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[ DISCLAIMER ]
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[**]
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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>> Tosh: THAT'S HOW MICHAEL
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DOUGLAS GOT EAR CANCER.
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WELCOME TO "TOSH.0."
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WE'RE LESS THAN 85% MATCH ON
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CUPID DON'T MESSAGE ME UNLESS
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ALL HOLES ARE IN PLACE.
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>> Tosh: TONIGHT, I REDEEM THIS
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GULLIBLE GOOBER AND INTRODUCE TO
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AMERICA'S HARTIEST DRINKING GAME
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AND ANOTHER ADVENTURE OF BIG ASS
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BABY.
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NOW, I DON'T THINK THERE'S A
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WOMAN OUT IN THAT WOULD CONSIDER
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THIS CHEATING AND HE STILL HAS
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TWO MORE WISHES.
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MAY BE THE NEW BUTTS BY DRE.
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ARE THOSE NOISE CAN SELLING AND
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DO THEY COME IN WHITE?
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>> Tosh: THE WHITE ONES ARE
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SMALLER.
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IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL YOU
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GET AN EARFUL OF YESTERDAY'S DEL
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TACO.
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SOMEONE TELL THE SLUS HANNAH
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MONTANA WE NEED HER WRECKING
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BALL.
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SAVE YOUR STRENGTH MOHAMMED.
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I'M SURE WE HAVE A DRONE IN THE
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AREA.
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AMERICA.
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KNOCKING DOWN BUILDINGS IS THEIR
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NATIONAL PAST TIME.
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LET ME GUESS YOU'RE GOING
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REPLACE IT WITH ANOTHER
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TAN-COLORED PILE OF RUBBLE.
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HIP CAL CONTRACTOR.
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HE SAID IT WOULD TAKE EIGHT HITS
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AND IT TOOK 11.
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THANKS FOR NOTHING, ANGIE'S
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LIST.
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OH, HE'S ALIVE.
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I'M SURE HE'LL DIE LATER THIS
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AFTERNOON.
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IN TODAY'S HOUSING MARKET IF
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STAGED PROPERLY THEY'RE STIG
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GOING TO GET MULTIPLE OFFERS.
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I KNOW YOU WERE LOOKING FOR A
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VACATION HOME IN MAUI.
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>> WE WANTED BEACH FRONT.
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>> Tosh: THERE'S NO OCEAN VIEW
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BUT SAND.
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TONS AND TONS OF SAND AND IT'S
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MOSQUE ADJACENT AND WALKING
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DISTANCE TO THE GAZA STRIP.
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>> ARE THERE LAND MINES?
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>> Tosh: YES, THERE ARE.
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>> IS IT EYE TWO BEDROOM, TWO
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BATH?
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>> Tosh: NO, ZERO BEDROOM, ZERO
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BATH BUT OPEN CONCEPT.
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>> WE LOVE OPEN CONCEPT.
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>> I NEED TO KNOW IF IT HAS TWO
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SINKS BECAUSE WE CAN'T SHARE
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SINKS.
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>> Tosh: THERE'S NO RUNNING
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WATER BUT ALL OF THIS AREA COULD
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BE YOUR CLOSET.
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>> OKAY.
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WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE
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GOING TO PUT YOUR CLOTHES.
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>> Tosh: CHOOSE THIS ONE.
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[LAUGHTER]
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>> Tosh: SADLY THEY WERE BOTH
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BEHEADED BY INSURGENTS WHILE IN
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ESCROW.
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BUT IT'S BACK ON THE MARKET.
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NOW, I'D LIKE TO DO AN I AM
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PREPARATION OF EVERY JOB
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INTERVIEW THIS NEXT GIRL WILL
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EVER GO ON.
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THANK YOU FOR COMING IN,
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UNFORTUNATELY WE WERE LOOKING TO
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HIRE SOMEONE WHO HASN'T SEWN
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THEIR MOUTH SHUT.
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>> IT HURTS TO TALK.
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>> Tosh: IT'S NOT WORKING.
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I CAN STILL HEAR YOU.
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SILENCE ALWAYS TRUMPS ORAL.
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SAY IT WITH ME, FELLAS.
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I WONDER WHAT HER FATHER THINKS
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ABOUT THIS.
