Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:12,967 --> 00:00:22,267
[ DISCLAIMER ]
2
00:00:22,267 --> 00:00:30,097
>> I CAN DO IT.
3
00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:31,170
>> OH, MY --
4
00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:35,327
[**]
5
00:00:38,167 --> 00:00:43,467
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
6
00:00:43,467 --> 00:00:45,097
>> Tosh: JIM BEAM IN A CAN
7
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:46,330
SHOULD BE ALL THE EXPLANATION
8
00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:46,803
YOU NEED.
9
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:48,270
WELCOME TO "TOSH.0."
10
00:00:48,267 --> 00:00:49,667
TO GET STARTED I'LL NEED A
11
00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:51,197
SUGGESTION FROM SOMEONE IN THE
12
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:51,830
AUDIENCE.
13
00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:54,733
>> IMPROV.
14
00:00:54,733 --> 00:00:56,503
>> Tosh: TONIGHT ON THE SHOW I
15
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,370
BRING HIS LADY MAN -- I MEAN
16
00:00:58,367 --> 00:00:59,527
LADY'S MAN AND WHY POOR'S THE
17
00:00:59,533 --> 00:01:01,933
NEW RICH AND PLAY IS IT RACIST
18
00:01:01,933 --> 00:01:04,073
AND I GET TESTED FOR AIDS.
19
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:06,897
NOW, WHAT WAS THIS YOUNG MAN
20
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:07,500
THINKING?
21
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,070
IT WASN'T EVEN BAIT IN THERE.
22
00:01:09,067 --> 00:01:11,627
CAUGHT ONE.
23
00:01:11,633 --> 00:01:13,403
YOU HAVE TO ATTACK YOUR
24
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,530
BLACKHEADS.
25
00:01:16,533 --> 00:01:18,403
HE'S NOT SCREAMING BECAUSE HIS
26
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,530
FACE IS SEALED SHUT.
27
00:01:19,533 --> 00:01:21,173
WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP
28
00:01:21,167 --> 00:01:24,367
TESTING ANIMAL TRAPS ON HUMANS?
29
00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:26,267
ON THE UPSIDE HIS PELT WILL
30
00:01:26,267 --> 00:01:29,527
FETCH A HANDSOME FEE AT MARKET.
31
00:01:29,533 --> 00:01:30,633
NOW, PLEASE RISE FOR OUR
32
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:31,673
NATIONAL ANTHEM.
33
00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:33,527
WE'RE NOT GOING TO FILM YOU GUYS
34
00:01:33,533 --> 00:01:36,233
SO IT'S TOTALLY COOL IF YOU STAY
35
00:01:36,233 --> 00:01:42,103
SEATED.
36
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,470
>> Tosh: COLOR GUARD, ARREST
37
00:01:43,467 --> 00:01:44,827
THAT BOY.
38
00:01:44,833 --> 00:01:46,773
I FEEL BAD HIS KID'S DAD LEFT
39
00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:51,327
WORK AT 3:30 FOR THIS.
40
00:01:51,333 --> 00:01:53,073
[LAUGHTER]
41
00:01:53,067 --> 00:01:55,327
>> Tosh: OLE BUTTERFINGERS BET
42
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:57,203
ARE START MAKE CYMBAL NOISES
43
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,070
WITH HIS MOUTH
44
00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:58,967
YOU CAN'T RATTLE HIM.
45
00:01:58,967 --> 00:02:00,427
THAT'S WHY HE GETS ALL THE BAND
46
00:02:00,433 --> 00:02:02,703
[BLEEP].
47
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:04,800
USING PATRIOTISM TO COVER HIS
48
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:05,370
MISTAKES.
49
00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:06,327
THAT KID HAS A FUTURE IN
50
00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:07,703
POLITICS.
51
00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:10,500
YOU CAN SALUTE YOUR WAY OUT OF
52
00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:24,570
ANY EMBARRASSING SITUATION.
53
00:02:24,567 --> 00:02:41,627
[LAUGHTER]
54
00:02:41,633 --> 00:02:43,473
>> Tosh: I THINK IT WAS THE
55
00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,327
BLOND GIRL NEXT TO ME.
56
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,403
ALL RIGHT, IF NO ONE WANTS TO
57
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:51,500
PONY UP $35 FOR YOUR COUCH ON
58
00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:52,530
CRAIGSLIST YOU CAN ALWAYS DO
59
00:02:52,533 --> 00:02:54,433
THIS.
60
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:55,873
>> DOWN THERE?
61
00:02:55,867 --> 00:02:56,627
>> NOPE.
62
00:02:56,633 --> 00:02:58,373
>> Tosh: I MEAN, YES.
63
00:02:58,367 --> 00:02:59,667
KIND OF OF.
64
00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:02,497
THERE WAS SOME ONE HALFWAY DOWN.
65
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:04,470
YOU BETTER BELIEVE THE HOA BOARD
66
00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:05,897
WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS.
67
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,200
I'M SURE THEY AT LEAST CALLED
68
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,070
THE CITY TO ARRANGE FOR A BULK
69
00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:10,827
ITEM PICK UP.
