All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S02E07_English

HEY, AVERY, CHECK THIS OUT.

I GOT YOUR MOM THIS LAST-MINUTE
CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR TOMORROW.

IT'S A PHONE CASE FLY ZAPPER.

THIS PART HERE ZAPS THE FLIES.

GOOD IDEA. GIVE MOM A CHEAP,
UNROMANTIC GIFT

THAT SHE CAN LITERALLY ZAP YOU WITH.

PLUS, KNOWING YOUR MOTHER,
SHE'D HOLD IT BACKWARDS AND ZAP HERSELF.

-( zapping )
-AH! OH!

WOW, THIS IS A REALLY BAD INVENTION.
WHO WOULD BUY THIS?

OH.

HEY, HON.

HEY, WHAT'S WRONG?

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE.
IT'S--IT'S MY SISTER.

OH, NO. DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO HER?

APPARENTLY SHE WAS ON THE FIRST LEG
OF HER HOLIDAY TRIP AND...

I CAN'T EVEN SAY IT.

WHAT HAPPENED?

HER CONNECTING FLIGHT TO HAWAII
HAS BEEN DELAYED SIX HOURS,

SO SHE WANTS TO COME VISIT.

OH, MY GOSH.

-ELLEN, I AM SO SORRY.
-MMM.

LISTEN, WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS SOMEHOW.

YOU ALWAYS THINK
SHE'S GONNA VISIT SOMEBODY ELSE...

NEVER YOU.

-YEAH.
-WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT AUNT SIGOURNEY?

-I BARELY KNOW HER.
-I'VE KIND OF MADE AN EFFORT

TO KEEP HER OUT OF MY LIFE.

HAVE YOU EVER KNOWN ANYONE WHO WAS JUST
BETTER THAN YOU AT EVERYTHING?

NO. HONESTLY, IT'S HARD TO EVEN PICTURE.

IT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD IF SHE WEREN'T
SO SNARKY ABOUT IT.

THE FIRST TIME SHE SAW YOU,

SHE SAID YOU LOOKED LIKE
A CAPUCHIN MONKEY.

I HAD TO PROTECT YOU FROM HEARING THAT.

AND YET YOU DIDN'T.

HER LIFE IS JUST SO TOGETHER AND PERFECT,

ESPECIALLY COMPARED TO HER
PLAIN, OLD, ORDINARY BIG SISTER.

NO ONE'S GONNA JUMP IN
AND SAY, "YOU'RE NOT PLAIN AND ORDINARY"?

-OH, YOU'RE NOT PLAIN.
-YOU'RE NOT ORDINARY.

TOO LATE!

EVERY TIME WE SEE EACH OTHER,
SHE ZEROES IN ON HOW

I'M A BAD HOUSEKEEPER,

UNSOPHISTICATED,

UNWORLDLY.

JUMP IN ANY TIME.

I'M PURPOSELY SPEAKING SLOWLY
TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE.

-YOU'RE NOT WORLDLY.
-THE HOUSE IS A LITTLE CLUTTERED.

TOO LATE!

THE POINT IS... SHE PICKS ON EVERYTHING
THAT'S WRONG WITH ME UNTIL I CRY.

IT'S LIKE A SPORT TO HER,
AND MAKING ME CRY IS HOW SHE WINS.

AND NOW SHE'LL BE VISITING US,
AND THAT LEAVES ME ONE OPTION!

THAT'S RIGHT!
YOU CAN RESOLVE THAT THIS YEAR,

YOU ARE NOT GONNA LET HER GET TO YOU!

YOU ARE GONNA BE PROUD
OF YOUR LIFE AND WHO YOU ARE.

OKAY, I HAVE TWO OPTIONS.

AND YOURS IS PROBABLY
SETTING A BETTER EXAMPLE

THAN JUMPING IN THE CAR AND DRIVING
TILL I RUN OUT OF GAS.

EVEN IF YOU HAD JUMPED IN THE CAR,
YOU COULD'VE STOPPED FOR GAS.

-THAT'S NOT THE POINT. THE POINT--
-THERE'S LIKE A DOZEN STATIONS--

MOM!

MAYBE THIS YEAR CAN BE DIFFERENT.

