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1
00:00:05,412 --> 00:00:06,674
(GRUNTS)
2
00:00:07,881 --> 00:00:11,112
- Problem?
- This is the worst cobbler I've eaten.
3
00:00:11,284 --> 00:00:15,380
It tastes like it's made of actual
ground-up shoe maker.
4
00:00:15,555 --> 00:00:19,047
Amusing.
A play on the two meanings of cobbler.
5
00:00:19,225 --> 00:00:20,249
(CHUCKLES)
6
00:00:21,828 --> 00:00:25,423
Hey, guys. Guess who I found at LAX:
My baby sister Priya.
7
00:00:25,598 --> 00:00:27,589
Excuse me, I object.
8
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:31,794
You propose a guessing game,
yet you don't give me time to guess.
9
00:00:32,806 --> 00:00:35,639
For the record,
I was going to say, "Your sister Priya."
10
00:00:36,609 --> 00:00:39,271
Oh, Sheldon, you haven't
changed a bit, have you?
11
00:00:39,813 --> 00:00:41,405
Why would I change?
12
00:00:41,581 --> 00:00:44,709
The hope has been that you'd
eventually bend to public opinion.
13
00:00:45,985 --> 00:00:47,782
So, what brings you back to L. A?
14
00:00:47,954 --> 00:00:50,013
I have a layover on my way to Toronto.
15
00:00:50,223 --> 00:00:52,020
- Corporate merger.
- Can you believe it?
16
00:00:52,225 --> 00:00:55,194
Priya is a lead attorney
for the biggest car company in India.
17
00:00:55,361 --> 00:00:58,330
Given that when we met her,
she was finishing law school...
18
00:00:58,498 --> 00:01:01,490
...and planning an internship
at a large Indian car company...
19
00:01:01,668 --> 00:01:03,533
...it's actually extremely plausible.
20
00:01:04,104 --> 00:01:06,868
And your poll numbers
just keep dropping.
21
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:10,967
I want to catch up with all of you,
but first I really must visit the loo.
22
00:01:11,144 --> 00:01:12,873
Ah, I'm going too.
I'll show you where it is.
23
00:01:13,046 --> 00:01:14,206
(RAJESH CHUCKLES)
24
00:01:14,881 --> 00:01:17,179
This goes without saying,
but I'm gonna anyway.
25
00:01:17,517 --> 00:01:19,451
Hands off my sister.
26
00:01:19,619 --> 00:01:23,282
Why would I touch her?
She's covered with airplane germs.
27
00:01:23,990 --> 00:01:26,959
I am so not talking to you,
I'm talking to him.
28
00:01:28,027 --> 00:01:29,619
Hey, heh, I've got a girlfriend now.
29
00:01:29,796 --> 00:01:33,630
Oh, please. My sister is much hotter
than your girlfriend, and you know it.
30
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,358
Let's agree they're both hot.
31
00:01:35,535 --> 00:01:38,060
What...? Dude, that's my sister
you're talking about.
32
00:01:38,838 --> 00:01:41,966
Okay, forget who's hotter.
The first time Priya came to L. A...
33
00:01:42,142 --> 00:01:46,135
...Leonard and I made a pact out of
respect to our friendship and to you...
34
00:01:46,312 --> 00:01:48,371
...that neither of us would hit on her.
35
00:01:48,548 --> 00:01:49,879
Did you pinkie swear?
36
00:01:52,685 --> 00:01:54,346
Yes.
37
00:01:55,655 --> 00:01:57,179
Okay, then.
38
00:01:57,590 --> 00:01:59,080
Cobbler. I'm still laughing.
39
00:01:59,259 --> 00:02:00,283
(CHUCKLES)
40
00:02:01,594 --> 00:02:03,653
It's really nice to see you again,
Leonard.
41
00:02:03,830 --> 00:02:05,855
Yeah, it's good to see you too.
42
00:02:06,032 --> 00:02:07,829
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
43
00:02:09,269 --> 00:02:10,293
(LEONARD GRUNTS)
44
00:02:11,604 --> 00:02:13,538
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
45
00:02:15,341 --> 00:02:16,808
Okay.
46
00:02:42,835 --> 00:02:44,962
You got any special plans
with your sister?
47
00:02:45,138 --> 00:02:47,436
Oh, not really. Just hang out.
48
00:02:47,607 --> 00:02:51,134
I always tell people if you have
only one day in Los Angeles...
49
00:02:51,311 --> 00:02:53,609
...make it a train day.
