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1
00:00:14,780 --> 00:00:16,480
Romeo, Romeo,
2
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,820
wherefore art thou, Romeo?
3
00:00:18,850 --> 00:00:21,850
Deny thy father
and refuse they name.
4
00:00:21,890 --> 00:00:24,220
Or if thou wilt not,
5
00:00:24,260 --> 00:00:26,350
but-but sworn my love...
6
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,420
Oh, this is terrible.
7
00:00:28,460 --> 00:00:30,130
Come on!
8
00:00:31,670 --> 00:00:33,860
Why are they shushing me?
9
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,770
It's those apple-johns onstage
10
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:37,800
who are butchering the material.
11
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:39,430
Please be quiet.
12
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,240
You're disturbing
the other patrons.
13
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,680
You scalded me, you jackanape!
14
00:00:45,710 --> 00:00:48,010
Sir, I've already
asked you to keep it down.
15
00:00:48,050 --> 00:00:51,750
What clodpole disturbs
the traffic of our stage?
16
00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:55,550
All right, sir,
it is time for you to make haste.
17
00:00:55,590 --> 00:00:57,960
You don't tell me what to make!
18
00:00:57,990 --> 00:00:59,480
Unhand me!
19
00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:04,660
Throw me out?
20
00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:07,670
I'll throw you out,
stupid hacks,
21
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,640
misinterpreting the material.
22
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:12,510
It's the Bard,
for crying out loud!
23
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:14,510
No respect.
24
00:01:14,540 --> 00:01:16,140
Sir, there's no loitering here.
25
00:01:16,180 --> 00:01:18,910
I'm not loitering.
I was thrown out of the theater
26
00:01:18,950 --> 00:01:21,920
for having taste, and now
I'm waiting for my friends.
27
00:01:21,950 --> 00:01:24,280
Well, my friend and his wife.
28
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:25,790
Sure, you are.
Listen, sir,
29
00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:27,720
although I'm concerned with
the plight of the homeless--
30
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:29,280
I'm not homeless!
31
00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:30,880
Then here's
your ticket for loitering.
32
00:01:30,930 --> 00:01:33,330
- Loitering?
- Move along, sir.
33
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,090
Don't make me arrest you.
34
00:01:35,130 --> 00:01:37,830
It's never-ending
with this place.
35
00:01:37,870 --> 00:01:39,830
Got the cops on the take.
36
00:01:41,740 --> 00:01:43,800
Why didn't you just go home?
37
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:45,470
Because I wanted
to share with you
38
00:01:45,510 --> 00:01:47,740
how awful I thought
that play was.
39
00:01:47,780 --> 00:01:49,300
It was awful!
40
00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:52,280
Why aren't you two angry?
I'm angry!
41
00:01:52,310 --> 00:01:54,250
I'll admit it wasn't very good,
42
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,250
but that theater's
kind of sentimental for us.
43
00:01:57,290 --> 00:01:59,310
Chris took me there
on our first date.
44
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,760
- And you're still with him?
- Hey.
45
00:02:01,790 --> 00:02:03,550
I want my money back.
46
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,790
You didn't spend any money.
We bought your ticket, remember?
47
00:02:05,830 --> 00:02:07,490
Then I want your money back.
48
00:02:07,530 --> 00:02:09,290
You have a good night, Dan.
49
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,820
No chance of that now.
50
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:14,130
Hey, Ty, great show tonight.
51
00:02:14,170 --> 00:02:15,640
Oh, thanks.
52
00:02:15,670 --> 00:02:17,500
Not as good as me, of course.
53
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,600
Oh, gross.
54
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,340
My soda's warm.
55
00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:25,440
That's the last straw!
56
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:31,150
YE OLDE SHAKESPEARE
DINNER THEATRE!!!
57
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:48,090
So he's all, "The codpieces
are for actors only,"
58
00:02:48,130 --> 00:02:49,860
and I'm like, "Shut up."
59
00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:51,390
I know. It's like, dude,
60
00:02:51,430 --> 00:02:53,870
don't tell me
how to spend my day off.
61
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,570
Is this a mask I see before me?
62
00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:16,660
A suitably menacing mask
63
00:03:16,690 --> 00:03:19,220
with which to seek revenge.
64
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,260
I need a cape.
65
00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:31,730
The actors want a minifridge
in their dressing room.
66
00:03:31,770 --> 00:03:33,240
You're kidding.
67
00:03:33,270 --> 00:03:35,370
Well, I guess we have
to give it to them.