MAYBE THIS YEAR,
YOU WON'T CRY AND YOU CAN WIN.

IT'S NOT ABOUT TRYING TO WIN.

IT'S ABOUT ACCEPTING
THAT FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS--

QUIET, BENNET.
AVERY'S TELLING ME I CAN WIN.

AND HOW EXACTLY WOULD THAT WORK, SWEETIE?

YOU CAN GET THROUGH THE FEW HOURS
THAT SHE'S HERE WITHOUT CRYING.

I MEAN, IT WOULD BE LIKE A MARATHONER
FINISHING A RACE.

LIKE A BOXER GOING THE DISTANCE.

BUT I DON'T LIKE RUNNING, PUNCHING,
OR BEING CRITICIZED BY MY SISTER.

THEY ALL MAKE ME CRY.

THEN WE WON'T GIVE HER
ANYTHING TO CRITICIZE.

SHE'LL SEE US HAVING A PERFECT CHRISTMAS.

I CAN HELP YOU PULL THIS OFF, MOM.
IT'LL BE MY CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU.

OH, THANK YOU AVERY. THAT'S SO SWEET.

IT IS SWEETER THAN THE HUG BUCKS
I GET EVERY YEAR FROM TYLER.

MOM, WE CAN DO THIS.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS MAKE SURE THAT
THERE ARE NO SURPRISES.

COME ON IN, SPARKY.
I COULDN'T LET A STRAY,

HIGH-STRUNG, UNTRAINED DOG
SPEND CHRISTMAS OUT ON THE STREET.

Stan: SO, SPARKY IS HERE FOR CHRISTMAS.

MY FIRST CHRISTMAS HERE
LAST YEAR MEANT SO MUCH TO ME.

I JUST WANT TO GIVE THAT GIFT
TO SOMEONE ELSE.

OKAY, SPARKY. NOW PRESS SEND.

ARE YOU NOT DOING IT
BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND,

OR BECAUSE YOU DON'T THINK
IT'S GOOD ENOUGH?

DELETE. WELL, THAT COULDN'T BE CLEARER.

OR MORE HURTFUL.

( theme music playing )

COME ON, PEOPLE.

AUNT SIGOURNEY WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE
AND WE'VE GOT A LOT TO DO

TO MAKE CHRISTMAS LOOK PERFECT.

NO, CHLOE, YOUR HOMEMADE
HOT DOG ORNAMENT IS EXTRA-SPECIAL,

SO IT GOES ON THE BACK OF
THE TREE SO IT WON'T BREAK.

THAT'S BELIEVABLE.

SOME FOURTH-GRADERS
ARE TEACHING ME SARCASM.

IT'S WHERE YOU SAY ONE THING
BUT MEAN THE OPPOSITE.

YOU ARE SUCH A SMART GIRL.

THAT MEANS A LOT COMING FROM YOU.

CHLOE!

NO, I REALLY MEANT THAT.

WOW, SARCASM REALLY HAS A HOLD OF ME.

TYLER, WHAT ARE CHLOE'S DOLLS
DOING IN SANTA'S VILLAGE?

BECAUSE THE SANTA
I BELIEVE IN IS A PLAYER.

HE KNOWS WHO'S NAUGHTY OR NICE.

ALL RIGHT. FOR THE NEXT TWO HOURS,

I NEED TO STOP HAVING TO
GIVE REASONS FOR THINGS.

WHATEVER IT IS, JUST TRUST THAT
I THOUGHT IT THROUGH AND THAT I'M RIGHT.

-HOW IS THAT DIFFERENT FROM ANY OTHER DAY?
-IT SHOULDN'T BE.

AND IF THAT'S GONNA BE YOUR ATTITUDE,
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE A PART OF THIS.

OOH, I CAN'T HELP DECORATE FOR CHRISTMAS?

I CAN'T FUSS OVER
WHAT ORNAMENT GOES WHERE?

THIS IS A TEENAGE BOY'S WORST NIGHTMARE!

AVERY, TYLER'S REALLY UPSET.

NO, HE ISN'T.
I THOUGHT YOU LEARNED SARCASM.

I JUST SPEAK IT. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

OKAY, AUNT SIGOURNEY'S
GOING TO BE HERE SOON.

