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1
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:36,003
So, stick with me here.
2
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,973
I know y'all came to see
a comedy about the blacks,
3
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:41,775
everyone's favorite family
with the perfect daughter
4
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,078
that somehow survived
terror night.
5
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:49,183
You didn't sign up to see
some Egyptians open an evil box
6
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:52,487
and a bat flap his ass
across an Indiana Jones map.
7
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,190
Trust me,
it'll all make sense later.
8
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:57,925
Well, since we last met,
9
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,362
dad wrote a bestseller
based on terror night.
10
00:01:00,395 --> 00:01:02,364
But then dad and cronut
blew that money
11
00:01:02,397 --> 00:01:05,032
faster than a rapper
at a strip club.
12
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,203
We're back in Atlanta.
13
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:10,004
And dad's writin' the sequel,
14
00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:12,374
and we were just getting used
to being back home
15
00:01:12,407 --> 00:01:15,876
when this very bat
flew into our lives.
16
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,978
Seriously, pray for us, y'all.
17
00:02:05,427 --> 00:02:07,362
We're back
on the ggn news network.
18
00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:10,130
I'm your host with the most,
finding Nemo, aka Nemo hoser.
19
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:12,467
Today on my show,
I got a very special guest,
20
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:17,004
the one and only, the author Carl
black in the motherfucking house.
21
00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:18,340
Mr. Black,
what's happening?
22
00:02:18,373 --> 00:02:20,107
Snoop!
How are you, man?
23
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,885
I'm good, Carl.
How you doin' today, brother?
24
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,177
I'm excited, man.
25
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:24,945
I got this new book coming out.
26
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,315
It's called terror night.
Mm. I wrote it.
27
00:02:27,349 --> 00:02:28,316
It's from my heart.
28
00:02:28,350 --> 00:02:29,651
This is my baby.
29
00:02:29,684 --> 00:02:31,519
What makes this book
a great read
30
00:02:31,553 --> 00:02:33,431
for the average nigga
sitting at home doing nothing?
31
00:02:33,455 --> 00:02:37,592
You know, most black people
know about terror.
32
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,303
Mr. Black, I'm forced
to tell you the truth.
33
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,463
It is an easy read.
Real easy.
34
00:02:41,496 --> 00:02:43,130
What you mean by that?
35
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,600
"There was
a black man that..."
36
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,369
That's bullshit, snoop.
37
00:02:47,402 --> 00:02:49,069
Go get my book.
It's called terror night.
38
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:52,949
All right. All right. All right.
That's enough terror night.
39
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,518
All right. All right.
All right. Thank you.
40
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,511
Now we got a real guest
coming up on the show.
41
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,613
Make some noise for the
one and only Matt Barnes.
42
00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:00,524
Snoop, what's going on, man?
Thanks for having me.
43
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:01,949
Matt!
44
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,585
-
Who's that?
- Terror night.
45
00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:06,153
- Ah, this is Carl black.
- This book is j... Carl black, man.
46
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,122
You know me.
I wrote terror night.
47
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:09,633
-
You read that book?
- The book is crazy.
48
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,226
You're gonna love it,
man. And...
49
00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:12,594
That book was terrible.
50
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,928
One of the worst books
I ever read.
51
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,540
You must be havin' a bad day today.
It's a good book, man.
52
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,275
-
Nah. It's just a bad book.
- Hey, you should...
53
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,335
-
Fuck you.
- Fuck you and that book.
54
00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:22,504
I'm gonna get the fucking fuck.
55
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,273
That nigga's excited.
56
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:44,024
Okay.
Just don't. Here.
57
00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:09,750
Hey.
58
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,019
Hey!
59
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,356
Hey!
60
00:04:15,390 --> 00:04:16,624
What are you doin'?
61
00:04:16,658 --> 00:04:18,393
We're practicing
for the migos' tour.
62
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,228
The streets need us.
63
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:21,629
The streets don't need yo ass.
64
00:04:21,663 --> 00:04:24,299
And stop makin'
all that damn noise.
65
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:26,099
- Frickin' old guys!
- And stop playing!
66
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:27,167
Again from the top.
Ready?
67
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,405
I'm gonna kick your ass.
68
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:32,273
Give me the phone!
Cut if off!
69
00:04:32,307 --> 00:04:34,509
- Dad, come on.
- Cut it off! I'm trying to write.
70
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,444
You messed it up again! I bet...
71
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:40,047
Go.
72
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,716
Daddy, get out!
73
00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:43,527
- Out.
- Hey! Girl, you better stop throwin' shit.
74
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:46,053
- Go! Shut up!
- I peed in that bed last night.
75
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,099
You know,
I didn't escape the purge
76
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,237
so somebody would be breakin'
in my fuckin' house!
77
00:05:14,849 --> 00:05:18,753
Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Man, come on, bro.
78
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,422
- What's wrong with you?
- Come on, bro.
79
00:05:21,456 --> 00:05:24,325
- Goddamn!
- What's wrong with you?
80
00:05:24,359 --> 00:05:26,361
Goddamn.
Why are you so jumpy?
81
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:29,105
Yeah, 'cause maybe somebody tried to
break in my house and kill me before.
82
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,140
What you doin' creepin' around
my house this late at night?
83
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,477
The lights in the rv went out.
I had to get some flashlights.
84
00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:35,637
- Some flashlights?
- Not just flashlight.
85
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,572
Purge lights!
You feel me?
86
00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:39,574
You know about these.
Did I tell you about 'em?
87
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,652
You don't need no battery.
That means you crank it right up.
88
00:05:41,676 --> 00:05:43,287
- Just like this.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, man.
89
00:05:43,311 --> 00:05:44,579
- What? What?
- Hey, hey.
90
00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:47,180
Get rid of that janky shit!
Stop orderin' it.
91
00:05:47,215 --> 00:05:49,284
Y'all run around here ballin'
and spendin' money,
92
00:05:49,317 --> 00:05:51,686
leavin' the lights on,
runnin' water,
93
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:54,154
like there's money
growin' on the tree.
94
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,467
- I don't have no more money.
- 'Cause you ain't selling no goddamn books.
95
00:05:56,491 --> 00:05:59,427
If you sell some goddamn books,
we can goddamn sell these bitches.
96
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:02,597
- And why're you broke? Huh?
- Get your ass out of here.
97
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:03,741
Hey, man.
What the fuck, man?
98
00:06:03,765 --> 00:06:06,501
Stop holding me
like a side bitch.
99
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,612
- What's you tripping off of?
- This is the reason right here.
100
00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:12,373
'Cause I can't imagine
why I let you talk me
101
00:06:12,407 --> 00:06:14,409
into spending
my money on this shit.
102
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:16,109
It's all part
of the business plan, cuz.
103
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,745
No, no, no.
The business plan
104
00:06:17,779 --> 00:06:19,414
is the reason why Lorena is out
105
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:22,350
busting her ass
to wipe my old ass.
106
00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:23,751
Don't nobody want
to hear about me
107
00:06:23,785 --> 00:06:25,787
moving back
into my old neighborhood
108
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:28,188
while my cousin livin' in an rv
in the back of my house.
109
00:06:30,291 --> 00:06:32,393
What the fuck
is going on over there, man?
110
00:06:32,427 --> 00:06:34,262
Some crackheads.
111
00:06:34,295 --> 00:06:35,697
Next door at the old
marsten house.
112
00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:37,832
They must be squattin'
or somethin'.
113
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,376
-
Don't forget the...
- Nah. They live there.
114
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,603
I seen 'em move in,
but the crazy part is
115
00:06:41,636 --> 00:06:43,838
all the windows are boarded.
116
00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:46,374
They only come out at nighttime.
117
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,376
Yeah. Who would move
in a place
118
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,378
with a house that's boarded up like that?
119
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:51,746
And when did they move in?
120
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,381
Yeah. They got in
like a week ago.
121
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:54,849
- What the fuck?
-
Snitch, snitch,
122
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,684
-
where you at?
- Yeah. I watched 'em do it.
123
00:06:56,718 --> 00:06:58,753
They moved in, man.
124
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,822
I see everything.
125
00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:03,558
I know you with the neighborhood
watch and everything, but man...
126
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,627
It's getting
a little creepy, man.
127
00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:07,795
All right, ladies, in we go.
Your coupe is here.
128
00:07:07,829 --> 00:07:09,697
- Did you hear that?
- Shhh...
129
00:07:09,731 --> 00:07:11,332
That's some crazy shit.
130
00:07:18,773 --> 00:07:22,377
Somethin' strange
goin' on in that house.
131
00:07:29,784 --> 00:07:30,918
I'm gone.
132
00:07:41,229 --> 00:07:44,432
You will be mine...
133
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:46,534
Unconditionally.
134
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,579
Baby, I think some new people
just moved in next door.
135
00:07:58,613 --> 00:08:01,549
Oh, baby. Leave
those people alone, babe.
136
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,751
Go back to sleep.
137
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:23,371
This refrigerator's filthy!
138
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:27,408
- Appreciate shit.
- Ahem.
139
00:08:28,543 --> 00:08:30,011
What are you doing here, cronut?
140
00:08:30,044 --> 00:08:31,646
I had to get some milk
for my cereal.
141
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,881
I ran out in the rv.
142
00:08:33,915 --> 00:08:35,817
The door's locked for a reason.
143
00:08:35,850 --> 00:08:37,385
Who messed up that damn toilet?
144
00:08:37,418 --> 00:08:39,320
Hey, what the fuck
you doin' in here?
145
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:40,998
Eating breakfast.
What it look like I'm doin'?
146
00:08:41,022 --> 00:08:42,566
You ain't supposed
to be here in the mornings.
147
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:43,901
You told me I could
come in on Tuesdays.
148
00:08:43,925 --> 00:08:45,259
I'm about sick of your shit.
149
00:08:45,293 --> 00:08:47,295
It's light wheat.
150
00:08:47,328 --> 00:08:48,996
Stay out of the toilet.
151
00:08:49,030 --> 00:08:50,941
You know there's a serial
killer living next door.
152
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:53,301
God, this boy run
his damn mouth too much.
153
00:08:53,334 --> 00:08:56,404
Hey, Carl, Carl.
Check this shit out, bro.
154
00:08:56,437 --> 00:08:58,339
The death of chante Webster.
155
00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:01,676
Her badly mutilated corpse
was found inside a dumpster
156
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:05,813
behind Gus's chicken and
waffles on Indian hill road.
157
00:09:05,847 --> 00:09:07,524
They found that body
right around the corner.
158
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,283
This is the sixth incident
159
00:09:09,317 --> 00:09:12,353
in a vicious string
of kidnapping and murders,
160
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:16,791
all of which were either
African-American or Mexican.
161
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:19,527
Racially motivated?
Perhaps.
162
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:22,430
This is exactly why we need to
move out of this neighborhood.
163
00:09:22,463 --> 00:09:24,432
- Move? Again?
- Yes, move.
164
00:09:24,465 --> 00:09:26,334
And when we say "move,"
165
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:28,703
- that means us.
- Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
166
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,538
Uh, hey... hey.
No thinkin' for you, okay?
167
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,939
What about what we saw
last night?
168
00:09:31,973 --> 00:09:33,975
Okay, I don't have time
for this, Carl.
169
00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:36,420
I got to go to work.
I'm going to be working a double tonight,
170
00:09:36,444 --> 00:09:37,845
so you're on your own
for dinner.
171
00:09:37,879 --> 00:09:40,748
What about what we seen
with the neighbors, bro?
172
00:09:42,884 --> 00:09:44,318
You better do what she say.
173
00:09:44,352 --> 00:09:45,453
Fuck you up.
174
00:09:45,486 --> 00:09:46,954
She payin' the bills
around here.
175
00:09:46,988 --> 00:09:49,891
Hey, babe. Don't pay
no attention to cronut.
176
00:09:49,924 --> 00:09:51,592
He's just a dumbass.
177
00:09:51,626 --> 00:09:53,628
He's a neglected chihuahua.
178
00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:55,363
Carl, I'm not happy here.
179
00:09:55,396 --> 00:09:57,598
- Listen...
- This was supposed to be temporary, Carl.
180
00:09:57,632 --> 00:09:59,600
We were supposed
to be here until you got
181
00:09:59,634 --> 00:10:00,935
- your money going.
- Money.
182
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:03,671
- You wrote your book.
- It's gonna work.
183
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:06,007
That developer came
around again other day.
184
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,410
He can make us a really good
offer on your mom's house.
185
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:11,445
We can move to a safer place.
186
00:10:11,479 --> 00:10:14,549
I can be happy.
Happy wife, happy what?
187
00:10:14,582 --> 00:10:16,717
- Happy wife.
- Happy life.
188
00:10:16,751 --> 00:10:18,853
The guy's a fuckin'
vulture. Okay?
189
00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,655
He wants to move
in this neighborhood
190
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:23,424
so he can take it over and turn
it into a fuckin' strip mall.
191
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:25,593
Do you understand
what I'm sayin'? Okay?
192
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,395
It's called...
It's called gingivitis.
193
00:10:27,428 --> 00:10:28,796
Gentrification!
194
00:10:28,830 --> 00:10:29,831
Shut up, cronut!
195
00:10:29,864 --> 00:10:31,966
Stupid dumbass nigga.
196
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,077
Once we move out of here, who cares
what they do to the neighborhood?
197
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:37,071
Just promise me that today you're
going to look at this and consider it.
198
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:38,873
I'm... I'm gonna
think about it.
199
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:40,775
I appreciate it.
200
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:44,378
Up next, I survived
a hammer to the head
201
00:10:44,412 --> 00:10:46,881
and a boot to the face.
202
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:49,026
Somethin' fucked-up went
down in that house last night.
203
00:10:49,050 --> 00:10:50,418
You think that was a dead body?
204
00:10:50,451 --> 00:10:52,486
Would you stop?
It's already hard enough
205
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,956
you got all this crazy
shit in my wife's head.
206
00:10:54,989 --> 00:10:58,092
And no!
I did not see a body.
207
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,828
I think my first instinct is
like, there's dead body in there.
208
00:11:00,862 --> 00:11:03,531
But... oh, there's a nice
one over there.
209
00:11:16,811 --> 00:11:17,812
No.
210
00:11:21,883 --> 00:11:23,651
Hey, hey, hey! No!
211
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,519
Why you cock-blocking?
She need me.
212
00:11:25,553 --> 00:11:27,421
This could be my old lady, man.
213
00:11:27,455 --> 00:11:29,900
- She's already married.
- You know I've been in the penitentiary.
214
00:11:29,924 --> 00:11:31,559
- Let me just live, brother.
- Okay.
215
00:11:31,592 --> 00:11:33,961
You've been to prison
two years ago for 10 days
216
00:11:33,995 --> 00:11:35,563
for drinkin' and drivin'.
217
00:11:35,596 --> 00:11:37,598
And you're
a "gangster drinker."
218
00:11:37,632 --> 00:11:39,743
I'm just gonna go over there and just...
Just rap a tad to her.
219
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,407
- I'm gonna go. What's up, baby?
- Cronut.
220
00:11:43,037 --> 00:11:46,107
He about to shoot that
midget sperm in that girl.
221
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:48,009
Bunny! Shit.
222
00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:50,111
Baby, I told you,
you got to get a new wheelchair.
223
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:51,746
- You got new wheelchair money?
- Ugh!
224
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,815
- I'm sorry, bunny.
- It's okay.
225
00:11:54,849 --> 00:11:56,450
I didn't mean to snap at you.
226
00:11:56,484 --> 00:11:57,961
If my penis worked,
I'd make love to you right now.
227
00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:59,796
- I'd hit it from the back.
- I know you would.
228
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,023
Marky Mark style
from
boogie nights.
229
00:12:02,056 --> 00:12:04,091
Hey! Stay off
my property!
230
00:12:04,125 --> 00:12:05,626
What's up, clive?
231
00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:06,970
Shouldn't you be makin' up
some bullshit
232
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:08,629
or whatever else you
do you call work?
233
00:12:09,697 --> 00:12:12,867
You know my husband don't like
you guys comin' over here.
234
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,135
But I like seein' you guys.
235
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:15,703
What you been up to?
236
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,147
You been rollin' around
this neighborhood
237
00:12:17,171 --> 00:12:20,041
or you just being
kickin' it around?
238
00:12:20,074 --> 00:12:22,176
- Funny, motherfucker!
- Kickin' it!
239
00:12:22,210 --> 00:12:24,578
What are you doing,
writin' your next bestseller?
240
00:12:24,612 --> 00:12:27,048
Who're you trying to be?
New Alex Haley?
241
00:12:27,081 --> 00:12:30,918
Steve Harvey? You gonna try
to make a book into a movie?
242
00:12:30,952 --> 00:12:32,920
You see
think like a man?
Think like a man 2?
243
00:12:32,954 --> 00:12:33,954
Sucked!
244
00:12:34,789 --> 00:12:37,158
Pootie tang blew those
two out the water.
245
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:38,960
Okay, yeah, I'm writin' a book.
246
00:12:38,993 --> 00:12:41,529
When is your next marathon, huh?
247
00:12:41,562 --> 00:12:43,898
You gonna help me
tend to my garden?
248
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,967
I'll tend the shit out
of that garden.
249
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,578
Tend more than the garden.
I will bend you over in there. I mean...
250
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:49,804
So, I have carrots.
251
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,872
I got a carrot.
With a fat head.
252
00:12:51,906 --> 00:12:53,251
What's up with that house
right there?
253
00:12:53,275 --> 00:12:55,543
What's up with them people
that live in there?
254
00:12:55,576 --> 00:12:58,280
I know you can't see
with them thick-ass glasses.
255
00:12:58,313 --> 00:12:59,656
You know
what these eyes have seen?
256
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:00,715
Yeah, these nuts.
257
00:13:00,748 --> 00:13:02,149
I've been in three wars.
258
00:13:02,183 --> 00:13:04,051
- How you think I got bunny?
- The government.
259
00:13:04,085 --> 00:13:06,096
That little check you get every
month, she's takin' it.
260
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,189
- I saw into her soul.
- Damn.
261
00:13:08,223 --> 00:13:10,834
I see that little man right there with
the 8th-grade body talkin' to my wife.
262
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:11,902
You don't think I see that?
263
00:13:11,926 --> 00:13:13,036
I saw you catch gonorrhea,
baby...
264
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:14,305
You better watch
your fuckin' mouth!
265
00:13:14,329 --> 00:13:15,973
- Watch your mouth, man!
- I wish you would.
266
00:13:15,997 --> 00:13:17,765
I wish you...
I've been waiting on this.
267
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,567
Why would you kick me in the leg
268
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,003
- where I can't feel it?
- I know you can't... can't feel it.
269
00:13:22,036 --> 00:13:24,182
Come on. You ain't the first
black guy I got in a fight with.
270
00:13:24,206 --> 00:13:26,308
I can't feel my legs, Carl.
Hit me in the face.
271
00:13:27,775 --> 00:13:28,876
You little bitch.
272
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,778
All day, every day.
273
00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:33,714
Listen, man. Somethin' ain't
right at that house, Carl.
274
00:13:33,748 --> 00:13:35,082
They moved
in the middle of night.
275
00:13:35,116 --> 00:13:37,319
There's never any movement
during the day.
276
00:13:37,352 --> 00:13:39,321
- Yeah.
- Lazy shits won't answer the door,
277
00:13:39,354 --> 00:13:40,621
had a package dropped off.
278
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,556
Mailman brought it over to me,
279
00:13:42,590 --> 00:13:44,692
sittin' on the front
porch right now.
280
00:13:44,725 --> 00:13:47,762
Hey, bunny! Come get
that package from Africa!
281
00:13:47,795 --> 00:13:49,063
Hey, bunny!
282
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:50,874
Get that package
over there on the back porch.
