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1
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,500
If a girl won't come round
2
00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:16,940
She must be a lesbian
3
00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:18,260
Turns me down
4
00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:19,900
She must be a lesbian
5
00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:21,620
She don't like me
6
00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:23,220
She must be a lesbian
7
00:00:23,220 --> 00:00:24,540
? Don't like me... ?
8
00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:26,060
She must be a lesbian.
9
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,780
Congratulations to the both of you.
10
00:00:27,780 --> 00:00:31,780
You're both beautiful,
beautiful lesbians. Peace out.
11
00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:38,500
Sorry, really sorry.
12
00:01:09,980 --> 00:01:11,740
Unbelievable.
13
00:01:11,740 --> 00:01:14,140
I give you one day to play
the bingo hall
14
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:17,460
and you ruin some sodding
lezza's wedding.
15
00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:21,020
Have you any idea how offensive
that is?
16
00:01:21,020 --> 00:01:23,820
If you don't clean up this place
by tomorrow morning,
17
00:01:23,820 --> 00:01:27,820
you will be meeting the twins.
18
00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:32,140
Hope and Ronnie, the twins?
19
00:01:32,140 --> 00:01:34,500
You totally crack me up, Ash.
20
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:35,940
What?
21
00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:38,860
Mate, all you had to do
was pick our set list.
22
00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:42,860
It was a mistake, you guys are
acting like I'm totally incapable.
23
00:01:49,740 --> 00:01:51,420
Fine.
24
00:01:51,420 --> 00:01:53,220
Well, at least I don't dye my beard.
25
00:01:53,220 --> 00:01:54,620
Oh, God!
26
00:01:54,620 --> 00:01:56,340
Ash can't walk backwards.
27
00:01:56,340 --> 00:01:59,380
Dru's full name is Druandra.
Ash can't count beyond 94.
28
00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:01,740
Stefan ran over a guy on holiday
in Spain three years ago
29
00:02:01,740 --> 00:02:03,900
and just left him there in the road.
30
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:06,820
Ash talks in his sleep.
31
00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:09,180
Probably needed a bigger one
to come back with.
32
00:02:09,180 --> 00:02:10,780
Well, if you think I'm so useless,
33
00:02:10,780 --> 00:02:12,940
maybe you guys can clear
the rest of the place up.
34
00:02:12,940 --> 00:02:16,180
Oh, yeah, leave us to do
all the work. That's new.
35
00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:18,140
What's that supposed to mean?
36
00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:19,980
Oh, did I say that loud?
37
00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:23,300
You don't think I contribute
to the band at all, do you?
38
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,420
Fine. Fucking fine.
39
00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:28,380
Good luck working with
Mr "Oh, it's all about me!"
40
00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:32,380
Enjoy getting Dru to focus
for more than five seconds.
41
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,300
I'm going solo.
42
00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:38,300
I can survive without you, bitches.
43
00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:48,860
If music be the food of love
I'm Gordon fucking Ramsay
44
00:02:48,940 --> 00:02:52,020
Leading it like Ghandi
I'm the Beano, you're the Dandy
45
00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:53,780
If you're bronze and silver
I'm the gold
46
00:02:53,780 --> 00:02:55,460
Going to wish your dad
used a marigold
47
00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:57,940
Listen to what you're told
Cos you might learn something
48
00:02:57,940 --> 00:02:59,820
I Matt Damon it
like Good Will Hunting
49
00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:00,900
Charizard shiny
50
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:03,540
I'm quite rare, I'm not big-headed
though, it's just my hair
51
00:03:03,540 --> 00:03:05,180
If I went solo
I'd pity you, fools
52
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:06,940
Hanging like a pair of testicles
53
00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:10,260
I am the ball sack
More meat than a rib rack
54
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:11,780
I'm a needle in a haystack
55
00:03:11,780 --> 00:03:14,380
You need me more than a junkie
needs crack
56
00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:15,900
Or more than Santa needs his sack
57
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:17,900
I am the leader
They're just the pack
58
00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:19,900
They're just the starter
I'm the main course
59
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,700
Without me, you're chips
with no sauce
60
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:23,420
Luke Skywalker with no force
61
00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:25,180
A cowboy without his horse
62
00:03:25,180 --> 00:03:28,700
This band revolves around me
Why can't you bucking see that...
