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1
00:01:24,539 --> 00:01:26,582
Get your bag off the table.
People eat there.
2
00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:28,334
They eat on plates.
3
00:01:28,459 --> 00:01:30,669
Don't give me crap, Maizy.
4
00:01:30,753 --> 00:01:32,880
I'm telling. You said ''crap.''
5
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:36,758
- There's nothing wrong with ''crap.''
- Really? I thought that was a swear.
6
00:01:36,884 --> 00:01:39,428
- You're thinking of ''shit.''
- Right.
7
00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:44,891
Do you mind?
8
00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:47,936
A sixth-grader chased me with his bike
and I was running.
9
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:50,730
When I got exhausted and fell down,
he waled me with his shoe.
10
00:01:50,814 --> 00:01:54,067
- Thankyour parents for that.
- How come?
11
00:01:54,192 --> 00:01:56,235
It was their brilliant idea
to move here.
12
00:01:56,319 --> 00:01:58,696
They weren't making enough cash
in Indianapolis.
13
00:01:58,822 --> 00:02:00,615
Forget that we were
perfectly happy.
14
00:02:00,699 --> 00:02:03,243
So thank them for getting treated
like shit every day.
15
00:02:03,326 --> 00:02:06,829
- I'm telling on that one.
- Shut your face.
16
00:02:12,043 --> 00:02:15,796
- Your book bag doesn't go on the floor.
- Always have a cow.
17
00:02:17,590 --> 00:02:20,342
- Your nails are digging into my arm!
- Pick it up!
18
00:02:22,469 --> 00:02:24,929
You'rejust supposed
to open the door for us.
19
00:02:25,013 --> 00:02:26,973
You're not supposed
to kick us around.
20
00:02:27,057 --> 00:02:29,601
I'm an American.
I have rights!
21
00:02:29,685 --> 00:02:31,561
Maizy, did I kickyou around?
22
00:02:31,687 --> 00:02:35,023
No, but you said ''shit'' twice.
But only once for real.
23
00:02:35,982 --> 00:02:39,151
I've got better things to do
than baby-sit you, you little stain.
24
00:02:39,235 --> 00:02:42,404
Like what, hang out with friends
you don't have?
25
00:02:42,489 --> 00:02:45,325
Why don't you just shut up?
26
00:02:45,408 --> 00:02:47,368
Want to make me?
27
00:02:47,493 --> 00:02:52,622
When our mother fii gure isn't here,
I'm in charge.
28
00:02:52,748 --> 00:02:56,001
- I'm sick ofyou calling her that.
- Too bad.
29
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,422
You moron!
30
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:04,468
- Why do we need boys? They're so loud.
- Shut up!
31
00:03:04,593 --> 00:03:07,595
- Shut up yourself!
- We need boys...
32
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:12,684
so they can grow up, get married
and turn into shadows.
33
00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:17,104
Let the dog out.
34
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,689
Percy!
35
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:36,624
This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother.
How do you fii nd the time?
36
00:03:39,502 --> 00:03:40,920
Miles.
37
00:03:42,713 --> 00:03:44,923
Maizy, put that down.
38
00:03:45,049 --> 00:03:48,802
- Did you win at hockey yesterday?
- Hockey's been over for two weeks.
39
00:03:54,391 --> 00:03:58,519
I guess you don't want a hockey stick
foryour birthday.
40
00:04:03,483 --> 00:04:06,652
You know what?
41
00:04:06,736 --> 00:04:11,198
When Dad goes to New York,
I'm going to take a week off work.
42
00:04:11,282 --> 00:04:13,409
So you can interview
new housekeepers?
43
00:04:14,702 --> 00:04:18,121
- I've had enough ofyour ugliness.
- Really?
44
00:04:20,124 --> 00:04:23,126
We're all a little tired ofthe act.
45
00:04:38,767 --> 00:04:41,519
- This is really a good idea.
- Thankyou.
46
00:04:42,645 --> 00:04:45,564
- How's the pie?
- Not bad.
47
00:04:46,899 --> 00:04:49,651
Will you be at work in the morning?
48
00:04:49,735 --> 00:04:51,611
I can't avoid it.
49
00:04:51,737 --> 00:04:53,780
You don't seem happy about it.
50
00:04:55,074 --> 00:04:59,703
Ifyou've got to know, I'm not excited
about working for my girlfriend.
51
00:04:59,829 --> 00:05:01,455
There, I said it.
52
00:05:02,539 --> 00:05:04,332
Buck, I love you.
53
00:05:04,416 --> 00:05:08,461
I can't help myself. I want to get
married and have a family with you.
54
00:05:08,545 --> 00:05:10,755
The clock is ticking away.
55
00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:14,175
I would like to hear the pitter-patter
oftiny feet before I die.
56
00:05:14,259 --> 00:05:17,428
I'll get you a mouse
and a piece ofsheet metal.
57
00:05:19,306 --> 00:05:22,976
- Lighten up, will you?
- Don't push my buttons.
58
00:05:23,059 --> 00:05:25,436
I'm not pushing your buttons.
I know me.
59
00:05:25,561 --> 00:05:27,521
I know what I like.
60
00:05:27,647 --> 00:05:30,024
I like my friends, my freedom.
61
00:05:31,192 --> 00:05:35,654
I like knowing I can go golfii ng
anytime I want.
62
00:05:35,780 --> 00:05:38,324
I don't hurt anybody.
I don't see what the problem is.
63
00:05:38,449 --> 00:05:40,993
That is the best formula for loneliness
I ever heard.
64
00:05:42,036 --> 00:05:44,663
- Why are we arguing?
- We're talking.
65
00:05:44,747 --> 00:05:47,040
I said I'd be at work in the morning.
I'll be there.
66
00:05:48,625 --> 00:05:50,251
Okay.
67
00:05:53,422 --> 00:05:55,298
I've got to get this out.
68
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:59,009
I know I'm harping,
but let me say it.
69
00:05:59,094 --> 00:06:02,180
I'm working on history,
on the past.
70
00:06:02,305 --> 00:06:05,724
You're gonna show up? Swear to God?
In the a.m.? Promise?
71
00:06:05,808 --> 00:06:08,185
Chanice, I'll be honest with you.
72
00:06:08,311 --> 00:06:11,814
If I could think ofan excuse
that you would buy, I'd use it.
73
00:06:27,329 --> 00:06:28,747
Hello.
74
00:06:32,918 --> 00:06:35,587
- Oh, God!
- What?
75
00:06:35,670 --> 00:06:38,130
Just a second.
It's your aunt.
76
00:06:38,214 --> 00:06:40,257
What happened?
77
00:06:40,341 --> 00:06:42,468
Your dad had a heart attack.
78
00:06:46,681 --> 00:06:49,141
Who's gonna watch the kids?
79
00:06:50,226 --> 00:06:52,936
Marcie.
She's right across the street.
80
00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:55,564
She's the last person
I'd ask for a favor.
81
00:06:57,733 --> 00:06:59,609
What about the Nevilles?
82
00:07:02,237 --> 00:07:04,197
Would you call them?
83
00:07:04,281 --> 00:07:06,741
I want to leave as soon as we can.
84
00:07:08,619 --> 00:07:10,996
I am so helpless here.
85
00:07:11,079 --> 00:07:14,832
Don't start getting down
on why we moved.
86
00:07:14,916 --> 00:07:17,043
It has nothing to do
with what happened.
87
00:07:17,168 --> 00:07:18,627
Sorry.
88
00:07:21,464 --> 00:07:23,674
This isjust a thought.
89
00:07:23,758 --> 00:07:26,844
What about Buck?
I'm sure he'd be glad to help out.
90
00:07:26,970 --> 00:07:29,889
This is not the time
to discuss your brother.
91
00:07:29,972 --> 00:07:33,225
- I don't want him here.
- It'sjust a suggestion.
92
00:07:33,309 --> 00:07:37,437
He doesn't have kids. He isn't married.
He doesn't even work!
93
00:07:39,106 --> 00:07:43,485
He's a little out there,
but he's responsible and he's family.
94
00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:49,198
Buck is not the kind of guy
I feel comfortable leaving my kids with.
95
00:07:49,283 --> 00:07:51,910
The trashy people he hangs out with.
96
00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:55,496
That woman who sells tires.
97
00:07:55,622 --> 00:07:58,541
The horse racing, the gambling.
Can you see him in this house?
98
00:07:59,626 --> 00:08:00,626
Okay.
99
00:08:04,547 --> 00:08:06,674
Call the Nevilles.
100
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:13,764
Are we going to Indianapolis?
101
00:08:13,848 --> 00:08:16,058
Daddy and I are.
102
00:08:16,142 --> 00:08:18,852
And we're not?
103
00:08:18,936 --> 00:08:21,063
No, that's not a good idea.
104
00:08:23,774 --> 00:08:25,734
Thanks.
105
00:08:25,859 --> 00:08:27,986
I loved my father very much.
106
00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:30,530
So why did you move away from him?
107
00:08:34,034 --> 00:08:37,871
If my family moved away from me,
I'd have a heart attack too.
108
00:08:44,502 --> 00:08:46,003
I see.
109
00:08:48,006 --> 00:08:50,842
- Who will take care of us?
- Mr. and Mrs. Neville.
110
00:08:50,967 --> 00:08:53,761
- Is that a joke?
- You don't like the Nevilles?
111
00:08:53,844 --> 00:08:57,180
- The dog's a ball sniffer.
- Don't talk like that.
112
00:08:57,264 --> 00:09:01,309
Mr. Neville yelled at Michael because
their dog was sniffii ng Michael's balls.
113
00:09:01,393 --> 00:09:03,520
- Don't use that word.
- I don't know another word.
114
00:09:03,604 --> 00:09:06,231
We can talk to Mr. Neville
about the dog.
115
00:09:06,315 --> 00:09:09,401
Sorry, honey.
They're in Florida.
116
00:09:12,195 --> 00:09:14,071
You get in bed.
117
00:09:14,197 --> 00:09:16,490
You have to get up for school.
118
00:09:16,616 --> 00:09:19,160
- Who's in Florida?
- Get back in bed.
119
00:09:19,244 --> 00:09:22,246
- What's the other word for balls?
- Get in bed.
120
00:09:24,874 --> 00:09:26,417
Nuts.
121
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:31,964
What do we do?
122
00:09:32,089 --> 00:09:34,216
I don't think we have much choice.
123
00:09:36,177 --> 00:09:37,595
Can we trust him?
124
00:09:40,472 --> 00:09:41,639
Yeah?
125
00:09:41,724 --> 00:09:43,851
Buck, this is Bob.
126
00:09:43,976 --> 00:09:46,895
Bob? Bob who?
127
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,899
It's your brother.
128
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:56,946
Bobby!
Hang on a minute.
129
00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:20,677
Just used your Christmas present.
130
00:10:20,761 --> 00:10:23,054
The Clapper.
131
00:10:23,180 --> 00:10:26,599
You little pissant, how you doing?
132
00:10:26,683 --> 00:10:28,643
Geez! Are you drunk?
133
00:10:30,228 --> 00:10:31,604
You knowsomething?
134
00:10:31,730 --> 00:10:35,650
We gotta get together. I haven't been
overyour house since you moved in.
135
00:10:35,734 --> 00:10:40,363
I'm sorry about those bushes too.
Ihadno idea...
136
00:10:40,488 --> 00:10:43,490
that they would catch on fii re like that.
137
00:10:43,575 --> 00:10:46,411
You were right. I should never
have put the barbecue that close.
138
00:10:46,494 --> 00:10:49,747
Cindy's father
had a heart attack tonight.
139
00:10:49,872 --> 00:10:53,375
We'dIike toget to IndianapoIis
assoon aspossibIe.
