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1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,295
* I'M WASHING
2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,507
* I'M WASHING MY BUTT
3
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,139
* WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT,
I'M WASHING MY BUTT *
(knock on door)
4
00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:08,905
SWEETHEART?
AAH!
5
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,082
GET OUT!
I AM WASHING MY BUTT!
6
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:13,312
OKAY, I-I JUST WANNA LET
YOU KNOW
7
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,147
THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU'VE BEEN
IN THERE QUITE A WHILE,
8
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,493
IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW
HOW EXPENSIVE HOT WATER IS.
9
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,348
(Polly)
THE FIRST TIME I MET MAX,
10
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,917
I THOUGHT, "WHO IS THIS
BOSSY GUY WITH THE JEW FRO?"
11
00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:26,525
HEY, SWEETIE, FROM NOW ON,
MAX IS GONNA BE LIVING HERE.
12
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,660
AAH! ISN'T THAT EXCITING?
13
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,326
YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S START
BY NOT RIDING THE BIG WHEEL
14
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,604
ON THE CARPET.
15
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,932
IS HE THE BOSS NOW?
16
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,067
IT TURNS OUT
HE WAS MY NEW DADDY.
17
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:38,174
I DID NOT LIKE IT.
18
00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:40,106
HA.
19
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:44,111
HIS LATEST OBSESSION IS TELLING
US HOW MUCH EVERYTHING COSTS.
20
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,405
ELECTRICITY IS EXPENSIVE.
(switch clicks)
21
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,377
I'M IN THE ROOM.
22
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:50,716
OH, AND REMEMBER TO BE
CONSERVATIVE WITH THE SHAMPOO.
23
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,421
QUARTER-SIZED DOLLOP.
24
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,263
GET OUT!
25
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:56,588
UH, ALL RIGHT. YOU HAVE
A WONDERFUL SINGING VOICE.
26
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:58,094
OHH!
27
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,725
HEY, HONEY.
28
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:04,774
WHAT ARE YOU EATING THERE?
29
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,428
OH, YOU KNOW. CROUTONS.
30
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,137
I CAN SEE THAT.
UH-HUH.
31
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,369
I JUST FIND IT CURIOUS
THAT ONE WOULD CHOOSE
32
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:13,974
TO EAT CROUTONS
IF THERE WERE OTHER OPTIONS.
33
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,107
(bottles rattle)
RIGHT?
34
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:17,913
WHY?
OH, MY. OH.
35
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:21,615
SEEMS TO ME THAT, UH,
YOU HAVEN'T LEFT THE HOUSE
36
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:22,919
IN SEVERAL DAYS.
37
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,490
DON'T BE SILLY.
POLLY, TELL HIM.
38
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:27,288
I WENT TO THE...
AND THE THE...
39
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,791
OH, SHE DID. SHE WENT TO THE THE
AND THE THE.
40
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:31,233
ELAINE, BY CHANCE...
41
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:34,499
(whispers) HAVE YOU LOST
YOUR CAR KEYS AGAIN?
42
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:38,298
(package crinkles)
NO, I HAVE NOT LOST
MY CAR KEYS AGAIN.
43
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:40,132
THE "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR KEYS?"
SHOW
44
00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:42,768
IS THE LONGEST-RUNNING PLAY
SINCE "CATS,"
45
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,643
EXCEPT IT'S NOT PERFORMED
BY CATS,
46
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:46,912
THOUGH I THINK
THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.
47
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,510
SEE, THE REASON WHY
I INSTALLED THE HOOK
48
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,683
IS SO WE WOULDN'T
LOSE OUR KEYS.
49
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,652
YOU MAY ALSO NOTICE
THAT THE HOOK...
50
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:55,081
(mouthing words)
IS EVEN SHAPED
LIKE A KEY
51
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:58,615
TO REINFORCE THE CONNECTION
IN YOUR MIND.
52
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:01,592
BUT I NOTICE, UH,
YOUR KEYS ARE ABSENT...
53
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,292
MM.
FROM SAID HOOK.
54
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:05,294
THAT'S BECAUSE MY KEYS
ARE IN A DIFFERENT LOCATION--
55
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:08,026
A MUCH MORE DELIGHTFUL
LOCATION
56
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,801
THAT ISN'T SHAPED
LIKE ANYTHING.
57
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,670
YOU KNOW, KEYS NOWADAYS--
58
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,799
WELL, ACTUALLY, THEY'RE--
THEY'RE NOT KEYS AT ALL,
59
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,344
ARE THEY, PEOPLE?
MM-HMM. YEAH.
60
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,809
THEY'RE MORE LIKE, UH,
TINY COMPUTERS...
61
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,768
OH, HERE WE GO.
THAT COST ABOUT $400...
62
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,877
YOU THINK EVERYTHING
IS A LITTLE COMPUTER.
TO REPLACE...
63
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,609
YESTERDAY, IT WAS LIKE,
"YOUR PHONE IS A MINI-COMPUTER."
