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1
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DEAD TIRED
2
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He was very anxious.
3
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He felt completely lost,
so I decided to help him.
4
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,520
It all began about a year ago.
5
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,360
Morning, sir. Police.
Inspector Galfier.
6
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,360
- You are Michel Blanc?
- Yes I am.
7
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- Why?
- May we have a word?
8
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,560
What's all this about?
9
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,680
May we come in for a minute?
10
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Of course.
11
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,000
- Is that Josiane Balasko?
- Yes.
12
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,720
She's well hot.
She's a dyke, isn't she?
13
00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:27,840
No, not at all.
14
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:31,440
That's what my brother-in-law said.
15
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,240
Cool! Dutronc!
16
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,240
A cabbie claims you didn't pay him.
17
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,080
Before appearing on Newsweek,
18
00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:41,720
you wanted a hooker.
19
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,240
He took you to Rue St-Denis,
20
00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:45,480
waited,
but you never came back.
21
00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:47,240
That's nonsense!
22
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:48,640
It surprised us.
23
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,360
I mean you made
that gender-bender film...
24
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,560
Ménage!
25
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,840
Right, listen.
I haven't taken a cab for two weeks.
26
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,800
I spent yesterday writing
a screenplay for Carole Bouquet.
27
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,320
- With her?
- No.
28
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:05,480
I haven't seen a hooker since '77.
It's got to be a mistake.
29
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:21,960
Michel!
30
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:33,760
I'll see to it, sir.
Thank you.
31
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,200
Hello, Mr Blanc.
32
00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:38,360
I have a suite reserved.
33
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:39,960
Let me see.
34
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,800
- One moment.
- Give me a pen.
35
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,680
Can I have an autograph?
Put "To Teddy."
36
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,400
I've nothing in your name, sir.
37
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,240
- What?
- I'm sorry...
38
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,320
Can I have another?
For Fifi.
39
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,240
Call the Festival.
Get them to sort it out.
40
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:57,800
A photo of us?
41
00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,360
Fetch Mr Jacob.
42
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:00,480
Photo with my mate.
43
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,520
Stop breaking my balls!
44
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:06,320
Loser!
I won't watch you on TV again!
45
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,840
Come on, Fifi.
He's an arsehole.
46
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,480
- We've a problem, sir.
- This isn't the time.
47
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,320
Michel!
I thought you couldn't make it.
48
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,720
- Who told you that?
- Your agent.
49
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:18,880
This is madness.
50
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,080
He told us you were busy.
51
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,960
What do I do now?
Sleep on the beach?
52
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,880
Is the hotel full?
53
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,480
Mr Depardieu has gone to Bulgaria,
54
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:30,520
but he's left his effects.
55
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:31,680
Give me his suite.
56
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:32,800
It's delicate.
57
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,640
Old Gérard wouldn't mind.
58
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,200
If Mr Jacob...
59
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,800
It's the only solution.
See you later.
60
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,240
Right.
61
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,600
Change the sheets.
With Depardieu, I'd rather.
62
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,520
What room is she in?
All right.
63
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,920
Go on, open it.
64
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,240
- Put it on Depardieu's tab.
- Right, sir.
65
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,200
Is that Mathilda?
Michel Blanc here.
66
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:19,880
How's things?
67
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,080
I just got here.
68
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,640
Are you alone?
Do you have a minute?
69
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,680
I've an idea for a part for you.
I'd like to discuss it.
70
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,160
It's a thing I'm working on.
71
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:35,360
See you shortly.
72
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:39,800
What's going on?
73
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,600
Blanc's going to screw May.
74
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:43,720
You're sick!
75
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,520
You know I'm seeing someone.
76
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:46,880
You can still relax.
77
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,640
I do that with him.
78
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,080
He isn't here.
You frigid or something?
79
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,360
Just stop!
80
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:56,240
Stop!
I don't want to be mean,
81
00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,280
but I've never found you attractive.
82
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,680
You're really weird.
It's your loss.
83
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:06,840
Michel!
84
00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:10,000
Michel. How are you?
I didn't know you were in Cannes.
85
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,360
I have a part for you.
86
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,280
I'd like to discuss it.
87
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:16,080
- Now?
- It's urgent.
88
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:17,920
Hi Michel! All right?
89
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,400
You're here, too?
90
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,400
I'll come back later.
91
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:23,920
Don't be silly!
92
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,760
Things don't look too good.
I'll come back.
93
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,400
- Hands off!
- Sure?
94
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,360
Yes. Stop it!
95
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,240
What if I don't?
96
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:35,760
Stop!
97
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,920
You disappoint me, my girl.
It's all so petty.
98
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,400
What's got into you?
99
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:48,000
I'm a bit down at the moment.
I feel so alone.
100
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,600
As soon as I wake up,
I feel like bawling.
101
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,720
I was looking at my balcony earlier.
102
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,080
Thinking I might as well jump.
103
00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:00,080
With a bit of luck,
I'd land on a Rolls.
104
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,240
I've always loved English cars.
105
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,800
Don't you have a girlfriend?
106
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:07,760
That's just it.
She left me for Patrick Bruel.
107
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:09,760
I didn't know.
108
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,720
I'm sorry I slapped you.
109
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:14,600
No hard feelings.
110
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:19,160
I've got a lump in my throat.
Got any champagne?
111
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,680
With 2 Temestas,
it might do the trick.
112
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,520
I'll go see.
113
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,400
Only half bottles.
114
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,160
That's fine.
Give me two.
115
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,160
The winners will receive
116
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:49,520
the weight of Miss Festival's breasts
in video cassettes!
117
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,520
And that's not all, folks!
118
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,800
Cassettes signed by
the one and only Michel Blanc!
119
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,840
Thank you.
I think it's high time
120
00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:07,280
we asked Michel Blanc
to step up on the stage
121
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:08,840
and give his verdict.
122
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,960
Put your hands together for...
Michel Blanc!
123
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,160
That's enough.
I don't have all night.
124
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:28,520
I'll start at the end.
In tenth position: Nadine.
125
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,800
Here's twenty grand.
Count it.
126
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:37,720
What about my meal?
127
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,200
You turned up late.
128
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,680
I had dinner at the Carlton.
If you could reimburse me...
129
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,280
Is 500 francs all right?
130
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,560
My dinner cost more.
The Carlton isn't cheap.
131
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,400
If that's the best you can do...
132
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,240
It's fabulous!
How I can I thank you?
133
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,840
I'll think of something, Karine!
134
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:01,880
It is Karine?
135
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,960
- Where are we going?
- Not far.
136
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,400
Ever wanted to be in movies?
137
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,960
We had plans.
He'd sent me the script.
138
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,400
But Emmanuelle Béart told me
he'd promised her the role.
139
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,840
I decided to discuss it
with Michel... calmly.
140
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,440
You bastard!
I'll blow your brains out!
141
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,040
Cut!
142
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,120
Perfect, Carole!
143
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:42,480
Thanks!
144
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,040
See you tomorrow!
145
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,480
Ah, the gun!
146
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,560
- How are you?
- That depends on you.
147
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,600
Drive me home.
We can chat on the way.
148
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,400
I've something to ask you.
149
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,440
Am I the only one
you offered the part to?
150
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:03,560
Of course. Why?
151
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:07,440
Emmanuelle Béart said
you'd told her about it in Cannes.
152
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,040
This year?
Didn't go near the place.
153
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:26,560
Hello.
154
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:35,960
Do you recognize me?
155
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,040
No, sorry.
156
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,760
Last week at Denise's.
Remember?
157
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,760
No, not at all.
I don't know a Denise.
158
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,160
The swingers' club in Les Halles!
159
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,600
My wife was in a blue thong.
160
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,560
It doesn't ring any bells.
161
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,120
You are Michel Blanc?
162
00:09:58,360 --> 00:09:59,680
I'm not your guy.
163
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,160
I get it!
164
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,160
Pally at orgies,
but not in front of your missus!
165
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,400
Next time,
even if it's Mickey Rourke,
166
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,280
no one's screwing my wife!
167
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,920
I don't know the guy!
Sorry, Carole.
168
00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:19,560
Don't worry. I'm discreet.
169
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,400
I won't tell a soul.
