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00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:03,438
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
the economy was booming,
2
00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:05,875
Americans were heading
into the office.
3
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:08,791
No one was more into working
9:00 to 5:00 than my mom.
4
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:10,575
[DOLLY PARTON'S
9 TO 5PLAYS]
5
00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:12,534
♪♪ Tumble out of bed
and I stumble to the kitchen
6
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,884
♪♪ Pour myself
a cup of ambition
7
00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:17,191
♪♪ And yawn and stretch
and try to come to life
8
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,413
♪♪ Jump in the shower
and the blood starts pumping
9
00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:24,415
[HORNS HONKS]♪♪ Out on the street,
the traffic starts jumping
10
00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:28,767
♪♪ With folks like me
on the job from 9 to 5
11
00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:33,381
♪♪ Working 9 to 5,
what a way to make a living
12
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:37,820
♪♪ Barely getting by, it's all
taking and no giving
13
00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:42,129
♪♪ They just use your mind, and they never give you credit
14
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:46,307
♪♪ It's enough to drive you
crazy if you let it ♪♪
15
00:00:46,481 --> 00:00:48,352
What do you
think you're doing?
16
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,398
Oh, I'm just exercising
my right as an American
17
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,356
to complain about
the rat race,
18
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:54,532
the grind,
the old 9:00 to 5:00.
19
00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:57,100
But secret story...
I love it.
20
00:00:57,274 --> 00:00:59,320
But we're a school.
We start at 8:00.
21
00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:01,365
But the Dolly Parton song...
22
00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:02,845
Look, no one loves
the Smoky Mountain Songbird
23
00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:04,890
more than I do,
24
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,415
but that Backwoods Barbie
has no bearing on our hours.
25
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,373
My coworkers/best buds
26
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:12,115
will share a chuckle about
our overbearing boss.
27
00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:13,595
[BOTH LAUGH]
28
00:01:13,769 --> 00:01:16,032
You're a joke.
29
00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:18,121
ADULT ADAM:
Unfortunately, this wasn't
a workplace big on chuckles.
30
00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:19,340
Good morning.
31
00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:20,558
Good morning?
32
00:01:20,732 --> 00:01:21,820
I haven't even
taken my jacket off yet
33
00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,387
and this one
wants to argue with me.
34
00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:24,823
Who's ready to
take on the day?
35
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:27,957
Not me.
I am hung over.
36
00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:30,090
Are cafeteria staff allowed
to be in the teachers' lounge?
37
00:01:30,264 --> 00:01:32,048
I gotta do my stretches
somewhere.
38
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:34,181
Ow.And who are you?
39
00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:35,878
I don't recognize your face
from yelling in it.
40
00:01:36,052 --> 00:01:37,923
I'm Miss Hooper, Andrea.
41
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,229
It's my first year
teaching,
42
00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,057
so I'm just quietly
going with the flow.
43
00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:43,233
Do you have my Adam?No.
44
00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:45,148
Good. You're a child.
You'll teach him nothing.
45
00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:47,629
Mr. Glascott,
you're usually chipper.
46
00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,066
What's got you down?Oh, I'm not down.
47
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,200
I'm just having
a contemplative moment
about turning 55,
48
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:55,898
the same age as the speed
I won't exceed.
49
00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:58,161
It's your birthday?
Well, how are we celebrating?
50
00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:59,945
This yogurt I'm eating
has his name on it.
51
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,556
Your parents
did it in April.
52
00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:02,644
Nice.BEVERLY: Come on.
53
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,254
We've got to bake a cake,
54
00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,691
call a school assembly
so the kids can sing to him.
55
00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:08,476
This man
is your best friend.
56
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,391
Best friend? Where'd you
get that horrible notion?
57
00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:11,392
Murphy Brown
Designing Women.
58
00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:13,481
Cheers. Mary Tyler Moore.
[SCOFFS]
59
00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:15,613
Yeah, those are all fun,
but that's a bunch of hooey.
60
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:17,441
My best friend is
my knee medication.
61
00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,139
He knows what I like.
62
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:22,011
Beverly, while I do appreciate
your unwanted passion,
63
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:23,534
we don't do that stuff
around here.
64
00:02:23,708 --> 00:02:25,667
Coworkers are
supposed to be close.
65
00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:27,669
Well, we like to keep it
professional around here.
66
00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:29,888
Dang it!
Someone ate my bagel!
67
00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:32,239
[MUFFLED]
Happy birthday!
68
00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:34,284
♪♪ I'm twisted up inside
69
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:37,113
♪♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
70
00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:42,162
♪♪ I don't know the future
71
00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:45,556
♪♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪♪
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00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:47,732
ADULT ADAM:
It was March 3rd,
1980-something,
73
00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:49,821
and my brother, Barry,
was feeling frustrated
74
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:51,214
with his college identity.
