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1
00:00:50,780 --> 00:00:53,760
SNORING
2
00:00:56,260 --> 00:00:59,220
ALARM RINGS
3
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,660
Hmm! Answer the phone, Foggy.
4
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:15,060
In the jungle, I could have crept
up on you and cut your throat!
5
00:01:15,060 --> 00:01:18,500
Wake up!
It's a beautiful day outside!
6
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:21,740
It's not unpleasant in here.
7
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:34,360
Agh! Don't-don't pull it.
Don't pull that lever! What lever?
8
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,160
Why is that sheet round your neck?
9
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:44,480
Have they gone? Who? Them Chinese!
Unless they're on the fire escape with your ferrets, yes.
10
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:50,820
The last thing I remember,
they were trying to put this noose round me neck.
11
00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:53,920
Pretty unusual for ferrets.
12
00:01:53,920 --> 00:02:00,340
Look at the state of your bed.
It looks like Liberace's shirt front.
13
00:02:00,340 --> 00:02:04,020
I'll never go to
that Chinese chippie again!
14
00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:09,080
I warned you no good would come of
gorging yourself on bamboo shoots.
15
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:14,160
Bamboo is for sharpening
and sticking up your enemy's fingernails!
16
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:19,120
I've come to Scarborough
to try and enjoy meself.
17
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:22,760
Come along, my lovelies. Oh, no!
18
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:27,480
Not in here.
They smell to high... Not on my bed!
19
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:33,480
I've got to give them
their breakfast. What's the matter with you?
20
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:40,040
Come along, my little lovelies,
here we are. Sweet and sour and mushy peas.
21
00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:47,180
Get out! Go on, get out!
I've got to give them their breakfast, you daft...
22
00:02:48,940 --> 00:02:53,880
Don't worry, I know what will
clear your tubes for you
23
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:58,760
and set you back on your feet
with every nerve tingling!
24
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,760
A swim before breakfast.
25
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,460
I'll go by myself, then.
26
00:03:04,460 --> 00:03:11,240
Hey up, this should be good.
We'll come and watch. You have a real flair for stupidity.
27
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,020
No wonder we used to have an Empire.
28
00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:20,060
We used to have an Hippodrome
an' all.
29
00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:24,440
I was talking about
the British Empire. Oh.
30
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:29,480
No wonder at all when we can breed
fearless idiots like Foggy here
31
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:36,520
who will go to any lengths
to impress the natives. I don't know why you're making all the fuss.
32
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:43,240
In any regime of physical fitness
a dip in the early morning is routine.
33
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:50,240
In the North Sea? Other people
swim in the North Sea. Only if they fall off a boat.
34
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:53,300
It might turn your popsicles blue.
35
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:57,120
What are you talking about,
popsicles?
36
00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:01,960
Sounds like a frozen lolly.
He'll BE like a frozen lolly.
37
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:26,540
Yes, well, my Uncle Fortnum
used to swim in one of the coldest rivers in North America.
38
00:04:26,540 --> 00:04:31,100
It must have cost him a bit
in bus fares.
39
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:36,360
He lived there among
the moose and caribou. The what?
40
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,220
Very tall ferrets.
41
00:04:39,220 --> 00:04:42,620
Yes, what'll we do
about your ferrets?
42
00:04:42,620 --> 00:04:47,900
Feed 'em, water 'em and give 'em
exercise. I'm not exercising them!
43
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:53,160
Don't get stroppy or you'll end up
showing the wrong side to folk.
44
00:04:54,460 --> 00:05:00,920
Just keep that towel up
and eyes to the front. ..And you.
45
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:08,320
Bringing ferrets into a respectable
boarding house(!) I couldn't leave them to starve, so shut up!
46
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,060
Get your eyes to the front.
47
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:16,140
Oooh! Who are you kidding anyway,
all this getting undressed?
48
00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:23,840
I bet he doesn't go out any deeper
than his ankle. The water holds no terrors for the Anglo Saxon.
49
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:28,880
No, there's Viking blood in
these veins. Notice the blond hair.
50
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:36,280
My ancestors could go a thousand
miles in an open boat wearing little more than some carpet.
51
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:41,920
Your Harold used to dress like that.
All the time.
52
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:46,940
They probably landed on this
exact spot where we're standing
53
00:05:46,940 --> 00:05:51,880
and then rushed off to do
their looting and raping.
54
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:59,720
It sounds like your Harold.
..No, he had to pack it all in since he's hurt his back.
