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00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:07,480
Ladies and gentlemen !
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00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,880
Eddie Murphy!
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00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:58,640
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Two times, far two times.
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00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:05,120
Before I even get started how about
a big round of applause for the Bus Boys.
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00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:24,280
There's some rules, I got some rules when I show
down and I do my standup, I got rules and shit.
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00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:28,800
Faggots aren't allowed to look
at my ass while I'm on stage !
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00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,462
That's why I keep moving while I'm up here.
8
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You don't know where the faggot section is,
you gotta keep movin'.
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00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:46,640
So if they do see it, quick, you switch,
they don't get no long stares at your shit...
10
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,400
...so that their imagination is flowing about my...
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00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,800
I know when you're looking,
'cos my ass starts to get hot.
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00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:58,560
I'm afraid of gay people. Petrified.
I have nightmares about gay people.
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00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:04,560
I have this nightmare that I go to Hollywood
and find out that Mr. T is a faggot.
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00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:10,760
Really, and he'd be walking up to people going:
"Hey, boy ! Hey, boy !"
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00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:15,600
"You look mighty cute in them jeans !"
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00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:26,360
"Now come on over here,
and fuck me up the ass !"
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00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,800
"I'm gonna bend over now !"
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00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:43,160
"Hey, boy, slow down ! You're gonna miss
the round, and come too fast !"
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00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:47,800
"You make me get get mad I clench up
my buttcheeks and rip your dick of !"
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00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:57,800
You know who would be a funny faggot?
Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton!
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00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:05,600
Ralph Kramden leaning out the window and:
"Norton! Come on down, I wanna show you somethin'!"
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00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:10,320
"Ralphie-boy, whaddaya say there pal of mine ?"
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00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,000
"You know Norton, I've been watching you.
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And I know you've been watching me.
You watch me! I know!"
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"So, Ralph, what are you gettin' at?"
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"Norton, my friend!
How would you like to fuck me up the ass?"
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"I know you wanna fuck me, Norton!"
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"And you know that I know that you know
that I know that you wanna fuck me!"
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"Now I'm gonna bend over,
and when I do, start fuckin'!"
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00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,960
"Here I go !"
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00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,800
"Way to go there, Ralphie-boy!"
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00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:06,960
I kid the homosexuals a lot,
'cos they're homosexuals.
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00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:13,280
I fuck with everybody. I don't give a fuck if they're...
Just like I'm... I don't mean anything by it.
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00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:14,760
You can hang out with a gay person.
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00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:19,160
Them guys don't feel, you know, alienated,
like, gay people, 'cos they're gay.
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00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,400
You can play tennis with a gay person.
Really !
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00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,960
Just after the game you say:
"I'm gonna get a beer, what's you gonna do ?"
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"I think I'm gonna suck some guy's dick."
"Well, I'll see you later!"
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00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,320
"You go suck that dick, I'm gonna have the beer."
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Ladies are hip to it too.
Ladies be hanging out with gay people.
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00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,480
Ladies say:
"Gay men are the best friends I have !"
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00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,400
"'cos they don't want anything from you, you
don't want anything from them, you just hang out,
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00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:47,040
you can be with them and get fun and just talk to
them and all that bullshit, maybe hanging out with them.
44
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,758
You know what's really scary about it?
That new AIDS shit.
45
00:07:50,759 --> 00:07:53,955
AIDS is scary 'cos it kills motherfuckers, AIDS!
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00:07:54,504 --> 00:07:58,356
That ain't like the good ol' days
when venereal disease was simple.
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00:07:58,696 --> 00:08:03,368
In the good old days, you got gonorhea,
you dick hurt, go get a shot, cleared right up.
48
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:07,400
Then they came out with herpes,
you keep that shit forever like luggage.
49
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,320
And now they got AIDS,
that just kills motherfuckers.
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00:08:15,393 --> 00:08:20,160
I say what's next, I guess you just
put your dick in it and explodes !
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00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:35,120
And the girl would be on the bed:
"Maybe I should see a doctor about it..."
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00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:40,520
Kills people ! It petrifies me 'cos
girls be hanging out with them.
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00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,600
One night they could be in the club having
fun with their gayfriend, give them a little kiss.
54
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And go home with AIDS on their lips !
55
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,480
And then when her husband, like five years later.
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00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:54,040
"AIDS?! But I'm not homosexual!"
57
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,640
"Sure you're not homosexual..."
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00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:05,480
All the diseases scare me 'cos I'm like these...
these are fuck years for me, like I'm...
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00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,880
I'm in my sexual prime, this, I fuck now !
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00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,760
These are the years to fuck !
This is when you do your best fucking.
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00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:21,440
And you just start to learn your body
and getting it on your shoulders on to fuck...
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00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:25,440
Like 18 year olds, let me hear you
all in the audience !
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00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:30,000
See y'all don't know how to fuck yet, see.
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00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:39,744
You get 22. You start movin' all this shit.
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00:09:40,337 --> 00:09:43,368
Makin' faces, ever made them fuck faces
its a cool motherfucking thing.
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00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,400
You don't do that when you're 18. There's just 1
expression 'cos you be surprised you fuckin'.
67
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,320
Plus you don't have
no dick control when you're 18 !
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00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:07,520
Ever been sitting around when you was young man,
just sitting in class, your dick gets hard for nothing ?
69
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:12,000
You be just sitting there and your
dick's here: "What's going on out there?"
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00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,760
That's when the teacher say: "Mr Murphy,
would you come over by the board?"
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00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:22,880
"No, that's allright.
I'll take the zero."
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Really, no dick control at all.
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00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,667
It's even hard to find the pussy when you're 18.
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00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:30,542
Ever had that guys? You'd be
searching for the pussy down there.
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00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:36,920
And your dick be sliding down and shit,
and the girl be going: "That's not it..."
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00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,880
"Is there any problem ?"
"No, ain't no problem, baby."
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00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:49,320
"You got a shoe horn or some shit like that?"
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00:10:56,080 --> 00:11:01,040
And this is the business to be in if you want some pussy.
That's why I got in show bussiness, for pussy.
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00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:05,880
I figured, if Jimmy Walker can fuck,
I'm fucking everybody.
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00:11:10,148 --> 00:11:11,326
And it's like that too.
81
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:15,360
When you do TV-shows, women would be
throwing pussy at me on the street like frisbee.
82
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:18,800
"Ed !"
"Thank you ! Appreciate that !"
83
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,200
Too much pussy, pussy would be
falling outta my pocket.
84
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:34,720
Walking out the street, you say:
"Oh, watch your step, that's mine."
85
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:47,600
Being a comic though ain't like being no singer.
The singers get all the pussy.
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00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:55,000
Like the Bus Boys: they fuck everybody.
Bus Boys will fuck anything that moves.
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00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:59,280
Come to my house the fish stop swimming.
They don't play.
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00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,400
Singers gets pussy. 'cos you don't have to,
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00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,160
even you don't have to look good,
you can sing and get pussy.
90
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,760
Just be interesting. 'cos this Sex Symbol
is getting pussy and is ugly motherfucker.
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00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:17,640
'cos all you have to do is sing, its somethin bout singing,
that is the business, you sing, women go crazy.
92
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:21,920
Cos, Mick Jagger is an ugly motherfucker !
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00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,120
With big ass lips !
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00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:33,440
Mick Jagger's lips are so big black people be going:
"You got some big ass lips !"
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00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,520
"These are big motherfucking lips !"
96
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,960
But he's singing !
If you sing you'll get over.
97
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:45,400
Luther Vandross is a big
Kentucky Fried Chicken eating motherfucker.
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00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:50,720
But he put that shit up like....
And women go:
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Sing ! 'cos all you got to do is sing.
100
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:01,720
Michael Jackson, who can sing,
and is a good looking guy.
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00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:06,120
But ain't the most masculine fellow
in the world.
