All language subtitles for Mr Sunshine s01e07 Celebrity Tennis.eng

SAY WHAT YOU WILL
ABOUT THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,

BUT WE PUT A MAN
ON THE MOON,

AND WOMEN PLAY FOOTBALL
IN THEIR UNDERWEAR.

WE PUT A MAN
ON THE MOON?

THAT IS AWESOME.

YOU KNOW, I OFTEN WONDER
WHY WE TALK AT ALL.

BEN.
JESSIE! JESSIE, HI.

ROMAN THIS IS JESSIE.

JESSIE IS
THE STAR QUARTERBACK

OF OUR ARCH RIVALS,
THE SEATTLE MIST.

WE'VE MANAGED
TO PUT THAT RIVALRY

BEHIND US THREE TIMES.

WELL, TWO AND A HALF TIMES,
BUT I'VE ROUNDED UP.

HI, ROMAN.

(STUTTERING)

ROMAN SAYS,
"IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU."

HE ALSO SAYS,
(IMITATES ROMAN)

SO, JESSIE, YOU WANNA
HANG OUT AFTER THE GAME?

YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE RUBDOWN,

HIT THE SHOWERS,
TAPE EACH OTHER UP?

HAVE A DRINK?

WHOA, SLOW DOWN.
OKAY. ONE DRINK.

HMM.
(LAUGHS) BYE, BEN.

SEE THAT?
SHE'S GONNA PUT HER HELMET ON

AND THEN PLAY FOOTBALL
FOR OUR ENJOYMENT.

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY
OR WHAT?

HEY, HOW DO YOU JUST TALK
TO A WOMAN LIKE THAT?

WELL, FIRST OF ALL, IT HELPS
TO USE ACTUAL WORDS.

YEAH, I WISH I COULD TELL
HEATHER HOW I FEEL.

I JUST GET SO SCARED.

WELL, THAT'S
A HEALTHY FEAR, ROMAN.

SHE'S TRIED
TO KILL PEOPLE.

(CHUCKLES)
SHE'S LAYERED.

SHE IS JUST SO LAYERED.
YEAH.

(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
SO HERE WE ARE, GUYS. THE BEST SUITE IN THE HOUSE.

GOT YOUR FULL BAR,

A 50-INCH FLAT SCREEN,

WIRELESS INTERNET,
COURTESY OF SOMETHING

YOU GUYS PROBABLY INVENTED
WHEN YOU WERE 12. (LAUGHS)

JIMMY, CHECK OUT
THE 1080p/24.

(LAUGHS)
TOMMY: THAT'S HILARIOUS.

YEAH, PINCH ME.
WE'RE IN THE FUTURE.

(CHUCKLES)
SO IF YOU GUYS WANT

BURGERS, POPCORN, CANDY,
IT IS ALL ON THE HOUSE.

REALLY? IT'S ALL FREE?
YEAH. MM-HMM.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
I JUST MADE ANOTHER MILLION DOLLARS,

BUT FREE NUT CLUSTERS...

(CHUCKLES)
(WHISPERS) WOW.

UH-HUH. (LAUGHS)
UH, HEY.

HEY. WHO ARE
THOSE JERKS?

(LOWERED VOICE)
UH, THE WAGNER BROTHERS.

AND THEY'RE NOT JERKS.
THEY'RE DOT-COM BILLIONAIRE JERKS.

I'M TRYING TO GET
THEM TO DONATE A PILE OF DOUGH

TO BUILD
A CHILDREN'S CENTER.

OH. YOU WANT SOME HELP?
I'M PRETTY GOOD AT CLOSING DEALS.

AND YOU DID A GREAT
JOB WITH THE JOLLY PRETZEL NEGOTIATIONS,

BABY, BUT CHARITY
ISN'T SALES.

I KNOW, BUT I CAN...
APPRECIATE IT,

BUT I GOT THIS.
LET DADDY DRIVE THE BUS.

