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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,967 --> 00:00:22,267 [ DISCLAIMER ] 2 00:00:22,267 --> 00:00:30,097 >> I CAN DO IT. 3 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:31,170 >> OH, MY -- 4 00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:35,327 [**] 5 00:00:38,167 --> 00:00:43,467 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 6 00:00:43,467 --> 00:00:45,097 >> Tosh: JIM BEAM IN A CAN 7 00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:46,330 SHOULD BE ALL THE EXPLANATION 8 00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:46,803 YOU NEED. 9 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:48,270 WELCOME TO "TOSH.0." 10 00:00:48,267 --> 00:00:49,667 TO GET STARTED I'LL NEED A 11 00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:51,197 SUGGESTION FROM SOMEONE IN THE 12 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:51,830 AUDIENCE. 13 00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:54,733 >> IMPROV. 14 00:00:54,733 --> 00:00:56,503 >> Tosh: TONIGHT ON THE SHOW I 15 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,370 BRING HIS LADY MAN -- I MEAN 16 00:00:58,367 --> 00:00:59,527 LADY'S MAN AND WHY POOR'S THE 17 00:00:59,533 --> 00:01:01,933 NEW RICH AND PLAY IS IT RACIST 18 00:01:01,933 --> 00:01:04,073 AND I GET TESTED FOR AIDS. 19 00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:06,897 NOW, WHAT WAS THIS YOUNG MAN 20 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:07,500 THINKING? 21 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,070 IT WASN'T EVEN BAIT IN THERE. 22 00:01:09,067 --> 00:01:11,627 CAUGHT ONE. 23 00:01:11,633 --> 00:01:13,403 YOU HAVE TO ATTACK YOUR 24 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,530 BLACKHEADS. 25 00:01:16,533 --> 00:01:18,403 HE'S NOT SCREAMING BECAUSE HIS 26 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,530 FACE IS SEALED SHUT. 27 00:01:19,533 --> 00:01:21,173 WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP 28 00:01:21,167 --> 00:01:24,367 TESTING ANIMAL TRAPS ON HUMANS? 29 00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:26,267 ON THE UPSIDE HIS PELT WILL 30 00:01:26,267 --> 00:01:29,527 FETCH A HANDSOME FEE AT MARKET. 31 00:01:29,533 --> 00:01:30,633 NOW, PLEASE RISE FOR OUR 32 00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:31,673 NATIONAL ANTHEM. 33 00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:33,527 WE'RE NOT GOING TO FILM YOU GUYS 34 00:01:33,533 --> 00:01:36,233 SO IT'S TOTALLY COOL IF YOU STAY 35 00:01:36,233 --> 00:01:42,103 SEATED. 36 00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,470 >> Tosh: COLOR GUARD, ARREST 37 00:01:43,467 --> 00:01:44,827 THAT BOY. 38 00:01:44,833 --> 00:01:46,773 I FEEL BAD HIS KID'S DAD LEFT 39 00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:51,327 WORK AT 3:30 FOR THIS. 40 00:01:51,333 --> 00:01:53,073 [LAUGHTER] 41 00:01:53,067 --> 00:01:55,327 >> Tosh: OLE BUTTERFINGERS BET 42 00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:57,203 ARE START MAKE CYMBAL NOISES 43 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,070 WITH HIS MOUTH 44 00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:58,967 YOU CAN'T RATTLE HIM. 45 00:01:58,967 --> 00:02:00,427 THAT'S WHY HE GETS ALL THE BAND 46 00:02:00,433 --> 00:02:02,703 [BLEEP]. 47 00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:04,800 USING PATRIOTISM TO COVER HIS 48 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:05,370 MISTAKES. 49 00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:06,327 THAT KID HAS A FUTURE IN 50 00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:07,703 POLITICS. 51 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:10,500 YOU CAN SALUTE YOUR WAY OUT OF 52 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:24,570 ANY EMBARRASSING SITUATION. 53 00:02:24,567 --> 00:02:41,627 [LAUGHTER] 54 00:02:41,633 --> 00:02:43,473 >> Tosh: I THINK IT WAS THE 55 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,327 BLOND GIRL NEXT TO ME. 56 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,403 ALL RIGHT, IF NO ONE WANTS TO 57 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:51,500 PONY UP $35 FOR YOUR COUCH ON 58 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:52,530 CRAIGSLIST YOU CAN ALWAYS DO 59 00:02:52,533 --> 00:02:54,433 THIS. 60 00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:55,873 >> DOWN THERE? 61 00:02:55,867 --> 00:02:56,627 >> NOPE. 62 00:02:56,633 --> 00:02:58,373 >> Tosh: I MEAN, YES. 63 00:02:58,367 --> 00:02:59,667 KIND OF OF. 64 00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:02,497 THERE WAS SOME ONE HALFWAY DOWN. 65 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:04,470 YOU BETTER BELIEVE THE HOA BOARD 66 00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:05,897 WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS. 67 00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,200 I'M SURE THEY AT LEAST CALLED 68 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,070 THE CITY TO ARRANGE FOR A BULK 69 00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:10,827 ITEM PICK UP. 70 00:03:10,833 --> 00:03:12,833 IF ANY OF YOU EVER NEED HELP 71 00:03:12,833 --> 00:03:14,173 MOVING FEEL FREE TO DIFF ME A 72 00:03:14,167 --> 00:03:15,667 CALL. 73 00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:20,367 >> ARE YOU DOWN THERE? 