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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,655 --> 00:00:16,421 / can just see about four or five inches down the throat 2 00:00:16,455 --> 00:00:18,822 This is what we cal! a rig/d endoscope. 3 00:00:18,856 --> 00:00:23,100 It's quite a lot more robust than the �?exible one and gives me a better view. 4 00:00:25,495 --> 00:00:27,975 I was watching that. 5 00:00:28,015 --> 00:00:31,064 I'm not watching vet programmes when I'm eating. 6 00:00:31,095 --> 00:00:33,985 And since when have dog operations been entertaining? 7 00:00:34,015 --> 00:00:36,939 It had a golf ball stuck in its colon. 8 00:00:36,975 --> 00:00:39,216 I'm quite happy to see how it got in there. 9 00:00:39,255 --> 00:00:42,145 I just don't wanna watch it coming out. 10 00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:44,382 Doggy innards �?appin' around. 11 00:00:45,736 --> 00:00:47,704 I'm just checking the... 12 00:00:51,215 --> 00:00:54,662 - It's just animals on every channel. - Yeah. 13 00:00:54,696 --> 00:00:58,940 Dunno how many times I've seen those turtles hatch out on that beach. 14 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:00,898 See that one there? 15 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,858 He gets eaten by a crab... 16 00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:04,818 any sec... 17 00:01:04,855 --> 00:01:07,062 There we go. 18 00:01:09,375 --> 00:01:11,377 That's the best bit. 19 00:01:12,695 --> 00:01:14,902 You don't like animals, do you? 20 00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,617 Who's eating chicken? 21 00:01:18,655 --> 00:01:20,657 No, I mean live animals. 22 00:01:21,975 --> 00:01:23,898 You don't even have a fish in your fish tank. 23 00:01:23,935 --> 00:01:27,018 Because, you get one fish, you think, 24 00:01:27,055 --> 00:01:28,580 "Ahh, he looks lonely." 25 00:01:28,616 --> 00:01:29,947 So you get him a mate. 26 00:01:29,975 --> 00:01:32,342 But they don't get on, so you get a third fish. 27 00:01:32,375 --> 00:01:35,219 Then you've got two on one. You get another fish. 28 00:01:35,255 --> 00:01:39,260 Before you know where you are, you've got a borstal in your Living room. 29 00:01:41,695 --> 00:01:43,504 Hello, gorgeous. Fancy a quick one? 30 00:01:43,535 --> 00:01:46,379 - Will you stop doing that? - I'm only having a laugh. 31 00:01:46,415 --> 00:01:49,100 Well, it's not funny. And those balloons are for the party. 32 00:01:49,135 --> 00:01:51,900 Oh, what's the matter with you? Always having a go at me. 33 00:01:51,935 --> 00:01:54,620 I do live 'ere, you know. I'm not just 'ere to pay the rent. 34 00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:57,499 Yeah, that's all you do. Then you come 'home and put your feet up. 35 00:01:57,535 --> 00:01:59,663 Oh, don't start that again. 36 00:01:59,695 --> 00:02:01,584 I'm sick of It. 37 00:02:01,615 --> 00:02:04,744 I told you, those balloons are for the party. 38 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:07,143 They're my balloons, I paid for 'em. 39 00:02:07,175 --> 00:02:09,098 I'll go out and get some more if we run out. 40 00:02:09,135 --> 00:02:10,375 You're pathetic. 41 00:02:10,415 --> 00:02:13,385 Yeah? And you're a moody, miserable old cow. 42 00:02:13,416 --> 00:02:15,783 Always moaning at me, you're always on me case. 43 00:02:15,815 --> 00:02:17,544 What have I done that's so wrong, eh? 44 00:02:17,576 --> 00:02:18,577 Just tell me. 45 00:02:18,615 --> 00:02:20,538 Nothing, that is what. Nothing. 46 00:02:20,575 --> 00:02:22,418 For the past five years. 47 00:02:22,455 --> 00:02:24,901 Oh, piss off. 48 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:28,577 It's me birthday next Saturday, thinking of going bowling. 49 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,937 I know. You've told me six times already. 50 00:02:31,976 --> 00:02:33,660 Yeah. Are you comin'? 51 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,936 Remember what I said last time you asked? 52 00:02:35,975 --> 00:02:37,864 You'll be... ironing your flannel. 53 00:02:38,895 --> 00:02:40,260 Before that. 54 00:02:40,296 --> 00:02:42,264 Rewinding a video. 55 00:02:42,295 --> 00:02:43,342 Before that. 56 00:02:43,375 --> 00:02:47,175 You'll be jousting the black knight to win the princess's hand in marriage. 