LET WHO DRIVE THE WHAT?
WHAT?

WHOA! WHO
ORDERED HOTTIE

WITH EXTRA SEXY?
(CHUCKLES)

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

I JUST MADE
ANOTHER MILLION...

OR MY MOM
IS TEXTING ME AGAIN.

WELL,

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT,
DADDY.

I'M STILL DRIVING THE BUS.

CRYSTAL,
I GOT YOUR URGENT TEXT. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

LOOK AT MY FACE, BENJAMIN.
OKAY.

CAN YOU TELL MY EXPRESSION
IS ODDLY PENSIVE?

SURE.

WE'RE GONNA NEED
TO PULL AN ALL-NIGHTER. OH, I CAN'T. I CAN'T.

I'M HAVING
MEANINGLESS SEX WITH A QUARTERBACK TONIGHT.

I'VE GOTTA PREPARE.
I'VE GOTTA GET SOME TAPE

AND... BASICALLY, I JUST
HAVE TO GET SOME TAPE.

WELL, I'M VERY SORRY,
BUT I'M BEING AUDITED,

AND I'M TOLD
THAT'S VERY SERIOUS.

I INNOCENTLY MIXED SOME
OF MY PERSONAL EXPENSES

WITH THE ARENA'S EXPENSES.
I COULD LOSE EVERYTHING.

I'LL ORDER PIES.

I DON'T WANT PIES.
YOU HAVE TO HELP, BENJAMIN.

YOU CAN HAVE SEX
WITH THAT MAN SOME OTHER TIME.

IT'S A WOMAN.
IT'S A WOMAN QUATERBACK.

DON'T WE HAVE
A TON OF ACCOUNTANTS?

WHO ARE ALL THOSE
BALD PEOPLE UPSTAIRS WHO NEVER SAY HELLO?

OUR HAIRLESS ACCOUNTANTS
ARE EXCELLENT.

THE PROBLEM IS,
THEY HAVE A VERY STRICT LEGAL SENSE OF THE LAW.

WE JUST HAVE TO GO
THROUGH THESE STATEMENTS.

WELL, I CAN'T. I CAN'T.
I CAN'T DO IT.

I THINK IT'S SO FUNNY THAT
YOU THINK THIS IS A REQUEST.

YOU'RE LIKE
A CUTE LITTLE BUTTON.

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
A BUTTON ON TOP OF A BUNCH OF OTHER LITTLE BUTTONS.

(NORMAL VOICE) SIT DOWN!

(CROWD CHEERING)

COMMENTOR: TOUCHDOWN SEATTLE,

AND JESSIE CARVER
CELEBRATES WITH

HER SIGNATURE
AND ZONE POLE DANCE.

HA!

OHH.

CHORUS: * MR. SUNSHINE, YAY!

HERE'S A BIG-TICKET
ITEM THAT HAS ME A LITTLE CONFUSED.

IN 1997, YOU
PURCHASED ECUADOR?

IT'S A LONG STORY.

I BRIEFLY DATED
A MAN NAMED MARCOS. PUT IT UNDER "TRAVEL."

BENJAMIN,
ARE YOU COMFORTABLE HERE?

I THINK YOU KNOW
THAT I'M NOT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. LET'S MOVE
INTO MY SECRET BACK OFFICE.

OH, GOD. NO.

YOU KNOW YOU'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO SEE IT.

NO, I SPECIFICALLY
TOLD YOU I NEVER WANTED TO SEE IT.

I DON'T WANT THE STAFF
TO KNOW WE'RE IN JEOPARDY.

WE NEED TO PROTECT THEM.

I'M STAFF. PROTECT ME.

COME, BENJAMIN.
ENTER MY SPECIAL WORLD.

DOES THAT OPEN THE DOOR?

NO.

I'M SORRY. THIS IS JUST
SO MUCH TO BE FRIGHTENED

OF ALL AT
THE SAME TIME.

