Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:39,413
[INDISCERNIBLE]
2
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:48,817
[APPLAUSE]
3
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,116
>> Tosh: WHOEVER'S IDEA IT WAS
4
00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:51,848
TO HAVE THE SUMMER GAME IN
5
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,592
SOVIET RUSSIA IS FIRED.
6
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,817
WELCOME TO "TOSH.0."
7
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,063
THIS WEEK'S SKYLINE IS SOUTH
8
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:58,788
PADRE ISLAND.
9
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:02,132
PERHAPS THE WORSE OF OUR
10
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,900
NATION'S HORRIBLE SPRING BREAK
11
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:04,427
DESTINATIONS.
12
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:05,502
WHILE THERE TAKE A PICTURE WITH
13
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,439
THE SELENA STATUE.
14
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,935
WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN J LO.
15
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:18,877
TONIGHT ON THE SHOW I CHILLAX
16
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:21,749
AND USE MY TWITTER TO BRING
17
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,679
THIEVES TO JUSTIN AND NOW
18
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,694
SOMEBODY GET OLGA ON THE PHONE
19
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,517
AND LET HER KNOW HER COMMIE SON
20
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:30,323
IS THERE.
21
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,164
THIS IS THE NICEST DAY OF THE
22
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:35,230
YEAR IN RUSSIA.
23
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,959
WHEN BLOOD SOAKS THROUGH YOUR
24
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,234
PATAGONIA THAT'S A SERIOUS HEAD
25
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,002
WOUND OR MAYBE HE LANDED ON A
26
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,440
SNOW ANGEL THAT JUST STARTED HER
27
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,165
PERIOD.
28
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,942
WHAT WE NEED ARE MORE BUTTERFLY
29
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,179
NETS AT THE BORDER.
30
00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:48,505
>> YOU DON'T HAVE IT DO YOU?
31
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,779
>> I DO.
32
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,048
>> HOLY [BLEEP].
33
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:53,776
HOLY [BLEEP].
34
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:54,521
LOOK AT THAT.
35
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,045
THAT'S A MEXICAN BUTTERFLY.
36
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,450
>> Tosh: CLEAN UP THE LANGUAGE,
37
00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,192
YOU PUSSY.
38
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,417
WHAT HE GOING TO DO FLUTTER YOU
39
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:02,422
TO DEATH?
40
00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:03,763
>> IF THAT TAKES FLIGHT I'M
41
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:05,957
GOING [BLEEP] MY PANTS.
42
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,459
THAT'S A [BLEEP] MEXICAN
43
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,201
BUTTERFLY.
44
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:08,996
>> Tosh: WHAT MAKES IT MEXICAN?
45
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,426
THE FACT IT CAME OUT OF YOUR
46
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:13,031
BATHROOM WITH A CLEAN TOWEL?
47
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:15,203
IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY HE IS
48
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:16,873
WEARING A TINY SOMBRERO.
49
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,570
I THOUGHT A MEXICAN BUTTERFLY
50
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,872
WAS WHEN YOU FINISH ON A GIRL'S
51
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:23,984
EYE LASHES?
52
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:24,447
OKAY.
53
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:25,845
IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE'VE
54
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,276
REALLY PUSHED THE BOUNDARIES ON
55
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:28,451
THE SHOW SO GET READY BECAUSE
56
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,679
THIS ONE'S GOING STICK WITH YOU.
57
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,023
I GIVE YOU THE ULTIMATE DEFENSE
58
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:47,269
AGAINST TITTY TWISTERS.
59
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:48,598
>> Tosh: CALM DOWN.
60
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,242
THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE COMEDY
61
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:53,838
CENTRAL WON'T LET US AIR THIS.
62
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:59,111
HEY, MAYBE HE HAS TO BREASTFEED
63
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:05,792
A BABY VAMPIRE.
64
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:08,316
ROLL THEM AROUND CHEDDAR POWDER
65
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:09,662
AND IT'S REAL CHEESE NIPS.
66
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:14,257
HE NEEDS TO UPGRATE TO THE MACH
67
00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:15,102
SECTOMY 5.