140
00:10:53,459 --> 00:10:56,295
But we have a problem
with the kids.
141
00:10:56,420 --> 00:11:00,548
We're stuck for somebody to watch them.
Ifyou're not doing anything--
142
00:11:00,674 --> 00:11:03,676
Is this okay with Cindy?
It's got Cindy's approval?
143
00:11:04,428 --> 00:11:05,804
Oh, yeah.
144
00:11:05,929 --> 00:11:09,599
That'd be great. I'd be honored.
145
00:11:09,683 --> 00:11:13,186
I've still got the one bedroom.
I'm going to get a bigger place.
146
00:11:13,270 --> 00:11:16,022
But they can bring their sleeping bags.
We'll have fun.
147
00:11:16,106 --> 00:11:18,858
We'll make tents.
Get some toys and peanut butter.
148
00:11:18,984 --> 00:11:21,820
- We'IIhave a bIast.
- I thought you could come here.
149
00:11:21,903 --> 00:11:23,863
The kids have school.
150
00:11:23,988 --> 00:11:26,115
What am Ithinking?Sure.
151
00:11:26,199 --> 00:11:28,326
Tonight or in the morning?
152
00:11:28,409 --> 00:11:30,536
Tonight would be best
ifyou could do it.
153
00:11:30,661 --> 00:11:34,331
Tonight will be fii ne.
Don't worry.
154
00:11:34,457 --> 00:11:36,500
I'll pack a few things
and I'm on my way.
155
00:11:36,625 --> 00:11:38,918
Thanks. See you soon.
156
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:44,925
He can do it.
He was asleep and I woke him up.
157
00:11:46,718 --> 00:11:50,638
At this hour, that's a good sign.
We're all set.
158
00:11:58,938 --> 00:12:01,482
Okay, this, this and this.
159
00:12:05,695 --> 00:12:07,655
Bag, bag, bag.
160
00:12:09,574 --> 00:12:11,450
This will do.
161
00:12:22,628 --> 00:12:23,879
Hello.
162
00:12:23,962 --> 00:12:25,922
Chanice, honey?
163
00:12:27,424 --> 00:12:29,384
I have bad news.
164
00:12:29,468 --> 00:12:31,595
Let me guess.
165
00:12:31,678 --> 00:12:33,888
You are not coming in to work
in the morning.
166
00:12:37,809 --> 00:12:39,769
Just let--
167
00:12:40,979 --> 00:12:43,022
No, but-- You don't--
168
00:12:43,106 --> 00:12:46,192
Would you just--
Give me--
169
00:12:46,276 --> 00:12:48,820
Let me get--
170
00:12:48,903 --> 00:12:51,113
You're not-- Give me a--
171
00:12:52,198 --> 00:12:53,657
Good-bye.
172
00:12:56,786 --> 00:12:59,788
Boy, I haven't seen those kids
in a while.
173
00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:04,000
Tia's got to be nine.
174
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,003
Nine, maybe ten.
Oh, boy.
175
00:13:07,129 --> 00:13:10,298
And the two new ones.
They're--
176
00:13:10,382 --> 00:13:12,175
Larry and--
177
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:14,969
Larry and...
178
00:13:17,472 --> 00:13:18,890
Betsy.
179
00:13:18,974 --> 00:13:20,433
Betsy--
180
00:13:21,893 --> 00:13:24,103
Jennifer.
181
00:13:24,187 --> 00:13:26,397
Larry and Jennifer.
Nice kids.
182
00:13:31,694 --> 00:13:36,573
Honey, he's 40 years old.
He knows his way around.
183
00:13:36,657 --> 00:13:41,995
Why don't you fii nish packing?
I'll watch out for Buck.
184
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,394
What the hell?
185
00:14:06,477 --> 00:14:08,353
Where is everybody?
186
00:14:16,153 --> 00:14:17,529
Bob?
187
00:14:21,283 --> 00:14:24,369
This isn't funny.
Come on. Wake up!
188
00:14:24,495 --> 00:14:28,623
- I'm freezing my ass off out here.
- Oh, shit!
189
00:14:28,707 --> 00:14:31,167
I'm getting mad, Bob.
190
00:14:33,879 --> 00:14:35,046
Buck?
191
00:14:39,009 --> 00:14:40,468
Over here!
192
00:14:48,601 --> 00:14:52,521
Do you know how many big white houses
there are on this street?
193
00:14:54,065 --> 00:14:55,441
What?
194
00:14:55,566 --> 00:14:58,110
- Keep it down.
- What?
195
00:14:58,194 --> 00:15:01,697
- What should I do with my car?
- For crying out loud!
196
00:15:01,822 --> 00:15:03,365
Sorry, Mr. Hatfiield.
197
00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:05,576
It's 2:00 a.m.!
198
00:15:05,659 --> 00:15:08,203
How you doing?
Sorry I'm late.
199
00:15:08,328 --> 00:15:11,664
- No. Thanks for coming.
- What happened to the mustache?
200
00:15:11,748 --> 00:15:14,041
- Had to shave it off.
- How's Cindy?
201
00:15:14,126 --> 00:15:16,086
- Not well.
- Her dad?
202
00:15:16,169 --> 00:15:19,422
- Hard to say.
- Those medical terms. An infarction?
203
00:15:28,431 --> 00:15:32,351
I stopped smoking cigarettes.
Isn't that something?
204
00:15:33,519 --> 00:15:36,438
I'm on to cigars.
I'm on a fiive-year plan.
205
00:15:36,564 --> 00:15:39,733
I eliminated cigarettes,
then I go to cigars, then to pipes...
206
00:15:39,817 --> 00:15:42,277
then to chewing tobacco,
then the nicotine gum.
207
00:15:43,278 --> 00:15:44,654
Good.
208
00:15:46,281 --> 00:15:47,907
Money.
209
00:15:48,033 --> 00:15:51,786
- I'll leave you blank checks.
- No, I've got lots of money.
210
00:15:53,455 --> 00:15:55,748
No, please.
211
00:15:55,874 --> 00:15:58,001
I've got the money.
I'd like to do this.
212
00:15:58,084 --> 00:16:00,544
All right?
Come on, please.
213
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:03,380
I'll pay you back when we get home.
214
00:16:07,010 --> 00:16:09,470
I won't have any problem cashing...
215
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:12,305
a second-party
out-of-state paycheck, will I?
216
00:16:12,390 --> 00:16:17,519
I've been so busy,
I haven't been able to do my banking.
217
00:16:17,603 --> 00:16:20,230
- I don't think there'll be a problem.
- Let me leave you the checks.
218
00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:22,941
- Only if it's comfortable foryou.
- That'll be easier.
219
00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:25,485
I guess.
Do you have a plunger?
220
00:16:25,611 --> 00:16:29,614
While I'm thinking ofthese things.
For the morning.
221
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:32,158
My plumbing is bad.
Ofcourse, yours is good.
222
00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:34,994
I would imagine.
Don't worry about it.
223
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:37,830
Everything will be fii ne.
I've been bound up lately.
224
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:41,375
It's driving me crazy. I've been eating
a lot ofcheese for some reason.
225
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:45,338
I got a craving for the stuff.
Do you think maybe that's an allergy?
226
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,298
Yeah.
227
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:52,678
I don't know, I can't get enough cheese.
I feel like a big mouse.
228
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,056
- I don't know.
- Oh, well.
229
00:16:56,140 --> 00:17:00,435
Let's see.
Oh, Miles' birthday.
230
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,188
We'll be back by that time.
231
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,482
Okay, then.
This should do.
232
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:09,236
I probably won't use them.
Just in case.
233
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,654
- Right.
- Great. Okay.
234
00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,833
I know I've forgotten something.
What else?
235
00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:28,129
All right? That looks nice.
Give me your arm.
236
00:17:28,212 --> 00:17:32,049
It should only be a few days.
I promise I'll call you tomorrow.
237
00:17:32,175 --> 00:17:34,468
- You've got all the phone numbers?
- Yeah.
238
00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:37,888
- We're off. Thanks, Buck.
- Take care ofyourself.
239
00:17:37,972 --> 00:17:41,141
- We appreciate this.
- Thanks. Thankyou.
240
00:17:41,225 --> 00:17:44,895
- Say hi to your dad. Drive safely.
- You can do it.
241
00:18:10,128 --> 00:18:11,587
That's for sure.
242
00:18:27,019 --> 00:18:28,395
Unbreakable.
243
00:18:35,152 --> 00:18:37,112
Shit!
244
00:18:38,571 --> 00:18:40,447
It's 7.:02 in the a.m.
245
00:18:40,573 --> 00:18:42,866
You're listening to
W-I-Don't-Have-To-Go-To-Work-Today...
246
00:18:42,951 --> 00:18:44,827
brought to you by
Kobolowski Tires.
247
00:18:44,953 --> 00:18:47,246
For the best in tires,
see Chanice Kobolowski.
248
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:19,819
Tia!
249
00:19:23,114 --> 00:19:25,824
You remember me?
250
00:19:29,245 --> 00:19:31,288
Uncle Buck.
251
00:19:31,414 --> 00:19:33,290
The Uncle Buck.
252
00:19:41,799 --> 00:19:43,842
Coffee drinker, huh?
253
00:19:59,190 --> 00:20:01,817
- Hungry?
- No.
254
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:05,654
Sure you are. Everybody loves breakfast.
You gotta have a good breakfast.
255
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:08,490
Start the day off right.
256
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:15,581
- So where are the other ones?
- Other ones what?
257
00:20:15,706 --> 00:20:18,416
The other kids.
258
00:20:18,501 --> 00:20:22,004
They have names.
Miles and Maizy.
259
00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:24,047
Are Miles and Maizy up yet?
260
00:20:24,131 --> 00:20:26,007
I woke them, thankyou.
261
00:20:29,970 --> 00:20:31,388
There you go.
262
00:20:31,471 --> 00:20:33,598
Are you deaf?
I said I wasn't hungry.
263
00:20:33,682 --> 00:20:35,558
That's one of my specialties.
264
00:20:40,313 --> 00:20:41,856
I'd rather starve.
265
00:20:41,981 --> 00:20:44,024
Does your mom know
you drink coffee?
266
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:48,112
I'm not doing it to impress you.
267
00:20:48,237 --> 00:20:50,197
I appreciate that.
268
00:20:51,908 --> 00:20:54,535
Is there a reason why
you're giving me a hard time?
269
00:20:56,412 --> 00:20:59,331
Am I giving you a hard time?
270
00:20:59,456 --> 00:21:02,875
Well, I don't know.
271
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,337
- How you doin'?
- Who are you?
272
00:21:05,421 --> 00:21:07,047
I'm your Uncle Buck.
273
00:21:07,923 --> 00:21:10,216
- Do I have an uncle?
- Unfortunately.
274
00:21:11,802 --> 00:21:13,220
Holy smokes!
275
00:21:13,303 --> 00:21:15,513
He's cooking our garbage.
276
00:21:22,187 --> 00:21:24,564
Where's your sister--
277
00:21:24,647 --> 00:21:28,150
Her name is Maizy,
for the second time.
278
00:21:29,444 --> 00:21:31,904
Sorry.
279
00:21:33,197 --> 00:21:35,574
You must be hungry.
280
00:21:35,658 --> 00:21:38,035
Just foryou.
281
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:42,164
Oh, my God!
He put onions in the eggs.
282
00:21:42,289 --> 00:21:44,082
I'm gonna check on Maizy.
283
00:21:44,166 --> 00:21:47,419
I'll fiix you cereal when I get back.
284
00:22:03,935 --> 00:22:06,145
- Can I askyou something?
- What?
285
00:22:07,230 --> 00:22:09,106
Is she always this pleasant?
286
00:22:09,232 --> 00:22:12,318
No, she's usually in a bad mood
in the morning.