283
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,642
- I wouldn't. I wouldn't.
- You might get on...
284
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,426
- You feel that, Carl?
- Okay. Let my arm go.
285
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,215
- Let my arm go.
- Let my cousin... aw!
286
00:13:57,239 --> 00:13:58,306
- It fucking hurts.
- Hey.
287
00:13:58,340 --> 00:14:00,308
Let it go!
That shit hurt.
288
00:14:00,342 --> 00:14:02,710
Dang, you got some
upper body strength.
289
00:14:02,743 --> 00:14:04,779
There it is.
Look at that... Africa.
290
00:14:04,812 --> 00:14:06,781
Africa.
Wrapped in velvet.
291
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,858
I'm gonna take it
over there myself.
292
00:14:17,892 --> 00:14:20,295
Cronut...
Cronut!
293
00:14:20,328 --> 00:14:22,297
Why you give him
the fuckin' package?!
294
00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:25,833
It's like we're living across the
street from
diff'rent strokes.
295
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,145
- Hey, hey, hey. Give me the package, man.
- What the shit?
296
00:14:28,169 --> 00:14:29,570
Cronut!
297
00:14:30,805 --> 00:14:33,074
See? You happy?
298
00:14:35,176 --> 00:14:37,288
You got me runnin' around here,
fightin' motherfuckers and shit...
299
00:14:37,312 --> 00:14:40,948
- I can't do this, man.
- Fuck this, I gotta find out.
300
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:44,085
- Hey, hey, hey...
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey my ass.
301
00:14:44,118 --> 00:14:45,220
Get it. Get it.
302
00:15:02,304 --> 00:15:05,240
What can I do to... I mean,
for you, gentlemen?
303
00:15:05,273 --> 00:15:06,883
Nigga, we saw you transporting
dead bodies last night.
304
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,009
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, man.
Shut the fuck up.
305
00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:10,345
We did.
306
00:15:10,378 --> 00:15:12,980
You not see me
transport any dead bodies.
307
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,783
We standin' in front of a
chocolate vampire-type nigga.
308
00:15:15,816 --> 00:15:19,186
Sir, and this my little cousin,
cronut, he's a little retarded.
309
00:15:19,221 --> 00:15:21,323
- Slow as fuck.
- He needs special attention.
310
00:15:21,356 --> 00:15:24,091
- He's on ritalin, prednisone, and all kind of shit.
- Everything.
311
00:15:24,125 --> 00:15:26,694
This is Dr. Mamuwalde's
residence.
312
00:15:26,727 --> 00:15:28,829
Mama... mama who?
313
00:15:28,863 --> 00:15:30,064
Ma-mu-wal-day.
314
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:32,099
- How you pronounce that?
- Ma-mu-wal-day.
315
00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:34,101
Mamuwal...
316
00:15:34,135 --> 00:15:35,437
Ma-mu-wal-day.
317
00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:38,340
- Ma-mu-wal-day.
- Ma-mwa-wal-di.
318
00:15:38,373 --> 00:15:39,940
- Ma-mu-wal-day.
- Ma-mwa-wal-di.
319
00:15:39,974 --> 00:15:41,309
- Ma-mu-wal-day.
- Ma-mwa-wal-di.
320
00:15:41,343 --> 00:15:42,719
- Fix your mouth.
- All right, all right.
321
00:15:42,743 --> 00:15:44,346
- Excuse me.
- Your mama, nigga.
322
00:15:44,379 --> 00:15:47,282
I am monty. I just
rent a room here.
323
00:15:47,315 --> 00:15:50,684
And I assure you,
you have seen no bodies.
324
00:15:50,718 --> 00:15:52,354
Pleasure to make
your acquaintance.
325
00:15:52,387 --> 00:15:54,798
Nigga, we saw you transport them
goddamn dead bodies in the back.
326
00:15:54,822 --> 00:15:57,158
- If you don't shut the fuck...
- Where you from, bro?
327
00:15:57,191 --> 00:15:59,793
- Hey, man, stop! Sir...
- What?
328
00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:02,096
Mr. Black, do you have
business here?
329
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,808
No. I don't have no business here.
We just wanted to come through and say hey
330
00:16:04,832 --> 00:16:06,401
and make sure
everything was cool.
331
00:16:06,434 --> 00:16:08,068
Why wouldn't it be cool?
332
00:16:09,337 --> 00:16:11,239
- Excuse me?
- Why wouldn't it be?
333
00:16:11,273 --> 00:16:15,243
Because y'all moving in this
motherfucking house at 12:00 at night.
334
00:16:15,277 --> 00:16:17,279
There's people
sleeping around here.
335
00:16:17,312 --> 00:16:21,148
You got crackheads back there
sunbathing into fucking midnight.
336
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:24,952
Bye, bitch!
337
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:27,154
Hey, come on.
Get your ass...
338
00:16:28,022 --> 00:16:31,426
I'm gonna drop a dime
on you motherfuckers.
339
00:16:31,459 --> 00:16:34,828
You happy you done made me waste
a whole day on some bullshit?
340
00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:36,797
- Hey, man. Just fall back.
- Fall back for what?
341
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:37,932
What you got to say now?
342
00:16:37,965 --> 00:16:39,334
You don't think that shit weird?
343
00:16:40,502 --> 00:16:42,102
How'd he know your last name?
344
00:16:42,136 --> 00:16:44,206
I'm a famous writer, cronut.
345
00:16:44,239 --> 00:16:45,739
This nigga delusional.
346
00:16:45,773 --> 00:16:48,410
My book is in-in-in
Barnes and noble's.
347
00:16:48,443 --> 00:16:52,214
Nigga! Ain't nobody
reading your books! Retire!
348
00:16:52,247 --> 00:16:54,249
Look, you're running
around here smoking that weed,
349
00:16:54,282 --> 00:16:57,319
you're paranoid,
you're smoking 2k, k2,
350
00:16:57,352 --> 00:16:58,786
or whatever the fuck
you doing...
351
00:16:58,819 --> 00:17:00,455
First of all,
I'm not smoking k2.
352
00:17:00,488 --> 00:17:02,224
I'm smoking strictly weed.
353
00:17:02,257 --> 00:17:04,202
And second of all,
something ain't right about that house,
354
00:17:04,226 --> 00:17:07,995
because boy was from Africa,
but he had a French accent.
355
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:10,898
He got a sideburn that curl
up, like the devil.
356
00:17:10,931 --> 00:17:13,368
I'm thinking, man. You?
We got to get to the bottom of it.
357
00:17:13,401 --> 00:17:16,103
We not getting
to the bottom of shit.
358
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:18,176
Well, you write your book.
I'll just be a detective.
359
00:17:18,206 --> 00:17:19,541
A detective for what?
360
00:17:19,574 --> 00:17:24,546
Africa, Carl. Africa.
Are you listening to me?
361
00:17:24,579 --> 00:17:26,281
Southwest don't go to Africa.
362
00:17:26,314 --> 00:17:28,015
You won't help me do shit.
363
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,050
I'm trying to marry
this man wife,
364
00:17:30,084 --> 00:17:31,861
I'm trying to tell you about
these devil worshippers over here
365
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,488
and your book suck.
How about that?
366
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:39,193
Shady management.
367
00:17:39,227 --> 00:17:40,495
Leave a message.
368
00:17:40,528 --> 00:17:43,030
Hey, it's Carl black.
Just calling you again,
369
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:46,268
just lettin' you know
that I'm writing away.
370
00:17:46,301 --> 00:17:48,035
I need that advancement.
371
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:51,239
The water bill's due,
we need bread, dishwash li...
372
00:17:55,210 --> 00:17:56,578
Do you know who I am?
373
00:17:56,611 --> 00:18:00,582
I am wooky. The one
that survived the purge.
374
00:18:00,615 --> 00:18:02,417
I can help you survive
your problem.
375
00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:04,885
Are you being bullied?
Do you hear noises at night?
376
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:06,186
Phone me.
377
00:18:06,221 --> 00:18:07,598
Are you sick?
Do you have a headache?
378
00:18:07,622 --> 00:18:10,858
Are you hearing things?
Malaria? Ebola?
379
00:18:10,891 --> 00:18:12,294
Demon experience?
380
00:18:12,327 --> 00:18:14,562
Call me. Whisper to me.
381
00:18:14,596 --> 00:18:17,232
I will fight your battles
for you today.
382
00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:20,067
I am wooky.
383
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:22,604
Ain't nobody go
for that bullshit.
384
00:18:26,207 --> 00:18:28,543
All right, yeah. Shit.
385
00:18:33,581 --> 00:18:35,417
Allie black.
386
00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:38,219
Yes, daddy? Yes?
387
00:18:38,253 --> 00:18:40,020
- What you doing?
- I'm studying.
388
00:18:40,054 --> 00:18:41,323
- You're studying.
- Yes.
389
00:18:41,356 --> 00:18:42,956
Yeah. I thought you
was home for fall?
390
00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:44,958
Doesn't mean I still
don't have to study, dad.
391
00:18:44,992 --> 00:18:47,961
You know our family have been
going through a lot of stuff,
392
00:18:47,995 --> 00:18:50,632
and you don't like to follow
the rules all the time,
393
00:18:50,665 --> 00:18:53,000
'cause I've been asked you
a whole bunch of times
394
00:18:53,033 --> 00:18:54,968
to keep these little boys
out of my...
395
00:18:55,002 --> 00:18:56,946
- Daddy, I can explain...
- Ah! What the hell is wrong with you?
396
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,215
I know a lot of gang shit.
You know...
397
00:18:58,239 --> 00:18:59,507
I thought he was dead!
398
00:18:59,541 --> 00:19:01,942
No, bitch.
Dying's for pussies.
399
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,412
I told you to keep these
little boys out of this house.
400
00:19:04,446 --> 00:19:06,548
I sent you to school
for a education...
401
00:19:06,581 --> 00:19:08,650
- I had to drop out, okay?
- You dropped out?
402
00:19:08,683 --> 00:19:11,051
We dropped out.
A couple goes...
403
00:19:11,085 --> 00:19:13,597
You and him about to be living off
that little cripple check every month.
404
00:19:13,621 --> 00:19:15,590
- Baby, give me my cane. I'm out.
- Okay.
405
00:19:15,623 --> 00:19:17,425
Yeah, this don't make no sense.
406
00:19:17,459 --> 00:19:19,135
I don't know what
you going through, Allie.
407
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:21,363
Daddy, daddy. Just...
Just leave him alone, okay?
408
00:19:21,396 --> 00:19:23,073
If you're gonna do
somethin', do somethin'.
409
00:19:23,097 --> 00:19:24,299
It's already done.
410
00:19:24,332 --> 00:19:26,066
If you're gonna do
somethin', do somethin'.
411
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,469
Freezee!
412
00:19:27,502 --> 00:19:28,936
Daddy, why'd you do that?
413
00:19:28,969 --> 00:19:30,070
I didn't even touch him.
414
00:19:30,104 --> 00:19:31,382
That's all right.
You got it, baby?
415
00:19:31,406 --> 00:19:32,650
Come on. Help his arm.
Get his arm right there.
416
00:19:32,674 --> 00:19:34,609
Hey, I don't need your help!
I'm in the Ada.
417
00:19:34,642 --> 00:19:36,143
Baby, you do need help.
418
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:37,736
- All right.
- You need some help, okay?
419
00:19:39,046 --> 00:19:40,406
Yeah. Lift him up.
One, two, three.
420
00:19:41,549 --> 00:19:43,485
Fuck you! Ain't nobody
need your assistance.
421
00:19:43,518 --> 00:19:45,286
Baby, go start the car, okay?
422
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,222
- All right.
- We'll be out of here in a second.
423
00:19:47,255 --> 00:19:48,699
I'm gonna let you know one thing.
My dick may not work,
424
00:19:48,723 --> 00:19:51,626
but my tongue game's
strong on your girl.
425
00:19:51,659 --> 00:19:53,261
Okay. Baby, go.
426
00:19:53,294 --> 00:19:54,538
Ask him for some
gas money, baby.
427
00:19:54,562 --> 00:19:56,997
I will. I'll ask him
for some. Okay.
428
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,500
Oh, thank god.
429
00:19:58,533 --> 00:20:00,468
But why don't you get
somebody that can walk?
430
00:20:00,502 --> 00:20:02,002
I ain't helping.
431
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,971
Daddy, listen.
Okay, I had to drop out
432
00:20:04,004 --> 00:20:06,039
because your check bounced.
433
00:20:06,073 --> 00:20:08,118
And you would know that if you
cared about anybody in this family
434
00:20:08,142 --> 00:20:10,144
except yourself
and that damn book.
435
00:20:10,177 --> 00:20:12,614
He loves me.
436
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:17,017
He only cares about himself.
He's so selfish.
437
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,586
Allie!
438
00:20:22,390 --> 00:20:23,658
Allie!
439
00:20:23,691 --> 00:20:25,226
Allie!
440
00:20:29,697 --> 00:20:32,567
Ekekek. Ekekek.
441
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,302
Psst! Ekekek.
442
00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:38,373
Carl, come here.
443
00:20:38,406 --> 00:20:39,574
You gotta see this shit.
444
00:20:39,607 --> 00:20:41,209
Get over where?
How do I get over there?
445
00:20:41,242 --> 00:20:42,444
Hop over, man.
446
00:20:44,579 --> 00:20:47,215
No, no, for real.
For real. Come here.
447
00:20:47,248 --> 00:20:49,451
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Calm down. Calm down.
448
00:20:49,484 --> 00:20:51,619
Check that. Shit!
449
00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:57,525
Is that Michael Jackson?
450
00:20:57,559 --> 00:20:59,427
Where's the box from Africa?
451
00:20:59,461 --> 00:21:00,994
- That's so weird.
- Hey! Hey, man!
452
00:21:01,028 --> 00:21:02,530
Hey, man, don't do that!
453
00:21:02,564 --> 00:21:04,566
Why are you always
creeping up on people, man?
454
00:21:04,599 --> 00:21:07,202
- Don't do that.
- That's what I do. I creep.
455
00:21:07,235 --> 00:21:09,637
- Look, look.
-
Find it.
456
00:21:10,872 --> 00:21:13,675
They just moved into the house
and people are already coming over.
457
00:21:16,744 --> 00:21:19,314
Goddamn. She got
a big 'ol ass.
458
00:21:21,282 --> 00:21:24,017
Hello. I'm here
for Dr. Mamuwalde.
459
00:21:32,794 --> 00:21:34,429
Something ain't right.
460
00:21:34,462 --> 00:21:35,663
I'MMA tell you something.
461
00:21:35,697 --> 00:21:38,733
Leave them goddamn
neighbors alone.
462
00:21:38,766 --> 00:21:42,270
- Leave them alone! I'm out of here.
- Look.
463
00:21:42,303 --> 00:21:43,471
I think you made him mad.
464
00:21:43,505 --> 00:21:45,540
He's always mad at me.
Don't even trip.
465
00:21:45,573 --> 00:21:47,651
She ain't coming back out of there.
I told you, once you go in there,
466
00:21:47,675 --> 00:21:49,744
you ain't coming out,
especially if you're fine.
467
00:21:49,777 --> 00:21:52,514
All the ugly bitches came right
out, but this coochie?
468
00:21:52,547 --> 00:21:54,782
I'm going in.
469
00:21:54,816 --> 00:21:56,484
I'm neighborhood watch.
470
00:22:00,788 --> 00:22:02,457
Yeah. You go
right on in there.
471
00:22:02,490 --> 00:22:04,659
I trust you.
472
00:22:04,692 --> 00:22:06,361
Snitch, snitch, come in.
473
00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:11,533
What can I do for you?
474
00:22:11,566 --> 00:22:13,835
I'm neighborhood watch.
I need to get in this house.
475
00:22:13,868 --> 00:22:17,405
Well then, please, come in,
Mr. Neighborhood watch.
476
00:22:17,438 --> 00:22:19,172
You're very welcome here.
477
00:22:25,813 --> 00:22:28,349
Cronut, what the fuck
are you doing?
478
00:22:28,383 --> 00:22:29,383
Shhh!
479
00:22:32,353 --> 00:22:34,689
Why are you looking
in their window?
480
00:22:34,722 --> 00:22:36,224
Get out of them people's house.
481
00:22:38,125 --> 00:22:39,661
What you see?
482
00:22:39,694 --> 00:22:41,338
Well, first of all,
this house looks amazing on the inside,
483
00:22:41,362 --> 00:22:44,465
but they're doing
some freaky shit for real.
484
00:22:44,499 --> 00:22:48,336
What? What's he doing?
485
00:22:51,506 --> 00:22:55,108
Cronut! What's going on?
486
00:22:55,142 --> 00:22:57,612
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
- What? What? What?
487
00:22:57,645 --> 00:23:00,248
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
- What? What?
488
00:23:00,281 --> 00:23:01,716
Go, go.
489
00:23:04,151 --> 00:23:07,455
- Oh, shit.
- Why we running, man?
490
00:23:07,488 --> 00:23:10,358
- Hey,
¿qué pasó?
- Og. Hugo.
491
00:23:10,391 --> 00:23:12,260
There's vampires, man.
There's vampires.
492
00:23:12,293 --> 00:23:13,561
Re... relax. Ain't no...
493
00:23:13,595 --> 00:23:16,531
The vampire feeds on blood.
494
00:23:16,564 --> 00:23:20,368
But what he really wants
495
00:23:20,401 --> 00:23:22,870
is to find the things
that you love most
496
00:23:22,904 --> 00:23:25,105
and twist you...
497
00:23:26,441 --> 00:23:30,110
And torment you
every day of your life.
498
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,282
You're a dark motherfucker.
499
00:23:34,315 --> 00:23:36,851
You've been saying some crazy
shit back here in this backyard.
500
00:23:36,884 --> 00:23:38,653
So what should we do, og?
501
00:23:38,686 --> 00:23:40,622
Find out what he wants.
502
00:23:42,557 --> 00:23:45,860
Find out what he's doing
in our neighborhood.
503
00:23:45,893 --> 00:23:47,428
Think about it.
504
00:23:47,462 --> 00:23:49,306
We ain't never seen
Dr. Mamuwalde in the daytime.
505
00:23:49,330 --> 00:23:50,832
- You know why?
- Why?
506
00:23:50,865 --> 00:23:52,767
"And they rise from
the grave at night
507
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:54,902
- to feast on the living."
- Oh, no.
508
00:23:54,936 --> 00:23:57,605
Shut the fuck up for a second.
509
00:23:57,639 --> 00:23:59,474
Just for one second,
shut the fuck up.
510
00:23:59,507 --> 00:24:02,310
You know what? All that
coming to... to life
511
00:24:02,343 --> 00:24:05,680
and the dead rising up
and the
tales of the crypt
512
00:24:05,713 --> 00:24:07,915
and the Michael Jackson,
the monsters,
513
00:24:07,949 --> 00:24:10,385
all that is a bunch of bullshit!
514
00:24:10,418 --> 00:24:12,353
Did you see the little
guy in the window?
515
00:24:12,387 --> 00:24:13,797
'Cause you probably
think it's prince
516
00:24:13,821 --> 00:24:15,757
or I don't know who
the fuck you think it is.
517
00:24:15,790 --> 00:24:17,492
It's a little pimp in there.
518
00:24:18,426 --> 00:24:21,863
Bitches is getting slapped
over in that house.
519
00:24:21,896 --> 00:24:23,907
Man, I know what I saw, man.
That was a goddamn vampire.
520
00:24:23,931 --> 00:24:25,500
Definitely.
I know what I saw.
521
00:24:25,533 --> 00:24:27,802
A pimp live next door
to us, okay?
522
00:24:27,835 --> 00:24:29,604
P-i-m-p.
523
00:24:29,637 --> 00:24:31,839
Put it in my pocket.