170
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,280
I don't go to such places.
171
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:28,320
Your private life is your affair.
First right.
172
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,280
Thanks.
173
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,400
Goodbye, Michel.
174
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,320
I like your idea.
Get to work.
175
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:46,920
Forget such dubious places.
176
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,360
Carole, honestly...
177
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,880
Relax, Michel.
I was joking!
178
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,720
He called me at 2am.
179
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,040
To talk about Carole, I thought.
180
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,600
But he said: "I'm down.
How about a drink at Régine's?"
181
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:04,720
I realized something wasn't right.
182
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:18,840
Good evening!
183
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,560
I told you if you came back
I'd smash you in the face!
184
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,040
Take that!
185
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,760
What are you're doing?
You're crazy!
186
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,960
I told you not to come back.
187
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:34,760
I'm willing to forget what happened,
but don't come back.
188
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,720
What's this?
Candid Camera?
189
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:45,480
I didn't know.
190
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,040
My son never talks.
191
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:48,760
He does, you don't listen.
192
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:51,080
I soon realized something was up.
193
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,280
Right!
194
00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:00,560
Am I glad to see you!
I'm dying for a pee.
195
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:01,760
Why are you here?
196
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,600
I've got your rabbit pâté.
197
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,560
- What pâté?
- The one you asked for.
198
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,360
Come on!
I'm bursting!
199
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,200
I never asked Mum for anything!
200
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,760
Take the pâté.
Don't argue!
201
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,760
What will I do with all this?
202
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,920
What do you think?
Perfume your wardrobes?
203
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:20,880
I hardly ever eat at home.
204
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,920
It's easier to blow
your cash in a restaurant!
205
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,640
You obviously don't sweat
for your money!
206
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:33,080
Hey!
You still haven't fixed the loo.
207
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,200
Forgot to call the plumber.
208
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,480
You don't need a plumber.
It'll only take a minute.
209
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,320
I don't have the time!
210
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,440
I'll fix it myself.
211
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:45,480
Forget it!
I'll see to it tomorrow.
212
00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,880
My eye!
Where are your tools?
213
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,200
Why would I have tools?
214
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,520
- To fix the flush.
- I don't have any.
215
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,880
I'll fix it with a fork.
Unless you don't have any,
216
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,000
because you always eat out!
217
00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,200
Bring me the pâté!
I'll put it in the fridge.
218
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,200
When did I ask Mum?
219
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:12,040
Last week, when you bumped into her
in the street.
220
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,080
You're losing your mind, lad!
221
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,360
Have you got a nut-cracker?
222
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,480
I don't know.
Look in there.
223
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,520
- Last week?
- That's right.
224
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,760
You need a rest, son!
225
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,160
Your mum did tell me
you weren't yourself.
226
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:33,360
You didn't even recognize her.
She had to run after you!
227
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,600
You ought to settle down
with a nice woman.
228
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,720
Instead of having it away
with all those singers!
229
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,360
Pour me a glass of white wine!
Make yourself useful!
230
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,880
Something funny is going on.
Something isn't right!
231
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:52,760
He seemed strange.
232
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,600
He's unbearable when he writes.
233
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,920
He doesn't associate
with the sort... one ought to!
234
00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,920
He spends all his time in clubs.
But that's nothing unusual.
235
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,440
How's the script going?
236
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,960
Not a line since last time.
237
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,080
I bet you'll give up again.
238
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,520
Nothing since Marche à l'ombre.
That was 7 years ago.
239
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,800
Why the writer's block?
240
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,240
Weird things are happening.
241
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,960
Everything's going to go tits
over arse, I can feel it.
242
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,200
You do too much at once.
It can't go on.
243
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:32,600
You're well paid.
Why do appearances in clubs?
244
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,400
What appearances?
245
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,160
I don't care if you demand cash.
246
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,640
But for your image... it's lousy!
247
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,960
I never do appearances!
248
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:45,520
Someone saw you.
249
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:46,880
Want to kill me?
250
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,800
Want to drive me insane?
What is this?
251
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,240
Why get in a state?
252
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,040
Everything's pissing me off!
253
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,640
People are pissing me off.
My dad is, and so are you!
254
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,040
May I be honest with you?
I don't think you're well.
255
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:04,400
You look awful.
256
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,520
You do 50 things at once!
257
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,200
Don't you start!
258
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:10,600
Why not work at my place?
259
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,040
It's a big house.
You'd be independent.
260
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,880
It's so peaceful there.
261
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:16,120
It's in the Tenere?
262
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,880
The Luberon.
It's a lovely spot.
263
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,200
I can't write there!
264
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:22,640
It'd do you good.
265
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:24,880
She's right.
In 3 months' time,
266
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,640
you'll have finished
the screenplay.
267
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:31,400
In 3 months' time,
I'll have lost my tongue!
268
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,480
Give it some thought.
I'll rent a TV.
269
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,240
There isn't even a TV?
270
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,800
I've had a rough patch,
but things are on the up.
271
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,480
I can feel it.
272
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:43,600
Let's go!
273
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,800
What do you want?
274
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,320
Are you Michel Blanc?
275
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,240
I don't know, it's too early!
Who are you?
276
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,640
Police. I arrest jokers!
Search the place!
277
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,360
Check the bedroom.
278
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,240
I'm warning you,
I know Bernard Kouchner!
279
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,760
What are you accused of?
280
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,800
I don't bloody know!
281
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,360
So you left Carole Bouquet's home
around 1am, did you?
282
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:54,360
Yes!
283
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:55,840
You came straight home?
284
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,360
Yes!
I went straight to bed.
285
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,800
Let me tell you a secret, Mr Blanc.
286
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,800
I've always wanted to nab an actor.
287
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:05,800
And I soon will!
288
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,640
Have a little think.
It'll save time.
289
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:09,840
Face to face!
290
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,920
Why are you here?
291
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,840
What do you think?
Bloody sod!
292
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:32,360
- Josie, what's the matter?
- As if you don't know!
293
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,280
- Relax!
- You bloody pig!
294
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:36,520
Bastard!
295
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,080
Leave a bit for me.
Sit him down.
296
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:41,720
What is this?
297
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,360
Be reasonable.
Or my hand might slip.
298
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:45,640
It's your choice.
299
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,520
Mrs Balasko,
please repeat what you told us.
300
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,640
It was about three in the morning.
301
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,520
The doorbell rang.
I was home alone.
302
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,960
I saw this prick, and let him in.
How was I to know!
303
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:01,960
Before I knew it,
he'd tied me up and screwed me!
304
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,120
If you can call it that!
305
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:05,840
You're mad!
306
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:09,800
Don't think I came!
I faked it to get rid of you!
307
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:11,360
This is a nightmare.
308
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,400
You still deny it?
Lock him up!
309
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:14,840
Let's be having you!
310
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,240
Bloody pervert!
311
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,000
It's a misunderstanding!
312
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:22,360
It always is!
Life is one big misunderstanding!
313
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:27,960
No!
314
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:31,800
Look, we're getting
a better sort of crowd!
315
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:36,080
Maybe we got the wrong club.
Maybe we're at Bains-Douches.
316
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,920
Say hello, then.
You're more chatty on TV.
317
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,240
Maybe it's us.
We're not good enough for him.
318
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:43,760
Is that it?
319
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,800
Why are you here, love?
To what do we owe the honour?
320
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:49,080
I did nothing!
321
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:50,840
Don't take us for mugs!
322
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:52,560
I'm innocent.
323
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,960
We're innocent, too.
324
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,840
The world's full of innocent men,
so are the prisons.
325
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,400
I'm an innocent killer.
326
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,720
Dédé here is an innocent arsonist.
327
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,760
What about you, Mimi?
328
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,040
Mind if I call you Mimi?
329
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,120
- You're hurting me.
- I'm not!
330
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,600
Stop or I'll shout!
331
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,480
No one will come!
It's time for What a night!
332
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:16,680
The cops are busy.
333
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,480
You're hurting me!
334
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:21,200
Do you know why?
335
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,760
Because you're tense.
336
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,360
Just relax a little.
You won't feel a thing.
337
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,240
Leave me alone!
338
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,320
What a bundle of nerves!
339
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:31,760
You're so tense!
