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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,767 --> 00:00:14,827 >> TOSH.O FEATURES VIDEOS FROM 2 00:00:14,833 --> 00:00:18,373 THE INTERNET AND IS INTENDED FOR 3 00:00:18,367 --> 00:00:20,267 A MATURE AUDIENCE. 4 00:00:20,267 --> 00:00:22,227 ENJOY. 5 00:00:22,233 --> 00:00:25,103 >> YOU'RE NOT GOING TO START 6 00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:27,900 UNTIL I TAKE MY HAND OFF YOUR 7 00:00:27,900 --> 00:00:28,200 FIST. 8 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:28,700 >> GOT IT. 9 00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:30,630 >> LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE 10 00:00:30,633 --> 00:00:31,033 READY. 11 00:00:31,033 --> 00:00:32,803 >> YOU CAN HANDLE THIS? 12 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:33,500 >> YES. 13 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,000 >> OKAY, AND GO! 14 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,870 >> OH! 15 00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:44,927 (SCREAMING ) 16 00:00:44,933 --> 00:00:45,803 * 17 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:52,300 [ APPLAUSE ] 18 00:00:53,367 --> 00:00:56,597 >> OH, LET'S GO AGAIN. 19 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,830 THAT'S TWO OUT OF THREE. 20 00:00:58,833 --> 00:01:00,873 WELCOME TO TOSH.O. 21 00:01:00,867 --> 00:01:03,697 THIS EPISODE IS NOT A RERUN. 22 00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,270 OR IS IT? 23 00:01:05,267 --> 00:01:05,897 [LAUGHING] 24 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,570 >> TONIGHT ON THE SHOW I HOST A 25 00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:10,567 MARATHON WE PLAY IS IT RACIST? 26 00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:14,067 AND I SHOW YOU MY HOMEMADE SEX 27 00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:14,297 TOY. 28 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:17,730 NOW LET'S SEE WHY IT'S NOT JUST 29 00:01:17,733 --> 00:01:20,803 WOMENS EMOTIONS THAT ARE 30 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:21,570 FRAGILE. 31 00:01:21,567 --> 00:01:22,567 (YELLING ) 32 00:01:22,567 --> 00:01:24,797 >> SOMEONE HASN'T BEEN TAKING 33 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,470 HER BONIVA. 34 00:01:26,467 --> 00:01:28,627 HOW IS SHOULD I GOING TO POUR 35 00:01:28,633 --> 00:01:31,903 HER BOSS' COFFEE ON MONDAY? 36 00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:32,430 OH. 37 00:01:32,433 --> 00:01:34,803 THAT'S NOTHING MY FAMOUS POTATO 38 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,070 SALAD WON'T FIX. 39 00:01:36,067 --> 00:01:37,727 WOMEN SHOULD ONLY BE ALLOWED TO 40 00:01:37,733 --> 00:01:40,073 PILLOW FIGHT IN THEIR PANTIES. 41 00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:41,627 IT'S JUST SAFER. 42 00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:42,903 [LAUGHING] 43 00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:46,430 >> HEY, BRO YOUR PECS ARE 44 00:01:46,433 --> 00:01:56,773 LEAKING DUDE JUICE. 45 00:01:56,767 --> 00:01:59,127 >> I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE MEN HAD 46 00:01:59,133 --> 00:02:00,503 HOLES IN THEIR NIPS. 47 00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:03,500 IS THIS JOE ROGAN? 48 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,330 THE NEW SEASON OF FEAR FACTOR 49 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,233 LOOKS REFRESHING. 50 00:02:07,233 --> 00:02:09,673 OH, WE ARE SO CLOSE TO NOT EVEN 51 00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:11,067 NEEDING GIRLS FOR ANYTHING. 52 00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:19,167 I BET HE MENUSTRATES OUT OF HIS 53 00:02:19,167 --> 00:02:19,497 WEINER. 54 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,670 BELIEVE IT OR NOT MALE LACTATION 55 00:02:21,667 --> 00:02:26,527 CAN REALLY COME IN HANDY. 56 00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:28,203 >> NEW RECORD. 57 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,200 CONGRATULATIONS WHAT DO YOU WANT 58 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,330 THE TIGER OR THE BEAR. 59 00:02:30,333 --> 00:02:31,673 >> OH, THE BEAR. 60 00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:33,767 >> THAT'S A GOOD CHOICE. 61 00:02:33,767 --> 00:02:35,827 THE BIGGER GETS THE BEARMENT. 62 00:02:35,833 --> 00:02:36,873 >> THANKS MAN. 63 00:02:36,867 --> 00:02:38,167 I COULD [BEEP] YOUR GIRLFRIEND. 64 00:02:38,167 --> 00:02:40,497 >> IF I HAD A NICKEL EVERY TIME 65 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:43,100 I SQUIRTED INTO A CLOWN'S MOUTH. 66 00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:48,870 TIME TO PUT THE OUCH IN COUCH. 