74 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:21,667 >> Tosh: THE PROBLEM WITH MY 75 00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:23,527 MOVING COMPANY IS I'M LICENSED 76 00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:25,073 BUT NOT BONDED. 77 00:03:25,067 --> 00:03:27,067 YOU NEED TO BE BOTH. 78 00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:28,567 NOW, IF YOU'RE IN ALABAMA AND 79 00:03:28,567 --> 00:03:30,797 YOUR SISTER TEXTS YOU THAT SHE 80 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:32,600 WANTS YOU INSIDE HER HONEY POT 81 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:33,770 YOU GET THERE AS FAST AS YOU 82 00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:39,497 CAN. 83 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:44,400 AIRBAG WORKS. 84 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,370 OVERSHOT IT A SKOSH THERE, 85 00:03:47,367 --> 00:03:47,827 GOOBER. 86 00:03:47,833 --> 00:03:48,903 CARS LOSE HALF THEIR VALUE THE 87 00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:50,200 MINUTE YOU DRIVE THEM OFF THE 88 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:50,600 RAMP. 89 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,370 WE GET IT. 90 00:03:52,367 --> 00:03:54,067 THE BLACK TRUCK CAN JUMP HIGHER 91 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:58,867 THAN ALL THE OTHER TRUCKS. 92 00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:01,267 I HOPE THEY'RE DIP CUP DIDN'T 93 00:04:01,267 --> 00:04:01,767 SPILL. 94 00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:03,767 YOU KNOW IT'S NOT BUILT FORD 95 00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:04,427 TOUGH? 96 00:04:04,433 --> 00:04:08,233 THE HUMAN BODY. 97 00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:11,203 YOU BETTER BE OKAY 98 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,170 I NEED YOU PROTECTING ME FROM 99 00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:17,367 THE PERVERT ALCOHOLIC UNCLE 100 00:04:17,367 --> 00:04:18,067 JESSE. 101 00:04:18,067 --> 00:04:20,197 >> Tosh: HOPEFULLY I WON'T GET 102 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,070 ENORMOUSLY FAT LIKE ALL THE 103 00:04:22,067 --> 00:04:23,397 OTHER ACTRESS HAS IT PLAYED 104 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,770 DAISY DUKE BEFORE ME. 105 00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:25,927 OKAY, THERE'S NOTHING I LIKE 106 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,573 MORE THAN A CONFIDENT MAN WHO 107 00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:29,897 MAINTAINS EYE CONTACT IN THE 108 00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:31,800 BEDROOM. 109 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,230 HE'S PREPARED TO PROTECT HIS 110 00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:37,103 VIRGINITY WITH HIS LIFE. 111 00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:39,170 PUT YOUR STEAK KNIFE AWAY, TUBS. 112 00:04:39,167 --> 00:04:41,197 YOU MAY WANT TO GO UP A ROBE 113 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:45,070 SIZE OR TWO. 114 00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,697 HE PUT THE LOOFAH ON THE SWORD 115 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,330 TO WASH HIMSELF. 116 00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:50,403 IS THAT THE SOUND OF HIS OLD 117 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,200 CAMERA FOCUSSING OR STOMACH 118 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:53,770 GROWLING? 119 00:04:53,767 --> 00:05:04,367 ALL RIGHT. 120 00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:06,067 I GUESS THE SIGN THAT SAYS THE 121 00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:09,567 REGISTER CONTAINS LESS THAN $50 122 00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:12,967 A BUNCH OF BULL HONKY. 123 00:05:12,967 --> 00:05:15,067 NOW LET'S SEE WHY WATCH A WOMAN 124 00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:18,597 ON CAMERA MAKES ME HORNY. 125 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,730 THERE'S NO REASON TO GO INSIDE A 126 00:05:20,733 --> 00:05:24,203 GAS STATION UNLESS YOU FEEL LIKE 127 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:24,830 STEALING. 128 00:05:24,833 --> 00:05:26,273 RINGING YOURSELF UP, HUH? 129 00:05:26,267 --> 00:05:30,627 MAYBE SHE'S PART INDIAN. 130 00:05:30,633 --> 00:05:32,373 SHE'S WEAR A SKI MASK BUT 131 00:05:32,367 --> 00:05:34,527 DOESN'T FRIZZY HAIR THE NEXT 132 00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:35,073 DAY. 133 00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:36,227 WHY DOESN'T SHE GET HER 134 00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:39,273 BOYFRIEND TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING 135 00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:41,167 LIKE ANY CHICK. 136 00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:42,727 SHE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE 137 00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:47,203 TAKE A PENNY SYSTEM. 138 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,500 SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE BIG BILLS 139 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:50,500 ARE UNDER THE TRAY? 140 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:54,670 THAT'S RIGHT, CASHIERS, YOUR 141 00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:58,167 SECURITY SYSTEM HAS BEEN 142 00:05:58,167 --> 00:05:58,797 COMPROMISED. 