All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S03E12_English

( music playing )

Uh, thanks for another
perfect day, my love.

I know playing tug-of-war
with Bennett's sweater

is sort of a boy-dog game.

Next time we'll play a girl-dog game,
like tug-of-war with Ellen's sweater.

Oh, it's great that you two lovebirds
are having so much fun,

but it's time for Princess to go home.

Avery, let me put this
as calmly and rationally

as I possibly can.

( shouting ) No!

I'm sorry, Stan.

I told Heather we'd have her back by now.

I'll take her to the hole in the fence
between our yards.

Adieu, my love.

I'll bark to you all night long
from Avery's bedroom window.

You won't mind that, right?

Stan, I should buy you
a hat made of shoes,

because you are obviously head over heels!

( laughs and snorts )

Oh, my gosh, I'm turning into Mom.

Aww, look.

I guess being in love is exhausting.

( snoring )

Oh, it's like replacing
the wheels on my bike,

very "tiring." ( chuckles )

Oh, my gosh, am I becoming Mom, too?

Who's becoming me?

Did someone say something charming,

or did they develop
a new muscle in their neck?

Hi, kids.

Groom.

Groom.

What was that?

Oh, it sounded like somebody said
"groom, groom."

It was "vroom, vroom!"

Tyler was teaching me how to drive.

And we're starting
with the sounds a car makes.

Vroom vroom!

( mimicking cars speeding )

Oh, that's the police pulling us over
because Avery started driving too fast.

What can I say, officer?

I've got 400 horses under this hood
and I got to let 'em run free!

Honey, in real life
if you get pulled over, just cry.

I'm so sorry, officer,
it's just the car, the kids,

and my husband is an ogre.

Would you rather I pay the ticket?

Well, the thing is, Ellen,
it's really uncomfortable when you do that

and I'm in the car.

( gasps ) Wow! That was way too close.

Stan, wake up.

Huh, what?

You were sleep talking.
You've never done that before.

This is terrible.

Yeah, Mom and Dad heard you.

If someone finds out you can talk,
you'll be taken away and experimented on.

That's my worst fear.

That, and having a slip-and-fall accident
while I'm alone.

That's why I signed up
for this medical alert service.

( beeps )

JERRY: ( on device ) Stan, are you okay?

Sorry, Jerry, just testing it out.

( beeps )

Don't worry.

I'm sure the sleep talking
was just a one-time thing.

( snores ) Groom.

-Tyler, Stan's secret could get out.
-I know.

And on top of that,
the car is rolling down the street

'cause you didn't put it in park.

( mimicking car crashing )

( beeps )

Jerry, I think
I've just been in an accident!

I've been talking in my sleep,

so from now on, I'm gonna have to avoid
falling asleep in all my usual places

where people can see me.

The house, the patio,

a patch of grass,

during a football game,

at the Rose Bowl.

( theme music playing )

Until we figure out
what's making you sleep talk,

you cannot fall asleep
in front of Mom or Dad.

I hate to say this
but should we get out the crate?

Good idea. We'll crate your parents.

It's not cruel.
They'll feel cozy in there.

Hey, Dad, can I ask you a question
about talking in your sleep?

Why? What did you hear?

Was I talking
about July 9th, 1983 at summer camp?

Because nothing happened.

Not you talking in your sleep,
just sleep talking in general.

You know, as a prominent psychologist,

not as an ex-camper who, and I quote,
"Learned about muskrats the hard way."

So, somniloquy...

Yes, a very interesting topic.

You see, sleep-wake transitions

are controlled by the brain's
reticular activating system.

STAN: Listening to this makes me sleepy.

-( Bennett talking )
-Wow!

What a wake up call!

So what causes sleep talking?

-Well, typically it comes from stress.
-Stress?

Yes, when you can't resolve
something in your waking hours,

you will try to resolve it in your sleep.

STAN: So boring.

...neurotransmitters within the brain.

They release certain touch--

You know what I do to relieve stress?
I pet my dog.

I pet him vigorously.

Well, that does look relaxing.

Hey, let your old man in on that.

STAN: I wonder if it'd bother them to know
I've been rolling around in possum guts.