THIS IS GOOD. WE'LL GET
MORE WORK DONE HERE.

BENJAMIN, HAVE YOU EVER
LOVED AND LOST?

IS THAT
THE MEN'S LOCKER ROOM?

I COME BACK HERE
TO MEDITATE,

GET AT PEACE WITH MYSELF.

I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU BESIDES THE AUDIT.

NO, JUST THE AUDIT.
YOU KNOW, TAX FORMS, ACQUISITION INDEBTEDNESS,

CAPITAL EXPENDITURE.

AM I GONNA DIE ALONE?
I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT'S THE LONGEST
AMOUNT OF TIME I COULD LEAVE FOR?

TEN MINUTES.
I'LL SEE YOU IN TEN MINUTES.

GREAT. I'LL PUT ON
A POT OF RUM.

WHAT'S UP?

I'M WRITING TO FRANKLIN,
MY PEN PAL IN SAN QUENTIN.

HE SHOT A YOUNG NURSE.

MM. IS THAT ONE
OF ALONZO'S CHARITY THINGS?

NOPE. JUST FOR FUN.

I LOOK FOR CONVICTS
IN THE METRO SECTION

AND WRITE TO THE ONES
WITH THE SWEETEST EYES.

OR EYE.

BEN: ROMAN, I NEED YOU.

OH! SAY HI
TO FRANKLIN FOR ME.

OKAY, I'M STUCK
WITH YOUR MOM,

BUT I'M GONNA FIGURE
OUT A WAY TO ESCAPE.

NOW IF JESSIE SHOWS
UP HERE BEFORE I DO,

JUST KEEP HER HERE.

WILL SHE EXPECT SEX
FROM ME?

NO, AND THIS
IS VERY IMPORTANT...

DO NOT EXPECT SEX
FROM HER.

GOT IT. NO SEX.

JUST ENTERTAIN
HER SOMEHOW.

OH, MAYBE MAGIC TRICKS
OR IMPRESSIONS?

YOU DO ANY MAGIC TRICKS?
NO.

DO YOU KNOW
ANY IMPRESSIONS? NO.

JUST KEEP HER HERE.
NO.

YES.

(PLAYING PIANO)

IT SAYS HERE UNDER
"ENTERTAINMENT EXPENSES"

THAT YOU BOUGHT
A CHEETAH.

YES. IT WAS FUN AT FIRST.

NOW I NEVER USE IT.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE, BEN.

THIS IS HELPING.

LET'S PLAY
ALL THE OLD SONGS.

(PLAYING PIANO)

ALL OF THEM?

(CROWD CHEERING)

IS THIS GREAT,
FELLAS, OR WHAT?

THERE'S A LOT
OF PRETTY GIRLS OUT THERE.

YEAH, YOU KNOW
WHERE THERE AREN'T A LOT OF PRETTY GIRLS?

IN HERE.

I'M BORED.

THEY TOLD US
WE'D BE HANGING OUT WITH AN NBA STAR.

THAT'S ME.
I PLAYED IN THE NBA.

YEAH, I THINK IT WAS
THE "STAR" PART WE WERE QUESTIONING.

WELL, I HAD
A COUPLE GOOD YEARS.

YOU HAVE A RALPHS CLUB CARD
ON YOUR KEY CHAIN.

HEY, I PLAYED
WITH CHARLES BARKLEY.

THE FAT GUY FROM
THE PHONE COMMERCIALS?

ALL RIGHT,
LISTEN, THANKS.

THIS HAS BEEN
A BLAST ADOLPHO...

ALONZO.
FUN LITTLE ROOM,

BUT WE'RE GONNA JET
UP TO L.A. AND SEE WHAT ASHTON KUTCHER'S UP TO.

HEY,
WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING?

ALONZO HAS SOME
PEOPLE THAT REALLY WANT TO MEET YOU.