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OH, HE'S NOT IN THE PICTURE?
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REALLY?
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AND NOW LET THE HUNGER GAMES
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BEGIN.
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>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
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THIS IS WHY DAD ARE RIGHTFULLY
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NEVER AWARDED CUSTODY.
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JUST SHOOT BEBES AT A SQUIRREL
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LIKE A NORMAL SOCIOPATH.
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STILL NOT AS BAD AS BEING RAISE
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BID KRIS JENNER.
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OKAY, LET'S SEE WHAT GOOD OLD
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RON'S UP TO.
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>> RON!
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YES!
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YES!
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OH, MY GOD!
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RON!
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RON!
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>> Tosh: IS RON THE SKY DIVER OR
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SOME GUY WITH HIS HAND DOWN
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THEIR PANTS?
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>> RON!
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>> Tosh: PLEASE LAND ON HER
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HEAD, RON.
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EIGHT, SEVEN, SIX, FIVE, FOUR --
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>> Tosh: RON SHOULD HAVE DONE
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MORE OF THE PULL THE STRING TO
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FLOAT SLOWER THING.
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>> THANK YOU, RON.
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>> Tosh: I WISH THIS WAS HIS
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ONLY VIDEO BUT HE'S A LITTLE
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ACCIDENT PRONE.
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>> RON!
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RON!
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>> Tosh: HERE'S RON DRIVING THE
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KIDS ON A FIELD TRIP.
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>> RON!
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>> Tosh: EVEN WHEN RON'S
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RELAXING ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
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>> NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN, SIX,
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FIVE, FOUR -- SAY THANK YOU,
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RON.
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>> Tosh: IF I KNOW RON HE'S
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FINE.
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WHAT'S NEXT?
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>> Tosh: WHO DAT?
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WHO DAT?
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LET'S FIND OUT IN THIS WEEK'S
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BREAKDOWN.
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FOR!
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IF YOU WATCHED THIS SHOW BEFORE
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YOU'RE RIGHT TO BE NERVOUS.
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HERE WE HAVE A COUPLE OF DRUNK
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SAINTS FANS ON THEIR PLANTATION.
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SOME HOW THE VIDEO SHOULD LEAD
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TO SEAN PEYTON BEING SUSPENDED
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FOR ANOTHER YEAR.
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THIS IS THE WHITEST WAY YOU CAN
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KILL SOMEONE.
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ALL RIGHT.
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ENOUGH OF THE PRACTICE STROKES.
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YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO LOSE HIS
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BUZZ AND CHANGE HIS MIND.
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NICE SWING, BARKLEY.
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PRETTY SURE IT'S A RULES
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VIOLATION BUT SINCE IT ISN'T
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TIGER NO ONE WILL CALL IT IN.
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CAN I SEE THAT AGAIN IN SWING
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VISION?
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YEAH, THE PROBLEM IS HE SUCKS AT
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GOLF.
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>> GOD [BLEEP].
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>> Tosh: DON'T PULL THAT OUT.
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IT WILL GIVE YOUR BLOW JOB SOME
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EXTRA POP DURING RUSH WEEK.
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>> OH, DUDE.
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>> Tosh: IT'S A WHOLE IN TONGUE.
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DON'T FORGET TO REPLACE THE
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DIVET.
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THANKFULLY HE LIVES IN NEW
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ORLEANS SO IT WILL NOT AFFECT
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THE WAY HE TALKS.
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NEXT TIME AIM FOR THE JAW SO WE
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NEVER HAVE TO HEAR THAT LAUGH
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AGAIN.
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DID HE JUST SPIT BLOOD ON HIS
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DOG?
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HURRICANE SEASON CANNOT COME
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SOON ENOUGH IF ELIN TAUGHT US
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ANYTHING IS YOU CAN HIT SOMEONE
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IN THE FACE WITH A WOOD AND
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STILL SAY IT'S THEIR FAULT.
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WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST,
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NOBODY [BLEEP]S WITH JESUS.
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>> HENRY GRIBBON SAYS HE LOST
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HIS LIFE'S SAVINGS, $2600 ON A
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CARNIVAL GAME LIKE THIS ONE AND
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ALL HE HAS TO SHOW FOR IS THIS
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STUFFED BANANA.
