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1
00:00:48,762 --> 00:00:51,754
DEAD TIRED
2
00:01:01,675 --> 00:01:03,506
He was neurotic.
High-strung.
3
00:01:07,647 --> 00:01:11,105
He seemed lost.
4
00:01:14,454 --> 00:01:17,753
If I remember correctly,
it began a year ago.
5
00:01:19,159 --> 00:01:21,491
Good morning, sir.
Police.
6
00:01:21,561 --> 00:01:24,428
Detective Gaffier.
Are you Michel Blanc?
7
00:01:24,498 --> 00:01:27,763
- Yeah, that's me. Why?
- We need to talk.
8
00:01:27,834 --> 00:01:29,927
You woke me up.
What is it?
9
00:01:30,003 --> 00:01:32,494
Can we come in?
10
00:01:32,572 --> 00:01:34,506
Sure, come in.
11
00:01:38,412 --> 00:01:39,777
Is that Josiane Balasko?
12
00:01:40,947 --> 00:01:44,110
Good actress.
I hear she's a dyke.
13
00:01:44,184 --> 00:01:46,982
Not at all.
14
00:01:47,053 --> 00:01:49,920
My brother-in-law
in the Vice Squad says so.
15
00:01:49,990 --> 00:01:51,514
That's Dutronc!
16
00:01:51,591 --> 00:01:55,652
A taxi driver claims
you didn't pay him.
17
00:01:55,729 --> 00:02:00,325
You wanted to score a whore
before a guest-spot on TV.
18
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:04,097
He found you one and waited,
but you never came back.
19
00:02:04,171 --> 00:02:06,105
That's ridiculous.
20
00:02:06,173 --> 00:02:10,405
We thought you were a fag
ever since you played a drag queen.
21
00:02:10,477 --> 00:02:12,707
What movie was it?
Menage.
22
00:02:12,779 --> 00:02:14,440
Listen...
23
00:02:14,514 --> 00:02:16,106
I didn't take a taxi.
24
00:02:16,183 --> 00:02:19,175
Yesterday I was in bed
writing for Carole Bouquet.
25
00:02:19,252 --> 00:02:20,776
- With her?
- Alone.
26
00:02:20,854 --> 00:02:25,120
I haven't done whores since '77.
So you're mistaken.
27
00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:42,474
Michel?
28
00:02:55,489 --> 00:02:57,150
Mr. Blanc, may I help you?
29
00:02:57,224 --> 00:02:59,021
You have a suite for me.
30
00:02:59,092 --> 00:03:01,060
Let me have a look.
31
00:03:01,127 --> 00:03:02,992
One second, please.
32
00:03:03,063 --> 00:03:06,226
Can I have an autograph?
Make it out to "Pooh Bear."
33
00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:09,860
I'm sorry,
but you're not listed.
34
00:03:09,936 --> 00:03:12,996
- What the hell?
- I'm very sorry.
35
00:03:13,073 --> 00:03:15,439
Can I have another?
For Fifi.
36
00:03:15,509 --> 00:03:17,773
Call the Festival.
It's their problem.
37
00:03:17,844 --> 00:03:19,675
How about a picture?
38
00:03:19,746 --> 00:03:21,270
Go get Gilles Jacob.
39
00:03:21,348 --> 00:03:22,872
Fifi's turn.
40
00:03:22,949 --> 00:03:25,679
Stop busting my balls!
Beat it!
41
00:03:25,752 --> 00:03:28,550
Asshole.
I'll stop watching you on TV.
42
00:03:28,622 --> 00:03:31,182
Come on,
there are plenty of others.
43
00:03:31,258 --> 00:03:34,989
- Mr. Jacob, there's a problem.
- Bad timing.
44
00:03:35,061 --> 00:03:37,928
Michel,
I thought you couldn't come.
45
00:03:37,998 --> 00:03:40,364
- Who said so?
- Your agent. Last week.
46
00:03:40,433 --> 00:03:43,960
- This is insane!
- He said you weren't free.
47
00:03:44,037 --> 00:03:47,029
What do I do now?
Sleep on the beach?
48
00:03:47,107 --> 00:03:48,938
I assume you're booked?
49
00:03:49,009 --> 00:03:51,637
Mr. Depardieu
went wine-tasting in Bulgaria...
50
00:03:51,711 --> 00:03:53,804
but he left his clothes here.
51
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,212
- Then give me his suite.
- It's rather delicate.
52
00:03:56,283 --> 00:03:58,080
Why? Gerard wouldn't care!
53
00:03:58,151 --> 00:03:59,709
If Mr. Jacob...
54
00:03:59,786 --> 00:04:02,346
We have no choice.
I'll see you later.
55
00:04:02,422 --> 00:04:03,946
Yeah, later...
56
00:04:04,024 --> 00:04:05,582
Room 106.
57
00:04:07,561 --> 00:04:10,587
Change the sheets.
With Depardieu, you never know.
58
00:04:19,072 --> 00:04:20,767
And her room number?
59
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,273
Okay.
60
00:04:24,544 --> 00:04:26,307
Uncork it.
61
00:04:33,253 --> 00:04:35,084
I signed Depardieu.
He knows.
62
00:04:35,155 --> 00:04:36,645
Very good, sir.
63
00:04:40,393 --> 00:04:42,258
Hello, Mathilda?
64
00:04:42,329 --> 00:04:44,024
Michel Blanc here.
65
00:04:44,097 --> 00:04:45,928
What's up?
66
00:04:45,999 --> 00:04:47,933
I just got in.
67
00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:49,866
You're all alone?
68
00:04:49,936 --> 00:04:51,870
Are you busy?
69
00:04:52,706 --> 00:04:56,540
I'd like to discuss
my new screenplay with you.
70
00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:59,875
I'm in the middle of writing it.
71
00:04:59,946 --> 00:05:01,937
I'll be right there.
72
00:05:04,384 --> 00:05:06,113
What are you doing?
73
00:05:06,186 --> 00:05:08,154
Michel Blanc
is fucking Mathilda May.
74
00:05:08,221 --> 00:05:09,882
You're sick!
75
00:05:09,956 --> 00:05:12,083
You know I'm seeing someone!
76
00:05:12,158 --> 00:05:15,184
- You can still relax.
- I relax with him.
77
00:05:15,261 --> 00:05:17,695
He's not here.
Are you frigid?
78
00:05:17,764 --> 00:05:19,129
Stop!
79
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,398
Listen...
don't get upset.
80
00:05:23,470 --> 00:05:25,495
You never turned me on.
81
00:05:26,940 --> 00:05:29,909
You're pretty weird.
Your loss.
82
00:05:33,113 --> 00:05:34,205
Michel!
83
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:37,477
How are you?
I didn't know you were in Cannes.
84
00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:39,950
I have a screenplay for you.
85
00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:42,011
Do you have a minute?
86
00:05:42,088 --> 00:05:43,885
- Now?
- It's urgent.
87
00:05:43,957 --> 00:05:46,448
Hi, Michel. How are you?
88
00:05:46,526 --> 00:05:48,460
You're here too?
89
00:05:48,528 --> 00:05:50,462
I don't want to bother you.
90
00:05:50,530 --> 00:05:52,020
You're no bother.
91
00:05:52,098 --> 00:05:54,498
My timing's off.
I'll come back.
92
00:05:57,070 --> 00:05:58,799
- Don't touch me.
- Are you sure?
93
00:05:58,872 --> 00:06:00,840
Positive. Stop it!
94
00:06:00,907 --> 00:06:02,875
Or you'll slap me?
95
00:06:02,942 --> 00:06:05,172
Stop!
96
00:06:05,245 --> 00:06:08,703
You've let me down, kid.
That was low.
97
00:06:09,883 --> 00:06:12,181
You've never acted this way.
98
00:06:13,553 --> 00:06:15,885
I'm going through
a minor depression.
99
00:06:15,955 --> 00:06:17,149
I'm Ionely.
100
00:06:17,891 --> 00:06:20,325
When I wake up,
I feel like crying.
101
00:06:21,428 --> 00:06:23,953
As I was staring at my balcony...
102
00:06:24,030 --> 00:06:26,590
I thought I should jump.
103
00:06:26,666 --> 00:06:29,635
If I'm lucky,
I'll land on a Rolls Royce.
104
00:06:29,703 --> 00:06:32,001
I've always liked English cars.
105
00:06:32,772 --> 00:06:34,637
You have no girlfriend?
106
00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:38,109
She left me for Patrick Bruel.
107
00:06:38,178 --> 00:06:39,805
I didn't know.
108
00:06:40,714 --> 00:06:42,909
I'm sorry I slapped you.
109
00:06:42,982 --> 00:06:45,507
Forget about it.
110
00:06:45,585 --> 00:06:49,612
I have a lump in my throat.
Do you have any champagne?
111
00:06:49,689 --> 00:06:52,317
A few Valium
and I'll feel better.
112
00:06:52,392 --> 00:06:54,257
I'll go look.
113
00:07:00,867 --> 00:07:02,494
I have half-bottles.
114
00:07:02,569 --> 00:07:04,503
Fine. Give me two.
115
00:07:13,813 --> 00:07:16,805
The winners will go home with...
116
00:07:16,883 --> 00:07:21,286
Miss Festival's breasts' weight
in videocassettes!
117
00:07:24,257 --> 00:07:26,487
There's more!
118
00:07:26,559 --> 00:07:29,756
The cassettes are signed
by Michel Blanc!
119
00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:38,327
It's time to ask Michel Blanc...
120
00:07:38,404 --> 00:07:41,498
to come on stage with his verdict.
121
00:07:41,574 --> 00:07:43,940
A warm round of applause!
122
00:07:54,954 --> 00:07:57,718
Quiet or this will take forever.
123
00:07:57,791 --> 00:07:59,656
I'll go backwards.
124
00:07:59,726 --> 00:08:01,921
Last runner-up: Nadine.
125
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,634
20,000 in cash.
Count it.
126
00:08:09,702 --> 00:08:11,636
How about my dinner?
127
00:08:11,704 --> 00:08:12,966
You were late.
128
00:08:13,039 --> 00:08:16,668
I ate at the Carlton.
Can you reimburse me?
129
00:08:17,744 --> 00:08:19,541
500 francs?
130
00:08:19,612 --> 00:08:23,275
It cost more.
The Carlton is pricey.
131
00:08:23,349 --> 00:08:25,817
But if that's all you can do...
132
00:08:28,788 --> 00:08:31,780
I love it.
How can I thank you?
133
00:08:31,858 --> 00:08:34,691
If you have a second,
we'll find a way, Karine.
134
00:08:34,761 --> 00:08:37,423
It's Karine, right?
135
00:08:37,497 --> 00:08:39,897
- Where is it?
- Not far. You'll see.
136
00:08:39,966 --> 00:08:42,526
You wanna be in pictures?
137
00:08:42,602 --> 00:08:45,093
He sent me a script.
It wasn't bad.
138
00:08:45,171 --> 00:08:48,663
Then Emmanuelle Beart said
he'd given her the role.
139
00:08:48,741 --> 00:08:52,507
I wanted to see Michel
and discuss it... calmly.
140
00:09:02,222 --> 00:09:05,487
Dirty bastard!
I'll blast your brains out!
141
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,191
- Cut!
- Clapper.
142
00:09:16,269 --> 00:09:19,170
- Perfect, Carole.
- Thank you.
143
00:09:19,239 --> 00:09:21,503
See you tomorrow.
144
00:09:21,574 --> 00:09:23,804
The gun!
145
00:09:23,877 --> 00:09:26,437
- How are you?
- That depends.
146
00:09:26,512 --> 00:09:29,106
Drive me home.
We'll talk on the way.
147
00:09:33,353 --> 00:09:35,719
I have to ask you something.
