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1
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:06,771
Hey, there's more chamomile tea
if you want some.
2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,510
Uh, actually I moved to beer.
3
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,839
But I-I'll compromise with you--
I can drink it hot.
4
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,680
-Have you got a-a text
or anything from Eve?
-Well, uh, yeah.
5
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,675
-The good news is she's close.
-Good.
6
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:20,024
The bad news is she has to be
back on the base on Saturday.
7
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,624
What?
You know what,
8
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,419
we could just write
the Air Force a note,
9
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,364
like we did when
she was in high school.
10
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,263
I know, it's so unfair.
11
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,161
We haven't seen her
since forever.
12
00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:30,963
And at first it was
gonna be five days
13
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,301
and then it was four, and now
14
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,666
we-we've lost one of those.
15
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:35,997
Well, I guess we're just
gonna do more with less.
16
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:39,474
And by that, I mean more
of my stuff and less of yours.
17
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,540
Oh, I just want to hold her.
18
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:45,375
You know, I've done the math,
and she owes me 235 hugs
19
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,849
and four "I love yous."
20
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:50,318
-'Cause, you know, she
gives those less often, so...
-Yeah.
21
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,354
I actually have to ask her
to stop saying it.
22
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,663
It gets so embarrassing.
23
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:58,562
Look, don't think you're gonna
keep her all to yourself.
24
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,129
We all want to spend
time with her,
25
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:01,558
including her two nieces.
26
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:02,895
They're toddlers.
27
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:04,300
Kids don't really
get interesting
28
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,798
till they're
around seven years old.
29
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,799
And then you become fascinating.
30
00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:12,368
Yeah, you're riveting.
31
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:15,013
Just relax. Plenty of time
to spend with the girls.
32
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,335
I'm a grown man.
33
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,910
I know how to share.
34
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:20,411
At ease, civilians.
35
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:23,154
Oh! Hey!
36
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:26,548
-Hey, old man.
-Hey. How are you?
37
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:28,324
-Out of the way,
get out of the way!
-Ah, hey!
38
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,422
Oh, God!
Oh, my God.
39
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:33,494
Wow, it's gonna be
a long weekend, isn't it?
40
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,204
Yeah, by the time you're done
41
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:38,103
-you're gonna be a panini.
-Okay, I just...
42
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:49,014
-Ooh, good morning!
-Ugh...
43
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:52,079
Oh, and another Mom hug.
44
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:53,610
How many are we up to now?
45
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,354
Well, it doesn't matter,
because I am just gonna
46
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,389
-keep raising the limit.
-Okay.
47
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,251
So what's for chow?
48
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:00,953
That's military for food.
49
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:02,524
I know, but you can't keep
50
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,963
giving away
military secrets like that.
51
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:09,098
Well, since it's been forever
since I made an Eve breakfast,
52
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:11,867
we made your...
53
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,695
favorite.
54
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,801
-Chicken on a ladder?
-That's right.
55
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,243
Two eggs on a ladder
56
00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:18,635
-made of sausage
and bacon strips.
Yes!
57
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,872
I call it
the Stairway to Heaven.
58
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,375
-Is she... Eve!
-Hey!
59
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,318
-Oh, oh, you, too.
60
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:30,575
Haven't you guys
ever heard of a handshake?
61
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,491
Can you stay for breakfast?
62
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:36,116
Uh, no, I would love to,
but some of us have to work.
63
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:39,234
Well, just call your boss
and tell him that you're sick.
64
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,627
Wait a minute...
65
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:43,999
Oh, no, I just came by
to give her a hug.
66
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:46,471
We will see you at 2:00,
uh, it's the perfect time.
67
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,837
'Cause it's post-nap, pre-poop.
68
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,666
Great.
69
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:52,971
-Okay, can't wait.
70
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:54,743
I will see you then.
71
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,412
Dad, you have
to get me out of this.
72
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,751
No, no, he's not
gonna get you out of this.
73
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,517
Come on, you should
want to see your nieces.
74
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:05,015
I do. You can just
have them over, turn on the TV,
75
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,618
and I'll look at them.
76
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,117
No, no, no...
77
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,958
Come on, they're family,
you got to get to know them,
78
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,363
-bond with them.
After that crap's over,
79
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:12,932
then we can do something fun.
80
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,996
All right.
81
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,755
Fine.
82
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:19,204
But now that they're
old enough to know what's cool,
83
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,033
I got to say, I feel bad
84
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:23,038
-for Mandy and Kristin.
