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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
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[ string instruments playing
staccato melody]
4
00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:56,404
[ eerie waltz theme
building]
5
00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:08,579
[ eerie waltz theme
crescendoes]
6
00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:12,192
[ crowd applauding]
7
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:17,501
Ladies and gentlemen,
8
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:19,111
I would
now like to introduce
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00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:21,462
a legend in our industry.
10
00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:23,681
She s the most successful
president
11
00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:25,335
in the history
of our network
12
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,294
and for the past five years
13
00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:29,774
has kept us at the very top
of the ratings.
14
00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:32,603
She s our maverick,
our wild card,
15
00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:35,824
and today she s gonna
take us right to the edge.
16
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:38,479
Please welcome a giant,
a genius
17
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:44,398
and the hardest-working person
in television: Joanna Eberhart.
18
00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:46,269
[ cheering, applause]
19
00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:48,663
WOMAN:
Way to go, Joanna!
20
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:59,456
Thank you all so much.
Thank you.
21
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:02,242
WOMAN:
Joanna!
22
00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:03,721
That feels good,
23
00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:06,942
especially coming from
such a fantastic group of people
24
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:09,205
from all across
our great nation,
25
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,424
our network affiliates.
26
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:12,513
Give yourselves
a great big hand.
27
00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:15,385
You deserve it.
28
00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:16,778
And I want
29
00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:19,302
a big, fat Christmas bonus.[ laughter]
30
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:22,087
Just kidding, but not really
because...
31
00:04:22,131 --> 00:04:24,307
I am so excited,
I am so on fire,
32
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,091
I am so guts-and-glory
passionate
33
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:27,876
about what I am
about to show you.
34
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:30,139
So get ready because
on Monday nights
35
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:34,665
the whole world will be watching
a man, a woman and a buzzer!
36
00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:37,712
[ rousing theme music plays]
37
00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:46,460
Are you ready
for the final gender challenge?
38
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,941
Who makes more money?
39
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:51,334
I do.
40
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,249
Who enters Ironman triathlons
every year and wins?
41
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,859
I do.
42
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:57,949
Who secretly wishes they were
married to a hot, sexy lesbian?
43
00:04:57,993 --> 00:04:59,342
I do!
I do!
44
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:00,648
It s Tara!
45
00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,476
[ game show audience cheers]
46
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,782
[ rousing theme music plays]
47
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:07,307
[ applause]
48
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,875
And...
49
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:13,051
[ applause quiets]...on Thursdays...
50
00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:15,663
No, this is not just a TV show.
51
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,708
No, this is a breakthrough,
52
00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:18,970
a breakout,
a break-all-the-rules
53
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:22,278
and bring-on-the-Emmys
mega-smash!
54
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,584
[ cheering]Yes!
55
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,760
Can I present to you
56
00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:29,067
this planet s
ultimate reality phenomenon?
57
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:31,635
I Can Do Better!
58
00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:33,942
[ applause, cheers]
59
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:37,815
[ tribal drum-flavored
theme music plays]
60
00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:40,514
[ male chorus chanting]
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00:05:44,082 --> 00:05:47,172
JOANNA:
We will all be right there
as happily-married couples
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00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:50,785
are flown first class to a tropical island paradise
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00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:52,656
where they will be
completely surrounded
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00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,658
by professional prostitutes.
65
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,660
And at the end of the week...
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00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:59,402
Well, let s take a peek.
67
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:00,795
Well, it s been a week,
68
00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,840
and Hank, our personnel manager
from Omaha,
69
00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:05,582
has spent the entire seven days
with Vanessa,
70
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,758
our call girl
and exotic dancer.
71
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,804
Yeah,
it s been amazing.
72
00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:11,588
And I ll admit
we ve had some fun
73
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:14,243
in the hot tub and all.
74
00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:16,376
But you wanna know something,
Billy?
75
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,421
All we did was talk...
76
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:19,814
because I love my wife...
77
00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:21,859
and the only place
I want to be
78
00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:22,991
is back in Omaha
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00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:26,037
with my Barbara.
80
00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:27,909
Tough break, Nessa.
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00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:30,215
And Barbara, you spent Monday
with Rocky,
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00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:32,566
our bodybuilder
and male escort,
83
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:35,438
Tuesday through Thursday
with the entire cast
84
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:37,658
of the XXX film Hung Jury,
85
00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:41,575
and you spent
the entire weekend with Tonkiro.
86
00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:49,496
And now it s time
87
00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:50,714
for the final decision.
88
00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:52,412
Barbara, it s yours
to make.
89
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,544
Is it gonna
be Omaha?
90
00:06:56,981 --> 00:06:58,200
Or "Oma-hunks"?
91
00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:01,595
Well...
92
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:05,163
before I came on this show
I only had sex with one man,
93
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:06,730
and that was usually Hank.
94
00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:11,082
I love Hank deeply and forever
with all my heart,
95
00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:13,650
and I would never do anything
to hurt him.
96
00:07:15,304 --> 00:07:16,914
But I can do better!
97
00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:18,699
[ jubilant, tropical-flavored
music playing]
98
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:24,400
[ applause, cheering]
99
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:28,883
The battle of the sexes,
as old as time but as--
100
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,493
MAN: Why?
101
00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:32,147
Uh... [ laughs]
102
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:33,496
Excuse me?
103
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,063
Why did you do it?
104
00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:38,762
Oh, my God, it s Hank
from I Can Do Better.
105
00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:41,156
Hank, everyone.[ applause]
106
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:48,206
No, stop it.[ applause fades]
107
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:52,210
I love Barbara. I had a family.
I had a life.
108
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:54,125
Hank,
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00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:56,258
I know it hurts.
110
00:07:56,301 --> 00:07:58,086
Love isn t easy.
111
00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:02,656
Relationships aren t easy,
not for anyone.
112
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:06,181
But now you know the truth
about Barbara,
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00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:09,184
and you are gonna move on
with your life.
114
00:08:09,227 --> 00:08:11,491
And you re gonna meet
someone wonderful,
115
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:14,494
and America is gonna love you.
116
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,540
[ applause]
117
00:08:23,111 --> 00:08:27,332
Yeah. I ve got a great idea
for another hot new show.
118
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:28,769
Well, tell it to us.
119
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,553
It s called...
120
00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:32,120
Let s Kill All the Women.
121
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,600
WOMAN: He s got a gun!
122
00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:35,602
[ screams]
123
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:42,739
Oh!
124
00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:46,264
Joanna, are you all right?I am great.
125
00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:48,745
Raring to go.
The police were sensational.
126
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,486
And not a scratch.
127
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:54,098
You haven t heard?About what?
128
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,929
That man, Hank.Ugh!
129
00:08:58,973 --> 00:09:01,018
Right before he tried
to kill you,
130
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:04,674
he went to see his ex-wife
and five of her new boyfriends.
131
00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:06,763
He did?He shot all of them.
132
00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:08,983
The wife is in critical
condition,
133
00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:11,028
and four of the guys
are on life support.
134
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:12,769
Tonkiro?
He s fine.
135
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:16,207
Thank God.So you know what this means.
136
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:18,775
Of course.
137
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:21,604
We pay for all of their medical
treatment, every penny.
138
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,388
We get them
the very best therapist,
139
00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:24,694
childcare, rehab,
140
00:09:24,738 --> 00:09:26,130
whatever they need,
141
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:28,480
and then we fly them
to New York, first class,
142
00:09:28,524 --> 00:09:29,917
for a prime-time special,
143
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:33,355
Hank and Barbara:
Let the Healing Begin.
144
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:35,270
You re not listening.
145
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:36,576
We can t wear this.
146
00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:38,882
The lawsuits alone
may bankrupt the network.
147
00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:40,884
And all your new shows,
the whole lineup,
148
00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:43,408
the affiliates
won t touch them.
149
00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:45,410
We have shareholders.
150
00:09:45,454 --> 00:09:48,762
We can t let you
sink the network.
151
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,767
But we wish you
only the best.
152
00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:15,179
[ distorted
choral theme builds]
153
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,182
[ softly gasps]
154
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,536
[ distorted choral theme
crescendoes]
155
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,321
Of course.
156
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:34,155
Thank you for being so classy
and taking this so well.
157
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:45,253
[ eerie waltz theme
playing]
158
00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:04,228
Joanna, we just wanted to say
that this is so not fair.
159
00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:07,928
[ elevator chimes]
160
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:12,149
Goodbye, everybody!
161
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,238
All the best!
162
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:22,116
[ Joanna shrieks]
163
00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:44,878
Jo?Mm.
164
00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:48,925
Ah, Walter.
165
00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:51,275
What happened?
166
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:55,540
Well, you ve had
a complete nervous collapse.
167
00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:57,194
Ah...
168
00:11:57,238 --> 00:11:58,848
And the doctors say
there s a lot of work to do,
169
00:11:58,892 --> 00:12:01,851
but you re gonna
be just fine.
170
00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:05,725
Oh, and Pete
made this for you.
171
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:09,729
Oh, that s so sweet.Isn t it?
172
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:10,904
And I wanted you to know
173
00:12:10,947 --> 00:12:13,123
that the minute
I heard the news,
174
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:16,257
I called the network
and I quit.
175
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:20,000
You did that for me?Of course.
176
00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:23,003
I know I was only
a vice president,
177
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:25,919
but I could never work
for those people,
178
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:29,574
not after the way
they treated you.
179
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:32,055
Oh, Walter...
180
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:35,580
And do you remember
what today is?
181
00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:37,104
It s our anniversary.
182
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:43,110
Oh, Walter...
183
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:47,201
...I m so sorry.
184
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,594
Maybe that man
who tried to shoot me,
185
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:50,987
maybe he was right.
186
00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:53,076
Maybe I ve become
the wrong kind of woman.
187
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:57,254
Maybe I ve made all
of the wrong decisions.
188
00:12:57,298 --> 00:13:01,824
Could we get away
and start over?
189
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:05,959
And get it right,
our marriage?
190
00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:14,968
But why are we moving?To Connecticut?
191
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:17,274
We re moving
so that we can all kick back
192
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:21,017
and have a great new life
in this beautiful new town.
193
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:37,817
[ birds chirping]
194
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,254
Name?
Kresby.
195
00:13:40,297 --> 00:13:42,517
Welcome to Stepford.Thanks.
196
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:50,830
[ choir chanting ethereally,
idyllic theme playing]
197
00:14:26,561 --> 00:14:27,954
What do you
think, guys?
198
00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:29,129
Cool.
199
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:31,871
Good.
Honey?
200
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:43,752
Hello, everyone.
I m Mrs. Wellington.
201
00:14:43,795 --> 00:14:45,972
Welcome to Stepford.
202
00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:48,496
I m with Stepford Realty.
We spoke on the phone.
203
00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:51,847
You must be Walter.So nice to meet you in person.
204
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,588
And the little ones.
205
00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:54,937
I bet you re Pete.
206
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,678
Duh.Pete!
207
00:14:56,721 --> 00:14:59,681
And he s every bit
as handsome as his dad.
208
00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:01,378
Thank you.
209
00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:04,860
And Kimberly, aren t you just
the cutest little bug s ear.
210
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:05,948
Bugs don t have ears.
211
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:07,123
[ gasps]
212
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:10,605
Isn t she sassy,
and a little sad.
213
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:14,000
And this
must be Joanna.
214
00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:17,742
Electroshock?But she s doing great.
215
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:20,136
Hello,
little Energizer.
216
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,312
The minute Walter called,
217
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:25,794
I knew this was
the perfect house for you.
218
00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:29,102
It s the top of the line
here at Stepford Estates,
219
00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:30,538
and it s got everything
220
00:15:30,581 --> 00:15:32,757
an American family
could ever need.
221
00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:34,977
And may I present to you...
222
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,110
PETE: Look at this.KIMBERLY: This is amazing.
223
00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:39,025
...the great room.
224
00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:42,332
I call it cozy.
225
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,421
And it s also
a smart house.
226
00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,206
Now, this controls
the security system.
227
00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:47,642
[ sensor pinging]
228
00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:51,472
[ locks turning]
229
00:15:51,515 --> 00:15:53,778
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
All secure.
230
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:56,520
It talks to the refrigerator.[ pings]
231
00:15:56,564 --> 00:16:00,307
ELECTRONIC VOICE: We need juice, we need juice, we need juice.
232
00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:02,048
The system also monitors
all the commodes.
233
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,223
[ pings]
234
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:04,572
Where it will test
your urine
235
00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:06,835
for blood sugar,
protein and body fat.
236
00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:08,097
[ pings]
237
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:09,925
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Flush toilets.
238
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,013
[ toilets flushing]
239
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:12,275
Isn t that great,
kids?
240
00:16:12,319 --> 00:16:13,668
I m gonna go
check my room.
241
00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:15,931
Me too.
242
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,019
[ giggles]
243
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,760
Now, Walter,
will you be commuting?
244
00:16:18,803 --> 00:16:19,804
No.
245
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,415
[ sighs]
246
00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:24,331
Uh, no, Joanna and I
both left the network.
247
00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:25,810
[ barking sound]
248
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,464
Oh, look,
it s the puppy.
249
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,031
Robo Rover 3000.
250
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:31,773
Come on, boy.
Come on, come on, come on.
251
00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:36,734
[ thudding,
distorted barks]
252
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,041
[ laughs]
253
00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:40,477
[ Robo Rover barks]
254
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:05,546
[ birds chirping]
255
00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:14,033
[ sighs]
256
00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:20,517
[ suspenseful theme
plays softly]
257
00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:49,720
[ car horn honks]
258
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,200
CLAIRE:
Joanna.
259
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:53,768
The town is over 200 years old.
260
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:56,031
It was founded
by George Washington,
261
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,728
and Martha just loved it.
262
00:17:57,772 --> 00:18:00,905
Stepford is Connecticut s
family paradise.
263
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,211
It has no crime,
264
00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:04,344
no poverty
and no pushing.
265
00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:10,350
What is that? Up on the hill?
266
00:18:10,393 --> 00:18:13,396
Well, that s
our Stepford Men s Association.
267
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,442
Where all our wonderful guys
can get together
268
00:18:15,485 --> 00:18:17,313
and stay out of our hair.
269
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,403
Am I right?
270
00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:21,883
Where do the women go?
271
00:18:21,926 --> 00:18:24,538
To the Simply Stepford Day Spa.
272
00:18:36,985 --> 00:18:38,552
Good morning,
ladies.
273
00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:40,989
WOMEN [ in unison]:
Good morning, Claire.