Eh, they'll figure it out
when they find the tooth.

( music playing )

Do you kids want to go play outside?
I'd like to do my neck exercises.

And it can be a little frightening
for the uninitiated.

( groans )

We can go outside and make dirt friends.

He makes dirt into beautiful human shapes.

Then he names them and makes up
amazing stories about their lives.

And then I smash them.

Let's do something crafty and colorful.

Let's do something we can smash.

I know what's both!

-Pinatas!
-Stained glass windows.

I mean pinatas.

Pinatas it is. I'll help you get set up.

I'm glad your problems are easy to solve.

I still don't know what to get Bennett
for our anniversary.

Last year I just got him
a t-shirt that said

"I'm with my favorite lady,"

but he only wears it when he goes to lunch
with his mother.

( music playing )

Dad said sleep talking
is usually due to stress.

What are you stressed about, Stan?

Nothing. I couldn't be happier.

I have Princess, a loving family,
and movie star good looks.

( ding )

And a piece of glitter on my tooth.

When you were asleep,
you were saying "groom, groom."

I know you hate being groomed,

but maybe you know you need it
and that's causing you stress.

I know how stressed I get
if my hair isn't up to

International Elite Secret
Hair Club standards.

What's International
Elite Secret Hair Club?

Nothing. I've said too much.

Well, if you think it'll get me
to stop sleep talking,

you can groom me.

And I'll try not to put up
a fight this time.

Hey, that wasn't so bad.

It's worth it
to solve your sleep talking problem.

That's easy for you to say.

You don't have a video conference tonight
with the International Elite Secret--

Never mind.

( music playing )

Groom, groom.

Doghouse.

Doghouse?

Oh, just 'cause I finished the ice cream
I'm still in the doghouse?

Hope you enjoyed that Rocky Road
'cause you're on one now.

( yawns ) Good one, Ellen.

Stan, I've been looking for you!

Doghouse.

Who's that?

What?

Oh, Bennett, you have dog breath.

Oh, did you eat kibble?

Tyler, what's going on?

Stan, it's gotten worse.

You're not just sleep talking,
you're sleep walking now.

All right, now get out of here.
There's something important I have to do.

Let's buy Tyler a car.

Tyler doesn't need a car.

-I know.
-Dang it!

( music playing )

Guys, this is serious.

Stan's now sleep walking,

which means he's taking his sleep talking
all over the house.

We know where this could end.

Sleep rodeo.
The most dangerous kind of rodeo.

Stan, your secret
is this close to being found out.

You've never sleep talked
or walked before.

Or sleep rodeo'd.

Right.

So we have to figure out
why you're doing it now to make it stop.

First you said "groom"

and then "doghouse."

What do they mean?

Maybe I want a doghouse.

No, Stan. Sleep talking is like a dream.

Things have deeper meanings.

So "doghouse"
probably doesn't mean doghouse.

Let's say the first one
to figure it out gets a prize.

This isn't a game, Tyler.

She's right.

We need to make it a game.

No. No, no, no. No, no. We need to think.

Why did Stan say "doghouse"?

-"In the doghouse" means being in trouble.
-Good, Tyler.

Yes! I'm on the board! I'm winning!

Still not a game.

Maybe not to you,
but our studio audience is loving it.

-Whoo! Yeah!
-Whoo! Yeah!

All right! Go, Tyler!

Ow!

Stan...

you also said "groom."

A doghouse doesn't have
anything to do with "groom."

Unless you were growling,
and then said "room."

Like "grr-room."

That actually works.

Hey, maybe you're stressed

because you don't have your own room
like everyone else in the family.

Room, doghouse.

Maybe you want a doghouse.

Hey, I said that to begin with!

I win!

Now let's see what you've won.

Oh, please be a boat! Please be a boat!

A bunch of girl clothes!

Yeah, not really my style,

but I guess I can put them in a big pile
and roll around in them.

( laughing )

You're actually doing it?

I thought that was just a joke.

Oh, I don't joke
about rolling around in stuff.

I take that very, very seriously.

I'm done with my pinata.

Me too.