340
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,080
He could do with a good fuck!
341
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,320
You're crazy! I'll scream!
342
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,480
It'd boost your career!
343
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,600
It's pretty limp right now.
344
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,560
You don't deserve your salary.
345
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:44,800
Just imagine the publicity!
346
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:48,040
"Comedian sodomised
in police custody"!
347
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:49,960
You'd get an honorary César!
348
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:51,040
Help!
349
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:52,920
Nominated!
350
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,760
I want out!
351
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,520
You're free.
The charges have been dropped.
352
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,480
Get out of here!
You were lucky this time.
353
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,400
But something tells me
we'll meet again.
354
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,760
The visitors' book.
Sign it for us?
355
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,920
Loads of your mates have.
356
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,360
You're here?
Waiting to slap me?
357
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,400
- Did I rape you, too?
- What are you talking about?
358
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,840
They wanted to know
what time you left.
359
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:29,680
What's going on?
360
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,360
I don't know.
I'm dead tired.
361
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,200
I need treatment.
I want to see a shrink.
362
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,640
No! Out the back.
The place is swarming with hacks.
363
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,120
It's too late to see a shrink.
You can go tomorrow.
364
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,240
I'm going to casualty.
I want to be admitted.
365
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,360
- I'll drive you.
- Certainly not!
366
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,960
Go, Carole!
I could be a monster!
367
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:03,280
See?
368
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,640
See who it is?
369
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,680
Emergency psychiatry?
370
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,400
End lift, 3rd floor.
You can't miss it.
371
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,200
- Aren't you Carole Bouquet?
- Yes!
372
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,800
Can I have an autograph?
373
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,200
Of course.
If I can find some paper.
374
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,360
- Wait a second.
- This isn't the time, madam.
375
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:56,480
If it's a girl,
376
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,360
I'll call her Carole!
377
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:12,120
Is this it?
378
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,000
I reckon it is.
379
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,480
Mr Blanc, I don't think
you're Dr Jekyll
380
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,720
or Mr Hyde.
381
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,680
Simply an overworked actor,
382
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,360
who sometimes plays
another Michel Blanc...
383
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:38,720
but hides it from himself.
384
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,800
- I'm completely mad?
- No!
385
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,360
I think you need a rest.
386
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,480
I'm going to give you
some little pills
387
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:50,680
which will help you turn
all this into a bad memory.
388
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,120
Do you have a place
in the country
389
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,080
where you could rest
for a few weeks?
390
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,800
Yes! I've got a place
in the Luberon.
391
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:02,160
That's perfect!
I've lots of patients there.
392
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,240
There we go!
393
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,480
Have a good rest.
And carry on making us laugh!
394
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,360
Take a gun.
One never knows.
395
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,200
It won't do any good.
I'm not tired.
396
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,080
You can be so negative!
397
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,640
I'm anxious.
With good reason, no?
398
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:51,840
No!
399
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:53,520
Is that so?
400
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,960
I don't recall raping Balasko.
I'm wrong to be anxious?
401
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,400
I'd understand you
if she didn't remember!
402
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,640
That's right, make fun of me!
It's in poor taste.
403
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,960
I'm only trying to help you relax.
404
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,480
How can I?
I don't know what's happening.
405
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,560
Why try to understand everything?
406
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:14,920
Accept the mystery.
407
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,640
Mysteries can be beautiful, too.
408
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,640
Working with Buñuel
turned you into a mystic!
409
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,360
It wouldn't have harmed you!
410
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,200
Meaning?
411
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,400
Forget it.
Take your pills.
412
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,240
It's true you're a cold woman.
413
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,640
And you're a royal pain
in the ass, Michel!
414
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:08,080
Michel!
Wake up. We're here.
415
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,480
Well?
What do you think?
416
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:25,800
Right!
417
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,840
Even worse than I expected.
418
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,520
How could anyone
write a comedy in this place?
419
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,480
- Well?
- Couldn't hear a thing.
420
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,240
Hasn't touched his food.
Just the scotch
421
00:25:58,480 --> 00:25:59,920
and his pills!
422
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:01,640
You should go see.
423
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,920
He hasn't emerged for three days.
It isn't normal.
424
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:08,240
I don't want to disturb him.
425
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,120
He'll eat when he's hungry.
426
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:13,640
Maybe he'll never eat again.
427
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:15,080
What do you mean?
428
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,360
Alcohol and drugs
don't make happy bedfellows!
429
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,520
Only nasty suicides.
430
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,520
Why would he kill himself?
431
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:24,800
He wasn't very cheery.
432
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,800
You like tragedy!
433
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:28,920
Life made me that way.
434
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,280
Reminds me of poor cousin Albert.
435
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,520
He was small and ugly, too.
436
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,080
One day we found him hanging!
437
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,680
Stop talking nonsense!
438
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,640
You've scared me.
439
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:51,720
Michel!
440
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,080
Are you okay?
441
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,400
See, it isn't normal!
442
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,640
Something terrible has happened!
443
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,640
Keep an eye on lunch!
444
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:15,440
Michel, I'm coming in.
445
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,640
- Michel!
- It isn't me!
446
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:39,400
All right?
447
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,000
- Where am I?
- In the Luberon.
448
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,360
You don't recognize me?
449
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:45,680
What?
450
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,120
- You're in the country.
- I can't hear.
451
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,360
You're at my place.
452
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:52,080
What time is it?
453
00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:53,280
2pm.
454
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:54,960
Why the earplugs?
455
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,080
- There's no noise.
- Precisely!
456
00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,520
The silence wakes me up!
457
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,560
Sorry to intrude,
but I was worried.
458
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,440
You're not eating.
459
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:06,840
I'm in knots.
460
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:10,120
Because you're shut up in here.
It's so gloomy.
461
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,600
Why not work outside?
462
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,720
No one has ever written outside!
463
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:16,000
The light is lovely!
464
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,560
- I'm not a painter!
- Of course not.
465
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,800
You should open the shutters,
enjoy the view.
466
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:23,600
The view distresses me!
467
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:25,800
It so bloody grim!
468
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,840
The sun might cheer you up.
469
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:30,880
That'd be a first!
470
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:32,840
Mind out!
471
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:44,240
I've made a Provencal stew.
472
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,040
Would a Saint Joseph go with it?
473
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,440
It'll go with the stew,
but as for me...
474
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:53,040
How can I work after a stew?
475
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:54,240
It won't change much.
476
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:56,400
You wrote nothing yesterday.
477
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,000
I get it! You want a return
on your investment!
478
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:02,680
Tell me how much I owe you!
479
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,680
Don't take it that way.
I'm just trying to be nice.
480
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:07,840
I see!
481
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:10,600
Why are you being so nice?
482
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,400
Tell me, Carole Bouquet...
483
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,840
do you intend
to screw a comedian?
484
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:17,400
Got your answer?
485
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:19,560
- Loud and clear!
- Perfect!
486
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:21,800
Take a shower, get dressed
487
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,600
and drop the Woody Allen act!
488
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,320
Anxious clowns piss me off!
489
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,280
You've got 20 minutes!
Is that clear?
490
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:32,320
All right.
491
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:34,760
And we're eating outside!
492
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,400
It might do me some good.
493
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,160
Delicious stew, Carole.
I mean it.
494
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:45,680
Thank you, Michel.
Have some more.
495
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:47,800
I really couldn't.
496
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:49,800
May I clear the table?
497
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:54,440
Sorry about earlier.
498
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,000
- Forget it.
- What came over me?
499
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,560
Must be the whisky and pills.
500
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:02,400
Stop that for a start.
501
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,400
I'll certainly try.
502
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,520
Why wear a hat?
We're in the shade.
503
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,960
There are gaps in the foliage.
I'll look like Gorbachev.
504
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:12,960
I won't insist!
505
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,120
I'll come see you at Continent.
506
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:16,480
Sorry?
507
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:20,720
My granddaughter wants
to get her cassette signed.
508
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:23,480
What's all this about cassettes?
509
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:25,280
She read it in the paper.
510
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,240
- What paper?
- Hold on.
511
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:29,160
Do you have the paper?
512
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,520
I used it for the peelings.
513
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,000
I've got it!
