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1
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:08,878
- For most people, a burrito
is a delicious meal
2
00:00:08,921 --> 00:00:12,012
wrapped in a tortilla
but for one NYPD officer,
3
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:15,058
it turned out to be a mouse
wrapped in a nightmare.
4
00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:16,625
- So I order a grande steak.
5
00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:18,670
I get back to my car,
take a big bite, and crunch.
6
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:20,498
That's when I see it--
a dead mouse.
7
00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:22,587
- A dead mouse
that Frank O'Sullivan,
8
00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:24,111
the President
of the Patrolman's Union,
9
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:26,330
says was put there on purpose.
10
00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:28,593
- This was an act
of political violence
11
00:00:28,637 --> 00:00:33,033
organized by a group of radical
anti-cop Antifa anarchists
12
00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:34,817
working out
of The Burrito Haven.
13
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,514
- This is bogus.
14
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:39,256
The officer called in a to-go
order under the name Tom.
15
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,389
The restaurant had no idea
he was a cop
16
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:43,086
when they made the food
or packed the bag.
17
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:46,263
So, clearly, he wasn't targeted
for "being a police officer."
18
00:00:46,307 --> 00:00:48,048
- I've always wanted
to try mouse meat.
19
00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:50,180
I hear it's really tasty.
- From who?
20
00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:52,139
- The union made it up
as a power move.
21
00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:53,488
O'Sullivan wants me to issue
22
00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,533
a statement of public support
for the officer,
23
00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:57,274
to give them
all extra hazard pay
24
00:00:57,318 --> 00:01:00,190
and to wear this
Never Forget Burrito ribbon.
25
00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:01,887
- Weird. It's the exact
same color
26
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:03,585
as my Color Blind Awareness
ribbon.
27
00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:06,109
- No, it isn't. I won't give in
to any of their demands.
28
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,545
The union is powerful,
but I'm sure
29
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,765
that most of our uniformed
officers understand
30
00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:11,549
this incident is nonsense.
31
00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:15,075
It is, as Peralta would say,
"No big 'whoop.'"
32
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:16,554
- I appreciate
the shout-out, sir,
33
00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:18,208
but I actually don't pronounce
the H in whoop.
34
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:21,168
- Sir, all the uniformed
officers just left.
35
00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:22,908
They're staging a walkout.
36
00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:25,389
- Well, it seems I was wrong.
37
00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:28,479
The "whoop" is big after all.
38
00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:29,611
- It is.
39
00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:32,266
Again, though,
there's no H in whoop.
40
00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:33,615
It's silent.
41
00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:35,007
- "Whoop."
42
00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:36,400
- Whoop.
- "Whoop."
43
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,967
- Am I crazy?
How do you say it?
44
00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:39,925
- I say "whoop."
- Okay.
45
00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:42,928
[upbeat music]
46
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:49,892
♪
47
00:01:59,945 --> 00:02:02,774
- How is it possible that every
single uniformed officer
48
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:03,993
got sick at once?
49
00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:05,299
- They're not actually sick.
50
00:02:05,342 --> 00:02:06,561
They aren't actually
allowed to strike,
51
00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:07,910
so they made up
a medical excuse.
52
00:02:07,953 --> 00:02:09,390
It's called a Blue Flu.
53
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:11,566
- Without uniforms on the
street, crime's gonna go up.
54
00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:12,958
Do we have to negotiate
with the union?
55
00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:15,178
- No. I haven't gone through
decades of hell
56
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:17,180
to become a captain in the NYPD
57
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:19,269
just to cave to a clown
like O'Sullivan.
58
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:21,271
We can't let him win,
and we won't.
59
00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:22,446
- But how?
What are we gonna do?
60
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,318
- I'm initiating
Operation Trident.
61
00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,189
- Cool.
Just like the sugarless gum--
62
00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:27,625
because we're gonna
chew them up.
63
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:30,541
- No, like the famed weapon
of the sea,
64
00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:33,240
forged by the Cyclops
for Poseidon himself.
65
00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:35,981
The trident has three prongs,
like my approach.
66
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:37,244
- Ah, not to interrupt,
67
00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:38,941
but Aquaman's trident
has five prongs.
68
00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:42,249
- That's absurd.
The prefix tri means three.
69
00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:45,165
What this aquatic-man carries
is better termed a "pentadent."
70
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,557
- No, it's a trident.
71
00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:48,211
They call it that in the
original theatrical release
72
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,821
and the Snyder cut.
73
00:02:49,865 --> 00:02:51,301
So you're 100% wrong,
and everyone's laughing at you.
74
00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:52,476
- Well, regardless,
75
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,174
Operation Trident
has three prongs.
76
00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:55,784
Prong one, Boyle and Peralta.
77
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:57,438
- Oh, nice,
the most important prong.
78
00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:58,482
- Mm-hmm.
- Wrong.