524
00:24:31,873 --> 00:24:35,576
The reason why he sleep all day?
Because pimping is at night!
525
00:24:35,610 --> 00:24:37,578
I'm gone. I'm getting
the fuck out of here.
526
00:24:37,612 --> 00:24:39,213
I'm finna go write my book.
527
00:24:39,247 --> 00:24:40,848
You done lost
your motherfucking mind.
528
00:24:40,882 --> 00:24:42,717
You need to go sign
up for the circus.
529
00:24:42,750 --> 00:24:45,720
- Oh, man.
- Don't invite him in.
530
00:24:45,753 --> 00:24:47,321
What?
531
00:24:47,355 --> 00:24:49,323
Only way to keep a vampire
out of your house.
532
00:24:49,357 --> 00:24:51,392
Don't invite him in.
533
00:24:52,527 --> 00:24:53,995
I'm gone, man. I ain't...
534
00:24:54,028 --> 00:24:56,330
Yeah, you go, man.
We're gonna get to the bottom of it.
535
00:24:56,364 --> 00:24:58,409
I'm gonna do some research.
We'll figure it out, bro!
536
00:24:58,433 --> 00:25:00,234
- Just trust me!
- Shut the fuck up.
537
00:25:01,269 --> 00:25:02,946
Well, what about...
What about if you live in the rv?
538
00:25:02,970 --> 00:25:05,606
- Is there any rules there?
- Don't invite him in.
539
00:25:21,556 --> 00:25:23,858
I ain't got no more bananas,
'cause this shit is...
540
00:25:23,891 --> 00:25:26,594
They got... bats.
541
00:25:26,627 --> 00:25:28,262
Vampire coming at me.
542
00:25:28,296 --> 00:25:29,696
God, I didn't sign up
for this shit.
543
00:25:31,332 --> 00:25:35,303
Fucking nude.
544
00:25:37,004 --> 00:25:38,573
Dispatch
to snitch. Over.
545
00:25:38,606 --> 00:25:41,642
Do you know what
happens to snitches?
546
00:25:48,015 --> 00:25:49,751
Shit!
547
00:25:49,784 --> 00:25:53,321
These bitches bit snitch's neck!
548
00:25:53,354 --> 00:25:56,290
Mama! Oh, shit!
That was shit. They got me.
549
00:25:57,625 --> 00:25:59,627
Oh, damn. Oh, damn.
550
00:26:10,671 --> 00:26:13,307
You know me as the one
that survived the purge.
551
00:26:13,341 --> 00:26:16,043
Therefore, I could survive anything.
552
00:26:16,077 --> 00:26:17,578
What is going on in your life?
553
00:26:17,612 --> 00:26:19,714
- Late night?
- Oh. Hey.
554
00:26:19,747 --> 00:26:21,549
Yeah. It was
the worst last night.
555
00:26:21,582 --> 00:26:22,917
I can explain, though.
556
00:26:22,950 --> 00:26:25,853
Can you tell me
what happened with Allie?
557
00:26:25,887 --> 00:26:28,790
- She called you?
- She's mad because you don't trust her.
558
00:26:28,823 --> 00:26:30,000
No. She had
her little boy in my house.
559
00:26:30,024 --> 00:26:31,826
She ain't paying no
rent up in here.
560
00:26:31,859 --> 00:26:33,804
You need to be the bigger man
and call her and apologize,
561
00:26:33,828 --> 00:26:36,063
because I'm not dealing
with all of this mess.
562
00:26:36,097 --> 00:26:39,400
And speaking of which, did you call the
real estate agent like I asked you to?
563
00:26:39,433 --> 00:26:40,735
Oh, man.
564
00:26:40,768 --> 00:26:43,538
I'm mentally exhausted
from all of this.
565
00:26:43,571 --> 00:26:45,773
I'm having a hard
time writing, okay?
566
00:26:45,807 --> 00:26:47,809
Lorena.
567
00:26:49,944 --> 00:26:51,946
Come, Lorena.
568
00:26:51,979 --> 00:26:55,349
Oh, my god.
569
00:26:55,383 --> 00:26:58,019
- Oh, my god.
- What's going on with you?
570
00:26:58,052 --> 00:26:59,587
Oh, my god.
571
00:26:59,620 --> 00:27:00,922
-
Do you feel it...
- Oh, my god.
572
00:27:00,955 --> 00:27:02,423
-
all over your body?
- Oh, shit.
573
00:27:02,456 --> 00:27:03,457
How is this happening?
574
00:27:03,491 --> 00:27:04,859
Oh, my god.
575
00:27:04,892 --> 00:27:06,794
Am I missing out on something?
576
00:27:06,828 --> 00:27:09,463
Oh, yes.
Don't stop.
577
00:27:09,497 --> 00:27:12,567
Oh, my. Carl.
578
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:13,901
Carl, did you hear that?
579
00:27:13,935 --> 00:27:15,703
Hey, you didn't... you
didn't came in here.
580
00:27:15,736 --> 00:27:18,372
Shhh!
581
00:27:18,406 --> 00:27:21,742
Okay, then.
That's what I needed.
582
00:27:21,776 --> 00:27:25,046
Local authorities are
hesitant to label this a serial killer...
583
00:27:25,079 --> 00:27:27,615
- Oh, my god. -
...But sources
close to the investigation
584
00:27:27,648 --> 00:27:29,450
were heard saying
585
00:27:29,483 --> 00:27:32,920
"this is some fucked up shit
right here, my nigga."
586
00:27:32,954 --> 00:27:34,932
Who's doing all these terrible
things to these women?
587
00:27:34,956 --> 00:27:36,834
-
they went on to say the dead...
- Oh, my god.
588
00:27:36,858 --> 00:27:38,759
I'm telling you,
we need to get out of here.
589
00:27:38,793 --> 00:27:40,671
Can you please, please
call that real estate man?
590
00:27:40,695 --> 00:27:42,406
- The paper's right there.
- I'm gonna call.
591
00:27:42,430 --> 00:27:43,664
- I'm gonna call him.
- Okay.
592
00:27:43,698 --> 00:27:45,166
-
signing off saying...
- Now.
593
00:27:45,199 --> 00:27:48,002
- Call him, please.
-
Hoes got to eat too.
594
00:27:56,010 --> 00:27:57,678
Allie!
595
00:27:58,679 --> 00:28:01,115
This is my 17th message.
596
00:28:01,148 --> 00:28:04,018
Please call me back, okay?
I'm looking for you.
597
00:28:04,051 --> 00:28:06,754
I'm worried about you.
Call me back.
598
00:28:08,723 --> 00:28:10,124
Hey.
599
00:28:12,693 --> 00:28:14,171
Listen, I'm not letting
you in my house
600
00:28:14,195 --> 00:28:16,030
so you can tell them
same ghost stories...
601
00:28:16,063 --> 00:28:17,632
No, you need to see
this for real.
602
00:28:17,665 --> 00:28:19,133
Snitch, do you read me?
603
00:28:19,166 --> 00:28:20,635
Look like a busted bike to me.
604
00:28:20,668 --> 00:28:23,104
No, look.
This rico bike.
605
00:28:23,137 --> 00:28:25,806
- They done kidnapped rico, bro.
-
Dispatch to snitch, over.
606
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:27,742
He don't go nowhere
without this bike.
607
00:28:27,775 --> 00:28:30,153
His license suspended.
He got no choice but to ride this bike.
608
00:28:30,177 --> 00:28:33,147
Look, rico is a grown man
who done looked in the mirror
609
00:28:33,180 --> 00:28:35,016
and realized
he ain't got no business
610
00:28:35,049 --> 00:28:37,985
being 50 years old
on a tricycle.
611
00:28:38,019 --> 00:28:39,620
Or the vampires
could have got him.
612
00:28:41,188 --> 00:28:42,757
Dispatch to snitch, over.
613
00:28:44,226 --> 00:28:46,193
Rico saw something last night.
614
00:28:46,228 --> 00:28:48,129
I think I bet the vampires
snatched his ass up.
615
00:28:48,162 --> 00:28:50,164
Snitch, what is your 411?
616
00:28:50,197 --> 00:28:52,099
That's freezee's car.
617
00:28:52,133 --> 00:28:54,535
In there pimping my daughter!
618
00:29:01,909 --> 00:29:03,778
The sun's setting.
619
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,716
The vampire's about to wake up.
620
00:29:08,749 --> 00:29:10,451
Don't invite him in.
621
00:29:13,688 --> 00:29:15,223
Imbecile!
622
00:29:15,257 --> 00:29:17,124
Damn it, man!
You scared the hell out of me!
623
00:29:17,158 --> 00:29:19,794
Who the hell you
callin' an imbecile?
624
00:29:19,827 --> 00:29:22,964
Now listen, you take your hands off of me!
I don't know you!
625
00:29:27,535 --> 00:29:28,769
Whoop.
626
00:29:28,803 --> 00:29:30,638
- Stop playing!
- Got you.
627
00:29:30,671 --> 00:29:31,772
You little bitch.
628
00:29:36,345 --> 00:29:38,913
No, but for real, though, this is crazy.
What is we doing?
629
00:29:41,048 --> 00:29:42,783
I know Allie's in this house.
630
00:29:42,817 --> 00:29:44,685
Allie!
631
00:29:44,719 --> 00:29:46,997
These maniacs done kidnapped rico
and you just banging on the door?
632
00:29:47,021 --> 00:29:48,622
I've been calling Allie all day
633
00:29:48,656 --> 00:29:50,033
and she ain't answer
the phone. Relax.
634
00:29:50,057 --> 00:29:51,792
Allie!
635
00:29:51,826 --> 00:29:54,695
- What the fuck?
- Can I help you, gentlemen?
636
00:29:54,729 --> 00:29:57,031
My daughter's in there, man.
637
00:29:57,064 --> 00:29:59,667
Come on, man. Give me my daughter
back, man. This is crazy.
638
00:29:59,700 --> 00:30:01,936
You got the fuckin'
Halloween shit going on?
639
00:30:01,969 --> 00:30:03,771
That's my daughter!
640
00:30:03,804 --> 00:30:06,308
I'm sure I don't know
what you mean, neighbor.
641
00:30:06,341 --> 00:30:08,243
The car is in the back.
642
00:30:08,276 --> 00:30:10,245
I've been looking
for my daughter all day.
643
00:30:10,278 --> 00:30:11,779
Your pimping gonna stop.
644
00:30:11,812 --> 00:30:13,281
God don't like ugly, man.
645
00:30:13,315 --> 00:30:16,851
Mr. Black, your daughter
is not in this house.
646
00:30:16,884 --> 00:30:17,918
Ah!
647
00:30:20,288 --> 00:30:22,957
Can I come in the house?
648
00:30:22,990 --> 00:30:25,059
The doctor will not
be here until later.
649
00:30:25,092 --> 00:30:28,132
I wonder why? You got all them dead
bodies in there you don't want us to see?
650
00:30:28,162 --> 00:30:31,299
But, if you'd like
to come in, Mr. Black,
651
00:30:31,333 --> 00:30:36,637
you will find out in fact that
your daughter is not in this house.
652
00:30:36,670 --> 00:30:38,582
- We can come in and search the whole...
- Mr. Black, please.
653
00:30:38,606 --> 00:30:39,983
You want... that's what you
want us to do?
654
00:30:40,007 --> 00:30:41,542
Please.
655
00:30:43,911 --> 00:30:45,046
Be my guest.
656
00:30:45,079 --> 00:30:47,081
You want some real niggas...
657
00:30:47,114 --> 00:30:48,350
Enjoy yourselves, please.
658
00:30:48,383 --> 00:30:49,950
- Come in your house?
- Go.
659
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:54,356
Hey, stop.
660
00:30:57,392 --> 00:30:58,626
Allie!
661
00:30:58,659 --> 00:31:00,228
Allie!
662
00:31:01,929 --> 00:31:03,964
What?
663
00:31:03,998 --> 00:31:06,133
- Carl, look at this shit.
- What?
664
00:31:12,407 --> 00:31:15,042
That shit look crazy, man.
665
00:31:15,076 --> 00:31:17,011
What the fuck is that
dog thing right there?
666
00:31:17,044 --> 00:31:18,213
- Mr. Black!
- Hey! Shit!
667
00:31:18,246 --> 00:31:20,014
Damn, bro!
What the fuck is going on?
668
00:31:20,047 --> 00:31:21,225
- What's wrong with you, bro?
- Don't touch these dolls.
669
00:31:21,249 --> 00:31:23,050
What is wrong with you?
670
00:31:23,084 --> 00:31:27,655
These are very, very expensive
west African voodoo totems.
671
00:31:27,688 --> 00:31:29,723
- The doctor is a collector.
- Allie!
672
00:31:32,227 --> 00:31:33,261
Allie!
673
00:31:37,731 --> 00:31:39,234
Allie! Whoa!
674
00:31:40,134 --> 00:31:42,204
- Is my daddy in here?
- Please come in, Allie.
675
00:31:42,237 --> 00:31:43,238
Carl.
676
00:31:45,005 --> 00:31:46,107
- What?
- Guess who come in.
677
00:31:46,140 --> 00:31:47,875
Dad! What are you
doing here?
678
00:31:47,908 --> 00:31:50,177
Allie, what are you doing?
Where your ass been at?
679
00:31:50,212 --> 00:31:51,413
What the hell's going on?
680
00:31:51,446 --> 00:31:53,147
Why are you
in these nice people's house?
681
00:31:53,180 --> 00:31:55,350
These people ain't nice.
This is a pimp's house.
682
00:31:55,383 --> 00:31:57,285
- This is a nice house.
- Oh, my god.
683
00:31:57,319 --> 00:31:59,221
Man, this is crazy!
Look, he's been putting
684
00:31:59,254 --> 00:32:01,856
all kind of crazy stories
in my head about you.
685
00:32:01,889 --> 00:32:03,691
The car's in the back...
686
00:32:03,724 --> 00:32:06,328
See, I knew you were going to
be tripping when you found out.
687
00:32:06,361 --> 00:32:08,729
God. Found out what?
688
00:32:09,531 --> 00:32:12,032
I just gotta tell you.
I'm just going to say it.
689
00:32:14,135 --> 00:32:16,070
- I'm movin' out.
- Movin' out where?
690
00:32:16,103 --> 00:32:18,139
Me and freezee
are going to get married
691
00:32:18,172 --> 00:32:19,807
and we're going
to make a life together.
692
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,210
I will take my belt off
and tear your ass up.
693
00:32:22,244 --> 00:32:25,079
Daddy, I can make my own choices.
It's called feminism.
694
00:32:25,112 --> 00:32:28,383
Oh,
I know all about liberating some women.
695
00:32:28,416 --> 00:32:30,252
- You hear that?
- Yeah.
696
00:32:38,893 --> 00:32:43,797
Let me introduce
Dr. Mamuwalde!
697
00:32:46,401 --> 00:32:48,836
Dr. Mamuwalde.
698
00:32:49,803 --> 00:32:52,006
Dr. Mamuwalde.
699
00:32:52,039 --> 00:32:54,276
Dr. Mamuwalde.
700
00:32:55,310 --> 00:32:57,345
Dr. Mamuwalde.
701
00:32:58,346 --> 00:33:00,848
Dr. Mamuwalde.
702
00:33:01,815 --> 00:33:03,751
So beautiful.
703
00:33:03,784 --> 00:33:05,920
Dr. Mamuwalde.
704
00:33:07,422 --> 00:33:10,191
Dr. Mamuwalde.
705
00:33:10,958 --> 00:33:13,928
Dr. Mamuwalde.
706
00:33:13,961 --> 00:33:16,498
Is that a black
bite-sized Hugh Hefner?
707
00:33:16,531 --> 00:33:19,166
Dr. Mamuwalde.
708
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,769
Dr. Mamuwalde.
709
00:33:22,970 --> 00:33:25,273
Dr. Mamuwalde.
710
00:33:25,307 --> 00:33:26,907
All right, man.
711
00:33:26,941 --> 00:33:29,910
Monty, I told you, three times.
712
00:33:29,944 --> 00:33:31,446
Yeah, nigga, damn.
713
00:33:31,479 --> 00:33:33,248
Every day is a struggle,
714
00:33:33,281 --> 00:33:36,451
but every night
is a feast, you feel me?
715
00:33:36,484 --> 00:33:39,954
Carl black!
Show me some love.
716
00:33:39,987 --> 00:33:41,299
I can give you some
from right here.
717
00:33:41,323 --> 00:33:43,023
I can't come over
and give up no...
718
00:33:43,057 --> 00:33:45,393
- No love shit, dog.
- Mm-mm.
719
00:33:45,427 --> 00:33:49,431
Welcome to my humble abode,
Carl black.
720
00:33:49,464 --> 00:33:51,466
How the fuck
do you know my name?
721
00:33:51,499 --> 00:33:54,768
That's what's crazy.
You been on my ig page?
722
00:33:54,802 --> 00:33:57,104
Oh, I've had
my third eye on you.
723
00:33:57,137 --> 00:33:58,815
I mean, if it was about
that shit the other night,
724
00:33:58,839 --> 00:34:00,050
all right, look, I ain't got...
725
00:34:00,074 --> 00:34:02,510
The doctor is
a fan of your book...
726
00:34:02,544 --> 00:34:03,545
- Ooh.
- Mr. Black.
727
00:34:03,578 --> 00:34:05,513
Shit. Mm.
728
00:34:05,547 --> 00:34:08,182
And doodoo is
a fan of your mouth.
729
00:34:08,216 --> 00:34:10,184
- Dad.
- You know my book?
730
00:34:10,218 --> 00:34:11,553
- Wow.
- Mm.
731
00:34:11,586 --> 00:34:13,187
I told you, you got
to get back in there.
732
00:34:13,221 --> 00:34:15,290
You know he's in, uh,
a tough spot right now.
733
00:34:15,323 --> 00:34:16,800
- He's in a artistic bind.
- Yeah. I'm trying to write a new book.
734
00:34:16,824 --> 00:34:18,493
Yeah. You see,
the first one was good.
735
00:34:18,526 --> 00:34:20,338
- Yeah. The second one.
- Now, I'm trying to do...
736
00:34:20,362 --> 00:34:22,373
- I'm trying to do the second one.
- Gotta be off the chain.
737
00:34:22,397 --> 00:34:24,031
It's a fine piece of literature.
738
00:34:24,064 --> 00:34:26,033
The shit was
a modern-day classic.
739
00:34:27,535 --> 00:34:29,471
Dr. Mamuwalde.
740
00:34:29,504 --> 00:34:33,107
What type of medicine
you practice, bro?
741
00:34:33,140 --> 00:34:35,343
I practice the type of medicine
742
00:34:35,377 --> 00:34:37,911
for those
with a particular affliction.
743
00:34:37,945 --> 00:34:40,848
Take two of these and
call me in the morning.
744
00:34:42,082 --> 00:34:44,286
Oh, this.
745
00:34:44,319 --> 00:34:45,420
Bless his name.
746
00:34:45,453 --> 00:34:47,322
I knew you was a pimp.
747
00:34:47,355 --> 00:34:49,890
- Ha. Such harsh language, Mr. Black.
- Yeah.
748
00:34:49,923 --> 00:34:52,159
I am a purveyor and provocateur
749
00:34:52,192 --> 00:34:56,063
of fine ass bitches
and high-priced pleasure.
750
00:34:56,096 --> 00:34:58,466
I know what I'm looking at
when I see it.
751
00:34:58,500 --> 00:35:00,278
Hold on. Wait a minute,
little George Jefferson.
752
00:35:00,302 --> 00:35:02,903
We ain't doing no provocative
nothin' around here.
753
00:35:02,936 --> 00:35:04,306
This is my daughter.
754
00:35:04,339 --> 00:35:06,341
Ain't nothin' going up
in there but a tampon.
