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1
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:16,449
Okay, I know I said I
couldn't get enough,
2
00:00:16,482 --> 00:00:18,684
but this past week
of perpetual boinking
3
00:00:18,717 --> 00:00:20,453
is leaving me pretty brainless.
4
00:00:20,486 --> 00:00:23,056
Oh, I can barely move. Ow.
5
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:26,292
Yeah, I gotta stretch.
6
00:00:26,325 --> 00:00:29,262
I gotta pee but...
I don't think I can.
7
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:30,797
Don't make me laugh.
8
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,765
Ow. I for sure am
gonna have a UTI.
9
00:00:32,798 --> 00:00:34,534
- At least we made up for lost time.
- Ow.
10
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:36,335
Especially with me going
to Camera Shy this weekend.
11
00:00:36,368 --> 00:00:37,670
Yeah, remind me again why VAPA
12
00:00:37,703 --> 00:00:40,073
needs to have a
get-to-know-you weekend
13
00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,442
when you guys are all gonna get to
know each other in less than a month?
14
00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:44,811
You know, I'm glad you asked.
15
00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:47,346
See, the thing is, is that artists
need to get to know each other
16
00:00:47,379 --> 00:00:49,082
before we can ever
make some gold.
17
00:01:01,460 --> 00:01:03,262
Would be great if your friends
18
00:01:03,295 --> 00:01:04,797
could cool it on the
serial killer jokes.
19
00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:06,532
- No promises.
- So you should go tonight.
20
00:01:06,565 --> 00:01:08,334
I don't wanna be the boyfriend
that blocks you
21
00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:09,802
from hanging out
with your friends.
22
00:01:09,835 --> 00:01:12,338
I really should go.
I've been a bad friend.
23
00:01:12,371 --> 00:01:14,240
So bad. Leave.
24
00:01:14,273 --> 00:01:16,209
I'm putting my clothes on now.
25
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:17,643
You're out the door.
26
00:01:17,676 --> 00:01:20,380
Screw the Burrow.
We're not going anywhere.
27
00:01:28,187 --> 00:01:30,389
Backup film developing solution.
28
00:01:30,422 --> 00:01:32,325
Double check.
29
00:01:32,358 --> 00:01:34,727
Bland, unsalted crackers.
30
00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,230
Check.
Does Josh have a sour stomach?
31
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,365
Oh, no.
He just took a quiz online
32
00:01:39,398 --> 00:01:40,600
called "Which kind
of cracker are you?"
33
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:42,435
And ever since he got
these as the result,
34
00:01:42,468 --> 00:01:43,669
they're his favorite snack.
35
00:01:43,702 --> 00:01:45,338
Sexy Polaroid of self?
36
00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:47,273
Check.
37
00:01:47,306 --> 00:01:49,675
Wynn, this is not what I meant
38
00:01:49,708 --> 00:01:51,844
when I said "sexy
Polaroid of self."
39
00:01:51,877 --> 00:01:53,813
Well, you should've been
a little bit more clear.
40
00:01:53,846 --> 00:01:55,681
It's fine. I'm fine.
It's whatever.
41
00:01:55,714 --> 00:01:57,250
- Okay.
- Isn't this a little over the top?
42
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,485
He's only gone for the weekend.
43
00:01:59,518 --> 00:02:02,155
I just want Josh to know that I'm willing
to put in the effort before things get--
44
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:03,389
- Grim?
- I was gonna say--
45
00:02:03,422 --> 00:02:05,258
- Hopeless.
- Long distance.
46
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:06,392
Oh.
47
00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:08,194
I've watched enough teen flicks
48
00:02:08,227 --> 00:02:09,896
to know how these
things can snowball.
49
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:12,165
First, you decide not
to make the effort
50
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,467
because it's just
a couple of days.
51
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,669
Then you think it's
just a couple of miles.
52
00:02:16,702 --> 00:02:20,339
And then pretty soon it's
just a couple of side chicks.
53
00:02:20,372 --> 00:02:21,574
See where I'm going here?
54
00:02:21,607 --> 00:02:23,309
Effort matters.
55
00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:31,384
Greer, come on. Come inside.
56
00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:33,186
It'll be fun. I promise.
57
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,620
Hugh, we've been over this
58
00:02:34,653 --> 00:02:36,789
for as long as I
haven't been under you.
59
00:02:36,822 --> 00:02:38,224
I'm trying this new thing
60
00:02:38,257 --> 00:02:39,325
where I respect the boundaries
61
00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:40,593
if the peeps I've tortured,
62
00:02:40,626 --> 00:02:42,595
and no one's been a
crunch under my craw
63
00:02:42,628 --> 00:02:44,230
quite like Lil' Fix.
64
00:02:44,263 --> 00:02:46,399
But you'll get bitten
by a bird out here.
65
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:48,401
It happens to me almost
every time I go outside.