68
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,255
WAS IT THE GRAPHICS YOU THOUGHT
69
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,134
WAS GROSS?
70
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:19,830
CAN SOMEBODY GET THE NEXT GUY A
71
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,943
SMOCK?
72
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:24,565
I DIDN'T KNOW VAL KILMER DID
73
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:25,072
ZUMBA.
74
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,872
WITH MOVES LIKE THAT IT'S EASY
75
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,744
TO SEE HOW THAT GUY GOT
76
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:29,412
PREGNANT.
77
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:29,780
OKAY.
78
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,107
I'M SURE THAT LAST VIDEO MADE A
79
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,751
COUPLE OF MY FEMALE VIEWERS A
80
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:35,376
LITTLE DAMP IN THEIR DOWNSTAIRS.
81
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:38,823
>> YOU SEE THE STAINS ON THERE?
82
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,489
YOU SEE THEM STAINS ON THERE?
83
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:42,389
SEE THE STAINS?
84
00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:50,100
>> Tosh: YES, I SEE THE STAINS.
85
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:52,867
>> THAT'S FROM ME SQUIRTING.
86
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,836
THAT'S NOT PEE, THAT'S SQUIRT.
87
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:57,905
>> Tosh: AND YOU THOUGHT A MAN
88
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,565
CUTTING BOTH HIS NIPS WERE
89
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:00,043
GROSS.
90
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,040
I ASSUME SHE MADE HERSELF DO.
91
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:06,313
ALL A GIRL NEEDS IS A POSTER OF
92
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:08,324
DALE JR. AND IMAGINATION.
93
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:09,616
ALL YOU NEED IS SOMEONE TO MOP
94
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:10,847
UP THE MESS.
95
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:14,191
>> IT STINKSES SO BAD IN HERE.
96
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:17,687
YOU HAVE A DIRTY APARTMENT, YOU
97
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:18,691
CALL MOLLY MAID.
98
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:19,662
THEY'LL CLEAN.
99
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,130
YOU HAVE A SQUIRTER ON YOUR
100
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:25,569
HAND, CALL ME, THE JIZ WHIZ.
101
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:27,996
THAT'S HOW YOU DO A SKETCH SHOW.
102
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:32,011
KEEP IT UNDER 30 SECONDS AND PUT
103
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:35,405
IT IN A BETTER SHOW THAT HAS
104
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:38,349
NOTHING TO DO WITH SKETCH
105
00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:40,506
COMEDY.
106
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:41,254
WHAT'S NEXT?
107
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:43,248
WE HAVE A RUNNER.
108
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,890
THIS IS THE ONE DAY I WOULDN'T
109
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:45,815
MIND HAVING JURY DUTY.
110
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,219
OH, MY.
111
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,920
HE IS UNFAZED BY THE IT'S A.
112
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,693
-- TAZE.
113
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,803
NOW LET'S WATCH 15 SECURITY
114
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,155
CAMERAS CAPTURE THE FLIGHT RISK
115
00:04:57,164 --> 00:05:01,574
IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.
116
00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:03,269
WHERE ARE FRANKLIN AND/OR BASH
117
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:05,040
WHEN YOU NEED THEM?
118
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:08,038
THAT'S THE THING WITH TAZERS IF
119
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,381
YOU DON'T CHARGE THEM OVERNIGHT
120
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:14,548
THEY LOSE ZIP.
121
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,918
OBESE SECURITY GUARDS HAVE
122
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:20,117
NIGHTMARES OF THIS AND I CAN'T
123
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,190
BELIEVE THEIR TRAINING DIDN'T
124
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,658
COVER THERE.
125
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,486
FOR ALL I KNOW THIS GUY KILLED
126
00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:27,062
MY COUSIN BUT I STILL WANT TO
127
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,030
SEE HIM OUTRUN THE PIGS.
128
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,659
THAT'S PURELY A FAT JOKE.
129
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:35,044
SITTING ON YOUR ASS TEN HOURS A
130
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:38,705
DAY DOES NOT PREPARE YOU TO
131
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:39,406
TACKLE HIM.
