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1
00:00:18,869 --> 00:00:19,749
Look at that.
2
00:00:19,829 --> 00:00:21,419
Doggone. I'm so sick of this.
3
00:00:21,497 --> 00:00:23,307
I don't know what to do.
Look at that--another one, another one.
4
00:00:23,381 --> 00:00:26,021
300 cable channels,
I got to block off 280.
5
00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:27,353
You know why?
6
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:29,137
Sex. It's every doggone where.
7
00:00:29,155 --> 00:00:31,935
It's on TV, DVD, videotape.
8
00:00:32,015 --> 00:00:33,775
Even on the Internet.
9
00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:36,489
Let me tell y'all.
The other day, baby girl was on the computer,
10
00:00:36,561 --> 00:00:38,571
looking for some pictures
of some pussycats.
11
00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:42,197
It took me six hours
to explain to her what she saw.
12
00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:43,715
Now, America,
I'm gonna tell you something.
13
00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:45,623
We got to get this doggone sex
off the television
14
00:00:45,695 --> 00:00:47,825
and put it back on the street,
where it belongs.
15
00:00:47,906 --> 00:00:48,826
This is ridiculous.
16
00:00:48,907 --> 00:00:49,997
Huh.
17
00:00:50,075 --> 00:00:51,575
Another one.
18
00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:53,290
That's a commercial.
19
00:00:53,370 --> 00:00:56,170
This...
20
00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:59,382
♪ Baby, don't you know
that I love you so? ♪
21
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:01,549
(whistling)
22
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,548
(door closing)
23
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,854
Hey, yo, man.
24
00:01:04,923 --> 00:01:06,813
Uh... where's the pool?
25
00:01:06,883 --> 00:01:08,483
Yo, man?
26
00:01:08,552 --> 00:01:09,562
Excuse me?
27
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:11,066
The pool.
28
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,399
The pool?
29
00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,454
Man, forget it.
I'll find it.
30
00:01:17,435 --> 00:01:19,685
♪ Welcome to the party ♪
31
00:01:19,771 --> 00:01:21,371
♪ Oh oh oh oh ♪
32
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,738
♪ Welcome to the party ♪
33
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,737
♪ Oh oh oh oh ♪
34
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:28,339
♪ Party tonight ♪
35
00:01:28,413 --> 00:01:30,373
♪ Working hard all day nowit's time to play ♪
36
00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:32,752
♪ Gotta find some... ♪
37
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,286
♪ Gotta get away ♪
38
00:01:34,369 --> 00:01:36,589
♪ Only one place to go ♪
39
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,417
♪ Where the feelings folds soyou always know ♪
40
00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:39,548
♪ Theres a good thing ♪
41
00:01:39,624 --> 00:01:40,424
Baby?
42
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:41,260
Hmm?
43
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:44,264
What's all these kids here?
44
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,937
Vanessa's having a pool party.
45
00:01:46,014 --> 00:01:48,394
Who told Vanessa
she could have a pool party in my doggone house?
46
00:01:48,466 --> 00:01:52,096
I told Vanessa
she could have a pool party at our house.
47
00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:53,399
Now, relax, Bernie.
48
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,020
The kids are just
having fun.
49
00:01:55,098 --> 00:01:56,588
You know what?
That's all right.
50
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,397
But if I see that knot-headed
boy walking around here--
51
00:01:58,476 --> 00:02:00,736
the one that was in the house--
acting like it's his...
52
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:04,411
Sweetie, just go back inside.
53
00:02:07,235 --> 00:02:08,505
See, now, that-that
right there?
54
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:10,546
That's one of those
Similac babies.
55
00:02:10,622 --> 00:02:12,042
W.B.:
Man, they didn't make them
56
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:13,119
like that when
we were young.
57
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:14,040
CHU:
Uh-uh.
58
00:02:14,117 --> 00:02:15,417
Man, if I was 15 now...
59
00:02:15,493 --> 00:02:17,843
You'd still be peeking
and not playing,
60
00:02:17,913 --> 00:02:18,923
so shut up.
61
00:02:18,997 --> 00:02:21,127
What y'all doing?
62
00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:22,758
Yo, yo, yo,
Bernie, man, look.
63
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:25,298
Man, these girls
dressing like they grown, man.
64
00:02:25,378 --> 00:02:27,468
Look at the one in
the blue right there.
65
00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:28,597
Where?
66
00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:29,814
-Right there.
-Mm-hmm.
67
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,063
That's Wanda.
68
00:02:31,134 --> 00:02:33,024
(laughing)
Sorry, man.
69
00:02:33,094 --> 00:02:34,984
That's my bad, man.
70
00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,439
I don't envy you, man.
71
00:02:36,514 --> 00:02:37,944
My daughter's
a year older than Vanessa,
72
00:02:38,016 --> 00:02:40,146
and I'm already
chasing away the boys.