75
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,303
I still haven't
found my thing here,
76
00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:54,783
and I've tried
everything.
77
00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:57,438
Sports, campus radio,
mock trial.
78
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:58,613
Did you know
that's not about
79
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:00,267
making fun of people
who were on trial?
80
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,660
What exactly
are you looking for?
81
00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:04,749
I'm only asking so
I don't accidentally
join the same group.
82
00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:07,187
I need something
that helps me stand out.
83
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:08,840
I was the king
of our high school,
84
00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:11,191
but here I'm just
another Geoff in the crowd.
85
00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:12,670
What a wildly hurtful thing
to say out loud,
86
00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:15,064
but I think I found it?
87
00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:19,068
ADULT ADAM: And "it" was a very specific sorority beauty competition.
88
00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:22,071
Excuse me,
attractive stranger,
your sign's mistaken.
89
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:23,681
That should say
Miss Ships Ahoy.
90
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:24,639
Pageants are
for the gals.
91
00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,380
Not a mistake.
92
00:03:26,554 --> 00:03:28,469
This is my sorority's
male beauty pageant.
93
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:29,905
Every year, we crown
a new Mr. Ships Ahoy
94
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,515
based on
our core values,
95
00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:33,604
integrity, decency,
and hotness when wet.
96
00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:35,911
I love Chips Ahoy!
That's gotta matter.
97
00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:39,349
Tell the other contestants
you have your champion.
98
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:40,524
Just make
an audition tape
99
00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,178
saying why you should be
Mr. Ships Ahoy,
100
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:44,136
and finalists compete
onstage next week.
101
00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:46,878
Geoff, thank God
you're not a pageant guy.What does that mean?
102
00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:49,664
You know, just cool, strong,
"I'm in a pageant" guy.
103
00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:51,405
I'm cool and strong.
104
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:53,320
Of course you are, just not
in the traditional way,
105
00:03:53,494 --> 00:03:54,495
and I love that.
106
00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:55,800
Doesn't sound like
you love that.
107
00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:56,758
Barry,
help me out here.
108
00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:57,933
She's saying
you're a six.
109
00:03:58,107 --> 00:04:00,196
No, I'm saying you're a 10.
To me.
110
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,632
So you don't think
I could win?
111
00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:02,764
I don't think Barry
could win either.
112
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,983
Can and will.
113
00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:06,811
You'll be
eating those words
114
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:09,379
when I'm glistening wet
in my sash and man tiara.
115
00:04:09,553 --> 00:04:10,728
Unless I'm wearing
that sash and tiara.
116
00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:11,947
And maybe some roses.
117
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:13,296
I don't really know
how it works.
118
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:14,689
But I'm gonna compete,
and I'm gonna win.
119
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:16,256
Second place.
120
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:17,344
First is already
spoken for.
121
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,128
By moi.
122
00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:20,782
I had a very
specific fantasy
123
00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:22,653
when I signed up
to chair this event.
124
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,481
This is not it.
125
00:04:24,655 --> 00:04:26,440
ADULT ADAM:
While Barry and Geoff
prepared for a win,
126
00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,920
my mom was at a loss about how
to connect with her coworkers.
127
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,574
I don't get it.
128
00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:33,316
I have tried everything
to bond with these dopes.
129
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,492
Cakes. Parms.
Parmed cakes.
130
00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:37,320
Nothing works.
131
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:38,974
And I'm pretty sure
they're using bird calls
132
00:04:39,148 --> 00:04:40,410
to warn each other
I'm coming.
133
00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,499
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
Bird noise alert!
134
00:04:42,673 --> 00:04:43,805
Oh, hell no![DOOR SLAMS]
135
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:46,634
And it's nothing like
the workplaces on TV.
136
00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:49,985
Where are my instant
friendship and hilarious
misadventures?
137
00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:51,726
Has it ever
occurred to you
138
00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:53,815
that you've been terrifying
these people on my behalf
139
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:55,164
for a decade?Please.
140
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,035
When have I
ever terrified them?
141
00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:58,298
Are you a [BLEEP] idiot?
142
00:04:58,472 --> 00:04:59,516
Are you [BLEEP]?Whoa!
143
00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:00,735
[SCREAMS]
144
00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:01,866
I give you an F.
145
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,086
[SCREAMS]
146
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,218
I'm just saying, I think
they need time to adjust.
147
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:07,524
How about you just
leave them alone?
148
00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:09,570
You're right.
I should mix in more.
149
00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:11,223
That's the opposite
of what I said!
150
00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:16,228
Cluck-cluck!
Cluck-cluck!
151
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:17,447
I'm sorry. I was supposed
to be watching the door.
152
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:19,406
I brought coffee.