55
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:04,800
Lifting something heavy
like a security grill?
56
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:09,780
It's quite obvious that you're
looking forward to this swim.
57
00:06:09,780 --> 00:06:14,760
You're coming out in tiny
goose pimples of pure happiness.
58
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:20,780
We'll put a stop to that by quickly
sprinting into the sea. Don't, Foggy.
59
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:26,740
It's just that initial shock
and then a marvellous feeling of well-being.
60
00:06:38,740 --> 00:06:41,480
Oh-ho-oh!
61
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,700
Trouble is
some folk won't listen.
62
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:52,960
I suppose he's had the sudden shock
he was on about, so this must be that feeling of well-being.
63
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,340
Marvellous! You should come in.
64
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:07,040
My, he HAS enjoyed it.
65
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,880
He's feeling better now.
66
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:17,340
You could have heard his teeth
rattling on the way home. It were like a spin dryer full of marbles.
67
00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:20,240
Very invigorating. WHAT?
68
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:25,440
We had to massage tha' leg before
tha' could walk. Touch of cramp.
69
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:33,440
It was very pleasant out there,
all them summer greens and blues and that was just his left leg.
70
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:40,140
What are we going to do today?
I'm going fishing. He only goes seven days a week(!)
71
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:43,780
This is sea fishing.
Come with us.
72
00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:49,160
What about thee, Nora? Shall
we steal away, just thee and me?
73
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:53,580
Are you going to sit there
while he insults me?
74
00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:57,900
No, I thought I'd have a look
at the lifeboat.
75
00:07:57,900 --> 00:08:01,960
Just while he insults you.
What?
76
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:08,380
They fascinate me, they lifeboats.
I want to go to the zoo and Marineland.
77
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:15,560
What are you going to do, Wally?
I thought I'd go and have a look at the zoo and Marineland.
78
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:20,320
It fascinates me,
the zoo and Marineland.
79
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:26,900
Where are you taking me?
It's a surprise till you tell me.
80
00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:32,820
Where are you taking us, O Great
White Leader? O Great White Leader?
81
00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:39,060
Hey up! He's having a little think.
O Great White Leadie-Leadie-Leader?
82
00:08:39,340 --> 00:08:46,320
What day is it? We only got here
Saturday so this must be Sunday.
83
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:51,700
Yes, Sunday. The day set aside
for worship. Church parade.
84
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:55,580
Church?! Look whose hand
is trembling now.
85
00:08:55,580 --> 00:09:01,100
On holiday, the last person
you expect to see is the Lord.
86
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:05,940
I suppose because he doesn't
advertise as much as Max Jaffa.
87
00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:11,680
Anyway, there's an excuse for going
when you're at home. Nowt is open.
88
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:18,260
What's up with you, love?
Off your food? He's thinking about religion.
89
00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:20,980
Oh, heck.
90
00:09:20,980 --> 00:09:25,640
Why did you tell her that?
She'll think I'm weird.
91
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:32,920
Why should anyone think
you're weird? I'm sure everybody brings his ferrets on holiday.
92
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:37,180
All things wise and wonderful
93
00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:41,840
The Lord God made them all
94
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:46,740
Each little flower that opens
Aaaagh!
95
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:53,000
I am terribly sorry but you cannot
bring your ferrets into my church.
96
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:59,440
They've been baptised.
I don't care if they've been ordained. Out! Out! Out!
97
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:06,560
Don't panic! I've got them
stuffed up my jumper. They won't get away again.
98
00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:14,540
Listen, I'm off fishing. I'll pick
you up later, after I've given these two frisky devils a gallop.
99
00:10:14,540 --> 00:10:19,720
Come on, now, Foggy and me
aren't really frisky devils.
100
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:26,120
'I've never been so humiliated
in all my life.'
101
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:32,080
Don't say that, Foggy.
You've still got nearly a whole day to go.
102
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:35,000
Does tha' reckon this thing's safe?
103
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:40,920
It's not the north face
of the Eiger we're descending. Of course it's safe.
104
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:45,200
Then what are you
clutching me arm for?
105
00:10:59,980 --> 00:11:04,000
Hey! He thinks
he's a U-boat commander.
106
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:08,400
Foggy von Dewhurst,
I like it.
107
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:13,460
I'll sink him without trace if he
fetches those furry hooligans out.
108
00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:18,940
They need exercise.
That's not what the vicar thought!
109
00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:25,840
He had no need to swipe them. Very
Christian(!) Couldn't have been nastier if he'd been an atheist.
