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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,001
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,013
♪
3
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,929
‐ Alright, Terry, I'm switching on
the Neutronium Diode.
4
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:11,717
This thing's a temperamental little slut
5
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,810
so be ready to cut the power source ASAP.
6
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,765
As Shlorpian as possible.
TERRY: [over headset] Gotcha, buddy!
7
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:18,225
[machine whirring]
‐ Oh! Terry, turn it off!
8
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:20,597
Terry! Do it now!
Ow, fucking ow, ow, ow, fuck!
9
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:23,864
Terry! Fuck! Ow! Terry! Ow! Terry!
10
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,568
TERRY:
Gotcha, buddy!
11
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,437
Gotcha, buddy! Gotcha, buddy!
12
00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:30,065
Gotcha, buddy! Gotcha, buddy!
13
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:31,372
Gotcha, buddy!
14
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,525
[banging]
[muffled screaming]
15
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,373
‐ Oh crap, I forgot about Korvo!
16
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,200
‐ Help, Terry. I think I'm dying.
17
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:39,164
Please, cancel my subscription to Goop.
18
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:41,334
‐ Oh god, oh no, I'm so sorry, Korv.
19
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:43,383
Now‐now is it the green button
or the yellow one.
20
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,247
I'm such a Forgetful Frankie Muniz.
21
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:47,054
That's not a joke,
he had a serious head injury.
[Korvo screaming]
22
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,087
‐ Oh!
23
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:49,927
Ahh!
24
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,385
[machine powers down]
25
00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:55,104
Terry, I'm gonna ask you one time
and you better not lie:
26
00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,807
did you abandon your post
and go to Disneyland?
27
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,137
‐ What? No, I was‐‐
28
00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,061
[Chewbacca roar]
I got these at Target.
29
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,060
‐ I know for a fact
they don't sell those at Target.
30
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,902
‐ Online they do.
Black Friday deal, got an email.
31
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,517
‐ Dammit, it probably went to my spam.
32
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:08,074
Fucking Hulumail sucks.
Will you forward it to me?
33
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,605
‐ I'd have to get back to you.
Let's get you down from there.
34
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:11,912
‐ Ohhh!
‐ Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!
35
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,115
Which button is it again?
36
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:14,615
Which button is it?
‐ Terry!
37
00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:18,119
KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.
38
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,960
Until the asteroid hit.
39
00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:23,166
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa
40
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:25,286
and escaped into, uh, the space,
41
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:27,884
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
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00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:31,382
We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
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That's right,
I've been talking this whole time.
44
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,930
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.
45
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,178
This is‐‐ this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
46
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,641
[stammers]
This is ridiculous.
47
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,730
I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home.
48
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:41,596
People are stupid.
49
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,732
Why are they all so excited
about keeping themselves alive?
50
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Don't they know when you die
you come back stronger
51
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,822
and with an earthier flavor?
52
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♪
53
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,282
[school bell rings]
54
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,042
‐ Sigourney Weaver is
your perfect Earth babe?
55
00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:01,908
‐ Uh, yeah!
56
00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:03,254
She's a woman of science,
57
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,328
she already has
a prior relationship with aliens,
58
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,094
and she has the biceps
of a young Al Gore.
59
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:08,705
‐ She's one handsome lady,
that's for sure.
60
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,052
I'd put a bun in that oven.
61
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‐ [grunts] Ahh!
62
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:15,135
‐ Yo, check it. This dickless dork has
a poster of Sigourney Weaver!
63
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,345
‐ How dare you,
she's America's hot older aunt!
64
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:18,926
‐ I know!
[groans]
65
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:21,811
Which is why you have no business
hanging a poster of her in your locker.
66
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,388
‐ She tried to save the Na'vi
while making smoking look cool again.
67
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:25,984
What the fuck did you ever do?
68
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,019
‐ You will never be strong enough,
cool enough,
69
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:30,653
or confident enough to get
a woman like Sigi Weave.
70
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,741
‐ Ohh!
[students laugh]
71
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:35,776
‐ Principal Cooke, are you gonna
do something about this bullying?