64
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:24,884
YOUR PHONE
IS A LITTLE COMPUTER.
PLEASE.
65
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,952
NO, IT'S NOT.
IT IS MY CONTENTION
66
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,620
THAT BECAUSE YOU CANNOT
FIND YOUR KEYS...
67
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,890
I HAVE MY...
YOU HAVE BEEN UNABLE
TO LEAVE THE HOUSE...
68
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,449
RIGHT.
WHICH IS WHY
WE'RE OUT OF FOOD
69
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:38,057
AND ALSO WHY THE DOG
HAS TRAIL MIX IN HIS BOWL.
70
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,861
(newspaper rustles)
THERE'S TRAIL MIX?
71
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,403
I CAN LEAVE THE HOUSE
WHENEVER I WANT TO.
(door opens)
72
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,370
OF COURSE YOU CAN.
MM-HMM.
73
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,898
(door closes)
HEY, ELAINE, I GOT
THAT STUFF YOU ASKED FOR.
74
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,974
OOH. FEELS TENSE.
75
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,542
(chuckles)
IS IT TENSE?
76
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:52,742
MM.
77
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:53,813
IT'S TENSE.
78
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,241
WELL, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
79
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:57,406
YOU'D SOMEHOW BE INVOLVED
IN ALL OF THIS.
80
00:02:57,445 --> 00:03:00,645
MY STEPFATHER AND MY EX-HUSBAND
HAVE A LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP.
81
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,421
JULIAN LOVES MY STEPFATHER,
82
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:05,420
AND... (sighs)
YOU DO THE MATH.
83
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,663
THOUGH IF YOU HAD A JOB,
YOU'D BE UNAVAILABLE
84
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:10,318
TO ENABLE MY WIFE
WITH HER SHENANIGANS.
85
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:13,758
DO I LOOK LIKE I AM CAPABLE
OF SHENANIGANS?
86
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,564
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
SHOW ME YOUR KEYS.
(laughs)
87
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,496
I'M NOT GONNA SHOW YOU ANYTHING.
I AM A PERSON.
88
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,332
YEAH, A PERSON
WITHOUT KEYS.
89
00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:21,768
AND IF I SAY I HAVE MY KEYS,
THEN I HAVE MY KEYS.
90
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:23,002
I HAVE MY KEYS.
91
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,866
BUT I CAN'T SEE 'EM?
NO.
92
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,675
'CAUSE THEY'RE IN
A DELIGHTFUL PLACE.
93
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,738
REALLY? OKAY.
94
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,177
FINE. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
95
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,451
I'M GONNA GO WASH
MY LAWN CHAIRS,
96
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:38,391
AND ALL OF YOU JUST...
DO WHAT YOU DO. OKAY.
97
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,860
WE HAVE TO FIND THE KEYS.
98
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:42,959
OKAY.
99
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:48,256
OH.
(opens drawer)
100
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:52,127
I BOUGHT
THESE DEALIO COUPONS ONLINE
101
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,565
TO GET BIG DISCOUNTS ON STUFF
102
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,871
LIKE EXERCISE CLASSES,
SPRAY TANS--
103
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:59,373
AWESOME, BUT ALSO
EXPIRING TODAY. WHOOPS.
104
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,537
POLLY, HAVE YOU SEEN
MY, UH--
(clears throat)
105
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,546
(papers rustle)
WHAT ARE YOU HIDING
BEHIND YOUR BACK?
106
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,148
NOTHING. JUST PAPERS.
JUST TRYING TO CLEAN UP.
107
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,720
OH, WELL,
YOU'RE GIVING 'EM TO ME.
108
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:09,979
I'LL PUT 'EM IN RECYCLING
FOR--
NO.
109
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,117
I MEAN,
I WILL RECYCLE THEM.
110
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:15,962
DOING MY CIVIC RESPONSIBILITY
GIVES ME SO MUCH PLEASURE,
111
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,659
AND IF YOU THINK THAT I AM
LETTING YOU BOGART THAT BUZZ,
112
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,662
THEN YOU ARE MISTAKEN, SIR.
113
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,464
WELL, I'M GONNA GO
RIGHT BY THE CANS.
114
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:23,556
I THOUGHT
I COULD PUT 'EM OUT FOR YOU--
115
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,167
NOPE. THEY'RE MINE.
116
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,898
WHAT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?
117
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,774
UGH. DAMN YOUR MONKEY ARMS.
118
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,643
WHAT IS A DEALIO?
119
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:34,782
(sighs) I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT IS THE DEALIO WITH YOU?
120
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,078
IT'S LIKE A COUPON
FOR STUFF.
121
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:40,250
ACUPUNCTURE, MASSAGE.
THERE'S A LOT OF STUFF HERE.
YEAH.
122
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,480
GOOD STUFF.
DID THESE COST MONEY?
123
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:44,345
(chuckles) NO.
124
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,345
(mutters) LIKE, A LITTLE.
125
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,516
POLLY, THESE EXPIRE TODAY.