50
00:02:54,113 --> 00:02:55,444
"Train day"?
51
00:02:55,615 --> 00:02:58,516
The fun starts with brunch
at Carney's in Studio City...
52
00:02:58,685 --> 00:03:01,848
...a hot dog stand
in a converted railroad dining car.
53
00:03:02,055 --> 00:03:03,955
Next stop, Travel Town...
54
00:03:04,123 --> 00:03:07,684
...an outdoor museum
featuring 43 railroad engines, cars...
55
00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:10,920
...and other rolling stock
from the 1880s to the 1930s.
56
00:03:11,097 --> 00:03:14,624
Then finally, we're off to the glitz
and glamour of Hollywood...
57
00:03:14,801 --> 00:03:17,793
...for dinner at, that's right,
the Hollywood Carney's...
58
00:03:17,971 --> 00:03:23,671
...a hot dog stand in a different
converted railroad dining car.
59
00:03:24,711 --> 00:03:26,872
I don't think we're gonna do that.
60
00:03:28,081 --> 00:03:30,106
Well, then apparently you hate fun.
61
00:03:34,254 --> 00:03:37,712
Hmm? Priya's not back yet?
Well, I guess that's not unusual.
62
00:03:37,890 --> 00:03:40,017
Women, men,
the whole sitting-standing deal.
63
00:03:40,193 --> 00:03:42,127
So, what are we talking about?
64
00:03:42,295 --> 00:03:43,660
Uh, my plans with Priya.
65
00:03:43,830 --> 00:03:45,695
He rejected train day.
66
00:03:45,865 --> 00:03:50,063
Did you make it clear it's two different
train cars turned into hot dog stands?
67
00:03:50,236 --> 00:03:51,828
Abundantly.
68
00:03:52,005 --> 00:03:53,700
I guess he just hates fun.
69
00:03:54,674 --> 00:03:57,006
That's what I said.
70
00:03:59,646 --> 00:04:01,978
Okay, so, what's new with you guys?
71
00:04:02,148 --> 00:04:04,810
- I have a girlfriend now.
- Hey. Good for you.
72
00:04:04,984 --> 00:04:06,508
I just wanna put it out there...
73
00:04:06,686 --> 00:04:10,053
...in case I inadvertently squirt
any pheromones in your direction.
74
00:04:11,190 --> 00:04:12,748
Happy?
75
00:04:14,527 --> 00:04:16,722
So, uh, what are your plans
while you're here?
76
00:04:16,896 --> 00:04:18,864
I don't know, I just have the one day.
77
00:04:19,565 --> 00:04:21,499
Do you like trains?
78
00:04:22,235 --> 00:04:24,066
Not particularly.
79
00:04:26,739 --> 00:04:30,539
You might as well just wait at the airport
for your flight.
80
00:04:32,045 --> 00:04:34,172
"You are in a forest.
81
00:04:34,347 --> 00:04:39,375
There is quicksand to the west,
a path leads to the east."
82
00:04:40,286 --> 00:04:42,754
Go east.
83
00:04:42,922 --> 00:04:46,255
"An iron gate blocks your way."
84
00:04:46,893 --> 00:04:49,555
Open gate.
85
00:04:49,729 --> 00:04:52,562
"It's locked." Hmm.
86
00:04:53,299 --> 00:04:55,392
Well, so much for that.
87
00:04:58,304 --> 00:05:01,899
- It's pretty late. You're still up?
- I found an emulator online...
88
00:05:02,075 --> 00:05:06,876
...that lets you play classic text-based
computer games from the 1980s.
89
00:05:07,046 --> 00:05:08,479
- That's pretty cool.
- Oh, yes.
90
00:05:08,681 --> 00:05:11,275
It runs on the world's
most powerful graphics chip:
91
00:05:11,451 --> 00:05:13,476
Imagination.
92
00:05:14,487 --> 00:05:17,183
You've really got to get out more.
93
00:05:18,324 --> 00:05:20,087
Go north.
94
00:05:20,259 --> 00:05:22,124
"You can't go that way."
95
00:05:22,295 --> 00:05:24,160
Go west.
96
00:05:24,330 --> 00:05:26,389
"A troll blocks your passage."
97
00:05:26,566 --> 00:05:28,761
Okay, fasten your seat belts.
98
00:05:30,570 --> 00:05:32,470
Kill troll.
99
00:05:32,638 --> 00:05:34,230
"With what?"
100
00:05:34,407 --> 00:05:35,635
With sword.