143 00:05:58,800 --> 00:05:59,570 HE'S COMING. 144 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,067 THAT'S A MINIMUM WAGE EFFORT. 145 00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:02,767 MAYBE IF YOU WERE BETTER AT 146 00:06:02,767 --> 00:06:05,067 TACKLING IT WOULDN'T BE YOUR DAY 147 00:06:05,067 --> 00:06:05,497 JOB. 148 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:06,870 IN HIS DEFENSE HE DIDN'T HAVE 149 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:10,067 TIME TO PROPERLY WIPE. 150 00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:12,467 BE SURE TO GRAB A MINIATURE 151 00:06:12,467 --> 00:06:13,727 LICENSE PLATE YOUR NAME ON IT ON 152 00:06:13,733 --> 00:06:14,733 THE WAY OUT. 153 00:06:14,733 --> 00:06:16,603 SHE LOST A FLIP FLOP. 154 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,730 NOW HE HAS TO TAKE IT TO EVERY 155 00:06:19,733 --> 00:06:23,133 TRAILER PARK UNTIL HE FINDS THE 156 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:23,733 FUGITIVE. 157 00:06:23,733 --> 00:06:25,103 SOMETHING TELLS ME HE'LL JUST 158 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:28,700 SNIFF IT AND FOR THAT WE THANK 159 00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,700 YOU AND IT'S TIME FOR THE 160 00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:31,730 "TOSH.0" SEX POSITION OF THE 161 00:06:31,733 --> 00:06:32,333 WEEK. 162 00:06:32,333 --> 00:06:34,933 >> IN THIS POSITION THE WOMAN 163 00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:38,433 MAKES LOVE TO AN EMOTIONALLESS 164 00:06:38,433 --> 00:06:39,073 WHITE MAN. 165 00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:41,167 THIS IS HOW YOU FORM THE MOUNT 166 00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:41,827 RUSHMORE. 167 00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:43,203 THANKS, DANIEL, AND REMEMBER 168 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:43,730 KEEP ON [BLEEP]ING. 169 00:06:47,833 --> 00:06:50,173 >> HEY, THERE, KATIE. 170 00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:51,527 IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. 171 00:06:51,533 --> 00:06:52,073 >> YAY 172 00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:53,067 >> IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. 173 00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:55,897 >> IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. 174 00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:56,730 CUE THE SONG. 175 00:06:56,733 --> 00:07:00,733 THE FIRST TIME WE HUNG OUT I 176 00:07:00,733 --> 00:07:02,173 KNEW WE WERE SPECIAL PERHAPS IT 177 00:07:02,167 --> 00:07:03,397 WAS THE SILLY VOICES. 178 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,430 IT WAS THE BEGINNING OF AN 179 00:07:05,433 --> 00:07:06,603 AWESOME FRIENDSHIP OR MAYBE 180 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:07,070 MORE. 181 00:07:07,067 --> 00:07:09,497 PLEASE, SIR, I WANT SOME MORE. 182 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:12,830 >> HE LIKES YOU. 183 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:20,573 >> YOU GIVE ME A REASON. 184 00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:23,797 >> Tosh: IS IT OVER? 185 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,870 I'D BE EMBARRASSED IF I EVEN 186 00:07:25,867 --> 00:07:27,127 REMEMBERED A GIRL'S BIRTHDAY. 187 00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:27,833 THAT'S DAVID. 188 00:07:27,833 --> 00:07:29,633 HE THOUGHT THE QUICKEST WAY TO A 189 00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:32,673 GIRL'S HEART WAS TO MAKE US ALL 190 00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:33,197 NAUSEOUS. 191 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,770 YOU THINK JAMES BOND EVER MADE A 192 00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:37,427 SIX-MINUTE LONG VIDEO TO TELL A 193 00:07:37,433 --> 00:07:38,673 WOMAN HE LIKED HER? 194 00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,197 MAYBE BUT I BET IT BLEW HER UP 195 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,100 IN THE END. 196 00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:43,470 IF YOU HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN THE 197 00:07:43,467 --> 00:07:44,727 FIRST 24 HOURS OF MEETING A 198 00:07:44,733 --> 00:07:46,273 GIRL, CONGRATULATIONS YOU'RE IN 199 00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:46,867 THE FRIEND ZONE. 200 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,767 I HAVE ONE FEMALE FRIEND, IT'S 201 00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:49,597 MY MOM. 202 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,600 IF SHE WEREN'T SO OLD I'D 203 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,870 PROBABLY TRY TO BANG HER TOO. 204 00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:55,297 IF YOU GIRLS THINK YOU MARRIED 205 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,870 YOUR BEST FRIEND. 206 00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:57,667 THINK AGAIN. 207 00:07:57,667 --> 00:07:59,127 HE NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT THE 208 00:07:59,133 --> 00:08:01,133 NIGHT HE AND HIS REAL BEST 209 00:08:01,133 --> 00:08:06,233 FRIEND SHARED A WHORE IN THE 210 00:08:06,233 --> 00:08:06,803 HOTEL. 