-Why?
85
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,836
Because they're
your garden-variety moms.
86
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,609
I fly jets, okay?
I'm a bona fide superhero.
87
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,979
They-they can't compete
with that.
88
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,654
You're sounding
a little full of yourself.
89
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,224
No, no, no, I know
where she's coming from.
90
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:36,376
I've spent my whole life,
you know,
91
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,647
being... riveting.
92
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:39,889
Ah.
93
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,390
Right.
It's-it's actually a burden.
94
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,330
Tell me about it.
95
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,492
I got to tamp down
the Mike Baxter wattage
96
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,160
-every time I leave the house.
-Yeah.
97
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,399
I got to tamp down my breakfast.
98
00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,501
-Spoken like a "normy."
-Yeah.
99
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,239
Well, I guess
you're just gonna have
100
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:58,911
to take your awesomeness
down a notch
101
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,809
and... pretend you're me.
102
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,849
I think she's being
a little sarcastic.
103
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:07,522
But it's actually good advice.
104
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,485
-Hey!
-Oh!
105
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,817
Get a load of Kyle.
106
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,263
Looking very dapper.
107
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:19,228
Who died?
108
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:20,587
Oh, nobody.
109
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,564
Well, I mean,
I'm sure somebody did.
110
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,773
Just hopefully no one I know.
111
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:28,065
Not that I wish misfortune
on strangers.
112
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,338
Okay, man, I-I guess
what we're saying, Kyle,
113
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:31,668
-is you-you-you look nice.
-Yeah.
114
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,512
Oh, thanks.
I have a presentation
115
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,507
in my homiletics class
this afternoon.
116
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,779
Homi-what-ics?
117
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:40,951
Homiletics. It's a-it's
a fancy name for preaching.
118
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,548
-Yeah, it's
my toughest seminary class.
Mm-hmm.
119
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,547
Boy, you sure go through
a lot of trouble and expense
120
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,949
to become a minister.
121
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,387
Joe's right.
You should find some cheap,
122
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:52,027
easy way to serve the Lord.
123
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,055
Yeah.
124
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,027
Wait, you're kidding, right?
125
00:04:56,129 --> 00:05:00,129
I am, but this is not
Joe's area of expertise.
126
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,473
-Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
127
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:02,802
I've been a minister for years.
128
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,613
I got a certificate
and everything.
129
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:08,275
Where'd you get it,
out of a box of Goofy Flakes?
130
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:10,036
I got it online.
131
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,813
It cost 50 bucks.
132
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,282
Well, that's what
they said it cost,
133
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,151
but I lied on the application...
134
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,922
got financial aid.
135
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,315
Well, I guess
all that really matters
136
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,821
is that you feel the calling
to spread God's message of love.
137
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:27,334
Exactly, until that day
He calls the UFOs
138
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:29,128
to return us to the sun.
139
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:32,831
Uh...
140
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,403
that's not what I believe, Joe.
141
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:37,413
That's 'cause you're still
learning the stuff.
142
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:40,835
Remember,
I'm already a minister.
143
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,854
Oh!
You're eating pie?
144
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,252
We're gonna take Eve out
to dinner when she gets back.
145
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,951
This is pre-eating.
146
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,790
And fruit pie
really doesn't count.
147
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,355
It's just like eating an apple.
148
00:05:57,491 --> 00:06:00,531
Well, look, uh, she spent the
afternoon with the little girls,
149
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:01,831
so I guess
we're gonna have to cancel
150
00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:03,659
some of the plans
we have with her.
151
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:06,634
Don't touch the "T.T.O.O.D.M."
152
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,700
-And W.H.A.
-T is that?
153
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:12,437
"Throw Things Off
Outdoor Man."
154
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:16,480
It also is the sound it makes
when the stuff hits the ground.
155
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:20,354
Ta-doom!
Eve loves that-- ta-doom.
156
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:22,878
Hey-hey, how'd it go?
157
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,616
How much of your awesomeness
did you have to tamp down on?
158
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,319
None of it.
I-I was 100% Eve.
159
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,388
Oh, come on, you're insane.
Did the girls, like, pass out?
160
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,056
Well, tell us everything.
161
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,564
Okay, um...
162
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,797
my nieces hate my guts.
163
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,029
You know,
I knew there was something
164
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,644
about those two little ones
I didn't like.
165
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,010
What do you mean,
your nieces hate you?