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HE WANTED TO WIN IN AN Xbox
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KINECT.
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WEN HE PRACTICED HE SAID IT WAS
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EASY BUT SOMETHING CHANGED WHEN
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THE STARTED PLAYING FOR THE
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PRIZE AND THE BALL KEPT POPPING
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OUT.
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>> FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I WAS
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THAT SUCKER.
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>> Tosh: IS THAT AN AUTHENTIC
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RASTA BANANA?
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TIME TO UPDATE YOUR WILL.
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HE WEARS THAT WIFE-BEATER LIKE
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HE MEANS IT.
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I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S MORE SAD
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THAT HE LOST HIS LIFE'S SAVINGS
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OR IT TOOK HIM THAT LONG TO SAVE
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$2600.
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CARNIVAL GAMES ARE LIKE IT THE
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SPECIAL OLYMPICS NEXT TIME EAT
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AT A WAFFLE HOUSE.
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GUYS ONLY PLAY THEM TO IMPRESS
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THEIR GIRLFRIEND.
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ANOTHER WAY TO IMPRESS YOUR
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GIRLFRIEND IS NOT TAKING HER TO
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THE CARNIVAL.
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IF YOU'RE GIRLFRIEND WANTS TO
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YOU WIN A PINK STUFFED FROG
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SHE'S 11 AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE
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HAVING SEX WITH HER -- IN
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PUBLIC.
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AND WHAT'S SO THRILLING WITH A
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FERRIS WHEEL.
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LET'S RIDE THE ELEVATOR NEXT.
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KNOCK'S LESS SAFE THAN A RIDE
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THAT GETS UNFOLDED BY AN
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ALCOHOLIC GYPSY.
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I DON'T TRUST ANYTHING HELD
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TOGETHER BY A SPELL.
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CARNIVALS EVEN GOT RID OF FREAK
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SHOWS BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT AS
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DISTURBING AS WATCHING A FAMILY
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OF HUMAN HIPPOS DEEP THROATING
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STICKS OF BUTTER IN 100 DEGREE
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HEAT BUT THERE'S A SUCKER BORN
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EVERY MINUTE ANDHEY'LL
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EVENTUALLY BE ON MY SHOW AND I
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BROUGHT HIM TO HOLLYWOOD WHERE
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EVERY DAY PEOPLE BLOW THEIR
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LIFE'S SAVINGS ON CHILDISH
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DREAMS FOR THIS WEEK'S WEB
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REDEMPTION.
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YOU GOT A MINUTE?
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>> SURE.
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>> Tosh: I HAVE A DEAL FOUR.
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THEY'RE NORMALLY $1,000 A PAIR
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I'LL GIVE THEM TO YOU FOR $300 A
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PIECE.
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>> COOL.
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>> Tosh: TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED
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THAT DAY?
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>> I BROUGHT MY KID TO THE
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CARNIVAL.
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THERE'S THREE CONCESSION STANDS
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WORKING NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
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I HAD TO GET TEN SHOTS INTO A
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BASKET.
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THEY'D GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK FOR
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KEEPING EVERYBODY'S ATTENTION.
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>> Tosh: SO YOU'RE TELLING ME
265
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,800
THAT THEY WANTED YOU AS A RINGER
266
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,470
JUST TO DRUM UP MORE BUSINESS?
267
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:52,027
>> IT WAS A DEAD DAY.
268
00:10:52,033 --> 00:10:54,303
I WAS KEEPING EVERYBODY'S
269
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:56,530
ATTENTION SO THEY WERE GOING
270
00:10:56,533 --> 00:10:59,433
REFUND MY MONEY AND GIVE ME THE
271
00:10:59,433 --> 00:11:01,133
BANANA AND Xbox.
272
00:11:01,133 --> 00:11:02,603
I BELIEVED IT THERE WERE RULES
273
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,830
AND REGULATIONS BECAUSE THEY
274
00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:06,873
SPOKE OPENLY BETWEEN EACH OTHER.
275
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,167
>> Tosh: AND IF YOU MISSED ONE
276
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,167
YOU GOT A DOUBLE?
277
00:11:09,167 --> 00:11:10,627
>> NO, YOU GOT A DOUBLE OR
278
00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:11,203
NOTHING.