57 00:02:47,215 --> 00:02:49,297 - Mm. Busy day. - Oh. 58 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,064 I can't come, Errol 59 00:02:52,095 --> 00:02:54,826 Oh, yeah, could be working six days that week. 60 00:02:54,855 --> 00:02:56,903 Did you get the pool manager's job? 61 00:02:56,936 --> 00:02:58,825 Yes. 62 00:02:58,856 --> 00:03:00,426 When did this happen? 63 00:03:00,456 --> 00:03:02,902 Tomorrow at the interview. 64 00:03:02,935 --> 00:03:04,824 So you actually haven't got the job. 65 00:03:05,855 --> 00:03:07,345 Yes, I have. 66 00:03:07,375 --> 00:03:09,104 I'll put you down anyway. 67 00:03:09,135 --> 00:03:10,785 There's no point, I'll be working. 68 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,146 I think you'll be bowling. 69 00:03:12,895 --> 00:03:15,580 Are you saying I'm not gonna get this job? 70 00:03:15,615 --> 00:03:18,983 - No. - Yes you are. Why? 71 00:03:19,016 --> 00:03:20,541 Just a feeling. 72 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:22,816 And you split beer on your application form. 73 00:03:24,175 --> 00:03:26,177 That was shandy. It's different. 74 00:03:30,815 --> 00:03:32,897 You're unbelievable, you are. 75 00:03:32,935 --> 00:03:35,541 You know, I don't drink, I don't smoke. 76 00:03:35,575 --> 00:03:37,623 Don't take drugs, don't gamble. 77 00:03:37,655 --> 00:03:39,737 I have a Little bit of helium 78 00:03:39,775 --> 00:03:42,176 and you go into one. 79 00:03:43,295 --> 00:03:47,345 I can't even fart in this house without you having a go at me. 80 00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:49,821 I told you, stop wasting those balloons! 81 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,664 No. I won't. 82 00:03:52,895 --> 00:03:55,501 I like it, I like having fun. 83 00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:59,256 And when I've done all these, I'm gonna go out and get some more. 84 00:03:59,295 --> 00:04:01,582 You are so selfish. 85 00:04:01,615 --> 00:04:03,344 What about the kids? 86 00:04:03,375 --> 00:04:06,106 What about them? They get everything they want. 87 00:04:06,135 --> 00:04:07,705 They won't even notice. 88 00:04:07,735 --> 00:04:09,305 Don't even know half these kids. 89 00:04:09,335 --> 00:04:11,337 I mean, who are they? 90 00:04:13,975 --> 00:04:17,946 Misha? Steve? Renie? Who are they? 91 00:04:17,975 --> 00:04:20,137 They're Leon's friends. 92 00:04:20,175 --> 00:04:22,064 Oh, Leon's friends. 93 00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,103 They can play with the balloons. 94 00:04:25,135 --> 00:04:28,537 I play with one bieedin' balloon, you go ballistic. 95 00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:30,866 Right, party's off. 96 00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:32,818 I'm taking them all to McDonald's. 97 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:35,699 I don't care, I'll have me own party 'ere. 98 00:04:36,295 --> 00:04:38,138 You want someone to run this pool 99 00:04:38,175 --> 00:04:39,984 I wanna run this pool 100 00:04:40,015 --> 00:04:41,824 Let's do business. 101 00:04:44,095 --> 00:04:45,904 - Oi, Vince, come here. - I can't. 102 00:04:45,935 --> 00:04:48,666 Come here, there a bloke breaking into the lockers. Come on. 103 00:04:53,695 --> 00:04:55,823 You grab him, I'll phone the police. 104 00:04:55,855 --> 00:04:57,141 No, you do it. 105 00:04:57,175 --> 00:04:59,303 - I'm not doing it. - I can't. 106 00:04:59,335 --> 00:05:01,417 Got a bit of a cold. 107 00:05:01,455 --> 00:05:03,537 - I've got a job Interview. - What for? 108 00:05:03,575 --> 00:05:05,782 - Pool manager. - You, pool manager? 109 00:05:05,815 --> 00:05:08,261 Shhh. He'll hear us. 110 00:05:08,295 --> 00:05:10,104 What are we gonna do? 111 00:05:11,375 --> 00:05:13,616 Let's just pretend we haven't seen him. 112 00:05:13,655 --> 00:05:15,066 Yeah 113 00:05:28,135 --> 00:05:29,546 What you doin'? 114 00:05:31,295 --> 00:05:34,424 I'm gonna be frank with you, Mr Clark. 115 00:05:35,415 --> 00:05:36,940 You're not gonna get this job. 116 00:05:36,975 --> 00:05:39,706 You're not qualified. You've no management experience. 