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Thank you.
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00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:38,072
I have one more for you,
called "I Want To Live."
5
00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:41,142
But first I'd like to introduce
a dear friend of mine
6
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,943
who's going to share
a few words.
7
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,578
Treya Wilber.
8
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,120
Thank you.
9
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:52,820
Yeah.
10
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,935
Hello.
11
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,904
My name is
Treya Killam Wilber.
12
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:14,007
Many of you here
have known me as Terry.
13
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:19,147
I've been involved with
Windstar from the early days.
14
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,816
Five years ago,
in August of '83,
15
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:26,620
I met and totally fell in love
with Ken Wilber.
16
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:30,291
I always used to call it
love at first touch.
17
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,903
"Dear Friends,
18
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,807
Remember those lists
I used to make...
19
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:51,345
my wish list
for the perfect man?
20
00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,681
Well, at 36,
I certainly didn't think
21
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:57,818
that man
could still happen to me.
22
00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:01,889
Yep, love,
I've finally found him.
23
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,925
His name is Ken Wilber.
24
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,660
Maybe you've heard of him.
25
00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:10,198
He's revered as "the Einstein
of Consciousness."
26
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,600
At the CAL Institute
for Psychological Studies
27
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:19,139
was where I first read
this Mr. Wilber's work.
28
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,642
I didn't think much of this
until a few weeks later
29
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,844
when Frances called
to invite me to dinner with Ken
30
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,247
at her and Roger's home.
31
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,849
It needs to be explored
and maybe you'll find that
answer.
32
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:31,819
Uh, we're
trying to have kids,
33
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,321
but it's not working.
34
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,322
Ken and I
just barely had a chance
35
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,123
to say hello
when our two friends
36
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,960
began to bring up some problems
in their relationship.
37
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,830
-It's important to
differentiate, to understand...
38
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:44,265
Ken was asked to be therapist
39
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,933
for the evening.
40
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,167
But it's like
there's something stopping...
41
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,202
But the love is there.
42
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,970
Which was fine,
43
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,839
because it gave me some time
to get used to his shaved head.
44
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:07,715
-So, um, Frances and Roger
told me you're like,
45
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,783
the most amazing woman
to walk the planet.
46
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:17,057
Please...
47
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:22,963
They say you're amazing too.
48
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:43,951
Well, good night.
49
00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,019
Bye, and good night.
50
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,522
-Hey, look, um...
51
00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:49,890
I know this sounds strange,
52
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:55,028
but when I hugged you
in the kitchen,
53
00:04:55,062 --> 00:05:00,133
I felt like...
54
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:04,805
I never wanted to let you go.
55
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:05,839
-Yeah.
-
56
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:11,379
-Yeah, me too...
57
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,981
Good night.
-Good night.
58
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,502
-I found her.
59
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:43,210
I've really found her.
60
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,381
I noticed a series of subtle
61
00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,116
energy currents
running through my body
62
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:53,387
like an earnest series...
63
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,589
The softness of the air...
64
00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:56,924
...slow energy currents
65
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,493
an energy that lies asleep
until aroused by
66
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:01,895
the right person or event.
An energy...
67
00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:03,296
Be touched like that.
68
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,035
Deep caring, like he touched me.
69
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,503
-...the right person.
70
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,338
-Gentleness.
71
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,441
An energy
that seemed to radiate from her
72
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:14,875
in all directions.
73
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,444
Willingness to support.
74
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,379
First through his words
and what it showed of him...
75
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:22,015
An energy of vast intelligence
76
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,283
from the right person...
77
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:26,186
Asking questions.
78
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:29,857
The depth of his brown eyes,
and then an easy melting.
79
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,292
Suffused with beauty.
80
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:36,897
But mostly an energy
that was alive.
81
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:43,504
This woman said life more than
anyone I had ever known.
82
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:48,041
Of truth...
83
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,343
and finding it.
84
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:53,146
And God, she was alive!
85
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,115
The softness.
86
00:06:55,148 --> 00:07:01,021
I trust him more than...
as if I already know him.
87
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:15,569
In case
I read this in the future,
88
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:18,639
just to be clear,
89
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:26,179
Treya and I have
not slept together.
90
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:27,481
We simply put our arms
around each other,
91
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:31,218
once in the kitchen,
and once shortly after.
92
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:35,989
That was the sum total
of our involvement.
93
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:39,927
Though I certainly sense
there is more to come.
94
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:40,961
I became obsessed
95
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,663
with the thought of Ken...
96
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:10,490
I'll take all these.
97
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,260
I-I'm just checking them out
for some friends.
98
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,629
-Hm.
99
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,498
So, then I got a job
as a dishwasher,
100
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:22,102
earning 350 dollars a month
and sending 100 of that
101
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:26,707
to Sam at Shambhala Publications
for mail order books.
102
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:30,678
And I wrote that book.
103
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:35,315
The Spectrum of Consciousness ,
I loved it.
104
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:40,688
And then five more books
in five years. Right?
105
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,322
-Have you been stalking me?
106
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,191
-Yeah. I'm looking for a good
dishwasher.
107
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:47,728
-Yeah.
I bus tables too, ya know.
108
00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:02,442
-What's something that no one
probably knows about you?
109
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:08,115
-I wrote out all of
Alan Watts' books by hand.
110
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:11,284
-All right,
that's pretty exhausting.
111
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:14,521
I don't think
anybody needs to know that.
112
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:21,194
-So why are you
a psychologist?
113
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,796
-I think growing up,
I never had a place
114
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:26,233
to put my thoughts and feelings.
115
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:28,201
My parents are wonderful.
116
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:32,205
highly conventional.
117
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,608
-Mm. The old guard?
118
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:37,645
-They did well
in oil and investments.
119
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:41,114
And I think it's just
reflective of the social circles
120
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:42,415
they're in as well.
121
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:49,356
But they love
me enormously.
122
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,658
Anyhow, it makes it
123
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,425
so that I can afford to date
authors, you know.
124
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,062
Well, that's okay.
125
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,397
You know,
I'm a great dishwasher,
126
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,932
and I sell a few books.
127
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:17,785
Has anything like this
ever happened to you?
128
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:20,553
-No.
129
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:23,824
Nothing like this.
130
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,694
How about you?
131
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:33,333
-Never, not like this.
132
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:36,403
-Oh, god.
133
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,438
-It's bigger
than the two of us, pilgrim.
134
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:17,444
-So you've only known him
a few weeks, Treya!
135
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,880
-And you've never
raved about a guy, like ever.
136
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:23,683
-Mm-hm. And you have not
dated a boy in over two years.
137
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:29,622
-I know. I know.
He's, he's amazing.
138
00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:32,760
He's just so lovable.
139
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:37,697
-So you think you might get,
you know, you might?
140
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:38,799
You better.
141
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:43,570
-I think well...yes!
We will get married.
142
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,209
-Oh, my god. Finally!
143
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,913
-I haven't heard you
say that word
144
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,515
since you were three years old
when you used to play dress up.
145
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:06,794
-Not only do I approve,
146
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:09,262
I'm a little worried
she's getting shortchanged, pal.
147
00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:12,665
-I know.
-
148
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:32,652
-So what did you
tell Sam about me?
149
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:39,827
-Let's see. Hmmm. No, I told Sam
that if she'll have me,
150
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:44,932
that... this is the girl
that I'd like to marry.
151
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:48,268
-Of course.
152
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:54,574
I was gonna ask you.
153
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:04,952
-When I met your daddy,
154
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:09,556
I was so busy with my life,
but I knew he was the one.
155
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,393
-It's all
I've ever wanted for you.
156
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:17,530
So I want you to know, honey:
I am here for you,
157
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:21,034
come rain or come shine.
Love you.
158
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:26,539
-Mom.
159
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:27,807
-Go get your man.
160
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,390
-I love you
more than life.
161
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:48,295
I just can't believe it's real.
162
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:55,035
I've known you
less than four months.
163
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:59,339
-I've been searching
for you for a hundred lifetimes.
164
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:05,312
I've slain a thousand dragons
to find you.
165
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,015
I love you
to the depths of the ocean,
166
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,417
beyond the height
of the mountains,
167
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,419
beyond the heat of the sun...
168
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,388
beyond time...
169
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:19,492
forever. Forever.
170
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,475
-Let's go get married.
171
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,359
-You know,
when I recently opened up
172
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,395
a box of books that Treya
sent to me, I thought,
173
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:59,132
"Ah, Treya has discovered
my favorite writer."
174
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,834
And then I opened her letter.
175
00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:04,904
"Oh, Treya is marrying
my favorite writer."
176
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,909
-Ken, Treya, you're
gathered here today
177
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:13,446
being bound not only as lovers,
but as souls
178
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,683
to continually bring out
the courageous and beautiful
179
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,851
from inside one another.
180
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:23,090
And here, now, like a bridge
joining two lands,
181
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:26,559
we witness the joining
of these two souls through love,
182
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,696
entering into a dance
from this day forward
183
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:33,733
to unite separateness,
to pierce time,
184
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:41,041
and to leap together
into eternity.
185
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:46,980
-I will take you from here
to forever and never let you go.
186
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:52,519
-I will take you from here
to forever and never let you go.
187
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,721
-My wife.
188
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:17,910
-Please stand.
189
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,806
-I know, Mom, it's a miracle.
190
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,542
I finish classes,
Ken has some final editing,
191
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,579
and then Hawaii.
192
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:53,646
-Hawaii?
193
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,614
Yes, Hawaii.
194
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:56,949
So we'll see you at Christmas.
195
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:59,786
-All right.
Um, you know, honey...
196
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:03,790
I'm...I'm just not crazy
about his writing.
197
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,492
I just opened it,
198
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,994
and there was a picture
of somebody humping.
199
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,562
-Mom, Mom, I gotta go.
200
00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:10,697
-But as long as you're happy.
201
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:11,964
-Okay. Bye, Mom.
202
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,067
-All right. Love you.
203
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:19,106
I love you too.
204
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,774
-I guess I said
the wrong thing.
205
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,916
Okay.
206
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:33,286
And now I'm gonna examine
the left breast.
207
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,896
Now I'm going to do the right.
208
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:08,188
Do you know you have
a lump in your right breast?
209
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,756
-What?
210
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:14,561
-Well, it's fairly
large and hard.
211
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,997
But it's not attached to
the muscle and moves easily.
212
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,900
My guess is
it's nothing to worry about.
213
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,635
Maybe just a cyst.
214
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,771
-What do you think
we should do?
215
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:27,207
-Why don't we wait a month and
see if it changes in size.
216
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,709
It could change
with your menstrual cycle.
217
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:30,977
Come back
and see me in a month.
218
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,011
Okay.
219
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,998
-It's hard, which is bad.
220
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:54,667
But it's symmetrical
and detached,
221
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,870
which is good,
so don't worry.
222
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:02,875
Let's get a second opinion.
223
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:07,280
And no, nothing is gonna
tear me away from you.
224
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:10,383
-Nothing.
225
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:12,652
Good, Mr. Wilber.
226
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,321
I hope not.
227
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:20,227
I think you're done for tonight.
228
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,228
-Bye-bye, book.
229
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:27,099
-Bye-bye, book.
-
230
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,736
-If only I could have everything
231
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:33,873
that's inside of
this beautiful mind.
232
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:34,907
-If only I could have everything
233
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:43,115
inside this beautiful heart.
234
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:52,759
-All right, ready?
235
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:55,061
Mm.
236
00:19:55,094 --> 00:20:01,000
It's probably a fibroadenoma,
a benign growth.
237
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:05,672
Should definitely
have it removed.
238
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,374
-We--we leave
for our honeymoon,
239
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,376
and then we're gone
for two weeks over Christmas.
240
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,777
Can it wait?
241
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:11,944
Yes, I think so.
242
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,980
No danger in waiting
three weeks.
243
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:18,117
Though, I want you to see
a surgeon for his opinion.
244
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,986
Um, Dr. Peter Richards.
245
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,154
His office is close
to Marin General.
246
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:25,024
Um, you know, let's give him
a call in my office.
247
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,959
He might want to fit you in
before the trip.
248
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:27,994
Okay?
-Okay.
249
00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:29,762
-Oh, Dr. Peter Richards.
250
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:31,931
He is wonderful.
251
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:38,004
He did my colon operation
15 years ago at M.D. Anderson.
252
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,105
-He's the Chief of Surgery
253
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,140
at Children's
Hospital in San Fran now.
254
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:43,142
He says
it's probably nothing but
255
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:45,111
just to be safe,
he wants to take it out.
256
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:46,746
Anyhow,
I gotta go pack.