148
00:09:35,788 --> 00:09:38,882
Did you offer the role
only to me?
149
00:09:38,958 --> 00:09:40,949
Of course. Why?
150
00:09:41,027 --> 00:09:44,986
Emmanuelle Beart claims
you offered it to her at Cannes.
151
00:09:45,064 --> 00:09:47,726
At Cannes?
I didn't go this year.
152
00:10:13,192 --> 00:10:14,853
You recognize me?
153
00:10:16,229 --> 00:10:18,254
No, I'm sorry.
154
00:10:18,331 --> 00:10:20,891
Last week... Chez Denise.
155
00:10:20,967 --> 00:10:22,298
Get my drift?
156
00:10:22,368 --> 00:10:25,895
Not at all.
I don't know Denise.
157
00:10:25,972 --> 00:10:28,668
The kinky night spot.
Nearby.
158
00:10:29,575 --> 00:10:32,169
My wife is Kathy.
The blue G-string.
159
00:10:34,013 --> 00:10:36,243
That doesn't ring a bell.
160
00:10:36,316 --> 00:10:37,840
Aren't you Michel Blanc?
161
00:10:37,917 --> 00:10:39,544
Yes, but you're mistaken.
162
00:10:39,619 --> 00:10:42,247
Now I get it.
163
00:10:42,322 --> 00:10:45,291
After the orgy,
it's the cold shoulder.
164
00:10:46,826 --> 00:10:49,693
The next time,
even if it's Mickey Rourke...
165
00:10:49,762 --> 00:10:52,731
he won't fuck my wife!
166
00:10:54,701 --> 00:10:57,727
I never saw him.
I'm sorry, Carole.
167
00:10:57,804 --> 00:11:02,241
Relax, Michel. I'm discreet.
I won't tell a soul.
168
00:11:03,409 --> 00:11:05,274
I don't go to those places.
169
00:11:06,379 --> 00:11:09,542
It's your private life.
Take a right.
170
00:11:19,492 --> 00:11:20,925
Good-bye.
171
00:11:24,664 --> 00:11:28,828
Finish your screenplay
and forget those seedy night spots.
172
00:11:28,901 --> 00:11:30,562
Seriously, Carole...
173
00:11:30,636 --> 00:11:32,831
Relax. I was just kidding.
174
00:11:34,207 --> 00:11:35,936
He called at 2:00 a. M.
175
00:11:36,009 --> 00:11:39,467
Not about Carole.
176
00:11:39,545 --> 00:11:42,036
He said: "Let's go to Regine's
and have a drink."
177
00:11:45,284 --> 00:11:47,377
I felt something was fishy.
178
00:12:04,203 --> 00:12:05,693
You again.
179
00:12:05,772 --> 00:12:08,070
I said if you came back,
I'd clobber you.
180
00:12:08,141 --> 00:12:09,631
Here you go.
181
00:12:10,443 --> 00:12:12,468
What the hell?
Are you crazy?
182
00:12:12,545 --> 00:12:14,706
- You're deranged.
- I warned you.
183
00:12:14,781 --> 00:12:16,942
I'll forget what I saw...
184
00:12:17,016 --> 00:12:18,950
but steer clear of me.
185
00:12:20,853 --> 00:12:23,913
What is this? Candid Camera?
186
00:12:28,294 --> 00:12:31,855
My son never tells me anything.
187
00:12:31,931 --> 00:12:33,455
You just don't listen.
188
00:12:33,533 --> 00:12:35,694
Soon I guessed
something was wrong.
189
00:12:35,768 --> 00:12:37,668
I bet you did.
190
00:12:41,908 --> 00:12:45,639
I'm glad to see you.
I have to take a leak.
191
00:12:45,711 --> 00:12:46,905
What is it, Dad?
192
00:12:46,979 --> 00:12:49,607
- I brought the rabbit pat�.
- What pat�?
193
00:12:49,682 --> 00:12:52,480
What you asked Mom for.
Open up fast.
194
00:12:52,552 --> 00:12:54,520
I never asked Mom for anything!
195
00:12:54,587 --> 00:12:56,646
Take the pat� and shut up.
196
00:12:59,125 --> 00:13:01,423
What should I do with all this?
197
00:13:01,494 --> 00:13:04,759
What do you do with pat�?
Deodorize toilets?
198
00:13:04,831 --> 00:13:06,628
I never eat here.
199
00:13:06,699 --> 00:13:09,759
You prefer wasting money
in restaurants.
200
00:13:09,836 --> 00:13:12,566
Easy come, easy go.
201
00:13:15,241 --> 00:13:17,232
By the way...
202
00:13:17,310 --> 00:13:19,744
you didn't fix the toilet yet.
203
00:13:19,812 --> 00:13:21,677
I forgot to call the plumber.
204
00:13:21,747 --> 00:13:24,875
The plumber?
He'll ask for 500 francs!
205
00:13:24,951 --> 00:13:27,078
I'm too busy to do it myself.
206
00:13:27,153 --> 00:13:29,053
Where's the toolbox?
207
00:13:29,122 --> 00:13:32,353
I have a dinner tonight.
I'll do it tomorrow.
208
00:13:32,425 --> 00:13:34,950
No, you won't.
Where's the toolbox?
209
00:13:35,027 --> 00:13:37,291
I don't have one.
Why should I?
210
00:13:37,363 --> 00:13:39,888
- To fix the toilet.
- Well, I don't.
211
00:13:39,966 --> 00:13:41,797
A fork will do.
212
00:13:41,868 --> 00:13:45,304
Unless you don't have any,
since you never eat here.
213
00:13:45,371 --> 00:13:48,807
Come on,
put the pat� in the fridge.
214
00:13:54,247 --> 00:13:56,147
When did I ask for this?
215
00:13:56,215 --> 00:13:57,944
Last week...
216
00:13:58,017 --> 00:14:00,747
when you bumped into her.
217
00:14:00,820 --> 00:14:03,516
You're losing your memory.
218
00:14:04,490 --> 00:14:06,720
Do you have a nutcracker?
219
00:14:06,792 --> 00:14:09,352
Look in there.
220
00:14:09,428 --> 00:14:12,261
- Last week?
- Yeah, last week.
221
00:14:12,331 --> 00:14:14,492
You need some rest.
222
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:17,968
Your mother said
you were acting funny.
223
00:14:18,037 --> 00:14:22,303
You didn't even recognize her.
She had to run after you.
224
00:14:22,375 --> 00:14:25,742
If you ask me,
you need a nice little lady.
225
00:14:25,811 --> 00:14:28,905
Instead of trying to diddle
the entire Top 50.
226
00:14:30,183 --> 00:14:33,516
Pour me a glass of wine.
Make yourself useful.
227
00:14:35,488 --> 00:14:38,184
Something's fishy.
228
00:14:38,257 --> 00:14:39,849
Pretty fishy...
229
00:14:40,693 --> 00:14:42,627
He was acting strange.
230
00:14:42,695 --> 00:14:44,526
He's awful when he writes.
231
00:14:44,597 --> 00:14:47,862
He mingles with people
he shouldn't mingle with.
232
00:14:47,934 --> 00:14:49,697
He lives in nightclubs.
233
00:14:49,769 --> 00:14:52,294
It's typical,
so I didn't worry.
234
00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:57,208
How's the screenplay?
235
00:14:57,276 --> 00:14:59,210
Same as the last time.
236
00:15:00,279 --> 00:15:02,804
You better not scrap this one.
237
00:15:02,882 --> 00:15:06,477
You haven't finished one
for over seven years.
238
00:15:06,552 --> 00:15:08,486
What's with the writer's block?
239
00:15:09,555 --> 00:15:12,285
My life is getting all screwy.
240
00:15:12,358 --> 00:15:16,055
When the shit hits the fan,
I'll get covered with it.
241
00:15:16,128 --> 00:15:19,586
You're spreading yourself too thin.
242
00:15:19,665 --> 00:15:24,125
You're well-paid to write.
Why emcee in nightclubs?
243
00:15:25,571 --> 00:15:26,833
Emcee?
244
00:15:26,906 --> 00:15:29,932
I don't care about losing my 10%.
245
00:15:30,009 --> 00:15:33,740
But it's really lousy for your image.
246
00:15:33,813 --> 00:15:35,940
I never emceed anything!
247
00:15:36,015 --> 00:15:39,041
- Someone saw you.
- What do you want?
248
00:15:39,118 --> 00:15:42,110
To throw me into a padded cell?
249
00:15:42,188 --> 00:15:45,453
- You're overreacting.
- Everything pisses me off!
250
00:15:45,524 --> 00:15:49,255
My father does!
Writing does! And so do you!
251
00:15:52,031 --> 00:15:54,056
Can I be frank, Michel?
252
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:57,261
You seem depressed.
Down in the dumps.
253
00:15:57,336 --> 00:15:59,395
He has too many offers.
254
00:15:59,472 --> 00:16:01,269
Don't start up again.
255
00:16:01,340 --> 00:16:03,638
Come work at my country house.
256
00:16:03,709 --> 00:16:06,109
You'll be totally free.
257
00:16:06,178 --> 00:16:08,408
It's calm.
There are no neighbors.
258
00:16:08,481 --> 00:16:09,573
In the Sahara?
259
00:16:10,783 --> 00:16:13,479
No, Provence.
It's beautiful.
260
00:16:13,552 --> 00:16:14,849
I can't write there.
261
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,387
It will do you good.
262
00:16:16,455 --> 00:16:18,650
Carole's right.
Go for three months.
263
00:16:18,724 --> 00:16:21,522
- You'll finish the screenplay.
- Come on.
264
00:16:21,594 --> 00:16:25,530
I'd forget how to speak.
I'd come back grunting.
265
00:16:25,598 --> 00:16:28,692
Think it over.
I'd even rent you a TV.
266
00:16:29,702 --> 00:16:31,636
There's not even a TV?
267
00:16:31,704 --> 00:16:35,299
Relax. I was in a rut,
but I'm getting better.
268
00:16:35,374 --> 00:16:37,035
I can feel it.
269
00:16:37,109 --> 00:16:38,167
Let's go!
270
00:16:56,495 --> 00:16:59,020
What is it?
What do you want?
271
00:16:59,098 --> 00:17:00,827
Are you Michel Blanc?
272
00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:03,892
It's too early to say.
And you?
273
00:17:03,969 --> 00:17:06,767
I'm with the Clown Squad.
Search!
274
00:17:22,888 --> 00:17:24,822
I know a minister!
275
00:17:28,728 --> 00:17:30,525
What are the charges?
276
00:17:30,596 --> 00:17:32,530
I have no idea, goddamn it!
277
00:17:47,046 --> 00:17:50,812
You still claim
you left Carole Bouquet at 1:00 a.m.
278
00:17:51,784 --> 00:17:53,581
Then you went to sleep.
279
00:17:53,652 --> 00:17:55,916
I took two Valium
and went to bed.
280
00:17:55,988 --> 00:17:58,684
Mr. Blanc,
let me tell you a secret.
281
00:17:58,758 --> 00:18:01,727
I hate actors.
I dream of nailing one.
282
00:18:01,794 --> 00:18:03,853
My dream is coming true.
283
00:18:03,929 --> 00:18:06,762
Remember that.
It'll save us time.
284
00:18:06,832 --> 00:18:08,390
Bring her in.
285
00:18:20,746 --> 00:18:22,441
Why are you here?
286
00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:26,408
Take a guess, sleazeball!
287
00:18:28,154 --> 00:18:31,248
- Josie, what's wrong?
- You know, motherfucker!
288
00:18:31,323 --> 00:18:35,953
Scumbag!
I'll kill you! Creep!
289
00:18:36,028 --> 00:18:38,588
I want my share.
Sit him down.
