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[man] Look here, Johnson,
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00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,040
I'm going to get
to the bottom of this.
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00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:08,520
[child's voice] Well, anyway.
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00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:09,600
Oh.
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00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,320
Bring the beat back.
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00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,960
[woman]
Oh, yes, I remember that.
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[man] Yes, I remember that.
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[burps]
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[funky beat playing]
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[distant cheering and yelling]
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[indistinct radio chatter]
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00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,520
[clangs]
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00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,840
[phone ringing]
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00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:30,760
[Melanie] For years now,
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00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:35,800
various brands have been cashing
in on major social movements.
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00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:39,080
You know, Starbucks did
a campaign on racism.
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00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,440
Gillette did one
on toxic masculinity.
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00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,640
Pepsi solved something with…
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00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:50,280
Kardashian or some shit.
And I just thought, come on.
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00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,040
When are
we gonna get in on that?
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00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,280
I mean we can't
sit back on this any longer.
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00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,800
You know,
major social movements are being
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00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:00,760
snapped up
left, right and centre.
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00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,680
Is there anything left?
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00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,920
Um, potholes and stuff?
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00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,720
-Or is that…?
-[employee 3] Too small.
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00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,280
[employee 2]
Wage gap, it's a bigger gap.
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[Melanie] That's good.
That's better than potholes.
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00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,560
We could do like a banana split
down the middle.
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Like, we could do a red velvet.
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-[employees agree] Yeah.
-Yeah.
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[employee 3] Like,
served in a menstrual cup.
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[employee 2]
Like, in a moon cup.
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[in disbelief] Wow.
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00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:26,400
-"Peachriarchy."
-[Melanie] "Peachriarchy."
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-Yeah, Like pistachio.
-And heavier flavours.
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[employee 3] I think pistachio
is, like, nonbinary.
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[employee 2] Yeah, or lesbians.
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Because of the gap,
could we just serve women
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17% less ice cream--
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but they pay the same--
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then what a man would get?
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[employee 3] No.
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00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,960
Monopoly did a version of
the game where men got paid less
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when they pass "Go,"
so they've got a, um…
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What's it called
when you own all of something?
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It's a monopoly.
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[employee 3] Yeah, what about
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poverty.
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What if we put all of
the ice cream in the top
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1% of the tub,
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and then underneath
there's nothing?
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00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,560
I don't know how physically
we'd achieve that, but--
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00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,560
Well, sticks.
You could use sticks.
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00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,360
And maybe we could,
like, actually donate
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some of the profits to…
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[employee 3] Um…
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00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,440
No, look, I mean, we're an
ice cream company.
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00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,040
We're not going to
solve poverty.
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00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:19,000
[man] Oh, okay.
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[Melanie]
Or lose our Christmas party!
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00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,360
[all laugh]
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00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,880
Oh, the military
industrial complex.
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00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,120
We can absolutely solve that.
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Let's get going on this,
guns blazing.
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00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,160
-Guns blazing, bitches.
-[all laugh]
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00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,560
[interviewer] Toxic masculinity.
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00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:35,840
Men use razors. We get it.
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00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,080
But what's the through-line
from ice cream
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00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,880
to the military
industry complex?
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00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,360
Wouldn't you be better off
fighting heart disease
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or diabetes
that you directly profit from?
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00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:46,160
Yeah.
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00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,520
Sorry, I didn't realise there
were going to be questions.
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00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:52,520
[laughs]
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00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,160
[employee 2] "Napalm Sugar."
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[Melanie]
Like, you can have "Bubble Gun."
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00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,880
At the same time as you can have
"Lest We Yoghurt."
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00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,960
-[man] Yeah.
-Agent Orange.
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00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:07,160
I've got that here,
so "Agent Orange Sorbet."
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00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:08,360
What about "Banana,"
but it's just,
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00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:10,800
"Ba na, na, na, na, na, na,
na, na." Like that.
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00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:14,120
"Hundreds & Thousands… Dead."
84
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,560
Yeah,
"I Lost My Three Boysenberry."
85
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,040
Or "My Four Boysenberry."