I JUST NEED SOME WAY TO
SNAP MYSELF OUT OF IT IF I START TO CRY.

OH, I COULD STEP ON MY FOOT.

( music starts playing )

WHAT IS THAT?

I ACCIDENTALLY ACTIVATED
MY GOOD KING WENCES-SOCKS.

( laughing )

OKAY, IF YOU DON'T
WANT HER TO CRITICIZE YOU,

TAKE THOSE OFF IMMEDIATELY.

AND IF YOU WANT TO
SNAP YOURSELF OUT OF CRYING,

TRY THE GIFT DAD GOT YOU.

WHAT DOES THIS DO?
AAH! OOH, THAT'LL DO NICELY.

SO THAT'S THE BATHROOM.

ALTHOUGH FOR SOME REASON
THE PEOPLE ALL GO INSIDE THE HOUSE.

WHAT ANIMALS.

DID YOU JUST TRACK MUD IN HERE?

WELL, THAT IS NOT GONNA HELP ME
GET THE KIDS ON BOARD.

YOU BETTER WAIT HERE
WHILE I TELL THEM ABOUT YOU.

PRACTICE LOOKING CUTE.

THAT'S NOT BAD,
BUT YOU GOTTA WORK WITH YOUR PAWS.

YOU'RE LEAVING A LOT OF CUTE ON THE TABLE.

THUSLY.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, THE GINGERBREAD ORNAMENT
IS NOT MADE OF GINGERBREAD.

I HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING,
BUT I HAVE A FEELING

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
LEARN THAT LESSON FOR MYSELF.

LISTEN, THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANT TO TELL YOU GUYS--

THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU, TOO.

AUNT SIGOURNEY'S COMING OVER

AND AVERY'S ON ONE OF HER CRAZY MISSIONS
TO MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT.

LIKE I'M NOT ALREADY PERFECT.

STILL NOT GINGERBREAD, BUT IT'S SOFTENING.

ANYWAY, YOU MAY WANT TO
STEER CLEAR OF AVERY

WITH ANY OF YOUR LITTLE DOGGY SURPRISES.

WHOA. WAIT A MINUTE.
ARE YOU SAYING NO LITTLE SURPRISES

FROM ME AS A DOGGY,
OR NO SURPRISES INVOLVING A LITTLE DOGGY?

'CAUSE THOSE ARE
TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS.

BOTH, AND WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

( laughing ) WHO KNOWS?

I JUST GOT INTO SOME WEIRD TRASH OUT BACK.
I'M A LITTLE LOOPY.

( makes loopy sounds )

OKAY, NEW PLAN: WE HIDE YOU OUT HERE
IN THE COAT CLOSET

UNTIL AUNT SIGOURNEY'S GONE.

BUT DON'T WORRY,
WE'LL MAKE IT NICE AND CHRISTMASSY.

-( music starts playing )
-Stan: VOILA!

YOU WANT TO SING SOME CAROLS?

♪ DECK THE HALL CLOSET
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪

♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA ET-CET-ER-A ♪

OH, I'M SORRY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE ASSUMED.

( music changes )

♪ O HANUKKAH, OH HANUKKAH ♪

♪ THIS SOUNDS JUST LIKE "O TANNEMBAUM." ♪

WE'RE HOME!

Stan: AUNT SIGOURNEY.

HYPER-CRITICAL, INSENSITIVE,
AND BETTER THAN YOU.

AND THAT'S FROM HER ONLINE DATING PROFILE.

SO I SAID TO THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT,
"I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE PREGNANT.

WADDLE BACK TO THE GALLEY
AND WARM UP MY COOKIE."

-ANYONE?
-AND THEN, OF COURSE, SHE STARTS CRYING,

WHICH MADE HER EVEN SLOWER.

PLEASE?

-SIG!
-HI!

-YOU LOOK GREAT.
-AND YOU... LOOK AT YOU!

-AUNT SIGOURNEY, HI.
-HI.

MONKEY!

ISN'T MY MOM'S OUTFIT GREAT?
IT'S JUST LIKE YOURS.

OH, THE KNOCK-OFFS ARE OUT ALREADY?