287
00:22:16,072 --> 00:22:19,408
Do you want knots in your hair?
Cut it out.
288
00:22:19,533 --> 00:22:22,452
- I want Mom to do it.
- Mom's not here.
289
00:22:22,578 --> 00:22:24,454
- She is too.
- No, she's not.
290
00:22:24,580 --> 00:22:27,916
- She and Dad went to Indianapolis.
- They did not.
291
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,460
- Okay, they didn't.
- They did?
292
00:22:30,544 --> 00:22:33,296
Yes. And I'm taking care ofyou.
293
00:22:33,422 --> 00:22:35,966
But you can't drive.
294
00:22:37,592 --> 00:22:39,218
- Where do you live?
- In the city.
295
00:22:39,344 --> 00:22:40,928
- Do you own a house?
- Apartment. Rent.
296
00:22:41,012 --> 00:22:43,222
- What do you do for a living?
- Lots ofthings.
297
00:22:43,348 --> 00:22:46,017
- Where's your offiice?
- I don't have one. I don't need one.
298
00:22:46,100 --> 00:22:48,894
- Where's your wife?
- Don't have one. It's a long story.
299
00:22:48,978 --> 00:22:52,064
- Do you have kids?
- I don't. It's an even longer story.
300
00:22:52,190 --> 00:22:54,942
-Are you my dad's brother?
-What's your record for questions asked?
301
00:22:55,026 --> 00:22:57,695
- Thirty-eight.
- I'm your dad's brother.
302
00:22:57,778 --> 00:22:59,988
You have more nose hair than my dad.
303
00:23:00,114 --> 00:23:02,491
- Nice ofyou to notice.
- I'm a kid. That's myjob.
304
00:23:36,524 --> 00:23:39,526
That is my car.
305
00:23:59,879 --> 00:24:02,172
Tying your shoe?
306
00:24:08,638 --> 00:24:12,850
- What time should I pickyou up?
- Don't bother. I'll get a ride.
307
00:24:12,975 --> 00:24:15,018
No, I've got orders.
What time?
308
00:24:16,103 --> 00:24:18,647
Are you really this stupid?
I said I would get a ride.
309
00:24:18,772 --> 00:24:20,398
I always get a ride.
310
00:24:20,524 --> 00:24:23,610
I'll call the school,
fii nd out what time and meet you here.
311
00:24:23,694 --> 00:24:26,947
Go ahead, call the school.
I won't be here.
312
00:24:27,072 --> 00:24:30,491
Stand me up today,
and tomorrow...
313
00:24:30,575 --> 00:24:34,787
I'll drive you to school in my pajamas
and walkyou to your fii rst class.
314
00:24:35,747 --> 00:24:40,293
- 4:00 okay?
- I'm stunned I'm related to you.
315
00:24:41,461 --> 00:24:44,255
You get the pole out ofyour keister,
we'll get along fii ne.
316
00:24:47,216 --> 00:24:49,968
Did you ever have anyone
embarrass you like this?
317
00:24:58,769 --> 00:25:00,979
No.
318
00:25:17,662 --> 00:25:20,915
- You think she hates me?
- With a passion.
319
00:25:20,999 --> 00:25:24,001
- Is it the hat?
- No.
320
00:25:24,127 --> 00:25:29,256
A lot of people hate this hat.
The sight of it angers people.
321
00:25:29,340 --> 00:25:32,593
I'll tell you a story about that
on the way to school.
322
00:25:37,181 --> 00:25:39,057
Right. Listen, Buck.
323
00:25:39,183 --> 00:25:43,020
For eight years you have been
making plans and breaking plans.
324
00:25:43,145 --> 00:25:45,188
What are you talking about?
325
00:25:45,314 --> 00:25:49,234
Didn't we talk last night about this?
326
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:52,278
What did we talk about?
Me playing the father!
327
00:25:52,404 --> 00:25:56,699
I'm glad you can do it foryour brother.
You sure can't do it for me.
328
00:25:56,783 --> 00:25:59,410
How could I do it foryou?
We don't have kids.
329
00:25:59,494 --> 00:26:01,621
What areyou taIking about?
330
00:26:01,704 --> 00:26:05,290
Buck, I know you think thejob
is pointless...
331
00:26:05,416 --> 00:26:08,835
and in some way I'm trying
to manipulate you and control you...
332
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,922
andruinyourIife.
333
00:26:12,006 --> 00:26:16,635
I have to fii ll the position.
It's important to the company and me.
334
00:26:16,761 --> 00:26:20,097
Unless you tell me different,
I'll offer thejob to somebody else.
335
00:26:20,222 --> 00:26:25,185
Give me a week to think about it.
I don't know how long I'll be here.
336
00:26:25,269 --> 00:26:28,438
If, during that week...
337
00:26:28,564 --> 00:26:31,358
you see somebody
who will fii ll the bill...
338
00:26:31,441 --> 00:26:34,277
hire him on a part-time basis
or whatever.
339
00:26:34,361 --> 00:26:38,990
That way I'll make up my mind and
we'll see where we are at that point.
340
00:26:39,074 --> 00:26:41,451
Okay, I have to go now.
341
00:26:41,534 --> 00:26:43,577
Bye-bye, hon.
342
00:26:54,380 --> 00:26:56,757
Eight more. Come on.
343
00:26:56,841 --> 00:26:59,051
Work it.
Get the circuIationgoing.
344
00:26:59,176 --> 00:27:01,052
Step it up.
345
00:27:02,054 --> 00:27:03,763
Isn 'tpeace wonderfuI?
346
00:27:03,889 --> 00:27:08,601
MikhaiI Gorbachev, the most improbabIe
eviI emperorin captivity...
347
00:27:08,727 --> 00:27:10,937
captivates Manhattan...
348
00:27:11,021 --> 00:27:15,984
wows the U.N. by announcing a uniIateraI
cut in theSoviet miIitary...
349
00:27:16,109 --> 00:27:20,821
smiIes and waves with erstwhiIe
coId warriors RonaIdReagan--
350
00:27:32,833 --> 00:27:36,670
Andthestockmarket has
its best weeksinceJuIy.
351
00:27:36,754 --> 00:27:38,630
Take that, KarIMax.
352
00:28:09,202 --> 00:28:11,996
Would you like to talk about
a possible lunch trade?
353
00:29:01,252 --> 00:29:03,545
Coveryour ears.
Just do it.
354
00:29:10,302 --> 00:29:13,888
Do you know how whipped
an engine has to be to blow that loud?
355
00:29:22,397 --> 00:29:24,357
Call me.
356
00:29:25,942 --> 00:29:29,111
You ever hear ofa tune-up?
357
00:29:31,197 --> 00:29:34,074
You ever hear ofa ritual killing?
358
00:29:35,326 --> 00:29:36,702
I don't get it.
359
00:29:36,827 --> 00:29:39,579
Gnaw on her face in public
like that again and you'll be one.
360
00:29:51,133 --> 00:29:53,593
- Are you crazy?
- I can be.
361
00:29:53,677 --> 00:29:56,346
- You could've taken his head off.
- But would he notice?
362
00:29:56,429 --> 00:29:58,806
Can we get something straight?
363
00:29:58,932 --> 00:30:01,225
The guy's a predator
and you're his prey.
364
00:30:01,351 --> 00:30:03,060
- Really?
- You bet.
365
00:30:03,144 --> 00:30:05,854
- How do you know?
- When I was his age, I was the guy...
366
00:30:05,939 --> 00:30:08,858
zooming the girls like you.
367
00:30:08,941 --> 00:30:10,734
Pretty face, big chip on your shoulder.
368
00:30:10,818 --> 00:30:13,570
I recommend you stay out
of my personal life.
369
00:30:14,488 --> 00:30:16,364
Do your parents stay out
ofyour personal lie?
370
00:30:16,490 --> 00:30:19,576
They don't know my personal life.
371
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:24,873
- Have they met Twiddle Dink?
- His name is Bug.
372
00:30:27,543 --> 00:30:29,670
- First or last?
- First.
373
00:30:29,795 --> 00:30:32,631
What's his last name, Spray?
374
00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:37,677
You should talk, Buck.
375
00:30:55,736 --> 00:30:57,863
No. No.
376
00:30:57,947 --> 00:31:01,700
N-O. Don't look at me like that.
377
00:31:02,785 --> 00:31:04,745
Don't!
378
00:31:04,828 --> 00:31:06,955
That's not fair.
379
00:31:12,252 --> 00:31:16,089
Don't you have a favorite doll
or something?
380
00:31:16,172 --> 00:31:19,758
Why don't we get your doll
and put your dad's pajamas on him?
381
00:31:26,724 --> 00:31:29,393
Your brother!
What about your brother?
382
00:31:30,728 --> 00:31:32,688
How about the dog?
You know the dog.
383
00:31:38,736 --> 00:31:40,946
You can't.
You just can't.
384
00:31:42,531 --> 00:31:44,824
It's a new law.
That's it.
385
00:31:44,908 --> 00:31:47,035
It's in the books.
386
00:31:48,370 --> 00:31:50,330
You don't want to sleep with me.
387
00:31:51,373 --> 00:31:54,459
Can somebody get that, please?
388
00:31:56,044 --> 00:31:59,297
Do I have to do everything
around here?
389
00:32:04,052 --> 00:32:07,054
- Yo.
- Hi, sweetie. Howareyou?
390
00:32:07,138 --> 00:32:11,266
Fine. I'm earning my keep.
Uncle Buck's got me bustin' my hump.
391
00:32:11,392 --> 00:32:14,269
Hesays hard work
wiIIput hair on my chest.
392
00:32:14,353 --> 00:32:16,062
At Ieast I'm Iearning a trade.
393
00:32:16,188 --> 00:32:19,774
That's good.
Grandpa's feeling better.
394
00:32:19,900 --> 00:32:23,069
Hesendsyou
big hugs andkisses.
395
00:32:23,195 --> 00:32:24,821
Tell him to hang in there.
396
00:32:26,115 --> 00:32:29,785
- Can you get Uncle Buck?
- Will do, chickie.
397
00:32:29,868 --> 00:32:31,327
Mom?
398
00:32:31,411 --> 00:32:33,788
- Hi.
- Next timeyou take off...
399
00:32:33,914 --> 00:32:36,583
why don't you hire a murderer
to watch the house?
400
00:32:36,666 --> 00:32:39,293
Thisguy's ajoke.
401
00:32:39,377 --> 00:32:42,963
Why don't you go your way
and let him go his?
402
00:32:43,965 --> 00:32:46,342
While he systematically
dismantles my life?
403
00:32:46,467 --> 00:32:49,636
Another drawback is
that I'm a big drooler.
404
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,056
You could wake up
thinking you were asleep in a swamp.
405
00:32:53,140 --> 00:32:55,934
- Mom's on the phone.
- Good. I'll be right there.
406
00:32:56,018 --> 00:32:59,020
The guy took off
and left Miles and Maizy alone.
407
00:33:00,689 --> 00:33:03,608
Plus he drinks.
408
00:33:03,692 --> 00:33:06,945
- Did you brush your teeth?
- Yeah. Feel my toothbrush.
409
00:33:07,029 --> 00:33:11,324
I have a friend who works at
the crime lab at the police station.
410
00:33:11,450 --> 00:33:14,536
I could give him your toothbrush
and he could run a test on it to see...
411
00:33:14,619 --> 00:33:18,539
ifyou actually brushed your teeth
or ran your toothbrush under the faucet.
412
00:33:26,881 --> 00:33:31,135
Ifthat's true, we're going to really
have to start brushing our teeth.
413
00:33:32,511 --> 00:33:33,887
How are you?
414
00:33:33,971 --> 00:33:37,557
- I'm okay. How's everything?