WE'RE DONE WITH
OUR SERIES "A" INVESTMENT. HAVE HIM CALL OUR C.F.O.

ALL RIGHT, BUT JADE
AND BRANDI ARE GONNA BE REALLY DISAPPOINTED.

SORRY, GIRLS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MAMA'S DRIVING THE BUS.

KUTCHER IS KIND
OF A TOOL, RIGHT?

WANNA SEE HOW LONG
I CAN HOLD MY BREATH? OH, I'M GOOD.

(INHALING)

(BLOWING HEAVILY)
THAT'S IT.

WHEN'S BEN GETTING HERE?

THIS PIE IS NOT MAKING ME
FEEL BETTER.

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE EATEN THE LAST THREE WITH A SHOEHORN.

I THOUGHT I'D FIND
A PRIZE INSIDE.

YOU KNOW HOW THEY HAVE
PRIZES IN PIES?

THAT'S NOT A THING, CRYSTAL.

WELL, IT SHOULD BE.

NOW THERE'S A MONEYMAKER.

SPEAKING OF MONEY,
I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH THESE STATEMENTS

AND I'VE NOTICED
SOME OF THE MORE QUESTIONABLE ITEMS,

THE CHEETAH,
THE STUNT PLANE,

ROSS PEROT'S CORD BLOOD...

GOOD-BYE, LUPUS.
YES.

MY POINT IS THAT
I'M NOTICING A PATTERN.

ALL THE MORE EXPENSIVE
ITEMS WERE ALL BOUGHT ON THE SAME DATE.

TODAY'S DATE.

THAT'S NOT A PATTERN.

THAT'S JUST SOMETHING
THAT HAPPENS YEAR AFTER YEAR ON THE SAME DATE.

TODAY YOU BOUGHT
A MOTORCYCLE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT IS THE THING ABOUT TONIGHT?

I DON'T HAVE
TO ANSWER THAT.

YOU DO IF YOU WANT ME
TO STAY HERE.

LET'S PLAY THE OLD SONGS.

OKAY, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I HAVE A DATE
WITH A STAR QUARTERBACK,

WHO, I'LL REMIND YOU,
IS A WOMAN.

THERE'S NO AUDIT.

I BUY THESE THINGS
TO DISTRACT MYSELF, BUT IT NEVER WORKS.

TODAY'S
MY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

WHICH ONE?
YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED SIX TIMES.

ONLY FIVE OF THEM WERE
CONSUMMATED SEXUALLY, IF YOU NEED TO KNOW.

I DON'T NEED TO KNOW
ALMOST ALL OF THIS.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
MY THIRD HUSBAND,

BILLY.

WE WERE SO HAPPY TOGETHER,
AND THEN ONE DAY I TURNED AROUND, AND HE WAS GONE.

IT ENDED SO SUDDENLY.
I NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN.

NOW I GUESS I NEVER WILL.

IS HE DEAD?

IN A WAY.

HE LIVES IN OCEANSIDE.

I HEAR HE HANGS OUT
IN A BAR NOT TOO FAR FROM HERE.

OUR BAR.

GREAT FRIES.
THEY'RE FRENCH.

I'VE TRIED TO STOP
BY THERE MANY TIMES OVER THE YEARS,

BUT I NEVER
GOT UP THE NERVE.

PLEASE STAY WITH ME,
BENJAMIN.

I... I DON'T WANT
TO BE ALONE.

I DON'T HAVE ANYBODY ELSE.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

OHH. THE QUARTERBACK
SENT ME A PICTURE.

SHE'S SO...
SMART.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

JESSIE, I AM SO SORRY.
MY BOSS THREW SOME LAST-MINUTE STUFF AT ME.

JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE HOUR,
AND I PROMISE,

I WILL MAKE THIS A NIGHT
YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER.

IF THE SEX DOESN'T DO IT,
WE CAN STEAL A CAR

OR BLOW SOMETHING UP,
BUT WE WILL REMEMBER THIS NIGHT.