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00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,960
Again, "Saving Private
Strawberry Ryan."
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Kind of conjures that.
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00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,920
[Melanie] Well, you know,
I think that
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00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,800
the question that
you should be asking
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00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:32,400
isn't, "Why are Jen and Berry's
ice cream
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00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,120
tackling the
military industrial complex?"
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00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,400
I think that the question
that you should be asking
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00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,320
is, "Why aren't Cornetto's?"
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[narrator]
There exists a manly man,
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00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:49,440
all brain and all brawn,
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00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,360
who invented
a time travel device,
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00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:55,320
enabling himself to trespass
into any time in history.
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00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,400
With his new Chrono-Warp powers,
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00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,880
he travels the timeline to erase
bad things from the past.
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00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,200
He has many names,
but you know him as
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"Time Knight."
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00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,720
[man singing] ♪ Yesterday's now
And tomorrow is a memory ♪
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00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,720
♪ A stopped clock
Ticks once again ♪
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♪ A healing force
The guardian of history ♪
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-[woman] ♪ Time warp ♪
-[male singer] ♪ Engage! ♪
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00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,200
[backup vocals]
♪ It's Time Knight ♪
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00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,640
♪ It's Time Knight
It's Time Knight ♪
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00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:25,000
♪ Defender of History ♪
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Detecting an Adolf Hitler
getting born.
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Coordinates 1889.
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Well, there's no time
like the present.
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Yes there is. It is "now."
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[Time Knight laughs]
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[both laugh]
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♪Time Knight erased Hitler
And stopped World War II ♪
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00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,240
♪ And had lots of lovers
Across all times ♪
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♪ One of those flames
Turned out to be his own mum ♪
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00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:00,000
♪ Whoops now he's his own dad ♪
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00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,320
♪ It's Time Knight ♪
120
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:03,920
♪ It's Time Knight
It's Time Knight ♪
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♪ Defender of History ♪
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00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,360
[Chrono 311] I present
Time Knight's family tree.
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00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,640
Time Knight is caught in an
infinite timecest loop,
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00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,320
repeatedly travelling
back in time
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00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:17,120
to have sex with his mother
to give birth to his son,
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00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,040
Time Knight.
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00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:22,640
This goes on ad infinitum.
But it is totally worth it.
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00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,160
The infinite coitus
with your own mother
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00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:27,720
means Hitler is dead.
130
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:32,320
And the mystery of your abusive
alcoholic father is solved.
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00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,600
It was you all along.
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00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,200
Time Knight, congratulations.
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00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:38,560
[narrator] As his own father,
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00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,000
if he uses his powers
to stop his time-travelling
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00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,040
incestuous affair
with his mother,
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00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:44,880
a paradox known as "timecest,"
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00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,840
he won't exist,
Hitler will live,
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00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,760
and the Time Knight
will be solely responsible for
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00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:49,920
World War II.
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00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,480
A selfless time warrior,
he chooses the path of honour.
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00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,080
[Time Knight]
Would you say it was, um,
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100% necessary that I, um,
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00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,600
sleep with my mum
to stop World War II?
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00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:01,520
[printer whirs]
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00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:02,480
Just…
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00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,840
[data printout clattering]
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00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,000
Yes.
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00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:14,240
How many casualties were there?
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00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:15,840
Ah, in World War II?
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00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:16,920
Give or take?
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00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,040
85 million people.
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00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:20,560
Fuck it! Shit!
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[male singer] ♪ Then, one day a
Traumatised future Time Knight ♪
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♪ Tried to stop his younger self
From sleeping with his own mum ♪
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00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:30,240
♪ He did what's right
And killed his older self ♪
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00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,120
♪ Saving the world again! ♪
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00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,920
[narrator]
So, if you ever need a hero,
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00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,000
someone willing to kill
their older self,
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00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,760
just to keep a younger
version of themselves
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00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,080
sleeping with their own mum
on an infinite loop,
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00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,160
to kill baby Hitler and stop
World War II, then you need…
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[backup vocals]
♪ The Defender of History! ♪
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00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,240
♪ It's Time Knight ♪
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00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,800
[thunder sound effect]
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00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,280
-[babies wailing]
-[splatting sounds]
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00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,920
[Melanie] The military
industrial complex
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00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,440
is a pernicious cycle.