70
00:03:10,833 --> 00:03:12,833
IF ANY OF YOU EVER NEED HELP
71
00:03:12,833 --> 00:03:14,173
MOVING FEEL FREE TO DIFF ME A
72
00:03:14,167 --> 00:03:15,667
CALL.
73
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:20,367
>> ARE YOU DOWN THERE?
74
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:21,667
>> Tosh: THE PROBLEM WITH MY
75
00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:23,527
MOVING COMPANY IS I'M LICENSED
76
00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:25,073
BUT NOT BONDED.
77
00:03:25,067 --> 00:03:27,067
YOU NEED TO BE BOTH.
78
00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:28,567
NOW, IF YOU'RE IN ALABAMA AND
79
00:03:28,567 --> 00:03:30,797
YOUR SISTER TEXTS YOU THAT SHE
80
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:32,600
WANTS YOU INSIDE HER HONEY POT
81
00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:33,770
YOU GET THERE AS FAST AS YOU
82
00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:39,497
CAN.
83
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:44,400
AIRBAG WORKS.
84
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,370
OVERSHOT IT A SKOSH THERE,
85
00:03:47,367 --> 00:03:47,827
GOOBER.
86
00:03:47,833 --> 00:03:48,903
CARS LOSE HALF THEIR VALUE THE
87
00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:50,200
MINUTE YOU DRIVE THEM OFF THE
88
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:50,600
RAMP.
89
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,370
WE GET IT.
90
00:03:52,367 --> 00:03:54,067
THE BLACK TRUCK CAN JUMP HIGHER
91
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:58,867
THAN ALL THE OTHER TRUCKS.
92
00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:01,267
I HOPE THEY'RE DIP CUP DIDN'T
93
00:04:01,267 --> 00:04:01,767
SPILL.
94
00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:03,767
YOU KNOW IT'S NOT BUILT FORD
95
00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:04,427
TOUGH?
96
00:04:04,433 --> 00:04:08,233
THE HUMAN BODY.
97
00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:11,203
YOU BETTER BE OKAY
98
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,170
I NEED YOU PROTECTING ME FROM
99
00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:17,367
THE PERVERT ALCOHOLIC UNCLE
100
00:04:17,367 --> 00:04:18,067
JESSE.
101
00:04:18,067 --> 00:04:20,197
>> Tosh: HOPEFULLY I WON'T GET
102
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,070
ENORMOUSLY FAT LIKE ALL THE
103
00:04:22,067 --> 00:04:23,397
OTHER ACTRESS HAS IT PLAYED
104
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,770
DAISY DUKE BEFORE ME.
105
00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:25,927
OKAY, THERE'S NOTHING I LIKE
106
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,573
MORE THAN A CONFIDENT MAN WHO
107
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:29,897
MAINTAINS EYE CONTACT IN THE
108
00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:31,800
BEDROOM.
109
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,230
HE'S PREPARED TO PROTECT HIS
110
00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:37,103
VIRGINITY WITH HIS LIFE.
111
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:39,170
PUT YOUR STEAK KNIFE AWAY, TUBS.
112
00:04:39,167 --> 00:04:41,197
YOU MAY WANT TO GO UP A ROBE
113
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:45,070
SIZE OR TWO.
114
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,697
HE PUT THE LOOFAH ON THE SWORD
115
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,330
TO WASH HIMSELF.
116
00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:50,403
IS THAT THE SOUND OF HIS OLD
117
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,200
CAMERA FOCUSSING OR STOMACH
118
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:53,770
GROWLING?
119
00:04:53,767 --> 00:05:04,367
ALL RIGHT.
120
00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:06,067
I GUESS THE SIGN THAT SAYS THE
121
00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:09,567
REGISTER CONTAINS LESS THAN $50
122
00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:12,967
A BUNCH OF BULL HONKY.
123
00:05:12,967 --> 00:05:15,067
NOW LET'S SEE WHY WATCH A WOMAN
124
00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:18,597
ON CAMERA MAKES ME HORNY.
125
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,730
THERE'S NO REASON TO GO INSIDE A
126
00:05:20,733 --> 00:05:24,203
GAS STATION UNLESS YOU FEEL LIKE
127
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:24,830
STEALING.
128
00:05:24,833 --> 00:05:26,273
RINGING YOURSELF UP, HUH?
129
00:05:26,267 --> 00:05:30,627
MAYBE SHE'S PART INDIAN.
130
00:05:30,633 --> 00:05:32,373
SHE'S WEAR A SKI MASK BUT
131
00:05:32,367 --> 00:05:34,527
DOESN'T FRIZZY HAIR THE NEXT
132
00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:35,073
DAY.
133
00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:36,227
WHY DOESN'T SHE GET HER
134
00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:39,273
BOYFRIEND TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING
135
00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:41,167
LIKE ANY CHICK.
136
00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:42,727
SHE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE
137
00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:47,203
TAKE A PENNY SYSTEM.
138
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,500
SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE BIG BILLS
139
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:50,500
ARE UNDER THE TRAY?
140
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:54,670
THAT'S RIGHT, CASHIERS, YOUR
141
00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:58,167
SECURITY SYSTEM HAS BEEN
142
00:05:58,167 --> 00:05:58,797
COMPROMISED.