514
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:45,720
"Mr Blanc will be signing cassettes
515
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,880
in the sports section..."
516
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,520
Here we go again!
517
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,920
Let's grab the bull by the horns!
518
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:54,680
Where are you going?
519
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:57,960
This is a bad idea!
520
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,160
The nightmare's soon over!
521
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,520
- Where's the sports section?
- That way.
522
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,400
Concentrate, Julien.
It's your second ball.
523
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:09,000
Aim for the target!
524
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,520
Missed!
You've one more go!
525
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:15,400
Excuse me.
526
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:22,240
There's our answer!
You have a look-alike.
527
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:23,440
You reckon?
528
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:26,040
It's frightening!
Spitting image.
529
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:27,640
Reassured?
530
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:29,920
To look like him?
531
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,880
Ready for your third try?
532
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:34,400
Whenever you're ready!
533
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,640
You win!
Right on target!
534
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:39,960
Appalling!
535
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:47,440
And he still claims benefit!
536
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:49,000
Let's wait outside.
537
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,600
We ought to tell the police.
He raped Balasko!
538
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:53,520
I'll protect you!
539
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:54,840
Hang on!
540
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:02,840
Excuse me!
541
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:04,280
No more autographs!
542
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:06,480
- It isn't that.
- What then?
543
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:07,680
Who are you?
544
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:08,960
I'm Michel Blanc.
545
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,320
- And you?
- We're Michel Blanc, too.
546
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:14,400
Shit!
547
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:15,600
Wait!
548
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:19,240
Stop!
549
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:27,720
Wait!
550
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:31,680
We need to talk!
We'll catch him up!
551
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:36,600
He's got a sports car!
552
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:38,560
Great!
I'm a speed freak!
553
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:41,640
Belt up!
554
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,200
There he is!
555
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,440
- OK?
- Not great!
556
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:19,200
- Stop!
- We've got him!
557
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,320
Stop!
I'm going to throw up.
558
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:47,440
Sorry.
559
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:48,840
Feeling better?
560
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:50,320
A bit.
561
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:52,640
We've lost him.
562
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:54,200
Perhaps not.
563
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,160
- Got his address?
- No.
564
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:58,120
But a village keeps cropping up.
565
00:33:58,400 --> 00:33:59,280
So?
566
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:00,960
We're going there.
567
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:02,640
We don't know where it is!
568
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:04,640
- We'll look!
- We won't find it!
569
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:08,080
Stop being such a pessimist.
It's so tiring.
570
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,200
Belt up!
571
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,240
What do we do now?
572
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,400
Ask in the cafe
if they know these people.
573
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:46,840
Why me?
574
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:48,840
I've driven 400 kilometres!
575
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:52,040
Stop asking questions!
Just get a move on!
576
00:34:53,720 --> 00:34:55,000
OK. I'm going.
577
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:04,040
But you'd best change your tone,
or I'll blow my top!
578
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,840
- I hear you!
- Good!
579
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:15,440
Hello!
580
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,040
Our star!
How are you, Mr Patrick?
581
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,920
- Patrick?
- The handsome one! Drink?
582
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:22,760
We weren't expecting you.
583
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:26,520
Come and give us a kiss!
Or do I have to get up?
584
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:28,600
No...
585
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:30,520
Hello, handsome!
586
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:33,960
You've changed cologne.
587
00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:35,920
He's got company!
588
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,480
- A lass at last!
- Bloody Nora!
589
00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:40,840
It's Carole Bouquet!
590
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:43,120
- It isn't!
- You're doing OK!
591
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:44,920
Jammy sod!
592
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,600
To think we were schoolmates!
593
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:49,360
I never have any luck!
594
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,000
What about me?
Married to you!
595
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,920
I'd rather get laid by Alain Delon!
596
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:56,960
It's not what I meant!
597
00:35:57,240 --> 00:36:00,240
- OK!
- Stop your bickering!
598
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:02,120
I'd best be off.
599
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,840
Since you're here...
I've a parcel for your mum.
600
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,720
Save me the trip.
601
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:08,080
- All right.
- Here!
602
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:12,400
Kiss Carole for us!
603
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:14,920
Will do.
604
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:29,240
Well?
605
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,640
They called me Patrick.
That's for my mum.
606
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:34,520
One was a schoolmate.
607
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:37,320
It's normal.
They think you're your look-alike.
608
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:39,480
Your mate left his mark!
609
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:41,960
Where to now?
610
00:36:42,240 --> 00:36:44,600
To your mother's.
We've got her address.
611
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:52,160
Goodness!
612
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:53,720
Hello, madam!
613
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,920
You might've let me know, Patrick!
614
00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:00,440
It's bad of you!
What do I like in my dressing gown!
615
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:03,040
It isn't fit for Carole Bouquet!
616
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:06,920
Always surprising me, he is!
617
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:08,960
You'll catch your death.
618
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:10,400
It's late...
619
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:13,520
Don't you worry!
Go in.
620
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,800
Fetch a bottle from the cellar!
621
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:20,400
- The cellar?
- Under the house, silly!
622
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:22,680
Unless you'd prefer a Suze, madam?
623
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:25,040
I don't mind.
I don't want to bother you.
624
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:26,760
You're no bother at all!
625
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,640
I'm so ashamed!
Looks like a gyppo's home.
626
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:31,280
That way.
627
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:36,200
I'll show you your room.
628
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:37,720
We can't stay.
629
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,560
You must stay for dinner.
I don't have much...
630
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:43,960
- No, really...
- Don't argue, Carole!
631
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,760
May I call you Carole?
I'm Marthe.
632
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:50,120
Have a seat.
633
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:55,720
Admiring my photos?
634
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,800
I cut them out the paper.
Mothers!
635
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:01,080
You have children, too.
636
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:05,720
Every time I see Patrick on telly,
I cry like a fool.
637
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:07,840
- Patrick?
- His real name!
638
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,520
Patrick Olivier.
639
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,880
Michel Blanc's his stage name.
Didn't want to upset his dad.
640
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,800
One night me and my hubby
were watching telly,
641
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,400
and there he was on the box!
642
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:21,080
We were chuffed.
643
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:24,120
He used to be a celebrity
at the police station!
644
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:26,960
Nothing serious, mind:
car radio theft,
645
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:28,880
but we were afraid for him.
646
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,280
He made a face
when he saw himself.
647
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,520
Said he wanted to surprise us.
He's a good lad.
648
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,000
Carole, we can't stay.
649
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:39,880
I'll pop something in the oven!
650
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:41,760
Take the tray!
651
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:42,800
We'll eat...
652
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:44,800
- We're not hungry!
- I am!
653
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:53,160
- Where are they?
- Eating!
654
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:56,320
- How long?
- Forty five minutes.
655
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:59,040
They had a tomato salad to start.
656
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:00,600
- With what?
- Muscadet!
657
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,320
White wine with salad!
658
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:04,600
It had tuna in it.
659
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,920
A chilled côtes du rhône
would've been better.
660
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,160
- The other with the next course.
- What is it?
661
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:13,040
Pork confit roasted with garlic.
662
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:15,160
As vegetables, courgettes.
663
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:18,080
If they need any cheese,
I've got some!
664
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,240
She has everything she needs!
665
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:22,840
It's going well!
666
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:25,840
- What's she like?
- Very kind, easygoing.
667
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:28,080
She's had two helpings of brawn!
668
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:33,320
You're crazy!
We shouldn't have stayed for dinner.
669
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:34,880
She's delighted to have us.
670
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,840
Maybe she's in cahoots
with her son!
671
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:39,760
We'll end up 6 feet under!
672
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,360
I've fried a few wild mushrooms.
673
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:44,800
To help the pork go down!
674
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:47,000
Aren't you eating?
675
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:48,800
- It's the damp.
- Knock, knock!
676
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:50,280
Why, Mrs Baudet!
677
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:53,000
- Am I disturbing you?
- We're eating.
678
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:55,080
But come in!
It's Mrs Baudet.
679
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:56,520
A family occasion...
680
00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:00,360
Just an informal dinner.
Have a bit of tart with us.
681
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:04,440
You know Carole Bouquet.
She taught Patrick everything.
682
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,480
- Hello, Mrs Bouquet.
- Hello, madam.
