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- [Narrator] What does it
mean to be gay and be a man?
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Given all the different
types of gay men out there,
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there's no straight answer for sure.
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- There was no one to go talk to,
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like a gay Buddha or gay Yoda
and say, "Mm, tell me please."
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- I didn't know what a
role model meant to me.
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- I didn't act the way that the people
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that were called gay act,
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so I would question sometimes if I was.
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- I didn't know what gay was.
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I just knew it was something
that was not looked upon.
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- I didn't feel like I
fit in the gay world.
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I didn't feel like I fit
in the straight world.
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- When you think of being gay,
there's such a stereotype.
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That's why a lot of people
tend to stay in the closet.
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- I'm supposed to be this dominant man and
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I'm still kind of hiding it.
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- [Narrator] We'll profile
a wide range of gay men
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to explore how they define
what it means to be a man.
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- With a gay man,
masculinity is a feature that
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they actually think about
more often than straight men
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because straight men are just
basically following a line.
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- Homosexul men have a very conflicted
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relationship with masculinity.
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They put it up on a pedestal
and on the other side,
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they're afraid that other men
are going to make fun of them.
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And they will.
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- I was physically assaulted
many times in school.
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I just didn't fit in at
all to the rigid standards
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for what men and women do.
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- Being labeled as a faggot before
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I even knew that I was gay.
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- Learning to look through
a magnifying glass at
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how we're performing masculinity,
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there's a potential feeling
that we have of "I've failed."
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- There are different
ways that people enact
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what it means to be masculine.
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There's no one category called Gay Men.
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- There are extremes to both ends of
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masculinity and femininity.
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It's just where you end
up in that spectrum.
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It's who you are.
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- Masculinity has to be a
special challenge for gay men
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because we are attracted to other men
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so the question of what makes a man a man
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and how I can be the thing that
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I desire is a central question
about who we are as a people.
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(upbeat pop rock music)
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- [Narrator] This is The Butch Factor.
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(intense rock music)
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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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- To be a man is to be
trustworthy, to be genuine,
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to do what you say you're gonna do,
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to follow through on your word,
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be honorable and treat people well.
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To put it in a short version,
just do the right thing
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and we all know what that means.
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- [Narrator] When he's not
pursuing his favorite passion,
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football, Jason Hefley works
for a construction company
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in San Diego, California.
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- Being gay, or being attracted to men,
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is a sexual preference and that's just
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one part of Jason Hefley, a
very small part, quite frankly.
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I'm also an athlete.
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I'm also an uncle, a great son,
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and all these different variables.
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It doesn't dictate what I am or what I do
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or anything like that.
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- [Narrator] Jason plays
in a gay flag football
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league in San Diego.
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The city hosts 10 gay teams and is one of
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17 gay football leagues
around the country.
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- There's a lot of
former college athletes.
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There are some straight
guys in the league that
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have good athletic background.
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Just some great athletes
out there in general.
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The dynamics are very competitive.
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It's a very competitive environment.
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(men shouting)
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Flag football is surprisingly physical.
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It's definitely a contact sport.
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- You don't have any
padding on but people are
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still running into each other,
so it can be pretty rough.
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I've had a couple of injuries from it.
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My grandfather was
actually an All-American
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quarterback for Princeton
and so I've got the lineage
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and I really like the game.
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Love football, going to
University of Florida,
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football is the main thing there.
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I won a bronze medal at the
Gay Games, played football.
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It's become a big part of my life.
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- I've always played
sports since I was a kid,
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so coming out here I was
trying to find just a good
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community of gay people to play ball with.
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I think you have more of a
sense of togetherness because
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we're just a small gay community,
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and for the straight people,
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and so on and we play here and
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we're off the field, we all hang out.
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When I play in the straight leagues,
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we don't hang out afterwards.
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We don't go grab a burger afterwards
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or hang out at somebody's house because,
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I mean, I'm gonna guess
that would be kind of gay.
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(men shouting and cheering)
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- Like most team sports, it
feels like we're part of a team.
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(men shouting and cheering)
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But, I also think it's
great for the new guys,
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especially the guys who've never played,
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who come out here and say,
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"You know what?
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"I can play football."
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That just gives me joy because
I've been playing all my life
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I love football!
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(upbeat energetic music)
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- It seems to be such a stereotype of
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a manly, straight thing.
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We need to break those barriers.
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We have this league going
and it's growing and
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we have a lot of people out there who just
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want to play the sport
and have a good time.
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- Team athletics has always been a part of
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my upbringing and I think
it has a lot to do with
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who I am today and my character.
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- [Narrator] Growing up
in Arkansas and Oregon,
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Jason was an all-star football player
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in high school and college.
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He even played a while for
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Canada's professional football league.
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- [Announcer] Then he just
follows right off the tushy
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of the pulling tackle there,
plays right off his butt.
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- Football teams became my families and
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coaches became my ad
hoc fathers and that was
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a real important part of
my growth and development.
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I was really shocked to find
out that there didn't seem to
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be a lot of people like me in
the gay community, initially.
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Maybe a little rough and tumble,
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a construction or blue-collar background.
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I've got a two-man auger out
here, which is post-hold digger
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I have my boyfriend on the other side,
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which is kind of funny
because he only weighs
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about 150 pounds and it was
throwing him all over the place.
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This is pretty hard soil.
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I was finding in the
gay community girl talk,
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pop culture, Madonna, fashion.
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I found myself, oftentimes,
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just being a sedentary
participant in the community.
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Being involved in the flag
football league has helped me
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come to terms with my
identity because before,
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I didn't have any outlets and camaraderie
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experiences within the gay community.
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I've always viewed myself to be
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a very strong man, very confident.
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I didn't care what other
people thought of me.
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That probably wasn't as true as much as
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I like to believe myself,
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so I found a lot of people
who still, typically,
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wouldn't be perceived as strong as me.
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They were more confident in themselves and
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they were being themselves
through sexuality and
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comfortable with their sexuality.
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So, it ws kind of a wake-up call.
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I'm supposed to be this dominant man and
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I'm still kind of hiding it.
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What does that really say about me.
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So, I think being around
those guys over and over
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and over again and seeing
their comfort level
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had a large part of me saying hey,
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you'd better take a look
at yourself in the mirror.
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(upbeat intense music)
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- I have been in this
department for almost 14 years.
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These are my original cuffs.
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The interesting thing about
these handcuff is they have
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been on Richard Ramirez,
The Night Stalker.
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I hold them on as
friendly reminder of what
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everyone in life is capable of.
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One of the greatest things
about being a deputy sheriff
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and working for the
Sheriff's Department are
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the challenges that you face every day.
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The leadership skills that you
possess, you bring with you.
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The inherent qualities that
you have, you bring with you.
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They are utilized at any given moment.
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It's very difficult when
you walk down a tier and
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you're called faggot-ass bitch,
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you try not to take it personal,
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that it doesn't really
matter what people think,
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whether you're gay or not.
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The inmate population,
the criminals as a whole
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begin to respect you, it's on
the fact that you're honest,
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you have integrity, you say what you mean,
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you're fair and impartial
across the board.
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I think, sometimes, there's
this underlying feeling
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that because you are gay,
that somehow you're less than
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and that could just be preconceived,
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something that I carry with myself,
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but at the same time, I do
work with individuals that
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at times, feel that because
they're heterosexual and
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I'm homosexual, somehow
they're better than I am.
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It's gotten a lot better
because, time and time again,
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especially in the San
Francisco Sheriff's Department,
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you have leaders that
are lesbian and gay and
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bisexual and questioning
who have continued
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to make a difference.
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- I think there were many
gays and lesbians who
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paved the road for myself
and including Vince.
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I was hired through a gay
recruitment 22 years ago.
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I have 178 sworn here.
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Most of them are men.
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I'm pretty well respected
in the department
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as well as Vince is and
he's great with taking
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command of situations and
the people respect him,
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gay, straight or whatever.
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- He's very open with his
lifestyle but he's not
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forcing it down anyone's throat.
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It's just who he is.
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There is the stigma of being gay.
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Law enforcement can be a
very macho kind of thing and
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a lot of times the gays may
not be seen as being macho.
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Although, look at Vince.
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I mean, no one's gonna say no
to Vince, just from his size.
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There are other gay or lesbian
employees in this department
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that are not as big and forceful.
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They're seen as weak,
sometimes, by the staff,
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because they are not afraid
to show their emotions.
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There's this facade
you're supposed to put up,
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the big, tough, or at least
the unflappable professional.
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You get it done, you know,
Joe Friday, just the facts,
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et cetera, et cetera.
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I think it's slowly changing.
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It takes a long time.
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- I've had grown men, both
deputy sheriff and convict,
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00:11:02,916 --> 00:11:06,084
and inmate, collapse in my arms in tears.
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Straight.
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And they've felt comfortable to do that.
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Why that is, is it's
not so much about this
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as it is about this.
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I have a heart.
238
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I like to use it a lot, not
just for pumping muscle,
239
00:11:21,462 --> 00:11:23,952
but I think people trust
in me and they know
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that I'm gonna do the right thing.
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I'm a very fair person.
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I can walk around, I can
bust heads all day long.
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00:11:29,087 --> 00:11:32,387
I could just bust through
walls, metaphorically speaking,
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but I'm not gonna get any respect.
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I always wanted to be in law enforcement.
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00:11:37,482 --> 00:11:38,855
I always wanted to be a firefighter.
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"But, you?
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00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:42,630
"You can't be a firefighter.
249
00:11:42,630 --> 00:11:44,742
"You can't be in law enforcement."
250
00:11:44,742 --> 00:11:46,194
There were no gay role models.
251
00:11:46,194 --> 00:11:48,623
There was no one to go talk to,
252
00:11:48,623 --> 00:11:52,068
like a gay Buddha or gay
Yoda, and say, you know,
253
00:11:52,068 --> 00:11:53,274
"Hmm, tell me please!"
254
00:11:53,274 --> 00:11:55,619
You know, there was none of that.
255
00:11:55,619 --> 00:11:58,173
I applied with the San
Francisco Sheriff's Department
256
00:11:58,173 --> 00:12:01,538
and they hired me and then I
didn't think I could make it.
257
00:12:01,538 --> 00:12:03,983
Because I was gay, I didn't
think I would be accepted
258
00:12:03,983 --> 00:12:06,968
and that it would be a
horrible experience and that
259
00:12:06,968 --> 00:12:10,052
eventually I would have to
leave or I would be ousted
260
00:12:10,052 --> 00:12:14,099
or I would be made fun of
or I would be ridiculed.
261
00:12:14,099 --> 00:12:16,818
So, here I walk onto a
tier, a housing unit,
262
00:12:16,818 --> 00:12:21,645
with these convicts, people
who had murdered and raped
263
00:12:21,645 --> 00:12:25,648
and stoled and it frightened
me to death every day.
264
00:12:25,648 --> 00:12:26,999
They all knew I was gay.
265
00:12:26,999 --> 00:12:28,254
I was totally open about it.
266
00:12:28,254 --> 00:12:30,664
They nicknamed me The Savage
because I wouldn't give up.
267
00:12:30,664 --> 00:12:34,627
I mean, I was getting guys
turning on me with their fists up
268
00:12:34,627 --> 00:12:36,750
like these convicts ready to fight me.
269
00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:37,974
Not my experience.
270
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:39,957
Thank God, I have the
support of all my deputies
271
00:12:39,957 --> 00:12:43,967
and after about nine months,
I just wasn't afraid any more.
272
00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:46,304
There's not too much
today that I'm afraid of.
273
00:12:46,304 --> 00:12:51,203
A man is someone who looks
adversity straight in the face
274
00:12:51,203 --> 00:12:55,038
and faces it head-on with
courage and fortitude.
275
00:12:55,038 --> 00:12:56,929
Masculinity resides in here.