143
00:05:58,800 --> 00:05:59,570
HE'S COMING.
144
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,067
THAT'S A MINIMUM WAGE EFFORT.
145
00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:02,767
MAYBE IF YOU WERE BETTER AT
146
00:06:02,767 --> 00:06:05,067
TACKLING IT WOULDN'T BE YOUR DAY
147
00:06:05,067 --> 00:06:05,497
JOB.
148
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:06,870
IN HIS DEFENSE HE DIDN'T HAVE
149
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:10,067
TIME TO PROPERLY WIPE.
150
00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:12,467
BE SURE TO GRAB A MINIATURE
151
00:06:12,467 --> 00:06:13,727
LICENSE PLATE YOUR NAME ON IT ON
152
00:06:13,733 --> 00:06:14,733
THE WAY OUT.
153
00:06:14,733 --> 00:06:16,603
SHE LOST A FLIP FLOP.
154
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,730
NOW HE HAS TO TAKE IT TO EVERY
155
00:06:19,733 --> 00:06:23,133
TRAILER PARK UNTIL HE FINDS THE
156
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:23,733
FUGITIVE.
157
00:06:23,733 --> 00:06:25,103
SOMETHING TELLS ME HE'LL JUST
158
00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:28,700
SNIFF IT AND FOR THAT WE THANK
159
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,700
YOU AND IT'S TIME FOR THE
160
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:31,730
"TOSH.0" SEX POSITION OF THE
161
00:06:31,733 --> 00:06:32,333
WEEK.
162
00:06:32,333 --> 00:06:34,933
>> IN THIS POSITION THE WOMAN
163
00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:38,433
MAKES LOVE TO AN EMOTIONALLESS
164
00:06:38,433 --> 00:06:39,073
WHITE MAN.
165
00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:41,167
THIS IS HOW YOU FORM THE MOUNT
166
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:41,827
RUSHMORE.
167
00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:43,203
THANKS, DANIEL, AND REMEMBER
168
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:43,730
KEEP ON [BLEEP]ING.
169
00:06:47,833 --> 00:06:50,173
>> HEY, THERE, KATIE.
170
00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:51,527
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.
171
00:06:51,533 --> 00:06:52,073
>> YAY
172
00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:53,067
>> IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.
173
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:55,897
>> IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.
174
00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:56,730
CUE THE SONG.
175
00:06:56,733 --> 00:07:00,733
THE FIRST TIME WE HUNG OUT I
176
00:07:00,733 --> 00:07:02,173
KNEW WE WERE SPECIAL PERHAPS IT
177
00:07:02,167 --> 00:07:03,397
WAS THE SILLY VOICES.
178
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,430
IT WAS THE BEGINNING OF AN
179
00:07:05,433 --> 00:07:06,603
AWESOME FRIENDSHIP OR MAYBE
180
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:07,070
MORE.
181
00:07:07,067 --> 00:07:09,497
PLEASE, SIR, I WANT SOME MORE.
182
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:12,830
>> HE LIKES YOU.
183
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:20,573
>> YOU GIVE ME A REASON.
184
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:23,797
>> Tosh: IS IT OVER?
185
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,870
I'D BE EMBARRASSED IF I EVEN
186
00:07:25,867 --> 00:07:27,127
REMEMBERED A GIRL'S BIRTHDAY.
187
00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:27,833
THAT'S DAVID.
188
00:07:27,833 --> 00:07:29,633
HE THOUGHT THE QUICKEST WAY TO A
189
00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:32,673
GIRL'S HEART WAS TO MAKE US ALL
190
00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:33,197
NAUSEOUS.
191
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,770
YOU THINK JAMES BOND EVER MADE A
192
00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:37,427
SIX-MINUTE LONG VIDEO TO TELL A
193
00:07:37,433 --> 00:07:38,673
WOMAN HE LIKED HER?
194
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,197
MAYBE BUT I BET IT BLEW HER UP
195
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,100
IN THE END.
196
00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:43,470
IF YOU HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN THE
197
00:07:43,467 --> 00:07:44,727
FIRST 24 HOURS OF MEETING A
198
00:07:44,733 --> 00:07:46,273
GIRL, CONGRATULATIONS YOU'RE IN
199
00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:46,867
THE FRIEND ZONE.
200
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,767
I HAVE ONE FEMALE FRIEND, IT'S
201
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:49,597
MY MOM.
202
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,600
IF SHE WEREN'T SO OLD I'D
203
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,870
PROBABLY TRY TO BANG HER TOO.
204
00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:55,297
IF YOU GIRLS THINK YOU MARRIED
205
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,870
YOUR BEST FRIEND.
206
00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:57,667
THINK AGAIN.
207
00:07:57,667 --> 00:07:59,127
HE NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT THE
208
00:07:59,133 --> 00:08:01,133
NIGHT HE AND HIS REAL BEST
209
00:08:01,133 --> 00:08:06,233
FRIEND SHARED A WHORE IN THE
210
00:08:06,233 --> 00:08:06,803
HOTEL.
211
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,470
NO GIRL WANTS TO TELL HER GAL
212
00:08:09,467 --> 00:08:11,497
PALS REMEMBER THE GUY THAT KEEPS
213
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,400
OFFERING TO TAKE HIP-HOP DANCES
214
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,070
WITH US?