63
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:30,340
I'm the main one
64
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:31,980
Cos of the way that I dress
65
00:03:31,980 --> 00:03:33,420
The main one...
66
00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:35,860
Cos I look good in a vest
67
00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:37,580
The main one
68
00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:39,580
Cos I can do arabesque
69
00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:41,220
The main one
70
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,460
The main one...
71
00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:46,660
Hi there, we're the Midnight Beast
And I'm Dru from the Midnight Beast
72
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,700
I'm the oldest
in the Midnight Beast
73
00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:50,820
So I'm the main one
in the Midnight Beast
74
00:03:50,820 --> 00:03:53,860
I was born first
and I grew pubes first
75
00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:55,740
I could shave and grow
another beard
76
00:03:55,740 --> 00:03:57,180
By the time I finish this verse
77
00:03:57,180 --> 00:03:58,420
He's hairy
78
00:03:58,420 --> 00:03:59,660
Like lightning, I'm scary
79
00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:01,500
Strong as a bear
but sweet like a fairy
80
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,540
Going through a life like
I don't have a carey
81
00:04:03,540 --> 00:04:05,340
Allergic to gluten, but not dairy
82
00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:06,780
Do you still not get my case?
83
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,660
Got more gaga than poker face
84
00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:10,540
I've got the balls
that you can't replace
85
00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:12,500
So make some fucking space
cos I'm...
86
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:13,580
The main one...
87
00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:15,420
Cos of the fro in my hat
88
00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:17,100
The main one...
89
00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:18,980
Cos of the eyebrows and that
90
00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:20,700
The main one
91
00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:22,980
? Cos I'm a necrophiliac... ?
? What?
92
00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:24,860
? The main one... ?
It was one time.
93
00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:27,100
? The main one... ?
I was lonely.
94
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,500
Save the best till last
95
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,340
You're economy, I'm first class
96
00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:34,100
You guys are dated like YOLO
So I'm out, Hans Solo
97
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:37,580
I bring the ah, I bring the oh I
bring the scat-ba-dap, ba-bar-doo
98
00:04:37,580 --> 00:04:39,380
So you basically don't bring
anything
99
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,540
I do, let me put it simply
I'm a tell you
100
00:04:41,540 --> 00:04:43,220
The guns
101
00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:46,180
The moves, check out my package
102
00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:48,180
Chorizo sausage
103
00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:51,580
Lock up your daughters
I'm coming through
104
00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:55,580
I'm on a mission to impregnate
every single one of you
105
00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:57,420
The main one
106
00:04:57,420 --> 00:04:59,340
Cos without me, you're shit.
107
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,620
The main one
108
00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:02,940
Well, your mum's got a dick
109
00:05:02,940 --> 00:05:04,380
The main one
110
00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:06,380
Fuck you both then, I quit
111
00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:10,220
The main one, the main one
112
00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:13,500
This band's the only band in
the world that has three main ones
113
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:15,580
We're all as good as each other
114
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:17,860
? There can never be a main one! ?
115
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:20,860
I'm the main one. Oh!
116
00:05:20,860 --> 00:05:22,820
So you're going solo, eh?
117
00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:24,940
Well, you've come to the right man.
118
00:05:24,940 --> 00:05:27,780
Yeah, I thought if anyone knew
about doing stuff alone,
119
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:29,580
without any friends - it was you.
120
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:33,580
Yeah, I did the whole singer-songwriter
thing back in the day.
121
00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:36,740
I collaborated with all the greats.
You're talking your Bowies,
122
00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:40,420
you're talking your Dylans,
you're talking your Abz from Five's.
123
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:44,420
Oh, here we go, these should
give you some inspiration.
124
00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:46,020
Check it.