132
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:41,237
HE MADE IT OUT THE DOOR AND
133
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,941
LEGALLY IT MAKES HIM FREE TO GO.
134
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,053
FOR THAT WE THANK YOU.
135
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:49,945
WE'RE BACK WITH ILLUSION AND ZEN
136
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:50,450
WAYS.
137
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,181
BOSS I'M FINE.
138
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,554
I JUMPED OUT BUT I'M GOING NEED
139
00:05:52,553 --> 00:06:09,443
ANOTHER CRANE.
140
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:10,867
>> ALL RIGHT.
141
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,311
THIS IS THE ILLUSION.
142
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:17,605
THIS IS HOW I KEEP MY CUT TIGHT.
143
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:20,811
I KIND OF FARMED IT RIGHT THERE.
144
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,854
THAT'S PRETTY RADICAL BUT WE'RE
145
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:27,091
NOT GONNA SWEAT IT, DUDE.
146
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:30,487
>> TIME TO WRAP OUR HEADS AROUND
147
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:31,991
THE FACT THAT IT'S GONNA BE COLD
148
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,902
AND YET THE SUN IS BRIGHT.
149
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,795
>> Tosh: HEY, HE DID SAVE EIGHT
150
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,098
DOLLARS BY NOT HAVING TO GO TO
151
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,470
FANTASTIC SAMS SO WHO LOOKS DUMB
152
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:44,341
NOW?
153
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:48,607
THE SOUL SURFER'S AT THE
154
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:49,279
ILLUSION.
155
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:50,776
THERE'S PLENTY WAYS TO DESCRIBE
156
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,348
HIM BUT WHILE YOU SPEND YOUR
157
00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:56,476
DAYS STRESSING ABOUT TPS REPORT
158
00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:58,624
HE'S CRUISING ON A WAVE CALLED
159
00:06:58,619 --> 00:06:59,019
LIFE.
160
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,149
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU
161
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,193
DEVOTE YOUR LIFE TURNING THINGS
162
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,729
INTO BONG THAT AREN'T BONGS.
163
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:07,385
MY FAVORITE STONER IS THE DUDE.
164
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:12,574
HE STILL TIED A RUG TOGETHER.
165
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:15,796
JESUS WAS THE ORIGINAL DUDE
166
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,143
BECAUSES HE TOLD HIS FOLLOWERS
167
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,237
TO GIVE AWAY THEIR WORLDLY
168
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:20,709
POSSESSIONS AND THAT'S WHY ME
169
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:24,778
WASN'T POPULAR WITH THE JEWS.
170
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,148
YOU GET FOOT AND SHELTER WITHOUT
171
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,717
WORKING IT'S LIKE BEING A
172
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:29,216
GIRLFRIEND.
173
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:33,316
I WALKED A MILE IN BIRKEN
174
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:33,850
STOCKS.
175
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,424
I LIVED IN COTA RICA OFF $20 A
176
00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:38,263
WEEK AND WHAT MAKES THE TRIPS
177
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,528
BETTER IS AFFORDING FOOD.
178
00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:41,757
YOU WANT TO GO OFF THE GRID,
179
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:42,262
FINE.
180
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:42,702
YOUR LOSS.
181
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,026
THE DOW IS THROUGH THE ROOF
182
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:46,671
I ALWAYS SAID THE BEST WAY TO
183
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,137
STICK IT TO THE MAN IS TO SELL
184
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,595
OUT AND BE THE MAN BUT THE
185
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:53,874
ILLUSION IS A GENTLE SOUL IN A
186
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:56,284
CRUEL WORLD AND I PUT IT OUT
187
00:07:56,276 --> 00:08:04,316
THEY WANTED HIM FOR OUR SEB
188
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,787
CE-WEB-RITY PROFILE.
189
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:08,716
>> Tosh: YOU'RE PROFICIENT IN
190
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:09,162
WORLD?
191
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:09,686
>> YES.
192
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:16,130
>> Tosh: WE DON'T ALLOW TWO
193
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,599
DANIELS HERE.