276
00:12:56,929 --> 00:12:58,893
You could look at me and people say,
277
00:12:58,893 --> 00:13:00,549
"Oh, my God, he's the
epitome of masculinity,"
278
00:13:00,549 --> 00:13:02,113
and the next moment you
could see me and I'm just
279
00:13:02,113 --> 00:13:04,561
chatting it up like the little
Chatty Cathy with people
280
00:13:04,561 --> 00:13:06,683
but I'm comfortable with that.
281
00:13:06,683 --> 00:13:09,347
I don't think that qualifies like,
282
00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:10,701
"Oh, he's so feminine."
283
00:13:10,701 --> 00:13:12,284
No, I'm everything.
284
00:13:18,524 --> 00:13:21,790
(upbeat energetic music)
285
00:13:21,790 --> 00:13:24,872
(crowds cheering)
286
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,458
- The people that were called
gay, I didn't act that way.
287
00:13:26,458 --> 00:13:29,291
(crowds cheering)
288
00:13:30,562 --> 00:13:32,937
So, I would question sometimes if I was,
289
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:36,213
(upbeat energetic music)
290
00:13:36,213 --> 00:13:38,844
even though I had that attraction.
291
00:13:38,844 --> 00:13:40,984
- [Narrator] Kevin Reed plays
for both gay and straight
292
00:13:40,984 --> 00:13:43,701
softball teams in Dallas, Texas.
293
00:13:43,701 --> 00:13:46,797
- I would look at guys longer
than I would look at girls,
294
00:13:46,797 --> 00:13:47,786
you know, in a certain way.
295
00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:49,911
I tried to suppress it, I
tried not to be that way
296
00:13:49,911 --> 00:13:52,197
because I have a very
religious background.
297
00:13:52,197 --> 00:13:55,744
I just felt out of place
on both sides of it.
298
00:13:55,744 --> 00:13:57,544
Growing up, being
African-American, people stereotype
299
00:13:57,544 --> 00:14:01,341
and judge me just from
the color of my skin.
300
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,944
It's just like being gay.
301
00:14:02,944 --> 00:14:04,744
They judge you without even knowing you.
302
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:06,708
A lot of my peers, a lot of my friends,
303
00:14:06,708 --> 00:14:08,378
guys that I play ball with,
304
00:14:08,378 --> 00:14:11,493
I wouldn't want them to know
just because they automatically
305
00:14:11,493 --> 00:14:14,264
think that you like them
or that you're after them.
306
00:14:14,264 --> 00:14:16,173
They forget about the
guy that they know and
307
00:14:16,173 --> 00:14:18,908
that they grew up with and
automatically think, you're gay,
308
00:14:18,908 --> 00:14:23,075
so that's what's in front of
me the person is me being gay.
309
00:14:27,496 --> 00:14:29,028
It's still kind of rough for me right now.
310
00:14:29,028 --> 00:14:32,013
I'm still dealing with it but
this kind of stuff helps a lot
311
00:14:32,013 --> 00:14:33,506
Being able to play something
I like and still be
312
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:36,890
competitive with gay guys
because I always felt that
313
00:14:36,890 --> 00:14:38,604
they probably wouldn't be as good.
314
00:14:38,604 --> 00:14:40,725
I don't know why I thought
that because of myself.
315
00:14:40,725 --> 00:14:43,654
I don't care for attention to show and
316
00:14:43,654 --> 00:14:46,822
prove to everybody that I'm gay.
317
00:14:46,822 --> 00:14:47,906
I'm just a regular guy.
318
00:14:47,906 --> 00:14:51,040
They had other guys out there
that were the same as I am.
319
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,156
It just kind of helps me
accept it a little bit more,
320
00:14:54,156 --> 00:14:55,968
be able to deal with it a little bit more.
321
00:14:55,968 --> 00:14:59,385
But, I still keep it away from my family.
322
00:15:00,924 --> 00:15:03,332
(melancholy piano music)
323
00:15:03,332 --> 00:15:04,792
I have some good friends
that are straight but
324
00:15:04,792 --> 00:15:07,058
just from having conversations with them,
325
00:15:07,058 --> 00:15:09,432
they just can't, seems
like they can't handle it.
326
00:15:09,432 --> 00:15:12,311
They can't see a masculine
guy being gay without
327
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:15,448
putting the DL tag on him as well.
328
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,381
I've never been on the down-low where
329
00:15:18,381 --> 00:15:22,548
I was with guys and girls
and if you're masculine,
330
00:15:24,334 --> 00:15:27,204
lately a lot of people have
been putting that on guys
331
00:15:27,204 --> 00:15:29,593
that they're on the DL, black guys.
332
00:15:29,593 --> 00:15:32,872
(crowd shouting)
333
00:15:32,872 --> 00:15:36,276
The reason I didn't date
women and pursue that is
334
00:15:36,276 --> 00:15:39,026
because I knew that's not
what I really wanted and
335
00:15:39,026 --> 00:15:40,754
I have a sister and I have
a mother and I wouldn't want
336
00:15:40,754 --> 00:15:44,921
anybody to do that to them just
to cover up whoever they are
337
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,546
- [Narrator] Marcus Nunn and Dalph Johnson
338
00:15:50,546 --> 00:15:51,746
are Kevin's teammates.
339
00:15:51,746 --> 00:15:55,154
They faced similar challenges
growing up as gay men.
340
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:57,189
- It's not well-accepted
in a black household,
341
00:15:57,189 --> 00:16:00,588
because African-American men
are raised to be very macho.
342
00:16:00,588 --> 00:16:04,821
- I think in the time when I
was actually trying to come out
343
00:16:04,821 --> 00:16:08,220
it was a little bit more
harder and more tougher
344
00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:10,470
to be gay and be masculine.
345
00:16:12,146 --> 00:16:14,988
- When you think of being gay,
there's such a stereotype.
346
00:16:14,988 --> 00:16:18,429
A lot of people don't
look at the big picture.
347
00:16:18,429 --> 00:16:20,816
We are just like everybody else.
348
00:16:20,816 --> 00:16:22,029
Society is so judgemental.
349
00:16:22,029 --> 00:16:25,500
That's why a lot of people
tend to stay in the closet.
350
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:29,469
- I got married and tried
to cover the thing up and
351
00:16:29,469 --> 00:16:31,893
forget about who I really was.
352
00:16:31,893 --> 00:16:33,765
I don't regret the marriage.
353
00:16:33,765 --> 00:16:37,202
It was a learning process and
the learning process I learned
354
00:16:37,202 --> 00:16:38,695
to be true to who I am.
355
00:16:38,695 --> 00:16:40,946
Being who I am is just being Dalph.
356
00:16:40,946 --> 00:16:42,242
It's not about me being gay.
357
00:16:42,242 --> 00:16:43,500
It's about me just being Dalph.
358
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:47,445
- I was so afraid to tell
certain people, even this year.
359
00:16:47,445 --> 00:16:48,884
My job?
360
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:50,933
I would never tell anybody at my job.
361
00:16:50,933 --> 00:16:52,663
But, I've gotten to the point now,
362
00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:56,191
my grandmother, who raised me,
she means a great deal to me.
363
00:16:56,191 --> 00:16:57,578
She knows.
364
00:16:57,578 --> 00:16:58,946
I could care less who knows.
365
00:16:58,946 --> 00:17:01,724
I'm not gonna change my
life to appease anybody.
366
00:17:01,724 --> 00:17:04,931
As long as I get the
acceptance from my family,
367
00:17:04,931 --> 00:17:06,496
I'm fine.
368
00:17:06,496 --> 00:17:09,036
- Whether you're masculine,
whether you're just feminine,
369
00:17:09,036 --> 00:17:11,640
you're not free until
you're just for yourself.
370
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:15,057
(upbeat energetic music)
371
00:17:24,873 --> 00:17:29,040
- I always thought that being
gay meant you were a pussy.
372
00:17:32,679 --> 00:17:35,717
I didn't want to be a pussy, you know?
373
00:17:35,717 --> 00:17:38,545
- [Narrator] Bil Yoelin plays
for the Los Angeles Rebellion,
374
00:17:38,545 --> 00:17:40,305
one of about a dozen gay rugby teams
375
00:17:40,305 --> 00:17:42,388
across the United States.
376
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:47,187
- It's provided a place
for me to be comfortable
377
00:17:47,187 --> 00:17:49,752
but now we're like a brotherhood.
378
00:17:49,752 --> 00:17:50,684
It's great.
379
00:17:50,684 --> 00:17:54,399
I didn't come out until after I left home.
380
00:17:54,399 --> 00:17:57,300
So, I grew up in Des Moines, Iowa and
381
00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:59,561
I left Des Moines on my 19th birthday.
382
00:17:59,561 --> 00:18:01,819
I came to California
to come to college and
383
00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:04,779
I didn't consider myself to be gay at all.
384
00:18:04,779 --> 00:18:08,222
For me, there wasn't any identity
there of anyone who is gay
385
00:18:08,222 --> 00:18:09,515
It wasn't an option for me.
386
00:18:09,515 --> 00:18:13,402
It wasn't until afterwards
in my 20s that I really felt
387
00:18:13,402 --> 00:18:18,005
like I came out and I had
other masculine gay men
388
00:18:18,005 --> 00:18:22,115
that I was attracted to and
that I had a camaraderie with,
389
00:18:22,115 --> 00:18:25,758
I could hang out with and be friends with.
390
00:18:25,758 --> 00:18:27,349
- We also have a lot of
straight guys on our team.
391
00:18:27,349 --> 00:18:30,496
I'd say 40% of our team is
straight and one thing that's
392
00:18:30,496 --> 00:18:33,659
been sort of eye-opening
for me is I had to sort of
393
00:18:33,659 --> 00:18:35,469
get over some of my heterophobia.
394
00:18:35,469 --> 00:18:38,448
I assumed the worst of
a lot of these guys.
395
00:18:38,448 --> 00:18:39,450
I thought, you know what?
396
00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:41,152
As soon as they find out we're a gay team,
397
00:18:41,152 --> 00:18:42,184
they're gonna be out of
here and they were like,
398
00:18:42,184 --> 00:18:44,645
"I don't care where you put your dick.
399
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:46,258
"Let's play, let's go,
let's play some rugby."
400
00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:48,266
- A lot of good guys there, you know?
401
00:18:48,266 --> 00:18:50,150
I can bring the girlfriend, you know.
402
00:18:50,150 --> 00:18:52,981
I don't have to worry
about all the drunk guys.
403
00:18:52,981 --> 00:18:54,314
A definite plus.
404
00:18:55,573 --> 00:18:57,748
- I'm straight as an arrow.
405
00:18:57,748 --> 00:19:01,379
I always have been but
it just, I don't know,
406
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:03,712
I guess I have an open mind.
407
00:19:04,965 --> 00:19:07,205
In a lot of ways, they're
a lot less obnoxious than
408
00:19:07,205 --> 00:19:09,168
hanging out with a bunch of
straight guys can be just
409
00:19:09,168 --> 00:19:10,925
crude and rude too, so, I don't know
410
00:19:10,925 --> 00:19:12,794
the difference is all that much.
411
00:19:12,794 --> 00:19:15,677
- I never have like an
imaginative thought that
412
00:19:15,677 --> 00:19:17,307
gay guys played rugby.
413
00:19:17,307 --> 00:19:18,877
I had no idea.
414
00:19:18,877 --> 00:19:22,192
I never seen even a gay team
in any sport, let alone rugby,
415
00:19:22,192 --> 00:19:26,297
so when I came out here, it
was a little different but
416
00:19:26,297 --> 00:19:29,015
it definitely met my expectations.
417
00:19:29,015 --> 00:19:31,255
We play as well as any other team.
418
00:19:31,255 --> 00:19:33,051
- I think I had been
conditioned for so long
419
00:19:33,051 --> 00:19:36,011
to think that the straight
world is not gonna
420
00:19:36,011 --> 00:19:38,231
like me if I'm honest.
421
00:19:38,231 --> 00:19:40,115
I was taught a lesson.
422
00:19:40,115 --> 00:19:42,187
- [Narrator] Bil grew up in Colorado.