125
00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:49,380
Yeah, if there's one thing I've
learned about singer-songwriting
126
00:05:49,380 --> 00:05:52,180
is that it's all about
the craft, the melody,
127
00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:55,540
about saying something truthful
people can really connect with.
128
00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:57,260
Of course.
129
00:05:57,260 --> 00:06:01,260
I need a makeover. Thanks, Sloman.
130
00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:05,340
Did I say makeover?
131
00:06:05,340 --> 00:06:07,620
This is really more of a
three-man job, you know?
132
00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:10,140
Well, we'll just have to make some
adjustments. Like what?
133
00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:12,860
Like the name, now Ash has
got in touch with his legal team.
134
00:06:12,860 --> 00:06:14,260
You mean, Sloman.
135
00:06:14,260 --> 00:06:16,300
Yeah, and I've agreed
we'll keep half.
136
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,740
So we're the Midnight
and he's the Beast.
137
00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:21,660
The Beast is so much better,
you could have asked for my opinion.
138
00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:24,460
Now that we're a two,
we can't just put things to a vote.
139
00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:26,380
It's just easier if I make all
the...
140
00:06:27,740 --> 00:06:31,740
Yeah, what do you think Ash meant
by the whole 'Dru can't concentrate' thing?
141
00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:40,100
Ah, OK. New romantic makeup - check.
142
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,740
Glockenspiel necklace,
Amazonian dream catcher - tick.
143
00:06:43,740 --> 00:06:45,100
Brilliant!
144
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:49,100
I think I've got everything
I need to be a singer/guitarist.
145
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,060
What about a guitar?
146
00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:53,340
Oh, yeah. Dear me.
147
00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:57,340
Good job I kept my old gear
from the music days.
148
00:06:58,140 --> 00:07:00,220
Behold.
149
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:04,220
The blandocaster - reliable,
easy to play, good acoustics.
150
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:10,100
Still got it.
151
00:07:11,740 --> 00:07:14,260
What is that?
152
00:07:14,260 --> 00:07:17,780
Oh, the German otter 2,000.
153
00:07:19,220 --> 00:07:22,980
I traded Ozzy Osbourne an M&S
cardigan for that back in the '70s.
154
00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:24,780
Rock and roll.
155
00:07:24,780 --> 00:07:28,140
No, I wouldn't bother with that -
terrible sound,
156
00:07:28,140 --> 00:07:32,100
difficult to play, doesn't even
have the right amount of strings.
157
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:34,220
That's really just
for complete idiots
158
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:38,220
who only care about looking flash.
159
00:07:50,020 --> 00:07:52,660
All right,
ready for our first jam as a duo?
160
00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:54,740
Let's kick this pigeon in the tits.
161
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:58,740
One, two, three, four.
162
00:08:14,860 --> 00:08:18,860
We need to find a third band
member. We need to find a new sex doll...find a third band member.
163
00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:32,900
Oh, fuck. Oh.
164
00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:38,260
Remember what I taught you, Ash.
165
00:08:39,580 --> 00:08:43,580
Slam dunk!
166
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:09,420
Oh, MFXG, that was love.
167
00:09:11,940 --> 00:09:14,540
Terror Moses, Matt Records.
168
00:09:14,540 --> 00:09:18,540
I'm Ash.
169
00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:20,420
OK.
170
00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:24,420
One syllable names are very 2014.
171
00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:27,380
Ash Ram.
172
00:09:27,380 --> 00:09:29,500
OK, yeah!
173
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,260
What do you say, Ash Ram?
174
00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:33,220
You ready to reimagine the industry?
175
00:09:33,220 --> 00:09:34,580
Yeah, totally.
176
00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:37,860
I should probably point out
I don't have any tunes yet.
177
00:09:37,860 --> 00:09:41,860
A singer-songwriter
who doesn't play songs...
178
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:48,260
Fucking utopia.
Is yeah, no, yeah, sign here.
179
00:09:48,260 --> 00:09:51,900
Oh.
180
00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:55,060
No way, if you think I'm ready
to let you lot use the hall again,
181
00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:56,780
you are very much mistaken.