211 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,470 NO GIRL WANTS TO TELL HER GAL 212 00:08:09,467 --> 00:08:11,497 PALS REMEMBER THE GUY THAT KEEPS 213 00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,400 OFFERING TO TAKE HIP-HOP DANCES 214 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,070 WITH US? 215 00:08:14,067 --> 00:08:15,067 I [BLEEP] HIM NOW. 216 00:08:15,067 --> 00:08:16,827 GOOD LUCK TRYING TO LISTEN YOUR 217 00:08:16,833 --> 00:08:18,803 WAY INTO HER PANTS. 218 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,070 GIVING A GIRL A SHOULDER TO CRY 219 00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:23,067 ON IS THE MOST HUMILIATING WAY 220 00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:25,067 TO GET HER WET BUT HES WITH 221 00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:28,127 TRYING TO TAKE HIS RELATIONSHIP 222 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,273 FROM THE FRIEND ZONE TO THE BONE 223 00:08:30,267 --> 00:08:32,097 ZONE BUT A WOMAN DOESN'T NEED 224 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:33,530 ANOTHER [BLEEP]. 225 00:08:33,533 --> 00:08:38,873 I BROUGHT HIM TO HOLLYWOOD FOR 226 00:08:38,867 --> 00:08:41,527 HIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION. 227 00:08:41,533 --> 00:08:42,373 WHAT'S UP? 228 00:08:42,367 --> 00:08:43,067 >> HEY. 229 00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:44,227 >> Tosh: LOOK AT YOU. 230 00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:45,433 THAT'S A GOOD OUTFIT. 231 00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:48,603 THANKS FOR INVITING ME OVER. 232 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,600 IS THAT IS BONUS ROOM OR 233 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:52,170 BEDROOM? 234 00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:52,667 >> CRAFT ROOM. 235 00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:54,397 I MAKE THE ART FOR MY VIDEOS IN 236 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:55,070 HERE. 237 00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:55,797 >> Tosh: OKAY. 238 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,900 THIS IS WHAT I EXPECTED. 239 00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,600 I LOVE YOUR CREEPY SHRINE. 240 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,070 IS THAT A LIVE FEED? 241 00:09:02,067 --> 00:09:04,127 >> I'M SURE SHE WON'T MIND. 242 00:09:04,133 --> 00:09:05,833 WE HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE. 243 00:09:05,833 --> 00:09:07,073 >> Tosh: WHERE YOU FROM, DAVID? 244 00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:08,197 >> ORLANDO. 245 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,930 >> Tosh: ARE YOU AN ACTOR? 246 00:09:09,933 --> 00:09:10,703 >> I AM. 247 00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,770 >> Tosh: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A 248 00:09:12,767 --> 00:09:13,397 LIVING? 249 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,670 >> I TEACH PUPPETRY. 250 00:09:16,667 --> 00:09:18,067 >> Tosh: WITH JUST THIS? 251 00:09:18,067 --> 00:09:20,327 TELL ME WHY YOU MADE THIS VIDEO. 252 00:09:20,333 --> 00:09:26,633 >> I LIKE TO MAKE THINGS. 253 00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:29,573 ACTUALLY I MADE A VIDEO FOR MY 254 00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:30,127 EX-GIRLFRIEND. 255 00:09:30,133 --> 00:09:31,403 >> Tosh: OKAY. 256 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,670 LET'S STOP RIGHT THERE. 257 00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:34,867 YOU'RE A MADMAN. 258 00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:36,967 TELL ME ABOUT THE FIRST VIDEO. 259 00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:39,627 >> IT WAS FOR A GIRL I DATED 260 00:09:39,633 --> 00:09:40,373 FIVE YEARS. 261 00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:41,697 KATIE WATCHED IT AND ACTUALLY 262 00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:42,370 LIKED IT. 263 00:09:42,367 --> 00:09:44,967 THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY SWEET. 264 00:09:44,967 --> 00:09:46,497 NOW I FELT WEIRD ABOUT THAT 265 00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:49,500 BECAUSE I WAS LIKE I DON'T WANT 266 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:50,730 YOU WATCHING SOMETHING I MADE 267 00:09:50,733 --> 00:09:51,573 FOR SOMEONE ELSE. 268 00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:53,497 >> Tosh: AND HOW DID YOU KILL 269 00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,730 YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND? 270 00:09:55,733 --> 00:09:57,203 HOW DID SHE RECEIVE THE VIDEO 271 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:58,230 THE FIRST TIME? 272 00:09:58,233 --> 00:09:59,703 >> HAPPY TEARS. 273 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,770 >> Tosh: HAVE HER PARENTS SEEN 274 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:01,497 THE VIDEO. 275 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,170 >> HER DAD HAS. 276 00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:04,597 >> Tosh: DID HE ASK YOU TO STAY 277 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:05,470 AWAY FROM HER. 278 00:10:05,467 --> 00:10:07,227 >> INSTEAD OF AN AWESOME 279 00:10:07,233 --> 00:10:08,673 BRACELET REPLACE THE ONE OF A 280 00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:11,127 KIND ONE US LOST BECAUSE OF ME I 281 00:10:11,133 --> 00:10:12,973 DECIDED TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING 282 00:10:12,967 --> 00:10:13,497 INSTEAD. 