72
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:36,741
‐ Yes.
73
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Two weeks detention for thinking
you could ever date
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a goddess like Sigourney Weaver!
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00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,246
She won a spoken‐word Grammy,
you piece of shit!
76
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:47,498
‐ You okay?
‐ What? Of course. Are you okay?
77
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,461
‐ I am super, capital S.
78
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:51,761
I thought Stacy K. flicked a booger
at me in math
79
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,585
but turns out it was just an eraser,
80
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:54,720
so I guess we're BFFs now.
81
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,926
‐ Jesus, Jesse,
stop badgering me!
82
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,257
Fine, I'm not okay!
Is that what you want to hear?
83
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I just, I want to destroy
those cool kids,
84
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:03,813
but Korvo deactivated
all the awesome weapons in my suit.
85
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:04,729
‐ You know what you should do?
86
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,646
Go to a gym, start lifting weights,
maybe some CrossFit
87
00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:09,266
and then when you're all swole and shit,
88
00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,733
you can come back
and beat up all those cool kids.
89
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:12,733
‐ You really think that would work?
90
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,534
‐ Totally! So you're gonna take
my idea and hit the gym?
91
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,859
‐ Hell, no, your ideas suck.
92
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,784
I know exactly what I'm gonna do.
93
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:19,912
They'll never see it coming!
94
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,658
‐ Don't say poisonous‐‐
‐ Poisonous snakes!
95
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,829
‐ Hola, Korvito! I got you
some Texi‐Mexi from Pedro's
96
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,831
to say sorry
for that little thing earlier.
97
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,213
I scored you a bunch of salsa!
98
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,169
‐ Terry, for the last time,
salsa is not a real apology.
99
00:03:32,171 --> 00:03:34,631
And you know the only food I like eating
at those Mexican restaurants
100
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,591
are those sliced radishes! Mm!
101
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,762
‐ More for me! Hey, so what's this
bad boy all about?
102
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,510
‐ Don't touch. This "bad boy"
can send warranty letters
103
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:44,643
back to the factory on Shlorp
that made the Diode in the first place.
104
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,521
‐ Wait, didn't Shlorp blow up like
a new Lizzo single? Topical.
105
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,939
‐ Yes, but this uses a temporal address
106
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:53,938
that can send the letter back in time
to before Shlorp went boom‐boom‐pow.
107
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,202
I was trying to piggyback
on‐on‐on your, on your reference to music.
108
00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:57,906
[cough]
109
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:01,065
Then they'll be able to fix this defect
before it even leaves the factory.
110
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,204
Now sit back and watch Korvo
111
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:05,082
as he... fixes everything.
112
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,408
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]
113
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:11,289
[electricity crackling]
114
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,759
‐ We got another complaint
about the defect
115
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,545
on Diode number zork‐6915.
116
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,179
And also, who keeps eating my lunch?
117
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,926
Seriously. It has my name on it, guys.
118
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,638
Stop fucking smiling, Grant,
I know it's you!
119
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♪
120
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‐ Oh, I get it, so this mailbox works
just like the one
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from the Sandy Bullock tear‐jerker
The Lake House.
122
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:35,147
‐ First, her God ‐ given name
is Sandra, show some respect.
123
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:38,450
And second, this is a highly scientific,
carefully calibrated portal
124
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,195
that acts as a quantum time travel
customer service line.
125
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:44,028
It's not "like" some crappy movie
nobody's ever seen.
126
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,664
‐ First, not a crappy movie.
127
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:47,291
Two, everybody's seen it.
128
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,827
And three, it's basically
the thing from the movie!
129
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,921
‐ Goddammit, Terry, it's nothing
like The Lake House!
130
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:53,499
[Korvo sobbing]
131
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:56,883
So it's a little exactly like
The Lake House.
132
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:57,760
‐ Told ya!
133
00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:00,716
Maybe now you'll finally believe that
I saw a "The Meg" when I went snorkeling.
134
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,047
‐ Oh my god, you did not see
a "The Meg."