66
00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:51,270
My blood is poison to
birds and most fish,
67
00:02:51,303 --> 00:02:52,338
so I'm good out here.
68
00:02:52,371 --> 00:02:54,507
- Come on.
- No.
69
00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:56,242
- Just come inside. It'll be fun.
- I'm good. I'm good.
70
00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:58,211
I said no!
71
00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:02,548
I'm sorry. Come closer.
72
00:03:02,581 --> 00:03:04,317
What I mean is,
73
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,253
I'm not gonna pluck anyone's
peach with my presence.
74
00:03:07,286 --> 00:03:08,721
Got it?
75
00:03:08,754 --> 00:03:12,291
Things will settle,
and when they do,
76
00:03:12,324 --> 00:03:13,759
then I'll join you.
77
00:03:13,792 --> 00:03:17,597
I guess I just want you
to be inside with me.
78
00:03:17,630 --> 00:03:19,465
I wish you could always
be inside with me
79
00:03:19,498 --> 00:03:20,933
and I could always
be inside you.
80
00:03:20,966 --> 00:03:22,702
- What?
- With you.
81
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:25,538
Inside with you.
I wish I could always be inside with you.
82
00:03:25,571 --> 00:03:26,706
I got it, nerdo.
83
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:28,474
Not like sex.
84
00:03:28,507 --> 00:03:30,243
Okay. Yeah, I know, I know.
85
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,845
Now, go have fun doing the
hot shit list with your pals.
86
00:03:38,584 --> 00:03:41,020
Almost touched.
87
00:03:41,053 --> 00:03:43,289
Is that a Wellington gift bow?
88
00:03:43,322 --> 00:03:46,759
- You're welcome.
- Ahh! Ahh!
89
00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:51,430
Wow.
90
00:03:51,463 --> 00:03:54,968
Great. Now all we need
is VAPA's address.
91
00:04:04,476 --> 00:04:07,546
Holy pixie dust,
that is one hot photog.
92
00:04:07,579 --> 00:04:09,482
I'm no expert,
but it looks like she's
93
00:04:09,515 --> 00:04:10,850
gaga for your guy, cousin.
94
00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:17,857
You okay there, bud?
95
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:22,361
Okay? Okay?
96
00:04:22,394 --> 00:04:23,997
Okay!
97
00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:28,268
I'm great.
98
00:04:29,568 --> 00:04:32,405
Yeah, I'm great.
This is great practice
99
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,073
for when Josh is at college
100
00:04:34,106 --> 00:04:36,776
and I see a bunch of
pictures of him with girls.
101
00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:39,679
I mean, he's not exactly a man whore.
102
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:42,948
If Josh didn't bang a bunch
of biddies in high school,
103
00:04:42,981 --> 00:04:45,318
then he's not gonna need to now,
104
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:47,086
when he's in college.
105
00:04:47,119 --> 00:04:49,622
He waited for me even
when I was with Kent
106
00:04:49,655 --> 00:04:50,690
and there was no end in sight,
107
00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:52,692
so I'm not exactly bugging
108
00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:54,860
about this whole
long-distance thing.
109
00:04:54,893 --> 00:04:57,830
I mean he can obviously go a while
without getting his tip dipped.
110
00:04:57,863 --> 00:05:00,466
What?
111
00:05:00,499 --> 00:05:03,069
Um, you may have a few
of your facts flipped.
112
00:05:07,973 --> 00:05:10,910
Where is Dakota?
113
00:05:13,746 --> 00:05:16,482
D, your spirit
needs a smoothing.
114
00:05:16,515 --> 00:05:19,552
Remember,
a hothead is a hotbed for disaster.
115
00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:21,721
You get more ass with aspartame.
116
00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:24,090
What do I know?
I'm just almost Ivy.
117
00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:26,492
It's been three weeks, Skip.
118
00:05:26,525 --> 00:05:28,461
What the beans you
been doing for me?
119
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:29,729
You're not gonna drop
me, are you?
120
00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:31,130
My dad will kill me.
121
00:05:31,163 --> 00:05:33,933
He just forgave me
for looking like him.
122
00:05:37,102 --> 00:05:38,704
The whole reason I brought you in
here is 'cause I got some news.
123
00:05:38,737 --> 00:05:40,773
I was able to book you
124
00:05:40,806 --> 00:05:43,909
the face of Bye-bye B.O.'s
125
00:05:43,942 --> 00:05:46,412
new medical grade
antiperspirant campaign.
126
00:05:46,445 --> 00:05:48,647
Sass the Stench Away.
127
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,616
Yes.
128
00:05:50,649 --> 00:05:52,785
I'm gonna be a goddamn star.
129
00:05:52,818 --> 00:05:54,987
It's beginning.
130
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:57,023
It is beginning.
131
00:05:58,457 --> 00:06:01,060
Where the hell is Dakota?