- Good, good.
415
00:33:37,641 --> 00:33:40,393
- Yousure?
- Everything is fine here.
416
00:33:40,477 --> 00:33:43,021
- Everything's fine.
- Kids are okay?
417
00:33:43,147 --> 00:33:46,149
The kids are great!
We're having a great time together.
418
00:33:46,275 --> 00:33:47,901
How'syourdad?
419
00:33:47,985 --> 00:33:50,529
He's okay.
He's getting better. Thanks.
420
00:33:50,654 --> 00:33:52,781
That'sgoodnews.
That's encouraging.
421
00:33:52,906 --> 00:33:55,116
I've got agoodfeeIing about this.
He'sgonna be fine.
422
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,327
I got a few questions foryou.
423
00:33:57,452 --> 00:34:00,955
Yougot an interesting set ofpIates
in the Iiving room.
424
00:34:01,081 --> 00:34:02,665
-Are they oId?
- Yeah.
425
00:34:02,749 --> 00:34:04,125
They are.
426
00:34:05,335 --> 00:34:07,378
Where would you fii nd
something like that?
427
00:34:07,503 --> 00:34:09,796
In an antique shop downtown?
428
00:34:11,632 --> 00:34:13,008
In England.
429
00:34:20,266 --> 00:34:22,726
How many times a day
do you feed a dog like that?
430
00:34:22,851 --> 00:34:27,397
How many times a day
do you think he eats?
431
00:34:27,523 --> 00:34:29,066
Four or fiive.
432
00:34:29,149 --> 00:34:32,068
He eats once a day.
433
00:34:32,194 --> 00:34:34,654
Just once.
434
00:34:34,738 --> 00:34:37,991
What does he Iike to drink?
Water?
435
00:34:38,074 --> 00:34:41,577
Yes, he drinks water.
I would keep water out.
436
00:34:41,703 --> 00:34:44,789
I've been leaving the toilet seats up.
437
00:34:44,873 --> 00:34:46,749
Yeah.
438
00:34:46,874 --> 00:34:48,917
The blue water's not good for him?
439
00:34:51,170 --> 00:34:53,547
That might account for something.
440
00:34:53,673 --> 00:34:55,883
Nothing.
441
00:34:55,966 --> 00:34:59,052
Just an odd coloration
out on the grass.
442
00:34:59,887 --> 00:35:01,346
Buck...
443
00:35:03,474 --> 00:35:07,060
I want you to know it makes me
feel secure to know you're there.
444
00:35:10,564 --> 00:35:11,940
Thankyou very much.
445
00:35:12,065 --> 00:35:14,025
Okay, bye-bye.
446
00:35:20,782 --> 00:35:22,241
Bob?
447
00:36:57,291 --> 00:36:58,667
Cindy?
448
00:37:08,010 --> 00:37:09,636
Open up.
449
00:37:12,264 --> 00:37:13,682
Hello?
450
00:37:22,398 --> 00:37:24,441
I'm getting mad.
All right.
451
00:37:24,567 --> 00:37:26,860
Get ready.
Here I come.
452
00:37:26,986 --> 00:37:30,656
Come on! Do I have
to talk dirty to you?
453
00:37:30,740 --> 00:37:33,117
Open up for daddy.
454
00:37:33,242 --> 00:37:35,118
There we go.
455
00:37:35,244 --> 00:37:37,704
Nice and easy.
456
00:37:37,830 --> 00:37:40,540
Come on, here we go.
Take that!
457
00:37:40,624 --> 00:37:42,584
You don't want the crowbar, do you?
Come on!
458
00:37:44,044 --> 00:37:45,462
Open up!
459
00:37:45,546 --> 00:37:46,964
Come on!
460
00:37:47,047 --> 00:37:49,966
I'm gonna shove my load into you
whetheryou like it or not.
461
00:37:50,050 --> 00:37:51,593
Come on!
462
00:37:51,718 --> 00:37:55,137
Come on, you son ofa bitch,
open up.
463
00:38:14,782 --> 00:38:17,159
- Freeze!
- Who are you?
464
00:38:17,243 --> 00:38:19,787
- Cindy!
- She's in Indianapolis.
465
00:38:19,912 --> 00:38:23,582
- What's she doing in Indianapolis?
- Her father had a heart attack.
466
00:38:23,666 --> 00:38:26,835
Who are you, and how do you know
her father had a heart attack?
467
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,586
I'm her brother-in-law.
468
00:38:28,670 --> 00:38:31,547
Yeah? Who you talking dirty to?
469
00:38:33,759 --> 00:38:35,135
The washing machine.
470
00:38:35,260 --> 00:38:38,679
I don't know how to work it, so I was
kicking it and swearing at it...
471
00:38:38,763 --> 00:38:42,266
which is not
an uncommon thing to do.
472
00:38:42,350 --> 00:38:44,226
And you thought--
473
00:38:45,436 --> 00:38:47,896
- I apologize.
- Okay.
474
00:38:49,899 --> 00:38:51,775
Boy, that's funny.
475
00:38:53,444 --> 00:38:55,654
I live across the street.
476
00:38:55,738 --> 00:38:58,657
- My name is Marcie.
- Buck Russell.
477
00:38:59,909 --> 00:39:01,327
Marcie Dahlgren-Frost.
478
00:39:01,410 --> 00:39:04,329
Dahlgren is my maiden name.
Frost is my married name.
479
00:39:04,413 --> 00:39:07,582
I'm single again,
but I never bothered to lose the Frost.
480
00:39:09,251 --> 00:39:13,171
- I get compliments on the hyphen.
- I'm sure you would.
481
00:39:14,339 --> 00:39:16,466
I came to invite Cindy to lunch...
482
00:39:16,591 --> 00:39:19,343
but since she's not here,
do you have plans?
483
00:39:19,469 --> 00:39:22,805
I've got a lot ofthings to do
around here.
484
00:39:22,931 --> 00:39:24,265
Rain check?
485
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:27,476
I'm only gonna be here
a couple days.
486
00:39:27,602 --> 00:39:30,062
Cindy said it would only be
a couple ofdays?
487
00:39:30,146 --> 00:39:32,523
She didn't specify.
I just assumed.
488
00:39:32,607 --> 00:39:35,359
My father's heart attack,
I was out oftown three weeks.
489
00:39:35,443 --> 00:39:37,903
No wonder Cindy didn't call me.
490
00:39:38,028 --> 00:39:42,031
You need a relative
for an imposition ofthis size.
491
00:39:51,166 --> 00:39:52,959
Waiting foryour sex?
492
00:39:53,085 --> 00:39:54,711
Shut up!
493
00:39:54,795 --> 00:39:56,421
Tia?
494
00:40:01,176 --> 00:40:03,636
Why'd you blow all that makeup?
We'rejust going bowling.
495
00:40:04,888 --> 00:40:06,472
I'm not going bowling.
496
00:40:06,556 --> 00:40:10,309
It's a great sport, and it's impossible
to get pregnant while doing it...
497
00:40:10,393 --> 00:40:12,269
ifyou catch my drift.
498
00:40:12,395 --> 00:40:16,941
You're disgusting.
I'll die before I go anywhere with you.
499
00:40:17,066 --> 00:40:19,818
- It's going to be fun.
- They have rent-a-shoes.
500
00:40:19,902 --> 00:40:22,029
And rent-a-foot-disease.
501
00:40:22,154 --> 00:40:25,824
We've done the battle ofthe wills.
The deck's stacked in my favor.
502
00:40:25,949 --> 00:40:27,992
You'll lose again.
503
00:40:28,118 --> 00:40:29,494
Try me.
504
00:40:29,620 --> 00:40:32,789
How'd you like to spend
the next few nights wondering...
505
00:40:32,873 --> 00:40:35,166
ifyour crazy, out-of-work bum uncle...
506
00:40:35,250 --> 00:40:38,419
will shave your head
while you sleep?
507
00:40:38,545 --> 00:40:41,005
See you in the car.
508
00:41:16,540 --> 00:41:18,750
Come on up.
509
00:41:20,001 --> 00:41:22,545
There you go.
This is a bowling ball.
510
00:41:57,454 --> 00:42:00,790
How you doing?
Never seen you here before.
511
00:42:00,915 --> 00:42:04,960
I know about everybody.
That's why they call me ''Pal.''
512
00:42:06,045 --> 00:42:10,090
Buy you a beer?
You must be a college student.
513
00:42:11,300 --> 00:42:13,677
Cheerleader probably.
514
00:42:15,012 --> 00:42:17,055
You look fii rm.
515
00:42:17,181 --> 00:42:19,808
Give it a push.
That's it.
516
00:42:19,892 --> 00:42:23,395
You like all-terrain vehicles?
517
00:42:23,479 --> 00:42:28,817
I've got a brand-new Bronco
right out in the parking lot. Red.
518
00:42:28,901 --> 00:42:30,944
Want to go for a ride?
519
00:42:35,782 --> 00:42:38,242
Ifthe object ofthe game were
to get the ball as close to the pins...
520
00:42:38,368 --> 00:42:40,495
without knocking any ofthem over...
521
00:42:40,620 --> 00:42:43,080
you would be champion ofthe world.
522
00:42:43,164 --> 00:42:45,207
- Really?
- Really.
523
00:42:51,547 --> 00:42:55,217
My throat hurts.
I can't talk.
524
00:42:55,301 --> 00:42:57,511
I've got a cure for that.
525
00:43:04,393 --> 00:43:06,436
You got a game going?
526
00:43:06,562 --> 00:43:10,315
You're not going to get any strikes
sitting there, are you? Move it!
527
00:43:10,399 --> 00:43:11,858
Get out!
528
00:43:14,778 --> 00:43:17,488
Shithead, where the hell you been?
529
00:43:23,077 --> 00:43:25,370
Sit down.
I want you to meet my niece.
530
00:43:25,455 --> 00:43:27,331
Tia, this is Rog.
Rog, Tia.
531
00:43:27,415 --> 00:43:31,710
How are you?
E. Roger Coswell.
532
00:43:31,794 --> 00:43:35,047
Come on, it ain't gonna bite.
533
00:43:36,382 --> 00:43:39,468
Okay. You've got to let
somebody know where you are.
534
00:43:39,593 --> 00:43:42,053
I've been checking car trunks
foryour corpse.
535
00:43:42,179 --> 00:43:46,808
I'm sorry. I've been in the suburbs
watching my brother's kids a few days.
536
00:43:46,934 --> 00:43:48,560
They're cuties.
537
00:43:48,685 --> 00:43:51,521
Art Linkletter was right. Kids do say
the goddamnedest things.
538
00:43:51,605 --> 00:43:53,064
Is Chanice here?
539
00:43:54,232 --> 00:43:56,192
I'm flying solo tonight.
540
00:43:56,318 --> 00:43:58,194
I want to let her have it
for not marrying you.
541
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:02,157
Ifshe'd marry your worthless butt,
I would be able to fii nd you.
542
00:44:02,282 --> 00:44:04,992
I gotta talk business.
I can't fii nd you.
543
00:44:05,076 --> 00:44:07,995
Why don't we step
into my offiice then?
544
00:44:08,079 --> 00:44:10,998
Excuse us.
Come on, big mouth.
545
00:44:11,123 --> 00:44:14,709
- It was nice meeting you.
- I'll remember it always.
546
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:19,298
Cute kid.
547
00:44:20,341 --> 00:44:23,760
-Jimmy Bean called.
- Yeah?
548
00:44:23,844 --> 00:44:27,013
He's coming in for the Winter Million
at Burlington Park on Friday.
549
00:44:27,097 --> 00:44:31,643
He says it's a boat race,
very easy money. He owes you and me.