135
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,223
Let's get back to work,
136
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:06,011
and you need to clean up
the popcorn you spilled
137
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,314
when Keanu took his shirt off.
138
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,847
‐ Yeah, no thanks on the whole
"getting back to work" plan.
139
00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:12,602
Instead, I'm gonna crush
a big bag of Buffalo‐flavored Snickers
140
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,064
while I lay here and fart.
141
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:15,574
‐ Terry, straight‐up, real talk,
142
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,186
why are you such a lazy piece of shit?
143
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,442
‐ Great question, KV.
I was grown this way.
144
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,074
I've been lazy all my life,
ever since I was a little replicant
145
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,782
birddogging thotties on the playground.
146
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:24,782
Just me and the thots.
147
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:25,993
‐ Wouldn't you rather be like me,
148
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,163
rule following, hardworking, slim.
149
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,541
Basically fucking amazing.
150
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:32,078
‐ Look, nothing and no one
at this present time and space
151
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,212
is gwan change me.
152
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,588
[singing] You can't change me,
you can't change me‐‐
153
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:38,256
‐ This gives me a very specific idea.
154
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,965
Computer, activate AISHA.
155
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:42,215
AISHA: Korvo, make it quick,
you know I'm watchin' my stories.
156
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,047
‐ If I were to change
the address on the letter
157
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,762
I send through The Lake House device ,
158
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,892
will it get delivered
to any Shlorpian in the past?
159
00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:51,640
AISHA: Technically, yes, but non‐warranty
time travel voids the warranty.
160
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:54,733
‐ Hmmm, I do like warranties.
But it's worth a shot.
161
00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:59,318
Dearest Young Terry,
I pray this letter finds you well...
162
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,275
[electricity crackles]
163
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:03,781
[drone buzzing]
164
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:06,988
[gasps]
165
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,831
KORVO: My sincere hope is that
you will dedicate your life to science
166
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,419
and cleaning up and not being
such a lazy piece of shit.
167
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,575
The truth is,
if you don't do those things,
168
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,844
your blood will turn into shlorbats.
169
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:21,006
You know what they are.
Your friend, mystery person.
170
00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:23,085
‐ I'd better stop being lazy!
171
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,721
‐ Sorry, Yum, I'm fresh out of
the super poisonous snakes.
172
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:26,599
‐ What else you got, Derek?
173
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,557
‐ These platypi got stingers in 'em
that emit a poison
174
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,136
that can seriously fuck somebody up.
175
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,101
‐ Really? They look so cute.
176
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,981
‐ Cute? Check this.
Rodney tests all my shit. Yo, Rod!
177
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,647
Show 'em, Ney.
178
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:40,439
[growling]
179
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,402
‐ Aah! Oh!
180
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,361
[panting]
‐ Sweet! I'll take ‘em.
181
00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:46,993
[slippers squeaking]
‐ Good morning, sleepy‐peepy!
182
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,280
You just getting up?
‐ Yes.
183
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,583
Ha‐have you been getting
a jump start on the day?
184
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:51,577
‐ You know it, my man!
185
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,158
I already did all the work on the ship,
186
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,713
cleaned the house, folded the laundry.
187
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,706
You know what they say,
if you're a lazy piece of shit,
188
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:57,958
your blood will turn to bats!
189
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,672
‐ Holy fuck, The Lake House device worked!
190
00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:04,472
This is a lot of power,
gotta be careful about not abusing it.
191
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,801
Are you eating Honey Nut Hulios
with a fork?
192
00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:10,434
‐ Uh, yeah, that's how you eat them.
193
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,720
I'm sorry if it's annoying.
194
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:13,813
I like the feeling
of the tines on my teeth.
195
00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:16,019
‐ Ugh. I'll be right back.
196
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:17,350
[slippers squeaking]
197
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,435
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]
198
00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:25,107
‐ Korvo, just finishing eating my cereal
with a spoon like a normal person.
199
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,242
Hey, after I'm done,
do you want to spend all afternoon
200
00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:28,659
ranking our favorite buttons on the ship?