67 00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,700 >> OH MY GOSH! 68 00:02:58,700 --> 00:02:59,700 >> OH, NO. 69 00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:02,130 THE THING WE WERE ALE HOPING 70 00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:03,633 WOULD HAPPEN, HAPPENED. 71 00:03:03,633 --> 00:03:05,273 ON THE BRIGHT SIDE THEY FINALLY 72 00:03:05,267 --> 00:03:06,497 FOUND RECEIPT MOAT. 73 00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:08,300 THERE IT IS. 74 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:11,070 >> I HAVE BEEN TOLD MY CASTING 75 00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:13,167 COUCH IS A SIMILAR THRILL RIDE. 76 00:03:13,167 --> 00:03:15,427 I THINK THIS NEXT FISH HAS HAD A 77 00:03:15,433 --> 00:03:17,333 LITTLE WORK DONE. 78 00:03:17,333 --> 00:03:18,773 [LAUGHING] 79 00:03:18,767 --> 00:03:22,697 >> MORE LIKE THE SEXIEST CATCH. 80 00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:23,930 PUT 20 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND 81 00:03:23,933 --> 00:03:25,903 SEE HOW MANY FUNNY COMMENTS WE 82 00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:26,500 CAN MAKE. 83 00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:28,730 MAYBE THAT FISH WAS BORN WITH IT 84 00:03:28,733 --> 00:03:33,173 MAYBE IT'S MABELINE. 85 00:03:33,167 --> 00:03:35,727 THAT THING COULD NIBBLE ON MY 86 00:03:35,733 --> 00:03:37,673 FISHSTICK ANY DAY. 87 00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:40,097 MEG RYAN JUST DIDN'T HIT THE 88 00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:43,800 FISH WALL SHE SWAUPL UNDER IT. 89 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:48,430 IT'S A FISH CALLED LAWANDA. 90 00:03:48,433 --> 00:03:50,573 >> REMEMBER DISABLED PEOPLE CAN 91 00:03:50,567 --> 00:03:51,397 BE JERKS TOO. 92 00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:02,597 >> PRETTY IMPRESSIVE. 93 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,130 HE'S UNARMED AND DANGEROUS. 94 00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:07,373 I WOULD BE ANGRY TOO IF I 95 00:04:07,367 --> 00:04:08,927 COULDN'T GIVE HUGS. 96 00:04:08,933 --> 00:04:11,333 GOOD LUCK PUTTING HIM IN CUFFS. 97 00:04:11,333 --> 00:04:13,473 I BET THAT ATTITUDE CHANGES REAL 98 00:04:13,467 --> 00:04:15,597 QUICK WHEN HE NEEDS HIS ASS 99 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:15,930 WIPED. 100 00:04:15,933 --> 00:04:20,403 WHAT'S NEXT? 101 00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:34,903 [LAUGHING] 102 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,500 UFRPLTS I KNOW THEY'RE NOT 103 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:37,970 WATCHING COMEDY CENTRAL. 104 00:04:37,967 --> 00:04:40,397 THEY'RE LAUGHING WAY TOO HARD. 105 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,100 IT'S TIME FOR FEAR AND LOATHING 106 00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:44,800 IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN. 107 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:45,200 [ APPLAUSE ] 108 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,170 >> THESE TWO HAVE DECIDED TO SET 109 00:04:47,167 --> 00:04:50,397 UP A CAMERA IN THEIR DRUG DEN 110 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:55,270 AND SMOKE SALVIA, WEED'S TRIPPY 111 00:04:55,267 --> 00:04:55,897 LITTLE BROTHER. 112 00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:58,300 I HAVE BEEN WATCHING DECORATORS 113 00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:00,200 AND THOSE BED SHEETS NAILED TO 114 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,900 THE WINDOW BRING IT ALL 115 00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:03,270 TOGETHER. 116 00:05:03,267 --> 00:05:05,627 I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY WOULD WANT 117 00:05:05,633 --> 00:05:08,903 TO ESCAPE THIS REALTY BY DOING 118 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:09,870 DRUGS. 119 00:05:09,867 --> 00:05:15,097 A TWO BONG HOME, IMPRESSIVE. 120 00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:17,730 NOTHING BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER 121 00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:19,503 LIKE WATCHING THE WALLS MELT. 122 00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,330 I YES YOUR PARENTS WERE WRONG, 123 00:05:21,333 --> 00:05:23,433 DRUGS ARE AWESOME AND WE SHOULD 124 00:05:23,433 --> 00:05:25,273 ALL DO THEM. 125 00:05:25,267 --> 00:05:28,567 OH, NO WE'RE LOSING THEM. 126 00:05:28,567 --> 00:05:31,467 THE FLOOR IS LAV OOH, AND SHE'S 127 00:05:31,467 --> 00:05:33,897 BEING HELD DOWN AND RAPED BY SIX 128 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:34,230 SMURFS. 129 00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,173 IN THEATERS THIS WEEKEND. 130 00:05:36,167 --> 00:05:39,397 THIS IS YOUR WINDOW. 