All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S02E22_English

Hey, Stan.
I'm home from school.

How was your day?

Amazing.

Your mom walked through a huge spider web
with her mouth open in the yard.

She totally freaked.
( screams )

"Spider in my mouth!
Spider in my mouth!"

( laughs )

It wasn't in her mouth.

It was in her hair.

ELLEN: Ah! Ah! Spider in my hair!

Spider in my hair!

Oh, she found it.

And how was your day?

Fantastic!

Today in Bio,
we learned about photosynthesis.

It's how plants make their own food
in their bodies.

Whoa!
Do they make bacon in their bodies?

-You're thinking of a pig.
-I certainly am.

Just every day I learn something new.

And sure, I could just read
or look things up online.

But being there just makes it come alive.

So, it's like the difference
between

reading a play
and going to the theater.

Yes, Stan. Exactly.

Well, what's that like?
'Cause I've never done either of those.

It's like school.

Wow!

Stan: Avery makes school
sound so exciting.

Too bad the rules say dogs can't go.

Good thing the rules don't apply to a dog
with a back-to-school outfit.

Just your typical middle school student,

cruising in a little late
'cause he chased the wrong bus.

Who can give an example
of symbolism in the novel?

Anyone who hasn't answered
the last 10 questions?

Come on, anyone?

Cassidy, Cole,

Dan, Lindsay, Max,

Jack, Ben,

dog, Leslie, Sarah?

Anyone know the answer?

And anyone know
why there's a dog in my class?

Oh, I know the answer to that.

I am so sorry, Mr. Starr.
This is my dog.

And I know what you're thinking.

Of course, it's Avery's dog.
He was raising his paw.

Sorry about that.

Imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery.

Who were you imitating?

No one.
I'll get him out of here.

Too bad it's just Avery's dog
in street clothes.

I was hoping the school
finally had a teen wolf.

Another disappointment.

Without a teen wolf, our basketball team
will never win the playoffs.

Talk about disappointment.

( theme music playing )

Hey, sweetie.
Do you want a snack?

I want a boyfriend.

How about a fruit leather?

Tyler has a girlfriend,
Avery had a boyfriend,

now I want one.

Sweetheart, I think
you're a little young for a boyfriend.

Besides,
when I was a girl

and decided
I wanted a boyfriend,

it took me two years
to finally get one.

You can't just say
you want a boyfriend and go out

and get a boyfriend
just like that.

How'd you get a boyfriend just like that?

Well, nice to meet you, young man.

So, boyfriend, huh?

It was a little weird
the first time I heard it, too,

but you get used to it.

But just like that, Chloe?
Walk me through it.

You just asked him and he said yes?

I didn't ask him, I told him.

"Mason, you're my boyfriend."

And then I gave him one of these.
( clicks tongue )

I should have tried that.

Plus, she gave me
cutsies in the lunch line,

so I kind of owed her.

Front cutsies.

These are all really good pointers.

Ellen, you do realize
you're never going to be dating again?

Particularly as a second grader?

I know, I know.

It's just fun to think about in an aching,

unresolved past issues kind of way.

-Let me fix you kids a snack.
-Ehh, you sit down and relax.

-I'll do it.
-Thank you. That's so gallant.

I'm gonna go put my backpack away.

-You sit down and relax.
-I'll do it.

Thank you. That's so gallant.

What's "gallant"?

It's considerate and respectful.

Oh, he's supes gallant.

Hey, how'd I end up back in here?

Come on, let's go play.

He's so cute.

Do you think he's the one?

Honey, they're just modeling our behavior.

It's perfectly normal childhood
role-playing. It doesn't mean anything.

So, did you have a girlfriend
in second grade?

Oh, yeah. In fact, she gave me
front cutsies in the lunch line.

How does everyone know about this but me?

Avery, I'm sorry about
sneaking into your class.

But I learned so much.

Mostly by sniffing all of the students.

Did you know a lot of the kids
in your class are night bathers?

Whew!

I'm sorry you can't go to school, Stan.

I know how I'd feel
if I couldn't go to school.

Although there's no way
they could keep me out.

I'd tunnel, I'd skydive,
I'd--

I'd learn French foot fighting
and kick my way in.

That's weird.
I spend a lot of my time figuring out

how not to go to school,
though I wouldn't mind

if it was to learn French foot fighting,
'cause that sounds awesome.

Hey, you know what?