290
00:18:39,598 --> 00:18:42,658
- I don't understand this!
- Be reasonable.
291
00:18:42,735 --> 00:18:45,397
We may get carried away...
292
00:18:45,471 --> 00:18:48,440
Ms. Balasko,
could you repeat your statement?
293
00:18:48,507 --> 00:18:49,997
I sure can.
294
00:18:50,075 --> 00:18:53,533
It was 3:00 a.m.
The doorbell rang. I was alone.
295
00:18:53,612 --> 00:18:58,311
It was that prick. I opened up.
I've known him for 20 years.
296
00:18:58,384 --> 00:19:02,480
He hit me, tied me to the radiator
and fucked me.
297
00:19:02,555 --> 00:19:04,113
If you can call it that!
298
00:19:05,524 --> 00:19:08,118
- It's not true.
- And you didn't make me come.
299
00:19:08,194 --> 00:19:10,628
I faked it so you'd leave.
300
00:19:10,696 --> 00:19:12,220
I better wake up now.
301
00:19:12,298 --> 00:19:14,425
Keep denying it.
Lock him up.
302
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:16,161
Get going!
303
00:19:16,235 --> 00:19:18,260
Sex pervert!
304
00:19:18,337 --> 00:19:20,305
There's been a mistake.
305
00:19:20,372 --> 00:19:23,637
There's always a mistake.
Life's a mistake.
306
00:19:29,982 --> 00:19:32,712
Guys!
The jet set decided to drop in.
307
00:19:34,053 --> 00:19:37,784
Are we in the wrong disco?
This joint is swanky.
308
00:19:37,857 --> 00:19:40,724
Say hello.
You're talkier on TV.
309
00:19:40,793 --> 00:19:44,251
Maybe it's us.
We mustn't be classy enough.
310
00:19:44,330 --> 00:19:46,025
You're right.
311
00:19:46,098 --> 00:19:50,034
What did you do, honey?
To what do we owe this honor?
312
00:19:50,102 --> 00:19:53,230
- Nothing.
- We're not that stupid.
313
00:19:53,305 --> 00:19:55,034
I swear. I'm innocent.
314
00:19:55,107 --> 00:19:57,473
So are we.
315
00:19:57,543 --> 00:20:00,512
The world is full of innocent people.
Prisons too.
316
00:20:00,579 --> 00:20:03,241
Like me...
I'm an innocent murderer.
317
00:20:03,315 --> 00:20:06,910
As for D�d�,
he's an innocent firebug.
318
00:20:07,987 --> 00:20:10,251
How about you, Mimi?
319
00:20:10,322 --> 00:20:12,415
Can I call you Mimi?
320
00:20:12,491 --> 00:20:14,482
- That hurts.
- No, it doesn't.
321
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:15,891
Stop or I'll scream!
322
00:20:15,961 --> 00:20:20,421
Don't bother. They won't come.
They're watching TV.
323
00:20:20,499 --> 00:20:22,262
You're hurting me.
324
00:20:23,736 --> 00:20:26,728
You know why it hurts?
Because you're tense.
325
00:20:26,805 --> 00:20:30,571
Just relax a little
and you won't feel a thing.
326
00:20:30,643 --> 00:20:32,372
Stop! Leave me alone!
327
00:20:32,444 --> 00:20:34,605
He's all knotted up.
328
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:35,840
All contracted.
329
00:20:35,915 --> 00:20:39,476
- Fucking him will relax us all.
- You're crazy!
330
00:20:39,552 --> 00:20:40,849
I'll scream!
331
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:45,220
It could help your career.
It's losing steam.
332
00:20:45,291 --> 00:20:47,384
"Studio" says you're overpaid.
333
00:20:47,459 --> 00:20:49,620
Imagine the coverage:
334
00:20:49,695 --> 00:20:52,687
"Blanc Butt-fucked Behind Bars!"
335
00:20:52,765 --> 00:20:55,097
Sounds good...
like a Lifetime Achievement Award.
336
00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:56,759
Help!
337
00:20:56,835 --> 00:20:58,632
Nominated!
338
00:21:00,606 --> 00:21:03,404
- I can't stay here.
- You're free.
339
00:21:03,475 --> 00:21:06,467
The charges were dropped.
Get out.
340
00:21:06,545 --> 00:21:10,811
You're lucky. But we'll meet again.
I have ESP.
341
00:21:14,086 --> 00:21:16,646
Can you sign the guest book?
342
00:21:16,722 --> 00:21:19,316
Most of your colleagues already have.
343
00:21:24,563 --> 00:21:27,828
Why are you here?
To slap me too?
344
00:21:27,900 --> 00:21:29,424
Did I rape you also?
345
00:21:29,501 --> 00:21:32,061
What are you talking about?
Relax.
346
00:21:32,137 --> 00:21:34,605
They asked
when you left my place.
347
00:21:34,673 --> 00:21:36,573
What happened?
348
00:21:36,642 --> 00:21:39,338
I don't know. I'm exhausted.
349
00:21:39,411 --> 00:21:42,312
I want to see a psychiatrist.
350
00:21:42,381 --> 00:21:45,407
Take the back door.
There are reporters.
351
00:21:46,485 --> 00:21:50,512
See a psychiatrist
after a good night's sleep.
352
00:21:50,589 --> 00:21:53,615
No way.
I'm going to the emergency ward.
353
00:21:53,692 --> 00:21:55,785
- I'll drive you.
- No, I may be dangerous.
354
00:21:55,861 --> 00:21:58,352
Leave! I may be a monster!
355
00:22:10,209 --> 00:22:11,574
Look.
356
00:22:12,511 --> 00:22:15,139
Look who it is.
357
00:22:15,214 --> 00:22:17,273
The psychiatric ward?
358
00:22:17,349 --> 00:22:20,045
Third floor.
You can't miss it.
359
00:22:48,647 --> 00:22:50,205
Are you Carole Bouquet?
360
00:22:52,918 --> 00:22:54,886
Can I have an autograph?
361
00:22:54,953 --> 00:22:58,548
Of course.
I need a piece of paper.
362
00:22:59,491 --> 00:23:02,153
- Let's go.
- Wait a second.
363
00:23:02,227 --> 00:23:03,785
We have to go.
364
00:23:05,064 --> 00:23:09,262
If it's a girl,
I'll name her Carole.
365
00:23:22,181 --> 00:23:23,375
Is it this way?
366
00:23:27,386 --> 00:23:30,184
It looks like it.
367
00:23:36,562 --> 00:23:39,395
Mr. Blanc,
you are neither Dr. Jekyll...
368
00:23:39,465 --> 00:23:41,228
nor Mr. Hyde.
369
00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:44,292
You are simply an overworked actor...
370
00:23:44,369 --> 00:23:47,600
sometimes playing
the role of another...
371
00:23:47,673 --> 00:23:49,163
Michel Blanc.
372
00:23:49,241 --> 00:23:51,141
Without admitting it.
373
00:23:51,210 --> 00:23:53,235
You mean I'm schizoid.
374
00:23:53,312 --> 00:23:55,837
No, you need peace and quiet.
375
00:23:55,914 --> 00:23:59,111
I'll give you some pills...
376
00:23:59,184 --> 00:24:03,644
which will turn all this
into a bad dream.
377
00:24:03,722 --> 00:24:09,183
Do you have a country house
where you can relax for a while?
378
00:24:09,261 --> 00:24:12,059
I do. In Provence.
379
00:24:12,131 --> 00:24:16,033
Perfect.
I have a lot of patients there.
380
00:24:21,540 --> 00:24:23,167
Get some rest.
381
00:24:23,242 --> 00:24:25,176
And keep us laughing.
382
00:24:27,513 --> 00:24:30,209
Take a gun along.
One never knows.
383
00:24:57,309 --> 00:25:00,301
I don't need rest.
I'm not tired.
384
00:25:00,379 --> 00:25:03,314
You can be so negative.
385
00:25:03,382 --> 00:25:06,112
No, I'm a nervous wreck.
Shouldn't I be?
386
00:25:07,986 --> 00:25:09,112
Really.
387
00:25:09,188 --> 00:25:13,591
I forget I raped Balasko
and I shouldn't panic?
388
00:25:13,659 --> 00:25:17,254
You'd have reason to panic
if she forgot.
389
00:25:17,329 --> 00:25:20,696
Joke about it. How nice.
And it was in bad taste.
390
00:25:20,766 --> 00:25:24,065
I'm trying to relax you.
391
00:25:24,136 --> 00:25:26,696
How can I relax?
I'm confused.
392
00:25:26,772 --> 00:25:31,402
You try too hard to understand.
Just accept the mystery.
393
00:25:31,476 --> 00:25:34,536
Mysteries can be beautiful.
394
00:25:34,613 --> 00:25:37,343
Did working with Bu�uel
turn you into a mystic?
395
00:25:37,416 --> 00:25:39,145
You need a dose of Bu�uel.
396
00:25:41,019 --> 00:25:42,111
What does that mean?
397
00:25:42,187 --> 00:25:44,417
Forget it.
Take your pills.
398
00:25:47,326 --> 00:25:49,556
You can be a real Ice Queen.
399
00:25:49,628 --> 00:25:51,619
And you, a real schmuck.
400
00:26:25,063 --> 00:26:27,395
Wake up. We're here.
401
00:26:27,466 --> 00:26:29,400
What do you think?
402
00:26:43,782 --> 00:26:45,943
I see...
403
00:26:46,018 --> 00:26:47,952
It's worse than I thought.
404
00:27:06,371 --> 00:27:09,534
You think
I can write a comedy here?
405
00:27:13,178 --> 00:27:16,443
- So?
- I don't know. Not a sound.
406
00:27:16,515 --> 00:27:20,781
He didn't eat. But he washed down
his pills with all the whisky.
407
00:27:20,852 --> 00:27:22,615
Go have a look.
408
00:27:22,688 --> 00:27:25,384
It's been three days.
It's not normal.
409
00:27:27,059 --> 00:27:29,425
I can't interrupt his work.
410
00:27:29,494 --> 00:27:31,428
He'll eat when he's hungry.
411
00:27:33,098 --> 00:27:34,929
He may never be hungry again.
412
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,797
What do you mean by that?
413
00:27:36,868 --> 00:27:39,996
Alcohol and pills
make bad cocktails...
414
00:27:40,072 --> 00:27:42,131
but good corpses.
415
00:27:42,207 --> 00:27:44,573
You think he's suicidal?
416
00:27:44,643 --> 00:27:46,577
He's no Little Mary Sunshine.
417
00:27:46,645 --> 00:27:48,840
You have a vivid imagination.
418
00:27:48,914 --> 00:27:51,678
My eyes have seen all.
419
00:27:51,750 --> 00:27:56,744
He's just like my cousin Albert:
Tiny and homely.
420
00:27:56,822 --> 00:27:59,347
One day we found him hanging
over the toilet.
421
00:27:59,424 --> 00:28:01,358
Stop with this nonsense.
422
00:28:08,233 --> 00:28:10,793
I'll go.
You gave me the creeps.
423
00:28:23,849 --> 00:28:26,443
Michel, are you okay?
424
00:28:28,253 --> 00:28:32,485
I told you so! My God!
Tragedy has struck again.
425
00:28:32,557 --> 00:28:34,548
Make lunch and calm down.
426
00:28:37,396 --> 00:28:39,330
Michel, I'm coming in.
427
00:28:57,382 --> 00:28:59,179
Shit! Michel!
428
00:29:00,786 --> 00:29:03,414
I swear! It wasn't me!
429
00:29:03,488 --> 00:29:04,614
Are you okay?
430
00:29:04,689 --> 00:29:07,715
- Where am I?
- You're in Provence.
431
00:29:07,793 --> 00:29:09,658
I'm Carole Bouquet.
Remember?