755
00:35:06,374 --> 00:35:07,941
- Daddy!
- Mr. Black, I assure you,
756
00:35:07,975 --> 00:35:11,078
I may be a pimp,
but I am no monster.
757
00:35:11,111 --> 00:35:13,581
Matter of fact, to prove my point,
758
00:35:13,615 --> 00:35:18,952
allow me. A mind is
a terrible thing to waste.
759
00:35:18,986 --> 00:35:21,188
This is for your education.
760
00:35:21,222 --> 00:35:22,223
Really?
761
00:35:26,661 --> 00:35:28,496
- No.
- Ooh. Daddy!
762
00:35:28,530 --> 00:35:31,299
No! We ain't raisin'
no thots around here!
763
00:35:31,333 --> 00:35:33,176
- We ain't doing no thotin'!
- But we need the money!
764
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,570
You... but we ain't getting
the money that kind of way.
765
00:35:35,603 --> 00:35:38,406
We sellin' books
around here, not pussy!
766
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:41,141
The black man has yet again
said no to education.
767
00:35:41,175 --> 00:35:43,511
- Fuck you! Come on. Get your ass out of here.
- Daddy!
768
00:35:43,545 --> 00:35:45,989
- Why are you always yelling at people?
- Fuck you, Mr. Mamuwalde.
769
00:35:46,013 --> 00:35:47,915
Thank you, nice man!
770
00:35:47,948 --> 00:35:50,618
Well, let me just say I'm
having a soirée tomorrow night
771
00:35:50,652 --> 00:35:52,920
and I would be honored
if you would join me.
772
00:35:52,953 --> 00:35:54,823
I'm expensive!
773
00:35:59,227 --> 00:36:02,330
Tomorrow night is the soirée.
774
00:36:02,364 --> 00:36:03,398
Oh, oh.
775
00:36:05,032 --> 00:36:08,303
- Save them for me.
- We expect to be seeing you.
776
00:36:22,015 --> 00:36:23,251
You always do this, daddy.
777
00:36:23,284 --> 00:36:25,152
Why wouldn't you let
that pretty man help me?
778
00:36:25,185 --> 00:36:27,255
Dolomite was trying
to get in your panties.
779
00:36:27,288 --> 00:36:29,156
- We don't need his money.
- No.
780
00:36:29,189 --> 00:36:31,693
We don't need the money.
I need the money, dad.
781
00:36:31,726 --> 00:36:34,362
I just want to get my education,
so I don't end up like you.
782
00:36:34,396 --> 00:36:35,597
- Like me?
- Yes, daddy.
783
00:36:35,630 --> 00:36:37,064
Just write the book
or get a job.
784
00:36:37,097 --> 00:36:38,366
Get a job, broke nigga!
785
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,167
I got some money
on your hair, freezee.
786
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,035
I'm about to unthaw yo ass.
787
00:36:42,069 --> 00:36:43,638
- I'm leaving.
- Allie.
788
00:36:43,671 --> 00:36:45,416
And me and freezee are gonna
live happily ever after together.
789
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:47,050
- Allie black.
- That is what we're doing.
790
00:36:47,074 --> 00:36:48,443
- Freezee! Let's go!
- Allie black.
791
00:36:48,476 --> 00:36:49,943
Allie! Allie!
792
00:36:49,977 --> 00:36:51,222
I think she just called
you a dumbass.
793
00:36:51,246 --> 00:36:52,356
Stop yelling
in the neighborhood!
794
00:36:52,380 --> 00:36:54,181
- Allie.
- We're going.
795
00:36:54,215 --> 00:36:56,217
- Baby, tuck my legs in.
- I got you.
796
00:36:57,318 --> 00:36:59,086
- Baby.
- Look at that.
797
00:36:59,119 --> 00:37:00,622
Always falling like this.
798
00:37:00,655 --> 00:37:02,424
Carl!
799
00:37:02,457 --> 00:37:04,735
Why is she leaving like that, baby?
We just talked about this.
800
00:37:04,759 --> 00:37:06,694
- Baby, I...
- Well-well, the neighbor next door
801
00:37:06,728 --> 00:37:08,996
tried to give some goddamn
vampire pimp money
802
00:37:09,029 --> 00:37:11,399
to Allie for school
and goddamn hatin' ass Carl,
803
00:37:11,433 --> 00:37:14,269
he gon' take the money and throw
it back in the goddamn vampire face
804
00:37:14,302 --> 00:37:15,670
and goddamn Allie, goddamn...
805
00:37:15,703 --> 00:37:19,039
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
calm down, little infant!
806
00:37:19,072 --> 00:37:21,108
Vampire?
Vampire pimp?
807
00:37:21,141 --> 00:37:23,387
That's what you guys are out
here talking about right now?
808
00:37:23,411 --> 00:37:25,979
- No. It ain't even like that.
- We just had this conversation.
809
00:37:26,013 --> 00:37:28,683
- Hey.
- I'm tired of all this craziness.
810
00:37:28,716 --> 00:37:30,694
Did you call the real estate
agent like I asked you to?
811
00:37:30,718 --> 00:37:33,688
Called the real estate agent.
I... I left a message for him.
812
00:37:33,721 --> 00:37:36,558
Look, Carl, I'll call him,
just like I do
813
00:37:36,591 --> 00:37:38,693
- everything else around here, okay?
- Oh-oh.
814
00:37:38,726 --> 00:37:41,439
But you know what, we need to talk
tonight when I get home from work.
815
00:37:41,463 --> 00:37:43,298
Oh-oh.
816
00:37:43,331 --> 00:37:45,300
- Babe, don't do that.
- I gotta go to work.
817
00:37:45,333 --> 00:37:47,043
- She's gonna cheat on you.
- Shut up, cronut.
818
00:37:47,067 --> 00:37:48,168
It's me, baby.
819
00:37:48,203 --> 00:37:49,537
- Yeah.
- Babe.
820
00:37:50,738 --> 00:37:53,208
Yeah, she gonna cheat on you.
821
00:37:54,609 --> 00:37:56,244
I'm gonna cheat on you.
822
00:37:56,277 --> 00:37:58,546
Carl. Carl.
823
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:01,316
Carl!
824
00:38:01,349 --> 00:38:03,183
- Carl!
- What?
825
00:38:03,218 --> 00:38:05,128
Gotta listen to me.
You gotta hear me out for real.
826
00:38:05,152 --> 00:38:07,120
I know you're going
through a lot.
827
00:38:07,154 --> 00:38:09,366
I know your old lady trippin',
I know your daughter trippin',
828
00:38:09,390 --> 00:38:10,668
I know you have
a writer's block,
829
00:38:10,692 --> 00:38:12,594
but please, bro,
just listen to me.
830
00:38:12,627 --> 00:38:15,663
Go home. All right?
It's over.
831
00:38:15,697 --> 00:38:17,432
I'm movin' the fuck
out of this house.
832
00:38:17,465 --> 00:38:19,501
This our house!
We can't let him move us out.
833
00:38:19,534 --> 00:38:21,679
- I don't wannna hear that shit.
- I gotta tell you this for real.
834
00:38:21,703 --> 00:38:24,606
Guess what I found while you
was talking to the pimp vampire?
835
00:38:24,639 --> 00:38:26,741
These rico glasses, man.
They probably got him.
836
00:38:26,774 --> 00:38:29,410
They done... they done drunk all
his blood and everything, man.
837
00:38:29,444 --> 00:38:31,713
Stop! That motherfucker
just tried to play me.
838
00:38:31,746 --> 00:38:33,146
He's going to jail.
839
00:38:33,180 --> 00:38:35,383
Three hots and a cot,
he's going to jail.
840
00:38:35,416 --> 00:38:37,485
So, what you gonna do about it?
841
00:38:37,519 --> 00:38:39,563
The little motherfucker's going to jail
for pimping and pandering around here.
842
00:38:39,587 --> 00:38:41,121
What you mean,
what I'm gonna do?
843
00:38:41,154 --> 00:38:44,124
Police ain't never arrestin'
no goddamn vampire.
844
00:38:44,157 --> 00:38:45,827
That's shit, okay?
845
00:38:45,860 --> 00:38:48,263
Did you see he floated down the stairs?
846
00:38:48,296 --> 00:38:49,731
You didn't see him float?
847
00:38:49,764 --> 00:38:51,566
911, what's your emergency?
848
00:38:51,599 --> 00:38:53,668
Yes, I have a problem here.
849
00:38:53,701 --> 00:38:56,337
Um, I'm a new neighbor
850
00:38:56,371 --> 00:38:58,306
that just moved
in the neighborhood.
851
00:38:58,339 --> 00:39:00,241
As you can tell, I'm Caucasian.
852
00:39:00,275 --> 00:39:02,777
And there's a real peculiar guy.
853
00:39:02,810 --> 00:39:04,779
-
Is he black? Okay.
- Yes, he's black.
854
00:39:04,812 --> 00:39:06,347
We'll send over
five units right away.
855
00:39:06,381 --> 00:39:07,782
Okay, you'll be here
in a second?
856
00:39:07,815 --> 00:39:09,851
-
Right away.
- Thank you.
857
00:39:09,884 --> 00:39:13,221
That's how you do that.
858
00:39:13,254 --> 00:39:14,589
He's going to jail.
859
00:39:24,465 --> 00:39:26,334
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, fall back, fall back.
860
00:39:26,367 --> 00:39:28,336
- What's going on?
- I'm the lead cop on this.
861
00:39:28,369 --> 00:39:30,548
- Laced, you're a rookie.
- Listen, I'm just tryin' to have some fun.
862
00:39:30,572 --> 00:39:32,607
I said fall back, man.
863
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:34,385
Listen, I got my gun.
I'm going to this house to have some fun.
864
00:39:34,409 --> 00:39:35,643
Do my thing.
865
00:39:37,211 --> 00:39:39,681
All right. Go ahead.
Handle this.
866
00:39:39,714 --> 00:39:41,382
What kind of spooky shit
is this?
867
00:39:41,416 --> 00:39:44,218
First time bein' a cop.
This is gonna be a breeze.
868
00:39:44,252 --> 00:39:46,287
That like a old couple
relationship.
869
00:39:52,327 --> 00:39:53,695
Come on out of there
870
00:39:53,728 --> 00:39:55,630
- before I put a hot one in your ass!
- Hold on.
871
00:39:55,663 --> 00:39:56,907
There'll be no gun violence.
Put your gun down. This is my first day.
872
00:39:56,931 --> 00:39:58,633
Shut up and stop
being a little bitch.
873
00:40:03,338 --> 00:40:05,473
Two of them in up
there, weird as hell.
874
00:40:05,506 --> 00:40:07,408
Lock his ass up.
875
00:40:07,442 --> 00:40:08,543
He got rico.
876
00:40:11,346 --> 00:40:14,549
- Police.
- Good heavens! What is all the fuss?
877
00:40:14,582 --> 00:40:17,785
Oh, a father
and son team, splendid.
878
00:40:17,819 --> 00:40:19,854
What may I do for you,
dark-skinned hutch?
879
00:40:19,887 --> 00:40:22,624
Listen, big fella.
Dude down there saying y'all been involved
880
00:40:22,657 --> 00:40:24,792
in the kidnappin' of the
neighborhood watch captain?
881
00:40:24,826 --> 00:40:26,159
Rico.
882
00:40:26,193 --> 00:40:27,495
- So y'all kidnap him?
- Yeah.
883
00:40:27,528 --> 00:40:28,706
And I heard you got hoes
all up in through there.
884
00:40:28,730 --> 00:40:29,864
Y'all freaky-freaky, huh?
885
00:40:29,897 --> 00:40:31,499
Not at all, sir.
886
00:40:31,532 --> 00:40:33,835
This is the residence
of Dr. Mamuwalde.
887
00:40:33,868 --> 00:40:36,604
- Mama-who?
-
Can't a man pimp in peace?
888
00:40:38,439 --> 00:40:40,875
The name is
Dr. Mamuwalde.
889
00:40:42,410 --> 00:40:44,379
- Shit.
- He trippin'-trippin'.
890
00:40:44,412 --> 00:40:46,280
I hope they get his ass, man.
891
00:40:46,314 --> 00:40:47,958
Listen, big fella,
do you mind if I have a look inside,
892
00:40:47,982 --> 00:40:49,584
see what's going on
see what I can steal?
893
00:40:49,617 --> 00:40:51,362
I mean, just see what's
going on in the house.
894
00:40:51,386 --> 00:40:54,589
Absolutely. My house
is your house, officer.
895
00:40:54,622 --> 00:40:56,391
Feel free to look around
896
00:40:56,424 --> 00:40:59,661
- as soon as you present your warrant.
- He trippin'.
897
00:40:59,694 --> 00:41:01,462
- Warrant?
- Yes, warrant.
898
00:41:01,496 --> 00:41:04,298
What the fuck? You 'posed to
be an expert on the law now?
899
00:41:04,332 --> 00:41:07,301
I'm gonna show you what we do
with experts down here, hm?
900
00:41:07,335 --> 00:41:08,703
Hold on, what you doing?
901
00:41:08,736 --> 00:41:10,772
No! Put the taser off!
Put the taser off!
902
00:41:10,805 --> 00:41:13,474
- You trippin'-trippin'.
- Uh-huh, bust him. Bust him.
903
00:41:13,508 --> 00:41:15,710
- Put your taser off.
- Don't eyeball me, boy.
904
00:41:15,743 --> 00:41:17,412
Don't play with me.
905
00:41:17,445 --> 00:41:18,856
We just want to know if you
know about the whereabouts
906
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,349
of this rico guy.
Where is rico?
907
00:41:21,382 --> 00:41:24,652
You're the one supposed
to be looking
908
00:41:24,686 --> 00:41:27,555
for whoever you're
looking for, sir.
909
00:41:27,588 --> 00:41:30,792
I don't know who rico is
and you can't make me.
910
00:41:30,825 --> 00:41:32,326
He's lying, man.
911
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:33,961
How y'all gonna believe
912
00:41:33,995 --> 00:41:36,931
somebody dressed like
Dr. Seuss is what I'm sayin'?
913
00:41:36,964 --> 00:41:38,933
What do you do, sir?
For a living?
914
00:41:38,966 --> 00:41:42,770
Well, for a living,
I take fantasy and dreams
915
00:41:42,804 --> 00:41:45,840
and I make them into reality.
916
00:41:45,873 --> 00:41:49,343
Let me tell you something,
creepy motherfucker. You got two options.
917
00:41:49,377 --> 00:41:53,514
Option a, we look around
inside this spooky motherfucker,
918
00:41:53,548 --> 00:41:55,817
or option b, we're gonna
arrest your ass,
919
00:41:55,850 --> 00:41:58,328
take you down to the precinct,
ask you a bunch of goddamn questions.
920
00:41:58,352 --> 00:42:00,855
He's going to jail. That's
what I'm talking about.
921
00:42:00,888 --> 00:42:03,324
I'll take... I haven't even
chosen my options.
922
00:42:03,357 --> 00:42:04,968
Oh, we're gonna do it.
We're gonna take him now.
923
00:42:04,992 --> 00:42:07,562
Option a, I don't.
Option b...
924
00:42:07,595 --> 00:42:08,939
We're gonna take
you downtown, midnite.
925
00:42:08,963 --> 00:42:10,665
Wait a minute.
926
00:42:10,698 --> 00:42:13,701
How can you call me "midnight"
as dark as you are...
927
00:42:13,735 --> 00:42:16,270
- What? What did you say?
- Ith all due respect, officer?
928
00:42:16,304 --> 00:42:19,307
Well, if I'm midnight,
aren't you two nights?
929
00:42:19,340 --> 00:42:21,385
There ain't shit you're gonna do about it.
Come on with your little...
930
00:42:21,409 --> 00:42:22,920
- Stop resisting.
- They're taking him to jail.
931
00:42:22,944 --> 00:42:24,946
That's what I'm talking about.
Do your job.
932
00:42:24,979 --> 00:42:27,381
This is definitely
black on black crime.
933
00:42:27,415 --> 00:42:29,517
Hey, I got it.
Take his black ass down.
934
00:42:42,697 --> 00:42:44,031
Officer!
935
00:42:44,065 --> 00:42:45,900
I believe there's been
a misunderstanding.
936
00:42:48,035 --> 00:42:49,771
Do you mean this rico?
937
00:42:55,042 --> 00:42:57,445
Rico, what the fuck
you doing in there?
938
00:42:57,478 --> 00:43:00,648
I'm fine. I was just
in the basement...
939
00:43:00,681 --> 00:43:02,459
They didn't fondle with you
down there, did they?
940
00:43:02,483 --> 00:43:03,851
They did me fine.
941
00:43:03,885 --> 00:43:06,954
- They served me fresh bananas.
- From Honduras.
942
00:43:06,988 --> 00:43:08,422
Bananas in the basement?
943
00:43:08,456 --> 00:43:10,091
They done brainwashed
his crazy ass.
944
00:43:10,124 --> 00:43:11,492
They did more than brainwashing.
945
00:43:11,526 --> 00:43:13,427
Somethin' ain't right with him.
946
00:43:27,108 --> 00:43:29,977
Come to me, Lorena.
947
00:43:37,885 --> 00:43:40,488
Come to me, Lorena.
948
00:43:41,622 --> 00:43:43,958
I've been searching for you.
949
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:51,599
Are you feeling my breath
upon your corpuscle?
950
00:44:01,943 --> 00:44:03,778
What kind of cop shit is this?
951
00:44:03,811 --> 00:44:05,112
Y'all let him go?
952
00:44:05,146 --> 00:44:07,682
Mr. Black, you call us
down here again
953
00:44:07,715 --> 00:44:08,950
and waste our damn time,
954
00:44:08,983 --> 00:44:11,552
I'm gonna take
your ashy ass to jail.
955
00:44:11,586 --> 00:44:13,087
We cop cops.
This ain't no damn joke!
956
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:15,590
Man, if you don't get
your retarded ass...
957
00:44:15,623 --> 00:44:18,960
You better watch your mouth, before I
stick these goddamn handcuffs up your ass.
958
00:44:18,993 --> 00:44:21,095
Don't eyeball me, boy.
959
00:44:21,128 --> 00:44:22,964
Let's go.
960
00:44:24,999 --> 00:44:27,735
Carl, why are you
here with the police?
961
00:44:27,768 --> 00:44:29,570
What did the neighbor do to you?
962
00:44:29,604 --> 00:44:32,015
This is what happens when you
keep messing with the neighbors.
963
00:44:32,039 --> 00:44:33,608
Why are you blamin'
him for everything?
964
00:44:33,641 --> 00:44:35,543
Because clearly, I see
you out here too.
965
00:44:35,576 --> 00:44:37,754
For real, this is your plan.
Don't try to put this on me.
966
00:44:37,778 --> 00:44:39,614
- We're movin' out.
- What do you mean? Wait!
967
00:44:39,647 --> 00:44:41,458
- Without you.
- How you gonna move out without me?
968
00:44:41,482 --> 00:44:42,984
- We family.
- No. We not family.
969
00:44:43,017 --> 00:44:44,886
You're just my cousin
that fucks up everything.
970
00:44:44,919 --> 00:44:46,063
- That's family.
- You know what?
971
00:44:46,087 --> 00:44:48,422
I'm tired of you
always blamin' him.
972
00:44:48,456 --> 00:44:51,296
Look right here. This is what it's
about, me and you. You're messing up.
973
00:44:58,833 --> 00:45:00,944
- Babe. I can explain.
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
974
00:45:00,968 --> 00:45:04,472
The motherfucker was trying to
disrespect me in front of my daughter.
975
00:45:04,505 --> 00:45:06,874
I'm tired of you
embarrassing our family.
976
00:45:08,542 --> 00:45:10,478
You owe that man an apology.