73
00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:42,027
Yeah, man,
and boys at that age
74
00:02:42,103 --> 00:02:44,613
only have one thing
on they minds, dog.
75
00:02:44,689 --> 00:02:45,779
Uh-huh.
76
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:46,951
(sighs)
77
00:02:47,025 --> 00:02:48,285
Oh, cut it out, man.
78
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:50,949
Y'all are trying to put
the cables on me, man.
79
00:02:51,029 --> 00:02:52,619
Make me paranoid.
80
00:02:52,697 --> 00:02:56,167
Besides, man,
you're talking about kids.
81
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:58,803
You know,
I ain't worried about it.
82
00:02:58,879 --> 00:02:59,999
Wanda's out-out there.
83
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,250
She's chaperoning.
84
00:03:01,331 --> 00:03:02,711
BOTH:
Mm-hmm.
85
00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:03,721
(beeping)
86
00:03:06,962 --> 00:03:08,262
What the hell is that?
87
00:03:08,338 --> 00:03:10,138
Hey, man, we're
just telling you how little boys are.
88
00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:11,559
No need to get upset.
89
00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:12,723
No.
90
00:03:12,801 --> 00:03:13,731
No!
91
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:14,942
No!
92
00:03:16,521 --> 00:03:17,731
Hands off.
93
00:03:17,806 --> 00:03:19,186
What are you doing?
94
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:21,476
Man, why your pops
got to be like that?
95
00:03:21,559 --> 00:03:23,489
-I'm not her pops.
-He's not my pops.
96
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,025
Why don't you get in the pool
and cool off?
97
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:26,985
I can't swim.
98
00:03:27,065 --> 00:03:28,985
I don't want you to swim.
99
00:03:29,067 --> 00:03:31,457
Why don't you get
in the deep end?
100
00:03:33,238 --> 00:03:36,338
Bernie, leave
these kids alone.
101
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:38,326
Look here.
I'm telling y'all both.
102
00:03:38,410 --> 00:03:40,040
I'm not going to let Vanessa
bring another mouth
103
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:41,424
in this house for us to feed.
104
00:03:41,496 --> 00:03:43,546
What? What are
you talking about?
105
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,973
I'm talking about your sister
too doggone young
106
00:03:46,042 --> 00:03:48,302
to become an auntie.
That's what I'm talking about.
107
00:03:48,378 --> 00:03:51,218
Aunt Wanda, can you please
tell your husband
108
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:53,178
to leave me alone?
109
00:03:53,258 --> 00:03:55,568
He's ruining my party.
110
00:03:57,095 --> 00:03:59,055
She's a good girl.
111
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:00,399
Stop worrying.
112
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:03,227
He was holding
her hand, baby.
113
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:06,370
Exactly, Bernie.
Holding hands.
114
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,566
-How bad is that?
-That's a start.
115
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,818
That young boy got
hormones jumping all out of his body.
116
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:14,880
And you ain't making
it no better with that outfit you got on.
117
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,785
You like my outfit,
Bernie Mac?
118
00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:18,245
Wanda, stop it.
119
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:20,035
You're making it
real hard for me
120
00:04:20,118 --> 00:04:21,578
to do my duty...
as a parent.
121
00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:25,671
You let Aunt Wanda handle
the duties as a parent,
122
00:04:25,749 --> 00:04:27,339
and maybe tonight,
123
00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:30,677
we'll talk
about your husbandly duties.
124
00:04:30,754 --> 00:04:33,434
Now, shoo.
125
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:35,576
Go on.
126
00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:40,397
What you doing?
127
00:04:40,472 --> 00:04:41,732
Oh, ah, um... noth...
128
00:04:41,806 --> 00:04:42,896
It was time-out.
129
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:43,948
You're a liar.
130
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,031
(beeping)
131
00:04:46,102 --> 00:04:47,452
I'm sick of this.
132
00:04:50,106 --> 00:04:52,366
How the hell
I get back here?
133
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,618
Hey... what's this?
134
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:01,500
Huh?
135
00:05:01,576 --> 00:05:02,976
I was giving Kevin
my number...
136
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,753
No, you was giving Kevin
my number.
137
00:05:04,829 --> 00:05:08,009
How come you're not
at the deep end?
138
00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:08,927
You better hurry up.
139
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,269
(buzzing)
140
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:12,795
Your pager blowin' up.
141
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:16,313
VANESSA: (sighing)
You are ruining my life!
142
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,143
Aunt Wanda?
143
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,808
Bernie Mac, out!
144
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:22,807
Talking about,
I'm ruining your life.
145
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,309
Girl, I'm trying
to save your life.
146
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:25,481
Well, fine.
147
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:26,568
I'll tell you what.
148
00:05:26,643 --> 00:05:28,793
I ain't changing no diapers.