It's Abraham Lincoln.

I'm just gonna smile like I do

when grown-ups say things
that don't make sense.

Well, let's see yours.

What the what?

I was trying to make a lizard,
then I got distracted,

then this happened.

How can you be
so much better than me at this?

I'm better than you at everything.

I'm good at turning stuff
into other stuff.

That reminds me, where's your bathroom?

Hey, how's it going in here? Wow!

Chloe, your pinata is amazing.

It looks exactly like
the Notre Dame cathedral.

Well, actually--

It's so much better
than this lump with the hat.

Poor Mason.

Yeah. Can you believe he made this?

Whoo!

But yours is so wonderful.

I just had a great idea.

Can you make a pinata for me
to give to your Dad for our anniversary?

I want to fill it with breath mints

because I love your father,
but I also like breathing

and last night I almost stopped.

Pinata, huh? How can I say no?

How can I say no? How can I say no?

Hi, Chloe's mom. Do you like my pinata?
I was trying to make a lizard.

Well, it is the best lizard
I've ever seen.

Your mom is lucky she's pretty.

STAN: All right!

A doghouse
that expresses my individuality.

And there's room
for all the clothes I won!

You did not win my clothes, Stan.

And you don't even wear bikinis.

Only when I'm on a yacht with rappers.

Look at me! I'm giant Tyler!

If only I could find a giant comb.

You went out and bought a tiny doll comb
just so you could do that bit?

No. This is my eyebrow comb.

Stan, I just hope
that having your own space

will keep you from being stressed

so that you'll stop
sleep walking and talking.

Don't worry, Avery. I'm sure it will.

( snoring )

Princess.

( music playing )

I sing a song of latte

Pairs nicely with biscotti

The few of the litter...

We've looked everywhere I can think of.

If Stan's not here,
I don't know what else to do.

Why are all these people here?

They're having a spoken-word poetry slam.

I thought poetry was just something
they made up for school.

Like Calculus or English.

Now I ain't got nothin'

Like a doll without stuffin'

Coffee house
Why you gotta change your muffin?

Bring back maple!

There he is!

Oh, no, he's on the stage.

Thanks for coming.
We're gonna take a quick intermission.

We have muffins at the concession stand.

But no maple!

( feedback from mike )

Princess!

Princess...

Charming

Why can't the girl's kiss wake the prince?

Flipping the fairy tale
does not make me wince

Thanks.

Stan, you were sleep walking again.

You spoke in front of everybody
at the Poetry Slam.

Really? Did I bring the knowledge?

You almost gave away
that you're a talking dog.

It's getting worse. You're walking
into public to sleep talk now.

Why can't I be Beauty
and she be the Beast?

Lemons and limes, nickels and dimes

Until my Princess Charming comes

I'll just be here dropping rhymes

All right.

Wow.

This is how you start a movement.

( music playing )

This has to be solved.

Okay, here's what
you've said in your sleep:

"groom," "doghouse," and now "princess."

Wait, I think I know what this means.

If you win a boat, Avery, can I go on it?

I'll wear my bikini!

Think about what you're saying
in your sleep.

I think "groom" is because
Princess is so well-groomed.

She's a show dog. You feel inadequate.

Like you're always in the "doghouse."

Saying "Princess"
is the last piece of the puzzle.

She's the reason
that you've been stressed out.

No, there's nothing wrong with Princess.

Aside from her having
a bad case of the beautifuls.

But I already got it, so we're cool.

Stan, if Princess is the reason
that you're sleep talking,

you have to stay away from her
to protect yourself.

Hey, look, I know that you love her,

but we love you and we don't want
anything to happen to you.

If being with Princess causes that,
is it really worth it?

I do love Princess.
I don't care what it costs me.

I don't even care if you're right.

There's no way I'm staying away from her.

Where were you?

At the Poetry Slam.

I never knew I had so much
to say about feminism.

Those chicks ate it up!

( music playing )

Happy anniversary, honey.
I got you that necklace you ordered,

had gift wrapped, and then put
on my dresser with a note that says

"Give this to me in the morning."

Oh, a necklace!

Thank you so much, honey.