432
00:29:09,728 --> 00:29:11,423
- What?
- You're in the country.
433
00:29:11,496 --> 00:29:13,862
Wait. I can't hear.
434
00:29:13,932 --> 00:29:16,025
You're in the country.
At my house.
435
00:29:16,101 --> 00:29:19,093
- What time is it?
- Two o'clock.
436
00:29:19,171 --> 00:29:20,798
Why the earplugs?
437
00:29:20,872 --> 00:29:22,999
- There's no noise.
- I noticed.
438
00:29:23,075 --> 00:29:25,543
The silence woke me up.
439
00:29:26,845 --> 00:29:29,837
I'm sorry I barged in.
I was worried.
440
00:29:29,915 --> 00:29:33,214
- You don't move, you don't eat.
- I'm all tense.
441
00:29:33,285 --> 00:29:36,652
It's normal.
You stay in this gloomy room.
442
00:29:36,721 --> 00:29:38,018
Go work outside.
443
00:29:38,090 --> 00:29:41,457
Who can write outdoors?
It's an indoor thing.
444
00:29:41,526 --> 00:29:42,754
The light is beautiful.
445
00:29:42,828 --> 00:29:45,422
- I'm not a painter.
- Right...
446
00:29:45,497 --> 00:29:48,193
At least open the shutters.
Admire the view.
447
00:29:49,334 --> 00:29:52,963
The view freaks me out,
like an endless Easter Sunday.
448
00:29:53,038 --> 00:29:56,201
Maybe some sunshine
would cheer you up.
449
00:29:56,274 --> 00:29:58,367
That would be a first.
450
00:30:08,954 --> 00:30:12,287
I made a beef stew...
with truffles.
451
00:30:12,357 --> 00:30:14,951
And a Saint-Joseph.
Is that okay?
452
00:30:15,026 --> 00:30:18,427
It's okay for the stew,
but not for me.
453
00:30:18,497 --> 00:30:21,364
You think I can work
after beef stew?
454
00:30:21,433 --> 00:30:22,593
Come on.
455
00:30:22,667 --> 00:30:24,862
Yesterday you ate
as little as you wrote.
456
00:30:24,936 --> 00:30:26,961
I see.
457
00:30:27,038 --> 00:30:28,665
I have to earn my keep.
458
00:30:28,740 --> 00:30:31,470
I'll pay you for the truffles.
459
00:30:31,543 --> 00:30:35,445
Don't react that way.
I was trying to be nice.
460
00:30:35,514 --> 00:30:36,811
Right.
461
00:30:36,882 --> 00:30:39,646
I wonder why you're so nice.
462
00:30:39,718 --> 00:30:43,677
Is Carole Bouquet
trying to score a comic?
463
00:30:44,890 --> 00:30:46,790
How's that for an answer?
464
00:30:46,858 --> 00:30:49,019
- It's fine.
- Perfect!
465
00:30:49,094 --> 00:30:51,324
Now shower, get dressed...
466
00:30:51,396 --> 00:30:54,194
and drop the tacky Woody Allen shtick.
467
00:30:54,266 --> 00:30:56,826
Neurotic clowns bore me stiff.
468
00:30:58,203 --> 00:31:00,262
Lunch is in 20 minutes.
469
00:31:00,338 --> 00:31:02,272
- Is that clear?
- Yes, Carole.
470
00:31:03,108 --> 00:31:05,099
We're eating outside.
471
00:31:05,177 --> 00:31:07,975
That may do me good.
472
00:31:11,082 --> 00:31:13,676
Your stew is delicious, Carole.
473
00:31:13,752 --> 00:31:15,185
Thank you, Michel.
474
00:31:15,253 --> 00:31:18,381
- Help yourself.
- No, I'm full.
475
00:31:18,456 --> 00:31:20,583
- Are you finished?
- Go ahead.
476
00:31:23,662 --> 00:31:25,391
I'm sorry for this morning.
477
00:31:26,831 --> 00:31:28,526
Forget about it.
478
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,797
It must be the tranquilizers
and the whisky.
479
00:31:31,870 --> 00:31:33,667
Try going cold turkey.
480
00:31:33,738 --> 00:31:35,729
I'll try.
It won't be easy.
481
00:31:35,807 --> 00:31:39,106
Why are you wearing a hat?
We're in the shade.
482
00:31:39,177 --> 00:31:42,977
The sun peeps through the leaves.
I'll look like Gorbachev.
483
00:31:43,048 --> 00:31:44,743
I won't insist.
484
00:31:44,816 --> 00:31:46,909
I'll see you later at the mall.
485
00:31:47,886 --> 00:31:50,184
- Excuse me?
- My granddaughter's a fan.
486
00:31:50,255 --> 00:31:52,815
She wants you to sign a cassette.
487
00:31:52,891 --> 00:31:55,724
What is this all about?
488
00:31:55,794 --> 00:31:57,557
It was in the paper.
489
00:31:57,629 --> 00:31:59,620
- What paper?
- Wait.
490
00:32:00,532 --> 00:32:03,057
- Is it here?
- In the garbage.
491
00:32:15,180 --> 00:32:17,045
I found it!
492
00:32:17,115 --> 00:32:18,878
"Michel Blanc will sign cassettes...
493
00:32:18,950 --> 00:32:21,111
in person at Continental Supermarket."
494
00:32:21,186 --> 00:32:23,677
Now can I take tranquilizers?
495
00:32:23,755 --> 00:32:26,315
Let's take the bull by the horns.
496
00:32:26,391 --> 00:32:28,222
Where are you going?
497
00:32:30,161 --> 00:32:31,685
We shouldn't do this.
498
00:32:31,763 --> 00:32:33,924
The nightmare is almost over.
499
00:32:33,999 --> 00:32:37,264
- The video aisle?
- That way.
500
00:32:38,336 --> 00:32:41,464
Come on, Julien.
It's your second shot.
501
00:32:41,539 --> 00:32:43,131
Aim for the target!
502
00:32:45,677 --> 00:32:47,872
You have one last try.
503
00:32:47,946 --> 00:32:49,538
Remember the rules.
504
00:32:49,614 --> 00:32:53,209
You have three chances
to dunk Michel Blanc.
505
00:32:53,285 --> 00:32:56,743
You're not crazy.
You have a look-alike.
506
00:32:56,821 --> 00:32:58,220
He looks like me?
507
00:32:58,290 --> 00:33:00,918
I can't tell the difference.
508
00:33:00,992 --> 00:33:02,584
Are you happy now?
509
00:33:02,661 --> 00:33:04,959
You'd be happy
to look like him?
510
00:33:05,030 --> 00:33:08,056
Are you ready
for your third shot?
511
00:33:08,133 --> 00:33:09,600
Throw the ball.
512
00:33:19,878 --> 00:33:23,177
I hear he gets unemployment too.
513
00:33:23,248 --> 00:33:24,738
We'll wait outside.
514
00:33:24,816 --> 00:33:27,546
Call the cops.
He raped Balasko.
515
00:33:27,619 --> 00:33:29,587
I won't let him touch you.
516
00:33:38,029 --> 00:33:40,623
- Excuse me.
- No more autographs.
517
00:33:40,699 --> 00:33:43,167
- Just a question.
- What is it?
518
00:33:43,234 --> 00:33:45,702
- Who are you?
- Michel Blanc. Are you blind?
519
00:33:45,770 --> 00:33:48,170
- And you?
- We're Michel Blanc too.
520
00:33:50,575 --> 00:33:53,100
- Shit.
- Wait!
521
00:33:54,713 --> 00:33:55,771
Stop!
522
00:34:03,688 --> 00:34:05,883
Wait!
523
00:34:05,957 --> 00:34:07,549
Let's talk!
524
00:34:12,897 --> 00:34:14,194
He has a Porsche!
525
00:34:14,265 --> 00:34:16,199
I love speeding!
526
00:34:18,470 --> 00:34:19,903
Buckle up!
527
00:34:27,112 --> 00:34:29,080
There he is.
528
00:34:47,699 --> 00:34:49,792
- Are you okay?
- Not great.
529
00:34:57,075 --> 00:34:58,940
- Stop.
- We have him.
530
00:35:03,348 --> 00:35:05,316
Your stew is coming back up.
531
00:35:27,105 --> 00:35:29,699
- Excuse me.
- You feel better?
532
00:35:32,043 --> 00:35:33,840
I'm sorry. We lost him.
533
00:35:33,912 --> 00:35:35,402
Maybe not.
534
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,380
You have his address?
535
00:35:37,449 --> 00:35:39,474
A certain town keeps popping up.
536
00:35:39,551 --> 00:35:42,418
- So?
- Let's go there.
537
00:35:42,487 --> 00:35:44,182
Who knows where it is?
538
00:35:44,255 --> 00:35:46,280
- We'll find it.
- We never will.
539
00:35:46,357 --> 00:35:48,917
Don't be so pessimistic.
It's exhausting.
540
00:35:50,662 --> 00:35:52,095
Buckle up.
541
00:36:23,328 --> 00:36:25,558
What do we do now?
542
00:36:25,630 --> 00:36:28,758
Take his agenda and ask around.
543
00:36:28,833 --> 00:36:32,428
- Why do I have to?
- Because I just drove 400 km.
544
00:36:32,504 --> 00:36:34,938
Stop asking questions
and do something.
545
00:36:37,242 --> 00:36:39,176
Okay, I'll go.
546
00:36:44,382 --> 00:36:48,045
But your attitude
is really getting on my nerves.
547
00:36:48,119 --> 00:36:50,451
- I'll take note.
- Do that.
548
00:36:59,163 --> 00:37:00,289
Hello.
549
00:37:00,365 --> 00:37:02,799
Here's the star.
How's our Patrick?
550
00:37:02,867 --> 00:37:05,768
- What Patrick?
- The handsome one. Have a drink.
551
00:37:05,837 --> 00:37:07,737
So you came after all?
552
00:37:07,805 --> 00:37:11,673
He misses us. Give me a kiss
or do I have to get up?
553
00:37:13,945 --> 00:37:15,378
Hi, gorgeous.
554
00:37:17,081 --> 00:37:19,413
New cologne?
I liked the other one.
555
00:37:19,484 --> 00:37:21,475
You didn't come alone.
556
00:37:22,654 --> 00:37:24,315
He finally brought us one.
557
00:37:24,389 --> 00:37:26,619
Shit! It's Carole Bouquet!
558
00:37:26,691 --> 00:37:28,989
- No way!
- You hit the jackpot!
559
00:37:29,060 --> 00:37:31,028
What a bastard.
560
00:37:31,095 --> 00:37:33,655
My old school buddy
is banging Bouquet!
561
00:37:33,731 --> 00:37:35,494
I get all the dogs.
562
00:37:35,567 --> 00:37:38,229
You think you're so special?
563
00:37:38,303 --> 00:37:41,170
You're no fucking Alain Delon.
564
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,400
Take it easy.
You misunderstood.
565
00:37:43,474 --> 00:37:46,204
- Bullshit.
- Cut it out, lovebirds.
566
00:37:46,911 --> 00:37:48,776
I have to go.
567
00:37:48,846 --> 00:37:51,576
I got a package for your mother.
568
00:37:51,649 --> 00:37:53,583
Take it. Save me the trip.
569
00:37:53,651 --> 00:37:55,016
- Okay.
- Here.
570
00:37:57,755 --> 00:37:59,518
Give Carole our love.
571
00:38:00,458 --> 00:38:01,891
I will.
572
00:38:16,107 --> 00:38:18,371
- So?
- They called me Patrick.
573
00:38:18,443 --> 00:38:20,536
This is for my mother.
574
00:38:20,612 --> 00:38:22,546
One guy is a schoolmate.
575
00:38:22,614 --> 00:38:25,378
They think you're him.
