All language subtitles for iCarly s01e10 iTake a Girls Trip.eng

Coconut flakes,
tuna pouch,

raisins...

Uh-uh, you are not taking tuna
on our road trip.

I'd let you bring a tuna pouch
if I was going.

But you're not.

It's just me, Harper and Brooke.

We're gonna have girls' weekend.

Normally I would remind you that
we are women, not girls,

but I plan on drinking
a pink margarita

in a tiara, so you're good.

What kind of pink
we talking about?

Strawberry? Hibiscus?
Pink peppercorn?

What? I've been on tons
of girls' trips.

They're way better than
guys' trips.

They're organized,
they're indoors,

and nobody teases you if you
want to drink some rosé.

[BOTH]:
Rosé!

I can't wait.

I'm finally gonna go
on my first girls' trip.

I was living in Italy,
and apparently women there

don't go on girls' trips.

'Cause they're in Italy.

When I got back,

I just never found
my group of girls.

It was like all the groups
were already taken.

Well, we're putting together
a new group, okay?

The cool, fashionable one.

The smart, sexy one.

The beautiful, spontaneous one.

And you and Brooke.

Do I know Brooke?

Oh, no. We were
roommates in college.

She is amazing. Yes.

But let's hurry so we can
beat that bitch there

before she takes the good bed.

Actually, big surprise.

Since they found out
I'm iCarly,

they upgraded us
to the party suite.

-Ooh!
-All I have to do is post

a video of us having
a fun time.

Which is perfect because
I make videos and you're fun.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Mini birdhouse delivery.

Oh, good, we really
needed a seventh.

I know I've been making a lot,
but this one's got

gold leaf wallpaper
on the inside.

I say this as someone
who needs a girlfriend.

You need a girlfriend.

Ah, I really do.

I'm sick of just dating
fun women

who love sports
and brew their own beer

and don't want to commit.

I want something more
than that.

I'd be good with... that.

Oh! Inspiration has struck.

Birdhouses for people.
Yeah!

Ugh, Spencer's life
makes me so sad.

I'm over it.
Girls' trip!

Yay, you guys!

Aw, Freddie, you know what
could be fun for you?

Get the bags.

Nothing is gonna stop us
from having fun.

-Oh, my God.
-Hi, Harp.

Maeve?
[shrieks]

Oh, my God!

Maeve? Your cousin who
disappeared four years ago?

[laughing]
Oh, my God.

No, probably a different one.

* I know *

* You see *

* Somehow the world
will change for me *

* And be so wonderful *

* So wake up
the members of my nation *

* It's your time to be *

* There's no chance
unless you take one *

* And the time to see
the brighter side *

* Of every situation *

* Some things are meant to be *

* So give your best
and leave the rest to me. *

So, after four years
at sea,

my kidnappers finally decided
to let me go.

Wait, so were they kidnappers
or pirates?

-I'm super into pirates.
-Freddie's super into pirates.

I just love the word
"swashbuckle."

You'd love it a lot less

if you were the one
being swashed and buckled.

Oh, poor Maeve.

Well, the good news is
I'm not mad at you

for ghosting me anymore.
[chuckles]

You should probably not
read my emails.

None of that matters.
The important thing is

is that I'm here now,
and I'm never traveling

anywhere ever again.

I just want to sit here
with my favorite person.

Well, hey, why don't you come
with us on our girls' trip?

We can sit in the car, and we
can sit in the party suite.

We can sit a bunch of places.

The thought of taking
even a single step...

makes my throat close
from stress.

I mean, this sea water
usually calms me down.

It's not working now, though.

Harper, you and Maeve
should just stay here.

Don't worry about me.
Brooke's gonna be there.

[phones chime]

And Brooke can't go.

Oh, no.
Her car was stolen?!

Poor Brooke.

Look, I'll be okay.

I have all sorts of fun ideas.

I heard they have
a Tupperware museum,

and I just got a book
about candles.

Girl trip!

Ooh...

Freddie, be packed
in five minutes.

This isn't gonna be awkward

-with us sharing a room, is it?
-Why would it be?

* *

This isn't the party suite.

No, it is.
"Party of two.

An intimate experience
for lovers in love."

Wow, comes with
a couples massage

with five flavors of lotion.

I'll, uh, call the front desk
and have them

switch our room to something
with a little less

pheromones.

[line ringing]

A chocolate drawer?

Freddie, you put that phone down
right now.

[both laughing]

Okay, cousin catch-up time.

-Just me and you.
-Yes. Yes.

Ooh, I'm thirstier
than a Kardashian

at All-Star Weekend.

You need anything to drink?

Oh, do you have Sardinian
peach nectar?

A glass of water's fine.