126
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,615
TO--YOU FORGOT
ABOUT THESE, DIDN'T YOU?
127
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:50,757
NO.
128
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,631
I SPACED ON THEM, OKAY?
129
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,500
IT WAS NOT INTENTIONAL.
BUT WHAT CAN I DO?
130
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,298
THEY'RE ALL EXPIRING,
SO WHAT, AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST
131
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:59,030
DO EVERYTHING I SIGNED UP FOR
IN ONE DAY? THAT'S...
132
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,526
OH, NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S INS--
133
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:01,968
THAT'S INSANE, MAX.
STOP THINKING IT.
134
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,642
YOU NEED TO DO THESE.
135
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:06,611
IT'S COMING TO ME IN A FLUSH
OF PARENTAL INSPIRATION.
136
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,040
OH, NO.
LISTEN. LISTEN TO ME.
137
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,675
YOU, MY DEAR,
ARE AT A CROSSROADS.
138
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,950
IT'S YOUR "AHA!" MOMENT.
139
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,109
OH. OF COURSE.
LISTEN, THIS IS
YOUR OPPORTUNITY...
140
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,777
MM-HMM.
FOR YOU TO BECOME
141
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,046
A FULLY FUNCTIONING,
RESPONSIBLE ADULT.
142
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,985
MM.
BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
AN OPPORTUNITY
143
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,360
TO REDEEM EACH AND EVERY ONE
OF THESE COUPONS.
OH, HERE WE GO.
144
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,560
LISTEN TO ME.
YOU CAN'T AFFORD THIS.
145
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,062
HOW...
(scoffs)
146
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,463
HOW DID YOU PAY FOR THIS?
147
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:31,395
I... MISUSED
YOUR CREDIT CARD.
148
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:34,002
EXCUSE ME?
I USED YOUR CREDIT CARD,
OKAY?
149
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,404
THEY WERE THINGS
THAT I WANTED,
150
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,896
AND I DID NOT HAVE
THE MONEY FOR THEM,
151
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,337
SO WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO,
NOT GET THEM?
152
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,744
I'LL GET MY COAT.
153
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,551
ELAINE, YOU REMEMBER WHERE
YOU LAST SAW YOUR KEYS?
154
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,486
(laughs)
155
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:58,262
HUH. THIS LOOKS IMPORTANT.
156
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:02,101
"LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT
OF MAX GREEN."
157
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:06,029
I BELIEVE I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE
MAILED THAT THREE MONTHS AGO.
158
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,066
OH, POLLY'S GONNA CLEAN UP.
159
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,871
MUST BE A FIRST DRAFT.
I'M NOT EVEN MENTIONED.
160
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,674
HA HA HA!
161
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,336
FIND 'EM?
HA HA HA HA HA!
162
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,284
YEAH?
163
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:17,108
OH, I LOVE THIS PURSE.
164
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,214
I USED TO HANG OUT
WITH THIS GO-GO BOY
165
00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:21,006
WHO WORKED AT ODEON.
166
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,278
ON SATURDAYS,
HE WOULD SNATCH THIS BAG
167
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,546
AND HIT THE TOWN AS A GAL.
168
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:28,216
(chuckles) OHH.
169
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:31,355
A LITTLE PILL.
170
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,761
WHOA. SHOULD YOU BE
TAKING THAT
171
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,093
IF YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT IS?
172
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,397
IT'S YELLOW.
173
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,629
IT'LL EITHER CLEAN OUT
MY SINUSES
174
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:41,435
OR MAKE ME VERY CREATIVE
FOR THE NEXT EIGHT TO TEN HOURS.
175
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,639
LISTEN, I REALLY LOVE
KICKING BACK WITH YOU,
176
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,611
WAITING TO FIND OUT
WHAT KIND OF PILL YOU JUST TOOK.
OH. (chuckles)
177
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,069
AND I MEAN THAT.
178
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,277
(chuckles) BUT, UH,
179
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:50,379
WE SHOULD REALLY TRY
AND FIND YOUR KEYS,
180
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,480
'CAUSE I GOTTA GO.
181
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,882
YEAH, OKAY.
I KINDA GOT A JOB.
182
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:57,494
AH. A JOB?
THAT'S FANTASTIC.
183
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,948
WHY ARE YOU KEEPING THIS
SUCH A SECRET?
184
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,217
IT'S EMBARRASSING.
185
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,794
OH.
I MEAN, I FEEL LIKE
186
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,163
I SHOULD HAVE A VIABLE CAREER
RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT.
187
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:05,331
LIKE AN AIRLINE PILOT...
UH-HUH.
188
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,488
OR THE GUY WHO TAKES
EXOTIC ANIMALS
189
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,157
ONTO LATE NIGHT TALK SHOWS.
190
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:11,155
AND I WASTED SO MUCH TIME
DECIDING BETWEEN THE TWO.
191
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,498
RIGHT.
OH.
192
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:13,933
MAX MUST THINK
I'M A LOSER.
