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1
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,660
AGGRESSIVE GIBBERISH
2
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,220
Aaaahh!
3
00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:38,830
Did you think I was in trouble,
lass?
4
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:41,570
I did. And you ARE!
5
00:01:11,770 --> 00:01:13,250
Hello!
6
00:01:24,430 --> 00:01:26,850
HE BLOWS WHISTLE
7
00:01:27,850 --> 00:01:29,210
Hey!
8
00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:32,350
I can see you're in a hurry
to get them before they go.
9
00:01:32,350 --> 00:01:38,470
Well, if you had any really old
police mementoes, I might be interested.
10
00:01:38,470 --> 00:01:42,270
Badges, truncheons...handcuffs.
11
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:44,450
Wait here.
12
00:01:49,030 --> 00:01:52,750
Belonged to Jack the Ripper.
They never caught him!
13
00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:56,070
But they would have had him
if his boot hadn't come off.
14
00:01:56,070 --> 00:01:59,910
If he moved as nimbly as you,
no wonder they never caught him!
15
00:02:06,410 --> 00:02:10,010
I'm not sure this was a good idea.
16
00:02:10,010 --> 00:02:11,970
We could take a short cut.
17
00:02:11,970 --> 00:02:14,150
What short cut?
18
00:02:14,150 --> 00:02:18,330
There's the road we came on
and that's all. Trust me.
19
00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:20,410
This is my back yard, tha' knows.
20
00:02:20,410 --> 00:02:22,410
Outlaw country.
21
00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:24,830
You could get lost in a phone booth.
22
00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:29,230
Mind you, for short cuts
we SHOULD listen to Alvin.
23
00:02:29,230 --> 00:02:32,550
If anybody knows "short",
it's Alvin.
24
00:02:32,550 --> 00:02:34,550
Just shut up a minute.
25
00:02:34,550 --> 00:02:39,230
I'm trying to save your legs and
you've got more to save than most.
26
00:02:39,230 --> 00:02:43,090
Instead of riding all
that way back by road,
27
00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:46,090
why don't we go OFF road?
28
00:02:46,090 --> 00:02:48,290
Straight down there.
29
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:54,110
Ah, yes, well,
thank you for the offer, Alvin.
30
00:02:54,110 --> 00:02:58,830
I mean, what's insanity for unless
you can share it with your friends?
31
00:03:00,410 --> 00:03:02,210
It's downhill all the way.
32
00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:04,130
No pedalling necessary.
33
00:03:04,130 --> 00:03:06,110
It's not a bad idea.
34
00:03:08,010 --> 00:03:11,270
What would you call "a bad idea"?
35
00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:14,670
Having to live with the wife
and her sister.
36
00:03:14,670 --> 00:03:17,390
I'm outnumbered, outvoted,
outgunned.
37
00:03:17,390 --> 00:03:21,230
It's like the Sheriff of Nottingham
was twins.
38
00:03:21,230 --> 00:03:25,830
Maybe he was.
History sometimes gets things wrong.
39
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:31,330
Who now remembers that Dracula
was a Yorkshireman?
40
00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:33,930
Dracula a Yorkshireman? Hmm.
41
00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:36,690
His full name was Draculathwaite.
42
00:03:36,690 --> 00:03:41,350
Enoch Josiah Draculathwaite.
43
00:03:41,350 --> 00:03:44,790
I bet he was related
to Auntie Wainwright.
44
00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:47,670
She goes for your wallet,
not your throat.
45
00:03:47,670 --> 00:03:51,230
During the day. But who knows
what she gets up to at night?
46
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:53,730
Wear a bit of garlic
and you'll be all right.
47
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:56,270
Well, what are we waiting for?
48
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:59,610
Are we going to commit
suicide or aren't we?
49
00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:03,410
You know me. I laugh at danger!
50
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,210
And this looks hilarious.
51
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:13,450
Way-hey!
52
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:26,990
Park it here.
53
00:04:26,990 --> 00:04:29,970
Have you seen these
double yellow lines?
54
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,790
Yes. Very pretty.
55
00:04:31,790 --> 00:04:35,090
You have to applaud these attempts
at brightening things up.
56
00:04:35,090 --> 00:04:37,550
Leave it here. We shan't be a minute.
57
00:04:37,550 --> 00:04:41,310
Oh,
how I wish this car wasn't so big.
58
00:04:41,310 --> 00:04:44,970
She's not big. It's just that
all the other cars are small.
59
00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:46,610
I'm going to have to let her go.
60
00:04:46,610 --> 00:04:48,650
You can't let her go!
61
00:04:48,650 --> 00:04:50,290
You've only just got together.