68
00:03:35,410 --> 00:03:38,780
Can't have a theater company
without actors, can we?
69
00:03:38,810 --> 00:03:41,870
Why, no. No, you cannot.
70
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,120
Excuse me.
Who are you?
71
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,950
Uh, no one.
72
00:03:50,990 --> 00:03:54,260
You know, just some guy
in a mask.
73
00:03:54,290 --> 00:03:56,790
Carry on.
74
00:03:56,830 --> 00:03:58,920
He seemed nice.
75
00:04:04,170 --> 00:04:05,640
Hello.
76
00:04:05,670 --> 00:04:08,640
I've found a plan
that sets my heart aglow.
77
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:12,010
With wicked glee,
my vengeance all too near.
78
00:04:12,050 --> 00:04:15,340
Without performers,
there can't be a show,
79
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:19,610
so one by one,
I'll make them disappear!
80
00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:21,990
Dan? Is that a--
is that a poem?
81
00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:24,290
Wait. Do I have
to write a poem now?
82
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:25,990
Let's see.
83
00:04:26,030 --> 00:04:29,000
Trapdoor opens
with a pit of spikes beneath.
84
00:04:29,030 --> 00:04:31,590
Sandbag falls from the rafter,
85
00:04:31,630 --> 00:04:33,430
crushing one of them.
86
00:04:33,470 --> 00:04:35,770
Hold right there, brigand.
87
00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:42,510
You don't frighten me
with your tomatoes.
88
00:04:45,550 --> 00:04:46,980
That one was frozen!
89
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,750
You haven't seen
the last of me!
90
00:04:57,020 --> 00:04:59,250
Out, damned spot!
91
00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:00,780
Out, I say!
92
00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:05,800
Pick up, you runagate.
93
00:05:07,830 --> 00:05:08,460
Hello.
94
00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,160
We have to make them pay.
95
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,170
They bruised my face
with frozen produce!
96
00:05:13,210 --> 00:05:15,330
They are going down!
97
00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:16,970
Come over right now.
98
00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:18,480
Nope. I'm on a date.
99
00:05:18,510 --> 00:05:20,670
- With Elise?
- Yes, Dan.
100
00:05:20,710 --> 00:05:23,310
You'd rather spend time
with some girl
101
00:05:23,350 --> 00:05:25,050
than help me get revenge?
102
00:05:25,090 --> 00:05:26,680
When are you going to grow up?
103
00:05:30,820 --> 00:05:32,290
Okay, so what's the problem?
104
00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:34,320
They have ridiculous security.
105
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,330
I got inside earlier
and was immediately set upon
106
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,530
by a pack
of rabid Shakespeareans.
107
00:05:40,570 --> 00:05:42,560
Just give me a boost.
108
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,130
I think that window's unlocked.
109
00:05:46,470 --> 00:05:48,000
Hey! Watch it!
110
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,240
Stupid thing!
111
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:52,250
Hang on.
I need better leverage.
112
00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:53,910
Ow! My thumb!
113
00:05:53,950 --> 00:05:57,970
What art thee doing
peeking in yon window?
114
00:05:58,020 --> 00:05:59,850
Mind your own business.
115
00:05:59,890 --> 00:06:02,650
Do you bite your thumb
at us, sir?
116
00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:05,720
I... do bite my thumb...
117
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,230
sir.
118
00:06:07,260 --> 00:06:09,690
Why are you guys wearing swords?
119
00:06:09,730 --> 00:06:11,430
You're not even onstage.
120
00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:13,990
All the world's a stage.
121
00:06:14,030 --> 00:06:16,160
That's not even
what that quote means.
122
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:17,670
Is too.
123
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:19,730
Do you bite your thumb
at us, sir?
124
00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:21,900
Is this guy being serious, Dan?
125
00:06:21,940 --> 00:06:24,470
Have at thee!
126
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:29,080
I am hurt!
127
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,090
A plague o' both your houses!
128
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,180
Yeah! Both of 'em!
129
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,590
- My face hurts.
- You whine too much.
130
00:06:42,630 --> 00:06:45,330
He hit me in the face
with a sword!
131
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:48,270
I was there. You don't hear me
complaining about it.
132
00:06:48,310 --> 00:06:49,710
Nice mask, Dan. Hey.
133
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:52,710
Chris, are you okay?
Oh, my gosh!
134
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:54,680
What happened to your face?
135
00:06:54,710 --> 00:06:57,110
Some actor whipped me
with his fencing foil.
