All language subtitles for Clarice 1x06 - How Does It Feel to Be So Beautiful (English)

Previously on "Clarice"...

Angela Bird, Tess Laughty,

Sandra Bishop,
and Rebecca Clark-Sherman.

They were not random victims
of a serial killer.

Those women were whistleblowers,

and Rebecca was gonna tell their story.

Catherine thinks you're
the only one who can help her.

Please start returning her calls.

Can you sleep?

Or do moths wake you up?

There's no one for you.

Just me.

Separating was about
stopping drinking, and I have.

The kids stay with me.

And no judge in America
is gonna say any different.

Rebecca was looking
for a Dr. Marilyn Felker,

who was the lead physician
at the Lockyer Labs

clinical trials
the whistleblowers were in.

We wanted to talk to you
about your sister.

We may be twins, but Marilyn and I

haven't spoken in a few years now.

Get me whatever the FBI knows.

The reporter... Rebecca Clark-Sherman.

Tell me everything she told you

about me and the clinical trials.

- She didn't say anything.
- Sure, she did.

Call FBI.

FBI!

There was a man.

I couldn't see his face.

I wasn't dreaming.

No. It happened.

I see you. I hear you. It happened.

There was a man there. He hit me.

I just... I couldn't...

I can't remember his face.

That's not unusual.

But if we're gonna find him...

Oh, believe me.

I'll find him.

You dug in and held on
to a piece of him.

He can't hide.
He's there, under your nails.

His DNA.

I hope we can find him.

I just wish I could remember.

It's not on you.

It's not on any of us.

It's on that bastard that put you here.

Right?

Home.

Home.

When you hear that sound, open your eyes

and tell me where you are.

Where are you?

Woodhaven.

Are you alone?

No.

There are people...

patients.

My throat burns real bad.

I can bring you out.

No. Wait.

I need to know.

My legs...

I'm gonna fall.

Then fall.

- Where are you?
- I'm on the floor.

- You don't think hypnosis is a stretch?
- Can you describe it?

- Cognitive interview.
- Clean.

Starling says there was
someone else there that night.

I can't get up.

How could she remember?

She was pumped to
the eyeballs with narcotics.

So, what do you do?

I crawl.

I keep moving.

You don't understand my humanity.

Marilyn's behind me.

- I can bring you out.
- No.

Wait.

I see a man.

I see a man in a suit.

He sees me.

Precious!

What's happening?

He's walking toward me.

Describe him.

I see...

I see...

How does it feel to be so beautiful?

Who? Who did you see?

I couldn't get his face.

Can we try again?
I can... I can do it again.

You can't rush it.

Ah.

Whose idea was it to try this?

His majesty.

Hey, Organized Crime swears by Dr. Li.

I gotta go.

Tell Starling she's on leave.

Non-negotiable.

Whoa-oh-oh.

She might hear that better
coming from you.

You do it. I'm late.

Oh, really?

Mandy's been meeting
with every divorce lawyer

in the District.

To lock you out?

She got mean pretty quick.

Anyway, this guy, his kid
used to go to Jason's school.

He reached out.

And he's well recommended.

I hope that means he's a prick.

He has a reputation. Do you have to...

I do.

You're doing the work, Paul.

She's always looking for shortcuts.

Your majesty, fill out the paperwork

for all this hypnosis.

I don't need accounting
breathing down my neck.

The DNA results came back
from your fingernails.

Inconclusive.

Wait, what?

What, there wasn't
enough material, or...?

I don't know.
May... Maybe you didn't grab

a mystery man's hand.

Look, you were drugged.
Maybe... Maybe there wasn't...

What is it that you don't want
to believe here, Clarke? Huh?

Okay. Okay.

Tripathi and I are heading
over to Lockyer Labs.

Maybe we can find out more
about the man who attacked you.

He knew Marilyn Felker, and
she ran the clinical trials.

Okay, great. I'll ride along.

You? No.

Admin Leave?

Boss says, and it's Bu standard

when we experience trauma in the field.

- Hey, it's not like I was shot.
- Yeah, yeah.

Clarice, listen, I'll shoot you

if it'll make you
sit your ass down for two weeks.

Hear, hear.

If we don't find something soon,

this whole case will be
on the shelf in two weeks.

Dr. Li said to call her

if you want to talk through anything.

Ardelia...

I said I'd escort you out the building.

Some guy hit me
across the head with a phone.

I am pissed off, and I know
that he has something to do

with the women
we pulled out of that river.