423
00:19:42,187 --> 00:19:45,961
The revelation that he was
gay came from a superhero.
424
00:19:45,961 --> 00:19:49,553
- I particularly remember
watching the Incredible Hulk on TV
425
00:19:49,553 --> 00:19:52,680
and thinking, yeah, that's what I like.
426
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,379
I think I was probably about six.
427
00:19:55,379 --> 00:19:58,467
The problem was I didn't
know if it was really
428
00:19:58,467 --> 00:20:02,463
muscular guys that I
liked, or green people.
429
00:20:02,463 --> 00:20:04,446
- [Narrator] But, as a
teenager, Bil didn't know
430
00:20:04,446 --> 00:20:07,495
anyone who was gay except
for who he saw on television.
431
00:20:07,495 --> 00:20:10,824
- I guess then it was Boy
George or it was, you know,
432
00:20:10,824 --> 00:20:12,586
you see drag queens.
433
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:16,099
- [Narrator] Bil stayed in the
closet until his early 20s.
434
00:20:16,099 --> 00:20:17,377
- I had some girlfriends.
435
00:20:17,377 --> 00:20:21,427
Didn't really, you know, it
didn't work out, obviously.
436
00:20:21,427 --> 00:20:25,625
All my friends were straight
from high school and college
437
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:30,031
but then, on the side, there
was a club in my neighborhood.
438
00:20:30,031 --> 00:20:33,454
It was called The Metro
and it was you know
439
00:20:33,454 --> 00:20:35,117
(imitating club music)
440
00:20:35,117 --> 00:20:38,869
It was sort of like, okay,
this what I kind of expected.
441
00:20:38,869 --> 00:20:42,759
I kind of just didn't really
feel like it was for me,
442
00:20:42,759 --> 00:20:44,273
but it was like, it's a hard pill.
443
00:20:44,273 --> 00:20:45,329
You gotta swallow it because this is you.
444
00:20:45,329 --> 00:20:47,124
So, I didn't feel like
I fit in the gay world,
445
00:20:47,124 --> 00:20:48,846
I didn't feel like fit
in the straight world.
446
00:20:48,846 --> 00:20:50,696
I think it's important
for young gay guys to have
447
00:20:50,696 --> 00:20:53,212
that place where there's
camaraderie without it being
448
00:20:53,212 --> 00:20:55,837
about body image or dancing.
449
00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:58,021
There's something really masculine about
450
00:20:58,021 --> 00:21:00,271
hanging out, being raucous.
451
00:21:02,364 --> 00:21:04,310
I relate to men better.
452
00:21:04,310 --> 00:21:08,764
I find them easier to joke
around with and laugh.
453
00:21:08,764 --> 00:21:12,874
I have sort of a raunchy sense of humor.
454
00:21:12,874 --> 00:21:15,350
It doesn't always go so well with women.
455
00:21:15,350 --> 00:21:17,704
(chuckling)
456
00:21:17,704 --> 00:21:21,902
Sometimes, I will get people
asking me if I'm straight,
457
00:21:21,902 --> 00:21:24,488
not believing that I'm gay.
458
00:21:24,488 --> 00:21:27,482
Women, sometimes, will hit on me.
459
00:21:27,482 --> 00:21:29,928
I'll be at a gay bar and someone will say,
460
00:21:29,928 --> 00:21:31,300
"You know, this is a gay bar,"
461
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:32,908
and I'm like, "Yeah, I know."
462
00:21:32,908 --> 00:21:36,311
I'm enjoying the porn, you know?
463
00:21:36,311 --> 00:21:38,848
Even within the gay world,
464
00:21:38,848 --> 00:21:43,015
guys don't always realize there's
a real variety of gay men.
465
00:21:46,154 --> 00:21:48,279
Being gay has made me more of a man.
466
00:21:48,279 --> 00:21:50,412
Certainly being honest with being gay
467
00:21:50,412 --> 00:21:51,965
has made me more of a man.
468
00:21:51,965 --> 00:21:54,462
Had I not been honest with myself,
469
00:21:54,462 --> 00:21:56,806
I think that I would have been what
470
00:21:56,806 --> 00:21:59,104
I would describe as a pussy.
471
00:21:59,104 --> 00:22:02,059
I decided not to do that,
not to live in the closet
472
00:22:02,059 --> 00:22:03,848
til I'm 60 years old.
473
00:22:03,848 --> 00:22:06,828
So, yeah, definitely it's
made me more of a man.
474
00:22:06,828 --> 00:22:10,245
(upbeat energetic music)
475
00:22:14,086 --> 00:22:16,115
- [Narrator] Gay men face
the challenge of defining
476
00:22:16,115 --> 00:22:19,332
masculinity on their own terms.
477
00:22:19,332 --> 00:22:21,653
However, the issue of
what it means to be a man
478
00:22:21,653 --> 00:22:23,903
can be a very divisive one.
479
00:22:26,152 --> 00:22:28,786
Dan Cullinane writes for a
number of gay publications
480
00:22:28,786 --> 00:22:33,404
and recently completely a special
report on gay masculinity.
481
00:22:33,404 --> 00:22:35,666
- When you say that
someone is not masculine,
482
00:22:35,666 --> 00:22:37,928
you are essentially
saying they are not a man,
483
00:22:37,928 --> 00:22:40,757
so I think that is why
it is controversial.
484
00:22:40,757 --> 00:22:42,884
- [Narrator] Dan found a
lot of recurring references
485
00:22:42,884 --> 00:22:44,834
on social sites catering to gay men.
486
00:22:44,834 --> 00:22:47,575
- You are seeing an increase in
487
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:50,819
"I am a masculine, straight-acting man
488
00:22:50,819 --> 00:22:53,975
"and that is what I am interested in."
489
00:22:53,975 --> 00:22:57,173
There is also no femmes,
no nellys, no queens.
490
00:22:57,173 --> 00:22:59,826
There did seem to be this
sort of schism opening
491
00:22:59,826 --> 00:23:01,735
within the community.
492
00:23:01,735 --> 00:23:04,661
- [Narrator] Keith Harris is a
professor of cultural studies
493
00:23:04,661 --> 00:23:07,646
at the University of California Riverside.
494
00:23:07,646 --> 00:23:09,658
- Even though you have these guys
495
00:23:09,658 --> 00:23:11,843
who are gay involved with men,
496
00:23:11,843 --> 00:23:15,199
one way of maintaining a certain kind of
497
00:23:15,199 --> 00:23:18,163
idealized masculinity is, indeed,
498
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:21,996
distancing yourself from
this effeminate male.
499
00:23:24,091 --> 00:23:26,115
- [Narrator] John Campbell
teaches communication
500
00:23:26,115 --> 00:23:27,736
at the University of Minnesota.
501
00:23:27,736 --> 00:23:30,291
He's also written a book
about gay sexuality online.
502
00:23:30,291 --> 00:23:33,997
- If you identify as masculine,
you understand yourself
503
00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:37,663
as sort of fulfilling these
traditional gender roles
504
00:23:37,663 --> 00:23:40,235
but that doesn't fit with your sexuality,
505
00:23:40,235 --> 00:23:43,196
you have a tough time reconciling the two
506
00:23:43,196 --> 00:23:45,250
and negotiating the two.
507
00:23:45,250 --> 00:23:48,657
- [Narrator] Don Romesburg
is an archivist with
508
00:23:48,657 --> 00:23:52,561
the GLBT Historical
Society in San Francisco.
509
00:23:52,561 --> 00:23:54,646
- Many people expect to come
out into the gay community
510
00:23:54,646 --> 00:23:59,248
and find their gender
expression, whatever it is,
511
00:23:59,248 --> 00:24:02,504
embraced and accepted and often
you find just the contrary,
512
00:24:02,504 --> 00:24:05,176
that there's this mandate
to be more masculine.
513
00:24:05,176 --> 00:24:06,813
- What does masculine mean?
514
00:24:06,813 --> 00:24:08,748
Who is masculine and who gets to determine
515
00:24:08,748 --> 00:24:10,444
what those traits are?
516
00:24:10,444 --> 00:24:12,820
Are they real or are they
fetish or are they fashion?
517
00:24:12,820 --> 00:24:13,987
What are they?
518
00:24:17,152 --> 00:24:19,512
- [Narrator] Peter Nardi,
a professor of sociology
519
00:24:19,512 --> 00:24:21,988
at Pitzer College has written books
520
00:24:21,988 --> 00:24:24,094
on masculine relationships.
521
00:24:24,094 --> 00:24:27,700
- Some people say masculinity
is that what which men do
522
00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:30,724
and whatever men do is
considered masculine and so
523
00:24:30,724 --> 00:24:32,850
that can have a wider range.
524
00:24:32,850 --> 00:24:34,800
- [Narrator] However, there
are some very traditional
525
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,390
ideals of what it means to be a man.
526
00:24:37,390 --> 00:24:39,480
Gregory Cason is a
psychologist in Los Angeles.
527
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,892
- Masculinity is often only
identified with strength
528
00:24:42,892 --> 00:24:45,684
and fortitude and conquest.
529
00:24:45,684 --> 00:24:48,664
For some people, it could
be a hypersexuality and
530
00:24:48,664 --> 00:24:51,623
for some people it could
be a very macho appearance
531
00:24:51,623 --> 00:24:54,202
or, for some people, being
the head of the boardroom
532
00:24:54,202 --> 00:24:55,803
or being a leader in some way.
533
00:24:55,803 --> 00:24:57,597
- Media seems to reinforce
this notion that to be
534
00:24:57,597 --> 00:25:00,832
masculine is to be heterosexual.
535
00:25:00,832 --> 00:25:03,676
The crisis of identity many
gay men have is they may have
536
00:25:03,676 --> 00:25:07,306
attraction to other men and therefore,
537
00:25:07,306 --> 00:25:09,646
they think they can't be masculine
538
00:25:09,646 --> 00:25:10,992
and they wrestle with this.
539
00:25:10,992 --> 00:25:13,878
- I often look at the
people who are more feminine
540
00:25:13,878 --> 00:25:16,785
and can not hide it as the
ones who really learn early
541
00:25:16,785 --> 00:25:19,494
what it is to be a man.
542
00:25:19,494 --> 00:25:22,302
If they don't have sports
ability, they can't pass.
543
00:25:22,302 --> 00:25:25,110
If they don't have the masculine
voice, they can't pass.
544
00:25:25,110 --> 00:25:27,861
So, they're gonna be the ones
who are subject to bullying.
545
00:25:27,861 --> 00:25:30,492
They are gonna be the
ones who are marginalized
546
00:25:30,492 --> 00:25:33,555
and they learn what it is to
stand alone and be strong.
547
00:25:33,555 --> 00:25:35,328
- My tattoo is sissy.
548
00:25:35,328 --> 00:25:38,157
It's my first and only tattoo.
549
00:25:38,157 --> 00:25:41,568
I wanted to make it something
that made people think
550
00:25:41,568 --> 00:25:45,132
and show people that I can fight back and
551
00:25:45,132 --> 00:25:48,510
be myself and reclaim some things.
552
00:25:48,510 --> 00:25:51,042
- [Narrator] Mark Snyder
has been fighting straight
553
00:25:51,042 --> 00:25:53,695
stereotypes of masculinity his entire life
554
00:25:53,695 --> 00:25:56,134
with sometimes dangerous consequences.
555
00:25:56,134 --> 00:25:59,586
- My femininity, especially
when I wear my big sunglasses,
556
00:25:59,586 --> 00:26:01,728
in particular, I don't know why,
557
00:26:01,728 --> 00:26:05,707
it totally sparks a violent
reaction in some straight men.
558
00:26:05,707 --> 00:26:08,728
They look at me and immediately
they react violently
559
00:26:08,728 --> 00:26:12,238
and they yell and they
get really angry at me.
560
00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:14,032
My boyfriend and I had
beer bottles thrown at us
561
00:26:14,032 --> 00:26:15,453
just a couple weeks ago.