977
00:45:10,511 --> 00:45:12,013
Babe...
978
00:45:13,648 --> 00:45:16,083
I don't know
if this is it for us.
979
00:45:16,117 --> 00:45:19,921
I used to think it was the house,
the neighborhood, your book.
980
00:45:19,954 --> 00:45:22,590
But it's not.
981
00:45:22,623 --> 00:45:25,192
It's you.
982
00:45:25,227 --> 00:45:26,994
It's you and I that don't work.
983
00:45:32,667 --> 00:45:36,137
I got to go back to work.
So you figure that out.
984
00:45:37,972 --> 00:45:41,475
I'll apologize.
I'll go apologize.
985
00:45:41,509 --> 00:45:44,912
I don't have a problem
apologizing to him.
986
00:45:44,946 --> 00:45:47,581
Attack and bring me my wife.
987
00:45:49,150 --> 00:45:51,185
Right this
way, Mr. Black.
988
00:45:51,219 --> 00:45:53,654
The good doctor'll be here
to deal with you shortly.
989
00:45:53,688 --> 00:45:55,723
Hey, man. Did you
just change your accent?
990
00:45:55,756 --> 00:45:58,893
Where'd he go? What the fuck
was he saying?
991
00:46:00,728 --> 00:46:02,830
Wow.
992
00:46:02,863 --> 00:46:04,065
It's nice, though.
993
00:46:07,568 --> 00:46:08,836
- Carl black.
- Hey!
994
00:46:08,869 --> 00:46:11,706
What the fuck!
Jesus, Buddha, Allah!
995
00:46:13,241 --> 00:46:15,543
Is every place in here creepy?
996
00:46:15,576 --> 00:46:18,246
I thought I smelled
failure in here.
997
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:22,683
And I thought I smelled Celine
Dion's wig also in here.
998
00:46:22,717 --> 00:46:25,119
You're a funny
motherfucker, Carl.
999
00:46:25,152 --> 00:46:28,756
And I don't just mean that
dumb expression on your face.
1000
00:46:28,789 --> 00:46:32,294
Yeah? Well, look,
let me be straight up with you, all right?
1001
00:46:32,327 --> 00:46:33,861
- Thank you.
- I don't like you.
1002
00:46:33,894 --> 00:46:35,062
First time I seen you,
1003
00:46:35,096 --> 00:46:37,299
- just didn't like you.
- Okay.
1004
00:46:37,332 --> 00:46:41,569
My wife sent me over here to apologize
to you and that's what I want to do.
1005
00:46:41,602 --> 00:46:44,071
I want to apologize,
but I just want to let you know,
1006
00:46:44,105 --> 00:46:46,574
I don't give a fuck.
1007
00:46:46,607 --> 00:46:47,951
We getting the fuck out
of this neighborhood.
1008
00:46:47,975 --> 00:46:50,578
Well, that's very
interesting, green lantern,
1009
00:46:50,611 --> 00:46:52,747
but you can't leave just yet.
1010
00:46:52,780 --> 00:46:54,249
Oh, yes, I can! Shit!
1011
00:46:54,282 --> 00:46:55,750
My lease is up next month.
1012
00:46:57,952 --> 00:46:59,053
What's this?
1013
00:46:59,086 --> 00:47:00,955
There's something
I want from you
1014
00:47:00,988 --> 00:47:03,124
and you're not
leaving until I get it.
1015
00:47:03,157 --> 00:47:06,060
Man, I hope it's my nuts
for these girls.
1016
00:47:06,093 --> 00:47:07,628
No!
1017
00:47:09,297 --> 00:47:12,867
My book.
You like my book?
1018
00:47:12,900 --> 00:47:15,102
I told you I was a fan
of your book.
1019
00:47:15,136 --> 00:47:17,571
- That is crazy.
- It was magnificent.
1020
00:47:17,605 --> 00:47:18,773
You like my book.
1021
00:47:18,806 --> 00:47:20,875
I like you
and your family, Carl.
1022
00:47:20,908 --> 00:47:22,109
And not everybody in my family
1023
00:47:22,143 --> 00:47:24,145
agreed with you moving in
next door to us.
1024
00:47:24,178 --> 00:47:25,880
Your wife.
1025
00:47:25,913 --> 00:47:28,182
My wife? Lorena?
1026
00:47:28,216 --> 00:47:29,784
Lorena.
1027
00:47:29,817 --> 00:47:32,953
Oh, no. She ain't...
She ain't into no pimping shit.
1028
00:47:32,987 --> 00:47:35,257
She ain't into no pimping shit
and I ain't either, okay?
1029
00:47:35,290 --> 00:47:36,957
Tried it, didn't like it.
1030
00:47:36,991 --> 00:47:41,095
And my daughter?
That's off limits.
1031
00:47:41,128 --> 00:47:43,864
You're too grown to be messing
with anybody's daughter.
1032
00:47:43,898 --> 00:47:45,842
Ain't no man gonna let you
mess with they daughter.
1033
00:47:45,866 --> 00:47:49,036
She's still a little girl.
She's still doing juicy juices.
1034
00:47:49,070 --> 00:47:51,806
She's not a grown lady.
She don't know what yak is,
1035
00:47:51,839 --> 00:47:53,741
nor does she know
what gray goose is.
1036
00:47:53,774 --> 00:47:57,312
I had no idea how old she was.
She was my size.
1037
00:47:57,345 --> 00:47:59,814
Keep your little
one, two, three, four, five,
1038
00:47:59,847 --> 00:48:03,385
six, seven, eight, nine,
ten, eleven, twelve fingers
1039
00:48:03,418 --> 00:48:05,719
away from my daughter,
blah-blah.
1040
00:48:05,753 --> 00:48:06,954
Big mistake.
1041
00:48:06,987 --> 00:48:08,290
Don't fuck with my daughter.
1042
00:48:08,323 --> 00:48:10,758
And cronut, he's a character.
1043
00:48:10,791 --> 00:48:12,660
Oh, cronut?
You can have him.
1044
00:48:12,693 --> 00:48:15,963
Ugh. No one wants cronut.
1045
00:48:15,996 --> 00:48:17,299
You can fuck him if you want.
1046
00:48:18,899 --> 00:48:21,303
He's crazy.
He's the one that think
1047
00:48:21,336 --> 00:48:25,039
Michael Jackson and biggie
and Tupac is still living,
1048
00:48:25,072 --> 00:48:27,708
and-and thinks o.J.
Didn't do it.
1049
00:48:27,741 --> 00:48:29,344
He's got a whole lot
of shit in his head.
1050
00:48:29,377 --> 00:48:32,214
And he gave me some crazy
theories about you too.
1051
00:48:32,247 --> 00:48:35,983
I'MMA go ahead and sign this autograph
'fore I can get on out of here.
1052
00:48:38,052 --> 00:48:40,955
And what was his theory
about me?
1053
00:48:40,988 --> 00:48:44,792
We still don't know why you
moved in the neighborhood...
1054
00:49:02,042 --> 00:49:05,347
What the fuck!
What's wrong with you?
1055
00:49:05,380 --> 00:49:08,383
Egad, Carl black.
1056
00:49:08,416 --> 00:49:11,051
Do I detect hostility
in your voice?
1057
00:49:11,085 --> 00:49:12,720
I thought we were cool now.
1058
00:49:12,753 --> 00:49:14,021
No, we're not cool!
1059
00:49:14,054 --> 00:49:17,925
And you do detect
hostility in my voice.
1060
00:49:17,958 --> 00:49:20,395
You got a picture of my wife
naked on your fucking wall!
1061
00:49:20,428 --> 00:49:22,364
I ain't even got
a picture of this bitch.
1062
00:49:22,397 --> 00:49:24,698
- Did you Photoshop the picture?
- No.
1063
00:49:26,133 --> 00:49:27,302
No, that's her.
1064
00:49:27,335 --> 00:49:31,406
I bet I know what cronut
thinks about me.
1065
00:49:31,439 --> 00:49:33,974
You know what?
1066
00:49:34,008 --> 00:49:37,412
He was right.
1067
00:50:00,402 --> 00:50:02,237
What are you doing?
1068
00:50:02,270 --> 00:50:04,004
Be quiet.
I know what I'm doing.
1069
00:50:04,038 --> 00:50:05,839
Would you...
Dad, come on.
1070
00:50:05,873 --> 00:50:07,942
Son, I got something
I need to talk to you about.
1071
00:50:07,975 --> 00:50:09,743
All right.
1072
00:50:09,777 --> 00:50:12,146
We got a vampire living next door!
I've seen him!
1073
00:50:12,179 --> 00:50:15,115
- Hey, that's cool!
- I think I've seen that dude.
1074
00:50:15,149 --> 00:50:16,884
What's so...
What the fuck is wrong...
1075
00:50:16,917 --> 00:50:18,286
What's cool about that?
1076
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:21,055
Dad, dad, just relax.
Just call the cops.
1077
00:50:21,088 --> 00:50:22,390
I can't call the cops.
1078
00:50:22,424 --> 00:50:24,259
Okay, everybody knows
the vampire rules.
1079
00:50:24,292 --> 00:50:26,060
Like, a vampire
cannot come in your house
1080
00:50:26,093 --> 00:50:28,496
unless you invite him in.
Did you invite him in?
1081
00:50:28,530 --> 00:50:30,298
- No. I didn't invite him in.
- All right.
1082
00:50:30,332 --> 00:50:31,875
All right, then you're good.
That's good.
1083
00:50:31,899 --> 00:50:33,244
- I'm cool. Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1084
00:50:33,268 --> 00:50:34,835
Come on now.
Everybody knows that.
1085
00:50:34,868 --> 00:50:36,380
It's in literally
every vampire comic book.
1086
00:50:36,404 --> 00:50:37,472
Every one.
1087
00:50:37,505 --> 00:50:41,108
Oh, man.
You got some weed?
1088
00:50:41,141 --> 00:50:42,977
Dad, what?
Just leave. Just leave.
1089
00:50:44,212 --> 00:50:45,913
I know who got it.
1090
00:50:45,946 --> 00:50:47,948
No, he doesn't. He's kidding.
Bro, shut up.
1091
00:50:47,982 --> 00:50:49,460
- A dime bag? Twenty?
- No, no. Leave. Leave. He's kidding.
1092
00:50:49,484 --> 00:50:51,952
He's kidding. He's kidding.
Go take a nap.
1093
00:50:51,986 --> 00:50:54,222
- But I do.
- Just be quiet. Just stop.
1094
00:51:03,465 --> 00:51:05,799
I'm gonna watch you
all night, motherfucker.
1095
00:51:36,598 --> 00:51:39,099
Don't invite him in.
1096
00:51:47,542 --> 00:51:49,444
Oh, shit.
1097
00:51:55,115 --> 00:51:56,284
Give me your money.
1098
00:51:56,318 --> 00:51:57,951
Please don't hurt me.
1099
00:51:57,985 --> 00:51:59,321
Please don't hurt...
1100
00:52:23,977 --> 00:52:26,013
Hi, Carl.
1101
00:52:32,152 --> 00:52:34,356
No.
1102
00:52:35,623 --> 00:52:37,459
No.
I'm being serious.
1103
00:52:37,492 --> 00:52:41,363
I'm telling you, it's been an
interesting week and I apologize.
1104
00:52:41,396 --> 00:52:44,432
I feel the timing of it all
is pretty, um, special,
1105
00:52:44,466 --> 00:52:48,135
that you would... I don't know where
you came from, but I appreciate it.
1106
00:52:48,168 --> 00:52:51,406
And I think it's important
that we met tonight
1107
00:52:51,439 --> 00:52:53,584
because I wanted to really
apologize for the other night.
1108
00:52:53,608 --> 00:52:56,244
I know my husband
was in there tonight.
1109
00:52:56,277 --> 00:52:58,912
Is everything okay?
Mamuwalde, right?
1110
00:52:58,946 --> 00:53:01,915
I have to, um, really
get this out,
1111
00:53:01,949 --> 00:53:05,353
because I feel like I'm having a little
bit of an out-of-body experience,
1112
00:53:05,387 --> 00:53:09,324
because I typically don't invite
complete strangers into my house
1113
00:53:09,357 --> 00:53:12,594
to have a glass of wine.
In this case...
1114
00:53:12,627 --> 00:53:14,529
Don't invite him in.
1115
00:53:18,666 --> 00:53:21,135
- Hey.
- Thank you. I appreciate that.
1116
00:53:23,170 --> 00:53:24,539
What you doing?
1117
00:53:24,572 --> 00:53:26,307
Baby, hi.
Hi. Were you sleeping?
1118
00:53:26,341 --> 00:53:29,444
What is he doing here?
He's not supposed to be here.
1119
00:53:29,477 --> 00:53:32,347
Where are your manners, baby?
This is Dr. Mamuwalde.
1120
00:53:32,380 --> 00:53:34,492
- Our neighbor from earlier...
- I know what you doing!
1121
00:53:34,516 --> 00:53:36,351
Yes, where are
your manners, baby?
1122
00:53:36,384 --> 00:53:38,319
He's not supposed
to be in this house.
1123
00:53:38,353 --> 00:53:40,187
I invited him to have
a glass of wine with me
1124
00:53:40,221 --> 00:53:41,955
because if anything,
we owe him a thank you.
1125
00:53:41,989 --> 00:53:43,634
- I don't wanna hear all that.
- If it wasn't for our neighbor,
1126
00:53:43,658 --> 00:53:45,226
I would have gotten
mugged tonight.
1127
00:53:45,260 --> 00:53:47,362
You got mugged?
1128
00:53:47,395 --> 00:53:49,038
He swooped... where did you come from?
Where? How did you get there?
1129
00:53:49,062 --> 00:53:51,332
- Swooped.
- What happened?
1130
00:53:51,366 --> 00:53:55,270
Fortunately for you, I happened to be in
the area looking for a late-night snack
1131
00:53:55,303 --> 00:53:59,207
and happened to stumble
upon your tastiness.
1132
00:53:59,240 --> 00:54:00,675
He's not supposed
to be in our home.
1133
00:54:00,708 --> 00:54:03,010
He was not invited by no one.
1134
00:54:03,043 --> 00:54:05,078
Under ordinary circumstances,
1135
00:54:05,112 --> 00:54:07,282
Carl black here would be right,
1136
00:54:07,315 --> 00:54:10,150
- but I
was invited, Carl.
- You know the rules.
1137
00:54:10,184 --> 00:54:12,687
- His kind is not invited in our house.
- Listen...
1138
00:54:12,720 --> 00:54:15,055
- My kind?
- Yeah.
1139
00:54:15,088 --> 00:54:18,626
That is a racist
statement, negro.
1140
00:54:18,660 --> 00:54:20,728
I'll have you know,
1141
00:54:20,762 --> 00:54:24,699
in this age of divisiveness
and bigotry,
1142
00:54:24,732 --> 00:54:27,201
we can't do this to each other.
1143
00:54:28,369 --> 00:54:29,537
Sheesh!
1144
00:54:29,571 --> 00:54:31,706
Yes. Baby, listen,
please just calm down.
1145
00:54:31,739 --> 00:54:33,741
We got a real live
vampire in my house
1146
00:54:33,775 --> 00:54:35,276
and you're telling me
to calm down?
1147
00:54:35,310 --> 00:54:37,579
If I had a wife as fine
as yours,
1148
00:54:37,612 --> 00:54:40,315
I'd never let her out
of my sight.
1149
00:54:40,348 --> 00:54:42,750
Hey, man! What-what-what
you doing? You can't do that, man.
1150
00:54:42,784 --> 00:54:44,495
What the fuck!
What if I grab your hair, man?
1151
00:54:44,519 --> 00:54:48,188
Do not...
1152
00:54:48,223 --> 00:54:51,058
Touch my hair, Carl black.
1153
00:54:51,091 --> 00:54:52,460
You got two Bo Derek braids
1154
00:54:52,494 --> 00:54:54,027
hanging on both
sides of your face
1155
00:54:54,061 --> 00:54:56,264
and you gon' touch
on my girl's shit.
1156
00:54:56,297 --> 00:54:58,533
Baby, just calm down, okay?
1157
00:54:58,566 --> 00:55:00,635
Okay, that's enough. That's enough.
1158
00:55:00,668 --> 00:55:02,737
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- What are you doing, Carl?
1159
00:55:02,770 --> 00:55:04,506
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.
1160
00:55:04,539 --> 00:55:06,608
- Ouch!
- You know I'm clumsy a little bit.
1161
00:55:28,161 --> 00:55:31,332
That looks exquisitely painful.
1162
00:55:31,366 --> 00:55:33,535
Ah-ah-ah. Go in there
and rinse your arm off.
1163
00:55:33,568 --> 00:55:35,312
- I got it, Carl. I got it.
- Yeah, you cut your hand
1164
00:55:35,336 --> 00:55:37,705
'cause you're standing up there
reckless eyeballing.
1165
00:55:37,739 --> 00:55:39,274
I got it.
Dr. Mamuwalde,
1166
00:55:39,307 --> 00:55:41,676
it was really,
really nice to meet you.
1167
00:55:41,709 --> 00:55:44,153
- Well, go wash your hand, baby. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Yeah, I'm...
1168
00:55:44,177 --> 00:55:45,313
Put a band-aid on it.
1169
00:55:45,346 --> 00:55:47,615
O-positive we'll see
each other again.
1170
00:55:47,649 --> 00:55:50,585
Listen, you little neglected
Harry Potter cast member,
1171
00:55:50,618 --> 00:55:52,520
let me tell you something.
1172
00:55:52,554 --> 00:55:55,757
That's my Princess,
and that's my wife, and I love her.
1173
00:55:55,790 --> 00:55:57,825
You're not going
to destroy my family!
1174
00:55:57,859 --> 00:56:01,161
What do you intend
to do about it, Carl black?
1175
00:56:01,194 --> 00:56:03,498
Install my cable, motherfucker?
1176
00:56:03,531 --> 00:56:05,366
Nah.
1177
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:10,170
I'm gonna pimp-slap the shit
out of your ass, motherfucker!
1178
00:56:13,274 --> 00:56:14,576
Damn, you're strong!
1179
00:56:14,609 --> 00:56:18,379
Let me tell you a little story.
1180
00:56:20,415 --> 00:56:24,352
I've been looking
for Lorena for centuries.
1181
00:56:24,385 --> 00:56:29,189
I first laid eyes on that fine
young thing in the Caribbean.
1182
00:56:29,223 --> 00:56:32,660
Lost her, found her again.
1183
00:56:32,694 --> 00:56:37,365
I've seen all types of women
in all shapes and sizes,
1184
00:56:37,398 --> 00:56:41,536
but none compare
to the governor's daughter.
1185
00:56:41,569 --> 00:56:43,271
We were in love
1186
00:56:43,304 --> 00:56:46,474
and I was finally
going to make her mine.
1187
00:56:59,787 --> 00:57:02,690
You were warned, vampire.
1188
00:57:03,558 --> 00:57:08,563
Tonight's the night
that I send your soul to hell!
1189
00:57:08,596 --> 00:57:10,565
Demon!
1190
00:57:10,598 --> 00:57:13,301
Come, woman.
1191
00:57:13,334 --> 00:57:15,570
No. No. No!
1192
00:57:15,603 --> 00:57:18,573
They took the love
of my life from me
1193
00:57:18,606 --> 00:57:22,777
and I have been looking for my
puerto rican Princess ever since.
1194
00:57:26,814 --> 00:57:30,284
Go to hell, vampire.
1195
00:57:33,821 --> 00:57:36,791
They took my life.
1196
00:57:39,527 --> 00:57:41,462
Man, that was a cool story!
1197
00:57:41,496 --> 00:57:46,234
But the real fact is,
is that's my wife, and I love her.