62
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,530
She is going to be your love boat.
63
00:04:52,530 --> 00:04:54,870
She is the magnet for the ladies.
64
00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:57,650
What ladies?
What about Mrs Micklethwaite?
65
00:04:57,650 --> 00:04:59,870
I gave her a lift to the chip shop.
66
00:04:59,870 --> 00:05:02,590
It's a start.
Who knows where it could lead?
67
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:06,470
It led to the launderette
and the off-licence.
68
00:05:06,470 --> 00:05:09,510
Hey up, look at that.
You've just pulled another.
69
00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:13,490
Oh.
70
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,970
How come you never take me out?
71
00:05:24,970 --> 00:05:26,790
I take you out.
72
00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:30,210
When? You take that wheely bin out
more than you take me.
73
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,850
I can close the lid
on the wheely bin.
74
00:05:35,430 --> 00:05:39,590
Said he to his loved one,
only joking!
75
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:44,830
If I wore a skirt up to me earrings,
would that help?
76
00:05:44,830 --> 00:05:48,230
I won't have my wife
parading about in a short skirt.
77
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,790
So, er...
78
00:06:18,790 --> 00:06:23,950
how did this Draculathwaite get this
reputation for drawing blood then?
79
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:27,770
I told you.
He was related to Auntie Wainwright.
80
00:06:27,770 --> 00:06:30,450
He ran a bicycle repair shop.
81
00:06:30,450 --> 00:06:32,990
EJ Draculathwaite.
82
00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:39,470
Inner tubes invisibly mended. He was
agent for Stokes' Bespoke Spokes.
83
00:06:39,470 --> 00:06:42,210
Never catch on.
Needs to be snappier.
84
00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:45,530
He went for everybody's throats.
85
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,610
How much snappier do you want?
86
00:06:49,210 --> 00:06:51,490
Right, steady as she goes.
87
00:06:53,170 --> 00:06:54,850
What were you doing, Norman?
88
00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:58,290
I estimate about 90 miles an hour.
89
00:06:58,290 --> 00:07:00,970
Draculathwaite?
90
00:07:00,970 --> 00:07:02,230
Mmm.
91
00:07:02,230 --> 00:07:06,470
He was one of the earliest
virtuosos of the bicycle pump.
92
00:07:06,470 --> 00:07:09,630
He could make it suck
as well as blow.
93
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:13,890
He was in great demand
for drawing people's boils.
94
00:07:13,890 --> 00:07:20,910
And he was doing wonderful things
with acne until the medical profession became jealous and, er...
95
00:07:20,910 --> 00:07:24,710
Well, they spread this rumour
about his teeth.
96
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:27,190
You see what happens
when you go out?
97
00:07:33,890 --> 00:07:35,930
Do you take your wife out?
98
00:07:35,930 --> 00:07:39,010
Would this be daylight or after dark?
99
00:07:39,010 --> 00:07:41,210
Well, what difference does it make?
100
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:43,150
With some wives, big difference.
101
00:07:43,150 --> 00:07:46,210
If she's that bad,
why did you marry her?
102
00:07:46,210 --> 00:07:48,050
For money.
103
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,210
She's got money? No.
104
00:07:50,210 --> 00:07:51,690
But I need some excuse.
105
00:07:58,690 --> 00:08:00,810
Remember?
106
00:08:00,810 --> 00:08:02,330
I remember legs, Barry.
107
00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:03,990
I've got a pair.
108
00:08:03,990 --> 00:08:07,110
The shorts.
Do you remember when we wore them?
109
00:08:07,110 --> 00:08:10,890
We? I must admit they look
big enough for both of us.
110
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:13,610
It was when we went camping.
111
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:16,470
It was great. D'you remember?
112
00:08:16,470 --> 00:08:20,510
It was economical. I remember
that was the main attraction.
113
00:08:20,510 --> 00:08:25,450
It was exciting.
Adventurous. Outdoors living.
114
00:08:25,450 --> 00:08:27,650
We really enjoyed it.
115
00:08:27,650 --> 00:08:33,250
You don't think nowadays we're
built more for a nice hotel with room service?
116
00:08:33,250 --> 00:08:35,690
I suppose they are a bit big.
117
00:08:35,690 --> 00:08:37,790
Your mother made me get this size.
118
00:08:37,790 --> 00:08:39,750
She made me send
the other pair back.
119
00:08:39,750 --> 00:08:42,930
She wouldn't let you go with me
if I wore skimpy shorts.
120
00:08:42,930 --> 00:08:46,810
You know what they were like about
"things" before marriage in those days.
121
00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:49,090
Mmm.