550
00:44:31,727 --> 00:44:36,189
He says to show up an hour before
post time and he'll give us the tip.
551
00:44:36,314 --> 00:44:40,234
Consider this, Buck. With this score,
your whole year's covered.
552
00:44:45,365 --> 00:44:47,241
Maybe I can make it work.
553
00:44:48,326 --> 00:44:50,202
I'll see you Friday night.
554
00:44:50,328 --> 00:44:51,787
Thanks, Rog.
555
00:44:51,913 --> 00:44:54,040
Watch the Sterno, will you?
556
00:44:59,211 --> 00:45:00,920
Watch your fii ngers.
557
00:45:04,967 --> 00:45:07,344
What's a ''Chanice''?
558
00:45:07,469 --> 00:45:09,929
That's someone who's sometimes seen
around a Buck.
559
00:45:10,055 --> 00:45:12,265
Your girlfriend?
560
00:45:12,349 --> 00:45:14,976
A friend.
And, yes, she is a girl.
561
00:45:15,060 --> 00:45:16,936
Are you supposed to marry her?
562
00:45:17,020 --> 00:45:20,773
The subject has come up,
but nothing serious.
563
00:45:20,857 --> 00:45:24,026
Maybe ifyou got married,
you'd stop being such an asshole.
564
00:45:29,407 --> 00:45:32,576
- Cigar?
- No, thanks.
565
00:45:32,660 --> 00:45:35,120
- Let me know ifyou change your mind.
- I will.
566
00:45:36,664 --> 00:45:39,124
I'll get it nice and juicy foryou.
567
00:45:47,966 --> 00:45:52,929
This is where you separate
the men from the boys.
568
00:45:54,931 --> 00:45:56,432
Easy. Easy.
569
00:45:56,516 --> 00:46:00,519
There you go.
Yeah, I got you now.
570
00:46:11,697 --> 00:46:14,074
Happy birthday!
571
00:46:16,911 --> 00:46:19,621
I hope you're hungry.
572
00:46:19,705 --> 00:46:23,375
You should see the toast.
I couldn't get it through the door.
573
00:46:32,426 --> 00:46:36,471
Announcement here. There's going
to be a delay on the clown.
574
00:46:36,555 --> 00:46:39,891
- What clown?
- Miles' mom hired a clown.
575
00:46:55,906 --> 00:46:57,615
You don't like clowns?
576
00:46:57,742 --> 00:47:00,578
Yeah, about fiive years ago.
Now they're so boring...
577
00:47:00,661 --> 00:47:03,288
they make me puke.
578
00:47:03,372 --> 00:47:08,418
The vest, the flower.
Screw them. That's all they get.
579
00:47:10,963 --> 00:47:13,965
I'm Pooter the Clown.
Put it there.
580
00:47:16,635 --> 00:47:18,053
Kids will love that.
581
00:47:18,136 --> 00:47:20,513
I didn't orderyou.
My sister-in-law did.
582
00:47:20,597 --> 00:47:22,890
She's not here.
I'm the uncle.
583
00:47:22,974 --> 00:47:26,560
- Buck Russell's the name.
- I'm sorry I'm late.
584
00:47:26,686 --> 00:47:30,022
I was at this
all-night bachelorette party.
585
00:47:30,148 --> 00:47:32,024
Need any dildojokes?
586
00:47:32,149 --> 00:47:34,109
I'm the guy!
587
00:47:37,947 --> 00:47:40,240
Did you have a few drinks this morning?
588
00:47:41,492 --> 00:47:43,076
I thinkyou did, didn't you?
589
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:46,746
Are you Mother Cabrini?
You never touch the stuff?
590
00:47:46,872 --> 00:47:51,167
No, but I wouldn't be drinking
if I was gonna entertain some kids.
591
00:47:51,251 --> 00:47:54,921
I don't have to take any shit from you.
You know who I am?
592
00:47:55,046 --> 00:47:59,091
In the fiield of local,
live home entertainment, I'm a god!
593
00:48:00,844 --> 00:48:04,514
Get in your mouse
and get out of here.
594
00:48:04,597 --> 00:48:07,266
Let me tell you something,
you lowlife...
595
00:48:07,350 --> 00:48:10,144
lying, four-flushing sack ofshit.
596
00:48:33,542 --> 00:48:36,252
Let's go out to the car.
597
00:48:38,171 --> 00:48:40,548
Why?
598
00:48:41,674 --> 00:48:43,884
What do you mean ''why''?
599
00:48:48,514 --> 00:48:50,641
Not now.
600
00:48:50,766 --> 00:48:52,184
It's fii ne.
601
00:48:54,312 --> 00:48:56,605
It's not fii ne.
602
00:48:56,731 --> 00:48:58,190
Why not?
603
00:48:59,692 --> 00:49:01,735
I don't feel right yet.
604
00:49:03,612 --> 00:49:05,905
You ever going to feel right?
605
00:49:11,370 --> 00:49:13,246
I don't get where we're going.
606
00:49:13,371 --> 00:49:16,207
I told you 25 times.
We're going to pick up Tia.
607
00:49:16,291 --> 00:49:20,128
- She's eating at a cheerleader's house.
- So she says.
608
00:49:20,211 --> 00:49:23,714
Since when do cheerleaders
live in the woods?
609
00:49:27,010 --> 00:49:28,886
I'll take you home.
610
00:49:31,097 --> 00:49:33,557
I don't want to go home.
611
00:49:37,353 --> 00:49:39,146
I'm okay.
612
00:49:39,271 --> 00:49:40,689
Sure?
613
00:49:45,319 --> 00:49:46,778
Trust me.
614
00:49:58,748 --> 00:50:00,166
Shit!
615
00:50:16,807 --> 00:50:19,267
Well, well, well.
616
00:50:19,351 --> 00:50:23,021
They are scraping the bottom of
the barrel for cheerleaders these days.
617
00:50:24,398 --> 00:50:26,525
What are you doing here?
618
00:50:26,608 --> 00:50:30,778
We were going out for ice cream.
Thought you might like tojoin us.
619
00:50:30,862 --> 00:50:34,865
I said I'd be home at 1 0:00.
It's not even 9:00.
620
00:50:37,953 --> 00:50:42,165
Who said anything about that? I thought
you'd like tojoin us for ice cream.
621
00:50:42,248 --> 00:50:46,418
Maybe your ''Bug'' here can join us.
We can talk about burying the hatchet.
622
00:50:46,502 --> 00:50:49,755
- Do you know what a hatchet is, Bug?
- It's an ax?
623
00:50:49,881 --> 00:50:52,008
Sort of, yeah.
624
00:50:52,091 --> 00:50:54,468
I got one in the car
ifyou'd like to see it.
625
00:50:55,720 --> 00:50:58,097
- I'll pass.
- Fair enough.
626
00:50:58,180 --> 00:51:03,309
I like to carry it. You never know
when you're going to need it.
627
00:51:03,394 --> 00:51:06,313
A situation may come up.
628
00:51:06,396 --> 00:51:08,940
For example,
someone's been drinking...
629
00:51:09,066 --> 00:51:11,610
and about to drive
a loved one home.
630
00:51:11,735 --> 00:51:13,945
Then I like to know I have it.
631
00:51:14,029 --> 00:51:17,782
Not to kill, no.
Just to maim.
632
00:51:17,907 --> 00:51:20,701
Take a little off the shoulder.
633
00:51:21,703 --> 00:51:23,830
The elbow.
Shave a little meat...
634
00:51:23,913 --> 00:51:26,123
off the old kneecap.
635
00:51:27,583 --> 00:51:29,626
You got both kneecaps?
636
00:51:29,710 --> 00:51:35,340
I like to keep mine razor-sharp.
Sharp enough to shave with them.
637
00:51:35,424 --> 00:51:37,968
I've been known
to circumcise a gnat.
638
00:51:38,094 --> 00:51:40,471
You're not a gnat, are you, Bug?
639
00:51:40,554 --> 00:51:42,514
Wait a minute.
640
00:51:42,598 --> 00:51:44,558
Bug. Gnat.
641
00:51:46,268 --> 00:51:48,645
Is there a similarity there?
642
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:53,024
Whoa, I think there is.
643
00:51:55,443 --> 00:51:57,736
You understand
what I'm talking about?
644
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:04,159
I don't thinkyou do.
I'll be right back.
645
00:52:10,917 --> 00:52:13,127
I'm sorry.
646
00:52:13,210 --> 00:52:15,253
I thinkyou'd better split.
647
00:52:15,338 --> 00:52:17,715
I don't want him going berserk
with an ax on me.
648
00:52:17,798 --> 00:52:19,216
He's all talk.
649
00:52:19,300 --> 00:52:22,010
Here it is!
650
00:52:22,094 --> 00:52:25,764
Come on over!
I want to show it to you.
651
00:52:27,266 --> 00:52:28,642
Maybe later.
652
00:52:36,816 --> 00:52:41,195
He's gone in a few days.
Just relax.
653
00:52:42,739 --> 00:52:44,866
I'll get him back.
654
00:52:59,004 --> 00:53:02,423
That's a stupid thing to do
during flu season.
655
00:53:02,549 --> 00:53:04,926
I bet she's getting the tongue.
656
00:54:07,362 --> 00:54:08,738
Just looking.
657
00:55:28,064 --> 00:55:29,148
Next.
658
00:55:31,984 --> 00:55:35,070
Let me go in fii rst.
I'll cover foryou.
659
00:55:35,154 --> 00:55:39,199
Give you more time to relax.
All right?
660
00:55:46,540 --> 00:55:48,249
Morning.
661
00:55:55,632 --> 00:55:57,592
I'm Anita Hoargarth.
662
00:55:57,717 --> 00:56:01,845
Buck Melanoma,
Moley Russell's wart.
663
00:56:04,807 --> 00:56:09,019
Not her wart.
I'm the wart.
664
00:56:09,103 --> 00:56:13,106
She's my tumor, my growth,
my pimple.
665
00:56:13,190 --> 00:56:15,150
I'm ''Uncle Wart.''
666
00:56:15,234 --> 00:56:17,444
Just old Buck ''Wart'' Russell,
they call me.
667
00:56:17,528 --> 00:56:20,947
Or Melanoma Head.
They'll call me that.
668
00:56:21,073 --> 00:56:23,283
''Melanoma Head's'' coming.
669
00:56:23,409 --> 00:56:27,788
I'm sor-- Uncle, Maizy Russell's uncle.
I'm her uncle.
670
00:56:28,997 --> 00:56:31,916
Her mother set up
this conference with you.
671
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:34,627
I'm assistant principal here...
672
00:56:34,711 --> 00:56:38,923
as you've probably noticed
from the indications on the door.
673
00:56:42,260 --> 00:56:44,303
- This door?
- The outer door!
674
00:56:44,429 --> 00:56:47,181
The outer door.
'Cause there's nothing on this one.
675
00:56:47,265 --> 00:56:49,225
That's about enough ofthat.
676
00:56:50,935 --> 00:56:52,561
Sorry.
677
00:56:53,896 --> 00:56:59,484
I've been an educator
for 31 .3 years...
678
00:56:59,568 --> 00:57:02,987
and in that time,
I've seen a lot of bad eggs.
679
00:57:03,113 --> 00:57:06,532
I say ''eggs'' because
at the elementary level...
680
00:57:06,658 --> 00:57:09,744
we are not dealing
with fully-developed individuals.
681
00:57:13,373 --> 00:57:18,502
I see a bad egg
when I look at your niece.
682
00:57:18,628 --> 00:57:21,630
She is a twiddler, a dreamer...
683
00:57:21,756 --> 00:57:25,175
a silly heart
and she is a jabberbox.
684
00:57:25,301 --> 00:57:27,428
And, frankly...