562
00:26:15,453 --> 00:26:17,058
And it's in San Francisco.
563
00:26:17,058 --> 00:26:20,101
- We were waiting for the bus
and then, all of a sudden,
564
00:26:20,101 --> 00:26:20,934
this car zooms past us
565
00:26:20,934 --> 00:26:21,767
(glass shattering)
566
00:26:21,767 --> 00:26:23,193
and a beer bottle was thrown at us and
567
00:26:23,193 --> 00:26:26,716
then the guys were
laughing, saying "faggots."
568
00:26:26,716 --> 00:26:29,332
- Sometimes, the more masculine,
the more straight-acting
569
00:26:29,332 --> 00:26:32,472
gay guys are shocked to
hear what we go through.
570
00:26:32,472 --> 00:26:34,537
Every day, I check myself, like am I safe,
571
00:26:34,537 --> 00:26:37,345
every moment that I step out of my house.
572
00:26:37,345 --> 00:26:41,512
I feel a sense of looking
around to gauge my safety.
573
00:26:42,862 --> 00:26:44,718
- I feel like I have to watch my back
574
00:26:44,718 --> 00:26:46,003
more when we're together.
575
00:26:46,003 --> 00:26:47,459
We stand out more.
576
00:26:47,459 --> 00:26:49,242
But, we have each other.
577
00:26:49,242 --> 00:26:52,752
We support each other so
whatever experience we handle,
578
00:26:52,752 --> 00:26:56,184
we experience it together
and that brings us closer.
579
00:26:56,184 --> 00:26:57,781
- [Narrator] Mark works
for an advocacy group
580
00:26:57,781 --> 00:27:00,162
in San Francisco helping gay and
581
00:27:00,162 --> 00:27:02,206
lesbian families adopt children.
582
00:27:02,206 --> 00:27:04,099
He grew up in rural Pennsylvania.
583
00:27:04,099 --> 00:27:05,716
- Most of the folks where
I am from are farmers
584
00:27:05,716 --> 00:27:08,545
and right-wing Republicans and really into
585
00:27:08,545 --> 00:27:11,002
their fundamentalist right-wing churches.
586
00:27:11,002 --> 00:27:13,946
So, growing up there, I
just felt different on
587
00:27:13,946 --> 00:27:16,756
a multitude of levels, not
just because of my femininity.
588
00:27:16,756 --> 00:27:19,194
It was very, very challenging.
589
00:27:19,194 --> 00:27:22,427
I knew I was different
even before kindergarten.
590
00:27:22,427 --> 00:27:23,932
I just never fit in.
591
00:27:23,932 --> 00:27:26,604
I always wanted to play with
the Barbies or the girl toys.
592
00:27:26,604 --> 00:27:29,502
The other little boys were
out being rambunctious
593
00:27:29,502 --> 00:27:31,847
or playing sport type things.
594
00:27:31,847 --> 00:27:34,441
Just my appearance was
different and the way I talked
595
00:27:34,441 --> 00:27:37,602
was very feminine and
expressive with emotion.
596
00:27:37,602 --> 00:27:40,312
I just didn't fit in at
all to the rigid standards
597
00:27:40,312 --> 00:27:42,672
for what men and women do.
598
00:27:42,672 --> 00:27:45,226
My uncle always jokes
that he knew I was gay
599
00:27:45,226 --> 00:27:47,176
when I was like, four years
old, and I wouldn't stop
600
00:27:47,176 --> 00:27:50,197
watching the Bette Midler concert on tape.
601
00:27:50,197 --> 00:27:52,344
I would rewind and watch
Bette Midler over and over.
602
00:27:52,344 --> 00:27:54,874
My uncle is gay and that's when he knew,
603
00:27:54,874 --> 00:27:56,884
long before I knew.
604
00:27:56,884 --> 00:28:00,436
By third grade, when I
learned the word gay,
605
00:28:00,436 --> 00:28:03,244
I started to try those things
to butch up a little bit
606
00:28:03,244 --> 00:28:06,306
because, at that point, the
boys are starting to toughen up.
607
00:28:06,306 --> 00:28:08,488
I would play on the swings
and play with the girls
608
00:28:08,488 --> 00:28:12,250
but I tried out for basketball
and totally failed at that.
609
00:28:12,250 --> 00:28:14,710
Once seventh grade hit,
that was high school,
610
00:28:14,710 --> 00:28:17,284
and then I was in building
with all the older boys and
611
00:28:17,284 --> 00:28:20,518
they just immediately
started harassing me.
612
00:28:20,518 --> 00:28:22,374
The first day of seventh grade,
613
00:28:22,374 --> 00:28:24,166
they started calling me faggot and queer,
614
00:28:24,166 --> 00:28:27,346
pushing me into my locker,
kicking the back of my heels,
615
00:28:27,346 --> 00:28:29,550
spitting at me, throwing things.
616
00:28:29,550 --> 00:28:32,961
I feared for my life a lot
of times in high school,
617
00:28:32,961 --> 00:28:35,628
not just because I was suicidal,
618
00:28:37,486 --> 00:28:41,890
but people were threatening
to kill me all the time.
619
00:28:41,890 --> 00:28:45,478
I would get death threats
in my locker, on my locker,
620
00:28:45,478 --> 00:28:49,373
carved in my desk, under the
windshield wiper of my car.
621
00:28:49,373 --> 00:28:52,807
People would yell things
and just be really violent
622
00:28:52,807 --> 00:28:54,756
and tell me they wanted to rape me and
623
00:28:54,756 --> 00:28:57,334
tell me they wanted to fuck me up.
624
00:28:57,334 --> 00:28:58,816
- [Narrator] Mark said he
survived those challenging years
625
00:28:58,816 --> 00:29:01,432
with help from gay support
groups on the internet.
626
00:29:01,432 --> 00:29:04,510
Mark went to school at the
University of Massachusetts
627
00:29:04,510 --> 00:29:07,614
and started his own website, QueerToday,
628
00:29:07,614 --> 00:29:09,930
to help other kids facing
discrimination for being gay.
629
00:29:09,930 --> 00:29:12,466
- I'm really proud of
being a sissy now that
630
00:29:12,466 --> 00:29:14,146
I'm not shameful about it.
631
00:29:14,146 --> 00:29:15,706
You're in the area now, right?
632
00:29:15,706 --> 00:29:17,422
I guess I've always felt a
little fire burning in me,
633
00:29:17,422 --> 00:29:19,484
keeping me going.
634
00:29:19,484 --> 00:29:21,769
Feeling like I'm making a
difference in other people's lives
635
00:29:21,769 --> 00:29:24,343
is the only thing that really
kept me going through that
636
00:29:24,343 --> 00:29:26,704
and knowing that once I got out,
637
00:29:26,704 --> 00:29:28,165
I could help other people
like me because around me,
638
00:29:28,165 --> 00:29:30,780
I saw people who weren't making it and
639
00:29:30,780 --> 00:29:33,276
the suicide rates will prove that,
640
00:29:33,276 --> 00:29:36,396
even in Massachusetts, which
is like, super-liberal,
641
00:29:36,396 --> 00:29:38,716
the gay kids are five times
more likely to kill themselves.
642
00:29:38,716 --> 00:29:42,205
I'm lucky to have parents
who supported me and
643
00:29:42,205 --> 00:29:44,566
a whole family that loved
me and supported me and
644
00:29:44,566 --> 00:29:46,573
without that, I would have
definitely killed myself.
645
00:29:46,573 --> 00:29:50,255
(gentle orchestral music)
646
00:29:50,255 --> 00:29:52,600
- [Narrator] Trevor Hoppe
also suffered abuse from his
647
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,295
classmates growing up and it
lingers with him to this day.
648
00:29:54,295 --> 00:29:57,549
- I still live with, on the one hand,
649
00:29:57,549 --> 00:30:01,838
trying to express my effeminate
self and on the other hand,
650
00:30:01,838 --> 00:30:05,428
still feeling this thing in
the back of my head that says
651
00:30:05,428 --> 00:30:06,638
"Don't do it.
652
00:30:06,638 --> 00:30:08,725
"You're supposed to act like a man."
653
00:30:08,725 --> 00:30:11,106
- [Narrator] Trevor was
raised in North Carolina.
654
00:30:11,106 --> 00:30:12,588
He has fond memories of grade school.
655
00:30:12,588 --> 00:30:14,940
- I remember being sort
of a happy-go-lucky,
656
00:30:14,940 --> 00:30:18,454
skipping down the hallway,
singing kind of boy,
657
00:30:18,454 --> 00:30:20,635
always with a smile on my face.
658
00:30:20,635 --> 00:30:23,040
- [Narrator] But, when
he entered middle school,
659
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:24,678
things changed.
660
00:30:24,678 --> 00:30:26,644
- From, you know, kicking the
shit out of me in the hallway
661
00:30:26,644 --> 00:30:30,388
to throwing rocks at my head
to being labeled as a faggot
662
00:30:30,388 --> 00:30:33,221
before I even knew that I was gay.
663
00:30:34,330 --> 00:30:37,954
I didn't know that boys were
supposed to sort of act tough,
664
00:30:37,954 --> 00:30:41,485
keep a straight face
and beat other guys up.
665
00:30:41,485 --> 00:30:44,392
I didn't know how to be a boy, really.
666
00:30:44,392 --> 00:30:46,475
I just knew how to be me.
667
00:30:47,390 --> 00:30:50,767
There was a short amount of time where
668
00:30:50,767 --> 00:30:52,093
I really just, I shut down.
669
00:30:52,093 --> 00:30:53,497
I stopped smiling.
670
00:30:53,497 --> 00:30:55,972
I stopped skipping down the halls.
671
00:30:55,972 --> 00:30:58,530
I just sort of shuffled
from class to class.
672
00:30:58,530 --> 00:31:00,205
- [Narrator] Trevor said one day,
673
00:31:00,205 --> 00:31:02,385
he just quit trying to play it straight.
674
00:31:02,385 --> 00:31:05,842
Going from wearing Abercrombie
and Fitch to try to fit in
675
00:31:05,842 --> 00:31:10,402
to wearing four-inch platform
heels and spiky orange hair.
676
00:31:10,402 --> 00:31:12,836
If I was going to be a
faggot no matter what I did,
677
00:31:12,836 --> 00:31:15,961
I might as well be all the
faggot that I could be.
678
00:31:15,961 --> 00:31:18,301
I was going to get called
a faggot whether I tried to
679
00:31:18,301 --> 00:31:20,136
hide it or whether I
slammed it in their face and
680
00:31:20,136 --> 00:31:21,130
it turned out that when I
slammed it in their face,
681
00:31:21,130 --> 00:31:25,516
everybody shut the fuck up
because they were too scared
682
00:31:25,516 --> 00:31:27,261
to say anything because I
looked like I would cut a bitch.
683
00:31:27,261 --> 00:31:28,094
I mean, you know?
684
00:31:28,094 --> 00:31:28,927
(chuckling)
685
00:31:28,927 --> 00:31:31,961
- [Narrator] After graduating
from Chapel Hill University,
686
00:31:31,961 --> 00:31:34,733
Trevor decided to explore
the issues of masculinity
687
00:31:34,733 --> 00:31:37,832
from a self-described queer perspective.
688
00:31:37,832 --> 00:31:39,746
He sought out essays and experiences from
689
00:31:39,746 --> 00:31:42,044
a wide range of gay men who did not
690
00:31:42,044 --> 00:31:45,164
fit into traditional
stereotypes of manhood.
691
00:31:45,164 --> 00:31:46,589
He launched a website,
692
00:31:46,589 --> 00:31:47,972
Beyond Masculinity:
693
00:31:47,972 --> 00:31:51,134
Essays by Queer Men on
Gender and Politics.
694
00:31:51,134 --> 00:31:53,900
- There was nothing really
out there about how to be
695
00:31:53,900 --> 00:31:56,594
a queer man, what that could look like,
696
00:31:56,594 --> 00:32:00,374
how to be a progressive,
feminist, thoughtful queer guy.