149
00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:32,037
Ought to kick you
in your chest.
150
00:05:36,444 --> 00:05:37,294
Hey, where y'all...
151
00:05:37,362 --> 00:05:38,742
Where y'all going?
152
00:05:38,814 --> 00:05:40,254
Yo, man, we can catch the game
somewhere else, all right?
153
00:05:40,323 --> 00:05:41,333
No, no, man.
I'm cool, man.
154
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,708
Come on, sit down.
155
00:05:42,784 --> 00:05:44,834
Sit down.
156
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,665
Hey.
157
00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:49,006
What?
158
00:05:49,091 --> 00:05:50,511
What the...?
159
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:52,723
That little knot head! Hey!
160
00:05:52,794 --> 00:05:54,814
Bernie's letting
those kids drive him crazy, man.
161
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:59,476
Vanessa!
162
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,353
Yeah.
163
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:04,990
What y'all running for?
164
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,685
'Cause you won't
leave us alone.
165
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:07,976
Alone?
166
00:06:08,059 --> 00:06:09,529
Why you want to be alone?
167
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:11,532
Y'all must be up
to something.
168
00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:13,154
We were just getting
some soda.
169
00:06:13,231 --> 00:06:14,451
Soda? Yeah.
170
00:06:14,524 --> 00:06:16,294
I know what that means.
171
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:18,281
You better not be getting
no "soda" in this house, boy.
172
00:06:18,361 --> 00:06:19,331
What?
173
00:06:19,404 --> 00:06:20,794
Don't "what" me, boy.
174
00:06:20,864 --> 00:06:22,414
You know exactly what I mean.
175
00:06:22,490 --> 00:06:24,540
I'm not going
to let you run this girl's life.
176
00:06:24,617 --> 00:06:27,627
Matter of fact,
I want you out of my house.
177
00:06:27,704 --> 00:06:30,384
Your party is over!
178
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:32,127
I can't stand you.
179
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:33,168
Yeah, okay.
180
00:06:33,251 --> 00:06:35,811
You get out of here.
181
00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,148
You see how ungrateful she is?
182
00:06:45,221 --> 00:06:46,561
She hates me.
183
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:49,229
I'm trying to save her
from making a big mistake.
184
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,649
I ain't trying
to be no hard guy, America.
185
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:53,238
But I'll chase baby girl
186
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:55,323
around this house
every day if I have to
187
00:06:55,398 --> 00:06:56,698
if that's what it takes
188
00:06:56,774 --> 00:06:58,714
to keep her away from boys...
hoo.
189
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,082
I hate him.
190
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:09,039
I heard that!
191
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,934
I heard that.
192
00:07:21,925 --> 00:07:23,105
Hey, babe.
193
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:27,522
This is a great age, huh?
194
00:07:27,597 --> 00:07:28,807
Tell me about it.
195
00:07:28,890 --> 00:07:30,270
I got a 13-year-old
at home.
196
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,400
Nothing but trouble.
197
00:07:32,477 --> 00:07:34,147
She had a pool party
the other day.
198
00:07:34,229 --> 00:07:36,449
All kinds of boys
walking through the house
199
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,197
hitting on her
like they're grown.
200
00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:39,624
Well, then,
I'm the bad guy
201
00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:41,282
when I throw their stuff
in the pool.
202
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:42,541
I think we
ought to lock 'em up
203
00:07:42,612 --> 00:07:44,702
from the ages of 13
to 18 to keep them safe
204
00:07:44,781 --> 00:07:46,581
and then at the age
of 18, unlock 'em,
205
00:07:46,658 --> 00:07:48,078
kick 'em out
of the house.
206
00:07:48,159 --> 00:07:49,379
That's exactly how I feel.
207
00:07:49,461 --> 00:07:50,791
Kids need boundaries.
208
00:07:50,862 --> 00:07:52,422
That's why I sent my
boy to Catholic school.
209
00:07:52,497 --> 00:07:54,337
Me, too.
210
00:07:54,415 --> 00:07:55,545
I'm Bernie, man.
211
00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:57,295
-Hi. David.
-Hey, David.
212
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,427
There we go.
213
00:07:58,503 --> 00:07:59,433
Hey, sport.
214
00:07:59,504 --> 00:08:00,604
Hey.
215
00:08:00,672 --> 00:08:02,682
Dad, can I go over
Jordan's house and play?
216
00:08:02,757 --> 00:08:03,887
No. I think
Bernie's busy,
217
00:08:03,967 --> 00:08:05,347
and you got
homework. Come on.
218
00:08:05,426 --> 00:08:06,636
No, no, no.
He can come.
219
00:08:06,719 --> 00:08:08,319
I mean, this is
a great time
220
00:08:08,396 --> 00:08:10,356
for boys to build
a lifelong friendship.
221
00:08:10,431 --> 00:08:11,521
Yeah.