182
00:09:56,780 --> 00:10:00,780
Sylvia, please, you could be
a judge.
183
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:02,340
What?
184
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:05,900
Crushing the hopes of some
poor tone-deaf dreamer
185
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:07,980
whose family haven't got
the heart to tell him
186
00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:11,980
he'll never be the next
Robbie Williams?
187
00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:16,380
Yeah, all right.
Sounds like a laugh.
188
00:10:25,660 --> 00:10:27,340
Hey, girl, let's not be coy...
189
00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:29,220
I'm just a girl
and you're just a boy.
190
00:10:29,220 --> 00:10:33,220
I'm just a boy that wants to have
sex, you're just a girl...
191
00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:36,660
Ooh, yeah, oh, wooh, oh, wooh!
192
00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:38,900
Ah, yeah, come on.
193
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:42,540
You burger meal, argh.
194
00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:43,780
OK, Sloman, thanks.
195
00:10:43,780 --> 00:10:44,980
OK.
196
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:48,140
? When the war ends, you're going
to be begging me for sex. ?
197
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:49,260
Next.
198
00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:50,820
? If you're lucky
you might fuck me. ?
199
00:10:50,820 --> 00:10:51,860
No.
200
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,180
Oh, oh.
201
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:54,700
Yeah.
202
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:55,780
Next.
203
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,940
? Dur, dur, dur, dur, dur
dur ,dur, dur. ?
204
00:10:57,940 --> 00:11:01,220
No.
205
00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:03,900
I think that went quite well.
What part of that went quite well?
206
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:06,060
Hello? I got three stars
on level 14.
207
00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:08,860
Maybe if you'd been concentrating
instead of playing that...
208
00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:10,660
Dru, for God's sake!
209
00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:12,900
Do you know, Ash was right,
it is all about you.
210
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:16,060
You shouldn't be playing it when we're
trying to find a new act, should you?
211
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:17,300
Boys!
212
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:20,940
Believe me, this isn't the first
time I've broken up a fight.
213
00:11:20,940 --> 00:11:24,340
Now, you clearly don't work
together as a duo.
214
00:11:24,340 --> 00:11:28,340
So either go solo,
or you can go with big Dave.
215
00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:33,278
I'm going solo.
I'm going solo!
216
00:11:44,350 --> 00:11:48,350
Hey, Ash Ram,
welcome to my work space.
217
00:11:48,551 --> 00:11:52,551
Much less stifling than some office.
Way more practical.
218
00:11:52,831 --> 00:11:54,671
Actually, it's Asthma, OK?
219
00:11:54,671 --> 00:11:57,471
I'm reinventing myself
every three hours.
220
00:11:57,471 --> 00:12:01,471
A totes fond. Totally fond of. It's
the new amaze balls.
221
00:12:02,871 --> 00:12:04,431
Who are those people outside?
222
00:12:04,431 --> 00:12:08,391
They're your fans, Asthma,
you're really trending.
223
00:12:08,391 --> 00:12:12,391
You know, oh Indifferent called,
they want to do an Q & A,
224
00:12:13,111 --> 00:12:15,951
I said you'd only do it in Braille,
they weren't fussed either way.
225
00:12:15,951 --> 00:12:19,671
Oh and MTV want to film you doing
the first ever gig in space.
226
00:12:19,671 --> 00:12:21,751
Wo, ho, ho, that's cool!
227
00:12:21,751 --> 00:12:23,511
Awful, I know, right?
228
00:12:23,511 --> 00:12:27,511
Who even watches MTV any more?
It's not 2010, you know.
229
00:12:30,231 --> 00:12:34,231
How amazing for me
to have just said that.
230
00:12:41,791 --> 00:12:44,191
Great stuff, Amy.
Thanks for responding to the ad.
231
00:12:44,191 --> 00:12:47,431
I'm going on tour next week, so I'm
in desperate need of a new partner.
232
00:12:47,431 --> 00:12:51,431
You know, someone to create with and
share ideas with and...