193
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,667
TELL ME ABOUT THIS GIG
OF YOURS.
194
00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:20,114
WELL, IT'S, UH, IT'S KIND OF
LIKE ADVERTISING.
195
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:23,080
(gasps) OH, ADVERTISING.
IT'S VERY SEXY.
196
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:26,180
LONG HOURS, YOU KNOW,
ROLLED UP SHIRT SLEEVES.
197
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,783
STOLEN GRAB ASS
IN THE BACK OF THE COPY ROOM.
198
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:31,416
I'M WORKING AT YOGURT BOY.
(gasps)
199
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,651
IT'S JUST TEMPORARY, SO I WANNA
KEEP IT ON THE DOWN LOW.
RIGHT.
200
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,687
WELL, YOUR SECRET
IS SAFE WITH ME.
201
00:07:35,723 --> 00:07:38,763
NOW LET ME TELL YOU.
WHOA.
202
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,832
YEAH.
203
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,500
I THINK
I JUST FELT SOMETHING.
204
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:44,669
HUH?
NAH, IT'S JUST MY SINUSES
OPENING UP.
205
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:47,328
OH.
PITY. YOU KNOW?
206
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,710
(gong crashes,
New Age music playing)
207
00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:55,279
WE REALLY DON'T RECOMMEND
DOING ALL THIS IN ONE DAY.
208
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,608
OH, MAX, SEE?
THEY DON'T RECOMMEND
209
00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:00,605
DOING ALL THIS IN ONE DAY.
NO ONE AGREES WITH YOU.
210
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:03,548
OKAY, IF IT'S THE LAST THING
I DO, YOU WILL DO THESE TASKS.
211
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,724
EVEN WHEN I'M DEAD,
I WILL INSTRUCT MY ATTORNEY
212
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,353
TO HOLD YOU TO THIS
UNTIL HE IS DEAD,
213
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,817
AT WHICH POINT,
THIS WILL GO INTO A TRUST.
214
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,727
AS FAR AS
THE BEAUTY TREATMENTS,
215
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:14,829
IT'S A LITTLE LAST MINUTE,
SO IN TERMS OF THE ORDER--
216
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:17,332
MM. THAT IS NOT OUR PROBLEM.
OUR PROBLEM IS THIS MAN
217
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:21,474
DECIDING THAT TODAY
IS MY "AHA!" MOMENT.
IT IS-- IT IS HER "AHA!" MOMENT.
218
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,141
'CAUSE I HAPPENED TO SPEND
LIKE $600 ON HIS CREDIT CARD,
219
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,470
WHICH, BY THE WAY--
JUST THOUGHT OF IT--
220
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,374
A WELCOME FOR THE MILES?
221
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,136
$600?
222
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,135
AH, THANK YOU. A WOMAN WHO
UNDERSTANDS THE VALUE OF MONEY.
223
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,177
(scoffs)
GOOD WORK... DaSH...
224
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:35,582
DaSHAWN--DaSHWANDA.
UH, AM I SAYING THAT RIGHT?
225
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:36,746
AHH. YEAH.
226
00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:38,724
(paper rustling)
227
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,422
YOU KNOW, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
YOU'RE GIVING ME THE ATTITUDE.
228
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:42,724
'CAUSE YOU'RE TREATING ME
LIKE A CHILD
229
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:44,016
WITH HER FIRST BANK ACCOUNT,
OKAY?
230
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,757
I KNOW MONEY.
I'VE HAD MONEY.
231
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,493
"HAD" IS NOT THE SAME
AS "HAVE."
232
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,727
"I HAD TWO TESTICLES."
AND BY THE WAY,
233
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:51,103
IF YOU'RE SUCH
A FINANCIAL GENIUS,
234
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,501
WHY ARE YOU LIVING
UNDER MY ROOF?
235
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,343
OH, THAT IS A LOW BLOW
AND A GOOD POINT.
236
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,339
WELL, LET ME TAKE THAT--
PLEASE.
(paper rustles)
237
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,441
OH, N-NOT--NOT...
OH, OKAY.
238
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,613
SEE,
NOW YOU'RE JUST ACTING SILLY.
OH!
239
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,053
HEY, I WANNA--SEE?
OKAY, THAT WINGSPAN
IS RIDICULOUS.
240
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:08,548
LOOK AT THIS.
THE CLASSES, A-A MASSAGE.
241
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,352
YEAH.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT--
YOU'RE WHINING ABOUT NOTHING.
242
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,623
THIS IS--IS IT POSSIBLE FOR ME
TO GET INTO THESE DEALIOS HERE?
243
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:14,964
I CAN MAKE THEM
TWO FOR ONE.
244
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,458
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
LET'S DO THIS.
245
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:20,130
(Air Traffic Controller's
"Hurry Hurry" playing)
246
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,600
(hissing)
247
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,259
(grunting)
248
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,926
OKAY. UH, DON'T REALLY KNOW
HOW TO EXPLAIN
249
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,425
HOW THE SUN GOT UP THERE.