117 00:05:39,735 --> 00:05:42,004 You've received a number of written complaints, 118 00:05:42,016 --> 00:05:44,297 more than anyone who's ever worked here. 119 00:05:44,335 --> 00:05:47,418 In fact, I can't believe you've walked in here 120 00:05:47,455 --> 00:05:50,459 with the temerity to apply for this position. 121 00:05:56,895 --> 00:05:58,420 Yeah? What d'you think? Good? 122 00:05:58,455 --> 00:05:59,820 - Yeah, it was good. - Yeah? 123 00:05:59,855 --> 00:06:01,778 It was a bit harsh at the end, though. 124 00:06:01,815 --> 00:06:03,863 Like maybe don't stand up. 125 00:06:03,895 --> 00:06:06,023 So, er, I'm In a job Interview. 126 00:06:06,056 --> 00:06:07,820 I'm outside having a smoke. 127 00:06:07,855 --> 00:06:09,266 OK. 128 00:06:12,615 --> 00:06:14,697 I'll be frank with you, Mr Clark. 129 00:06:15,735 --> 00:06:17,464 You're not gonna get this job. 130 00:06:17,495 --> 00:06:19,020 You're not qualified. 131 00:06:19,055 --> 00:06:23,379 You've no management experience, you've received a number of written complaints. 132 00:06:23,415 --> 00:06:26,817 More than anyone who's ever worked here. When... 133 00:06:31,455 --> 00:06:32,900 All right. 134 00:06:32,936 --> 00:06:34,347 Oi, come here. 135 00:06:37,295 --> 00:06:38,581 What? 136 00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:39,821 Peter! 137 00:06:41,855 --> 00:06:43,266 Have you got a moment? 138 00:06:43,295 --> 00:06:46,344 I just want to show you something before you make your minds up. 139 00:06:46,376 --> 00:06:50,381 Can you show them... Just show them what you did to me in the corridor. 140 00:06:50,415 --> 00:06:51,621 Eh? 141 00:06:51,655 --> 00:06:54,704 The thing you did, what you said. Can you repeat it for them? 142 00:06:54,735 --> 00:06:56,544 - You're not in trouble. - Oh, right. 143 00:06:56,575 --> 00:06:59,943 Well, I was just walking past and I saw Vince, so I went, 144 00:06:59,975 --> 00:07:01,136 "All right." 145 00:07:01,175 --> 00:07:03,257 See? I'm very popular. 146 00:07:03,295 --> 00:07:05,138 You can go now. 147 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:07,223 That happens all the time. 148 00:07:07,255 --> 00:07:11,419 People are always going, "All right" cos they recognise me from the pool 149 00:07:11,455 --> 00:07:12,616 You can go. It's fine. 150 00:07:13,495 --> 00:07:14,985 Have you got a light, mate? 151 00:07:15,015 --> 00:07:17,905 - Yeah. Yeah. - Great. 152 00:07:17,935 --> 00:07:22,099 This two - year old Labrador is about to undergo a major operation. 153 00:07:22,135 --> 00:07:26,345 - No thanks, mate. Don't smoke. - How come you got a lighter, then? 154 00:07:26,376 --> 00:07:28,048 Oh, it was in the jacket when I bought it. 155 00:07:28,060 --> 00:07:29,744 Ah. 156 00:07:30,856 --> 00:07:32,665 - Wish I didn't smoke. - Yeah? 157 00:07:32,695 --> 00:07:35,744 - Yeah. I'm on patches. - Oh. 158 00:07:37,015 --> 00:07:39,825 - I've seen this one. - Oh, no, don't... don't say owt. 159 00:07:39,855 --> 00:07:41,857 - It's good. - Ah. 160 00:07:43,135 --> 00:07:46,218 You better not be smoking, Ned. 161 00:07:46,255 --> 00:07:47,666 They cremate it in the end. 162 00:07:48,975 --> 00:07:51,455 Oh, 163 00:07:51,495 --> 00:07:54,783 No, I haven't had any management experience. 164 00:07:54,815 --> 00:07:56,260 But I've never had the chance. 165 00:07:56,295 --> 00:07:58,775 And Let's face it, how hard is it to run a swimming pool? 166 00:07:58,815 --> 00:08:02,501 Order some chlorine, fix the hot chocolate machine, tell someone off. 167 00:08:02,536 --> 00:08:05,779 And last but not Least, "Oh, brilliant," the poet's full of water. 168 00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:14,344 Sony, 169 00:08:17,375 --> 00:08:18,786 Sony, mate. 170 00:08:19,215 --> 00:08:20,979 Sony, mate. 171 00:08:24,335 --> 00:08:26,258 You all right, mate? 172 00:08:26,295 --> 00:08:30,505 Ohh. I got head-butted by a man carrying bikinis. 173 00:08:30,535 --> 00:08:32,299 - Ooh, you're bleeding. - Ahh. 174 00:08:32,335 --> 00:08:34,656 Have you got any plasters? 175 00:08:34,695 --> 00:08:36,299 Tell you what... 176 00:08:36,335 --> 00:08:39,464 Use these. I can't give up anyway. 177 00:08:39,495 --> 00:08:41,384 Cheers. Thanks. 178 00:08:41,415 --> 00:08:43,224 You're all right. 179 00:08:46,655 --> 00:08:52,025 ..Or whether It's actually grass that's lodged underneath the dog's... 180 00:08:52,055 --> 00:08:54,262 I'm very good at solving problems. 