233
00:12:52,151 --> 00:12:54,031
Well, maybe even share
a part of ourselves.
234
00:12:54,031 --> 00:12:56,471
Up next, Loose Women.
235
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:59,791
Sorry, next
door neighbour, thin walls.
236
00:12:59,791 --> 00:13:02,671
Hello, welcome to Loose Women with
Carol Vorderman.
237
00:13:02,671 --> 00:13:05,071
Mm, Carol Vorderman.
238
00:13:05,071 --> 00:13:08,511
It would actually be perfect for me
right now.
239
00:13:08,511 --> 00:13:11,111
Jane, Jane, Jane, ooh.
240
00:13:11,111 --> 00:13:13,751
My old band just split up too,
you see.
241
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,911
Denise, you filth pit.
242
00:13:15,911 --> 00:13:18,471
So I'd love to, love to team up.
243
00:13:18,471 --> 00:13:20,191
Well, I'm at the moment...
244
00:13:20,191 --> 00:13:22,791
Fuck me, Carol McGiffin.
245
00:13:22,791 --> 00:13:26,791
Well, I do like Medium Pimpin' so...
246
00:13:27,671 --> 00:13:30,391
All right, you're in.
Great, thank you.
247
00:13:30,391 --> 00:13:33,191
Well, Will was mainly a lyrics guy,
so that'll be your job. Sure.
248
00:13:33,191 --> 00:13:36,671
God, he could craft a mean verse.
249
00:13:36,671 --> 00:13:40,671
All you touch, all you see is
all your life will ever be. Wow.
250
00:13:44,351 --> 00:13:47,151
I mean, what about you?
Do you have any ideas for that song?
251
00:13:47,151 --> 00:13:50,551
Yeah, sure.
252
00:13:50,551 --> 00:13:54,231
Me and my band mates
253
00:13:54,231 --> 00:13:58,231
We called it quits.
254
00:13:58,511 --> 00:14:02,511
? But now it's me and your
amazing... ?
255
00:14:08,711 --> 00:14:10,911
Breasts?
256
00:14:10,911 --> 00:14:13,951
Maybe for the chorus?
257
00:14:13,951 --> 00:14:16,231
Do you know, on second thoughts,
I just...
258
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:18,871
What? No, I can only
write at night by moonlight
259
00:14:18,871 --> 00:14:20,671
in my pyjamas, obviously.
260
00:14:20,671 --> 00:14:23,591
Listen, I'll get something to you
by tomorrow morning, I promise.
261
00:14:23,591 --> 00:14:25,911
Today's guest,
Janet Street-Porter.
262
00:14:25,911 --> 00:14:27,231
Oh, what is it? My birthday?
263
00:14:27,231 --> 00:14:29,591
All right, see you later.
Thanks so much for coming.
264
00:14:29,591 --> 00:14:33,591
See you later.
265
00:14:57,431 --> 00:15:01,431
Argh!
266
00:15:25,351 --> 00:15:29,351
Ket Magazine,
any plans to actually record a song?
267
00:15:29,431 --> 00:15:32,791
For me, music is much more
than just the songs.
268
00:15:32,791 --> 00:15:36,191
It's a wind on a cool
summer's breeze.
269
00:15:36,191 --> 00:15:39,631
It's a dying baby swan's last
cry to its mother.
270
00:15:39,631 --> 00:15:43,631
It's the echo of a memory
of a moment lost in time.
271
00:15:46,031 --> 00:15:50,031
Can you sign my boobs, please?
Yes, I can. Come here.
272
00:15:50,631 --> 00:15:54,631
Ash's got to go. Sorry everyone.
273
00:15:58,071 --> 00:16:01,191
Hey Ronnie, come to see
the whole At thing in motion, huh?
274
00:16:01,191 --> 00:16:03,951
Yeah, for some reason, my little
sister has temporarily lost
275
00:16:03,951 --> 00:16:06,951
her marbles and put posters of you
up all over her wall.
276
00:16:06,951 --> 00:16:09,551
What, Hope's on the At train too?
That's cool.