79
00:02:58,526 --> 00:02:59,744
Prong two, the center prong,
80
00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:01,572
is the most important prong
on a trident.
81
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:03,008
It's the longest
and straightest
82
00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,445
and breaks the least often.
83
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:05,663
- Are you just mad because
84
00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,056
I questioned you
about the Aquaman thing?
85
00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:09,493
- Yes. The officers
all had doctor's notes.
86
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:10,625
Prove those notes
are fraudulent,
87
00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,322
and they'll be forced
back to work.
88
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:13,845
- We're on it.
- Prong two--
89
00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:16,935
Jeffords and Santiago,
your job is to keep crime down.
90
00:03:16,979 --> 00:03:19,503
Figure out how we police
this precinct with no police.
91
00:03:19,547 --> 00:03:21,766
- Prong two, baby--
the best prong.
92
00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:23,551
- I mean,
we're all in it together.
93
00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:25,248
It's not like this is
a competition between prongs.
94
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:26,945
- Says the prong
who breaks the most.
95
00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:30,079
- Prong three is proving they
faked the mouse in the burrito.
96
00:03:30,122 --> 00:03:32,516
If we can demonstrate
this was a media stunt,
97
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,605
the uniforms will have to
come back to work.
98
00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,694
But this investigation
must be done unofficially
99
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:39,219
with an investigator from
outside the NYPD,
100
00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:41,569
aka Rosa Diaz.
101
00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,614
- It's a good idea,
but she's not gonna like being
102
00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,703
one of those dinky side prongs.
- That's a good point.
103
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,792
I'll make hers the sharpest.
Dismissed.
104
00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:50,099
- What? No!
I want to be a sharp prong!
105
00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:51,709
That's not fair!
106
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,842
- All these notes are
from the same doctor.
107
00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:56,279
- Everyone got a blood test,
and they all had mono.
108
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,541
That seems really improbable.
109
00:03:57,585 --> 00:03:59,239
- Yeah, nobody gets mono
at this age.
110
00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:00,501
You get it as an
eight-year-old,
111
00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:01,806
and then you're immune.
112
00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:03,243
- Wait, you get it
as an eight-year-old?
113
00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:04,287
Mono? The kissing disease?
114
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:05,549
- No, it's
the cousin's disease.
115
00:04:05,593 --> 00:04:06,942
You get it
by kissing your cousins.
116
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:09,249
Oh, I guess we're both right.
- No.
117
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,555
Wait a minute--
if you're immune,
118
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:13,601
then you can tell the doctor
you're from the Nine-Nine,
119
00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:15,342
and when he gives you
a mono diagnosis...
120
00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:17,169
- We'll have proof
that his notes are fake.
121
00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:18,562
- [snaps fingers]
- Wow.
122
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:20,260
I can't believe all those
lazy childhood afternoons
123
00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:21,913
playing hide the yam
finally paid off.
124
00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:27,615
You see, you take a yam--
- I don't want to know!
125
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,138
- Prong two update--
I brought in
126
00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:31,488
our night-shift detectives
to handle the dispatch calls
127
00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:34,709
and respond to major crimes--
[stomach gurgling]
128
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:37,059
- Sorry. That's Terry's tummy.
129
00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:38,582
I'm feeling a little nauseous.
130
00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:40,149
Must've been something
I had for breakfast.
131
00:04:40,192 --> 00:04:41,933
- Well, do you have to go home,
or can you tough it out?
132
00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:43,935
- So, if Terry goes home,
he's not tough?
133
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,589
- Here we go.
134
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:47,112
- Lieutenant, we don't have
the time today to make this
135
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,462
about some larger insecurity
136
00:04:48,505 --> 00:04:50,028
you have regarding
your toughness.
137
00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:52,596
- First of all, I'm not
insecure about my toughness.
138
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:56,208
Secondly, being sick has
nothing to do with being tough.
139
00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:59,516
Thirdly, if I wasn't tough,
would I be daring Amy
140
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,692
to punch me in the stomach?
- Wha--
141
00:05:01,736 --> 00:05:03,433
- Come on, Amy!
Give me your best shot!
142
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:05,435
- Fine.
Just so that we can move on.
143
00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:09,439
- [grunts]
[stomach gurgling]
144
00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:11,659
- See? I'm fine.
145
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,400
Now, if you'll excuse me,
146
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:15,793
I'm gonna go for a walk
in the fresh air
147
00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:18,796
with my best friend,
the trash can.
148
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,407
I'll be back 'cause I'm tough!
149
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:22,060
- Let's talk quickly
before he returns
150
00:05:22,104 --> 00:05:23,845
and makes this all
about himself again.
151
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:25,760
- Okay. We can't use uniforms
from other precincts
152
00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:27,152
because they'll call
out sick, too.
153
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:29,459
So I asked the other captains
in the district
154
00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:30,808
to lend us some detectives.