194
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:24,239
>> HEY, BRO, HOUSE IT GOING?
195
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:27,307
YOU MUST BE THE ILLUSION.
196
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:31,337
DID YOU WRITE IT ON A TACO
197
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:31,854
PAPER?
198
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,575
>> YES.
199
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,111
RECYCLE.
200
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:37,594
>> Tosh: THAT'S GOLDIN.
201
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:40,685
WHICH VIDEO WAS THE MOST
202
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:41,248
POPULAR.
203
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:42,994
>> THE BOWL CUT.
204
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:46,190
>> Tosh: HOW HOLD IS THE
205
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:46,863
ILLUSION.
206
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:51,100
>> I'M 43 YEARS OLD.
207
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,368
I NEVER KNOW WHO I AM WHEN I
208
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,425
WAKE UP IN THE MORNING.
209
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,603
>> Tosh: WHAT A TYPICAL DAY LIKE
210
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:58,873
IN THE LIFE OF THE ILLUSION.
211
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,612
>> WE GET UP AND JUMP INTO IT
212
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:04,949
WITHOUT A PRECONCEIVED NOTION.
213
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,615
>> Tosh: THERE A MRS. ILLUSION.
214
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:10,975
>> NO, SHE'D BE THE HOLOGRAM.
215
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,094
>> Tosh: DO YOU HAVE A PAIR OF
216
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,145
THESE ON YOUR HEAD?
217
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,064
I AM ASSURED THAT YOU DON'T.
218
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,726
YOU CAN'T THINK THE BOTTLES ARE
219
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:18,825
A GOOD IDEA.
220
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,086
>> IT'S AN A FUNCTION BEFORE
221
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:20,633
FASHION ISSUE.
222
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,458
>> Tosh: WHEN YOU'RE AT
223
00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:26,772
BREAKFAST DOES THE ILLUSION GO
224
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:29,697
BAGEL OR CROISSANT.
225
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,203
>> I DON'T LIKE FOOD.
226
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,814
>> Tosh: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE
227
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:34,307
COOKIE?
228
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,807
>> OREOS FIND THEMSELVES AS A
229
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:37,310
PREFERENCE.
230
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,480
>> Tosh: SNICKER DOODLE?
231
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:42,878
>> I GOT FIRST PLACE, SANTA CRUZ
232
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:44,653
COUNTY FAIR FOR MY SNICKER
233
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:45,552
DOODLE.
234
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:47,552
>> Tosh: AND THAT'S NOT ON YOUR
235
00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:48,264
RESUME IN
236
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,755
>> I WAS YOUNG.
237
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,857
>> Tosh: WHERE IS SPACE SHIP
238
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:52,459
EARTH.
239
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,359
>> Reporter: THE ILLUSION
240
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:58,831
REPORTING ON SPACE SHIP EARTH.
241
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,672
>> IT'S A HOLOGRAM WE'RE ALL
242
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,069
EXPERIENCES BUT IT'S A SPACE
243
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:06,310
SHIP JAMMING THROUGH THE SOLAR
244
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:06,866
SYSTEM.
245
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:09,084
>> Tosh: IF WE DRUG TESTED YOU
246
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:09,906
WOULD YOU PASS?
247
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,140
>> ABSOLUTELY.
248
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,984
>> Tosh: THAT BLEW PEOPLE'S
249
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:13,450
MINDS.
250
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,416
WHAT'S THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF
251
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:16,115
EDUCATION?
252
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,276
>> COLLEGE BUT I DIDN'T
253
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:17,824
GRADUATE.
254
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:18,648
>> Tosh: WOULD YOU CONSIDER IT'S
255
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,022
A WASTE OF MONEY.
256
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,620
>> I THINK IN TODAY'S SOCIETY
257
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:25,231
IT'S A DEBT.
258
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:26,485
>> Tosh: IT'S LIKE I'M TALKING
259
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:27,533
TO MYSELF RIGHT NOW.
260
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:30,027
WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN
261
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:30,760
FIVE YEARS.