1198
00:57:46,267 --> 00:57:47,835
And you're not gonna
destroy my family.
1199
00:57:47,869 --> 00:57:51,439
You're doing a pretty
good job of that yourself.
1200
00:57:51,472 --> 00:57:52,874
What the fuck?
1201
00:57:52,907 --> 00:57:54,809
She will be mine.
1202
00:57:58,246 --> 00:58:00,581
No, no!
1203
00:58:01,883 --> 00:58:03,451
Mine...
1204
00:58:03,484 --> 00:58:04,952
Carl black!
1205
00:58:13,961 --> 00:58:16,898
The authorities
are still in shambles
1206
00:58:16,931 --> 00:58:19,233
as they scurry about for clues
1207
00:58:19,267 --> 00:58:22,303
-
in the murders of these prostitutes.
- Wow.
1208
00:58:22,336 --> 00:58:25,673
If anyone out there has any
information or any leads...
1209
00:58:25,707 --> 00:58:27,675
- Damn.
-
Feel free
1210
00:58:27,709 --> 00:58:30,712
to dm me personally at Jack...
1211
00:58:30,745 --> 00:58:33,281
Hey, babe. Hey, hey.
1212
00:58:33,314 --> 00:58:35,650
- How's your arm?
- It's better. It's feeling good.
1213
00:58:35,683 --> 00:58:37,785
- I gotta go to work. What?
- No!
1214
00:58:37,819 --> 00:58:39,296
- Why you gotta go to work?
- Because you put me in this situation.
1215
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:40,531
I got to go to work
to pay the bills.
1216
00:58:40,555 --> 00:58:42,924
Let me pay you for the night.
1217
00:58:42,957 --> 00:58:45,326
You can't afford me
for the night.
1218
00:58:46,594 --> 00:58:48,763
- Listen, I love you.
- I know.
1219
00:58:48,796 --> 00:58:50,874
I-I just want to get you guys
out of this neighborhood.
1220
00:58:50,898 --> 00:58:53,301
Okay. Wait, wait,
call me crazy.
1221
00:58:53,334 --> 00:58:55,536
I-I'm just throwing
this out there.
1222
00:58:55,570 --> 00:58:58,005
I'm having second thoughts
about selling the house.
1223
00:58:58,039 --> 00:58:59,707
- What?
- I don't know,
1224
00:58:59,741 --> 00:59:01,743
ever since I met
the neighbor last night,
1225
00:59:01,776 --> 00:59:05,046
- the way that he was helping me or the way that he...
- Hey, hey.
1226
00:59:05,079 --> 00:59:08,516
- No, but maybe it's not such a bad neighborhood, babe.
- No, no, no, no, no. No!
1227
00:59:08,549 --> 00:59:10,494
- Wait, wait. He's a nice guy.
- Baby, listen. No! That... no.
1228
00:59:10,518 --> 00:59:12,863
He's not no fucking nice...
What did I tell you about liking people?
1229
00:59:12,887 --> 00:59:14,956
- Liking?
- You always liking somebody.
1230
00:59:14,989 --> 00:59:17,291
- No! Hey!
- He saved me.
1231
00:59:17,325 --> 00:59:18,826
Relax. Let's put
this to rest
1232
00:59:18,860 --> 00:59:20,528
until I come home
from work tonight, okay?
1233
00:59:20,561 --> 00:59:22,330
And we can talk about it then.
1234
00:59:22,363 --> 00:59:24,799
- I got something I want to tell you.
- What?
1235
00:59:24,832 --> 00:59:26,434
The next-door neighbor...
1236
00:59:26,467 --> 00:59:28,002
- Yeah?
- He's a vampire.
1237
00:59:28,035 --> 00:59:29,537
A vampire.
1238
00:59:29,570 --> 00:59:31,038
- He's a fucking vampire.
- Okay.
1239
00:59:31,072 --> 00:59:33,040
A vampire.
You're crazy.
1240
00:59:33,074 --> 00:59:34,308
You're just jealous.
1241
00:59:37,712 --> 00:59:40,815
Cronut, let me in.
There's a vampire living next door.
1242
00:59:55,930 --> 00:59:57,365
Cronut?
1243
01:00:01,903 --> 01:00:02,903
Eww.
1244
01:00:09,076 --> 01:00:11,579
What's wrong with you?
Die, vampire!
1245
01:00:11,612 --> 01:00:14,482
- Die, vampire! Die!
- Let me go. Let me go. Let me go!
1246
01:00:14,515 --> 01:00:16,617
Get up off of me, man.
1247
01:00:16,651 --> 01:00:18,529
Fuck you doing in my house all uninvited?
I didn't invite you in here.
1248
01:00:18,553 --> 01:00:20,021
Why you sneaking up
on me like that?
1249
01:00:20,054 --> 01:00:22,490
Why am I sneaking up on you?
This is my house!
1250
01:00:22,523 --> 01:00:23,724
Fuck you doing up in my house?
1251
01:00:23,758 --> 01:00:25,035
I thought you won't fuck
with me no more.
1252
01:00:25,059 --> 01:00:26,460
Whoa.
1253
01:00:26,494 --> 01:00:27,795
Why you got
them damn glasses on?
1254
01:00:27,829 --> 01:00:29,363
Why you care?
You don't like 'em?
1255
01:00:29,397 --> 01:00:30,631
They don't go with my 'fit?
1256
01:00:30,665 --> 01:00:32,400
- No.
- What... what you want?
1257
01:00:32,433 --> 01:00:34,869
Shit. I, well, I just...
1258
01:00:34,902 --> 01:00:36,671
Hey, man, look.
1259
01:00:36,704 --> 01:00:38,406
All right.
You was right.
1260
01:00:38,439 --> 01:00:40,875
We do have a creature
living next door to us.
1261
01:00:40,908 --> 01:00:42,643
It's a real vampire, man.
1262
01:00:42,677 --> 01:00:43,978
I seen his teeth!
1263
01:00:44,011 --> 01:00:47,048
I thought you was lying
at first, but he's real.
1264
01:00:47,081 --> 01:00:49,884
And he already got Allie,
and I don't want him to get my wife!
1265
01:00:49,917 --> 01:00:51,686
And?
1266
01:00:51,719 --> 01:00:54,455
And that's about the closest
to an apology you gon' get.
1267
01:00:54,488 --> 01:00:56,424
I've been doing my research
1268
01:00:56,457 --> 01:00:58,059
and what I came up with?
1269
01:00:58,092 --> 01:00:59,827
That house right over there?
1270
01:00:59,861 --> 01:01:02,129
It's a master vampire over
there, and that's the nest.
1271
01:01:02,163 --> 01:01:03,631
And we should kill him.
1272
01:01:03,664 --> 01:01:05,867
- What?
- We should kill him.
1273
01:01:05,900 --> 01:01:08,069
We, we.
That's French. We?
1274
01:01:08,102 --> 01:01:10,972
Yes, it is we.
Ain't no I in us.
1275
01:01:11,005 --> 01:01:14,542
It's we. Me and you.
We family.
1276
01:01:14,575 --> 01:01:16,777
Yeah.
Whatever.
1277
01:01:16,811 --> 01:01:18,646
We should kill
that motherfucker.
1278
01:01:18,679 --> 01:01:20,514
Let's Bury him
in the ground, man.
1279
01:01:20,548 --> 01:01:21,816
Just leave his head out
1280
01:01:21,849 --> 01:01:23,818
and just kick him
in the head all day.
1281
01:01:23,851 --> 01:01:25,853
Check this out.
What's my name?
1282
01:01:25,887 --> 01:01:27,922
- Cronut.
- No, what's my real name?
1283
01:01:27,955 --> 01:01:29,824
- Man, look, man. Stop playing.
- Mr. What?
1284
01:01:29,857 --> 01:01:31,626
- Mister?
- Mr. Right.
1285
01:01:31,659 --> 01:01:34,528
Mr. Right.
You want to get rid of the vampire?
1286
01:01:34,562 --> 01:01:37,465
- Yeah.
- Trust me. I made a call.
1287
01:01:40,668 --> 01:01:42,637
- Who is that? Is that Barack Obama?
- Trust me.
1288
01:01:42,670 --> 01:01:44,906
Not quite, but close.
1289
01:01:49,744 --> 01:01:50,744
Oooh.
1290
01:01:53,481 --> 01:01:57,818
Oh. Did you see that African
Booty scratcher come out of there?
1291
01:01:57,852 --> 01:01:59,153
- Yes.
- No!
1292
01:01:59,186 --> 01:02:01,489
- Yes.
- Why'd you call him?
1293
01:02:01,522 --> 01:02:03,024
- Just trust me.
- Oh, man.
1294
01:02:03,057 --> 01:02:05,002
- Have I ever let you down?
- Yeah, a million times.
1295
01:02:05,026 --> 01:02:06,961
Don't worry about that.
That don't count.
1296
01:02:06,994 --> 01:02:09,130
- Oh, man. Look how he dressed.
- It looks crazy.
1297
01:02:09,163 --> 01:02:10,774
- Don't worry about it.
- Whoopi goldberg.
1298
01:02:10,798 --> 01:02:13,100
- You smell a vampire?
- Not yet, wait.
1299
01:02:13,134 --> 01:02:15,970
Right now, I smell fear.
1300
01:02:16,003 --> 01:02:19,073
- Fear?
- And I smell broke-ass-ness
1301
01:02:19,106 --> 01:02:20,942
coming from this direction.
1302
01:02:20,975 --> 01:02:23,711
- Broke-ass-ness?
- No, you smell your bottom lip.
1303
01:02:23,744 --> 01:02:25,179
Last but not least, I smell...
1304
01:02:27,982 --> 01:02:30,084
Two bitch-ass niggas.
1305
01:02:30,117 --> 01:02:32,787
That's why you called me to
save you like I did the purge.
1306
01:02:32,820 --> 01:02:34,522
Saved me? You ain't
saved me from nothin'!
1307
01:02:34,555 --> 01:02:36,624
You better take
your black ass off.
1308
01:02:36,657 --> 01:02:38,735
- Punk bitch nigga, you owe me money!
- I don't owe you nothin'.
1309
01:02:38,759 --> 01:02:40,962
You little dick bitch.
You pee on your boss.
1310
01:02:40,995 --> 01:02:43,597
- Fuck you too.
- I hope your wife get pregnant again
1311
01:02:43,631 --> 01:02:45,533
and I hope the baby
is not yours.
1312
01:02:45,566 --> 01:02:46,567
You kiss my ass!
1313
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:47,902
Your mother, your grandfather,
1314
01:02:47,935 --> 01:02:49,804
your uncles are all
the same nigga.
1315
01:02:49,837 --> 01:02:51,572
I know you work
for that cab company.
1316
01:02:51,605 --> 01:02:53,284
You need to get back in there
and drive that cab, so...
1317
01:02:53,308 --> 01:02:54,952
- Carl black, you owe me money!
- Hey, hey, hey.
1318
01:02:54,976 --> 01:02:56,954
Calm down, calm down. I got it.
I got it, calm down.
1319
01:02:56,978 --> 01:02:58,855
- This nigga is pissing me off.
- If you calm down a little
1320
01:02:58,879 --> 01:03:00,948
- for a second. Look...
- Don't you hit my head.
1321
01:03:00,982 --> 01:03:03,117
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
1322
01:03:03,150 --> 01:03:05,753
Look, I promised him I'd show
him some crazy spooky shit
1323
01:03:05,786 --> 01:03:08,223
if I recorded it and put it
on his live TV show.
1324
01:03:08,256 --> 01:03:09,857
- On YouTube?
- Yeah.
1325
01:03:09,890 --> 01:03:11,101
- You ain't got no followers.
- He's popular.
1326
01:03:11,125 --> 01:03:13,228
Five hundred thousand
subscribers.
1327
01:03:13,261 --> 01:03:15,629
I got a live vampire
livin' next door to me.
1328
01:03:15,663 --> 01:03:16,597
That's what I got.
1329
01:03:16,630 --> 01:03:18,099
Nigga, that's why I'm here.
1330
01:03:18,132 --> 01:03:19,576
- That's why I brought these!
- Hey, hey!
1331
01:03:19,600 --> 01:03:21,236
Put your leftovers down, man.
1332
01:03:21,269 --> 01:03:24,905
You must listen to me because
I am a vampire slayer.
1333
01:03:24,939 --> 01:03:26,941
The vampires are very dangerous.
1334
01:03:26,974 --> 01:03:28,976
They will kill you.
1335
01:03:29,010 --> 01:03:32,214
He will suck your blood.
He could be after your wife.
1336
01:03:32,247 --> 01:03:34,582
You have a wife. I know that.
I've seen her.
1337
01:03:34,615 --> 01:03:36,218
She have a nice ass.
No disrespect.
1338
01:03:36,251 --> 01:03:38,196
Tell me about these niggas,
please. What did he look like?
1339
01:03:38,220 --> 01:03:40,187
He's bite-size, he's real short.
1340
01:03:40,222 --> 01:03:41,722
How short is he?
1341
01:03:41,756 --> 01:03:43,691
He's short. He's... he's,
you know, he's...
1342
01:03:43,724 --> 01:03:45,203
Between you and this nigga,
where is he?
1343
01:03:45,227 --> 01:03:46,803
Like this way? This way?
That way? Under the table?
1344
01:03:46,827 --> 01:03:48,562
- Pocket size.
- Pocket size nigga?
1345
01:03:48,596 --> 01:03:50,131
He got like a little perm.
1346
01:03:50,164 --> 01:03:52,334
He looked like that
little man on the dime.
1347
01:03:52,367 --> 01:03:54,068
- What dime?
- The dime.
1348
01:03:54,101 --> 01:03:56,146
- The dime, motherfucker. The dime.
- Dime. Ten cents.
1349
01:03:56,170 --> 01:03:57,938
Ten cents a day,
like what you eat.
1350
01:03:57,972 --> 01:03:59,940
Shut the fuck up, little bitch nigga.
Fuck you.
1351
01:03:59,974 --> 01:04:02,610
If I had a choice
between the vampires,
1352
01:04:02,643 --> 01:04:05,079
the devil and Donald Trump,
1353
01:04:05,112 --> 01:04:07,148
I would take Donald Trump.
1354
01:04:07,181 --> 01:04:10,985
The question is now he's trying
to take your family away,
1355
01:04:11,018 --> 01:04:13,087
- what are you are gonna do?
- Hey, hey, hey!
1356
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:15,266
We're not the vampire.
You don't have to keep putting that on us.
1357
01:04:15,290 --> 01:04:18,192
Don't be a bitch!
If I want to talk to a little nigga,
1358
01:04:18,226 --> 01:04:19,827
I go to Chuck E. Cheese.
1359
01:04:21,662 --> 01:04:23,631
Either you gon' help me,
or you gon' help me,
1360
01:04:23,664 --> 01:04:24,899
somebody's gonna help me
1361
01:04:24,932 --> 01:04:26,244
or I'm going up in there
with a wooden thing
1362
01:04:26,268 --> 01:04:28,202
- and I'm gonna stab him in the...
- Mm.
1363
01:04:28,236 --> 01:04:31,306
I'm telling you! You know how...
I'm going up in there and...
1364
01:04:31,339 --> 01:04:33,074
Hey!
1365
01:04:33,107 --> 01:04:35,227
- You guys are crazier'n shit!
- Who the fuck is that?
1366
01:04:37,178 --> 01:04:39,680
Carl black, I'm all you have.
1367
01:04:39,713 --> 01:04:41,849
You must save your wife
1368
01:04:41,882 --> 01:04:43,684
before it's too late.
1369
01:05:05,739 --> 01:05:07,007
Fellas, listen to me.
1370
01:05:07,041 --> 01:05:09,910
The vampire is
very tricky and old.
1371
01:05:09,944 --> 01:05:13,914
It has survived many
centuries because he's smart.
1372
01:05:13,948 --> 01:05:17,352
Much smarter than your stupid
ignorant ass, Carl black.
1373
01:05:17,385 --> 01:05:21,055
That insidious bastard
is a master vampire.
1374
01:05:21,088 --> 01:05:22,957
A master vampire?
1375
01:05:22,990 --> 01:05:27,094
He's not to be played with.
That means he has companions.
1376
01:05:27,128 --> 01:05:29,797
- Companions?
- We have a lot more to deal with.
1377
01:05:29,830 --> 01:05:31,266
You have to get
to know your enemy.
1378
01:05:31,299 --> 01:05:32,833
I thought I knew him.
1379
01:05:32,867 --> 01:05:34,445
And how about his crew?
Do you know them?
1380
01:05:34,469 --> 01:05:37,205
His crew? What?
The Butler?
1381
01:05:37,239 --> 01:05:40,841
Butler?! That's not a Butler!
That's his ghoul!
1382
01:05:40,875 --> 01:05:42,277
What is a ghoul?
1383
01:05:42,310 --> 01:05:45,247
This is not the time
to be a bitch, Carl black.
1384
01:05:45,280 --> 01:05:47,882
A ghoul is very dangerous.
1385
01:05:47,915 --> 01:05:50,127
- What about those fine-ass girls he had in there?
- Yeah. They was fine.
1386
01:05:50,151 --> 01:05:52,254
- Cronut!
- I liked them.
1387
01:05:52,287 --> 01:05:55,723
Those are not
average fine-ass girls.
1388
01:05:55,756 --> 01:05:58,826
Those are his bodyguards.
They are murderous.
1389
01:05:58,859 --> 01:06:00,295
What?
1390
01:06:00,328 --> 01:06:02,830
The more beautiful they are,
the more dangerous.
1391
01:06:02,863 --> 01:06:05,300
This is getting more serious
than I imagined.
1392
01:06:05,333 --> 01:06:07,968
What's this shit?
It was addressed to him.
1393
01:06:08,002 --> 01:06:09,946
He got a little chain on.
He got your same facial structure...
1394
01:06:09,970 --> 01:06:12,307
Don't be a dick face.
Give me that.
1395
01:06:21,882 --> 01:06:24,319
It is nothing.
Just some stupid fucking doll.
1396
01:06:24,352 --> 01:06:26,153
- Put it away.
- Are you sure?
1397
01:06:26,187 --> 01:06:27,721
How we going to kill
this motherfucker?
1398
01:06:27,755 --> 01:06:29,391
- Dad. Dad. I got an idea.
- What?
1399
01:06:29,424 --> 01:06:31,825
I turned the purge bats
into stakes.
1400
01:06:31,859 --> 01:06:33,928
If you stab a vampire
with it, it'll die.
1401
01:06:33,961 --> 01:06:37,265
Shut up!
This is why I'm here.
1402
01:06:37,299 --> 01:06:40,335
We have to kill the vampire!
1403
01:06:57,051 --> 01:06:59,887
Why you wipe my
kisses off like that?
1404
01:06:59,920 --> 01:07:01,822
Baby, because you
put too much lip gloss on.
1405
01:07:01,855 --> 01:07:03,991
- No, I don't.
- Yeah, you do, and then my shit
1406
01:07:04,024 --> 01:07:05,869
- be all glittery for the rest of the day.
- Shut up. I do it for you
1407
01:07:05,893 --> 01:07:07,804
- when I'm around you. Whatever.
- Use chapstick.
1408
01:07:07,828 --> 01:07:09,407
- You cute. You fine and all, baby.
- Whatever.
1409
01:07:09,431 --> 01:07:10,998
Give me a little bit
of head now.
1410
01:07:11,031 --> 01:07:12,199
- What?
- I'm just saying,
1411
01:07:12,234 --> 01:07:14,068
like, I wanna get
a little bit of head...
1412
01:07:14,101 --> 01:07:15,413
We're in front of my parents' house.
Are you serious?
1413
01:07:15,437 --> 01:07:17,104
Baby, they're sleeping
a little bit.