279
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,730
>> Tosh: IF YOU STARTED AT FIVE
280
00:11:12,733 --> 00:11:13,903
DOLLARS AND GOT TO THREE AND
281
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:17,070
THEN YOU MISSED NOW HAVE YOU TO
282
00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:19,427
GIVE THEM TEN DOLLARS AND THAT'S
283
00:11:19,433 --> 00:11:21,633
FOUR, FIVE, SIX AND IF YOU MISS
284
00:11:21,633 --> 00:11:23,733
NINE YOU HAVE TO PUT IN $2600?
285
00:11:23,733 --> 00:11:26,173
>> NO, IT WAS PROBABLY THREE FOR
286
00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:30,697
OUR MISTAKES TO GET USED TO THE
287
00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:35,070
GAME AND GOES TO 80 AND THEN 160
288
00:11:35,067 --> 00:11:37,967
AND 320 TO 740.
289
00:11:37,967 --> 00:11:42,327
>> Tosh: WHEN YOU WENT HOME FOR
290
00:11:42,333 --> 00:11:43,903
MORE MONEY WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK
291
00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:45,070
FOR THE Xbox.
292
00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:45,967
>> THEY'RE GOOD.
293
00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:48,427
I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS ALL 100%
294
00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:49,103
A LIE.
295
00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:50,330
>> Tosh: EXCEPT FOR THE FACT
296
00:11:50,333 --> 00:11:51,273
IT'S A CARNIVAL AND THEY'RE
297
00:11:51,267 --> 00:11:52,627
KNOWN FOR BEING SHADY.
298
00:11:52,633 --> 00:11:55,603
>> HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH THAT,
299
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,200
CARNIVAL BY DEFINITION MEANS
300
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,470
CHARITY.
301
00:11:59,467 --> 00:12:01,327
>> Tosh: FIRST, I'M EXCITED YOU
302
00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:03,633
SAID THAT BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK
303
00:12:03,633 --> 00:12:05,073
I'D LEARN SOMETHING RIGHT NOW
304
00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:05,927
AND I DID.
305
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:08,073
WERE YOU BY YOURSELF?
306
00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:10,697
>> MY GIRLFRIEND AND THREE KIDS.
307
00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:12,930
>> Tosh: SHE NEVER CHIMED IN?
308
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:16,233
>> TO A CERTAIN POINT BUT SHE
309
00:12:16,233 --> 00:12:18,573
LET ME DO MY THING.
310
00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:21,367
>> Tosh: DOES SHE KNOW NOT TO
311
00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:22,197
SPEAK UP.
312
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,900
HOW MANY WERE YOU IN FOR?
313
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:25,530
>> $2650.
314
00:12:25,533 --> 00:12:26,833
>> Tosh: DID YOU LOOK YOUR KIDS
315
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:27,573
IF THE EYES AND TELL THEM
316
00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:28,727
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO COLLEGE.
317
00:12:28,733 --> 00:12:29,873
>> Tosh: DO YOU HAVE A GAMBLING
318
00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:30,227
PROBLEM?
319
00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:31,703
>> NO, I DON'T EVEN LIKE TO
320
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:32,330
GAMBLE.
321
00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:36,073
IT'S A LOSE-LOSE SITUATION.
322
00:12:36,067 --> 00:12:38,067
THAT SITUATION WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO
323
00:12:38,067 --> 00:12:39,667
LOSE THAT SITUATION UNLESS YOU
324
00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:41,827
PUT IN ANOTHER ASPECT OF THE
325
00:12:41,833 --> 00:12:43,373
GAME UNLESS YOU CHANGED THE GAME
326
00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:45,267
THERE'S NO WAY I WAS GONNA LOSE.
327
00:12:45,267 --> 00:12:47,797
>> Tosh: DID YOU GET TO PICK THE
328
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,170
GIANT RASTA BANANA?
329
00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:51,097
>> THEY GIVE ME TWO AND A
330
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:51,700
MONKEY.
331
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:52,970
>> Tosh: DO YOU FEEL THE MEDIA
332
00:12:52,967 --> 00:12:54,067
TREATED YOU UNFAIRLY.