697
00:32:00,374 --> 00:32:04,706
I wanted to refute a little
bit the idea that everybody
698
00:32:04,706 --> 00:32:08,642
who looks like me is
sort of dumb, out of it,
699
00:32:08,642 --> 00:32:12,896
and really only into
fashion, which is bullshit.
700
00:32:12,896 --> 00:32:16,832
I just wanted to show that
there are many different
701
00:32:16,832 --> 00:32:19,796
kinds of us and we all have
particular kinds of struggles
702
00:32:19,796 --> 00:32:22,877
and issues but we're all thriving.
703
00:32:22,877 --> 00:32:25,703
- [Narrator] Trevor is working on a PhD at
704
00:32:25,703 --> 00:32:27,900
the University of Michigan in Sociology.
705
00:32:27,900 --> 00:32:30,124
He plans to teach but Trevor has already
706
00:32:30,124 --> 00:32:31,993
learned a lot about himself.
707
00:32:31,993 --> 00:32:35,216
- The latest phase has been
really trying to question
708
00:32:35,216 --> 00:32:38,716
the bitch inside me that I learned through
709
00:32:39,595 --> 00:32:42,002
high school as a defense mechanism but
710
00:32:42,002 --> 00:32:44,826
I carried with me into college.
711
00:32:44,826 --> 00:32:48,066
I feel like many gay men
don that mask as a way
712
00:32:48,066 --> 00:32:52,066
to prevent themselves
from being hurt by others.
713
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,510
I think the unfortunate thing
is that we then carry that
714
00:32:56,510 --> 00:33:00,677
into our communities and turn
our ammunition on each other.
715
00:33:04,290 --> 00:33:07,957
♫ I sleep with one eye open
716
00:33:09,281 --> 00:33:14,098
♫ You make love with one foot out the door
717
00:33:14,098 --> 00:33:18,461
♫ I must really like
getting my heart broken
718
00:33:18,461 --> 00:33:22,378
♫ I keep jumping back for more
719
00:33:24,060 --> 00:33:26,906
- It's a way to embrace both
the sensitive side of myself
720
00:33:26,906 --> 00:33:31,220
and the masculine rock inside
of myself in one package.
721
00:33:31,220 --> 00:33:34,356
- [Narrator] It took Brent
Calderwood many years to figure
722
00:33:34,356 --> 00:33:37,362
out an expression of himself
that was uniquely his.
723
00:33:37,362 --> 00:33:38,980
Just like many other gay boys,
724
00:33:38,980 --> 00:33:42,448
he faced a cruel childhood
for not fitting in.
725
00:33:42,448 --> 00:33:43,934
- Well, I was a little sissy-boy.
726
00:33:43,934 --> 00:33:47,678
I had braces and glasses
and was overweight.
727
00:33:47,678 --> 00:33:49,899
I think I made an easy target.
728
00:33:49,899 --> 00:33:53,097
- [Narrator] Brent drew strength
from his artistic talents.
729
00:33:53,097 --> 00:33:55,354
In addition to his
singing and songwriting,
730
00:33:55,354 --> 00:33:58,614
Brent became a prolific
writer and graphic artist.
731
00:33:58,614 --> 00:34:02,145
In 1993, at the age of 15, he
drew a nationally distributed
732
00:34:02,145 --> 00:34:04,698
comic strip about his coming out.
733
00:34:04,698 --> 00:34:07,995
- I realized that it was a
great way to educate kids
734
00:34:07,995 --> 00:34:11,348
because a lot of kids
would read the piece and
735
00:34:11,348 --> 00:34:14,448
not even realize that it
was about a gay theme and
736
00:34:14,448 --> 00:34:17,667
then suddenly, halfway through,
they'd already be hooked.
737
00:34:17,667 --> 00:34:21,042
The media pounced on that
because, back in '92, '93,
738
00:34:21,042 --> 00:34:24,568
there weren't a lot of 16
year old who could articulate,
739
00:34:24,568 --> 00:34:26,247
who were out at all,
740
00:34:26,247 --> 00:34:29,174
let alone could articulate
what that experience was like.
741
00:34:29,174 --> 00:34:31,530
- [Narrator] Brent's sexuality
attracted even more attention
742
00:34:31,530 --> 00:34:33,308
when he shook up one of the most venerable
743
00:34:33,308 --> 00:34:34,962
institutions of high school.
744
00:34:34,962 --> 00:34:36,912
- I woke up and there I
was on the front page of
745
00:34:36,912 --> 00:34:39,215
The Oakland Tribune and the first line was
746
00:34:39,215 --> 00:34:41,670
"Brent Calderwood, 17, plans to take
747
00:34:41,670 --> 00:34:44,166
"a male date to his senior prom."
748
00:34:44,166 --> 00:34:47,598
That just really upped the
ante in terms of harassment,
749
00:34:47,598 --> 00:34:50,739
getting death threats
and people yelling at me,
750
00:34:50,739 --> 00:34:55,317
not only in class and in
hallways, but also adults in town.
751
00:34:55,317 --> 00:34:58,346
- [Narrator] Brent is now
studying at the University
752
00:34:58,346 --> 00:34:59,594
of California Berkeley.
753
00:34:59,594 --> 00:35:02,672
He plans to become a
counselor helping gay youth.
754
00:35:02,672 --> 00:35:06,438
- Whether we're effeminate or
masculine by cultural standard
755
00:35:06,438 --> 00:35:09,890
we all grow up as men,
and especially as gay men,
756
00:35:09,890 --> 00:35:13,224
learning to look through
a magnifying glass at
757
00:35:13,224 --> 00:35:15,171
how we're performing masculinity.
758
00:35:15,171 --> 00:35:18,585
There's a potential feeling
that we have of I failed
759
00:35:18,585 --> 00:35:21,704
and then the irony is
that once we come out,
760
00:35:21,704 --> 00:35:24,612
rather than create this
brave new world or whatever,
761
00:35:24,612 --> 00:35:28,220
we turn to those high
school dynamics of trying
762
00:35:28,220 --> 00:35:29,403
to prove our masculinity.
763
00:35:29,403 --> 00:35:32,570
(school bell ringing)
764
00:35:37,663 --> 00:35:40,581
- My masculinity was
never a problem for me.
765
00:35:40,581 --> 00:35:43,658
I never thought that I was not masculine.
766
00:35:43,658 --> 00:35:46,406
I always knew I was a
pretty masculine guy.
767
00:35:46,406 --> 00:35:50,133
- [Narrator] Wes Adams works
as a Teamster truck driver
768
00:35:50,133 --> 00:35:53,155
on film and television sets in Hollywood
769
00:35:53,155 --> 00:35:55,072
and around the country.
770
00:35:56,353 --> 00:35:59,515
Wes met a lot of
celebrities over the years.
771
00:35:59,515 --> 00:36:01,561
He also played a part in
the Academy Award-winning
772
00:36:01,561 --> 00:36:04,038
Western epic, Dances With
Wolves, starring Kevin Costner.
773
00:36:04,038 --> 00:36:07,019
In the film, Wes stars
as an unlucky settler
774
00:36:07,019 --> 00:36:08,686
attacked by Indians.
775
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,696
- I work with a different
crew on just about every
776
00:36:12,696 --> 00:36:14,001
project I work on.
777
00:36:14,001 --> 00:36:16,029
They talk about their
families and their wives
778
00:36:16,029 --> 00:36:17,901
and their kids and for example,
779
00:36:17,901 --> 00:36:19,190
this show that I just started.
780
00:36:19,190 --> 00:36:20,614
This guy says,
781
00:36:20,614 --> 00:36:21,586
"Hey, Wes, are you married?"
782
00:36:21,586 --> 00:36:22,565
And I said no, and he goes,
783
00:36:22,565 --> 00:36:23,656
"Do you have kids?"
784
00:36:23,656 --> 00:36:24,687
And I said, no and I said,
785
00:36:24,687 --> 00:36:25,878
"I'm gay and I've been
in a relationship with
786
00:36:25,878 --> 00:36:27,906
"my partner for 10 years."
787
00:36:27,906 --> 00:36:31,416
And that usually takes
people aback a little bit
788
00:36:31,416 --> 00:36:33,188
and they always say,
789
00:36:33,188 --> 00:36:35,281
"Oh, I never would have
known in a million years."
790
00:36:35,281 --> 00:36:36,759
And I'm like, "What is gay to you?"
791
00:36:36,759 --> 00:36:38,220
You know?
792
00:36:38,220 --> 00:36:40,501
- [Narrator] Wes did not
come out until his late 20s.
793
00:36:40,501 --> 00:36:42,300
- I thought being gay
was a bad thing because
794
00:36:42,300 --> 00:36:45,217
all I'd ever heard was predators,
795
00:36:45,217 --> 00:36:48,730
men lurking around in
parks, preying on children.
796
00:36:48,730 --> 00:36:53,241
If someone was homosexual,
it was deviant behavior
797
00:36:53,241 --> 00:36:56,336
and that's just the way it was.
798
00:36:56,336 --> 00:36:58,836
- [Announcer] Public restrooms
can often be a hangout
799
00:36:58,836 --> 00:37:00,708
for the homosexual.
800
00:37:00,708 --> 00:37:02,694
Bobby and his friends
hadn't noticed the man
801
00:37:02,694 --> 00:37:06,280
who had been in the
restroom when they changed.
802
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:07,806
(suspenseful music)
803
00:37:07,806 --> 00:37:10,548
One never knows when
the homosexual is about.
804
00:37:10,548 --> 00:37:12,891
He may appear normal and
it may be too late when
805
00:37:12,891 --> 00:37:15,408
you discover he is mentally ill.
806
00:37:15,408 --> 00:37:19,350
- As a kid, we go through
so much mental agony.
807
00:37:19,350 --> 00:37:23,484
We start having these feelings
that we're told are wrong
808
00:37:23,484 --> 00:37:27,165
and we don't know how
to deal with them and
809
00:37:27,165 --> 00:37:29,735
we fight it with every
fiber that we have and
810
00:37:29,735 --> 00:37:33,577
try to do whatever we
can to be straight and
811
00:37:33,577 --> 00:37:36,313
pray to God to make us straight.
812
00:37:36,313 --> 00:37:37,695
We go through it alone.
813
00:37:37,695 --> 00:37:40,520
There's nobody to talk to and
as a child, that's horrible.
814
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:44,442
The reason I didn't come out
was because I was worried
815
00:37:44,442 --> 00:37:47,778
about how I'd be perceived
by my co-workers,
816
00:37:47,778 --> 00:37:50,139
my family, my friends,
so I just kind of lived
817
00:37:50,139 --> 00:37:52,323
in my own shell for the longest time.
818
00:37:52,323 --> 00:37:55,089
After I came out myself,
I started going out and
819
00:37:55,089 --> 00:37:57,273
meeting people and
realizing that there are
820
00:37:57,273 --> 00:38:00,513
tons of guys just like me out there.
821
00:38:00,513 --> 00:38:03,513
Who is it to deny anybody happiness?
822
00:38:06,108 --> 00:38:09,306
You're gonna be who you're
gonna be and if you're not,
823
00:38:09,306 --> 00:38:10,904
you're not happy.
824
00:38:10,904 --> 00:38:12,780
I think you see drag
queens now and that's why
825
00:38:12,780 --> 00:38:15,056
they're so strong mentally.
826
00:38:15,056 --> 00:38:17,418
They don't take shit from anybody.
827
00:38:17,418 --> 00:38:19,914
And the queeny guys, they
don't take shit from anybody
828
00:38:19,914 --> 00:38:22,218
because they had to deal with it.
829
00:38:22,218 --> 00:38:23,551
I could hide it.
830
00:38:25,743 --> 00:38:29,430
(bluesy guitar music)
831
00:38:29,430 --> 00:38:30,513
- This is Ty.