There was this kid last year, Andy,

who was stuck at home
with two broken legs.

-Did he do it French foot fighting?
-No.

Maybe. I don't know.

The point is he had a robot
that filled in for him

while his legs were broken.

-So, the robot did all his fighting?
-No.

Maybe. No!

It went to school for the kid.

He interacted through a tablet computer
that was attached to the robot.

It was like Andy was really at school
doing all the work himself.

So it was a nerd robot
who was afraid to fight.

Stan, if we can get
that robot from school,

I can enroll you
and we can go to school together.

I'll get to share
my favorite thing, school,

with you, my best friend.

-That sounds great.
-Yeah!

-We can have snacks together.
-I love snacks.

-We can walk to class together.
-I love walks.

-We can meet up and study together.
-I love meat!

Please, please, please,
Avery, get me that robot.

I want it more than anything.

Except maybe a custom closet remodel.

Half of my suits are folded.
What am I, a farmer?

We'll just have to make up some story

about why you can't physically
be at school.

We could say your parents
are astrophysicists

in Antarctica
and they're studying gamma ray bursts

and you can't go to school there
because there are no schools.

Great idea.
Where did that come from?

Like I said, I spend a lot of time
figuring out how to get out of school.

Just couldn't figure out how to get
Mom and Dad to be astrophysicists.

No matter how much I hinted.

So...

...stars are pretty interesting, huh?

You okay in there, Stan?

This shoe bin is the perfect place
to control the robot from.

I'm at school and surrounded by old shoes.

It's like a dream come true.

Luckily not the dream where
I show up with no pants on.

Oh, no!

I still think it'd be safer

for you to control the robot from home.

No way. I want to be at school
so I'm closer to you.

The whole point is that
we're sharing this, right?

Plus, I'd get way too distracted at home.

Your mom's been learning Swedish.

( speaking in foreign language )

My gums bleed when I brush my teeth.

-Why is she--
-Not flossing regularly?

Yeah, I wondered that, too.

So we ready for my big entrance?

Let me turn this thing on.

( upbeat music playing )

Stan.

Very cool music.
First day of school

and you're really making your mark.

Nice entrance, Stan.
Now let's introduce you to everybody.

Where'd you get the picture of this kid?

He's one of my BMX buddies.
He goes to another school.

I bought him some mint ice cream
in exchange for taking his picture.

Kind of sad.
Still eats ice cream like a 5-year-old.

You do not want to see
what he does with pudding.

I said you didn't want to see it.

Sorry, sorry.

Oh, no, did Andy break his legs again?

That kid's got to stop trying to jump off
the top bunk into his pants.

Oh, no, this is the new virtual student.

He lives with his parents
at a research station

in Antarctica.

Oh, so you're distant and cold.

I'm Max.

Hi. I'm Lindsay.

Stan: I'm Stan.

Stan, uh, Shoe Bin.

Stan Shubin.

Yeah, that sounds like a name
and not just a hiding place.

(music resumes)

(confetti bursts)

Normally I don't go for showboats,

but this Shubin kid
is just the right amount of wrong.

So Romeo and Juliet,
much like my life, is a tragedy,

although Romeo and Juliet never lived
in their more successful brother's garage.

I'm really pulling for him
for Teacher of the Year.

This is his time.

Is this brother's garage thing
gonna be on the test?

Yes.

Isn't this great, Stan?

We're gonna spend the next hour
learning about Romeo and Juliet

and then you and I can continue
the discussion on our own time.

Stan: Yes! Finally
I get to do this with you.

Let the excitement begin.

And then Juliet said: "Wilt thou be gone?

"It is not yet near day.

"It was the nightingale and not the lark

"that pierced the fearful
hollow of thine ear."

This is so moving.

I'm crying.
Aren't you?

( Stan snores )

Stan!
No sleeping in class.

What?
I wasn't asleep.

Maybe I'm just hungry.

Is it okay if I get a snack?

( munching )

No eating in class, Mr. Shubin,
unless you brought enough for everyone.

Shoot, I broke the tip of this one.

Here, I'll sharpen it for you.

Thanks. So gallant.

I'm really glad you
told me I'm your boyfriend

and then gave me one of these.
( clicks tongue )

I'll go get us some snacks.

But I should warn you,
I'm a terrible cook.

Bennett, I appreciate
that you're doing the dishes,

but you're getting water everywhere.

-What are you, seven?
-I'm just trying to help.

By making more work for me?
It's like you don't care.