101
00:05:35,808 --> 00:05:36,832
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
102
00:05:37,009 --> 00:05:38,977
"You don't have the sword."
Good golly...
103
00:05:39,278 --> 00:05:41,746
...it's as if it's actually
happening to me.
104
00:05:43,916 --> 00:05:46,111
- Raj finally went to bed.
LEONARD: Yeah...
105
00:05:49,622 --> 00:05:50,953
...Sheldon's still up.
106
00:05:51,124 --> 00:05:52,785
(WHISPERING)
You said he goes to bed at 9.
107
00:05:52,959 --> 00:05:55,291
He got caught up
in a computer game and...
108
00:05:55,461 --> 00:05:58,225
SHELDON:
Hit troll with axe.
109
00:05:58,731 --> 00:06:02,963
Hit troll with axe. Hit troll with axe.
110
00:06:03,736 --> 00:06:06,534
Oh, my, this is one tough troll.
111
00:06:07,140 --> 00:06:08,334
Can't you get rid of him?
112
00:06:08,508 --> 00:06:11,102
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
If the past is any indication, no.
113
00:06:11,277 --> 00:06:16,044
SHELDON: Leonard, I'm trapped in
quicksand. The axe is dragging me down.
114
00:06:16,249 --> 00:06:19,548
- Drop axe.
SHELDON: Drop axe. Brilliant.
115
00:06:21,988 --> 00:06:23,888
Give me a minute.
116
00:06:25,892 --> 00:06:27,519
- Sheldon.
- Hold on.
117
00:06:27,693 --> 00:06:29,854
I need to figure out
how to get the bucket...
118
00:06:30,029 --> 00:06:32,122
...so I can carry the mud
past the dragon.
119
00:06:33,032 --> 00:06:35,330
- You need to work in the morning.
- I know.
120
00:06:35,501 --> 00:06:38,061
- Well, then bed, mister.
- Five more minutes.
121
00:06:38,838 --> 00:06:40,635
Really? You'll risk getting sleepy...
122
00:06:40,807 --> 00:06:43,674
...in the middle of your thermodynamic
fluctuations seminar?
123
00:06:43,876 --> 00:06:46,538
You know what happens
when you yawn in public.
124
00:06:49,782 --> 00:06:53,274
Everyone will see
my oddly shaped uvula.
125
00:06:54,787 --> 00:06:57,017
And you don't want that, do you?
126
00:06:57,290 --> 00:06:58,723
No.
127
00:06:59,559 --> 00:07:04,360
But it's a shame our society mocks
the differently uvulated.
128
00:07:05,998 --> 00:07:07,022
Who was at the door?
129
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,033
Uh, building manager.
130
00:07:09,202 --> 00:07:13,536
Uh, they have to fix a pipe, so the water
will be off tomorrow from noon to 2.
131
00:07:13,706 --> 00:07:16,698
That's unacceptable. We're supposed
to be given written notice.
132
00:07:16,876 --> 00:07:18,901
No, it doesn't matter. We'll be at work.
133
00:07:19,078 --> 00:07:22,241
What if I spill tomato soup
on my shirt and come home to change...
134
00:07:22,415 --> 00:07:25,009
...only to find there's no water
for an enzyme soak?
135
00:07:25,184 --> 00:07:27,084
Bifurcated uvula, Sheldon.
136
00:07:28,321 --> 00:07:30,915
I'll have the chicken noodle.
Good night.
137
00:07:34,427 --> 00:07:37,021
(WHISPERING)
We're gonna have to be very quiet.
138
00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:42,864
SHELDON:
I know how to get the bucket.
139
00:07:43,035 --> 00:07:47,199
I can turn the axe around
and use the handle to reach it.
140
00:07:47,373 --> 00:07:49,136
Let's see...
141
00:07:49,909 --> 00:07:52,139
Go north.
142
00:07:52,345 --> 00:07:53,573
"You are in a forest."
143
00:07:53,746 --> 00:07:55,145
Go north.
144
00:07:55,348 --> 00:07:56,906
"You are in a forest."
145
00:07:57,083 --> 00:07:59,051
Go north. "You are in a forest."
146
00:07:59,218 --> 00:08:03,086
Oh, dear, I believe I'm lost.
I'll have to get a fresh start tomorrow.
147
00:08:03,256 --> 00:08:06,748
No, no, no. You... You just need to
map it out. Come on, I'll help you.