110
00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:29,880
You'll be sorted out
on the Day of Judgement.
111
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:34,940
The National Assistance will be
asking one or two nasty questions!
112
00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:37,680
I just needed something suitable.
113
00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:43,200
How many vacancies are there
for poacher to Raquel Welch?
114
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:50,520
I told them what I wanted to be.
What? A big game hunter. Filling in the forms didn't get me anywhere.
115
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:56,920
Typical! Ready to go
big game hunting as long as it's round Huddersfield.
116
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:03,640
There are quite a few native
settlements these days on the banks of the Calder.
117
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:10,200
Love to go on safari
if the council provides a free bus and you're back for bingo!
118
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,000
Hey! Do you want a lick?
119
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:20,700
You know what he's looking at
through them glasses? That old lass over there showing her garters.
120
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:26,780
I'm trying to identify that shape.
I know! The old lass showing her garters!
121
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:32,860
It happens to be Gordon
who is gazing very forlornly into the sea.
122
00:12:32,860 --> 00:12:36,240
I think that lad wants cheering up.
123
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:40,520
They say our ancestors
came out of the sea.
124
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:45,480
Yet I have the strange feeling
that my grandad came from Wakefield.
125
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:51,400
And granny would never
have married him if he'd been wet.
126
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:56,360
She was that sort of a woman.
Everything had to be respectable.
127
00:12:56,360 --> 00:13:01,480
There was this unspoken assumption
that nice people had no legs.
128
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:09,900
Did they have fags what they handed
round to people that couldn't reach
129
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:12,800
because their sleeves
were too long?
130
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,340
You rotten lot.
131
00:13:27,089 --> 00:13:30,129
WHISTLE
Come on, boys and girls, give Flipper a hand.
132
00:13:35,069 --> 00:13:38,689
What are you doing
with a face like that? It's the only one I've got.
133
00:13:38,689 --> 00:13:44,449
You can alter it.
It doesn't have to look like a crepe hanger's map.
134
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:50,409
- You're not going to a funeral.
- With my luck, I never will be.
135
00:13:51,869 --> 00:13:57,729
You talk yourself
into being miserable. No, I don't.
136
00:13:57,729 --> 00:14:00,869
I just have to listen.
137
00:14:00,869 --> 00:14:06,689
Get off!
What must people think? You're on holiday.
138
00:14:06,689 --> 00:14:11,409
If you'd come alone
then I'd have been on holiday.
139
00:14:12,869 --> 00:14:18,209
Remember that smashing fortnight
when you went to nurse your mother?
140
00:14:22,369 --> 00:14:26,989
That's much better.
That's how I like to see you.
141
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:49,789
"I love you, Dominique, he said.
142
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:54,689
"His eyes, burning like hot coals,
looked deep into her own.
143
00:14:54,689 --> 00:14:59,609
"She gasped at the touch
of his strong but gentle hands.
144
00:14:59,609 --> 00:15:05,329
"In the moonlight she traced
the contours of his face with her finger.
145
00:15:05,329 --> 00:15:08,309
"The blood raced through her veins.
146
00:15:08,309 --> 00:15:11,189
"His lithe body moved next to hers.
147
00:15:18,309 --> 00:15:22,389
"A thousand magic sensations
shivered through her.
148
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:29,189
"What must it be like, the joy
of waking in the morning to find him there?
149
00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:33,929
"There, sleeping by her side.
This was her man.
150
00:15:34,909 --> 00:15:38,169
"She reached for him, gently."
151
00:15:47,949 --> 00:15:52,429
What's up?
Talk to me.
152
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:55,689
What?
You never talk to me.
153
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:58,589
Not even when we...
well, you know.
154
00:15:58,589 --> 00:16:00,629
What?
155
00:16:00,629 --> 00:16:03,309
Not even when we make love.
156
00:16:03,309 --> 00:16:08,209
Not much to talk about, is it,
the rate we go at it?
157
00:16:08,209 --> 00:16:12,049
You still do it
as if your mother's watching.
158
00:16:12,049 --> 00:16:16,589
It's you.
You're not thoughtful enough.
159
00:16:16,589 --> 00:16:21,209
I do far more thinking about it
than getting it!
160
00:16:21,209 --> 00:16:23,929
That's YOUR fault.
161
00:16:23,929 --> 00:16:26,609
You should try and...
162
00:16:26,609 --> 00:16:30,649
(You should try and rouse me more.)