166
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,509
Oh, they don't hate you.
That's the finger
167
00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:55,381
they use to point with.
168
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,723
No, no, they-they do.
169
00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,518
I did all my best stuff.
170
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:02,717
Uh, zombie impressions, the
finger-through-the-head trick,
171
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,733
my best armpit farts, Dad.
172
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,425
You stole my whole act?
173
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:07,657
I just...
174
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,261
I mean, I don't-I don't get it.
175
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:10,602
When-when Boyd was their age,
176
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,331
he thought I was
the coolest person in the world.
177
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,902
That's because you and Boyd,
you like the same stuff.
178
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,902
That Boyd could
flick a booger really far.
179
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,874
Not as far as you.
I did measure one time
180
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,709
we were doing that in the
backyard and you were like...
181
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,875
Yeah, well, look,
Sarah and Evelyn are,
182
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:27,114
they're just into completely
different things, thank God.
183
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:31,024
Well, I gave
the aunt thing a shot.
184
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,018
So what are we gonna do?
185
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,720
All this talk has given me
a craving to do something gross.
186
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,189
Well, the simple solution
would be throw stuff
187
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,860
off the roof of Outdoor Man.
188
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,959
Oh, yes, that would be great.
Remember that sewing machine
189
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,461
that Mandy didn't want anymore?
190
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:44,126
Or the-the...
the one that we thought
191
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,871
she didn't want anymore?
192
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:49,037
That would be
the simple solution, I said,
193
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,736
but the right solution
is to take another shot
194
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,314
with your nieces.
You got to be a good aunt.
195
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,106
Can't I just be the strange aunt
196
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,648
they only see
at weddings and funerals?
197
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:02,448
Oh, you know what, I should
give my sister April a call.
198
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:04,650
You want to bond with children,
199
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,652
you got to get into their world.
200
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:08,324
I-I don't know what that means.
201
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:09,791
Well, uh, no, it means
if you're gonna play with them,
202
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:10,960
you have to adjust to them.
203
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,488
They'll tell you what they like.
204
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,663
Yep, over and over
and over again.
205
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,225
Yeah, yeah, you-you just
let them take the lead.
206
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:21,230
You might have to sacrifice,
uh, snots or farts
207
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,904
or whatever, um,
208
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,343
but there's other
fun stuff to do.
209
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,108
But what if they
want to have a...
210
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,505
tea party?
211
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:32,680
Then you have a tea party.
You get out that little set,
212
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,680
it's... put the little pinky up,
213
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:37,282
hold the top
and you pour like this.
214
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:40,520
And get those little cups
and the favorite part is
215
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,524
you got to...
don't, don't, it's hot!
216
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:43,993
You got to blow it.
217
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,591
It's really hot.
218
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,493
These little cups,
they're so cute,
219
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,495
'cause they got these little
tiny flowers on them,
220
00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:51,427
and the little,
the little tiny...
221
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,701
so hot, it's...
222
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:56,044
Who are you?
223
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:59,269
Father to three daughters.
I've braided hair,
224
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,342
I've had tea parties,
I know every word
225
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,011
to "Under the Sea."
226
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:05,880
I bet you were so happy
when I came along.
227
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,649
What do you mean?
I love all my daughters.
228
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,645
But, my God, yes.
229
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:13,287
No, wait, but then, but then
I was the one who had to learn
230
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,886
how to shoot arrows,
and put on war paint and...
231
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,360
oh, gosh, I still
know every damn line
232
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:21,729
of dialogue to Predator.
233
00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:23,399
Getting to know kids
234
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,896
sometimes requires you
to get out of your comfort zone.
235
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,803
But I like my comfort zone.
236
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,801
-It's all... broken in.
-Evie, just...
237
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,814
give it a try, okay?
They're having...
238
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,676
they're having
a little princess party tonight.
239
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,742
Why don't you go over there
240
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:38,977
and I guarantee
they're gonna love you.
241
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:42,749
Okay. If you can
make it through Schwarzenegger
242
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:45,590
and Dad can be Mrs. Doubtfire...
243
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,719
I might as well.
244
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,421
Excellent, milady.
245
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:51,732
You'll enjoy yourself.
246
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,655
You, you get to the chopper!
247
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,201
Go!
248
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,332
To the chopper!
249
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,912
Hey, how's that
Hooked on Phonics class going?
250
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:08,113
Homiletics.
251
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,508
It was rough.