OOH, THAT'S THE STUFF.

YOU KNOW, I SHOULD
REALLY TAKE OFF MY SHOES.

OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE FLOOR.

I'M NOT, I'M WORRIED ABOUT MY SHOES.

( yells )

-ARE YOU OKAY?
-OH!

I SLIPPED IN SOME MUD.

IT WAS MY OWN FAULT.

FOR ASSUMING THERE WOULDN'T BE MUD
ON YOUR KITCHEN FLOOR.

BUT DON'T WORRY.

I'M SURE YOU'RE FAR MORE
HUMILIATED THAN I AM HURT.

( zapper buzzing )

IF SHE LEAVES NOW
AND I DIDN'T CRY, I WIN, RIGHT?

YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY?
BENNETT COULD DRIVE YOU

TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM
AND THEN OFF TO THE AIRPORT.

PLEASE DON'T MAKE HIM.

OH, I KNOW THAT FEELING.
WHEN MY BACK GOES OUT LIKE THIS,

MY DOCTOR SAYS THAT I SHOULD
STAY OFF MY FEET.

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CANCEL HAWAII

AND SPEND THE NEXT THREE DAYS HERE.

( laughing )

MAN, THIS THING DRAINS YOUR BATTERY.

SEE, SIGOURNEY? I PUT THIS ON WHEELS
SO WE CAN PUSH YOU AROUND.

I MADE THIS JUST FOR YOU.

IT'S MORE THAN JUST A GURNEY,
IT'S A "SIG-GURNEY."

YOU'RE FUNNY. THAT MUST BE WHY
YOU AND ELLEN GET ALONG SO WELL.

SHE'S ALWAYS HAD THE SENSE OF HUMOR.

WELL, SHE HAD TO
BECAUSE I HAD THE LOOKS AND THE BRAINS.

( groaning )

NOPE, STILL CHARGING.

AVERY, CAN I SPEAK TO YOU
OUTSIDE FOR A MOMENT?

I CAN'T DO THIS. I WAS MENTALLY PREPARED

NOT TO CRY FOR A FEW HOURS,
NOT THREE DAYS.

THERE'S SOMETHING
I'VE BEEN HIDING FROM YOU...

I CAN BE A LITTLE EMOTIONAL.

YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN HIDING THAT? WOW.

I CAN'T HOLD IT TOGETHER
FOR THREE DAYS, AVERY.

YOU SAW HOW SHE WAS IN THERE.
PUSHING MY BUTTONS,

AND THEN ADDING INSULT TO INJURY

BY SLIPPING IN THE MUD ON MY FLOOR.

I'M SURE STAN TRACKED THAT INTO THE HOUSE.

I'LL MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T
MESS ANYTHING ELSE UP.

I TOLD YOU MY PRESENT
IS TO MAKE THINGS SO GREAT

SHE'LL HAVE NOTHING TO CRITICIZE,
AND YOU WON'T CRY.

COME ON, SAY IT WITH ME: WE WILL WIN.

-WE WILL WIN.
-COME ON!

SAY IT WITH ALL THAT
EMOTION YOU'RE FULL OF.

-YEAH, THE EMOTION IS USUALLY NEGATIVE.
-MOM!

Both: WE WILL WIN! WE WILL WIN!

WE WILL WIN!

( muffled ) WE WILL WIN! WE WILL WIN!

HOW CAN THEY BE CELEBRATING
WHEN I'M IN HERE INJURED?

IT MAY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE HAVING FUN,
BUT THOSE ARE JUMPS OF CONCERN.

OH, SPLIT-LEVEL DOGHOUSE.

YEAH, THAT'S EXPENSIVE.

BUT I COULD RENT OUT THE SECOND STORY.

HE'S IN HERE.

AVERY SENT US TO TALK TO YOU.

WHAT HAPPENED? I TOLD YOU
AUNT SIGOURNEY WAS COMING

AND WE NEEDED EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT.

THEN YOU TRACKED MUD IN THE HOUSE!

THAT'S RIGHT I DID IT. NOBODY ELSE DID IT.

NO OTHER DOG IN THIS HOUSE.
I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY.

THERE'S A SMALL DOG
LICKING MY HAUNCHES, ISN'T THERE?