181 00:08:54,295 --> 00:08:57,105 Give me a problem, any pool-related problem, I'll solve it. 182 00:08:58,055 --> 00:08:59,659 OK, I'll make one up. 183 00:08:59,695 --> 00:09:02,539 Er, tramp loose in the pool 184 00:09:03,575 --> 00:09:06,340 Easy, contain him with a Life belt. 185 00:09:06,375 --> 00:09:08,218 Wagon Wheel in his pocket, chuck him out. 186 00:09:08,255 --> 00:09:10,496 Come on, another one. Give me another one. 187 00:09:10,535 --> 00:09:12,185 OK, pool's overflowing. 188 00:09:12,215 --> 00:09:16,015 Phone up the zoo, get all the camels down here, Lick up the water. 189 00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,500 Only joking. 190 00:09:17,535 --> 00:09:20,106 The Look on your faces, you were thinking, "Nutter". 191 00:09:25,215 --> 00:09:27,104 Sony, 192 00:09:31,496 --> 00:09:32,907 You all right, darling? 193 00:09:32,935 --> 00:09:35,745 - I'm fine, thanks. - What d'you do that for? 194 00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:36,981 Dunno. 195 00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:44,542 Yeah... that's a difficult one. 196 00:09:45,775 --> 00:09:48,779 First thing I'd do - smile. 197 00:09:51,615 --> 00:09:53,538 Then... 198 00:09:53,576 --> 00:09:57,501 I'd destroy the film, unplug the hand dryers, just ban him for life. 199 00:10:08,055 --> 00:10:09,705 'Scuse me! 200 00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:12,818 - What d'you do that for? - I dunno. 201 00:10:24,735 --> 00:10:27,659 Good one. That ls a very good one. 202 00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:30,301 Mmm. 203 00:10:30,335 --> 00:10:32,702 I'd probably punch the Little one. 204 00:10:32,735 --> 00:10:35,545 No, I'm the manager, punch... 205 00:10:35,575 --> 00:10:38,055 Just don't punch anybody. 206 00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:41,019 Get Melanie to phone the police, 207 00:10:41,055 --> 00:10:42,864 get them all out in the car park. 208 00:10:42,895 --> 00:10:45,341 Keep the hose on standby in case they get shirty. 209 00:10:45,375 --> 00:10:49,824 Then just search the lockers until the diamond is returned to the maharajah. 210 00:10:49,855 --> 00:10:53,621 We are impressed by your energy and enthusiasm. 211 00:10:53,655 --> 00:10:55,578 - However... - Ahh, here we go. 212 00:10:55,615 --> 00:10:57,902 Childcare's an Issue we take very seriously 213 00:10:57,935 --> 00:11:00,506 and as manager you'd be responsible for the creche. 214 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,583 - Yeah. - Have you got any children? 215 00:11:02,615 --> 00:11:04,185 No. 216 00:11:04,215 --> 00:11:07,264 - Or any experience of them? - It's not difficult, is it? 217 00:11:07,295 --> 00:11:10,026 You just read them a story, Issue out some Play-Doh, 218 00:11:10,056 --> 00:11:13,265 colour something in, last one in the Wendy house is a poof. 219 00:11:13,295 --> 00:11:14,535 Not... No, not poof, stinks, 220 00:11:14,575 --> 00:11:18,102 unless they do stink, I won't mention it, cos you can't ridicule kids these days. 221 00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:20,137 Although it never did me any harm. 222 00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:30,663 All right, Vince. D'you get the job? 223 00:11:31,695 --> 00:11:33,538 You don't smoke. 224 00:11:33,575 --> 00:11:35,577 I do, it's lovely. 225 00:11:35,615 --> 00:11:38,778 Can you hear a baby crying? 226 00:11:38,815 --> 00:11:40,226 Yeah, it's in the bag. 227 00:11:40,255 --> 00:11:42,781 - You've got a baby in a bag? - Yeah. 228 00:11:43,815 --> 00:11:45,579 Did you find it? 229 00:11:45,615 --> 00:11:47,822 No. It was given to me for the weekend. 230 00:11:50,696 --> 00:11:53,097 Ahh, a Little ba... Uhh, it's plastic. 231 00:11:53,135 --> 00:11:56,298 Yeah, course it's plastic, otherwise you wouldn't be able to do this. 232 00:11:56,335 --> 00:12:00,943 They said they'd give me the job if I show I'm capable of looking after children. 233 00:12:00,975 --> 00:12:02,420 How d'you stop It from crying? 234 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:06,062 Well, that's the trouble, it's like a real baby, you don't know. 235 00:12:09,015 --> 00:12:13,816 It can't see, it's not exactly like a real baby. 236 00:12:13,855 --> 00:12:16,665 They give 'em to teenage girls to stop 'em getting pregnant. 