333
00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:55,827
>> HAVE YOU TO ADMIT HE HAS A
334
00:12:55,833 --> 00:12:59,103
CERTAIN AMOUNT OF PERSISTENCE.
335
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:02,470
AND A BANANA WITH DREADLOCKS.
336
00:13:02,467 --> 00:13:03,867
>> SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE THAT.
337
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,727
>> ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, WE'RE
338
00:13:05,733 --> 00:13:07,303
TRULY SORRY.
339
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,470
>> Tosh: OKAY, LET'S SEE IF YOU
340
00:13:09,467 --> 00:13:10,597
LEARNED YOUR LESSON.
341
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,200
THROW YOUR KID IN THE VAN.
342
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,470
IS HE OKAY BACK THERE?
343
00:13:13,467 --> 00:13:14,827
>> YEAH, HE'S BUCKLED IN.
344
00:13:14,833 --> 00:13:16,803
>> Tosh: OKAY.
345
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:22,270
>> FORGOT TO LOCK THE WHEELS.
346
00:13:22,267 --> 00:13:24,197
>> Tosh: WELCOME TO THE HIGH
347
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,270
STAKES TENT.
348
00:13:25,267 --> 00:13:26,597
CARNIVALERS COME FROM ALL OVER
349
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:27,770
THE WORLD TO TEST THEIR LUCK AT
350
00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:28,667
THESE GAMES.
351
00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:30,167
>> THAT ONE LOOKS COOL.
352
00:13:30,167 --> 00:13:31,667
>> Tosh: COMBO MOMBO.
353
00:13:31,667 --> 00:13:32,397
A CLASSIC.
354
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:33,700
GET THE COMBINATION OF THE SAFE
355
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:36,900
AND YOU WIN WHAT'S IN IT.
356
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:43,070
>> 17, 42, 38.
357
00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:43,597
[BUZZER].
358
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,270
>> SORRY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY
359
00:13:45,267 --> 00:13:45,867
AGAIN?
360
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,267
>> YES.
361
00:13:47,267 --> 00:13:50,067
>> 17, 42, 38.
362
00:13:50,067 --> 00:13:51,867
>> THOSE NUMBERS SOUND LUCKY.
363
00:13:51,867 --> 00:13:52,827
>> THAT LOOKS EASY.
364
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:53,973
I CAN DOTHAT.
365
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,397
>> Tosh: NO, FIRST IT'S A CHICK
366
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,730
GAME AND SECOND IT'S RIGGED
367
00:13:56,733 --> 00:13:58,073
BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT'S GOING
368
00:13:58,067 --> 00:13:59,097
TO TAKE HALF IN TAXES.
369
00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,400
>> BUY LOW, SELL HIGH AND DON'T
370
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,070
BE CAUGHT IN A BEAR MARKET AND
371
00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:12,067
DOW JONESING.
372
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:13,467
>> Tosh: FOR THE GET THIS.
373
00:14:13,467 --> 00:14:15,597
THE SMART MONEY'S ON THE
374
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:16,370
PEOPLE'S COURT.
375
00:14:16,367 --> 00:14:19,497
>> STEP UP AND POP A BOTTLE OF
376
00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:23,230
BUBBLY TO WIN A PRICELESS
377
00:14:23,233 --> 00:14:23,933
MASTERPIECE.
378
00:14:23,933 --> 00:14:26,073
>> Tosh: IT'S IN YOUR WHEEL
379
00:14:26,067 --> 00:14:26,597
HOUSE.
380
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:27,700
KNOCK THE CHAMPAGNE FLUTES OFF
381
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,670
THE TRAY.
382
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,927
>> CARE TO TAKE YOUR CHANCES?
383
00:14:30,933 --> 00:14:32,673
THAT'S $2600 PER POP.
384
00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:35,297
>> THAT'S MY LIFE'S SAVINGS.
385
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:36,400
>> Tosh: HAVE YOU TO PLAY BIG TO
386
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,070
WIN BIG.
387
00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:40,127
>> PERHAPS HE'S MORE COMFORTABLE
388
00:14:40,133 --> 00:14:42,603
PLAYING WHACK AMOLE IN SANTA
389
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,070
MONICA.
390
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:43,867
>> Tosh: THERE'S YOUR ANSWER.