131 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,070 THIS IS YOUR WINDOW ON SALVIA. 132 00:05:42,067 --> 00:05:43,197 ANY QUESTIONS? 133 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:46,330 THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS DRUG ADDICT 134 00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:48,073 PROOF MY HOUSE BEFORE A BIG 135 00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:51,827 TRIP. 136 00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:54,373 >> OH HE REALLY HAD TO GET OUT 137 00:05:54,367 --> 00:05:54,897 OF THERE. 138 00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:57,930 MAYBE HE HAD A MOMENT OF CLARITY 139 00:05:57,933 --> 00:06:00,433 AND REALIZED DIVING THROUGH THE 140 00:06:00,433 --> 00:06:02,403 WINDOW WAS BETTER THAN ONE MORE 141 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,300 MINUTE WITH HIS DRUGGY 142 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:04,800 GIRLFRIEND. 143 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,430 REMEMBER KIDS SALVIA IS 144 00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:11,303 COMPLETELY LEGAL AND YOU CAN BYE 145 00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:14,970 IS ANY WHERE ON-LINE. 146 00:06:14,967 --> 00:06:15,297 SALVIA. 147 00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:16,900 AND FOR THAT WE JUST SAY NO. 148 00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:19,170 WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST 149 00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:21,297 LOOK AT THIS CLEVER BITCH. 150 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:53,230 * 151 00:06:53,233 --> 00:06:55,073 * 152 00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:58,067 [LAUGHING] 153 00:06:58,067 --> 00:07:07,397 * 154 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:10,700 >> THAT WAS A BRUTAL 5K. 155 00:07:10,700 --> 00:07:12,600 RUNNING IS WHAT POOR PEOPLE DO 156 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,470 TO CATCH THE BUS. 157 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,427 >> IF I WANTED TO TORTURE MYSELF 158 00:07:15,433 --> 00:07:17,433 WITH A MISERABLE ACTIVITY FOR A 159 00:07:17,433 --> 00:07:20,073 LONG TIME I WOULD BE IN A 160 00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:21,197 EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. 161 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,270 RUNNING IS ALMOST AS BORING AS 162 00:07:23,267 --> 00:07:25,067 THOSE WHO CLAIM TO ENJOY IT. 163 00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:27,827 THE ONLY TIME I RUN IS AFTER 164 00:07:27,833 --> 00:07:32,073 EATING VIETNAMESE SOUP AND THE 165 00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:33,227 ENDLINE IS A TOILET. 166 00:07:33,233 --> 00:07:35,703 THE WALL YOU'RE HITTING IS YOUR 167 00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:37,530 BODY TELLING YOU, YOU ARE ABOUT 168 00:07:37,533 --> 00:07:38,203 TO DIE. 169 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,100 I KNOW RUNNING IS ABOUT TO CLEAR 170 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:40,600 YOUR HEAD. 171 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,870 SO IS WHACKING OFF AND YOU DON'T 172 00:07:42,867 --> 00:07:44,797 HAVE TO STRETCH FIRST BUT I 173 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,730 CHOOSE TOO. 174 00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:50,403 IT'S A EXCUSE TO POST UP AT THE 175 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,100 OLIVE GARDEN AND HIT THE NEVER 176 00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:56,700 ENDING PASTA BOWL. 177 00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,770 THE FINISH LINE EVERYONE IS 178 00:07:58,767 --> 00:08:01,267 WRAPPED LIKE A BAKED POTATO 179 00:08:01,267 --> 00:08:02,867 WONDERING WHEN THEIR TOE NAILS 180 00:08:02,867 --> 00:08:04,467 WILL GROW BACK. 181 00:08:04,467 --> 00:08:07,497 THE ONLY REASON MARATHONS ARE 182 00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:09,430 AROUND IS SO 20,000 WHITE PEOPLE 183 00:08:09,433 --> 00:08:11,533 CAN CHASE 3 BLACK PEOPLE THROUGH 184 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:14,173 THE STREETS OF BOSTON LIKE THE 185 00:08:14,167 --> 00:08:17,597 GOOD OLD DAYS. 186 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,970 NOBODY WILL BEAT A KENYAN THEY 187 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,427 HAVE BEEN RUNNING FROM THINGS 188 00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:25,173 ALL OF THEIR LIVES PWAO*EUPBS, 189 00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:27,697 TIGERS AND AIDS, OH MY. 190 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:31,070 BUT I INVITE YOU ALL TO JOIN THE 191 00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:33,227 TOSH.O MARATHON. 