237 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:19,141 Ughh! Don't be dirty. 238 00:12:19,176 --> 00:12:20,587 Has it got a name? 239 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:23,095 Yeah. The baby. 240 00:12:23,135 --> 00:12:26,218 Aww. Let's call him... 241 00:12:26,255 --> 00:12:28,462 - Hmm? - Ls It a girl? 242 00:12:29,775 --> 00:12:31,425 It's a him! 243 00:12:31,455 --> 00:12:34,425 Let's call him Stuart. 244 00:12:34,455 --> 00:12:36,776 He doesn't like that. 245 00:12:36,815 --> 00:12:38,738 Urn... 246 00:12:38,775 --> 00:12:40,777 Martin! 247 00:12:43,735 --> 00:12:45,146 Aww. 248 00:12:45,175 --> 00:12:48,304 - This calls for a cigar. - You're not smoking that in here. 249 00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:51,305 - I was going outside. - Make us a cup of tea first. 250 00:12:51,895 --> 00:12:53,579 But I really fancy a smoke. 251 00:12:53,615 --> 00:12:56,095 Stop being so selfish. 252 00:12:56,135 --> 00:12:58,866 Things are really gonna have to change now that... 253 00:12:58,895 --> 00:13:00,306 Martin's here. 254 00:13:00,335 --> 00:13:02,622 All right. 255 00:13:02,655 --> 00:13:07,536 I hope you realise, if you carry on smoking, you will definitely die. 256 00:13:07,575 --> 00:13:09,942 But I could die tomorrow just crossing the road. 257 00:13:09,975 --> 00:13:12,626 Only if something hits you at the time. 258 00:13:12,655 --> 00:13:15,784 And how you can hit by something that weighs at least two tons, 259 00:13:15,816 --> 00:13:19,104 is brightly coloured and is found on roads... 260 00:13:19,135 --> 00:13:22,218 It's very easy to get killed. A man on our street died. 261 00:13:22,255 --> 00:13:24,542 All he did was have a drink from the canal. 262 00:13:40,535 --> 00:13:43,379 - Where's Martin? - Down there. 263 00:13:43,415 --> 00:13:45,577 You can't leave him on the �?oor! 264 00:13:45,615 --> 00:13:48,221 It's not a real baby. It's a gadget. 265 00:13:48,255 --> 00:13:50,986 Might record he's on a hard surface. 266 00:13:54,895 --> 00:13:56,385 Or dirty cushion. 267 00:13:56,415 --> 00:13:58,144 Well, I mean... 268 00:13:58,175 --> 00:14:00,177 It can't record everything. 269 00:14:02,295 --> 00:14:04,104 You Little wanker. 270 00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:06,980 - Might do. - Errol 271 00:14:07,815 --> 00:14:11,024 Ooh, no, mustn't. Ooh! 272 00:14:11,055 --> 00:14:13,979 Ohh. Oh. Ohh. 273 00:14:14,015 --> 00:14:16,746 Ohh. Oh. Oh. Oh. 274 00:14:16,775 --> 00:14:20,461 Ooh. Ooh, no, no. Ooh. 275 00:14:20,495 --> 00:14:22,896 Hello? Hello? 276 00:14:22,935 --> 00:14:24,699 Pauline, are you all right? 277 00:14:24,735 --> 00:14:27,500 Oh. I just 'ad this dream. 278 00:14:27,535 --> 00:14:29,697 It was so vivid. 279 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:34,822 You were being strangled by this enormous bald man. 280 00:14:34,856 --> 00:14:38,019 Ohh. ls George with you? 281 00:14:38,056 --> 00:14:40,104 Oh, good. 282 00:14:40,135 --> 00:14:45,744 Ohh, I'm sorry to wake you, darlin', but... it was ever so vivid. 283 00:14:46,775 --> 00:14:48,982 Oh. 284 00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:57,900 Oh, wh... 285 00:14:57,935 --> 00:15:00,506 Ahh-ah. Oh. 286 00:15:00,535 --> 00:15:02,617 Where's the bottle? 287 00:15:06,695 --> 00:15:07,935 Ohh. 288 00:15:12,535 --> 00:15:13,616 Ohh. 289 00:15:13,655 --> 00:15:15,464 Oh! 290 00:15:17,335 --> 00:15:18,700 Ohh. 291 00:15:32,575 --> 00:15:34,304 Hello, Pauline? 292 00:15:34,335 --> 00:15:38,181 It's me. I just 'ad another dream. 293 00:15:38,216 --> 00:15:40,787 It was so vivid. 294 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:43,216 Has George turned into a cream bun? 295 00:15:52,175 --> 00:15:54,303 Uhh. 296 00:15:57,096 --> 00:15:58,143 Aw. 297 00:15:58,935 --> 00:16:00,539 Right. 298 00:16:24,975 --> 00:16:26,943 Au right? 299 00:16:26,975 --> 00:16:29,455 Fine, thanks. You? 300 00:16:29,495 --> 00:16:31,099 Mustn't grumble. 301 00:16:31,135 --> 00:16:33,137 I've just had this 'horrible burger. 302 00:16:59,135 --> 00:17:00,944 Martin. Where's... 303 00:17:03,295 --> 00:17:07,300 Vince, can you help, please? It's Locked. 