102
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,240
That's Michael's hook, his sensivity !
103
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,600
That's when women be sayin:
"Michael's just so sensitive..."
104
00:13:18,814 --> 00:13:19,994
And they eat that shit up. Mike knows.
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00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:24,480
He be using women. I've seen Mike walk up to a
girl and they'd be in the audience and say:
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00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,480
"Is it allright if I come down there to sing to you..."
107
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:34,360
And women go: "Whaaaaa !"
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00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:39,760
Then, if you don't scream, Michael
gets really sensitive and cries on your ass.
109
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,400
Ever hear that record "She's out of my life" ?
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00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,400
"Tito, give me some tissues."
111
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,600
"Jermaine, stop teasing."
112
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:43,600
You just sing ! I like dudes with masculine voices,
you know, like Teddy Pendergrass.
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00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,640
Teddy just comes out, takes the lyrics and:
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00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,000
And scare the bitches that are liking him.
115
00:14:53,744 --> 00:14:57,155
That motherfucker's crazy,
throw your panties on the stage.
116
00:14:57,282 --> 00:15:00,129
That's whats happening. I like Elvis Presley !
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00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:06,160
Really I give credit where credit is due. When
Elvis was young, he was a bad motherfucker.
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00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:13,800
He was vicious. Sing his ass off. He sang so
good, they let him do movies, he couldn't act.
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00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,640
They said:
"Fuck it ! Let him sing all his dialogues !"
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00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:21,200
"Elvis, we got to win this race!"
"We got to win this race...."
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00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:29,360
"Elvis, want some lemonade?"
"Lemonade, that cool, refreshing drink...."
122
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,400
Let him sing 'till he was older too,
Elvis was 42 years old.
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00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:40,400
He would come out, his stomach was all fat and shit
...and his butt be sticking out and shit...
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looking like he had to shit, out
walking on the stage like this...
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00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:20,000
"Excuse me."
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00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:28,720
Sing ! That's the key to it.
You don't even have to be able to talk.
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00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:34,720
Just sing and get famous.
James Brown's been singing for 20 years.
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00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:38,600
I don't know what the fuck
James is talkin' about !
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00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,080
I don't understand shit James says !
130
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:46,080
I met him once at Saturday Night Live, walked up to him
and said "James, I luv your stuff".
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00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:58,400
And whatever James is saying
is some really heavy shit to James.
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00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,400
'cos at the end of every sentence
he ended up with:
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00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,200
He meant that shit that he just said !
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00:17:07,891 --> 00:17:11,234
And you getting mad you start putting the needle
back "What the fuck did I just miss?"
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00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:24,320
That's a James Brown lyric.
He wrote that shit !
136
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,920
He's writing a song and:
"I need a word in here: Heaay !"
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00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,800
"That's good !"
138
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,040
Band be going:
"What the fuck is James talking about?"
139
00:18:36,041 --> 00:18:37,041
I don't know but we're getting paid,
keep singing.
140
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:50,540
And people take singers. There's something about
singers that people just love and shit.
141
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,840
'Cos I... I did Stevie Wonder on a show once.
142
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,320
And black people lost their motherfucking minds !
143
00:19:01,378 --> 00:19:02,674
I have brothers rawling up on me going:
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00:19:02,821 --> 00:19:05,726
"Hey ! You the motherfucker that'd
been doing Stevie Wonder?"
145
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,880
"That shit ain't funny, motherfucker !"
146
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:15,320
"Don't you never let me see you do
that shit again ! I'll fuck you up !"
147
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,120
"Stevie Wonder is a musical genius !"
148
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:31,120
That's terrible ! That's terrible, man !
Your mother brought you up wrong.
149
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,873
I got mad, I was hanging out with Stevie
two months ago, I said:
150
00:19:35,022 --> 00:19:37,564
"Look, Steve, I get 2 months flack over this impression."
151
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,000
"I don't like doin', I ain't doing this shit no more."
Stevie says: "Well I feel that..."
152
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,320
"Shut the fuck up !"
153
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:47,840
'Cos you gotta cut Steve off quick,
'cos if he starts rolling he talks your ears off.
154
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:52,240
You ever seen Steve win a Grammy and come up
to give one of those long ass acceptance speeches ?
155
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:59,000
"And the winner is Stevie Wonder !"
156
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:06,160
'...God's chosen and..."
"Just take the motherfuckin award and get the fuck out !"
157
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:11,520
'cos if you don't say that the credits will be rolling
and Stevie going: "And I'd like to thank..."
158
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:14,580
I've been in the car and said:
"Just shut the fuck up, Steve!"
159
00:20:14,690 --> 00:20:17,840
I'm telling you, genius and all that shit,
but you're my boy, man, we hang and,
160
00:20:17,865 --> 00:20:21,189
I mean, like, it's nice and shit but
I don't appreciate all the flack.
161
00:20:21,369 --> 00:20:24,205
And personally, the piano and the singing,
I told you how I feel about singing...
162
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:25,624
"...I ain't impressed."
163
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,600
"You wanna impress me?
Take the wheel for a little while, motherfucker !"
164
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:39,000
"I heard that shit, man !"
"That shit wasn't funny !"
165
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,055
Then I suppose in your little sketch
Stevie crashed in a tree, right?
166
00:20:42,231 --> 00:20:44,815
"Ha-ha, very funny, motherfucker !"
167
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,800
"Your mother got a wooden leg
with a kick stand, motherfucker !"
168
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:58,800
"Your mother got a mouth in the back
of her neck and the bitch chews like this !"
169
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:05,320
"Motherfucker Stevie Wonder jokes and shit !"
170
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,840
It's hot as fuck in here !
171
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,000
"Take it off !"
172
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:27,440
No, I can't take it off. Maybe ladies would run up
the place holding their pussies going: "Aaaah !"
173
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:32,040
What's going on over there ?
Ladies run down the street and... can't do that.
174
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,320
Do we have the icecream man around here ?
175
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,160
Remember when the icecream man
used to come to town when you was little ?
176
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:46,600
And no matter what you was doing
you would stop and lose your fucking mind !
177
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:51,000
There's something about the icecream
truck that makes kids lose it.
178
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:55,400
And they can hear that shit from ten blocks away.
They don't hear their mothers calling
179
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,520
but they hear that motherfucking icecream truck.
180
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:03,720
And no matter what was was going on, the iceman
came, it stopped. You be gettin' some marbles and shit:
181
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:16,920
"Icecream ! Icecream ! The icecream man is coming !
The icecream man is coming !"
182
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:25,400
"Mom ! Mom !"
"Throw down some money !"
183
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:29,440
"The icecream man is coming !"
184
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:36,000
Then your mother come to the window
and be throwing change and say:
185
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:37,920
and bring back my change.
186
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,720
Catch all that shit and run down the street, top speed.
187
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,800
Chasing icecream truck and:
"Icecream !"
188
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:49,400
Icecream man always drove extra blocks away.
And I know he's seen us and shit,
189
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:55,400
but I think he just be in the car with his friends and say:
"Watch me how fast I make these motherfuckers run"
190
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:02,640
You'd be behind him doing 50 and
going: "Icecream !"
191
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,760
"Thank you, icecream man ! Thank you !"
192
00:23:14,214 --> 00:23:18,126
I'd get my icecream and I didn't eat it
just sing for a little while.
193
00:23:18,161 --> 00:23:19,917
You know how kids are.
194
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:33,400
"I have some icecream, I have some icecream,
and I'm gonna eat it all, I'm gonna eat it all..."
195
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:46,800
The icecream be running down your arm and shit
196
00:23:50,840 --> 00:24:00,240
"You don't have no icecream!
You didn't get none ! You didn't get none !
197
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:11,280
"'cos you are under wellfare, you can't afford it."
198
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:19,920
Other kids would join in: "You can't afford it,
and his father is an alcoholic !"