192 00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:37,103 >> WELCOME EVERYBODY TO HERMOSA 193 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,100 BEACH, CALIFORNIA. 194 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:45,070 THIS IS THE 150,000-DOLLAR 195 00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:46,667 TOSH.O TREADMILL MARATHON 196 00:08:46,667 --> 00:08:48,927 BROUGHT TO YOU BY SOBE. 197 00:08:48,933 --> 00:08:54,203 ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, ENTER 198 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,070 YOUR WEIGHT AND PICK A CYCLE 199 00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:57,967 THAT IS APPROPRIATE FOR YOUR 200 00:08:57,967 --> 00:09:01,427 ABILITY. 201 00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:08,773 (GUN SHOT ) 202 00:09:08,767 --> 00:09:11,567 * 203 00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:13,327 >> YOUR ONLY OPPONENT IS YOUR 204 00:09:13,333 --> 00:09:20,073 SELF AND THAT BLACK GUY. 205 00:09:20,067 --> 00:09:23,667 (CHEERS). 206 00:09:23,667 --> 00:09:26,297 >> I HAVE NEVER RAN A MARATHON 207 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:29,330 AND I HAVE DONE ZERO TRAINING. 208 00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:32,903 I WILL HAVE YOU IN NO TIME MY 209 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,070 FRIEND. 210 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,067 (CHEERS ) 211 00:09:35,067 --> 00:09:37,367 >> IT'S REALLY DANGEROUS. 212 00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:39,427 THAT'S THE PACE I WOULD KEEP UP 213 00:09:39,433 --> 00:09:41,433 BUT I HAVE THINGS TO DO. 214 00:09:41,433 --> 00:09:43,773 WHAT IS YOUR NAME? 215 00:09:43,767 --> 00:09:44,067 >> -- 216 00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:45,297 >> ARE YOU FROM KENYA? 217 00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:47,970 >> YES. 218 00:09:47,967 --> 00:09:56,067 >> IS YOUR SWEAT SALTY OR SPEUR 219 00:09:56,067 --> 00:09:56,327 SYRUPY? 220 00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:58,603 IS THIS HOW YOU STAY IN SHAPE 221 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,170 DURING MURDER BALL OFF SEASON. 222 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:00,667 >> YES. 223 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:03,627 >> ARE THERE CAT WALKS THERE ARE 224 00:10:03,633 --> 00:10:04,073 26 MILES LONG. 225 00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:05,367 >> THERE IS NOW. 226 00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:07,567 >> IF ANYBODY NEEDS SUNBLOCK, 227 00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:08,797 LET ME KNOW? 228 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:11,830 WE HAVE A SPECIAL SUNBLOCK WE 229 00:10:11,833 --> 00:10:12,603 WILL APPLY. 230 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:13,970 >> THANK YOU. 231 00:10:13,967 --> 00:10:16,497 >> HOW ABOUT A ROUND OF APPLAUSE 232 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:19,930 FOR OUR U.S. MARINES. 233 00:10:19,933 --> 00:10:20,733 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 234 00:10:20,733 --> 00:10:24,573 >> AND IN BETWEEN THEM A PERSON 235 00:10:24,567 --> 00:10:25,527 OF INTEREST. 236 00:10:25,533 --> 00:10:28,133 YOU CAN'T OUT RUN FREEDOM. 237 00:10:28,133 --> 00:10:31,603 IS WATERBOARDING A GOOD WAY TO 238 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:31,930 HYDRATE. 239 00:10:31,933 --> 00:10:35,973 SORRY ABOUT OSAMA. 240 00:10:35,967 --> 00:10:38,867 * 241 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:42,333 >> WHERE DO YOU LIVE? 242 00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:45,573 I'M SO SORRY, I ALMOST KILLED 243 00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:47,067 THE LAST PANDA. 244 00:10:47,067 --> 00:10:50,427 DID YOU BAMBOO LOAD FOR THIS? 245 00:10:50,433 --> 00:10:56,403 THERE IS NEVER A GOOD TIME FOR 246 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,400 IMPROMTU COMEDY SO PLEASE 247 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,800 WELCOME CATCH ME IF YOU CAN. 248 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,170 >> HI, EVERYBODY. 249 00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:04,197 >> DYE? 250 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:04,470 DIE. 251 00:11:04,467 --> 00:11:06,067 >> WHO IS HUNGRY. 252 00:11:06,067 --> 00:11:07,927 LET'S BRING OUT SOME SERVERS. 253 00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:09,503 WE HAVE CHICKEN WINGS. 254 00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,570 THIS GUY NEEDS BLUE CHEESE. 255 00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:14,427 WE HAVE A SUICIDE DRINK GOING 256 00:11:14,433 --> 00:11:14,703 OUT. 257 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:16,370 PLEASE MAKE SURE IF YOU THROW UP 258 00:11:16,367 --> 00:11:18,627 TO WIPE DOWN YOUR MACHINE 259 00:11:18,633 --> 00:11:19,073 AFTERWARDS. 