YOU'VE GOT ONE HOUR,
BEN DONOVAN, AND THEN I'M OUTTA HERE.

OH, AND, BEN...

(WHISPERING)

WOW. IN MINE
OR IN YOURS?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
DON'T ANSWER THAT. LET'S KEEP THIS ROMANTIC.

(LAUGHS)

YOU HAVE
TO KEEP HER HERE.

YEAH. HEY, I REALIZED
I DO A PRETTY GOOD ROBERT DE NIRO.

I'LL JUST KEEP HER HERE.
YEAH.

(SIGHS)

OKAY, WE'RE GOING
TO THE BAR WHERE BILLY HANGS OUT.

NO, BENJAMIN!
I CAN'T DO THAT.

YES, YOU CAN. YOU HAVE TO
CONFRONT HIM AND GET ANSWERS

TO ALL THE UNANSWERED
QUESTIONS THAT YOU TWO HAVE TOGETHER.

THAT WAY, YOU'LL NEVER
HAVE TO SPEND ANOTHER NIGHT LIKE THIS AGAIN.

AND CONSEQUENTLY,
NEITHER WILL I.

AND WE HAVE
TO GET ALL OF THAT DONE IN 54 MINUTES.

BENJAMIN, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I NEED CLOSURE.

I HAVE TO HAVE CLOSURE.
LET'S GO.

WE'LL TAKE MY CAR.
I'LL DRIVE.

OH, I DON'T THINK
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. YOU SEEM EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
LET'S TAKE MY HOG.

YOU JUST SLAPPED ME.
YOU JUST SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE.

ALL RIGHT. BLUE 42,
HUT. HUT. HIKE!

LINGERIE FOOTBALL IS NOT
THE SAME.

SINCE THE LEAGUE EXPANDED,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO TO ROOT FOR ANYMORE.

YEAH, I GUESS
WE'VE ALL GOT PROBLEMS.

I DON'T THINK I COULD NAME
HALF THE LINEUP FOR THE MIAMI CALIENTE.

I DON'T WANT
TO BE TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE.

YEAH, OKAY.

Y-YOU KNOW, GUYS, UH,
IF WE DON'T GET THAT FUNDING,

THEN WE WON'T BE ABLE
TO BUILD THE CENTER.

OKAY, FIRST DOWN!
HUDDLE UP! HUDDLE UP!

AND IF THEY DON'T HAVE
THE CENTER,

THE CHILDREN WILL HAVE
NOWHERE TO GO AFTER SCHOOL.

THEIR MOTHERS WILL LOSE
THEIR JOBS.

OME OF THOSE KIDS WILL JOIN
GANGS AND CARJACK YOU.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)
TIME-OUT!

WILL YOU PLEASE
TAKE IT EASY?

YOU MADE POOR JADE CRY.

OH, I'M THE JERK?

THOSE GUYS ALREADY MADE
AN iPhone APP ABOUT ME CALLED "ALONZO SUCKS."

IT'S ACTUALLY KINDA FUN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I COULD'VE GOTTEN DRUNK
AND DONE BODY SHOTS WITH 'EM.

WILL YOU CHILL OUT?
HAVE A DRINK.

* WELCOME TO WHEREVER
YOU ARE *

THAT'S APPLE JUICE.

IT'S ONLY APPLE JUICE.
OH, NOW YOU WANT TO TALK?

THERE HE IS.

THE... THE GUY
WITH THE GUITAR?

OH, WE HAD
A GREAT BAND TOGETHER.

WAIT.
YOU WERE IN A BAND?

WE WERE LIKE
IKE AND TINA TURNER, BUT WITHOUT THE EDGE

AND WITH NONE
OF THE HITTING.

I SEE.

OH.
BILLY, CRYSTAL AND FRIENDS.