I am going to get him.

I hear you.

But you know who you need to talk to.

She specializes in trauma.

Thank you.

Oh.

Oh, you're carrying a big folder.

I heard a thing in the ladies...

Congressman Gant sent a letter

demanding an audit of the DOJ.

- Can you snag me a copy?
- Yeah.

Clarice, what are you doing here?

Afternoon, ma'am.

I was wondering if you could
spare a few minutes.

Sure.

If I over-rule Krendler,

and all existing protocols, by the way,

I risk putting you out there
when you're far from 100%.

You need to take a minute.

Ma'am, I know what I need,

and it is not to take a minute.

- But it's not about you.
- No, it's not.

It's about justice
for those whistleblowers,

but they don't get to fight for it.

- I'm still here.
- Barely.

You're practically a martyr
to the victims.

Respectfully, isn't that
why you brought me in, ma'am?

You're pretty savvy for a country girl.

Not savvy enough to see

that you should stop avoiding Catherine.

I know she's still calling you.

Why won't you talk to her?

I suspect it would do you both
good to talk to someone who's...

been there.

I don't think I can help her.

You could certainly try.

If you're asking me to risk
my reputation on your behalf,

then you can damn well come to dinner.

Tonight.

7:00.

Catherine needs this,
and I think you do, too.

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I told you to knock.

I invited Clarice Starling for dinner.

Why?

I thought you'd like that.

Make it for another night.

- Why?
- Can't tonight.

I was going to...

I wanted to finish this series
of sketches, and then...

There's time for you to do
your sketches later.

You have been asking for Clarice.

I know I've been asking,

but I don't want to talk to her now.

I already talked to her.

When? She called you back?

Not really.

I left a message pretending I was you.

She thought she was calling you.

What?! Catherine, are you...

Crazy?

I didn't say that.

You never get it.

Dad would have gotten it.

Dad would have understood.

I wish he was here, too.

But he isn't, so what I was going to say

is that Starling is a Federal Agent

under my command.

Calling her pretending to
be me, it's... it's...

it's just inappropriate.

Well, you wouldn't help me,

and nobody would help me,

and I feel like a total, crazy idiot,

and I don't want to see her now!

Catherine, I am not calling this off.

Go take a shower.

You come and join us at the table

- like a...
- Like a what?

Dinner is at 7:00.

You know, you don't have to go.

Martin doesn't have any idea
how to reach Catherine.

- She thinks I do.
- Mm-hmm.

So, you're going over there
with a PEZ Dispenser

full of magical thinking,
they'll have a happy reunion,

and you'll go back in the field
against all rational advice.

Well, yeah.

You know what people do
after they've been kidnapped

by a crazy lady dressed as a nurse?

Write to Penthouse?

I was going to say they stand
down and have a human life.

With laughing and movies
and bowling and stuff.

They don't re-traumatize themselves.

There's a reason you've been hiding...

I said what I said...

hiding from Catherine all this time.

After a year, it's gonna be
a lot, seeing her.

I'm good.

Really?

Is that why you're wearing
two different shoes?

Look.

Clarice, I know
you want to be reinstated,

but don't do this.

She's the Attorney
General of the United States.

I can borrow these, right?

- Yeah.
- Bye.

I do not approve.

This entire building, all these offices,

they're trading in the life
and death of human beings.

So do we. You're so bleak.

Eh, I get it from my mom.

Gentlemen, I'm Andrea Bauer,
general counsel.

We were supposed to
meet with Brandon Culper,

your C.E.O.

We're here regarding Marilyn Felker.

We're looking for an associate of hers

and anyone at your company
she may have been connected to.

Agents, we have every intention
of cooperating

with any investigation
that you're putting forward,

but it's our policy that investigators

must comply with investigative norms,

which include the procurement
of subpoenas and warrants.

Wow. That's a lot of syllables.

The assistant U.S. Attorney
there is expecting you

and can help you with those subpoenas.

Thanks for your time.

That sit right with you?

Don't you think that the company
that tests medicine

should make helping people
their first priority?

Be crazy to think that we'd find

any sort of higher calling
when it comes to Big Pharma.

That's pretty cynical, Shaan.

Look, every second of every day,

some family shows up on their knees

at the doors to a hospital.

You know what part of the hospital
I still sort of believe in?

The maternity ward.

The babies. That's beautiful.

Wait. You don't have kids.

Right?

No, my wife passed away.

Cancer.