It works both ways.
576
00:38:25,450 --> 00:38:27,384
He got lipstick on you.
577
00:38:29,053 --> 00:38:31,214
- Where are we going?
- To visit Mom.
578
00:38:31,289 --> 00:38:33,723
We have the address.
579
00:38:39,664 --> 00:38:40,995
Well, I'll be!
580
00:38:41,065 --> 00:38:42,589
Hello, ma'am.
581
00:38:42,667 --> 00:38:47,036
You should have called, Patrick.
That's not nice.
582
00:38:47,105 --> 00:38:52,304
I'm in my nightgown.
This is no way to greet Carole Bouquet.
583
00:38:54,212 --> 00:38:58,410
How typical.
Come in... you'll catch pneumonia.
584
00:38:58,483 --> 00:38:59,973
It's not too late?
585
00:39:00,051 --> 00:39:03,748
Of course not. Come in.
586
00:39:03,821 --> 00:39:06,756
Go get a bottle of wine
from the basement.
587
00:39:06,824 --> 00:39:10,385
- The basement?
- Yeah, the one under the house! Hurry!
588
00:39:10,461 --> 00:39:12,725
Unless you prefer vermouth?
589
00:39:12,797 --> 00:39:15,197
I don't want to bother you.
590
00:39:15,266 --> 00:39:19,896
It's no bother. I'm ashamed.
It's like a gypsy camp here.
591
00:39:19,971 --> 00:39:21,836
This way.
592
00:39:24,542 --> 00:39:26,635
I'll show you your room.
593
00:39:26,711 --> 00:39:28,338
We can't stay.
594
00:39:28,413 --> 00:39:32,474
Stay for dinner.
The fridge is empty anyway.
595
00:39:32,550 --> 00:39:34,984
- We're in a rush.
- Don't argue, Carole.
596
00:39:35,053 --> 00:39:37,453
Can I call you Carole?
I'm Marthe.
597
00:39:39,757 --> 00:39:41,691
Have a seat.
598
00:39:45,630 --> 00:39:47,325
Looking at the pictures?
599
00:39:47,398 --> 00:39:50,458
I cut out everything.
I'm a real mama.
600
00:39:50,535 --> 00:39:52,799
You have kids too.
601
00:39:52,870 --> 00:39:57,637
Whenever I see Patrick on TV,
I cry my eyes out.
602
00:39:57,709 --> 00:39:59,836
- Patrick?
- That's his real name.
603
00:39:59,911 --> 00:40:01,538
Patrick Olivier.
604
00:40:01,612 --> 00:40:05,104
He changed it.
He was afraid of his father.
605
00:40:05,183 --> 00:40:09,210
One night his father and I
were watching TV.
606
00:40:09,287 --> 00:40:11,755
All of a sudden we saw him!
607
00:40:11,823 --> 00:40:13,757
We were proud.
608
00:40:13,825 --> 00:40:16,885
It was better
than seeing him in jail cells.
609
00:40:16,961 --> 00:40:21,796
He just stole a few car radios.
It could have got worse.
610
00:40:21,866 --> 00:40:24,300
He was shocked to see himself.
611
00:40:24,368 --> 00:40:27,667
He wanted to surprise us.
Good kid.
612
00:40:29,340 --> 00:40:31,240
Carole, we have to hurry.
613
00:40:31,309 --> 00:40:33,277
First have a bite to eat.
614
00:40:33,344 --> 00:40:35,244
Take the tray.
615
00:40:35,313 --> 00:40:37,178
- We'll eat and run.
- We're not hungry.
616
00:40:37,248 --> 00:40:38,408
I am, Patrick.
617
00:40:45,389 --> 00:40:47,016
- What now?
- They're eating.
618
00:40:47,091 --> 00:40:49,559
- Since when?
- 45 minutes ago.
619
00:40:49,627 --> 00:40:53,119
It's the main course.
They already had tomato salad.
620
00:40:53,197 --> 00:40:54,858
- Drinks?
- Muscadet.
621
00:40:54,932 --> 00:40:57,730
The wine didn't go
with the tomato salad.
622
00:40:57,802 --> 00:40:58,996
There was tuna in it.
623
00:40:59,070 --> 00:41:03,973
I'd have served a C�tes du Rh�ne
and drunk the white next.
624
00:41:04,041 --> 00:41:05,906
- What's next?
- I gave her pork pie.
625
00:41:05,977 --> 00:41:08,275
She roasted some garlic.
626
00:41:08,346 --> 00:41:10,041
Some spuds too.
627
00:41:10,114 --> 00:41:12,981
I have some leftover camembert!
628
00:41:13,050 --> 00:41:15,382
She has plenty of cheese.
629
00:41:16,521 --> 00:41:18,045
Everything's fine.
630
00:41:18,122 --> 00:41:19,248
How is she?
631
00:41:19,323 --> 00:41:21,188
Sweet and simple.
632
00:41:21,259 --> 00:41:24,422
She had two helpings of headcheese.
633
00:41:25,496 --> 00:41:28,829
You're nuts.
We shouldn't have stayed.
634
00:41:28,900 --> 00:41:30,492
She's so happy.
635
00:41:30,568 --> 00:41:32,536
Maybe they're partners.
636
00:41:32,603 --> 00:41:35,629
They'll poison us
and bury us under a dung heap.
637
00:41:35,706 --> 00:41:40,006
I sauteed some mushrooms.
They'll help wash down the pork.
638
00:41:41,479 --> 00:41:43,276
You're not eating!
639
00:41:43,347 --> 00:41:45,144
It's the humidity.
640
00:41:45,216 --> 00:41:46,683
Madame Baudet!
641
00:41:46,751 --> 00:41:49,515
- Is it a bad time?
- We're eating.
642
00:41:49,587 --> 00:41:51,578
Come in.
It's Madame Baudet.
643
00:41:51,656 --> 00:41:53,180
But it's a family dinner.
644
00:41:53,257 --> 00:41:57,216
Nothing fancy.
Have some tart with us.
645
00:41:57,295 --> 00:42:01,391
You know Carole Bouquet.
This is Patrick's old teacher.
646
00:42:01,465 --> 00:42:03,558
- Hello, Mrs. Bouquet.
- Hello, ma'am.
647
00:42:03,634 --> 00:42:04,965
Hi, sonny.
648
00:42:05,036 --> 00:42:07,197
Have a glass of wine.
649
00:42:07,271 --> 00:42:10,536
With pleasure.
We'll have coffee at my place.
650
00:42:10,608 --> 00:42:13,873
Just next door.
My son is dying to see you.
651
00:42:13,945 --> 00:42:16,140
- He adores you.
- We have to leave.
652
00:42:16,214 --> 00:42:19,240
They're shooting a movie nearby.
653
00:42:19,317 --> 00:42:22,081
Just five minutes.
The time to say hello.
654
00:42:22,153 --> 00:42:26,055
It will perk him up.
He's been paralyzed for five years.
655
00:42:26,123 --> 00:42:27,750
Okay, let's go now.
656
00:42:27,825 --> 00:42:29,952
But just five minutes.
657
00:42:30,027 --> 00:42:32,154
You're a good person.
658
00:42:32,230 --> 00:42:33,993
I knew it.
659
00:43:08,299 --> 00:43:10,699
Come, it's this way.
660
00:43:16,507 --> 00:43:18,099
Come on.
661
00:43:24,348 --> 00:43:27,010
Go in. He's in there.
662
00:43:35,793 --> 00:43:37,385
Go ahead!
663
00:43:47,872 --> 00:43:50,568
Hello.
I'm glad to meet you.
664
00:43:55,913 --> 00:43:57,813
Mama...
665
00:44:01,886 --> 00:44:04,286
- My hand...
- We'll drop by later.
666
00:44:05,156 --> 00:44:07,249
- Hold my hand.
- Of course.
667
00:44:08,326 --> 00:44:10,817
Are you okay?
668
00:44:10,895 --> 00:44:13,887
- Is he okay?
- This has never happened.
669
00:44:16,801 --> 00:44:17,859
What's wrong?
670
00:44:19,036 --> 00:44:20,526
You better rest.
671
00:44:23,908 --> 00:44:25,375
Stay in bed.
672
00:44:30,081 --> 00:44:33,710
- Oh, shit!
- He's walking.
673
00:44:35,019 --> 00:44:36,714
Come on, Carole.
674
00:44:36,787 --> 00:44:38,550
I'm walking!
675
00:44:42,226 --> 00:44:43,591
It's a miracle!
676
00:44:43,661 --> 00:44:45,856
He's walking!
677
00:44:48,466 --> 00:44:50,934
- I'm walking!
- Please, come!
678
00:44:51,002 --> 00:44:53,470
Look... I'm walking!
679
00:44:53,537 --> 00:44:55,528
I've had enough.
Come on!
680
00:44:56,507 --> 00:44:58,270
I'm walking.
681
00:44:58,342 --> 00:45:00,640
Shit!
682
00:45:01,946 --> 00:45:04,915
I'm walking.
I have a hard-on!
683
00:45:08,486 --> 00:45:10,078
Excuse us.
684
00:45:15,926 --> 00:45:17,860
Come on, Carole.
685
00:45:22,833 --> 00:45:25,324
Let go of her hand, mister!
686
00:45:42,753 --> 00:45:44,687
Start the car.
687
00:45:46,424 --> 00:45:49,393
You never wondered
what this is all for?
688
00:45:49,460 --> 00:45:52,918
Success? Stardom?
All the blah-blah?
689
00:45:52,997 --> 00:45:55,659
I haven't had the time recently.
690
00:45:55,733 --> 00:45:59,100
Let's discuss this another time.
Drive.
691
00:46:00,304 --> 00:46:02,431
What have you done
with your talent?
692
00:46:03,507 --> 00:46:04,769
Excuse me?
693
00:46:04,842 --> 00:46:06,309
I've found the answer.
694
00:46:06,377 --> 00:46:08,368
I gave legs to a cripple.
695
00:46:09,413 --> 00:46:12,644
You're pulling my leg.
Cut it out.
696
00:46:12,716 --> 00:46:15,617
You think you healed a cripple?
697
00:46:15,686 --> 00:46:19,850
He had an unconscious block.
Seeing you released it.
698
00:46:19,924 --> 00:46:21,221
There was no miracle.
699
00:46:21,292 --> 00:46:24,693
You don't believe a thing.
Even what you see.
700
00:46:24,762 --> 00:46:27,663
I'm not the one going haywire.
You are.
701
00:46:27,731 --> 00:46:30,632
See it that way,
if it helps you.
702
00:46:30,701 --> 00:46:33,693
It would help me
to tell the cops.
703
00:46:33,771 --> 00:46:38,140
Forget the police.
We'll find Patrick and scare him.
704
00:46:39,143 --> 00:46:41,077
For his mother's sake.
705
00:46:41,145 --> 00:46:43,306
You're unbelievable!
706
00:46:43,380 --> 00:46:46,247
This is my life!
He's my double, not yours!
707
00:46:46,317 --> 00:46:48,581
The cops aren't on your ass!
708
00:46:48,652 --> 00:46:51,587
So you work your miracles elsewhere.
709
00:46:51,655 --> 00:46:53,623
I won't take you to the cops.
710
00:46:53,691 --> 00:46:55,215
I'll hitchhike.
Let me off.
711
00:46:55,292 --> 00:46:56,953
It may take a while.
712
00:46:57,027 --> 00:46:58,892
Keep the faith, sister.
713
00:47:01,565 --> 00:47:03,499
Okay, but I warned you.
714
00:47:22,753 --> 00:47:24,687
I can't leave him.
715
00:47:48,345 --> 00:47:52,213
Is your tantrum over?
Climb back in.
716
00:47:52,283 --> 00:47:54,217
It's hard to refuse.