262
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:31,464
>> WHOA.
263
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,474
YOU'RE TRIPPING.
264
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,165
I DON'T DO THAT.
265
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,698
THAT'S MY FAVORITE ANSWER I'VE
266
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,174
EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.
267
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,871
YOU JUST GET ELECTIONED
268
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:40,443
PRESIDENT.
269
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,940
WHAT DO YOU DO ON DAY ONE?
270
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,683
>> MOVE OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
271
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:47,548
>> Tosh: DO YOU BELIEVE A LOT OF
272
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:48,947
CONSPIRACY THEORYS.
273
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:51,479
>> THEY'RE MORE THAN TRUTH AND
274
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,054
REALTIES.
275
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:55,862
THE WORLD'S RAN BY THE NEW WORLD
276
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,556
ORDER LOW FREQUENCY BEINGS
277
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,457
TRYING TO ZAP OUR ENERGY AND
278
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:01,059
TRYING TO KEEP US TRAPPED IN THE
279
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:01,731
HOLOGRAM.
280
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:02,459
>> Tosh: GOT IT.
281
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:03,762
ONE LAST QUESTION, ARE YOU
282
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:06,374
WILLING TO DO WHATEVER I SAY AND
283
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,236
WORK FOR FREE?
284
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,165
>> OH, YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
285
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,940
>> Tosh: WELCOME ABOARD YOU'RE
286
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,211
"TOSH.0" NEWEST INTERN.
287
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,748
>> CAN I GET OUT OF THIS SUIT?
288
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:20,245
MY DAD NEEDS IT FOR HIS JOB
289
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:21,007
INTERVIEW.
290
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:21,554
>> Tosh: YEAH.
291
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:23,848
>> I HAD A FAR OUT DREAM.
292
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:26,751
MY BED TURNED INTO AN EAGLE AND
293
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:27,864
I WAS GETTING TUBE AND I WAS
294
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,255
LIKE WHOA.
295
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:34,356
HELLO, YOU'VE REACHED THE
296
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:34,931
OFFICES.
297
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:35,598
"TOSH.0."
298
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,055
>> Tosh: PICK THOSE UP.
299
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,804
>> GOT YOU THREE GRAMS.
300
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:43,599
GOING ON A WEED RUN.
301
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,273
I GET YOU SOMETHING?
302
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:48,382
>> HOW ABOUT A GRAM.
303
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,305
I'LL PAY TOMORROW.
304
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:53,179
>> SORRY, NO CASH, NO KUSH.
305
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,280
>> Tosh: THOSE ARE SICK.
306
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:56,221
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
307
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,946
>> Tosh: HAVE YOU HEARD THE
308
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:07,593
ILLUSION'S MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY
309
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:08,204
STORY.
310
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:09,695
>> DON'T EVER MENTION THAT NAME
311
00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:11,356
AROUND ME AGAIN.
312
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:15,004
THIS SEASON THE WARDROBE WILL BE
313
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:15,642
BOGGLED.
314
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:17,235
>> Tosh: I TOLD YOU TO WALK MY
315
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:17,697
DOG.
316
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:19,274
>> ON IT.
317
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,582
THIS IS MY LATEST INVENTION.
318
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,705
THE SCOOP TO PICK UP THE
319
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:25,281
BISCUITS.
320
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,448
DON'T THINK OF STEALING THIS
321
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,147
IDEA.
322
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:28,448
HOWDY.
323
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,548
>> HOW'D YOU GET IN THERE?
324
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,149
>> I KNOW, RIGHT.
325
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,651
>> HARSH.
326
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,593
>> THE ILLUSION'S GIVING OUT NEW
327
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,459
HAIR CUTS.
328
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,087
>> WE'RE DOING THE TRADITIONAL
329
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,303
BOWL CUT WHICH IS SLIGHTLY
330
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,225
CROOKED AND MAYBE A CHUNK OUT OF
331
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:45,971
THE BANGS THAT ISN'T RIGHT AND
332
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,266
START CUTTING AND MAKE IT INTO A
333
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:48,838
BOWL.