683
00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:07,840
Hello, sonny!
684
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,760
- Have a drink.
- Don't mind if I do!
685
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:14,400
But you must come to mine
for coffee afterwards.
686
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,080
My son would love to see you!
687
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,120
We really can't stay.
688
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:21,520
They're in the area for the night.
689
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:24,280
Just for a minute!
Say hello before you go.
690
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:28,040
It'll be the best day of his life.
He's been paralysed 5 years!
691
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:29,680
Come on, Carole!
692
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:31,800
OK. But just for a minute.
693
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:33,920
You're a kind woman.
694
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:35,640
It shows!
695
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,880
Come on. It's this way.
696
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,760
Go on. He's in there.
697
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:36,080
In you go.
698
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:45,720
Go on.
699
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,120
Hello!
Delighted to meet you!
700
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:02,240
Don't disturb him!
701
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:05,240
- Give me your hand!
- Of course!
702
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:07,240
All right?
703
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:10,080
Sure he's OK?
704
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:11,480
I don't know!
705
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:16,280
What's wrong with him?
706
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:17,840
I'll let you rest!
707
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:21,840
No! Stay in bed!
708
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:28,120
Bloody hell!
709
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,160
He's walking!
710
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,360
Right. Come on, Carole!
711
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:35,200
I can walk...
712
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:37,000
Careful!
713
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:39,960
It's a miracle!
714
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:41,320
He can walk!
715
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:47,040
Please come on!
716
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:49,400
Look! I can walk!
717
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:51,360
Carole, that's enough!
718
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:53,560
I can walk!
719
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:55,800
Bloody hell, Carole!
720
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:00,240
I can walk!
And I've got a hard-on!
721
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:03,440
Sorry!
722
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:07,840
Excuse me!
723
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:09,320
Sorry!
724
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:12,560
Come on, Carole!
725
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:15,880
Excuse me!
726
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:20,000
Let go of her hand, sir!
727
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:38,840
Start the car!
728
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:43,160
Have you ever wondered
what the point was?
729
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:46,640
Of success, stardom...
The whole business!
730
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,160
I haven't really had the time!
731
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:52,920
Why don't we discuss it
some other time?
732
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:55,720
What have you done
with your talent?
733
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:57,760
Sorry?
734
00:43:58,120 --> 00:43:59,280
Might be the answer.
735
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,240
I cured his legs!
736
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,320
Pull the other one!
Come on!
737
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:08,160
You think you cured a paralytic?
738
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:11,160
The bloke had a block.
You gave him a shock.
739
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,560
It unblocked him.
A miracle!
740
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:16,880
You refuse to believe in anything.
Even what you see!
741
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,720
I thought I was mad,
but it's you.
742
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,640
If it suits you to think that.
743
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:25,720
It'd suit me if we told the cops!
744
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:27,440
We can't go to the police!
745
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:29,800
We'll find Patrick and scare him!
746
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:32,560
Jail would kill his mum.
747
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:34,600
You're unbelievable!
748
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,560
He's my look-alike not yours!
749
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,760
The cops aren't after you!
750
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,680
Let me sort my own problems!
751
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,600
I'm not driving you to the station!
752
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:46,160
I'll hitch a ride.
753
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:47,840
You're in for a long wait.
754
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:49,720
Providence will provide, Sister.
755
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:54,400
Don't say I didn't warn you.
756
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:14,720
I can't let him to do that.
757
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,440
Finished your temper tantrum?
Jump in!
758
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:43,240
I wouldn't say no.
759
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:49,840
I'd rather sit in the back,
if you don't mind.
760
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:55,040
I can drive slowly.
761
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,440
No, it's fine.
I just feel like it.
762
00:45:57,800 --> 00:45:59,240
You're a strange guy.
763
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:13,960
What's wrong?
Feel sick again?
764
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:15,240
Why do you ask?
765
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:16,960
You look peculiar.
766
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:19,560
- How so?
- Like you've something in mind.
767
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:21,440
- Spot on!
- What's got into you?
768
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:24,320
I'm ecstatic!
Carole Bouquet's breasts!
769
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:27,040
- I'm fondling Bouquet's breasts!
- And?
770
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:28,760
They're warm and soft!
771
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:30,280
I meant what now?
772
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:32,240
We could have sex!
773
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:37,240
Now you listen to me, Patrick!
774
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,680
- How did you guess?
- Feminine intuition.
775
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:41,440
You're hurting me!
776
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:46,840
Stop! I'm armed!
777
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,880
The guy from French Fried Vacation!
778
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:08,160
- Michel Blanc? Where?
- Under the salad bar!
779
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:11,440
- Carole Bouquet!
- Come out!
780
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:15,280
Bloody hell!
781
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:17,960
Hurry up!
782
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:20,480
I'm coming out!
783
00:47:20,720 --> 00:47:22,200
While I reload!
784
00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:30,480
I didn't know they were an item!
785
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,120
- Put your gun away!
- Shut it! Move!
786
00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:41,200
What do you intend to do?
787
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:44,400
Move it, or I'll give
your arsehole a look-alike!
788
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:46,440
You lied to the whole village?
789
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:49,440
They stopped calling me a lazy git.
790
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:53,400
They liked me.
I couldn't tell them the truth.
791
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:55,640
It's not a big deal.
792
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:57,480
I've done no harm!
793
00:47:57,720 --> 00:47:58,720
And Balasko?
794
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,200
A blunder.
I was after her money.
795
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:05,040
When I saw her tied up,
I couldn't resist!
796
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:06,880
I'm only human!
797
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:09,600
Listen carefully,
I'll try to be brief.
798
00:48:10,240 --> 00:48:12,320
You'd better keep a low profile.
799
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:16,040
If I bump into you again,
you'll get my fist in your face!
800
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:17,120
Understand?
801
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:18,320
Loud and clear!
802
00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:21,160
You've got 5 minutes to disappear!
803
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:22,200
I'm going!
804
00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:31,880
I wanted to inform the police
but Carole refused.
805
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:34,000
The miracle really shook her.
806
00:48:34,240 --> 00:48:36,160
She reckons it's a miracle.
807
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:37,640
I think it's nerves.
808
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:41,440
The bloke probably collapsed
as soon as we left.
809
00:48:41,720 --> 00:48:44,840
I prefer to tell all,
because the guy's dangerous.
810
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:50,200
If you have any questions...
811
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:55,920
Bravo! Here you go!
812
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:59,360
I've always wondered...
813
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:02,200
Do you improvise,
or learn your lines by heart?
814
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:03,760
Goodbye!
815
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:08,760
Try to come for Christmas.
We all dress up!
816
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:24,600
Proud of yourself?
817
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,840
You claim to be a leftie,
you sing for Ethiopia.
818
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:31,200
As long as there are cameras around!
819
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:33,080
Grassing to the cops!
820
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:34,600
Don't take the piss!
821
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:36,880
I'll break your face!
822
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:38,920
- Calm down!
- I'll kill you!
823
00:49:39,240 --> 00:49:40,880
Let me explain!
824
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:44,320
Explain what?
That you're a crook?
825
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:45,320
You're strangling me!
826
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:47,000
That's your explanation?
827
00:49:47,240 --> 00:49:48,040
Bastard!
828
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:53,040
I never asked to look like you!
829
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:57,280
I'd have chosen someone else!
830
00:49:58,040 --> 00:49:59,360
You think it's easy?
831
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:02,480
You're always playing jerks!
832
00:50:02,720 --> 00:50:04,920
How about some variety?
833
00:50:05,240 --> 00:50:07,920
I don't need your advice!
834
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:11,280
Pity that.
You'd have avoided a few flops!
835
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:14,000
Why pass yourself off as me, then?
836
00:50:14,240 --> 00:50:18,000
I have the disadvantages.
Why not the advantages?
837
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:19,600
I've no private life.
838
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,000
People smirk when I trip over.
839
00:50:22,240 --> 00:50:23,640
You chose this life.
840
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:26,320
And you make a bloody packet!
841
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:28,200
I've got sod all.
842
00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:29,920
What about the harm you do?
843
00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:31,480
Who's harming who?
844
00:50:31,720 --> 00:50:34,320
What job can I do
with a clown's face?