685
00:57:27,553 --> 00:57:30,222
I don't think she takes a thing...
686
00:57:30,306 --> 00:57:35,185
in her life or her career
as a student seriously.
687
00:57:37,104 --> 00:57:38,813
She's only six.
688
00:57:38,939 --> 00:57:44,235
That is not a valid excuse!
I hear that every day and I dismiss it.
689
00:57:44,319 --> 00:57:48,239
I don't want to know a six-year-old
who isn't a dreamer or a silly heart.
690
00:57:48,323 --> 00:57:52,618
I sure don't want to know one who
takes their student career seriously.
691
00:57:52,703 --> 00:57:56,456
I don't have a college degree.
I don't even have a job.
692
00:57:57,916 --> 00:58:02,462
Does anyone have a special story
to tell about something that happened?
693
00:58:04,464 --> 00:58:06,507
My uncle was microwaving my socks...
694
00:58:06,591 --> 00:58:09,510
and the dog threw up on the couch
for about an hour.
695
00:58:09,635 --> 00:58:13,138
Honest? Why was your uncle
microwaving your socks?
696
00:58:13,222 --> 00:58:16,308
He can't get the goddamn
washing machine to work.
697
00:58:16,434 --> 00:58:18,143
Blasphemer!
698
00:58:18,227 --> 00:58:20,937
Iknowagoodkid when Isee one.
699
00:58:21,021 --> 00:58:23,064
Because they're aIIgoodkids...
700
00:58:23,148 --> 00:58:26,067
untiIdried-out, brain-deadskags
Iikeyou...
701
00:58:26,151 --> 00:58:28,611
drag them down andconvince them
they're nogood.
702
00:58:28,737 --> 00:58:32,574
You so much as scowl at my niece
or any other kid in this school...
703
00:58:32,657 --> 00:58:35,409
and I hear about it,
I'm coming looking foryou.
704
00:58:37,954 --> 00:58:41,624
Take this quarter.
Go downtown...
705
00:58:41,750 --> 00:58:44,210
and have a rat gnaw that thing
offyour face.
706
00:58:45,670 --> 00:58:47,963
Good day to you, madam.
707
00:58:55,388 --> 00:58:56,639
Next.
708
00:58:56,764 --> 00:58:58,974
Ah, yeah!
709
00:59:18,535 --> 00:59:21,371
Hi, Chanice.
This is Terry.
710
00:59:21,454 --> 00:59:23,914
WaIt Bern--
711
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:28,586
Would you get with the program?
Bernstein is his name.
712
00:59:28,669 --> 00:59:30,962
Iforgot togiveyou the number.
Don't get mad.
713
00:59:31,088 --> 00:59:34,090
I hope somebody knows
what they're doing down there.
714
00:59:34,216 --> 00:59:36,593
Chanice?Buck.
715
00:59:38,387 --> 00:59:40,597
Ihate these machines.
716
00:59:40,723 --> 00:59:44,226
I'mjust caIIing to say
Imissyou.
717
00:59:45,644 --> 00:59:48,521
IknowyouprobabIy don't beIieve it,
but it's true.
718
00:59:48,605 --> 00:59:50,565
No, Ihaven't been drinking.
719
00:59:50,691 --> 00:59:52,901
I've been thinking a Iot aboutyou...
720
00:59:53,026 --> 00:59:54,902
and what we've taIkedabout
thepast weeks.
721
00:59:55,028 --> 00:59:56,821
Ithinkaboutyou aII the time...
722
00:59:56,905 --> 01:00:00,491
andabout those two dimpIes
onyourbuns.
723
01:00:00,575 --> 01:00:02,118
Dimples.
724
01:00:02,243 --> 01:00:04,370
What did we caII them?
725
01:00:04,454 --> 01:00:07,873
The right wasLyndon
andthe Ieft wasJohnson.
726
01:00:07,957 --> 01:00:09,917
No, that wasyourboobs.
727
01:00:10,042 --> 01:00:13,378
No, yourboobs were Minnie andMickey.
Irememberthat because ofDisney WorId.
728
01:00:13,504 --> 01:00:15,714
AndFeIix is what we caIIedyour--
729
01:00:17,174 --> 01:00:20,093
Goddamn kids!
730
01:00:20,177 --> 01:00:22,929
Okay, come on, you,
get in the house.
731
01:00:23,013 --> 01:00:25,849
What are you doing out here
making all this noise?
732
01:00:25,933 --> 01:00:28,393
Get in the house where you belong.
Come on!
733
01:00:31,313 --> 01:00:35,066
- Who let the cat out?
- We don't have a cat.
734
01:00:35,192 --> 01:00:37,402
Come on, get out.
735
01:00:37,485 --> 01:00:39,445
Go on, shoo! Shoo!
736
01:00:49,205 --> 01:00:51,165
Open up.
737
01:00:58,339 --> 01:00:59,339
Hello?
738
01:00:59,465 --> 01:01:02,968
Hi. May I speak to Buck Russell?
This is a friend of his.
739
01:01:03,052 --> 01:01:04,636
Chanice KoboIowski.
740
01:01:06,805 --> 01:01:11,017
I'm sorry, Chanice.
He's not here right now.
741
01:01:12,644 --> 01:01:15,813
- Can you tell me when he'll be back?
- He went out with Marcie.
742
01:01:15,897 --> 01:01:18,733
The lady who lives across the street.
743
01:01:18,817 --> 01:01:20,944
They usually stay out pretty late.
744
01:01:25,406 --> 01:01:27,282
Do you want to leave a message?
745
01:01:34,206 --> 01:01:36,166
No, there's no message.
746
01:01:55,185 --> 01:01:57,061
No message.
747
01:02:22,294 --> 01:02:23,670
Hot!
748
01:02:37,058 --> 01:02:42,438
- Is there a big sexy guy in here?
- Please don't let it be true.
749
01:02:45,066 --> 01:02:48,903
Oh, my God!
What are you doing?
750
01:02:48,986 --> 01:02:51,279
The laundry.
What's it look like?
751
01:02:51,405 --> 01:02:54,991
Washing machine's still broken
so I thought I'd use the microwave.
752
01:02:55,117 --> 01:02:57,869
Nuke them up.
Heats them up pretty good.
753
01:02:57,995 --> 01:03:00,372
It kills the germs
and odors that they cause.
754
01:03:00,497 --> 01:03:02,373
You don't know what you're doing.
755
01:03:02,499 --> 01:03:06,002
You're bored out ofyour mind.
You need adult supervision.
756
01:03:07,087 --> 01:03:08,421
Excuse me?
757
01:03:23,353 --> 01:03:26,856
- Come on.
- I don't want to dance.
758
01:03:26,981 --> 01:03:30,234
I don't feel like it. I'm not a dancer.
This is ridiculous.
759
01:03:30,318 --> 01:03:32,445
I'm not gonna leave
unless you do.
760
01:03:32,528 --> 01:03:35,072
Okay. One dance. That's it.
761
01:03:35,197 --> 01:03:38,283
I really have to take a nap and--
762
01:03:38,367 --> 01:03:40,911
One dance. That's it.
763
01:03:50,379 --> 01:03:51,838
What's this?
764
01:03:54,216 --> 01:03:57,302
Come on. The dog is watching.
What are you doing?
765
01:03:57,385 --> 01:03:59,845
Is that dirty dancing?
766
01:04:00,972 --> 01:04:03,808
Isn't that where you get the girl
by the neck and dip her?
767
01:04:05,143 --> 01:04:06,394
Remember that?
768
01:04:06,519 --> 01:04:08,145
Dips. Dips.
769
01:04:17,905 --> 01:04:20,198
Am I bleeding?
770
01:04:21,533 --> 01:04:24,369
Will you get off?
My back!
771
01:04:30,167 --> 01:04:32,294
Hello!
772
01:04:36,423 --> 01:04:38,383
I mean it.
773
01:04:40,593 --> 01:04:44,888
This is fun, isn't it?
I guess.
774
01:04:45,014 --> 01:04:49,142
My aerobic workout today.
Heart's beating like a rabbit here.
775
01:05:11,748 --> 01:05:13,124
Hi, Chanice.
776
01:05:14,292 --> 01:05:15,751
Surprise!
777
01:05:17,629 --> 01:05:19,839
- This is--
- Marcie.
778
01:05:23,635 --> 01:05:27,138
Yeah, Marcie.
And she lives across the road.
779
01:05:27,263 --> 01:05:30,182
- She came over to--
- Shut up, Buck.
780
01:05:30,266 --> 01:05:32,393
That's a good idea.
781
01:05:34,228 --> 01:05:36,438
Is this who you were out with
last night?
782
01:05:39,900 --> 01:05:43,319
What? I didn't go out last night.
783
01:05:45,447 --> 01:05:47,907
Honest! Honest!
I'm telling you the truth.
784
01:05:47,991 --> 01:05:51,410
- You son ofa bitch!
- Don't say that.
785
01:05:51,495 --> 01:05:53,955
Don't walk away. Chanice!
786
01:05:54,998 --> 01:05:56,582
Come here!
787
01:05:56,666 --> 01:05:58,542
Come here, hon.
788
01:06:01,504 --> 01:06:02,588
Wait!
789
01:06:02,672 --> 01:06:04,715
Wait. Let me explain.
790
01:06:05,842 --> 01:06:08,678
Chanice, I'm warning you.
You're wrecking the driveway.
791
01:06:11,472 --> 01:06:13,599
Come on!
792
01:06:13,683 --> 01:06:15,392
I love you!
793
01:06:33,368 --> 01:06:35,161
What flew up her nose?
794
01:06:41,751 --> 01:06:45,087
You better go home.
Okay, Marcie?
795
01:06:45,213 --> 01:06:48,215
Pick up your records.
The party's over.
796
01:06:58,267 --> 01:07:02,395
So, I'll just go home and wait
for the Federal Express man.
797
01:07:11,238 --> 01:07:14,240
Good night, Uncle Buck.
798
01:07:14,366 --> 01:07:16,242
Good night, sweetheart.
799
01:07:25,668 --> 01:07:28,420
- Uncle Buck?
- Yeah?
800
01:07:28,504 --> 01:07:32,341
- Got a minute?
- I got lots of minutes.
801
01:07:32,425 --> 01:07:36,470
Now everything's okay with my grandpa,
I want to go out tomorrow night.
802
01:07:36,554 --> 01:07:40,057
You can go crazy after I leave.
Until then, I'm not letting you out.
803
01:07:46,688 --> 01:07:50,983
- You can't fii nd any way to be cool?
- You mean easy? No.
804
01:07:51,109 --> 01:07:53,402
- I mean decent!
- You mean blind.
805
01:07:53,528 --> 01:07:57,823
Who are you trying to score points with?
My parents?
806
01:07:57,949 --> 01:08:00,326
How many times have they had you here
since we moved?
807
01:08:00,410 --> 01:08:03,829
Try none, until they went up shit creek
and got stuck.
808
01:08:03,913 --> 01:08:06,665
Get used on your parents' time.
809
01:08:08,418 --> 01:08:10,378
Yeah?
810
01:08:10,461 --> 01:08:12,838
Have a bad day today?
811
01:08:15,633 --> 01:08:18,719
It hurts when someone screws
with your life, doesn't it?
812
01:08:37,445 --> 01:08:38,988
Last call.
813
01:08:43,368 --> 01:08:45,495
There you go.
814
01:08:48,247 --> 01:08:50,290
A little foryou,
a little for me.
815
01:08:56,172 --> 01:08:57,756
Boy!
816
01:08:59,842 --> 01:09:04,805
People used to say to me,
''Buck, you are one lucky son ofa bitch.
817
01:09:07,182 --> 01:09:09,559
You got it made, Buck.''
818
01:09:09,685 --> 01:09:11,728
And I did.
