All language subtitles for Superstore (2015) - S06E08 - Ground Rules (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)

And finally, your name tag.

Now, the Cloud 9 manual says

that this is made out
of polyvinyl chloride,

but I say it's made
out of honesty, hard work,

those elderly shoppers' smiles...

Glen, can we hurry this up?

Not to be rude, but this
means nothing to me.

Wow, my son... a Cloud 9 employee.

We're a dynasty
like Billy Ray and Miley.

And he was my foster child.

It's like God's been engraving
this name tag for you

since the day you were born.

Dude, you just touched my nipple.

Oh, I'm sorry. I...

thought I had more clearance,
but it is cold in here.

Oh, my God, showtime.
Okay, go, go, go, go.

Excuse me, do you sell cat carriers?

- Um...
- Mateo, get this.

It's Tony's first customer.

Ooh, maybe we can get one

where the customer's making a complaint

and Tony's like, "Oh, brother."

Sorry, it's just that my cat's
in a duffel bag in the car.

Okay, I think we have enough photos.

Mateo, this is important.
It's Tony's first day.

I mean, what if he makes
a scrapbook for this job?

What's he gonna put on page one?

Seriously, I just need...

Sir, you are ruining this moment.

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Thinking about getting into camping,

but possums kinda freak me out.

Dina and I almost kissed yesterday.

What?

I mean, nothing happened.

There was no lip collision.

But there was definitely
a swerve to miss situation.

Is she still with Brian?
Did something happen?

Are they having issues?
Wait, is she into you?

Oh, two questions per breath.

And I already told you,
nothing happened.

Well, then why did you bring it up?

That's how conversation works.

Hey, Jonah. You ready
to start training Tony?

Sure am. Sup, Tony?

- You excited to work at Cloud 9?
- Yeah, it's cool.

Uh, yeah, it's about to get real cool

like, uh, "Brr, grab some extra socks."

We're restocking
refrigerated items.

- Oh, do I need extra socks?
- No, it's not that bad.

Here, I made him a roast beef sandwich.

Mom, come on.

If he doesn't eat every 45 minutes,

he turns into a real grumpasaurus.

Oh, and you have my number
if you need it, right?

Yeah, or I could just wave over to you

since we work in the same store.

Sorry, just a little nervous.

Okay, I'm gonna go. Bye, Tony.

- Sure you're gonna be okay?
- Mom!

I'm gonna play both of my reversies

and send it back to Sayid.

- Oh!
- Oh, yuck.

Dang, that's cold.

Sayid, you're on bathroom duty

unless you want to use your Skip Stone,

but just remember, you won't
get another one until next month.

Hey, Chey. Glen wants me
to decorate Tony's locker.

What are straight teenage boys into?

Paintball and body spray?

Just a second. I'm in the
middle of shift assignments.

- Sayid?
- I'm using my stone, baby.

Yes! Okay.

Mateo, the locker
is gonna have to wait.

I forgot my lunch, so could
you get me a tuna salad pita

but roll it up so that it looks
like an ice cream cone?

Uh, yep.

You see what I'm going for?

The tuna scoop is the ice cream.

- I understand and I am on it.
- Okay.

Because this is my job.

"Men, Women, & Children." Boom!

- Wait, wait, um...
- Sorry, Justine.

Isaac was able to name more
Timothée Chalamet movies,

so he's on Softlines.

Suck it, Justine. Call me by your name.

All right. Great game, everybody.

Now go make that paper!

Hey, when you were floor supervisor,

did Elias always ask to
work in greeting cards?

Yeah. Don't let him.

He reads all the cards out loud
and adds the words "in bed."

It literally never works.

Ugh. Okay, thanks.

Any other pro tips, let me know.

Oh, really? Well, happy to help.

I actually miss being floor supervisor.

Thanks to ICE,
now the only job I can get

is making sure Glenn's healthy
meals look like ice cream.

Oh, that sucks.

You know you can do that with sushi?

A ball of crab on a hand roll.

Come on, give me some credit.

Oh, hey. Dina, what's up?

Uh, you see the moon last night?

I'm not sure what phase it was.

Probably like the middle
or something like...

It was waning gibbous, but
can we talk about yesterday?

Yeah, totally. Um...

hey, I'm really sorry about that.