260 00:11:19,067 --> 00:11:21,697 DON'T YOU WISH YOU WOULD OF 261 00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:22,870 REGISTERED EARLIER. 262 00:11:22,867 --> 00:11:26,597 DID YOU PICK THE MACHINE YOU ARE 263 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:26,870 ON? 264 00:11:26,867 --> 00:11:28,427 >> NO, YOU PICKED THEM OUT. 265 00:11:28,433 --> 00:11:30,273 >> THAT MUST BE THE WORST FOR 266 00:11:30,267 --> 00:11:31,967 THE MARATHON OR RUNNING IN 267 00:11:31,967 --> 00:11:32,267 PLACE. 268 00:11:32,267 --> 00:11:35,067 COME ON, PICK UP, PICK IT UP. 269 00:11:35,067 --> 00:11:36,697 >> DOES ANYBODY WANT TO GO ON A 270 00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:38,130 DATE WITH ME? 271 00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:41,103 >> WHERE ARE YOU FROM, ALISON. 272 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,430 >> HERMOSA BEACH. 273 00:11:42,433 --> 00:11:44,073 >> HERMOSA BEACH. 274 00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:46,227 WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A BITE, YOU 275 00:11:46,233 --> 00:11:48,733 MAKE ME THINK YOU'RE A GIRL WHO 276 00:11:48,733 --> 00:11:49,373 WON'T EAT. 277 00:11:49,367 --> 00:11:50,767 I LOVE THEM. 278 00:11:50,767 --> 00:11:51,667 THEY STAY THIN. 279 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:51,927 YOU. 280 00:11:51,933 --> 00:11:53,233 >> HOW IS THE SEAT. 281 00:11:53,233 --> 00:11:54,903 >> IT HURTS MY BUTT. 282 00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:56,470 >> HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN 283 00:11:56,467 --> 00:11:56,897 STANDING HERE. 284 00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:57,670 >> AN HOUR. 285 00:11:57,667 --> 00:11:59,627 >> I FEEL LIKE I MIGHT POP OUT 286 00:11:59,633 --> 00:12:00,703 OF MY SHORTS. 287 00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:02,470 >> IS THIS WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU 288 00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:03,667 WOULD BE DOING TODAY. 289 00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:05,127 >> NOT REALLY. 290 00:12:05,133 --> 00:12:06,603 >> IT'S AMAZING THIS MANY PEOPLE 291 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,300 ARE WASTING THEIR DAY. 292 00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:12,170 * 293 00:12:12,167 --> 00:12:14,367 >> I WAS ON AN AIRPLANE ONCE. 294 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,067 THIS GIRL TOLD ME, SHE SAYS DOES 295 00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:19,597 MY BREATH SMELL LIKE TACOS. 296 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,070 >> I SAID I DON'T KNOW DO YOU 297 00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:23,697 PUT [BEEP] IN YOUR TACOS. 298 00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:26,470 >> ARE YOU A TODD BLACK FAN? 299 00:12:26,467 --> 00:12:28,667 WHO NEEDS A NEW TEE SHIRT? 300 00:12:28,667 --> 00:12:31,527 FIRE IN THE HOLE. 301 00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:32,333 >> OKAY. 302 00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:34,073 THAT WAS A BAD IDEA. 303 00:12:34,067 --> 00:12:39,667 THAT'S HOW WE LEARN. 304 00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:49,127 >> THIS HAS BEEN A MAGICAL DAY. 305 00:12:49,133 --> 00:12:56,833 IT'S ABOUT TO GET MORE MAGICAL. 306 00:12:56,833 --> 00:12:58,373 >> WHAT? 307 00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:00,597 IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD YOU 308 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,070 PROBABLY BELIEVE IN THAT. 309 00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:02,597 THAT'S AWESOME. 310 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,330 LET'S CHECK IN ON OUR GOOD 311 00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:05,803 FRIEND FROM KENYA. 312 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,430 SEE WHERE HE IS AT? 313 00:13:08,433 --> 00:13:08,803 23 MILES. 314 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,070 IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO CATCH HIM. 315 00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:13,767 WE BROUGHT YOU THIS NEXT ACT ALL 316 00:13:13,767 --> 00:13:16,067 THE WAY FROM 1977 WHEN SWING 317 00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:19,667 DANCING WAS SORT OF ACCEPTABLE. 318 00:13:19,667 --> 00:13:26,497 * 319 00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,327 [LAUGHING] 320 00:13:29,333 --> 00:13:31,803 >> STROKE, STROKE. 321 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:37,070 >> GUYS, WE LOST A RUNNER. 