277
00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:13,151
Maybe I can get you one as well
if you play your cards right.
278
00:16:13,151 --> 00:16:15,751
Thanks, but I'll pass, I already had
to dry my face on this,
279
00:16:15,751 --> 00:16:17,551
this morning.
280
00:16:17,551 --> 00:16:20,591
You're doing a record signing
and you don't even have a record.
281
00:16:20,591 --> 00:16:23,911
My God, Ronnie, it's At.
282
00:16:23,911 --> 00:16:27,271
I always knew you were the most
talented one.
283
00:16:27,271 --> 00:16:29,271
Oh, I get why you're mad.
284
00:16:29,271 --> 00:16:31,991
You want me to paint the bingo hall,
don't you? What?
285
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:35,991
A homecoming gig. Class.
286
00:16:36,191 --> 00:16:40,191
Yeah, we'll just need to get someone
from the venues to sign paperwork.
287
00:16:40,871 --> 00:16:44,871
Yeah, not going to happen.
Allow me.
288
00:16:47,071 --> 00:16:51,071
Fincredible. Fucking incredible.
289
00:16:53,231 --> 00:16:55,951
OK, so it took me all night
but I finally came up with
290
00:16:55,951 --> 00:16:59,951
something that I think you're going
to love, OK.
291
00:17:05,631 --> 00:17:09,631
And a one, two, three, four.
292
00:17:10,231 --> 00:17:14,231
What do you think?
I mean, obviously it needs work.
293
00:17:14,391 --> 00:17:18,391
Yeah, I think I'm going
to go with my backup.
294
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:23,711
Hi, big Dave?
295
00:17:23,711 --> 00:17:27,031
One day we're friends for ever
296
00:17:27,031 --> 00:17:29,871
Next day we're friends for never
297
00:17:29,871 --> 00:17:30,951
You say
298
00:17:30,951 --> 00:17:32,111
You say
299
00:17:32,111 --> 00:17:33,471
We're best friends
300
00:17:33,471 --> 00:17:34,591
I say
301
00:17:34,591 --> 00:17:35,951
He says
302
00:17:35,951 --> 00:17:37,031
Till the end
303
00:17:37,031 --> 00:17:41,031
Our friendship's like a slice
of chocolate cake
304
00:17:42,071 --> 00:17:43,191
You're the icing
305
00:17:43,191 --> 00:17:45,071
You'd be the sponge
306
00:17:45,071 --> 00:17:49,031
When we're together we
become
307
00:17:49,031 --> 00:17:53,031
A perfect way to end
the perfect dinner time
308
00:17:53,591 --> 00:17:56,071
Quite substantial glass of wine
309
00:17:56,071 --> 00:17:59,911
A tasty mint goes down a treat
and helps my
310
00:17:59,911 --> 00:18:03,311
Indigestion
311
00:18:03,311 --> 00:18:06,071
Digest this factual
piece of evidence
312
00:18:06,071 --> 00:18:07,631
I'm your butter
313
00:18:07,631 --> 00:18:09,431
You're my toast
314
00:18:09,431 --> 00:18:12,231
The gravy on my Sunday roast
315
00:18:12,231 --> 00:18:15,111
I'm not a fan of your roasts
316
00:18:15,111 --> 00:18:16,631
What do you mean?
317
00:18:16,631 --> 00:18:19,831
You told me that you liked the one
I cooked the other day
318
00:18:19,831 --> 00:18:21,271
I don't remember
319
00:18:21,271 --> 00:18:23,751
You said you liked the sprouts
320
00:18:23,751 --> 00:18:25,311
I don't know what to say
321
00:18:25,311 --> 00:18:27,991
Then you should shut your mouth
322
00:18:27,991 --> 00:18:31,151
One day we're friends for ever
323
00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:33,991
Go take some singing lessons
324
00:18:33,991 --> 00:18:35,151
What was that?