155
00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:32,027
- Smart.
They have a different union.
156
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:33,768
- And they each sent us
two people.
157
00:05:33,811 --> 00:05:35,291
They said
they were happy to do it.
158
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,988
- Huh. That's odd.
159
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:40,862
I wouldn't be happy to give up
two of my detectives, unless--
160
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:42,080
- Dear God.
161
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:44,256
They sent us
their Hitchcock-and-Scullys.
162
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,258
- It's a nightmare.
163
00:05:46,302 --> 00:05:47,477
- So you've been
feeling fatigued?
164
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:49,261
- Yeah. I think I have mono.
165
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,046
I'm from the 99th precinct.
166
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,352
- Ah, yeah, I've heard
167
00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:53,831
they've had some kind
of outbreak there.
168
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:56,094
- Mm-hmm. So now that you know
where I'm from,
169
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,661
can you just write me a note?
170
00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,489
- Uh, no, actually, I need to
order bloodwork
171
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,404
and do a full exam.
- Ah.
172
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:02,840
- Lift up.
- Oh, yeah.
173
00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:04,712
- Oh. Now, that is interesting.
174
00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:06,844
- Oh, did you find
a sign of mono?
175
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:08,672
- No, it's your testicle.
- My what?
176
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,326
- The left one is enormous.
177
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,676
- Oh, well, can't one testicle
be larger than the other?
178
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,026
- Well, yes,
but it shouldn't be that large.
179
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:18,029
And also of concern
is the shape and the color...
180
00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,466
- Yeah, that doesn't
sound good.
181
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:20,641
- And the texture.
182
00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:22,904
Wow! Oh, that is ice cold!
183
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:25,472
- [sighs]
184
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:27,648
- So...
- So...
185
00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:29,127
- You heard all that?
- I did.
186
00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:30,955
- Even the part where
he's talking about my huge--
187
00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:34,045
- Yep. Yep, yep, yep.
All the parts.
188
00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:35,438
You okay?
- Yeah.
189
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:37,701
I mean, could be cancer.
Might have spread.
190
00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:39,268
But I'm fine.
I can handle this.
191
00:06:39,311 --> 00:06:40,922
- You sure about that?
192
00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:44,186
'Cause you're still wearing
your hospital gown there, bud.
193
00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:46,971
- So I am.
194
00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,712
- Ah, there she is.
195
00:06:48,756 --> 00:06:51,236
My sweet secret prong three.
196
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:52,673
- What the hell?
- Oh, right.
197
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,805
You weren't there when
I explained Operation Trident.
198
00:06:54,849 --> 00:06:55,980
So, uh, what did you find?
199
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,547
- Nothing yet,
and if you want me
200
00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:59,027
to keep digging,
we need to talk about my fee.
201
00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,942
I need cash. Most of
my other work is pro bono.
202
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:02,900
- This is unofficial.
I can't pay.
203
00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:04,902
- Right, but there is something
you can give me,
204
00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:06,904
something just
as valuable as money.
205
00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:09,646
I want to see your tattoo.
- That's just as valuable?
206
00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:11,953
- It is to Jake. He's offered
a significant reward.
207
00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:14,434
- Wow. It is so ridiculous
how much weight
208
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,087
you've all given
to my silly tattoo,
209
00:07:16,131 --> 00:07:18,481
like it's some huge secret
that I'll take to my grave.
210
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:19,656
- I notice
you haven't said yes yet.
211
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,353
- 'Cause no one can ever know.
212
00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:22,877
Okay, fine.
213
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:26,097
If you can prove how that mouse
got into that burrito,
214
00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:27,751
I'll tell you
what my tattoo is.
215
00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:29,840
- I need a photo of it.
- You're a monster.
216
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:31,451
Wait. I may not have
to deal with you.
217
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:32,756
Santiago,
how's prong two looking?
218
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,410
- Well, the good news
219
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,456
is the Scully-and-Hitchcocks
actually work well together.
220
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:37,935
- That is good news.
221
00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:40,285
- The bad news is it's at
making a back-scratch circle.
222
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,287
- I always wondered
what it would be like to have
223
00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,724
a tight-knit work family.
224
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:46,640
Nine-Nine!
all: Nine-Nine!
225
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:49,512
- Ah, there they are--
prong one,
226
00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,253
my most important prong.
227
00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:53,473
- Oh, thank you. Nice of you
to finally recognize
228
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:54,822
what our prong brings to this.
229
00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:58,565
- Life is a cruel prank played
on the living.
230
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:00,697
Death mocks us all.
231
00:08:00,741 --> 00:08:04,484
Time to go tell me son
he'll be an orphan... again.
232
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,834
- So, yeah. Prong one
pretty much broke immediately.
233
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,662
I'm gonna call HR.
Get ahead of that butt.
234
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:13,231
- Here's where we stand.