391
00:14:43,867 --> 00:14:46,627
>> GOOD LUCK, SIR.
392
00:14:46,633 --> 00:14:47,833
>> HE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW.
393
00:14:47,833 --> 00:14:50,073
YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER
394
00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:50,467
SHOT?
395
00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:51,197
>> YEAH.
396
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:56,700
>> Tosh: SHAKE IT UP REAL GOOD.
397
00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:59,300
>> I WON.
398
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:00,170
>> Tosh: YES!
399
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,567
>> SORRY, SIR.
400
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,327
THERE ARE STILL SOME PARTICLES
401
00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:04,903
OF GLASS LEFT ON THE PLATTER.
402
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:05,800
>> Tosh: OH, WELL.
403
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,500
SOONER OR LATER THE HOUSE ALWAYS
404
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:08,300
WINS.
405
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:10,130
SOONER IN YOUR CASE.
406
00:15:10,133 --> 00:15:11,073
>> TRY AGAIN?
407
00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:12,867
>> THAT'S ALL THE MONEY I HAD.
408
00:15:12,867 --> 00:15:15,467
>> WELL, THEN, I DON'T HAVE TO
409
00:15:15,467 --> 00:15:17,367
TALK TO YOU ANY MORE, DO I?
410
00:15:17,367 --> 00:15:19,467
>> Tosh: DON'T WORRY WHERE THE
411
00:15:19,467 --> 00:15:20,227
BABY WAS.
412
00:15:20,233 --> 00:15:22,203
THE RASTA BANANA WAS WATCHING
413
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,170
HIM IN THE VAN.
414
00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:24,627
WHAT ABOUT THE HEAT?
415
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:25,273
IT'S OKAY.
416
00:15:25,267 --> 00:15:26,727
HE'S FROM JAMAICA.
417
00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:27,903
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST
418
00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:29,430
PULL OUT YOUR PECKER BECAUSE
419
00:15:29,433 --> 00:15:30,773
IT'S THE "TOSH.0" SEX POSITION
420
00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:32,567
OF THE WEEK.
421
00:15:32,567 --> 00:15:35,097
>> ONE PARTNER PULLS ANAL BEADS
422
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,770
FROM THE LOVER'S BUTT AS IF
423
00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:40,667
STARTING A LAWN MOW ER.
424
00:15:40,667 --> 00:15:43,827
IF THE ENGINE DOESN'T START
425
00:15:43,833 --> 00:15:45,403
SOMETIMES HAVE YOU TO PULL ON
426
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:46,970
THE CHOKE AND THAT'S HOW YOU DO
427
00:15:46,967 --> 00:15:48,497
THE LAWN MOWER.
428
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:49,900
THANKS, DANIEL AND REMEMBER,
429
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:50,970
KEEP ON [BLEEP]ING.
430
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:02,900
>> OH, YEAH, FOLKS.
431
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:06,970
HERE I AM.
432
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:09,467
READY FOR YOU'RE VIEWING
433
00:16:09,467 --> 00:16:11,867
PLEASURE I'M GOING DRINK THIS
434
00:16:11,867 --> 00:16:16,267
BOWL OF GRAVY.
435
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:17,727
OH, YEAH.
436
00:16:17,733 --> 00:16:18,973
>> Tosh: OH, YEAH.
437
00:16:18,967 --> 00:16:21,397
FOLKS, THAT FAT MAN IS MAT FAN
438
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,970
AND HE'S THE INTERNET'S FOREMOT
439
00:16:23,967 --> 00:16:25,297
GRAVY'S ENTHUSIASM.
440
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:26,430
AND TALKS ABOUT GRAVY SO
441
00:16:26,433 --> 00:16:28,373
ELOQUENTLY IT INSPIRED A
442
00:16:28,367 --> 00:16:29,227
DRINKING GAME.
443
00:16:29,233 --> 00:16:31,733
I GAVE EVERYONE IN MY AUDIENCE A
444
00:16:31,733 --> 00:16:33,073
BOWL OF GRAVY.
445
00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:34,397
GO GET YOUR OWN BOWL OF GRAVY IF
446
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,130
YOU WANT TO PLAY ALONG AT HOME.