136
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,310
It's technically called an epee.
137
00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:02,120
I tell you this so you
don't look stupid for next time.
138
00:07:02,150 --> 00:07:05,120
After all the times
we've gone to see their plays--
139
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,790
And you just
let this happen, Dan?
140
00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:09,620
Hold on.
It wasn't me.
141
00:07:09,660 --> 00:07:11,600
It was some jerk named Ty.
142
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:14,260
An actor?
They wear makeup.
143
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,530
He had a sword!
144
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,470
You saw what he did to Chris!
145
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:20,700
You weren't there!
You don't know what it was like!
146
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,230
At the Dinner Theatre?
147
00:07:22,270 --> 00:07:25,870
There's a lot of shame and rage
packed into those tights.
148
00:07:25,910 --> 00:07:28,680
I guess I have to do
everything myself.
149
00:07:28,710 --> 00:07:31,550
Nobody beats my husband
with an epee.
150
00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:33,070
See? Epee.
151
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:36,410
You two wait here.
152
00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:38,580
Why is everyone
wearing masks today?
153
00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:40,320
Did I miss an email
or something?
154
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,850
I still say there's no way
you'll be able to get in.
155
00:07:45,530 --> 00:07:48,560
Hey, where'd she go?
156
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,570
You're not supposed
to be in here.
157
00:07:59,610 --> 00:08:01,240
And who's going to stop me?
158
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,270
We are.
159
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:09,480
Once Elise is done,
she'll let me in,
160
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,120
and then I can go about my plan
161
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,150
of bringing down the theater
by taking out the actors!
162
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:21,360
So, seriously, why are you
still wearing that mask?
163
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,370
Helps me focus.
Plus I like it.
164
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,200
Besides, shut up.
165
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,430
Ch-yeah, ch-yeah.
166
00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:31,700
Aw, Ty, you make
a very handsome woman.
167
00:08:33,250 --> 00:08:34,710
- You.
- Aah!
168
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:37,720
It's for a role,
why I'm dressed as a woman.
169
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:39,810
I'm a fan of your work, Ty...
170
00:08:39,850 --> 00:08:41,510
your sword work.
171
00:08:41,550 --> 00:08:44,680
That guy you whipped
across the face, he's mine.
172
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,420
Security...
173
00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:49,290
Oh, they're a bit bound
and gagged at the moment.
174
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,590
One more! Get back!
175
00:08:53,630 --> 00:08:56,360
Back, I say,
or I'll smite you!
176
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,560
I've been training
with bladed weapons
177
00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,830
since I was seven, but, okay,
give it your best shot.
178
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,870
Ow!
Hey, that hurt.
179
00:09:06,910 --> 00:09:09,140
Help! Security!
180
00:09:12,780 --> 00:09:15,180
- Well, that's the end of that.
- What did you do?
181
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:17,550
You're probably in better
legal shape if I don't tell you.
182
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,080
Okay. Fair enough.
183
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,790
I made this map for you.
184
00:09:20,830 --> 00:09:23,160
It is complete with diagrams of
the service tunnels, air ducts,
185
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,920
electrical, plumbing,
structural, everything.
186
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,430
Phone lines?
187
00:09:26,470 --> 00:09:28,230
Uh, no.
188
00:09:28,270 --> 00:09:30,360
Well, it'll have to do.
189
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,870
You coming?
190
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:33,960
I think I'll go home,
191
00:09:34,010 --> 00:09:35,700
give my face a chance to heal.
192
00:09:35,740 --> 00:09:38,710
Typical.
Go on, then.
193
00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:40,970
Elise, thank you.
194
00:09:41,010 --> 00:09:42,410
I was never here.
195
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,560
Hey, Ty and I were going
to hit some mini golf.
196
00:09:53,590 --> 00:09:55,460
You want to join us?
197
00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:57,260
Oh, thanks, but I can't.
198
00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:59,320
They said it looks
like rain today.
199
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,600
- So?
- So I had ear surgery last year,
200
00:10:02,630 --> 00:10:05,570
and I can't get
my ears wet, ever.
201
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,940
Yeah? That's weird.
202
00:10:07,970 --> 00:10:10,460
Well, call me if you
change your mind.
203
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,880
I'm pretty beat.
204
00:10:12,910 --> 00:10:15,280
I think I'll take a nap instead.
205
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:18,150
Okay.
You want the rest of this?
206
00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:21,080
Why would I want
the rest of your soda?