153
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,451
I noticed the machine
was broken,
154
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:22,539
like almost everything else
in here.
155
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:24,411
We get a lot of
student break-ins.
156
00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:25,673
They keep putting jelly
in my coat pockets,
157
00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:26,891
so I'm thinking that
might be a gang thing.
158
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:29,024
Andrea,
French Vanilla Cafe?
159
00:05:29,198 --> 00:05:30,547
A grown-up
offering me coffee?
160
00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:31,635
I would be a fool
to say no.
161
00:05:31,809 --> 00:05:32,767
Eh, eh, eh, eh.
162
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,682
That coffee
comes at a cost.
163
00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:36,379
Okay, I'm just gonna
come right out and ask.
164
00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,120
Do you people have
a problem with me
165
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:39,948
because of my past
as a pushy parent?
166
00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:41,341
Well, to put it gently...
167
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:42,820
You're a damn monster!
168
00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:44,605
You haunt my dreams,
and now you haunt my work!
169
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:45,867
Listen, I get it.
170
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,303
I was a tough cookie,
171
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:48,913
but that was
for my schmoopies.
172
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,088
I'm one of you now.
173
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:52,656
We can complain
about kids together.
174
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:54,354
Okay, well, I hear Adam's
been struggling with math.
175
00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:56,399
You shut
your [BLEEP] mouth!
176
00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:59,837
Ahhh! Old habits.
[CHUCKLES]
177
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:01,665
Listen, why don't you all
come to my house this weekend
178
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,406
for some
teacher bonding?
179
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:04,842
No can do.
180
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,714
Got jerky
in the dehydrator.
181
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:07,758
I've got a quiet weekend
reconnecting with
an old friend.
182
00:06:07,932 --> 00:06:09,151
Me.
183
00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:10,761
And I have a date.
184
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:13,460
It's my first in four years,
so I'm super excited.
185
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:15,113
Well, you don't anymore.
Cancel it all.
186
00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:17,202
I'm Quaker Warden,
187
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,596
and now this party
is a mandatory
friendship gathering.
188
00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:21,468
She can't do that,
can she?
189
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:24,035
Sadly, according to
the ancient parchments,
she can.
190
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:26,211
Yay!
We're forcibly gathering!
191
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,909
[CHUCKLES]
Next stop, friendship!
192
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,780
ADULT ADAM:
While my mom
was making inroads,
193
00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:32,609
Barry was gonna help Geoff
blaze a new trail of his own.
194
00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:34,263
Good news, Geoff!
195
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:37,048
I and the second-hottest
member of the JTP
196
00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:39,268
are gonna help shoot
your beauty pageant video.
197
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:40,704
Bar, shouldn't you be
working on your own video?
198
00:06:40,878 --> 00:06:42,706
Done. I cut together
the highlights
199
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,404
from my American Gladiator
audition.
200
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:45,709
They not-so-politely
declined.
201
00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:47,798
And then they were canceled.
Coincidence?
202
00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:50,235
Why would you even help me?
Aren't we competitors?
203
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,063
I'm gonna win by
an embarrassing margin,
204
00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:53,935
but I can help you come
in a distant second.
205
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:55,937
So, what have
you got so far?
206
00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:57,765
Guess I was just gonna
talk about my interests,
207
00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,331
my hobbies,
maybe throw out a coy wink.
208
00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:01,246
Bor-ing!
209
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,075
Women want
danger and agility,
210
00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:06,251
like a man
surprise-backflipping
out of a bush.
211
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,470
Being upside-down
makes me throw up.
212
00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:09,341
Let's start
from scratch.
213
00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:12,562
Imagine Geoff is
a naked, faceless mannequin.
214
00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:14,303
Please don't.What would you put
on that mannequin
215
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,784
to make it a cool,
rugged man?
216
00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:20,178
ADULT ADAM:
And so the JTP set out to
brainstorm what makes a man.
217
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:21,745
A cowboy hat.Uh, youthful optimism?
218
00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:23,355
Leather pants
and work gloves.
219
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:24,966
What about a bullwhip?
220
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:25,923
And he puts out cigars
with the bullwhip,
221
00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:27,098
and then he says
cool things like,
222
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:28,839
"Smoking kills,
and so do I."
223
00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,798
And a scar!
But not from whipping.
224
00:07:30,972 --> 00:07:32,060
From making love
on a cliff.
225
00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:33,714
And a suede vest
with lots of fringe.
226
00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:35,019
And he smells like
the woods.
227
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:36,368
How do we film a smell?
228
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:39,284
We'll just cover you
in pine cones and tree sap.
229
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,677
ADULT ADAM:
Soon, Geoff had
his audition video...
230
00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,505
Faster. Faster.
231
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,551
Not masculine enough.
Do push-ups.