717
00:47:58,355 --> 00:48:01,222
I'll get in behind,
if you don't mind.
718
00:48:05,262 --> 00:48:07,059
I can drive slowly.
719
00:48:07,131 --> 00:48:09,497
Don't bother.
I just feel like it.
720
00:48:09,567 --> 00:48:11,398
You're a strange guy.
721
00:48:24,381 --> 00:48:26,645
Are you sick again?
722
00:48:26,717 --> 00:48:28,116
Do I look it?
723
00:48:28,185 --> 00:48:29,880
You just look strange.
724
00:48:29,954 --> 00:48:32,582
- In what way?
- As if something's up.
725
00:48:32,656 --> 00:48:34,590
- Bingo!
- What the hell?
726
00:48:34,658 --> 00:48:39,254
Pure heaven.
I'm fondling Carole Bouquet's breasts.
727
00:48:39,330 --> 00:48:40,957
Yes. So?
728
00:48:41,031 --> 00:48:43,591
- So they're hot and soft.
- I mean what's next?
729
00:48:43,667 --> 00:48:45,794
Next maybe we can go hump.
730
00:48:47,805 --> 00:48:50,774
It's time to get serious, Patrick.
Okay?
731
00:48:50,841 --> 00:48:53,469
- How did you guess?
- Call it intuition.
732
00:48:53,544 --> 00:48:55,478
You're hurting me.
733
00:48:59,183 --> 00:49:01,048
Stop! I have a gun!
734
00:49:18,569 --> 00:49:20,935
Who's that tiny, bald actor?
735
00:49:21,005 --> 00:49:23,303
- Michel Blanc? Where?
- Under the salad bar.
736
00:49:24,575 --> 00:49:26,702
- Isn't she Carole Bouquet?
- Get out!
737
00:49:32,016 --> 00:49:33,483
Move it!
738
00:49:34,485 --> 00:49:36,112
I'm coming!
739
00:49:36,186 --> 00:49:38,017
While I reload.
740
00:49:44,295 --> 00:49:47,560
Shit!
I didn't know they were a couple.
741
00:49:52,536 --> 00:49:55,994
- Put your gun away.
- Shut up and walk.
742
00:49:56,073 --> 00:49:57,506
Where are we going?
743
00:49:57,574 --> 00:50:01,010
Move or your asshole
will have a double too.
744
00:50:01,078 --> 00:50:03,103
Did you lie to your whole town?
745
00:50:03,180 --> 00:50:06,308
Yeah.
They stopped calling me a loser.
746
00:50:06,383 --> 00:50:09,784
The bigger he got,
the more they liked me. I was trapped.
747
00:50:10,988 --> 00:50:13,923
There was no harm done.
No one died.
748
00:50:13,991 --> 00:50:15,959
- Nothing serious.
- And Balasko?
749
00:50:16,026 --> 00:50:19,427
I wanted to steal
some money from her.
750
00:50:19,496 --> 00:50:22,624
Seeing her tied to the radiator
was too much.
751
00:50:22,700 --> 00:50:24,429
I'm only human.
752
00:50:24,501 --> 00:50:27,368
Listen, shrimp.
I'll make it brief.
753
00:50:27,438 --> 00:50:30,134
Keep a low profile
from now on.
754
00:50:30,207 --> 00:50:33,904
If I see you again,
I'll knock the shit out of you.
755
00:50:33,977 --> 00:50:36,411
- Understand?
- Don't worry.
756
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:39,278
Beat it now,
or we'll start all over.
757
00:50:39,350 --> 00:50:40,476
I'm going.
758
00:50:47,391 --> 00:50:50,519
I'd have come before,
but Carole Bouquet refused.
759
00:50:50,594 --> 00:50:52,789
The miracle unglued her.
760
00:50:52,863 --> 00:50:56,458
She says it's a miracle.
I say it's just nerves.
761
00:50:56,533 --> 00:51:00,333
I bet he became a veggie again
after we left.
762
00:51:00,404 --> 00:51:03,840
I wanted to tell you
because he's dangerous.
763
00:51:07,678 --> 00:51:09,669
Do you have any questions?
764
00:51:16,053 --> 00:51:18,521
Cheers.
I've always wondered.
765
00:51:18,589 --> 00:51:22,582
Do you improvise this stuff
or learn it by heart?
766
00:51:25,496 --> 00:51:29,023
Act in our Nativity Pageant
with us next Christmas.
767
00:51:44,181 --> 00:51:45,512
Proud of yourself?
768
00:51:46,917 --> 00:51:49,852
On TV, you sing for Ethiopia.
769
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:54,220
But when the cameras stop rolling,
you squeal.
770
00:51:54,291 --> 00:51:55,986
Who are you kidding?
771
00:51:56,059 --> 00:51:59,153
- I'll bash your face in!
- What is it?
772
00:51:59,229 --> 00:52:00,491
- Relax!
- I'll kill you!
773
00:52:00,564 --> 00:52:02,555
You're crazy!
Let me explain.
774
00:52:02,633 --> 00:52:06,069
Explain what?
That you got me in deep shit?
775
00:52:06,136 --> 00:52:08,866
- I'm suffocating.
- Save the explanation.
776
00:52:08,939 --> 00:52:10,839
Scum!
777
00:52:12,176 --> 00:52:15,168
Listen, I didn't ask
to look like you.
778
00:52:16,346 --> 00:52:19,645
Believe me,
I'd have chosen another face.
779
00:52:19,716 --> 00:52:21,843
Yours is no fun.
780
00:52:21,919 --> 00:52:24,945
And you picked some lousy roles.
781
00:52:25,022 --> 00:52:27,582
Can't you vary them?
They're boring.
782
00:52:27,658 --> 00:52:30,684
Spare me your advice.
I don't need it.
783
00:52:30,761 --> 00:52:34,197
That's a shame.
You'd have avoided some duds.
784
00:52:34,264 --> 00:52:37,028
If you're ashamed,
don't act like me.
785
00:52:37,100 --> 00:52:41,537
I have all the minuses.
I deserve the pluses too.
786
00:52:41,605 --> 00:52:42,867
I have no privacy.
787
00:52:42,940 --> 00:52:45,374
When I trip, everyone laughs.
788
00:52:45,442 --> 00:52:49,879
You chose your life, and it paid off.
You can't complain.
789
00:52:49,947 --> 00:52:51,881
All I can do is cry.
790
00:52:51,949 --> 00:52:53,644
You've ruined my life.
791
00:52:53,717 --> 00:52:58,120
What about mine?
I can't get a decent job with your face.
792
00:52:58,188 --> 00:53:01,055
What if Hitler
looked like Groucho Marx?
793
00:53:01,124 --> 00:53:04,616
You screwed up my life.
That's the truth.
794
00:53:04,695 --> 00:53:07,163
I'm wasting my time with you.
795
00:53:07,231 --> 00:53:10,359
I won't change my job
or my face either.
796
00:53:10,434 --> 00:53:13,130
Find a solution and get a life.
797
00:53:13,203 --> 00:53:16,764
If you start again,
I'll find smarter cops.
798
00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:18,239
Good night.
799
00:53:29,553 --> 00:53:31,544
I know a good solution.
800
00:53:31,622 --> 00:53:34,056
The best is to leave me alone.
801
00:53:34,124 --> 00:53:37,116
We could become partners.
802
00:53:37,194 --> 00:53:39,856
It'd be smarter to share the job.
803
00:53:39,930 --> 00:53:43,491
I don't understand...
or I'm too scared to.
804
00:53:43,567 --> 00:53:47,560
I'll do the TV shows that bore you.
805
00:53:48,572 --> 00:53:51,370
- You're talking fraud here.
- Why?
806
00:53:51,441 --> 00:53:53,602
The public gets
their money's worth.
807
00:53:53,677 --> 00:53:57,078
You do movies and write.
I'll do talk shows.
808
00:53:57,147 --> 00:54:00,048
Your public won't complain.
809
00:54:00,117 --> 00:54:04,611
Sometimes you seem dead tired.
You're only human.
810
00:54:04,688 --> 00:54:07,919
I'll do the movies
you do for the money.
811
00:54:07,991 --> 00:54:11,085
You do the quality stuff.
An actor's dream.
812
00:54:11,161 --> 00:54:13,721
- It's never just for money.
- Cut it out.
813
00:54:13,797 --> 00:54:15,458
There's more to it.
814
00:54:15,532 --> 00:54:18,467
And I bet you like the products
you advertise.
815
00:54:24,741 --> 00:54:26,572
Think it over.
816
00:54:26,643 --> 00:54:29,009
How about taking a year off?
817
00:54:29,079 --> 00:54:31,138
India. Burma.
818
00:54:31,214 --> 00:54:34,547
Sunset by the Sulu Sea.
The streets of Manila.
819
00:54:34,618 --> 00:54:35,710
This is insane.
820
00:54:35,786 --> 00:54:38,619
You wouldn't be the first.
821
00:54:38,689 --> 00:54:42,489
Ever wonder how Depardieu
makes so many movies?
822
00:54:42,559 --> 00:54:43,787
It's humanly impossible.
823
00:54:43,860 --> 00:54:47,762
You're a raving lunatic.
You scare me.
824
00:54:47,831 --> 00:54:50,994
I don't need an answer now.
Take your time.
825
00:54:51,068 --> 00:54:52,831
You know where to find me.
826
00:54:52,903 --> 00:54:54,700
Good night.
827
00:55:23,433 --> 00:55:26,994
I made a huge mistake
that I will pay for dearly.
828
00:55:43,420 --> 00:55:45,718
What the fuck is happening?
829
00:55:45,789 --> 00:55:48,587
I was right.
I'm starting to panic.
830
00:55:57,534 --> 00:55:58,558
Is Carole home?
831
00:56:11,014 --> 00:56:12,311
Is it a bad time?
832
00:56:13,250 --> 00:56:14,410
I warned you.
833
00:56:14,484 --> 00:56:16,509
No, it's me. Michel.
834
00:56:16,586 --> 00:56:18,383
I've been patient, Patrick.
835
00:56:18,455 --> 00:56:20,980
Now I'm getting angry.
836
00:56:21,058 --> 00:56:23,049
I'm not my double.
I'm Michel Blanc.
837
00:56:23,126 --> 00:56:26,118
Really?
It won't work. Come in.
838
00:56:35,238 --> 00:56:36,899
Come here.
839
00:56:36,973 --> 00:56:41,740
You're Michel Blanc? Perfect timing:
I'm eating with him.
840
00:56:41,812 --> 00:56:43,609
Bad luck, huh?
841
00:56:57,928 --> 00:56:59,862
Say something, guys.
842
00:57:01,498 --> 00:57:02,931
Talk.
843
00:57:04,935 --> 00:57:06,926
You can't believe him.
844
00:57:07,003 --> 00:57:08,994
There's a slight resemblance.
845
00:57:09,072 --> 00:57:11,199
Honey, it's obviously not him.
846
00:57:11,274 --> 00:57:13,868
I'm no fool.
They're all blind.
847
00:57:13,944 --> 00:57:15,468
The eyes are off.
848
00:57:15,545 --> 00:57:17,069
This isn't funny.
849
00:57:17,147 --> 00:57:20,583
The voice.
Michel never sounded like a fairy.
850
00:57:20,650 --> 00:57:23,642
There's the bastard
who raped me.
851
00:57:23,720 --> 00:57:24,778
Josie, cut it out.
852
00:57:25,822 --> 00:57:27,016
Where's your hard-on?
853
00:57:27,090 --> 00:57:29,718
- You miss the radiator?
- Josie, please!
854
00:57:29,793 --> 00:57:31,727
I'll castrate this freak.
855
00:57:43,840 --> 00:57:46,536
Patrick, it can only get worse.