250
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,466
* MISS SOMETHING
IF I KEEP BUMPING *
251
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,141
* THE MOST SIGNIFICANT STUFF,
ALL MY FRIENDS *
252
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,110
* AND ALL THE LOOSE ENDS
AND THIS LOVE OF MINE *
253
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,639
* 'CAUSE I'M RUNNING
OUT OF TIME *
254
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,384
* WHO AM I?
AM I STILL THE SAME GUY? *
255
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,778
* OR HAVE I LOST SOMETHING
AS I KEEP STOMPING? *
256
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:38,981
* AM I ENOUGH?
EVERY BIT OF MYSELF *
257
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,252
* I IGNORE THE SIGNS
258
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,650
* AS I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME
259
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:44,322
* HURRY HURRY, OH
260
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,391
* HURRY HURRY, WHOA,
HURRY HURRY *
261
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,959
(lowered voice)
I AM SO BORED.
262
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,318
CAN I PLEASE PLAY
ON YOUR PHONE?
263
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,486
DO YOU HAVE SOLITAIRE?
264
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:52,163
ARE YOU TRANSCENDING?
265
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,762
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE
WHEN YOU'RE TRANSCENDING?
266
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,334
I THINK I MIGHT HAVE
DONE IT THERE FOR A SECOND,
267
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,632
BUT I ALSO...
HAVE JUST BEEN FALLING ASLEEP.
268
00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,395
**
269
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,432
THIS FEELS WEIRD.
270
00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:05,008
HAS MINE STARTED YET?
271
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,438
* WHOA
272
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,013
GRANDMA, I'M HUNGRY.
273
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:14,051
WELL, LET ME GET YOU
SOME... GOLDFISH CRACKERS.
274
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:16,518
(sets down bag)
275
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,591
(clink)
276
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:23,489
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL GRANDPA
YOU LOST YOUR KEYS?
277
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:26,433
ISN'T IT ALWAYS BEST
TO TELL THE TRUTH?
278
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,799
WELL... THERE'S GOOD LYING
AND BAD LYING.
279
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,530
IN THIS CASE,
I AM TOTALLY WRONG,
280
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:34,674
BUT I DON'T CARE.
I JUST DON'T WANT THE LECTURE.
281
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:39,042
SO NOT TELLING HIM
IS GOOD LYING.
282
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,472
(clank)
283
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:43,207
OH, MY GOD.
THERE THEY ARE.
YOUR KEYS?
284
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:46,113
(closes drawer)
NO. MY CIGARETTES.
285
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,516
WHEN DID I PUT THEM
IN THERE?
286
00:10:58,425 --> 00:10:59,625
MMM.
287
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:02,029
GRANDMA, I THOUGHT
YOU QUIT SMOKING.
288
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:04,732
WELL, I DID.
IT'S JUST THAT SOMETIMES
289
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:09,735
I WANT A CIGARETTE SO BAD,
I JUST HAVE ONE.
290
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,340
SMOKING'S REALLY BAD FOR YOU,
291
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,471
AND I THINK PROMISING GRANDPA
YOU'D QUIT,
292
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,236
AND THEN NOT, IS BAD LYING.
293
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:20,806
RIGHT, BUT YOU NOT TELLING
GRANDPA WE FOUND THESE
294
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,648
IS GOOD LYING.
295
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,992
HA! SEE HOW THAT WORKS?
296
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,748
OH, THERE'S THE FACE.
297
00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:31,355
HOW CAN I DISAPPOINT
THE FACE?
298
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,391
HAVING A CIGARETTE WOULD
MAKE IT A HECK OF A LOT EASIER,
299
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:38,396
THAT'S FOR SURE, BUT NO.
THEY'RE GOING IN THE TRASH.
300
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,831
OOH! WHY DON'T WE BURY 'EM
IN THE BACKYARD,
301
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:43,068
LIKE WE DID
WITH MY HAMSTER?
302
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:46,613
AN ELABORATE FUNERAL
FOR A NASTY HABIT.
303
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,279
(singsongy) LOVE IT!
304
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,378
AND NOW YOU'RE DRINKING
TWO WINES?
305
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,245
I'M IN MOURNING.
306
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:56,281
SO YOU'VE GOT YOUR STUFF
OVER THERE. YOU'LL CLOCK IN.
307
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,346
NOW YOU MAY THINK THERE'S
NOTHING TO THIS JOB,
308
00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,745
BUT YOU'RE GONNA BE THE FACE
OF YOGURT BOY,
309
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:02,117
SO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.
HEY, I DO. I DO.
310
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,285
I EVEN CAME--I EVEN CAME UP
WITH A PRETTY COOL SLOGAN.
311
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:08,264
LISTEN. "MAKE YOUR BOY
A YOGURT BOY BOY."
312
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:11,555
CONGRATULATIONS. YOU JUST
ALIENATED HALF OUR CLIENTELE.
313
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:15,068
GIRLS EAT YOGURT, GENIUS.