132
00:06:01,093 --> 00:06:03,162
Announcing the hottest
male model under 19
133
00:06:03,195 --> 00:06:05,431
in southern Brayer County,
134
00:06:05,464 --> 00:06:09,502
Dakota Green.
135
00:06:10,702 --> 00:06:12,638
You rang?
136
00:06:12,671 --> 00:06:15,574
Thank God.
Dakota, we have a situation.
137
00:06:15,607 --> 00:06:17,410
And by we, I mean me.
138
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:20,146
I need everyone to
focus in on number 107,
139
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:21,914
which was "Cheer for your peer."
140
00:06:21,947 --> 00:06:24,117
Now I think it's
time to upgrade to...
141
00:06:26,785 --> 00:06:28,654
"Applaud yo squad."
142
00:06:28,687 --> 00:06:30,689
It's all about having
the backs of your buds
143
00:06:30,722 --> 00:06:33,159
and no one's back needs
their buds more than mine.
144
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:35,561
Turns out Josh may
have a hankie history
145
00:06:35,594 --> 00:06:37,096
I knew nothing
about before Greer.
146
00:06:37,129 --> 00:06:38,664
You're welcome.
147
00:06:38,697 --> 00:06:41,867
- Why is she...
- It's a long story.
148
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:45,037
My instincts are telling me
to dig deeper into my dude.
149
00:06:45,070 --> 00:06:47,940
Maybe if I had checked up on Kent
more, I would've noticed he was--
150
00:06:47,973 --> 00:06:50,776
- you for a bet?
- Yeah.
151
00:06:50,809 --> 00:06:53,446
I thought Josh was a
certified clean teen,
152
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:55,614
but if I don't really
know the full picture,
153
00:06:55,647 --> 00:06:58,851
how am I supposed to
emotionally prepare for fall?
154
00:06:58,884 --> 00:07:00,686
That's where you guys come in.
155
00:07:00,719 --> 00:07:03,689
Wynn, I need you to go through
Josh's entire Venmo history
156
00:07:03,722 --> 00:07:05,658
and figure out every single girl
157
00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,026
he has ever bought
something for.
158
00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:09,094
- Rubin, Dakota--
- Hold the phone.
159
00:07:09,127 --> 00:07:10,796
An applause implies a superstar,
160
00:07:10,829 --> 00:07:12,465
and I'm the only
one shining today.
161
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,233
You think your thousandth crisis
162
00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:18,037
should overshadow me getting
my very first modeling job?
163
00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:20,973
That's right.
I booked Bye-bye B.O.,
164
00:07:21,006 --> 00:07:22,842
which means Daddy
needs an entourage.
165
00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:24,210
Even "Entourage" had a
Turtle, and, hmm,
166
00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:27,146
let's be real.
You're all a Turtle.
167
00:07:27,179 --> 00:07:28,714
Entourage?
168
00:07:28,747 --> 00:07:30,549
I thought I was helping
you with the shoot.
169
00:07:30,582 --> 00:07:32,818
Entourage means more
than one person.
170
00:07:32,851 --> 00:07:34,053
I'll look il-legit as shit
171
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:35,788
making my entrance
with just you.
172
00:07:35,821 --> 00:07:38,958
Besides, honey don't
need help with nothing.
173
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:41,160
Look, I'm really happy for
you, Dakota,
174
00:07:41,193 --> 00:07:43,529
but I'm sure everyone can agree
175
00:07:43,562 --> 00:07:48,100
that my issue is just a little
more pressing. Right, guys?
176
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:50,803
I've never been to a Hollywood
adjacent billboard photo shoot before.
177
00:07:50,836 --> 00:07:52,738
I can't miss this
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
178
00:07:52,771 --> 00:07:53,806
Dibs on hype man.
179
00:07:53,839 --> 00:07:55,040
I've got pent-up positivity
180
00:07:55,073 --> 00:07:56,775
and I know just how to use it.
181
00:07:56,808 --> 00:07:57,843
Dibs on muscle!
182
00:07:57,876 --> 00:07:59,044
I'm always air punching
183
00:07:59,077 --> 00:08:00,145
'cause I get excited.
184
00:08:00,178 --> 00:08:01,647
Now I can punch with a purpose!
185
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:02,948
Dibs on you're all idiots.
186
00:08:02,981 --> 00:08:04,984
Dibs on knowing where
you are at all times
187
00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:06,185
at every moment of every minute.
188
00:08:06,218 --> 00:08:08,120
I'm the assistant.
189
00:08:08,153 --> 00:08:11,056
You heard the word.
We outtie. Entourage.
190
00:08:11,089 --> 00:08:13,659
What? No. No.
191
00:08:13,692 --> 00:08:18,097
Who out there knows anything
about Josh's sexual past?
192
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,733
Hi...
193
00:08:21,967 --> 00:08:24,003
I need all the dirty deets.
194
00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:27,039
No, I don't wanna bum your plum.