252
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,449
My professor says my preaching
needs to be more dynamic.
253
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:15,619
He's right! You know, you got
to grab them from the get-go.
254
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:18,049
You know what people
spark to right now?
255
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,448
Atlantis.
256
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:22,462
I don't think Denver
Theological Seminary wants me
257
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,115
preaching about Atlantis.
258
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,357
Well, try Bigfoot
or just make it up.
259
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,959
What?
260
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:30,625
No, I can't make it up,
I need to preach from the Bible.
261
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,634
Uh, I'm pretty sure Atlantis
262
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:35,396
is in the Bible.
263
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,968
No, it isn't.
264
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,210
Neither are spaceships
that go to the sun or Bigfoot.
265
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,806
Which Bible
are you talking about?
266
00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:43,609
The Bible.
267
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:46,781
The one that tells the story
of God's plan for humanity.
268
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,420
You know, if you want
to make preaching easier,
269
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:51,121
maybe you should start with
just making up what's in it.
270
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:54,088
All right, this is the word of
God. If you don't believe that,
271
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,624
then I don't know
what to tell you, Joe.
272
00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:57,593
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
273
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,287
What the hell is going on here?
274
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:02,132
I-I was just trying
to explain something to Joe.
275
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,499
Look, I'm just helping the kid
with school. It's okay.
276
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,901
What?
It's not okay. It's not.
277
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,800
This is not church, Kyle.
278
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,302
I don't want you
telling people here
279
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,413
what they should
or shouldn't believe.
280
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,065
You understand?
281
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,514
Yes, sir.
282
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,308
Mm.
283
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,110
He's right.
284
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,679
Forgive me, Joe.
285
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:23,584
I'm just a man, Kyle.
I can't forgive.
286
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,923
That's a job for the whales.
287
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,190
Oh, hey.
288
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:37,967
Uh, so, when Eve
gets back from Kristin's,
289
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,531
we still have time
to do one more thing,
290
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:43,336
and I vote for tapas
and a stroll through LoDo.
291
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:47,166
I vote for billiards
and burgers at JB's Pub.
292
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,044
-Oh, hey.
293
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,046
-Well.
-Whoa.
294
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:58,548
You really went all-out.
Um, how did it go?
295
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,051
It sucked.
296
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,393
-Oh.
-What do you mean?
297
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:05,392
I don't really want
to talk about it, Dad. Okay?
298
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:10,463
I hope you're gonna
clean up all this glitter.
299
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,667
So, she still won't talk to me.
300
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,739
-Mm-hmm.
-You know, I-I really hoped
301
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:25,252
that the Air Force
would soften Eve, but...
302
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,048
Well, the important thing
is that you tried,
303
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:28,517
not that you failed.
304
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,381
Uh, well, you know what?
Why don't you go up there.
305
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,924
Because I don't know
what's going on.
306
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:35,891
Oh, I don't know.
It just doesn't make any sense.
307
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,359
-Yeah.
-I mean, how could our sweet,
308
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,934
adorable granddaughters
hate Eve? I...
309
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,557
Well, we know Eve,
but do we really know anything
310
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:45,102
about those toddlers?
311
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,998
Hello?
-We're in here.
312
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,240
-Hey.
-Hi. Sorry, we left Nancy Bear.
313
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:52,007
-Ah.
-Hey, did Eve tell you
314
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,035
what a fantastic day
she had with the girls?
315
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,877
Damn right she did,
but you can always hear
316
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,613
a good story twice, right?
317
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,610
It was so cute.
She was adorable with them.
318
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:03,577
She-she got down on the floor
and played and sang songs.
319
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,793
She was like that Elmo we hired.
320
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,786
Except sober.
321
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,529
-So, so, it went well?
-Oh, my God.
322
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,425
All I could hear were
those little girls laughing.
323
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,057
Like,
really, really laughing.
Hmm.
324
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,599
And they had a tea party.
325
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:20,627
And Evelyn served the tea,
and Sarah made cake,
326
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,203
and-and Eve made it really fun.
327
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,603
Did she put her pinky
in the air? 'Cause that's...
328
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:27,114
-That-that came from me.
329
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:30,307
Isn't he riveting?
330
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,950
Anyway, the girls
love their Auntie Eve.
331
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,976
Even I'm starting to like her.
332
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,945
Bye.
See ya.
333
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,648
I mean, do you think
Eve misread the whole thing?