207
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:21,690
I'll leave it here,
208
00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:22,850
I'll leave it here,
209
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:25,760
you know, just in case.
210
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:31,820
The time is nigh.
211
00:10:31,860 --> 00:10:34,960
But soft, my conscience stirs.
212
00:10:36,030 --> 00:10:37,500
Nah.
213
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,770
The foaming!
214
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:47,940
It's so horrible, the foam!
215
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:56,610
That's got to be the worst case
216
00:10:56,660 --> 00:10:59,250
of soda ear I've ever seen.
217
00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:00,950
I guess you're Hamlet now.
218
00:11:00,990 --> 00:11:02,650
I wanted it, it's true,
219
00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:04,860
but not like this.
220
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:07,460
No, not like this.
221
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,800
And who will play Laertes?
222
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,530
We're short-staffed as it is.
223
00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:16,030
I mean, sure, it's more
stage time for me, but...
224
00:11:16,070 --> 00:11:17,870
It's working!
225
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:24,780
More actors must meet
their untimely fates.
226
00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:27,120
Ooh, capes!
227
00:11:32,060 --> 00:11:33,680
No, that one's wrong.
228
00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:41,360
You stupid, stuffed mule!
229
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,300
You nearly stopped my heart!
230
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,360
Light bulb.
231
00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:53,910
Wow. At last.
232
00:11:53,950 --> 00:11:55,410
I'm Hamlet.
233
00:11:55,450 --> 00:11:57,140
I need a whole new sword.
234
00:11:58,550 --> 00:12:00,780
Not Hamlety enough.
235
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:04,050
Too piratey.
Oh. Yeah.
236
00:12:07,730 --> 00:12:10,520
I'm sorry. What was that?
237
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,530
I can't hear you!
238
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,500
I didn't make a mouth hole!
239
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,860
Or eyeholes. Ouch.
240
00:12:31,470 --> 00:12:34,170
It's all right, son.
You're going to be fine.
241
00:12:34,210 --> 00:12:37,700
I just don't see
how this could happen.
242
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:40,810
No? Well, I've seen it
a million times.
243
00:12:40,850 --> 00:12:44,120
Kids get crazy,
glue stuff to themselves.
244
00:12:44,150 --> 00:12:46,650
That makes the third
such strange occurrence
245
00:12:46,690 --> 00:12:48,160
since this morning.
246
00:12:48,190 --> 00:12:50,090
Really? I count two.
247
00:12:50,130 --> 00:12:52,190
Plus Ty, who disappeared.
248
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,700
That's right.
249
00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:56,360
You're down to a single actor.
250
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,370
You'll have to cancel the show.
251
00:13:00,540 --> 00:13:02,700
Vengeance is mine!
252
00:13:03,910 --> 00:13:05,840
Did you hear something?
253
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:08,810
Only my adoring fans.
254
00:13:08,850 --> 00:13:10,310
So I'm Hamlet now?
255
00:13:10,350 --> 00:13:11,810
You're everybody now.
256
00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:13,210
You're right! I am!
257
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:15,740
A one-man show of "Hamlet,"
258
00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:18,750
with me as the star!
259
00:13:18,790 --> 00:13:21,810
I've got to go throw up
and run my lines.
260
00:13:21,860 --> 00:13:23,850
The show's still on?
261
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,360
With one actor?
262
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,520
These guys are unstoppable!
263
00:13:28,570 --> 00:13:31,090
I guess
there's only one solution--
264
00:13:31,130 --> 00:13:34,630
incite a riot.
265
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,240
Stay out of the air, Chris.
266
00:13:37,270 --> 00:13:39,400
Oh, gross.
267
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:41,170
You cut my guy in half.
268
00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:45,470
Did you get the mail today?
269
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,640
I did. We got some bills,
a lot of junk.
270
00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:50,650
Oh, and an invitation
came from Dan.
271
00:13:50,690 --> 00:13:53,380
- Dan?
- Yeah, it's postmarked.
272
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:55,720
It was delivered
by an actual mailman.
273
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,320
Weird!
What did he invite us to?
274
00:13:58,360 --> 00:13:59,830
A play.
275
00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:01,760
Tonight's opening night
of "Hamlet."
276
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,270
Let me guess where.
277
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:04,770
Yeah, the Dinner Theatre.
278
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,270
Of course.
279
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,960
What's this Dan
wrote right here?
280
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,470
His penmanship is horrible.
281
00:14:09,510 --> 00:14:13,570
"Surprise appearance
by the Mata Hari"?