I'm done with that.
195
00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:30,242
What? Greer, spill.
Josh deets now.
196
00:08:30,275 --> 00:08:32,278
I don't wanna piss
on your party.
197
00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:33,679
I'm looking out for you.
198
00:08:33,712 --> 00:08:35,948
What? Who are you?
199
00:08:35,981 --> 00:08:38,150
I don't need new Greer.
I need old Greer.
200
00:08:38,183 --> 00:08:39,752
She's gone.
201
00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:41,186
She's buried so deep inside me
202
00:08:41,219 --> 00:08:43,022
I couldn't dig her
out with acrylics.
203
00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:46,058
And you know?
Wouldn't if I could.
204
00:08:46,091 --> 00:08:47,726
I care for your cuz,
205
00:08:47,759 --> 00:08:48,994
and I don't wanna ruin it
206
00:08:49,027 --> 00:08:51,030
just by going back to bitch.
207
00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:52,665
I'm the new Greer.
208
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:56,101
New Greer and old Greer can
coexist, bumper sticker.
209
00:08:56,134 --> 00:08:57,937
You don't need to be
a bitch to be a boss.
210
00:08:57,970 --> 00:08:59,171
You don't have to choose.
211
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:00,873
I need you, both of you.
212
00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:11,617
Let's do this,
you stupid bitch.
213
00:09:29,935 --> 00:09:32,071
Oh, yeah,
I have one for each dude
214
00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:33,305
who's ever me down.
215
00:09:33,338 --> 00:09:35,874
There are folders
hidden all over--
216
00:09:35,907 --> 00:09:38,177
tampon dispensers,
supply closets,
217
00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:41,046
Principal Slacks'
secret liquor stash.
218
00:09:41,079 --> 00:09:44,083
Brayer is riddled with my intel.
219
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,784
Uh--
220
00:09:45,817 --> 00:09:47,219
are you for real?
221
00:09:47,252 --> 00:09:48,954
Because once I hand
over the Josh folio,
222
00:09:48,987 --> 00:09:50,656
there's no going back.
223
00:09:50,689 --> 00:09:52,091
I need to know it all.
224
00:10:00,198 --> 00:10:01,367
Wynn, hello.
225
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,235
Shouldn't you be
guarding my hot bod
226
00:10:03,268 --> 00:10:05,170
from potential
stalker approaching?
227
00:10:05,203 --> 00:10:07,807
Stalker?
Dakota, we're old friends.
228
00:10:09,274 --> 00:10:11,076
Identify yourself!
229
00:10:11,109 --> 00:10:13,012
It's me, Justin,
230
00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:15,681
from your friend group.
231
00:10:15,714 --> 00:10:17,983
Is anyone from my
entourage not useless?
232
00:10:18,016 --> 00:10:19,151
Mae, schedule now!
233
00:10:19,184 --> 00:10:21,086
1:00 p.m., seaweed wrap,
234
00:10:21,119 --> 00:10:22,721
1:15,
charcoal teeth whitening sesh,
235
00:10:22,754 --> 00:10:24,690
and spray tan at 0500 hours.
236
00:10:24,723 --> 00:10:26,091
Aren't we hanging out later?
237
00:10:26,124 --> 00:10:27,393
Have your people call my people.
238
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:30,062
You're my people,
and you're busy.
239
00:10:30,095 --> 00:10:32,197
Still on for our
coaching session?
240
00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:33,866
My natural talent
got me the job,
241
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:35,768
so I'll just wing it.
242
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,137
And to think that Dakota Green
would even need practice.
243
00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:39,705
That's like saying Hilary Duff
244
00:10:39,738 --> 00:10:41,874
needs to write more
songs about the rain.
245
00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:44,877
It's not easy
being this perfect.
246
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:48,013
Oh, wait. It is.
247
00:10:53,118 --> 00:10:55,154
You're acting like a clich�.
248
00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:56,355
If you don't simmer,
249
00:10:56,388 --> 00:10:57,856
you're not gonna get my feedback
250
00:10:57,889 --> 00:10:58,991
from your practice facials.
251
00:10:59,024 --> 00:11:00,426
I don't need your feedback.
252
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:03,162
I booked this gig
because it's me they dig.
253
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:05,164
I am the me behind the you.
254
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,166
You think you could've
done this without me?
255
00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:08,267
You think I couldn't?
256
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:09,802
Let's find out.
257
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,737
Mae,
you know how Dakota's schedule
258
00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:12,871
says at 7:00 PM
259
00:11:12,904 --> 00:11:14,006
he's supposed to be balls deep
260
00:11:14,039 --> 00:11:15,307
in my tasty deliciousness
261
00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:16,341
to de-stress?
262
00:11:16,374 --> 00:11:18,143
Well, that slot's now open
263
00:11:18,176 --> 00:11:20,479
'cause my slot's...