334
00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,966
>> YOU EYE-BALL IT.
335
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:55,511
>> YEAH.
336
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:58,848
IT WILL GROW OUT.
337
00:12:58,846 --> 00:12:59,246
3:15.
338
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:00,106
THAT'S IT FOR ME.
339
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,353
I'M POOPED.
340
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:05,418
>> Tosh: WHAT ABOUT THE BOWL
341
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:05,848
CUT?
342
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:11,123
>> MA NANA.
343
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,864
>> Tosh: WHAT'D YOU THINK OF THE
344
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:14,461
ILLUSION.
345
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,101
>> WHAT?
346
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,425
YOU'VE BEEN ACTING WEIRD ALL
347
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:16,859
DAY.
348
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,604
>> Tosh: YOU MEAN THE ILLUSION
349
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:21,499
IS AN ILLUSION?
350
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,701
IT'S LIKE I'M TALKING TO MYSELF
351
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:25,442
RIGHT NOW.
352
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:26,868
>> NO, GET OFF ME.
353
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:33,584
>> I GOT IT.
354
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:40,690
>> Tosh: OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS.
355
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:43,287
THE ILLUSION JUST SHOT MY
356
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,290
GIRLFRIEND IN THE FACE.
357
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:48,102
IF YOU'RE AT HOME THAT'S OUR
358
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:50,725
SECOND DAVID FINCHER PARODY TO
359
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,370
DATE BUT FIRST, BEST FRIENDS
360
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,025
SHOULDN'T PEE ON EACH OTHER.
361
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:58,814
>> HI, HOW ARE YOU?
362
00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:05,145
>> HE'S PEEING ON YOU.
363
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:09,675
>> WAS HE REALLY?
364
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:15,292
[LAUGHTER]
365
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:18,928
[***]
366
00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:21,726
>> SEXUALITY IS NOT INNATE.
367
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:25,598
IT'S NOT A GENETIC TRAIT
368
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,368
YOU CAN'T REPLICATE THE LOVE
369
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:31,937
BETWEEN A MAN AND WOMAN.
370
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:35,939
HOMOSEXUALITY IS A POISON THAT
371
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,343
INTOXICATES THE MIND.
372
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:41,554
A MALE IT MALE CONTACT IS THE
373
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,948
HIGHEST RATE OF HIV CASES AND TO
374
00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:47,292
ADVOCATE FOR THIS LIFESTYLE IS
375
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,287
CONSIDERED LOVE AND TO GO
376
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,819
AGAINST IT IT'S LABELLED HATE.
377
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:53,633
THEY DON'T SEE WHAT'S AT STAKE
378
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,256
UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE.
379
00:14:56,263 --> 00:15:00,273
>> Tosh: I MISS INXS.
380
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,337
IT WAS SUFFOCATE BEFORE THAT?
381
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,265
IT'S BEEN A MINUTE SINCE I
382
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,111
DROPPED THE TRACK BUT I'M NOT
383
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:09,006
TOO BIG TO GET DIRTY IN THE
384
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,439
WOODS AND IN THE NAME OF CIVIL
385
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:12,084
RIGHTS.
386
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,879
PUT DOWN MY HEADPHONES.
387
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,580
I KNOW I'M NOT WEARING
388
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:18,294
HEADPHONES.
389
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:24,415
JUST TURN -- HERE WE GO.
390
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,764
[***]
391
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:34,129
>> Tosh: THIS IS RATED M FOR
392
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,204
MASTURBATE.
393
00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:37,242
DON'T TRY TO RHYME WHILE YOU
394
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,137
DISCRIMINATE.
395
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:40,138
YOU SOUND LIKE STEPHEN A. SMITH
396
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,870
TRYING TO ANNUNCIATE.
397
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,314
THOSE WHO VOTED YET ON PROP 8
398
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:50,021
MAKE ME IRATE.
399
00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,677
QUEER WILL COHABITATE LIKE YOU
400
00:15:51,684 --> 00:16:02,104
WILL MENSTRUATE GAY GUYS
401
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,855
EXFOLIATE AND USE COLGATE SO
402
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,474
KNOCK OFF WITH THE HATE.