232
00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:46,770
...or Barry's idea
of an audition video.
233
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:49,599
Ow!
Is this really necessary?
234
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:51,383
Silence! You're what
every woman wants!
235
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,516
ADULT ADAM:
But it wasn't.
It really wasn't.
236
00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:55,997
What are you doing?
237
00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:57,564
No one can see this!
238
00:07:57,738 --> 00:07:59,783
But that's my ticket
to winning Mr. Ships Ahoy!
239
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,350
It's your ticket
to humiliation!
240
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:03,004
Erica, why won't you
believe in me?
241
00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:05,441
I do,
but this isn't you.
242
00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:08,488
Geoff, you're sweet
and reliable
and don't whip things.
243
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:09,924
You'll get crushed
if you submit this.
244
00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:11,882
Damn it,
you're right.
245
00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:13,493
Okay. Whew.
[CHUCKLES]
246
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,930
Sorry, love you!
Gotta prove I can do this!
247
00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:17,584
ADULT ADAM:
As Geoff was ignoring
Erica's advice,
248
00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:20,064
I was learning my mom
didn't take mine.
249
00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:22,719
You invited the teachers
to my house? Where I sleep?
250
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:25,635
That's all because you told me
to reach out to them.
251
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:26,984
I said to
leave them alone!
252
00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:28,638
Then it's lucky
I misheard you.
253
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,640
Mom, there are certain things
you just don't do.
254
00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:33,251
Poop at school.
Hold hands with your sister.
255
00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:35,645
And invite teachers
to a civilian residence.
256
00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:37,386
Murray, would you hold hands
with your sister?
257
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,605
Don't have a sister.
258
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:40,563
But if you did.Nah. We're not close.
259
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:42,130
Anyway,
they're coming,
260
00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:45,176
and I'm hours away from
a workplace of best friends.
261
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:48,179
Or a massive fight with
the people who are in
charge of my grades.
262
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:50,051
Bevy, why are you
trying so hard?
263
00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:51,879
I thought you wanted to
become a teacher
264
00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:52,793
to get close to
the boy?
265
00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:54,490
That's how it started,
266
00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,536
but Adam's not gonna
be here forever.
267
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,363
These people will,
268
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,062
and they can help fill the
child-shaped hole in my heart.
269
00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:02,629
[DOORBELL RINGS]My besties are here!
270
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,024
You came! Oh.
271
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:09,418
And all together, because
the bonds are already growing.
272
00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:11,376
We carpooled so no one
would get here first.
273
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,813
And so we could
pre-game.
274
00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:14,336
Right, my big
hunk of yum?Ay!
275
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:15,859
And I made cookies.
276
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,687
I was gonna bring
a bottle of wine,
277
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,384
but do you know how many
wines there are?
278
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,821
Welp, it was great
catching up, so, uh...
279
00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:22,083
Wait a second.
You just got here.
280
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,432
Yeah, but traffic.
Appointment.
281
00:09:23,606 --> 00:09:24,564
Burst appendix.
282
00:09:24,738 --> 00:09:25,956
Any of these landing,
or...
283
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,480
Listen, I know we have
a lot of ice to break,
284
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:31,309
and I'm not gonna make you
talk to me all day.
285
00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:33,224
I'm gonna make you
race me.
286
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:34,008
What in French-fry hell
is this?
287
00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:36,097
Surprise!
288
00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:38,055
Field day's not just
for students anymore!
289
00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:40,362
Oh, no. The only thing
I'm racing is to the door.
290
00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:41,972
Ah-bup-bup-bup-bup.
291
00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:43,931
As Quaker Warden,
I do have the authority
292
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:44,888
to grant the winner
the day off.
293
00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:46,063
Damn it!
294
00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:47,978
You found my
two weaknesses,
295
00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:49,806
my need to dominate
and my desire
to get paid for nothing.
296
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:52,635
Let the games begin!
297
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:55,116
On your mark, get set, fun!
298
00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:56,944
ADULT ADAM:
My mom hoped the experience
299
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:59,424
would pull
her coworkers together,
300
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,992
but instead,
it just pulled them apart.
301
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,125
I'm thinking maybe we should
rebalance these teams.
302
00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:06,301
No, we got this, girls.
Let's tug.
303
00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,216
Whoop! I'm flying!
[GRUNTS]
304
00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:09,347
ADULT ADAM:
And just when they thought
305
00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:10,740
the day couldn't get
any more twisted...
306
00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,133
Left foot red. ...it did.
307
00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:15,136
Left foot red.
Left foot red!
308
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:16,137
Do you think if i could
tell my right from my left,
309
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:17,312
I'd be a lunch lady?
310
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:18,400
[ALL GRUNT]
311
00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:20,315
[LAUGHS]
You're all out!