This is so much better
than the barbecue tools

you got me last year on your own.

And I had Chloe make us a pinata!

Oh, honey. That's wonderful.

You got me something
that you didn't spend any money on.

Ta-da!

Wow!

This is incredible!

I-- It looks just like us.

Chloe honey, this is amazing work.

What you are saying is the truth.

You are so talented.

That is also something you were saying.

And it means so much to us

because you made this
with your own two hands.

So many words are happening right now.

What's amazing about it is
how much love she put into it.

Oh, and the amount of hours to do this?

Oh, can you believe it?

I mean, we knew she was a sweet girl,

-but this kind of talent--
-Oh, very talented.

Stop!

I can't take it anymore!

I didn't make your pinata.
Mason did. He's a genius.

Sweetie, why did you feel
the need to take credit

for someone else's work?

Well, Mommy was saying
how good his pinata was,

and how bad mine was and I just...

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to criticize
something you did.

I thought I was making fun
of another child's work behind his back.

Ellen, how could you have said
anything bad

about something
that Chloe made with her own--

Oh, boy.

I mean, sweetie, this is a very good...

It's Abraham Lincoln.

Oh, boy.

Chloe, sweetie, listen.

Not everybody can be good at everything.
And that's okay.

I mean, you are good at so many things.

I guess. And I guess
it's nice that Mason's good at something.

We have to hold our spot
as the third grade's

number two power couple
after Olivia and Gabriel.

She wears pretty dresses
and he'll lick the window for a quarter.

MASON: Help! I'm stuck.

Mason? Where are you?

MASON: I don't know. It's dark in here.

He must be inside the pinata!

Mason, can you breathe in there?

MASON: Only through my nose and mouth.

I know what we're gonna have to do.
And it's gonna be awesome.

I got my pinata stick.

No, no, no, no... You can't do that!

This is a beautiful pinata!

And there's a little boy in there.

We'll have to break it apart carefully.

Help! It's still stuck.

Oh, Mason. Oh, honey.

Mason, we thought you were in the pinata.

This is a symbol of our love.

Thank goodness
we didn't have to smash it open.

You mean like this?

No!

No!

( screams )

No!

No!

( music playing )

Smash!

( Bennett sighs )

You know what,

it doesn't matter
that Pinata Us is destroyed.

Because what we have
is gonna last forever.

Marrying you was the best decision
I ever made.

Oh, Bennett, before I married you,
I always felt like something was missing.

But now I have everything
I could ever want.

STAN: That's it.
I know why I'm sleep talking.

Oh, good, breath mints.

I'm so glad to hear you say that.

After last night, you really need these.

( music playing )

Stan, what's going on?

Jerry called us and said
there was an emergency on the patio.

JERRY: Stan, I'm beginning
to think maybe you're abusing the service.

No, Jerry.
I just really like talking to you.

JERRY: Oh, I really like
talking to you too, Stan.

You know, my girlfriend
just broke up with me and--

-Yeah, that's great. Gotta run.
-( beeps )

Avery, you were right.

My sleep talking is about Princess.

But you were wrong about the other clues.

"Doghouse" means I want
to make a home with her.

"Groom" means I want to marry her.

You want to get married?

Sorry, Tyler, I love Princess.

But dogs don't get married.

Exactly.

The talking, reasoning part of me

wants to take things
to the next level with Princess.

But dogs don't have a next level.

That's what was making me stressed.

But when I saw your parents earlier
talking about their marriage,

it all made sense.

( barks )

Princess, I've decorated the patio
with your favorite toys and treats

because there's something very special
I want to ask you.

I love you and the thought
of not being with you forever

has been too much for me
the last couple days.

Princess,

will you marry me?

She said yes!

-She loves me. We're getting married!
-( Princess barking )

STAN: Well, I'm engaged

and it's the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.

The kids are really excited
about the engagement.

Tyler even performed a poem for us.

Where will they register?

This missus and this mister

A department store with a doggy door

Or are you more fond of
Bed, Bone, and Beyond?

That was "If Dogs Could Get Married"

Sign the petition over by the muffins.

But still no maple!