274
00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:43,078
I would like you all
to welcome
275
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,994
our newest citizen
to Stepford: Joanna.
276
00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:49,128
[ in unison]:
Good morning, Joanna.
277
00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:52,392
Are we ready
to work out?
278
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:55,221
Oh, yes. Yes.Great.
279
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:58,311
Places and poles,
please.
280
00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:09,670
Wait, you work out
dressed like this?
281
00:19:09,713 --> 00:19:11,193
Well, of course.
282
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:15,458
Whatever we do, we always
want to look our very best.
283
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:19,636
I mean, why, imagine
if our husbands saw us
284
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,812
in worn, dark,
urban sweat clothes
285
00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:24,989
with stringy hair
and almost no makeup?
286
00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:27,122
[ women murmuring]WOMAN: Oh, good heavens!
287
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,602
Now,
288
00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:31,735
today you are in
for a special treat
289
00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:33,998
because we are working
on a series of exercises,
290
00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:38,220
which I ve personally invented,
based on simple household tasks.
291
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:40,527
I call my program Clairobics.
292
00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:42,877
Because her name
is Claire.
293
00:19:44,357 --> 00:19:47,186
All right, now it s time
to slim and scrub.
294
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:49,231
[ Walter Murphy s "A Fifth
of Beethoven" playing]
295
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,886
Let s all be washing machines.
And...
296
00:19:51,929 --> 00:19:53,192
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga.
297
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,497
Chugga-chugga-
chugga-chugga.
298
00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:56,717
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-
chugga-chugga-choo.
299
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,327
And chugga-chugga-
chugga-chugga.
300
00:19:58,371 --> 00:19:59,676
Chugga-chugga-
chugga-chugga.
301
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,461
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-
chugga-chugga-choo.
302
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,071
Come on, Joanna.
303
00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:04,638
WOMEN [ in unison]:
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga...
304
00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:08,555
Spin cycle, ladies,
and whoosh!
305
00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:10,252
And whoosh!
306
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:12,036
And whoosh!
307
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,690
And whoosh!
308
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:19,870
Sweet.
309
00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:21,829
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
Who s the man?
310
00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:22,873
You the man.
311
00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:25,006
Thank you, dear.
312
00:21:02,957 --> 00:21:04,306
[ door opens]
313
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,003
MAN 1: Walter?MAN 2: Hey, how are ya?
314
00:21:06,047 --> 00:21:07,875
MAN 3: Hey, how you doing?MAN 4: Walter Kresby.
315
00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:09,964
MAN 5: Good to see you.MAN 2: Ted Van Sant.
316
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:12,096
MAN 1: I m Stan Peters.
Come on in, come on in.
317
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:14,925
Mike said you were coming.MAN 2: Nice to see you.
318
00:21:14,969 --> 00:21:16,362
MAN 1: Come on in.
319
00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:17,928
MAN [ on speaker]:
Hear ye, hear ye.
320
00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:21,280
Come one, come all,
and happy Fourth of July.
321
00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:24,326
At 1:30 will be the children s Stars and Stripes,
322
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:25,414
face painting...
323
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:26,894
WALTER:
Isn t this great?
324
00:21:26,937 --> 00:21:28,809
A real old-fashioned
town picnic.
325
00:21:28,852 --> 00:21:30,550
Can t get this
in Manhattan.
326
00:21:30,593 --> 00:21:32,378
Which is why we re gonna stay
exactly ten minutes.
327
00:21:32,421 --> 00:21:33,640
We re gonna
make an appearance,
328
00:21:33,683 --> 00:21:34,989
and then we re gonna
get out of here.
329
00:21:35,032 --> 00:21:37,557
Kids, I m really sorry
about all of this,
330
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,428
but let s try
and have fun, hm?
331
00:21:39,472 --> 00:21:41,212
Mom, it s a picnic.
332
00:21:41,256 --> 00:21:42,344
Chill.
333
00:21:42,388 --> 00:21:44,781
Go ahead, go ahead,
have fun.
334
00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:46,435
Ten minutes?
335
00:21:46,479 --> 00:21:48,132
Walter, you just don t get it.
336
00:21:48,176 --> 00:21:49,351
These women are like
337
00:21:49,395 --> 00:21:50,787
deranged-flight-attendant
friendly.
338
00:21:50,831 --> 00:21:53,007
They re gonna be all over me.WOMAN: Joanna!
339
00:21:54,356 --> 00:21:56,315
Here we go.
340
00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:58,099
Oh, Joanna.Hello, Joanna.
341
00:21:58,142 --> 00:21:59,579
Joanna, hi.
342
00:22:00,493 --> 00:22:01,798
Hi, Walter.
343
00:22:01,842 --> 00:22:03,800
Hi.
344
00:22:03,844 --> 00:22:07,021
You look great.I love you in khakis.
345
00:22:08,457 --> 00:22:11,286
They re new,
a little experiment.
346
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:14,289
Now I know why they call it
BananaRepublic.
347
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,291
[ women gasp, giggle]
348
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:19,033
WOMAN:
Excuse me. Excuse me!
349
00:22:19,076 --> 00:22:20,513
Excuse me, ladies.
350
00:22:20,556 --> 00:22:21,644
MAN: Hey!Excuse me.
351
00:22:21,688 --> 00:22:24,821
Excuse me. Excuse me
352
00:22:24,865 --> 00:22:26,083
Excuse me.
353
00:22:26,127 --> 00:22:28,303
Am I the only one
who finds all of this
354
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:29,652
more than
a little disturbing?
355
00:22:29,696 --> 00:22:31,524
We are celebrating
our nation s birthday,
356
00:22:31,567 --> 00:22:33,526
but there are almost no
African Americans,
357
00:22:33,569 --> 00:22:36,006
no Native Americans,
no Asian Americans,
358
00:22:36,050 --> 00:22:38,313
and... Oh, my God.
359
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:40,576
Hey, you re Joanna Eberhart.
360
00:22:40,620 --> 00:22:42,186
Yes.You got such a raw deal.
361
00:22:42,230 --> 00:22:44,014
Aren t you
Bobbie Markowitz?
Yes.
362
00:22:44,058 --> 00:22:46,190
I love your books,
especially the last one.
363
00:22:46,234 --> 00:22:47,540
What was it called?
364
00:22:47,583 --> 00:22:49,237
It was about your relationship
with your mother.
365
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,588
I Love You, But Please Die. MAN: Hey, baby. Baby.
366
00:22:52,632 --> 00:22:55,069
Look what I did, look.
367
00:22:55,112 --> 00:22:56,331
[ wolf whistles]
368
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:59,334
Happy Fourth of July, everybody.
369
00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,467
Excuse me.
Is this guy bothering you?
370
00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:02,816
Yes, he s my husband.
371
00:23:02,859 --> 00:23:04,339
Hey Kresbo-Man.
372
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,820
Hey, Dave.How do you know each other?
373
00:23:06,863 --> 00:23:08,691
Men s Association.That place.
374
00:23:08,735 --> 00:23:11,346
Did you finish the laundry?No, I finished a chapter.
375
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:12,913
Did you make the sandwiches?Did you?
376
00:23:12,956 --> 00:23:14,523
Where are the kids?What kids?
377
00:23:14,567 --> 00:23:16,395
Our kids.Hey, are you two okay?
378
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:17,439
BOBBIE & DAVE:
We re fine.
379
00:23:17,483 --> 00:23:19,093
Come on,
I need a cookie.
380
00:23:19,136 --> 00:23:20,355
See what I mean?
381
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:22,357
Jerry... Jerry,
it s a bake sale,
382
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:23,706
an actual bake sale.
383
00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:25,708
It s like some sort
of heavenly diorama
384
00:23:25,752 --> 00:23:28,624
at the Smithsonian
in the Hall of Homemakers.
385
00:23:28,668 --> 00:23:32,541
Oh, no. No, stop it.
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
386
00:23:32,585 --> 00:23:34,717
That is not cobbler.Roger, could we--?
387
00:23:34,761 --> 00:23:37,503
Could we reel it in, like,
a couple of hundred yards?
388
00:23:37,546 --> 00:23:39,156
How do you ladies
keep your figures?
389
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,681
Is there just a huge vat
of cobbler vomit somewhere?
390
00:23:41,724 --> 00:23:43,160
But worth it?Roger.
391
00:23:43,204 --> 00:23:44,379
Oh, I m sorry.
392
00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:46,555
That is...This is fabulous.
393
00:23:46,599 --> 00:23:48,818
Jerry thinks that I overdo,
you know, everything.
394
00:23:48,862 --> 00:23:50,080
JOANNA:
Excuse me,
395
00:23:50,124 --> 00:23:52,692
um, aren t you
Roger Bannister?
396
00:23:52,735 --> 00:23:53,954
The amazing architect
from The Times?
397
00:23:53,997 --> 00:23:55,912
Oh, thank you.
This is Jerry Harmon.
398
00:23:55,956 --> 00:23:57,653
BOBBIE: Hi.Corporate attorney.
399
00:23:57,697 --> 00:23:59,438
But he s getting the help
that he needs so--
400
00:23:59,481 --> 00:24:00,743
Stop it.
You stop it.
401
00:24:00,787 --> 00:24:02,919
We re new.Oh, my God, Joanna Eberhart.
402
00:24:02,963 --> 00:24:05,618
I love the shows.Oh, thank you.
403
00:24:05,661 --> 00:24:07,141
And Bobbie Markowitz.
404
00:24:07,184 --> 00:24:08,664
Love the books.
405
00:24:08,708 --> 00:24:11,275
Jerry, how did this happen?
Where did you come from?
406
00:24:11,319 --> 00:24:13,277
I mean, right here
in Stepford.
407
00:24:13,321 --> 00:24:14,714
People.
408
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,893
Attention, attention,
Fourth of July funsters,
409
00:24:19,936 --> 00:24:22,199
grab your partners
because it s time
410
00:24:22,243 --> 00:24:27,509
for some sizzling Stepford
square dancing, so come on in.
411
00:24:27,553 --> 00:24:29,511
Square dancing?Cowgirls?
412
00:24:29,555 --> 00:24:32,035
We re in hell.Yee-haw.
413
00:24:32,079 --> 00:24:33,515
Come on, Bobbie.
414
00:24:33,559 --> 00:24:36,170
[ fiddle playing a lively jig]
415
00:24:44,352 --> 00:24:45,440
Howdy.
416
00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:47,007
Howdy.
Howdy.
Howdy.
417
00:24:47,050 --> 00:24:49,052
Okay, everybody ready
to kick up your heels
418
00:24:49,096 --> 00:24:52,099
for some barn-busting Stepford
high-stepping?
419
00:24:52,142 --> 00:24:54,318
[ crowd cheers]
420
00:24:54,362 --> 00:24:55,624
CLAIRE:
Okay.
421
00:24:55,668 --> 00:24:57,496
Bow to your partners,
lose your cares ♪
422
00:24:57,539 --> 00:24:59,062
Bow.
423
00:24:59,106 --> 00:25:00,107
Oh.
Bow.
424
00:25:00,150 --> 00:25:01,761
There you go.
425
00:25:01,804 --> 00:25:04,807
CLAIRE:
Stepford stallions
love their mares ♪
426
00:25:06,896 --> 00:25:10,509
All men left, all men right ♪
427
00:25:10,552 --> 00:25:13,033
Rope that filly,
she won t bite ♪
428
00:25:14,643 --> 00:25:18,647
All join hands
and circle sweet ♪
429
00:25:18,691 --> 00:25:21,868
Please your cowboy
with your feet ♪
430
00:25:29,397 --> 00:25:32,226
Nice shirt, Stan.MAN: Thanks.
431
00:25:35,795 --> 00:25:38,928
[ men whooping, shouting]
432
00:25:43,890 --> 00:25:45,587
Yahoo!
433
00:25:45,631 --> 00:25:48,198
Yee-haw! Yahoo!
434
00:25:52,246 --> 00:25:53,639
[ stammering]
435
00:25:55,379 --> 00:25:58,774
WOMAN:
Yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay,
yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay,
436
00:25:58,818 --> 00:26:00,123
yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay,
437
00:26:00,167 --> 00:26:01,821
yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay...Honey.
438
00:26:01,864 --> 00:26:03,910
...yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay.Now, calm down, baby.
439
00:26:03,953 --> 00:26:06,390
Do-si-do, do-si-do,
do-si-do, do-si-do...
440
00:26:06,434 --> 00:26:07,653
Whoa......do-si-do, do-si-do...
441
00:26:07,696 --> 00:26:09,350
Back up, guy....do-si-do, do-si-do--
442
00:26:09,393 --> 00:26:11,221
[ heels screech]
443
00:26:11,265 --> 00:26:12,483
Jesus.
444
00:26:12,527 --> 00:26:15,399
Do-do-si-do, do-si-do,
do-si-do, do-si-do.
445
00:26:15,443 --> 00:26:18,054
Excuse me. Excuse me.WOMAN 2: Is she all right?
446
00:26:18,098 --> 00:26:20,230
HUSBAND: It s okay.Excuse me.
447
00:26:20,274 --> 00:26:21,841
Do-si-do.
448
00:26:21,884 --> 00:26:23,799
All right. Okay.
Don t try to move her.
449
00:26:23,843 --> 00:26:25,148
[ whispers]:
She s drunk.
450
00:26:25,192 --> 00:26:27,020
There s no need, thank you.She s blond.
451
00:26:27,063 --> 00:26:29,065
WOMAN: Do-si-do.WALTER: Jo, you re not a doctor.
452
00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:31,459
JOANNA:
Walter, I can take care of this.
I ran a network.
453
00:26:31,502 --> 00:26:32,939
WALTER: Somebody call 911.MAN: Mike s here.
454
00:26:32,982 --> 00:26:33,983
Mike.
455
00:26:34,027 --> 00:26:35,419
[ sighs]Do-si-do.
456
00:26:35,463 --> 00:26:36,638
Mike.
457
00:26:36,682 --> 00:26:38,074
Do-si-do.
458
00:26:38,118 --> 00:26:40,903
Do-si-do,
do-si-do, do-si-do.
459
00:26:40,947 --> 00:26:43,123
WALTER: Mike.MIKE: It s okay. I m here.
460
00:26:43,166 --> 00:26:44,646
Walter, the missus.
461
00:26:44,690 --> 00:26:46,561
The missus?Jo, Jo.
462
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:48,781
Walter,
what is your problem?
463
00:26:48,824 --> 00:26:50,913
MAN 2: Excuse me.MIKE: Stand back, please.