832
00:38:35,436 --> 00:38:36,769
Isn't that nice?
833
00:38:37,852 --> 00:38:39,471
(chuckling)
834
00:38:39,471 --> 00:38:42,980
So, Ty and I would go to different events,
835
00:38:42,980 --> 00:38:47,193
any corporate events
that would hire us and
836
00:38:47,193 --> 00:38:50,157
we would walk around
and people would want to
837
00:38:50,157 --> 00:38:51,990
come up and touch him.
838
00:38:54,879 --> 00:38:56,205
They fear falling so the
moment you let go of them,
839
00:38:56,205 --> 00:38:57,786
they start to freak
out so the more secure,
840
00:38:57,786 --> 00:38:59,703
that masculine feeling,
841
00:39:02,169 --> 00:39:05,586
they become more comfortable and relaxed.
842
00:39:09,628 --> 00:39:11,551
- [Narrator] David Aguilar
has used his physical prowess
843
00:39:11,551 --> 00:39:13,677
to his advantage over the years.
844
00:39:13,677 --> 00:39:18,534
- Here's a picture of me on
one of the posters for one of
845
00:39:18,534 --> 00:39:22,393
the events that happened in
San Francisco a long time ago.
846
00:39:22,393 --> 00:39:26,022
This was called Superball
and I was the cover boy
847
00:39:26,022 --> 00:39:27,211
for the performance.
848
00:39:27,211 --> 00:39:28,850
I get a lot of people saying,
849
00:39:28,850 --> 00:39:31,190
"Now, you're what
masculine is" and er-er-er.
850
00:39:31,190 --> 00:39:32,647
Like, thank you.
851
00:39:32,647 --> 00:39:35,533
- [Narrator] David also
brings brains to the brawn.
852
00:39:35,533 --> 00:39:39,048
He's a successful IT
consultant in San Francisco.
853
00:39:39,048 --> 00:39:43,161
- I had really interesting
feelings as a young boy.
854
00:39:43,161 --> 00:39:45,227
I've always known that I was attracted to
855
00:39:45,227 --> 00:39:47,279
the masculine energy.
856
00:39:47,279 --> 00:39:49,227
When I was 13 years old,
people would ask me who my role
857
00:39:49,227 --> 00:39:51,972
model was and I didn't know
what a role model meant to me.
858
00:39:51,972 --> 00:39:54,960
I used to walk to and from school.
859
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,398
On my way home, I would
hear this tapping and
860
00:39:57,398 --> 00:40:00,752
I walked into this studio and
these girls were tap dancing
861
00:40:00,752 --> 00:40:03,503
and the teacher actually had
asked me, did I like dancing.
862
00:40:03,503 --> 00:40:05,120
I didn't know.
863
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,830
I never paid for a dance lesson
in my life because of being
864
00:40:07,830 --> 00:40:11,923
a man in ballet, it's a
rarity so they'll take boys
865
00:40:11,923 --> 00:40:13,992
whenever they can get them.
866
00:40:13,992 --> 00:40:17,130
I think that it helped me
with growing up without
867
00:40:17,130 --> 00:40:21,968
a solid male influence in my
life because my dad and my mom
868
00:40:21,968 --> 00:40:23,898
divorced when I was three years old.
869
00:40:23,898 --> 00:40:25,478
So, I kind of grew up
basically raising myself.
870
00:40:25,478 --> 00:40:28,908
The ballet, the structure,
the repetitiveness,
871
00:40:28,908 --> 00:40:33,003
the security that it
gave me inside myself,
872
00:40:33,003 --> 00:40:36,611
it actually helped me
install that in my life.
873
00:40:36,611 --> 00:40:40,319
So, I just basically took the
discipline that I had from
874
00:40:40,319 --> 00:40:44,486
the ballet and applied that
into my working-out schedule.
875
00:40:50,336 --> 00:40:52,700
When people called me
Muscle Boy, I was shocked.
876
00:40:52,700 --> 00:40:53,735
I'm not a muscle boy.
877
00:40:53,735 --> 00:40:56,575
I don't think I'm a muscle boy.
878
00:40:56,575 --> 00:41:00,534
I got a ton more attention
and that wasn't, again,
879
00:41:00,534 --> 00:41:02,815
my driver to working out harder.
880
00:41:02,815 --> 00:41:04,574
It was, again, just the discipline.
881
00:41:04,574 --> 00:41:08,300
I don't believe that
muscles equal masculine.
882
00:41:08,300 --> 00:41:12,960
I think masculine is in the
mind of whoever possesses it.
883
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:17,539
I would describe masculine
as a very safe, secure energy
884
00:41:17,539 --> 00:41:21,456
and when I'm in the
presence of the person that
885
00:41:23,699 --> 00:41:26,417
I love and I'm with, I feel
completely safe with that person
886
00:41:26,417 --> 00:41:29,553
and to feel that is the
most amazing experience.
887
00:41:29,553 --> 00:41:33,470
("Situation" by Ex-Boyfriends)
888
00:41:47,846 --> 00:41:50,535
♫ Sell me your arm
889
00:41:50,535 --> 00:41:53,732
♫ It's an emergency
890
00:41:53,732 --> 00:41:56,426
♫ You're waving your arms
891
00:41:56,426 --> 00:41:58,064
- [Narrator] Indie rock
band, Ex-Boyfriends,
892
00:41:58,064 --> 00:42:00,659
was bound by some old
stereotypes as it tried
893
00:42:00,659 --> 00:42:03,270
to break into the music industry.
894
00:42:03,270 --> 00:42:06,312
♫ We've seen this all before
895
00:42:06,312 --> 00:42:09,317
- It's just this cultural
mindset that being gay
896
00:42:09,317 --> 00:42:12,860
means you're feminine and
feminine people can't rock,
897
00:42:12,860 --> 00:42:16,238
(upbeat pop rock music)
898
00:42:16,238 --> 00:42:19,067
which is one of the most ridiculous things
899
00:42:19,067 --> 00:42:20,887
I think I've ever encountered.
900
00:42:20,887 --> 00:42:23,357
- Maybe it has to do with the fact, like,
901
00:42:23,357 --> 00:42:25,463
music critics, the majority of them are
902
00:42:25,463 --> 00:42:27,038
just like white, straight males.
903
00:42:27,038 --> 00:42:29,535
They always have to bring up, you know,
904
00:42:29,535 --> 00:42:30,512
"This gay rock group is
actually pretty good!"
905
00:42:30,512 --> 00:42:31,485
- Right.
906
00:42:31,485 --> 00:42:34,368
- I'm like, well, we're just a group.
907
00:42:34,368 --> 00:42:37,701
(upbeat pop rock music)
908
00:42:41,100 --> 00:42:43,460
- They have this cultural
mindset that if you're up there
909
00:42:43,460 --> 00:42:46,814
doing this shreddy guitar
solo or beating the hell
910
00:42:46,814 --> 00:42:49,565
out of a drum kit, you're manly.
911
00:42:49,565 --> 00:42:52,898
(upbeat pop rock music)
912
00:42:57,500 --> 00:43:01,047
I don't think you see a lot
of gay men in the world of
913
00:43:01,047 --> 00:43:03,917
rock music becoming really famous.
914
00:43:03,917 --> 00:43:05,748
We all knew George
Michael was gay for years.
915
00:43:05,748 --> 00:43:08,610
We all knew The Pet Shop
Boys were gay for years,
916
00:43:08,610 --> 00:43:10,797
and Michael Stipe from
R.E.M. but it's this thing
917
00:43:10,797 --> 00:43:12,670
that gets danced around for so long.
918
00:43:12,670 --> 00:43:13,761
"Oh, we're polysexual," or
919
00:43:13,761 --> 00:43:16,018
"we just don't like to talk about it."
920
00:43:16,018 --> 00:43:20,059
I think that's managers and
representatives being like,
921
00:43:20,059 --> 00:43:24,017
you know what, you'll have
more mass popularity if this is
922
00:43:24,017 --> 00:43:27,517
something that's never concretely defined.
923
00:43:31,553 --> 00:43:32,893
- [Narrator] Still, with each guitar riff,
924
00:43:32,893 --> 00:43:35,508
Ex-Boyfriends is making
headway for gay rockers and
925
00:43:35,508 --> 00:43:38,254
cracking some of those old stereotypes.
926
00:43:38,254 --> 00:43:40,480
The group released two successful
CDs, is working on a third
927
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:42,647
and has a new music video.
928
00:43:44,593 --> 00:43:46,974
Ex-Boyfriends was also
named Best Indie Rock Band
929
00:43:46,974 --> 00:43:51,046
by readers of the San Francisco
Bay Area Guardian newspaper.
930
00:43:51,046 --> 00:43:52,783
- And it was Best Gay Indie Band or
931
00:43:52,783 --> 00:43:54,322
Best Queer Band or anything.
932
00:43:54,322 --> 00:43:56,239
It was Best Indie Band.
933
00:43:57,132 --> 00:44:01,072
It's nice to just share
that without the qualifier.
934
00:44:01,072 --> 00:44:04,489
(light orchestral music)
935
00:44:09,766 --> 00:44:12,168
- [Narrator] The issue of
masculinity stirs passions,
936
00:44:12,168 --> 00:44:13,687
not only in the gay community but
937
00:44:13,687 --> 00:44:16,187
in the straight world as well.
938
00:44:17,353 --> 00:44:19,636
Larry Gross is head of the
School of Communication at
939
00:44:19,636 --> 00:44:21,741
the University of Southern California.
940
00:44:21,741 --> 00:44:24,706
- It's a hot-button issue
in American culture.
941
00:44:24,706 --> 00:44:26,612
This is a culture in which men seem
942
00:44:26,612 --> 00:44:30,420
very concerned about
issues of masculinity.
943
00:44:30,420 --> 00:44:32,838
Gay men aren't part of that culture.
944
00:44:32,838 --> 00:44:34,944
- [Narrator] However, the
definition of masculinity
945
00:44:34,944 --> 00:44:36,713
can change over time.
946
00:44:36,713 --> 00:44:38,548
- There are different
ways that people enact
947
00:44:38,548 --> 00:44:40,930
what it means to be masculine.
948
00:44:40,930 --> 00:44:43,930
Historically as well
as contemporary times,
949
00:44:43,930 --> 00:44:45,802
men were often seen as very gallant,
950
00:44:45,802 --> 00:44:48,281
would have very intimate friends like
951
00:44:48,281 --> 00:44:50,446
Jonathan and David in the
Bible or Achilles and Patroclus
952
00:44:50,446 --> 00:44:54,444
in the Iliad and they would
go into battle together.
953
00:44:54,444 --> 00:44:57,778
Men would stand side by side
to deal with their friendships,
954
00:44:57,778 --> 00:44:59,901
to deal with their intimacy.
955
00:44:59,901 --> 00:45:02,692
Certainly, a lot of notions
that we have about masculine
956
00:45:02,692 --> 00:45:03,685
and feminine have historically
been tied up in class.
957
00:45:03,685 --> 00:45:07,366
The notion of the
working class was seen as
958
00:45:07,366 --> 00:45:10,984
more masculine, more
rugged, more brutish where
959
00:45:10,984 --> 00:45:14,907
upper class was more
refined and in some ways
960
00:45:14,907 --> 00:45:16,990
more feminine and demure.
961
00:45:20,411 --> 00:45:22,828
You travel to some Mediterranean cultures,
962
00:45:22,828 --> 00:45:25,652
or some Latin cultures and
even some Asian cultures
963
00:45:25,652 --> 00:45:28,055
and you notice that men, heterosexual men,
964
00:45:28,055 --> 00:45:30,353
will walk sometimes arm-in-arm.
965
00:45:30,353 --> 00:45:31,700
They will touch each other more,
966
00:45:31,700 --> 00:45:33,260
they will stand closer to each other.
967
00:45:33,260 --> 00:45:34,683
- A man will kiss another
man on each cheek.