314
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:18,272
CAMPBELL, BUDDY, I'M TRYING
TO PLAY BALL WITH YOU HERE.
315
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:20,205
OKAY? BUT I'M GONNA NEED YOU
TO DIAL DOWN THE SNARK
316
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,880
JUST A COUPLE OF NOTCHES.
317
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:24,779
I MEAN, COME ON.
WORKING AT YOGURT BOY. (scoffs)
318
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,282
I'M GETTING A LOT
OF PUSH BACK FROM YOU,
319
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,923
AND I GOT A PILE OF RESUMES
IN MY BACKPACK, SO--
320
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,319
NO, NO. NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
321
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,820
I'M--I'M GOOD, OKAY?
I WANT THIS JOB.
322
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:36,758
HEY.
323
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,430
YOU DO A GOOD JOB OUT HERE,
324
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,488
AND ONE YEAR,
YOU'RE AT THE COUNTER.
325
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,557
IN TWO YEARS, YOU'RE ME.
326
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,965
AND IN THREE YEARS,
YOU'RE...
327
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,668
ACTUALLY, THE COMPANY'S
ONLY TWO YEARS OLD.
328
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:49,399
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
IN THREE YEARS.
329
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:53,236
(sniffs) HEY, IT SMELLS
LIKE PEE IN HERE.
330
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,183
YEAH, THAT'S 'CAUSE THE LAST GUY
USED TO PEE IN THERE.
331
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:59,509
(sighs)
(organ playing somber music)
332
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,106
NOT EVERYONE HERE
HAD THE PRIVILEGE
333
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:05,148
TO KNOW THESE MENTHOLS,
BUT FOR THOSE OF US WHO DID,
334
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:08,085
LET'S REMEMBER THE JOY,
TEARS,
335
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:11,091
TIME I SET MY SKIRT ON FIRE.
336
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:14,134
WE DRANK TOGETHER.
WE DANCED TOGETHER.
337
00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:16,701
WE TOOK A DRAG
TO PUNCTUATE A LAUGH, AND YEA,
338
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:19,699
THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY
OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH,
339
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:23,272
I SHALL FEAR NO EVIL
BECAUSE... (inhales deeply)
340
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,013
WELL, I'M JUST NOT
THAT KIND OF PERSON. (laughs)
341
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,438
SWEETIE?
342
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:32,854
(sighs) SUPERCALIFRAGILISTIC-
EXPIALIDOCIOUS.
343
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,547
BRILLIANT.
344
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,557
(whispers) ABSENT FRIENDS.
345
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:48,057
NOW I HOPE YOU FEEL
A SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT.
346
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:51,965
THAT'S WHY THESE THINGS
ARE DONE IN A CERTAIN ORDER.
347
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,899
WELL, I THINK THE STRIPES
LOOK GREAT.
348
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:55,404
MAKES YOU LOOK TALLER.
AH.
349
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:58,235
EXCUSE ME. I NEVER GOT
THE DEALIO COUPON
350
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,011
FOR THE ACUPUNCTURE.
351
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,640
DO YOU HAVE IT?
352
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,514
LET ME SEE.
OH, I GOT THESE...
(mints rattle)
353
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,914
EYE DROPS AND MINTS.
I DIDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU?
354
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,417
NO.
LIP BALM.
355
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,878
CELL PHONE.
WORLD'S SMALLEST HARMONICA.
356
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,748
(plays notes)
357
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,985
OKAY, LET ME SEE.
I HAVE MY KEYS.
(keys clatter)
358
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,262
MOM'S KEYS.
359
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:19,229
MOM'S KEYS? HUH.
360
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,859
(chuckles)
361
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:25,334
LOOK WHO'S HAVING
AN "AHA!" MOMENT NOW.
362
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,625
WELL, LOOKING FOR DEALIO.
363
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,441
NO! NO, I--
WHOO!
364
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,283
YOU CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT ME
GRABBING ALL MY STUFF.
365
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,778
I'M QUEEN OF THE WORLD!
DaSHWANDA, WATCH MY HARMONICA!
366
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,110
(door opens)
POLLY!
367
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:40,876
HEY!
368
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,018
YOGURT BOY BOY! COME ON!
369
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:49,294
HEY!
370
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:50,522
YOGURT!
371
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,887
WHAT THE--OH! WAIT.
372
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,256
(engine starts)
DON'T--
373
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:55,434
POLLY!
374
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:56,562
I AM DRIVING HOME
TO TELL MOM
375
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:57,926
THAT YOU HAD THE KEYS
ALL ALONG,
376
00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,965
AND YOU ARE HITCHHIKING
OR SOMETHING.
377
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,100
IT'S ALL COMING TO ME IN A FLUSH
OF CHILDISH INSPIRATION.
378
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,106
YOUNG LADY, I DEMAND THAT
YOU TURN OFF THIS CAR,
379
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,208
AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A DISCUSSION LIKE ADULTS.
380
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,710
OPEN IT UP. OKAY, OPEN.