257
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,482
-So you have
your exam tomorrow and then
258
00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:51,250
you're counseling.
Is that right?
259
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,920
-Yes. Dr. Richards
will remove the lump
260
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:56,222
the next day before we fly.
261
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,791
-Oh? All right.
262
00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:01,193
And Ken is taking
good care of you?
263
00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:02,995
-Of course he is, Mom.
264
00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:04,497
-Well, I just...
265
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:05,765
-You just what?
266
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:07,300
-Oh, nothing, honey.
I just, uh--
267
00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:09,336
-Mom, listen.
268
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:11,037
I know what you think
269
00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:14,273
and not everyone understands
or agrees with his books.
270
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:16,142
But, you know, he's more than
271
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,878
what's just written
in those books, okay?
272
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:20,947
-All right.
273
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,449
-I love you. I've
got to go pack.
274
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,916
-I love you.
275
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:25,485
-Bye.
276
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:28,220
-Safe flight.
277
00:21:35,862 --> 00:21:39,098
-Honey, are we gonna do
that swim across the bay?
278
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:42,134
-Is the Pope Catholic?
279
00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:43,302
-Uh huh.
280
00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:45,104
-Does a one-legged duck
swim in circles?
281
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:47,407
Yes.
282
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,175
-Was Jesus a carpenter?
283
00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:53,045
-Does an obnoxious husband
think that he's gonna
284
00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:56,516
get me tonight
by asking silly questions?
285
00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:57,950
-Oh, that's nice.
286
00:21:57,984 --> 00:21:59,051
-It is nice.
287
00:22:00,252 --> 00:22:04,791
-Soft...
288
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,258
So, do you think
we're gonna find dolphins
289
00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:08,094
out there in that ocean?
290
00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:09,328
Mm-hm.
291
00:22:09,362 --> 00:22:11,431
Maybe we can see
some whales?
292
00:22:12,532 --> 00:22:13,933
Or sharks.
293
00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:16,135
This little bay
right here. No sharks!
294
00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:22,875
So how old were you
295
00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:25,011
when you started menstruating?
296
00:22:25,044 --> 00:22:26,513
Maybe 14.
297
00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:29,549
Okay.
Have you ever had a child?
298
00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:31,350
-Uh, no.
I've never been pregnant.
299
00:22:31,384 --> 00:22:32,952
-Okay.
300
00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:35,455
Has anyone in your family
had breast cancer?
301
00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:37,223
-Not that I know of.
302
00:22:37,256 --> 00:22:41,127
-Okay.
And has the lump ever hurt?
303
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,362
-No, never.
304
00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:45,364
-Okay.
Are you nervous
305
00:22:45,398 --> 00:22:49,035
about the operation,
about the local anesthesia?
306
00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:51,137
I mean, if you--if you are,
we can give you something.
307
00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:52,972
No, I feel fine.
308
00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:54,541
Good.
And do you eat meat?
309
00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:56,443
Nope. Vegetarian.
310
00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:57,410
Oh, good for you.
311
00:22:59,145 --> 00:23:00,046
All right.
312
00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:08,648
-Hi. I'd like to see
the Wilbers in my office.
313
00:24:08,681 --> 00:24:09,616
Okay.
-Good.
314
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:20,693
-I'm sorry.
But the tumor is malignant.
315
00:24:24,997 --> 00:24:29,569
-And, um,
the detailed results are--?
316
00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:31,170
-Yeah, let me get that for you.
317
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:38,578
Can I get a nurse in my office
with the Wilber chart, please?
318
00:24:38,611 --> 00:24:41,447
-How? It's so unfair.
319
00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:48,087
-This is crazy.
320
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:49,589
Most medical and scientific
information
321
00:24:49,622 --> 00:24:52,324
is either inconclusive
or negative.
322
00:24:52,358 --> 00:24:54,293
-Okay. I just read
a New Age perspective
323
00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:57,664
that says illness is a lesson.
324
00:24:57,697 --> 00:24:59,131
While most alternative
information
325
00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,367
is unrelenting and positive.
326
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,670
Did you see
that Woody Allen quote?
327
00:25:03,703 --> 00:25:05,171
-It looks like everybody
who gets treated
328
00:25:05,204 --> 00:25:07,574
by orthodox medicine dies.
329
00:25:07,607 --> 00:25:11,711
"I don't get angry.
I grow tumors instead."
330
00:25:11,744 --> 00:25:14,146
-The one who gets treated with
the alternative medicine lives.
331
00:25:16,115 --> 00:25:18,150
-A film with
a giant squirting boob
332
00:25:18,184 --> 00:25:20,319
as a character in it.
333
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:21,588
Condemned to meaning.
334
00:25:23,322 --> 00:25:25,091
-Are we wearing
matching outfits?
335
00:25:29,662 --> 00:25:31,664
By curiosity,
or whatever design...
336
00:25:39,806 --> 00:25:41,273
-Okay, Mr. Wilber.
337
00:25:43,509 --> 00:25:44,811
I'll make the list.
338
00:25:46,613 --> 00:25:49,348
A period of depression
I went through,
339
00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:53,319
repressing some emotions,
eating too much animal fat.
340
00:25:53,352 --> 00:25:58,124
Is it possible that somewhere
inside ... worrying ...
341
00:25:58,157 --> 00:26:00,326
part of me
doesn't want to live?
342
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:03,195
Being too self-critical.
343
00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:05,531
I just don't want you to
have to worry about me.
344
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,634
Lonely as a child maybe.
345
00:26:07,667 --> 00:26:09,669
People saying it's caused
by repressed emotions
346
00:26:09,702 --> 00:26:11,103
don't know
what they're talking about.
347
00:26:11,137 --> 00:26:12,538
-Not meeting Ken sooner.
348
00:26:15,642 --> 00:26:17,777
So, what do you think?
349
00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:18,811
-I like the last one.
350
00:26:23,716 --> 00:26:25,685
I don't know what caused it,
sweetheart,
351
00:26:25,718 --> 00:26:27,453
and I don't think anybody does.
352
00:26:27,486 --> 00:26:29,221
-Ken, I'm scared.
353
00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:39,531
-As long as you're
breathing and crying,
354
00:26:39,565 --> 00:26:41,367
I won't worry about you.
355
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,270
Now, if you stop either one,
then I'll worry.
356
00:26:52,544 --> 00:26:55,181
If you want to make
any changes,
357
00:26:55,214 --> 00:26:57,784
don't do any of them because
you think they caused it.
358
00:27:00,887 --> 00:27:03,589
Do it because
you want to do it anyway.
359
00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:07,493
Hm? Look...
360
00:27:09,896 --> 00:27:12,398
let's make it
a new beginning. Hm?
361
00:27:14,867 --> 00:27:16,703
-You promise?
362
00:27:25,812 --> 00:27:27,613
-I love you.
363
00:27:37,857 --> 00:27:40,426
-Okay, it's a new procedure.
364
00:27:40,459 --> 00:27:41,861
It was pioneered in Europe.
365
00:27:41,894 --> 00:27:44,663
And I think you'd be
a really good candidate for it.
366
00:27:44,697 --> 00:27:47,834
You see, these tumors are
the Nazis of the cancer crowd
367
00:27:47,867 --> 00:27:49,201
and they're not
terribly impressed with
368
00:27:49,235 --> 00:27:51,137
wheatgrass or sweet thoughts.
369
00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:53,706
I mean, you got to
nuke these bastards.
370
00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:55,341
As a matter of fact,
I had a discussion about it
371
00:27:55,374 --> 00:27:57,476
with your mom and Rad
right after I'd read about it.
372
00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:01,781
-Babe?
373
00:28:03,549 --> 00:28:04,817
-Um, we've certainly
done the research
374
00:28:04,851 --> 00:28:07,186
on the various combinations.
375
00:28:07,219 --> 00:28:08,320
-For sure.
376
00:28:08,354 --> 00:28:11,824
Okay.
377
00:28:11,858 --> 00:28:16,796
Segmental mastectomy,
that'll save lymph nodes.
378
00:28:16,829 --> 00:28:18,330
Followed by radiation
379
00:28:18,364 --> 00:28:21,467
and a spectrum
of holistic treatments.
380
00:28:23,335 --> 00:28:24,270
I like this.
381
00:28:25,838 --> 00:28:26,672
-Okay.
382
00:28:39,819 --> 00:28:41,921
-Babe, I can't believe
this is our honeymoon.
383
00:28:43,956 --> 00:28:47,593
-We'll be there in Hawaii.
I'll wear that bikini.
384
00:28:52,264 --> 00:28:53,800
-What are you doing?
385
00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:56,302
-A hospital is a terrible
place to be if you're sick.
386
00:28:56,335 --> 00:28:57,636
I mean, there are germs
in the hospital
387
00:28:57,669 --> 00:28:59,906
that you can't get
anywhere else.
388
00:28:59,939 --> 00:29:02,408
If the germs don't get you,
the food will.
389
00:29:02,441 --> 00:29:04,944
So, I'm staying.
390
00:29:04,977 --> 00:29:08,347
Besides, this is our honeymoon.
391
00:29:18,891 --> 00:29:20,292
-Come in.
392
00:29:21,627 --> 00:29:23,729
-You've got visitors.
393
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:27,934
-Ooh. So you are
rock solid, sweetheart.
394
00:29:27,967 --> 00:29:31,904
Oh. Twenty nodes out,
all negative.
395
00:29:31,938 --> 00:29:34,473
-I know.
-That is so impressive.
396
00:29:34,506 --> 00:29:38,244
Now, Kent and Kati and I went
Christmas shopping near Max's,
397
00:29:38,277 --> 00:29:40,679
but we didn't find
a thing for you.
398
00:29:40,712 --> 00:29:42,414
-Thanks, Mom.
399
00:29:42,448 --> 00:29:44,283
-We are busting you
outta here tomorrow.
400
00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:45,751
-I can't wait!
401
00:29:45,784 --> 00:29:47,719
I'm so excited!
-Me too. I missed you.
402
00:29:47,753 --> 00:29:48,821
-I missed you.
-
403
00:29:48,855 --> 00:29:51,623
-Come home for Christmas.
404
00:29:51,657 --> 00:29:52,791
-We have cookies ready...
405
00:29:52,825 --> 00:29:54,560
-Presents.
-Yep.
406
00:29:54,593 --> 00:29:57,629
-Oh, you're gonna get
so many presents.
407
00:29:57,663 --> 00:29:59,498
-Oh, my favorite.
- Oh.
408
00:31:36,795 --> 00:31:41,000
-Since your tumor
was estrogen positive,
409
00:31:41,033 --> 00:31:43,835
the--the hormonal shifts
with being pregnant
410
00:31:43,869 --> 00:31:48,574
would be like fertilizer
for any remaining cells.
411
00:31:48,607 --> 00:31:51,510
I think it's an amazing sign
that you're--
412
00:31:51,543 --> 00:31:54,446
that you're pregnant, Terry.
I do.
413
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,416
And if, if you're free of this
in two years,
414
00:31:57,449 --> 00:32:01,020
you can get pregnant again.
415
00:32:01,053 --> 00:32:03,089
-So we'll wait.
416
00:32:03,122 --> 00:32:05,757
Hey, we'll do it again.
417
00:32:05,791 --> 00:32:06,925
And you're a healthy girl
418
00:32:06,959 --> 00:32:08,995
and we're gonna start
a big fucking family.
419
00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:19,038
Thanks, Doc.
420
00:32:19,071 --> 00:32:20,172
Of course.
421
00:32:30,516 --> 00:32:33,119
Sorry
I haven't written in so long.
422
00:32:33,152 --> 00:32:36,722
The big news now is that
we're moving to Lake Tahoe.
423
00:32:38,924 --> 00:32:41,627
It all came about because
I accidentally got pregnant.
424
00:32:43,062 --> 00:32:45,497
I cried for a week.
425
00:32:45,531 --> 00:32:49,668
It made me realize how much
I really want Ken's child.
426
00:32:49,701 --> 00:32:51,670
Kids love Ken.
427
00:32:51,703 --> 00:32:52,904
He says it's because
428
00:32:52,938 --> 00:32:55,007
he's the same emotional age
as they are.
429
00:32:57,976 --> 00:33:00,012
We'll be clear
in two years though.
430
00:33:00,046 --> 00:33:01,713
Honey, are you ready?
431
00:33:03,082 --> 00:33:05,517
I told the magazine
I'd fax your interview today.
432
00:33:05,551 --> 00:33:06,685
When we met,
433
00:33:06,718 --> 00:33:10,189
he owned one desk chair,
a typewriter ...