322 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,667 >> THINK OF THE AMOUNT OF 323 00:13:38,667 --> 00:13:40,727 TRAFFIC YOU'RE NOT CLOGGING UP 324 00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:44,573 RIGHT NOW. 325 00:13:46,767 --> 00:13:47,827 >> 26 MILES. 326 00:13:47,833 --> 00:13:49,333 HE HIT 26 MILES. 327 00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:49,903 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 328 00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:53,170 >> HE'S ON THE HOME STRETCH. 329 00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:56,067 * 330 00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:59,427 >> AHHH! 331 00:13:59,433 --> 00:14:02,103 OKAY, EVERYBODY PAUSE YOUR 332 00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:02,470 MACHINES. 333 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,067 RECORD YOUR TIMES. 334 00:14:03,067 --> 00:14:05,627 THIS IS WHERE YOU WILL FINISH. 335 00:14:05,633 --> 00:14:10,103 STOP RUNNING. 336 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,330 >> ANY WORDS? 337 00:14:11,333 --> 00:14:13,403 >> I'M SO THANKFUL FOR YOU 338 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,400 BRINGING ME HERE. 339 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:20,730 I'M HAPPY TO RUN WITH YOU GUYS. 340 00:14:20,733 --> 00:14:23,473 MY FASTEST TIME ON THE 341 00:14:23,467 --> 00:14:23,827 TREADMILL. 342 00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:24,433 THANK YOU, VERY MUCH. 343 00:14:24,433 --> 00:14:28,403 [ APPLAUSE ] 344 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:32,070 >> YOU WILL GET HIM NEXT TIME. 345 00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:34,797 * 346 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,730 [ APPLAUSE ] 347 00:14:38,733 --> 00:14:41,273 >> THE GUY ON THE STAIR MASTER 348 00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:43,697 DIDN'T WIN BUT HE COMPLETED 349 00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:44,170 19 MILES. 350 00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:47,697 THAT'S LIKE LIVING IN A 247,000 351 00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:49,600 STORY WALKUP. 352 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:50,970 THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO CAME OUT 353 00:14:50,967 --> 00:14:52,927 AND SUPPORTED US. 354 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:56,573 OUR SPONSOR SOBE AND MITCHUM 355 00:14:56,567 --> 00:14:57,167 ADVANCE CONTROL. 356 00:14:57,167 --> 00:14:58,627 WITHOUT YOU I WOULDN'T BE 357 00:14:58,633 --> 00:14:59,603 CONSIDERED A SELL OUT. 358 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:04,870 >> THE TOSH.O TREADMILL MARATHON 359 00:15:04,867 --> 00:15:07,067 WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MITCHUM 360 00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:07,697 ADVANCE CONTROL. 361 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:09,200 >> WE GET IT. 362 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,770 WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST 363 00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:17,127 HERE IS SOME VEHICLEULAR 364 00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:17,433 MANSLAUGHTER. 365 00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:28,127 >> VALLEY TRADITIONAL HIGH 366 00:15:28,133 --> 00:15:30,133 SCHOOL IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A 367 00:15:30,133 --> 00:15:31,903 RACIAL CONTROVERSY RIGHT NOW. 368 00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:34,730 A TEACHER USED THE "N" WORD 369 00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:36,533 TOWARDS THE STUDENT. 370 00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:40,533 >> WHAT DESAY SPECIFICALLY TO 371 00:15:40,533 --> 00:15:40,833 YOU? 372 00:15:40,833 --> 00:15:45,373 >> SIT DOWN N. 373 00:15:45,367 --> 00:15:47,927 >> KEYSHAWN USED THE N WORD 374 00:15:47,933 --> 00:15:48,333 FIRST. 375 00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:50,773 >> I WAS STUNNED AND SAID GET 376 00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:53,197 AWAY FROM THE DOOR N. 377 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,670 I REPEATED THE SAME INSULT 378 00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:58,267 THAT'S SORT OF WHAT I'VE BEEN 379 00:15:58,267 --> 00:15:58,797 TRAINED TO DO. 380 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:03,170 >> THAT'S HOW HE WAS TRAINED BY 381 00:16:03,167 --> 00:16:04,327 WHOM, MEL GIBSON. 382 00:16:04,333 --> 00:16:07,503 A WHITE GAY SAYING THE N WORD. 383 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:11,100 IT MIGHT BE TIME TO PLAY IS IT 384 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:11,530 RACIST. 