It just doesn't make sense.
I mean, I'm crazy about Brian.

And I was up all night
last night thinking about it.

"Why did this happen? Am I a bad person?

Did Garrett use some kind
of seduction pheromones?"

And is that the one you landed on?

No, no. I finally realized

I think this is because
Brian has been away a lot.

He's been helping out at some
understaffed animal sanctuaries,

so I think I've just been
really lonely.

I get that.

I mean, I'm in a weird
head space these days, too.

I mean, Zoom dating is basically

interviewing somebody
while judging their wall art.

Mm. I guess you gotta keep
your hands in frame, right?

Otherwise the other
person's gonna think

- you're touching yourself.
- What?

No, I usually... I keep 'em...
are people thinking that?

Oh, absolutely.

Anyway, what happened yesterday
didn't mean anything.

It was just two old horndogs

lifting their leg at a familiar tree.

Not how I would've said it, but yes.

I guess that's what it was. Case closed.

Okay.

So I'm just gonna call Brian
and tell him everything.

What? Wait, no, you said case closed.

The... the case is closed.
You can't reopen the case.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Okay, all right, love
the energy, great job,

but you actually have
to unwrap the plastic

and separate the boxes
before you shelf them.

Oh. Then why'd you say great job?

I... don't know.

Also there's an F on the pallet here.

Do you know what that stands for?

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, not that.

Um, mostly because why would it?

Uh, the F stands for frozen,

so that means you gotta
put those in the freezer,

not the refrigerator.

Whoa, Tony.

Looks like you got the cool teacher.

Yeah, that's me.

Hey, kids.

Put your books down, we're
having class outside today.

No, no, no, no, we actually
have to stock those.

All right, I'm gonna go
before you bust out the guitar.

- Yeah.
- I'll see you at lunch.

All right, I'll see ya.

Dude, she wants your nuts.

- Sorry?
- She's totally into you.

Oh, no. She's just being friendly.

I mean, we talk politics at lunch,

but that's just mostly because
she's the only person here

who doesn't get her news
from all-caps Facebook posts.

I'm telling you,
she was thirsty for it.

- You gotta quench.
- Huh.

Well, I guess she
could've been flirting

with me and I didn't pick up on it.

Been a while since I've been
single and these are new jeans.

Oops.

Oh, well. Five second rule, right?

Uh, n-no.

Everybody wants a cart, but not me.

I'm a basket guy.

Because you come up
to a narrow space with a cart,

you're stuck.

But me? I'm just Neo from "The Matrix"

and I'm just like, "Whoa,"

bullet time my way all the way
through, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, but what if you can't

fit everything you need in a basket?

Oh, yeah. I thought about that.

Two baskets, oh.

Oh, Brian.

Oh, hey, Ken, uh...

Could you tell me more
about that two basket thing?

Dude, now everybody knows.
Can't tell you nothing.

Good day.

Brian, wow, cool.

Uh, have you talked to Dina yet?

I did talk to Dina, yes.

Brian, great. I'm so glad you're here.

- Garrett, we have big news.
- Oh.

Dina and I have talked
and we've decided...

We're gonna have an open relationship!

What?

You're gonna be our side piece.

- Yeah.
- Well, you know,

technically, I think he'd
just be your side piece.

Well, what's my side
piece is your side piece.

Shut up.

So I'll be going to a wildlife sanctuary
in Wisconsin for three months

and that's a long time to
go without physical intimacy

and I'm not a big fan of the Zoom sex.

He can never get
the camera angle right.

It's always all forehead or foreskin.

Okay, I get it.

This is really the
best solution for you?

Hey, it's new territory for me, too,

but I've tried a lot of
new stuff because of Dina.

You know, before I met her,

I had never canned anything.

And you just make sense
since we have history.

You've really thought this out.

Yeah, sure have.

And there's a lot of things
for us to go over with you,

but I want to make sure it's clear.

I save the girlfriend stuff
for this guy, okay?

That means no sleepovers,
no non-sexual kissing,

and no stargazing unless it's
for navigational purposes.

Well, that's a lot of rules.

Feels like I'm buying a gremlin.

- I don't know what that means.
- I don't either.

The car?

Uh, it sounds like a spam account,

so maybe wait until your lunch
to DM Prince Harry back.

You're right. I shouldn't
seem so desperate.