434
00:33:10,222 --> 00:33:12,191
Okay, Mr. Wilber.
435
00:33:12,224 --> 00:33:13,792
... and 4,000 books.
436
00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:15,461
Why don't you start
by explaining
437
00:33:15,494 --> 00:33:18,564
what you mean by
the "perennial philosophy"?
438
00:33:18,597 --> 00:33:21,233
Okay, well,
the human body, for example,
439
00:33:21,267 --> 00:33:23,802
has 208 bones,
one heart and two kidneys,
440
00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:26,004
whether it appears in
Mozambique or Manhattan,
441
00:33:26,038 --> 00:33:27,806
whether today
or a thousand years ago.
442
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:30,176
These we call "deep structures."
443
00:33:32,611 --> 00:33:35,847
Well, just as the human body
universally grows hair,
444
00:33:35,881 --> 00:33:38,684
the human mind
universally grows ideas,
445
00:33:38,717 --> 00:33:41,987
and the human spirit
universally grows intuitions.
446
00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:44,490
-It's hard to see
what many religions,
447
00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:48,094
like Buddhism and Christianity,
for instance, might agree on.
448
00:33:48,127 --> 00:33:50,496
-Mm. We charge extra
for that.
449
00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:53,665
-Oh, come on.
Give me six points.
450
00:33:53,699 --> 00:33:58,504
-All right. One, spirit exists.
Two, it resides within.
451
00:33:58,537 --> 00:34:00,606
Three, most of us
don't realize this
452
00:34:00,639 --> 00:34:03,041
because we're living in
an illusory state of separation.
453
00:34:03,075 --> 00:34:06,078
Four, there is a path
out of this state.
454
00:34:06,112 --> 00:34:09,681
Five, if you follow this path,
the result is transcendence,
455
00:34:09,715 --> 00:34:13,752
which, six,
marks the end of suffering.
456
00:34:15,654 --> 00:34:16,755
Now take your pants off.
457
00:34:17,856 --> 00:34:18,890
-Mr. Wilber!
458
00:34:20,692 --> 00:34:24,062
Okay, so you're saying
that spirit exists within?
459
00:34:24,096 --> 00:34:25,063
-Yes.
460
00:34:26,332 --> 00:34:29,301
And it's found by
consistently looking within
461
00:34:29,335 --> 00:34:34,072
until within becomes beyond.
462
00:34:34,106 --> 00:34:35,274
-Within, huh?
463
00:34:43,682 --> 00:34:45,151
Okay, so for the grand prize.
464
00:34:55,661 --> 00:35:01,133
-So by looking at my mind,
I eventually transcend the mind?
465
00:35:01,167 --> 00:35:02,268
-Exactly.
466
00:35:06,805 --> 00:35:08,140
-You wanna get something to eat?
467
00:35:10,075 --> 00:35:13,812
Or I could make spaghetti again.
468
00:35:13,845 --> 00:35:15,647
I'm trying to transcend.
469
00:35:15,681 --> 00:35:20,118
I'm starving.
Transcendence can wait.
470
00:35:27,826 --> 00:35:29,828
Hello, Dr. Richard's office.
471
00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:31,697
-Hi. This is
Terry Killam Wilber.
472
00:35:31,730 --> 00:35:33,365
Can I please speak to
Dr. Richards, please?
473
00:35:33,399 --> 00:35:35,100
Of course, one second.
474
00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:36,067
Hey, Terry.
475
00:35:36,101 --> 00:35:38,136
It's Dr. Richards.
476
00:35:38,170 --> 00:35:41,607
Listen, we got the results
of your test back today.
477
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:43,342
Look, I'm really sorry
to say this.
478
00:35:43,375 --> 00:35:46,712
It's--it's an unusual
kind of recurrence.
479
00:35:46,745 --> 00:35:49,381
But I don't want you to worry.
We can take care of this.
480
00:35:49,415 --> 00:35:50,949
So, when can you come back in?
481
00:35:50,982 --> 00:35:52,150
-Uh, I can be there tomorrow.
482
00:35:54,119 --> 00:35:56,922
Okay. Thank you.
483
00:36:01,159 --> 00:36:02,694
If it is, it is.
484
00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:10,802
Hello, how are you doing?
485
00:36:10,836 --> 00:36:11,870
-Good.
486
00:36:11,903 --> 00:36:13,038
Comfortable?
487
00:36:13,071 --> 00:36:14,072
-Yeah.
488
00:36:14,105 --> 00:36:15,006
Good.
489
00:36:16,375 --> 00:36:21,146
So, when I remove
your right breast today,
490
00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,281
Dr. Harvey will be reducing
491
00:36:22,314 --> 00:36:24,750
the size of your left.
-Yeah.
492
00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:28,820
-See, some of the cells
got caught on the drainage tube.
493
00:36:28,854 --> 00:36:31,122
And so when we took that out,
they got caught on the skin
494
00:36:31,156 --> 00:36:32,858
and were left behind.
495
00:36:32,891 --> 00:36:35,227
And I promise you, we will
get them all today, Terry.
496
00:36:35,261 --> 00:36:36,161
Okay.
497
00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:39,465
-Okay.
498
00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:43,869
There.
499
00:36:43,902 --> 00:36:46,738
All right, so we're gonna
have to move your nipple up.
500
00:36:46,772 --> 00:36:48,240
But we can do this without
severing the connection
501
00:36:48,274 --> 00:36:49,841
with the milk ducts.
502
00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:51,843
So that way,
the breast stays functional
503
00:36:51,877 --> 00:36:54,880
and if you ever decide
you want to have a child.
504
00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:02,354
-Okay. Eighty-three.
All right?
505
00:37:02,388 --> 00:37:04,122
If you don't mind,
can you just stand up here?
506
00:37:04,155 --> 00:37:05,757
I'm just gonna--
- Uh, yeah.
507
00:37:05,791 --> 00:37:06,825
Unfortunately,
I'm gonna have to draw on you
508
00:37:06,858 --> 00:37:08,193
a little bit.
-That's okay.
509
00:37:14,333 --> 00:37:15,467
-Hey, come in, come in.
-Hi.
510
00:37:19,905 --> 00:37:22,774
Um, hi, sweetie, is it--
511
00:37:22,808 --> 00:37:23,875
is this all right?
512
00:37:23,909 --> 00:37:24,976
It's fine, Mom.
513
00:37:26,278 --> 00:37:27,913
It's okay,
Come, and I'll show you.
514
00:37:31,517 --> 00:37:33,184
-I'll be right back, baby.
515
00:37:33,218 --> 00:37:34,453
Okay, sweetheart.
516
00:38:44,189 --> 00:38:46,425
-I mean,
you're like such a stud!
517
00:38:46,458 --> 00:38:48,960
Total stud.
518
00:38:48,994 --> 00:38:50,195
No.
-Yes.
519
00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:55,066
-Look,
it's been with us a year,
520
00:38:55,100 --> 00:38:57,135
as long as we've been married.
521
00:38:59,270 --> 00:39:04,543
The program's straightforward:
diet... megavitamins...
522
00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:06,445
...
523
00:39:06,478 --> 00:39:09,280
sexercise!
524
00:39:09,314 --> 00:39:11,016
-More sexercise.
525
00:39:13,485 --> 00:39:16,054
I think I was more upset
about your boob than you were.
526
00:39:16,087 --> 00:39:19,190
-Yeah, well,
it was worth it.
527
00:39:19,224 --> 00:39:20,158
-Yeah.
528
00:39:21,427 --> 00:39:24,295
-The doctors seem unanimous.
529
00:39:24,329 --> 00:39:25,263
-Biggest stud I know.
530
00:39:26,865 --> 00:39:28,033
-I love you, Kati.
531
00:39:28,066 --> 00:39:29,334
-I love you.
532
00:39:46,885 --> 00:39:49,220
Hello?
533
00:39:49,254 --> 00:39:50,321
Yes.
534
00:39:55,293 --> 00:39:56,394
Mm-hm.
535
00:39:59,364 --> 00:40:00,331
I see.
536
00:40:05,370 --> 00:40:06,572
Okay, thank you.
537
00:40:21,453 --> 00:40:22,488
-What?
538
00:40:26,525 --> 00:40:32,664
Look, I'm barely stage two,
estrogen positive, clean nodes.
539
00:40:35,601 --> 00:40:37,503
-The opinions were divided.
540
00:40:41,172 --> 00:40:43,441
-Just fucking
tell me straight, Ken!
541
00:40:46,978 --> 00:40:49,214
-Recurrence within a year.
542
00:40:49,247 --> 00:40:53,952
Recurrence in a radiated area.
Estrogen negative.
543
00:40:53,985 --> 00:40:55,453
Grade four, stage four.
544
00:41:11,637 --> 00:41:15,974
No.
545
00:41:16,007 --> 00:41:17,408
I don't want it.
546
00:41:17,442 --> 00:41:20,045
Please. No.
547
00:41:24,182 --> 00:41:26,985
-Listen, listen.
548
00:41:27,018 --> 00:41:28,687
What does this decision
all hinge on?
549
00:41:30,288 --> 00:41:34,025
-Intellect isn't going to
save the day now, Ken.
550
00:41:45,270 --> 00:41:47,105
Okay. What?
551
00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:52,644
-The pathology report.
Dr. Lagios.
552
00:41:52,678 --> 00:41:54,479
He's the one that's been
staring down the microscope
553
00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:56,615
at your cells,
and it's his report
554
00:41:56,648 --> 00:41:58,584
that these doctors
are trying to interpret.
555
00:42:04,455 --> 00:42:06,157
You want me to call or you?
556
00:42:11,462 --> 00:42:13,799
-Doctors listen to men.
You call.
557
00:42:25,243 --> 00:42:26,778
-Dr. Lagios, please.
558
00:42:26,812 --> 00:42:28,714
It's Ken Wilber. It's urgent.
559
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:37,689
Dr. Lagios,
I know this is unusual,
560
00:42:37,723 --> 00:42:41,126
but Terry and I have some
difficult decisions to make,
561
00:42:41,159 --> 00:42:43,428
and I was wondering if I can
just talk to you for a minute.
562
00:42:46,698 --> 00:42:48,734
Dr. Lagios,
our doctors are divided
563
00:42:48,767 --> 00:42:52,337
as to whether Terry's recurrence
was local or metastatic.
564
00:42:52,370 --> 00:42:53,471
I just want to know
565
00:42:53,504 --> 00:42:55,506
how aggressive
the cells look to you.
566
00:42:56,742 --> 00:42:57,743
Please.
567
00:43:08,687 --> 00:43:11,056
Tell me, Dr. Lagios.
568
00:43:11,089 --> 00:43:13,424
If this was your wife,
would you recommend chemo?
569
00:43:17,395 --> 00:43:18,396
And the odds?
570
00:43:51,562 --> 00:43:52,764
-Whfff.
571
00:43:55,767 --> 00:43:59,137
Suicide sounds nice
right about now.
572
00:44:02,373 --> 00:44:04,342
-The Reglan's hitting you hard.
573
00:44:04,375 --> 00:44:06,244
You're having
a bad histamine reaction.
574
00:44:06,277 --> 00:44:07,879
Just hold on
for the Benadryl, okay?
575
00:44:07,913 --> 00:44:09,314
Could you start the Benadryl?
576
00:44:12,684 --> 00:44:13,752
Hang in there.
577
00:44:13,785 --> 00:44:15,153
We'll be back at the hotel
in no time, okay?
578
00:44:23,895 --> 00:44:26,364
You got this.
You got this.
579
00:44:46,517 --> 00:44:47,552
-Are you okay?
580
00:44:47,585 --> 00:44:49,254
-Yeah. Keep reading to me.
581
00:44:55,593 --> 00:44:57,863
The witness exercise from
No Boundary , would you?
582
00:45:04,870 --> 00:45:09,174
-"I have a body,
but I am not my body.
583
00:45:09,207 --> 00:45:11,442
"My body may be
tired or excited,
584
00:45:11,476 --> 00:45:14,679
"sick or healthy,
anxious or calm,
585
00:45:14,712 --> 00:45:18,683
"but that has nothing to do
with my inward I.
586
00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:22,420
"I have emotions,
but I am not my emotions.
587
00:45:22,453 --> 00:45:24,555
Emotions pass through me."
588
00:45:27,258 --> 00:45:33,431
It really helps,
it just doesn't last.
589
00:45:33,464 --> 00:45:36,634
I feel like I'm crawling
out of my skin.
590
00:45:36,667 --> 00:45:40,371
Suicide sounds sensible.
591
00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:41,672
Oh, god. Hm.