845
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:37,040
Would Hitler have succeeded
with Fernandel's?
846
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:40,480
You've buggered up my life!
That's the truth!
847
00:50:40,720 --> 00:50:43,000
I don't have the time for this!
848
00:50:43,240 --> 00:50:45,920
I've no intention
of changing my job or my mug!
849
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:48,600
You'd better find a solution.
850
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:52,280
If you start again,
I'll find more understanding cops!
851
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:53,480
OK? Goodnight!
852
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:06,320
There is a solution!
853
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:08,640
Yes! You clear off!
854
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:11,480
We could work together.
855
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:14,360
How about sharing the workload?
856
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:17,760
I don't understand.
Or rather, I'm afraid I do!
857
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:21,640
The programmes you hate...
I'll do them for you.
858
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:25,240
- That's a swindle!
- Why?
859
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:27,480
The public gets its money's worth!
860
00:51:27,720 --> 00:51:30,760
You make the films.
While I promote them, you write.
861
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:33,600
And the spectators can only benefit.
862
00:51:34,240 --> 00:51:37,960
Some of your stuff is so tired!
But you're only human.
863
00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:41,160
I'll do all the commercial films.
864
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,200
You do the quality stuff.
Ideal, isn't it?
865
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:46,720
I've never done films for money!
866
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:48,360
Not only anyway!
867
00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:51,240
What about all those ads, eh?
868
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:01,360
Think about it.
Don't you fancy a year off?
869
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:03,440
India, Burma.
870
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:06,680
Night falling on Along Bay,
the streets of Manila...
871
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:07,800
Madness!
872
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:10,200
You wouldn't be the first.
873
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:14,360
How does Depardieu manage
to make so many films?
874
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:15,520
A dog couldn't do it!
875
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:19,360
You're totally insane.
You frighten me.
876
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:22,480
I don't need an answer now.
877
00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:26,040
You know where to find me now.
Night!
878
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:56,960
I think I've made
a very costly mistake!
879
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:15,040
What the hell's going on?
880
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:17,680
I don't like the look of this.
881
00:53:25,240 --> 00:53:27,240
- Yes?
- Is Carole home?
882
00:53:38,720 --> 00:53:40,400
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
883
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:42,480
I warned you!
884
00:53:42,720 --> 00:53:44,600
It's me! Michel!
885
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:46,240
I've been patient, Patrick.
886
00:53:46,520 --> 00:53:48,760
But I'm about to lose my temper!
887
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:50,760
I'm not my look-alike!
888
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,680
You won't fool me this time.
Follow me!
889
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:05,640
So you're Michel Blanc, are you?
890
00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:08,920
It so happens
I'm having lunch with him!
891
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:10,400
Rotten luck!
892
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:26,640
Say something, guys!
893
00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:29,400
Speak to me!
894
00:54:31,240 --> 00:54:32,800
Don't get taken in by him!
895
00:54:33,240 --> 00:54:34,760
There is a likeness.
896
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:36,960
It's obvious it isn't him!
897
00:54:37,240 --> 00:54:39,480
I wouldn't be taken in.
898
00:54:39,720 --> 00:54:40,960
His eyes are different.
899
00:54:41,240 --> 00:54:42,640
It's beyond a joke!
900
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:46,080
His voice bothers me.
Michel doesn't sound so gay!
901
00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:48,640
There's the bastard who raped me!
902
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:49,840
Josie, don't!
903
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:52,080
Where's your hard-on now?
904
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,640
- Don't find me attractive?
- Josie, please!
905
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:56,640
This'll calm you down!
906
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:58,680
Right! Get out!
907
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:06,400
Unbelievable!
908
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:10,920
Patrick, this'll end in tears!
909
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:13,080
Sorry to have been brutal.
910
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:15,200
It was to make you see reason.
911
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:18,360
I'll help you
if you stop all this madness.
912
00:55:18,880 --> 00:55:21,920
I want to wake up.
I've had enough!
913
00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:45,080
Hello!
914
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,720
- A double brandy, please.
- Coming up!
915
00:56:03,720 --> 00:56:04,800
Another.
916
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:09,920
Look at me.
917
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:13,520
Just to see if you recognize me.
918
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:15,800
We don't give credit!
919
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:17,520
It isn't that.
920
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:21,360
Have you seen me before?
921
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:23,400
I dunno! Turn around.
922
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:27,440
The wally who does the weather!
Is that it?
923
00:56:27,720 --> 00:56:29,560
I don't work in television.
924
00:56:29,840 --> 00:56:31,520
- Films.
- Tough luck!
925
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,000
Films bore the pants off me!
926
00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:36,360
Just finish your drink and go!
927
00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:38,920
Twenty francs change!
928
00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:10,800
You're really pushing it!
929
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:14,520
The joke's over!
930
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:16,000
Put your toys away!
931
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:18,880
Give my ID back
and get out of my life!
932
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:24,240
Despite all appearances,
you're an optimistic boy!
933
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:25,520
Bit of a schoolgirl.
934
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:28,080
One of the weak points
of your films.
935
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:30,800
I'm writing the script now!
936
00:57:31,080 --> 00:57:34,360
And it ain't Happy Days.
Not for you anyway.
937
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:36,440
Best get used to it!
938
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:39,560
The wheel of fortune turns.
Everybody gets a go.
939
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:42,280
You don't own our mug
any more than I do.
940
00:57:42,560 --> 00:57:45,000
We're co-owners.
It's like a time-share.
941
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:47,800
I've let you use it for 40 years.
942
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:50,720
But now I'm here to evict you!
943
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:53,520
I won't allow it!
944
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:55,440
You don't have the choice!
945
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:58,280
Unless you kill me,
which isn't your style.
946
00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:00,520
You're such a conformist, Patrick!
947
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:03,360
- Don't call me Patrick!
- Get used to it, mate!
948
00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:05,080
You're Patrick now!
949
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:07,080
Make yourself scarce,
950
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:09,960
or I'll tell the cops
you're pretending to be me
951
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:11,840
and raping my pals!
952
00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:14,840
Bloody bastard!
953
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:17,640
You won't enjoy co-ownership long!
954
00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:20,320
I'm going to write Michel Blanc off!
955
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:23,800
Within 24 hours,
he won't be worth peanuts!
956
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:39,440
Hello, Mr Blanc.
How may I help you?
957
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:42,960
Show me your diamond necklaces.
958
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:45,680
Have a seat,
I'll call the manager.
959
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:51,960
- What's going on?
- Some codswallop!
960
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:54,240
They're making a gangster film.
961
00:58:54,520 --> 00:58:57,480
That's all they do nowadays!
Blood and guts!
962
00:58:57,880 --> 00:59:00,840
I preferred him with a moustache.
He's put on weight, too.
963
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:03,600
It's the drink what does it.
964
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:05,440
Get down!
965
00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:08,680
Just open the safe, OK?
966
00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:10,400
Bloody well open it!
967
00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:14,840
The special effects are great!
968
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:18,160
The alarm's gone off,
the police'll be here any minute!
969
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:19,840
Will you tell them?
970
00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:22,720
If you leave now,
it'll be our little secret.
971
00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:24,880
I'll make sure no one talks!
972
00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:27,960
But this could ruin your career!
973
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:31,960
If I want to bugger up my career,
that's my business!
974
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:35,080
It's our business, too!
We love your films!
975
00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:37,520
Especially Father Christmas Stinks.
976
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:40,880
I wasn't in Father Christmas!
Open the safe!
977
00:59:42,680 --> 00:59:43,440
Open it!
978
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:49,440
It's quite hard work really.
Who'd have thought!
979
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:56,480
- Is there a way out downstairs?
- Just offices.
980
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,720
Get downstairs anyway!
981
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,440
Hurry!
982
01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:38,840
I'm waiting for the news crew.
983
01:00:39,080 --> 01:00:40,840
Great! What station?
984
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:43,800
I can't say till I've had
France 2's offer.
985
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:45,560
I'm going to make-up.
986
01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:51,080
Michel was filming a tough scene
when he got the news.
987
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:53,240
Naturally he was very upset.
988
01:00:53,560 --> 01:00:55,120
Carole, where is he now?
989
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:58,840
In his apartment.
He'll be making a statement soon.