HE'S SO CUTE.

WHERE DID HE COME FROM?

I TOOK IN A STRAY FOR CHRISTMAS
AND HE GOT OUT.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, LITTLE GUY?

Stan: ( high-pitched ) MY NAME'S SPARKY.

( normal voice ) NAW, NAW,
I'M JUST KIDDING, HE DOESN'T TALK.

LOOK, I'M SORRY HE TRACKED IN THE MUD,
BUT PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT HIM.

THEY'LL NEVER LET HIM STAY WITH THIS WHOLE
AUNT SIGOURNEY THING GOING ON.

WE CAN'T PUT HIM OUT ALONE ON CHRISTMAS.

THEN I GUESS WE HAVE TO KEEP
SPARKY A SECRET.

IT SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD
FOR THE THREE OF US

TO KEEP AN EYE ON ONE LITTLE--

-SERIOUSLY?
-DON'T FEEL BAD.

I'VE LOST TONS OF LIZARDS
AND RATS AND SNAKES IN THIS HOUSE.

-WHAT?
-WHAT?

MMM. MOM, THE COOKIES TASTE GREAT,
EVERYTHING LOOKS PERFECT.

AUNT SIGOURNEY WILL HAVE
NOTHING TO CRITICIZE.

YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH WITHOUT CRYING.

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL
YOU HELPING ME LIKE THIS.

TEARS OF JOY STILL COUNT.

HERE, IT'S FULLY CHARGED.

-( zapper buzzes )
-OOH, YOU UPPED THE JUICE.

HEY, DAD, WHY DON'T YOU BRING
AUNT SIGOURNEY IN HERE

TO ENJOY THE WONDERFUL
CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS?

Sigourney: SO HE KEPT BEGGING,
"YOU'RE THE MOST FASCINATING,

"BEAUTIFUL GIRL THAT I'VE EVER MET.

WOULD YOU GO TO THIS
THING WITH ME TONIGHT?"

UNTIL FINALLY I SAID YES.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?

I WAS JUST TELLING HIM
ABOUT THE NIGHT THAT

YOUR PROM DATE CAME TO PICK YOU UP.

HMM. SO, AUNT SIGOURNEY,
DO YOU LIKE THE WAY

MY MOM DECORATED FOR CHRISTMAS?
IT'S PRETTY PERFECT, HUH?

IT'S VERY NICE.

WAY TO GO, MOM, YOU JUST WENT TO HER PROM!

I ACTUALLY DID, I CHAPERONED.

HERE, AUNT SIGOURNEY,
TRY ONE OF THESE CHRISTMAS COOKIES.

MY MOM MADE THEM.

YES, YES, I DID. I TOTALLY MADE THEM.

-WHAT KIND ARE THEY?
-CHOCOLATE.

GINGER... WAFER... SNAP... DOODLES...

I SAW SPARKY COME THIS WAY.

WE GOTTA FIND HIM BEFORE THEY DO
OR THEY'LL KICK HIM OUT.

GUYS, WE'VE BEEN ENTERTAINING
AUNT SIGOURNEY. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

LOOKING FOR THE LITTLE DOG.
OUR LITTLE DOG. STAN.

I CALLED HIM LITTLE 'CAUSE I'M PRACTICING
FOR WHEN I GET BIGGER.

I AM GONNA GROW.

SHE'S NOT GETTING ANY SMALLER,
THAT'S FOR SURE.

SIG, YOU REMEMBER
THE KIDS FROM THE WEDDING.

TAYLOR, CLEO, HELLO.

THOSE AREN'T OUR NAMES.

THEN NO, NO. I DON'T REMEMBER THEM.

SPARKY!

WHAT? HAS MY SHOE BEEN CHEWED UP?

SORRY.

IS THIS BEHAVIOR NORMAL?

WELL, IN CHILD PSYCHOLOGY
THERE IS NO "NORMAL" BEHAVIOR.

BUT NO.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

OH, HERE, HAVE A TYLER HUG BUCK.

IN FACT, HAVE A FEW.

YEAH, I'M MAKING IT RAIN.

WHO'S TYLER?

OH!

NO WONDER LITTLE CLEO EATS SHOES.