The Blue Flu continues.
235
00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:14,711
O'Sullivan and the union
won't budge
236
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:16,234
on their mouse-burrito demands.
237
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:18,541
Also, arrests are down.
238
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,674
Santiago, Jeffords, what
on earth happened yesterday?
239
00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:23,111
- The new detectives
won't do anything I ask.
240
00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:25,635
And I've had to work solo.
- Sorry.
241
00:08:25,679 --> 00:08:28,769
I was feeling a little sick,
but I am much better now.
242
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,248
- You look like garbage.
243
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:32,120
Now, I know you're trying
to tough this out,
244
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:34,165
but I've always believed
that true toughness
245
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:36,385
means acknowledging
your own limitations.
246
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:38,605
It's okay, Terry. Go home.
247
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:40,868
- Thank you, sir.
I'll be back in a jiffy.
248
00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:42,391
[stomach gurgles]
249
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:44,175
- I can't believe
he bought that drivel.
250
00:08:44,219 --> 00:08:46,569
True toughness means
working through pain.
251
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:47,701
Everyone knows that.
252
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:49,572
Peralta, where are we
with the doctor?
253
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,574
- We're gonna tail him and see
if he contacts O'Sullivan.
254
00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:53,707
- Smart. And, uh, what is going
on with Detective Boyle?
255
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,056
Is he okay?
256
00:08:55,099 --> 00:08:56,884
- Oh, you mean why is he
face-deep in cheese?
257
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:59,408
Yeah, it's made from the milk
of a Balkan donkey
258
00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:01,105
and apparently
it's quite expensive.
259
00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:03,064
- Spent 12 thou on ass cheese.
260
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:04,500
- Also, he's pretending like
261
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,154
he doesn't know
what ass cheese sounds like.
262
00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:07,590
- Are you sure
he should be working?
263
00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:09,287
- His doctor said
there's nothing to worry about
264
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:10,680
until we get
the actual test results back.
265
00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:12,464
And Charles said that work
266
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:13,988
is the only thing keeping him
from thinking about death.
267
00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:16,425
- Coat's to keep me warm...
268
00:09:16,468 --> 00:09:18,035
in my grave.
269
00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:22,170
- I mean, he's not doing great.
270
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:24,738
- Oh, you guys still
have lunch together?
271
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:26,043
- Twice a day, every day.
272
00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:27,479
- Look, I need help
figuring out
273
00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:29,264
how to inspire these new guys.
274
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:30,831
What motivates you?
275
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,397
- Well, I'd do anything
to retire
276
00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:34,704
and spend the rest of my days
with Hitchcock in Brazil.
277
00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:36,140
- Huh. That's actually
pretty helpful.
278
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:37,620
- That's the dream--
279
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,361
Scully and me on the sex barge
I'm building.
280
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:40,971
- Okay.
Scully was already helpful.
281
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:42,059
You don't have to keep talking.
282
00:09:42,103 --> 00:09:43,626
These are pedometers,
283
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,846
which will prove that you're
actually walking your beat.
284
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,195
[detectives groan]
285
00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:49,240
But whoever gets
the most steps in
286
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:52,330
will receive
seven days of overtime.
287
00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:56,639
Therefore, you'll be one week
closer to retirement.
288
00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:59,033
- And one week closer
to a couple's massage
289
00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:01,252
with your best friend
on his sex barge.
290
00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:04,168
[detectives cheering]
291
00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:06,127
- Sir, guess what.
292
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:08,477
- Lieutenant,
I thought you went home.
293
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,522
- I did, but some uniforms
heard that I called out sick,
294
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:12,524
and they assumed
I was joining the Blue Flu.
295
00:10:12,568 --> 00:10:15,049
They invited me to a meeting
tomorrow to talk strategy.
296
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:16,616
- You could go record them
297
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:18,530
admitting that
they don't actually have mono.
298
00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:20,837
That is, if you're up to it.
- Hell, yeah.
299
00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:22,186
Terry's gonna tough it out.
300
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,754
Terry's also gonna drink
some raspberry leaf tea
301
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:27,235
that Sharon uses to help her
with menstrual cramps.
302
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:28,540
- Oh, looks like we're
adding a prong.
303
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:32,153
Operation Trident
is now Operation Fork.
304
00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:34,155
- Isn't there a cooler word
than "fork"?
305
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:35,635
I mean,
something more like "trident."
306
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:37,680
- Oh, no, did everyone assume
I was trying to be cool?
307
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:39,464
Is that why things
are going so poorly?
308
00:10:39,508 --> 00:10:41,510
Damn it,
I've got to call Peralta.
309
00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:44,556
- No, Operation Fork
is definitely not cool.
310
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,428
Uh, yeah, things are
going good here.
311
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:47,690
We're just staking out
the doctor
312
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,561
and trying to keep
a low profile.
