218
Which leg?
406
00:29:01,268 --> 00:29:05,818
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