199
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:48,920
"You dropped your icecream,
you dropped your icecream..."
200
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:12,480
Eat it. I could drop my icecream in a pile
of shit and eat it. I would be like "It's just sprinkles"
201
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,926
Unless your mother catch you doin'
that nasty shit, though.
202
00:25:16,339 --> 00:25:18,659
My mother caught me doing that,
she made me put it down in 1 sentence:
203
00:25:19,724 --> 00:25:22,200
And you dropped that shit, quick.
204
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,400
Anybody got them mothers
that would hit you with a shoe ?
205
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:32,160
I had a mother, that was so ashoed
she would do at the drop of a dime.
206
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,520
And fuck you up, wherever she was aiming.
207
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:41,800
And bad with the shoe, carry that shit like a gun,
my mother was like Clint Eastwood with the shoe.
208
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:45,120
And you fucked up, my mom
was walking the room just like:
209
00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:01,160
"Why did you eat your icecream off the floor ?"
"I didn't, I just..."
210
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,480
Bad ! Accurate !
211
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:17,280
You'd be in a supermarket and shit and be grabbing
cereals off the counter going: "Mom, can we get this ?"
212
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:20,360
" I guess not !"
213
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,920
And could be doing three different things, be on
the phone with my grandmother, be cooking with this
214
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,600
hand have the phone like this and be sayin'
"Yeah, mama, hold on a second."
215
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:36,400
Fuck you up and God forbid, my mother be
dressed up and had them high heels on.
216
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,360
Them pumps, 'cos then she gets
boomerang action going on your ass !
217
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,440
And fuck you up in your room, you won't
even know what the fuck happened.
218
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,636
They can hear you when you're getting
ready to walk out the door.
219
00:26:45,871 --> 00:26:48,064
And hear you on the bunk beds fucking around.
They got that mother hearing.
220
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,480
"Wait a minute, baby."
221
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:06,400
"Let's go."
222
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:22,047
She was the one who did all the
disciplining around the house and shit.
223
00:27:23,932 --> 00:27:26,181
Very, very strict house I came from.
224
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:34,000
And I remember when I first went to my first
contact with a white family, it freaked me out.
225
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:44,240
And I was there, I found some white kids
can curse around the house ! That fucked me up !
226
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:49,080
Coz I couldn't even say "dagg" around my house,
my momma said "sounds too much like damn."
227
00:27:50,140 --> 00:27:52,210
I got in trouble for saying shit the wrong way.
228
00:27:52,210 --> 00:27:54,040
I was in the house with Tom Kildez.
229
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:59,760
His mother said "Tom you're a little late. He said
"Come on mom I'm moving as fast as I can shit."
230
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,960
And I was standing like this:
231
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:09,760
And if I tried to pull some shit like that
in my house? "Ed, you're a little late !"
232
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:14,760
"Oh, come on, pop, shit, what is this!
Come on, damn !" My pop just go:
233
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:27,640
"That motherfucker's crazy !"
234
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:42,200
Remember in the old days
when you could beat up a woman ?
235
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:46,640
Remember that shit back in the 20's, the guys just
smacked their wives in the movies... And they just go:
236
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:54,800
You can't do shit like that no more. Women be
takin' aerobics, and they'll fuck you up now !
237
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:05,000
It's scary too, man ! Especially a black woman.
You hit a black woman she lose her mind !
238
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,800
Seriously. They go crazy, you can have a
really timid sister for a girl, and smack it be like:
239
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:17,520
"I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker ! You don't hit
me like that ! You don't hit me shit !
240
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:23,320
"You don't put your hands on my face !
241
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:29,240
"Baby, please, stop ! Baby, please... stop !
Baby, hold on, stop, please !"
242
00:29:30,180 --> 00:29:35,550
"Calm down, baby, calm down !"
"You don't hit me, motherfucker !"
243
00:29:36,030 --> 00:29:37,600
"So get the fuck out!"
244
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:41,610
Throw you out your own house, you
be so scared you get the fuck out too.
245
00:29:42,210 --> 00:29:46,850
That's some shit. You know you're scared when a woman
says get the fuck out your own house and you leave.
246
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:51,320
I had a girlfriend once,
I smacked her and got all cool and shit.
247
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,160
And then she got cool
and scared me more and I just left.
248
00:29:55,160 --> 00:30:00,400
"I didn't want to do that shit, baby !
But you brought that shit on yourself"
249
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:03,620
"Dont make me have to do it again."
250
00:30:03,620 --> 00:30:06,060
She said: "No, no I did bring it on myself."
251
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:10,000
"Why don't you just go to sleep !"
252
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,080
Got the fuck out. People are changing.
253
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:24,640
Men are changing too, this shit the guys do now
you couldn't do what they did 30 years ago.
254
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:29,440
In the old days, you had an argument with your
girl in the car, she say: "Let me out of here !"
255
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,920
Men would say:
"No, no, we can't have any of that."
256
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:37,200
And nowadays a woman say that shit,
dude: "Get the fuck out !"
257
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,080
Somebody broke wind in here !
258
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:53,880
I've been trying like not say nothing
but someone farted in this motherfucker.
259
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,800
That's some long-distance fart too, boy.
260
00:31:01,940 --> 00:31:04,340
I know you get down with your friends have a good time.
261
00:31:04,340 --> 00:31:07,970
Especially fellas..ya know they play that game,
they play the fart game you know.
262
00:31:08,470 --> 00:31:10,590
You know you fart around your fellas and its funny.
263
00:31:11,150 --> 00:31:15,590
Dudes be doing that they be gettin in elevators
farting and laughing and shit.
264
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:22,200
It's nasty ! You play the fart game. I think deep
down inside people wanna smell other people's farts.
265
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:27,120
'Cos you smell them.
And people always tell you they farted.
266
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:33,200
They say: "I farted." You don't leave,
you pause a second. "Yeah, you did !"
267
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:38,252
'cos in the back of your mind you wanna
grade the fart.
268
00:31:38,287 --> 00:31:40,051
'cos if it smells bad enough,
two years later you be going:
269
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:43,160
"Remember that fart you made, two years ago ?"
270
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:47,650
The fart game you play.
Starts off around the house when you're little.
271
00:31:48,140 --> 00:31:50,040
Your father introduces you to it.
272
00:31:50,060 --> 00:31:53,080
You'd be sitting in the house on a Saturday morning,
watching cartoons and your father make a fart and:
273
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:56,400
"That wasn't me, that was your mother."
274
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:00,840
"Oh, baby, baby ! I want a divorce, uh !
You're rotten, baby, shit !"
275
00:32:02,390 --> 00:32:07,720
And you join in, grab your little brother,
sit on his head and fart. You ever do that?
276
00:32:08,270 --> 00:32:12,370
That's a fun game, you little brother freak out and go: "Waaah"
277
00:32:13,250 --> 00:32:16,380
And your father goes: "It's the fart game,
you'll play one day son."
278
00:32:16,380 --> 00:32:19,440
The fart game, you get your
best friend in on that shit too.
279
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:23,530
You can walk up to your best friend while he's
watching a football game and fart in his face.
280
00:32:23,530 --> 00:32:24,530
He won't even get mad.
281
00:32:25,030 --> 00:32:27,970
He just go: "Ok, you got me."
282
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:34,200
"That was a good one, too ! My mouth was
open. My mouth was open on that !"
283
00:32:35,690 --> 00:32:40,470
I got a scar, over my eye till this day from
playing the fart game in the bathtub.
284
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:46,120
Me and my big brother used to play it. We were poor,
we didn't have mr. bubble, we played the fart game.
285
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,000
"I think it's smelly !"
286
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:14,000
"I'm G.I Joe, I'm swimming on the water..."
287
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:49,170
And my big brother was sitting in the other end
of the tub, and made shit in the tub.
288
00:33:49,570 --> 00:33:52,840
He wanted to add some excitement to the game.