Harper, what are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

I have a key.

Spencer is supposed to be
babysitting me,

but I use this place for me time
when you and Carly aren't here.

We know this.

No, we don't know this.

Who are you?

Oh, hi, I'm Maeve.
I'm Harper's cousin.

The Harper's cousin?
You resurfaced?

I have.

And I'm so happy to be back
with Harper again.

-Is this tap?
-You'll be fine.

And I'm so happy, too.

Almost as happy as when
we had Christmas in August.

Yes. And my dad shipped in
all that real snow

from Switzerland because he said
it had a...

[BOTH]:
...better crunch.

-[laughs]
-Aw, that's sweet.

My dad got me a fish
named Donut.

It was on sale because
it doesn't swim very fast.

Maeve, I've missed you
so much.

I know.

And now that you're back,

I'll never let anyone
take you away.

Millicent, what is
taking you so long?

You're just supposed
to steal the cookies

and come right back.

Well, hello.

-I'm Spencer.
-I'm Maeve.

I'm Harper's cousin
that was kidnapped

and taken to sea.

-Oh.
-So nice to meet you.

-Oh, gee! Oh, my dear.
-Ooh.

I, uh, I guess I haven't gotten
my land legs yet.

Well, lucky for me
I got to catch you.

-Yeah, thank you.
-You've had such an ordeal.

Yeah, I try to look
on the bright side.

I saw a lot of the world
when I wasn't blindfolded.

Wow, your attitude is
so refreshing.

You know what else
is refreshing?

[shudders]

Is that from the Adriatic?

Yes. Excellent nose.

[both laugh]

Yeah, okay.
This was fun.

But we haven't seen each other
in a really long time,

and I skipped the girls' trip
so we could catch up, so...

[laughs] Bye.

You can still go
on the trip.

I'll entertain Maeve for you.

Uh, no, you're not
gonna do that

because she's here
to be with me, so...

Harper, did you make this?

No, I didn't make
that tacky thing.

And it's way too small to fit
an actual bird.

Well, that's what
I love about it.

Actually, um...
[chuckles]

I made it.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Those hands are pure genius.

And the gold leaf wallpaper
reminds me

of the Melk Abbey in Austria.

Well, you know what they say.

If it ain't Baroque,
don't fix it.

-No, you didn't.
-I did.

I think your cousin
ba-roke Spencer.

Mm. Mm, mm, mm.

Look at us.

Girls'-trippin',
champagne sippin'

and chocolate drawer dippin'.

Oh.

And I brought something
for you.

-Aw, Freddie. Thanks.
-Mm-hmm.

"My Way or the Rosé."

Aw, I'm never gonna wear this.

I gotta hand it to you,
though.

This girls' trip is off
to a great start.

Shall we look at
my itinerary?

"Gossip on the drive here."
Check.

"Freak out over how great
the room is." Check.

"Look in all the drawers for
weird stuff people left behind."

Checking!

I wonder what this does.

[sexy music playing]

* Ooh, honey *

* Come here to me *

* Let's take a walk
amongst the blossoming... *

I-I like this song.

Mm, I like it, too.

It's great for lots of
occasions.

* Go to cooking class *

* I want to have s-s-s-sex *

* With you, baby *

* Mm... *

Is this weird?

[scoffs]
Not at all.

You know what?
Who says you can't share

a honeymoon suite
with your platonic best friend

with whom you have a complicated
romantic history?

No one says that.

You know what?
You take the bed.

It's so fancy it'll ruin me
for all future beds.

Oh, my God.

This bed is so comfortable.

Freddie, you gotta come
try this.

At least for a few minutes
before you mess up your back

-sleeping on that couch.
-All right.

* *

Oh, yeah.

[loudly]
Oh, yeah!

-This feels so good.
-Ooh.

You know what, I'm doing it.
I'm going in.

Come on.

* I want to have... *

-Oh!
-That is incredible.

[FREDDIE]:
Oh, so good.

Fun Brooke is here.

Let's get this party star--

Oh. Looks like the party
already started. Rrr!

-No, no. I mean, we're not.
-No.

I-I mean, we were.
Not like were were.

Then we weren't.
Let me just turn this off.

[button clicks]

* With you, baby *

* I want to have *

* S-s-s-sex. *

I see you already got
your cocktail.

Yeah, I found it on a tray
in the hall.

I guess they just
leave them out for people.

I'm just so happy
that you made it.

Yay. Me, too.
[chuckles]

Did they find your car?

No, I did.
So it turns out

it wasn't actually stolen.

I just forgot
where I parked it.

[chuckles]

I am a total hot mess.
Isn't that cute, though?

Adorable.

Are you sure
I'm not interrupting something?

-No.
-No, not at all.