968
00:45:34,683 --> 00:45:36,536
- Proof again that it's
a cultural difference,
969
00:45:36,536 --> 00:45:41,081
not something that's genetic,
biological, or DNA related.
970
00:45:41,081 --> 00:45:43,744
That it has something to
do with what the culture
971
00:45:43,744 --> 00:45:46,052
allows people to do.
972
00:45:46,052 --> 00:45:48,351
It's really within the
United States we have
973
00:45:48,351 --> 00:45:51,590
a very rigid model of masculinity.
974
00:45:51,590 --> 00:45:55,823
Rugged individualism was
about conquering the West,
975
00:45:55,823 --> 00:46:00,206
being stoic, being triumphant,
facing these kind of odds.
976
00:46:00,206 --> 00:46:02,936
Just two men hugging, utterly non-sexual,
977
00:46:02,936 --> 00:46:04,730
just an expression of affection,
978
00:46:04,730 --> 00:46:07,715
would have been considered unmasculine.
979
00:46:07,715 --> 00:46:11,345
However, it does seem to
have brought it out a bit.
980
00:46:11,345 --> 00:46:14,345
We have a bit more space in terms of
981
00:46:14,345 --> 00:46:15,770
what it means to be masculine.
982
00:46:15,770 --> 00:46:17,351
Now, you can express
certain emotions although
983
00:46:17,351 --> 00:46:19,394
there is still the notion that
you're supposed to be strong.
984
00:46:19,394 --> 00:46:22,432
- Sports figures are on TV
and they cry over some problem
985
00:46:22,432 --> 00:46:25,109
or some loss that they've had.
986
00:46:25,109 --> 00:46:27,604
That's also changed.
987
00:46:27,604 --> 00:46:29,298
Sports figures being allowed to cry?
988
00:46:29,298 --> 00:46:31,157
Many people argue that today,
989
00:46:31,157 --> 00:46:33,122
the heterosexual man,
who is very emotional,
990
00:46:33,122 --> 00:46:35,603
who acts as if he were more sensitive,
991
00:46:35,603 --> 00:46:39,148
is more tuned to his
clothing, to his hairstyles,
992
00:46:39,148 --> 00:46:41,670
has been labeled the metrosexual.
993
00:46:41,670 --> 00:46:44,066
There have also been
words called the man-date,
994
00:46:44,066 --> 00:46:46,839
or the bromance, for guys who are really
995
00:46:46,839 --> 00:46:50,193
close to one another, heterosexual
guys who get together,
996
00:46:50,193 --> 00:46:52,923
talk about their lives,
what their emotions are.
997
00:46:52,923 --> 00:46:56,511
So, something has happened
in our society in the last
998
00:46:56,511 --> 00:46:59,728
20 to 30 years that has
changed the definition of
999
00:46:59,728 --> 00:47:02,730
what it means to be masculine
and one of those things
1000
00:47:02,730 --> 00:47:05,299
that it demonstrates is
that masculine is not
1001
00:47:05,299 --> 00:47:08,933
a fixed concept, that
it's constantly variable
1002
00:47:08,933 --> 00:47:10,933
and constantly changing.
1003
00:47:15,219 --> 00:47:17,148
- [Narrator] The concept of
what it means to be a man
1004
00:47:17,148 --> 00:47:19,815
may evolve over time, however,
there is no more iconic
1005
00:47:19,815 --> 00:47:23,424
figure of masculinity than the cowboy.
1006
00:47:23,424 --> 00:47:25,350
- The thing that I love
the most about being
1007
00:47:25,350 --> 00:47:27,967
out on the horse is the
fact that you really
1008
00:47:27,967 --> 00:47:31,634
have to have communication
with that animal.
1009
00:47:31,634 --> 00:47:34,932
(upbeat country guitar music)
1010
00:47:34,932 --> 00:47:38,630
The definition of a barrel
horse is a controlled runaway.
1011
00:47:38,630 --> 00:47:41,790
If that horse is running
at the speed of some
1012
00:47:41,790 --> 00:47:43,954
40 to 60 miles an hour,
1013
00:47:43,954 --> 00:47:46,002
if you are not in tune
with that animal and
1014
00:47:46,002 --> 00:47:48,028
that horse decides to run away with you,
1015
00:47:48,028 --> 00:47:50,194
there's nothing that can stop that horse.
1016
00:47:50,194 --> 00:47:52,690
That is a huge, huge factor
when it comes to training
1017
00:47:52,690 --> 00:47:55,087
these horses and competing on them and
1018
00:47:55,087 --> 00:47:56,646
that's what I love so much.
1019
00:47:56,646 --> 00:47:57,936
- [Narrator] James and his partner, Matt,
1020
00:47:57,936 --> 00:47:59,587
could be described as the real-life
1021
00:47:59,587 --> 00:48:01,015
Brokeback Mountain cowboys.
1022
00:48:01,015 --> 00:48:03,724
The couple own a ranch
outside Scottsdale, Arizona.
1023
00:48:03,724 --> 00:48:07,373
- We have 15 horses between
myself and my partner, Matthew,
1024
00:48:07,373 --> 00:48:09,772
and we have two babies on the way.
1025
00:48:09,772 --> 00:48:13,516
We have six dogs, we have
cats, fish, you name it.
1026
00:48:13,516 --> 00:48:15,718
We've got a lot of animals on our ranch.
1027
00:48:15,718 --> 00:48:17,161
- What drew me to James,
there was, of course,
1028
00:48:17,161 --> 00:48:19,652
the initial attraction and then there was
1029
00:48:19,652 --> 00:48:21,635
what's kept us together,
1030
00:48:21,635 --> 00:48:24,728
what made me realize he
could be my partner was just
1031
00:48:24,728 --> 00:48:26,948
his values and morals
and our mutual goals,
1032
00:48:26,948 --> 00:48:28,196
what we want to do with our lives and
1033
00:48:28,196 --> 00:48:29,735
what we think is important,
1034
00:48:29,735 --> 00:48:31,020
the kind of people we want around us and
1035
00:48:31,020 --> 00:48:33,365
the kind of activities
and that we want to be
1036
00:48:33,365 --> 00:48:35,214
in a monogamous
relationship versus an open
1037
00:48:35,214 --> 00:48:38,714
and that we value our horses and property.
1038
00:48:41,923 --> 00:48:45,044
- [Narrator] James has spent
most of his life around horses.
1039
00:48:45,044 --> 00:48:47,249
- When I came out in the
straight horse community,
1040
00:48:47,249 --> 00:48:49,876
it was very jaded, I guess you could say.
1041
00:48:49,876 --> 00:48:51,638
You used to be able to go
in there and have nice,
1042
00:48:51,638 --> 00:48:54,167
easy conversations with
people and after a while,
1043
00:48:54,167 --> 00:48:56,881
when they found out, they
would turn their head.
1044
00:48:56,881 --> 00:48:59,006
It hasn't been until probably
just the last few years
1045
00:48:59,006 --> 00:49:02,126
where it's become more
and more accepted whereas
1046
00:49:02,126 --> 00:49:04,643
many, many people have one,
come out of the closet that have
1047
00:49:04,643 --> 00:49:07,061
been in the horse show
industry, such as myself,
1048
00:49:07,061 --> 00:49:09,673
as well as your top trainers
and professional trainers
1049
00:49:09,673 --> 00:49:12,185
in the world that qualify and
go to the world every year now
1050
00:49:12,185 --> 00:49:14,356
have also come out of the closet and
1051
00:49:14,356 --> 00:49:16,540
it's become much, much more acceptable.
1052
00:49:16,540 --> 00:49:18,642
- [Narrator] James also
competes in many of the 20 or so
1053
00:49:18,642 --> 00:49:21,532
gay rodeos held across the United States
1054
00:49:21,532 --> 00:49:23,365
and Canada every year.
1055
00:49:24,611 --> 00:49:28,511
It can be just as rough-and-tumble
as any straight rodeo.
1056
00:49:28,511 --> 00:49:30,794
(crowds cheering)
1057
00:49:30,794 --> 00:49:34,690
(upbeat country guitar music)
1058
00:49:34,690 --> 00:49:36,738
But the gay rodeos also
include a couple of events
1059
00:49:36,738 --> 00:49:39,080
you won't find on the straight circuit.
1060
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:40,954
In the Wild Drag Race, men
dress up in women's clothing
1061
00:49:40,954 --> 00:49:42,842
and try to mount a young steer.
1062
00:49:42,842 --> 00:49:46,259
Wonder where they came up with that idea.
1063
00:49:49,324 --> 00:49:50,568
Then, there's Goat Dressing,
1064
00:49:50,568 --> 00:49:52,653
where contestants try to
put underwear on a goat
1065
00:49:52,653 --> 00:49:55,236
in the quickest amount of time.
1066
00:49:56,184 --> 00:49:58,079
It's all part of the
campy side of gay rodeo
1067
00:49:58,079 --> 00:50:01,391
that makes the events, in a word, special.
1068
00:50:01,391 --> 00:50:04,631
(upbeat country guitar music)
1069
00:50:04,631 --> 00:50:06,635
- They call me Wild Wild
Wes on the rodeo circuit.
1070
00:50:06,635 --> 00:50:09,233
I'm a little bit on the
wild side when it comes to
1071
00:50:09,233 --> 00:50:13,400
the spirit and the energy
of what makes gay rodeo fun.
1072
00:50:14,959 --> 00:50:17,563
It's really cool that
we have the camp events.
1073
00:50:17,563 --> 00:50:20,644
We are gay and we enjoy fun things.
1074
00:50:20,644 --> 00:50:23,684
A new contestant that
maybe doesn't have a horse
1075
00:50:23,684 --> 00:50:26,180
and never owned a horse
but they'd like to be
1076
00:50:26,180 --> 00:50:28,421
involved with gay rodeo,
they can actually go out
1077
00:50:28,421 --> 00:50:32,588
to the rodeo arena and have a
good time and actually compete
1078
00:50:35,114 --> 00:50:36,882
- [Narrator] James said
when he was growing up,
1079
00:50:36,882 --> 00:50:38,738
he didn't know of any gay rodeos.
1080
00:50:38,738 --> 00:50:40,512
- I didn't know what gay was.
1081
00:50:40,512 --> 00:50:42,363
I just knew that it was something
that was not looked upon.
1082
00:50:42,363 --> 00:50:45,894
Honestly, until I was
probably 18 or 19 years old,
1083
00:50:45,894 --> 00:50:48,309
I had never met a gay person in my life.
1084
00:50:48,309 --> 00:50:49,872
I played the straight role until I was
1085
00:50:49,872 --> 00:50:51,489
in my early to mid 20s.
1086
00:50:51,489 --> 00:50:53,793
Any of my guy friends
that were being chummy,
1087
00:50:53,793 --> 00:50:55,208
that were just being good guys,
1088
00:50:55,208 --> 00:50:56,580
I would never allow them
to get close to me because
1089
00:50:56,580 --> 00:50:59,190
I didn't want any
interaction to be stereotyped
1090
00:50:59,190 --> 00:51:00,480
as being a gay man.
1091
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:02,430
I had a girlfriend for
many years and competed in
1092
00:51:02,430 --> 00:51:05,394
the junior rodeo circuit and
no, everything was hush-hush.
1093
00:51:05,394 --> 00:51:07,926
That was not looked upon
as something was acceptable
1094
00:51:07,926 --> 00:51:10,563
in my family and then I
came to grips with myself
1095
00:51:10,563 --> 00:51:12,649
in terms that I had to just be me.
1096
00:51:12,649 --> 00:51:14,556
When I first come out of
the closet, my dad says,
1097
00:51:14,556 --> 00:51:16,252
"I hope you don't come home
wearing a pair of high heels."
1098
00:51:16,252 --> 00:51:17,303
You know?
1099
00:51:17,303 --> 00:51:19,704
But, you know, we laughed
upon it and I said,
1100
00:51:19,704 --> 00:51:21,887
"Dad, you would be surprised what
1101
00:51:21,887 --> 00:51:23,058
"I can do in a pair of high heels."