289
00:33:54,060 --> 00:33:57,840
He said: "And then a big brown shark came."
290
00:34:01,650 --> 00:34:03,700
I jumped up and said: "Aaaaah."
291
00:34:03,810 --> 00:34:07,280
Cut my eye on the soap dish, blood
gushing out and shit.
292
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:09,690
Screaming, my mother ran in the bathroom.
293
00:34:09,930 --> 00:34:13,930
Seeing my big brother sittin in the bathroom
with a piece of shit in his hand.
294
00:34:16,240 --> 00:34:19,710
I was layin at the bottom of the water with blood
gushing outta my eye...
295
00:34:19,890 --> 00:34:23,480
And G.I. Joe up my ass...
296
00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:29,720
My mother: "What the fuck is going on over here ?"
297
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,280
Can I hold somebody's camera.
Anybody bring a camera?
298
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:42,960
Does its flash go immediately?
299
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:47,880
Like I don't have to be waiting like my aunt
and shit "Wait a second now !"
300
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:56,160
They try to press it and the shit don't work they
be going like: "There's something wrong with it..."
301
00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:03,920
And it go immediately the flash. Are you sure?
I'll take a picture of the crowd, for myself.
302
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,200
OK, y'all come over here on this now ?
303
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,120
You know ? I'll take two of them.
304
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,600
This ain't no instamatic motherfucker !
305
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:32,480
I got to wait for the flash and shit !
306
00:35:40,270 --> 00:35:43,600
See you got me waiting I should break your shit.
307
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:54,880
See the brothers sitting in the back go:
"All this money and he taking motherfucking pictures !"
308
00:35:55,407 --> 00:35:59,154
"I want my picture took, I'd steal
a car motherfucker!"
309
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,960
"Hey, man, I said one fuckin' picture !"
310
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:12,000
"You're going to ruin
my fucking film, man. Come on, shit !"
311
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,600
"Who the fuck do you think you are, man !"
312
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,880
I'll see you explain the last one
to the guy at the Photomat.
313
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:34,200
"That's a picture of Eddie Murphy's dick..."
314
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:37,800
You know what would be a good picture?
Can all the brothers stand up ?
315
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,040
All the brothers in the audience?
Straight up ! Everybody up !
316
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:49,560
Straight up ! I'm serious ! What the fuck are you doing ?
Will you, motherfucker stand up ? Up !
317
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,700
And all the ladies get the cameras up.
318
00:36:52,860 --> 00:36:55,100
We're gonna set the record straight here.
319
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:56,490
When I say go...
320
00:36:56,610 --> 00:36:59,600
...everybody whip out their dick and go: "Wuuuhaaa"
321
00:37:00,615 --> 00:37:03,283
Look how fast the white dudes sat down.
322
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,720
Some of them still standing.
Y'all must be italian !
323
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:20,680
We got some shit on us.
324
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:23,440
We got all this shit!
325
00:37:24,720 --> 00:37:27,400
We got some dicks hanging down !
326
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:31,280
Dicks down to this motherfucker !
327
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:33,320
You don't believe it.
328
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:37,760
White people don't believe it. What's funny about it,
white people are the ones that made up the rumor.
329
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:44,400
"You know, black people have tremendous dicks,
but I don't believe it !"
330
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:51,800
You know remains of the first dick was found in Africa ?
Big ass piece of bone dick on the floor.
331
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,560
"What is this shit ?"
"It's an old dried up dick."
332
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:59,760
"That means the first dick belonged
to a black man."
333
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,040
Dicks. We got the shit for it.
334
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:07,000
We got nice asses, too. We got our shit on.
335
00:38:11,660 --> 00:38:13,700
You see a white dude would be in this suit like this.
336
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:23,840
"All right, man ! All right, maaan !"
337
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:33,000
I got a friend, Doug, there go Doug, my friend,
Doug's ass is way up here on his back.
338
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:38,360
Ain't it, Doug? Doug be getting shit stains on his collar.
339
00:38:40,510 --> 00:38:44,020
And in restaurants be reaching for his wallet:
"Lemme get my wallet"
340
00:38:45,070 --> 00:38:49,460
Coz we got our shit hooked,
all this is hooked up with black people.
341
00:38:49,460 --> 00:38:53,740
Chinese people are fucked all around,
coz they got little dicks and little asses.
342
00:38:53,740 --> 00:38:55,260
They do and its fucked up the way they walk.
343
00:38:55,260 --> 00:38:59,230
They be walking all light coz they
ain't got no shit pulling them down.
344
00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:04,120
Now, a brother's dick is too big it fucks
up his balance so he'd have to do all this shit..
345
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:17,240
Everytime you see a brother
in a wheel chair he ain't always cripple.
346
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:20,450
He's got big shit hanging down !
347
00:39:20,860 --> 00:39:24,800
That's why all the brothers model
they drawers in the newspapers. Think 'bout it.
348
00:39:25,470 --> 00:39:29,240
I've been seeing newspapers every sunday morning.
A white dude in his drawers...
349
00:39:30,370 --> 00:39:32,570
Never have no balls in they drawers.
350
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:38,480
Smiling and shit. If I had no balls
I wouldn't be smiling this shit.
351
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,120
"I don't have any dick !"
352
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:50,760
Brother be standing there..if a brother models
his drawers they need an extra fold in the page.
353
00:39:52,150 --> 00:39:55,300
They're selling underwear but this niggers
dick is in my coffee.
354
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,640
"Want me stir it for you ?"
355
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:06,520
That's some true shit.
356
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,480
What's today's date ?
357
00:40:16,410 --> 00:40:17,740
Don't go to cook-outs.
358
00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:19,790
I hate cook-outs man.
359
00:40:19,820 --> 00:40:23,690
Stay away from cook-outs, if you're like me stay away.
360
00:40:23,930 --> 00:40:28,710
I don't like my family come by the house, with
the relatives I ain't seen since the last cook-out.
361
00:40:29,090 --> 00:40:32,120
You got certain relatives you just see at the cook-out.
362
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:35,130
And they get on your fuckin nerves every year.
363
00:40:35,300 --> 00:40:37,520
My uncle Gus come by the house every year.
364
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:40,410
My uncle Gus is the uncle that likes to work the grill.
365
00:40:40,410 --> 00:40:43,420
And don't let nobody touch the grill
when he's around and shit.
366
00:40:43,420 --> 00:40:44,420
As as soon as he walks in the house its like:
367
00:40:44,430 --> 00:40:45,430
"Get away from that grill you dunna
know how to start a fire"
368
00:40:46,510 --> 00:40:48,200
"You dunna start no fire, put this fire out.
This ain't no fire goddamnit."
369
00:40:48,380 --> 00:40:51,920
"Eddie. Eddie go over there get all of
that wood I need half a tree. Chop that tree."
370
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:52,920
"Chop down that tree and give me the wood."
371
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,330
"And Charlie go get me 2 gallons of
gasoline out the shed."
372
00:40:55,350 --> 00:40:58,320
"Two gallons of gasoline, you kids roll up your
shirt we're gonna start a fire."
373
00:40:58,560 --> 00:40:59,340
"Come on, you wanna eat? You wanna eat?."
374
00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:00,940
"Then shut up and put it on the fire."
375
00:41:00,940 --> 00:41:01,940
"O.k. put that wood on the side there."
376
00:41:01,940 --> 00:41:02,940
"O.k. gimme the gasoline Charlie."
377
00:41:02,940 --> 00:41:05,230
"Hold the match, when I tell you throw the match on
the gasoline all right?"
378
00:41:05,230 --> 00:41:06,230
"When I tell you right? We gonna make a fire.
We gonna eat.
379
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,010
"Here we go pour the gasoline on like this."
380
00:41:10,010 --> 00:41:12,750
"We need the hole 2...get that goddamn lighter fluid
out of here we can't use that shit."