THERE!

OVER THERE!

ELLEN, THIS MUST BE
SO HUMILIATING FOR YOU.

STAN, HOW COULD YOU BRING
A STRAY INTO THE HOUSE?

AUNT SIGOURNEY COULD HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY,
ALBEIT COMEDICALLY, HURT.

SO COULD MY HOT DOG ORNAMENT.

THANKS, AVERY, FOR KEEPING IT
SAFE ON THE BACK OF THE TREE.

IT'S LIKE YOU KNEW.

IT'S CHRISTMAS. I COULDN'T LEAVE SPARKY
IN THE MERCILESS SUNNY PASADENA WINTER.

AVERY, DON'T MAKE HIM SPEND
CHRISTMAS ALL ALONE.

YEAH. WE WERE GONNA HAVE
OUR OWN LITTLE CELEBRATION.

WELL, THAT'S VERY SWEET, STAN.

I WAS LOOKING FOR
A SQUIRREL HEAD TREE TOPPER.

BUT THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND.

AND NO ONE SHOULD SPEND CHRISTMAS ALONE.

BUT, SPARKY, YOU CAN'T STAY
ON THE LOOSE IN HERE.

ALL RIGHT, SPARKY WILL BE SAFE IN HERE
WITH ALL THE AIR HOLES

AND WON'T BE ABLE TO
GET IN ANY MORE TROUBLE.

WE'LL UNWRAP HIM AND CELEBRATE WITH HIM
ONCE AUNT SIGOURNEY GOES TO BED.

OH. SHOULDN'T THIS BE UNDER THE TREE?

OH, AH... IT'S ALL WET ON THE BOTTOM.

AVERY MUST GOT ME THAT
COLOGNE GIFT SET I WANTED

AND SOME OF IT'S LEAKING. HMM.

( sniffs ) MMM, MUSKY.

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE HANGING IN THERE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DIDN'T CRY
AFTER AUNT SIGOURNEY

WAS HURLED VIOLENTLY, ALBEIT COMEDICALLY,
INTO THE CHRISTMAS TREE.

BUT IF THIS CHRISTMAS DINNER
GOES PERFECTLY,

I KNOW WE CAN MAKE IT
THROUGH THIS WHOLE HOLIDAY.

WELL, SHE SEEMS OKAY.

SHE'S HAVING FUN TELLING STORIES ABOUT
THE TIME SHE STOLE YOUR HAIRCUT.

SHE CUT OFF MY BANGS
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

AND GLUED THEM TO HER FOREHEAD.

AND SHE LOOKED GOOD!

WELL, THE WORST IS BEHIND US.
MOM IS STILL STANDING.

AND IT'S SMOOTH SAILING FROM HERE ON,

STARTING WITH THE CHRISTMAS
DINNER MOM "COOKED."

( laughing )

I'M JUST AMAZED YOU FOUND
A CATERER AT THE LAST MINUTE.

ACTUALLY, I SET THIS UP
RIGHT AFTER THANKSGIVING.

-REALLY? WHEN?
-LIKE RIGHT AFTER.

WHILE WE WERE STILL IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM.

WELL, THANK YOU.
AND SORRY AGAIN ABOUT THANKSGIVING.

-IT'S FINE.
-IT'S BEHIND US.

WELL, THERE'S NO WAY AUNT SIGOURNEY
COULD CRITICIZE THIS DINNER.

I KNOW. I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA CRY.

IN FACT... DO YOU THINK... NAW, FORGET IT.

-WHAT?
-MAYBE THIS TIME, I COULD MAKE HER CRY.

CHRISTMAS IS A TIME OF MIRACLES.

( laughing evilly )

ELLEN, THIS CARROT SOUP
IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD.

I'M GETTING A LOT OF FLAVOR.

SOME OF IT IS FROM THE PINE NEEDLES
AND TREE SAP IN MY MOUTH, BUT...

I'M GETTING A LITTLE CARROT, TOO.

SO, KUDOS, REALLY.

THANK YOU.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?
I GOT A COMPLIMENT OUT OF HER.

IT WAS COUCHED IN THREE INSULTS
AND WAS FOR SOMETHING I DIDN'T REALLY DO,

BUT I'LL TAKE IT.