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00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,320
Once we have snagged
people's attention
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00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,640
with our 47 flavours,
we are gonna need to go bigger.
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00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,920
Exactly. We all need to use
our voices to stop this
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00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,200
revolving door between lobbyists
and government position,
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00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,360
which is effectively
privatising foreign policy.
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00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,800
And we need to end it right now.
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00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,680
For a limited time only,
obviously.
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00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:20,720
So, we thought that we start off
with a pretty bold statement.
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Baskin and Robbins…
[mimics retching]
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…are known for
their 31 flavours.
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So, we thought
this month on Instagram,
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00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,080
why not go one better?
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00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,600
Or should I say, 16 better?
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[interviewer] Sixteen better.
That's 47?
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00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,640
"AK-47 Flavours."
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[interviewer]
Oh, some might argue
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that's pretty tasteless.
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00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,360
I mean, there's something
for everyone's taste
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right here, my friend.
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00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:49,240
[melancholy music]
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00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,680
No. No…
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00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:07,720
Why?
190
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:10,160
[yells] Why?
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00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,440
[bright music]
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00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:20,360
[male] The journey of 1000 miles
starts with a single scoop.
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00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,360
Try PTSD Leché today.
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00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,240
[clapping]
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00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,080
[man] Oh my God. Wow.
196
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,000
I think it's perfect.
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00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:39,160
I am in total awe
of each and every one of us.
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00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,120
I mean, the online engagement
speaks for itself.
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00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,360
It's been incredible.
Even our rivals are copying us.
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00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:47,160
-Look.
-[woman clears throat]
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[man 1] Oh wow.
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00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,640
[man 2] They're a bunch
of fucking pricks.
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00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,520
I think that, um…
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00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,200
You know, I think that
for anyone out there
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who has ever thought
that war is not good,
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00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,400
and they needed a series
of novelty ice cream flavours
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00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:06,000
to articulate that for them,
then this is it.
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00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,960
[interviewer] What have been
the results of the campaign?
209
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,280
Well, we've had
millions of views, so.
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00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,160
[interviewer] And how about
the tangible result?
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00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:16,960
I don't know. I mean, I think
that we… Just, we solved it.
212
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,760
Just something, I don't know.
I don't know.
213
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,320
What are you looking for,
a graph or something?
214
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,200
Nerd.
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00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,520
[flies buzzing]
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00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,840
[slow music plays in bar]
217
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,880
Make it a double.
218
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:40,640
Someone's had a long day.
219
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:44,400
Mate, you wouldn't know
the half of it.
220
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,960
[bartender] You've got
a very familiar face.
221
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,960
Are you that Time Knight bloke?
222
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:53,240
Why, yes, I am.
223
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,640
Didn't you have an affair
with your mother?
224
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,440
I did that…
225
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,200
to save the world
226
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:17,960
from the man called
Adolf Hitler.
227
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,760
Who's Adolf Hitler?
228
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:26,960
[incredulously] Who's Hitler?
229
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:28,520
Yeah, fuck it.
230
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:33,760
[bartender] I don't know
who he is, mate.
231
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,080
Oh, fuck it.
232
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:38,600
Fuck this noise.
233
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:39,960
[time machine starts up]
234
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,320
I'm outta here, mate.
235
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:42,280
[bartender] What's that?
236
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,960
Hey, don't do that in the bar.
237
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:47,880
No. You need to pay.
238
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,160
Poor bloke.
239
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,640
[backup vocals]
♪ He slept with his own mum ♪
240
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:55,960
♪ It's Time Knight ♪
241
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,360
[discordant classical music]
242
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,040
[narrator]
Britain, a country under siege,
243
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,160
with violent gang activity.
244
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,600
But here in
Womberton Upon Trent,
245
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,440
residents are feeling
increasingly threatened by
246
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,200
a new and dangerous
breed of gang.
247
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:13,800
[Butcher Boy 1] You know what?
248
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:15,560
No.