-You're exactly what we needed.
-Yeah, the more the merrier.

Yay. Girls' trip,
plus a cute guy.

-And now a cute girl.
-Uh, hello?

[gasps]

Sorry, I'm a hugger.

We're gonna have
a really good time.

Okay... oh!

And me.

I'm here, too.

Maeve, you're
the most thoughtful person.

You let me cook for you,
serve you,

you even let me rub your feet.

Well, if you play
your cards right,

I'll let you feed me dessert.

-Oh...
-[laughs]

I got Chinese, DVDs

and a stuffed Maltese.

You know, in case you need
a comfort object.

Y'all ate already?

Oh, yeah, I told Spencer how
much I was missing the ocean,

and he surprised me
with my favorite dinner.

An Alaskan crab leg buffet.

You should've seen how adorable
she was cracking those legs.

Yeah, cute.

But I thought Chinese was
your favorite food.

Since when do you like crab?

Since I spent four years at sea.

Plus my kidnappers were
very anti-gluten,

so I kind of
don't do Chinese anymore.

Well, that makes sense.

But you still
like action movies, right?

'Cause I got Takens
one through three.

Ooh, I shouldn't have gotten
Takens one through three.

Yeah, I've had
enough action/adventure

in my real life, you know,

so these days, I'm more into...

-Romance?
-Yes.

[SPENCER]:
It's funny

you should mention
romance movies and the sea,

because I have
another surprise for you.

Spencer, this is amazing!

Well, there is one more thing,
but I don't know,

maybe it's over-the-top.

Well, we wouldn't want that.

May I sketch you?

Are we about to live out
my Titanic fantasy?

Y'all know how
that movie ends, right?

Okay.

Oh, should we make a toast?

Yes.

To Brooke,
for getting her car back

so she can be here.

Aw.

And to Freddie,

for making such a sweet toast.

-And to me, for...
-[knocking]

...getting the door.
[chuckles]

Couples massage.

Oh, this is
a little awkward, but...

there are three of us.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but maybe we should pass.

Actually,
I have a lot of tension

from my car almost being stolen.

I could really use a massage.

I'll get undressed.

Yeah, me, too!

Oh, hey, there's a carnival
in town this weekend.

Should we go?

[BOTH]:
[moaning] Oh, yeah!

Wait, what are you
saying yeah to?

The carnival or the massage?

[BOTH]:
[moaning] Oh, yeah!

-Oh... yeah.
-Oh...

Yeah, that clears it up.

Oh, my God, did I eat all these?

Damn, this is well-crafted.

Give me your key.

Fine. I have
three other points of entry.

What happened to your cousin?

She get kidnapped again?

Yeah, by Spencer.

Wait, what are you doing?

You want to watch movies
with bad words?

I can't. I'm only here

because I left my checkbook.
It's probably in my desk.

That's not your desk!

Then why is my checkbook in it?

Olive and I are about to go
protest the froyo shop.

They stopped carrying
rainbow sprinkles,

and we're not gonna
take this lying down.

-Now you're third-wheeling me,
too? -Oh!

You're not a third wheel--
you were never invited at all.

Bye-ee!

-[door closes]
-I'm never having kids.

[laughs] Ah!

I'm so glad we ventured out--
that carnival was a blast.

It was... something.

I was just in awe

of how you were able to win
this unicorn for me.

What can I say?

I'm incredibly good
at ring toss.

So, uh...

do you have any thoughts on
what you'd like to do tonight?

I do have a few ideas.

-Huh.
-I do, too! Actually...

I was hoping to check out
the tiki bar in the lobby.

I need some alcohol
to absorb all that chocolate.

Great idea, Carly.

Here, take this wad of cash.

Have so much fun, okay?

Let us know how it is. Bye!

[mouthing]

Thank you, Snoqualmie Suites

for hooking us up this weekend!

My friends and I are
having so much fun

all together
in the same place right now.

What now?
Okay, yeah, I'm coming.

I guess it's my turn
to dance on the bar.

Got to go.

Another Lonely Lady?

I mean, I'm alone,

but I'm not "lonely."

I mean, sure, I got ditched
on my girls' trip

because I brought
my best guy friend

-and apparently he brought
his A-game, but-- -No.

That's the name of your drink.

Do you want another Lonely Lady?

Oh.

Yes, please.

[chuckles]

[phone ringing]

Hey, Harper.

-How's it going? Bad.
-How's it going? Bad.

You first, so I can top you

with how amazingly awful
my thing is.

[over phone]:
Okay, try this.

Freddie and Brooke are getting
couples' massages,

winning unicorns and hooking up
in the honeymoon suite

while I'm drinking
a drink for losers.

That drink looks good though.
I'm gonna make one.