122
00:08:49,090 --> 00:08:51,090
We'd been married two years then.
123
00:08:55,650 --> 00:08:57,730
He thinks he can't afford it.
124
00:08:57,730 --> 00:09:00,030
I keep hearing it guzzling petrol.
125
00:09:00,030 --> 00:09:03,610
I wouldn't mind, but it smacks
its lips. Don't listen!
126
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,790
Consider the advantages.
127
00:09:05,790 --> 00:09:09,550
Has he thought of converting it
into a football stadium?
128
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:13,030
Don't upset him.
It's a crossroads in his life.
129
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:15,970
Four choices?
Ooh! He'll never make it.
130
00:09:15,970 --> 00:09:17,970
He's only got one choice really.
131
00:09:17,970 --> 00:09:22,430
Does he want to go from being
Mr Mean Machine with the smooth white limousine
132
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:25,610
to being just somebody
who pushes your handcart?
133
00:09:25,610 --> 00:09:27,430
I do. I really do.
134
00:09:27,430 --> 00:09:31,530
Wrong answer. You're giving up
your chance at the fast lane.
135
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:33,790
Is he available for weddings?
136
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:36,070
I'm not sure he was
available for his own.
137
00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:40,250
I enjoyed my wedding.
I met some nice people.
138
00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:43,650
I was sorry when we had to leave.
139
00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:46,030
Picture this.
140
00:09:46,030 --> 00:09:53,390
I can just see a young bride looking
radiant and proud riding in the back of this luxurious wedding thing.
141
00:09:53,390 --> 00:09:56,730
I can just see another traffic
warden with her foot on the wheel.
142
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,850
Listen to Auntie Wainwright.
143
00:09:58,850 --> 00:10:00,530
She's about to make you an offer.
144
00:10:00,530 --> 00:10:03,510
Not a good one but...
145
00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:05,030
Oh.
146
00:10:18,809 --> 00:10:22,249
You know what went wrong
with your off-road by bicycle?
147
00:10:22,249 --> 00:10:26,909
I know what went wrong
with MY off-road by bicycle.
148
00:10:26,909 --> 00:10:30,229
It was a challenge. We did it.
I think we ought to be proud.
149
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:33,029
We ARE proud. We laughed at danger.
150
00:10:33,029 --> 00:10:35,249
You were laughing at MINE!
151
00:10:35,249 --> 00:10:37,849
Only the point when you
skidded into that wall.
152
00:10:37,849 --> 00:10:40,989
I thought to meself, there goes
Cleggy...owt for a laugh.
153
00:10:40,989 --> 00:10:44,589
What's it coming to if
you can't have a laugh when a bloke hits a wall?
154
00:10:44,589 --> 00:10:46,689
Excuse me...
155
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:51,429
When you've finished babbling, could
I ask you to think "studded tyres"?
156
00:10:53,269 --> 00:10:55,849
Repeat after me. Studded tyres.
157
00:10:55,849 --> 00:10:58,269
ALL:
Studded tyres.
158
00:10:58,269 --> 00:11:00,889
No, no, no. Louder!
159
00:11:00,889 --> 00:11:03,709
Let's have some enthusiasm.
More spirit.
160
00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:05,889
ALL:
Studded tyres!
161
00:11:05,889 --> 00:11:08,309
That's it! That's my team!
162
00:11:08,309 --> 00:11:09,769
Follow me anywhere.
163
00:11:10,749 --> 00:11:13,809
Now...look.
164
00:11:13,809 --> 00:11:16,809
What do off-road vehicles have?
165
00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:19,409
Bad drivers.
166
00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:22,449
I thought that was BMWs.
167
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,869
They have off-road wheels.
168
00:11:24,869 --> 00:11:26,669
Tyres with grip.
169
00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:28,549
Gives you more control.
170
00:11:28,549 --> 00:11:30,989
That's where you went wrong.
171
00:11:30,989 --> 00:11:35,889
No.
Where we went wrong is not putting the chocks under Alvin's bike.
172
00:11:41,469 --> 00:11:43,769
Who didn't put the chock
under the wheel?
173
00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:45,989
He could have said goodbye.
174
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:57,149
Do you think we're ready? For what?
175
00:11:57,149 --> 00:11:59,509
For whatever fate
decides to throw at us.
176
00:11:59,509 --> 00:12:02,669
Murders...riots...disasters.
177
00:12:02,669 --> 00:12:05,369
If it happens round here
there's only us, you know.
178
00:12:05,369 --> 00:12:07,049
Are we ready?
179
00:12:07,049 --> 00:12:08,589
I'm ready.