249
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,680
Exactly how can any of us
be said to know anything?
250
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,080
Yeah, bro. See,
if we manifest the universe
251
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:23,600
while witnessing it,
252
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,400
then everything is
subjective in it.
253
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,240
Yeah, you feckless bum truffle.
254
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,640
[narrator] Yes, gangs of
philosophers roam the street,
255
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:34,400
casting confusion and doubt
over this once-sleepy hamlet.
256
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:38,240
This town was the perfect place
to bring your family up,
257
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,400
and everyone in it
knows each other.
258
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,600
We're all very good community.
259
00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:45,480
And then these people
came in, and…
260
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:49,080
That's it. Nobody's game
to go out anymore.
261
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,320
[narrator] Quarrels are common
in Womberton,
262
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,320
when rival gangs encroach on
one another's territory.
263
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:57,600
Oi, you three!
264
00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:58,520
What?
265
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,600
Telling people
they manifest the universe?
266
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,200
That's Eastern philosophy.
267
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:05,160
Eastern spiritual philosophy's
our fucking turf.
268
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,560
Oh looks like someone's
attached to something, Yeah?
269
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,480
And attachment
leads to suffering.
270
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:12,600
Thought you might know that.
271
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:14,240
You not read up
on your subject properly?
272
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:15,240
Eat your dick, mate!
273
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,880
You know "our turf" is just
a turn of fucking phrase.
274
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,080
Come here and I'll smash you
in the fucking paradigm!
275
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,840
[narrator] With well-articulated
exchanges on the rise,
276
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,600
Wombertonites find themselves
fearing for the future
277
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,880
of their town, and their
biannual chutney carnival.
278
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,040
Well, you know,
we like to do lots of stuff.
279
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,320
Hanging on street corners,
like, robbing people.
280
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,640
Yeah, of certainty.
281
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:37,880
Yeah, robbing people
of certainty.
282
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:39,200
-Sorry, should have added that.
-Yeah.
283
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,560
Yeah, this isn't somewhere
I want to raise my kids anymore.
284
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,080
Yeah, I wanted to bring them up
under mindless consumerism.
285
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:46,560
But now?
286
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,800
There's so much free thinking
everywhere, it's just not safe.
287
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,440
[narrator] Womberton enjoys
the comfort of darkness.
288
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,640
But like a cardigan
made of wasps,
289
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:59,040
that comfort is short-lived,
as the punks indulge in a night
290
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,920
of the Tibetan Book of
the Dead on vinyl.
291
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,200
[loud audio plays]
292
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,520
[knock on door]
293
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,000
Come on, love. Turn it off.
294
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,000
What? You afraid we'll wake up
the neighbourhood
295
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:09,960
to the fact we're all one?
296
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,600
No, it's 3:00 a.m.,
297
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,760
and I'm afraid you'll actually
wake them up.
298
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,840
Sis, you've got to come in here.
299
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,880
[narrator] With one of their
number succumbing
300
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,480
to an all-night binge,
and eventually overdosing
301
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:21,960
on the Bhagavad Gita,
302
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,960
dangerously close
to transcending,
303
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,640
it takes several shopping
catalogues and a gossip bag
304
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:27,560
to bring him round.
305
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,440
[punk] Harry and Meghan,
they've left the Royal Family.
306
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,440
Oh, fucking hell.
307
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,520
You're back, you're back.
308
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,200
Where was I, sweetie?
309
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,280
It's fine. You're here now.
310
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,480
Oh, fuck me. I was off me head.
311
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,160
[narrator] Soon enough,
the punks are back outdoors
312
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,720
for a day of debating,
introspection,
313
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,320
and piercing their own taints.
314
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,360
Look like the fucking circus
has come to town, has it?
315
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:49,680
[punk] Okay,
there's a few of them…
316
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,800
[narrator] Further adding to
Womberton's turmoil
317
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,400
is a third gang,
the Hobbesian Chavs.
318
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:58,080
Oi, oi. What you doing here?
If in fact you are here?
319
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,800
[narrator] Advocates of
17th-century philosopher
320
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,920
Thomas Hobbes,
who believes that in the absence
321
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,280
of a centralised authority,
humans would become brutish.