283 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,130 >> Tosh: WHAT BRACELET DID YOU 284 00:10:15,133 --> 00:10:15,633 LOSE. 285 00:10:15,633 --> 00:10:17,433 >> HE WORE IT FIRST TIME ON YOU 286 00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:18,503 ARE FIRST DAY. 287 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,830 WE HAD AN EPIC FIRST DATE AND 288 00:10:20,833 --> 00:10:29,173 THOUGHT IT FELL OFF ON A 289 00:10:29,167 --> 00:10:29,797 CAROUSEL. 290 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,830 >> Tosh: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? 291 00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:33,003 >> YOU MAKE ME HAPPY. 292 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,400 I'D LIKE TO RETURN THE FAVOR. 293 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,730 >> Tosh: IS THE WHOLE NICE THING 294 00:10:35,733 --> 00:10:36,403 AN ACT? 295 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,170 >> I WISH IT WAS. 296 00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:39,797 I CAN'T BE A DOUCHE IF I WANTED 297 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:40,570 TO BE. 298 00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:42,027 >> Tosh: WHEN'S THE LAST TIME 299 00:10:42,033 --> 00:10:43,903 YOU GOT PISSED OFF? 300 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:49,770 >> MY EX-GIRLFRIEND. 301 00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:55,097 >> Tosh: SO SHE HAD TO GO. 302 00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:58,300 REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT 303 00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,770 CUTTING CORNERS TO USE MONEY. 304 00:11:00,767 --> 00:11:02,727 >> USE GREEN SCREEN. 305 00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:03,473 >> Tosh: WAIT. 306 00:11:03,467 --> 00:11:05,467 I WANT TO SEE THE LOOK ON HER 307 00:11:05,467 --> 00:11:06,067 FACE. 308 00:11:06,067 --> 00:11:06,597 KATIE? 309 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:10,130 >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY 310 00:11:10,133 --> 00:11:10,633 ROOM. 311 00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:13,203 >> Tosh: GOOD QUESTION FIGMENT 312 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,300 OF YOUR IMAGINATION. 313 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,770 ARE YOU READY TO WATCH DAVID 314 00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:18,967 THROW AWAY ANY DIGNITY HE HAS 315 00:11:18,967 --> 00:11:19,527 LEFT. 316 00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:23,403 >> THIS IS DANIEL FROM FOX.0. 317 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,070 MY FRIEND DAVID HAS SOMETHING TO 318 00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:25,827 SAY TO YOU. 319 00:11:25,833 --> 00:11:26,733 HI, KATIE. 320 00:11:26,733 --> 00:11:29,703 I CAME ALL THE WAY TO HOLLYWOOD, 321 00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:31,630 MORE LIKE HOLLY WEIRD TO TELL 322 00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:34,733 YOU SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT. 323 00:11:34,733 --> 00:11:38,473 >> Tosh: MUY IMPORTANTE. 324 00:11:38,467 --> 00:11:52,367 >> CUE THE SONG. 325 00:11:52,367 --> 00:11:54,867 KATIE, I LOVE YOU. 326 00:11:54,867 --> 00:11:58,867 I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU THAT'S 327 00:11:58,867 --> 00:12:01,197 CRAZY TALK AND A WANT THE WORLD 328 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:01,900 TO KNOW. 329 00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:04,870 CAN'T KEEP IT IN ANY LONGER. 330 00:12:04,867 --> 00:12:08,797 I LOVE KATIE. 331 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:13,100 I LOVE KATIE MORE THAN GOAT MEAT 332 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,130 CURRY AND I LOVE GOAT MEAT 333 00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:15,733 CURRY. 334 00:12:15,733 --> 00:12:16,773 THE THOUGHT OF BEING WITH ANY 335 00:12:16,767 --> 00:12:17,897 OTHER WOMAN IN THE WORLD MAKES 336 00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:22,500 ME SICK. 337 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,600 I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU 338 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,770 FOREVER HAVE BABIES. 339 00:12:25,767 --> 00:12:27,197 TONS OF BABIES. 340 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,970 BABIES EVERYWHERE. 341 00:12:29,967 --> 00:12:34,297 HE WANTS BABIES FROM YOUR WOMB. 342 00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:35,070 >> OKAY. 343 00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:36,067 RED RUM. 344 00:12:36,067 --> 00:12:37,867 I EVEN ASKED A SWEET OLD COUPLE 345 00:12:37,867 --> 00:12:40,067 TO TELL ME THE SECRET TO A 346 00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:47,597 LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIP. 347 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:56,930 G 348 00:12:56,933 --> 00:13:01,073 GUY HAS NEVER BEEN TO DRIVE INS. 349 00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:03,897 WHETHER I'M UNDER THE SEA OR 350 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:08,630 GOING TO WIZARD SCHOOL. 351 00:13:08,633 --> 00:13:10,873 THIS IS GETTING CREEPY NOW. 352 00:13:10,867 --> 00:13:12,167 I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU 353 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,327 BECAUSE YOU TURN MY WORLD UPSIDE 354 00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:18,273 DOWN. 355 00:13:18,267 --> 00:13:22,627 IS THAT WEIRD? 