You're right.
222
00:08:11,599 --> 00:08:14,229
-4:00?
-Fine with me.
223
00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:16,240
(doorbell rings)
224
00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:17,702
Nessa, get that.
225
00:08:17,772 --> 00:08:19,862
Why? None of my friends
are welcome here,
226
00:08:19,941 --> 00:08:21,541
so I know it's
not for me.
227
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:27,054
(doorbell rings)
228
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:36,053
Bernie.
229
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,344
Hey, Dave.
230
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:38,507
What's going on? Dave.
231
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:39,839
Byron.
232
00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:42,219
Hey, Jordan,
Byron's here.
233
00:08:42,297 --> 00:08:43,217
Bernie Mac?
234
00:08:43,298 --> 00:08:44,558
Yes.
235
00:08:44,632 --> 00:08:46,182
I can't believe
Dave didn't know who you were.
236
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,569
I am your biggest fan.
237
00:08:47,644 --> 00:08:49,944
You are, like,
the funniest man on the planet.
238
00:08:50,013 --> 00:08:52,363
Uh... thank you.
239
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,442
Thank you.
Thank you.
240
00:08:54,517 --> 00:08:57,067
This is Phil, my very
over-the-top partner.
241
00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:59,115
Partner?
242
00:09:00,815 --> 00:09:02,485
Bernie, I was just
telling Phil
243
00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:04,497
how much you and I have
in common.
244
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:05,908
It's uncanny.
245
00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,371
It's unnatural.
246
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:08,657
(laughter)
247
00:09:08,740 --> 00:09:12,000
Well, I hope you have
a good time, Byron.
248
00:09:12,076 --> 00:09:13,496
Give Daddy a kiss.
249
00:09:13,578 --> 00:09:15,628
Okay.
250
00:09:15,705 --> 00:09:17,755
Ciao, Bernie.
251
00:09:17,832 --> 00:09:18,922
Ciao.
252
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,020
Take it easy.
253
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:24,052
Okay.
254
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,430
Here we go.
255
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,930
All right.
Today is you guys' day.
256
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:30,143
Anything you want
to do is fine.
257
00:09:30,219 --> 00:09:31,599
Look, I got a football.
258
00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:33,519
I got a pair
of boxing gloves.
259
00:09:33,598 --> 00:09:34,648
Hey, look here.
260
00:09:34,724 --> 00:09:36,194
I got toy guns.
261
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:37,441
We can play war.
262
00:09:37,518 --> 00:09:39,358
Y-you do play war,
don't you, Byron?
263
00:09:39,437 --> 00:09:41,607
Oh, what else?
264
00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:43,699
See this video game here?
265
00:09:43,775 --> 00:09:45,265
This game here--
266
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:48,041
man, you could tear
a guy's head clear off!
267
00:09:48,112 --> 00:09:50,342
We're gonna have some
good regular-guy fun today.
268
00:09:55,119 --> 00:09:57,459
BYRON:
Make a loop.
269
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,632
The bunny goes
up the hole,
270
00:09:59,707 --> 00:10:00,837
around the tree,
271
00:10:00,917 --> 00:10:03,347
and back into the hole.
272
00:10:05,380 --> 00:10:06,550
Now, pull,
but not too tight.
273
00:10:06,631 --> 00:10:07,811
Like this?
274
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,270
What the hell? Yarn?!
275
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,811
What are you guys doing?
276
00:10:15,890 --> 00:10:17,320
Byron's showing me
how to make a knot.
277
00:10:17,392 --> 00:10:18,622
Why are you using yarn?
278
00:10:18,693 --> 00:10:19,903
That's for needlepoint
or tying bows on girls...
279
00:10:19,977 --> 00:10:21,737
Now, give-give me this.
280
00:10:21,747 --> 00:10:23,367
We couldn't find
anything else.
281
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:25,988
You mean, you couldn't find
wire or-or fishing line,
282
00:10:26,067 --> 00:10:28,117
extension cord or something
like that to play with?
283
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,454
-Mr. Mac?
-Yes?
284
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,089
Isn't that stuff
dangerous?
285
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,634
Um... yes.
286
00:10:32,707 --> 00:10:35,457
Listen, it's too nice outside
for y'all to be inside
287
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:36,785
playing with knots.
288
00:10:36,869 --> 00:10:38,039
Come on.
I want y'all to get up.
289
00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:39,835
I want you to go outside
and play.
290
00:10:39,914 --> 00:10:42,344
Go on. Why don't you show him
some cards or something?
291
00:10:42,417 --> 00:10:43,657
Be a man.
292
00:10:43,735 --> 00:10:45,835
Bryana's having fun
with her dolls.
293
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,010
Why don't you go
break that up?
294
00:10:48,089 --> 00:10:50,519
The Undertaker says
bring it on!