148
00:08:06,926 --> 00:08:10,453
So, uh, you stopped at the stream
and you turned north three times?
149
00:08:10,630 --> 00:08:13,224
- Yes.
- You're right, you're lost. Good luck.
150
00:08:20,106 --> 00:08:21,130
Oh.
151
00:08:21,307 --> 00:08:23,434
- Leonard, wake up.
- Huh? What...? Uh, sorry.
152
00:08:23,609 --> 00:08:24,974
- For what?
- I don't know.
153
00:08:25,144 --> 00:08:28,136
When I'm in bed with a girl,
it's my go-to response.
154
00:08:28,881 --> 00:08:32,442
I have to get back to Raj's before
he wakes up and realizes I'm gone.
155
00:08:32,618 --> 00:08:35,109
Oh, right. Sure.
156
00:08:35,621 --> 00:08:38,613
- Wish you could stay a while longer.
- Hmm, me too.
157
00:08:38,791 --> 00:08:40,156
You know, I was thinking.
158
00:08:40,326 --> 00:08:43,124
There are some great
research facilities in India.
159
00:08:43,296 --> 00:08:45,787
Where are you going with this,
Leonard?
160
00:08:46,499 --> 00:08:49,957
Oh, I'm just saying, you know,
I don't have any real ties here...
161
00:08:50,136 --> 00:08:55,130
...so if I were to move to New Delhi,
we could, you know, go out.
162
00:08:56,475 --> 00:08:59,308
Leonard, didn't we have this
conversation five years ago?
163
00:08:59,478 --> 00:09:03,141
Well, yes, but things have changed.
You're older, I'm older.
164
00:09:03,316 --> 00:09:05,341
Look, no more superhero bed sheets.
165
00:09:05,851 --> 00:09:09,014
Sweetheart, just because we have fun
when I come to town...
166
00:09:09,188 --> 00:09:12,021
...doesn't mean I want to have
a serious relationship.
167
00:09:12,725 --> 00:09:14,056
- It doesn't?
- Mm-mm.
168
00:09:14,226 --> 00:09:17,923
And besides, I could never bring
a white boy home to my parents.
169
00:09:19,065 --> 00:09:22,694
They'd have a cow.
Which is a much bigger deal in India.
170
00:09:23,469 --> 00:09:24,993
I'm not that white.
171
00:09:25,171 --> 00:09:27,162
My great-great-grandmother
was half Cherokee.
172
00:09:27,340 --> 00:09:29,570
That's not the right kind of Indian,
but it is something.
173
00:09:29,742 --> 00:09:32,006
Ha, ha, you're funny. Ha-ha-ha.
174
00:09:32,178 --> 00:09:33,202
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
175
00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:35,813
SHELDON:
Leonard. Leonard. Leonard.
176
00:09:37,183 --> 00:09:39,515
- What?
- I heard a woman laughing.
177
00:09:39,685 --> 00:09:43,746
Oh, uh, yeah. I was trying to see
if I could laugh as a woman.
178
00:09:45,925 --> 00:09:49,088
Oh. Well, good job. Quite convincing.
179
00:09:49,395 --> 00:09:52,091
- I smell perfume.
- Air freshener.
180
00:09:52,264 --> 00:09:55,062
And is that lipstick
on your cheek and neck?
181
00:09:55,234 --> 00:09:56,997
Uh, rash. That's a bad rash.
182
00:09:57,169 --> 00:09:58,193
My sympathies.
183
00:09:58,371 --> 00:10:01,966
I'm no stranger to the crimson scourge
that is dermatitis.
184
00:10:03,576 --> 00:10:08,172
Can I interest you in a topical steroid
from my lotion and unguent collection?
185
00:10:09,382 --> 00:10:11,043
Uh, yeah, yeah. That sounds great.
186
00:10:11,217 --> 00:10:15,551
Very well. I'm sure I can find something
that will help you ditch that itch.
187
00:10:17,523 --> 00:10:19,514
(WHISPERING)
Okay, he's in the bathroom. Let's go.
188
00:10:21,994 --> 00:10:24,224
SHELDON:
Do you prefer ointment or cream?
189
00:10:24,397 --> 00:10:25,591
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Uh...
190
00:10:27,299 --> 00:10:29,733
- Cream.
- With or without a numbing agent?
191
00:10:29,902 --> 00:10:31,631
- Without.
- Really, Leonard?
192
00:10:31,804 --> 00:10:34,568
There are no heroes
when it comes to dermatitis.
193
00:10:35,641 --> 00:10:36,699
Fine, with.