THAT IS NOT ADULT-LIKE.
(tires screech)
381
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:10,982
NOTHING ADULT-LIKE
ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
382
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,711
LET ME IN.
383
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,045
HEY, IF YOU WANT A RIDE HOME,
JUST TAKE OUT YOUR PHONE,
384
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:16,582
CALL MOM, AND TELL HER
YOU HAD THE KEYS.
385
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:17,986
OH, OKAY, OKAY.
386
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,488
STOP, STOP, STOP!
387
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:20,489
I WILL.
(tires screech)
388
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,720
OKAY. OKAY, HERE, LOOK.
389
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,555
ELAINE, I HAVE THE KEYS.
390
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,732
YOU DIDN'T EVEN RESPECT ME
ENOUGH TO FAKE DIAL.
391
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,231
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
392
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,973
IF I CALLED HER
AND GAVE HER THAT INFORMATION?
393
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:34,499
IT WOULD UNRAVEL THE FABRIC
OF OUR ENTIRE FAMILY DYNAMIC.
394
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:37,844
OR WOULD MR. PERFECT HAVE TO
EAT A PLATE OF CROW SO LARGE
395
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,670
THAT THE CROW WOULD HAVE TO BE
GENETICALLY ENGINEERED
396
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:42,336
BY SCIENTISTS FROM THE FUTURE?
OKAY. OW.
397
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,775
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG,
398
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,911
I COULD RIDE A BIG WHEEL
ON THE CARPET, AND I WAS HAPPY.
399
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,746
I BROUGHT ORDER
TO CHAOS.
400
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,781
SO DID EMPEROR PALPATINE.
WHO?
401
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,117
DARTH VADER'S BOSS.
UH-HUH.
402
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,852
HE HAD LIGHTNING HANDS.
403
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,856
(tires screech)
(laughs)
404
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:57,418
I'VE ALWAYS FELT BAD
ABOUT MYSELF
405
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,857
'CAUSE I'M NOT DOING THINGS
AS GOOD AS YOU DO.
406
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,531
WELL, NOW WE ALL KNOW
THE TRUTH.
407
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,360
YOU DON'T EVEN DO THINGS
AS GOOD AS YOU DO.
408
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:03,595
OH...
(tires peal)
409
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,200
THAT'S NOT TRUE!
410
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:08,042
ONE BLACK MARK ON MY RECORD
DOES NOT UNDO
411
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,338
A LIFETIME OF PLANNING...
I'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE!
412
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,610
THINKING THINGS THROUGH,
AND KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD.
(speaks indistinctly)
413
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:15,209
NO! KEEP YOUR EYES
ON THE ROAD!
(brakes squeal)
414
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,142
AAH!
UHH!
415
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,207
AAH!
(brakes squeal)
416
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:21,346
OHH! (groans)
417
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,651
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!
OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD,
OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD.
418
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,053
OH, OH.
419
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,145
I...
(car door closes)
420
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:27,716
OH, MY GOD.
I HIT A YOGURT.
421
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,124
I HIT...
422
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,386
ARE YOU OKAY?
423
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,563
I THINK YOU JUST
BROKE MY SPOON.
424
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:33,832
HEY, MAX.
425
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,560
JULIAN?
426
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:37,555
WHAT IS HAPPENING
RIGHT NOW?
JULIAN?
427
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,367
(grunts)
I GOT A JOB.
428
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:43,039
I MEAN, THIS IS MY JOB.
I DIDN'T WANNA TELL YOU.
429
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,640
I AM SO SORRY I HIT YOU,
430
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,311
AND I AM SO...
(smack)
431
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:49,139
PROUD OF YOU
FOR GETTING WORK.
GO AHEAD, MAX. MAKE FUN.
432
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,236
NO, YOU HAVE NO REASON
TO BE ASHAMED
433
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:53,148
FOR MAKING A LIVING.
GOOD FOR YOU, SON.
434
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,680
GOOD FOR YOU.
435
00:16:58,685 --> 00:16:59,915
HELLO?
436
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,592
OH, I'M SMILING.
437
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,021
OH, OKAY.
L-LISTEN.
438
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,816
I AM GOING TO
GET YOU A WATER.
439
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:08,157
I THINK HE JUST PEED HIMSELF.
440
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,495
NO, NO.
THAT WAS THE GUY BEFORE ME.
441
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,330
OH.
OH.
442
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,665
OH.
443
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,570
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
ANYWAY?
444
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:18,273
AND WHY ARE YOU
TURNING INTO A TIGER?
445
00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:21,105
OH. MAX MADE ME DO
ALL THE DEALIOS IN ONE DAY
446
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,341
TO PROVE SOME CRAZY POINT
ABOUT NOT WASTING MONEY.
447
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:26,446
WOW. HE'S GOT TO SAVE MONEY.
448
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,009
WHAT?
449
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,047
YEAH. I SAW HIS WILL.
450
00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:32,353
HE REALLY WANTS TO LOOK OUT
FOR YOU AND NATALIE.