295
00:10:50,591 --> 00:10:52,401
(both grunting)
296
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,858
(laughter)
297
00:10:57,932 --> 00:10:59,772
Oh, the Three Stooges is
something else.
298
00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,315
I'd have killed that mother...
299
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:04,204
(grunting)
300
00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:07,820
Jordan.
Jordan, Jordan.
301
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,700
Byron, Jordan,
stop, stop.
302
00:11:09,777 --> 00:11:11,867
Break it up.
What's going on here?
303
00:11:11,946 --> 00:11:13,366
Y'all are playing
too close.
304
00:11:13,448 --> 00:11:14,618
We were just
playing WWF.
305
00:11:14,699 --> 00:11:16,299
I was about to give
him a pile driver.
306
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,036
There ain't gonna be
no pile driver, Jordan.
307
00:11:18,119 --> 00:11:19,759
Did I do something wrong?
308
00:11:22,540 --> 00:11:24,840
No, son.
309
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,217
You didn't do nothing wrong.
310
00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:29,554
Listen... I just want y'all
to have some fun.
311
00:11:29,630 --> 00:11:31,760
Good clean fun, okay?
312
00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:34,481
Now, here.
Go to it.
313
00:11:34,552 --> 00:11:37,402
-("Y.M.C.A" By Village
People plays) -I'm making too much of this.
314
00:11:37,472 --> 00:11:39,402
Maybe I'm too old-school.
315
00:11:39,474 --> 00:11:41,364
Maybe they're just children.
316
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,904
Maybe they're just boys
out there having fun.
317
00:11:43,978 --> 00:11:46,568
Ain't nothing wrong
with that boy.
318
00:11:46,647 --> 00:11:51,747
America... the Mac man
apologizes.
319
00:11:52,787 --> 00:11:53,867
Go deep.
320
00:11:53,946 --> 00:11:55,226
Oh, my Lord!
Jordan!
321
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:58,583
♪ Young man, there's noneed to feel down ♪
322
00:11:58,659 --> 00:11:59,749
That's it. Play date over.
323
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:00,921
But why?
324
00:12:00,995 --> 00:12:02,245
'Cause I said so.
325
00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:03,964
But we were having fun.
326
00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:06,064
Yeah, that was your
first mistake.
327
00:12:06,134 --> 00:12:07,934
Byron, let's go get your stuff.
328
00:12:08,002 --> 00:12:10,342
Aw!
329
00:12:10,421 --> 00:12:11,601
"Aw." Let's go.
330
00:12:11,672 --> 00:12:13,852
America, I know exactly
what you thinkin'.
331
00:12:13,925 --> 00:12:16,095
Those are two young boys
out there playing
332
00:12:16,177 --> 00:12:17,937
and what could be so wrong?
333
00:12:18,012 --> 00:12:20,652
See, I'm not trying
to mess with the boys' fun.
334
00:12:20,723 --> 00:12:23,153
I just don't want them
to grow up too soft.
335
00:12:23,226 --> 00:12:25,896
See, Jordan, he can be
anything he wants to be.
336
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:28,238
If he wants to grow up
to be a policeman,
337
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:29,784
he can be that.
338
00:12:29,857 --> 00:12:31,817
Or how about
a construction worker?
339
00:12:31,901 --> 00:12:33,621
Nothing wrong with that.
340
00:12:33,694 --> 00:12:35,954
He even might want
to join the navy.
341
00:12:36,030 --> 00:12:38,120
Hey, I have
no problem with that.
342
00:12:38,199 --> 00:12:41,829
It does not matter if you want
to be a biker, or a cowboy,
343
00:12:41,911 --> 00:12:42,961
or a Indian chief.
344
00:12:43,037 --> 00:12:45,127
I personally don't mind.
345
00:12:45,206 --> 00:12:48,926
The boy can be
whatever he wants to be, right?
346
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:51,551
OTHERS:
Whatever he wants to be!
347
00:12:51,629 --> 00:12:52,969
See?
348
00:12:53,047 --> 00:12:55,057
How you doing, cop?
349
00:12:57,051 --> 00:13:01,151
Uh, Chief, your wampum
coming out your pouch..
350
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,873
L-l-let's move on.
351
00:13:08,437 --> 00:13:09,407
Hey, Bernie.
352
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:10,529
Hey, hey.
353
00:13:10,606 --> 00:13:11,656
Hey, buddy.
354
00:13:11,732 --> 00:13:12,742
Hi, sport.
355
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:13,871
Everything okay?
356
00:13:13,943 --> 00:13:15,663
Yeah. The boys are
great, you know?
357
00:13:15,736 --> 00:13:16,876
Jordan has asthma
358
00:13:16,955 --> 00:13:18,035
and I can see
all the activity
359
00:13:18,114 --> 00:13:19,514
is kind of
wearing him down.