304 00:17:07,335 --> 00:17:09,622 In your wardrobe there's a... 305 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,419 Well, I dunno what it is 306 00:17:12,455 --> 00:17:17,017 but it's all covered in hair and it's got it's mouth in the back of its head. 307 00:17:17,055 --> 00:17:19,899 It's just a horrible thing. 308 00:17:19,935 --> 00:17:22,142 It's got a violin. 309 00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:26,180 And if it plays any tunes by B... B... 310 00:17:27,336 --> 00:17:29,338 Pauline? 311 00:17:31,496 --> 00:17:33,624 Pauline? 312 00:17:33,655 --> 00:17:35,384 Errol? 313 00:17:35,415 --> 00:17:37,179 You come in 'ere a sec? 314 00:17:37,215 --> 00:17:39,821 I got a fish for the fish tank. 315 00:17:43,135 --> 00:17:44,580 Where is it? 316 00:17:44,616 --> 00:17:46,061 - Could you hold it a sec? - Yeah. 317 00:17:46,095 --> 00:17:48,621 No, at the sides is better. 318 00:17:48,655 --> 00:17:51,056 - There we go. - It's a bit sticky. 319 00:17:51,095 --> 00:17:53,905 Huh. Yeah. How about here by the window? 320 00:17:53,935 --> 00:17:56,302 Yeah. Ohh. 321 00:17:56,335 --> 00:17:58,497 Oh, no, cos of the sun, he'll get sunburnt. 322 00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,981 - Oh... - OK. What about there 323 00:18:01,015 --> 00:18:02,289 cos you can close the curtains, protect him. 324 00:18:02,301 --> 00:18:03,586 Yeah. Yeah. 325 00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:05,663 All right. Well, we can do that later. 326 00:18:05,695 --> 00:18:07,265 OK. 327 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:09,775 Oh, no, radiation from the telly, they get depressed. 328 00:18:09,815 --> 00:18:12,261 - Oh. - Ooh, difficult, Isn't It? 329 00:18:12,295 --> 00:18:15,060 Kitchen. Yeah. 330 00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,460 Nah. 331 00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:18,338 Ooh, might be cooking fish. 332 00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:20,776 Yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking. 333 00:18:21,815 --> 00:18:23,783 Up there. 334 00:18:23,815 --> 00:18:25,579 Yeah. 335 00:18:25,615 --> 00:18:28,221 Oh, no, cos we'll have to crane our necks to Look at him. 336 00:18:28,255 --> 00:18:31,816 Yeah, that'd be... Aah, that hurts. 337 00:18:38,735 --> 00:18:43,901 - Getting a bit heavy now. - 57, 58, 59... 338 00:18:43,935 --> 00:18:45,346 - 60. - Arms are killing me. 339 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,581 - How about there? - Yeah? 340 00:18:46,615 --> 00:18:48,617 - Just put it there. Yeah. - OK. 341 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:52,263 I'll get the fish. 342 00:18:52,295 --> 00:18:53,979 Vince, my hands are stuck. 343 00:18:54,015 --> 00:18:55,488 Hmm? 344 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:56,985 Vince, my hands are stuck to the sides. 345 00:18:57,015 --> 00:18:58,460 Yeah, they will be, yeah. 346 00:18:58,495 --> 00:19:01,544 Here we go. Look. There he goes. 347 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:02,986 What have you done? 348 00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:05,018 I've glued your hands to the fish tank. 349 00:19:05,055 --> 00:19:06,466 But, I got you a fish. 350 00:19:06,495 --> 00:19:08,338 - Why? - Keep you company. 351 00:19:08,375 --> 00:19:10,343 No, why have you glued my hands. 352 00:19:10,376 --> 00:19:12,538 Well, firstly, so I can get some sleep at night. 353 00:19:12,575 --> 00:19:15,021 And secondly, stops you smoking. 354 00:19:15,055 --> 00:19:16,784 So, we're all winners. 355 00:19:16,815 --> 00:19:19,341 I don't feel like a winner. 356 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,786 Ohh, it ways a ton. 357 00:19:20,815 --> 00:19:23,625 Yeah, and don't try and tip all the water out, the fish'll die. 358 00:19:23,655 --> 00:19:25,464 I've thought this through. 359 00:19:25,495 --> 00:19:27,657 You can't do this! 360 00:19:27,695 --> 00:19:29,140 It's not illegal. 361 00:19:29,175 --> 00:19:31,223 I bought some glue, you picked up a fish tank. 362 00:19:31,255 --> 00:19:33,337 It just seems wrong to me. 363 00:19:33,375 --> 00:19:35,457 Look, I got you a castle. 