990
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:01,400
Sorry, I really must dash!
991
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:04,000
It's turned out well.
992
01:01:04,280 --> 01:01:06,800
It's awful for those innocent folk,
993
01:01:07,040 --> 01:01:08,520
but I must say for us,
994
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:12,520
his friends, his family,
those who love him, it's a relief.
995
01:01:12,800 --> 01:01:14,800
Didn't anyone notice?
996
01:01:15,040 --> 01:01:15,920
Of course!
997
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:19,680
But we put it down to stress.
It's a crazy business!
998
01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:22,520
I wish he'd chosen dance, like me.
999
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:25,080
I knew something was wrong.
1000
01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:26,120
Aren't you clever!
1001
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:27,560
Tell me, Doctor,
1002
01:01:27,840 --> 01:01:31,280
would you say he was insane,
mentally ill?
1003
01:01:31,560 --> 01:01:34,240
He passed himself off
as Michel Blanc,
1004
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:36,080
and I noticed right away
1005
01:01:36,320 --> 01:01:39,360
that he had all the symptoms
of Zinse's disease.
1006
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:41,240
Self-denigration,
1007
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:42,800
obsessional neurosis,
1008
01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:44,880
penis revulsion.
1009
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:49,560
I should have realized,
but it's common in this business.
1010
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:51,640
Is he responsible for his acts?
1011
01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:00,440
Bouquet!
1012
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:02,520
Carole!
1013
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:05,440
Give me 5 minutes,
I'll bring him out!
1014
01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:07,600
The courts are congested.
1015
01:02:07,880 --> 01:02:10,160
And it's none of your business!
1016
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:14,000
If that's your attitude,
I'll do it without your approval!
1017
01:02:15,320 --> 01:02:16,280
Stop her!
1018
01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:21,680
For god's sake!
1019
01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:31,960
What's the matter?
1020
01:02:32,280 --> 01:02:34,240
It's weird seeing her in the flesh.
1021
01:02:40,480 --> 01:02:42,080
Guess who's here!
1022
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,680
I was out shopping
and I heard you were here.
1023
01:02:48,440 --> 01:02:51,800
All of a sudden,
I desperately wanted to see you.
1024
01:02:56,200 --> 01:02:59,560
May I come down?
Are you downstairs?
1025
01:03:07,160 --> 01:03:09,440
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
1026
01:03:10,640 --> 01:03:13,320
We were a bit hard on you yesterday.
1027
01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:16,800
I'd like us to have a little chat.
1028
01:03:18,400 --> 01:03:20,600
Do you know what we should do?
1029
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:24,520
Give everyone the slip
and take off to the coast.
1030
01:03:29,280 --> 01:03:31,520
We can chat
as we collect seashells.
1031
01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:34,160
How about it, Patrick?
1032
01:03:34,400 --> 01:03:37,160
I'm not Patrick!
Don't treat me like a lunatic.
1033
01:03:37,400 --> 01:03:40,720
I don't think you're mad.
You're just tired.
1034
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:43,040
I sometimes wonder who I am, too.
1035
01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:45,440
I know who I am!
Michel Blanc!
1036
01:03:46,200 --> 01:03:47,880
Go away!
Don't do anything stupid!
1037
01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:50,880
What if I desperately wanted to?
1038
01:03:52,040 --> 01:03:53,440
For ages!
1039
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:56,400
Ever since I felt
your hands on my breasts.
1040
01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:59,280
What if that's why I'm here?
1041
01:03:59,560 --> 01:04:03,040
The more I look at you,
the giddier I feel.
1042
01:04:04,480 --> 01:04:05,840
I'm going to swoon!
1043
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:08,600
Stop your acting!
1044
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:10,600
I'm not acting!
1045
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:14,400
How does it make you feel
to see me lying here, vulnerable,
1046
01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:15,960
like defenceless prey?
1047
01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:18,720
I'm Michel.
Please believe me!
1048
01:04:19,280 --> 01:04:21,840
Who cares who I am,
who you are!
1049
01:04:22,120 --> 01:04:26,240
All I can see is two bodies
in close proximity.
1050
01:04:26,480 --> 01:04:28,120
How is this evening?
1051
01:04:29,080 --> 01:04:30,840
Mild as a spring evening.
1052
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:33,120
I think it's wet and torrid.
1053
01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:36,240
Like a night in Malaysia
before the monsoon.
1054
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:39,720
I'd like to rip off my clothes!
I'm suffocating!
1055
01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:40,760
Can you feel it?
1056
01:04:41,040 --> 01:04:42,000
Your belt's tight.
1057
01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:45,560
My life is suffocating!
This business is killing me!
1058
01:04:45,800 --> 01:04:48,880
I am sick of being cold
and inaccessible!
1059
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:51,440
I'm tired of frightening men!
1060
01:04:51,640 --> 01:04:54,440
I dreamt of brutal lambadas,
of big sweaty lads
1061
01:04:54,720 --> 01:04:56,040
and working men's clubs!
1062
01:04:56,320 --> 01:04:59,160
And above all of strong arms
to imprison me,
1063
01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:01,720
to protect me, to shove me!
1064
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:05,120
But no one shoves me.
Shove me, Patrick!
1065
01:05:05,400 --> 01:05:08,200
Be disrespectful!
What is it Balasko has?
1066
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:09,400
I'm not Patrick!
1067
01:05:09,680 --> 01:05:11,560
Take me like a worker!
1068
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:20,760
No!
1069
01:05:28,480 --> 01:05:30,920
I did that to save your life!
1070
01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:32,880
They were going to shoot you!
1071
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:35,400
The best thing for blokes
with problems
1072
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:37,040
is to never meet you!
1073
01:05:37,640 --> 01:05:39,160
I knew he wasn't the real McCoy.
1074
01:05:39,400 --> 01:05:41,400
That's why I set off the alarm.
1075
01:05:43,200 --> 01:05:44,680
Press conference!
1076
01:05:46,160 --> 01:05:47,760
You'll thank me one day!
1077
01:05:48,520 --> 01:05:50,960
They'll take care of you,
give you pills.
1078
01:05:51,240 --> 01:05:52,840
You'll come out in top form!
1079
01:05:53,120 --> 01:05:55,480
If you need me, call me!
1080
01:05:56,680 --> 01:05:58,560
It'll be like a holiday!
1081
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:19,840
What a nice surprise!
1082
01:06:21,040 --> 01:06:23,360
Look, lads! Our stranger!
1083
01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:28,280
We've really missed you!
1084
01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:31,880
Dédé refused to eat for 3 days
after you left us.
1085
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,440
There's a mistake.
I'm not Michel Blanc!
1086
01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:36,840
I'm much smaller!
1087
01:06:37,280 --> 01:06:39,280
- Much fatter, too!
- Who cares!
1088
01:06:39,560 --> 01:06:41,120
We love you anyway!
1089
01:06:41,400 --> 01:06:43,160
Help!
1090
01:06:57,720 --> 01:06:59,600
Patrick Olivier to the governor!
1091
01:07:23,880 --> 01:07:25,920
- Take a seat.
- No thank you.
1092
01:07:26,720 --> 01:07:29,280
Mr Olivier,
I hope you'll have fond memories
1093
01:07:29,560 --> 01:07:31,880
of your short stay with us.
1094
01:07:32,560 --> 01:07:34,800
I also hope these few months
1095
01:07:35,080 --> 01:07:37,560
have made you see sense.
1096
01:07:42,160 --> 01:07:44,280
Don't forget,
our door is always open.
1097
01:07:57,760 --> 01:07:58,720
First name?
1098
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:00,040
Patrick.
1099
01:08:00,400 --> 01:08:02,480
What shows have you been in?
1100
01:08:02,760 --> 01:08:04,880
Loads.
I don't remember the names.
1101
01:08:05,160 --> 01:08:08,400
That's bothersome.
You need a good memory in this job.
1102
01:08:08,760 --> 01:08:11,000
I can work as an extra for now.
1103
01:08:11,240 --> 01:08:13,200
I'm afraid it'll be for later.
1104
01:08:13,440 --> 01:08:15,640
I've nothing for you right now.
1105
01:08:15,880 --> 01:08:19,520
Go take a look
at the jobs board anyway.