215
00:08:14,067 --> 00:08:15,067
I [BLEEP] HIM NOW.
216
00:08:15,067 --> 00:08:16,827
GOOD LUCK TRYING TO LISTEN YOUR
217
00:08:16,833 --> 00:08:18,803
WAY INTO HER PANTS.
218
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,070
GIVING A GIRL A SHOULDER TO CRY
219
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:23,067
ON IS THE MOST HUMILIATING WAY
220
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:25,067
TO GET HER WET BUT HES WITH
221
00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:28,127
TRYING TO TAKE HIS RELATIONSHIP
222
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,273
FROM THE FRIEND ZONE TO THE BONE
223
00:08:30,267 --> 00:08:32,097
ZONE BUT A WOMAN DOESN'T NEED
224
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:33,530
ANOTHER [BLEEP].
225
00:08:33,533 --> 00:08:38,873
I BROUGHT HIM TO HOLLYWOOD FOR
226
00:08:38,867 --> 00:08:41,527
HIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.
227
00:08:41,533 --> 00:08:42,373
WHAT'S UP?
228
00:08:42,367 --> 00:08:43,067
>> HEY.
229
00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:44,227
>> Tosh: LOOK AT YOU.
230
00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:45,433
THAT'S A GOOD OUTFIT.
231
00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:48,603
THANKS FOR INVITING ME OVER.
232
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,600
IS THAT IS BONUS ROOM OR
233
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:52,170
BEDROOM?
234
00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:52,667
>> CRAFT ROOM.
235
00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:54,397
I MAKE THE ART FOR MY VIDEOS IN
236
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:55,070
HERE.
237
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:55,797
>> Tosh: OKAY.
238
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,900
THIS IS WHAT I EXPECTED.
239
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,600
I LOVE YOUR CREEPY SHRINE.
240
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,070
IS THAT A LIVE FEED?
241
00:09:02,067 --> 00:09:04,127
>> I'M SURE SHE WON'T MIND.
242
00:09:04,133 --> 00:09:05,833
WE HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
243
00:09:05,833 --> 00:09:07,073
>> Tosh: WHERE YOU FROM, DAVID?
244
00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:08,197
>> ORLANDO.
245
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,930
>> Tosh: ARE YOU AN ACTOR?
246
00:09:09,933 --> 00:09:10,703
>> I AM.
247
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,770
>> Tosh: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A
248
00:09:12,767 --> 00:09:13,397
LIVING?
249
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,670
>> I TEACH PUPPETRY.
250
00:09:16,667 --> 00:09:18,067
>> Tosh: WITH JUST THIS?
251
00:09:18,067 --> 00:09:20,327
TELL ME WHY YOU MADE THIS VIDEO.
252
00:09:20,333 --> 00:09:26,633
>> I LIKE TO MAKE THINGS.
253
00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:29,573
ACTUALLY I MADE A VIDEO FOR MY
254
00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:30,127
EX-GIRLFRIEND.
255
00:09:30,133 --> 00:09:31,403
>> Tosh: OKAY.
256
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,670
LET'S STOP RIGHT THERE.
257
00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:34,867
YOU'RE A MADMAN.
258
00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:36,967
TELL ME ABOUT THE FIRST VIDEO.
259
00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:39,627
>> IT WAS FOR A GIRL I DATED
260
00:09:39,633 --> 00:09:40,373
FIVE YEARS.
261
00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:41,697
KATIE WATCHED IT AND ACTUALLY
262
00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:42,370
LIKED IT.
263
00:09:42,367 --> 00:09:44,967
THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY SWEET.
264
00:09:44,967 --> 00:09:46,497
NOW I FELT WEIRD ABOUT THAT
265
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:49,500
BECAUSE I WAS LIKE I DON'T WANT
266
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:50,730
YOU WATCHING SOMETHING I MADE
267
00:09:50,733 --> 00:09:51,573
FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
268
00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:53,497
>> Tosh: AND HOW DID YOU KILL
269
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,730
YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND?
270
00:09:55,733 --> 00:09:57,203
HOW DID SHE RECEIVE THE VIDEO
271
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:58,230
THE FIRST TIME?
272
00:09:58,233 --> 00:09:59,703
>> HAPPY TEARS.
273
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,770
>> Tosh: HAVE HER PARENTS SEEN
274
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:01,497
THE VIDEO.
275
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,170
>> HER DAD HAS.
276
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:04,597
>> Tosh: DID HE ASK YOU TO STAY
277
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:05,470
AWAY FROM HER.
278
00:10:05,467 --> 00:10:07,227
>> INSTEAD OF AN AWESOME
279
00:10:07,233 --> 00:10:08,673
BRACELET REPLACE THE ONE OF A
280
00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:11,127
KIND ONE US LOST BECAUSE OF ME I
281
00:10:11,133 --> 00:10:12,973
DECIDED TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING
282
00:10:12,967 --> 00:10:13,497
INSTEAD.
283
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,130
>> Tosh: WHAT BRACELET DID YOU
284
00:10:15,133 --> 00:10:15,633
LOSE.