364 00:19:35,495 --> 00:19:37,384 Ohh. 365 00:19:37,415 --> 00:19:40,146 - And a treasure chest. - Ahh. 366 00:19:40,175 --> 00:19:43,258 No, hang on, I've gotta go out tonight. 367 00:19:43,295 --> 00:19:46,856 Oh, right. What, smoking, with your smoking pals? 368 00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:49,341 - No. - I'm doing this for you, Errol 369 00:19:49,375 --> 00:19:50,945 Well, and me. 370 00:19:50,975 --> 00:19:53,057 Vince... And I'm hungry. 371 00:19:53,095 --> 00:19:55,302 And I'm getting an itch behind me ear. 372 00:19:55,335 --> 00:19:57,099 And I really need a smoke. 373 00:19:57,135 --> 00:19:58,625 Vince! 374 00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,862 Really need a smoke. 375 00:20:00,895 --> 00:20:03,216 You fff...�?ippin' 376 00:20:03,255 --> 00:20:05,257 SSS-sod! 377 00:20:11,135 --> 00:20:15,265 ? Ohh-ohhh what an atmosphere ? 378 00:20:15,295 --> 00:20:20,779 ? I love a party with a happy atmosphere ? 379 00:20:20,815 --> 00:20:23,216 Ahh, stick it up your arse. 380 00:20:42,216 --> 00:20:45,220 Aw! 381 00:20:48,975 --> 00:20:50,739 Ah. 382 00:20:55,615 --> 00:20:57,424 Ahh. 383 00:21:02,215 --> 00:21:04,946 Yeah, well leave it with me, I'll see what I can do. 384 00:21:04,975 --> 00:21:06,386 I can't leave it with you. 385 00:21:06,415 --> 00:21:08,861 That's the point, I can't leave it anywhere. 386 00:21:08,895 --> 00:21:11,262 I was hoping you could fiddle with it. 387 00:21:11,295 --> 00:21:13,184 Not... No, not fiddle, just... 388 00:21:13,215 --> 00:21:15,297 Sort it out so I can put it down for a few hours. 389 00:21:15,335 --> 00:21:16,905 It's crying all. the time. 390 00:21:16,935 --> 00:21:18,539 Well, just be nice to it, then. 391 00:21:18,575 --> 00:21:21,465 It's not a real baby. It's a gadget. 392 00:21:21,495 --> 00:21:23,736 All right, I'll have to take the back off. 393 00:21:27,295 --> 00:21:29,263 Ah. Mm. 394 00:21:30,295 --> 00:21:32,218 Mmm. 395 00:21:48,735 --> 00:21:50,100 Careful. 396 00:21:50,135 --> 00:21:52,502 Look, you'll. have to take this somewhere else. 397 00:21:52,535 --> 00:21:54,060 L-I'm not up to this today. 398 00:21:54,095 --> 00:21:56,746 - What's the matter? - I've just given up smoking. 399 00:21:56,776 --> 00:21:58,824 I'm a bit... You know? 400 00:21:58,855 --> 00:22:00,983 Well, have a cigarette. 401 00:22:01,015 --> 00:22:02,426 I'm trying to give up. 402 00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:05,026 Well, just one. It'd calm you down. 403 00:22:05,055 --> 00:22:08,025 I can't have just one. 404 00:22:08,055 --> 00:22:09,545 What... A Little one? 405 00:22:09,576 --> 00:22:11,180 I wish I could. 406 00:22:11,215 --> 00:22:14,662 After a meal..or after I've had sex. 407 00:22:15,215 --> 00:22:17,582 Sold some batteries. 408 00:22:17,615 --> 00:22:18,696 Seen a ghost. 409 00:22:18,735 --> 00:22:21,864 Yeah. Yeah, well, you'll need one after that. 410 00:22:21,895 --> 00:22:24,739 - Or after a fight or car crash. - Mm. 411 00:22:24,775 --> 00:22:27,619 Tell you what's nice, to have one before you do something. 412 00:22:27,655 --> 00:22:30,704 Oh, yeah. That can be nice. 413 00:22:30,735 --> 00:22:32,578 Like before a driving test. 414 00:22:32,616 --> 00:22:33,822 Operation. 415 00:22:33,855 --> 00:22:36,620 - Breakfast. - Ohh, I miss that one. 416 00:22:36,655 --> 00:22:38,896 Mm. I tell you what I feel like, 417 00:22:38,935 --> 00:22:43,338 is when you have one during, you just stop. just... 418 00:22:43,375 --> 00:22:47,141 - What, like a crossword? - Cup of tea, biscuit. 419 00:22:47,175 --> 00:22:49,621 Oh, yeah. Or during the night. 420 00:22:49,655 --> 00:22:53,137 - Why not? - Ohh! 421 00:22:53,175 --> 00:22:54,620 I love fags. 422 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:57,139 D'you know what my favourite is? 423 00:22:57,175 --> 00:22:59,337 The "no reason" fag. 424 00:23:00,015 --> 00:23:01,824 Ooh. The best! 425 00:23:01,855 --> 00:23:03,903 You don't even want it. You've just put one out. 426 00:23:03,935 --> 00:23:05,664 - Oh, yes! - And everyone says, 427 00:23:05,695 --> 00:23:08,062 "You're not gonna have another one?" And you say... 428 00:23:08,695 --> 00:23:10,902 - Yes! - Cos they're my fags, 429 00:23:10,935 --> 00:23:13,415 I bought them, and I'll smoke 'em when I want to. 430 00:23:14,615 --> 00:23:16,060 Say that again. 