360
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:22,801
Oh, hey, hon.
361
00:13:22,877 --> 00:13:24,167
What's going on?
362
00:13:24,245 --> 00:13:25,835
Oh, uh, Brenda,
this is Bernie.
363
00:13:25,913 --> 00:13:27,173
Bernie,
this is my wife.
364
00:13:27,248 --> 00:13:29,058
Your wife?
365
00:13:31,836 --> 00:13:33,676
I thought
you and Phil was partners.
366
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,468
We are.
367
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:36,888
We're writing
partners.
368
00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:39,426
But sometimes I think
they're the married couple.
369
00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:40,650
Hey,
you know what?
370
00:13:40,729 --> 00:13:41,849
I got to get back.
Jordan has the...
371
00:13:41,929 --> 00:13:44,069
(coughs)
Wheezes.
372
00:13:44,148 --> 00:13:46,018
Sorry.
373
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:48,530
See? That's why
I didn't judge.
374
00:13:48,603 --> 00:13:51,033
At most,
I was overly cautious.
375
00:13:51,105 --> 00:13:53,575
And there was
children involved.
376
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:56,158
Okay, I hurt
Jordan's feelings.
377
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:57,445
I'm sorry.
378
00:13:57,528 --> 00:13:58,838
He'll get over it.
379
00:13:58,913 --> 00:14:01,053
And if I hurt y'all out there,
forgive me.
380
00:14:03,993 --> 00:14:05,713
I hate him.
381
00:14:05,786 --> 00:14:06,846
I heard that!
382
00:14:06,921 --> 00:14:08,051
(wheezing)
383
00:14:08,122 --> 00:14:09,672
Take your medicine!
384
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:13,139
(wheezing louder)
385
00:14:19,967 --> 00:14:22,687
So, how we going
to get him?
386
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:28,372
I don't know, but we
have to choose our time just right.
387
00:14:33,064 --> 00:14:34,864
Bryana's asleep.
388
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:37,281
Do you have any plans
for tonight?
389
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:40,374
No, you know I ain't
got no plans for tonight.
390
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:43,166
Good, because
I'm expecting a package.
391
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,755
Package?
392
00:14:50,998 --> 00:14:52,238
Good night, kids.
393
00:14:52,316 --> 00:14:54,136
-Good night.
-Good night.
394
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:58,845
See? Respect.
395
00:14:58,923 --> 00:15:00,443
That's what I'm talking about.
396
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:15,704
So, you want me
to steal the package.
397
00:15:15,773 --> 00:15:17,873
No, no, no; there is no package.
398
00:15:17,942 --> 00:15:19,562
That was just a cover-up
399
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:21,116
so they could handle
their business.
400
00:15:21,195 --> 00:15:22,995
It's more like a code word.
401
00:15:23,072 --> 00:15:25,712
Oh. They're nasty.
402
00:15:25,783 --> 00:15:29,543
This will be the perfect time
for us to get him.
403
00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:32,210
Yeah. Let's get him.
404
00:15:32,289 --> 00:15:35,009
Do you think there's cookies
in the packages?
405
00:15:35,084 --> 00:15:37,304
I don't know,
but if you help us out,
406
00:15:37,378 --> 00:15:40,388
I promise I'll get you
a whole bunch of cookies.
407
00:15:40,464 --> 00:15:41,364
Yay!
408
00:15:41,432 --> 00:15:42,682
Shh.
409
00:15:42,758 --> 00:15:43,818
(softly)
Yay.
410
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:51,675
You know, Mrs. Mac,
411
00:15:51,759 --> 00:15:53,729
I think you're trying
to seduce me.
412
00:15:53,811 --> 00:15:55,071
And guess what?
413
00:15:55,146 --> 00:15:56,896
I kind of like it.
414
00:15:56,981 --> 00:15:59,201
(sexy laugh)
Get over here.
415
00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:00,695
(knock at door)
416
00:16:00,776 --> 00:16:02,276
BRYANA:
Uncle Bernie?
417
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:03,491
What?
418
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,201
I'm scared.
419
00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:07,381
Scared of what?
420
00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:10,168
Um, I forgot.
421
00:16:10,244 --> 00:16:12,424
Well, come back
when you remember.
422
00:16:12,496 --> 00:16:14,626
Okay.
423
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,681
(knock at door)
424
00:16:17,752 --> 00:16:19,762
Uncle Bernie?
425
00:16:19,837 --> 00:16:21,397
Baby, hold on.
426
00:16:21,472 --> 00:16:22,562
Mmm.
427
00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:23,861
Hold on.
428
00:16:23,933 --> 00:16:25,223
(yelling)
What?!
429
00:16:25,301 --> 00:16:26,641
(frustrated sigh)
430
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,013
You see?
431
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,108
There's no monsters
down here.