313
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:53,391
♪ And I'll be
your brightest-- ♪
314
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,393
Sorry about that. Just had
a bit of a noisy neighbor.
315
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:56,917
- ♪ I'll be--
316
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,049
- You know what, sir?
We have another noisy neighbor.
317
00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:00,703
I'm just gonna call you back.
Bye.
318
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,575
All right, Charles, I get it.
You're scared.
319
00:11:03,619 --> 00:11:06,622
But sometimes it helps
to say our fears out loud.
320
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,058
You know, if you put words
to them,
321
00:11:08,102 --> 00:11:09,277
it can take away
some of their powers.
322
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,887
So come on.
323
00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:13,237
Stop bottling up those fears
and get them out in the open.
324
00:11:15,196 --> 00:11:17,807
- Okay, well...
325
00:11:17,851 --> 00:11:20,592
[sighs] I'm scared
that whatever's in my testicle
326
00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:22,725
has spread
and that I'm gonna die.
327
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:26,294
And then I'll never get
to see Nikolaj grow up.
328
00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:29,601
And I won't know
what kind of man he becomes.
329
00:11:29,645 --> 00:11:32,561
Also, my time with you
will be cut short.
330
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:35,607
No more stakeouts
or drinks after a long shift
331
00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:39,176
or midnight calls when you've
had a breakthrough in a case.
332
00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:41,396
I've always had this image
of us in our 90s
333
00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:44,616
hunting down criminals
at the retirement home.
334
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:48,316
But I guess that was just
a dumb fantasy...
335
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:51,101
because soon
I won't be here anymore...
336
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:52,624
because I'll be dead and gone
337
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:54,409
and you won't ever
see me again.
338
00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:56,628
[somber music]
339
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:59,196
Jake, are you crying?
- [crying] No.
340
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,329
Yes.
341
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:05,942
- Diaz,
why the hush-hush meeting?
342
00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:07,378
- Because in one minute,
343
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:08,858
you're gonna be showing me
your tramp stamp.
344
00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:10,468
- I don't have a tramp stamp.
- Prove it.
345
00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:12,906
Show me your lower back.
346
00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:15,299
- Hmm. Seems I didn't know
what a tramp stamp was.
347
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:17,084
But I'm not gonna
show you anything
348
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:18,302
until you've solved the case.
349
00:12:18,346 --> 00:12:19,782
- Surveillance footage
of McCaffery
350
00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,436
entering a pet store
and buying a mouse
351
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:23,046
an hour before he found it
in his burrito.
352
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,961
- He set the whole thing up.
353
00:12:25,005 --> 00:12:27,224
Diaz, you did it.
354
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,226
- And now...
355
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:30,793
my payment.
356
00:12:30,837 --> 00:12:33,317
- Okay, O'Sullivan,
there's McCaffery
357
00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:34,841
coming out
of Perdue Pet Supplies
358
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:37,147
with the mouse
that he put in the burrito.
359
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:38,801
So there's no need
for tactical gear
360
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:41,804
or a Never Forget Burrito
ribbon or any of that.
361
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,588
You need to call off
the Blue Flu.
362
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,329
- Are you crazy?
My guys are under attack.
363
00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:46,983
- No, I just proved
that it wasn't an attack.
364
00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:48,158
He faked it.
365
00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:49,638
- Not that attack,
this attack--
366
00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:51,379
the one where you call
a policeman a liar.
367
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:52,684
- He is a liar.
368
00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:54,338
- Oh, dear, my God.
You just did it again.
369
00:12:54,382 --> 00:12:55,862
Do you understand
the worst thing you could do
370
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:59,343
to another person
is to call that person a liar?
371
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:01,519
You hate cops. That's a fact.
372
00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:02,956
- I-I-I just thought
373
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:05,567
the Blue Flu
was about a mouse in a burrito.
374
00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:08,570
- Well, it was, but now it's
about you saying it wasn't.
375
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,137
- That doesn't make any sense.
- So you're calling me stupid?
376
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:11,878
- That's not what I said!
- You're calling me a liar?
377
00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:13,444
- I just don't know how to talk
to someone like you.
378
00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:15,011
- Someone like me?
379
00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:17,622
Wow.
That's racist.
380
00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:21,278
- Oh, this is a very
frustrating conversation.
381
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:25,152
- The union can't
be reasoned with.
382
00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:26,849
I need an update.
Prong one?
383
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,198
- More broken than ever.
384
00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:30,026
- Ah, well, I never had
any faith in you anyway.
385
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:31,854
Santiago,
how's prong two doing?
386
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:32,899
- We're killing it.
387
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:34,074
According to the pedometers
388
00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:35,423
I put
on the Hitchcock-and-Scullys,
389
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:36,685
they're out walking their beat.
390
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:37,817
And it's all thanks
to these guys.
391
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:38,948
- Hey.
- Screw you, Amy.