1414
01:07:17,137 --> 01:07:18,906
- Babe.
- Come on, baby.
1415
01:07:18,939 --> 01:07:20,518
- Just a little bit of head.
- Stop playing all the time.
1416
01:07:20,542 --> 01:07:22,776
- Baby, my-my legs. I'm-I'm paralyzed.
- Stop.
1417
01:07:22,810 --> 01:07:25,179
That's the least you could
do, community service.
1418
01:07:25,213 --> 01:07:26,853
Let me get a little bit
of community head.
1419
01:07:26,880 --> 01:07:28,182
Shut up. We need to talk.
1420
01:07:28,216 --> 01:07:29,551
Talk about what?
Baby, look,
1421
01:07:29,584 --> 01:07:31,486
talk with my dick in
your mouth a little bit.
1422
01:07:31,519 --> 01:07:33,197
- I don't mean to be disrespectful.
- Wait, wait. Listen.
1423
01:07:33,221 --> 01:07:35,155
Listen to what?
1424
01:07:35,189 --> 01:07:37,024
- Baby.
- Did you hear that?
1425
01:07:37,057 --> 01:07:38,302
The only thing you
need to listen to is...
1426
01:07:38,326 --> 01:07:41,329
Listen!
1427
01:07:42,397 --> 01:07:43,531
The fuck was that?
1428
01:07:46,268 --> 01:07:48,902
Shit! Oh, shit!
1429
01:07:48,936 --> 01:07:50,372
- What is that?
- Ooh.
1430
01:07:50,405 --> 01:07:51,405
Oh, my god.
1431
01:07:53,907 --> 01:07:56,211
Freezee!
Freezee!
1432
01:07:56,244 --> 01:07:58,313
That was Allie.
1433
01:07:58,346 --> 01:07:59,913
Time to get the fuck out.
1434
01:08:02,149 --> 01:08:03,318
What just happened?
1435
01:08:03,351 --> 01:08:05,119
I don't know. I just
heard screams, man.
1436
01:08:05,152 --> 01:08:07,888
He made the first move.
He has taken your daughter.
1437
01:08:07,921 --> 01:08:09,591
It's all fucked up, man.
1438
01:08:09,624 --> 01:08:12,135
I didn't know they had Allie, too.
I like Allie! But there's more.
1439
01:08:12,159 --> 01:08:14,070
- Well, tell us more.
- Yeah, you better say something
1440
01:08:14,094 --> 01:08:16,240
- before we take your banana bike, nigga.
- Come on now.
1441
01:08:16,264 --> 01:08:18,165
The vampires, man, they got me.
1442
01:08:18,198 --> 01:08:19,967
See that house next door?
1443
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:23,238
They havin' a big-ass
vampire party up there, man.
1444
01:08:23,271 --> 01:08:25,072
Dracula kind of blushin'.
1445
01:08:25,105 --> 01:08:28,410
They said when it's over,
they gonna kill everybody.
1446
01:08:28,443 --> 01:08:30,077
- Oh, god.
- Shit.
1447
01:08:30,110 --> 01:08:31,912
Things all fucked up
around here, man.
1448
01:08:31,945 --> 01:08:34,416
Not me. They ain't
gonna get me.
1449
01:08:34,449 --> 01:08:36,318
They ain't gonna get me!
1450
01:08:37,452 --> 01:08:38,919
Come back here!
1451
01:08:38,952 --> 01:08:42,557
Fuck that!
I'm a real snitch!
1452
01:08:42,590 --> 01:08:45,360
Those vampires done bit me.
1453
01:08:46,594 --> 01:08:47,629
Did you hear that?
1454
01:08:47,662 --> 01:08:49,331
Yeah, you saw how he took off?
1455
01:08:49,364 --> 01:08:51,932
This is exactly what
the monster wants.
1456
01:08:51,965 --> 01:08:53,311
He wants you
to attack him at night,
1457
01:08:53,335 --> 01:08:56,338
when he's strongest.
Don't fall for it.
1458
01:08:56,371 --> 01:08:58,616
What am I supposed to do?
I got a wife and a daughter over there.
1459
01:08:58,640 --> 01:09:00,941
Just wait till the daytime,
when he's weak.
1460
01:09:00,974 --> 01:09:02,453
- And then we kill him.
- No, no, no, no.
1461
01:09:02,477 --> 01:09:03,877
If you wait till the morning,
1462
01:09:03,911 --> 01:09:05,946
Lorena and Allie
will be vampires.
1463
01:09:05,979 --> 01:09:08,416
- Oh.
- Junior, I love you to death.
1464
01:09:08,450 --> 01:09:10,418
They already got
your sister in there.
1465
01:09:10,452 --> 01:09:13,254
They're trying to get your mama.
This is a good neighborhood
1466
01:09:13,288 --> 01:09:15,557
and I'm here to protect it,
because I'm Carl black.
1467
01:09:15,590 --> 01:09:18,460
And I'm cronut.
We ride together, we die together!
1468
01:09:18,493 --> 01:09:20,295
Go lock up the house.
1469
01:09:20,328 --> 01:09:23,598
We need the right weapons
to kill this vampire.
1470
01:09:23,631 --> 01:09:25,567
- I made a phone call.
- Who you call?
1471
01:09:25,600 --> 01:09:27,602
- Mr. Saturday night.
- What?
1472
01:09:27,635 --> 01:09:29,637
He knows everything
about killing vampires.
1473
01:09:29,671 --> 01:09:31,171
Saturday night?
1474
01:09:31,206 --> 01:09:34,041
I met him last Friday
at fat Tuesday's.
1475
01:09:34,074 --> 01:09:36,043
Let's go. It's war.
1476
01:09:44,118 --> 01:09:46,221
Friends, let me do
all the talking.
1477
01:09:48,021 --> 01:09:50,458
I've seen this guy
kill lots of people.
1478
01:09:50,492 --> 01:09:52,394
Don't do no bitch shit now.
1479
01:10:00,668 --> 01:10:01,668
Let's go.
1480
01:10:06,674 --> 01:10:09,411
He's the only one
to kill vampires.
1481
01:10:09,444 --> 01:10:11,479
He'll give us all the weapons.
1482
01:10:13,046 --> 01:10:14,282
Just stay calm.
1483
01:10:16,116 --> 01:10:18,018
I believe in god,
first and foremost.
1484
01:10:18,051 --> 01:10:19,454
So we huntin' vampires.
1485
01:10:19,487 --> 01:10:21,656
- I'm scared.
- What you scared of?
1486
01:10:21,689 --> 01:10:23,023
He looks like the undertaker.
1487
01:10:23,056 --> 01:10:25,025
I may not have what you want,
1488
01:10:25,058 --> 01:10:26,461
but I got just what you need.
1489
01:10:26,494 --> 01:10:27,662
Holy shit.
1490
01:10:29,196 --> 01:10:31,299
- You ain't playin'.
- No, he's not.
1491
01:10:31,332 --> 01:10:33,435
- Damn!
- You're gonna like this.
1492
01:10:35,002 --> 01:10:36,504
Whoa.
1493
01:10:36,538 --> 01:10:38,416
- Oh, that's cool. I like that.
- That's alkaline water.
1494
01:10:38,440 --> 01:10:39,707
Alkaline? It's holy water!
1495
01:10:39,741 --> 01:10:41,643
Joel osteen holy water.
1496
01:10:41,676 --> 01:10:43,378
It kind got
a pineapple taste to it.
1497
01:10:43,411 --> 01:10:48,683
Since we have vampires,
I got us some uv sunlight.
1498
01:10:48,716 --> 01:10:51,553
Hey, hey, hey.
1499
01:10:53,822 --> 01:10:56,056
You're black, motherfucker.
It don't work as well.
1500
01:10:56,089 --> 01:10:57,592
Nigga, I can't see now.
1501
01:10:57,625 --> 01:11:00,595
They say short motherfuckers
love to get freaky,
1502
01:11:00,628 --> 01:11:03,731
so I brought this just for you.
1503
01:11:03,765 --> 01:11:06,166
My boy. You know me,
don't you?
1504
01:11:06,200 --> 01:11:08,068
- Not really.
- Is this real leather?
1505
01:11:08,101 --> 01:11:09,737
- Not really.
- I'm wearing this.
1506
01:11:09,771 --> 01:11:11,706
Look at that. Look,
look, look, look.
1507
01:11:11,739 --> 01:11:14,442
When y'all really ready to
take out some motherfuckers...
1508
01:11:14,476 --> 01:11:15,643
Ooh.
1509
01:11:15,677 --> 01:11:17,712
- This what I pull out.
- Shit.
1510
01:11:17,745 --> 01:11:20,615
- God is great.
- All the time.
1511
01:11:21,683 --> 01:11:23,150
If it ain't a Jesus.
1512
01:11:23,183 --> 01:11:25,253
You got a calling, Carl.
You put that on.
1513
01:11:25,286 --> 01:11:27,322
- Me?
- You put that on.
1514
01:11:29,624 --> 01:11:31,259
God gon' protect you.
1515
01:11:33,193 --> 01:11:34,633
There's something
I want to show you.
1516
01:11:36,631 --> 01:11:38,733
That look like
Leslie Jones' dildo.
1517
01:11:38,766 --> 01:11:40,668
Oh.
1518
01:11:40,702 --> 01:11:42,670
- Nigga...
- Hey, wait, wait, man.
1519
01:11:42,704 --> 01:11:44,047
- I think... I think he just stabbed me, he just...
- Stop it.
1520
01:11:44,071 --> 01:11:45,182
I felt it in my...
In my body.
1521
01:11:45,206 --> 01:11:46,774
No, you're cool.
Don't be bitches.
1522
01:11:46,808 --> 01:11:48,776
You look like you know
what's goin' on.
1523
01:11:48,810 --> 01:11:51,078
I know exactly what's goin' on.
1524
01:11:59,654 --> 01:12:01,589
Nigga, you're illuminati.
I see you.
1525
01:12:01,623 --> 01:12:03,090
Enough of that.
1526
01:12:03,992 --> 01:12:07,127
- Thank you, Mr. Friday the 13th.
- It's Saturday.
1527
01:12:07,160 --> 01:12:08,563
Nigga,
this nigga Friday the 13th.
1528
01:12:08,596 --> 01:12:11,098
This nigga's... nigga!
All right, cool, cool.
1529
01:12:11,131 --> 01:12:12,367
You keep doing your thing.
1530
01:12:15,436 --> 01:12:17,305
That nigga's
on some
Harry Potter shit.
1531
01:12:17,338 --> 01:12:19,407
It's cool, really. I know the nigga.
1532
01:13:01,549 --> 01:13:04,184
This motherfucker lit!
1533
01:13:04,218 --> 01:13:06,654
They know how to party here.
1534
01:13:06,688 --> 01:13:09,324
We gotta find Allie.
1535
01:13:09,357 --> 01:13:10,725
Damn, man,
I'm staying right here.
1536
01:13:10,758 --> 01:13:12,594
I think I feel good right here.
1537
01:13:21,235 --> 01:13:23,671
Cronut!
Go that way.
1538
01:13:35,249 --> 01:13:38,519
With three people dragging someone.
1539
01:13:38,553 --> 01:13:40,622
- Neighborhood, somebody.
-
Harrison.
1540
01:13:40,655 --> 01:13:42,857
- This is Harrison.
-
Do you guys need a backup unit?
1541
01:13:42,890 --> 01:13:44,692
No, I'm good,
captain. I mean,
1542
01:13:44,726 --> 01:13:46,503
this shit making me a little
nervous for real, man.
1543
01:13:46,527 --> 01:13:48,496
I mean, we back down
to this spooky-ass house.
1544
01:13:48,529 --> 01:13:50,465
We just left here a
couple of days ago.
1545
01:13:50,498 --> 01:13:52,199
Listen, I don't want
to be no cop.
1546
01:13:52,233 --> 01:13:54,278
I just thought pieces of shit
dropped-dropped big time.
1547
01:13:54,302 --> 01:13:55,870
Man. My man is
shitting on himself.
1548
01:13:55,903 --> 01:13:57,705
This shit is spooky
out here, captain.
1549
01:13:57,739 --> 01:14:00,408
I mean, shit,
there's all kinds of noises out here
1550
01:14:00,441 --> 01:14:02,810
and fucking some...
Some wind and shit. Can y'all...
1551
01:14:02,844 --> 01:14:04,312
I don't got the heart for this.
1552
01:14:04,345 --> 01:14:05,489
Harrison, is everything okay?
1553
01:14:05,513 --> 01:14:07,281
What's wrong?
You're supposed to be...
1554
01:14:07,315 --> 01:14:09,193
You're supposed to be hard.
You're acting scared.
1555
01:14:09,217 --> 01:14:11,285
- What's wrong? Harry, what's wrong?
-
Harrison.
1556
01:14:11,319 --> 01:14:13,297
I thought you had all the tricks
and now you're acting like a bitch.
1557
01:14:13,321 --> 01:14:14,756
Harrison.
1558
01:14:18,526 --> 01:14:20,595
A bite of crime
'bout to bite you, nigga.
1559
01:14:36,811 --> 01:14:40,381
I'm not a vampire.
My name's Allie, Allie black.
1560
01:14:40,415 --> 01:14:41,916
I live next door.
1561
01:14:41,949 --> 01:14:45,987
If you could just get me
out of this, it would...
1562
01:14:46,020 --> 01:14:47,789
Okay. Look, my... my...
1563
01:14:47,822 --> 01:14:51,993
Can you ask dr. Mama-tunday-wanday
to come here?
1564
01:14:52,026 --> 01:14:55,530
Damn.
1565
01:15:03,671 --> 01:15:06,274
What the fuck was that?
1566
01:15:08,409 --> 01:15:10,578
Shut up.
1567
01:15:12,780 --> 01:15:15,283
Don't talk.
1568
01:15:15,316 --> 01:15:16,851
What the fuck is
your problem? Shut up.
1569
01:15:20,722 --> 01:15:24,826
Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Hey.
1570
01:15:54,655 --> 01:15:57,391
- What?
- That was a silver metal nigga.
1571
01:15:57,425 --> 01:15:59,761
Oh, god.
A silver metal nigga?
1572
01:15:59,794 --> 01:16:01,629
Silver metal.
Not a regular nigga.
1573
01:16:01,662 --> 01:16:02,997
Metal nigga?
1574
01:16:03,030 --> 01:16:05,399
There are more of them niggas around.
Trust me.
1575
01:16:08,503 --> 01:16:09,971
- Oh, shit.
- Whoo-whoo.
1576
01:16:11,105 --> 01:16:12,540
Oh, god.
1577
01:16:14,075 --> 01:16:15,710
Please don't hurt me.
1578
01:16:17,578 --> 01:16:19,847
Please, Mr. Knight
in big, black armor.
1579
01:16:19,881 --> 01:16:21,516
- Oooh.
- Oh, my god.
1580
01:16:21,549 --> 01:16:23,918
Oh, my god.
1581
01:16:23,951 --> 01:16:27,989
- Shh.
- Mmm.
1582
01:16:28,022 --> 01:16:29,590
- It's cronut, baby!
- What?!
1583
01:16:29,624 --> 01:16:31,826
- I got you, didn't I?
- Cronut... cronut...
1584
01:16:31,859 --> 01:16:33,437
- You didn't even know it was me, did you?
- Cronut! Get me out of here.
1585
01:16:33,461 --> 01:16:34,972
- You gotta untie me out, please.
- Yeah.
1586
01:16:34,996 --> 01:16:36,964
You're as fine
as a motherfucker.
1587
01:16:36,998 --> 01:16:38,809
- When did you grow up?
- Cronut, shut... shut the fuck up!
1588
01:16:38,833 --> 01:16:40,744
If you like it, we second cousins,
we ain't no kin, so we can...
1589
01:16:40,768 --> 01:16:43,371
Are you serious right now?
Shut the fuck up. I'm gonna tell daddy.
1590
01:16:43,404 --> 01:16:45,573
Oh, shit, man.
1591
01:16:45,606 --> 01:16:48,042
Now I know why
the vampire wanted her.
1592
01:16:48,075 --> 01:16:51,913
Oh, hell no!
That's my baby.
1593
01:16:53,147 --> 01:16:57,852
Baby, please wake up.
Wake up, baby. Oh...
1594
01:16:57,885 --> 01:16:59,887
God.
1595
01:16:59,921 --> 01:17:01,098
- Get your damn hands off! Don't touch my lady!
- Jesus, fuck.
1596
01:17:01,122 --> 01:17:02,690
He's in there,
trying to kill us.
1597
01:17:02,723 --> 01:17:04,425
What the fuck is you
in this shit for
1598
01:17:04,458 --> 01:17:06,003
- in the first place?
- I was trying to escape.
1599
01:17:06,027 --> 01:17:07,595
I was going with freezee.
1600
01:17:07,628 --> 01:17:08,839
That's what getting
hot in the ass get you.
1601
01:17:08,863 --> 01:17:10,463
Hurry up and get me
the fuck out of here.
1602
01:17:13,668 --> 01:17:14,769
All right. Let's go.
1603
01:17:14,802 --> 01:17:16,537
- What? Oh, oh!
- My feet.
1604
01:17:16,571 --> 01:17:18,081
I was going with freezee and
I don't even know where he is.
1605
01:17:18,105 --> 01:17:19,674
Yeah, there it is, right...
1606
01:17:19,707 --> 01:17:20,918
- Stop looking at me.
- Shut the fuck... shh.
1607
01:17:20,942 --> 01:17:24,946
Please come back to life.
1608
01:17:24,979 --> 01:17:28,149
Please, baby, I want
some of that pussy again.
1609
01:17:28,182 --> 01:17:30,818
I mean, I love you again.
I swear I love you.
1610
01:17:34,455 --> 01:17:35,723
Carl? Carl?
1611
01:17:36,924 --> 01:17:38,659
Jesus Christ, what happened?
1612
01:17:38,693 --> 01:17:40,428
I had the worst dream.
1613
01:17:40,461 --> 01:17:41,729
What did he do to you?
1614
01:17:41,762 --> 01:17:46,467
I was, uh,
I was trying to bite you.
1615
01:17:46,500 --> 01:17:48,069
Carl, what's in my mouth?
1616
01:17:48,102 --> 01:17:49,437
You look like blac chyna.
1617
01:17:49,470 --> 01:17:51,005
Oh, stop.
What's in my mouth?
1618
01:17:51,038 --> 01:17:53,107
I don't know,
but I don't want no head no more.
1619
01:17:53,140 --> 01:17:54,609
What is this, Carl?
What is this?
1620
01:17:54,642 --> 01:17:56,711
It look like a pimple
on the mouth.
1621
01:18:00,514 --> 01:18:01,925
Where is daddy at?
Where is everybody?
1622
01:18:01,949 --> 01:18:03,560
They right here looking
for your stupid ass.
1623
01:18:03,584 --> 01:18:04,719
But how we gonna get them?
1624
01:18:04,752 --> 01:18:05,863
All right. This is
what we're gonna do.
1625
01:18:05,887 --> 01:18:07,788
All right.
This me, this you.
1626
01:18:07,822 --> 01:18:09,433
- When I'm gonna say "hike," you're gonna throw the ball...
- Right.
1627
01:18:09,457 --> 01:18:10,892
Nah, I don't like that play.
1628
01:18:10,925 --> 01:18:13,094
This is what we gon'
do, ten yards cut...
1629
01:18:13,127 --> 01:18:15,005
- Are you playing football?
- You-you want to get out of here or not?
1630
01:18:15,029 --> 01:18:17,109
- It doesn't work! Shut the fuck up.
- Just let's go.
1631
01:18:28,542 --> 01:18:30,978
- No.
- Calm down. No.
1632
01:18:31,012 --> 01:18:32,480
Don't you do
your neck like that.