163
00:16:31,509 --> 00:16:36,969
You play roasted hell with me
as it is! Shut up shouting!
164
00:16:36,969 --> 00:16:41,049
That's all you're good at,
barging in with two feet.
165
00:16:41,049 --> 00:16:47,189
It's the same when you get
that look. I always know when you feel like messing about.
166
00:16:47,189 --> 00:16:54,989
Oh, lovely! That puts it straight
on a high spiritual plane(!) Where do you put it?
167
00:16:54,989 --> 00:16:59,749
With your smart, sophisticated
romantic approaches?
168
00:16:59,749 --> 00:17:07,029
I get a smack across the backside,
one boozy wink and that's supposed to throw me senses in a whirl.
169
00:17:07,369 --> 00:17:12,269
Do you remember what you said
when I tried to squeeze you?
170
00:17:12,269 --> 00:17:17,609
Will you keep your voice down?
Not quite but something similar.
171
00:17:19,409 --> 00:17:24,309
I don't think Gordon's
really wild about this.
172
00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:09,997
I don't think Gordon's too wild
about this either(!)
173
00:18:09,997 --> 00:18:13,717
Gordon! Cheer up, Gordon. Gor-don!
174
00:18:39,477 --> 00:18:42,217
Oh, no.
175
00:18:44,177 --> 00:18:46,977
Our Gordon still looks bored.
176
00:18:46,977 --> 00:18:54,457
It's the loneliness. Those of us
who have been called to military command know all about loneliness.
177
00:18:54,457 --> 00:18:57,337
You said you were a corporal.
178
00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:03,337
If I'd taken a commission
who would have painted the 10 foot regimental badge?
179
00:19:03,337 --> 00:19:08,197
It was done free-hand
in defiance of every tradition.
180
00:19:08,197 --> 00:19:14,197
I have seen sergeants
fall silent in front of it. It was my Sistine Chapel.
181
00:19:14,197 --> 00:19:19,117
What Gordon wants is a more active
hobby like day dreaming.
182
00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:23,977
What Gordon wants is the pain
and magic of having a bird.
183
00:19:23,977 --> 00:19:29,917
Isn't it wonderful to think
you can transform your life by buying a canary?
184
00:19:29,917 --> 00:19:34,977
With the women you've had what
do you know about pain and magic?
185
00:19:34,977 --> 00:19:41,817
Do you mean big Audrey
who used to twist your arm? Only when she wanted money.
186
00:19:41,817 --> 00:19:46,657
Birds is wild and mysterious.
Oh, a savage canary?
187
00:19:46,657 --> 00:19:54,577
Your birds are certainly wild. I've
heard about that 'orrible thing you picked up at the Labour Exchange.
188
00:19:54,577 --> 00:19:59,137
Work? No, not work.
Her with the steel toecaps.
189
00:19:59,137 --> 00:20:02,057
Oh, that were Edna.
190
00:20:02,057 --> 00:20:05,377
I shall always remember Edna.
191
00:20:05,377 --> 00:20:08,277
Cover yourself up.
192
00:20:14,977 --> 00:20:22,177
Gordon, your nose is red. If the
cars start to queue up you better find something green to wave.
193
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:29,537
Gordon, put your rod down.
We can see it from the window while we have a cup of tea.
194
00:20:32,817 --> 00:20:37,677
Has tha' caught owt? Three.
I threw 'em straight back again.
195
00:20:37,677 --> 00:20:42,177
I like your Gordon.
Do you get bored fishing?
196
00:20:42,177 --> 00:20:48,337
Bored with fishing?
You're on edge all the time. Something could happen any minute.
197
00:20:48,337 --> 00:20:52,997
Aye, your cap could blow off.
Or it could rain.
198
00:20:52,997 --> 00:20:59,797
It's man the hunter pitting his wits
against... little silvery waterproof ferrets
199
00:20:59,797 --> 00:21:04,977
instead of leaving them to their
natural habitat of chips and peas.
200
00:21:04,977 --> 00:21:08,997
They're sometimes very cunning.
Gordon...
201
00:21:08,997 --> 00:21:14,997
has tha' thought about pitting
tha' wits against the female of the species?
202
00:21:14,997 --> 00:21:19,817
It's not always easy to tell
whether fish are male or female.
203
00:21:19,817 --> 00:21:27,437
He's not talking about fish,
he's talking about ladies in skirts or in his case, steel-toed boots.
204
00:21:27,437 --> 00:21:30,497
She only wore 'em for work.