194
00:10:36,876 --> 00:10:39,936
- Prescription or nonprescription?
- Use your best judgment.
195
00:10:40,112 --> 00:10:44,412
Well, I think I have a nice
2009 AnaMantle HC.
196
00:10:44,583 --> 00:10:47,643
It's usually indicated for
acutely inflamed hemorrhoids...
197
00:10:47,820 --> 00:10:52,314
...but it also goes nicely
with non-mucosal body parts.
198
00:10:53,826 --> 00:10:57,023
- Sounds great.
- Excellent choice.
199
00:10:58,597 --> 00:11:00,428
(WHISPERING)
Hurry. Hurry, hurry.
200
00:11:01,567 --> 00:11:03,728
Come on, come on, come on.
201
00:11:05,771 --> 00:11:07,466
SHELDON:
Priya?
202
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,267
Good morning, Sheldon.
203
00:11:10,276 --> 00:11:13,768
For shame, Leonard. For shame.
204
00:11:15,347 --> 00:11:17,076
And to think...
205
00:11:17,249 --> 00:11:21,948
...I was ready to waste the last of
my good hemorrhoid cream on you.
206
00:11:29,161 --> 00:11:31,459
Making pretty good time, huh?
207
00:11:31,864 --> 00:11:35,027
Is that really what you wanna
talk about, Leonard?
208
00:11:35,201 --> 00:11:37,692
- No.
- What do you wanna talk about?
209
00:11:37,870 --> 00:11:40,430
Don't tell anyone I spent the night
with Raj's sister.
210
00:11:40,606 --> 00:11:42,267
There it is.
211
00:11:43,576 --> 00:11:45,134
What if someone asks?
212
00:11:45,311 --> 00:11:47,939
No one will ask if I spent the night
with Raj's sister.
213
00:11:48,114 --> 00:11:49,547
Perhaps.
214
00:11:49,715 --> 00:11:52,047
But they might ask me
something else.
215
00:11:52,218 --> 00:11:53,412
Like what?
216
00:11:53,586 --> 00:11:57,886
Like, "Has Leonard betrayed
any of his friends recently?"
217
00:11:58,057 --> 00:12:01,788
Priya and I are both adults.
I didn't betray Raj.
218
00:12:01,961 --> 00:12:05,294
In fact, you did.
But I was referring to Howard.
219
00:12:05,464 --> 00:12:08,262
- What are you talking about?
- April 12, 2005.
220
00:12:08,434 --> 00:12:10,402
Bob's Big Boy, Toluca Lake.
221
00:12:10,569 --> 00:12:14,061
Raj had just introduced us
to Priya for the first time...
222
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,334
...and she was enjoying
the sweet taste of Hindu rebellion...
223
00:12:17,510 --> 00:12:19,944
...in the form of
a Bob's Super Big Boy hamburger.
224
00:12:20,446 --> 00:12:22,346
In order to preserve your friendship...
225
00:12:22,515 --> 00:12:24,415
...you and Howard
made a pinkie swear...
226
00:12:24,583 --> 00:12:26,016
...that neither of you
would attempt to woo her.
227
00:12:26,185 --> 00:12:27,209
(SIGHS)
228
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,715
I had a patty melt.
229
00:12:30,122 --> 00:12:31,851
Okay, fine, I betrayed Howard.
230
00:12:32,024 --> 00:12:33,787
- And Raj.
- All right. And Raj.
231
00:12:33,959 --> 00:12:35,426
And me.
232
00:12:36,095 --> 00:12:37,119
You?
233
00:12:37,296 --> 00:12:41,198
Violation of the Roommate Agreement's
overnight guest notification clause.
234
00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:46,168
Okay, fine. I'm a horrible human being.
I'm the Darth Vader of Pasadena.
235
00:12:46,338 --> 00:12:48,670
You're far too short to be Darth Vader.
236
00:12:49,975 --> 00:12:52,671
At best you might be a turncoat Ewok.
237
00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:55,103
My point is Priya's gone...
238
00:12:55,281 --> 00:12:58,614
...and it would be much better
if no one else found out about us.
239
00:13:00,019 --> 00:13:02,544
- You want me to keep a secret?
- Yes.
240
00:13:02,755 --> 00:13:04,347
You know I can't keep a secret.
241
00:13:04,523 --> 00:13:06,684
You can if you try.
Think about it this way:
242
00:13:06,859 --> 00:13:11,489
Um, if I were Batman and you were Alfred,
you'd keep that secret, right?