592
00:45:41,706 --> 00:45:42,774
-Nietzche used to say
593
00:45:42,808 --> 00:45:44,342
that the only way
he got to sleep at night
594
00:45:44,375 --> 00:45:46,945
was by promising to kill himself
in the morning.
595
00:45:52,417 --> 00:45:54,552
-Okay. Read me more.
596
00:45:57,856 --> 00:46:01,559
The part about the...
the witness being immortal.
597
00:46:03,995 --> 00:46:06,397
-Sure.
598
00:46:06,431 --> 00:46:08,299
"Perhaps you,
like most people,
599
00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:09,667
"feel that you are
600
00:46:09,700 --> 00:46:12,470
"basically the same person
you were yesterday.
601
00:46:12,503 --> 00:46:14,372
"You probably also feel
that you are fundamentally
602
00:46:14,405 --> 00:46:17,708
"the same person
you were a year ago.
603
00:46:17,742 --> 00:46:20,812
"Put another way: you never
remember a time
604
00:46:20,846 --> 00:46:23,281
"when you weren't you.
605
00:46:23,314 --> 00:46:24,850
"In other words,
something in you
606
00:46:24,883 --> 00:46:28,820
"seems to remain untouched
by the passage of time.
607
00:46:28,854 --> 00:46:31,990
"Your mind, your body,
your feelings,
608
00:46:32,023 --> 00:46:34,960
"all have changed with time.
609
00:46:34,993 --> 00:46:39,397
"But you know that
something has not changed.
610
00:46:39,430 --> 00:46:41,466
Something feels the same."
611
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,776
Chemo
is based on a single principle:
612
00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:55,746
cancer cells divide and grow
twice as fast as healthy cells.
613
00:46:58,316 --> 00:47:00,385
The idea is to kill
some healthy cells,
614
00:47:00,418 --> 00:47:03,288
but many more bad cells.
615
00:47:03,321 --> 00:47:04,923
At the end of
a successful round,
616
00:47:04,956 --> 00:47:07,893
the tumor is dead
and the patient only half-dead.
617
00:47:10,028 --> 00:47:12,830
Ken and I stood in front of
the mirror together,
618
00:47:12,864 --> 00:47:15,766
staring at the odd sight
of the both of us,
619
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,303
just laughing.
620
00:47:18,336 --> 00:47:20,471
Ken's been
unbelievably supportive,
621
00:47:20,505 --> 00:47:23,942
and that he keeps me laughing
has saved my life.
622
00:47:23,975 --> 00:47:26,377
When I first shaved my head,
623
00:47:26,411 --> 00:47:30,715
he told me I'm the sexiest woman
he's ever been with.
624
00:47:30,748 --> 00:47:32,884
And then he told me he likes
my head so much this way
625
00:47:32,918 --> 00:47:34,019
that after it grows back,
626
00:47:34,052 --> 00:47:36,922
he wants me to shave it again.
627
00:47:36,955 --> 00:47:38,556
Linda Conger
came up to Tahoe
628
00:47:38,589 --> 00:47:40,491
to photograph us together.
629
00:47:40,525 --> 00:47:43,461
During the shoot,
Ken put on my breast prosthesis
630
00:47:43,494 --> 00:47:45,430
and suggested
Linda shoot us nude
631
00:47:45,463 --> 00:47:47,632
from the waist up.
632
00:47:47,665 --> 00:47:52,770
My god, the three of us
laughed so hard we cried.
633
00:47:52,803 --> 00:47:55,773
That's kinda how it is
with cancer, I guess,
634
00:47:55,806 --> 00:47:59,844
cry till you laugh
and laugh till you cry.
635
00:47:59,877 --> 00:48:02,580
"The rough
parts were losing my period,
636
00:48:02,613 --> 00:48:07,885
"mouth sores, painful bowel,
blood sometimes.
637
00:48:07,919 --> 00:48:11,022
"But it's amazing what
human beings can endure.
638
00:48:11,056 --> 00:48:12,423
"And Kristen and I
hosting the group
639
00:48:12,457 --> 00:48:13,858
"from the Wellness Center...
640
00:48:13,891 --> 00:48:16,527
I was so inspired
by the stories."
641
00:48:16,561 --> 00:48:19,430
After that,
it started to get tough.
642
00:48:19,464 --> 00:48:21,933
Ken hasn't written in forever.
643
00:48:21,967 --> 00:48:24,469
He's given up his life
to care for me,
644
00:48:24,502 --> 00:48:27,939
all day, all night,
every day and night.
645
00:48:27,973 --> 00:48:30,741
Since right when
we got married.
646
00:48:30,775 --> 00:48:31,943
" One night,
a good friend of mine
647
00:48:31,977 --> 00:48:35,113
"called to ask for
some insight about cancer.
648
00:48:35,146 --> 00:48:37,748
"She called for Ken
and didn't even ask me.
649
00:48:37,782 --> 00:48:39,684
"I defended,
and then it spiraled.
650
00:48:43,154 --> 00:48:44,589
"We've been getting
counseling support
651
00:48:44,622 --> 00:48:46,924
"visiting Frances and Roger,
652
00:48:46,958 --> 00:48:50,161
though many days it just seems
like it can't work."
653
00:48:54,665 --> 00:48:56,834
God,
it'll be almost two years.
654
00:48:58,469 --> 00:49:01,539
With Ken's love, I've managed
treatments pretty well.
655
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,409
What caught us from behind
656
00:49:04,442 --> 00:49:08,646
is the emotional and
psychological devastation.
657
00:49:08,679 --> 00:49:11,616
And I don't think Ken can
endure living only for me
658
00:49:11,649 --> 00:49:13,818
without living for himself.
659
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:18,456
On top of it all,
since moving to Tahoe,
660
00:49:18,489 --> 00:49:21,459
Ken seems to have caught
some sort of strange bug
661
00:49:21,492 --> 00:49:22,860
no one can identify.
662
00:49:25,063 --> 00:49:26,664
And on top of that,
663
00:49:26,697 --> 00:49:30,101
I can't seem to help
being defensive, even grating,
664
00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:34,105
and Ken's dropped
into depression.
665
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:40,578
Better news soon,
but always with love, Treya.
666
00:49:46,517 --> 00:49:47,985
-Hi.
667
00:49:48,019 --> 00:49:49,087
Hi.
668
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:50,255
-Thank you for coming.
669
00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:52,857
-Such a pleasure to be here.
670
00:49:52,890 --> 00:49:55,460
I-I-I am a huge fan
of your work.
671
00:49:55,493 --> 00:49:58,596
I can't tell you how much
your books have affected me.
672
00:49:58,629 --> 00:50:00,265
-Great, thanks.
Come on in.
673
00:50:01,832 --> 00:50:04,869
So Ken,
what are you working on now?
674
00:50:04,902 --> 00:50:06,037
I haven't really
675
00:50:06,071 --> 00:50:07,605
done any extended
writing for some time.
676
00:50:10,941 --> 00:50:12,910
Just not coming anymore.
677
00:50:12,943 --> 00:50:13,944
That period is over.
678
00:50:17,248 --> 00:50:18,183
-Wow.
679
00:50:20,518 --> 00:50:22,520
What it must be like
to be called
680
00:50:22,553 --> 00:50:25,823
the greatest philosopher
of consciousness since Freud,
681
00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:27,024
and feel it evaporating.
682
00:50:30,995 --> 00:50:33,064
-More fun than a human
should be allowed to have.
683
00:52:06,924 --> 00:52:08,959
-The greater the love,
the greater the pain.
684
00:52:08,993 --> 00:52:11,095
The greater the love,
the greater the pain.
685
00:52:11,128 --> 00:52:13,631
The greater the love,
the greater the pain.
686
00:52:15,700 --> 00:52:17,067
"He has no enemies.
687
00:52:17,101 --> 00:52:19,404
He's just intensely disliked
by all his friends."
688
00:52:56,841 --> 00:52:57,875
Flatline
689
00:53:00,778 --> 00:53:01,879
It's check out time.
690
00:53:36,247 --> 00:53:38,115
-Can you do that in
the other room, please?
691
00:53:44,255 --> 00:53:46,957
-I like to read
the paper here.
692
00:53:46,991 --> 00:53:51,128
It's my favorite place for that.
I look forward to it.
693
00:53:58,068 --> 00:54:00,305
-Look, this is my office.
694
00:54:00,338 --> 00:54:03,708
All three other rooms
are dedicated to your needs.
695
00:54:03,741 --> 00:54:07,111
Including an office.
So, find one.
696
00:54:07,144 --> 00:54:08,178
-No.
697
00:54:19,790 --> 00:54:24,194
-This is the only thing
I have left for myself.
698
00:54:26,230 --> 00:54:27,932
It's not a lot to ask.
699
00:54:29,300 --> 00:54:31,502
-You know, it's really
aggravating when you're snide.
700
00:54:33,103 --> 00:54:34,238
I'm reading here.
701
00:54:40,811 --> 00:54:41,546
-Get out.
702
00:54:44,014 --> 00:54:44,949
-No!
703
00:54:47,151 --> 00:54:48,353
-What the fuck else can I do!
704
00:54:48,386 --> 00:54:49,887
Get out!
705
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:51,356
-Get out yourself!
706
00:54:51,389 --> 00:54:53,391
-You goddamn obnoxious bitch!
707
00:54:53,424 --> 00:54:55,393
-Fuck you, Ken. Fuck you!
708
00:54:55,426 --> 00:54:59,330
Get, get off me!
709
00:55:01,131 --> 00:55:02,032
I don't know what you want!
710
00:55:02,066 --> 00:55:03,100
Fuck you!
711
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:17,448
-I'm leaving.
712
00:55:17,482 --> 00:55:19,850
I'm going to San Francisco.
713
00:55:19,884 --> 00:55:22,820
I hate what we're doing.
You can come or you can--
714
00:55:22,853 --> 00:55:23,988
-Leave.
715
00:55:25,990 --> 00:55:27,425
Ah, just leave.
716
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:58,823
Hi, honey, it's Mom.
717
00:55:58,856 --> 00:56:03,027
You know what we think of Ken.
I don't mean that.
718
00:56:03,060 --> 00:56:05,029
We just don't agree
with what he writes.
719
00:56:05,062 --> 00:56:07,097
That's all.
720
00:56:07,131 --> 00:56:11,101
Any man would be
so lucky to have you.
721
00:56:12,937 --> 00:56:14,304
Hi, Terry. It's Vicky.
722
00:56:14,338 --> 00:56:15,573
Pick up if you're there.
723
00:56:17,475 --> 00:56:18,342
So you call me
724
00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:21,579
if you need anything.
725
00:56:21,612 --> 00:56:23,047
I love you.
726
00:56:31,556 --> 00:56:32,890
Hi, Terry. It's Vicki.
727
00:56:32,923 --> 00:56:33,991
Pick up if you're there.
728
00:56:34,024 --> 00:56:34,925
You call me
729
00:56:34,959 --> 00:56:37,595
if you need anything.
730
00:56:37,628 --> 00:56:39,329
I love you.
731
00:56:40,998 --> 00:56:41,966
Hi, Terry. It's Vicki.
732
00:56:41,999 --> 00:56:43,400
Pick up if you're there.
733
00:56:43,434 --> 00:56:46,370
Ken called.
He's in San Francisco.
734
00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,473
He's getting help.
735
00:56:48,506 --> 00:56:51,241
I thought you should know.
736
00:56:51,275 --> 00:56:54,344
I want to be supportive.
737
00:56:54,378 --> 00:56:56,981
You deserve each other, Terry.
738
00:56:58,683 --> 00:57:01,018
I know you're listening.
739
00:57:01,051 --> 00:57:01,952
I love you.
740
00:57:08,358 --> 00:57:09,694
-I have to let go...
741
00:57:13,297 --> 00:57:15,132
I have to let go, to hold on.
742
00:57:18,969 --> 00:57:19,670
My husband.
743
00:57:30,948 --> 00:57:31,682
-My wife.
744
00:58:25,703 --> 00:58:28,072
-"Treya..."
745
00:58:28,105 --> 00:58:29,039
My dearest.
746
00:58:29,073 --> 00:58:32,376
-"My dearest, I am sorry."
747
00:58:32,409 --> 00:58:33,310
I'm sorry.
748
00:58:35,245 --> 00:58:37,414
-"I've searched
a thousand lifetimes
749
00:58:37,447 --> 00:58:44,421
"to find you,
and I can't let you go, I won't.
750
00:58:44,454 --> 00:58:46,290
"Not now, not ever.
751
00:58:48,058 --> 00:58:51,461
"Not in this lifetime,
or any other.