447
00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:38,303
NOW, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU THE
448
00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:39,700
REST OF THE VIDEO AND HAVE YOU
449
00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:42,730
TO TAKE A DRINK EVERY TIME HE
450
00:16:42,733 --> 00:16:45,073
SAYS "BOWL OF GRAVY."
451
00:16:45,067 --> 00:16:45,497
READY?
452
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:48,900
LET'S BEGIN.
453
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:52,370
>> A BOWL OF GRAVY, FOLKS.
454
00:16:52,367 --> 00:16:54,967
>> ENJOY.
455
00:16:54,967 --> 00:16:59,367
>> A BOWL OF GRAVY, FOLKS.
456
00:16:59,367 --> 00:17:01,127
>> Tosh: VEGETARIANS QUIT BEING
457
00:17:01,133 --> 00:17:02,273
SUCH PRUDES.
458
00:17:02,267 --> 00:17:03,427
MAKE AN EXCEPTION AND EXPERIENCE
459
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:04,633
LIFE FOR ONCE.
460
00:17:04,633 --> 00:17:06,473
>> NICE, FRESH BOWL OF GRAVY.
461
00:17:06,467 --> 00:17:08,567
>> Tosh: GRAVY HAS 300% OF YOUR
462
00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:12,297
DAILY SALT REQUIREMENT.
463
00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:13,070
>> OH, YEAH.
464
00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:17,667
A BOWL OF GRAVY.
465
00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:19,097
SHUT UP, DAD.
466
00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:21,100
OH, YEAH, FOLKS.
467
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:22,800
>> YOU'RE RUINING YOUR LIFE.
468
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,970
>> Tosh: HE DRINKS GRAVY.
469
00:17:23,967 --> 00:17:30,867
DEAL WITH IT, DAD.
470
00:17:30,867 --> 00:17:34,197
>> YOU WANT TO SAY ANYTHING TO
471
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:34,800
THE FANS?
472
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,370
>> YOU'RE RUINING YOUR LIFE?
473
00:17:36,367 --> 00:17:38,197
>> Tosh: BOWL OF GRAVY.
474
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,070
>> DELICIOUS.
475
00:17:39,067 --> 00:17:40,067
>> Tosh: WITH HITS LIKE THOSE
476
00:17:40,067 --> 00:17:42,067
WHO NEEDS A JOB.
477
00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:44,927
>> BOWL OF GRAVY.
478
00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:45,833
>> Tosh: HMM.
479
00:17:45,833 --> 00:17:48,473
>> OH, YEAH, FOLKS A BOWL OF
480
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:52,727
GRAVY.
481
00:17:52,733 --> 00:17:56,333
>> Tosh: BOWL OF GRAVY.
482
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:59,503
>> UNTIL NEXT TIME, FOLKS.
483
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:01,630
BYE-BYE.
484
00:18:01,633 --> 00:18:03,073
>> Tosh: BYE-BYE, BUDDY.
485
00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:04,667
KEEP ON LIVING EVERY DAY LIKE
486
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:05,727
IT'S THANKSGIVING.
487
00:18:05,733 --> 00:18:07,403
MOVING ON, IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER
488
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,270
INSTALLMENT OF MY SIGNATURE WEB
489
00:18:09,267 --> 00:18:11,097
SERIES THE ADVENTURES OF BIG ASS
490
00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:14,730
BABY.
491
00:18:14,733 --> 00:18:17,933
>> EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT,
492
00:18:17,933 --> 00:18:18,673
GENTLEMEN.
493
00:18:18,667 --> 00:18:19,867
OKAY, WE HAVE ABOUT TEN MORE
494
00:18:19,867 --> 00:18:25,067
MINUTES.
495
00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:28,927
BECKY, BRING ME MY BINKY.
496
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:36,073
[ SCREAMING ]
497
00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:37,767
>> NO.
498
00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:43,967
[ SCREAMING ]
499
00:18:43,967 --> 00:18:45,627
>> I'LL HAVE FREDERICK DROP THE
500
00:18:45,633 --> 00:18:46,473
TABLE FIRST THING IN THE
501
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:46,797
MORNING.
502
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,070
THANK YOU.
503
00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:52,167
>> THAT'S ONE BIG ASS BABY.