264
00:11:20,512 --> 00:11:22,882
clenched.
265
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,019
How'd you get all of
Josh's ex-girlfriends
266
00:11:27,052 --> 00:11:28,821
to come to Brayer on a Saturday?
267
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,823
I've got my plays.
268
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:33,859
Excuse me.
Do you have the results of my test?
269
00:11:33,892 --> 00:11:36,195
Do I have one of the warty ones?
270
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:38,263
My first Q has already been A'd.
271
00:11:38,296 --> 00:11:40,432
I know Josh has slept with
a dirty baker's dozen,
272
00:11:40,465 --> 00:11:43,168
including yours truly.
273
00:11:43,201 --> 00:11:46,271
No, I'm not superstitious.
274
00:11:46,304 --> 00:11:48,874
So I'm not even thinking
about the fact that
275
00:11:48,907 --> 00:11:51,343
I'm the 13th girl
Josh has slept with.
276
00:11:51,376 --> 00:11:52,845
That's not cursed at all.
277
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,913
You are spiral city, sweetheart.
278
00:11:54,946 --> 00:11:56,448
Maybe we should call this.
279
00:11:56,481 --> 00:11:59,885
No! I already came up with
a name for this project--
280
00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:01,453
Operation Pre-College Knowledge.
281
00:12:01,486 --> 00:12:03,288
I hate that.
282
00:12:03,321 --> 00:12:06,191
In order to know what to expect
from my future with Josh,
283
00:12:06,224 --> 00:12:08,360
I need to know everything
about his past.
284
00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:10,462
Gosh, I feel like the foursome
would've just gotten that.
285
00:12:10,495 --> 00:12:14,333
Okay. Okay, so which ex
do you want to start with?
286
00:12:20,038 --> 00:12:21,273
The little one.
287
00:12:23,308 --> 00:12:25,844
What the heck, you heifers?
288
00:12:25,877 --> 00:12:26,945
Hey there, Girsten.
289
00:12:26,978 --> 00:12:31,049
Or should I say
hand-me-down job?
290
00:12:31,082 --> 00:12:33,552
She's the last person Josh
slept with before you.
291
00:12:33,585 --> 00:12:35,254
Oh, I get it.
292
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:37,256
You're the new Courtney.
293
00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:38,791
Hanging out with Andie
and desperately clinging
294
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:40,492
to your high school days?
295
00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:42,294
She's right. That's literally
my worst fracking fear.
296
00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:45,164
So what, you're here to
beg for my friendship back,
297
00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:46,899
you sad old bag?
298
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:49,134
I'm gonna be cheer
captain next year,
299
00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:50,302
and by then,
300
00:12:50,335 --> 00:12:51,804
all memory of you
301
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,206
will have completely vanished.
302
00:12:54,239 --> 00:12:57,342
You're vapor, so hard pass.
303
00:12:57,375 --> 00:12:59,945
You're so unoriginal,
it's unreal.
304
00:12:59,978 --> 00:13:03,081
You're literally been trying
to clone Greer since day one,
305
00:13:03,114 --> 00:13:04,483
but guess what?
306
00:13:04,516 --> 00:13:08,086
You'll never measure up.
Literally, short stack.
307
00:13:08,119 --> 00:13:09,855
Is Greer why you
went after Josh?
308
00:13:09,888 --> 00:13:11,356
- Yeah.
- Trying to be just like her?
309
00:13:11,389 --> 00:13:13,225
Wait, this is about Josh?
310
00:13:13,258 --> 00:13:16,995
Please, he was hardly a
blimp on my boink-dar.
311
00:13:17,028 --> 00:13:18,831
- Ugh.
- I was frackin' horny,
312
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:20,599
and, Andie,
you were away on winter vacay,
313
00:13:20,632 --> 00:13:23,302
so it was supes easy
to carpe Josh's diem.
314
00:13:23,335 --> 00:13:26,538
You and Josh had se--
315
00:13:26,571 --> 00:13:29,041
You guys had s--
316
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:30,976
When did you and Josh--
317
00:13:31,009 --> 00:13:33,278
You know what I'm asking.
318
00:13:33,311 --> 00:13:34,880
When was it?
319
00:13:34,913 --> 00:13:36,849
It was one New Year's
lay on New Year's Day.
320
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:38,517
When,
you tiny woodland creature?
321
00:13:38,550 --> 00:13:40,552
Um, she literally
gave you the answer.
322
00:13:40,585 --> 00:13:43,522
She even gave you a date.
323
00:13:43,555 --> 00:13:45,490
- New Year's Day.
- Mm-hm.
324
00:13:45,523 --> 00:13:48,627
One day before Josh
came to Beach Island?
325
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,095
He was sleeping with someone
326
00:13:50,128 --> 00:13:53,465
24 hours before he
came to win me back?
327
00:13:53,498 --> 00:13:55,501
No more questions.
328
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:00,405
Dakota doesn't need much makeup.