819
01:09:11,853 --> 01:09:14,146
They'd say, ''Man, look at you.
820
01:09:14,231 --> 01:09:16,274
You don't have any kids,
any wife.
821
01:09:16,358 --> 01:09:19,861
You don't have a desk,
an offiice.
822
01:09:19,986 --> 01:09:23,322
You don't have a boss
to worry about.''
823
01:09:26,701 --> 01:09:30,120
They were right.
I had it made.
824
01:09:35,668 --> 01:09:39,004
Only thing now is, Perce...
825
01:09:40,130 --> 01:09:42,757
nobody says that anymore.
826
01:09:47,137 --> 01:09:49,097
Oh, boy.
827
01:09:49,223 --> 01:09:51,266
But...
828
01:09:51,350 --> 01:09:53,727
it'll all be better tomorrow.
829
01:09:56,229 --> 01:09:58,189
It always is.
830
01:10:00,650 --> 01:10:04,320
Because tomorrow,
we go to the track...
831
01:10:04,404 --> 01:10:08,157
win some dough,
some serious dough.
832
01:10:12,245 --> 01:10:15,081
Make a lot of money tomorrow, kiddo.
833
01:10:15,164 --> 01:10:17,708
Want a little pretzel
with your beer?
834
01:10:23,881 --> 01:10:26,091
U.B. went to school
to pickyou up.
835
01:10:26,175 --> 01:10:29,011
Tell U.B. when he gets home
that he lost. Okay?
836
01:10:29,136 --> 01:10:30,762
Lost what?
837
01:10:30,887 --> 01:10:34,390
Just tell him. He'll know what it means.
I'll see you guys Sunday.
838
01:10:34,474 --> 01:10:37,476
- What day is today?
- Friday.
839
01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:40,312
- You know what that means.
-Jumbo party.
840
01:10:40,397 --> 01:10:43,566
You can put that on a platter
and serve it up hot.
841
01:11:43,791 --> 01:11:45,334
U.B.'s home.
842
01:11:45,417 --> 01:11:47,544
Tia? Tia!
843
01:11:47,669 --> 01:11:49,545
You guys seen Tia?
844
01:11:49,671 --> 01:11:51,297
She took a breeze.
845
01:11:54,634 --> 01:11:58,471
And she promised me she was going
to look afteryou guys this evening.
846
01:11:58,596 --> 01:12:01,682
She promised me!
So much for promises.
847
01:12:01,808 --> 01:12:04,769
Does anyone in this house
know how to keep a promise?
848
01:12:04,852 --> 01:12:07,396
I know you two do.
849
01:12:07,522 --> 01:12:10,775
I had somewhere important
to go tonight.
850
01:12:10,900 --> 01:12:13,110
This is how I make my living.
851
01:12:13,236 --> 01:12:16,906
This was very important to me.
My whole year was based on tonight.
852
01:12:17,031 --> 01:12:20,617
It may be peanuts to your dad,
but it's my living.
853
01:12:20,701 --> 01:12:24,996
I have no choice. I don't care
what your parents will say.
854
01:12:25,122 --> 01:12:27,165
- I have to take you with me tonight.
- Where?
855
01:12:27,249 --> 01:12:29,793
To a racetrack.
856
01:12:32,337 --> 01:12:35,590
Here we go.
Do you have to go to the bathroom?
857
01:12:35,715 --> 01:12:37,591
- You sure?
- Yep.
858
01:12:37,717 --> 01:12:41,053
This is going to be fun.
Beautiful horses, interesting people.
859
01:12:42,347 --> 01:12:45,433
- And we'll win some serious coin?
- Sometimes.
860
01:12:45,516 --> 01:12:49,186
That's not the real reason
people go there. People go...
861
01:12:49,312 --> 01:12:52,731
because ofthe beautiful horses...
862
01:12:52,857 --> 01:12:55,317
and colorful jockeys, and--
863
01:12:55,401 --> 01:12:57,945
Bug picked up Tia?
864
01:12:58,070 --> 01:13:00,197
She said she was going to a party.
865
01:13:00,322 --> 01:13:03,908
She said she'd be back Sunday.
Must be a slumber party.
866
01:13:06,453 --> 01:13:09,455
Hop in the back.
Get your belts on.
867
01:13:10,499 --> 01:13:14,252
Let her go to a party all weekend!
She's old enough to know better.
868
01:13:15,212 --> 01:13:18,131
She doesn't listen to anybody anyway.
869
01:13:18,214 --> 01:13:19,673
Damn kids.
870
01:14:03,091 --> 01:14:04,800
Yeah? Kobolowski Tires.
871
01:14:05,635 --> 01:14:07,261
Hi. It's me.
872
01:14:07,345 --> 01:14:10,097
Can't you ever take a hint?
873
01:14:10,181 --> 01:14:13,767
It's not about me.
I got a problem at the house.
874
01:14:13,851 --> 01:14:16,061
Ineedsomebody to watch the kids.
875
01:14:16,187 --> 01:14:18,063
No, I'll tell you what you need.
876
01:14:18,189 --> 01:14:20,858
Your horse fiixer's in town
and you need to get to the track.
877
01:14:20,941 --> 01:14:23,068
I ran into Rog.
He told me all about it.
878
01:14:23,193 --> 01:14:26,279
The idiot hadthe nerve
to ask me fora Ioan.
879
01:14:26,363 --> 01:14:29,866
What, you can't take children when
you're going to cheat on a horse race?
880
01:14:29,950 --> 01:14:32,160
You got some religion
out there in the 'burbs?
881
01:14:32,285 --> 01:14:35,538
I came close. I had them in the car.
882
01:14:35,622 --> 01:14:38,875
Can we put our personal problems aside?
883
01:14:38,959 --> 01:14:42,212
Tia took off on me. I was supposed
to pick her up after school.
884
01:14:42,295 --> 01:14:44,255
- She wasn 't there.
- She ran away?
885
01:14:44,380 --> 01:14:47,716
I guess. I don't know.
886
01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:50,177
She's 1 5. She's angry.
887
01:14:50,303 --> 01:14:53,973
She's confused.
AndIneedto findher.
888
01:14:55,016 --> 01:14:57,393
Can you help me?
889
01:14:58,310 --> 01:15:00,520
I'm reaIIystuck.
890
01:15:03,649 --> 01:15:08,445
All right. I will help you
because there's kids involved.
891
01:15:08,529 --> 01:15:10,656
But as far as you and I
are concerned...
892
01:15:10,781 --> 01:15:12,657
it is over.
893
01:15:13,742 --> 01:15:15,618
However it has to be.
894
01:15:17,662 --> 01:15:19,622
- I'll be there.
- Thankyou.
895
01:15:19,748 --> 01:15:21,958
For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
896
01:15:43,520 --> 01:15:45,396
Your car's on fii re.
897
01:15:45,522 --> 01:15:47,732
No. It'sjust a little oil.
898
01:15:47,816 --> 01:15:50,526
I'm looking for a party
somewhere around here.
899
01:15:50,611 --> 01:15:52,487
That's on Totowa Lane.
900
01:15:52,612 --> 01:15:54,488
My niece is there.
901
01:15:54,614 --> 01:15:56,741
- Our son is there.
- Kids!
902
01:15:56,866 --> 01:16:00,119
I don't thinkyou ought to go in there
with that hat on. They'll kill you.
903
01:16:00,203 --> 01:16:02,246
Really? Thanks for the tip.
904
01:16:48,082 --> 01:16:52,461
I'm supposed to come over
and watch you.
905
01:16:55,256 --> 01:17:00,135
Hi. I'm Chanice Kobolowski.
I'm Uncle Buck's friend.
906
01:17:00,219 --> 01:17:02,012
May I see your driver's license?
907
01:17:03,263 --> 01:17:04,889
Yeah.
908
01:17:05,015 --> 01:17:08,351
Sure. Good idea.
909
01:17:09,603 --> 01:17:12,063
Wait. I got it.
910
01:17:13,732 --> 01:17:15,692
See. Look.
911
01:17:15,775 --> 01:17:18,611
- Please take it out.
- Take it out?
912
01:17:42,593 --> 01:17:44,720
You okay?
913
01:17:44,845 --> 01:17:47,138
What's the matter?
914
01:18:11,245 --> 01:18:13,872
Coming through. How you doing?
915
01:18:15,041 --> 01:18:17,001
Having a good time?
916
01:18:17,126 --> 01:18:19,836
Have you seen
a guy named Bug?
917
01:18:21,005 --> 01:18:23,841
I'm Tia Russell's uncle.
You know Tia?
918
01:18:23,966 --> 01:18:28,011
No? She's kind of new.
I'm her uncle.
919
01:18:28,136 --> 01:18:31,889
You haven't seen the Bug
around here, have you?
920
01:18:32,015 --> 01:18:34,058
Nice guy.
921
01:18:34,184 --> 01:18:36,853
Hey, come back here with that!
922
01:18:43,067 --> 01:18:47,112
How you doing?
Anybody seen Bug around here?
923
01:18:47,196 --> 01:18:50,198
Hey, nice music.
924
01:18:50,283 --> 01:18:53,953
Who is that, the Grass Roots?
I'm kidding. I know my music.
925
01:19:00,000 --> 01:19:02,627
Stop it, please.
926
01:19:05,172 --> 01:19:09,300
What the hell is that?
Hey, party time!
927
01:19:09,384 --> 01:19:13,304
Let's get down here!
You seen Bug around here?
928
01:19:13,388 --> 01:19:16,557
You seen Bug?
That's good stuff.
929
01:19:18,184 --> 01:19:20,311
Keep it up.
930
01:19:20,395 --> 01:19:22,522
Nice work.
931
01:19:22,647 --> 01:19:25,566
How you doing?
Excuse me.
932
01:19:25,650 --> 01:19:27,276
Crowded, huh?
933
01:19:30,822 --> 01:19:33,282
I don't want to do this.
934
01:19:33,366 --> 01:19:35,326
Just relax.
935
01:19:37,244 --> 01:19:41,081
Hello, young fellow.
I'm Tia Russell's uncle, Buck Russell.
936
01:19:41,206 --> 01:19:44,792
Have you seen the Bug around?
No? I'm looking for him.
937
01:19:44,918 --> 01:19:48,254
You're Tia Russell's uncle?
Really?
938
01:19:48,338 --> 01:19:50,715
Hey, give me that!
939
01:19:50,799 --> 01:19:53,426
Take my hat, you punk!
940
01:19:53,510 --> 01:19:55,720
- Don't mention it.
- All right, Pop.
941
01:19:58,056 --> 01:20:02,518
You haven't seen a guy named Bug,
have you? Everybody knows Bug. Hip guy.
942
01:20:02,602 --> 01:20:06,272
Let me through, will you?
Your mother know you do that?
943
01:20:09,776 --> 01:20:11,986
This room's taken.
944
01:20:12,111 --> 01:20:14,154
- I want to go.
- No, you don't.
945
01:20:17,783 --> 01:20:21,369
That door opens,
I'm going to kick somebody's ass!
946
01:20:22,371 --> 01:20:24,331
Did you hear me?
947
01:22:35,790 --> 01:22:37,750
You were right.
948
01:22:39,252 --> 01:22:42,088
Everything you said
would happen happened.
949
01:22:43,840 --> 01:22:46,676
I don't want to talk about it.
I just want to get you home.
950
01:23:22,001 --> 01:23:23,961
Is this a trick?
951
01:23:28,758 --> 01:23:30,718
No.
952
01:23:33,804 --> 01:23:35,847
You know what happened?
953
01:23:38,392 --> 01:23:39,768
Yeah.
954
01:23:43,063 --> 01:23:46,149
Are you going to tell my parents
about everything that's been going on?