403
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:10,296
AT LEAST THEY CAN'T KILL BABIES
404
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:14,613
BEFORE THEY'RE DUE DATE.
405
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:17,337
MEN SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO
406
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:21,654
TITILLATE EACH OTHER'S PROSTATE.
407
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,378
WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE WHO
408
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,623
WE PENETRATE.
409
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,117
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES AMERICA
410
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:26,719
GREAT.
411
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,119
SEEMS LIKE YOU NEED TO GET YOUR
412
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:31,422
[BLEEP] BY SAME-SEX DATE.
413
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:34,234
BY THE WAY, YOU RICKY LAKE I DID
414
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:44,567
MY RAP IN ONE TAKE.
415
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:45,741
MACKLEMORE AND I WILL BE
416
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:49,078
PERFORMING THAT LIVE AT
417
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:49,836
BONNAROO.
418
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,742
THERE WILL BE NO VIDEO TONIGHT
419
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,654
INSTEAD I'M GIVING THE GIFT OF
420
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:54,606
TODD GLASS.
421
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,624
HEY, HIS PRANK SHOW IS
422
00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,086
EVERYBODY'S FOURTH FAVORITE
423
00:16:58,085 --> 00:17:01,645
SEGMENT THAT DOESN'T STAR ME.
424
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:08,164
>> IT'S REALLY BAD.
425
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:11,701
[ SIRENS WAILING ]
426
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,528
>> [BLEEP]'S THIS?
427
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,003
THE MILLION MAN MARCH.
428
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,271
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER IN THE
429
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:16,739
CAR.
430
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,266
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR PUT YOUR
431
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:20,942
HANDS AGAINST THE CAR.
432
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,640
I'M NOT [BLEEP]ING AROUND.
433
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:25,182
SHUT UP, THIS ISN'T A MOVIE
434
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,108
THEATRE, ARSENIO.
435
00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:30,683
ANDRE 3,000 PUT YOUR HANDS ON
436
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,123
THE CAR.
437
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,219
LOOK AT THIS ASHY MOTHER
438
00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:34,921
[BLEEP].
439
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:36,221
HOW MANY MINUTES YOU GOT ON
440
00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:37,523
HERE?
441
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:39,234
SHOULDN'T YOU BE DRINKING
442
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,226
SOMETHING PURPLE?
443
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,357
>> WHAT YOU SAY?
444
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:46,872
>> THIS JUST GOT REAL DIDN'T IT?
445
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:52,136
YOU GOT SOME DUMB [BLEEP].
446
00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:54,239
YOU'RE ON THE TODD GLASS SHOW.
447
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,481
I SMOKE TOO MUCH POT TO BE A
448
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,775
REAL COP.
449
00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:02,217
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON
450
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,145
YOUR FACES.
451
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:06,790
A REAL COP WOULDN'T EVEN WORK IN
452
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:07,486
THE AREA.
453
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:10,217
IT'S UNINCORPORATED.
454
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:12,833
THINK HIM STUPID ENOUGH TO
455
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:14,385
HARASS THREE BLACK GUYS.
456
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:17,264
THINK I'M A DUMB COP I'M GOING
457
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:19,334
RISK MY LIFE FOR STRANGERS?
458
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:24,442
I WOULDN'T MAKE A BULLET MORE MY
459
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:24,897
MOM.
460
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:25,944
GOOD TIMES, HUH.
461
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:30,078
GOOD TIMES.
462
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,406
>> TODD GLASS'S AWFUL PRANK
463
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:32,912
SHOW.
464
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:37,482
>> Tosh: IT'S IMPORTANT TO TODD
465
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:40,794
I MAKE IT CLEAR HE LOVES ALL
466
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:46,487
BLACK PEOPLE BUT STILL NOT SO
467
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:52,233
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
468
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:54,602
>> Tosh: WELCOME BACK.
469
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,941
FOR MARCH MADNESS I HAVE MIAMI
470
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:59,666
MAKING IT TO THE ELITE EIGHT.