464
00:26:50,957 --> 00:26:54,395
JOANNA:
Hey! Uh, excuse...
465
00:26:54,438 --> 00:26:56,440
MAN 3: Excuse me.JOANNA: I can t-- Ex--
466
00:26:56,484 --> 00:26:57,746
Do-si-do, do-si--
467
00:26:57,790 --> 00:26:59,356
[ electrical zapping]
468
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:00,444
What was that?
469
00:27:00,488 --> 00:27:02,272
Herb, Dave,
470
00:27:02,316 --> 00:27:05,145
give me a hand, and we ll get
Sarah right into my Hummer.
471
00:27:05,188 --> 00:27:07,582
Your Hummer?MAN 4: It s a sweet ride.
472
00:27:07,626 --> 00:27:09,366
It s roomy.Here you go.
473
00:27:09,410 --> 00:27:11,934
We need an ambulance.
You shouldn t be moving her.
474
00:27:11,978 --> 00:27:13,893
She might need oxygen,
paramedics.
475
00:27:13,936 --> 00:27:15,285
[ playing jig]
476
00:27:15,329 --> 00:27:18,071
Everything isn t always
about you, Jo.
477
00:27:18,114 --> 00:27:19,594
Walter.
478
00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:21,117
She ll be fine.
479
00:27:21,161 --> 00:27:24,555
It s-- It s too much sun.
She s dehydrated.
480
00:27:24,599 --> 00:27:26,296
Dehydrated? Are you crazy?
481
00:27:26,340 --> 00:27:28,647
Jo. I m sorry
about this, Mike.
482
00:27:28,690 --> 00:27:31,214
Joanna. Joanna,
483
00:27:31,258 --> 00:27:33,869
this is
a very special moment.
484
00:27:33,913 --> 00:27:35,349
I would like you
to meet...
485
00:27:35,392 --> 00:27:36,567
Mike Wellington.
486
00:27:36,611 --> 00:27:37,917
My husband.
487
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,005
Oh...
488
00:27:39,048 --> 00:27:40,484
And you must be
the famous Joanna.
489
00:27:40,528 --> 00:27:42,486
You re even prettier
than in the newspapers.
490
00:27:42,530 --> 00:27:43,966
They don t
do you justice.
491
00:27:44,010 --> 00:27:45,794
Excuse me, that woman
is very sick.
492
00:27:45,838 --> 00:27:47,709
Thank you. I should be going
with her.
493
00:27:47,753 --> 00:27:49,450
She ll get all the help
she needs.
494
00:27:49,493 --> 00:27:51,017
Trust me, little lady.
495
00:27:56,892 --> 00:27:59,155
That woman had a seizure,
496
00:27:59,199 --> 00:28:01,767
and she was practically
levitating.
497
00:28:01,810 --> 00:28:04,204
And I have told you
five million times
498
00:28:04,247 --> 00:28:05,161
I phoned Herb.
499
00:28:05,205 --> 00:28:07,294
He said that Sarah is fine.
500
00:28:07,337 --> 00:28:09,992
She just needed some fluids,
just like Mike said.
501
00:28:10,036 --> 00:28:13,692
She was sparking, Walter.She was dancing.
502
00:28:13,735 --> 00:28:15,302
Then why wasn t there
a doctor anywhere?
503
00:28:15,345 --> 00:28:17,652
And why...?Shh. Kids.
504
00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:18,784
[ groans]
505
00:28:18,827 --> 00:28:20,742
[ whispers]:
Why...?
506
00:28:21,787 --> 00:28:22,875
Walter!
507
00:28:22,918 --> 00:28:24,615
Walter!
And why did everyone
508
00:28:24,659 --> 00:28:26,400
just automatically listen
to that Mike person?
509
00:28:26,443 --> 00:28:28,837
And why, why was everyone
just standing there?
510
00:28:28,881 --> 00:28:30,752
You mean why weren t they
just listening to you?
511
00:28:30,796 --> 00:28:34,713
That s not what I m saying!Jesus Christ, Joanna!
512
00:28:34,756 --> 00:28:36,802
What?You were fired,
513
00:28:36,845 --> 00:28:38,238
your kids barely know you,
514
00:28:38,281 --> 00:28:39,718
and our marriage
is falling apart.
515
00:28:39,761 --> 00:28:41,197
Shh!And your whole attitude
516
00:28:41,241 --> 00:28:43,025
makes people
want to kill you.
517
00:28:43,069 --> 00:28:45,941
It makes people
try to kill you.
518
00:28:45,985 --> 00:28:47,421
That s what
we re doing here.
519
00:28:47,464 --> 00:28:49,989
The people in this town
have been nothing
520
00:28:50,032 --> 00:28:53,340
but friendly and welcoming
and wonderful to you.
521
00:28:53,383 --> 00:28:56,212
And you ve been nothing
but snide and suspicious.
522
00:28:56,256 --> 00:28:58,911
And on top of that,
at the picnic you humiliated me.
523
00:28:58,954 --> 00:29:00,521
Well, I can t do it anymore.
524
00:29:00,564 --> 00:29:02,044
I can t keep fighting you
525
00:29:02,088 --> 00:29:05,047
for every inch of everything.
Game over.
526
00:29:05,091 --> 00:29:08,224
Marriage over.Oh, no!
527
00:29:08,268 --> 00:29:09,530
No!
528
00:29:09,573 --> 00:29:10,531
No what?
529
00:29:10,574 --> 00:29:12,228
Please don t go.
530
00:29:12,272 --> 00:29:14,970
Why not?Because you re right.
531
00:29:17,668 --> 00:29:19,583
Wait, I m sorry.
I don t think I heard that.
532
00:29:19,627 --> 00:29:21,498
What did you just say?
533
00:29:23,936 --> 00:29:26,329
I said, you re right.
534
00:29:26,373 --> 00:29:27,896
About?
535
00:29:27,940 --> 00:29:30,769
About everything.
536
00:29:32,771 --> 00:29:35,469
Oh... About me.
537
00:30:01,887 --> 00:30:06,108
Do you know why I signed on
at the network?
538
00:30:06,152 --> 00:30:07,762
Because I thought
that if I was around,
539
00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:10,373
I could help you
lighten up.
540
00:30:10,417 --> 00:30:12,158
You did?
541
00:30:12,201 --> 00:30:14,856
Yeah, I did. What was that
one show called?
542
00:30:14,900 --> 00:30:16,553
I Can Do Everybody?
543
00:30:16,597 --> 00:30:18,642
[ laughs]See, that s what I mean.
544
00:30:18,686 --> 00:30:21,515
I wanted to make you laugh.
545
00:30:22,690 --> 00:30:26,650
That s so sweet,
but I...
546
00:30:26,694 --> 00:30:28,827
I was busy.
I was...
547
00:30:28,870 --> 00:30:31,742
I was running
a network, Walter.
548
00:30:31,786 --> 00:30:34,876
You were so busy that we haven t
made love in over a year.
549
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:36,835
I know.
550
00:30:36,878 --> 00:30:39,402
Well, I miss you.I...
551
00:30:39,446 --> 00:30:44,930
But I ve always loved you
so much. I...
552
00:30:44,973 --> 00:30:47,715
You know that.
553
00:30:47,758 --> 00:30:50,587
Why?
554
00:30:50,631 --> 00:30:53,982
Because...
Because...
555
00:30:54,026 --> 00:30:56,767
...you re goofy,
and you re...
556
00:30:56,811 --> 00:31:00,206
You re handsome,
and you re... You re...
557
00:31:00,249 --> 00:31:04,253
You re my Walter.
558
00:31:04,297 --> 00:31:06,995
And because when
you play computer chess
559
00:31:07,039 --> 00:31:09,128
you do that little, uh...
560
00:31:09,171 --> 00:31:12,000
You do that little victory
dance. Whoo-whoo.
561
00:31:12,044 --> 00:31:13,959
I do not. I don t do that.
562
00:31:14,002 --> 00:31:16,352
Yes, you do.No, I don t.
563
00:31:16,396 --> 00:31:18,006
Mm-hm.
564
00:31:20,443 --> 00:31:21,401
Ah...
565
00:31:21,444 --> 00:31:24,534
But if I m not
the smartest
566
00:31:24,578 --> 00:31:27,059
and the best of the best
and the most successful,
567
00:31:27,102 --> 00:31:29,888
then I don t know,
who am I?
568
00:31:29,931 --> 00:31:32,151
Do you wanna find out?
569
00:31:33,761 --> 00:31:35,241
How?
570
00:31:36,677 --> 00:31:38,722
First of all,
we re in the country now,
571
00:31:38,766 --> 00:31:40,028
so no more black.
572
00:31:40,072 --> 00:31:42,639
No more black? Are you insane?You heard me.
573
00:31:42,683 --> 00:31:44,859
Only high-powered,
neurotic, castrating,
574
00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,774
Manhattan career bitches
wear black.
575
00:31:46,817 --> 00:31:48,210
Is that what you wanna be?
576
00:31:48,254 --> 00:31:51,692
Ever since
I was a little girl.
577
00:31:52,911 --> 00:31:54,564
[ sighs]
578
00:31:55,696 --> 00:31:58,568
Do I really look okay?
579
00:32:00,614 --> 00:32:01,963
Can I be honest?
580
00:32:02,007 --> 00:32:03,138
Mm-hm.
581
00:32:03,182 --> 00:32:04,748
You look kind of
like Betty Crocker.
582
00:32:04,792 --> 00:32:06,185
I know.
583
00:32:06,228 --> 00:32:08,230
At Betty Ford.ELECTRONIC VOICE: We need milk.
584
00:32:08,274 --> 00:32:10,754
We need milk. We need milk. Thank you.
585
00:32:10,798 --> 00:32:13,496
Look, I m trying to make
an effort to change.
586
00:32:13,540 --> 00:32:16,108
I mean, last night my husband
was a different person.
587
00:32:16,151 --> 00:32:19,589
He was strong, he was forceful,
he was commanding.
588
00:32:19,633 --> 00:32:21,200
Like your refrigerator.
589
00:32:21,243 --> 00:32:23,985
Well, nobody said it was gonna
be easy being a homemaker
590
00:32:24,029 --> 00:32:25,856
and a stay-at-home mom.
591
00:32:25,900 --> 00:32:28,337
It s the toughest job
in the world, right?
592
00:32:28,381 --> 00:32:30,557
Well, that may be,
but these Stepford women,
593
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:31,993
they re a whole
other dimension.
594
00:32:32,037 --> 00:32:33,168
Oh, like yesterday,
595
00:32:33,212 --> 00:32:35,692
that poor lady,
Sarah Sunderson.
596
00:32:35,736 --> 00:32:37,477
Walter said she s fine.
597
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,914
But you said she was shooting
off sparks from her ears.
598
00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:41,002
Now, that s the first sign.
599
00:32:41,046 --> 00:32:42,525
Of what?Cheap jewelry.
600
00:32:44,005 --> 00:32:46,616
We should go see her.Why?
601
00:32:46,660 --> 00:32:48,792
Because we need to be
supportive.
602
00:32:48,836 --> 00:32:51,230
That s how people behave
outside of Manhattan.
603
00:32:51,273 --> 00:32:52,840
They care about each other.
604
00:32:52,883 --> 00:32:54,494
I mean, if you were in New York
605
00:32:54,537 --> 00:32:56,322
and one of your neighbors
got sick, what would you do?
606
00:32:56,365 --> 00:32:58,280
We d call her.To see if she was gonna die.
607
00:32:58,324 --> 00:32:59,629
So we could get the apartment.
608
00:32:59,673 --> 00:33:02,981
Let s go. Hm?
Up. Up. Up.
609
00:33:03,024 --> 00:33:05,026
[ knocking]
610
00:33:05,070 --> 00:33:07,986
JOANNA:
Sarah?
611
00:33:08,029 --> 00:33:11,728
Yoo-hoo.Yoo-hoo? Is she in there?
612
00:33:11,772 --> 00:33:13,382
What are you doing?It s open.
613
00:33:13,426 --> 00:33:15,906
That s amazing.So sweet.
614
00:33:15,950 --> 00:33:17,778
And so trusting.
615
00:33:21,651 --> 00:33:23,001
Roger.
616
00:33:23,044 --> 00:33:24,480
Roger.
617
00:33:24,524 --> 00:33:27,744
Look at this place.Wow.
618
00:33:27,788 --> 00:33:30,834
Sarah?Sarah?
619
00:33:30,878 --> 00:33:32,314
[ scoffs]
620
00:33:32,358 --> 00:33:35,100
[ woman and man
moaning passionately]
621
00:33:35,143 --> 00:33:37,102
Roger.
622
00:33:37,145 --> 00:33:39,974
[ woman moans, squeals]
623
00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:42,411
WOMAN:
Oh, Herb.
624
00:33:42,455 --> 00:33:46,850
HERB: Oh, baby.WOMAN: Oh! Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
625
00:33:46,894 --> 00:33:48,852
Oh, make me beg!Yeah!
626
00:33:48,896 --> 00:33:50,419
Oh! Oh!
627
00:33:50,463 --> 00:33:53,205
Oh, I m so lucky![ rhythmic thudding]
628
00:33:53,248 --> 00:33:55,642
Oh, my God.Is that a DVD?
629
00:33:55,685 --> 00:33:58,166
No, it s them.
630
00:33:58,210 --> 00:34:00,864
SARAH:
Uh-huh. Oh... Oh! Oh...
631
00:34:00,908 --> 00:34:02,997
Oh, you re the king!
632
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:04,216
Uh-huh! Oh! Oh!
[ laughs]
633
00:34:04,259 --> 00:34:07,262
Yes! Oh! Oh! Oh!
634
00:34:07,306 --> 00:34:11,136
[ Sarah shrieking piercingly]
635
00:34:13,007 --> 00:34:16,663
[ shrieking continues]
636
00:34:16,706 --> 00:34:19,579
[ shrieking dies out,
Sarah inhales deeply]
637
00:34:19,622 --> 00:34:21,102
SARAH: Oh!
638
00:34:21,146 --> 00:34:23,931
I m going up there.Why?
639
00:34:23,974 --> 00:34:25,672
Roger!I want some.
640
00:34:25,715 --> 00:34:28,196
Roger.
Roger.
641
00:34:28,240 --> 00:34:30,111
[ Sarah giggling]
642
00:34:30,155 --> 00:34:32,244
Shh.
643
00:34:33,201 --> 00:34:35,551
Shh, shh, shh.
644
00:34:35,595 --> 00:34:39,903
HERB: Baby, grab me some nachos.SARAH: Yes, dear.