201
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,237
I mean, number one has
to be laser number 17.
202
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:33,913
But number two... who fucking knows!
203
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,872
Ha, ha!
‐ I would love to.
204
00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:40,629
[platypuses growling]
‐ Ow! Stop! Ow, heel, bitches!
205
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,708
JESSE:
When you're all swole and shit,
206
00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:45,383
you can come back
and beat up all those cool kids.
207
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,342
‐ That's a good idea‐‐ ow!
208
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,552
Fuck you, platypussies!
209
00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:50,933
[people screaming]
[tires squealing]
210
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:51,929
[cars crash]
211
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,309
Hello, my name is Yumyulack.
Yeah, I know it's a dope name.
212
00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:58,809
I need to get super jacked and swole
with lots of muscles and confidence
213
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,402
so people will respect me
and I won't feel like such a loser.
214
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,188
So, obviously, the stakes are high.
215
00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:05,572
Oh, and it has to be done
by the time school starts tomorrow.
216
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:09,069
‐ Wish we could help, friend,
but we used to be losers just like you.
217
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,992
We thought if we just got buff
then people would respect us.
218
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,582
‐ We spent years lifting weights
and shooting steroids.
219
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:16,828
I literally can't see my balls,
they've shrunk so much.
220
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,960
And then there's the acne.
221
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:21,286
‐ We're taking backne,
crackne, and sackne.
222
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:22,423
The Holy Trinity, yo.
223
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:23,879
‐ But y‐you guys look so confident.
224
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:24,959
‐ It's fake, man.
225
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,173
Take it from me,
you can't manufacture it
226
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,764
out of a cocktail of Viagra, HGH,
227
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,760
and some of Jon Hamm's pee.
228
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,392
It can't be built in a gym.
229
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,968
It has to be inside you the whole time.
230
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,484
‐ Well, who has it then?
231
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:38,556
BOTH: That guy.
232
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:39,600
[cell phone chimes]
233
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,613
‐ That Pete Davidson‐looking dork?
234
00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:44,395
What does he have?
‐ B‐D‐E.
235
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,279
Big Dick Energy.
236
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,901
[device beeping]
YUMYULACK: Holy shit!
237
00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,574
BDE is legit.
238
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:53,622
‐ Oh yeah. But you can't get it,
you have to be born with it.
239
00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:55,287
‐ We'll sci‐fi see about that.
240
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:56,615
[platypus growls]
Ow!
241
00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:01,001
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
242
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:05,249
♪
243
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,299
‐ Hey, Yum, how'd that platypus deal
work out for you?
244
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,678
‐ I bailed on it. Went to the gym.
245
00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:11,215
‐ Oh, great. I knew I was right.
246
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,388
‐ Nope, bailed on that too.
247
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,296
I'm making a large penis
for myself instead.
248
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,774
‐ Wow, you've had quite a journey
since I last saw you.
249
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,475
‐ It's called Big Dick Energy
and when I get it, I'll be unstoppable.
250
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:22,226
‐ I don't know,
a big dick seems really dangerous.
251
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,229
[machine whirring]
[gasps]
252
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,610
[both scream]
253
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:25,066
[bell dings]
254
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,359
[gasps] Oh!
255
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,609
‐ Now let's take this new big dick
out for a spin.
256
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,782
‐ Whatever you want to do is cool.
257
00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:33,781
‐ Damn right, it is.
258
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,581
♪ Who dat hot boy,
who gone keep it realer ♪
259
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:40,458
♪ Jewelry on my neck,
rockin' chinchilla ♪
260
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,915
♪ Roll on fat rims,
tell 'em come and get it ♪
261
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,536
♪ Yah luv the way I spit it,
get it how we live it ♪
262
00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:47,004
♪ We make a splash... ♪
263
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:49,094
‐ Yumyulack, sorry about the other day.
264
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,259
Here's a handsaw and some stuck porn
265
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,928
I confiscated off another kid.
266
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,426
We're good?
Yeah, w‐w‐we're good. Yeah.