1106
01:08:24,360 --> 01:08:25,920
I can act in English!
1107
01:08:26,200 --> 01:08:30,000
I'll let Spielberg know
next time he calls me!
1108
01:09:17,880 --> 01:09:19,360
Bloody hell, my leg!
1109
01:10:17,280 --> 01:10:18,440
Next!
1110
01:10:22,520 --> 01:10:23,840
I've come about the job.
1111
01:10:24,120 --> 01:10:27,400
- Who's look-alike are you, then?
- Michel Blanc.
1112
01:10:27,680 --> 01:10:28,640
You reckon?
1113
01:10:28,880 --> 01:10:30,440
With a bit of make-up...
1114
01:10:33,880 --> 01:10:35,640
Don't get your hopes up.
1115
01:10:37,960 --> 01:10:39,000
Goodbye.
1116
01:10:40,320 --> 01:10:41,360
Next!
1117
01:10:45,280 --> 01:10:47,280
I imagine they didn't take you.
1118
01:10:48,440 --> 01:10:50,760
I've been waiting.
I spotted you earlier.
1119
01:10:52,480 --> 01:10:54,520
- You too, you've just...
- Yes!
1120
01:10:54,760 --> 01:10:55,800
Noiret's look-alike?
1121
01:10:56,040 --> 01:10:58,840
Usually I'm Deneuve,
but I've had a nasty cold.
1122
01:11:00,280 --> 01:11:02,080
I'm joking!
1123
01:11:02,320 --> 01:11:04,000
We can joke, can't we?
1124
01:11:04,240 --> 01:11:06,200
May I walk along with you?
1125
01:11:06,440 --> 01:11:07,920
I'm not going anywhere.
1126
01:11:08,160 --> 01:11:11,240
That's perfect.
It's on my way.
1127
01:11:22,760 --> 01:11:24,200
Why are we here?
1128
01:11:24,480 --> 01:11:26,920
Because you and I need to talk.
1129
01:11:29,120 --> 01:11:32,240
You haven't touched a thing.
Eat!
1130
01:11:32,960 --> 01:11:36,640
I feel sorry for you.
You look like death warmed up.
1131
01:11:37,320 --> 01:11:41,480
Nibble a bit of cheese
if you don't fancy the sausage.
1132
01:11:41,760 --> 01:11:44,520
We'll wash it all down with port,
1133
01:11:44,760 --> 01:11:47,880
smoke a cigar
and have a quiet chat.
1134
01:11:48,320 --> 01:11:50,240
I'm not very hungry.
1135
01:11:50,480 --> 01:11:53,800
You are! It's normal
when you get out of prison.
1136
01:11:55,760 --> 01:11:57,040
Why do you say that?
1137
01:11:58,680 --> 01:12:00,840
Because you've just been released.
1138
01:12:01,760 --> 01:12:04,200
The ending never changes.
1139
01:12:04,480 --> 01:12:06,960
It's always the same story.
1140
01:12:08,320 --> 01:12:10,360
Look at me, my dear Michel.
1141
01:12:10,680 --> 01:12:12,520
I'm Philippe Noiret.
1142
01:12:13,280 --> 01:12:16,000
I know your story.
It's identical to mine.
1143
01:12:16,280 --> 01:12:18,720
You get a stand-in
for the tiresome jobs.
1144
01:12:19,000 --> 01:12:20,880
Then one day you go too far.
1145
01:12:21,120 --> 01:12:23,800
And the key no longer fits the lock.
1146
01:12:24,040 --> 01:12:26,320
You've been kicked out.
1147
01:12:29,280 --> 01:12:30,520
I'm not the only one?
1148
01:12:30,760 --> 01:12:33,280
Of course you're not!
1149
01:12:33,560 --> 01:12:36,920
It suited me at first.
My wife was starting to bug me.
1150
01:12:39,400 --> 01:12:42,040
And then... you get used to it.
1151
01:12:42,280 --> 01:12:44,640
I don't want to accept it.
I want to fight.
1152
01:12:44,920 --> 01:12:45,840
Fight?
1153
01:12:46,120 --> 01:12:49,800
Whatever for?
Let me show you something!
1154
01:12:50,040 --> 01:12:51,320
Mind if I row?
1155
01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:00,600
Know what used to be there?
A cinema!
1156
01:13:00,880 --> 01:13:02,360
And there, another cinema.
1157
01:13:02,640 --> 01:13:06,640
The dream palaces of yesteryear
are processed crap outlets.
1158
01:13:06,920 --> 01:13:08,080
There are some left.
1159
01:13:08,320 --> 01:13:11,640
For what they're worth!
Have you seen what's on?
1160
01:13:11,920 --> 01:13:13,840
See many French films?
1161
01:13:14,040 --> 01:13:18,320
I'm gonna tell you something.
Listen to me, piece of shit.
1162
01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:20,120
You fuck off, shit!
1163
01:13:21,480 --> 01:13:23,560
That's all you hear nowadays.
1164
01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:25,960
French cinema's got one foot
in the grave!
1165
01:13:26,600 --> 01:13:29,800
We'll all end up as mice
in their bloody parks!
1166
01:13:30,040 --> 01:13:31,640
That's an exaggeration.
1167
01:13:31,880 --> 01:13:33,600
For fuck's sake!
1168
01:13:33,880 --> 01:13:36,520
Don't you ever look at the figures?
1169
01:13:36,760 --> 01:13:40,360
Well, you should,
because they're pretty scary!
1170
01:13:40,640 --> 01:13:44,320
Want me to show you
what French cinema resembles?
1171
01:13:50,040 --> 01:13:52,720
Here it is!
Under there!
1172
01:13:53,200 --> 01:13:55,480
French cinema
is the unknown soldier!
1173
01:13:55,760 --> 01:13:56,680
To our dead!
1174
01:14:04,360 --> 01:14:05,120
Come on, Philippe!
1175
01:14:05,360 --> 01:14:07,720
It's like an awards ceremony!
1176
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:10,600
I've a few francs.
Let's go for coffee.
1177
01:14:13,640 --> 01:14:15,880
Seen any films
with your look-alike?
1178
01:14:16,160 --> 01:14:18,960
No. Always the same old Noiret!
1179
01:14:19,200 --> 01:14:20,800
- How about you?
- No...
1180
01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:23,880
You should see the latest.
It'd amuse you.
1181
01:14:24,160 --> 01:14:25,120
What's it about?
1182
01:14:25,360 --> 01:14:28,400
A story about look-alikes,
with Carole Bouquet.
1183
01:14:28,760 --> 01:14:29,560
Cut!
1184
01:14:30,440 --> 01:14:34,080
There are two guys in the shot!
Didn't you notice?
1185
01:14:34,320 --> 01:14:36,760
Gentlemen, we're making a film.
Please move.
1186
01:14:37,480 --> 01:14:38,960
Sorry! Excuse us!
1187
01:14:40,520 --> 01:14:42,840
Right... Action!
1188
01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:46,120
Another delightful day in store!
1189
01:14:46,360 --> 01:14:47,960
Let's push on to the park.
1190
01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:50,080
Gentlemen!
1191
01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:52,800
Fancy being in the movies?
1192
01:14:53,760 --> 01:14:57,040
Be in the movies!
We need two waiters.
1193
01:14:57,280 --> 01:14:59,960
- If you're interested...
- No thank you!
1194
01:15:00,200 --> 01:15:02,760
Come on, mate!
Don't let's hang about!
1195
01:15:05,880 --> 01:15:07,000
What are the conditions?
1196
01:15:08,480 --> 01:15:09,560
How much do you want?
1197
01:15:09,800 --> 01:15:12,320
Not less than 2500 a day.
1198
01:15:12,600 --> 01:15:15,840
Then there's our expenses.
We don't live in Paris.
1199
01:15:16,080 --> 01:15:17,360
We work in London.
1200
01:15:17,600 --> 01:15:20,160
And the caravan.
That's important...
1201
01:15:20,360 --> 01:15:22,040
Take them to make-up.
1202
01:15:22,240 --> 01:15:24,560
We'll start when they're ready.
1203
01:15:36,640 --> 01:15:39,880
Take these gentlemen to make-up.
Quick, we're waiting.
82954
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