THAT WELL-PLACED COMMA
SAVED US A LOT OF LAWSUITS. (APPLAUDING)

OH, LOOK,
HE'S TAKING A BREAK. YOU CAN DO THIS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I HAVE A LIFE, TOO.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
TALKING TO BILLY. WELL, I COULDN'T DO IT.

WELL, YOU HAVE TO DO IT.
YOU HAVE TO DO IT RIGHT NOW.

YOU HAVE TO CONFRONT HIM
FOR LEAVING YOU.

LEAVING ME? BILLY DIDN'T
LEAVE ME. I LEFT HIM.

YOU SAID,
YOU TURNED AROUND, AND HE WAS GONE.

NO, I LEFT THE BAR
WITH ANOTHER MAN ONE NIGHT,

AND BILLY CHASED AFTER
OUR CAR FOR A FEW BLOCKS,

BUT EVENTUALLY,
I TURNED AROUND, AND HE WAS GONE.

I'VE MENTIONED TO YOU THAT
I COULD BE SLEEPING WITH

A LINGERIE FOOTBALL
PLAYER RIGHT NOW, RIGHT?

IT WAS THE CLASSIC STORY.

OUR CAREER WAS
JUST TAKING OFF, WHEN ONE NIGHT,

MAURICE COHEN, OWNER OF
THE SUNSHINE CENTER, WALKED IN.

SURE, HE WAS FAT AND OLD,
AND, OKAY, HE COULDN'T REALLY WALK, PER SE,

BUT HE TIPPED ME,
1000 BUCKS,

AND I JUMPED IN THE BACK
OF HIS TOWN CAR,

TOOK A HIT OFF
HIS OXYGEN TANK, AND NEVER LOOKED BACK.

CUTE MEET.

MY INSATIABLE NEED
FOR WEALTH AND SUCCESS

MADE ME WALK AWAY
FROM THE ONE TRUE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

THAT'S WHY THIS NIGHT
IS SO HARD FOR ME.

THAT'S WHY I HAVE
THIS WEIRD FEELING.

WHAT WEIRD FEELING?

I DON'T KNOW
IF THERE'S A NAME FOR IT.

YOU KNOW THAT CRAZY FEELING
SOME PEOPLE GET

WHEN THEY DON'T APPROVE
OF THEIR OWN BEHAVIOR?

SHAME?
YES. THAT'S IT.

"SHAME," AS YOU CALL IT.

WELL, I HAVE TO SAY,
I'VE NEVER SEEN CRYSTAL COHEN ASHAMED BEFORE,

AND I ONCE SAW YOU
SHOOT A DOLPHIN.

I WAS DEFENDING MY YACHT.

WHAT, I'M SUPPOSED
TO GIVE THE ANIMAL A PASS

BECAUSE HE'S BELOVED
BY LITTLE CHILDREN AND FAT SECRETARIES?

LOOK AT HIM,

STILL SINGING
IN THE SAME OLD DIVE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.

IT'S SO SAD.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

OH, MY GOD, JESSIE.

OH, JUST GO BACK
TO YOUR STRUMPET. I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

DAMN IT, CRYSTAL!
I'M STAYING WITH YOU!

WELL, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO YELL AT ME.

YES, I DO!
BEN, GO!

THIS ISN'T YOUR JOB!

I'M NOT STAYING
AS YOUR EMPLOYEE!

I'M STAYING
AS YOUR FRIEND!

THANK YOU, BENJAMIN.

WELL, YOU'RE VERY WELCOME!
IT'S REALLY MY PLEASURE!

OKAY. I'M RUNNING
OUT OF TIME.

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME
TAKE ANOTHER PICTURE.

THERE'S REALLY
NO OTHER PLACE TO GO.

TALENT'S NOT ALLOWED
IN THE EXECUTIVE OFFICES.

I WAS INVITED, SWEETIE.

OH. WELL, IN THAT CASE,
I'LL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.