385 00:16:11,533 --> 00:16:13,433 YOUR FAVORITE GAME SHOW IN A 386 00:16:13,433 --> 00:16:15,403 CLIP SHOW. 387 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,330 >> DOES NOT LIKE THE WORD, FEEL 388 00:16:18,333 --> 00:16:19,273 MORE COMFORTABLE -- 389 00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:28,427 >> YES I USED NIGGAH. 390 00:16:28,433 --> 00:16:32,633 I PUT THE H ONTO EMPHASIZE 391 00:16:32,633 --> 00:16:34,203 NIGGAH. 392 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,070 NIGGAH, PLEASE. 393 00:16:35,067 --> 00:16:39,127 YOU KNOW CAN YOU LEND A NIGGAH A 394 00:16:39,133 --> 00:16:39,773 PENCIL. 395 00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:44,367 >> I ASSUME HE NEEDS IT FOR 396 00:16:44,367 --> 00:16:45,467 POETRY SLAM. 397 00:16:45,467 --> 00:16:49,167 I THINK IF EMINEM WON'T SAY IT 398 00:16:49,167 --> 00:16:52,297 YOU SHOULDN'T USE IT IN YOUR 399 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,570 SOPHOMORE ENGLISH CLASS. 400 00:16:53,567 --> 00:16:57,067 >> I WILL NEVER USE A FORM OF 401 00:16:57,067 --> 00:16:57,367 NIGGAH. 402 00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:59,327 >> STARTING NOW I'M NEVER SAYING 403 00:16:59,333 --> 00:17:00,603 IT AGAIN. 404 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,330 YOU KNOW, GIVE ME THE WEEKEND 405 00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:03,673 I'M GOING TO OAKLAND. 406 00:17:03,667 --> 00:17:05,727 I GET WHAT HE'S SAYING. 407 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:12,173 IF YOU ADD AN H IT'S NOT RACIST. 408 00:17:12,167 --> 00:17:19,427 IT'S YOUR CLASSIC TOMATO AND TOM 409 00:17:19,433 --> 00:17:19,773 TOMATOH. 410 00:17:19,767 --> 00:17:21,567 >> I SAW YOU KISSING HER. 411 00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:23,167 THAT'S YOUR EXCUSE? 412 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,497 THAT'S YOUR EXCUSE. 413 00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:27,130 >> TRIPPING. 414 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:31,073 >> I SAID -- 415 00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:32,967 >> CAN I GET ONE. 416 00:17:32,967 --> 00:17:40,467 >> SURE ANYTHING FOR MY WET 417 00:17:40,467 --> 00:17:41,127 BACKHAS. 418 00:17:41,133 --> 00:17:44,473 >> THOSE PICKAHS ARE SENSITIVE. 419 00:17:44,467 --> 00:17:46,867 >> DID YOU FINISH WITH THE BOOK 420 00:17:46,867 --> 00:17:47,127 YET? 421 00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:49,973 >> IT'S A TERM OF ENDEARMENT. 422 00:17:49,967 --> 00:17:53,497 CAN A KIKAH GET A PENCIL. 423 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:58,970 SAVE SOME FOR THE REST OF US YOU 424 00:17:58,967 --> 00:18:03,227 DIABETES CRAPHA. 425 00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:11,133 >> IS IT RACIST? 426 00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:12,273 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 427 00:18:12,267 --> 00:18:14,527 >> GUYS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT 428 00:18:14,533 --> 00:18:16,233 YOU'RE CHEERING ABOUT A THUMBS 429 00:18:16,233 --> 00:18:18,173 UP MAINS IT IS RACIST. 430 00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:20,367 DON'T FORGET TO OUR BLOG TO UP 431 00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:22,927 LOAD A CHANCE TO BE OUR VIEWER 432 00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:23,233 VIDEO. 433 00:18:23,233 --> 00:18:25,373 THIS WEEK'S WINNER IS FROM GREG 434 00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:25,667 BECK. 435 00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:29,327 >> YOU KNOW WHAT I'M REALLY GOOD 436 00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:29,733 AT. 437 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:31,073 >> WHAT. 438 00:18:31,067 --> 00:18:32,867 >> HIDE AND SEEK. 439 00:18:32,867 --> 00:18:36,067 >> I BET I CAN FIND YOU TOO 440 00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:37,797 EASY, I'M TOO GOOD. 441 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,170 >> THERE IS NO SKILL IN HIDE AND 442 00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:41,627 SEEK. 443 00:18:41,633 --> 00:18:41,933 GREG? 444 00:18:41,933 --> 00:18:42,803 WHERE DID YOU GO. 445 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:46,130 >> I WAS BAD AT SMEAR THE [BEEP] 446 00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:46,903 AS A KID. 447 00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:49,070 I LOVED GETTING SMEARED. 448 00:18:49,067 --> 00:18:59,067 WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE AFTER 449 00:18:59,067 --> 00:18:59,827 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 450 00:18:59,833 --> 00:19:00,903 >> WELCOME BACK. 451 00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:03,700 NO I'M NOT ON GOGGLE PLUS. 452 00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:04,600 NO ONE SHOULD BE. 453 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,070 NEXT WEEK WE FINALLY HEAD TO 454 00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:11,527 BAMA TO SEE IF THERE REALLY IS A 455 00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:11,903 LEPERCAHN. 