431 00:23:16,095 --> 00:23:18,177 - Cos they're my fags... - They're my fags. 432 00:23:18,215 --> 00:23:19,865 - I bought them... - I bought 'em. 433 00:23:19,895 --> 00:23:22,944 - ..and I smoke 'em when I want to. - And I smoke 'em when I want to. 434 00:23:22,975 --> 00:23:25,581 They're my fags, I bought them, 435 00:23:25,615 --> 00:23:27,504 and I'll smoke 'em when I want to. 436 00:23:27,535 --> 00:23:30,141 - Shall we get some? - Yeah! 2O Rothmans. 437 00:23:30,175 --> 00:23:31,745 [REED 438 00:23:31,775 --> 00:23:33,106 40! 439 00:23:33,135 --> 00:23:34,580 Yeah! 440 00:23:55,335 --> 00:23:57,702 Ned? You been smoking? 441 00:23:57,736 --> 00:24:00,467 Urn, no. Er... WeU, yeah. Er... l-I�??m sorry. 442 00:24:00,495 --> 00:24:02,543 L-I'm He-He made me do It. 443 00:24:02,575 --> 00:24:04,065 You bastard. 444 00:24:04,095 --> 00:24:07,019 Yeah. Yeah, you bastard. H-He made me do it... 445 00:24:22,815 --> 00:24:24,817 All right, Errol 446 00:24:30,455 --> 00:24:34,505 - Ohh. Just had a horrible burger. - Mm. 447 00:24:34,536 --> 00:24:36,345 Ohh. 448 00:24:37,495 --> 00:24:39,497 Ohh, it was really horrible. 449 00:24:41,055 --> 00:24:43,820 - You been smoking? - No. 450 00:24:43,855 --> 00:24:46,540 Oh, Martin. 451 00:24:54,935 --> 00:24:57,745 Gone off fags now, they're disgusting. 452 00:24:57,775 --> 00:25:01,018 I've only been out an hour. You seen his bottle? 453 00:25:06,015 --> 00:25:08,177 You know, er... 454 00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:10,536 Vince, I think I'm cured. 455 00:25:10,575 --> 00:25:12,384 Nah. No, no, no. Not yet. 456 00:25:12,415 --> 00:25:14,656 When? 457 00:25:14,695 --> 00:25:17,505 It can take weeks, OK? 458 00:25:17,535 --> 00:25:21,859 It's my birthday next Saturday, I can't go bowling like this! 459 00:25:21,896 --> 00:25:24,024 You can't treat me like this. 460 00:25:24,055 --> 00:25:25,420 You idiot! 461 00:25:38,335 --> 00:25:40,144 Sorry. 462 00:25:40,175 --> 00:25:42,064 I don't believe you. 463 00:25:42,095 --> 00:25:44,143 Just heard Nana's died 464 00:25:44,175 --> 00:25:46,542 and all you can think about is your stomach. 465 00:25:46,575 --> 00:25:48,065 Sorry. 466 00:25:48,095 --> 00:25:49,779 But it was a really 'horrible burger. 467 00:25:59,615 --> 00:26:02,095 There you go. Two days older, two days wiser. 468 00:26:02,135 --> 00:26:05,696 And if you're thinking of using him again, we named him Martin. 469 00:26:06,255 --> 00:26:07,825 I know that look. 470 00:26:07,855 --> 00:26:09,698 You want to know what happened. 471 00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:13,217 - Well, it was fine until last night. - We don't need your excuse. 472 00:26:13,255 --> 00:26:15,462 The only version we need is the baby's. 473 00:26:20,776 --> 00:26:22,744 7:45 it drowned. 474 00:26:23,775 --> 00:26:26,381 7:49 its leg melted. 475 00:26:27,575 --> 00:26:29,259 And at 8:05 its head fell off. 476 00:26:29,295 --> 00:26:32,617 If you carry on, you'll. see how at 8:22 It's head went back on. 477 00:26:34,135 --> 00:26:38,106 Mr Clark, can you explain what... What happened? 478 00:26:38,135 --> 00:26:41,264 After it drowned I put it near the fire to dry off 479 00:26:41,295 --> 00:26:42,706 when its leg melted 480 00:26:42,735 --> 00:26:45,306 which wouldn't happen with a normal baby. 481 00:26:45,335 --> 00:26:47,781 Then my �?atmate - who's trying to give up smoking - 482 00:26:47,815 --> 00:26:51,376 he lunged for it, forgetting that he was glued to an aquarium. 483 00:26:51,415 --> 00:26:53,622 Which wouldn't happen with a normal flatmate. 484 00:26:53,655 --> 00:26:55,498 So now it's got glass stuck in its head. 485 00:26:55,535 --> 00:26:57,981 So I was trying to dig it out with a corkscrew 486 00:26:58,015 --> 00:26:59,779 when its head came off. 487 00:26:59,816 --> 00:27:03,423 And it was precisely at that point that I realised, 488 00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:04,900 I'm not gonna get this job, 489 00:27:04,936 --> 00:27:07,382 so, Let's have some fun with it. 490 00:27:10,335 --> 00:27:12,815 It's a baby! 491 00:27:34,066 --> 00:27:36,066 Errol, can you go get the rest of the baby. 492 00:27:36,116 --> 00:27:40,666 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35509

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