I'M TASTING THE PINE NEEDLES, TOO.

THAT'S BECAUSE MOM BUMPED INTO THE TREE
CARRYING THE SOUP TO THE TABLE.

SHE RUINED CATERED FOOD.

SHHH! AUNT SIGOURNEY DOESN'T KNOW.
SHE LIKES IT.

JUST PULL THE PINE NEEDLES
OUT OF YOUR SOUP AND BE QUIET!

OH, AND, THIS ISN'T A TOMATO.

WHO'S READY FOR TURKEY?

All: OH!

WAIT TILL YOU TASTE IT.
MOM MADE THE STUFFING

FROM A RECIPE SHE CAME UP
WITH HERSELF ON THE FLY.

MY SECRET IS TORN BREAD AND LOVE.

CORN BREAD AND LOVE.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY
BEFORE THE MAIN COURSE THAT...

WELL, THIS FAMILY, COMING TOGETHER
LIKE THIS ON CHRISTMAS,

IT'S VERY...

-IT'S MOVING.
-THANK YOU.

NO, I MEAN IT'S MOVING!

( all yelling )

SPARKY!

YOU KNOW THIS DOG?

-HE'S A STRAY.
-AND IT WAS CHRISTMAS.

ELLEN, THEY DID SAY YOU MADE THE STUFFING.

NOW I BELIEVE IT.

( crying )

MOM, NO, DON'T CRY. YOU'VE COME TOO FAR.

( laughing )

WHAT IS SO FUNNY? EVERYTHING'S BEEN AWFUL,

DINNER IS RUINED... I'M ALMOST CRYING.

IT'S JUST SO FUNNY!

US TRYING TO PRETEND
WE HAVE PERFECT CHRISTMASES.

WE DON'T. WE HAVE KIDS AND DOGS

AND LAST-MINUTE SCRAMBLING, AND...

BENNETT WITH HIS CHEAP, UNROMANTIC GIFTS
AND MY AWFUL COOKING.

CHRISTMAS AROUND HERE IS A BIG LOUD MESS

AND I LOVE THAT ABOUT IT.

ANYWAY, WE MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT,

'CAUSE I'VE GOT KIDS WHO WILL
TAKE IN STRAY DOGS FOR THE HOLIDAYS,

BECAUSE NO ONE
SHOULD BE ALONE ON CHRISTMAS.

AND A DAUGHTER WHO WILL RUN HERSELF RAGGED

JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WINNER.

WELL, I THINK WE ALL KNOW
WHAT STAN AND SPARKY

ARE HAVING FOR DINNER NOW,
SO WHO WANTS FROZEN PIZ--

( sobbing )

...ZZA.

-AUNT SIGOURNEY?
-SIG, WHAT'S WRONG?

I'M A STRAY DOG ON CHRISTMAS.

I HAVE EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!

WHY DON'T I HAVE THIS?

YOU WANT THIS?

MAYBE NOT ALL YEAR LONG,
BUT AT CHRISTMAS...

WHY DO YOU THINK I PRETENDED
TO THROW MY BACK OUT?

-( gasping )
-YOU WERE FAKING?

TO BE AROUND US?

I TRY SO HARD TO MAKE MY LIFE SPECIAL.

MAYBE THE REASON
THAT I HAVE TO BE SO SPECIAL

IS BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE
A FAMILY LIKE THIS.

AUNT SIGOURNEY, YOU DO.

( sobbing )

( sobs louder )

WE DID IT. WE MADE HER CRY.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MOM.

I DON'T LIKE TO PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK,

WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE DOGS
CAN'T PAT THEMSELVES ON THE BACK,

NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING ABOUT
WHO-CAN-REACH-WHERE.

BUT EVERYTHING ENDED UP WORKING OUT GREAT.

I WANTED TO GIVE SPARKY A NICE CHRISTMAS

AND I ENDED UP GIVING HIM
A LOT MORE THAN THAT--

AUNT SIGOURNEY ADOPTED HIM.

AND RENAMED HIM SNARKY.

IN FACT, EVERYONE GOT TO OPEN
A PRESENT THAT NIGHT.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE.

( music playing )

( boing )