334
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,764
I mean, look, she's not that
great at picking up on feelings.
335
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,164
No, she's good at picking on
other people that have feelings.
336
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:49,304
Yeah. Right.
337
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:54,504
Hey, Mr. Alzate?
Can I have a minute?
338
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,235
I wanted to apologize
339
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,967
for arguing about religion
with a coworker.
340
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:02,983
I have reported myself to me,
341
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:06,076
and I will be dealt with.
342
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,819
Good. Let's-let's sit down.
Sit down, s-son.
343
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,576
Uh, Chuck told me
344
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,493
how this thing with Joe
got started.
345
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:15,185
Now, you realize he was
just yanking your chain, right?
346
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:17,162
-Yeah, of-of course.
-Yeah, you know.
347
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,527
-No, I didn't.
348
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,356
Well, he was.
349
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,661
Joe is like that.
You know, he's-he's an idiot,
350
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,373
so-so don't let it bother you,
all right?
351
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:29,669
It's not really what Joe said
that's bothering me. It...
352
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:32,609
I'm really struggling
in my homiletics class.
353
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,265
That's the study...
354
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,544
Yeah, I-I know what it is.
So, what's the...
355
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,546
what's the problem
with your preaching, son?
356
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:42,218
Well, my professor says
I'm not dynamic enough.
357
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,219
I-I need to figure out some way
358
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:47,821
to make people interested
in what I believe.
359
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,717
Hold on there.
360
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,893
Hmm.
361
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:59,896
When my old man passed away,
362
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:02,003
this Bible,
363
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:04,139
all right,
364
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:07,007
and a 1923 Echeverria pistol.
365
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,084
Just let me say
that I spent more time
366
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:10,979
learning about the pistol.
367
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,578
I didn't know
your dad was religious.
368
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,080
Yeah, he said he was.
369
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,822
I mean, he spent a lot of time
reading this book.
370
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:20,816
Yeah, but his whole life,
the S.O.B. never did one thing
371
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,390
that made me want to read it.
372
00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:25,489
Yeah, you hear that kind
of thing a lot from people.
373
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,862
Mm.
374
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,426
On the other hand...
375
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:32,032
everything you do
376
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:35,999
makes me wonder
what you see in this book.
377
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,113
-It does?
-Mm.
378
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:39,738
Yes, it does, Kyle.
379
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:43,779
See, I don't know what
your homiletics professor wants,
380
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,180
but from where I sit,
381
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:48,618
you just being you
382
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:51,948
is pretty dynamic to me.
383
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,015
Thank you, sir.
384
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,392
-That really helps.
-Good.
385
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,727
Oh, just one thing.
386
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,263
And remember,
387
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:06,072
"God helps those
who help themselves."
388
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:09,143
That's actually
Benjamin Franklin.
389
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:13,136
I know that.
Get out, Kyle.
390
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:22,476
Who wants to clean a shotgun?
391
00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:24,922
Go away, Dad.
392
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,554
All right.
393
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,163
I just said go away.
394
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:30,215
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
I thought you said,
395
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,793
"Please come in
'cause you paid for the house."
396
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:37,502
I really don't feel
like talking about it.
397
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,967
Uh, you don't feel like talking
398
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,467
about the fact
that you actually had
399
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:44,398
a great time with your nieces?
400
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,944
Yeah, it was great.
401
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,976
They're just so adorable,
402
00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:51,937
and I...
403
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,351
-I love them.
-Hmm.
404
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,777
How could I let this happen?
405
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,687
Well, it isn't really the fact
that you let it happen.
406
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,189
It actually happened to you.
407
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:04,789
You should have seen us, Dad.
We were laughing
408
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:08,657
and goofing around
and drinking imaginary tea.
409
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,159
I love to do that with them,
but, you know,
410
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:12,704
I sneak a little bourbon
in there.
411
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:15,342
They don't know. And I,
you know, don't let them have it
412
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:17,665
'cause I think
it's against the law.
413
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:21,310
We spun around until
we got dizzy and fell down.
414
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:24,014
I almost threw up.
415
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:26,281
It was awesome.
416
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,119
Did they give you
the greatest line ever?
417
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:30,375
To me, there was,
"Grampy, get up.
418
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:34,217
Are you sleeping, Grampy?
Get up. Get up."
419
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:36,991
They called me "Auntie Eeb."
420
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,156
How cute is that?
421
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,286
They're adorable.
422
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,234
That's how they get to you.