312
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:21,925
ADULT ADAM:
And when it was over,
the teachers had bonded
313
00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:23,057
about being in pain.
314
00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:24,449
Wasn't today the best?
315
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,190
You mean
the worst!
316
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,149
I separated my shoulder
during that trust fall!
317
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:30,194
Thanks a lot, Perott!
318
00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:31,718
Usually people give
some sort of verbal cue
319
00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:32,719
when they're falling backwards
on their head.
320
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,546
Here's a verbal cue,
suck it!
321
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:36,113
You think you
took a beating?
322
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:37,375
I will never be able to
323
00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:39,160
get the grass stains
out of these khakis!
324
00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:41,815
Can we go immediately
to the hospital?
325
00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,686
My retina's not reattaching
like you said it would.
326
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:44,905
Give it time.
327
00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:46,689
Well,
since we're wrapping up,
328
00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:48,952
looks like the winner
is Coach Nick.
329
00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:50,867
It was inevitable, but still
feels pretty special.
330
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,000
Meow.Stop!
331
00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:57,352
But all won the grand prize...
a lifetime of friendship!
332
00:10:57,526 --> 00:10:58,440
[ALL GROAN]Oh, great.
333
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,007
Wait, are you suggesting
334
00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:02,183
that after today's
bonding experience,
335
00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:04,315
we are not a tight-knit
group of coworkers
336
00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:05,969
like the barkeeps
on Cheers?
337
00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:07,579
[ALL GROAN]
338
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,320
Just wanted to clarify
I wasn't a part of this.
339
00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:10,974
See you Monday.
340
00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:12,672
Teachers are heroes
and aren't paid enough.
341
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:14,064
Ugh,
you gotta be kidding me.
342
00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:20,157
ADULT ADAM:
Geoff and Barry had submitted
their audition tapes
343
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:21,463
for the Mr. Ships Ahoy
pageant.
344
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,683
It was time to
announce the finalists.
345
00:11:23,857 --> 00:11:24,988
Good luck, Bar.Eh, don't need it.
346
00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:28,165
I'm here to announce
our five finalists.
347
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:30,428
Who are also the only five
to send in tapes.
348
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,561
Yes! I did it!
I won!
349
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:33,649
Well, actually,
you're just a finalist.
350
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,086
Yes!
I'm just a finalist!
351
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:39,524
Ladies, your
Mr. Ships Ahoy finalists.
352
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,962
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
353
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:43,572
You know what, Bar?
354
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:44,616
I'm actually really excited
about this thing.
355
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,618
I-I think
I could win this.
356
00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,533
ADULT ADAM:
Until he saw
the stone-cold hunks
357
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,057
he'd be competing against.
358
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:52,668
Oh, no.
Their arms are
bigger than my legs,
359
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,626
and their legs have muscles
on them I didn't
even know existed.
360
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,454
That's an optical illusion,
Geoff.
361
00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:58,239
Everyone looks
bigger up close.
362
00:11:58,413 --> 00:12:00,502
Hey, um...
historically speaking,
363
00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:02,460
do the winners
look more like me
364
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,680
or more like
those tall beefcakes?
365
00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:06,943
Check out our
wall of winners.
366
00:12:07,117 --> 00:12:08,815
GEOFF: Oh, man. They're all
so smooth and beautiful.
367
00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:11,339
This was such a mistake.
368
00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:14,385
Wait.
Albert Solomon?
369
00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:16,039
Hey, that guy
looks familiar.
370
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:18,041
Barry, that's
your grandfather,
371
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,391
and he won Mr. Ships Ahoy
with normal, human muscles.
372
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,306
All those
boring stories
373
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,655
about being trapped
behind enemy lines,
374
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,135
but nothing about this.
375
00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:28,225
BARRY: So, tell me,
how'd you do it?
376
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:30,010
How did you win
Mr. Ships Ahoy?
377
00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:31,838
When it comes to
wooing the ladies,
378
00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:33,491
some things
never change.
379
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:35,842
ADULT ADAM:
But actually, they do.
A lot.
380
00:12:36,016 --> 00:12:38,105
Wink at every dame
in the room.
381
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:41,151
When in doubt,
goose the caboose.
382
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,893
Tell them you've ridden
in an airplane.
383
00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:48,332
Spoil them by buying them
a nice pair of nylons.
384
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:50,813
I think times
and women's rights
have changed a lot,
385
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,033
and also, how do these ideas
make me hotter?
386
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:54,643
It's not all
about muscles.
387
00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:56,645
Anyone can lift
a bag of nickels,
388
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,821
but it takes
a special kind of fella
389
00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:01,781
to cheer up a woman during
wartime rationing.
390
00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:04,000
What do I do if there
isn't a war going on?
391
00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:05,872
Easy.
What are you good at?