243
00:13:12,198 --> 00:13:14,291
Why do you get to be Batman?
244
00:13:14,466 --> 00:13:16,400
Because, uh, Batman has the secret.
245
00:13:16,569 --> 00:13:18,867
- Well, Alfred has secrets too.
- Like what?
246
00:13:19,038 --> 00:13:21,905
Alfred knows that Barbara Gordon
is Batgirl.
247
00:13:22,074 --> 00:13:25,771
Which I've now just told to Batman.
See, I cannot keep a secret.
248
00:13:29,548 --> 00:13:31,345
Ta-da!
249
00:13:31,584 --> 00:13:32,778
What?
250
00:13:32,952 --> 00:13:33,976
Ta-da.
251
00:13:34,687 --> 00:13:35,711
It's short for:
252
00:13:35,888 --> 00:13:37,219
(SINGSONG)
Da-da-ta-da.
253
00:13:38,524 --> 00:13:40,151
I'm kind of busy here, Sheldon.
254
00:13:40,326 --> 00:13:42,556
I know, that's why I shortened it.
255
00:13:43,996 --> 00:13:45,088
What do you want?
256
00:13:45,297 --> 00:13:48,755
I came to go over your alibi
for last night.
257
00:13:48,934 --> 00:13:50,492
What alibi?
258
00:13:50,669 --> 00:13:53,502
You've asked me to lie on your behalf,
and as you know...
259
00:13:53,672 --> 00:13:56,368
...I�m deeply uncomfortable
with impromptu dishonesty.
260
00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:59,943
So I've provided you
with an ironclad alibi.
261
00:14:00,112 --> 00:14:02,512
You couldn't have spent last night
with Priya...
262
00:14:02,681 --> 00:14:04,512
...because you were with
another woman.
263
00:14:04,683 --> 00:14:09,916
Oh, I'm so sure I'm gonna regret this,
but who was I with?
264
00:14:10,089 --> 00:14:13,957
The fun-loving and morally loose
Miss Maggie McGarry.
265
00:14:14,126 --> 00:14:15,457
Oh, God.
266
00:14:15,628 --> 00:14:19,724
You met her at Pasadena's most popular
Irish watering hole, Lucky Baldwin's...
267
00:14:19,899 --> 00:14:22,265
...where Maggie spends her nights
tending bar...
268
00:14:22,434 --> 00:14:25,232
...with a head full of curls
and a heart full of dreams.
269
00:14:25,404 --> 00:14:29,101
"Leonard, call me
if you're interested in coitus.
270
00:14:30,609 --> 00:14:32,907
Sincerely, Maggie McGarry."
271
00:14:33,078 --> 00:14:39,313
And if anyone were to actually call
that number, they will hear this:
272
00:14:39,485 --> 00:14:42,113
ROBOTIC VOICE (ON RECORDING):
Top of the morning to you.
273
00:14:42,288 --> 00:14:43,915
You've reached Maggie McGarry.
274
00:14:45,124 --> 00:14:48,525
Leave a message
after the wee little beep.
275
00:14:48,694 --> 00:14:49,718
(BEEPS)
276
00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:53,422
It's pretty convincing, huh?
That wasn't even a real person.
277
00:14:53,599 --> 00:14:55,567
And here is the clincher.
278
00:14:55,734 --> 00:15:00,296
A lock of Maggie's
flaming auburn hair.
279
00:15:00,806 --> 00:15:04,401
- Where'd you get that?
- From an orangutan in the Primate Lab.
280
00:15:04,576 --> 00:15:05,600
An orangutan?
281
00:15:05,778 --> 00:15:08,611
Well, no one's going to run
a DNA test on it, Leonard.
282
00:15:08,781 --> 00:15:10,612
Honestly, you over-think everything.
283
00:15:10,783 --> 00:15:14,082
Look, Sheldon. Ugh, I don't need an alibi.
284
00:15:14,253 --> 00:15:17,984
Nobody's going to ask about last night
as long as you just zip your lip.
285
00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:24,959
Thank you. Now, don't worry,
everything's gonna be fine.
286
00:15:39,211 --> 00:15:40,439
- Hey.
- Hey, Leonard...
287
00:15:40,612 --> 00:15:42,876
...will you please tell Howard
my sister's never been attracted to him?
288
00:15:43,048 --> 00:15:44,072
(SCOFFS)
289
00:15:44,249 --> 00:15:48,481
Well, come on, Raj, how am I supposed
to know who she's attracted to?