456 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,930 >> SOME SAY A LEPERCAHN IS 457 00:19:13,933 --> 00:19:16,503 TAKING UP RESIDENCE IN THEIR 458 00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:16,930 NEIGHBORHOOD. 459 00:19:16,933 --> 00:19:19,603 >> MANY SAY THE LEPERCAHN LOOKS 460 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:19,900 LIKE. 461 00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:23,930 >> THIS IS THE FIRST LEPERCAHN 462 00:19:23,933 --> 00:19:24,233 FLUTE. 463 00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:25,673 HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN FROM MY 464 00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:27,767 GREAT, GREAT GRAND FATHER WHO IS 465 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:28,067 IRISH. 466 00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,727 I'M JUST HELPING OUT. 467 00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:31,633 >> SAY YEAH! 468 00:19:31,633 --> 00:19:33,873 >> THAT'S WHAT THE NEWS COVERS 469 00:19:33,867 --> 00:19:38,667 WHEN THE ENTIRE STATE HASN'T 470 00:19:38,667 --> 00:19:39,497 FINISHED FIFTH GRADE. 471 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:43,070 >> FIND ME ON TWITTER SO WE CAN 472 00:19:43,067 --> 00:19:45,527 LIVE CHAT, AND COME SEE ME ON 473 00:19:45,533 --> 00:19:45,833 TOUR. 474 00:19:45,833 --> 00:19:50,133 NOW MY FAVORITE WEBSITE 475 00:19:50,133 --> 00:19:51,273 HOMEMADESEXTOYS.COM. 476 00:19:51,267 --> 00:19:54,467 IT TEACHES YOU HOW TO MAKE SEX 477 00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:56,967 TOYS OUT OF THINGS LYING AROUND 478 00:19:56,967 --> 00:19:57,797 THE HOUSE. 479 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:01,570 LIKE A SPONGE OFF. 480 00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:03,797 THERE ARE OPTIONS FOR YOU GIRLS 481 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,070 TOO. 482 00:20:04,067 --> 00:20:06,967 LIKE THE BALLOON RUB. 483 00:20:06,967 --> 00:20:09,527 MAKE A WATER BALLOON, COAT IT 484 00:20:09,533 --> 00:20:13,633 WITH K-Y AND RUB IT ON YOUR RED 485 00:20:13,633 --> 00:20:13,973 SNAPPER. 486 00:20:13,967 --> 00:20:16,467 THESE INSPIRED ME TO MAKE MY OWN 487 00:20:16,467 --> 00:20:19,067 SEX TOY AND SO FAR THE LADIES 488 00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:19,527 LOVE IT. 489 00:20:19,533 --> 00:20:21,903 >> THANKS FOR TESTING THE SEX 490 00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:22,730 ZIP LINE. 491 00:20:22,733 --> 00:20:24,773 >> HOW DOES THIS WORK. 492 00:20:24,767 --> 00:20:29,527 >> I AM GOING TO ZIP INTO YOUR 493 00:20:29,533 --> 00:20:30,173 SNIVICH. 494 00:20:30,167 --> 00:20:30,827 >> FAIR ENOUGH. 495 00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:32,503 >> I CAN'T HOLD IT. 496 00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:36,370 I'M A -- I'M ABOUT ... 497 00:20:36,367 --> 00:20:39,127 I'M SO SORRY. 498 00:20:39,133 --> 00:20:40,733 THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME 499 00:20:40,733 --> 00:20:41,073 BEFORE. 500 00:20:41,067 --> 00:20:43,227 YOU KNOW WHAT MAYBE YOU SHOULD 501 00:20:43,233 --> 00:20:43,573 JUST. 502 00:20:43,567 --> 00:20:45,567 GO I WILL CALL YOU TOMORROW. 503 00:20:45,567 --> 00:20:47,327 >> ARE YOU KIDDING ME. 504 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:48,773 >> GET THE [BEEP] OUT OF MY 505 00:20:48,767 --> 00:20:49,067 HOUSE. 506 00:20:49,067 --> 00:20:51,967 >> YOU ASSHOLE. 507 00:20:53,833 --> 00:20:58,233 >> YOUR ZIP LINE SUCKS. 508 00:20:58,233 --> 00:21:05,203 >> THANKS FOR HELPING US OUT, 509 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:05,570 JESSA. 510 00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:08,567 I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE DAKOTA 511 00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:10,367 FANNING PASSED ON THAT BIT. 512 00:21:10,367 --> 00:21:15,497 SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. 513 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:19,630 >> I'M SORRY IS THAT NEVER 514 00:21:19,633 --> 00:21:20,073 HAPPENS. 515 00:21:20,067 --> 00:21:23,067 IS IT COOL IF YOU JUST -- 516 00:21:23,067 --> 00:21:25,197 I FORGOT WHAT WAS AFTER THAT. 517 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,230 GIVE ME A BOX OR SOMETHING. 518 00:21:28,233 --> 00:21:29,803 OH [BEEP]. 519 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,500 OH, LIFT ME THEN I HAVE NO 520 00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:33,130 CHOICE. 31791

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