392
00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:08,657
I won my year with
a dynamite banjo act.
393
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,354
I'm okay at alto sax.
394
00:13:10,528 --> 00:13:13,096
If that's the best you got,
go with that.
395
00:13:13,270 --> 00:13:14,837
ADULT ADAM:
As Geoff questioned
his manliness,
396
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,665
Principal Ball
was about to man up.
397
00:13:16,839 --> 00:13:19,059
Quaker Warden!
Just who I was looking for.
398
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:22,540
Can I have you sign this
without reading it?
399
00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:23,803
Resignation letter?
400
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,456
As a gag.
401
00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:27,241
No, sign that now.
It'll be a hoot.
402
00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:28,895
Why would I resign?
403
00:13:29,069 --> 00:13:30,853
Because you injured
my entire staff,
404
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,768
and I want to stop this
before you kill someone?
405
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:34,335
Adam!
Can you believe this?
406
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:35,815
They want me to resign!
407
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:37,338
Welp,
it was a good run.
408
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:40,907
Wait, why are you not as
grievously wounded as I am?
409
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:43,126
'Cause they don't like you
and they're taking it
out on me!
410
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:44,867
I had three
pop quizzes today,
411
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:46,869
and no one else in the class
had to take them.
412
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,349
Okay, this weekend
was a rocky start,
413
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:49,263
but I can still fix it.
414
00:13:49,437 --> 00:13:50,699
No!
415
00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:52,266
Coach Nick made me
varsity quarterback.
416
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,920
I have a game on Friday,
417
00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:55,443
and no one can find
a helmet small enough.
418
00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:57,097
And can't you
just fire her?
419
00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:58,315
Sorry, Mom,
but you get it.
420
00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,230
Unfortunately, I can't.
421
00:14:00,404 --> 00:14:02,406
Our Quaker founders,
in their infinite wisdom,
422
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:05,235
made the Warden
answerable only to God.
423
00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:08,108
And until I hear Her complain,
I'm not going anywhere.
424
00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:10,371
That's right.
God is a woman.
425
00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:12,895
Oh, you think that's
the thing I'm focusing on?
426
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,376
I have to learn
something called
the wishbone offense!
427
00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:17,378
ADULT ADAM:
While my mom refused to quit,
428
00:14:17,552 --> 00:14:20,424
the Mr. Ships Ahoy pageant
was just getting started.
429
00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:23,297
And most of that talent
revolved around muscles.
430
00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:24,602
Really big muscles.
431
00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,909
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
432
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:28,868
When I get up there,
these ladies won't know
what hit them.
433
00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:30,304
Hopefully not
these knives.
434
00:14:30,478 --> 00:14:31,566
Wait,
what is your talent?
435
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,960
Up next, Barry Goldberg!
436
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:36,571
Ladies!
437
00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:38,007
I need a volunteer.
438
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:40,444
Okay, your loss.
439
00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:43,795
[ALL GASP]
440
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:44,361
Really should have
practiced this.
441
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:45,928
[CHUCKLES]
442
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:46,842
[ALL GASP]
443
00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:49,932
Come to wish me luck?For sure.
444
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:51,151
But, you know,
you don't
445
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:52,456
have to do this
if you don't want to.
446
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:54,284
I'm a finalist and you still
don't believe in me?
447
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,156
Geoff,
I always believe in you.
448
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:58,288
I just don't want you to
pull a Barry
449
00:14:58,462 --> 00:14:59,986
and embarrass yourself trying
to be something you're not.
450
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,552
[KNIFE CLATTERS][ALL GASP]
451
00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:02,336
BARRY:
That one got away from me!
Whip it back!
452
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:04,468
I'm not gonna
embarrass myself,
453
00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:06,296
because I'm more desirable
than any of these guys,
454
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:07,210
and I've got the talent
to prove it.
455
00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:10,518
Up next, Geoff Schwartz!
456
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:13,608
ADULT ADAM: And so,
Geoff went out to prove
he could be Mr. Ships Ahoy.
457
00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:15,566
[SAXOPHONE PLAYS]
458
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,177
And he was actually
pretty great.
459
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:20,702
Until this happened.
460
00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:22,486
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
461
00:15:32,888 --> 00:15:34,324
I guess it's not
about the music.
462
00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:36,196
Geoff, I don't know
why you care
463
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:37,023
what these people
think of you.
464
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:39,286
It's not about them.
It's about you.
465
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:40,983
I want you to see other people
impressed by me.
466
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:42,506
But why?
467
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,334
'Cause I know you see me
as a nice guy,
and that's great,
468
00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:45,814
but I want to be
more than that.
469
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:46,728
I want to be a catch.
470
00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:48,164
You are a catch.
471
00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:50,253
They don't think so.