423
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:44,900
You know?
And the next thing you know,
424
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:46,731
you're wearing a necklace
made out of macaroni.
425
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:49,868
I mean,
and then you have to leave.
426
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,569
That was the worst.
427
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,241
I was trying to walk to the car
without crying my eyes out,
428
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:56,811
and I saw them at the door,
giggling and saying,
429
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:00,479
"See ya later, abigator."
430
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:04,679
Yeah, leaving is hard.
431
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,751
Well, it wasn't for you.
I mean, you-you used to leave
432
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:09,424
for Outdoor Man trips
all the time.
433
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:12,256
Just say goodbye,
and that's it. See ya.
434
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:15,502
I mean, I want to be that cold
and unfeeling.
435
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:17,663
No offense.
436
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:21,274
Well, I hate to say it,
but, uh, you are like me.
437
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,401
There's something else.
438
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:25,873
Leaving for those trips
439
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:29,438
was-was the hardest thing
I've ever done.
440
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:34,507
So, it broke your heart
to leave us?
441
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,954
I don't want to talk about it.
442
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:40,923
So, what? That's it?
No helpful advice? Nothing?
443
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:47,026
All I got is
the harder the goodbye,
444
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,556
the sweeter the hello.
445
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,373
So, I'm not weak
446
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,635
for wanting to bawl my eyes out
over two toddlers?
447
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,536
It's hard, isn't it?
448
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,636
I don't want to talk about it.
449
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:05,279
Hey, I just got a text
from Mandy.
450
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,208
Don't worry
about the typos, Mom.
451
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:10,724
-English is basically
her second language.
452
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:11,947
No, she said, uh,
453
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,751
she said the little ladies
are ready for bed,
454
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:17,290
and they want their "Auntie Eeb"
to come read them a story.
455
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,160
-Really? Oh!
Mm-hmm.
456
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:20,762
Okay, I'm there.
457
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,727
Oh, my God, I hope they have
Green Eggs and Ham.
458
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,559
Remember you used to read that
to me, Dad?
459
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,495
-I'll do stuff
with you guys next time, okay?
Yeah.
460
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:31,665
Mm-hmm.
-All right. I promise. Bye.
461
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,605
Well...
462
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,835
Is it wrong
that I hate toddlers
463
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:40,477
because they're taking
my daughter away from me?
464
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:44,679
You okay?
465
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,247
Uh-huh.
466
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,789
You sure?
467
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,485
Uh-huh.
468
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,864
How 'bout we-we crack a beer
469
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:57,103
and-and go sit in your truck
and listen to some oldies?
470
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,796
Uh-uh.
471
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,672
Want to have a tea party?
472
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,006
-With bourbon?
-Oh. Uh-huh.
473
00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,227
Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.
474
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,059
Outdoor lucky man, really.
475
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,400
I have a family filled with
people I actually like to see.
476
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:33,898
Good thing, because there's
always one of them
477
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,543
in my kitchen.
478
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:37,565
But I know
everyone has a twitch
479
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:39,474
at the holidays
when the doorbell rings.
480
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,172
-And you go, "Oh, wow!
481
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,980
"Surprised us this year,
Uncle Ted.
482
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,875
I thought you had passed."
483
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,649
The only good thing
about those visits
484
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,048
is the sweet relief
of them leaving.
485
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,390
"Okay, drive safe.
486
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:54,315
"Or... or not.
487
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:56,591
-Just drive away."
488
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:59,589
A lot of people
hate saying goodbye.
489
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:01,987
What are we avoiding, you know?
490
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,864
the real
sadness of leaving someone
491
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,231
or having someone leave
that we love,
492
00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:10,504
especially when you don't know
if you'll ever see them again.
493
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:14,113
Kind of like saying goodbye
to your favorite TV show.
494
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:15,236
Damn.
495
00:21:15,342 --> 00:21:17,112
Thought I wouldn't get upset.
496
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:18,609
But it's okay.
497
00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:20,111
There's nothing of greater value
498
00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:22,582
than a meaningful connection
with a loved one.
499
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:26,522
And the price we pay for that is
feeling sad when we say goodbye.
500
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,589
Seems worth it to me.
501
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:30,358
I'm sure
you're feeling that right now,
502
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:34,057
knowing this... vlog
is coming to an end.
503
00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,031
Baxter out.
504
00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:37,058
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
505
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,229
and TOYOTA.
506
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,102
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
35092
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