329
00:14:00,438 --> 00:14:01,974
He's already a work of art.
330
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,609
Hey, back it up. Whoa, whoa.
331
00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:05,644
I've already shown you my
ID, like, four times.
332
00:14:05,677 --> 00:14:07,913
We're on a tight schedule.
Let her work.
333
00:14:07,946 --> 00:14:10,282
Da-cha-cha, I just wanna say
334
00:14:10,315 --> 00:14:12,017
how nice it is for
you to be doing
335
00:14:12,050 --> 00:14:13,919
the Bye-bye B.O. campaign.
336
00:14:13,952 --> 00:14:15,888
When I first spotted
your pearly pits,
337
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:18,957
I knew you were the perfect
person to sass the stench away.
338
00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:21,226
My man Dakota's a pro.
He's done hundreds of shoots like these.
339
00:14:21,259 --> 00:14:23,095
Yes, and when you do it,
340
00:14:23,128 --> 00:14:24,997
I need you to give it a little...
341
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,598
- Which is?
- You know, just a little zhuzh.
342
00:14:26,631 --> 00:14:28,467
- Okay, when you say zhuzh...
- Right!
343
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:31,069
And when you're zhuzhing,
just add a little floof to it.
344
00:14:31,102 --> 00:14:34,339
You know what I mean? What am I saying?
Of course you know what I mean.
345
00:14:34,372 --> 00:14:35,607
He knows exactly what you mean.
346
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,009
Actually, can I ask you about--
347
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,111
Yes, and where's my mood music?
348
00:14:39,144 --> 00:14:40,646
Hair, makeup, final touches.
349
00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:42,381
Everybody up! Places!
350
00:14:53,391 --> 00:14:57,429
Da-cha-cha, this is a standing set.
Arise.
351
00:14:57,462 --> 00:14:59,131
Da-cha-cha,
352
00:14:59,164 --> 00:15:00,999
I don't want you-- We
are losing the daylight!
353
00:15:01,032 --> 00:15:03,001
He's frozen.
What are we gonna do?
354
00:15:03,034 --> 00:15:05,237
- Da-cha-cha!
- I know a Dakota meltdown when I see one.
355
00:15:05,270 --> 00:15:07,406
- I've caused two in the last three weeks.
- Get up!
356
00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:09,975
There's only one person
who can get him out of it.
357
00:15:10,008 --> 00:15:13,212
- Ariana Grande. I mean, Rubin.
- Rubin!
358
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:17,249
I need to know where
Josh's sex-capades began,
359
00:15:17,282 --> 00:15:19,418
and the chronology
starts with you.
360
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,520
Now, start talking.
361
00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:24,356
Josh even had swagger
with his baby dagger
362
00:15:24,389 --> 00:15:26,291
at the ripe young age of 14.
363
00:15:26,324 --> 00:15:28,393
When I was a senior,
I plucked that fresh man
364
00:15:28,426 --> 00:15:30,395
right out out of JV badminton.
365
00:15:30,428 --> 00:15:32,030
He looked scared,
366
00:15:32,063 --> 00:15:33,465
like the waiting
room of a clinic.
367
00:15:33,498 --> 00:15:35,701
You monster.
368
00:15:38,737 --> 00:15:41,239
I taught Josh
everything he knows.
369
00:15:41,272 --> 00:15:43,976
All those orgasms you've had are
all thanks to me, sweetheart.
370
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:46,211
- Thank you.
- Don't thank her.
371
00:15:46,244 --> 00:15:48,347
It's my thing,
smashing celibates.
372
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:49,715
I ravage their psyches
373
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:51,350
until the poor boys
crave naughty nothings
374
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:52,985
for the rest of their lives.
375
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,721
- What happened to you?
- We done here?
376
00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:58,090
I'm late for my
third-period class,
377
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:01,226
I'm Spanish teacher over
at Hancock School For Boys.
378
00:16:04,095 --> 00:16:07,699
Photographer: I need you to
pose, damn it.
379
00:16:07,732 --> 00:16:09,368
Need I remind you,
380
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:12,137
that for every hour
this model sits here,
381
00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:15,774
the client loses $13 while
he melts like an ice cube?
382
00:16:15,807 --> 00:16:18,443
I need you to do something.
383
00:16:18,476 --> 00:16:20,112
Time is money!
384
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:23,148
Come on. We need a hero.
385
00:16:57,816 --> 00:16:59,718
You better work, bitch.
386
00:17:04,422 --> 00:17:05,757
Director: Yas.
387
00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:07,225
Yaaaas!
388
00:17:07,258 --> 00:17:10,595
Now, sniff that stinky stench.
389
00:17:10,628 --> 00:17:13,665
Fabulous!
390
00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:15,801
Bye-bye B.O. Yaas.
391
00:17:18,269 --> 00:17:19,438
Well, I feel worse.