Mm-hmm.

Another floor supervisor tip: We direct.

Don't use words like "maybe"
or "I think" with these peons.

- Okay.
- Before you speak, think,

"How would an evil queen decree this?"

Ooh, yeah.

And just a couple
other things I thought of.

Oh.

No more campfire games with employees

and no sparkly makeup.

Oh, and don't put unicorn
stickers on your clipboard.

They're unprofessional.

Uh, okay.

But otherwise, you are killing it, girl.

Thanks.

Oh, you should probably
change your shoes.

I mean, they're fun but,

it looks like you skinned a Care Bear.

Nia's just really cool, you know?

It's the first time I've
actually been kind of excited

about somebody since Amy.

But you do know that there are women

outside of the store, right?

We have the same break today.

I wonder if I should ask her
out to that the Szechuan place.

You know, maybe order
something adventurous

like level ten mapo tofu.

Have a new experience?

Look, man, I'd love to plan
your imaginary date,

but Dina asked me to be part
of her open relationship.

What? Wow. An open relationship?

That's pretty cool, actually, you know?

It's very modern.

Trying to imagine if Nia and I

would ever be the kind of couple that...

Maybe see if she's up for dinner first.

Hey, Garrett.

Can we just keep rolling
through these guidelines?

Brian's got a pug eyeball
reinsertion at 3:00.

Dina, I... I... sorry,

I just gotta say the open
relationship... I'm impressed.

You know, it's very progressive,

very European.

Oh, Jonah. This is awkward,

but we're at capacity
so it's not gonna happen.

I'm so sorry.

But that's not...

all right.

Oh, hey, Jonah.

I want to get your thoughts
on that "Planet Money"

on the economy of sewage.

You heard it! Ah, that's great.

Yeah, totally. We're wrapping up here,

so we will jump right into
that sewage soon.

Can't wait.

Uh...

hey, buddy, can we pick up
the pace just a little bit?

You know, shift into high
gear before this all melts?

- Totally.
- Great, thank you.

Hey, guys.

How are my chilly willies?

I was actually just telling Tony

that we need to speed up a little bit.

Oh, he's probably hungry again.

Here, go get a snack
from the vending machine.

Can I get Rolos?

Okay, but that's your
sweet for the day.

Yeah, okay.

Uh, Sandra, we're actually very behind

and Tony's having a lot
of trouble with pacing.

Do you think maybe you might be
coddling him just a little bit?

Oh, I see what this is.

Jonah, I still care about you, too.

There is no need to be jealous.

Just because Tony's new

and you don't have the best
hair in the store anymore...

Glenn, I'm not jealous, okay?

I just... I want him to learn his job

so that his coworkers
don't have to micromanage him.

- Understood, you got it.
- Great.

My special guy..

- Looks so good.
- Hey.

I was walking by Women's Wear
and I happened to see

a couple of pieces
that would be perfect for you.

Wow, they're really... cute?

Uh, anyways, nice job
on this display, Don.

You get a butterfly.

Boop!

Oh, hey.

No biggie, but when I mentioned
no stickers on your clipboard,

I meant, like, no stickers period.

Look, I'm really sorry

that you had to stop being
floor supervisor,

but I just need to do
this my own way, okay?

Okay.

I just figured you'd
want to do the job well

instead of, you know,

having Carol do the worm
to get out of go-backs.

Well, I actually think
I'm doing a really good job.

Yeah, the games and stuff are dorky,

but they help people forget

that their job sucks for a second.

I'm just saying you
might want to listen

to the gold standard floor supervisor.

You weren't even given the job.

You just started saying
that you had it.

At least I was, like,
chosen to do this.

Yeah, because I wasn't eligible, okay?

If they could've had
a professional like me,

they wouldn't have put up with

your rainbow sparkle Hello Kitty crap.

Oh, okay. We're being honest now?

Well, this morning when you
asked me about your nose pores,

I lied.

They are visible.

You could dunk a basketball in them.

Sorry about the long bathroom break.

I opened the "Harper's" app and
you know how that story ends.

Oh, hey, Tony, bud,

how come the fudge pops

are not in the freezer?
I told you they're melting.

I know, but there was
no more room in the freezer.

How could there not be enough room

in the...

To...

Why is there beer in the freezer?