645
00:34:39,947 --> 00:34:41,731
JOANNA:
We should get out of here.
646
00:34:41,775 --> 00:34:43,298
ROGER:
Shh.
647
00:34:44,647 --> 00:34:47,302
What s this?
648
00:34:47,346 --> 00:34:48,608
Ooh.
649
00:34:48,651 --> 00:34:51,350
Roger, put it down.What? Oh, come on. Shh.
650
00:34:51,393 --> 00:34:53,439
JOANNA: Roger.Why does it say Sarah?
651
00:34:53,482 --> 00:34:54,918
Roger, you should put
it down now.
652
00:34:54,962 --> 00:34:57,051
Let s get out of here.This isn t our house.
653
00:34:57,095 --> 00:34:58,748
Oh, stop.
Would you just quit?
654
00:34:58,792 --> 00:35:00,446
[ button beeps]JOANNA: We have to, Roger.
655
00:35:00,489 --> 00:35:02,317
BOBBIE:
For God s sake,
we re trespassing.
656
00:35:02,361 --> 00:35:04,232
We have
to get out of here.
657
00:35:04,276 --> 00:35:05,538
Put it down.Come on.
658
00:35:05,581 --> 00:35:07,148
Okay, let s try
and use this.
659
00:35:07,192 --> 00:35:09,411
We have to go.
[ thud]
660
00:35:13,198 --> 00:35:16,157
ROGER:
She s coming.
She s coming.
661
00:35:16,201 --> 00:35:18,116
BOBBIE:
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
662
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:23,512
[ laughing,
talking indistinctly]
663
00:35:26,298 --> 00:35:28,430
I m so embarrassed.
664
00:35:28,474 --> 00:35:30,215
I m mortified.
I m famished.
665
00:35:30,258 --> 00:35:31,694
Oh! Ooh!
666
00:35:33,174 --> 00:35:35,394
[ dramatic chord plays]
667
00:35:35,437 --> 00:35:37,918
JOANNA: Bobbie.Yeah?
668
00:35:37,961 --> 00:35:39,746
Are you making anthrax?
669
00:35:39,789 --> 00:35:40,703
Excuse me.
670
00:35:40,747 --> 00:35:42,618
I ve been busy.
My new book.
671
00:35:42,662 --> 00:35:44,272
But can t you hire someone
to clean?
672
00:35:44,316 --> 00:35:45,795
Someone brave?
673
00:35:45,839 --> 00:35:48,885
Dave says I got to do it myself,
like Sarah Sunderson.
674
00:35:48,929 --> 00:35:50,017
Ooh, could you believe her?
675
00:35:50,060 --> 00:35:51,801
But, darling,
her home is spotless.
676
00:35:51,845 --> 00:35:53,803
And she s having
incredible sex
677
00:35:53,847 --> 00:35:56,676
in the middle of the day
with her husband.
678
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:57,807
Well, I m sorry,
679
00:35:57,851 --> 00:35:59,592
but my shrink says
I need creative chaos.
680
00:35:59,635 --> 00:36:01,159
My therapist says
I need boundaries.
681
00:36:01,202 --> 00:36:02,464
My doctor
said I need
682
00:36:02,508 --> 00:36:04,074
enough electricity
to jumpstart Vegas.
683
00:36:04,118 --> 00:36:05,163
Whoo!
684
00:36:05,206 --> 00:36:06,164
You ever done Zoloft?
685
00:36:06,207 --> 00:36:07,469
Oh! Kid stuff.
686
00:36:07,513 --> 00:36:10,820
Xanax. I worship Xanax.
I m old-fashioned.
687
00:36:10,864 --> 00:36:13,083
I like Prozac
with a Viagra chaser.
688
00:36:13,127 --> 00:36:15,173
You re up,
and you re up!
689
00:36:15,216 --> 00:36:16,652
Oh, Roger.
690
00:36:16,696 --> 00:36:19,133
Viagra.
691
00:36:19,177 --> 00:36:22,571
Hey, is there something
that you need to tell us?
692
00:36:22,615 --> 00:36:23,485
Well...
693
00:36:23,529 --> 00:36:25,357
Sharing.
Mm-hm.
694
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,447
Okay. Okay.
695
00:36:30,100 --> 00:36:32,929
Jerry and I have been
in couple s counseling...
696
00:36:32,973 --> 00:36:35,149
for over a year...
697
00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:36,498
and finally...
698
00:36:36,542 --> 00:36:38,021
Finally I just couldn t
take it anymore.
699
00:36:38,065 --> 00:36:41,242
I howled, "You ve become
a gay Republican."
700
00:36:41,286 --> 00:36:44,332
And he said,
"What s wrong with that?"
701
00:36:44,376 --> 00:36:45,899
I said,
"What s wrong with that?
702
00:36:45,942 --> 00:36:48,597
That s like wanting to be gay
with a bad haircut."
703
00:36:48,641 --> 00:36:50,120
Exactly.
704
00:36:50,164 --> 00:36:52,993
So the counselor suggested
that we move to the burbs.
705
00:36:53,036 --> 00:36:54,212
To find a balance.
706
00:36:54,255 --> 00:36:56,214
We moved here
as a last resort.
707
00:36:56,257 --> 00:36:59,217
Court order. Don t ask.
708
00:36:59,260 --> 00:37:02,045
Okay. I know
this is unthinkable,
709
00:37:02,089 --> 00:37:06,789
but what if we could actually
learn how to be happy...
710
00:37:06,833 --> 00:37:10,706
without Paxil
or compulsive overeating?
711
00:37:10,750 --> 00:37:14,362
What if we actually gave
this whole thing a try for real,
712
00:37:14,406 --> 00:37:16,408
the whole Stepford thing?
713
00:37:26,418 --> 00:37:29,377
[ men yelling in distance]
714
00:37:29,421 --> 00:37:32,598
[ loud cheering, shouting]
715
00:37:33,773 --> 00:37:35,992
Get em. Get em.Whoo.
716
00:37:37,298 --> 00:37:40,301
Hey, yeah!Only one can survive.
717
00:37:40,345 --> 00:37:43,609
Zeus! Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!
718
00:37:43,652 --> 00:37:45,175
Zeus! Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!
719
00:37:45,219 --> 00:37:46,960
Zeus! Zeus!
Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!
720
00:37:47,003 --> 00:37:48,309
DAVE:
Come on, Kresbo, baby.
721
00:37:48,353 --> 00:37:49,615
Zeus! Zeus!Rip her bra off!
722
00:37:49,658 --> 00:37:51,269
MEN: Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!
723
00:37:51,312 --> 00:37:54,272
Yeah!Yeah!
724
00:37:54,315 --> 00:37:57,623
Zeus rules the universe!
725
00:37:58,798 --> 00:38:03,281
And Ted owes Walter
20 big ones!
726
00:38:04,282 --> 00:38:06,153
Ah, to be a man.
727
00:38:06,196 --> 00:38:07,850
Whoo!
728
00:38:08,938 --> 00:38:10,113
[ Walter sighs]
729
00:38:10,157 --> 00:38:12,768
So, Walt,
730
00:38:12,812 --> 00:38:15,989
you and Stepford,
it seems like a real match.
731
00:38:16,032 --> 00:38:21,908
I ll say. I mean, the town
and the houses. This place.
732
00:38:21,951 --> 00:38:24,345
Well, it s like a dream.
It s like...
733
00:38:24,389 --> 00:38:26,608
Like the way life
was meant to be.
734
00:38:26,652 --> 00:38:31,004
And all of your wives.
Oh, my God.
735
00:38:31,047 --> 00:38:35,443
Oh, my God.
They re so... So, um...
736
00:38:35,487 --> 00:38:37,663
Sweet?[ men chuckling]
737
00:38:37,706 --> 00:38:39,317
Sizzling?
738
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:40,970
Super fine?
739
00:38:41,014 --> 00:38:43,233
[ men laugh]
740
00:38:43,277 --> 00:38:47,325
[ bright, pastoral theme plays]
741
00:39:04,211 --> 00:39:05,604
Well... [ laughs]
742
00:39:06,605 --> 00:39:08,563
We are all so thrilled
to be here
743
00:39:08,607 --> 00:39:10,435
at the Stepford Book Club,
744
00:39:10,478 --> 00:39:12,350
I can t tell you.
745
00:39:12,393 --> 00:39:13,525
Mm.
746
00:39:13,568 --> 00:39:16,484
Now, I have just finished
the third volume
747
00:39:16,528 --> 00:39:19,618
of Robert Caro s Life of Lyndon Johnson,
748
00:39:19,661 --> 00:39:23,143
and I am dying
for the next installment.
749
00:39:24,274 --> 00:39:26,146
Well... [ laughs]
750
00:39:26,189 --> 00:39:28,409
That s all marvelous,
751
00:39:28,453 --> 00:39:30,498
but today we are going
to discuss...
752
00:39:30,542 --> 00:39:32,021
Well, it is probably
753
00:39:32,065 --> 00:39:35,503
the most important book
any of us will ever read.
754
00:39:35,547 --> 00:39:40,813
Yes, it is provocative,
but it is also inspiring.
755
00:39:40,856 --> 00:39:44,556
The Heritage Hills Special
Edition Golden Deluxe Treasury
756
00:39:44,599 --> 00:39:46,688
of Christmas Keepsakes
and Collectibles.
757
00:39:46,732 --> 00:39:49,125
[ gasping, squealing]
758
00:39:50,736 --> 00:39:53,478
[ applause, chattering]
759
00:39:57,438 --> 00:39:59,005
This book said to me,
760
00:39:59,048 --> 00:40:02,182
"Let s celebrate the birth
of our Lord Jesus Christ
761
00:40:02,225 --> 00:40:03,618
with yarn."
762
00:40:03,662 --> 00:40:05,403
[ sighing]WOMAN: That s beautiful.
763
00:40:05,446 --> 00:40:06,708
Now, Bobbie,
764
00:40:06,752 --> 00:40:08,710
we all realize you re
probably feeling
765
00:40:08,754 --> 00:40:10,277
a bit uncomfortable
with this week s book
766
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:11,583
because you re...
767
00:40:11,626 --> 00:40:13,367
Oh, what s the word
I m looking for?
768
00:40:13,411 --> 00:40:14,412
New?
769
00:40:14,455 --> 00:40:16,109
Scared?Cranky?
770
00:40:16,152 --> 00:40:17,240
Jewish.
771
00:40:17,284 --> 00:40:18,590
Same thing.
772
00:40:18,633 --> 00:40:21,419
But the Heritage Hill series
is very inclusive.
773
00:40:21,462 --> 00:40:25,901
In fact, there is a whole
chapter about Hanukkah.
774
00:40:25,945 --> 00:40:27,033
WOMEN:
Oh.
775
00:40:27,076 --> 00:40:28,904
I just love the chapter
on pinecones.
776
00:40:28,948 --> 00:40:31,254
They re not just
for wreaths and centerpieces.
777
00:40:31,298 --> 00:40:35,084
You can use pinecones to create
a very special Yuletide menorah.
778
00:40:35,128 --> 00:40:37,347
Your pinecone snowman
could be Jewish.
779
00:40:37,391 --> 00:40:38,958
Just add one
of those little beanies.
780
00:40:39,001 --> 00:40:41,787
Or maybe I could just use
hundreds of pinecones
781
00:40:41,830 --> 00:40:44,137
to spell out the words,
"Big Jew,"
782
00:40:44,180 --> 00:40:47,793
in letters 15 feet tall
in the snow in my front yard.
783
00:40:51,927 --> 00:40:54,756
That s a wonderful idea.[ women laugh]
784
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,759
WOMAN: Oh, yes, yes.WOMAN 2: That s very wonderful.
785
00:40:57,803 --> 00:40:59,805
WOMAN 3: Yes.WOMAN 4: She s so smart.
786
00:40:59,848 --> 00:41:03,852
I love the idea of creating
a life-sized Santa Claus,
787
00:41:03,896 --> 00:41:06,464
all out of pinecones.Okay, I love that.
788
00:41:06,507 --> 00:41:10,859
I m going to use a pinecone in
my nativity as the baby Jesus.
789
00:41:10,903 --> 00:41:14,515
And I m going to attach
a pinecone to my vibrator
790
00:41:14,559 --> 00:41:17,126
and have a really
merry Christmas.
791
00:41:17,170 --> 00:41:18,693
Oh...
792
00:41:20,347 --> 00:41:22,654
Here comes Santa Claus,
here comes Santa Claus ♪
793
00:41:22,697 --> 00:41:24,264
Right down Santa Claus Lane ♪
794
00:41:24,307 --> 00:41:26,571
He s got a bag
that s filled with toys ♪
795
00:41:26,614 --> 00:41:28,834
For the boys and girls again ♪
796
00:41:28,877 --> 00:41:30,879
Hear those sleigh bells
jingle-jangle ♪
797
00:41:30,923 --> 00:41:32,620
What a beautiful sight ♪
798
00:41:32,664 --> 00:41:34,796
So jump in bed,
cover up your head ♪
799
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:36,537
Because Santa Claus
comes tonight ♪
800
00:41:36,581 --> 00:41:39,235
CLAIRE: Who?Santa Claus comes tonight ♪
801
00:41:39,279 --> 00:41:40,802
[ men laughing]
802
00:41:40,846 --> 00:41:43,501
Joanna, how is she
fitting in?
803
00:41:43,544 --> 00:41:45,111
Well...
804
00:41:46,547 --> 00:41:48,549
Okay...
805
00:41:48,593 --> 00:41:50,246
I m among friends, right?
806
00:41:50,290 --> 00:41:51,378
Of course.
Yeah.
807
00:41:51,421 --> 00:41:52,727
So...
808
00:41:52,771 --> 00:41:56,165
Joanna and I had this big talk,
809
00:41:56,209 --> 00:41:58,385
and we were really open
with each other.
810
00:41:58,428 --> 00:42:02,389
I mean, we really
got it all out.
811
00:42:02,432 --> 00:42:03,999
And I think from now on...
812
00:42:05,697 --> 00:42:08,003
...she s gonna be very,
very different.
813
00:42:08,047 --> 00:42:09,788
[ stifled laughter]
814
00:42:12,225 --> 00:42:16,185
You think Joanna s
really going to change?
815
00:42:16,229 --> 00:42:20,668
Yes, I do. Absolutely.
816
00:42:20,712 --> 00:42:23,236
And how long
have you been married?
817
00:42:23,279 --> 00:42:25,543
[ laughter]
818
00:42:31,592 --> 00:42:33,202
[ laughter fades]Ted!