432
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:33,409
(grunting)
433
00:16:33,484 --> 00:16:35,864
Now, look, I
looked everywhere.
434
00:16:35,936 --> 00:16:37,436
Can't find no monsters.
435
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:40,744
Now, anybody else
want anything?
436
00:16:40,816 --> 00:16:41,986
Okay, good,
437
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:43,628
'cause as of right now,
438
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:45,833
Uncle Bernie
officially off the clock.
439
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,425
Don't call me for nothing.
440
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:50,166
Call me again...
and see what happen to you.
441
00:16:58,643 --> 00:16:59,803
Is everything okay?
442
00:16:59,877 --> 00:17:01,097
They just crazy, man.
443
00:17:01,179 --> 00:17:02,969
How do those kids
have great timing, man?
444
00:17:03,047 --> 00:17:04,007
Who cares?
445
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:05,934
Now it's our time.
446
00:17:06,008 --> 00:17:07,978
-You know what?
-What?
447
00:17:08,052 --> 00:17:09,812
I been yearning
for you, baby.
448
00:17:09,887 --> 00:17:11,147
(whispering)
Now!
449
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,726
What the hell
is that?!
450
00:17:12,807 --> 00:17:14,857
Hold on one second, see
what I'm talking about?
451
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:17,324
-See?
-(moans softly)
452
00:17:17,394 --> 00:17:20,034
Now, look, I done told you all
for the last time
453
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:23,816
not to disturb me, and that mean
not even a knock on the door.
454
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,485
I don't want you all
to get out of bed for nothing.
455
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:28,414
If you put
one foot on the floor,
456
00:17:28,489 --> 00:17:30,579
I'm going to be angry,
do you understand me?
457
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:31,752
What if we...?
458
00:17:31,826 --> 00:17:33,576
What if nothing!
You can't do nothing!
459
00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:36,801
I don't care
if there earthquake. You just ride it.
460
00:17:36,872 --> 00:17:39,842
I should have left you all
at Cabrini-Green.
461
00:17:39,917 --> 00:17:41,307
Bunch of animals.
462
00:17:45,506 --> 00:17:48,516
Like you ain't got
no home training.
463
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,736
(romantic music)
464
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,356
(thud)
465
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:03,863
-What's that?
-That's Bernie Mac.
466
00:18:03,941 --> 00:18:04,991
No, I'm serious.
467
00:18:05,067 --> 00:18:06,327
I heard something outside.
468
00:18:06,411 --> 00:18:07,621
It could be a
stray cat, right?
469
00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:08,695
Meow.
470
00:18:08,779 --> 00:18:11,539
See? See?
471
00:18:11,615 --> 00:18:14,215
(both moaning provocatively)
472
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:18,130
Bernie? Bernie, look.
473
00:18:18,205 --> 00:18:19,505
What, what, what, what?
474
00:18:19,582 --> 00:18:20,382
I told you
475
00:18:20,457 --> 00:18:22,047
there's someone
in the yard.
476
00:18:22,126 --> 00:18:23,226
Who out there?!
477
00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:25,022
Hold on just a sec...
hold on, now.
478
00:18:25,096 --> 00:18:27,226
You let me come out there.
479
00:18:28,090 --> 00:18:30,560
You picked
the wrong house.
480
00:18:30,634 --> 00:18:32,064
Wrong house.
481
00:18:32,136 --> 00:18:34,346
Why you pick
the wrong house?
482
00:18:34,430 --> 00:18:36,610
You picked the wrong house!
483
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,032
Yes, sir!
484
00:18:38,109 --> 00:18:39,899
Now, I'm going
to ask you one more time--
485
00:18:39,977 --> 00:18:40,787
Who out there?!
486
00:18:40,862 --> 00:18:42,342
BRYANA:
It's a monster!
487
00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:45,407
See? See? I knew
it was you kids.
488
00:18:45,482 --> 00:18:48,032
I told you not to get
out of bed, didn't I?
489
00:18:48,110 --> 00:18:50,830
Y'all really
in trouble now.
490
00:18:50,905 --> 00:18:53,255
Oh it's on now. I don't know who
y'all think y'all playing with.
491
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:54,572
Like I ain't never been a kid.
492
00:18:54,642 --> 00:18:56,252
I was the worst kid
on the block, boy.
493
00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:58,141
When I was... yeah, I saw you!
494
00:18:58,212 --> 00:19:00,422
I see you! Ha-ha... ow!
495
00:19:00,497 --> 00:19:03,047
Whoa... I'm okay.
496
00:19:03,125 --> 00:19:04,565
You better hope my leg is broke.
497
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:07,853
I swear, for... Lord, whatever
on top of me... Wanda.
498
00:19:07,922 --> 00:19:09,022
Wanda.
499
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:12,279
Hey.