Aw. I'm sorry.

You know, um,

they're pumping her full of stuff,

and, uh, her parents are...

You know, they're pumping her
full of stuff, and she's crying,

not because it hurts, not
because her hair's falling out

or she's turning green
or her teeth are...

She's crying because
she's scared if she lives,

to have a baby.

She's afraid that her body's
scorched-earth radioactive,

and Big Pharma says, "No.

Just wait two years after chemo.

Wait five years after chemo,

and you won't have a monster."

She's crying,

and they're telling her
everything's gonna be fine.

"You don't have to give up
your dream of having a family.

But your baby might have
congenital problems.

Or your baby might die
after six months."

So she's apologizing to her parents.

She's apologizing to me...

for getting cancer.

What's her name?

Sosi.

I bet she was a beautiful person.

Yeah.

So, why am I here, Joe?

Here's the thing, Paul. I'm a lawyer.

I'm even a scary lawyer,
but I'm not a prick.

This town is small.

I'm from Hershey, Pennsylvania.

My dad worked the parks.

D.C. is Mandy's home turf.

She grew up here.

I know. I have clients at Brookings.

I heard you two were having...

trouble, and I, uh...

And I reached out.

- Why?
- Because I remember...

vividly seeing Mandy
pick your kids up from school.

It wasn't ideal.

Paul, I've been exactly where you are.

D.C. takes care of its own.
Mandy's wired in.

That's why she's been able
to conflict you

out of any other option for a lawyer.

But lucky for you, I'm available,

and I would be happy to
represent you for your divorce.

She's not her...

best self presently.

No.

She's not.

Not a lot of people get that.

Yeah.

Mandy can't see herself
as someone who loses her kids.

She just can't.

Blows up every idea she had of herself.

It's gonna be a real
fight for you, Paul.

About 88% of cases end with
the mother getting custody,

whether or not she's the right parent.

In my case, my ex-wife
most certainly was not.

I miss my kids. I worry about them.

I don't like what Mandy's doing.

I didn't like it when it was done to me.

But I think we can win for you.

And I want to. That's it.

That's why I asked you to dinner.

Actually, I've gotta go.

Oh. Is everything all right?

Uh, work. Sorry.

No. Not at all.
I hope we can do this again.

Sure.

Crap.

You've reached inventory.

Hey, Al, it's Ardelia.

Hey, beautiful.

I'm calling to follow up

on those fingernail scrapings
you tested for me.

Oh, right, from Starling.

Real bummer it came up
inconclusive for DNA.

- We all want to catch the guy.
- Yeah, we do.

Let me ask you off the record.

Where do the scrapings go?

- Um, why?
- Don't ask why.

The hazmat dumpster behind
Buzzard's Point.

That's great.

Thank you.

Hello?

Uh, hello. I'm Clarice Starling.

- I'm here to see...
- Of course.

Please, come in.

May I take your coat?

Uh, yes.

Thank you.

Um, I didn't get your name.

It's Bea.

Bea's been with us
since Catherine was a baby.

Um, Bea, can I steal you
in the kitchen for a moment?

Clarice, go on in and take a seat.

Catherine will be right in.

Thank you.

Thank you for bringing her back to us.

Oh, I'm glad you're here.

Mm.

Precious?

She had a bath.

I've been calling to apologize.

I shouldn't have acted
like that when we talked.

No. It's... It's okay.

I'm sorry.

There are bad days.

Yeah, of course.

But I'm not at the bottom of a well.

So...

Yeah.

Does it hurt?

What?

Your face.

Oh.

Uh... It's nothing.

- I heard all about it.
- Oh.

Well, it's an open investigation.

You're dressed for dinner.

- You look...
- I look what?

You look lovely.

I'm going to h...

Hell, I'm gonna have some bourbon.

Ladies?

Yes, thank you.

Just water.

So...

what are we going to drink to?

How about Clarice feeling
better after she...

That's very thoughtful
of you, Catherine.

Are you feeling better, Clarice?

Yes. Yes, thank you, ma'am.

Okay.

Here's to feeling better.

You've reached inventory.

Al. I know it's late.

I've got a sample
that I need you to run ASAP.

I was just about to head home.

Great. I'll be right there.

Let me into the lab. I'll run it myself.

Okay. But you can't tell anyone.

- Okay.
- Get here quick.

I'm coming now.

Catherine.

How are you?

Good days and bad days.

It's hard to get out of the house.

Oh, of course.