285
00:10:15,633 --> 00:10:17,433
>> HE WORE IT FIRST TIME ON YOU
286
00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:18,503
ARE FIRST DAY.
287
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,830
WE HAD AN EPIC FIRST DATE AND
288
00:10:20,833 --> 00:10:29,173
THOUGHT IT FELL OFF ON A
289
00:10:29,167 --> 00:10:29,797
CAROUSEL.
290
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,830
>> Tosh: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
291
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:33,003
>> YOU MAKE ME HAPPY.
292
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,400
I'D LIKE TO RETURN THE FAVOR.
293
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,730
>> Tosh: IS THE WHOLE NICE THING
294
00:10:35,733 --> 00:10:36,403
AN ACT?
295
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,170
>> I WISH IT WAS.
296
00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:39,797
I CAN'T BE A DOUCHE IF I WANTED
297
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:40,570
TO BE.
298
00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:42,027
>> Tosh: WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
299
00:10:42,033 --> 00:10:43,903
YOU GOT PISSED OFF?
300
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:49,770
>> MY EX-GIRLFRIEND.
301
00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:55,097
>> Tosh: SO SHE HAD TO GO.
302
00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:58,300
REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT
303
00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,770
CUTTING CORNERS TO USE MONEY.
304
00:11:00,767 --> 00:11:02,727
>> USE GREEN SCREEN.
305
00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:03,473
>> Tosh: WAIT.
306
00:11:03,467 --> 00:11:05,467
I WANT TO SEE THE LOOK ON HER
307
00:11:05,467 --> 00:11:06,067
FACE.
308
00:11:06,067 --> 00:11:06,597
KATIE?
309
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:10,130
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY
310
00:11:10,133 --> 00:11:10,633
ROOM.
311
00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:13,203
>> Tosh: GOOD QUESTION FIGMENT
312
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,300
OF YOUR IMAGINATION.
313
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,770
ARE YOU READY TO WATCH DAVID
314
00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:18,967
THROW AWAY ANY DIGNITY HE HAS
315
00:11:18,967 --> 00:11:19,527
LEFT.
316
00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:23,403
>> THIS IS DANIEL FROM FOX.0.
317
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,070
MY FRIEND DAVID HAS SOMETHING TO
318
00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:25,827
SAY TO YOU.
319
00:11:25,833 --> 00:11:26,733
HI, KATIE.
320
00:11:26,733 --> 00:11:29,703
I CAME ALL THE WAY TO HOLLYWOOD,
321
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:31,630
MORE LIKE HOLLY WEIRD TO TELL
322
00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:34,733
YOU SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT.
323
00:11:34,733 --> 00:11:38,473
>> Tosh: MUY IMPORTANTE.
324
00:11:38,467 --> 00:11:52,367
>> CUE THE SONG.
325
00:11:52,367 --> 00:11:54,867
KATIE, I LOVE YOU.
326
00:11:54,867 --> 00:11:58,867
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU THAT'S
327
00:11:58,867 --> 00:12:01,197
CRAZY TALK AND A WANT THE WORLD
328
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:01,900
TO KNOW.
329
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:04,870
CAN'T KEEP IT IN ANY LONGER.
330
00:12:04,867 --> 00:12:08,797
I LOVE KATIE.
331
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:13,100
I LOVE KATIE MORE THAN GOAT MEAT
332
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,130
CURRY AND I LOVE GOAT MEAT
333
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:15,733
CURRY.
334
00:12:15,733 --> 00:12:16,773
THE THOUGHT OF BEING WITH ANY
335
00:12:16,767 --> 00:12:17,897
OTHER WOMAN IN THE WORLD MAKES
336
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:22,500
ME SICK.
337
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,600
I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU
338
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,770
FOREVER HAVE BABIES.
339
00:12:25,767 --> 00:12:27,197
TONS OF BABIES.
340
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,970
BABIES EVERYWHERE.
341
00:12:29,967 --> 00:12:34,297
HE WANTS BABIES FROM YOUR WOMB.
342
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:35,070
>> OKAY.
343
00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:36,067
RED RUM.
344
00:12:36,067 --> 00:12:37,867
I EVEN ASKED A SWEET OLD COUPLE
345
00:12:37,867 --> 00:12:40,067
TO TELL ME THE SECRET TO A
346
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:47,597
LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIP.
347
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:56,930
G
348
00:12:56,933 --> 00:13:01,073
GUY HAS NEVER BEEN TO DRIVE INS.
349
00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:03,897
WHETHER I'M UNDER THE SEA OR
350
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:08,630
GOING TO WIZARD SCHOOL.
351
00:13:08,633 --> 00:13:10,873
THIS IS GETTING CREEPY NOW.
352
00:13:10,867 --> 00:13:12,167
I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU
353
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,327
BECAUSE YOU TURN MY WORLD UPSIDE
354
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:18,273
DOWN.
355
00:13:18,267 --> 00:13:22,627
IS THAT WEIRD?
356
00:13:22,633 --> 00:13:25,203
NOBODY WATCHING THIS DOESN'T
357
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,070
THINK YOUR A TOTAL [BLEEP]ING
358
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:28,427
WEIRDO.
359
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,803
IF I CAN'T BE WITH YOU, NO ONE
360
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,970
CAN.