381
00:41:12,750 --> 00:41:14,950
"Using all the 2 gallons gasoline on this wood."
382
00:41:14,950 --> 00:41:16,810
"And make a fire, we're gonna eat a hamburger o.k.?"
383
00:41:16,810 --> 00:41:18,180
"Here we go, Charlie throw the match."
384
00:41:19,570 --> 00:41:20,940
"NOW THAT"S A FIRE!"
385
00:41:20,940 --> 00:41:23,730
"That's a fire, look at that, look at that."
386
00:41:23,900 --> 00:41:26,930
"He be alright, roll Charlie 'round, roll him around."
387
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:34,320
And uncle Gus is married to my aunt Bunny.
My aunt Bunny got a moustache and shit !
388
00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:38,810
You know one of them lady moustaches?
It was really cool, back when she was 20.
389
00:41:39,020 --> 00:41:41,270
Ladies had them little thin ones and shit.
390
00:41:41,490 --> 00:41:45,520
Then when they get about 45 like aunt
Bunny they be havin' a Billy Dee Williams' look.
391
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:48,960
The shit is bigger than a man's and shit !
392
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:51,650
Aunt Bunny weight like 300 pounds.
393
00:41:51,750 --> 00:41:55,480
Like 250, real heavy lady and shit.
And the kids were scared of her.
394
00:41:55,700 --> 00:41:58,850
You got that kid logic going.
I remember my aunt Bunny come by the house.
395
00:41:58,850 --> 00:41:59,850
It was like.
396
00:41:59,850 --> 00:42:03,530
I was petrified coz she always
wanted to kiss me and touch me and some shit.
397
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:07,440
Soon as she walked on the door was like:
"Come here and give aunt Bunny a kiss, baby."
398
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:09,320
Then you go: "Waaaaa!"
399
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:16,720
And my mom would say:
"Why don't you go and kiss your aunt Bunny ?"
400
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:19,600
Kids don't give a fuck, they go:
"She's got a moustache !"
401
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,880
Why do kids move so slow
when they be crying?
402
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,160
"Stop making all that noise !"
403
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:41,280
" I said shut up !"
404
00:42:47,910 --> 00:42:51,080
You be mad coz your mother hit you. You be
standing there wishing hateful shit on your mother.
405
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,560
"God please kill her !"
406
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:02,400
"I hope she gets hit by a truck and die !"
407
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,680
"I hate her ! I hate her !
I hate her ! I hate her !"
408
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:07,560
Shut up or I'll come and give you
something to cry about.
409
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:18,240
Than my pop starts talking.
And my pop is fucked up every 4th of July !"
410
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:22,680
Black men like to claim the house
when they're drunk.
411
00:43:22,980 --> 00:43:25,760
Men period I think, like to claim their house.
412
00:43:25,830 --> 00:43:29,560
They want you to know that if you drunk and they're
drunk. And you in their house, that it's their house.
413
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:33,600
My father standing in the middle of
the cook-out saying: "It's my house !"
414
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:39,920
"You know that it is ? And if you
don't like it, you get the fuck out !"
415
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:43,640
"I don't give a fuck !"
416
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:48,160
"I don't give a... I pay the motherfucker
bills in this motherfucker !"
417
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:52,720
"And, hey... Kiss my ass if you don't like it !"
418
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:58,200
"Yes ! Yes, motherfucker, yes !"
'cos you know what it is?
419
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:05,200
I'm drunk. So what? Beautiful ! I'm drunk.
I'm drunk ! So what? I'm drunk.
420
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,200
"You know what ?
I got drunk in my motherfucking kitchen,
421
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,960
I was drinking out of my glass
in my motherfucker house."
422
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:13,400
"So, fuck it !"
423
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:21,400
Then he attacks the whole family, like:
"Gus ! Gus, can I ask you a question?"
424
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:23,920
"Why is the fire so big ?"
425
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:29,240
"Why you made the fire so big ? Look at this shit !
Is a motherfucker ridiculous, Gus !"
426
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:33,600
"The fire is too motherfucker big ! Why ?
427
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:35,960
You're coming in every motherfuckin' year, Gus..."
428
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:40,480
"...and you burn out
my motherfucker backyard ! Why ?"
429
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,320
"I'm cooking motherfucker
hamburgers this big ?"
430
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:47,200
"I'm not cookin' no motherfucking
brontosaurus burgers in this motherfucker !"
431
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:55,200
"This ain't the motherfucking Flintstones, Gus !
It's my house, motherfucker !"
432
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:58,890
"Look at Charlie standing over there with
3rd degree burns on em."
433
00:45:01,790 --> 00:45:04,070
"It doesn't make sense no.
But you take things too far Gus."
434
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:08,400
"I tell you go an inch, you go 3 inches.
Tell you go 4 inches you go 5."
435
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,260
"Give a nigga rope gonna be a cowboy Gus."
436
00:45:10,270 --> 00:45:13,770
"Why don't you listen. Eddie, get that
motherfucking dog away from my plate."
437
00:45:13,770 --> 00:45:15,560
"I'm gonna shoot this dog."
438
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,150
"I'm gonna shoot this mother... shut up.
I'm gonna shoot it. Stop crying."
439
00:45:18,170 --> 00:45:20,490
"Stop crying Eddie, cuz you can get the fuck out."
440
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:23,600
"You're gettin' the fuck...
I know you're seven !"
441
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:28,520
"But you'll be a seven year old
walkin' the dog no house motherfucker !"
442
00:45:34,570 --> 00:45:36,380
"I hate this motherfucking dog."
443
00:45:37,710 --> 00:45:39,440
"You don't spend time with the dog Eddie."
444
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:40,440
"You don't feed the motherfucker."
445
00:45:41,170 --> 00:45:44,940
"You don't pet it. You don't even know
what the fuck the dogs name is anymore do you"
446
00:45:44,940 --> 00:45:48,890
"The dog don't give a fuck he don't know his name.
The dog is 3 yrs old dont know his name."
447
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,080
"Watch this: Coco ! Where the fuck is it goin' ?
448
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,920
The dog's stupid !'cos you
don't spend time with the motherfucker."
449
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:58,520
I'm supposed to work hard all day
and come home to feed the motherfucking dog ?
450
00:45:58,720 --> 00:46:00,520
Fuck no, I'm not feeding the motherfucker !"
451
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:02,400
"You know Eddie, when nobody's home."
452
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:04,120
"When nobody's home you know what I do?"
453
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,960
"I walk to the dog and I kick the motherfucker !"
454
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:13,280
"I kick the motherfucker with everything I got, Eddie !
And then I giggle my motherfucking ass off."
455
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:18,560
"'cos I hate the motherfucker !
'cos you don't clean up behind it !
456
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:21,240
"This ain't Scooby-Doo motherfucker !"
457
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:23,580
"Why can't you clean the dog."
458
00:46:23,590 --> 00:46:27,390
"The dog shits all over the house.
If noone tells you Eddie you dont clean the shit."
459
00:46:27,510 --> 00:46:28,520
"You let the shit stay forever."
460
00:46:29,010 --> 00:46:31,710
"Shit been in the den for 6 months Eddie."
461
00:46:32,190 --> 00:46:35,950
It's been in the den for 6 months, you kids
go pass it you act like you don't see it.
462
00:46:35,950 --> 00:46:37,790
"And unless you're told you won't clean the shit."
463
00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:41,720
"The shit is hard as a rock now !
It's like motherfuckin furniture in there !"
464
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:47,450
"I went in there last week to watch the fight,
and said fuck it I put my drink on top of it Eddie"
465
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:51,520
"It's a coffee table now !
Why can't you clean up shit ?"
466
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:55,370
"My friends come over and they oh that's
lovely. It's not lovely it's a piece of shit."
467
00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:59,480
"'Cos my children don't listen !"
468
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:03,240
Then my aunt Bunny would fall down the steps.
Almost every year.