392
00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:40,863
- No, I was complimenting you.
393
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:43,083
- Well, screw you anyway.
- Yeah.
394
00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:45,128
- As for prong four, Jeffords
is recording
395
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:47,478
the officers' secret meeting
as we speak.
396
00:13:47,522 --> 00:13:49,959
And I expect he'll be bursting
into my office any minute
397
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:52,309
with the proof
we need to end the Blue Flu.
398
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:56,096
- I got the proof we need
to end the Blue Flu.
399
00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:57,749
- Wait, really?
- Why so surprised?
400
00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,273
That was the plan.
401
00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:01,101
- Yes, but earlier,
I was talking to the squad,
402
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:02,972
and I put a lot of pressure
on this moment,
403
00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:04,365
which I then regretted.
404
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:06,541
I feared I might be hoist
on my own petard.
405
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:08,151
- No petard hoisting here.
406
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:09,849
They talked about everything
in front of me--
407
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:11,241
how they planned
the whole thing,
408
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:12,939
how long they were gonna
pretend to be sick.
409
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:14,941
- And you recorded it all,
despite your own illness.
410
00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:16,856
I must say, I'm impressed.
411
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,379
- Because of how tough
I am, right?
412
00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,337
- The toughest.
413
00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:22,687
- Okay, first things first.
We got to get--
414
00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:24,515
[stomach gurgling]
415
00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:25,865
- What--what is that?
416
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,301
- I had the mic close
to my chest.
417
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:29,999
So I guess it must have picked
up my stomach noises,
418
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:31,871
but I'm sure
it stops eventually.
419
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:33,220
[stomach gurgling]
420
00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:36,919
More stomach.
421
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:38,355
It's all stomach.
422
00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:39,748
- And there it is...
423
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,271
the petard.
424
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:44,100
- I need your help.
Our arrests are still way down.
425
00:14:44,144 --> 00:14:45,580
But according to
the pedometers,
426
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:46,929
our Hitchcock-and-Scullys
427
00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:48,713
are out there logging miles
on the beat.
428
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,019
How are they not seeing crimes?
429
00:14:50,063 --> 00:14:51,542
- How do you know
they're walking?
430
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:52,935
- I just told you--
431
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,458
their pedometer numbers
are through the roof.
432
00:14:54,502 --> 00:14:56,156
- Oh, poor, simple Amy.
433
00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:58,201
It's like you've ever had
to mess with a medical device
434
00:14:58,245 --> 00:15:00,856
in order to trick
your life insurance agent.
435
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,902
Watch and learn.
436
00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:04,207
- They're just using
437
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:05,948
the massage chairs
to jiggle their pedometers.
438
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:07,732
- Life always finds a way.
439
00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:10,344
- To do what?
- To do nothing.
440
00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:13,695
- Dr. Mintleman's just
working his normal job
441
00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:15,305
and not being a criminal.
442
00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:17,568
I can't believe this is
how I'm spending my final days.
443
00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:19,222
- Maybe it doesn't have to be.
Screw this case.
444
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:20,920
What's something
you've always wanted to do?
445
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:22,225
Do you have a bucket list?
446
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:23,792
- Well, yeah, but, I mean,
it's only one item.
447
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,054
- Great.
Whatever it is, we're doing it.
448
00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:26,969
- Live to be 110.
- Come on!
449
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:28,318
- I thought I found a loophole!
450
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:29,972
- [scoffs]
Okay, how about this?
451
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:31,800
We go on
a cross-country road trip--
452
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:33,933
me on a motorcycle,
you in my sidecar?
453
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:35,543
Or we enter
a cooking competition,
454
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:38,241
and you "Ratatouille" me from
inside of a giant chef's hat?
455
00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:40,461
[groans]
I track down Diane Wiest,
456
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:42,202
and you finally try
and use your hall pass?
457
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:44,813
You're smiling,
so I guess that one's it.
458
00:15:44,856 --> 00:15:47,250
Oof, going with Wiest, huh?
I got to be honest, Boyle--
459
00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:48,730
I'm not so sure
you can pull that off.
460
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:49,949
I mean, her career is red hot.
461
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:51,341
She just did a movie
with Streep.
462
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:52,995
- No, Jake.
That's not why I'm smiling.
463
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:55,432
I'm smiling
because you know me so well.
464
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,826
- Yeah, we're best friends.
Of course I know you.
465
00:15:57,869 --> 00:16:00,176
Well, as perfect
as all your ideas were,
466
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,439
nothing tops sitting here
with my best friend.
467
00:16:02,483 --> 00:16:04,746
I mean, why would I want to go
to town on Diane Wiest
468
00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:07,792
when I can go to town with you?
469
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:09,098
- What?
470
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:10,795
- Hang out.
Go to town with each other.
471
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:12,101
It's a common
friendship phrase.
472
00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:13,450
- Haven't heard it.