955
01:23:48,819 --> 01:23:51,112
No.
956
01:23:52,989 --> 01:23:54,865
Thanks.
957
01:23:57,994 --> 01:24:02,456
I've been riding your butt all week
about how you live your life.
958
01:24:04,626 --> 01:24:08,212
I realized maybe somebody
should have been riding mine.
959
01:24:08,296 --> 01:24:11,715
I'm probably the last guy in the world
you'd want to help...
960
01:24:14,677 --> 01:24:17,304
but I really could use your advice
vis-a-vis Chanice.
961
01:24:19,014 --> 01:24:20,640
I've been...
962
01:24:20,766 --> 01:24:25,562
stringing her along
for about eight years now.
963
01:24:25,646 --> 01:24:28,899
Maybe you could fii gure out
what the hell is wrong with me.
964
01:24:30,359 --> 01:24:32,819
I did such a greatjob earning
your trust and admiration...
965
01:24:32,944 --> 01:24:36,113
I'm confused why
I can't do the same with Chanice.
966
01:24:45,540 --> 01:24:48,000
You know, there's...
967
01:24:50,044 --> 01:24:53,213
one family charity case...
968
01:24:54,632 --> 01:24:57,009
that loves you very much.
969
01:24:58,469 --> 01:24:59,720
I'm sorry.
970
01:25:01,305 --> 01:25:03,348
Come on.
971
01:25:03,474 --> 01:25:06,226
Nothing to be sorry about.
972
01:25:06,310 --> 01:25:09,980
I'm just kind of glad
I got a chance to know you again.
973
01:25:14,151 --> 01:25:17,070
Did you do anything to Bug?
974
01:25:23,785 --> 01:25:25,578
Oh, my God!
975
01:25:26,704 --> 01:25:28,997
What did you do?
976
01:25:39,258 --> 01:25:42,344
You shithead!
I could have suffocated!
977
01:25:42,428 --> 01:25:45,514
Do you know what I'd like you to do?
978
01:25:45,597 --> 01:25:49,851
You could be doing both of us a favor.
I'd like you to apologize to the lady.
979
01:25:49,935 --> 01:25:52,228
I'm sorry!
980
01:25:53,772 --> 01:25:55,481
Okay, asshole?
981
01:25:55,607 --> 01:25:57,316
I'm sorry!
982
01:25:57,400 --> 01:26:01,153
I don't know if I've told you this,
but I'm an amateur dentist.
983
01:26:01,821 --> 01:26:04,281
Oh, yes, he is.
984
01:26:12,123 --> 01:26:13,374
I'm sorry.
985
01:26:14,292 --> 01:26:15,835
Get him out.
986
01:26:15,960 --> 01:26:19,129
Yeah? It was halfhearted.
We'll let him.
987
01:26:19,255 --> 01:26:22,341
- I'm really sorry.
- I'm sure you are.
988
01:26:22,466 --> 01:26:25,468
- I am.
- Let me get you. There you go.
989
01:26:25,594 --> 01:26:28,596
I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
990
01:26:28,722 --> 01:26:30,181
There you go.
991
01:26:30,307 --> 01:26:32,016
I'm sorry.
992
01:26:39,441 --> 01:26:41,401
- Shall we?
- Yeah.
993
01:26:48,032 --> 01:26:51,368
Yeah? Come on back
and I'll kickyour ass, man!
994
01:26:51,452 --> 01:26:54,871
Chicken shit! You're dead!
995
01:26:54,997 --> 01:26:56,706
Shit.
996
01:27:02,379 --> 01:27:04,756
I'm going to sue your balls off, man!
997
01:27:04,840 --> 01:27:08,843
Why don't you come and get me, man?
Come on!
998
01:27:09,886 --> 01:27:14,432
Come on, man. I'm going to sue you
and your whole family!
999
01:27:14,516 --> 01:27:17,935
Okay, pal,
time for a golf lesson.
1000
01:27:18,019 --> 01:27:20,312
My dad's a lawyer!
You're history!
1001
01:27:20,438 --> 01:27:23,440
A little fiive wood.
1002
01:27:25,360 --> 01:27:28,696
What? What?
What are you doing, man?
1003
01:27:32,074 --> 01:27:35,410
You're history. You're wasted. I'm going
to sue you for everything you've got!
1004
01:27:35,494 --> 01:27:38,288
You're going to be broke
so come and get me!
1005
01:27:39,874 --> 01:27:42,167
You fat sucker!
1006
01:27:42,293 --> 01:27:43,460
Yes, sir!
1007
01:27:44,712 --> 01:27:47,631
You son ofa bitch!
That hurt!
1008
01:27:47,714 --> 01:27:51,467
Hey! I'm not sorry, all right?
1009
01:27:51,593 --> 01:27:54,137
I ain't sorry for shit!
1010
01:27:57,057 --> 01:28:00,393
What do you see in that guy anyway?
1011
01:28:00,477 --> 01:28:03,187
I can't for the life of me
fii gure that one out.
1012
01:28:03,271 --> 01:28:06,524
Don't answer. You don't have to.
1013
01:28:09,360 --> 01:28:12,529
I appreciate the confession.
Thanks a lot.
1014
01:28:12,655 --> 01:28:14,782
But my problems with Buck
go deeper...
1015
01:28:14,907 --> 01:28:17,117
than a misunderstanding
with a neighbor lady.
1016
01:28:17,243 --> 01:28:19,119
Don't you think he loves you?
1017
01:28:21,247 --> 01:28:23,207
If he does, he'd never say it.
1018
01:28:23,332 --> 01:28:25,041
What if he did?
1019
01:28:25,167 --> 01:28:27,711
Then I would suspect
he needed a new set oftires.
1020
01:28:28,962 --> 01:28:30,338
Seriously.
1021
01:28:30,464 --> 01:28:33,800
Seriously, you're very sweet
to talk about this.
1022
01:28:35,177 --> 01:28:37,304
But you don't understand
the bigger picture.
1023
01:28:37,429 --> 01:28:40,181
Buck's a charming man
who wants to remain a boy forever.
1024
01:28:42,767 --> 01:28:46,979
At my age, that doesn't make
for a lasting relationship.
1025
01:28:48,898 --> 01:28:51,817
I think he'd make
a wonderful husband and father.
1026
01:28:51,901 --> 01:28:53,694
- You do?
- Oh, yeah.
1027
01:28:53,778 --> 01:28:55,487
My sister and brother adore him.
1028
01:28:56,989 --> 01:29:01,952
He really has changed
since he's been here this week.
1029
01:29:02,077 --> 01:29:04,537
He really has changed.
1030
01:29:04,621 --> 01:29:07,957
He's responsible, caring...
1031
01:29:08,041 --> 01:29:10,168
loving...
1032
01:29:10,294 --> 01:29:14,214
and enthusiastic.
1033
01:29:14,297 --> 01:29:19,260
- Energetic.
- And energetic and decent.
1034
01:29:21,304 --> 01:29:22,847
Kind and--
1035
01:29:25,058 --> 01:29:27,018
And humble...
1036
01:29:27,143 --> 01:29:29,270
and honest and forthright.
1037
01:29:29,395 --> 01:29:30,729
Sense of humor.
1038
01:29:30,813 --> 01:29:32,856
And he's really got
a great sense of humor.
1039
01:29:32,940 --> 01:29:35,734
Did he put you up to this?
1040
01:29:35,818 --> 01:29:37,611
No!
1041
01:29:37,736 --> 01:29:41,573
No. I'vejust gathered this
from my own observations.
1042
01:29:44,118 --> 01:29:46,078
- It'sjust the way he is.
- Really?
1043
01:29:54,085 --> 01:29:57,087
- Really?
- Oh, yeah!
1044
01:29:57,172 --> 01:29:59,882
So unlike him.
1045
01:30:14,814 --> 01:30:16,857
Check this out.
1046
01:30:22,029 --> 01:30:23,822
Hi, honey.
1047
01:30:23,947 --> 01:30:26,240
Is the coffee ready?
1048
01:30:27,367 --> 01:30:29,243
A little thirsty.
1049
01:30:29,369 --> 01:30:32,705
By the way, I have told you
I loved you...
1050
01:30:32,831 --> 01:30:35,708
and it wasn't for tires, sweetheart.
1051
01:30:35,792 --> 01:30:37,919
It was for shocks, remember?
1052
01:30:43,133 --> 01:30:45,343
Are they sweethearts or what?
1053
01:30:45,468 --> 01:30:49,138
This one's smart as a whip.
I'm going to miss them like crazy.
1054
01:30:49,263 --> 01:30:52,224
They're beautiful children.
What happened to you?
1055
01:30:52,308 --> 01:30:54,977
Recessive gene,
skips every nine generations.
1056
01:30:55,061 --> 01:30:57,688
I got it this time.
Tragic.
1057
01:30:57,772 --> 01:30:59,982
It isn't so bad, is it?
1058
01:31:00,065 --> 01:31:01,441
What?
1059
01:31:01,567 --> 01:31:03,443
The house, the family, the kids.
1060
01:31:03,569 --> 01:31:06,738
Oh, yeah. It was great.
This is great.
1061
01:31:06,864 --> 01:31:11,076
We should have done this
a long time ago, you and I.
1062
01:31:25,173 --> 01:31:27,133
They're here.
1063
01:31:32,722 --> 01:31:36,141
What are we doing?
1064
01:31:36,267 --> 01:31:37,976
Your mother...
1065
01:31:38,102 --> 01:31:40,312
and your sister have to...
1066
01:31:40,437 --> 01:31:43,606
sort some things out.
1067
01:31:43,732 --> 01:31:45,775
So we're going to be very quiet
for them.
1068
01:31:45,901 --> 01:31:48,445
So why don't we put a button on it...
1069
01:31:51,948 --> 01:31:53,991
and a zipper like that...
1070
01:31:54,117 --> 01:31:56,410
and a lock.
1071
01:31:56,536 --> 01:32:00,122
I can't talk at all.
I throw the key away.
1072
01:32:54,508 --> 01:32:58,970
It's going to be real different.
I promise.
1073
01:32:59,096 --> 01:33:01,556
I love you.
1074
01:33:13,527 --> 01:33:14,778
Shit!
1075
01:33:14,861 --> 01:33:18,280
- Bye.
- Bye, Uncle Buck.
1076
01:33:18,365 --> 01:33:20,742
Could I get out the door, please?
1077
01:33:20,867 --> 01:33:22,910
- I'm going!
- This is heavy.
1078
01:33:22,994 --> 01:33:25,746
Bye, Chanice.
1079
01:33:25,830 --> 01:33:27,414
Thanks again, Buck.
1080
01:33:27,498 --> 01:33:31,418
Next time you're downtown,
maybe we can go out for a coffee.
1081
01:33:36,007 --> 01:33:39,093
We really had a good time.
I know it's ridiculous.
1082
01:33:39,218 --> 01:33:42,554
We did leave the house a little messy.
We tried. We're not so good at clean.
1083
01:33:42,638 --> 01:33:45,640
- What?
- We're going home. We're not dying.
1084
01:33:45,724 --> 01:33:49,060
I'm saying good-bye.
Is that all right? Nice guy!
1085
01:33:49,144 --> 01:33:53,189
Tell the neighbors we're sorry about
having that parked in the driveway.
1086
01:33:53,273 --> 01:33:56,442
- He's getting a new company car Monday.
- The hell I am!
1087
01:33:56,526 --> 01:33:59,779
- It's good for another 1 00,000 miles.
- Too bad you're not.
1088
01:33:59,863 --> 01:34:03,616
That's funny, Chanice. See what
I put up with? And don't drive fast.
1089
01:34:03,741 --> 01:34:07,077
I'm not fiixing
any more tickets foryou.
81214
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