504
00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:53,427
>> Tosh: NOW THE BREAKING BAD IS
505
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,333
OVER I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE
506
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:57,133
BIG ASS BABY IS THE BEST SHOW ON
507
00:18:57,133 --> 00:18:59,073
TV.
508
00:18:59,067 --> 00:19:00,627
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
509
00:19:00,633 --> 00:19:01,973
ASK CARLOS.
510
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,530
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
511
00:19:14,067 --> 00:19:15,327
>> Tosh: WELCOME BACK.
512
00:19:15,333 --> 00:19:16,433
TO ALL THE PETS WHOSE OWNERS
513
00:19:16,433 --> 00:19:18,733
LEFT THE TV ON WHILE THEY WENT
514
00:19:18,733 --> 00:19:21,503
OUTSIDE LIKE TO SAY, SUGAR BOY.
515
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:24,070
YOU GOOD BOY, YES, YOU GOOD BOY.
516
00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:26,497
NEXT WEEK I FIND OUT IF THIS GUY
517
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:27,900
CAN TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO MAKE
518
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:28,670
FORCE FIELDS.
519
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:31,467
>> AS SOON AS YOU SEE ME MOVE
520
00:19:31,467 --> 00:19:32,727
EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT IN THERE
521
00:19:32,733 --> 00:19:36,403
YOU PUSH IT OUT.
522
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:36,900
[ SCREAMING
523
00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:37,830
[
524
00:19:49,733 --> 00:19:51,073
>> Tosh: HE'S STILL SELLING IT.
525
00:19:51,067 --> 00:19:52,627
MUST BE A GLITCH END HER FORCE
526
00:19:52,633 --> 00:19:53,203
FIELD.
527
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,070
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AND CLOG UP
528
00:19:55,067 --> 00:19:56,567
MY FEED WITH YOUR LAME COMMENTS
529
00:19:56,567 --> 00:19:59,097
DURING THE SHOW AND CHECK OUT
530
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:01,370
OUR BLOG UNLESS YOUR IN CHINA
531
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,027
AND YOUR OPPRESSIVE GOVERNMENT
532
00:20:03,033 --> 00:20:03,803
HAS BLOCKED.
533
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,100
.
534
00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:05,700
CHECK OUT MY TOUR DATES AND STAY
535
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:08,870
TUNED FOR AN ALL-NEW
536
00:20:08,867 --> 00:20:09,567
BRICKLEBERRY.
537
00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:12,597
WHY'S IT SPECIAL?
538
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:13,930
DON'T KNOW.
539
00:20:13,933 --> 00:20:19,933
LAST WEEK WE INTRODUCED THE
540
00:20:19,933 --> 00:20:24,133
SPEECH JAMMER AND YOU FILMED
541
00:20:24,133 --> 00:20:25,533
YOURSELF DOING IT.
542
00:20:25,533 --> 00:20:29,633
>> DANIEL TOSH INTERNET.
543
00:20:29,633 --> 00:20:32,103
>> HOW MUCH WOOD CAN A CHUCK,
544
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,400
CHUCK, CHUCKA WOOD.
545
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:38,330
>> PETER PIPER PICKED A PECKA,
546
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:48,603
PECKA, PECKA.
547
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:54,900
[ STAMMERING ]
548
00:20:54,900 --> 00:20:56,370
>> Tosh: ONE PERSON IN THAT
549
00:20:56,367 --> 00:20:59,797
CLIP, I'M NOT GOING TO SAY WHO
550
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,400
WASN'T USING SPEECH JAMMER.
551
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,230
THEY ARE JUST MENTALLY
552
00:21:06,233 --> 00:21:06,903
CHALLENGED.
553
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:07,730
OKAY, FOLKS.
554
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:10,373
THAT'S THEY'LL SHOW WE HAVE.
555
00:21:15,867 --> 00:21:17,627
>> Tosh: WAS THAT YOUR LIFE'S
556
00:21:17,633 --> 00:21:18,103
SAVINGS?
557
00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:18,800
>> YEAH.
558
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,500
>> Tosh: MAN, DO YOU KNOW HOW
559
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:21,670
MUCH AN X BOX COSTS?
560
00:21:21,667 --> 00:21:22,797
>> $300.
561
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,330
>> Tosh: YOU JUST GOT AN
34884
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