325
00:18:35,151 --> 00:18:36,271
Nothing, twat
326
00:18:36,271 --> 00:18:37,471
You're a prick
327
00:18:37,471 --> 00:18:38,591
Eat my shit
328
00:18:38,591 --> 00:18:40,631
No, thank you it wouldn't be nice
329
00:18:40,631 --> 00:18:43,951
One day we're friends,
the next we're not
330
00:18:43,951 --> 00:18:46,911
It's so confusing,
the whys and what's
331
00:18:46,911 --> 00:18:49,791
What the hell, I thought that we
were friends just now,
332
00:18:49,791 --> 00:18:51,671
then I remembered we had a row.
333
00:18:51,671 --> 00:18:52,831
Oh, yeah.
334
00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:55,871
We're like Brad Pitt and Angela
335
00:18:55,871 --> 00:18:59,271
but we don't have a child from
Cambodia,
336
00:18:59,271 --> 00:19:02,511
I'm sick and tired of us having no
fun.
337
00:19:02,511 --> 00:19:05,071
Stop being pussies and go
and work your problems out son
338
00:19:05,071 --> 00:19:06,151
because I'm done.
339
00:19:06,151 --> 00:19:08,711
One day we bond together
340
00:19:08,711 --> 00:19:09,871
One day we're born.
341
00:19:09,871 --> 00:19:11,711
Next day it's stormy weather
342
00:19:11,711 --> 00:19:12,831
Next day we're torn.
343
00:19:12,831 --> 00:19:13,951
You say
344
00:19:13,951 --> 00:19:15,351
You say we're not friends
345
00:19:15,351 --> 00:19:16,591
I say
346
00:19:16,591 --> 00:19:17,631
He says
347
00:19:17,631 --> 00:19:19,551
Fuck you bender
348
00:19:19,551 --> 00:19:22,551
One day there'll be
love like brothers
349
00:19:22,551 --> 00:19:23,871
Next day it's...
350
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:25,551
Fuck your mother
351
00:19:25,551 --> 00:19:29,031
No offence tell your mum I think
she's quite nice
352
00:19:29,031 --> 00:19:33,031
? That particular dig was directed
at you and not your mother. ?
353
00:19:33,751 --> 00:19:37,751
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome on stage, A.
354
00:19:41,151 --> 00:19:43,711
All I want to do is do it, love me,
love me, love me, love me.
355
00:19:43,711 --> 00:19:47,711
Oh, God.
356
00:19:50,431 --> 00:19:51,951
Let's start from the top.
357
00:19:51,951 --> 00:19:55,951
You were formerly in a band called
The Midnight Beast.
358
00:19:56,431 --> 00:19:58,031
Whatever, sure, it doesn't matter.
359
00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:01,391
So now that you've gone solo,
do you miss your other band mates?
360
00:20:01,391 --> 00:20:04,911
Well...
361
00:20:04,911 --> 00:20:07,511
I think I've survived on my own,
right? Yeah? Yeah?
362
00:20:07,511 --> 00:20:11,511
Am I right?
363
00:20:12,391 --> 00:20:15,111
What's your vision?
My vision is to...
364
00:20:15,111 --> 00:20:18,751
Oh, my God, did I miss it?
365
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,551
Classy, Hope.
366
00:20:20,551 --> 00:20:24,431
I see music as a fluid, yeah?
367
00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:26,551
OK, like water or Umbungo.
368
00:20:26,551 --> 00:20:28,391
Play a song.
369
00:20:28,391 --> 00:20:31,791
To me, songs are more like ideas.
370
00:20:31,791 --> 00:20:35,791
OMG, a song would be
so subversive right now.
371
00:20:36,911 --> 00:20:40,351
I think, yeah, I think
they want to hear a song, I think.
372
00:20:40,351 --> 00:20:42,271
I really don't have the right
equipment.
373
00:20:42,271 --> 00:20:44,591
I think...
374
00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:47,311
I think yeah, we want a song, right?
Yeah, let's have a song.
375
00:20:47,311 --> 00:20:51,311
Play a song, play a song.
376
00:20:54,831 --> 00:20:57,431
All right, Stethoscope?