819
00:42:33,246 --> 00:42:34,595
Yes.
820
00:42:34,639 --> 00:42:36,902
Don t you owe Walter $20?
821
00:42:42,255 --> 00:42:44,910
That s absolutely right,
I do.
822
00:42:44,953 --> 00:42:46,607
Babe!
823
00:42:46,651 --> 00:42:48,087
[ footsteps]
824
00:42:55,703 --> 00:42:57,400
Yes, darling?
825
00:42:57,444 --> 00:43:00,665
Walt, sit down.
826
00:43:02,754 --> 00:43:04,582
[ sighs]
827
00:43:04,625 --> 00:43:06,627
I need 20.
828
00:43:06,671 --> 00:43:09,935
You know my PIN.Of course.
829
00:43:11,066 --> 00:43:12,720
[ teeth clicking,
electronic beep]
830
00:43:12,764 --> 00:43:14,069
[ beeping, whirring]
831
00:43:14,113 --> 00:43:17,072
[ beeping, clicking]
832
00:43:17,116 --> 00:43:20,815
[ buzzing, whirring]
833
00:43:21,903 --> 00:43:23,688
[ gears grinding]
834
00:43:40,748 --> 00:43:44,360
[ eerie waltz theme playing, ethereal chorus vocalizing
]
835
00:43:58,853 --> 00:44:01,029
She gives singles.
836
00:44:04,729 --> 00:44:07,645
[ men chuckle, laugh]
837
00:44:07,688 --> 00:44:10,343
[ men clapping]
838
00:44:17,002 --> 00:44:18,830
[ beep, motor whirs down]
839
00:44:20,353 --> 00:44:22,050
[ man laughs,
speaks indistinctly]
840
00:44:23,617 --> 00:44:25,663
[ timer chimes]
841
00:44:27,055 --> 00:44:28,404
Ah.
842
00:44:32,844 --> 00:44:34,715
Are these all
for day camp tomorrow?
843
00:44:34,759 --> 00:44:37,370
I just want you
to be proud of me, honey.
844
00:44:37,413 --> 00:44:39,154
[ Robo Rover barks]
845
00:44:39,198 --> 00:44:41,330
PETE:
Dad, watch this.
846
00:44:41,374 --> 00:44:43,768
Ball.
847
00:44:43,811 --> 00:44:45,987
[ squeaks]
Hm?
848
00:44:46,031 --> 00:44:47,641
Aren t robots cool?
849
00:44:47,685 --> 00:44:49,817
Oh, yeah.
850
00:44:49,861 --> 00:44:53,516
May I speak to the man
of the house?
851
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:55,127
Snot-butt.Bugmaster Markowitz.
852
00:44:55,170 --> 00:44:57,390
Stone-cold Thriller
Killer Kresbo.
853
00:44:57,433 --> 00:44:58,565
Cupcakes, anyone?
854
00:44:58,608 --> 00:45:00,915
Cupcakes!Cupcakes.
855
00:45:00,959 --> 00:45:02,047
Hey, right on time.
856
00:45:02,090 --> 00:45:03,831
Jo, these are smoking.
857
00:45:03,875 --> 00:45:05,354
Why don t you make
stuff like this?
858
00:45:05,398 --> 00:45:06,355
Why don t you?
859
00:45:06,399 --> 00:45:09,010
Because I have a penis.
860
00:45:09,054 --> 00:45:11,839
We should get moving.Yeah, we got a meeting.
861
00:45:11,883 --> 00:45:13,623
At the Men s
Association.
862
00:45:13,667 --> 00:45:16,322
When will you
be home, honey?
863
00:45:19,368 --> 00:45:22,154
When I m home.
864
00:45:22,197 --> 00:45:24,112
[ door opens, closes][ sighs]
865
00:45:24,156 --> 00:45:26,245
[ speaking indistinctly]
866
00:45:41,564 --> 00:45:44,089
Call a sitter.
867
00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:54,186
JOANNA [ whispers]:
Bobbie, are you
sure about this?
868
00:45:54,229 --> 00:45:57,493
BOBBIE:
We re not spying.
We re just visiting.
869
00:45:57,537 --> 00:46:00,061
Fellas, I can t tell you
how happy we are
870
00:46:00,105 --> 00:46:02,716
to welcome
all of this new blood.
871
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,587
MAN: You said it, Mike.MAN 2: That s right.
872
00:46:04,631 --> 00:46:06,938
ROGER:
I love, love this space.
873
00:46:06,981 --> 00:46:10,463
It s very Ralph Lauren
meets Sherlock Holmes.
874
00:46:10,506 --> 00:46:12,639
To me, it says,
"I have taste and a scrotum."
875
00:46:12,682 --> 00:46:13,771
Roger, you promised.What?
876
00:46:13,814 --> 00:46:15,555
Whore.Bore.
877
00:46:15,598 --> 00:46:16,817
Sorry.
878
00:46:16,861 --> 00:46:18,906
No, no, no.
Jerry, you re gonna find
879
00:46:18,950 --> 00:46:20,560
that Stepford
is very open-minded and...
880
00:46:20,603 --> 00:46:21,822
MAN: Oh, yeah.
881
00:46:21,866 --> 00:46:23,171
...we welcome you
and your partner,
882
00:46:23,215 --> 00:46:24,825
just like
any other couple.
883
00:46:24,869 --> 00:46:26,261
MAN 2: Absolutely. Any other.MAN 3: Of course.
884
00:46:26,305 --> 00:46:28,220
MAN 4: That s right.Girlfriend.
885
00:46:29,830 --> 00:46:31,571
Miss-- Miss Thing.
886
00:46:33,834 --> 00:46:35,227
To Stepford!
887
00:46:35,270 --> 00:46:38,012
[ in unison]:
Stepford!
888
00:46:38,056 --> 00:46:39,840
[ men chattering]
889
00:46:39,884 --> 00:46:41,537
MAN 5: You bet.
890
00:46:41,581 --> 00:46:43,104
MAN 6: Yeah.
891
00:46:43,148 --> 00:46:45,324
[ chattering continues]
892
00:46:46,673 --> 00:46:48,196
Dang it.
Come on, let s go.
893
00:46:48,240 --> 00:46:50,851
You think this is all right,
sneaking around?
894
00:46:50,895 --> 00:46:52,374
Add it up.
895
00:46:52,418 --> 00:46:56,596
All the women around here
are perfect sex-kitten bimbos.
896
00:46:56,639 --> 00:46:59,251
All the men are drooling nerds.
897
00:46:59,294 --> 00:47:01,731
Doesn t that seem strange?Not to me.
898
00:47:01,775 --> 00:47:03,864
Why not?I work in television.
899
00:47:03,908 --> 00:47:06,519
Oh, come on.
900
00:47:06,562 --> 00:47:08,956
You know, Walter,
I think Joanna is right.
901
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,262
I think Stepford
is the answer.
902
00:47:10,305 --> 00:47:13,526
She s a great gal.Or she will be.
903
00:47:13,569 --> 00:47:15,267
[ thud]
904
00:47:18,357 --> 00:47:21,926
BOBBIE: Come on, help me up.JOANNA: We shouldn t be here.
905
00:47:21,969 --> 00:47:24,493
Oh, come on.
Don t be such a chicken.
906
00:47:24,537 --> 00:47:28,410
I should be home
with my cupcakes.
Why?
907
00:47:28,454 --> 00:47:31,152
Because you only made
5,000 of them?
908
00:47:31,196 --> 00:47:35,548
We re trespassing.Only if we get caught.
909
00:47:36,636 --> 00:47:38,899
Damn, I can t see a thing.
910
00:47:38,943 --> 00:47:40,727
Oh, there s the light.
There it is.
911
00:47:40,770 --> 00:47:43,208
No, Bobbie.
912
00:47:58,571 --> 00:48:01,095
This is like
some alien freak show.
913
00:48:01,139 --> 00:48:03,532
Why? They re just
family portraits.
914
00:48:03,576 --> 00:48:05,056
Yeah, that s what I said.
915
00:48:06,187 --> 00:48:08,363
[ footsteps approaching]
916
00:48:09,495 --> 00:48:11,410
The lights.
917
00:48:14,761 --> 00:48:16,284
We should
get out of here.
918
00:48:16,328 --> 00:48:18,112
Shh!
919
00:48:20,071 --> 00:48:22,421
Should we run?Shh.
920
00:48:27,948 --> 00:48:29,994
Oh, my God.
921
00:49:02,722 --> 00:49:04,637
[ imitates Hannibal Lecter]:
Clarice?
922
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:05,899
[ tongue flicking lips]
923
00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:07,248
Hi, girls!
924
00:49:07,292 --> 00:49:08,858
Roger!
925
00:49:08,902 --> 00:49:10,251
You scared us.
926
00:49:10,295 --> 00:49:11,949
What are you doing in here?What s going on?
927
00:49:11,992 --> 00:49:15,256
Do they have hookers or old Playboys
or cable porn?
928
00:49:15,300 --> 00:49:17,650
Oh, please.
They barely have throw pillows.
929
00:49:17,693 --> 00:49:19,608
[ footsteps approaching]Ooh!
930
00:49:19,652 --> 00:49:22,002
BOBBIE: They re coming.The menfolk.
931
00:49:22,046 --> 00:49:24,352
Call us.
Okay.
932
00:49:25,397 --> 00:49:27,312
MIKE: Rog?
933
00:49:29,009 --> 00:49:31,751
What was it?
Did you see anyone?
934
00:49:31,794 --> 00:49:33,274
Not a soul.
935
00:49:33,318 --> 00:49:36,495
But what s back here anyway,
in all of these rooms?
936
00:49:36,538 --> 00:49:38,366
Storage? Sweaters?
937
00:49:38,410 --> 00:49:39,802
Bodies?
938
00:49:39,846 --> 00:49:41,021
Jerry.
939
00:49:41,065 --> 00:49:44,198
Do you see that door
on your left?
940
00:49:44,242 --> 00:49:45,634
Check it out.
941
00:49:45,678 --> 00:49:48,376
Oh, boy.
942
00:49:51,423 --> 00:49:53,773
Why, I can t see anything.
It s dark.
943
00:49:53,816 --> 00:49:55,253
Use your flashlight.Oh.
944
00:49:55,296 --> 00:49:56,602
I feel like Nancy Drew
945
00:49:56,645 --> 00:49:59,997
in The Mystery of the Mid-life Crisis.
946
00:50:05,089 --> 00:50:07,787
Hm. What am I looking for?
947
00:50:07,830 --> 00:50:09,919
Look down.
948
00:50:09,963 --> 00:50:12,226
[ motor whirring]
949
00:50:14,968 --> 00:50:16,056
[ whirring stops]
950
00:50:16,100 --> 00:50:17,797
[ scoffs]
951
00:50:18,885 --> 00:50:20,365
Uh...
952
00:50:23,716 --> 00:50:25,674
Jerry?
953
00:50:30,114 --> 00:50:32,420
Roger!
954
00:50:33,552 --> 00:50:34,901
Roger!
955
00:50:34,944 --> 00:50:37,686
Bobbie.
Roger!
956
00:50:37,730 --> 00:50:39,688
Bobbie?
Roger!
957
00:50:42,126 --> 00:50:44,171
Roger said there was
nothing going on
958
00:50:44,215 --> 00:50:45,520
at the Men s Association.
959
00:50:45,564 --> 00:50:47,479
Well, then why doesn t
he answer the phone?
960
00:50:47,522 --> 00:50:49,611
It s been two days.Bobbie.
961
00:50:49,655 --> 00:50:51,831
Roger!
962
00:50:51,874 --> 00:50:54,051
Roger!
963
00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:58,881
Isn t that
his favorite shirt,
964
00:50:58,925 --> 00:51:01,406
the Dolce & Gabbana?
965
00:51:05,801 --> 00:51:07,542
And the Guccis.
966
00:51:07,586 --> 00:51:10,241
And the Versace.Maybe he s donating them.
967
00:51:10,284 --> 00:51:12,895
To what?
The gay homeless?
968
00:51:12,939 --> 00:51:15,289
He loved this.
969
00:51:16,247 --> 00:51:19,076
His program
from Hairspray.
970
00:51:19,119 --> 00:51:21,339
Oh, my God.What is it?
971
00:51:23,428 --> 00:51:25,473
Viggo.
972
00:51:27,214 --> 00:51:29,782
[ marching band plays fanfare]
973
00:51:42,055 --> 00:51:44,623
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
I m Jerry Harmon, and I--
974
00:51:44,666 --> 00:51:49,323
I know I m pretty new here,
but already I feel so at home.
975
00:51:49,367 --> 00:51:51,586
But why did Jerry ask us
to meet him here?
976
00:51:51,630 --> 00:51:54,589
JERRY:
Proud that I can introduce
977
00:51:54,633 --> 00:51:56,809
Stepford s brand-new candidate
for state senate.
978
00:51:56,852 --> 00:52:01,248
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Mr. Roger Bannister.
979
00:52:02,206 --> 00:52:03,946
What?
980
00:52:03,990 --> 00:52:05,600
[ band plays fanfare]
981
00:52:08,995 --> 00:52:11,302
He s wonderful.
982
00:52:20,963 --> 00:52:22,661
ROGER:
Thank you.
983
00:52:22,704 --> 00:52:24,750
Thank you so much.
984
00:52:24,793 --> 00:52:26,055
You may very well ask,
985
00:52:26,099 --> 00:52:28,057
what are my qualifications
for higher office?
986
00:52:28,101 --> 00:52:30,408
Well, I believe in Stepford,
987
00:52:30,451 --> 00:52:33,454
America
and the power of prayer.
988
00:52:33,498 --> 00:52:36,805
Values I ve discovered
thanks to my partner,
989
00:52:36,849 --> 00:52:40,461
in life and in the Lord,
Jerry Harmon.
990
00:52:40,505 --> 00:52:42,942
[ cheering, applause]
991
00:52:42,985 --> 00:52:44,726
[ speaks indistinctly]
992
00:52:44,770 --> 00:52:46,293
Roger. Roger.
993
00:52:46,337 --> 00:52:49,427
Yes. Is there a question?
Mrs. Markowitz?
994
00:52:49,470 --> 00:52:52,908
So... You...
You two are happy now?
995
00:52:52,952 --> 00:52:54,258
More than ever.
996
00:52:54,301 --> 00:52:55,955
Because now I know
that being gay doesn t mean
997
00:52:55,998 --> 00:52:59,306
a guy has to be effeminate
or flamboyant or sensitive.