361
00:13:32,967 --> 00:13:34,327
>> HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH HE'S
362
00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:35,073
GOING MURDER YOU.
363
00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:36,497
>> I HAVE ONE QUESTION FOR YOU,
364
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:37,230
KATIE.
365
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:42,473
>> HE'S GOT A QUESTION.
366
00:13:42,467 --> 00:13:45,127
>> BIG QUESTION.
367
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:55,833
KATIE -- NOT THAT.
368
00:13:55,833 --> 00:14:00,973
YEAH, THAT ONE.
369
00:14:00,967 --> 00:14:02,367
KATIE, WILL YOU BE MY BEST
370
00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:04,067
FRIEND THE REST OF MY LIFE.
371
00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:07,267
>> YES, YES, YES.
372
00:14:07,267 --> 00:14:11,497
AMAZING.
373
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:12,730
>> Tosh: I'M [BLEEP]ING YOUR
374
00:14:12,733 --> 00:14:17,533
GIRLFRIEND.
375
00:14:17,533 --> 00:14:21,203
>> Tosh: THANKS, JOHNNY.
376
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,670
WHEN EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE THE
377
00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:23,867
MOVIES YOU BLEED JUST TO KNOW
378
00:14:23,867 --> 00:14:25,067
YOUR ALIVE.
379
00:14:25,067 --> 00:14:26,597
WE'LL BE BACK BUT FIRST DID YOU
380
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:27,800
KNOW THEY HAVE GOVERNMENT IN
381
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:28,300
CANADA.
382
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:35,570
>> I COME FROM A BACKGROUND OF
383
00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:37,627
DIVERSITY AND I GREW UP IN
384
00:14:37,633 --> 00:14:41,173
EDMONTON THE CITY OF CHAMPIONS.
385
00:14:41,167 --> 00:14:42,527
REMEMBER THE SAYING, HE SHOOTS,
386
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:43,303
HE SCORES.
387
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,070
THAT'S HOW BACK OUR FAMILY TIES
388
00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:47,227
BELONG TO IN HIS CITY.
389
00:14:47,233 --> 00:14:48,733
MY DAD WAS ONE OF THE FIRST
390
00:14:48,733 --> 00:15:04,933
PIONEERS.
391
00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:08,133
>> Tosh: I PRAY EVERY SINGLE ONE
392
00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:09,903
OF THEM DROWNS WHILE
393
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:11,970
INSTAGRAMING AND DRIVING THEIR
394
00:15:11,967 --> 00:15:13,367
CHARTERED YACHT.
395
00:15:13,367 --> 00:15:16,097
OR THE ARROGANT TRUST-FUND
396
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:20,070
[BLEEP]S ARE THE MOST SELF
397
00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:23,267
INDULGENT PRICKS.
398
00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:25,327
YOUR PARENTS ONLY SPOIL YOU
399
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:26,733
BECAUSE GIVING YOU AN ISLAND IS
400
00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:28,703
BETTER THAN LOVING YOU AND THE
401
00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:30,400
IMMIGRANT NANNY CARES EVEN LESS.
402
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,500
LOOK AT THIS GUY, GOLFING ON
403
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,130
THEED ME.
404
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:38,073
YOU [BLEEP]ING [BLEEP] HOLE.
405
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,197
GOLFING WHILE YACHTING?
406
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,130
WAS THERE NO ROOM FOR YOUR
407
00:15:41,133 --> 00:15:41,773
THOROUGHBRED.
408
00:15:41,767 --> 00:15:42,697
THIS GUY'S NOT SO RICH.
409
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,270
HE CAN'T EVEN AFFORD SOCKS YOU
410
00:15:45,267 --> 00:15:46,067
[BLEEP].
411
00:15:46,067 --> 00:15:48,327
I DIDN'T KNOW CHANEL CARRIED A
412
00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:49,703
HELLO KITTY LINE.
413
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:55,900
GOOD LUCK CARRYING THAT ON YOU
414
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:57,500
[BLEEP].
415
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,070
JEWELER.
416
00:15:58,067 --> 00:16:00,097
HE'S NOT A JEWELER.
417
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,600
CONGRATS ON USING FIVE OF
418
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,070
SOMETHING NO ONE USES ANY MORE.
419
00:16:04,067 --> 00:16:04,927
YOU DUMB [BLEEP].
420
00:16:04,933 --> 00:16:07,133
WHO WEARS A WATCH ON THEIR HAND?
421
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,403
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY IT'S
422
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:15,130
EASIER FOR A POOR MAN TO DRIVE
423
00:16:15,133 --> 00:16:17,933
HIS HONDA ACCORD TO HEAVEN THAN
424
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:21,203
PUTTING A CAMEL IN HIS BUGATTI.
425
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:25,130
I ASKED FOR PICTURES FOR A NEW
426
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:28,303
SEGMENT CALLED BROKE [BLEEP]
427
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:30,230
MOFOS TAKING BROKE-[BLEEP]
428
00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:31,433
PHOTOS FOR "TOSH.0."
429
00:16:31,433 --> 00:16:32,233
YEAH, 69 CENTS.
430
00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:33,433
I CAN GET BEHIND THAT.