377
00:20:57,431 --> 00:21:01,431
Oh, dear.
I know that face all too well.
378
00:21:01,991 --> 00:21:03,591
You've got scurvy, haven't you?
379
00:21:03,591 --> 00:21:05,151
What? No.
380
00:21:05,151 --> 00:21:08,631
I tried to branch out on my own but
I couldn't cope without the guys.
381
00:21:08,631 --> 00:21:11,151
Well, then talk to Druandra.
382
00:21:11,151 --> 00:21:14,671
Can't you see you guys belong
together.
383
00:21:14,671 --> 00:21:18,471
Like Jordan and Peter Andre.
384
00:21:18,471 --> 00:21:21,551
Or Jordan and Alex Reid.
385
00:21:21,551 --> 00:21:23,991
Or Jordan and Gareth Gates.
386
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:26,431
Or Jordan and Dane Bowers.
387
00:21:26,431 --> 00:21:28,991
Or Jordan and Dwight Yorke.
388
00:21:28,991 --> 00:21:30,431
Sloman, I'm a guy.
389
00:21:30,431 --> 00:21:34,431
I could never tell him I was wrong.
390
00:21:39,911 --> 00:21:42,991
We do kind of still share the flat.
391
00:21:42,991 --> 00:21:46,991
I suppose if Sloman's worried,
then something really is wrong.
392
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:51,071
What do you say
we Berlin Wall this motherfucker.
393
00:21:51,071 --> 00:21:55,071
Gay bar.
394
00:22:04,191 --> 00:22:08,191
Finally the old gang are back
together, let's just sit back, relax
395
00:22:09,671 --> 00:22:13,671
and remember it's just been the
three of us since the very start.
396
00:22:14,271 --> 00:22:15,671
Uh-oh.
397
00:22:15,671 --> 00:22:19,271
He's been called the musician who
defined a generation,
398
00:22:19,271 --> 00:22:23,271
but now a local gig has turned sour
after the artist formerly
399
00:22:23,631 --> 00:22:26,231
known as Ash has refused to play.
400
00:22:26,231 --> 00:22:28,911
The crowd are chanting,
401
00:22:28,911 --> 00:22:31,831
rioting and some are even
throwing their own excrement.
402
00:22:31,831 --> 00:22:32,871
Shit.
403
00:22:32,871 --> 00:22:35,551
Oh, well,
bet he's regretting leaving.
404
00:22:35,551 --> 00:22:38,071
Right,
who wants to pay squash sardines?
405
00:22:38,071 --> 00:22:42,071
Our boy needs us.
To the bingo hall.
406
00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:46,391
Dru, not now.
407
00:22:46,391 --> 00:22:48,671
I never get to take her.
408
00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:52,671
And I'm alone again.
409
00:22:53,831 --> 00:22:57,831
Or am I.
410
00:22:59,191 --> 00:23:00,311
You.
411
00:23:00,311 --> 00:23:03,031
What are you guys doing here?
We thought you could use some help.
412
00:23:03,031 --> 00:23:06,871
I don't know what you mean,
everything's going great. Argh.
413
00:23:06,871 --> 00:23:08,871
Right fine,
I can't survive without you guys.
414
00:23:08,871 --> 00:23:11,031
We kind of couldn't survive
without you either.
415
00:23:11,031 --> 00:23:13,591
The truth is, I've been secretly
taping your night time
416
00:23:13,591 --> 00:23:15,751
ramblings and using them
as lyrics for years.
417
00:23:15,751 --> 00:23:19,751
You write really good songs when
you're unconscious.
418
00:23:20,111 --> 00:23:21,991
What are we going to do about them?
419
00:23:21,991 --> 00:23:24,871
Look, I think it's time the midnight
and the beast joined forces.
420
00:23:24,871 --> 00:23:28,871
And I've got the perfect song,
are you ready?
421
00:23:36,671 --> 00:23:40,671
And a one, two, three, four.
422
00:23:40,791 --> 00:23:43,024
I mean, obviously it needs work.
423
00:23:43,074 --> 00:23:47,624
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