752
00:58:51,495 --> 00:58:54,264
"I love you with all of my soul.
753
00:58:54,298 --> 00:58:56,033
Please come back to me,
my love..."
754
00:58:56,066 --> 00:58:58,135
Please, come back to me.
755
00:58:58,168 --> 00:58:59,203
-My soul.
756
00:58:59,236 --> 00:59:00,270
My soul.
757
00:59:03,107 --> 00:59:05,009
-"I'm coming to
get you tomorrow."
758
00:59:05,042 --> 00:59:10,047
"You and me. Forever.
759
00:59:11,749 --> 00:59:13,117
It's all I know."
760
00:59:16,386 --> 00:59:17,822
It's all I'm gonna do.
761
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:11,508
-Hello.
762
01:00:11,541 --> 01:00:13,210
Hello, Mr. Wilber.
763
01:00:13,243 --> 01:00:14,311
-Yeah.
764
01:00:14,344 --> 01:00:15,545
My name is Edith Zundel,
765
01:00:15,579 --> 01:00:17,381
from West Germany.
766
01:00:17,414 --> 01:00:20,084
I'm doing a book of interviews
with avant-garde psychologists
767
01:00:20,117 --> 01:00:22,319
and I'd really
like to interview you.
768
01:00:22,352 --> 01:00:25,222
-I appreciate that, Edith,
but I-I don't do interviews.
769
01:00:25,255 --> 01:00:26,657
I'm staying
with Frances Vaughan
770
01:00:26,691 --> 01:00:29,526
and Roger Walsh.
I've come a long way
771
01:00:29,559 --> 01:00:31,128
and would really like to
talk with you.
772
01:00:31,161 --> 01:00:33,130
Please.
-
773
01:00:33,163 --> 01:00:34,865
-Here's the thing, Edith.
774
01:00:34,899 --> 01:00:37,534
Most authors end up
appearing as teachers
775
01:00:37,567 --> 01:00:40,237
when they do interviews,
and it's just not me.
776
01:00:40,270 --> 01:00:42,439
I can appreciate that,
Mr. Wilber.
777
01:00:42,472 --> 01:00:45,876
I know you've only given
four interviews in 15 years.
778
01:00:45,910 --> 01:00:48,345
Your synthesis of Eastern
and Western psychologies
779
01:00:48,378 --> 01:00:50,681
has had a major impact.
780
01:00:50,715 --> 01:00:54,618
It would just be a few
questions, as a scholar.
781
01:00:54,651 --> 01:00:57,521
All ten of your books have been
hugely popular in Germany.
782
01:00:57,554 --> 01:00:59,656
I even have copies in Japanese.
783
01:00:59,690 --> 01:01:03,127
-Oh, the two peaceful countries.
784
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:04,228
Frances and Roger
785
01:01:04,261 --> 01:01:07,932
told me about Terry.
I'm very sorry.
786
01:01:10,768 --> 01:01:12,870
-Okay, Edith, come on over
this afternoon.
787
01:01:15,672 --> 01:01:18,442
Babe!
788
01:01:18,475 --> 01:01:21,145
My period returned.
789
01:01:28,185 --> 01:01:30,487
Maybe I can have your child
after all.
790
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:31,455
Yes, baby.
791
01:01:32,957 --> 01:01:36,693
-I think Frances and Roger
were right.
792
01:01:36,727 --> 01:01:41,832
It doesn't matter what we say
as... much as how we say it.
793
01:01:41,866 --> 01:01:48,572
Hm. Yeah.
Please... clean the car.
794
01:01:48,605 --> 01:01:52,276
Clean the house, and...
see me in the bedroom.
795
01:01:52,309 --> 01:01:53,577
-You can see more of me
796
01:01:53,610 --> 01:01:55,645
walking away to go garden,
mister.
797
01:02:11,762 --> 01:02:12,963
Chris is the only one here
798
01:02:12,997 --> 01:02:15,800
who works like this.
But she's vastly popular.
799
01:02:18,869 --> 01:02:21,371
-Bill has an inoperable
brain tumor.
800
01:02:21,405 --> 01:02:23,841
I'm working on containing
and shrinking it.
801
01:02:25,810 --> 01:02:27,611
Bill came here on a gurney
802
01:02:27,644 --> 01:02:30,380
from the hospital last week
with two tumors
803
01:02:30,414 --> 01:02:31,648
which Chris shrank.
804
01:02:31,681 --> 01:02:32,883
But one grew back.
805
01:02:36,987 --> 01:02:39,389
I would love to meet Ken later.
806
01:02:39,423 --> 01:02:42,993
Up From Eden was incredible.
I'm a fan.
807
01:02:44,728 --> 01:02:47,564
-Okay, Bill. Off you go.
808
01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:50,968
I feel the cold spot's gone.
You're good for today.
809
01:02:51,001 --> 01:02:52,469
Thanks.
810
01:02:52,502 --> 01:02:53,437
-Treya?
811
01:03:02,679 --> 01:03:06,851
Oh. Hm. Cool here.
812
01:03:08,853 --> 01:03:12,256
Make sure you tell me if you
feel any really cold spots.
813
01:03:12,289 --> 01:03:14,358
-Cool there.
814
01:03:14,391 --> 01:03:15,960
-There's something going on
in the pancreas.
815
01:03:15,993 --> 01:03:19,363
-Oh, I forgot to tell you,
I have diabetes.
816
01:03:19,396 --> 01:03:21,765
-Cancer is caused by a virus...
817
01:03:21,798 --> 01:03:25,369
and that virus
may still be here, hiding,
818
01:03:25,402 --> 01:03:28,906
even though medical doctors
say it's gone.
819
01:03:28,939 --> 01:03:33,878
What I'm doing now
is keeping it from moving.
820
01:03:33,911 --> 01:03:36,413
I had cancer when I was 23.
821
01:03:36,446 --> 01:03:39,683
It led me to all kinds
of doctors and healers.
822
01:03:39,716 --> 01:03:42,652
I was arrested once for healing
a child with leukemia.
823
01:03:42,686 --> 01:03:45,789
Can you imagine that?
Like that's a crime.
824
01:03:45,822 --> 01:03:48,358
It is about raising vibrations.
825
01:03:48,392 --> 01:03:52,762
But it's also mathematical
and totally teachable.
826
01:03:52,796 --> 01:03:55,832
My dream is to go
into a Third World country
827
01:03:55,866 --> 01:03:58,435
and teach others how to heal.
828
01:03:58,468 --> 01:04:00,004
But that's not allowed
in the US.
829
01:04:02,406 --> 01:04:03,807
-Hi, there.
830
01:04:05,342 --> 01:04:08,745
-Ken Wilber.
It's a pleasure.
831
01:04:08,778 --> 01:04:10,780
-Pleasure.
832
01:04:10,814 --> 01:04:13,583
-Do you want to give it a go?
It's perfect timing,
833
01:04:13,617 --> 01:04:16,586
and you'll both know
the method for later.
834
01:04:16,620 --> 01:04:17,621
-Sounds great.
835
01:04:20,824 --> 01:04:22,359
We've been looking forward
to meeting you, Chris.
836
01:04:28,132 --> 01:04:32,469
Okay. Okay.
837
01:04:32,502 --> 01:04:33,703
Okay.
838
01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:38,642
I feel no coldness anywhere.
839
01:04:40,077 --> 01:04:41,478
You?
840
01:04:41,511 --> 01:04:42,546
-Nope.
841
01:04:46,483 --> 01:04:48,852
-Very interesting.
842
01:04:48,885 --> 01:04:52,689
So, there are ten channels
on each side of the brain.
843
01:04:52,722 --> 01:04:54,992
For most people, two or three
sides are opened up.
844
01:04:55,025 --> 01:04:56,994
Four at the most.
845
01:04:57,027 --> 01:05:01,731
In my brain, all ten channels
on both sides are open to ten.
846
01:05:01,765 --> 01:05:03,667
I mean, this kind of thing
doesn't happen
847
01:05:03,700 --> 01:05:06,470
but every 2,000 years.
848
01:05:06,503 --> 01:05:09,539
The last person before me
was the Buddha.
849
01:05:09,573 --> 01:05:13,143
But, Ken, you are open
on one side of your brain to ten
850
01:05:13,177 --> 01:05:17,514
and the other side is seven.
851
01:05:19,516 --> 01:05:22,552
Holy crap.
852
01:05:22,586 --> 01:05:24,521
I really think
that I can open the seven side
853
01:05:24,554 --> 01:05:27,891
all the way up. All the way.
854
01:05:27,924 --> 01:05:32,462
Okay, tell me if you smell
anything strange.
855
01:05:32,496 --> 01:05:34,431
Uh, I smell smoke.
856
01:05:34,464 --> 01:05:36,566
-Good. Good.
857
01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,602
-Now I smell mildew.
858
01:05:40,637 --> 01:05:43,707
Oh, man.
859
01:05:44,841 --> 01:05:46,443
-Both sides are open up to ten.
860
01:05:48,512 --> 01:05:52,182
I'm blown away. Wow.
I mean, so much for the theory
861
01:05:52,216 --> 01:05:55,652
that this only happens to
one person every 2,000 years.
862
01:05:55,685 --> 01:05:58,822
I can't believe it.
It's amazing.
863
01:05:58,855 --> 01:06:00,624
Now there are
two people
864
01:06:00,657 --> 01:06:02,126
right here in this room.
865
01:06:02,159 --> 01:06:03,427
Oh, my god.
866
01:06:03,460 --> 01:06:07,031
It's so crazy.
867
01:06:09,033 --> 01:06:12,036
Cheers to that.
868
01:06:15,572 --> 01:06:17,007
-To Terry's
clean bill of health.
869
01:06:18,908 --> 01:06:21,145
Since a removed
port-a-cath means
870
01:06:21,178 --> 01:06:26,016
they think the possibility
of another occurrence is slim.
871
01:06:26,050 --> 01:06:30,120
Another tequila for everyone.
-
872
01:06:30,154 --> 01:06:31,755
-Trey.
873
01:06:31,788 --> 01:06:33,457
-Thank you.
874
01:06:33,490 --> 01:06:34,458
-Thank you.
875
01:06:34,491 --> 01:06:36,026
-Cheers!
-
876
01:06:54,278 --> 01:06:56,780
Happy birthday.
877
01:07:00,617 --> 01:07:01,818
Oh, we love you.
878
01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:04,988
Thank you.
879
01:07:08,024 --> 01:07:09,926
-Make a wish.
You make a wish.
880
01:07:22,706 --> 01:07:24,040
-"Important voice,"
I think it said.
881
01:07:24,074 --> 01:07:25,742
-I know, it does.
-Mm-hm.
882
01:07:44,228 --> 01:07:47,597
Vicky! Uh-huh.
883
01:07:49,065 --> 01:07:49,999
For CSC?
884
01:07:51,635 --> 01:07:54,003
A 25,000-dollar grant!
885
01:07:54,037 --> 01:07:58,708
Oh, Vicky. Oh, Vicky.
Yes. Yes!
886
01:07:58,742 --> 01:08:00,877
Okay, okay.
887
01:08:02,579 --> 01:08:03,613
All right.
I'll call you back.
888
01:08:03,647 --> 01:08:06,350
Oh.
889
01:08:22,799 --> 01:08:25,769
Eight hundred pages
in a month and a half.
890
01:08:25,802 --> 01:08:26,936
Ken Wilber.
891
01:08:32,976 --> 01:08:34,744
-Must be the new house.
892
01:08:34,778 --> 01:08:36,380
-Yeah, mister... must be.
893
01:08:38,615 --> 01:08:41,151
-She had a bone scan
three months ago?
894
01:08:41,185 --> 01:08:44,954
Yeah, it was clear.
So just a high-density CAT scan
895
01:08:44,988 --> 01:08:48,192
to see what might be causing
the slight waviness in her eye.
896
01:08:48,225 --> 01:08:49,359
-Great.
897
01:08:51,195 --> 01:08:52,862
You can wait down the hall.
- All right.
898
01:08:52,896 --> 01:08:55,865
The doctor should be
with you shortly.
899
01:09:07,211 --> 01:09:08,111
Mr. Wilber?
900
01:09:14,150 --> 01:09:17,120
It looks like there are two
or three tumors in her brain.
901
01:09:24,428 --> 01:09:25,895
One is very large...
902
01:09:32,269 --> 01:09:33,803
perhaps three centimeters.
903
01:09:37,441 --> 01:09:39,876
So we just scanned
her lungs as well.
904
01:09:44,047 --> 01:09:45,014
-Um.
905
01:09:53,056 --> 01:09:56,693
-She has multiple tumors
throughout both lungs...