290
00:15:48,654 --> 00:15:50,622
Or was attracted to?
291
00:15:50,789 --> 00:15:54,657
Or who she might be attracted to
in the future?
292
00:15:55,527 --> 00:15:59,361
And I have nothing to contribute
to this conversation...
293
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,564
...because I, too, know
absolutely nothing...
294
00:16:03,736 --> 00:16:06,330
...about Priya's preferences
in male companionship.
295
00:16:07,206 --> 00:16:09,572
And with that, I will re-zip my lip.
296
00:16:10,776 --> 00:16:11,800
(SCOFFS)
297
00:16:12,177 --> 00:16:14,907
What did you guys think of
Caprica last night?
298
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,311
- I didn't see it.
- Didn't see it? Heh, what were you doing?
299
00:16:22,488 --> 00:16:25,321
- L... I was out.
- What? On Caprica night?
300
00:16:25,491 --> 00:16:27,482
Yeah, uh, I went for a drink.
301
00:16:27,659 --> 00:16:31,527
Really? Heh, you? Where'd...?
Where'd you go?
302
00:16:31,697 --> 00:16:33,528
To, uh...
303
00:16:39,738 --> 00:16:41,603
...Lucky Baldwin's.
304
00:16:42,341 --> 00:16:45,538
Oh, I've heard of that place.
305
00:16:45,711 --> 00:16:49,306
Isn't that Pasadena's
favorite Irish watering hole?
306
00:16:49,481 --> 00:16:50,505
(SIGHS)
307
00:16:50,682 --> 00:16:53,617
- Yes.
- Did you meet anyone interesting there?
308
00:16:53,786 --> 00:16:57,916
Perhaps a promiscuous
redheaded barmaid?
309
00:16:58,090 --> 00:17:01,355
Uh, as a matter of fact, l... l...
I can't. I can't. I can't do it.
310
00:17:01,527 --> 00:17:04,496
Sure, you can. You're doing fine.
It's very believable.
311
00:17:05,397 --> 00:17:09,197
I'm sorry, Raj, but the truth is
I was with Priya last night.
312
00:17:09,368 --> 00:17:10,392
Don't listen to him.
313
00:17:10,569 --> 00:17:14,369
He's lightheaded from all the whiskey
and pickled eggs in his system.
314
00:17:14,540 --> 00:17:17,065
- What were you doing with Priya?
- I believe coitus.
315
00:17:17,242 --> 00:17:20,439
But more importantly, if Leonard
had not abandoned his story...
316
00:17:20,612 --> 00:17:22,477
...would you have found it plausible?
317
00:17:22,648 --> 00:17:25,617
- Did you...? You slept with my sister?
- Yeah.
318
00:17:25,784 --> 00:17:27,775
How could you? We had a pact.
319
00:17:27,953 --> 00:17:29,944
Excuse me, I think "She's my sister"...
320
00:17:30,122 --> 00:17:32,750
...takes precedence over
a five-year-old pinkie swear.
321
00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:36,753
May I point out in a parallel universe
your friends are saying:
322
00:17:36,929 --> 00:17:39,159
"Maggie McGarry?
She sounds lovely."
323
00:17:40,032 --> 00:17:42,728
Now, I admit it,
I may have crossed a line here.
324
00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:45,961
But come on, Raj.
Your sister is a grown woman.
325
00:17:46,138 --> 00:17:49,039
And to her,
I'm a forbidden piece of white chocolate.
326
00:17:50,476 --> 00:17:53,104
I don't believe it.
This is a betrayal of my trust.
327
00:17:53,278 --> 00:17:56,611
No, no, no. Would it help if I told you
that I offered her my heart...
328
00:17:56,782 --> 00:17:59,080
...and she kind of stomped on it?
329
00:17:59,918 --> 00:18:01,909
How hard did she stomp?
330
00:18:02,788 --> 00:18:03,812
Very hard.
331
00:18:05,157 --> 00:18:06,784
Okay, I'm good.
332
00:18:09,428 --> 00:18:13,762
Okay, well, Raj, I just wanna say
that I'd never betray your trust.
333
00:18:13,932 --> 00:18:16,264
Unlike Leonard, I respect you.
334
00:18:16,869 --> 00:18:18,632
- Really?
HOWARD: Mm-hm.
335
00:18:19,972 --> 00:18:22,304
Was it out of respect
that you didn't tell Raj...