998
00:52:59,350 --> 00:53:00,568
[ deep voice]:
I m no sissy.
999
00:53:00,612 --> 00:53:02,222
No.MAN: Way to go, Roger!
1000
00:53:02,266 --> 00:53:03,789
MAN 2: That s a man!
1001
00:53:03,832 --> 00:53:04,790
Roger?
1002
00:53:04,833 --> 00:53:07,140
Yes. Mrs. Walter Kresby.
1003
00:53:07,184 --> 00:53:08,315
Roger, I don t understand.
1004
00:53:08,359 --> 00:53:10,012
You were out there,
you were Roger.
1005
00:53:10,056 --> 00:53:11,318
And now...
1006
00:53:11,362 --> 00:53:13,320
Now you re different.
Your hair, your clothes.
1007
00:53:13,364 --> 00:53:14,843
You re like someone else.
1008
00:53:14,887 --> 00:53:16,323
People change.
1009
00:53:16,367 --> 00:53:18,325
You can t stop Stepford.
1010
00:53:18,369 --> 00:53:22,503
JERRY & CROWD:
You can t stop Stepford.
You can t stop Stepford.
1011
00:53:22,547 --> 00:53:25,898
You can t stop Stepford.
You can t stop Stepford.
1012
00:53:25,941 --> 00:53:29,162
You can t stop Stepford.
You can t stop Stepford.
1013
00:53:29,206 --> 00:53:32,731
You can t stop Stepford.
You can t stop Stepford.
1014
00:53:32,774 --> 00:53:35,516
You can t stop Stepford.
You can t stop Stepford.
1015
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:38,911
You can t stop Stepford.
You can t stop Stepford.
1016
00:53:38,954 --> 00:53:41,783
You can t stop Stepford.
You can t stop Stepford.
1017
00:53:41,827 --> 00:53:44,525
You can t stop Stepford.
You can t stop Stepford.
1018
00:53:44,569 --> 00:53:47,615
You can t stop Stepford.
You can t stop Stepford.
1019
00:53:47,659 --> 00:53:49,661
So that s why we have
to leave Stepford?
1020
00:53:49,704 --> 00:53:51,706
I m not following.
Okay.
1021
00:53:51,750 --> 00:53:56,537
Before... Roger was witty
and stylish and ironic.
1022
00:53:56,581 --> 00:53:58,539
And I m sure he still is.No.
1023
00:53:58,583 --> 00:54:01,412
Now he s making speeches
in a Brooks Brothers suit.
1024
00:54:01,455 --> 00:54:03,544
Hey, there s lots
of ways to be gay.
1025
00:54:03,588 --> 00:54:05,285
Don t try to make him
into a stereotype.
1026
00:54:05,329 --> 00:54:07,809
Oh-ho-ho-ho.
1027
00:54:07,853 --> 00:54:10,595
Bobbie is right,
and she s leaving too.
1028
00:54:10,638 --> 00:54:13,685
This place
does something to people.
1029
00:54:13,728 --> 00:54:18,211
All of the women are always busy
and perfect and smiling,
1030
00:54:18,255 --> 00:54:20,039
and all of the men
are always happy.
1031
00:54:20,082 --> 00:54:21,736
And that s a problem
because...?
1032
00:54:21,780 --> 00:54:24,173
Because it s not
normal, Walter.
1033
00:54:24,217 --> 00:54:27,742
It s-- It s not the world.
It s not us.
1034
00:54:27,786 --> 00:54:31,268
And I m picking up our kids
from camp right now,
1035
00:54:31,311 --> 00:54:34,271
and we re getting
out of here.
1036
00:54:34,314 --> 00:54:35,794
[ sighs]
1037
00:54:35,837 --> 00:54:38,536
With or without you.
1038
00:54:40,146 --> 00:54:41,626
[ softly exhales]
1039
00:54:41,669 --> 00:54:43,280
[ sofly exhales]
1040
00:54:44,324 --> 00:54:45,717
[ sighs]
1041
00:54:47,849 --> 00:54:49,677
[ Joanna turning doorknob]
1042
00:54:56,815 --> 00:54:58,207
[ pings]ELECTRONIC VOICE: Secure.
1043
00:54:58,251 --> 00:55:00,601
[ yells]
1044
00:55:00,645 --> 00:55:02,951
You ll never change,
will you?
1045
00:55:02,995 --> 00:55:05,737
Not really.
1046
00:55:05,780 --> 00:55:07,608
Open the door.
1047
00:55:11,525 --> 00:55:13,919
[ pinging]
1048
00:55:13,962 --> 00:55:15,355
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Unlock front.
1049
00:55:15,399 --> 00:55:16,748
[ locks slide open]
1050
00:55:16,791 --> 00:55:18,837
And you re right.[ door opens]
1051
00:55:22,406 --> 00:55:24,321
About what?
1052
00:55:25,539 --> 00:55:30,327
If you re that unhappy,
then we should move.
1053
00:55:30,370 --> 00:55:33,068
Maybe head back
to the city.
1054
00:55:33,112 --> 00:55:35,723
We could leave
tomorrow.
1055
00:55:37,116 --> 00:55:38,770
Thank you.
1056
00:55:40,467 --> 00:55:42,904
[ sighs]
1057
00:55:42,948 --> 00:55:44,732
Thank you.
1058
00:55:48,432 --> 00:55:50,042
Mm.
1059
00:56:01,314 --> 00:56:03,621
[ whimpering]
1060
00:56:04,883 --> 00:56:05,884
Mm.
1061
00:56:05,927 --> 00:56:08,103
[ whimpering continues]
1062
00:56:10,758 --> 00:56:12,456
Huh?
1063
00:56:19,332 --> 00:56:23,641
What you got there? Huh?
1064
00:56:29,951 --> 00:56:32,171
[ dramatic chord plays]
1065
00:56:34,565 --> 00:56:37,089
[ typing]
1066
00:57:25,833 --> 00:57:27,922
[ Robo Rover whines]
1067
00:57:29,489 --> 00:57:31,665
[ whines, whimpers]
1068
00:57:34,625 --> 00:57:35,713
WALTER:
Sweetcakes?
1069
00:57:35,756 --> 00:57:37,149
[ gasps]
1070
00:57:37,192 --> 00:57:40,239
It s 4 a.m.
What are you up to?
1071
00:57:40,282 --> 00:57:43,982
Just recipes for tomorrow.
I like to get a head start.
1072
00:57:44,025 --> 00:57:45,026
On what?
1073
00:57:45,070 --> 00:57:47,115
Uh, apple pie.
Bobbie recommended it.
1074
00:57:47,159 --> 00:57:49,117
I ll be right up.
1075
00:57:49,161 --> 00:57:50,554
[ sighs]
1076
00:57:52,077 --> 00:57:53,774
Walter?
1077
00:57:55,297 --> 00:57:56,995
Babe?
1078
00:58:20,322 --> 00:58:24,022
Bobbie? Bobbie!
1079
00:58:26,633 --> 00:58:28,505
Oh, my God.
1080
00:58:38,210 --> 00:58:40,299
Bobbie?
1081
00:58:53,791 --> 00:58:56,707
Good morning, Joanna.
1082
00:58:59,971 --> 00:59:02,060
Isn t it a lovely morning?
1083
00:59:03,844 --> 00:59:05,585
That s a pretty color.
1084
00:59:05,629 --> 00:59:06,847
BOY: Mom!BOY 2: Mom!
1085
00:59:06,891 --> 00:59:08,980
Good morning,
my precious ones.
1086
00:59:09,023 --> 00:59:12,853
And thank you for leaving
your requests on my e-mail.
1087
00:59:12,897 --> 00:59:16,335
Adam, you wanted peanut butter
and jelly, no crusts,
1088
00:59:16,378 --> 00:59:18,598
a Snickers bar and a Rolex.
1089
00:59:18,642 --> 00:59:20,774
Ben, here s
a whole-wheat burrito,
1090
00:59:20,818 --> 00:59:22,210
a soy protein shake
1091
00:59:22,254 --> 00:59:24,517
and three pieces
of German chocolate layer cake.
1092
00:59:24,561 --> 00:59:26,563
From scratch?Of course.
1093
00:59:26,606 --> 00:59:27,738
And, Max,
1094
00:59:27,781 --> 00:59:29,566
you get bacon,
lettuce and tomato
1095
00:59:29,609 --> 00:59:31,568
on a lightly-toasted
sesame seed bagel.
1096
00:59:31,611 --> 00:59:33,091
But what about
my action figures?
1097
00:59:33,134 --> 00:59:34,832
There s Mace Windu
and Amidala.
1098
00:59:34,875 --> 00:59:37,269
Where s Boba Fett?They were out.
1099
00:59:37,312 --> 00:59:40,272
Mom!
Here s $500.
1100
00:59:40,315 --> 00:59:42,796
All right.
1101
00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:45,103
BOYS [ in unison]:
Bye, Mom. Bye, Joanna.
1102
00:59:45,146 --> 00:59:48,062
Oh, they grow up so fast.
I think I ll have three more.
1103
00:59:48,106 --> 00:59:50,891
Bobbie, listen to me.
What have they done to you, huh?
1104
00:59:50,935 --> 00:59:53,851
What have they done to you?
Is it drugs?
1105
00:59:53,894 --> 00:59:57,506
Is it brainwashing?
Come on, hey, talk to me.
1106
00:59:57,550 --> 00:59:59,073
Of course,
but only for a minute.
1107
00:59:59,117 --> 01:00:01,772
Then I have to get to work
on this pigsty.
Oh, my--
1108
01:00:01,815 --> 01:00:03,730
Coffee?No. No coffee.
1109
01:00:03,774 --> 01:00:06,254
Bobbie. Bobbie, last night
I went online, all right,
1110
01:00:06,298 --> 01:00:07,691
and I found out
1111
01:00:07,734 --> 01:00:10,258
that all of the women here,
they used to be big deals,
1112
01:00:10,302 --> 01:00:13,305
I mean, big deals.
CEOs, executives, judges.
1113
01:00:13,348 --> 01:00:16,308
Sarah Sunderson,
she used to run an airline.
1114
01:00:16,351 --> 01:00:18,527
[ gasps]
With that perfect skin?
1115
01:00:18,571 --> 01:00:19,746
No. No, no, no.
1116
01:00:19,790 --> 01:00:21,226
She didn t used
to look like that.
1117
01:00:21,269 --> 01:00:23,228
None of the women did. They--Coffee?
1118
01:00:23,271 --> 01:00:25,752
Coffee? No. No coffee.
1119
01:00:25,796 --> 01:00:30,017
Bobbie. Bobbie.
This isn t you.
1120
01:00:30,061 --> 01:00:33,717
That s right, Joanna.
This isn t me.
1121
01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:36,067
It s a whole new me.
1122
01:00:36,110 --> 01:00:39,940
I m happy and I m healthy
because I understand
1123
01:00:39,984 --> 01:00:41,202
what s important in life.
1124
01:00:41,246 --> 01:00:42,116
Yes.
1125
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:43,988
Your new book.
That s right.
1126
01:00:44,031 --> 01:00:45,903
That s what s important,
my new cookbook.
1127
01:00:45,946 --> 01:00:49,689
And my husband and my family
and making a perfect home.
1128
01:00:49,733 --> 01:00:51,778
It s a lesson
every gal needs to learn.
1129
01:00:51,822 --> 01:00:53,258
Especially you.
1130
01:00:53,301 --> 01:00:56,565
I m your friend, Joanna.
I m going to help you.
1131
01:00:56,609 --> 01:00:58,306
You need me.You stay away from me.
1132
01:00:58,350 --> 01:00:59,873
You re driven.[ glass shatters]
1133
01:00:59,917 --> 01:01:02,484
Well, sometimes.And you re selfish.
1134
01:01:02,528 --> 01:01:05,096
You wanna rule the world.No.
1135
01:01:05,139 --> 01:01:08,795
I can fix you.
I can change you.
1136
01:01:08,839 --> 01:01:13,582
What... have... they...
done to you?
1137
01:01:13,626 --> 01:01:15,280
Let s get busy.
1138
01:01:17,543 --> 01:01:20,285
Answer the phone.
1139
01:01:20,328 --> 01:01:23,592
Hello, is--?
Is this the day camp?
1140
01:01:23,636 --> 01:01:24,942
Oh.
1141
01:01:24,985 --> 01:01:26,987
Yes, this is...
This is Joanna Eberhart.
1142
01:01:27,031 --> 01:01:29,250
I would like to speak
to my children.
1143
01:01:29,294 --> 01:01:31,905
I m coming to pick them up
right now.
1144
01:01:31,949 --> 01:01:34,734
[ thunder rumbling]
1145
01:01:34,778 --> 01:01:36,475
What?
1146
01:01:40,218 --> 01:01:42,699
Walter!
1147
01:01:42,742 --> 01:01:44,744
Walter, where are you?
1148
01:01:44,788 --> 01:01:47,181
I know you ve got the kids.
1149
01:01:47,225 --> 01:01:49,793
Pete, Kimberly!
1150
01:01:55,886 --> 01:01:58,018
[ tires screech]
1151
01:02:00,804 --> 01:02:02,980
[ panting]
1152
01:02:48,634 --> 01:02:51,768
[ thunder crashes]
1153
01:02:51,811 --> 01:02:54,379
Oh, boys.
1154
01:02:56,294 --> 01:02:57,817
Welcome.
1155
01:02:58,687 --> 01:03:00,994
[ thunder crashes]
1156
01:03:14,834 --> 01:03:16,618
Where are my children?
1157
01:03:16,662 --> 01:03:17,837
They re perfectly safe.
1158
01:03:17,881 --> 01:03:19,926
Where are my children?
1159
01:03:19,970 --> 01:03:21,841
You ll see them soon.
1160
01:03:21,885 --> 01:03:23,277
Where s Walter?
1161
01:03:28,674 --> 01:03:29,718
[ sighs]
1162
01:03:29,762 --> 01:03:32,504
How could you do this?
1163
01:03:32,547 --> 01:03:36,813
Ever since we met,
you ve beaten me at everything.
1164
01:03:36,856 --> 01:03:38,249
You re better educated.
1165
01:03:38,292 --> 01:03:40,468
You re stronger,
you re faster.
1166
01:03:40,512 --> 01:03:43,123
You re a better dancer,
a better tennis player.
1167
01:03:43,167 --> 01:03:45,473
You ve always earned
at least six figures more
1168
01:03:45,517 --> 01:03:47,562
than I could ever dream of.