906
01:10:06,270 --> 01:10:07,704
possibly a dozen altogether.
907
01:10:12,409 --> 01:10:15,078
I'm as shocked by this
as you are.
908
01:10:15,111 --> 01:10:16,713
I think the best thing to do
909
01:10:16,746 --> 01:10:22,118
would be to tell her in my
office tomorrow morning. Please.
910
01:10:22,151 --> 01:10:23,720
I think
the best thing to do
911
01:10:23,753 --> 01:10:28,392
would be to tell her in my
office tomorrow morning. Please.
912
01:10:28,425 --> 01:10:29,793
I want to have
all the information
913
01:10:29,826 --> 01:10:31,761
ready for her beforehand.
914
01:10:36,966 --> 01:10:38,101
-Yeah. Right. Of course.
915
01:10:52,015 --> 01:10:54,851
* We rattle a gateless gate
916
01:11:00,189 --> 01:11:03,226
* And push against
A weightless weight *
917
01:11:09,299 --> 01:11:12,001
* Looking for
A stateless state *
918
01:11:12,035 --> 01:11:14,270
-I don't think it's anything.
919
01:11:14,304 --> 01:11:15,839
I feel clear.
920
01:11:15,872 --> 01:11:17,173
-* Nicola
921
01:11:17,206 --> 01:11:19,108
-It's probably
related to blood sugar.
922
01:11:19,142 --> 01:11:22,446
-* Whatever love creates
923
01:11:22,479 --> 01:11:24,314
-We're gonna have
a great life together, babe.
924
01:11:24,348 --> 01:11:26,082
You don't have to look
so worried.
925
01:11:26,115 --> 01:11:29,453
-Right. No. Of course.
Definitely.
926
01:11:29,486 --> 01:11:33,222
-* And all these twins
927
01:11:33,256 --> 01:11:35,325
* With different faces
- * With different faces
928
01:11:37,494 --> 01:11:40,464
-* Fallen from the womb
- * Fallen from the womb
929
01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:46,202
-* Risen from the tomb
- * Risen from the tomb
930
01:11:46,235 --> 01:11:49,138
-* Carried in perfume
- * Carried in perfume
931
01:11:51,541 --> 01:11:53,477
-* Nicola
- * Nicola
932
01:12:11,227 --> 01:12:14,330
-* All the ones alive today
933
01:12:14,364 --> 01:12:18,835
No. No!
No, no, no.
934
01:12:18,868 --> 01:12:21,438
I don't give a fuck!
Damn it, damn it!
935
01:12:21,471 --> 01:12:24,974
-* Are the ones
That passed away *
936
01:12:25,008 --> 01:12:28,945
-No! It's not fair!
It's not fucking fair!
937
01:12:28,978 --> 01:12:32,081
-* Are the ones on the way
938
01:12:32,115 --> 01:12:36,386
And I could see it
written on your face.
939
01:12:36,420 --> 01:12:40,023
-* Nicola
-No! Please!
940
01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:54,137
I don't understand.
941
01:12:54,170 --> 01:12:56,473
I don't understand.
942
01:12:58,642 --> 01:13:01,945
Please. Please. Please.
943
01:13:01,978 --> 01:13:05,048
Please, No, No, No, No
944
01:13:10,353 --> 01:13:13,322
But I want to have your baby.
945
01:13:13,356 --> 01:13:17,060
that's all.
946
01:13:17,093 --> 01:13:19,896
Please, please, please.
947
01:13:23,933 --> 01:13:24,901
No.
948
01:13:33,076 --> 01:13:37,547
However you wanna do it...
whatever you want.
949
01:13:51,427 --> 01:13:52,929
Janker Klinik.
950
01:13:55,164 --> 01:13:56,900
-Is that your choice?
951
01:13:56,933 --> 01:14:00,504
Short-term, high-dose.
Germany.
952
01:14:00,537 --> 01:14:02,271
-So aggressive people
953
01:14:02,305 --> 01:14:06,242
sometimes have to be put
on life support.
954
01:14:06,275 --> 01:14:12,081
But Bob Marley, Yul Brynner,
70 percent remission rate.
955
01:14:18,321 --> 01:14:22,358
I want to go.
I want to try this.
956
01:14:46,349 --> 01:14:48,117
-Would you recommend
this particular treatment
957
01:14:48,151 --> 01:14:50,286
for your wife?
958
01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:52,589
Never ask a doctor
959
01:14:52,622 --> 01:14:55,625
if he recommends
the treatment for his wife.
960
01:14:55,659 --> 01:14:58,562
You don't know
how they get along!
961
01:14:58,595 --> 01:15:01,197
No, you best ask,
962
01:15:01,230 --> 01:15:04,534
would he recommend this
for his daughter.
963
01:15:06,636 --> 01:15:08,705
-Well, for your daughter?
964
01:15:08,738 --> 01:15:13,543
We do not do
long-term treatments,
965
01:15:13,577 --> 01:15:16,312
as is common in America.
966
01:15:16,345 --> 01:15:22,586
Now we-we find that it lowers
the quality of life.
967
01:15:22,619 --> 01:15:24,721
We must always remember that--
968
01:15:24,754 --> 01:15:31,427
that surrounding this tumor
is a human being.
969
01:15:31,460 --> 01:15:35,198
And also-- it also
damages the soul.
970
01:15:35,231 --> 01:15:39,135
This is high-dose, short-term.
We knock it out.
971
01:15:39,168 --> 01:15:41,771
Your white blood cell count
will drop.
972
01:15:41,805 --> 01:15:44,240
And then they will rise again
to 1,500.
973
01:15:44,273 --> 01:15:46,309
And then you can
leave the hospital at
974
01:15:46,342 --> 01:15:49,545
at 1,800.
You can take a trip.
975
01:15:49,579 --> 01:15:54,350
And when it's back up to 2,500,
we can begin the next treatment.
976
01:16:03,259 --> 01:16:05,595
It's two Kolsch for five marks.
977
01:16:10,433 --> 01:16:11,835
Dr. Scheef installed it.
978
01:16:13,837 --> 01:16:17,073
He drinks 10 or 15 a day.
979
01:16:17,106 --> 01:16:19,308
-Really. Hmm.
980
01:16:20,844 --> 01:16:23,212
-He says it's the only alcohol
that puts more into your system
981
01:16:23,246 --> 01:16:26,215
than it takes out.
982
01:16:26,249 --> 01:16:28,084
-Really?
-Hm.
983
01:16:28,117 --> 01:16:29,653
Dr. Scheef told me
about your books.
984
01:16:29,686 --> 01:16:31,587
He says you're famous.
985
01:16:31,621 --> 01:16:34,357
-Really?
986
01:16:34,390 --> 01:16:37,226
-You know, he's amazing.
987
01:16:37,260 --> 01:16:41,464
There was a German woman,
severe ovarian cancer.
988
01:16:41,497 --> 01:16:44,300
She wanted to
go visit her son in LA,
989
01:16:44,333 --> 01:16:46,202
but she didn't have
money nor a visa.
990
01:16:46,235 --> 01:16:48,404
And I heard Scheef,
he surprised her with both
991
01:16:48,437 --> 01:16:51,174
for a gift
for finishing treatment.
992
01:16:51,207 --> 01:16:53,309
-Really?
993
01:16:53,342 --> 01:16:54,377
-Really.
994
01:17:13,396 --> 01:17:14,698
Treya was running the risk
995
01:17:14,731 --> 01:17:18,134
of catching pneumonia,
though she went from 103.6
996
01:17:18,167 --> 01:17:20,737
to just under a hundred
this morning.
997
01:17:20,770 --> 01:17:22,806
And Dr. Scheef thinks
the radiation and sulfamide
998
01:17:22,839 --> 01:17:25,274
are helping. So...
999
01:17:25,308 --> 01:17:27,510
looks like we're starting
a specialized chemo treatment
1000
01:17:27,543 --> 01:17:30,279
on Monday.
1001
01:17:30,313 --> 01:17:33,649
Treya, still amazing
at every turn.
1002
01:17:41,557 --> 01:17:45,361
-Okay. I think
I'm ready for lunch.
1003
01:17:45,394 --> 01:17:47,496
Dear loved ones,
1004
01:17:47,530 --> 01:17:50,433
I can't thank you enough
for your letters and calls.
1005
01:17:52,769 --> 01:17:57,440
It feels wonderful, like
floating in a caressing ocean.
1006
01:17:57,473 --> 01:17:58,507
And Ken has been the best
1007
01:17:58,541 --> 01:18:01,277
support person.
It's unappreciated,
1008
01:18:01,310 --> 01:18:03,880
and yet he's vibrant,
with dedication and humor.
1009
01:18:03,913 --> 01:18:05,581
He's half of my soul.
1010
01:18:05,614 --> 01:18:06,883
God, I love this man.
1011
01:18:09,185 --> 01:18:11,855
He holds my hand,
makes me laugh,
1012
01:18:11,888 --> 01:18:15,792
runs errands,
picks out fresh vegetables.
1013
01:18:18,795 --> 01:18:21,364
Kati was just here for ten days.
1014
01:18:21,397 --> 01:18:22,866
-Wow, she's an amazing listener.
1015
01:18:22,899 --> 01:18:26,302
Mom and Dad
have been so supportive.
1016
01:18:26,335 --> 01:18:29,205
And Ken's parents
who are so loving,
1017
01:18:29,238 --> 01:18:32,441
my friends in Colorado,
at the CSC,
1018
01:18:32,475 --> 01:18:36,712
my Findhorn friends...
and my sweet Vicky.
1019
01:18:36,746 --> 01:18:40,750
-And I have complete faith
in Herr Dr. Professor Scheef
1020
01:18:40,784 --> 01:18:43,887
who runs the Janker Klinik.
1021
01:18:43,920 --> 01:18:45,554
The drug he's using,
which he developed,
1022
01:18:45,588 --> 01:18:46,956
only just got approved
in the US
1023
01:18:46,990 --> 01:18:49,392
because it's so potent.
1024
01:18:49,425 --> 01:18:52,628
I can't say how much easier
it is though.
1025
01:18:52,661 --> 01:18:53,963
-I've moved through a lot.
1026
01:18:53,997 --> 01:18:55,698
From intense anger and crying,
1027
01:18:55,731 --> 01:18:59,702
to thoughts of death and fears
of what pain may come.
1028
01:18:59,735 --> 01:19:02,571
-Then to thoughts of all those
suffering on this planet,
1029
01:19:02,605 --> 01:19:04,808
and then I feel
a wave of calmness.
1030
01:19:04,841 --> 01:19:07,243
A feeling
of not being alone in it,
1031
01:19:07,276 --> 01:19:09,678
and some sort of
greater connection.
1032
01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:13,817
-I read an article
in the New York Times yesterday
1033
01:19:13,850 --> 01:19:16,452
on a study by Dr. Sandra Levy.
1034
01:19:16,485 --> 01:19:19,455
She found that
for the survival rate of women
1035
01:19:19,488 --> 01:19:21,825
who had had advanced
breast cancer,
1036
01:19:21,858 --> 01:19:25,661
the only psychological factor
that seemed to matter
1037
01:19:25,694 --> 01:19:28,497
was sense of joy in life.
1038
01:19:31,434 --> 01:19:36,272
That first noble truth:
there is suffering in the world.
1039
01:19:36,305 --> 01:19:37,773
To take part in it
1040
01:19:37,807 --> 01:19:40,509
feels like I'm engaged on
a special journey,
1041
01:19:40,543 --> 01:19:43,779
only taken up by those
who can handle it.
1042
01:19:43,813 --> 01:19:47,616
I call it passionate equanimity.
1043
01:19:47,650 --> 01:19:52,588
I do all I can, but without
attachment to the results.
1044
01:19:52,621 --> 01:19:54,423
Just for the love of it.
1045
01:19:54,457 --> 01:19:55,424
Just for the love of it.
1046
01:19:55,458 --> 01:19:56,792
-The love of life.
1047
01:19:56,826 --> 01:19:57,927
The love of life.
1048
01:20:03,399 --> 01:20:07,036
-Hey, Norbert.
Yeah, I'm up in the room.
1049
01:20:07,070 --> 01:20:09,738
Am I missing any action
at the front desk?
1050
01:20:09,772 --> 01:20:13,409
No, no, um, maybe
just some towels.
1051
01:20:13,442 --> 01:20:15,578
Yeah, she's recovering
from the second.
1052
01:20:15,611 --> 01:20:16,712
It's a lung infection,
1053
01:20:16,745 --> 01:20:19,415
so I've had to stay away
while her counts are low.