I HEARD FROM FRANKLIN.
HE SENT ME A REALLY SWEET LETTER

AND THE TIP
OF HIS CELL MATE'S FINGER.

NO REASON. JUST 'CAUSE.

SOMEONE'S GOT
A CRUSH ON SOMEONE.

I KNOW, AND HOW AM
I SUPPOSED TO COMPETE WITH THAT?

I CAN'T CUT OFF
A MAN'S FINGER.

FRANKLIN IS TOO ROMANTIC.

NOT FRANKLIN.
SHE'S TOTALLY INTO YOU.

OH, NO.

DID YOU SEE HER?
SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE WANTED TO KILL ME.

YEAH, SHE LOOKS
AT EVERYONE THAT WAY.

BELIEVE ME,
SHE DIGS YOU.

YOU COULD TOTALLY HAVE HER.

REALLY?
YEAH.

I'D LOVE TO GET HER.

I JUST...
I DON'T KNOW HOW.

EASY. FLASH A WAD OF CASH,
FILL HER UP WITH SOME MALIBU RUM,

TELL HER YOU'RE ALREADY
DATING SOMEBODY, AND THEN BOOM!

OH. I DIDN'T MEAN
"GET HER" LIKE THAT.

JEEZ.
I MEANT, UH, GET HER TO HAVE LUNCH WITH ME,

GET HER TO RELY ON ME
TO BE THERE FOR HER.

UH, TO GET HER TO DO
ANYMORE WITHOUT THAT,

IT JUST SEEMS KINDA EMPTY.

I MEAN, DON'T YA THINK?

YOU SHOULD TELL HER THAT.

OHH. I DON'T HAVE
THE NERVE.

TURN AROUND.

(SIGHS) OH, ROMAN.

HEATHER.

OHH.
I HAVE MADE SO MANY BAD CHOICES IN MY LIFE.

OKAY, OKAY.
WHO'S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?

I GOT IT.

WHOA.

YOUNGER BROTHER'S
BUYING, HUH?

THAT'S NOT HOW IT USUALLY
WORKS IN MY FAMILY.

HEY, ALONZO, YOU SHOULD WORK
ON JIMMY FOR THE NEW CENTER.

HE'S THE ONE WITH
THE... MONEY!

UH, I HAVE MORE MONEY
THAN HE DOES.

OH, YEAH?
WELL, HOW MUCH ARE YOU DONATING TO THE CENTER?

100,000.
WOW.

JIMMY, YOU GONNA PUT UP
WITH YOUR OLDER BROTHER SHOWBOATING LIKE THAT?

PFFT. TYPICAL
OLDER BROTHER CRAP, RIGHT?

HE'S THE BIG MAN,
THE ONE IN CHARGE. 200,000!

500,000!

750,000.

800,000!

900,000.

HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU
I LOVE YOU? A MILLION.

YEAH,
BUT IT'S NICE TO HEAR.

1.3 MILLION!
1.5 MILLION!

ALL RIGHT! BOYS, BOYS, BOYS.
THAT'S ENOUGH.

LET'S PUT A STOP
TO THIS RIGHT NOW.

JIMMY WINS.

WHAT? NO. 2 MILLION DOLLARS!

HIKE ME THE NUTS!

I RUINED HIS LIFE.
WHAT CAN I SAY TO HIM?

WELL, JUST TELL HIM YOU'RE
SORRY. TELL HIM HOW MUCH HE MEANT TO YOU.

OH, IT'S TOO COMPLICATED.

MAYBE I CAN HELP.

NO. OH! NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO. BENJAMIN!

HI. HI. DO YOU...

DO YOU TAKE REQUESTS?

NO, BUT I HAVE ONE.
UH, COULD YOU TAKE YOUR MONEY OUT OF MY DRINK?

NO, NO, NO, NO!
OKAY. COME ON.

HERE WE GO. YOU CAN DO THIS.
NO! BENJAMIN! I CAN'T!