180
00:12:08,589 --> 00:12:13,229
I've got me notebook and pencil and
a spare battery for me flashlight.
181
00:12:13,229 --> 00:12:15,869
I'm ready.
182
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:18,749
You think that'll do it?
183
00:12:18,749 --> 00:12:22,529
Well...I think it might be helpful
if you had a spare battery as well.
184
00:12:24,469 --> 00:12:28,729
Are we up for it instinct
and reaction-wise?
185
00:12:28,729 --> 00:12:30,369
Are we ready mentally?
186
00:12:34,149 --> 00:12:36,049
You're having a go at me, aren't you?
187
00:12:36,049 --> 00:12:38,529
Because I failed sergeant's exam.
188
00:12:38,529 --> 00:12:41,409
I only failed spelling. No, I'm not.
189
00:12:41,409 --> 00:12:43,949
I'm checking our readiness.
190
00:12:43,949 --> 00:12:46,609
I have to wonder if spelling matters.
191
00:12:46,609 --> 00:12:50,149
How often are we going to have
to arrest anybody for bad spelling?
192
00:12:50,149 --> 00:12:56,189
I'm just trying to establish
if you've got the right reflexes for the unexpected when it happens.
193
00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:08,649
Do you think the unexpected's
going to happen? Nothin' happens round here.
194
00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:10,089
That's true.
195
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:12,809
But when it does,
we're going to be ready.
196
00:13:25,469 --> 00:13:29,129
There is something in all
of us which keeps calling us back to the wild.
197
00:13:29,129 --> 00:13:33,549
Reminding us that we were
born to sleep under the stars, as Nature intended.
198
00:13:33,549 --> 00:13:36,249
Where are you going to plug
your electric blanket?
199
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:40,929
Glenda! I'm not dependent on
these modern electric devices.
200
00:13:40,929 --> 00:13:44,169
I've packed our hot water bottles.
201
00:13:44,169 --> 00:13:47,129
Oh, Barry. I bet I end up
rubbing your chest with Vick.
202
00:13:47,129 --> 00:13:50,089
You shouldn't say that kind
of thing to an outdoors man.
203
00:13:50,089 --> 00:13:52,929
You came back with a cough
when we went blackberrying.
204
00:13:52,929 --> 00:13:56,229
It was draughty in those bushes.
They're full of holes.
205
00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:08,309
Available for weddings.
206
00:14:08,309 --> 00:14:10,069
I know the feeling.
207
00:14:10,069 --> 00:14:12,449
You too? Oh, yes.
208
00:14:12,449 --> 00:14:16,749
I used to have this little dream.
So did I.
209
00:14:16,749 --> 00:14:18,709
Although mine was taller.
210
00:14:18,709 --> 00:14:20,789
He was a driving examiner.
211
00:14:20,789 --> 00:14:24,449
The little cottage with
roses round the door.
212
00:14:24,449 --> 00:14:26,989
How close have you been to marriage?
213
00:14:26,989 --> 00:14:29,869
Oh...quite close.
214
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,349
Practically indistinguishable
on occasions.
215
00:14:33,349 --> 00:14:35,149
They lie, you know.
216
00:14:35,149 --> 00:14:38,509
They pretend to be interested
in literature...in the arts...
217
00:14:38,509 --> 00:14:40,669
but it's not their first priority.
218
00:14:40,669 --> 00:14:42,869
Yes, I noticed that.
219
00:14:42,869 --> 00:14:45,409
They fail us in the end.
220
00:14:45,409 --> 00:14:47,069
I noticed that, too.
221
00:14:47,069 --> 00:14:49,509
Even he finally failed me.
222
00:14:49,509 --> 00:14:52,909
Insufficient use of
the rear view mirror.
223
00:14:52,909 --> 00:14:56,029
Oh. That's one I missed.
224
00:14:59,989 --> 00:15:06,649
We single girls should be
on our guard against foreign imports such as this. How ugly!
225
00:15:06,649 --> 00:15:08,509
How foreign!
226
00:15:08,509 --> 00:15:12,809
In its own country,
it's called the Wedding Plant.
227
00:15:12,809 --> 00:15:18,929
They say that the perfume when
in bloom can drive the males into proposing recklessly.
228
00:15:18,929 --> 00:15:21,129
Oh, good heavens.
229
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,389
As far as recklessly?
230
00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:26,869
I'm afraid I can't in believe
superstitious nonsense of that kind.
231
00:15:26,869 --> 00:15:29,349
Although it IS a pretty colour.
232
00:15:29,349 --> 00:15:30,909
Love the colour!
233
00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:40,749
Now, nothing excessive
for this first test, Alvin.