471
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,612
WE HAVE THIS WE HAVE REDEMPTION.
472
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:04,438
>> WE'RE GOING TALK ABOUT
473
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:05,114
MIDGETS.
474
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:07,511
THEY HAVE TO GO TO THEIR OWN
475
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:10,524
MIDGET PRISON BECAUSE THEY CAN
476
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:11,847
FIT THROUGH THE BARS.
477
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:12,921
>> Tosh: THAT'S HIGHLY
478
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:13,319
OFFENSIVE.
479
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,920
HOW ARE THEY GOING TO SLIP
480
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:15,891
THROUGH THE BARS.
481
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,888
LITTLE PEOPLE HAVE SLIGHTLY TO
482
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:20,830
NORMAL SIZED HEAD DEPENDING ON
483
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:25,057
THEIR DWARFISM.
484
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:29,044
KEEP UP ON OUR BLOG AND SEE ME
485
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:32,635
ON THE JUNE GLOOM SHOW WITH
486
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:33,939
JARROD MAR MICHAEL.
487
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:37,710
THAT'S A CUPCAKE.
488
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:41,780
A CINNAMON CUPCAKE FROM
489
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,151
SPRINKLES THEY'RE VERY MOIST AND
490
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:46,249
FOLLOW THE ACTUAL ME ON TWITTER.
491
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:48,463
THERE ARE IMPOSTERS.
492
00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:50,415
IT'S NOT A PARODY IF THEY'RE
493
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:51,323
DONE THIS POORLY.
494
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,164
I USE MY LIKENESS AND ESSENCE.
495
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,059
WHATEVER THAT IS.
496
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:54,890
THAT'S CRIMINAL.
497
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:59,334
THIS PHONY WRITES I'M NOT DANIEL
498
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,472
TOSH BUT FUNNIER.
499
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:03,067
THOSE ARE BIG WORDS.
500
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:06,269
IF MONDAYS WERE SHOES THEY'D BE
501
00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:06,713
CROC.
502
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,976
NOT SO EASY, IS IT?
503
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,505
100,000 OF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH
504
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:14,510
TO BELIEVE THIS HACK IS ME?
505
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:17,584
HERE WE HAVE UNDERSCORE DANNY
506
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:20,524
TOSH UNDERSCORE.
507
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,320
THAT'S ONE I FOUGHT GET.
508
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:22,992
LITTLE LATE TO THE GAME.
509
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,689
YOU KNOW IT'S NOT ME BECAUSE
510
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,191
HE'S FOLLOWING 40,000 PEOPLE.
511
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:29,202
I STRUGGLE FOLLOWING 89 AND I
512
00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:32,465
WANT TO KILL HALF OF THEM FOR
513
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,095
RETWEETING EVERY TIME SOMEONE
514
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,100
PAYS THEM A COMPLIMENT.
515
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:39,912
ONE SAID I'M NOT DANIEL TOSH SO
516
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,136
SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP.
517
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:42,780
YOU CAN UNDERSTAND HOW I MADE
518
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,805
THE ASSUMPTION.
519
00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:46,911
WE LOOK SIMILAR.
520
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:47,883
THE TOSH MEISTER?
521
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,550
SENT ONE OUT THREE YEARS AGO.
522
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,549
MY PROBLEM IS THERE ARE 17,000
523
00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:53,291
PEOPLE FOLLOWING THIS FRAUD
524
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,516
SAYING I WISH DANIEL TOSH WOULD
525
00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:56,392
TWEET MORE
526
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:57,819
I DON'T MEAN TO TAKE EXTREME
527
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,694
MEASURES BUT I BLOCKED YOU AND
528
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:00,862
REPORTED YOU AS SPAM.
529
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:01,690
TAKE THAT.
530
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,504
TOMORROW'S WINNING LOTTERY
531
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:08,836
NUMBERS ARE 10, 18, 19, 41, 23,
532
00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:10,135
49'S YOUR POWERBALL.
533
00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:10,466
GOOD NIGHT
33184
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.