I don't, yet I'm still doing it,
which makes me really special.

And I'm the one stuck
cleaning up your special mess.

But it's fine, it's fine.

I sharpened all the crayons
so they're nice and pointy,

like you like them.

Mason, there are shavings everywhere.

What are you, seven?

Next month.

And look at your pants.

There's crayon all over them.

It's like you don't care!

But it makes them colorful.

I have rainbow pants.

I thought you'd like that.

But I'm the one stuck
cleaning up your rainbow mess.

But it's fine, it's fine.

That's good, that's good.

No, it's not good.
We're fighting.

Is it about my pants?

I don't understand.

I don't understand either,
but this is what's happening!

Tyler, I do not like school.

Avery made it sound so exciting,
but it's just not for me.

I'm a dog,
I want to take naps,

and have yard time and catch frisbees.

That sounds awesome.

Maybe I'm a dog, too.

What do I do about Avery?

She's so excited
about our doing this together.

Just tell her.
She'll understand.

She knows no one else loves
school the way she does.

Stan, it means so much to me
to finally have someone else

who loves school the way I do.

Yeah, about that,
there's something I have to tell you.

I signed us up to do
the history project together.

Oh, this is going to be
so amazing for our friendship.

I don't really share a love of school
with Max and Lindsay.

It's so great this can be our thing.

So, what was it
you were going to tell me?

Uh, how great it is
that we share our love of school.

We are totally on the same wavelength.

I'm gonna go right now
and start thinking about--

-Lunch meats.
-Ideas for the project.

So, did you tell
Avery school's not for you?

I couldn't.
She was too excited about

how this was going to be
so great for our friendship.

Well, if you're stuck here, do what I do.
Make the best of it.

Well, I guess school's better than
sitting at home hanging out with your mom.

( laughter )

-Good one, Shubin.
-Yeah, it was.

Bam!

Stand back while I do a little of this.

All: Whoa!

( Stan chuckles )

Well, I better get to Bio.

Hey, some of us
are in the same class.

We can all sit in the back
and make fun of everything together.

-You mean we don't have to learn?
-( all laughing )

You are on a roll, Shubin.

Yeah, I was like "You mean
we don't have to learn?"

( chuckling ) Oh, man.

Tyler!
Stan loves school.

Don't try to corrupt him
and turn him into a slacker like you.

I'm not a slacker.
I have a goal.

To own a food truck someday.

So I focus on the things that matter.

Hanging with friends
to develop social skills,

and lunch to develop lunch skills.

I don't need to know
who invaded Iceland in 1940.

-England.
-Or who discovered sun spots.

-Galileo.
-Or what's the capital of Bulgaria.

Sofia.

England. Galileo.

Sofia. Thanks.

My point is, what's going
on between you and Stan

has nothing to do with me.

Really.
You should talk to him.

I'm not trying to teach him how to live
or what's atomic number five...

-...on the periodic table.
-Boron.

Hey, I know we don't see
eye to eye on this school thing,

but that's no reason for name calling.

You're a boron.

Stan, you were supposed
to be home hours ago

to work on our project.

Sorry, I got caught up in something.

Tyler and I were hanging out
with the Skateboard Club.

( heavy music playing )

You got this, Shubin.

-( crash )
-( sparks crackling )

I'm good.

( all cheering )

The last couple of days,

every time we're supposed
to work on this assignment,

you always have an excuse not to.

You're right.
After the pep rally tonight,

we'll really buckle down.

No, it's due tomorrow.

We can't go to the pep rally.
We have too much to do.

This does mean as much to you
as it does to me, doesn't it?

Yes, of course.

This is the thing we have in common.

We'll skip the pep rally

and work all night
or my name isn't Stan Shubin.

-It's not.
-Right, right.

Sorry, I've been confused
since I took that spill on my skateboard.

-You didn't take the spill.
-I told you I've been confused.

Okay, Stan.
You wait here.

I've got to get some poster board
for the project,

but when I get home,
we'll get to work.

Yes, good, looking forward to it.

-Okay, Stan. You ready for the rally?
-Totally. Let's get out of here.

Daddy, can you help me?

Mason doesn't want to be
my boyfriend anymore.

Doesn't want to be your boyfriend?

Did your mother give you
relationship advice?

-No.
-Okay. Then maybe there's a chance.

What happened?

Well, I was the one stuck
cleaning up his mess.

It's like he doesn't care!