234
00:15:40,749 --> 00:15:42,969
Just get the feel of the beast.
235
00:15:42,969 --> 00:15:46,329
Not me. I'm going flat out.
236
00:15:46,329 --> 00:15:48,409
It's the Alvin Smedley way.
237
00:15:48,409 --> 00:15:50,849
Alvin Smedley Way.
238
00:15:50,849 --> 00:15:54,369
Sounds like road through
an industrial estate.
239
00:15:54,369 --> 00:15:56,549
Just a short road.
240
00:15:56,549 --> 00:15:58,589
Ignore him, Alvin.
241
00:15:58,589 --> 00:16:02,209
He's jealous of how neatly you
fit into crowded public bars.
242
00:16:04,409 --> 00:16:06,229
Give me some room.
243
00:16:06,229 --> 00:16:09,209
I need the area clear of spectators.
244
00:16:09,209 --> 00:16:13,349
There's no telling what
might happen if I lose her at speed.
245
00:16:13,349 --> 00:16:16,509
BOING! BOING!
246
00:16:18,429 --> 00:16:19,989
Go, Alvin, go!
247
00:16:24,269 --> 00:16:29,049
To a casual observer, that looks
a lot like standing still.
248
00:16:29,049 --> 00:16:31,389
Oh, come here.
249
00:16:31,389 --> 00:16:33,589
He'll wear his legs out.
250
00:16:33,589 --> 00:16:35,569
Can he afford to wear
any more legs out?
251
00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:41,549
Oh, I don't know about studded tyre.
252
00:16:41,549 --> 00:16:43,609
I think you've nailed it
to the ground.
253
00:16:43,609 --> 00:16:46,149
She just needs more power.
254
00:16:46,149 --> 00:16:48,369
And a bigger idiot.
You have a go, Billy.
255
00:16:48,369 --> 00:16:50,969
Then we've cracked two birds
with one stone.
256
00:16:56,169 --> 00:16:57,889
CAR HORN BEEPS
257
00:16:57,889 --> 00:16:59,849
Way hey!!
258
00:16:59,849 --> 00:17:05,789
Look at that! A wave already and
we haven't had these five minutes.
259
00:17:18,269 --> 00:17:20,789
BOING! BOING! BOING!
260
00:17:22,369 --> 00:17:25,709
Stand back!
Make way for grace under pressure.
261
00:17:25,709 --> 00:17:28,269
Hello, Grace.
262
00:17:28,269 --> 00:17:30,269
Lot of Billy under small helmet.
263
00:17:33,449 --> 00:17:38,249
Now. Just a couple of short
sprints, Billy. Don't thrash her.
264
00:17:38,249 --> 00:17:40,809
Oh, I intend to show her no mercy!
265
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:42,629
Oh, good for you, Billy.
266
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,849
The eyes of the greenwood
are upon you.
267
00:17:44,849 --> 00:17:47,489
Robin Hood's first bicycle squad.
268
00:17:47,489 --> 00:17:49,129
Heh, heh. Are you ready?
269
00:17:49,129 --> 00:17:50,969
I'm ready.
270
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:52,809
That saddle's hard.
271
00:17:52,809 --> 00:17:55,169
You should treat it with respect.
272
00:17:55,169 --> 00:17:57,029
I laugh at hard saddles.
273
00:17:57,029 --> 00:17:59,609
Not-laughing end has to sit.
274
00:17:59,609 --> 00:18:02,449
Right. Now, clear the course, please.
275
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:04,369
Give this man some racing room.
276
00:18:04,369 --> 00:18:06,649
Over to you, Billy.
277
00:18:06,649 --> 00:18:10,369
She won't have it
starting from zero.
278
00:18:10,369 --> 00:18:13,309
She'll have to be in motion
before I can start pedalling.
279
00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:14,669
A racing start.
280
00:18:14,669 --> 00:18:16,569
I like it. Good for you.
281
00:18:16,569 --> 00:18:20,689
Good thinking, Hardcastle. Right.
Stand back then! Here we go!
282
00:18:20,689 --> 00:18:22,689
Watch this!
283
00:18:25,449 --> 00:18:27,089
CRUNCH!
284
00:18:36,329 --> 00:18:38,529
Now you know where to wear helmet.
285
00:18:38,529 --> 00:18:40,909
He laughs at hard saddles.
286
00:18:42,749 --> 00:18:44,829
Enjoy yourselves, ladies.
287
00:18:44,829 --> 00:18:46,809
I want you to take your time.
288
00:18:46,809 --> 00:18:51,129
There's no hurry. Because after
this, Barry's taking me camping.
289
00:18:52,729 --> 00:18:55,649
Camping? Do you mean in a tent?