856
00:57:46,610 --> 00:57:50,910
I'm sorry we were violent.
It's to make you see reason.
857
00:57:50,981 --> 00:57:53,745
I'll help you
if you decide to change.
858
00:57:54,818 --> 00:57:58,310
Help me wake up.
I'm fed up.
859
00:58:23,747 --> 00:58:25,544
A double brandy.
860
00:58:25,615 --> 00:58:27,913
Coming up.
861
00:58:41,298 --> 00:58:42,731
Another.
862
00:58:46,870 --> 00:58:48,201
Can you look at me?
863
00:58:48,271 --> 00:58:51,900
I mean... do you recognize me?
864
00:58:51,975 --> 00:58:54,307
Don't bother.
Pay up, mister.
865
00:58:54,377 --> 00:58:55,810
You misunderstood.
866
00:58:58,381 --> 00:59:00,246
Have you seen me before?
867
00:59:00,317 --> 00:59:02,251
I don't know. Turn around.
868
00:59:02,319 --> 00:59:06,449
Yeah...
you're that asshole weatherman.
869
00:59:06,523 --> 00:59:09,890
No, not on TV.
At the movies.
870
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:13,293
Sorry, mister.
Movies bore the shit out of me.
871
00:59:13,363 --> 00:59:16,196
Drink up and go.
872
00:59:48,965 --> 00:59:51,798
You're pushing your luck.
873
00:59:53,069 --> 00:59:55,560
I'm sorry to say
the party's over.
874
00:59:55,639 --> 00:59:57,163
Put away your toys.
875
00:59:57,240 --> 01:00:00,209
Give me my keys
and get out of my life.
876
01:00:01,511 --> 01:00:05,811
Despite appearances,
you're an optimist, Michel.
877
01:00:05,882 --> 01:00:07,076
A real Pollyanna.
878
01:00:07,150 --> 01:00:09,550
It's bad for your films.
879
01:00:09,619 --> 01:00:12,554
The scenario is in my hands now.
880
01:00:12,622 --> 01:00:16,251
It won't be The Sound Of Music.
Not for you, at least.
881
01:00:16,326 --> 01:00:18,658
So get used to it.
882
01:00:18,728 --> 01:00:21,663
Now I'm spinning
the Wheel of Fortune.
883
01:00:21,731 --> 01:00:24,564
Our face is as much mine
as yours.
884
01:00:24,634 --> 01:00:27,398
It's like time-sharing a condominium.
885
01:00:27,470 --> 01:00:30,337
You enjoyed it
for the first 40 years.
886
01:00:30,407 --> 01:00:33,342
Now I've come with my bags
to evict you.
887
01:00:34,744 --> 01:00:36,405
You think I'll let you?
888
01:00:36,479 --> 01:00:38,276
You have no choice.
889
01:00:38,348 --> 01:00:41,112
Killing me isn't your style.
890
01:00:41,184 --> 01:00:43,550
You're a conformist, Patrick.
891
01:00:43,620 --> 01:00:44,848
Don't call me Patrick.
892
01:00:44,921 --> 01:00:48,186
Get used to it.
You're Patrick now.
893
01:00:48,258 --> 01:00:51,250
You better go
before I tell the cops...
894
01:00:51,328 --> 01:00:55,788
a thug claiming to be me
has raped my friends.
895
01:00:57,367 --> 01:00:58,493
You pig.
896
01:00:58,568 --> 01:01:01,332
Your time-sharing days
are numbered.
897
01:01:01,404 --> 01:01:04,168
I'm shutting down the condo.
Me, Michel Blanc!
898
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:07,835
In 24 hours,
it won't be worth diddly-squat!
899
01:01:21,057 --> 01:01:23,787
Mr. Blanc, can I help you?
900
01:01:25,095 --> 01:01:27,825
Show me a big, fat diamond necklace.
901
01:01:27,897 --> 01:01:30,297
Have a seat.
I'll call the manager.
902
01:01:34,738 --> 01:01:37,229
- What's going on?
- Bullshit.
903
01:01:37,307 --> 01:01:39,673
They're making
a cops-and-robbers movie.
904
01:01:39,743 --> 01:01:42,974
Typical TV fare:
Violence, blood and guts.
905
01:01:43,046 --> 01:01:46,504
He was better with a moustache.
He got fat.
906
01:01:46,583 --> 01:01:49,347
It's normal.
All movie stars drink.
907
01:01:49,419 --> 01:01:50,852
Get down!
908
01:01:52,455 --> 01:01:54,650
Will you open the safe?
909
01:01:54,724 --> 01:01:56,157
Open it, goddamn it!
910
01:01:59,095 --> 01:02:01,154
Great special effects!
911
01:02:01,231 --> 01:02:04,394
The alarm went off.
The police won't be long.
912
01:02:04,467 --> 01:02:06,401
Will you tell them
what I did?
913
01:02:06,469 --> 01:02:11,463
I promise that if you leave now,
it will remain our secret.
914
01:02:11,541 --> 01:02:14,669
Don't be stupid.
You'll ruin your career.
915
01:02:14,744 --> 01:02:19,044
What if I want to ruin it?
That's my business, not yours.
916
01:02:19,115 --> 01:02:21,948
It's ours too.
We love your movies.
917
01:02:23,019 --> 01:02:24,748
Especially Santa Sucks!
918
01:02:24,821 --> 01:02:28,222
I wasn't in Santa Sucks!
Open the safe now!
919
01:02:33,430 --> 01:02:37,264
It's hard work.
I'd never have guessed.
920
01:02:41,638 --> 01:02:44,368
- Is there an exit?
- No, just offices.
921
01:02:44,441 --> 01:02:46,602
Too bad. Go down.
922
01:02:46,676 --> 01:02:48,610
Step on it.
923
01:03:26,483 --> 01:03:28,644
We'll make the 8 o'clock news.
924
01:03:28,718 --> 01:03:30,879
I'll call my wife.
What channel?
925
01:03:30,954 --> 01:03:33,718
I can't say.
All the bids aren't in yet.
926
01:03:33,790 --> 01:03:36,224
If you need me,
I'm in makeup.
927
01:03:37,727 --> 01:03:42,721
Michel was on a shoot when he heard.
He's overwhelmed.
928
01:03:42,799 --> 01:03:45,529
- I have to go.
- Where is he right now?
929
01:03:45,602 --> 01:03:49,561
In his apartment.
He'll make a statement at 20:15.
930
01:03:49,639 --> 01:03:53,006
Excuse me,
a man's life is at stake.
931
01:03:53,076 --> 01:03:54,907
So all ends well for him.
932
01:03:54,978 --> 01:03:57,708
It's awful
for all the innocent victims.
933
01:03:57,780 --> 01:03:59,475
But for us...
934
01:03:59,549 --> 01:04:03,645
his friends and family,
it's a huge relief.
935
01:04:03,720 --> 01:04:06,951
- No one suspected anything?
- Sure, I did.
936
01:04:07,023 --> 01:04:10,982
We thought it was stress.
It's a crazy business.
937
01:04:11,060 --> 01:04:13,927
I wanted him to dance, like me.
They're stubborn.
938
01:04:13,997 --> 01:04:16,659
I knew it,
but he wouldn't listen.
939
01:04:16,733 --> 01:04:17,893
She's just too smart.
940
01:04:17,967 --> 01:04:19,400
Tell us, Doctor...
941
01:04:19,469 --> 01:04:23,269
Is he insane?
Unbalanced? Sick?
942
01:04:23,339 --> 01:04:26,172
He came in,
claiming to be Michel Blanc.
943
01:04:26,242 --> 01:04:31,646
I immediately observed
the symptoms of the Zinss Syndrome:
944
01:04:31,714 --> 01:04:33,614
Acute self-deprecation...
945
01:04:33,683 --> 01:04:35,241
obsessional neuroses...
946
01:04:35,318 --> 01:04:36,910
penile disgust.
947
01:04:38,388 --> 01:04:42,256
I wasn't alarmed.
It's common in show business.
948
01:04:42,325 --> 01:04:44,452
Can he plead insane?
949
01:04:52,535 --> 01:04:53,661
Bouquet.
950
01:04:54,971 --> 01:04:57,064
Detective, in five minutes...
951
01:04:57,140 --> 01:04:58,835
I'll bring him out.
952
01:04:58,908 --> 01:05:01,103
First,
the courts are full.
953
01:05:01,177 --> 01:05:03,805
Second,
mind your own business.
954
01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:07,816
Perfect. In that case,
I'll do it without your okay.
955
01:05:08,985 --> 01:05:10,179
Stop her!
956
01:05:14,591 --> 01:05:15,819
Stop her, damn it!
957
01:05:25,501 --> 01:05:26,525
What happened?
958
01:05:26,603 --> 01:05:28,901
Seeing her for real
was too much.
959
01:05:35,211 --> 01:05:37,145
Guess who's here.
960
01:05:38,281 --> 01:05:41,307
I was shopping when I heard
you were here.
961
01:05:43,353 --> 01:05:46,516
I had an overpowering desire
to see you.
962
01:05:51,594 --> 01:05:53,619
Can I come down?
963
01:05:53,696 --> 01:05:55,630
Are you down there?
964
01:06:02,905 --> 01:06:05,373
I don't want to bother you either.
965
01:06:06,676 --> 01:06:09,509
We were a little hard on you
yesterday.
966
01:06:09,579 --> 01:06:12,548
I'd like to take some time
to talk a little.
967
01:06:14,584 --> 01:06:16,552
You know what we should do?
968
01:06:17,787 --> 01:06:20,722
Sneak away from everyone
and go to the sea.
969
01:06:25,895 --> 01:06:28,557
We could talk
and collect seashells.
970
01:06:30,066 --> 01:06:31,363
Okay, Patrick?
971
01:06:31,434 --> 01:06:34,494
I'm not Patrick!
And I'm not dumb!
972
01:06:34,570 --> 01:06:37,539
I think you're tired,
that's all.
973
01:06:38,274 --> 01:06:40,538
I too sometimes wonder
who I am.
974
01:06:40,610 --> 01:06:43,135
I know who I am.
Michel Blanc.
975
01:06:43,212 --> 01:06:45,646
Leave, Carole.
Don't be stupid.
976
01:06:45,715 --> 01:06:48,809
I've been dying
to do something stupid.
977
01:06:49,986 --> 01:06:51,647
Ever since...
978
01:06:51,721 --> 01:06:54,315
I felt your hot hands
on my chest.
979
01:06:55,491 --> 01:06:57,584
Maybe that's why I'm here.
980
01:06:57,660 --> 01:07:01,721
The more I see you,
the more my head spins.
981
01:07:02,799 --> 01:07:04,426
I'm going to faint.
982
01:07:05,335 --> 01:07:07,269
Stop hamming it up.
983
01:07:07,337 --> 01:07:09,362
I'm not acting.
984
01:07:09,439 --> 01:07:13,205
What is it like
when I lie down here, vulnerable?
985
01:07:13,276 --> 01:07:14,971
Like a defenseless victim.
986
01:07:15,044 --> 01:07:18,070
Carole, I'm Michel.
Please, believe me.
987
01:07:18,147 --> 01:07:21,014
Who cares who you are...
who I am...
988
01:07:21,084 --> 01:07:23,450
All I see are two bodies...
989
01:07:23,519 --> 01:07:25,783
terribly close to each other.
990
01:07:25,855 --> 01:07:27,618
Describe this evening.
991
01:07:28,458 --> 01:07:30,483
It's sweet, like in spring.
992
01:07:30,560 --> 01:07:32,824
I find it steamy and torrid.
993
01:07:32,895 --> 01:07:35,955
Like in Malaysia,
before the monsoon.
994
01:07:36,032 --> 01:07:37,761
If only we could strip.