What's in it?

Aperol, vermouth, and amaro.

-Do we have those? -We have
warm white wine and vodka.

Close enough.

Ooh!

Virtual girls' trip!

-Cheers.
-Cheers!

Okay, out-depress me.

If you think you can.

Maeve ditched me for Spencer.

Maeve ditched me
for sexual purposes

with Spencer.

I wish there were any way

I could be misinterpreting this.

Should I just come home?

No, it's your girls' trip!

Go up there!
Freddie needs to learn

that it's besties before testes!

Yeah. You know what?

You do that, too.

Tell Maeve
it's cousins before "huggins."

Not as good, but yeah!

[groans]

Okay, that's it.

I'm sick of you two having
all the fun without me.

Can I uncover my eyes?

[FREDDIE]:
It's getting pretty intimate.

We're playing MASH.

I hope I get mansion.

I love that game.

Please, will you do me, too?

I'll do both of you.

-Be right back.
-Great.

[exhales]

What are you doing here?

I was trying
to get some alone time.

Oh, you want some alone time?

Try going on a trip with you.

You're right, I'm sorry.

I ditched you. It's just...

ever since I got divorced,
the second time,

also the first time,
but mostly the second time,

I just felt like I'm never gonna
meet someone who's right for me.

You feel that way
about Brooke?

I don't know, maybe.

It's fun making out with her.

Fair enough.

I just wish I got to make out
with someone, too.

Ding dong.

I might be able
to help you with that.

You know, it took me a minute,
but I think I finally get

what you two have
been trying to tell me.

The honeymoon suite,

the massage, Harper conveniently

not being able to come
at the last minute.

Not to mention

the obvious sexual tension

between me and Carly.

The which what?

You want Hot Mess Brooke

for a hot messy threesome.

-Oh, I don't think...
-Let's hear the woman out.

Okay, I say
we just jump right in.

You know, because rules
and boundaries,

they make everything so blah.

Brooke, we...

we're not trying to have
a threesome with you.

Oh, God.

Why does
this keep happening to me?

First at that funeral
and then at the DMV.

I'm just gonna grab
another drink

from the hallway and go home.

Do either of you know
where I parked my car?

No?

Okay, I'll just walk around

and listen for the "boop, boop."

Bye.

[both laugh]

-Our girls' trip was
a bust, huh? -Yeah.

I got ditched, drank alone,

ruined your hook-up,
started an argument

and then Brooke went home early.

Yep. Sounds like every
girls' trip I've ever been on.

Oh. Yay, I did it.

Ha, ha!

Ah, I wonder why she thought
we'd be into a threesome?

Yeah, it was so out of the blue.

Right?

[sighs]

-Should I get a separate room?
-Yeah, definitely.

[moans]

And that's why you don't mix
white wine with vodka.

Did I learn nothing in college?

Ahoy.

Dim sum?

What about the gluten?

Sundays were always cheat days.

I really missed you.

I missed you more.

And, look, you know,
I'm happy that you and Spencer

-are getting along so...
-Mm-mm, mm-mm.

You're the person I missed
the most while I was gone,

and you're the person
I'm most excited

to spend time with
now that I'm back.

Aw, you're my number one girl.

Yeah.

Oh, and there's
my other number one girl.

Don't make fun of my shirt.

I got chocolate
on all my other ones.

Oh, look at us all together.

I'm finally here
with my "best friend

unless my cousin
ever resurfaces"

and my cousin who resurfaced!

You two are gonna
love each other.

But just as friends, right?

Oh, did Brooke try a threesome?

[HARPER]:
I heard she's good.

You should've done it.

We're here
for the girls' brunch!

What is with you men?

Can we have anything
to ourselves?

Freddie said he was coming.

Oh, he earned his spot.

King of the girls' trip!

Hey, Harper,
can I borrow your phone?

Sure. Why?

I'm not a dim sum person.

I'm ordering a pizza.

This is fun.

You know, we should make
this a regular thing.

Which is going to be
a lot easier

because... I'm dropping anchor
in Seattle.

-Really?
-That's great.

-You can stay with us.
-Mm-hmm.

I'll make you a key.

Thank you.

Uh, actually,
she's gonna stay with me.

Now what now?

Oh, just while I look
for a place.

Or... who knows?

* *

[CARLY]:
Wow.

I missed a lot
on that girls' trip.

So did I.

And I was here the whole time.

Stop!

* Ooh, honey *

* Come here to me *

* Let's take a walk amongst
the blossoming cherry tress *

* Ooh, sugar *

* I could talk for hours *

* Go to a cooking class *

* Take in your mental prowess *

* S-s-s-sex *

* With you, baby *

* Mm. *

Ooh.

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