392
00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:21,139
Once Josh leaves for college,
393
00:17:21,172 --> 00:17:24,076
the distance will get
dull, I'll get bored,
394
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:26,144
and who's gonna be there
to snap his camera?
395
00:17:26,177 --> 00:17:29,848
Those VAPA whores.
396
00:17:29,881 --> 00:17:31,383
You have one ex
left to interview.
397
00:17:33,451 --> 00:17:34,686
Me. Oh, it's bright!
398
00:17:34,719 --> 00:17:36,788
No, I'm done.
399
00:17:36,821 --> 00:17:38,857
I don't want to
know anything else.
400
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:41,860
I actually wish I could un-know
everything I already learned.
401
00:17:41,893 --> 00:17:45,230
Andie, this you need to know.
402
00:17:45,263 --> 00:17:47,432
Exhibit A.
403
00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:49,167
This is the night I was shwasty
404
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,170
and donned candy tits
for my boyfriend.
405
00:17:52,203 --> 00:17:54,172
But instead of
edibiling my eateries,
406
00:17:54,205 --> 00:17:56,675
he was outside having a
rom-com moment with you
407
00:17:56,708 --> 00:18:00,412
all so you wouldn't suck
some other dude's face.
408
00:18:00,445 --> 00:18:02,681
Exhibit B.
409
00:18:02,714 --> 00:18:04,749
This was that time
I caught you guys
410
00:18:04,782 --> 00:18:10,422
basically mid-mack, and to cover,
you forced my BF to ask me to HC.
411
00:18:10,455 --> 00:18:11,857
That one felt amazing.
412
00:18:13,858 --> 00:18:17,562
Exhibit D. This is me and Josh
413
00:18:17,595 --> 00:18:23,168
right after I said,
"I love you," during sex.
414
00:18:23,201 --> 00:18:26,605
His response? Your name.
415
00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:28,507
And then he passed out.
416
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:33,211
- Who took that photo?
- Exhibit Z!
417
00:18:33,244 --> 00:18:36,915
This is right after Josh
told me it's always been you.
418
00:18:36,948 --> 00:18:42,354
I, more than anyone,
know how Josh feels about Andie Fixler.
419
00:18:42,387 --> 00:18:45,423
Even though I knew you were a
tragic, un loser.
420
00:18:45,456 --> 00:18:46,925
Old Greer is definitely
still in there.
421
00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:50,195
Josh never saw you that way.
422
00:18:50,228 --> 00:18:53,331
Look, Josh is a hot guy.
423
00:18:53,364 --> 00:18:56,568
It would be strange if he didn't
smash everything that strutted.
424
00:18:58,336 --> 00:19:00,539
But now that he has you,
he's not gonna waste it
425
00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:03,241
on some camera cooch.
426
00:19:03,274 --> 00:19:05,610
I never took in
how much shady shit
427
00:19:05,643 --> 00:19:08,880
went down between me and Josh
while you two were dating.
428
00:19:08,913 --> 00:19:11,449
I guess I just...
let the fact that
429
00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:14,619
I've been crushing on him for
so long overshadow reality.
430
00:19:14,652 --> 00:19:18,957
He was with you,
and I should've respected that.
431
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:23,461
Josh was only with me to convince
Alec that he wasn't into you.
432
00:19:23,494 --> 00:19:25,830
I think part of me knew that,
433
00:19:25,863 --> 00:19:28,767
and that's why I acted like
a frosty twat towards you.
434
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,336
It's weird.
I've been so mad at you
435
00:19:31,369 --> 00:19:33,939
for so long for everything
you've put me through,
436
00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:38,210
but, after all this,
I feel like we're even.
437
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,312
I never thought Greer Ashton
438
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,747
would make me feel better about
my relationship with Josh.
439
00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:44,216
Ugh, neither did I.
440
00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:46,651
Oh, my God.
I'm actually Courtney.
441
00:19:46,684 --> 00:19:49,554
Keep giving me boy advice and
you're halfway there, blood sis.
442
00:19:49,587 --> 00:19:52,857
Seriously,
don't call me that!
443
00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:56,595
Side note, I'm super psyched we're
not in love with the same guy anymore.
444
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:58,496
Well, I love Hugh.
445
00:19:58,529 --> 00:20:01,833
I mean, it's
different, but, is it?
446
00:20:01,866 --> 00:20:04,469
You do know you're related by
blood, yeah?
447
00:20:04,502 --> 00:20:05,504
Shall we hug this out?
448
00:20:08,306 --> 00:20:09,841
I'm so not ready for this.
449
00:20:09,874 --> 00:20:11,643
I don't know if I am either.
450
00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:32,764
I know what you want.
451
00:20:32,797 --> 00:20:34,299
You want me to say
that I needed you,
452
00:20:34,332 --> 00:20:36,301
but I had that shit on lock.
453
00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:38,503
I was just warming up.