There's not an F on the box.

Uh, ice cold beer? It's, like, a thing.

This is a huge problem, Tony.

- I mean, it's just stuff.
- Our whole job is stuff.

Can't you just...

Listen and follow directions?

I swear, I just want to be done
and go to lunch, you know?

I'm sick of it.

- Oh!
- Oh, oh.

- Oh, dude, you hit me.
- Oh, no.

You're okay, you're okay.

You're more surprised than hurt, right?

- Not really.
- Tony?

What's wrong?
Is there something in your eye?

- You want me to blow on it?
- No...

- Jonah hit me.
- No, no.

What? How dare you hit my son?

Sandra, I swear...

Does it make you feel like
a big man, hitting a kid?

That's...

all right, Sandra, joke's over.

Most of these people don't get it,

but I do 'cause you're hilarious.

Do I look like I'm laughing?

All right, Tony.

I'll catch you on the flip.
Feel better, buddy.

You touch him again,
I will destroy you.

She's not...

it... we're... we're friends.

I threw her an engagement party.

Don't let Jonah throw
you a party, everyone.

Your kids will pay the price.

I know it's a lot, but
once we get it all sorted out,

I promise it will be fun.

- Will it?
- Yes!

All hangin' and bangin'

and none of that annoying
relationship stuff?

Think about it. If I get into
a fight with my stupid sister,

I'm not gonna bug you with that.

I'm gonna bring that to QB1 here.

That's right. And
I'm gonna be all like,

"Dina, your sister's attachment
issues are not your problem."

Boom.

Okay.

Yeah, I guess.

Here, we got you something.

Wow.

Not sure what I'm supposed
to do with this

since I'm a grown man.

Well, it's actually more
of a demonstration, you know?

We checked out a lot
of websites and they said

it's really important to
establish sexual boundaries,

so we will stick a thumbs-up sticker

everywhere you're
allowed to touch Dina.

Now, the thumbs-up
represents a general green light,

but in some cases,
it's a little more literal.

We'll walk you through
those when we get there.

Yeah, no, no. Nope, not doing it.

I'm out. Nope, nope, nope.

Wait!

I was just gonna put stickers
on the bear's boobs.

You love those.

Yeah, I don't think we sell anything

specifically called fruit soup,
but you could check produce.

Oh, here's a perfect place
to update shift assignments.

Hmm.

Isaac, you shall henceforth
be working on register four

to maximize efficiency
and expedite expenditure.

What's happening?

Why do you sound like Nurse Ratched

on the Netflix series "Ratched"?

Oh, I'm running this meeting like Mateo

in a very professional manner.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, ha, ha, very funny.

But you know what? Even
this is way better than your usual

singles cruise director attitude.

H, I doth agree

because one should never
have a fun, cool attitude

when one can have a stick up their ass!

Oh, my God, that's so good.

You're tearing him apart. Do his walk.

Oh, yeah. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

That's not how I...

Uh, uh, oh, God,
I right dropped me cane!

What cane? I don't have a cane!

Oh.

Did you see that? Dude, you...

This is all my fault.

Paying all that attention
to shiny, new Tony

while dusty, old Jonah sat on the shelf.

No, that's not it.
And we're not toys, Glen.

Sandra, it was just
an accident, I swear.

If it was such an accident,

then why were you yelling
at him when it happened?

I wasn't yelling!

Oh, God. He's doing it again.

I wasn't yelling at Tony.
It was more like lecturing.

He just... he wasn't listening.

Exactly. You had to make him listen.

That's not what I meant.

I think it's good that
the kid had some consequences.

Kids have it too easy these days.

Everybody gets a trophy.

You say that about everything.

Do you want us to give you a trophy?

If everyone's getting one.

Well, when I was a kid, we'd get hit,

but we never cried about it 'cause

then we'd get hit.

Okay, guys. Come on.

You know I'm not violent.

I don't even do the "Super Bowl" pool

because I think football is barbaric.

I thought you didn't bet because
you have a gambling addiction.

Addiction is a loaded word.

I don't know, Jonah.

You did hit Mateo
for being undocumented.

- He did what?
- You also tried to wrestle me.

- You challenged me.
- True.

And to be fair, you did stop
as soon as you got aroused.

No... that's... no...

That was the pants.
I took them out of rotation.