[cell phone rings]
473
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:14,669
- Oh.
474
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:16,932
Oh, God.
It's my biopsy results.
475
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,107
- What does it say?
- I don't know.
476
00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:19,848
I'm too nervous.
I can't read it.
477
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:23,025
- It's not cancer.
- Not cancer.
478
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:25,027
- It's an infection,
and it's highly treatable.
479
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,811
- I'm not gonna die?
- You're not gonna die!
480
00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:28,422
- Oh, we got to celebrate.
481
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:30,424
Does it say if it's safe to
ride a two-person banana boat?
482
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:32,643
- I don't know. Let me check.
It doesn't say.
483
00:16:32,687 --> 00:16:33,775
- Oh, well...
484
00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:35,472
- And also,
I think just figured out
485
00:16:35,516 --> 00:16:38,258
how all those officers
got their fake diagnoses.
486
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:39,694
Tell us what's written there.
487
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:40,912
- Patient's left teste
488
00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:42,784
is gnarled
and shows discoloration.
489
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,133
- No, not that.
There, at the top.
490
00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:46,005
- ShareChem Medical Laboratory.
Yeah, so?
491
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,615
- So we thought it was
the doctor handing out
492
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,095
fake diagnoses, but he's clean.
493
00:16:49,138 --> 00:16:51,053
However, the officers knew you
used ShareChem Lab,
494
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,142
and that lab is owned
by David Share,
495
00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:56,058
brother of Nine-Nine officer
Michael Share.
496
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:58,147
- The lab faked
the blood results.
497
00:16:58,191 --> 00:17:00,323
None of the officers
are actually sick,
498
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,151
which means they have no excuse
to miss work.
499
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:03,413
- Well, unfortunately,
that is--
500
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:05,198
- Stop. I know you're gonna
twist my words
501
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,765
into some vicious attack
on you and the NYPD.
502
00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,376
So, before you do that,
503
00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,291
I'd like the pleasure of making
the vicious attack myself.
504
00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:12,814
- Sir, your insults
are kind of known
505
00:17:12,857 --> 00:17:14,816
to be little too think-y,
maybe you should just let--
506
00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:17,688
- O'Sullivan,
you are a [bleep],
507
00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:22,084
and I hope your [bleep] get
shoved right into your [bleep].
508
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:24,260
- Wow. Well, that was
definitely not too think-y.
509
00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:26,219
- Okay, okay, okay.
You got me.
510
00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:28,090
The men didn't have mono.
They weren't sick.
511
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,526
- Damn right.
- But they are now.
512
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:31,006
- What?
513
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,660
- It seems they had a meeting,
and somebody showed up
514
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,836
with a very bad stomach bug
and gave it to everyone there.
515
00:17:34,879 --> 00:17:38,883
I believe the officer's name
was a, uh, Lieutenant Jeffords.
516
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,711
- The petard.
517
00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:44,063
It just won't stop hoisting.
518
00:17:46,456 --> 00:17:48,763
- Hey there, sir. You missed
the morning briefing.
519
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:50,330
And I see you found
Charles' cheese.
520
00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:52,680
- Mmm, it pairs well
with despair
521
00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:56,336
and also this 1976
Chateau Haut-Brion.
522
00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:58,990
- Doesn't seem like the kind of
bottle you're supposed to chug.
523
00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:00,818
- I bought it
the day I joined the force
524
00:18:00,862 --> 00:18:02,777
with the intent to open it
when I became commissioner.
525
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,344
- Oh, my gosh,
this is big news.
526
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:05,736
Congratulations, sir.
527
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:08,043
- No, he's not becoming
commissioner, Scully.
528
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,219
- We can still fight
the Blue Flu.
529
00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:11,916
- It's over, Lieutenant.
530
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,354
I have to cave
to O'Sullivan's demands.
531
00:18:14,397 --> 00:18:15,833
- Sir, you can't give up
532
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:17,313
on all your hard work
because of one setback.
533
00:18:17,357 --> 00:18:18,836
- I'm a realist.
534
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,491
I knew I wouldn't be able
to fix every problem,
535
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:24,842
though I always imagined
I could fix some of them.
536
00:18:24,886 --> 00:18:28,716
But as a realist, I can now see
I haven't fixed a damn thing.
537
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:31,501
The NYPD will never change.
538
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,764
- Sir, if I may--
when I thought I was dying,
539
00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:36,289
all I could think about
was what a disappointment
540
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:37,725
my life had been.
541
00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:39,509
But then Jake
went to town with me.
542
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:40,989
- Common friendship phrase.
543
00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:43,252
- And it helped me realize
you can't focus
544
00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:44,993
on the things you didn't do.
545
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:46,734
Focus on what you did do.
546
00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:49,867
And, more importantly,
focus on who you did it with.
547
00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:52,522
- Boyle, you're
absolutely right.