267
00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,599
‐ Eh, there we go.
268
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,347
Finally finished washing the little guy!
269
00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,848
If you don't clean the Pupa,
your blood turns to bats.
270
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,981
It's kind of amazing how many things
turn your blood to bats, you know.
271
00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,608
‐ Oh, ha, I know all about that.
272
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:07,105
Uh, okay, so it's time for movie night.
273
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,607
I thought we could screen
this training video about levers.
274
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,650
It's‐it's very captivating.
275
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:12,782
‐ Ohhh, "F" that weak noise!
276
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,739
We're watching
all the Fast and Furious movies
277
00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:16,660
in chronological order!
278
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,448
The way Vinnie Diesel intended it.
279
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:20,663
‐ I'll be right back.
280
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:22,753
[electricity crackling, machine whirrs]
281
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,498
‐ [chanting]
Levers! Levers! Levers!
282
00:10:25,501 --> 00:10:26,711
Levers are the best!
283
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,300
Oh, you guys are just in time
for movie night.
284
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,455
We're watching this awesome doc on‐‐
285
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,673
‐ Nah, fam, for once we're watching
what I want to watch,
286
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:35,684
either YouTube clips
of Russian car accidents or Paddington 2.
287
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:36,847
TERRY: Whatever you want.
KORVO: Sounds great.
288
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,812
‐ Oh geez. BDE is real.
289
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,636
And it is formidable.
290
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:44,692
‐ ♪ It's wavey, baby, it's wavey ♪
291
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:48,225
‐ Yo, yo, check it, this is my imitation
of a guy in Fortnite.
292
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:50,782
Oh, I'm walking into a wall,
what am I gonna do?
293
00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:53,696
‐ Yum, your shit is L‐M‐A‐O.
294
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,195
You're like a real‐life meme.
295
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:57,817
[camera shutter clicks]
‐ ♪ It's wavey, baby, it's wavey ♪
296
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,244
[electricity crackling]
297
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:03,373
‐ Terry, um, could you clean and prepare
all 72,000 micronauts.
298
00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:05,172
I‐I‐I need to fix the hyderdeck?
299
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,455
‐ You bet your butt, Team Leader!
300
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:09,838
♪ Put your money up,
or else I gotta go ♪
301
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:12,627
♪ My wrist frostbit,
blinded by the ice ♪
302
00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:15,591
♪ Breaking big bills,
shaking that dice ♪
303
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,052
♪ Oriental rugs,
to wipe my shoes on ♪
304
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,683
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]
305
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,390
‐ Hmm.
306
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,730
♪ Sipping champagne,
whippin' dat wood grain ♪
307
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:25,845
♪ I could buy a mansion,
if I sold my chain ♪
308
00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:28,153
♪ Already got those,
I'm living alright... ♪
309
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,766
[electricity crackling]
310
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,444
ANNOUNCER ON TV:
Don't forget to tune in this week
311
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,282
for Saturday Night Live
[audience cheering and applauding]
312
00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:36,198
with host Yumyulack
313
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:40,276
and musical guest Yumyulack!
314
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:42,624
‐ I gotta tell you, this BDE thing
is hella cray‐cray.
315
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,619
You even made the WNBA cool.
316
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,211
Like, to everybody. Not just me.
317
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,996
‐ It's actually a better brand
of basketball than the men's game
318
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:50,841
'cause they have to focus
on the fundamentals.
319
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:52,376
[energy crackling]
320
00:11:54,590 --> 00:11:55,840
JESSE:
Idris Elba?
321
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,551
Star of HBO's The Wire?
322
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,221
I loved you in Molly's Game!
323
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,929
You had so many words to say ,
and you got almost some of them right!
324
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:03,771
‐ 'Ello, Jesse.
325
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,265
‐ You know my name?
I'm seriously going to plotz.
326
00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:07,848
‐ I know everything about you.
327
00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,693
And your boy Yumyulack here.
328
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:10,858
We've been watching you.
329
00:12:10,856 --> 00:12:12,606
‐ Who's been watching me, Idris Elba?