336
00:18:22,474 --> 00:18:25,602
...about the time you dropped
his iPhone in a urinal?
337
00:18:25,811 --> 00:18:28,780
Dude, I put that thing on my face.
338
00:18:28,947 --> 00:18:31,541
I think a more amusing violation
of Raj's trust...
339
00:18:31,717 --> 00:18:33,344
...is when Howard convinced him...
340
00:18:33,519 --> 00:18:35,919
...that foreigners give presents
to Americans on Thanksgiving.
341
00:18:36,088 --> 00:18:37,112
(CHUCKLES)
342
00:18:38,357 --> 00:18:42,521
Hey, I didn't see you giving back
your Snoopy Sno-Cone maker.
343
00:18:42,694 --> 00:18:45,822
Wait, that was all a lie?
This year's gifts are already wrapped.
344
00:18:45,998 --> 00:18:47,363
As long as we're talking...
345
00:18:47,533 --> 00:18:50,730
...how about the month Sheldon spent
grinding up insects...
346
00:18:50,903 --> 00:18:52,734
...and mixing them
into Leonard's food?
347
00:18:52,905 --> 00:18:55,738
Well, excuse me.
That was not a betrayal.
348
00:18:55,908 --> 00:18:57,375
- Oh.
- That was an experiment...
349
00:18:57,543 --> 00:19:02,037
...to determine at what concentration
food starts tasting mothy.
350
00:19:02,881 --> 00:19:05,042
You put moths in my food?
351
00:19:06,351 --> 00:19:08,478
For science.
352
00:19:09,221 --> 00:19:11,485
I can't believe you kissed my sister
with moth mouth.
353
00:19:11,657 --> 00:19:15,718
Well, uh... I can't believe you'd use
Sheldon's toothbrush.
354
00:19:15,894 --> 00:19:18,089
You used my toothbrush?
355
00:19:18,263 --> 00:19:21,027
Not the brush part.
Just the little rubber thing...
356
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,636
...to pick food from my teeth
and massage my gums.
357
00:19:31,210 --> 00:19:33,178
Okay, l... I think it's safe to say...
358
00:19:33,345 --> 00:19:36,508
...that we've all done some things
we're not particularly proud of.
359
00:19:36,682 --> 00:19:37,808
(SCOFFS)
360
00:19:38,016 --> 00:19:40,007
But come on, we're friends.
361
00:19:40,185 --> 00:19:42,676
Friends overlook each other's
minor lapses.
362
00:19:44,189 --> 00:19:46,851
For the record, Howard,
I'm sorry that I broke our pact.
363
00:19:47,793 --> 00:19:49,260
Thank you.
364
00:19:49,428 --> 00:19:53,762
And I'm sorry about your phone
and Thanksgiving.
365
00:19:54,233 --> 00:19:58,397
And while we're at it, you don't have to
wash our clothes on the 4th of July.
366
00:19:59,738 --> 00:20:04,368
As long as we're apologizing, Sheldon,
I'm sorry I used your toothbrush.
367
00:20:04,876 --> 00:20:06,400
And I'm sorry...
368
00:20:06,578 --> 00:20:09,911
...but that behavior is beyond the pale
and cannot be tolerated.
369
00:20:10,082 --> 00:20:11,982
We are no longer friends.
370
00:20:12,718 --> 00:20:15,983
I got you a talking Thomas
the Tank Engine for Thanksgiving.
371
00:20:16,622 --> 00:20:18,988
With real puffing smoke?
372
00:20:19,324 --> 00:20:20,757
Yes.
373
00:20:21,827 --> 00:20:23,294
All right.
374
00:20:24,963 --> 00:20:26,328
But I'm watching you.
375
00:20:31,536 --> 00:20:33,970
(CRUNCHING)
376
00:20:39,811 --> 00:20:42,006
You got Snoopy out.
Can I have a snow cone?
377
00:20:42,514 --> 00:20:44,141
Well, sure.
378
00:20:47,519 --> 00:20:49,578
This is pretty good.
What flavor is this?
379
00:20:49,755 --> 00:20:51,416
Guess.
380
00:20:52,190 --> 00:20:53,589
- Papaya?
- No.
381
00:20:53,759 --> 00:20:56,319
- Guava?
- You're so close.
382
00:20:56,495 --> 00:20:59,658
- I give up.
- Mango caterpillar.
383
00:21:01,867 --> 00:21:04,131
What are you doing?
384
00:21:05,871 --> 00:21:08,066
You said you liked it.
31363
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