I'm not stupid, but I feel stupid.

Of course you're not. That's ridiculous.

I'm not lazy, but I feel lazy.

- Does that make sense?
- Catherine, you're not lazy.

Compared to you, we all are.

I can't say I disagree.

Bea made a lovely dinner.

Mmm. Yes, she did. Thank you.

Tom's family always
had proper English nannies.

I grew up wearing hand-me-downs.

- You did, ma'am?
- Yes.

So, it took some getting used to,

but Bea's become part of the family now.

Catherine, Bea made a lovely dinner.

Catherine, it's a part
of moving through it.

What is?

The shame.

Excuse me? What shame?

Shame?

I can't eat this.

I need my regular plate.

- Catherine...
- Bea?

May I have my regular plate, please?

Of course.

Catherine.

Catherine.

What?

Ma'am...

Can you please
be an adult at this table?

No.

I think I should go.

You're making quite an impression.

Ma'am, with all respect, this is Bill.

This is not her.

Please don't defend me.

This is her carrying Buffalo Bill.

This is you carrying Bill.

Ma'am, when I went in there,

I was a trained agent with a weapon

following a known protocol
that I did not deviate from.

I locked down the scene, and
I called for backup right away.

I knew my job.

Catherine didn't have that advantage.

Something's arrived for you,
Mrs. Martin.

From my office?

I, um...

I...

Excuse me.

What's going on?

- Daddy!
- Hey.

Ooh!

Where's, uh, Mom?

She's sleeping.

Jason made me mac and cheese.

I want to show you something in my room.

Okay, baby, you go finish your dinner.

Okay.

Without his mother's milk,
the cub will be unable to...

I went in to ask about carpool tomorrow,

and she won't wake up.
I can't wake her up, Dad.

Wait outside a sec.

Babe.

Mandy. Mandy.

Babe.

Mandy. Mandy.

Mandy.

Mandy.

She's okay, bud.

She's fine.

She take one of her... one of her pills?

You know what?

I think she did.

Those things can really knock her out.

She wouldn't move.

- I didn't want to freak out Alison.
- That was good.

That was smart.

You did good. Mom's okay.

Never hesitate to page me.

You can call me whenever you need to.

Pack some things and get Alison.

You're gonna stay with me tonight.

Okay.

For you.

It's getting cold, and you wear a scarf,

and I thought, well,
you might like a new one.

Did you make this?

It's alpaca fleece.

It's lighter than wool, but warmer.

The color suits you.

All these tiny stitches.

It must have taken you...

I used to love to sew.

Ironic, huh?

Now I knit.

Well, thank you.

It really isn't necessary.

Because you were just doing
your job that day?

Your father has a kind face.

He passed away.

Mine, too.

I found where his mother lives.

Whose mother?

Buffalo Bill's.

Jame Gumb's.

Her name is Lila.
She changed her last name...

- Catherine, why do you want to...
- ...but I found her.

I'm going to go see her.

Catherine, I don't understand.

Why do you want to meet Bill's mother?

Don't you?

Clarice, I...

I thought it might help for us to...

talk to each other.

I appreciate you coming,
but I don't think it was...

right.

The right choice.

- Ma'am, I believe...
- No.

Let me finish.

What is it?

What's so funny?

Vintage you.

What does that mean?

You're reminding her
she's under your control

and simultaneously reminding me
that she's not here for me.

She's here because of you.

You're the Captain of the U.S.
Emotional Gymnastics Team.

Congratulations.

You get the gold in Manipulation.

Why must you do this?

You don't get to approve
of how I am now.

You were saved.

If anything is mine in this house...

anything... it's my story.

And you took it and used it.

You think I didn't get that part?

And now you're trying to take hers.

I have a story, too, Catherine.

I'd like to hear it.

It's about a young girl who fell in love

with the worst thing
that ever happened to her.

She loves it so much,
she makes everyone relive it

day after day after day.

Nothing else matters.
No air can come in.

She makes everyone just smell it.

She makes the whole house smell of it.

She gave it her body.

She's in love.

And the only thing the people
who love her ever wanted

was for it to never, ever have happened.

If it had never, ever happened, Mom,

you'd still be the
junior Senator from Tennessee.

I'm very glad your father
is not alive...

to see you like this.

Benita Sage?

You the FBI guys?

- You're late.
- Sorry.

Traffic coming back down I-95.

Uh, as you know, Andrea Bauer,

the General Counsel
of Lockyer Labs, sent us.