282
00:14:13,610 --> 00:14:16,440
No, it says,
"With a surprise appearance,"
283
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,450
and then he wrote,
"Mwah ha ha."
284
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,450
I got to admit I have
some morbid curiosity
285
00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:24,080
about what he's up to.
286
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,990
You want to go?
It is date night.
287
00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:27,490
I don't know.
288
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,860
I mean, what if the guy
who whipped me is there?
289
00:14:29,890 --> 00:14:31,760
I guarantee
you won't run into him.
290
00:14:31,790 --> 00:14:34,760
- How do you know?
- Let's just call it a hunch,
291
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,390
a solid "that guy's
bound and gagged
292
00:14:37,430 --> 00:14:39,530
on a freighter headed
for Guatemala" hunch.
293
00:14:39,570 --> 00:14:41,040
You want to get
eviscerated again?
294
00:14:41,070 --> 00:14:42,540
Why not?
295
00:14:42,570 --> 00:14:45,410
How bad does
my face look, really?
296
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,880
It's fine. You can't even see
the mark anymore.
297
00:14:48,910 --> 00:14:50,380
Oh, good.
298
00:14:50,410 --> 00:14:52,540
We've had some changes
in the cast.
299
00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:54,950
"Hamlet" will be
a one-man show tonight.
300
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:59,390
Ah! Dude, your face!
I'm going to throw up!
301
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,220
I'm going to look
like this forever.
302
00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:03,230
Hey, Chris.
303
00:15:03,260 --> 00:15:05,820
Over here.
I need your help.
304
00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:07,350
I'll get us seats.
305
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,400
Dude, could you walk
any slower?
306
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:20,670
Probably. Is there something
I can help you with?
307
00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:22,180
Of course.
308
00:15:22,210 --> 00:15:24,580
Wait here
precisely seven minutes.
309
00:15:24,610 --> 00:15:26,080
Then?
310
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,220
Set fire to this pile
of trash right here.
311
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:30,650
I'm not committing arson
on my date.
312
00:15:30,690 --> 00:15:32,710
It's not a date.
313
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,380
You're with your wife.
314
00:15:34,420 --> 00:15:37,620
Besides, I need a distraction
for my plan.
315
00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:39,690
I'll think of something else,
all right?
316
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:42,820
Give me exactly seven minutes.
317
00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:45,360
And it is a date!
It's date night!
318
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,270
You sicken me.
319
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:50,640
Bubble, bubble, toil and--
320
00:15:50,670 --> 00:15:54,200
Dude, you do that every time.
Stop it.
321
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,740
Look at that!
I can't believe it!
322
00:15:56,780 --> 00:15:58,640
Wow! That's got to be
323
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,650
the most distracting thing
I've ever seen!
324
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,150
It's huge, enormous...
325
00:16:03,190 --> 00:16:05,380
distracting!
326
00:16:07,190 --> 00:16:09,420
- You want to check it out?
- Why not?
327
00:16:16,230 --> 00:16:18,670
Clockwork.
328
00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:27,030
The food's pretty bad
without my help,
329
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:28,810
but even
the most leathery palate
330
00:16:28,850 --> 00:16:31,180
will balk at soap soup.
331
00:16:31,210 --> 00:16:33,340
Just to make sure.
332
00:16:39,190 --> 00:16:41,210
Perfect.
333
00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:43,890
- Hey, what's going on?
- You missed it. Never mind.
334
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,690
Well, what a waste of time
that was.
335
00:16:48,730 --> 00:16:51,360
Yeah. That wasn't
distracting at all.
336
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,430
Um, you think
we should taste the stew?
337
00:16:54,470 --> 00:16:56,770
We tasted it before we left.
338
00:16:56,810 --> 00:16:59,210
What could have happened
in the last two minutes?
339
00:17:09,690 --> 00:17:13,280
Dan must have tampered
with the food. It's inedible.
340
00:17:14,290 --> 00:17:16,520
You're right.
It's really bad.
341
00:17:18,630 --> 00:17:21,120
We of the Shakespeare
Dinner Theatre
342
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,500
would like
to thank you all for...
343
00:17:24,430 --> 00:17:26,800
Hey, guys. Check it out.
344
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:30,970
Riot in three, two, one...
345
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:35,900
Oh, come on!
346
00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:37,940
You people are eating soap!
347
00:17:44,950 --> 00:17:47,750
Excuse me, sir!
348
00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:50,490
Excuse yourself, you hack!