548
00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:54,437
- I am? My speech turned
your life around?
549
00:18:54,481 --> 00:18:56,396
- No, I found it trite
and uninspiring,
550
00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:57,875
but something you said
resonated.
551
00:18:57,919 --> 00:19:00,704
Focus on the things
you didn't do.
552
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:02,445
- I said not to focus
on the things you didn't do.
553
00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:03,751
- Again, your speech
meant nothing.
554
00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:05,753
I'm just picking out
individual words.
555
00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:08,582
- Sure, sure, yeah.
- [snaps fingers] Hot damn.
556
00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:10,584
I know how to end the Blue Flu.
557
00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:12,890
I found a fifth prong.
558
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:15,415
- So I gather you're ready
to cave to my demands.
559
00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:16,677
- Why would I do that?
- Give me a break.
560
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,895
Your arrests are way down,
561
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,375
and your CompStat numbers
are terrible.
562
00:19:19,419 --> 00:19:21,116
- I think those numbers
look great.
563
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,031
- No, you don't.
- Well, not those numbers.
564
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,902
Obviously, they make it look
like we haven't done much
565
00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:26,034
at all this week.
566
00:19:26,077 --> 00:19:27,818
But a friend of mine told me
something
567
00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:30,169
unintentionally interesting--
focus on what you didn't do.
568
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:32,736
So here's what
we didn't do this week.
569
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:35,130
With fewer officers
at our disposal
570
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,741
and none of them trying
to hit CompStat numbers,
571
00:19:37,785 --> 00:19:39,787
we made fewer bad arrests.
572
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:42,877
Number of complaints
against officers, down 32%.
573
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,922
Number of cases thrown out
at arraignment
574
00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:47,098
for insufficient evidence,
down 34%.
575
00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:49,666
And here's the most
important thing we didn't do.
576
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:51,929
We didn't make
the community less safe.
577
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:53,801
Rates of major
and violent crime,
578
00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:55,455
what actually matters,
stayed the same.
579
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,065
- What are you saying?
580
00:19:57,108 --> 00:19:59,415
- I'm saying the Nine-Nine
just became a case study
581
00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:00,721
for how a police force
582
00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:02,723
can work better
with fewer police.
583
00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:04,725
- Are you actually talking
about laying off cops?
584
00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:06,379
- If these numbers persist,
I may have no choice.
585
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:07,728
- Then I'll just end
the Blue Flu.
586
00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:09,033
- Great. That's what I want.
587
00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:10,600
- Then I won't end
the Blue Flu.
588
00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:12,254
- Great. Fewer cops.
That's what I want.
589
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:14,213
- You just said that--
590
00:20:15,866 --> 00:20:18,826
This is a very frustrating
conversation.
591
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:20,349
- I'd like
to officially announce
592
00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:22,003
that the Blue Flu is over.
593
00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:24,005
The uniformed officers
are at work,
594
00:20:24,048 --> 00:20:25,789
and we sent
the Hitchcock-and-Scullys
595
00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:27,138
back to their home precincts.
596
00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:28,618
- So everything's back
to normal?
597
00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:29,967
- No, the opposite.
598
00:20:30,011 --> 00:20:31,839
We're gonna use
what we learned this week
599
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:33,667
to change the way
the NYPD polices our streets.
600
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,408
- Okay, awesome.
Very inspiring.
601
00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:36,800
Now, on to
more important things.
602
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:40,761
I have obtained from Rosa
a photograph...
603
00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:42,589
of Captain Holt's tattoo.
604
00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:44,025
all: Oh.
- [stammers]
605
00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:45,940
I'm sorry, Captain, but there's
nothing you can do
606
00:20:45,983 --> 00:20:47,289
that will stop me
from revealing
607
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:52,294
that your secret
and embarrassing tattoo is...
608
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,209
a dot?
- Huh?
609
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,298
- It's a decimal point.
610
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,953
Ah, what a first-thought
mathematical symbol.
611
00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:02,130
Might as well have gotten a
greater-than or equal-to sign.
612
00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:04,437
- I can't believe I spent
$2,000 on a dot.
613
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,177
- You did?
- I know, Amy!
614
00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:08,354
We're both upset
about the same thing!
615
00:21:08,397 --> 00:21:09,790
[chuckles]
I got to call Rosa.
616
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:12,706
[distant siren wailing]
617
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,795
[dramatic music]
618
00:21:14,838 --> 00:21:16,623
- Thank you for giving Peralta
the doctored photo.
619
00:21:16,666 --> 00:21:18,320
- My allegiances are
to the highest bidder.
620
00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:19,843
- And you'll never tell anyone
what you saw?
621
00:21:19,887 --> 00:21:21,280
- They wouldn't believe me
if I did.
622
00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:22,977
I mean, come on, sir.
It's a picture of--
623
00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:25,066
- Not a doctor.
- Shh.
45566
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