472
00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:52,473
Not now, Colton!
473
00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:54,475
ADULT ADAM:
While Geoff faced
shirtless competitors,
474
00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:56,564
my mom had one more trick
up her sleeve.
475
00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:57,913
Oh.
Teacher surprise!
476
00:15:58,087 --> 00:15:59,436
I made over
the teachers' lounge.
477
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:01,699
Holy crap!
Granola bars!
478
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:02,874
Protein shakes!
479
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,050
Kitten mugs!
480
00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:06,269
A sink that
doesn't scald me.
481
00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:07,836
And check this out.[DOOR CLOSES, LOCK CLICKS]
482
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,839
No more student break-ins.
[CHUCKLES]
483
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,580
That's odd.
It's locked.
484
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,060
Well, don't you
have the code?
485
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:15,322
Of course
I have the code.
486
00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:17,498
It's in my purse...
in the car.
487
00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:19,195
Oh, God,
she's trapped us in here
488
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:21,676
for some new
team-building activity,
489
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:23,591
but when it goes sour,
we're gonna eat each other
490
00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:25,462
like that soccer plane
in the Andes!
491
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:26,768
Coach Nick is not
on the menu!
492
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:29,379
Nobody is eating anybody.
493
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,207
It's just a lock.
494
00:16:31,381 --> 00:16:33,079
I just tried to do
a nice thing.
495
00:16:33,253 --> 00:16:35,559
I like this mug.Bup!
496
00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:39,781
Mrs. Goldberg, you have been
our worst enemy for a decade.
497
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:42,436
This teachers' lounge
is mainly
for complaining about you.
498
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,960
I see.
499
00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:45,917
Does everyone feel this way?
500
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:47,310
ALL: Eh...
501
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,750
Am I interrupting
something?
502
00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:54,578
I guess not.
503
00:16:56,885 --> 00:16:58,278
Ooh, granola bars!
504
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,500
ADULT ADAM:
The Mr. Ships Ahoy pageant
was still under way,
505
00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:05,763
and it was time for the contestant interviews.
506
00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:08,505
See, most people eat
the ice cream first,
507
00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:09,985
but I bite the bottom
of the cone
508
00:17:10,159 --> 00:17:11,856
and suck everything out.
509
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,815
The question was,
"Where do you
see yourself in five years?"
510
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:15,599
And I believe
you have my answer.
511
00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:17,253
Okay,
that's enough of that.
512
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:19,038
Next contestant,
Geoff Schwartz.
513
00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:20,343
[APPLAUSE]
514
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:21,910
Good luck. She's tough.
515
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:27,263
So, Geoff, what makes you
the ideal Mr. Ships Ahoy?
516
00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:29,613
I don't know.
Nothing, I guess?
517
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,746
Moving on.
518
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,270
If you were Mr. Ships Ahoy,
what would
your catchphrase be?
519
00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:36,359
Thanks for settling?
520
00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,666
[CLEARS THROAT] May I?Please.
521
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,015
Erica,
what are you doing?
522
00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:42,148
I'm asking
the questions.
523
00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:43,540
When is
my birthday?
524
00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:45,716
August 18th.
Why does that matter?
525
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:47,849
I'm showing them
why you're the hottest guy
in this contest.
526
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:49,590
When's our anniversary?
527
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,592
Hand-holding, kissing,
dating,
528
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:54,160
or saying
"I love you"?All four.
529
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:58,555
November 4th, January 23rd,
February 2nd, June 9th.
530
00:17:58,729 --> 00:18:00,427
ALL: Aww!
531
00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:02,211
ADULT ADAM: And that's when Geoff realized
532
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,561
he did have something
the other contestants didn't.
533
00:18:04,735 --> 00:18:05,823
What's your ideal date?
534
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:07,042
Any date with you
is ideal.
535
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:08,435
ALL: Aww!
536
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:09,740
Who's the prettiest girl
in the audience?
537
00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:12,178
What audience?
538
00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:15,181
ALL: [CHANTING] Geoff!
539
00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:17,313
ADULT ADAM:
As Geoff finally
realized his worth,
540
00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:19,359
my mom was feeling worthless.
541
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:20,925
Why are you eating here
542
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,405
instead of
the teachers' lounge?
543
00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,364
Because I'm no longer
welcome there.
544
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:26,235
Or this school.
545
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:27,410
♪♪ Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumping ♪♪
546
00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:29,369
I'll do what you want.
I'll resign.
547
00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:31,240
You're quitting?
548
00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:34,896
You've never quit anything.
What happened?
549
00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:37,159
What happened is I tried
to make friends
with the teachers,
550
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:40,989
but they only see me
as the enemy.
551
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:41,772
Maybe with
a little more time...
552
00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:44,123
Adam, it's over.