1169
01:03:47,606 --> 01:03:49,608
You re a better speaker,
1170
01:03:49,651 --> 01:03:52,480
a better executive.
1171
01:03:52,524 --> 01:03:55,570
You re even better at sex.
Don t deny it.
1172
01:03:55,614 --> 01:03:57,703
I wasn t going to.
1173
01:03:57,746 --> 01:03:59,661
Well, don t I get anything?
1174
01:03:59,705 --> 01:04:00,967
You got me.
1175
01:04:01,011 --> 01:04:03,056
No, I got to hold your purse.
1176
01:04:03,100 --> 01:04:06,233
I got to tell the kids
that you d be late again.
1177
01:04:06,277 --> 01:04:09,019
I got to tell the press
that you had no comment.
1178
01:04:09,062 --> 01:04:10,803
I got to work for you.
1179
01:04:10,847 --> 01:04:12,196
With me.
1180
01:04:12,239 --> 01:04:14,241
Under you.
1181
01:04:14,285 --> 01:04:16,026
All of us.
1182
01:04:16,069 --> 01:04:18,680
We married wonder women.
1183
01:04:18,724 --> 01:04:20,726
Supergirls.
1184
01:04:20,769 --> 01:04:22,119
Amazon queens.
1185
01:04:22,162 --> 01:04:23,990
Well, you know
what that makes us?
1186
01:04:24,034 --> 01:04:27,864
Smart, worthy, lucky.
1187
01:04:27,907 --> 01:04:30,127
We re the wuss.
1188
01:04:30,170 --> 01:04:31,998
The wind beneath your wings.
1189
01:04:32,042 --> 01:04:33,521
Your support system.
1190
01:04:33,565 --> 01:04:35,872
We re the girl.MAN: And we don t like it.
1191
01:04:35,915 --> 01:04:37,525
No, we don t.Damn right!
1192
01:04:37,569 --> 01:04:39,092
Man!MAN: Yeah. That s right.
1193
01:04:39,136 --> 01:04:41,355
And is this your answer,
to kill us?
1194
01:04:41,399 --> 01:04:45,098
Oh, no. Nothing like that.
We help you. We perfect you.
1195
01:04:45,142 --> 01:04:47,057
By turning us
into robots?
1196
01:04:47,100 --> 01:04:50,277
Does any fraction of these women
still exist?
1197
01:04:50,321 --> 01:04:53,672
Of course.
Almost everything.
1198
01:04:53,715 --> 01:04:54,934
Shall we show her?
1199
01:04:54,978 --> 01:04:56,370
Show me what?
1200
01:04:56,414 --> 01:04:57,806
It s a promotional thing
1201
01:04:57,850 --> 01:05:00,592
I ve been working on
for when we go global.
1202
01:05:02,681 --> 01:05:05,162
Walter, I don t think
you ve seen this.
1203
01:05:08,208 --> 01:05:09,775
[ pings, chiming]
1204
01:05:09,818 --> 01:05:13,910
[ 50s-style educational-film
music plays]
1205
01:05:17,478 --> 01:05:19,959
Some guys ask,
how do we do it?
1206
01:05:20,003 --> 01:05:23,702
In layman s terms,
it s really pretty simple.
1207
01:05:23,745 --> 01:05:25,922
Come on along.
1208
01:05:32,363 --> 01:05:35,627
First, we take a gloomy, dissatisfied woman.
1209
01:05:35,670 --> 01:05:38,978
Then, in a very private experience
1210
01:05:39,022 --> 01:05:40,588
between husband and wife,
1211
01:05:40,632 --> 01:05:46,899
he gently places her in our female improvement system.
1212
01:05:46,943 --> 01:05:49,249
It s fully automated.
1213
01:05:49,293 --> 01:05:51,251
And then, abracadabra.
1214
01:05:51,295 --> 01:05:53,775
Her transformation begins.
1215
01:05:53,819 --> 01:05:57,214
First, we locate her brain.
1216
01:05:57,257 --> 01:06:00,565
We insert a few nanochips.
1217
01:06:00,608 --> 01:06:01,827
Then we program them.
1218
01:06:01,870 --> 01:06:05,222
Also, we add some secret, special ingredients.
1219
01:06:09,226 --> 01:06:11,184
To avoid any accidents,
1220
01:06:11,228 --> 01:06:14,840
her husband is kept at a comfortable distance.
1221
01:06:14,883 --> 01:06:16,755
Safety first.
1222
01:06:20,019 --> 01:06:22,456
Finally, we enhance her,
1223
01:06:22,500 --> 01:06:26,808
to fit the ideal Stepford Wife specifications.
1224
01:06:26,852 --> 01:06:28,245
And...
1225
01:06:29,072 --> 01:06:30,682
...voilà!
1226
01:06:34,425 --> 01:06:37,341
Everything is copasetic.
1227
01:06:39,952 --> 01:06:41,606
Welcome to the future.
1228
01:06:46,219 --> 01:06:47,916
DAVE:
It s a painting again.
1229
01:06:47,960 --> 01:06:49,353
Wha--?
1230
01:06:50,441 --> 01:06:52,791
I should explain.
You see,
1231
01:06:52,834 --> 01:06:55,228
my real name isn t Mike.
1232
01:06:55,272 --> 01:06:57,752
It s just a nickname
from where I used to work.
1233
01:06:57,796 --> 01:06:58,797
Where?
1234
01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:00,712
Microsoft.
1235
01:07:00,755 --> 01:07:02,496
NASA.
1236
01:07:02,540 --> 01:07:03,671
Disney.
1237
01:07:03,715 --> 01:07:05,108
AOL.
1238
01:07:05,151 --> 01:07:06,544
Is that why the women
are so slow?
1239
01:07:06,587 --> 01:07:07,980
MIKE:
Joanna.
1240
01:07:08,024 --> 01:07:11,853
Is this what you
really want?
1241
01:07:11,897 --> 01:07:13,768
Women who behave
like slaves,
1242
01:07:13,812 --> 01:07:17,816
women who are obsessed
with cleaning their kitchens
1243
01:07:17,859 --> 01:07:19,165
and doing their hair,
1244
01:07:19,209 --> 01:07:21,602
women who never challenge you
in any way,
1245
01:07:21,646 --> 01:07:24,605
women who exist only
to wait on you hand and foot?
1246
01:07:24,649 --> 01:07:26,520
MAN: Yeah.MAN 2: That sounds good to me.
1247
01:07:26,564 --> 01:07:28,392
Joanna, you re
a brilliant woman.
1248
01:07:28,435 --> 01:07:30,785
Surely you can appreciate,
at the very least,
1249
01:07:30,829 --> 01:07:32,526
the genius
of the concept.
1250
01:07:32,570 --> 01:07:33,658
Picture it,
1251
01:07:33,701 --> 01:07:35,703
if you could streamline
your spouse,
1252
01:07:35,747 --> 01:07:39,881
if you could overhaul
every annoying habit,
1253
01:07:39,925 --> 01:07:41,448
every physical flaw,
1254
01:07:41,492 --> 01:07:45,061
every moment of whining
and nagging and farting in bed.
1255
01:07:45,104 --> 01:07:46,714
Imagine...
1256
01:07:46,758 --> 01:07:49,891
if you could enjoy
the person you loved,
1257
01:07:49,935 --> 01:07:51,850
but only
at their very best.
1258
01:07:53,243 --> 01:07:57,203
And the only reason
for your anger,
1259
01:07:57,247 --> 01:08:00,902
your resentment, your rage
is really very simple.
1260
01:08:00,946 --> 01:08:04,123
You re furious
because we thought of it first.
1261
01:08:04,167 --> 01:08:05,864
While you were trying
to become men,
1262
01:08:05,907 --> 01:08:07,822
we decided to become gods.
1263
01:08:09,433 --> 01:08:11,087
Let me ask you something,
1264
01:08:11,130 --> 01:08:14,568
these machines,
these Stepford Wives,
1265
01:08:14,612 --> 01:08:16,657
can they say, "I love you"?
1266
01:08:17,789 --> 01:08:19,051
Mike.
1267
01:08:19,095 --> 01:08:20,270
Of course.
1268
01:08:20,313 --> 01:08:22,098
Fifty-eight languages.
1269
01:08:23,925 --> 01:08:26,189
But do they mean it?
1270
01:08:42,335 --> 01:08:45,295
[ metal clunks,
motor whirring]
1271
01:08:53,477 --> 01:08:54,956
[ whirring stops]
1272
01:08:55,000 --> 01:08:56,828
Enjoy.
1273
01:09:24,334 --> 01:09:26,771
[ shocking chord plays]
1274
01:09:26,814 --> 01:09:29,121
[ panting]
1275
01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:31,297
JOANNA:
Oh...
1276
01:09:33,734 --> 01:09:35,649
MIKE:
Walter.
1277
01:09:57,149 --> 01:09:58,759
Walt.
1278
01:10:09,248 --> 01:10:10,771
MIKE:
Joanna.
1279
01:10:10,815 --> 01:10:12,860
Right here.
1280
01:10:28,528 --> 01:10:31,314
[ metal clunks,
motor whirring]
1281
01:10:51,247 --> 01:10:54,815
[ soporific orchestral music
playing over speakers]
1282
01:10:57,949 --> 01:10:59,080
Sarah.
1283
01:10:59,124 --> 01:11:00,995
Claire.
1284
01:11:08,916 --> 01:11:11,484
Marianne.Charmaine.
1285
01:11:16,141 --> 01:11:18,970
Roger.
Roberta.
1286
01:11:23,017 --> 01:11:25,803
[ choir vocalizing
beatifically]
1287
01:11:56,355 --> 01:11:58,096
Who s Margo?That s my wife.
1288
01:11:58,139 --> 01:11:59,445
Oh, Mike!
1289
01:11:59,489 --> 01:12:02,622
[ applause, cheers]
1290
01:12:02,666 --> 01:12:04,755
MEN [ chanting]:
Mike, Mike, Mike!
1291
01:12:04,798 --> 01:12:08,367
Mike, Mike, Mike!
Mike, Mike, Mike!
1292
01:12:15,505 --> 01:12:17,333
Good evening, everyone.
1293
01:12:17,376 --> 01:12:18,943
What a delight to see
1294
01:12:18,986 --> 01:12:22,773
all of our wonderful wives
and their happy, happy husbands.
1295
01:12:22,816 --> 01:12:26,907
Tonight is truly the highlight
of our year because tonight
1296
01:12:26,951 --> 01:12:31,303
we honor our very newest
citizens of Stepford.
1297
01:12:31,347 --> 01:12:34,480
In my opinion, they are
the cream of the crop in couple
1298
01:12:34,524 --> 01:12:37,135
that proudly proclaims
Stepford...
1299
01:12:38,615 --> 01:12:40,181
...the American way of love.
1300
01:12:40,225 --> 01:12:42,619
[ women sigh][ applause]
1301
01:13:08,253 --> 01:13:10,037
Now...
1302
01:13:11,430 --> 01:13:14,390
...I d like to ask my wonderful
woman, my lovely wife,
1303
01:13:14,433 --> 01:13:15,913
my bride, my best friend,
1304
01:13:15,956 --> 01:13:20,221
to join me in a glorious
midsummer night s waltz.
1305
01:13:20,265 --> 01:13:21,440
Aw...
1306
01:13:21,484 --> 01:13:23,616
[ applause]
1307
01:13:28,055 --> 01:13:30,797
[ string instruments playing
staccato melody]
1308
01:13:33,844 --> 01:13:36,542
[ eerie waltz theme playing]
1309
01:13:36,586 --> 01:13:39,415
CLAIRE: Oh.MIKE: Yeah.
1310
01:13:39,458 --> 01:13:41,112
Oh...
1311
01:14:12,273 --> 01:14:14,188
[ soft, girlish voice]:
Is everything perfect?
1312
01:14:14,232 --> 01:14:15,886
Everything.
1313
01:14:17,104 --> 01:14:19,063
Mike.Walter.
1314
01:14:19,106 --> 01:14:20,586
Darling.
1315
01:14:21,718 --> 01:14:25,548
My pleasure.It s an honor.
1316
01:14:27,593 --> 01:14:30,683
Champagne?Allow me.
1317
01:14:49,441 --> 01:14:51,487
[ alarm rings]
1318
01:14:51,530 --> 01:14:53,227
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Doors activate.
1319
01:14:53,271 --> 01:14:56,187
Welcome member 1956.
1320
01:14:56,230 --> 01:14:58,668
Kresby, Walter.
1321
01:15:06,023 --> 01:15:09,113
[ alarm rings] Entering secure area.
1322
01:15:35,226 --> 01:15:37,881
[ electronic pulsating,
whirring]
1323
01:15:41,406 --> 01:15:43,930
[ electronic pulsating,
whirring]
1324
01:15:43,974 --> 01:15:46,890
[ waltz theme continues]
1325
01:15:56,900 --> 01:15:58,597
[ pinging][ alarm ringing]
1326
01:15:58,641 --> 01:16:00,207
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Warning.
1327
01:16:00,251 --> 01:16:02,209
Warning.
1328
01:16:03,384 --> 01:16:04,734
Initiating.
1329
01:16:17,181 --> 01:16:20,750
So, Joanna,
are you enjoying Stepford?
1330
01:16:20,793 --> 01:16:24,580
Oh, yes. The town
is so splendid.
1331
01:16:24,623 --> 01:16:27,931
Everyone is so kind.
1332
01:16:27,974 --> 01:16:31,151
And then, of course,
there s you.
1333
01:16:33,545 --> 01:16:35,199
Me?
1334
01:16:39,595 --> 01:16:42,162
[ cha-cha dance music plays]
1335
01:16:44,121 --> 01:16:45,470
And it s simple really.
1336
01:16:45,513 --> 01:16:47,690
Honey, grab me another Scotch.
1337
01:16:47,733 --> 01:16:49,996
Right away, dear.
1338
01:16:52,564 --> 01:16:54,914
[ pinging][ machine whirring]
1339
01:16:54,958 --> 01:16:57,787
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Begin nanoreversal.
1340
01:16:57,830 --> 01:17:00,790
Begin nanoreversal.
1341
01:17:05,969 --> 01:17:08,232
Nanoreversal completed.
1342
01:17:08,275 --> 01:17:10,190
Uh! Aah!
1343
01:17:10,974 --> 01:17:14,194
Deleting Stepford program.
1344
01:17:14,238 --> 01:17:15,456
[ screams]
1345
01:17:15,500 --> 01:17:16,501
[ glass cracks]
1346
01:17:16,544 --> 01:17:18,634
[ whirring dies out]
1347
01:17:24,857 --> 01:17:26,903
File corrupted.