356 00:13:22,633 --> 00:13:25,203 NOBODY WATCHING THIS DOESN'T 357 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,070 THINK YOUR A TOTAL [BLEEP]ING 358 00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:28,427 WEIRDO. 359 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,803 IF I CAN'T BE WITH YOU, NO ONE 360 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,970 CAN. 361 00:13:32,967 --> 00:13:34,327 >> HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH HE'S 362 00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:35,073 GOING MURDER YOU. 363 00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:36,497 >> I HAVE ONE QUESTION FOR YOU, 364 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:37,230 KATIE. 365 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:42,473 >> HE'S GOT A QUESTION. 366 00:13:42,467 --> 00:13:45,127 >> BIG QUESTION. 367 00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:55,833 KATIE -- NOT THAT. 368 00:13:55,833 --> 00:14:00,973 YEAH, THAT ONE. 369 00:14:00,967 --> 00:14:02,367 KATIE, WILL YOU BE MY BEST 370 00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:04,067 FRIEND THE REST OF MY LIFE. 371 00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:07,267 >> YES, YES, YES. 372 00:14:07,267 --> 00:14:11,497 AMAZING. 373 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:12,730 >> Tosh: I'M [BLEEP]ING YOUR 374 00:14:12,733 --> 00:14:17,533 GIRLFRIEND. 375 00:14:17,533 --> 00:14:21,203 >> Tosh: THANKS, JOHNNY. 376 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,670 WHEN EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE THE 377 00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:23,867 MOVIES YOU BLEED JUST TO KNOW 378 00:14:23,867 --> 00:14:25,067 YOUR ALIVE. 379 00:14:25,067 --> 00:14:26,597 WE'LL BE BACK BUT FIRST DID YOU 380 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:27,800 KNOW THEY HAVE GOVERNMENT IN 381 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:28,300 CANADA. 382 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:35,570 >> I COME FROM A BACKGROUND OF 383 00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:37,627 DIVERSITY AND I GREW UP IN 384 00:14:37,633 --> 00:14:41,173 EDMONTON THE CITY OF CHAMPIONS. 385 00:14:41,167 --> 00:14:42,527 REMEMBER THE SAYING, HE SHOOTS, 386 00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:43,303 HE SCORES. 387 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,070 THAT'S HOW BACK OUR FAMILY TIES 388 00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:47,227 BELONG TO IN HIS CITY. 389 00:14:47,233 --> 00:14:48,733 MY DAD WAS ONE OF THE FIRST 390 00:14:48,733 --> 00:15:04,933 PIONEERS. 391 00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:08,133 >> Tosh: I PRAY EVERY SINGLE ONE 392 00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:09,903 OF THEM DROWNS WHILE 393 00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:11,970 INSTAGRAMING AND DRIVING THEIR 394 00:15:11,967 --> 00:15:13,367 CHARTERED YACHT. 395 00:15:13,367 --> 00:15:16,097 OR THE ARROGANT TRUST-FUND 396 00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:20,070 [BLEEP]S ARE THE MOST SELF 397 00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:23,267 INDULGENT PRICKS. 398 00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:25,327 YOUR PARENTS ONLY SPOIL YOU 399 00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:26,733 BECAUSE GIVING YOU AN ISLAND IS 400 00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:28,703 BETTER THAN LOVING YOU AND THE 401 00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:30,400 IMMIGRANT NANNY CARES EVEN LESS. 402 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,500 LOOK AT THIS GUY, GOLFING ON 403 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,130 THEED ME. 404 00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:38,073 YOU [BLEEP]ING [BLEEP] HOLE. 405 00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,197 GOLFING WHILE YACHTING? 406 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,130 WAS THERE NO ROOM FOR YOUR 407 00:15:41,133 --> 00:15:41,773 THOROUGHBRED. 408 00:15:41,767 --> 00:15:42,697 THIS GUY'S NOT SO RICH. 409 00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,270 HE CAN'T EVEN AFFORD SOCKS YOU 410 00:15:45,267 --> 00:15:46,067 [BLEEP]. 411 00:15:46,067 --> 00:15:48,327 I DIDN'T KNOW CHANEL CARRIED A 412 00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:49,703 HELLO KITTY LINE. 413 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:55,900 GOOD LUCK CARRYING THAT ON YOU 414 00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:57,500 [BLEEP]. 415 00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,070 JEWELER. 416 00:15:58,067 --> 00:16:00,097 HE'S NOT A JEWELER. 417 00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,600 CONGRATS ON USING FIVE OF 418 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,070 SOMETHING NO ONE USES ANY MORE. 419 00:16:04,067 --> 00:16:04,927 YOU DUMB [BLEEP]. 420 00:16:04,933 --> 00:16:07,133 WHO WEARS A WATCH ON THEIR HAND? 421 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,403 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY IT'S 422 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:15,130 EASIER FOR A POOR MAN TO DRIVE 423 00:16:15,133 --> 00:16:17,933 HIS HONDA ACCORD TO HEAVEN THAN 424 00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:21,203 PUTTING A CAMEL IN HIS BUGATTI. 