500
00:19:14,803 --> 00:19:16,243
Okay, I understand
501
00:19:16,314 --> 00:19:18,524
that you were angry
with your Uncle Bernie,
502
00:19:18,599 --> 00:19:21,189
but did you even consider
your Aunt Wanda's feelings?
503
00:19:21,268 --> 00:19:22,528
VANESSA:
Sorry, Aunt Wanda.
504
00:19:22,603 --> 00:19:26,113
You were in the
wrong place at the wrong time.
505
00:19:26,190 --> 00:19:27,870
Yeah, you were
collateral damage.
506
00:19:27,942 --> 00:19:30,622
No, no, you all was
in the wrong place at the wrong time.
507
00:19:30,694 --> 00:19:32,454
I told y'all not
to get out of bed,
508
00:19:32,529 --> 00:19:35,159
and y'all chose to
disrespect our privacy.
509
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:36,251
You didn't respect ours.
510
00:19:36,325 --> 00:19:37,565
Yeah!
511
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,303
You little kids
ain't got no doggone privacy.
512
00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:42,088
Bernie, stop it.
513
00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:43,804
Vanessa?
514
00:19:43,874 --> 00:19:48,264
He embarrassed me
in front of all my friends.
515
00:19:48,337 --> 00:19:50,077
Jordan?
516
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,306
I feel like Byron's mad at me
'cause he had to go home early.
517
00:19:52,383 --> 00:19:54,393
Bernie,
say you're sorry.
518
00:19:54,468 --> 00:19:55,308
I'm not saying...
519
00:19:55,386 --> 00:19:59,096
Bernie,
say you're sorry.
520
00:19:59,181 --> 00:20:00,651
I'm sorry.
521
00:20:00,724 --> 00:20:01,984
Kids,
522
00:20:02,059 --> 00:20:03,329
say "That's okay,
Uncle Bernie."
523
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:06,532
KIDS:
That's okay, Uncle Bernie.
524
00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:07,735
Okay.
525
00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:09,615
Great. We're all
one big happy family.
526
00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:12,496
You go to bed.
You three stay.
527
00:20:14,697 --> 00:20:17,867
(mumbling)
...gon' tell me I'm damn sorry.
528
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,250
I ain't did nothing.
529
00:20:19,326 --> 00:20:22,206
Now, your Uncle
Bernie has shown you
530
00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:24,508
that your feelings
are important,
531
00:20:24,581 --> 00:20:27,511
and he and I need
our time alone, you understand?
532
00:20:27,584 --> 00:20:30,014
-Yes, ma'am.
-Yes, ma'am.
533
00:20:30,087 --> 00:20:31,617
Good,
534
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,354
because the next person
that comes into your room
535
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,519
will be me,
536
00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:38,851
and we don't
want that, do we?
537
00:20:38,929 --> 00:20:40,029
-No, Aunt.
-No.
538
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,726
Good.
539
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:43,187
Good night.
540
00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:45,077
And I'll take these.
541
00:20:46,603 --> 00:20:49,413
♪ And give me thattenderness ♪
542
00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:53,741
♪ I love so much ♪
543
00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:57,579
♪ But never get enough ♪
544
00:20:57,656 --> 00:21:00,536
♪ Gimme that sexual healing ♪
545
00:21:00,617 --> 00:21:03,337
WANDA:
Baby, let's go.
546
00:21:03,412 --> 00:21:04,972
Baby?
547
00:21:05,047 --> 00:21:07,847
Bernie?
548
00:21:07,925 --> 00:21:08,865
(sighing)
549
00:21:08,943 --> 00:21:11,773
♪ Talking about you and me ♪
550
00:21:17,226 --> 00:21:19,736
♪ We don't need nobody else ♪
551
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:24,357
We'll pick up on this
tomorrow night.
552
00:21:24,433 --> 00:21:26,193
Oh, wait,
I have a meeting.
553
00:21:26,268 --> 00:21:27,988
Okay, some other time.
554
00:21:28,062 --> 00:21:31,992
♪♪
555
00:21:32,066 --> 00:21:34,736
(fiendish cackling)
556
00:21:34,818 --> 00:21:36,748
♪ It should be now ♪
557
00:21:39,406 --> 00:21:41,326
Let me be straight.
558
00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:43,332
This ain't about Jordan
being gay.
559
00:21:43,410 --> 00:21:46,090
I don't care if he play with
a little boy or a little girl.
560
00:21:46,163 --> 00:21:49,383
I don't want him to be exposed
to sex at his age.
561
00:21:49,458 --> 00:21:52,138
If you like,
I'll put him in a bubble.
562
00:21:52,219 --> 00:21:55,179
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
563
00:21:55,255 --> 00:21:57,005
You ain't gon' tell...
564
00:21:57,091 --> 00:21:59,681
Don't tell me
how to raise my nephew.
565
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,650
If I want him to play with
whoever I want him to play with
566
00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:07,250
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