469
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:08,600
Ever had a heavy set aunt fall down the steps?
Make a whole lotta fucking noise !
470
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:12,560
It's scary, too, 'cos they'll be
calling Jesus on the way down !
471
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,704
And aunts don't like to fall straight
down the steps like a kid,
472
00:47:16,759 --> 00:47:19,747
They be trying to break the fall
and hold it and stop the shit.
473
00:47:19,782 --> 00:47:22,040
And that's what makes
the fall take a half hour then.
474
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:24,160
Real loud, like:
475
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:31,720
"Lord, Jesus Christ, help my lord,
please, Jesus, please !"
476
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:40,440
"Jesus, God, help, my lord, Jesus, help me I'm falling
down the steps oh lord Jesus Christ please !"
477
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:47,720
"My shoe !"
478
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:53,280
"Oh lord Jesus God help us !"
479
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:58,080
"I'm half way down now help my lord Jesus !"
480
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:02,600
"Lilian !"
"What is all that fuckin' noise ?!"
481
00:48:07,240 --> 00:48:11,600
"Lilian !
The bitch is falling down the steps again !"
482
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:22,920
"Lilian ! Lilian !"
"What's wrong, Bunny ?"
483
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,240
"I fell down the steps !"
484
00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:28,835
"Bunny fell down the steps ! Bunny fell down the steps !"
485
00:48:29,016 --> 00:48:31,298
Eddie, go get your aunt Bunny
something cool for her head !"
486
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:34,440
"What happened ?"
"Bunny fell down the steps !"
487
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:45,640
"Hey, Charlie ! Aunt Bunny fell down the steps !"
488
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:53,520
"Gus ! What the fuck is wrong with your wife ?"
489
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:59,480
"Why can't she walk the fryer steps?
You come up every fuckin' year, Gus..."
490
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:04,640
"... and you burn down my motherfucker backyard
and your wife rips down the steps !"
491
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:08,600
"Why ? I work hard to get my place beautiful..."
492
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,600
"...and then the motherfucker come over
and rips the steps down !"
493
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:15,360
"Look at the motherfucker steps !
They're fucked up, Gus !"
494
00:49:16,240 --> 00:49:18,760
"Why can't she walk the steps ?
You know why she can't walk the steps ?"
495
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:22,560
"'cos she's a fat hairy bitch !
That's why !"
496
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:27,520
"That's why, Gus !
And my children are afraid of your wife."
497
00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:30,600
"Eddie's afraid of her !
He has nightmares about your wife !"
498
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:34,880
I went to his room last week, Gus, he was
in the bed screaming, Oh, help me, help me !"
499
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:39,080
"I just walk up to him, shake him, ask: What's wrong ?
He said: Aunt Bunny is coming to get me !"
500
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:43,960
"He's afraid of your wife, 'cos she has
a bigger moustache than his father !"
501
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,760
But you know what it is, Gus ! I figured
out about your wife. And I'm gonna say it..
502
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:54,400
I figured out about your wife.
I know where you met your wife.
503
00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:57,520
You told me you met your wife 15 years
ago on a motherfucking camping trip...
504
00:49:57,640 --> 00:50:01,440
"...and that your wife was portorican.
Your wife ain't no motherfucker portorican !"
505
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:05,920
"I thought she wasn't from the first minute 'cos
I walked up to her I said: "Hi, my name is Vernon."
506
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:08,440
And she said: "Hello, I'm Bunny. Guni gugu !"
507
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:11,840
"What the fuck does guni gugu mean, Gus ?"
508
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:16,680
"I don't know what the fuck that shit is as to this day.
I thought I learned some new spanish shit !"
509
00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:22,480
I went up to my friend: "Hey, Sanchez ! Guni gugu !
And Sanchez says: "Get the fuck outta here !"
510
00:50:23,240 --> 00:50:25,225
I've been walking around for years confused.
511
00:50:25,226 --> 00:50:27,810
And I finally figured out about your wife,
where you met your wife.
512
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,280
"You didn't meet your motherfucker wife
on no camping trip !"
513
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:34,120
"Your wife is a Bigfoot, isn't she, Gus ?"
514
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:39,800
"Your wife is a Bigfoot, isn't she, that's why
the bitch's mustache is so motherfucker thick !"
515
00:50:40,200 --> 00:50:42,720
"'Cos you shaved the bitch down
and taught it to speak !"
516
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:46,720
"I know a motherfuckin' Bigfoot when I see one !"
517
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:50,920
"You bring a Bigfoot in my home, Gus ?
On my children ?"
518
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:56,360
The bitch can't talk, she can't walk the fryer steps !
She's not trained well, Gus !"
519
00:50:57,160 --> 00:51:01,760
She can not walk steps. I bet she
climb the fuck out a tree though, don't she, Gus ?"
520
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:05,320
"Doesn't she ? Doesn't she ?"
521
00:51:05,720 --> 00:51:07,640
"But you had to bring her out here !"
522
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:12,560
Fuck her ! And your motherfucker children?
They're Bigfeet too ! They're half Bigfoot, Gus.
523
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:17,250
"Cos the m.f. is 6 yrs old and have afros 17 inches long."
524
00:51:17,610 --> 00:51:20,840
"They're little hairy m.f. just like their mother."
525
00:51:20,841 --> 00:51:23,434
Look at the motherfuckers, you know
how I found out they was bigfoot?
526
00:51:24,589 --> 00:51:26,273
When I took your kids fishing last week.
527
00:51:26,274 --> 00:51:28,275
I put the motherfuckers in the boat Gus.
528
00:51:28,276 --> 00:51:30,272
And I took the worm and I put it on the hooks.
529
00:51:30,273 --> 00:51:34,121
And they both sat there,
and put the poles down in the boat.
530
00:51:34,122 --> 00:51:37,272
And slammed their face in the water, for 2 mins.
531
00:51:37,673 --> 00:51:40,304
And I think what the fuck are these kids doin.
532
00:51:40,710 --> 00:51:42,194
Then they start movin their heads like this
533
00:51:42,302 --> 00:51:44,571
and the motherfuckers come up with fish.
534
00:51:47,852 --> 00:51:51,570
I jumped back and said can you believe this
motherfuckin shit.
535
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:56,080
Then kid took the fish out of his mouth,
looked at his brother and said: "Guni gugu !"
536
00:51:57,360 --> 00:52:00,360
"I said, what the fuck is going on here ?"
537
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:06,200
"Normal kids don't do shit like that, Gus !
But I'll tell you somethin' motherfucker !"
538
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:11,120
You can take your motherfucker hairy fat ass
white mustache bitch out the fuck.
539
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:14,880
"you can go upstairs and get the
motherfuckin' dog and scoop up the shit..."
540
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:20,240
"and take Eddie and get these motherfucker
long Angela Davis afro-ware motherfucker kids of yours...
541
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:23,480
"...and put them in the motherfucker
guni gugu-mobile and get the fuck out !"
542
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:26,080
"And if my wife don't like it
she can get the fuck out too !"
543
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:28,400
"You missed me, bitch !"
544
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:38,720
Thank you !
545
00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:45,880
Oh, Jesus.
546
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:01,800
Oh, shit... I'm in Washington D.C. !
547
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:09,880
Jesus ! Christ !
548
00:53:10,081 --> 00:53:13,481
This is where Reagan lives. Not far from here.
549
00:53:16,366 --> 00:53:18,758
Hey Ron everyone's booing and I ain't said shit.
550
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:29,200
Well, tell us something
we don't know, motherfucker !
551
00:53:30,598 --> 00:53:34,568
It ain't like people sit around going "Really does it suck?"
552
00:53:37,243 --> 00:53:39,804
Shit's changing though, we got black politicians now.
553
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:42,200
Who's that boy... Harold Washington ?
554
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:46,800
Harold Washington said: "Fuck it !"
And won.