553
00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:45,646
I guess I fought
so hard for you,
554
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:49,954
it ended up costing me.
555
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,956
ADULT ADAM:
After years of my mom
marching down to the school
556
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:55,438
to have my back, it was time
to do the same for her.
557
00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,745
By going somewhere I'd
never dared to go before.
558
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:00,965
Ah! Kitty in the lounge!
Meow! Meow!
559
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,445
You guys call me "Kitty"?
560
00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:03,620
We call all students
"kitties."
561
00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:05,796
Not that one senior
with the mustache.
562
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,276
I call him
something else.
563
00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:08,408
What are you doing
in here, Adam?
564
00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:09,583
I'll tell you what
I'm doing in here...
565
00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:11,237
You suck.
566
00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,108
Excuse you?Not okay!
567
00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:14,762
Now you're on
special teams, too!
568
00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:17,721
Fail me if you want,
but you already failed my mom.
569
00:19:17,895 --> 00:19:19,201
We failed her?
570
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,724
I pulled my groin
at her field day!
571
00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:22,944
That's my best feature.
572
00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:25,033
Look, I know she's been
hard on you guys in the past,
573
00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:27,775
but you've never had her
on your side before.
574
00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:29,559
Look what she did
to your lounge.
575
00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:33,041
It is a soothing oasis in
the midst of our
chaotic world.
576
00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:35,217
If there's one thing
you learned about my mom
over the years,
577
00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:36,697
she never gives up.
578
00:19:36,871 --> 00:19:38,264
Give her a chance.
579
00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:41,223
She'll be the best ally
you've ever had.
580
00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:43,399
I'm sorry.
I couldn't help but overhear.
581
00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:46,228
Um, you don't have to
defend me, Adam.
582
00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,274
Life is not
like TV shows.
583
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:51,277
Sometimes, coworkers
just don't become friends.
584
00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:53,409
But sometimes,
they do.
585
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,498
Adam's right.
We never gave you a shot.
586
00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,283
And I hate to
admit it,
587
00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:59,459
but your constant badgering
over the years
588
00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,330
has made me
a better teacher.
589
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,724
And I'm new, so agreeing
with everyone else
590
00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,334
seems like
my only option.
591
00:20:05,508 --> 00:20:07,641
So...fresh start?
592
00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:10,948
I'd like that.
[CHUCKLES]
593
00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:13,603
Beverly Goldberg,
new Quaker Warden.
594
00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:15,431
John Glascott,
guidance counselor.
595
00:20:15,605 --> 00:20:17,520
This is nice.
596
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:20,349
Yes, it is.
597
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,525
Now get out of the lounge.
It's for teachers only.
598
00:20:22,699 --> 00:20:24,092
♪♪ ...crazy if you let it ♪♪
599
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:27,182
ADULT ADAM: Changing the way people see us can be a full-time job.
600
00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:28,923
So is changing the way
we see ourselves.
601
00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:31,012
[APPLAUSE]
602
00:20:31,186 --> 00:20:33,362
But it isn't hard work
for the people we love
603
00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:35,799
to see who we really are.
604
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:38,019
At the end of the day,
605
00:20:38,193 --> 00:20:39,803
when we're comfortable
just being ourselves,
606
00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:41,588
there's nothing sweeter.
607
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:46,810
[SCREAMS][BELL DINGS]
608
00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:49,900
Whoa![BELL DINGS]
609
00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:52,816
[BELL DINGS]
610
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:57,517
Great news!
I figured out
611
00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:59,606
why my talent
of knife-throwing
went sideways.
612
00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:01,564
'Cause it's a tremendously
difficult skill
613
00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:03,740
that requires a lifetime
of patience, practice,
614
00:21:03,914 --> 00:21:05,829
and a throwing area far away
from people and pets?
615
00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:07,788
I just had
the wrong tools.
616
00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:09,572
Whatever you do,
don't move.
617
00:21:09,746 --> 00:21:12,314
Barry, listen to me
very closely,
618
00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:13,359
How about a hatchet?No!
619
00:21:13,533 --> 00:21:14,534
Gardening fork?Barry!
620
00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:15,752
Fishing lure?Please!
621
00:21:15,926 --> 00:21:17,101
Dart? Knitting needles?No!
622
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,364
Pineapple?No, no.
623
00:21:18,538 --> 00:21:19,582
Sharpened pencil?Aah!
624
00:21:19,756 --> 00:21:21,018
This icicle I found?No!
625
00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:22,324
A shark tooth necklace?Barry!
626
00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:23,499
Then what?
627
00:21:23,673 --> 00:21:24,631
Maybe this
gentle Nerf ball?
628
00:21:26,981 --> 00:21:28,243
Ooh!
[INHALES SHARPLY]
629
00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:29,113
Let's go ninja stars.
44335
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