290
00:18:55,649 --> 00:18:59,049
Not only in a tent
but in extreme discomfort.
291
00:18:59,049 --> 00:19:02,749
In the best traditions of
those things a husband organises.
292
00:19:02,749 --> 00:19:05,089
Oh, how lucky can you get?
293
00:19:05,089 --> 00:19:08,209
Surprisingly sometimes, if you try.
294
00:19:08,209 --> 00:19:11,469
Why is your Barry going
through this funny period?
295
00:19:11,469 --> 00:19:15,129
Which I hope doesn't last
as long as the one mine's going through.
296
00:19:15,129 --> 00:19:18,129
About every six months,
he gets this nagging worry
297
00:19:18,129 --> 00:19:21,929
that he's fallen below the standards
of his cavemen ancestors.
298
00:19:21,929 --> 00:19:25,129
Well, judging by his fear
of Mrs Halliwell's hamster,
299
00:19:25,129 --> 00:19:27,929
I should think
that's a reasonable assumption.
300
00:19:27,929 --> 00:19:31,009
To be fair,
it does have a nasty temperament.
301
00:19:31,009 --> 00:19:32,789
And it doesn't like men.
302
00:19:32,789 --> 00:19:34,629
Seemed to like his finger.
303
00:19:36,189 --> 00:19:38,489
Gets nasty with men?
304
00:19:38,489 --> 00:19:42,489
Do you think Mrs Halliwell
would loan out her hamster?
305
00:19:42,489 --> 00:19:45,449
You won't catch me
in a tent these days.
306
00:19:45,449 --> 00:19:48,689
Who's gonna to be chasing you
in a tent these days?
307
00:19:48,689 --> 00:19:52,229
I was never chased
in a tent at any time.
308
00:19:52,229 --> 00:19:54,929
I'm sure that's a relief to us all.
309
00:19:54,929 --> 00:19:58,169
We once did the camping thing.
310
00:19:58,169 --> 00:20:01,069
You should see Howard
in a sleeping bag.
311
00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:03,709
Little face peeking out.
312
00:20:03,709 --> 00:20:06,549
You'd think Mummy was a kangaroo.
313
00:20:06,549 --> 00:20:14,069
Actually, I think going potty
occasionally is one of the nicer male qualities, don't you?
314
00:20:14,069 --> 00:20:19,809
It might be acceptable on a
part-time basis but we had to live full-time with ours.
315
00:20:19,809 --> 00:20:23,309
Oh! Oh, I couldn't live
with them full-time, no.
316
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:26,489
They sink into such slovenly habits.
317
00:20:26,489 --> 00:20:31,449
The only thing that they'll smarten
themselves up for is misbehaving.
318
00:20:31,449 --> 00:20:35,609
Howard can do it in a cloth cap
and bicycle clips.
319
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:41,989
I like my Barry in a suit and now
he's started yearning for shorts.
320
00:20:41,989 --> 00:20:44,469
I never saw mine in shorts.
321
00:20:44,469 --> 00:20:47,929
They'd have come down
to his ankles anyway.
322
00:20:47,929 --> 00:20:52,449
I admit he was small.
He took some finding when he had his motorbike gear on.
323
00:20:52,449 --> 00:20:56,009
You just had to have faith
that he was in there somewhere.
324
00:20:56,009 --> 00:20:58,309
They didn't wear weird stuff
in our day.
325
00:20:58,309 --> 00:21:02,969
They had a natural flair for decently
scruffy and they stuck with it.
326
00:21:02,969 --> 00:21:07,309
Well, at least then the streets
were safe from beer bellies and bare knees.
327
00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:11,129
I don't know how any girl
gets into trouble these days.
328
00:21:11,129 --> 00:21:14,369
The way in looks so uninviting.
329
00:21:14,369 --> 00:21:19,349
Well, going off in a tent wouldn't
do for me. Well, we know that.
330
00:21:19,349 --> 00:21:22,689
You'd never know which hat to wear.
331
00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:25,349
You went camping when
you were first married.
332
00:21:25,349 --> 00:21:27,589
Well, you had to in those days.
333
00:21:27,589 --> 00:21:30,809
Spending more than you can
afford hadn't been invented.
334
00:21:30,809 --> 00:21:35,509
And anyway,
it was a very heavy canvas tent that nobody could see through...
335
00:21:35,509 --> 00:21:40,609
especially Wally. And I always
changed my clothes behind a blanket.
336
00:21:40,609 --> 00:21:43,469
You could have hidden your
Wally behind a tea towel.
337
00:21:57,589 --> 00:22:01,289
We can't help it if
nobody's getting married.