349
00:17:50,530 --> 00:17:53,830
I'll say my piece
before you take the stage.
350
00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:55,800
You can'teth be up here.
351
00:17:55,830 --> 00:17:58,130
Get thee thither anon.
352
00:17:58,170 --> 00:17:59,570
"Can'teth"?
353
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,630
This guy doesn't even know
what he's saying!
354
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,510
Sir, if thou doesn't get off my stage,
I shall be forced to--
355
00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:08,810
To what,
subject us to bad theater
356
00:18:08,850 --> 00:18:10,310
and even worse food?
357
00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:12,180
Don't sayeth
I didn't warn thou!
358
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:19,520
Is it weird that I'm
kind of rooting for Dan now?
359
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,490
My stomach hurts.
360
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,250
But I do feel clean inside.
361
00:18:23,290 --> 00:18:25,280
Have at thou!
362
00:18:25,330 --> 00:18:27,090
It's, "Have at thee,"
363
00:18:27,130 --> 00:18:29,120
you beslubbering
canker blossom!
364
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,300
It is an actor's job
365
00:18:37,340 --> 00:18:40,240
to communicate the material
to the audience.
366
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,940
How can you do that
367
00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:44,950
when you don't even know
what the lines mean?!
368
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:47,420
He's right!
369
00:18:47,450 --> 00:18:49,650
I haven't understood
a word he's said,
370
00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:52,280
and I translated "Hamlet"
into Esperanto
371
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,850
for my senior thesis!
372
00:18:53,890 --> 00:18:56,880
- You did?
- No. I'm just helping Dan out.
373
00:18:56,930 --> 00:18:59,900
Is it me, or have you been
acting really weird this week?
374
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,560
It's you.
375
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,570
I do so know
what the lines mean.
376
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,970
Liar! Blackguard! Varlet!
377
00:19:16,350 --> 00:19:20,150
How dare you interrupteth
my moment in the spotlight?
378
00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:24,350
How dare you serve us
such awful food? Am I right?
379
00:19:24,390 --> 00:19:26,720
Yeah, get out of here!
380
00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:33,150
I have thee now!
381
00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:44,370
How's that for a taste
of your own indigestible dreck?
382
00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:46,470
Am I the only one
383
00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:49,240
who feels cheated
by these charlatans?
384
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,710
Are we going
to sit here complacently
385
00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:54,410
while they treat us
like rat-catching rabble?
386
00:19:55,950 --> 00:19:58,440
I think not!
387
00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,120
That's enough!
388
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,280
Rise up,
389
00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:04,350
and we'll send the message
390
00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:06,620
that we will
not be treated thusly!
391
00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:09,630
Come on!
Let's get this guy!
392
00:20:09,670 --> 00:20:11,760
Rise up, I say,
393
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,290
and stab him with your spoons!
394
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,770
Please, someone help me!
395
00:20:17,810 --> 00:20:19,900
The audience is mad!
396
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:21,530
Ow! Stop!
397
00:20:21,580 --> 00:20:23,570
Hey!
Oh, that hurt a little bit!
398
00:20:25,620 --> 00:20:28,080
By the way,
your acting's really bad.
399
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:29,580
Knock it off!
Ohh! Ohh!
400
00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:31,920
I've had enough!
401
00:20:31,950 --> 00:20:34,350
I quit!
402
00:20:36,290 --> 00:20:37,760
I win!
403
00:20:37,790 --> 00:20:41,490
At last, sweet victory is mine!
404
00:20:41,530 --> 00:20:44,330
We better go.
The crowd is turning mean.
405
00:20:47,470 --> 00:20:48,770
- Fire.
- Bye, Dan!
406
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,240
Place is on fire!
Great show!
407
00:20:52,810 --> 00:20:54,540
Who would have thought
an angry mob
408
00:20:54,580 --> 00:20:56,340
could get so out of hand?
409
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,180
Good night, sweet
Shakespeare Dinner Theatre.
410
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,210
May flights of angels
sing thee to thy rest.
411
00:21:12,830 --> 00:21:14,320
I've made you cry!
412
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,460
Your theater is burnt!
413
00:21:16,500 --> 00:21:19,470
It lies in ruin,
plain for all to see!
414
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:23,030
And now it seems
your lesson has been learned!
415
00:21:23,070 --> 00:21:27,030
That should teach you
not to mess with Dan!
416
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,170
Oh, come on!
417
00:21:31,220 --> 00:21:35,770
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