425 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:25,130 I ASKED FOR PICTURES FOR A NEW 426 00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:28,303 SEGMENT CALLED BROKE [BLEEP] 427 00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:30,230 MOFOS TAKING BROKE-[BLEEP] 428 00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:31,433 PHOTOS FOR "TOSH.0." 429 00:16:31,433 --> 00:16:32,233 YEAH, 69 CENTS. 430 00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:33,433 I CAN GET BEHIND THAT. 431 00:16:33,433 --> 00:16:36,673 LOOK AT THAT, DISPOSABLE RAZORS. 432 00:16:36,667 --> 00:16:39,197 MORE LIKE RAZORS FOR LIFE, SON. 433 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,430 LIVING THE DREAM. 434 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,903 ZONE 3, MIDDLE SEAT. 435 00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:44,600 THAT'S HOW I ROLL. 436 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:45,870 HAVE TO KEEP THE BIG BILLS ON 437 00:16:45,867 --> 00:16:47,067 THE OUTSIDE. 438 00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:49,427 PAYDAY. 439 00:16:49,433 --> 00:16:52,903 THAT COULD BE GOOD MONEY 440 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:59,200 ESPECIALLY IN YOU LIVE IN MAINE. 441 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,370 THOSE ARE SPEAKERS AND BY THE 442 00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:04,067 LOOK ON HER FACE I GUESS THE 443 00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:06,397 SUBWOOFERS ARE BETWEEN HER LEGS. 444 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,530 I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WIC WAS UNTIL 445 00:17:08,533 --> 00:17:10,803 SOMEONE TOLD ME. 446 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:11,600 SHE'S POOR. 447 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,700 DOUBLE PEGS FOR DOUBLE THE 448 00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:13,070 WOMEN. 449 00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:15,627 WE CAN'T AFFORD A BIG TV SO WE 450 00:17:15,633 --> 00:17:19,333 TAKE TURNS LOOKING TOUGH THE 451 00:17:19,333 --> 00:17:19,903 BIGGAIFIER. 452 00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:20,970 HE LEFT A NEGATIVE TIP. 453 00:17:20,967 --> 00:17:22,227 I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS LEGAL. 454 00:17:22,233 --> 00:17:26,073 NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY OUR MOST 455 00:17:26,067 --> 00:17:28,367 WELL-KNOWNED POPULAR, COVET AND 456 00:17:28,367 --> 00:17:31,067 LONGEST-RUNNING SEGMENT, IS IT 457 00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:31,667 RACIST. 458 00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:33,527 OH, I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW 459 00:17:33,533 --> 00:17:35,573 EXCITED I AM FOR THIS ONE. 460 00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:37,127 WE ANSWER THE VEXING QUESTIONS 461 00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:39,373 WITH THE NEW SEGMENT, RACIST OR 462 00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:42,467 NOT RACIST. 463 00:17:42,467 --> 00:17:43,067 ALL RIGHT. 464 00:17:43,067 --> 00:17:44,727 I'LL HANDLE THIS. 465 00:17:44,733 --> 00:17:48,403 THAT DOES NOT SEEM RACIST. 466 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,730 SEEMS AWFULLY FAMILIAR. 467 00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:54,073 I'M SURE YOU CAN ARGUE IF THEY 468 00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:55,527 DELIBERATELY TOOK THE BIT FROM 469 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,173 US IT COULD BE STEALING AND 470 00:17:57,167 --> 00:17:59,067 STEALING OFTEN GETS ASSOCIATED 471 00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:01,897 WITH CERTAIN RACES, FAIRLY OR 472 00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:02,600 UNFAIRLY. 473 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,570 YES, I SUPPOSE THE CASE COULD BE 474 00:18:04,567 --> 00:18:06,067 MADE THIS IS RACIST BUT I'D LIKE 475 00:18:06,067 --> 00:18:08,327 TO GO ON RECORD AS SAYING I AM 476 00:18:08,333 --> 00:18:09,603 FINE WITH SHARING OUR CONTENT 477 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,400 WITH THE DAILY SHOW SO LONGS 478 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,970 THEY DO THE RIGHT THING AND 479 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,067 THANK ME IN THEIR SPEECH IF THEY 480 00:18:15,067 --> 00:18:16,727 EVER WIN AN EMMY AGAIN. 481 00:18:16,733 --> 00:18:18,073 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST 482 00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:20,427 IT'S YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN. 483 00:18:29,633 --> 00:18:30,903 >> Tosh: WELCOME BACK TO THE 484 00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:33,270 WILD WORLD STAR HIP-HOP. 485 00:18:33,267 --> 00:18:34,727 NOW, YOU LIKE IMPRESSIONS? 486 00:18:34,733 --> 00:18:37,833 WE HAVE BAD ONES COMING NEXT 487 00:18:37,833 --> 00:18:38,333 WEEK. 488 00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:41,403 >> MY FELLOW AMERICANS, GEORGE 489 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,600 W. BUSH FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE 490 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:45,400 UNITED STATES. 491 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,600 >> JOSH GROBAN. 