454
00:20:38,536 --> 00:20:40,372
Fine.
455
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:42,007
So I was a little tense
456
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:45,343
and it's normal to have
your first time freak out.
457
00:20:45,376 --> 00:20:48,380
I can't stand
when you yelling like this.
458
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,348
I slayed my first
gig because of you
459
00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:52,017
and without you,
I would've choked.
460
00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:53,452
Is that what you want me to say?
461
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:59,524
I let the
fame get to my head
462
00:20:59,557 --> 00:21:00,892
and I pushed you away.
463
00:21:00,925 --> 00:21:03,295
When the truth is,
I needed you there.
464
00:21:03,328 --> 00:21:05,063
I need you, period.
465
00:21:05,096 --> 00:21:09,501
I don't know why telling
people I need them is so hard.
466
00:21:09,534 --> 00:21:12,637
Oh, because all your friends are
self-centered, useless trolls.
467
00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:14,806
- Useless trolls?
- My aunt's a troll.
468
00:21:14,839 --> 00:21:16,875
Sorry, pot of nothings
at the end of rain-no.
469
00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:18,677
Dakota already has an entourage.
470
00:21:18,710 --> 00:21:21,946
The only people in it are me,
myself, and Adrian Grenier.
471
00:21:21,979 --> 00:21:24,316
Yeah, I tackled the makeup
artist and broke her clavicle.
472
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:26,518
Maybe security's not for me.
473
00:21:26,551 --> 00:21:29,387
Yeah, being your hype
man was exhausting.
474
00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:32,457
Laughing at all your
jokes gave me another ab.
475
00:21:32,490 --> 00:21:35,460
I made the schedule.
476
00:21:35,493 --> 00:21:38,396
You guys, wait till you
hear about Josh's exes.
477
00:21:38,429 --> 00:21:39,998
Greer had these files and--
478
00:21:40,031 --> 00:21:42,901
- Greer?
- Hmm? What?
479
00:21:42,934 --> 00:21:44,969
Where are you going?
480
00:21:45,002 --> 00:21:48,573
You're a part of this.
481
00:21:48,606 --> 00:21:52,110
Okay, so it all went down when--
what are you guys-- what is-- okay.
482
00:21:52,143 --> 00:21:54,045
Wait, wait, wait.
483
00:21:54,078 --> 00:21:55,814
I'm so sorry,
is this really how we tell stories?
484
00:21:55,847 --> 00:21:57,816
- Just go with it.
- Okay.
485
00:21:57,849 --> 00:22:00,685
So, it all went down.
Yes, we know, I have a bunch of exes.
486
00:22:00,718 --> 00:22:03,054
I a bunch of people.
It's fine.
487
00:22:06,457 --> 00:22:10,362
And then we learned about magic
hour, which was magical.
488
00:22:10,395 --> 00:22:12,063
Am I boring you with
my photo jargon?
489
00:22:12,096 --> 00:22:14,699
No, I'd listen to you
drone on about photo drones
490
00:22:14,732 --> 00:22:17,035
till I die if it meant you
wouldn't leave me again.
491
00:22:17,068 --> 00:22:20,805
That sounds a lot like,
"I really missed you."
492
00:22:20,838 --> 00:22:22,907
Felt like you were right
here with me the whole time.
493
00:22:22,940 --> 00:22:25,143
Felt like you were with me, too.
494
00:22:25,176 --> 00:22:27,512
It's kinda scary, though.
495
00:22:27,545 --> 00:22:30,949
In, like, two weeks, we're gonna
be a long-distance relationship.
496
00:22:30,982 --> 00:22:33,685
It's kind of freakin' me out.
497
00:22:33,718 --> 00:22:35,387
You think about it at
all while I was gone?
498
00:22:35,420 --> 00:22:37,756
No, no, no.
499
00:22:37,789 --> 00:22:39,758
I didn't have time to think
about that at all, actually,
500
00:22:39,791 --> 00:22:41,760
'cause I was, you
know, watching TV
501
00:22:41,793 --> 00:22:44,129
and putting lipstick on my face,
502
00:22:44,162 --> 00:22:45,597
fake nails, popcorn.
503
00:22:45,630 --> 00:22:48,600
Really, all of it kept
me pretty distracted.
504
00:22:48,633 --> 00:22:50,869
You're all I thought about.
505
00:22:50,902 --> 00:22:52,070
It's always been you.
506
00:22:52,103 --> 00:22:53,772
You believe me?
507
00:22:57,175 --> 00:22:59,911
I think next time,
I'm gonna have to bring you.
508
00:22:59,944 --> 00:23:01,713
I think if I can
get you in here...
509
00:23:01,746 --> 00:23:03,081
- I think I can fit.
- You think so?
510
00:23:03,114 --> 00:23:04,116
- Yeah.
- You know, it's gonna work.
511
00:23:04,166 --> 00:23:08,716
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