Hey, everyone.

Did I miss a meeting? Sorry.

I was shotgunning code reds
with my party bus of a husband.

I don't care if it's unprofessional.

I just want to have fun
and do molly with unicorns.

What? That was spot-on Cheyanne.

Oh, my God, Mateo. We can see your junk.

What?

Oh, my God. TMI!

No, no, you're making it worse.

You're moving it around.

Well, then stop looking! God.

Wow, Mateo.

That was not okay.

What, are you gonna hit him, too?

No, Sandra. We've moved on.

Whew! Well, that got
a little silly earlier, huh?

This group likes to spin a tale.

The thing is, a lot of
them are pathological...

Oh, I don't think
you hit Tony on purpose.

Good, good, yeah, no.

Just 'cause the case against me
was surprisingly compelling.

No, you don't seem like a brawler.

More like a library cards
in multiple cities kind of guy.

Chicago, Cincinnati, St. Louis.

Hey, so, uh, I was wondering if

you wanted to maybe get dinner
at this new Szechuan place.

Hold on.

I'm a lesbian.

Oh! Yeah.

Yeah, right, yeah, duh.

And not... not duh like
you're so obviously a lesbian.

Just duh on me for just
assuming you were straight.

- Oh, it's okay.
- No, no, no, no.

You were just being
friendly and I'm, like,

this heteronormative bull
in a lesbian china shop.

Yeah, kinda.

But it's not really your fault.

Your generation is a little more rigid

about gender and sexuality.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

My... my generation

separate from yours.

Well, okay. This...
yeah... good, so this...

- Yeah.
- This was... this was good.

Those were SuperCloud leggings, huh?

They were.

Oh, yeah. They're crazy thin.

I wore a pair to Harmonica's
teacher conference one time

but she got an A on her
macaroni project after that

and it sucked.

Eric's actually gonna be
picking me up soon,

so if you had anything else
you need to say to me?

Like what?

Like, you know, today's
been a journey for you

and I'm ready to accept your apology.

Are you being serious?

You expect me to apologize to you?

I have nothing to be sorry about.

I was giving you amazing
advice and you mocked me

and made me show my penis to the world.

The only reason that
you were giving me advice

was so that you could
re-live your glory days

like Britney in Vegas.

Do not come for Britney like that!

She is a woman at the top of her game!

Denying that she needs help
is only hurting her more!

It's crazy.

She's, what, three, four
years younger than me?

Or ten. Something like that.

But, uh, hey, at least you're
getting yourself back out there

and you got your first
rejection out of the way.

So that's good 'cause
there's gonna be a lot.

Like, so many.

Dating's fun.

Well, you were in a open relationship

for, like, three hours.

Yeah, you know what? Not for me.

Yeah, yeah, no. I mean, I get it.

When there's history
and feelings involved,

you don't want to have to, like,

share her with some other dude.

What? No, the...

- there's no feelings.
- Oh.

Well, then I'm surprised
you're not into it

if there's no emotional component.

No, it's just...

- Let's do it.
- Oh, great.

I gotta say, you seemed
like a pretty hard no.

Oh, yeah, no, I mean, look.

It's casual, it's fun,
it's still mid-pando.

Why wouldn't I want to do it?

Yes!

Seriously, Garrett, this
is gonna be awesome.

I'm gonna let the doctor
know you're back in.

Oh.

By doctor, you mean Brian?

No, no, Dr. Hartshorn.

Yeah, I ordered you a physical
and full panel of STI tests.

- You can pay me back later.
- Uh...

Hey, Hartshorn. He's back in.

Yeah, you're gonna
have to fast on Tuesday.

What...

No, I'm excited, too.

Jonah.

I just want you to know that
Tony will never replace you.

Glenn, really. I'm fine, okay?

Tony's a good kid. I like him.

Still, I told Jerusha

no need to make the hot
dog casserole this Saturday

because that's Jonah's special night.

So we can do whatever you want to do.

Glenn, no. That's not necessary.

Oh, come on. What's hot?

Well, there is this Chinese
place that I've been wanting try.

Absolutely.

They have plain white
rice, though, right?

- They do.
- Then absolutely!

Oh, and no big deal,

but you can't work with
minors for six weeks, okay?

- What?
- Yay, Jonah's special night.

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