338
00:22:01,289 --> 00:22:04,549
Rubbish! They get married
two or three times these days.
339
00:22:04,549 --> 00:22:07,569
It's not as easy as you think.
340
00:22:07,569 --> 00:22:09,409
You did it once.
341
00:22:09,409 --> 00:22:11,449
Yeah, I've forgotten how.
342
00:22:11,449 --> 00:22:14,169
I can't have been paying
all that much attention.
343
00:22:14,169 --> 00:22:16,629
It's a wonder you noticed
when she left you.
344
00:22:16,629 --> 00:22:18,509
She left me a note.
345
00:22:18,509 --> 00:22:22,429
She knew you wouldn't notice
otherwise. What did she say?
346
00:22:22,429 --> 00:22:24,849
She said "Don't forget
to pay the milkman."
347
00:22:24,849 --> 00:22:28,469
Well, couldn't you see that
means she still cared for you?
348
00:22:28,469 --> 00:22:30,329
She was still looking after you.
349
00:22:30,329 --> 00:22:32,209
Keeping you organised. Yeah.
350
00:22:32,209 --> 00:22:35,429
It was the milkman
she was looking after.
351
00:22:35,429 --> 00:22:38,189
He was the one she ran off with.
352
00:22:38,189 --> 00:22:40,169
Did you change your milk?
353
00:22:40,169 --> 00:22:46,169
No. I get this bottle left
on the doorstep in the morning
354
00:22:46,169 --> 00:22:50,649
and in a way
it's like it's from her.
355
00:22:50,649 --> 00:22:54,069
That's the saddest story
I've ever heard.
356
00:22:54,069 --> 00:22:58,229
It makes me feel rotten for refusing
your last request for a raise.
357
00:22:58,229 --> 00:22:59,909
Does that mean we get one?
358
00:22:59,909 --> 00:23:03,689
No. It just makes me feel rotten.
359
00:23:03,689 --> 00:23:05,969
You know what that vehicle needs?
360
00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:07,429
Probably more petrol.
361
00:23:09,089 --> 00:23:13,789
I told you. What that vehicle
needs is a bride in the back.
362
00:23:13,789 --> 00:23:15,949
That's the best way to advertise.
363
00:23:22,849 --> 00:23:27,989
There. With the load spread,
we'll soon see if the tyre works.
364
00:23:27,989 --> 00:23:30,349
I have every faith in you, Billy.
365
00:23:30,349 --> 00:23:32,789
Only don't expect me
to put it in writing.
366
00:23:32,789 --> 00:23:34,969
Excuse me...
367
00:23:34,969 --> 00:23:37,289
Who's the test pilot round here?
368
00:23:37,289 --> 00:23:41,009
Who's a born daredevil stuntsman?
Why is he riding it?
369
00:23:41,009 --> 00:23:44,469
We think because he's an idiot.
But I'M an idiot.
370
00:23:44,469 --> 00:23:47,169
Can't argue with that.
371
00:23:47,169 --> 00:23:51,269
All right, then.
Just spin a coin for who's riding it.
372
00:24:04,809 --> 00:24:07,329
I hope you don't think
I'm gonna live with that.
373
00:24:07,329 --> 00:24:09,069
But it was a gift.
374
00:24:09,069 --> 00:24:11,109
Oh, yes?
375
00:24:11,109 --> 00:24:12,869
Who from, I wonder?
376
00:24:14,449 --> 00:24:17,669
I mean...at the price,
it was a gift. I thought,
377
00:24:17,669 --> 00:24:20,329
"I bet Pearl would like that."
378
00:24:20,329 --> 00:24:22,569
I bet Pearl WOULD like it.
379
00:24:22,569 --> 00:24:25,709
She'd like it out of here.
And quick.
380
00:24:25,709 --> 00:24:27,669
Like NOW, Howard.
381
00:24:38,549 --> 00:24:41,909
Has he decided the best way down?
382
00:24:41,909 --> 00:24:43,989
You think there is a best?
383
00:24:43,989 --> 00:24:45,989
He does it instinctively, this lad.
384
00:24:45,989 --> 00:24:48,669
He plays it by ear. Just as well.
385
00:24:48,669 --> 00:24:50,929
He'll probably end up on his ear.
386
00:24:50,929 --> 00:24:55,449
In which case my advice is
use ear as brakepad, Alvin.
387
00:24:55,449 --> 00:24:57,249
Alvins don't brake.
388
00:24:57,249 --> 00:24:59,309
They just go for it.
389
00:24:59,309 --> 00:25:01,949
I must admit you were right, Alvin.