1054
01:20:19,448 --> 01:20:20,649
Mm-hm.
1055
01:20:20,683 --> 01:20:22,051
Yeah, I'm journaling,
you know her.
1056
01:20:24,020 --> 01:20:27,756
Yeah, I can't believe it.
It's almost four months.
1057
01:20:27,790 --> 01:20:29,658
Listen, uh, I'm going to
go out for a while,
1058
01:20:29,692 --> 01:20:34,330
in case she calls. I just,
I just need to get some air.
1059
01:20:34,363 --> 01:20:35,664
Yeah, thanks.
1060
01:20:48,777 --> 01:20:49,712
-Ken!
1061
01:20:55,618 --> 01:20:59,755
No more drinking for you.
You have to be strong.
1062
01:20:59,788 --> 01:21:00,890
I don't want
to be strong, Norbert.
1063
01:21:03,059 --> 01:21:05,461
I want to be weak and spineless
for a while.
1064
01:21:06,829 --> 01:21:08,597
Ken.
1065
01:21:08,631 --> 01:21:09,532
-Suits me better.
1066
01:21:10,833 --> 01:21:11,800
Ken.
1067
01:21:21,644 --> 01:21:24,080
Men and women
were once whole,
1068
01:21:24,113 --> 01:21:25,714
but were torn in two.
1069
01:21:25,748 --> 01:21:28,384
Men and women were once whole
but were torn in two,
1070
01:21:28,417 --> 01:21:31,420
and the pursuit and desire
of that whole.
1071
01:21:31,454 --> 01:21:33,856
And the pursuit and desire
of that whole is called love.
1072
01:21:33,889 --> 01:21:35,658
Is called love.
1073
01:24:43,246 --> 01:24:47,616
I think I had a dream.
I was looking for you.
1074
01:24:47,650 --> 01:24:50,986
There was a mountain.
1075
01:24:51,019 --> 01:24:54,757
And an ocean.
1076
01:24:54,790 --> 01:24:57,293
And millions of stars.
1077
01:25:01,864 --> 01:25:02,998
Where were you?
1078
01:25:07,002 --> 01:25:09,705
Here.
1079
01:25:09,738 --> 01:25:11,874
And am I ever glad
you're here too.
1080
01:25:14,310 --> 01:25:17,213
You always promised
you'd find me, you know.
1081
01:25:21,984 --> 01:25:25,221
Maybe we're
in each other's dream.
1082
01:25:25,254 --> 01:25:26,389
Is that possible?
1083
01:25:31,260 --> 01:25:32,295
Give me your hand.
1084
01:25:45,107 --> 01:25:47,676
"Sam, I'm only
updating you because you said
1085
01:25:47,710 --> 01:25:50,246
"otherwise you wouldn't
publish my next book
1086
01:25:50,279 --> 01:25:52,881
in the event I ever write one."
1087
01:25:52,915 --> 01:25:53,949
We've
tried all the treatments
1088
01:25:53,982 --> 01:25:56,051
sane men have come up with.
1089
01:25:56,084 --> 01:25:58,854
None of them have worked,
so we've settled on
1090
01:25:58,887 --> 01:26:01,324
the Kelly/Gonzales
enzyme program.
1091
01:26:01,357 --> 01:26:04,026
Gonzales runs it now.
He says Kelly went bonkers,
1092
01:26:04,059 --> 01:26:07,930
that he's out there talking to
little men from other planets.
1093
01:26:07,963 --> 01:26:11,200
Somehow Treya and I found that
strangely reassuring.
1094
01:26:11,234 --> 01:26:13,101
The studies
are actually amazing.
1095
01:26:13,135 --> 01:26:14,703
The five-year survival rate
1096
01:26:14,737 --> 01:26:16,939
for Treya's general type of
metastatic breast cancer
1097
01:26:16,972 --> 01:26:18,974
is exactly zero percent.
1098
01:26:19,007 --> 01:26:20,976
But in Gonzales' study,
there are already three
1099
01:26:21,009 --> 01:26:24,747
five-year plus survivors,
even one over 17 years.
1100
01:26:24,780 --> 01:26:27,783
So, it's no fly-by-night clinic,
1101
01:26:27,816 --> 01:26:31,654
though we would try those too
if we thought it would help.
1102
01:26:31,687 --> 01:26:33,222
Gonzales uses blood analysis
1103
01:26:33,256 --> 01:26:36,259
to indicate the extent
of tumor activity,
1104
01:26:36,292 --> 01:26:39,262
and before we told him,
he nailed all the same facts
1105
01:26:39,295 --> 01:26:42,097
informed of through
conventional medicine.
1106
01:26:42,130 --> 01:26:44,667
His test measures
tumor activity in the body
1107
01:26:44,700 --> 01:26:48,103
from zero to 50,
with 45 being incurable.
1108
01:26:48,136 --> 01:26:51,274
Treya scored a 38.
1109
01:26:51,307 --> 01:26:54,243
The disconcerting thing
is that when it's working,
1110
01:26:54,277 --> 01:26:57,446
when tumors are being dissolved,
they flare up.
1111
01:26:57,480 --> 01:27:00,916
So, Gonzales' tests showing
that Treya is getting better
1112
01:27:00,949 --> 01:27:02,785
is interpreted by
the conventional doctors
1113
01:27:02,818 --> 01:27:06,021
that Treya is dying.
1114
01:27:06,054 --> 01:27:09,725
And Treya, of course,
handles this like a champion.
1115
01:27:12,194 --> 01:27:14,263
And Hazel'll be happy to know,
if I don't write another book,
1116
01:27:14,297 --> 01:27:16,899
I'll be able to make it
as a care person,
1117
01:27:16,932 --> 01:27:18,401
or at least a maid.
1118
01:27:20,336 --> 01:27:24,340
Like a couple of kids, somehow,
we're having a ball with it.
1119
01:27:27,776 --> 01:27:29,211
An average CEA,
1120
01:27:29,244 --> 01:27:31,947
which indicates the amount
of active cancer in your body,
1121
01:27:31,980 --> 01:27:33,849
measures zero to five.
1122
01:27:33,882 --> 01:27:36,819
Yours was 7.7 in January.
1123
01:27:36,852 --> 01:27:39,355
After your first treatment
in Germany, it was 13,
1124
01:27:39,388 --> 01:27:42,325
then 16.7 when you got home.
1125
01:27:42,358 --> 01:27:45,027
This read is at 21.
1126
01:27:45,060 --> 01:27:49,164
Now, Treya, I'm telling you that
what we're seeing here is real.
1127
01:27:49,197 --> 01:27:51,900
I strongly recommend starting
an immediate high-dose chemo
1128
01:27:51,934 --> 01:27:53,802
followed by
a bone marrow transplant.
1129
01:27:55,170 --> 01:27:57,473
We're gonna talk it over
and we'll let you know.
1130
01:27:57,506 --> 01:27:58,407
Okay.
1131
01:28:15,257 --> 01:28:16,892
Dr. Gonzales' office.
1132
01:28:16,925 --> 01:28:19,495
Hi Lisa.
It's Treya for Dr. Gonzales.
1133
01:28:19,528 --> 01:28:21,830
Oh hi, Treya, one moment.
1134
01:28:21,864 --> 01:28:22,865
Thank you.
1135
01:28:24,833 --> 01:28:27,470
Hey guys, great news.
1136
01:28:27,503 --> 01:28:30,773
Your score dropped
from 38 to 33,
1137
01:28:30,806 --> 01:28:32,475
the biggest drop I've ever seen
1138
01:28:32,508 --> 01:28:34,777
in only one month
on the program.
1139
01:28:34,810 --> 01:28:36,879
Now, some of that drop
may be due to
1140
01:28:36,912 --> 01:28:38,981
the anti-estrogens
you're taking,
1141
01:28:39,014 --> 01:28:42,351
but I think this is
definitely gonna work.
1142
01:28:42,385 --> 01:28:43,819
* Nicola
1143
01:28:45,320 --> 01:28:48,223
* Whatever love will make
1144
01:28:50,158 --> 01:28:54,963
* Love erases
1145
01:28:54,997 --> 01:28:59,001
* And all these twins
1146
01:28:59,034 --> 01:29:03,105
* With different faces
1147
01:29:03,138 --> 01:29:07,543
* Fallen from the womb
1148
01:29:07,576 --> 01:29:12,014
* Risen from the tomb
1149
01:29:12,047 --> 01:29:15,017
* Carried in perfume
1150
01:29:17,019 --> 01:29:19,254
* Nicola
1151
01:29:29,565 --> 01:29:31,233
Thank you.
1152
01:29:31,266 --> 01:29:34,369
I have one more for you called
"I Want To Live,"
1153
01:29:34,403 --> 01:29:37,372
but first I'd like to introduce
a dear friend of mine
1154
01:29:37,406 --> 01:29:39,307
who's going to share
a few words.
1155
01:29:39,341 --> 01:29:41,109
Treya Wilber.
1156
01:29:47,516 --> 01:29:48,617
Thank you.
1157
01:29:48,651 --> 01:29:49,552
Yeah.
1158
01:30:02,431 --> 01:30:07,035
-Hello. My name
is Treya Killam Wilber.
1159
01:30:07,069 --> 01:30:10,372
Many of you here
have known me as Terry.
1160
01:30:10,405 --> 01:30:13,075
I've been involved with
Windstar from the early days.
1161
01:30:15,210 --> 01:30:19,081
Five years ago,
in August of '83,
1162
01:30:19,114 --> 01:30:23,018
I met and totally fell in love
with Ken Wilber.
1163
01:30:23,051 --> 01:30:26,455
I always used to call it
love at first touch.
1164
01:30:26,489 --> 01:30:28,290
We were married.
1165
01:30:28,323 --> 01:30:30,593
And then, ten days
after our wedding,
1166
01:30:30,626 --> 01:30:33,629
I was diagnosed with
stage two breast cancer.
1167
01:30:35,631 --> 01:30:37,700
We spent our honeymoon
in the hospital.
1168
01:30:39,602 --> 01:30:43,071
Since then,
I've had two recurrences,
1169
01:30:43,105 --> 01:30:45,140
and many types of treatment,
1170
01:30:45,173 --> 01:30:47,442
both conventional
and alternative.
1171
01:30:49,177 --> 01:30:51,680
But in January of this year,
1172
01:30:51,714 --> 01:30:55,450
we discovered the cancer
had metastasized,
1173
01:30:55,484 --> 01:30:58,521
that it had spread
to my brain and to my lungs.
1174
01:31:01,023 --> 01:31:03,692
So, when Tommy asked me to speak
at this event,
1175
01:31:03,726 --> 01:31:08,363
I thought, well,
perhaps I can look at
1176
01:31:08,396 --> 01:31:12,501
what I've done with my life
since the diagnosis.
1177
01:31:12,535 --> 01:31:14,402
I co-founded
the Cancer Support Community
1178
01:31:14,436 --> 01:31:17,005
in San Francisco.
1179
01:31:17,039 --> 01:31:18,507
I've written
as honestly as I can
1180
01:31:18,541 --> 01:31:20,375
about my inner explorations
1181
01:31:20,408 --> 01:31:24,279
in a way that many tell me
they've found helpful.
1182
01:31:24,312 --> 01:31:26,414
And I plan to publish a book.
1183
01:31:26,448 --> 01:31:28,751
Maybe my letters
to many of you will be in it.
1184
01:31:31,019 --> 01:31:35,591
But then I realized, oh,
I'd fallen into a familiar trap.
1185
01:31:35,624 --> 01:31:40,028
I'm equating success
with achievement.
1186
01:31:40,062 --> 01:31:45,000
Learning to make friends
with perhaps painful death
1187
01:31:45,033 --> 01:31:46,268
has taught me a great deal
1188
01:31:46,301 --> 01:31:50,739
about making friends
with myself as I am,
1189
01:31:50,773 --> 01:31:54,710
and a great deal about making
friends with life as it is.
1190
01:31:57,379 --> 01:31:59,314
There's an old saying,
1191
01:31:59,347 --> 01:32:03,451
it's popular among people
with cancer that goes...
1192
01:32:05,621 --> 01:32:09,024
I'm lucky because I've been
given advanced warning
1193
01:32:09,057 --> 01:32:12,094
and the time to act
on that warning.
1194
01:32:12,127 --> 01:32:15,598
Because
I can no longer ignore death,
1195
01:32:15,631 --> 01:32:18,500
I pay more attention to life.