YES, YOU CAN.
NO, I CAN'T!

COME ON.
GET ON STAGE. GO, GO.

I... I... I... I...

* I'VE BEEN SO MANY PLACES

* IN MY LIFE AND TIME

* SUNG A LOT OF SONGS

* I'VE MADE SOME BAD RHYMES

* I'VE ACTED OUT MY LIFE
ON STAGES

* WITH 10,000, PEOPLE
WATCHING

* BUT WE'RE ALONE NOW

* AND I'M JUST SINGING
THIS SONG FOR YOU

* I KNOW YOUR IMAGE OF ME

* IS ALL I HOPE TO BE

* I TREATED YOU UNKINDLY
BUT, BILLY, CAN'T YOU SEE

* THERE'S NO ONE
MORE IMPORTANT TO ME?

* DARLIN', CAN'T YOU
PLEASE SEE THROUGH ME?

* WE WERE ALONE AND...

* WE WERE ALONE

* AND I WAS SINGING
THIS SONG FOR YOU

THAT'S MY BOSS.
SHH.

* I LOVE YOU IN A PLACE

* WHERE THERE'S NO SPACE
OR TIME

* I LOVE YOU FOR MY LIFE

* YOU ARE A FRIEND OF MINE

* AND WHEN MY LIFE IS OVER

* REMEMBER
WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER

* WE WERE ALONE
WE WERE ALONE

* AND I WAS SINGING
THIS SONG FOR YOU

* WE WERE ALL ALONE

* WE WERE ALONE
AND I WAS SINGING

* THIS SONG FOR YOU

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?

I'VE BEEN FINE
SINCE YOU LEFT.

OH, YOU'RE SO BRAVE.

NO, SERIOUSLY.
I GOT SOME OF MY BEST SONGS OUT OF THAT HEARTBREAK.

SO YOU'RE DOING WELL?
SPECTACULAR.

I OWN THIS PLACE NOW.
WOW.

THAT'S GREAT.

YEP. IT'S GREAT.
LOSING YOU WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

I'M JUST SAYING,
I'M HAPPY NOW, CRYSTAL.

UH-HUH.
I'M REALLY, REALLY HAPPY.

YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.

I HAVEN'T HAD
A LONELY NIGHT OR A BAD DAY SINCE.

I GET IT.
HEY, I WANT YOU TO MEET MY WIFE TAMMY.

I'D LIKE TO PUNCH YOU I
N YOUR FAT FACE RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

OKAY, WELL, I THINK
WE HAVE SOME CLOSURE.

WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?
YOU LIKE THAT? WHY DON'T YOU GET OFFSTAGE?

GET OFFSTAGE.

DO YOU KNOW
ANY CAT STEVENS? OH, MAN.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

ODDLY AT PEACE.

I FEEL LIKE I COULD DIE
RIGHT NOW.

I MADE IT.
I'M LEAVING.

WHAT? NO! WHY?

ROMAN TAUGHT ME
SOMETHING TONIGHT, BEN.

WELL, THAT DOESN'T SEEM
REMOTELY POSSIBLE.

SEX MEANS NOTHING
WITHOUT LOVE.

LOVE?
HOW DID THAT COME UP?

HE WAS JUST SUPPOSED
TO BABYSIT YOU, SIT WITH YOU.

I'M SORRY. I'M JUST...
I'M NOT THE WOMAN THAT I THOUGHT I WAS.

OF COURSE YOU ARE.

YOU'RE THIS WOMAN
RIGHT HERE,

AND HERE, AND...

OH, GOD!
DON'T LOOK AT THAT.

GOOD NIGHT, BEN.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

WHAT DID YOU DO?

WHAT?
JESSIE...

YOU GAVE HER SELF-ESTEEM!

I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

(LAUGHS)
SQUIDWARD.

BEN, YOU'RE KILLING
ME RIGHT NOW.

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