555
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:51,760
I know he's still sitting around going:
"I really won the motherfucker?"
556
00:53:54,087 --> 00:53:57,176
And Jesse Jackson seen that shit and said:
"Fuck it, imma run too, fuck it"
557
00:53:58,235 --> 00:54:00,176
"Jesse you can win" i see these brothers going.
558
00:54:00,177 --> 00:54:03,965
"You can win Jesse, coz you're bigger than
motherfucking Harold Washington."
559
00:54:03,966 --> 00:54:05,632
"Fuck Harold Washington."
560
00:54:05,815 --> 00:54:07,551
"Fuck him man, run for president."
561
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:10,359
And Jesse going: "Yeah, fuck that shit."
562
00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:15,880
I've seen Jesse in the gym, working
the fuck out, too, for getting into shape.
563
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:20,067
You know he got a chance he can win.
White dudes like to do shit like that...
564
00:54:20,068 --> 00:54:22,688
...vote for the wrong dude as a goof.
565
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:27,040
They get drunk and shit and go like:
"Let's vote for Jesse Jackson !"
566
00:54:31,240 --> 00:54:33,280
"I just voted for Jesse Jackson !"
567
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,480
And next day would be
like this: "He fuckin' won?"
568
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:42,960
Jesse knows that shit can happen. He gets in shape.
I've seen him running round the track and shit.
569
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:46,680
I said: "Why the fuck you getting in shape like this?"
He says: ""cos I'm gonna be the first black president."
570
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:49,680
"I have to give speeches like this: My fellow americans !
As your president I feel
571
00:55:00,240 --> 00:55:01,360
And dude be going:
572
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:05,000
"He won't stand still !"
573
00:55:19,265 --> 00:55:21,650
I ain't hooked up into all that racism shit.
574
00:55:21,730 --> 00:55:24,843
My motto is, life just be happy with the motherfuckers.
575
00:55:24,860 --> 00:55:26,196
I ain't into all that racism shit.
576
00:55:26,310 --> 00:55:30,079
Racism ain't as bad as it used to be anyway man..
I mean its fucked up but,
577
00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:32,608
They don't call niggers, niggers no more and shit.
578
00:55:32,609 --> 00:55:33,600
White people don't say it.
579
00:55:33,610 --> 00:55:36,986
Especially when there's niggas around.
So I guess I wouldn't know it.
580
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:42,400
I went to Texas to look into racism,
about two months ago.
581
00:55:42,720 --> 00:55:47,040
I had a show down in Texas, got off the plane
and shit, walked up looking for racism.
582
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:51,640
My friends always told me: "You better
not go to Texas ! They'll fuck you up !"
583
00:55:52,560 --> 00:55:56,440
And when a modern day brother here that shit
"What ! They ain't fucking nobody up!"
584
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,799
Brothers act like they couldn't have
been slaves back 200 years ago.
585
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:02,425
Its like motherfuckers liked that shit.
586
00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:05,576
"I wish I was a slave; I would fuck somebody up!"
587
00:56:07,111 --> 00:56:09,658
"Shit..tell me to bale some motherfucking cotton."
588
00:56:09,659 --> 00:56:11,118
"I would have been on the street and shit..
589
00:56:11,119 --> 00:56:14,015
"He would came up and say ey
yo nigga bale this cotton?"
590
00:56:14,072 --> 00:56:16,512
"I'd say suck my dick master."
591
00:56:17,412 --> 00:56:19,781
"Suck my motherfucking dick."
592
00:56:19,782 --> 00:56:20,782
"That's right I ain't baling a motherfucker."
593
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:27,720
The first dude that got off the boat said that shit.
594
00:56:28,021 --> 00:56:29,303
"Bale that cotton."
595
00:56:29,479 --> 00:56:31,560
"Fuck you, motherfucker !"
596
00:56:32,866 --> 00:56:35,812
Other motherfuckers say: "We bale the shit,
just keep that shit away."
597
00:56:36,205 --> 00:56:38,047
"Just keep that fuckin' shit away from me."
598
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,608
I got of the motherfucking plane, walked up,
599
00:56:41,987 --> 00:56:43,364
Got up, walked up, my bag.
600
00:56:43,464 --> 00:56:47,892
All my black shit on, black leather,
big ass medallion and shit on like this.
601
00:56:48,159 --> 00:56:49,569
Little white dude walk up and say: "This your bag?"
602
00:56:49,604 --> 00:56:51,495
I said: "Yes, my fuckin' bag !"
603
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:57,000
"Why, motherfucker ?
A black man can't have a suitcase ?"
604
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:05,280
And the dude is like:
"What the fuck's wrong with this guy ?"
605
00:57:08,240 --> 00:57:10,400
Wasn't that bad at all.
606
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:14,160
I'm winded.
I'm out of breath.
607
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:16,000
Sweating and shit.
608
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:18,800
"Do take it off!"
"Shut up, bitch!!"
609
00:57:53,145 --> 00:57:55,776
Y'all didn't know I was a ventriloquist too.
610
00:58:09,610 --> 00:58:11,011
Shit ain't as bad as it used to be.
611
00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:13,410
You know who get it real bad now?
Chinese people.
612
00:58:13,420 --> 00:58:15,392
They are the ones who be getting fucked over bad.
613
00:58:15,393 --> 00:58:16,393
You be teasin' them and shit.
614
00:58:16,510 --> 00:58:18,643
Ever go into a restaurant and order up some food.
615
00:58:18,659 --> 00:58:21,053
Chinese dude would be in there.
and when he leave you do like this:
616
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:26,675
Everybody makes fun of chinese when
they order some food up and shit.
617
00:58:26,707 --> 00:58:28,636
And they're nice guys, be all courteous and shit.
618
00:58:35,943 --> 00:58:37,386
Your friends and shit be laughing.
619
00:58:37,387 --> 00:58:40,462
And he look out the back and say:
"The food is coming right up."
620
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:52,520
He be in the back watching us:
"Very funny. Very funny."
621
00:58:55,160 --> 00:58:58,680
"Make a special Won-Ton soup for him..."
622
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:08,520
I wonder if they have,
like a McDonald's in China ?
623
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:14,680
Chinese people would be walking and say:
"Give me a Big Mac and a strawberry shake,
a large order fry and a cherry pie."
624
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:18,920
And dude say: "Big Mac, strawberry shake, large
order fry and a cherry pie, coming right up."
625
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:33,680
That's a fucked up language too, chinese.
Hard to learn.
626
00:59:34,160 --> 00:59:36,800
I wanna learn to speak spanish.
That's the shit.
627
00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:41,840
You know what I'd really want to speak?
I'd like to learn how to speak french,
'cos that's some cool shit, french.
628
00:59:43,600 --> 00:59:45,920
You can say "I gotta shit" in french
and it would sound good:
629
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:53,800
Just sounds good.
630
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:59,520
I don't like that shit that arabic. That the motherfuckers
be speaking in the 7-11. That shit's fucked for me.
631
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:06,480
It sounds nasty and shit, would be getting like:
632
01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:14,840
That's a word in arabic:
That means some shit to them !
633
01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:21,760
"Could I have a hamburger cheese roll?"
634
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:25,120
"Never mind, man."
635
01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:28,880
"I don't want no hakana
on my bread, motherfucker !"
636
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:31,650
Spanish language.
637
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:35,280
You know why I want to learn how to speak
spanish? Coz I was always a Ricky Ricardo buff.
638
01:00:35,640 --> 01:00:38,600
When he would get mad of Lucy and be saying:
639
01:00:39,715 --> 01:00:41,865
I'd say: "Go on Ricky curse the bitch out."
640
01:00:43,120 --> 01:00:45,738
Ricky would lose his mind. Ricky was cool and shit.
641
01:00:46,002 --> 01:00:49,622
For the fifties Desi Arnaz, Ricky
Ricardo was a cool motherfucker.