But it's fine, it's fine.

Chloe, did you overhear
Mommy and me arguing?

Yes. I hear lots of things
you talk about.

Did you ever think
if you put the ceiling fan in,

she'll stop nagging you?

Stan, I'm home.

Stan.

Stan?

( all cheering )

( all chanting ) Shubin!

Shubin! Shubin!

This is so awesome, Stan.

Why aren't you over there?
I thought you liked him.

I just liked him for his telescoping neck.

He doesn't have
a telescoping neck.

I know that now.

I was just projecting onto him
what I wanted him to be.

What's Mason doing here?
I thought he broke up with Chloe.

And how could he do something like that?
I'm beginning to think he's not the one.

Honey, they were just fighting
because they saw us fighting.

Chloe!

I invited Mason over
so that they could see us

apologize and learn from our good example.

-What's up, Daddy?
-What's she doing here?

I live here.

You see what I'm dealing with?

Guys, I know that you saw us
having a little disagreement,

but what you didn't see
was the part where we made up.

So...

So...

So, Chloe's mommy has something
she wants to say to me.

I thought you were gonna start.

Hey, there's a picture of you.

I live here.

We have to pretend to apologize,

even if we don't mean it.

Fine.

Bennett, I'm sorry I criticized

the way you did the dishes.

And, Ellen, I am sorry for making a mess

for you to clean up.

I was just trying to help out

because I know how much
you do around here.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Aw, I'm sorry for jumping on you
when you were just trying to help out.

I'm sorry for not chipping
in more around the house.

Aw.

Does that mean you're going
to start chipping in more

or you're just sorry
that you don't?

We'll talk later.

Mason, I'm sorry for yelling at you
about the crayons.

Chloe, I'm sorry, too,

even though I don't know
what I did wrong.

Better get used to that, buddy.

-What's your backpack doing here?
-I live here!

There you are.

Max and Lindsay texted me
all about how Stan Shubin

was showing off at the rally
by the shoe bin.

And how has no one made that connection?

Oh, you mean the sneaker box?

Stan bailed on our project tonight.

I just can't believe
you took him there

after I specifically
asked you to stay out of this.

First, when have I ever done anything
you specifically asked me to do?

And second, I did stay out of it.
He wanted to go.

Hey, I guess I did something
you specifically asked me to do.

This is a big day for you.

Wait, where's Stan?

I'm right here.

No, that's Shubin.

I want to talk to Stan.

Stan's a little afraid
to talk to you right now.

Stan, I'm so mad at you.

Now you're making me more nervous.

Man, hitting all the wrong buttons.

Huh, that must be in there
from the last time

a cow couldn't go to school.

Ding dong.

Who's there? Who's there?
Who's--

Ah, you doorbelled me.

Nice.

Stan, you went to the rally tonight.

You knew how much working together
on our project meant to me.

It was something we were gonna share.

I tried, but I just don't care
about school the way you do.

I'm a dog.

I want to take naps and have yard time

and sniff your mom's left ankle
every day

for no reason
until she developed a complex.

( chuckles )
She made a doctor's appointment.

Oh, my gosh.

I blamed Tyler for putting the pressure
on you to slack off,

but I was the one putting pressure
on you to be like me.

I'm so sorry.

But if you felt that way,
why didn't you say anything?

Seeing how excited you were
about us having school in common

made me realize that our personalities
and interests are so different.

We don't really have anything in common.

That's what this is about?

What if our friendship
isn't really based on anything?

I guess I was trying to run away
from having to face that.

Stan, our friendship is based on the fact

that we love each other,

and are always there for each other.

That's all that matters.

It is?

Isn't it all that matters to you?

It is.

I love you, Avery.

I love you, too, Stan.

Hey, Shubin's giving us the side-eye.

Who's controlling it?

( intense music )

( both screaming )

Good work, Shubin.

( screams )

After we discovered that our neighbor
Mr. Trummer's TV remote

operated on the same frequency
as the robot,

we were no longer afraid
to go back in the house.

And it turns out that my going to school

did bring Avery and me closer together,

just not in the way either
of us thought it would.

And I'm back to my naps
and my yard time

and my fun with Ellen.

But, Doctor Landers, what do
you mean the tests show nothing?

There has to be something.

Why else would the dog
be sniffing that one spot?

I've been sniffing it, too,
and it does smell sick.

( sniffing )

Tomorrow, I start barking at it.

( music playing )

( boing )