205
00:21:30,497 --> 00:21:36,977
Women, Gordon.
Them what scream when they see you handling your maggots.
206
00:21:36,977 --> 00:21:43,417
Our breadman screams when he sees me
handling me maggots. Him with the lace cuffs? Aye.
207
00:21:43,417 --> 00:21:46,617
Lace cuffs? On his nylon overall.
208
00:21:46,617 --> 00:21:49,337
Norman, it's a long story.
209
00:21:49,337 --> 00:21:55,977
I suppose they need
effeminate breadmen for people who like effeminate bread.
210
00:21:55,977 --> 00:22:00,817
Gordon, one of the joys
of coming away on holiday
211
00:22:00,817 --> 00:22:07,077
is that it gives you the chance
to meet interesting people of the opposite sex.
212
00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:14,897
I never know what to say to women.
They never seem impressed. Husbands can vouch for that. Sit down!
213
00:22:14,897 --> 00:22:20,777
You teach us how to fish
and we'll teach you how to chat up the odd bird.
214
00:22:20,777 --> 00:22:25,537
And when he says odd bird
he DOES mean odd bird!
215
00:22:27,617 --> 00:22:32,837
You bring it back over your head
with a gentle sweeping motion.
216
00:22:32,837 --> 00:22:37,337
Sounds similar
to my school of Japanese sword play.
217
00:22:37,337 --> 00:22:42,277
Then give it a quick flick.
Any kendo expert should be at home.
218
00:22:42,277 --> 00:22:46,497
Shut tha' cakehole.
I'm concentrating.
219
00:22:46,497 --> 00:22:52,057
The weight of the rod and cast
sends it snaking out for hundreds of yards.
220
00:22:52,057 --> 00:22:59,597
I don't know how far I'm going to
throw it. Don't let go the handle or you'll have to go swimming!
221
00:22:59,597 --> 00:23:03,557
He'll soon pick it up.
It gets exciting.
222
00:23:03,557 --> 00:23:06,817
HORN BLASTS
223
00:23:25,097 --> 00:23:28,877
You're right, Gordon.
It looks exciting.
224
00:23:31,257 --> 00:23:34,217
I hope he sends us a postcard.
225
00:23:35,537 --> 00:23:41,937
I wonder what he's done with my rod.
You keep on chucking them back anyway.
226
00:23:41,937 --> 00:23:46,817
Hey up, it's the Old Man
From The Sea, himself.
227
00:23:46,817 --> 00:23:53,797
Where have you been?
Down that disco. There's some lovely bits of stuff down there.
228
00:23:53,797 --> 00:23:57,877
You want to sort yourself out.
I'm comfy here.
229
00:23:57,877 --> 00:24:04,137
You can overcome your shyness
by pure effort of will. Or getting stonkers.
230
00:24:04,137 --> 00:24:09,477
You need the determination
to drink that, go down that disco...
231
00:24:09,477 --> 00:24:15,717
..and pick up the best crumpet
on the floor. Or even one still on her feet!
232
00:24:15,717 --> 00:24:20,537
You see, once you've made
your mind up you CAN do it!
233
00:24:20,537 --> 00:24:23,537
..I don't know.
234
00:24:23,537 --> 00:24:29,617
Wrong! You DO know.
You can feel the determination flowing through thee.
235
00:24:29,617 --> 00:24:32,617
Come on! Ah! That's it.
236
00:24:32,617 --> 00:24:35,597
Go, go, go, Gordon.
237
00:24:35,597 --> 00:24:38,537
Go, go, go, go, Gordon. Go, go.
238
00:24:40,317 --> 00:24:43,097
That's marvellous.
239
00:24:43,337 --> 00:24:46,097
It's just leadership.
240
00:24:46,097 --> 00:24:53,337
I didn't go on the Senior
NCO's course for nothing. I didn't know you had to pay.
241
00:24:54,617 --> 00:24:57,617
Fancy saving up to be a corporal.
242
00:24:57,617 --> 00:25:00,557
No, I was officer material.
243
00:25:00,557 --> 00:25:05,197
If the war hadn't ended
I'd have had a commission.
244
00:25:05,197 --> 00:25:10,357
Don't blame me for the early peace.
I wasn't fighting all that hard.
245
00:25:10,357 --> 00:25:13,837
Not what Nora Batty said
on VE night.
246
00:25:13,837 --> 00:25:19,257
Come on, drink up, lads, I'll get
another round. My turn I think.