431
00:16:33,433 --> 00:16:36,673
LOOK AT THAT, DISPOSABLE RAZORS.
432
00:16:36,667 --> 00:16:39,197
MORE LIKE RAZORS FOR LIFE, SON.
433
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,430
LIVING THE DREAM.
434
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,903
ZONE 3, MIDDLE SEAT.
435
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:44,600
THAT'S HOW I ROLL.
436
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:45,870
HAVE TO KEEP THE BIG BILLS ON
437
00:16:45,867 --> 00:16:47,067
THE OUTSIDE.
438
00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:49,427
PAYDAY.
439
00:16:49,433 --> 00:16:52,903
THAT COULD BE GOOD MONEY
440
00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:59,200
ESPECIALLY IN YOU LIVE IN MAINE.
441
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,370
THOSE ARE SPEAKERS AND BY THE
442
00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:04,067
LOOK ON HER FACE I GUESS THE
443
00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:06,397
SUBWOOFERS ARE BETWEEN HER LEGS.
444
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,530
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WIC WAS UNTIL
445
00:17:08,533 --> 00:17:10,803
SOMEONE TOLD ME.
446
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:11,600
SHE'S POOR.
447
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,700
DOUBLE PEGS FOR DOUBLE THE
448
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:13,070
WOMEN.
449
00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:15,627
WE CAN'T AFFORD A BIG TV SO WE
450
00:17:15,633 --> 00:17:19,333
TAKE TURNS LOOKING TOUGH THE
451
00:17:19,333 --> 00:17:19,903
BIGGAIFIER.
452
00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:20,970
HE LEFT A NEGATIVE TIP.
453
00:17:20,967 --> 00:17:22,227
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS LEGAL.
454
00:17:22,233 --> 00:17:26,073
NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY OUR MOST
455
00:17:26,067 --> 00:17:28,367
WELL-KNOWNED POPULAR, COVET AND
456
00:17:28,367 --> 00:17:31,067
LONGEST-RUNNING SEGMENT, IS IT
457
00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:31,667
RACIST.
458
00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:33,527
OH, I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW
459
00:17:33,533 --> 00:17:35,573
EXCITED I AM FOR THIS ONE.
460
00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:37,127
WE ANSWER THE VEXING QUESTIONS
461
00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:39,373
WITH THE NEW SEGMENT, RACIST OR
462
00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:42,467
NOT RACIST.
463
00:17:42,467 --> 00:17:43,067
ALL RIGHT.
464
00:17:43,067 --> 00:17:44,727
I'LL HANDLE THIS.
465
00:17:44,733 --> 00:17:48,403
THAT DOES NOT SEEM RACIST.
466
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,730
SEEMS AWFULLY FAMILIAR.
467
00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:54,073
I'M SURE YOU CAN ARGUE IF THEY
468
00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:55,527
DELIBERATELY TOOK THE BIT FROM
469
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,173
US IT COULD BE STEALING AND
470
00:17:57,167 --> 00:17:59,067
STEALING OFTEN GETS ASSOCIATED
471
00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:01,897
WITH CERTAIN RACES, FAIRLY OR
472
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:02,600
UNFAIRLY.
473
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,570
YES, I SUPPOSE THE CASE COULD BE
474
00:18:04,567 --> 00:18:06,067
MADE THIS IS RACIST BUT I'D LIKE
475
00:18:06,067 --> 00:18:08,327
TO GO ON RECORD AS SAYING I AM
476
00:18:08,333 --> 00:18:09,603
FINE WITH SHARING OUR CONTENT
477
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,400
WITH THE DAILY SHOW SO LONGS
478
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,970
THEY DO THE RIGHT THING AND
479
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,067
THANK ME IN THEIR SPEECH IF THEY
480
00:18:15,067 --> 00:18:16,727
EVER WIN AN EMMY AGAIN.
481
00:18:16,733 --> 00:18:18,073
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST
482
00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:20,427
IT'S YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN.
483
00:18:29,633 --> 00:18:30,903
>> Tosh: WELCOME BACK TO THE
484
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:33,270
WILD WORLD STAR HIP-HOP.
485
00:18:33,267 --> 00:18:34,727
NOW, YOU LIKE IMPRESSIONS?
486
00:18:34,733 --> 00:18:37,833
WE HAVE BAD ONES COMING NEXT
487
00:18:37,833 --> 00:18:38,333
WEEK.
488
00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:41,403
>> MY FELLOW AMERICANS, GEORGE
489
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,600
W. BUSH FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE
490
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:45,400
UNITED STATES.
491
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,600
>> JOSH GROBAN.
492
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,100
>> HE STILL HAS A BETTER CHANCE
493
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:53,070
OF GETTING ON SNL THAN A BLACK
494
00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:53,467
LADY.
495
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:54,067
DIVERSITY.
496
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,197
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AND KEEP UP
497
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,830
WITH OUR BLOG AND WATCH ME DO
498
00:18:57,833 --> 00:19:00,073
NOTHING BUT CROWD WORK AT A
499
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:02,697
COMEDY CLUB NEAR YOU AND MY
500
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:06,830
FAVORITE BERRY IS STRAW BUT
501
00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:09,173
BRICKLE IS A CLOSE SECOND.