We're... We're investigating a doctor.

- Felker, right?
- Yeah.

We're looking for an associate of hers.

Bauer says that you can help us

with some subpoenas and warrants.

Not going to happen.

You haven't even heard our case.

Lockyer works with the largest
drug companies in the world

who've got armies of lawyers.

I put together malfeasance cases

on three Big Pharma companies.

All I got were scars and
no convictions to show for it.

Look, um, we think

that the company that Felker worked for

silenced three whistleblowers.

And did a professional hit on a witness

inside the FBI building.

I lost my assistant trying to get them.

You know why?

They subpoenaed her 82-year-old mother,

who all of a sudden
lost her health coverage.

Funny how that worked.

They can't just be killing people.

I'm saying no to the warrants for now.

I need to talk to someone.

Like a ViCAP someone.

Starling's DNA results
came back with a positive.

I thought they were a dead end.

I used a dummy name
from an old cold case.

Without Starling's name,
the results were different.

Starling's guy is real.

Someone doesn't want us to know that.

So, this someone

tampered with the results
of the first test?

That's right.

We know someone changed
the autopsy results.

Maybe it's the same someone.

Esquivel and Tripathi
are on their way back.

- You planning on telling them?
- Have to.

We keep the circle of people
who know about this

tight and quiet, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Catherine?

My mother's got no idea...

I'm not here about your mother.

I'm here about Bill's mother.

Why did you look for her?

- Catherine?
- You know what's weird?

- I thought you'd be pleased.
- Why?

Because she had a hand in making him

and I have to know her
and make her see... me.

I can't just know nothing.

This is my life.

Catherine, I almost never make promises,

but I can promise you...

whatever it is you want from her,
you are not gonna get it.

You don't know that.

Yes, I do. My job is knowing.

You don't know anything.

I heard you crying.

What? When?

In the basement.

You didn't call anyone.

- Not right away.
- What?

I heard a gun.

And then I didn't hear anything.

I thought he killed you

and I was gonna die there in the dark.

And then I heard you crying.

For a long time.

No, that's not...

Catherine, I shot him...

and then I reloaded,
and then I called in right away.

You think that.

I had Precious with me.

She peed.

Three times.

You were crying, and you didn't stop

until I started screaming again.

- No, that's not how it...
- The last thing he said was,

"How does it feel to be so beautiful?"

You don't remember.

Everyone thinks they know
better than me.

Ma'am, I think we should go get her.

I'm afraid she's gonna do something...

rash.

If she could make it past
the elevator, I'd be worried.

Ma'am, you brought me here,
and you used my very...

complicated relationship
to Catherine as a tool.

You used us for you.

I used you for me and my daughter.

And it didn't work.

Shall we talk about your job?

Not like this.

The work I do for the FBI is a sideline.

Something that's an area
of interest for me.

But this is where I started
my mental health work.

I see.

So...

what can I do for you?

I need to know if I'm remembering

things as they happened.

First of all, no one does that.

Everything is tinged by experience.

And are you sure you want to remember?

You seemed reticent in our last session.

It's not a sin to have
a few blank spots.

It is for me.

Evidence tampering. Man.

And your AUSA is telling us

it's going to be uphill all the way.

Uphill and plague of locusts.

Where are you heading?

To ask Krendler if we should
bring this to Sage.

She said we should call
if anything else came up.

- Hold off a beat.
- What?

We're being thwarted at every
turn by someone with access.

We need to be airtight before
we start making some noise.

Okay.

I'm watching him die.

He's bleeding from the mouth.

He's saying, "How does it feel
to be so beautiful?"

Hello? Hello?!

Are you alive, you bitch?!

Hello?!

Please, God, are you alive?

How could I have seen this?

Why?

Because the darkness felt
so much thicker than this.

Then let it go dark.

How does it feel to be so beautiful?

She was right.

Catherine's right.

No one's coming.

No one's coming.

Clarice.

You fall.

You're on the floor.

You're not sure
if Marilyn is behind you.

Crawl.

Crawl for your life.

There's a man up ahead. Don't look away.

I'm not. I'm not looking away.

Do you see him?

Yes.

Do you see him clearly?

I see...

I see his face.

Do you know him?

No.

I know it's gonna be a fight,

but I'd like to inflict
as little damage as possible.

It's no way for my kids to live,

seeing their mother like that.

I want sole custody.

I'd like to retain you.

I'm grateful, Paul.

Thank you for the trust.