390
00:25:01,949 --> 00:25:03,669
You are an idiot.
391
00:25:03,669 --> 00:25:07,329
Well, my advice is...avoid walls.
392
00:25:07,329 --> 00:25:10,129
Tha' can manage a small wall, Alvin.
393
00:25:10,129 --> 00:25:11,629
Just avoid big ones.
394
00:25:11,629 --> 00:25:13,409
I hate wearing helmets.
395
00:25:13,409 --> 00:25:16,249
I was meant for hair
blowing in the wind.
396
00:25:16,249 --> 00:25:20,989
Can human body cope with such speeds
and such a funny hat?
397
00:25:20,989 --> 00:25:22,909
It's a bit tight.
398
00:25:22,909 --> 00:25:26,389
I think what's happened is I've
got this larger than average brain.
399
00:25:26,389 --> 00:25:28,269
Pity you didn't bring it with you.
400
00:25:38,209 --> 00:25:41,389
I'm so glad you've
really taken to that plant.
401
00:25:41,389 --> 00:25:44,749
She won't let me
have it in the house.
402
00:25:44,749 --> 00:25:47,229
I thought we'd plant it together.
403
00:25:47,229 --> 00:25:50,129
Somewhere in a special place.
404
00:25:50,129 --> 00:25:52,749
How much further to this
special place, Howard?
405
00:25:52,749 --> 00:25:54,569
Oh, we're nearly there.
406
00:25:54,569 --> 00:25:57,649
That's the trouble with
these really quiet places.
407
00:25:57,649 --> 00:25:59,709
They're all a bit far.
408
00:25:59,709 --> 00:26:04,249
Oh, Howard, I hope you're
not planning on going too far.
409
00:26:05,829 --> 00:26:09,469
Don't feel obliged to answer straight
away. Take your time, Howard.
410
00:26:09,469 --> 00:26:11,229
Ah! We're here.
411
00:26:27,869 --> 00:26:31,029
Right. Here we are camping.
412
00:26:31,029 --> 00:26:33,749
What's the next treat, Barry?
413
00:26:33,749 --> 00:26:37,469
We could light a fire. Hadn't we
better save something for later?
414
00:26:39,309 --> 00:26:41,769
We could sing campfire songs.
415
00:26:41,769 --> 00:26:44,869
Ging gang gooly, gooly,
gooly, gooly watcha....
416
00:26:46,409 --> 00:26:49,309
Oh, I tell you what,
we could toast some crumpets.
417
00:26:49,309 --> 00:26:51,429
Brought the crumpets,
have you, Barry?
418
00:26:53,789 --> 00:26:56,389
If I'd brought some crumpets.
419
00:26:56,389 --> 00:26:59,549
There's just no end
to all the excitements.
420
00:27:04,049 --> 00:27:07,929
If that won't do, Alvin,
your head needs altering.
421
00:27:07,929 --> 00:27:09,709
I've frequently said as much.
422
00:27:09,709 --> 00:27:14,029
It's still tight but I'll ignore
the pain once I start moving.
423
00:27:14,029 --> 00:27:15,869
I like his spirit.
424
00:27:15,869 --> 00:27:18,789
Hate the helmet,
but look at him all fired up.
425
00:27:18,789 --> 00:27:20,269
That's my team.
426
00:27:22,669 --> 00:27:24,149
Chocks away.
427
00:27:26,869 --> 00:27:30,309
Alvin, catch it! Watch it, Clegg!
428
00:27:30,309 --> 00:27:32,649
Aaah!
429
00:27:32,649 --> 00:27:35,709
Aaaggh!
430
00:27:41,629 --> 00:27:45,629
I don't know I like
the idea of a bloke with one leg going faster than me.
431
00:27:48,609 --> 00:27:51,869
I think we better plant it in
some other quiet place, Howard.
432
00:27:51,869 --> 00:27:53,429
I'll find one.
433
00:27:53,429 --> 00:27:56,509
I have a nose for quiet places.
434
00:27:56,509 --> 00:28:00,509
The way our luck's running, I bet
it turns out to be a building site.
435
00:28:37,769 --> 00:28:39,169
Oh.
436
00:28:41,749 --> 00:28:47,329
Oh, that bride!
Built for work rather than pleasure.
437
00:28:47,329 --> 00:28:49,849
Not the sports model,
that's for sure.
438
00:28:49,849 --> 00:28:53,169
Huh, maybe she has a nice nature.
439
00:28:53,169 --> 00:28:55,289
What a place to keep it.
440
00:28:55,289 --> 00:28:57,889
Mrs Entwistle looking better already.
441
00:28:57,939 --> 00:29:02,489
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