1348
01:17:26,946 --> 01:17:29,383
Deleting vacuuming function.
1349
01:17:35,651 --> 01:17:36,782
Honey.
1350
01:17:36,826 --> 01:17:38,784
Oh, Herbert.
1351
01:17:38,828 --> 01:17:40,438
[ machine voices clamoring]
1352
01:17:40,481 --> 01:17:44,921
Restoring original personality. Deleting Stepford program.
1353
01:17:44,964 --> 01:17:47,358
[ women gasping]
1354
01:17:47,401 --> 01:17:49,055
What is this?
1355
01:17:56,236 --> 01:17:58,151
[ gasps]
1356
01:17:58,195 --> 01:17:59,936
What am I wearing?
1357
01:17:59,979 --> 01:18:02,765
[ women clamoring angrily]
1358
01:18:13,645 --> 01:18:14,733
CLAIRE:
Mike!
1359
01:18:14,777 --> 01:18:16,387
Mike, there s something...
1360
01:18:16,430 --> 01:18:18,171
[ gasping]
1361
01:18:18,215 --> 01:18:20,565
...unspeakable going on
in the ballroom.
1362
01:18:20,608 --> 01:18:22,045
You have to come right now.
1363
01:18:22,088 --> 01:18:24,961
It s an apocalypse!
1364
01:18:27,703 --> 01:18:30,270
[ men and women arguing]
1365
01:18:34,797 --> 01:18:37,016
What did you do to us?
1366
01:18:37,060 --> 01:18:38,757
Mike!
Mike!
Mike!
1367
01:18:38,801 --> 01:18:41,847
MEN:
Mike! Mike! Mike!
1368
01:18:41,891 --> 01:18:44,371
Men, control your wives.
1369
01:18:44,415 --> 01:18:46,852
Control your wives.
1370
01:18:46,896 --> 01:18:48,027
[ remotes chiming]
1371
01:18:48,071 --> 01:18:49,681
MAN:
It s not working!
1372
01:18:49,725 --> 01:18:51,117
It s not working.
1373
01:18:55,992 --> 01:18:59,735
This is not Stepford.Mike.
1374
01:18:59,778 --> 01:19:03,173
Mike, what s happening?
1375
01:19:03,216 --> 01:19:06,524
I was in the garden,
and I was dreaming of your...
1376
01:19:06,567 --> 01:19:08,787
Your smile and your after-shave.
1377
01:19:08,831 --> 01:19:10,920
And I realized...
1378
01:19:12,356 --> 01:19:15,141
[ normal voice]:
I can do better.
1379
01:19:25,630 --> 01:19:27,458
Walt.
1380
01:19:27,501 --> 01:19:28,546
She s not a robot.
1381
01:19:28,589 --> 01:19:29,765
MAN: What?MAN 2: What?
1382
01:19:29,808 --> 01:19:31,331
DAVE:
What, she s not a robot?
1383
01:19:31,375 --> 01:19:33,116
She never was.
1384
01:19:38,991 --> 01:19:41,298
MAN 3: Wait a second.
1385
01:19:42,473 --> 01:19:45,345
I couldn t do it.MAN 4: What?
1386
01:19:45,389 --> 01:19:46,825
Why not?
1387
01:19:46,869 --> 01:19:49,349
Because she s not
a science project.
1388
01:19:49,393 --> 01:19:52,613
Because I didn t marry
something from RadioShack.
1389
01:19:52,657 --> 01:19:55,181
That s a shame.
1390
01:19:55,225 --> 01:19:56,487
No.
1391
01:19:57,531 --> 01:19:59,446
That s a man.
1392
01:20:06,671 --> 01:20:08,107
I thought you were ready.
1393
01:20:08,151 --> 01:20:10,066
MEN: Yeah!I thought...
1394
01:20:10,109 --> 01:20:12,633
I thought you were ready.
I thought I knew you.
1395
01:20:12,677 --> 01:20:13,852
MEN: Yeah!
1396
01:20:13,896 --> 01:20:15,941
You re a disgrace.
1397
01:20:15,985 --> 01:20:17,813
[ men shouting agreements]
1398
01:20:17,856 --> 01:20:20,554
MIKE:
To everything
this town stands for.
1399
01:20:22,382 --> 01:20:23,514
To the future.
1400
01:20:23,557 --> 01:20:25,821
That s right,
that s right. Tell him.
1401
01:20:25,864 --> 01:20:28,301
You re gonna have
to pay for that.
1402
01:20:33,916 --> 01:20:35,656
Don t you touch him.
1403
01:20:35,700 --> 01:20:37,571
No!
1404
01:21:08,951 --> 01:21:10,909
Oh...
1405
01:21:10,953 --> 01:21:12,868
Oh...
1406
01:21:12,911 --> 01:21:16,045
He s a Stepford Husband?
1407
01:21:17,089 --> 01:21:20,832
[ sobbing]:
An angel.
1408
01:21:20,876 --> 01:21:23,879
Now he s just...
1409
01:21:23,922 --> 01:21:27,491
spare parts,
thanks to you.
1410
01:21:27,534 --> 01:21:30,668
But what are you?
Are you a person or a machine?
1411
01:21:30,711 --> 01:21:32,539
I m a lady.
1412
01:21:32,583 --> 01:21:35,020
A real lady?
1413
01:21:35,064 --> 01:21:36,500
Every inch.Wait.
1414
01:21:36,543 --> 01:21:39,111
Wait, a real, real lady?
Are you a human being?
1415
01:21:39,155 --> 01:21:40,808
Yes, and I may very well be
1416
01:21:40,852 --> 01:21:42,854
the only decent
human being left.
1417
01:21:42,898 --> 01:21:45,552
In Stepford?In the world!
1418
01:21:45,596 --> 01:21:47,163
Oh! She s fabulous.
1419
01:21:47,206 --> 01:21:49,774
All of this, Mike,
the wives, Stepford,
1420
01:21:49,817 --> 01:21:51,428
this was all your idea?
1421
01:21:51,471 --> 01:21:54,866
Yes. All I wanted
was a better world.
1422
01:21:54,910 --> 01:21:56,433
A world where men were men
1423
01:21:56,476 --> 01:21:59,523
and women
were cherished and lovely.
1424
01:21:59,566 --> 01:22:02,395
Does anyone
have a screwdriver?
1425
01:22:03,831 --> 01:22:06,051
She s nuts.
1426
01:22:13,929 --> 01:22:17,106
A world of romance and beauty,
1427
01:22:17,149 --> 01:22:21,414
of tuxedos and chiffon,
a perfect world.
1428
01:22:21,458 --> 01:22:23,808
But you were married to a robot.
1429
01:22:23,851 --> 01:22:26,767
The perfect man.
1430
01:22:26,811 --> 01:22:29,683
And all I wanted was
to make you, all of you...
1431
01:22:29,727 --> 01:22:31,990
into perfect women.
1432
01:22:32,034 --> 01:22:34,993
We don t need to be perfect.
1433
01:22:35,037 --> 01:22:36,821
How could you do this to us?
1434
01:22:36,864 --> 01:22:38,954
Because I was just like you.
1435
01:22:38,997 --> 01:22:41,347
Overstressed, overbooked,
under-loved.
1436
01:22:41,391 --> 01:22:45,047
I was the world s foremost
brain surgeon
1437
01:22:45,090 --> 01:22:46,787
and genetic engineer.
1438
01:22:46,831 --> 01:22:48,615
I had top-secret contracts
1439
01:22:48,659 --> 01:22:51,662
with the Pentagon,
Apple and Mattel.
1440
01:22:51,705 --> 01:22:53,011
I was driven.
1441
01:22:53,055 --> 01:22:54,534
Exhausted.
1442
01:22:54,578 --> 01:22:58,321
Until late one night,
I came home to find...
1443
01:22:59,670 --> 01:23:01,541
...Mike.
1444
01:23:02,978 --> 01:23:06,111
With Patricia.
1445
01:23:06,155 --> 01:23:08,766
My brilliant...
1446
01:23:08,809 --> 01:23:11,464
blond...
1447
01:23:11,508 --> 01:23:15,729
...21-year-old
research assistant.
1448
01:23:15,773 --> 01:23:18,210
It was all so...
1449
01:23:20,386 --> 01:23:22,388
...ugly.
1450
01:23:23,955 --> 01:23:25,348
Then early the next morning,
1451
01:23:25,391 --> 01:23:28,307
as I gazed across
the breakfast table
1452
01:23:28,351 --> 01:23:32,094
at their lifeless bodies,
I thought...
1453
01:23:32,137 --> 01:23:34,661
"What have I done?"
1454
01:23:34,705 --> 01:23:37,142
But more importantly...
1455
01:23:37,186 --> 01:23:40,276
what I could do to make
the world more beautiful?
1456
01:23:40,319 --> 01:23:42,278
I had the skills.
1457
01:23:42,321 --> 01:23:46,151
But I needed help
to realize my larger vision.
1458
01:23:46,195 --> 01:23:47,631
And so I made...
1459
01:23:49,024 --> 01:23:51,461
...Mike.
1460
01:23:51,504 --> 01:23:54,594
Because he was someone
other men would listen to.
1461
01:23:54,638 --> 01:23:57,206
And then I asked myself,
1462
01:23:57,249 --> 01:24:01,253
"Where would people never notice
a town full of robots?
1463
01:24:01,297 --> 01:24:02,950
[ gasps]
1464
01:24:02,994 --> 01:24:05,518
Connecticut."
1465
01:24:05,562 --> 01:24:09,261
So I decided
to turn back the clock,
1466
01:24:09,305 --> 01:24:12,134
to a time before overtime,
1467
01:24:12,177 --> 01:24:13,874
before quality time,
1468
01:24:13,918 --> 01:24:17,835
before women were turning
themselves into robots.
1469
01:24:17,878 --> 01:24:19,576
Back off!Sorry.
1470
01:24:19,619 --> 01:24:22,579
But why didn t you
change the men too?
1471
01:24:22,622 --> 01:24:23,841
That s next.
1472
01:24:25,103 --> 01:24:26,670
You re insane.
1473
01:24:26,713 --> 01:24:32,415
I m in love with a waltz
and a town...
1474
01:24:34,199 --> 01:24:36,680
...and a man.
1475
01:24:39,944 --> 01:24:41,511
[ women gasping]
1476
01:24:44,253 --> 01:24:45,732
[ panting]
1477
01:25:13,630 --> 01:25:16,415
[ tranquil romantic theme
plays]
1478
01:25:28,949 --> 01:25:32,301
LARRY KING:
So, Joanna, you produced
the hard-hitting documentary,
1479
01:25:32,344 --> 01:25:34,607
Stepford: The Secret of the Suburbs.
1480
01:25:34,651 --> 01:25:37,784
And won...
Five Emmys, was it?
1481
01:25:37,828 --> 01:25:39,090
Oh, six.
1482
01:25:39,134 --> 01:25:41,440
She s shy.And so humble.
1483
01:25:41,484 --> 01:25:44,791
And, Bobbie, your ordeal
has lead to a bestseller.
1484
01:25:44,835 --> 01:25:46,576
Well, you know,
I just can t hold a grudge.
1485
01:25:46,619 --> 01:25:48,447
So I ve written my very first
book of poetry.
1486
01:25:48,491 --> 01:25:51,320
And it s all about hope
and communication
1487
01:25:51,363 --> 01:25:53,974
and the healing power
of love.
1488
01:25:54,018 --> 01:25:55,454
What is
it called?
1489
01:25:55,498 --> 01:25:57,587
Wait Until He s Asleep,
Then Cut It Off.
1490
01:25:57,630 --> 01:25:59,893
It s a page-turner.I cried.
1491
01:25:59,937 --> 01:26:01,634
Now, Roger, good news.
1492
01:26:01,678 --> 01:26:03,941
You ran and won.
You re in the state senate.
1493
01:26:03,984 --> 01:26:06,465
Independent.Next stop, the White House.
1494
01:26:06,509 --> 01:26:08,206
Yes, this country
needs highlights.
1495
01:26:08,250 --> 01:26:09,468
That s our hero.
1496
01:26:09,512 --> 01:26:11,731
And, Jo, Walter really
came through for you,
1497
01:26:11,775 --> 01:26:16,736
so how s your marriage now?
Is everything just, uh, perfect?
1498
01:26:16,780 --> 01:26:18,564
No way. But, um...
1499
01:26:18,608 --> 01:26:20,827
But we re doing
just great.
1500
01:26:20,871 --> 01:26:22,089
Because, um...
1501
01:26:22,133 --> 01:26:23,830
Because now,
now we know for sure
1502
01:26:23,874 --> 01:26:25,397
that it s not
about perfection.
1503
01:26:25,441 --> 01:26:28,226
Perfect--
Perfect doesn t work.
1504
01:26:28,270 --> 01:26:30,010
What about
all those other husbands?
1505
01:26:30,054 --> 01:26:31,316
Are they still angry?
1506
01:26:31,360 --> 01:26:33,623
Do they still want
all these women to be robots?
1507
01:26:33,666 --> 01:26:36,539
Of course. Men are pigs.
They re disgusting,
1508
01:26:36,582 --> 01:26:38,758
they re frightened,
repulsive little rodents.
1509
01:26:38,802 --> 01:26:40,282
But we re trying
to help them,
1510
01:26:40,325 --> 01:26:41,848
right, Bobbie?Right.
1511
01:26:41,892 --> 01:26:43,894
Yes, we re trying
to reeducate them.
1512
01:26:43,937 --> 01:26:45,200
And where are they?
1513
01:26:45,243 --> 01:26:47,854
Oh. Oh, they re
still in Stepford.
1514
01:26:47,898 --> 01:26:49,595
Under house arrest.
1515
01:26:49,639 --> 01:26:52,337
[ light, comic theme plays]
1516
01:26:55,819 --> 01:26:56,907
Hey, you guys.
1517
01:26:56,950 --> 01:26:58,691
Which aisle
is quilted paper towels?
1518
01:26:58,735 --> 01:27:01,259
If I don t get the right kind,
my wife s gonna kill me.
1519
01:27:01,303 --> 01:27:03,043
Oh, aisle three.
And I need--
1520
01:27:03,087 --> 01:27:06,308
WOMAN:
No talking, keep shopping.
1521
01:27:15,012 --> 01:27:18,972
[ staccato violin theme
playing]
1522
01:27:20,583 --> 01:27:22,976
[ ethereal choir chanting]
97179
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