1633
01:18:32,513 --> 01:18:34,048
Calm down.
1634
01:18:36,651 --> 01:18:38,486
- Calm the fuck down.
- Please, please.
1635
01:18:40,688 --> 01:18:44,492
No! Cronut, no!
1636
01:18:44,525 --> 01:18:46,027
Please.
1637
01:18:52,600 --> 01:18:55,536
Don't you do it,
don't you do it.
1638
01:18:55,569 --> 01:18:58,039
No...
1639
01:19:01,075 --> 01:19:02,677
Mayweather.
1640
01:19:02,710 --> 01:19:03,811
He gave it like that.
1641
01:19:05,813 --> 01:19:07,682
Yeah!
1642
01:19:19,961 --> 01:19:23,231
I'm a vampire slayer.
I'm like blade.
1643
01:19:23,265 --> 01:19:24,732
- I did that.
- You did what?
1644
01:19:24,765 --> 01:19:26,734
- I killed him.
- No, I did that. I did...
1645
01:19:26,767 --> 01:19:28,087
- Really?
- I'm blade. Yeah, yeah.
1646
01:19:30,838 --> 01:19:32,640
Let's go find your dad.
1647
01:19:32,673 --> 01:19:35,142
Carl, I don't feel well.
Tell me, where are we?
1648
01:19:35,176 --> 01:19:36,510
Lorena?
1649
01:19:37,812 --> 01:19:38,846
There he is!
1650
01:19:38,879 --> 01:19:39,880
Carl black.
1651
01:19:40,948 --> 01:19:43,150
Release my beloved.
1652
01:19:43,184 --> 01:19:44,885
That's the nigga next door.
1653
01:19:44,919 --> 01:19:46,887
You don't mess
with a man's wife!
1654
01:19:46,921 --> 01:19:48,556
That is our wife.
1655
01:19:48,589 --> 01:19:50,758
She is at least on a time share.
1656
01:19:50,791 --> 01:19:52,960
I've been waiting
my whole life for you
1657
01:19:52,994 --> 01:19:58,233
to kill you, you punk-bitch,
little ass, dick-looking bitch.
1658
01:19:58,266 --> 01:20:00,801
You call him
a bitch? Come on.
1659
01:20:00,835 --> 01:20:03,247
We ain't finna be too many more bitches up
in here now. You better watch your mouth.
1660
01:20:03,271 --> 01:20:05,906
Listen here,
black Baltimore raven.
1661
01:20:05,940 --> 01:20:10,711
You will no longer
disparage my household.
1662
01:20:10,745 --> 01:20:11,946
Hit him with that juice.
1663
01:20:16,017 --> 01:20:18,953
Hit him again. Damn,
let me see your shit.
1664
01:20:18,986 --> 01:20:21,188
Man, that's mango juice
you're throwing on that man.
1665
01:20:21,223 --> 01:20:22,823
Why this nigga is not dying?
1666
01:20:22,857 --> 01:20:24,925
- Why?
- Oh, man. That's bullshit.
1667
01:20:24,959 --> 01:20:26,670
- What kind of nigga is this?
- Fuck you're gonna kill a vampire
1668
01:20:26,694 --> 01:20:28,963
with visine, motherfucker?
1669
01:20:28,996 --> 01:20:30,107
Hit him with that third one.
1670
01:20:30,131 --> 01:20:31,565
Punk bitch, die!
1671
01:20:33,100 --> 01:20:35,569
This nigga is not dying.
Back up.
1672
01:20:35,603 --> 01:20:37,272
Thank you, ladies.
1673
01:20:37,305 --> 01:20:39,040
- Whoa.
- Daddy.
1674
01:20:39,073 --> 01:20:40,784
- Where you been?
- We've been looking for you.
1675
01:20:40,808 --> 01:20:43,278
- I saved Allie.
- No, I saved you.
1676
01:20:43,311 --> 01:20:45,213
Enough!
1677
01:20:47,181 --> 01:20:49,850
Look how you got my
woman's mouth looking, man.
1678
01:20:49,884 --> 01:20:53,187
I bring to you
from Africa, Egypt,
1679
01:20:53,221 --> 01:20:55,623
Denmark and Dayton.
1680
01:21:03,097 --> 01:21:04,598
That's jodeci!
1681
01:21:08,236 --> 01:21:10,004
No!
1682
01:21:11,072 --> 01:21:14,708
I swear by the black hairs
of your chinny chin chin,
1683
01:21:14,742 --> 01:21:17,078
I will huff and puff
1684
01:21:17,111 --> 01:21:20,881
and these
demons will blow your house down.
1685
01:21:20,915 --> 01:21:22,817
What's up, y'all?
1686
01:21:22,850 --> 01:21:25,387
- Watch out... oh!
- Oh, shit!
1687
01:21:25,420 --> 01:21:26,887
What the hell are you
doing here?
1688
01:21:26,921 --> 01:21:28,323
Freezee,
1689
01:21:28,356 --> 01:21:29,824
what happened to you?
1690
01:21:29,857 --> 01:21:32,693
Vampire gang.
We out here, gang-gang!
1691
01:21:32,726 --> 01:21:34,262
They done hooked your boy up.
1692
01:21:34,296 --> 01:21:38,799
Half vampire, half goat
legs, full horse dick.
1693
01:21:38,833 --> 01:21:40,801
Donkey dick.
1694
01:21:42,237 --> 01:21:44,038
It's all backwards, though.
1695
01:21:44,071 --> 01:21:45,873
Your ass is forward, freezee.
1696
01:21:45,906 --> 01:21:47,242
They done fuck me up in the lab.
1697
01:21:47,275 --> 01:21:49,910
You're a hairy retarded vampire.
1698
01:21:49,944 --> 01:21:51,721
- This ain't the life I chose.
- You fucked him up.
1699
01:21:51,745 --> 01:21:53,781
You fucked him up.
You fucked him up.
1700
01:21:53,814 --> 01:21:55,749
I appreciate it.
At least I can walk now.
1701
01:21:55,783 --> 01:21:58,353
Listen here, switchblade.
1702
01:21:58,386 --> 01:22:01,356
You already know
black lives matter.
1703
01:22:01,389 --> 01:22:05,393
This is black matter lives.
1704
01:22:06,861 --> 01:22:08,829
Welcome to the dark,
motherfucker.
1705
01:22:08,863 --> 01:22:10,731
Attack!
1706
01:22:10,764 --> 01:22:11,799
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
1707
01:22:43,831 --> 01:22:45,733
- You hit me in the nuts!
- I'm sorry.
1708
01:22:46,901 --> 01:22:48,403
I'm tired of your ass.
1709
01:22:53,140 --> 01:22:55,176
Let's go, bitch.
Let's go.
1710
01:23:02,049 --> 01:23:03,751
I got you!
1711
01:23:11,293 --> 01:23:15,029
- Yeah, bitch!
- Die slow! Die slow!
1712
01:23:15,062 --> 01:23:16,764
Carl!
Behind you!
1713
01:23:28,310 --> 01:23:29,310
Help her.
1714
01:23:34,282 --> 01:23:37,452
- I can't move my hand.
- I can't move mine.
1715
01:23:37,485 --> 01:23:39,787
I'm throwing up gang signs.
1716
01:23:48,195 --> 01:23:50,265
Finally, Lorena.
1717
01:24:21,529 --> 01:24:24,932
Nigga is not dead yet.
I don't think he's dead.
1718
01:24:34,842 --> 01:24:36,211
Baby, he's not dead.
1719
01:24:39,347 --> 01:24:43,851
You know I'm coming now.
1720
01:24:46,086 --> 01:24:48,423
Go get the voodoo doll.
It's the only way to kill him.
1721
01:24:48,456 --> 01:24:50,791
- All right. Cool.
- Hurry.
1722
01:24:55,929 --> 01:24:57,465
Go lock the back door.
1723
01:24:57,499 --> 01:24:58,899
Get the doors locked.
Come on.
1724
01:24:58,932 --> 01:25:00,572
We can't kill him
without the voodoo doll!
1725
01:25:02,437 --> 01:25:04,439
Cronut, hurry up.
Hurry.
1726
01:25:06,006 --> 01:25:07,475
Hurry up, cronut.
1727
01:25:09,344 --> 01:25:11,546
Wooky said this
will kill the vampire.
1728
01:25:11,579 --> 01:25:13,080
Is that it?
1729
01:25:13,113 --> 01:25:14,449
- Yeah.
- All right. Let's go.
1730
01:25:16,484 --> 01:25:17,885
Whoa! Shit!
1731
01:25:19,421 --> 01:25:21,256
Ah, shit!
1732
01:25:23,491 --> 01:25:26,193
Come on, come on. Oh, shit!
1733
01:25:26,227 --> 01:25:28,162
- Please. Please.
- Hey, hey, stop.
1734
01:25:28,195 --> 01:25:30,598
Please.
1735
01:25:32,367 --> 01:25:34,602
Shit!
1736
01:25:54,456 --> 01:25:55,989
Lorena.
1737
01:25:57,459 --> 01:26:00,127
Come to me, Lorena.
1738
01:26:00,160 --> 01:26:02,230
- Carl...
- What's wrong?
1739
01:26:02,263 --> 01:26:03,964
He's calling me.
1740
01:26:07,167 --> 01:26:09,136
You can kill me,
1741
01:26:09,169 --> 01:26:12,240
but you cannot make me die.
1742
01:26:22,217 --> 01:26:25,185
I will have what belongs to me.
1743
01:26:34,696 --> 01:26:36,930
I'm 'bout to go kill mamuwalde.
1744
01:26:36,964 --> 01:26:38,500
Okay.
1745
01:26:43,003 --> 01:26:44,506
Damn, Hugo.
1746
01:26:44,539 --> 01:26:46,073
Nobody calls me Hugo.
1747
01:26:47,208 --> 01:26:48,543
What do they call you then?
1748
01:26:48,576 --> 01:26:50,978
Filero.
1749
01:26:51,011 --> 01:26:53,281
And what's
filero?
1750
01:26:53,314 --> 01:26:56,418
It means blade in Mexican.
1751
01:26:59,521 --> 01:27:01,088
Really?
1752
01:27:15,035 --> 01:27:16,571
Carl... no...
1753
01:27:18,406 --> 01:27:20,742
Where do you think you're going?
1754
01:27:20,775 --> 01:27:22,544
What did you just do to me?
1755
01:27:22,577 --> 01:27:24,245
Do you feel that?
1756
01:27:25,613 --> 01:27:27,080
I got the voodoo doll.
1757
01:27:27,114 --> 01:27:29,651
Break the voodoo doll.
1758
01:27:29,684 --> 01:27:32,052
- What?
- Break the voodoo doll!
1759
01:27:33,187 --> 01:27:34,255
Cronut!
1760
01:27:34,289 --> 01:27:36,458
Release your meaningless life.
1761
01:27:36,491 --> 01:27:38,626
Fuck out that...
1762
01:27:38,660 --> 01:27:41,028
I see we don't know what immortal means.
1763
01:27:41,061 --> 01:27:43,531
Break the doll, the voodoo doll.
1764
01:27:45,400 --> 01:27:46,701
- Break it!
- Break it!
1765
01:28:01,282 --> 01:28:04,252
- You motherfucker.
-
Don't you touch me.
1766
01:28:08,623 --> 01:28:10,692
Come to me, Lorena.
1767
01:28:11,459 --> 01:28:14,596
- You better stop!
-
Come this way.
1768
01:28:14,629 --> 01:28:17,030
Lorena, wake up!
1769
01:28:17,064 --> 01:28:18,533
Lorena.
1770
01:28:20,133 --> 01:28:22,604
Take your place with me.
1771
01:28:22,637 --> 01:28:24,439
Babe, don't do
this! Baby!
1772
01:28:24,472 --> 01:28:29,142
We are the Jay-Z and Beyoncé
of the underworld.
1773
01:28:30,845 --> 01:28:34,616
Complete my darkness.
1774
01:28:34,649 --> 01:28:37,819
Come with me.
There's not much time left.
1775
01:28:50,130 --> 01:28:52,433
You don't need him.
1776
01:28:52,467 --> 01:28:56,203
He doesn't have a job
and he can't write a book.
1777
01:29:06,881 --> 01:29:09,584
I got this new book
coming out. Terror night.
1778
01:29:09,617 --> 01:29:11,286
Nigga! Ain't nobody
reading your book!
1779
01:29:11,319 --> 01:29:14,087
My book is in... in... in
Barnes and noble's.
1780
01:29:14,121 --> 01:29:16,600
That book was terrible.
It's one of the worst books I ever read.
1781
01:29:16,624 --> 01:29:18,191
Carl, I'm not happy here.
1782
01:29:18,226 --> 01:29:19,594
I need the money, dad.
1783
01:29:19,627 --> 01:29:21,462
Just... just leave.
Just leave. Go take a nap.
1784
01:29:21,496 --> 01:29:23,136
This ain't the time
for your goddamn book.
1785
01:29:24,232 --> 01:29:25,833
I don't know
if this is it for us.
1786
01:29:25,867 --> 01:29:28,736
I used to think it was the house,
the neighborhood, your book.
1787
01:29:31,573 --> 01:29:33,274
You need to realize
that family's
1788
01:29:33,308 --> 01:29:35,068
the most important thing
in life, not a book.
1789
01:29:36,277 --> 01:29:37,757
- I'm moving out.
- You're messing up.
1790
01:29:39,347 --> 01:29:42,182
It's you and I that don't work.
It's you.
1791
01:29:45,353 --> 01:29:47,622
Come to me now.
1792
01:29:52,393 --> 01:29:54,161
Carl black, save your wife.
1793
01:30:09,377 --> 01:30:13,414
Global warming is real.
1794
01:30:30,932 --> 01:30:34,502
Jack mihoff,
Ann news live with the buzz.
1795
01:30:34,535 --> 01:30:36,804
So you've survived the purge.
1796
01:30:36,838 --> 01:30:40,341
You and this ragtag
band of pimps, hoes...
1797
01:30:40,375 --> 01:30:41,719
- No, that's my family.
- Sorry, what?!
1798
01:30:41,743 --> 01:30:43,383
No. It wasn't no pimps
and hoes over here.
1799
01:30:43,411 --> 01:30:45,178
You defeated the vampire.
1800
01:30:45,213 --> 01:30:47,348
Saved the whole
entire neighborhood.
1801
01:30:47,382 --> 01:30:50,585
Have you, black panther,
Chloe, and bow-wow
1802
01:30:50,618 --> 01:30:54,187
ever thought about becoming
the new black ghostbusters?
1803
01:30:57,358 --> 01:30:59,961
- Hunting ghosts?
- Hunting ghosts? I mean...
1804
01:30:59,994 --> 01:31:01,462
You don't have
to answer that, Carl.
1805
01:31:01,496 --> 01:31:03,364
It's a good idea.
We could make money.
1806
01:31:03,398 --> 01:31:04,666
Let's wait, let's wait.
1807
01:31:04,699 --> 01:31:06,901
Don't be a bitch.
Let's make this money, Carl.
1808
01:31:06,934 --> 01:31:09,537
Yes. Don't be a bitch.
Make the money.
1809
01:31:09,570 --> 01:31:11,339
And what the fuck did you do?
1810
01:31:11,372 --> 01:31:12,916
- Look at me.
- We could make money, Carl.
1811
01:31:12,940 --> 01:31:15,209
- Get the money, Carl.
- Carl, let's do it.
1812
01:31:15,243 --> 01:31:17,245
- I'm gonna make money.
- Yeah. Why-why not?
1813
01:31:17,278 --> 01:31:18,856
One more question.
Handicapped white man,
1814
01:31:18,880 --> 01:31:21,916
is it true that your first
experience with vampires
1815
01:31:21,949 --> 01:31:25,520
was in the jungle in Hanoi
where your troop was ambushed,
1816
01:31:25,553 --> 01:31:29,957
you were ravaged,
and your legs were completely destroyed?
1817
01:31:29,991 --> 01:31:32,360
Fuck you, Sammy sosa.
1818
01:31:32,393 --> 01:31:33,904
One thing I hate
about this neighborhood...
1819
01:31:33,928 --> 01:31:35,763
All the goddamn vampires.
1820
01:31:35,797 --> 01:31:38,766
Well, we would just
like to thank you
1821
01:31:38,800 --> 01:31:40,968
for your service
to this country and make...
1822
01:31:41,002 --> 01:31:42,570
Oh, my lord!
1823
01:31:42,603 --> 01:31:43,947
His hands are strong,
but his legs are dead.
1824
01:31:43,971 --> 01:31:45,716
Come on. Come on.
Let his hand. Let his hand.
1825
01:31:45,740 --> 01:31:47,575
Get off me, Carl!
Your wife's cheating on you!
1826
01:31:47,608 --> 01:31:48,819
- What are you talking about?
- What?
1827
01:31:48,843 --> 01:31:49,987
- I see everything!
- Shut up!
1828
01:31:50,011 --> 01:31:51,946
- Cronut's gay.
- No, I'm not.
1829
01:31:51,979 --> 01:31:53,314
That don't count in jail.
1830
01:31:53,347 --> 01:31:54,525
That's not even your daughter!
1831
01:31:54,549 --> 01:31:56,918
- Uh-uh.
- No. I'm sick of this.
1832
01:31:56,951 --> 01:31:58,953
Yeah. I'm sick of you.
1833
01:31:58,986 --> 01:32:01,222
Come on, Carl.
1834
01:32:03,991 --> 01:32:05,727
Are you ready?
1835
01:32:05,760 --> 01:32:07,962
Give me one second,
baby. I'm coming.
1836
01:32:07,995 --> 01:32:09,630
Lord knows I'm coming.
1837
01:32:09,664 --> 01:32:12,967
I know you happy you ain't
with clive no more.
1838
01:32:13,000 --> 01:32:15,436
- But what's taking you so long?
- You're rushing me, babe.
1839
01:32:15,470 --> 01:32:17,805
You ain't rush clive.
I know you waited for his ass.
1840
01:32:17,839 --> 01:32:20,475
Just calm down.
You gon' get this dick.
1841
01:32:20,508 --> 01:32:22,276
Gonna drop some
good dick on you.
1842
01:32:22,310 --> 01:32:23,778
Well, hurry.
1843
01:32:23,811 --> 01:32:25,513
- Oh.
- Yeah.
1844
01:32:25,546 --> 01:32:27,648
Yeah.
1845
01:32:27,682 --> 01:32:32,620
You see it.
You see it. Yeah.
1846
01:32:32,653 --> 01:32:34,722
Say you're ready for me
to draw some dick o's.
1847
01:32:37,625 --> 01:32:40,361
Yeah. Yeah. Oh-oh.
1848
01:32:40,394 --> 01:32:42,430
That's it?
1849
01:32:42,463 --> 01:32:44,432
You're kidding.
1850
01:32:44,465 --> 01:32:47,001
Wait. I-i...
Damn, this was a long song.
1851
01:32:47,034 --> 01:32:48,536
- Wow.
- You did good. No, no, no.
1852
01:32:48,569 --> 01:32:50,538
What you wowing for?
1853
01:32:52,106 --> 01:32:56,043
Who knocked it down, nigga?
1854
01:32:56,077 --> 01:32:58,346
Bitch ass!
1855
01:34:25,833 --> 01:34:30,605
This is Jack mihoff
with today's latest buzz.
1856
01:34:30,638 --> 01:34:33,808
There has been reports
of a ragtag band
1857
01:34:33,841 --> 01:34:38,045
of negro thug
vigilantes and a Mexican.
1858
01:34:38,079 --> 01:34:42,083
Reports have been stated that
they are calling themselves
1859
01:34:42,116 --> 01:34:44,886
the ghetto ghostbusters,
1860
01:34:44,919 --> 01:34:48,489
and they are out
for street vengeance.
142800