1196
01:33:07,182 --> 01:33:09,317
-Yes, it's true
that if the enzymes
1197
01:33:09,351 --> 01:33:11,586
Gonzales has you on
were breaking the tumors down,
1198
01:33:11,620 --> 01:33:12,721
they would swell,
1199
01:33:12,755 --> 01:33:15,624
and a CAT scan wouldn't
differentiate that.
1200
01:33:15,658 --> 01:33:18,360
But you have an average
tumor growth rate
1201
01:33:18,393 --> 01:33:21,363
of over 30 percent
in a short period of time.
1202
01:33:21,396 --> 01:33:23,699
And because of the growth
of the large brain tumor
1203
01:33:23,732 --> 01:33:25,333
and the swelling
of the right brain,
1204
01:33:25,367 --> 01:33:26,802
it's pushed
the left side of your brain
1205
01:33:26,835 --> 01:33:28,737
just a bit out of place.
1206
01:33:28,771 --> 01:33:31,139
So this is what accounts
for some of your symptoms,
1207
01:33:31,173 --> 01:33:35,678
the headaches, the fullness,
disorientation.
1208
01:33:35,711 --> 01:33:38,113
-That's why the pain
in the back of my eyes
1209
01:33:38,146 --> 01:33:41,283
goes away when I sleep
with my head raised.
1210
01:33:41,316 --> 01:33:46,321
-Yes. Now, look.
1211
01:33:46,354 --> 01:33:49,157
I am familiar with
Gonzalez's program
1212
01:33:49,191 --> 01:33:50,492
and I don't mean to alarm you,
1213
01:33:50,525 --> 01:33:52,594
but I do want you
to hear it straight.
1214
01:33:52,627 --> 01:33:54,196
Despite what
his radiologist says,
1215
01:33:54,229 --> 01:33:56,164
this is not
an inflammatory reaction
1216
01:33:56,198 --> 01:33:57,800
brought on by tumor necrosis.
1217
01:33:57,833 --> 01:34:00,568
-If your understanding
of this is accurate, though,
1218
01:34:00,602 --> 01:34:03,538
chemo doesn't offer
a solution either, correct?
1219
01:34:07,142 --> 01:34:08,410
-Likely not.
1220
01:34:08,443 --> 01:34:11,313
Though there are other drugs
you can try with it.
1221
01:34:11,346 --> 01:34:14,917
-I'm not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of pain.
1222
01:34:18,320 --> 01:34:19,888
-Let me assure you,
we can handle that.
1223
01:34:21,623 --> 01:34:23,225
I promise you that won't happen.
1224
01:34:30,232 --> 01:34:32,768
-Otherwise, you okay?
1225
01:34:34,803 --> 01:34:35,838
-Yes.
1226
01:34:39,541 --> 01:34:42,210
When I die,
I'll just dissolve back.
1227
01:34:43,545 --> 01:34:45,247
That's not frightening.
1228
01:34:48,250 --> 01:34:50,385
-You know, I have never
had a patient like you.
1229
01:34:52,487 --> 01:34:53,655
May I tell you that?
1230
01:34:59,895 --> 01:35:01,196
-Thank you.
1231
01:35:45,540 --> 01:35:46,541
-Hi, babe.
1232
01:35:49,912 --> 01:35:51,246
-Hey, lover.
1233
01:35:53,248 --> 01:35:55,350
I was looking for you
in my dream.
1234
01:36:01,756 --> 01:36:03,691
-I was looking for you
in this house.
1235
01:36:06,361 --> 01:36:07,695
-I was dreaming about you too.
1236
01:36:14,870 --> 01:36:17,572
-I can barely feel it,
1237
01:36:17,605 --> 01:36:19,041
but it's cold, huh?
1238
01:36:20,608 --> 01:36:22,777
Does this answer that?
1239
01:36:25,780 --> 01:36:27,715
-Let's get back to bed.
1240
01:36:35,590 --> 01:36:37,459
Can you carry me?
1241
01:36:40,462 --> 01:36:41,463
-Of course.
1242
01:36:57,645 --> 01:37:01,649
"Moreover,
much as you may wander,
1243
01:37:01,683 --> 01:37:04,552
"you must return
ultimately to the Self,
1244
01:37:12,027 --> 01:37:15,330
"so why not abide
in the Self here and now.
1245
01:37:18,033 --> 01:37:20,768
Grace is there all along."
1246
01:37:27,642 --> 01:37:28,776
I'm going.
1247
01:37:36,919 --> 01:37:38,086
-Okay.
1248
01:37:49,631 --> 01:37:54,669
-Wait. Wait. Sweetheart...
1249
01:37:58,540 --> 01:38:00,642
I want to write something
in my journal.
1250
01:38:46,654 --> 01:38:47,789
Do you understand?
1251
01:38:50,892 --> 01:38:51,960
-I think so.
1252
01:38:58,766 --> 01:38:59,968
Come on, gorgeous.
1253
01:39:02,504 --> 01:39:04,172
Let me take my girl to our room.
1254
01:39:42,144 --> 01:39:46,781
-I'm going.
I can't believe it.
1255
01:39:48,050 --> 01:39:49,684
I'm going.
1256
01:39:52,854 --> 01:39:59,794
I'm so happy. I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
1257
01:39:59,827 --> 01:40:02,664
I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
1258
01:40:10,038 --> 01:40:12,006
But I don't want to leave you.
1259
01:40:15,543 --> 01:40:16,878
I love you so much.
1260
01:40:18,246 --> 01:40:21,683
I can't leave you.
1261
01:40:21,716 --> 01:40:23,585
I love you so much.
1262
01:40:26,088 --> 01:40:27,789
Honey.
1263
01:40:31,559 --> 01:40:33,095
-I love you so much.
1264
01:40:34,629 --> 01:40:40,502
-Honey, if it's time to go,
then it's time to go.
1265
01:40:40,535 --> 01:40:44,639
Don't worry, I'll find you.
1266
01:40:45,840 --> 01:40:47,709
I found you before.
1267
01:40:49,043 --> 01:40:52,180
I promise I'll find you again.
1268
01:40:54,782 --> 01:40:56,551
-You promise you'll find me?
1269
01:40:58,586 --> 01:41:00,088
-I promise.
1270
01:41:12,134 --> 01:41:14,035
I promise.
1271
01:41:25,180 --> 01:41:27,282
-Forever and forever?
1272
01:41:27,315 --> 01:41:29,684
-Forever and forever.
1273
01:41:38,226 --> 01:41:39,894
-Then I can go.
1274
01:41:42,297 --> 01:41:44,166
I can't believe it.
1275
01:41:45,267 --> 01:41:46,701
I'm so happy.
1276
01:41:54,376 --> 01:41:58,646
This has been so much harder
than I thought.
1277
01:42:03,218 --> 01:42:06,854
It's been so hard.
1278
01:42:06,888 --> 01:42:09,090
Oh honey, it's been so hard.
1279
01:42:12,260 --> 01:42:16,964
-I know, sweetheart. I know.
1280
01:42:24,172 --> 01:42:25,840
-You promise you'll be there?
1281
01:42:28,376 --> 01:42:32,980
-I promise you I'll be there.
1282
01:42:53,768 --> 01:42:56,103
-You're the greatest man
I've ever known.
1283
01:42:58,840 --> 01:43:00,107
My champion.
1284
01:43:02,710 --> 01:43:04,279
My champion.
1285
01:43:20,795 --> 01:43:22,196
I'll find you.
1286
01:43:39,247 --> 01:43:41,849
You're the only...
1287
01:43:49,090 --> 01:43:52,226
I'll find you, honey.
1288
01:43:54,996 --> 01:43:56,864
I will...
1289
01:45:41,869 --> 01:45:42,937
You promise?
1290
01:45:46,841 --> 01:45:48,042
I promise.
1291
01:46:11,032 --> 01:46:13,200
-My name is
Treya Killam Wilber.
1292
01:46:13,234 --> 01:46:15,336
A lot of you've known me
in the past as Terry.
1293
01:46:15,369 --> 01:46:17,138
I've been involved with
Windstar from the early days.
1294
01:46:19,574 --> 01:46:22,944
Five years ago this same month,
in August of '83,
1295
01:46:22,977 --> 01:46:26,113
I met and totally fell in love
with Ken Wilber.
1296
01:46:26,147 --> 01:46:29,216
I always called it
love at first touch.
1297
01:46:29,250 --> 01:46:31,953
We were married less than
four months later.
1298
01:46:31,986 --> 01:46:33,555
But ten days after our wedding,
1299
01:46:33,588 --> 01:46:37,224
I was diagnosed with
stage two breast cancer.
1300
01:46:37,258 --> 01:46:38,893
We spent our honeymoon
in the hospital.
1301
01:46:41,295 --> 01:46:43,230
I've...I've had
two local recurrences
1302
01:46:43,264 --> 01:46:44,499
and a number of treatments,
1303
01:46:44,532 --> 01:46:46,300
both conventional
and alternative,
1304
01:46:46,333 --> 01:46:48,970
in the intervening years.
1305
01:46:49,003 --> 01:46:50,271
But just this January,
1306
01:46:50,304 --> 01:46:53,007
we discovered that the cancer
had metastasized,
1307
01:46:53,040 --> 01:46:55,309
that it had spread
to my brain and to my lungs.
1308
01:46:56,544 --> 01:46:58,012
The doctors we've consulted
have said
1309
01:46:58,045 --> 01:47:01,583
I have two to four years
to live.
1310
01:47:01,616 --> 01:47:04,218
Because I could
no longer ignore death,
1311
01:47:04,251 --> 01:47:06,020
I pay more attention to life.
1312
01:47:08,355 --> 01:47:10,492
In the years
after Treya passed,
1313
01:47:10,525 --> 01:47:14,996
I began slowly working my way
back into the world.
1314
01:47:15,029 --> 01:47:18,600
I began writing again,
starting with Grace and Grit ,
1315
01:47:18,633 --> 01:47:22,336
which I had promised her
I would write.
1316
01:47:22,369 --> 01:47:25,239
Usually, my books
are dedicated to a person
1317
01:47:25,272 --> 01:47:27,609
important in my life.
1318
01:47:27,642 --> 01:47:32,013
But the next ten books I wrote
over the next ten years
1319
01:47:32,046 --> 01:47:34,448
had no dedications at all
1320
01:47:34,482 --> 01:47:37,685
because each of them
were dedicated to her
1321
01:47:37,719 --> 01:47:42,590
in simple, ongoing
gratefulness.
1322
01:47:42,624 --> 01:47:46,260
Those years with Treya
are etched into my soul
1323
01:47:46,293 --> 01:47:49,597
and somehow,
our love lives on.
1324
01:48:10,051 --> 01:48:13,287
* We rattle a gateless gate
1325
01:48:18,459 --> 01:48:22,163
* And push against
A weightless weight *
1326
01:48:27,268 --> 01:48:30,504
* Looking for
A stateless state *
1327
01:48:34,175 --> 01:48:36,243
* Nicola
1328
01:48:37,612 --> 01:48:40,514
* Whatever love will make
1329
01:48:42,116 --> 01:48:45,452
* Love erases
1330
01:48:47,288 --> 01:48:51,025
* And all these twins
1331
01:48:51,058 --> 01:48:54,095
* With different faces
1332
01:48:55,496 --> 01:48:59,500
* Fallen from the womb
1333
01:48:59,533 --> 01:49:04,171
* Risen from the tomb
1334
01:49:04,205 --> 01:49:07,241
* Carried in perfume
1335
01:49:09,376 --> 01:49:11,378
* Nicola
1336
01:49:14,081 --> 01:49:20,421
* Ooohh
1337
01:49:22,456 --> 01:49:27,662
* Ooohh
1338
01:49:29,196 --> 01:49:32,767
* All the ones alive today
1339
01:49:37,839 --> 01:49:41,542
* Are the ones
That passed away *
1340
01:49:46,681 --> 01:49:50,384
* Are the ones
Who're on their way *
1341
01:49:53,520 --> 01:49:55,522
* Nicola
1342
01:49:57,091 --> 01:50:00,127
* Whatever love will take
1343
01:50:01,428 --> 01:50:05,299
* Love replaces
1344
01:50:06,567 --> 01:50:10,271
* And all these twins
1345
01:50:10,304 --> 01:50:13,574
* With different faces
1346
01:50:14,776 --> 01:50:19,080
* Fallen from the womb
1347
01:50:19,113 --> 01:50:23,350
* Risen from the tomb
1348
01:50:23,384 --> 01:50:26,888
* Carried in perfume
1349
01:50:28,856 --> 01:50:30,892
* Nicola
1350
01:50:33,460 --> 01:50:40,534
* Ooohh
1351
01:50:42,169 --> 01:50:46,808
* Ooohh
90584
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