330
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:14,608
‐ The Big Dick Energy Council.
331
00:12:14,610 --> 00:12:18,780
We are a secret and mystic fraternity,
too complicated to explain, mate‐‐
332
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,620
‐ Oh, let me guess, it's like a bunch
of people with big dicks?
333
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:22,906
‐ Yep, that's pretty much it.
But you have to understand,
334
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,200
for centuries,
our council has been tasked
335
00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:28,174
with keeping a delicate balance
of energy in the world,
336
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:30,875
but your new BDE
is buggering it all up.
337
00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:32,536
‐ [whispers]
Buggering means fucking in British.
338
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,754
‐ I know what buggering means!
339
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:36,634
‐ I came to offer you
a spot on the council.
340
00:12:36,632 --> 00:12:39,892
Christian Bale stepped down after he lost
all that penis weight for a movie.
341
00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:41,295
You could be one of the greats,
342
00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:44,603
but only we can show you
how to harness your power for good.
343
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,808
‐ My answer... is no!
344
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,138
I don't need you or your stupid council!
345
00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:51,694
‐ BDE is a power stronger than any man
346
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:54,068
and if you're not careful,
it will consume you.
347
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,856
‐ Are you threatening me, Idris Elba?
348
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,029
‐ Just keeping it real, mate.
349
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:59,277
‐ Well, why don't you keep
this real, mate.
350
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,989
I'm gonna make a dick so big
351
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:04,409
that you and your stupid council
will be begging me to suck it!
352
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,584
[sniffs]
353
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,210
‐ Mmm, ass smells like Luther.
354
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:14,335
‐ Alright, this is usually when
the ship starts to drag because of‐‐
355
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:16,086
‐ The effects of zero gravity
but if we just‐‐
356
00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:17,968
BOTH: Accelerate
the constant thrust trajectory
357
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,755
time dilation won't be a problem!
358
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:21,088
‐ Yeah!
[sighs]
359
00:13:21,093 --> 00:13:23,433
‐ I gotta say, Terry.
Working on the ship with you,
360
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,808
it just makes me so happy.
361
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,595
This is perfect. You are perfect.
362
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,268
Nothing more needs to be done.
363
00:13:28,267 --> 00:13:31,307
‐ Man, I feel the same way.
I love working on sci‐fi stuff with you.
364
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,271
It's so tight!
365
00:13:32,271 --> 00:13:33,561
‐ Ech, I hate when you say that.
366
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,694
‐ What? "Tight"?
Too bad 'cause saying tight is like
367
00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:36,901
the tightest tight thing of all,
368
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,360
so I'm gonna keep saying it
until "lit" gets cool again.
369
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:40,991
Tight! Tighty‐tight tight!
370
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,275
‐ I'll be right back.
371
00:13:43,282 --> 00:13:44,662
This is it. Last one.
372
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:46,698
I swear. No more after this.
373
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:48,754
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]
374
00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:56,376
Terry, should we get back
to our non‐tight sci‐fi stuff?
375
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,708
[crying]
Are you okay? Terry?
376
00:13:58,714 --> 00:14:00,134
‐ Come on. Come on.
‐ Terry!
377
00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:01,302
[yells]
378
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:02,340
Aah!
379
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,302
‐ Korvo!
380
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:05,970
‐ What are you doing?
381
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:07,721
‐ I'm hosting SNL this week,
382
00:14:07,723 --> 00:14:11,273
and I need all the BDE I can summon
'cause I'm not funny!
383
00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:14,768
‐ But Idris Elba told you
not to mess with the BDE!
384
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:17,321
‐ Idris Elba doesn't know dick from dick!
385
00:14:17,316 --> 00:14:19,066
Aah!
[bell dings]
386
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,027
[gasps]
387
00:14:20,611 --> 00:14:24,361
And he sure as hell doesn't know dick
from two dicks!
388
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,834
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
389
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,236
[panting]
390
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:31,873
[both grunt]
391
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:32,502
‐ Oh!
392
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,673
Oh fuck, I fucked up! I‐I‐I broke Terry.