995
01:07:37,834 --> 01:07:40,803
I'm suffocating.
Can't you feel it?
996
01:07:40,870 --> 01:07:42,132
Your belt is tight.
997
01:07:42,205 --> 01:07:45,663
No, my life is.
My role is suffocating me.
998
01:07:45,742 --> 01:07:49,303
I'm sick of being cold
and inaccessible.
999
01:07:49,379 --> 01:07:51,904
I'm sick of scaring people.
1000
01:07:51,981 --> 01:07:56,782
I used to dream of sultry lambadas,
sweaty guys and rock concerts.
1001
01:07:56,853 --> 01:08:00,016
Big, strong arms
that cage you in...
1002
01:08:00,089 --> 01:08:02,683
protect you
and manhandle you.
1003
01:08:02,759 --> 01:08:04,886
No one ever manhandles me.
1004
01:08:04,961 --> 01:08:07,623
Manhandle me, Patrick.
Be vulgar.
1005
01:08:07,697 --> 01:08:09,426
What's so special about Balasko?
1006
01:08:09,499 --> 01:08:12,161
- I'm not Patrick.
- Fuck me like a secretary!
1007
01:08:30,253 --> 01:08:33,086
Sorry, Patrick.
I did it to save your life.
1008
01:08:33,156 --> 01:08:35,090
Yours and your mother's.
1009
01:08:35,158 --> 01:08:39,527
If someone's in trouble,
he should avoid you!
1010
01:08:39,595 --> 01:08:41,688
I knew he was the double...
1011
01:08:41,764 --> 01:08:44,062
so I set off the alarm.
1012
01:08:45,701 --> 01:08:47,225
Press conference!
1013
01:08:48,304 --> 01:08:51,171
One day you'll thank me.
1014
01:08:51,240 --> 01:08:54,038
They'll give you
lots of nice little pills.
1015
01:08:54,110 --> 01:08:55,839
You'll feel great afterwards.
1016
01:08:55,912 --> 01:08:58,745
If you need me,
feel free to call.
1017
01:08:59,816 --> 01:09:01,909
You'll see.
It'll be like a vacation.
1018
01:09:21,971 --> 01:09:24,098
What a nice surprise.
1019
01:09:25,208 --> 01:09:27,802
Look, guys, he's back.
1020
01:09:30,746 --> 01:09:32,907
We missed you, you know.
1021
01:09:32,982 --> 01:09:36,611
D�d� didn't eat for three days
after you left.
1022
01:09:37,320 --> 01:09:40,221
You got it wrong.
I'm not Michel Blanc.
1023
01:09:40,289 --> 01:09:41,847
Look. I'm smaller.
1024
01:09:41,924 --> 01:09:43,653
Fatter too.
1025
01:09:43,726 --> 01:09:44,988
We like you anyway.
1026
01:09:46,395 --> 01:09:47,828
Help!
1027
01:10:03,346 --> 01:10:05,439
Olivier, Patrick.
Warden's office.
1028
01:10:30,406 --> 01:10:33,068
- Have a seat.
- No, thank you.
1029
01:10:33,142 --> 01:10:38,307
Mr. Olivier, I hope you'll remember
your stay here fondly.
1030
01:10:39,682 --> 01:10:43,982
I also hope that these few months
have taught you something.
1031
01:10:49,559 --> 01:10:52,187
Remember you're always welcome.
1032
01:11:05,975 --> 01:11:08,739
- First name.
- Patrick.
1033
01:11:08,811 --> 01:11:11,211
Acting experience?
1034
01:11:11,280 --> 01:11:13,748
Lots, but I can't remember exactly.
1035
01:11:13,816 --> 01:11:17,343
Too bad.
You need a good memory to act.
1036
01:11:17,420 --> 01:11:20,082
I can be an extra.
To start with.
1037
01:11:20,156 --> 01:11:24,786
You won't be starting soon,
because I have nothing for you.
1038
01:11:24,860 --> 01:11:28,853
Go look on the board in there.
You never know.
1039
01:11:33,803 --> 01:11:35,668
I can act in English too.
1040
01:11:36,739 --> 01:11:39,765
I'm glad you mentioned it.
Spielberg calls often.
1041
01:13:31,387 --> 01:13:32,820
Next!
1042
01:13:36,959 --> 01:13:38,551
I read the ad.
1043
01:13:38,627 --> 01:13:42,256
- Whose double are you?
- Michel Blanc's.
1044
01:13:42,331 --> 01:13:44,026
- You think so.
- I'm tired.
1045
01:13:44,100 --> 01:13:45,431
With makeup...
1046
01:13:48,871 --> 01:13:51,533
Don't get your hopes too high.
1047
01:13:53,008 --> 01:13:54,475
Good-bye.
1048
01:13:55,511 --> 01:13:56,842
Next!
1049
01:14:00,649 --> 01:14:02,583
They didn't choose you.
1050
01:14:03,819 --> 01:14:06,652
I've been waiting.
I spotted you earlier.
1051
01:14:08,290 --> 01:14:10,520
- Were you also...
- Yes, sir.
1052
01:14:10,593 --> 01:14:11,855
You're Noiret's double?
1053
01:14:11,927 --> 01:14:15,055
Catherine Deneuve's,
but I have the flu.
1054
01:14:16,232 --> 01:14:18,393
I'm joking.
1055
01:14:18,467 --> 01:14:20,401
We can joke around.
1056
01:14:20,469 --> 01:14:22,699
Can I walk with you?
1057
01:14:22,772 --> 01:14:24,501
I have nowhere to go.
1058
01:14:24,573 --> 01:14:28,009
Perfect.
I'm going in that direction.
1059
01:14:39,688 --> 01:14:41,383
Why are we here?
1060
01:14:41,457 --> 01:14:43,391
Because we have to talk.
1061
01:14:46,328 --> 01:14:48,353
You're not eating.
1062
01:14:48,430 --> 01:14:50,364
Eat!
1063
01:14:50,432 --> 01:14:53,959
You're depressing me.
You look down and out.
1064
01:14:55,037 --> 01:14:59,440
Have some cheese
if you don't like blood pudding.
1065
01:14:59,508 --> 01:15:02,705
After I have some nice Port wine.
1066
01:15:02,778 --> 01:15:06,270
We'll smoke a cigar
and talk things over.
1067
01:15:06,348 --> 01:15:08,680
I'm not hungry.
1068
01:15:08,751 --> 01:15:12,414
Of course you are.
Prison gives you an appetite.
1069
01:15:14,156 --> 01:15:15,748
Why do you say that?
1070
01:15:17,226 --> 01:15:19,217
Because you just got out of jail.
1071
01:15:20,462 --> 01:15:23,226
It always ends the same way.
1072
01:15:23,299 --> 01:15:25,233
The same old screenplay.
1073
01:15:27,136 --> 01:15:31,903
Look at me.
I am Philippe Noiret.
1074
01:15:31,974 --> 01:15:35,466
What happened to you
happened to me.
1075
01:15:35,544 --> 01:15:38,240
First they replace you
for the drudgery.
1076
01:15:38,314 --> 01:15:40,578
One day it goes too far.
1077
01:15:40,649 --> 01:15:43,584
The key doesn't fit in the lock.
1078
01:15:43,652 --> 01:15:45,916
You're thrown out
with the garbage.
1079
01:15:49,024 --> 01:15:50,616
So I'm not alone?
1080
01:15:50,693 --> 01:15:53,526
Of course you're not alone.
1081
01:15:53,596 --> 01:15:57,362
At first I liked it.
My wife was becoming a pain.
1082
01:15:59,768 --> 01:16:02,635
Then... you get used to it.
1083
01:16:02,705 --> 01:16:05,538
I won't accept it.
I want to fight back.
1084
01:16:05,608 --> 01:16:06,700
Fight back?
1085
01:16:06,775 --> 01:16:10,677
Why fight back?
Let me show you something.
1086
01:16:10,746 --> 01:16:12,338
May I row?
1087
01:16:19,154 --> 01:16:21,952
What was there before?
A movie theater.
1088
01:16:22,024 --> 01:16:23,855
Another one there.
1089
01:16:23,926 --> 01:16:28,260
Before, they sold love and adventure.
Now they peddle garbage.
1090
01:16:28,330 --> 01:16:29,888
There are theaters left.
1091
01:16:29,965 --> 01:16:31,830
There sure are!
1092
01:16:31,901 --> 01:16:35,803
Did you ever see what's playing?
Any French films?
1093
01:16:43,679 --> 01:16:46,079
That's what you hear now.
1094
01:16:46,148 --> 01:16:48,912
French cinema
is biting the dust.
1095
01:16:48,984 --> 01:16:52,351
We'll all end up mice
in their amusement parks.
1096
01:16:52,421 --> 01:16:54,355
Aren't you exaggerating?
1097
01:16:54,423 --> 01:16:56,414
Jesus fucking Christ!
1098
01:16:56,492 --> 01:16:59,518
Did you ever look at the figures?
1099
01:16:59,595 --> 01:17:03,497
You should.
Because they're not reassuring.
1100
01:17:03,565 --> 01:17:07,661
Come see the current state
of French cinema.
1101
01:17:12,908 --> 01:17:14,842
Look!
1102
01:17:14,910 --> 01:17:16,673
It's under there.
1103
01:17:16,745 --> 01:17:19,236
French cinema
is now the Unknown Soldier.
1104
01:17:28,223 --> 01:17:32,023
- Come on, Philippe.
- Isn't this like the French Oscars?
1105
01:17:32,094 --> 01:17:35,359
I have some money left.
Come have a coffee.
1106
01:17:37,967 --> 01:17:40,527
Do you see your movies with him?
1107
01:17:40,602 --> 01:17:44,595
Supposedly he does typical Noiret.
And you?
1108
01:17:45,808 --> 01:17:48,800
Go see the last one.
You'll enjoy it.
1109
01:17:48,877 --> 01:17:49,969
What is it?
1110
01:17:50,045 --> 01:17:53,503
It's about doubles.
With Carole Bouquet.
1111
01:17:53,582 --> 01:17:54,810
Cut!
1112
01:17:54,883 --> 01:17:59,479
There are two guys there!
Can't you see them?
1113
01:17:59,555 --> 01:18:02,319
We're shooting a film here.
Please move.
1114
01:18:02,391 --> 01:18:03,983
Excuse us.
1115
01:18:06,996 --> 01:18:08,725
Camera!
1116
01:18:09,465 --> 01:18:12,127
The weather is simply delightful.
1117
01:18:12,201 --> 01:18:14,135
How about taking a walk?
1118
01:18:14,203 --> 01:18:15,568
Gentlemen...
1119
01:18:16,638 --> 01:18:19,732
would you be interested
in acting?
1120
01:18:19,808 --> 01:18:23,403
In my movie.
We need two waiters.
1121
01:18:24,313 --> 01:18:26,474
No, thank you.
1122
01:18:26,548 --> 01:18:28,982
Come on.
Let's not hang around.
1123
01:18:30,085 --> 01:18:31,575
Give them an inch...
1124
01:18:32,388 --> 01:18:33,855
What are the conditions?
1125
01:18:35,424 --> 01:18:36,448
Name your price.
1126
01:18:36,525 --> 01:18:39,426
Talk to our agents.
No less than 2500 a day.
1127
01:18:39,495 --> 01:18:43,022
Plus a per diem.
We're not from Paris.
1128
01:18:43,098 --> 01:18:44,588
We're based in London.
1129
01:18:44,666 --> 01:18:47,533
And a trailer too.
The trailer's important.
1130
01:18:47,603 --> 01:18:49,468
Take them to makeup.
1131
01:18:49,538 --> 01:18:51,472
We'll start once they're ready.
1132
01:18:53,909 --> 01:18:55,843
This way, guys.
79235
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