492 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,100 >> HE STILL HAS A BETTER CHANCE 493 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:53,070 OF GETTING ON SNL THAN A BLACK 494 00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:53,467 LADY. 495 00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:54,067 DIVERSITY. 496 00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,197 FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AND KEEP UP 497 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,830 WITH OUR BLOG AND WATCH ME DO 498 00:18:57,833 --> 00:19:00,073 NOTHING BUT CROWD WORK AT A 499 00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:02,697 COMEDY CLUB NEAR YOU AND MY 500 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:06,830 FAVORITE BERRY IS STRAW BUT 501 00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:09,173 BRICKLE IS A CLOSE SECOND. 502 00:19:09,167 --> 00:19:10,327 YOU HEARD OF AIDS? 503 00:19:10,333 --> 00:19:12,603 THE PORNO INDUSTRY MAKES THEIR 504 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,230 EMPLOYEES GET TESTED EVERY WEEK. 505 00:19:14,233 --> 00:19:16,703 THERE'S NO WAY I'LL LET MY 506 00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:19,630 OFFICE BE LESS SAFE THAN THE SET 507 00:19:19,633 --> 00:19:22,173 OF SOME RANCHY GANGBANG IN VAN 508 00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:22,497 NUYS. 509 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,100 NOW I'M FORCING MY STAFF TO TAKE 510 00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:25,870 THEM EVERY TUESDAY. 511 00:19:25,867 --> 00:19:31,267 ALREADY, YOU JERKS, IT'S TIME 512 00:19:31,267 --> 00:19:34,797 FOR YOUR MANDATORY AIDS TEST. 513 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,230 TAKE YOUR STICKS AND SWIPE ON 514 00:19:38,233 --> 00:19:40,503 TOP AND BOTTOM. 515 00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:44,730 I'M NOT ONE TO JUDGE BUT IF 516 00:19:44,733 --> 00:19:48,233 YOU'RE THINK OF WIPING YOUR 517 00:19:48,233 --> 00:19:49,703 [BLEEP] I THINK WE DON'T NEED TO 518 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:50,570 TAKE YOUR TEST. 519 00:19:50,567 --> 00:19:51,967 NOW SIT BACK FOR 20 MINUTES AND 520 00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:54,167 WE'LL SEE IF LIFE AS YOU KNOW IS 521 00:19:54,167 --> 00:19:57,297 RUINED. 522 00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:58,070 OKAY. 523 00:19:58,067 --> 00:19:59,127 IT'S BEEN 20 LONG AGONIZING 524 00:19:59,133 --> 00:19:59,633 MINUTES. 525 00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,003 OUR TESTS ARE READY. 526 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,130 IF THERE IS ONE LINE NEXT TO THE 527 00:20:03,133 --> 00:20:05,403 C AND NO LINE NEXT TO THE T YOUR 528 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:09,200 TEST RESULT IS NEGATIVE. 529 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,770 NEGATIVE'S GOOD THOUGH IT SOUNDS 530 00:20:10,767 --> 00:20:11,897 NEGATIVE. 531 00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,930 POSITIVE RESULTS, IF THERE ARE 532 00:20:13,933 --> 00:20:16,373 TWO LINES, ONE NEXT TO THE C AND 533 00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:18,697 ONE NEXT TO THE T YOU MAY HAVE 534 00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,870 HIV. 535 00:20:20,867 --> 00:20:22,167 IT COULDN'T BE SIMPLER. 536 00:20:22,167 --> 00:20:23,967 LET'S GO AROUND THE ROOM AND 537 00:20:23,967 --> 00:20:26,167 READ THE RESULTS, EDDIE. 538 00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:27,927 >> NO. 539 00:20:27,933 --> 00:20:31,833 >> YAY. 540 00:20:31,833 --> 00:20:32,903 GARRET? 541 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:35,030 >> NO AIDS. 542 00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:39,533 THANK GOD. 543 00:20:39,533 --> 00:20:40,833 >> Tosh: CHARLIE? 544 00:20:40,833 --> 00:20:41,973 >> AIDS. 545 00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:42,997 >> Tosh: I'M SORRY. 546 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,970 >> I'M KIDDING. 547 00:20:44,967 --> 00:20:46,067 >> Tosh: OH! 548 00:20:46,067 --> 00:20:48,227 SON OF A [BLEEP], MAN, OKAY. 549 00:20:48,233 --> 00:20:49,003 JOE. 550 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:52,670 >> MY RESULTS WERE PENDING. 551 00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:53,227 >> 552 00:20:53,233 --> 00:20:55,473 >> Tosh: WE FIGURED THAT. 553 00:20:55,467 --> 00:20:57,197 WHAT ABOUT MY AIDS TEST? 554 00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,270 TO MAKE IT MORE SUSPENSEFUL I 555 00:21:00,267 --> 00:21:04,297 HAD MY RESULTS PLACE IN A SEALED 556 00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:04,870 ENVELOPE. 557 00:21:04,867 --> 00:21:06,067 LOOKS LIKE I HAVE A DIFFICULT 558 00:21:06,067 --> 00:21:07,167 GROUP TEXT TO SEND OUT. 559 00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:07,497 GOOD NIGHT. 560 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:17,467 >> Tosh: I'M NOT USED TO WEARING 561 00:21:17,467 --> 00:21:19,727 SO MANY ACCESSORIES. 562 00:21:19,733 --> 00:21:22,933 >> HAVE YOU TO GET USED TO IT. 563 00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:24,073 >> Tosh: HOW MANY LEATHER CUFFS 564 00:21:24,067 --> 00:21:24,867 DO YOU OWN? 565 00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:27,167 >> HAVE YOU TO HAVE BROWN AND 566 00:21:27,167 --> 00:21:27,727 BLACK. 35092

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