642
01:00:49,623 --> 01:00:52,990
He had his baggies on, pointed shoes, in the club
Babaloo and shit.
643
01:01:15,691 --> 01:01:16,856
Remember that shit?
644
01:01:16,999 --> 01:01:18,397
You be sittin' there like this:
645
01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:22,840
He had a cool ass laugh too, it was like:
646
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:33,200
"It's justa ridiculous !"
647
01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:38,360
"Hey, Fred ! How would you like
to fuck me up the ass ?"
648
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:50,440
TV is all screwed...
Any kids here ?
649
01:01:51,040 --> 01:01:54,200
I mean, little kids.
I don't like you bringing those kids down here.
650
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:57,520
How old are you, man ?
How old ?
651
01:01:58,160 --> 01:02:00,960
13 ? Oh, you're gonna be fucked up
when you leave.
652
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:04,160
"Dad ! What's a dick, what is that ?"
653
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:06,560
How old is the other girl, over there ?
654
01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:09,040
Oh, y'all fucked up now !
655
01:02:09,524 --> 01:02:10,770
Y'all thought I would be going like this:
656
01:02:13,180 --> 01:02:15,840
You didn't know I'd be saying: "A dick this big !"
657
01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:22,960
The kid's gonna be waking up and:
"A negro's dick's coming to get me mom !"
658
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:28,080
I'mma tell you all a joke you can tell in school,
all right, 'cos I've been telling this dirty stuff.
659
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:31,760
Here's a little joke...
Y'all can listen to it too.
660
01:02:32,560 --> 01:02:38,040
I know lots of times people seen my show then go to
work and try to tell and fuck my jokes up on the job and shit.
661
01:02:39,720 --> 01:02:42,000
"...and then he said guni gugu !"
662
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:46,000
"And he had a G.I. Joe up his ass!"
663
01:02:46,800 --> 01:02:50,840
"Hey, I'm Mr. T, I'll rip
your cock off with my ass !"
664
01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:56,320
And dude be standing all:
"Yeah, very funny shit, right..."
665
01:02:57,040 --> 01:03:01,360
Here's a joke you can tell at school,
when school starts.
666
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:03,760
Everybody be quiet now.
Are you listening guys ?
667
01:03:04,600 --> 01:03:08,840
A bear and a rabbit
are takin' a shit in the woods.
668
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:14,840
And the bear turns to the rabbit and says: "Excuse me,
you have problems with shit sticking to your fur ?"
669
01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:17,200
And the rabbit says: "No."
670
01:03:17,560 --> 01:03:20,480
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
671
01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:37,440
I like that joke.
672
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:51,040
Oh, shit !
Anybody got cable ?
673
01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:59,840
I've been watching a lot of cable lately 'cos I'm
so mad with it. Only good TV show now is Star Trek.
674
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:02,840
That's some good shit !
675
01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:08,000
I like Captain Kirk, 'cos Captain Kirk
will fuck anybody !
676
01:04:08,440 --> 01:04:12,760
I've seen him beamed down on a planet-
ever seen that when he's fucked this dream bitch?
677
01:04:13,360 --> 01:04:16,760
You gotta be a horny motherfucker
to fuck a dream bitch !
678
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:21,800
I mean, I'm no racist, but if the bitch is green
there's something wrong with the pussy!
679
01:04:22,880 --> 01:04:24,760
He'll be fucking a mutant and:
680
01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:36,720
Ship be gettin' all fucked up. Mr Scott, I like him
he made me laugh, he's never cool and shit.
681
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:39,880
He's the opposite of Spock.
The ship be all fucked up and Mr. Scott say:
682
01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:44,840
"Captain, my ship can't take much more
of this sir. She's about to blow !"
683
01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:48,160
"Let Spock handle it."
684
01:04:48,920 --> 01:04:54,000
And Spock say: "Mr Scott, why don't you take
the phasers and point them at the dylithium crystals
685
01:04:54,120 --> 01:04:56,520
and point them phasers at them
and then use the power from the phasers
686
01:04:56,760 --> 01:04:59,880
to regenerate the dylithium crystals
and we can get out on the impulse power."
687
01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:03,600
"Mr Spock ! It just might wax it !"
688
01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:06,520
"The shit worked last week, motherfucker !"
689
01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:11,420
I got fed up with TV and shit,
coz I seen all the Star Treks.
690
01:05:11,430 --> 01:05:12,618
I start watching cable.
691
01:05:13,360 --> 01:05:16,161
I was watching Poltergeist last month.
692
01:05:16,196 --> 01:05:17,517
I got a question.
693
01:05:18,080 --> 01:05:22,000
Why don't white people just leave the house
when there's a ghost in the house ?
694
01:05:26,680 --> 01:05:29,760
Y'all stay in the house too fuckin' long.
Get the fuck out of the house !
695
01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:33,480
Very simple: If there's a ghost
in the house, get the fuck out !
696
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:39,760
And not only did they stay in the house
with the poltergeist, they invite more people over !
697
01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:43,440
Sitting around going: "Our daughter Carroll-Ann's
in the television set."
698
01:05:43,441 --> 01:05:45,727
I would have been gone.
699
01:05:45,728 --> 01:05:46,728
If I had a daughter, went down to the precinct and say
700
01:05:46,729 --> 01:05:52,029
"Look man, I went home my fucking daughter's in the
t.v. set and I just fucking left."
701
01:05:52,496 --> 01:05:55,240
You can have all this, I ain't going back
to the motherfucker.
702
01:05:55,241 --> 01:05:59,362
I just came down so when she ain't at the school
you don't think I killed the bitch or anything like that.
703
01:05:59,363 --> 01:06:02,764
But she is inside the tv set you can have
all that shit. Thank you.
704
01:06:02,765 --> 01:06:04,591
"Mr. Murphy didn't you try to save your daughter?"
705
01:06:04,592 --> 01:06:06,394
Yeah, I'm a man, see I tried to save her
706
01:06:06,450 --> 01:06:10,515
I turned the channels the shit didn't work.
I got the fuck out.
707
01:06:12,367 --> 01:06:16,027
The kid was only 6 years old in the movie,
they couldn't have been to attached to her.
708
01:06:18,070 --> 01:06:21,397
In the amityville horror the ghost
told them to get out of the house.
709
01:06:21,398 --> 01:06:25,405
White people stayed in there. Now that's a hint
and a half for your ass.
710
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:29,360
A ghost say get the fuck out, I
would just tip the fuck out the door!
711
01:06:29,361 --> 01:06:32,928
Lou Walker looked in the toilet bowl, the're was
blood in the toilet.
712
01:06:32,929 --> 01:06:34,991
And said, "That's peculiar."
713
01:06:36,366 --> 01:06:39,582
I would 've been in the house saying:
"Oh baby this is beautiful."
714
01:06:39,583 --> 01:06:43,552
"We got a chandelier hanging up here, kids
outside playing. Its a beautiful neighbourhood."
715
01:06:43,553 --> 01:06:45,907
"We ain't got nuttin to worry,
I really love it this is really nice."
716
01:06:46,120 --> 01:06:49,800
"GET OUT !"
"Too bad we can't stay, baby !"
717
01:06:57,160 --> 01:06:59,000
You know, I wanna say something.
718
01:07:00,080 --> 01:07:06,200
I think maybe like 30 years ago there was a woman
that wanted to sing, a black lady wanted to sing opera...
719
01:07:06,880 --> 01:07:08,400
What was her name ?
720
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:13,440
Mary Anderson? And this place was like
segregated and she couldn't sing here.
721
01:07:15,920 --> 01:07:19,920
And she couldn't sing in the place.
And here we are, like not even 50 years later,
722
01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:25,160
A 22 year old black male
on stage getting paid to hold his dick.
723
01:07:27,160 --> 01:07:32,680
God bless America ! I gotta go now.
Y'all take it easy, bye bye !
67948
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