322
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,720
Hobbes said without strong,
you know,
323
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,480
institutions like the coppers
and the police,
324
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,040
we'd all, society,
be falling apart.
325
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,240
We don't need
these fucking punks
326
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,520
you know, tearing down the walls
that keep us all together.
327
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,760
What, you've run out of
people to tell
328
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,040
that we need authority of
control ruling over them,
329
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,040
or else we wouldn't have
an objective morality?
330
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,520
Which they do need, because
humans are inherently selfish,
331
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,720
you mouldy fucking piss bucket.
332
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:34,920
Or had you forgotten?
333
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,440
Except, human beings
are only selfish
334
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,520
'cause they're caught
in a capitalist paradigm.
335
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,880
A paradigm
they are trying to tear down.
336
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,840
But we are
in a capitalist paradigm,
337
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,320
Therefore humans need
government control.
338
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,720
Why can't they argue about
things that matter?
339
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:54,320
Like what sports team's
going to win on Saturday, or…
340
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:58,520
Like, what chicks are hot
and what chicks are not hot?
341
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,840
There's one thing I can't stand
more than Eastern Thought Punks,
342
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,120
it is Chavs that have embraced
the pessimistic views
343
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,080
of renowned 17th-century
philosopher Thomas Hobbes.
344
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,480
[Chav 1] Yeah, but we are
in a capitalist paradigm.
345
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,320
Is your argument wrinkled,
346
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,760
hairy, and in my pants,
because that's fucking bollocks.
347
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,760
-[indistinct chatter]
-[rock music playing]
348
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,840
[Chav 1] You're fucking
asking for it!
349
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,720
You might have fucking
won this round,
350
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:29,040
but the debate on whether or not
human beings can be decent
351
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:32,560
in the vacuum
of a social contract isn't over.
352
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,720
[narrator] With the dominant
neo-conservative values
353
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,440
of the Hobbesian Chavs
momentarily quashed,
354
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,800
and an alliance between
the Eastern Thought Punks
355
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,200
and the epistemological
Butcher Boys formed,
356
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:45,720
peace returns to
Womberton Upon Trent once more.
357
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,520
[resident] I mean,
it's not like we can relax.
358
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:49,040
They'll be back.
359
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:50,760
Sometimes, I just wish
360
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,080
they'd just throw a brick
through my window.
361
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,200
I mean, at least I can fix
a broken window.
362
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,160
How am I supposed to fix
a shattered sense of reality?
363
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,840
Call a handyman?
364
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:00,880
[rapid beeping]
365
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:01,960
[deafening bang]
366
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,800
[general] And that's why we have
to launch the strike
367
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:05,880
by nightfall.
368
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:07,760
[soldier] Stop everything.
369
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,040
This is a code dark red.
370
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,280
It's called
"Nuclear Disarma-Mint."
371
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,520
But this is highly irregular.
372
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,920
Goddammit,
can you just trust me?
373
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,520
Okay, well.
374
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,400
I don't know why I'm about
to eat ice cream, but…
375
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,840
[military bugle sounds]
376
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,200
Well, gentlemen…
377
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,720
I think that's pretty clear cut.
378
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,480
Pull out of the Middle East
tomorrow and immediately disband
379
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,440
the entire military apparatus
of the United States.
380
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:47,960
It's been an honour.
381
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:50,680
I've served you with pride.
382
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:53,760
[gun cocks]
383
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,040
-[gunshot sounds]
-[upbeat music]
384
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,160
[man, cheerfully] Go from
military industrial complex
385
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,640
to military industrial simple!
386
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,280
Try "Nuclear Disarma-Mint"
today!
387
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,920
and introducing our new
anti-paedophilia flavour.
388
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,680
"Don't Touch Kids & Raisin."
389
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:12,160
[theme music playing]
390
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,640
[woman] Oh, yes,
I remember that.
391
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:14,920
[man] Yes, I remember that.
392
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:17,800
[funky theme music continues]
393
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:41,400
[indistinct overlapping chatter]
394
00:17:41,450 --> 00:17:46,000
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