502
00:19:09,167 --> 00:19:10,327
YOU HEARD OF AIDS?
503
00:19:10,333 --> 00:19:12,603
THE PORNO INDUSTRY MAKES THEIR
504
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,230
EMPLOYEES GET TESTED EVERY WEEK.
505
00:19:14,233 --> 00:19:16,703
THERE'S NO WAY I'LL LET MY
506
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:19,630
OFFICE BE LESS SAFE THAN THE SET
507
00:19:19,633 --> 00:19:22,173
OF SOME RANCHY GANGBANG IN VAN
508
00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:22,497
NUYS.
509
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,100
NOW I'M FORCING MY STAFF TO TAKE
510
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:25,870
THEM EVERY TUESDAY.
511
00:19:25,867 --> 00:19:31,267
ALREADY, YOU JERKS, IT'S TIME
512
00:19:31,267 --> 00:19:34,797
FOR YOUR MANDATORY AIDS TEST.
513
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,230
TAKE YOUR STICKS AND SWIPE ON
514
00:19:38,233 --> 00:19:40,503
TOP AND BOTTOM.
515
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:44,730
I'M NOT ONE TO JUDGE BUT IF
516
00:19:44,733 --> 00:19:48,233
YOU'RE THINK OF WIPING YOUR
517
00:19:48,233 --> 00:19:49,703
[BLEEP] I THINK WE DON'T NEED TO
518
00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:50,570
TAKE YOUR TEST.
519
00:19:50,567 --> 00:19:51,967
NOW SIT BACK FOR 20 MINUTES AND
520
00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:54,167
WE'LL SEE IF LIFE AS YOU KNOW IS
521
00:19:54,167 --> 00:19:57,297
RUINED.
522
00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:58,070
OKAY.
523
00:19:58,067 --> 00:19:59,127
IT'S BEEN 20 LONG AGONIZING
524
00:19:59,133 --> 00:19:59,633
MINUTES.
525
00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,003
OUR TESTS ARE READY.
526
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,130
IF THERE IS ONE LINE NEXT TO THE
527
00:20:03,133 --> 00:20:05,403
C AND NO LINE NEXT TO THE T YOUR
528
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:09,200
TEST RESULT IS NEGATIVE.
529
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,770
NEGATIVE'S GOOD THOUGH IT SOUNDS
530
00:20:10,767 --> 00:20:11,897
NEGATIVE.
531
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,930
POSITIVE RESULTS, IF THERE ARE
532
00:20:13,933 --> 00:20:16,373
TWO LINES, ONE NEXT TO THE C AND
533
00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:18,697
ONE NEXT TO THE T YOU MAY HAVE
534
00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,870
HIV.
535
00:20:20,867 --> 00:20:22,167
IT COULDN'T BE SIMPLER.
536
00:20:22,167 --> 00:20:23,967
LET'S GO AROUND THE ROOM AND
537
00:20:23,967 --> 00:20:26,167
READ THE RESULTS, EDDIE.
538
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:27,927
>> NO.
539
00:20:27,933 --> 00:20:31,833
>> YAY.
540
00:20:31,833 --> 00:20:32,903
GARRET?
541
00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:35,030
>> NO AIDS.
542
00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:39,533
THANK GOD.
543
00:20:39,533 --> 00:20:40,833
>> Tosh: CHARLIE?
544
00:20:40,833 --> 00:20:41,973
>> AIDS.
545
00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:42,997
>> Tosh: I'M SORRY.
546
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,970
>> I'M KIDDING.
547
00:20:44,967 --> 00:20:46,067
>> Tosh: OH!
548
00:20:46,067 --> 00:20:48,227
SON OF A [BLEEP], MAN, OKAY.
549
00:20:48,233 --> 00:20:49,003
JOE.
550
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:52,670
>> MY RESULTS WERE PENDING.
551
00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:53,227
>>
552
00:20:53,233 --> 00:20:55,473
>> Tosh: WE FIGURED THAT.
553
00:20:55,467 --> 00:20:57,197
WHAT ABOUT MY AIDS TEST?
554
00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,270
TO MAKE IT MORE SUSPENSEFUL I
555
00:21:00,267 --> 00:21:04,297
HAD MY RESULTS PLACE IN A SEALED
556
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:04,870
ENVELOPE.
557
00:21:04,867 --> 00:21:06,067
LOOKS LIKE I HAVE A DIFFICULT
558
00:21:06,067 --> 00:21:07,167
GROUP TEXT TO SEND OUT.
559
00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:07,497
GOOD NIGHT.
560
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:17,467
>> Tosh: I'M NOT USED TO WEARING
561
00:21:17,467 --> 00:21:19,727
SO MANY ACCESSORIES.
562
00:21:19,733 --> 00:21:22,933
>> HAVE YOU TO GET USED TO IT.
563
00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:24,073
>> Tosh: HOW MANY LEATHER CUFFS
564
00:21:24,067 --> 00:21:24,867
DO YOU OWN?
565
00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:27,167
>> HAVE YOU TO HAVE BROWN AND
566
00:21:27,167 --> 00:21:27,727
BLACK.
35092
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.