393
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,417
‐ Korvo! I'm gonna kill you!
394
00:14:42,216 --> 00:14:43,426
Aha!
395
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:44,835
‐ Terry, I'm really sorry
about what happened.
396
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:47,763
But don't worry, I‐I'm gonna write you
a letter saying "be yourself"
397
00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,183
or‐or something more eloquent.
398
00:14:49,181 --> 00:14:51,981
I‐I'll workshop it, you know,
for a little while probably‐‐
399
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:54,555
I promise you will go back
to being the way you were!
400
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,651
‐ I don't wanna change!
I like who I am now!
401
00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:58,937
I like wearing women's eye shadow
and murdering you!
402
00:14:58,941 --> 00:14:59,781
‐ Aah!
403
00:14:59,775 --> 00:15:02,355
ANNOUNCER ON TV:
It's Saturday Night Live !
404
00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:05,861
Ladies and gentlemen,
your host, Yumyulack!
405
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,574
Oh my god!
406
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:08,620
[screaming]
407
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:11,117
‐ Run! Everyone run! I can't control it.
408
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,289
Idris Elba was right.
409
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,036
[man screaming]
Idris Elba was right!
410
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,330
[rumbling, glass shattering]
411
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,302
[both grunting]
412
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,680
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
413
00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:30,639
[Geiger counter crackling,
beeping rapidly]
414
00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:32,679
[screaming]
415
00:15:32,683 --> 00:15:36,313
[men shouting over each other]
416
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:38,811
‐ We have no choice!
We're running out of time, goddammit!
417
00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:40,444
We have to blow Yumyulack up.
‐ No!
418
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,440
‐ But, General Mills,
it will destroy Manhattan
419
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,862
and kill thousands of innocent people!
420
00:15:43,861 --> 00:15:46,491
‐ General Hospital, it's a loss
I am willing to take.
421
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,818
Plus, the improv scene's dead here anyway.
422
00:15:48,824 --> 00:15:50,874
‐ Alright, it's DEFDICK ONE.
423
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:52,328
It's time to ready the bombers!
424
00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:54,157
[both shouting over each other]
425
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:55,956
‐ There's only one person that can help.
426
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:59,496
I just hope I can get to them on time
without giving away who it is.
427
00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:01,801
[rumbling]
428
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:04,375
‐ Ahh! Ahh!
429
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,131
Ahh!
[thudding footsteps]
430
00:16:07,301 --> 00:16:07,891
Ohh!
431
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:11,597
Sigourney Weaver? Is that you?
432
00:16:11,597 --> 00:16:14,677
‐ It is I, Susan Alexander Weaver.
433
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:15,853
‐ Wait, that's your real name?
434
00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:18,351
‐ Yes, but I go by Sigourney.
‐ Good call.
435
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:20,363
Sigourney, I went too far.
436
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,315
I flew too close to the big dick sun
437
00:16:22,316 --> 00:16:23,936
and now everyone is gonna die.
438
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,322
‐ Hush, my child.
439
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:26,819
No one is dying today.
440
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,280
Because I have the one and only thing,
441
00:16:29,281 --> 00:16:30,911
since the beginning of time,
442
00:16:30,908 --> 00:16:32,828
that can stop BDE.
443
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,786
You see, I am made of pure NFG.
444
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,367
No Fucks Given.
445
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:40,712
Yes, that's right,
my sweet, sweet boy,
446
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:42,039
I don't give a fuck.
447
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,134
‐ That's so cool.
448
00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:45,298
I was thinking of getting
the Arby's logo tattooed on my back.
449
00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:48,717
‐ No. Now just sit back and relax.
450
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:50,931
[screaming]
451
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,864
[screaming continues]
452
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,491
‐ [gasps] That was amazing.
453
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:07,775
You saved the world.
454
00:17:07,778 --> 00:17:10,278
‐ Yumyulack, you don't need BDE
455
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,490
to become the person you want to be.
456
00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:14,621
You just have to believe in yourself
457
00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:16,158
and, say it with me now‐‐
458
00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:18,081
Not give a fuck.