451
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,945
YOU SAW HIS WILL?
452
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:38,527
YOU KNOW, MY ACTUAL FATHER--
HE LEFT ME OWING MONEY
453
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:42,258
ON 90 SALTWATER FISH TANKS
THAT HE BOUGHT.
454
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,525
I STILL HAVE A FEW
IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.
455
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:48,404
AND THEN I HAD
AN ACTUAL "AHA!" MOMENT.
456
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,135
MY STEPFATHER,
THE MAN YELLING
457
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:52,640
AT THE 23-YEAR-OLD
YOGURT SHOP MANAGER,
458
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,412
IS SO CONCERNED ABOUT ME,
459
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:58,751
HE EVEN WANTS TO TAKE CARE
OF ME AFTER HE'S DEAD.
460
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,308
(door closes)
GOOD GOD.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
461
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,278
(gasps)
YOU LOOK WEIRD, MOM.
462
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:06,646
(door closes)
OH, YOU KNOW, SPA DAY.
I FEEL LIKE A PRINCESS.
463
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,886
SO, MOM, ANY LUCK
FINDING YOUR KEYS?
464
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,822
I HAVE NOT LOST MY KEYS...
465
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:14,188
(clenches teeth) SO I DON'T
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
466
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,804
IF SHE HAS 'EM, SHE HAS 'EM.
467
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,544
COME ON, NAT. HELP MAMA
LOOFAH THIS CRAP OFF HER.
468
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,414
THAT'S A PRETTY PICTURE.
YEAH, RIGHT. HMM.
469
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,352
YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING?
WE'LL GO TO THE DEALER,
470
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:33,679
AND WE'LL GET
A NEW KEY TODAY.
471
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,352
JUST SO WE'LL HAVE
AN EXTRA ONE.
472
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:39,445
HOW'S THAT?
473
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:41,986
I FEEL LIKE
SOMETHING HAPPENED.
474
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:45,361
ALSO I HAVE
NO PUBIC HAIR NOW.
475
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:46,432
(laughs)
476
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,429
(chuckles)
(slaps leg)
477
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,560
OH, I WANNA SEE THAT.
478
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:54,271
(knock on door)
479
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:56,471
WELL, I USED EVERY
EXFOLIATING PRODUCT I HAVE,
480
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:57,973
AND MY FACE
LOOKS A LOT BETTER,
481
00:18:58,004 --> 00:19:00,974
BUT IT FEELS KINDA
A LITTLE BIT LIKE... BOLOGNA.
482
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,837
(keys jangle)
483
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:06,305
I GET IT. YOU'RE JUST
PRETENDING NOTHING HAPPENED.
484
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,776
THOSE KEYS ARE A TIME BOMB.
485
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,384
YOU'RE GONNA HOLD ON TO 'EM,
486
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:11,476
AND YOU'RE GONNA USE 'EM
AT SOME POINT.
487
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,318
AND I'M NOT GONNA KNOW
WHEN IT'S GONNA GO OFF
488
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:18,733
LIKE A--LIKE A...
TIME BOMB.
489
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,858
OH. UM...
490
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:25,304
(jangles)
491
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,232
(keys clatter)
492
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:31,637
OKAY, ACTUALLY,
I'M REALLY CONFUSED NOW.
493
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,371
I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS
THE ACUPUNCTURE
494
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:36,307
OR HITTIN' THE YOGURT,
495
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:42,853
BUT... MAYBE I... MISINTERPRETED
HOW ANNOYING YOU ARE.
496
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:45,022
I MEAN, IT'S ALL JUST DUE
TO HOW MUCH
497
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:46,921
YOU LOVE ME OR SOMETHING.
498
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:51,493
AND... MAYBE...
I'M NOT GRATEFUL ENOUGH
499
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,134
THAT YOU CAME
INTO OUR LIVES.
500
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,602
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE
HAPPENED TO ME AND MOM
501
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,471
IF YOU HADN'T.
502
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:07,509
YOU TOOK CARE OF ME,
AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.
503
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:11,680
BECAUSE I JUST SOMETIMES FORGET
TO REMEMBER THE GOOD PARTS.
504
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,881
YOU'RE DOING IT, POLLY.
THAT'S IT. I GOT YOU.
505
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,783
I GOT YOU!
YEAH, BABY!
506
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:19,246
I GOT YOU.
507
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:20,446
WHOO!
508
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:24,787
YOU ALWAYS HAD ME.
509
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:27,094
ALWAYS.
510
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,468
(switch clicks)
511
00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:38,843
I'M IN HERE.
512
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:49,049
WHILE MAX SETTLED ON AN EVEN
MORE DELIGHTFUL LOCATION
513
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,821
FOR MY MOM'S KEYS,
514
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:54,120
MY MOM DECIDED TO RECONNECT
WITH AN OLD FRIEND.
515
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:56,123
(click)
516
00:20:58,358 --> 00:20:59,588
(keys clatter)
517
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,756
(click)
38147
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