247
00:25:19,257 --> 00:25:26,277
Oh look, there's a chap just like
your Gordon going up the road. That IS our Gordon.
248
00:25:26,277 --> 00:25:31,277
His determination has faltered.
I should have gone with him.
249
00:25:31,277 --> 00:25:35,157
Very irresistible
that would have been(!)
250
00:25:35,157 --> 00:25:42,817
I could take a bird to the digs.
It's not that kind of digs. I could pick up a lovely piece of crackling.
251
00:25:42,817 --> 00:25:48,857
What makes you feel
you could attract any female? Sit down, lads.
252
00:25:52,517 --> 00:25:56,197
Just watch the old master at work.
253
00:25:56,197 --> 00:26:00,997
I was born under a wand'ring star
254
00:26:01,697 --> 00:26:04,497
I don't talk much.
255
00:26:04,497 --> 00:26:10,197
I used to be engaged
to a blabbermouth. I appreciate quietness.
256
00:26:10,197 --> 00:26:13,177
It's your move.
Oh, yeah.
257
00:26:16,197 --> 00:26:19,237
Is he back yet, your Uncle Bill?
258
00:26:19,237 --> 00:26:24,997
I thought he was with you.
He's gone off in search of romantic interest.
259
00:26:24,997 --> 00:26:29,677
You can say women, Foggy.
It's not a four-letter word.
260
00:26:29,677 --> 00:26:35,617
SINGING
What's that dreadful noise? This is Josie. She's from back home.
261
00:26:35,617 --> 00:26:42,057
What disgraceful behaviour.
How do you do? We've just started a game.
262
00:26:42,057 --> 00:26:47,157
I think it must be a ladies' choir
from the local building site.
263
00:26:48,897 --> 00:26:53,217
Look! Look, it's him.
Horrible little man.
264
00:26:53,217 --> 00:26:57,457
Turn 'em out.
Let's have them on the pavement.
265
00:26:57,457 --> 00:27:00,097
Hey, I've...
266
00:27:00,297 --> 00:27:04,917
I've found thee a bird.
This is Josie, Uncle Bill.
267
00:27:04,917 --> 00:27:10,637
We're just playing chess...
Are they with you? Are you coming?
268
00:27:10,637 --> 00:27:13,797
That's her mate. Yours is all right.
269
00:27:14,197 --> 00:27:17,677
Are we going to stay here
all night?
270
00:27:17,677 --> 00:27:22,297
I had to tell them
that we worked on an oil rig.
271
00:27:22,297 --> 00:27:26,957
On an oil rig?!
What do you mean, "we"?
272
00:27:26,957 --> 00:27:29,897
I got one for each of us, you see.
273
00:27:29,897 --> 00:27:33,177
Let us in
or we'll have the door in!
274
00:27:33,177 --> 00:27:37,197
It's time to feed your ferrets.
Good idea. No!
275
00:27:37,197 --> 00:27:41,897
What will I do with four of them?
The mind boggles!
276
00:27:41,897 --> 00:27:46,957
Don't you want a bit of fun?
I don't want a bit of anything.
277
00:27:46,957 --> 00:27:51,697
Rotten lot.
Come on! Listen, Gordon...
278
00:27:51,697 --> 00:27:54,637
two apiece could be fun...
279
00:27:54,637 --> 00:27:57,937
We'll show you a good time, darling!
280
00:27:58,417 --> 00:28:01,137
Oh, heck!
281
00:28:01,137 --> 00:28:07,397
That's it!
That's the last time I go out trying to pick up birds for you two.
282
00:28:07,397 --> 00:28:10,097
Thank heaven for that!
283
00:28:10,097 --> 00:28:13,977
Supposing they'd raped us,
fully clothed.
284
00:28:13,977 --> 00:28:18,937
It doesn't bear thinking about.
Oh, I don't know.
285
00:28:19,117 --> 00:28:23,317
It was a bit of excitement.
Something to remember.
286
00:28:23,317 --> 00:28:30,837
One of the joys of going on holiday
is the chance to meet interesting people of the opposite sex.
287
00:28:30,837 --> 00:28:38,657
They didn't mean any harm. You can
tackle them but if I were you I'd tell them it's a very small oil rig.
288
00:28:39,397 --> 00:28:42,757
For lighter fuel.
289
00:28:42,817 --> 00:28:42,837
For lighter fuel.
290
00:29:22,417 --> 00:29:28,037
Subtitles by Hazel Nairn, BBC
291
00:29:28,087 --> 00:29:32,637
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