‐ Sell weed to the cool kids.
459
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,120
Right, sorry, not give a fuck.
460
00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:29,969
‐ I'm so glad your penises
aren't blowing up anymore.
461
00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:31,967
‐ I got to meet Sigourney Weaver.
462
00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:34,639
‐ I know, I called her. And she came!
‐ But how did you‐‐
463
00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:36,218
‐ I'm a junior member!
464
00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:38,063
I can't vote at meetings,
but I do get a hoodie.
465
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:41,098
‐ But I‐I don't understand,
you were under my BDE spell.
466
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:44,113
‐ I was just watching and waiting
for the right time.
467
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:47,146
‐ Wh‐why did you wait until after
my dicks blew up and destroyed the city?
468
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,150
‐ I told you I'm a junior member!
469
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,822
I don't know all the stuff yet!
470
00:17:50,821 --> 00:17:52,411
[thunder rumbles]
471
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:54,775
[panting]
472
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,076
‐ Ahh!
473
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,327
[groaning]
474
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,541
Ahh!
Terry, this is all my fault.
475
00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:05,882
I wrote those letters to make you
into something that you weren't.
476
00:18:05,878 --> 00:18:08,628
It turned you into a murderous psychopath.
That was wrong.
477
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:12,050
If you let me send this last letter,
it will undo everything. I promise.
478
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:14,550
‐ You promise?
‐ Yes, Terry! I promise.
479
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,680
‐ [menacing voice] Too late.
480
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,310
[groaning]
481
00:18:18,974 --> 00:18:19,934
‐ Read it, Terry.
482
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,983
Don't be a little bitch.
483
00:18:22,978 --> 00:18:24,858
‐ I will never read it.
484
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:27,975
This is who I am now.
And nothing will change me!
485
00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:30,363
♪ old‐timey romantic music playing ♪
‐ Oh.
486
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,700
♪
487
00:18:35,324 --> 00:18:39,204
♪
488
00:18:43,582 --> 00:18:47,172
♪
489
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:56,718
♪
490
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:04,140
[knife vibrating]
491
00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:14,200
♪
492
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:19,033
♪
493
00:19:22,538 --> 00:19:25,708
[camera shutter clicking]
494
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:29,167
♪
495
00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:38,803
♪
496
00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:42,434
♪
497
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,482
[gasps]
498
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:45,435
KORVO:
Dearest Terry, just be yourself.
499
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,345
That will always be good enough for me.
500
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,774
Also, blood can't turn into shlorbats.
501
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:51,653
I can't believe you bought that,
it's so dumb.
502
00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:53,490
You're the dumbest idiot ever, ha ha ha.
503
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,605
Your friend, Korvo.
[sighs]
504
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:59,699
♪
505
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:07,080
♪
506
00:20:11,545 --> 00:20:13,505
‐ Dear Korvo,
if you are ever being chased
507
00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,795
by a super‐handsome
murderous psychopath,
508
00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:16,629
turn left!
509
00:20:17,843 --> 00:20:20,393
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]
510
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:22,556
[groaning]
511
00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:26,688
Turn left! I have to turn left!
512
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,194
♪
513
00:20:30,189 --> 00:20:32,359
[electricity crackling, machine whirring]
514
00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:33,227
[sighs]
515
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,279
♪
516
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:39,357
‐ Hey, hey! Korvotron, you okay?
517
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,664
I'm chopping up some tomatoes
to make my special salsa.
518
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:42,988
Dude, I hope you aren't getting sick,
519
00:20:42,993 --> 00:20:45,793
'cause I am really not feeling like
doing any work on the ship today.
520
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,997
Come on, you wanna watch
all the Fast and Furious movies with me,
521
00:20:47,998 --> 00:20:50,578
including Fast and the Furious Presents:
Hobbs and Shaw?
522
00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:51,964
‐ Yes, Terry,
523
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,420
that would be... tight.
524
00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,426
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
525
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,927
♪
526
00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:43,762
[mimicking laser fire]
40835
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