1102
00:51:23,058 --> 00:51:25,887
My family is very accepting of it now.
1103
00:51:25,887 --> 00:51:28,362
There's a lot of images that
are portrayed out there of us
1104
00:51:28,362 --> 00:51:31,286
people that are gay and they understand
1105
00:51:31,286 --> 00:51:33,765
that we're just people, too.
1106
00:51:33,765 --> 00:51:35,070
Some people say it's chosen.
1107
00:51:35,070 --> 00:51:36,495
I don't personally believe that.
1108
00:51:36,495 --> 00:51:38,424
In my situation, it's
something that I've known
1109
00:51:38,424 --> 00:51:41,019
ever since I was a child.
1110
00:51:41,019 --> 00:51:43,494
- [Narrator] Matt also tried
to play it straight for a while
1111
00:51:43,494 --> 00:51:45,018
but knew at a pretty young age he was gay.
1112
00:51:45,018 --> 00:51:48,918
- Well, I grew up in a very
rural town out in the middle
1113
00:51:48,918 --> 00:51:53,085
of beautiful rural Oregon, and
then I went on to date women.
1114
00:51:54,258 --> 00:51:57,378
To me, it was just playing the part.
1115
00:51:57,378 --> 00:51:59,330
I was doing what my
parents wanted me to do.
1116
00:51:59,330 --> 00:52:00,717
If they had their way,
1117
00:52:00,717 --> 00:52:02,800
I would have gotten a
degree in agriculture and
1118
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:04,728
been running a successful ranch
1119
00:52:04,728 --> 00:52:06,582
up there with them, which they do.
1120
00:52:06,582 --> 00:52:08,688
I just couldn't do it.
1121
00:52:08,688 --> 00:52:11,907
I felt like it was a lie to the girl.
1122
00:52:11,907 --> 00:52:13,914
It's too much of a show for me with women.
1123
00:52:13,914 --> 00:52:16,410
I remember I had to be the
big stud and do all this
1124
00:52:16,410 --> 00:52:19,474
and put on this big man act
and now I want that back.
1125
00:52:19,474 --> 00:52:21,189
I want that, too!
1126
00:52:21,189 --> 00:52:22,713
(chuckling)
1127
00:52:22,713 --> 00:52:24,288
- What is nice about
Matthew and I, my partner,
1128
00:52:24,288 --> 00:52:26,826
is we both are men and
we both carry that image.
1129
00:52:26,826 --> 00:52:28,521
Somebody that is not afraid
to get their hands dirty,
1130
00:52:28,521 --> 00:52:30,300
not afraid to go out
there and shovel but also
1131
00:52:30,300 --> 00:52:32,151
is not afraid to go in
the house and cook dinner
1132
00:52:32,151 --> 00:52:33,257
if they need to, also.
1133
00:52:33,257 --> 00:52:35,016
- Knowing that a guy has my back,
1134
00:52:35,016 --> 00:52:36,779
I always felt like that was kind of what
1135
00:52:36,779 --> 00:52:39,228
the man did for the woman
but I feel like I can protect
1136
00:52:39,228 --> 00:52:41,745
my partner as well as he can protect me.
1137
00:52:41,745 --> 00:52:44,007
No one gets anything over on us.
1138
00:52:44,007 --> 00:52:46,593
I feel like I'm pretty safe that way.
1139
00:52:46,593 --> 00:52:48,176
I feel very secure.
1140
00:52:50,574 --> 00:52:52,992
(men shouting)
1141
00:52:52,992 --> 00:52:55,742
(crowd cheering)
1142
00:52:59,763 --> 00:53:03,174
- The bull I got on today, he
was kind of nasty in the chute
1143
00:53:03,174 --> 00:53:05,757
and he made a quick right turn,
1144
00:53:07,578 --> 00:53:11,495
banged me up into the
gate and hit my elbow and
1145
00:53:13,604 --> 00:53:14,736
I lost all focus.
1146
00:53:14,736 --> 00:53:18,483
My instinct took over and that was to just
1147
00:53:18,483 --> 00:53:22,357
reach for something because
I was in a bad spot.
1148
00:53:22,357 --> 00:53:24,130
I was in trouble.
1149
00:53:24,130 --> 00:53:26,649
- [Narrator] Steven Daigle became
1150
00:53:26,649 --> 00:53:29,711
America's favorite gay
cowboy when he appeared on
1151
00:53:29,711 --> 00:53:32,367
the CBS reality show, Big Brother.
1152
00:53:32,367 --> 00:53:34,197
- Just doing rodeo itself
is an adrenaline rush.
1153
00:53:34,197 --> 00:53:35,698
It's competition.
1154
00:53:35,698 --> 00:53:37,101
You're competing against yourself.
1155
00:53:37,101 --> 00:53:38,310
You're competing against animals.
1156
00:53:38,310 --> 00:53:39,792
You're competing against other people.
1157
00:53:39,792 --> 00:53:42,273
I don't know, it makes you
feel like you're living.
1158
00:53:42,273 --> 00:53:44,316
You actually get a lot
of notoriety out of it.
1159
00:53:44,316 --> 00:53:45,876
People love to watch it.
1160
00:53:45,876 --> 00:53:48,357
It's definitely good for getting a hug-up
1161
00:53:48,357 --> 00:53:50,208
every now and then.
1162
00:53:50,208 --> 00:53:51,335
(laughing)
1163
00:53:51,335 --> 00:53:52,803
To get on the back of
that bull and sit down,
1164
00:53:52,803 --> 00:53:54,864
you have to be mentally
ready, physically ready and
1165
00:53:54,864 --> 00:53:56,427
all of it's just exciting.
1166
00:53:56,427 --> 00:53:59,760
Gay cowboys are very
in the media right now.
1167
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:02,593
(horse whinnying)
1168
00:54:04,851 --> 00:54:06,765
You want your 15 minutes, too?
1169
00:54:06,765 --> 00:54:10,020
Some of the things you never
got to see on the show,
1170
00:54:10,020 --> 00:54:12,240
people were more shocked to
find out I was a bull rider
1171
00:54:12,240 --> 00:54:14,149
than they were to find out I was gay.
1172
00:54:14,149 --> 00:54:16,962
Like, when we had
conversations, people were like,
1173
00:54:16,962 --> 00:54:18,345
"Oh, you're gay, oh okay."
1174
00:54:18,345 --> 00:54:19,578
Then, they're like
1175
00:54:19,578 --> 00:54:20,661
"You ride bulls?
1176
00:54:20,661 --> 00:54:21,641
"Now way!"
1177
00:54:21,641 --> 00:54:22,614
They're like,
1178
00:54:22,614 --> 00:54:23,592
"Shut up!
1179
00:54:23,592 --> 00:54:24,861
"I can't believe you get
on the back of a bull!
1180
00:54:24,861 --> 00:54:25,854
"That's so crazy!"
1181
00:54:25,854 --> 00:54:29,828
People think that, like, a
gay guy couldn't ride a bull
1182
00:54:29,828 --> 00:54:32,931
or ride a bucking horse and
what they don't realize is that
1183
00:54:32,931 --> 00:54:35,973
I'm just as much of a man
as a straight man is but
1184
00:54:35,973 --> 00:54:37,965
there's a difference, I think,
1185
00:54:37,965 --> 00:54:40,164
between masculinity and being tough.
1186
00:54:40,164 --> 00:54:41,849
I think you can be very
masculine and not be tough
1187
00:54:41,849 --> 00:54:43,794
and I think a lot of these,
1188
00:54:43,794 --> 00:54:45,624
what you might call effeminate guys,
1189
00:54:45,624 --> 00:54:48,687
that are rodeo-ing, they
may be very effeminate
1190
00:54:48,687 --> 00:54:49,955
but they're tough.
1191
00:54:49,955 --> 00:54:53,580
(upbeat dance music)
1192
00:54:53,580 --> 00:54:55,468
♫ Oh oh
1193
00:54:55,468 --> 00:54:57,635
♫ Come on
1194
00:54:58,944 --> 00:55:01,032
- [Narrator] James and Steve
are also regular fixtures
1195
00:55:01,032 --> 00:55:03,116
at gay rodeos but more
often you'll see them
1196
00:55:03,116 --> 00:55:05,826
in jean skirts instead of Wranglers.
1197
00:55:05,826 --> 00:55:07,370
A few years ago, the couple
decided to dress up in drag
1198
00:55:07,370 --> 00:55:09,620
to raise money for charity.
1199
00:55:11,817 --> 00:55:14,658
I wanted to prove to people
that you could still be a man
1200
00:55:14,658 --> 00:55:16,497
and wear a dress and raise
money but when it all comes off,
1201
00:55:16,497 --> 00:55:18,135
you're still a man no matter what.
1202
00:55:18,135 --> 00:55:21,582
I am just as rough and tumble
in drag as I am out of drag.
1203
00:55:21,582 --> 00:55:23,044
I've ridden bulls.
1204
00:55:23,044 --> 00:55:24,936
I've done steer riding.
1205
00:55:24,936 --> 00:55:26,304
I do chute-dogging.
1206
00:55:26,304 --> 00:55:28,956
- It takes a man to walk
around in a pair of heels.
1207
00:55:28,956 --> 00:55:30,316
Trust me.
1208
00:55:30,316 --> 00:55:31,587
It kills your feet.
1209
00:55:31,587 --> 00:55:35,295
Not only that, to have big
enough balls, shall I say,
1210
00:55:35,295 --> 00:55:38,727
to walk through a crowd of
say, a leather community,
1211
00:55:38,727 --> 00:55:41,649
in drag, and they're
looking at you thinking,
1212
00:55:41,649 --> 00:55:43,031
"Why do you belong here?"
1213
00:55:43,031 --> 00:55:45,041
Then, by the time the night's over,
1214
00:55:45,041 --> 00:55:46,382
they're eating out of your hand thinking
1215
00:55:46,382 --> 00:55:48,321
you're the best thing since peanut butter.
1216
00:55:48,321 --> 00:55:50,874
That's an accomplishment.
1217
00:55:50,874 --> 00:55:52,746
- As you can see, this
is not an easy process.
1218
00:55:52,746 --> 00:55:55,241
We're putting body parts in
places they don't need to be
1219
00:55:55,241 --> 00:55:57,270
and we shove ourselves into clothing
1220
00:55:57,270 --> 00:56:00,057
that should not really fit.
1221
00:56:00,057 --> 00:56:02,376
I tell people all the time that
it takes balls to be a woman
1222
00:56:02,376 --> 00:56:03,626
It really does.
1223
00:56:07,857 --> 00:56:09,474
It ain't easy being pretty.
1224
00:56:09,474 --> 00:56:11,019
I actually enjoy the fact that
1225
00:56:11,019 --> 00:56:12,828
I get to be somebody different.
1226
00:56:12,828 --> 00:56:16,494
I've made up this character,
for good or bad or indifferent,
1227
00:56:16,494 --> 00:56:20,238
and you know what, I get
to raise money for charity
1228
00:56:20,238 --> 00:56:21,857
across the US.
1229
00:56:21,857 --> 00:56:23,613
I'm fundraising, so if anybody would
1230
00:56:23,613 --> 00:56:24,903
like to buy some raffle tickets?
1231
00:56:24,903 --> 00:56:26,653
Do you have the time?
1232
00:56:29,619 --> 00:56:31,569
I get to make a difference.
1233
00:56:31,569 --> 00:56:35,370
I get to give back to the
communities that I'm involved in.
1234
00:56:35,370 --> 00:56:38,163
We need to give back because
1235
00:56:38,163 --> 00:56:40,721
we get so much from our communities.
1236
00:56:40,721 --> 00:56:42,304
- I think it's fun.
1237
00:56:44,210 --> 00:56:45,651
I like the shock value.
1238
00:56:45,651 --> 00:56:48,287
The people who knew me before, as Steve,
1239
00:56:48,287 --> 00:56:51,719
and then I kind of come out as Aspen.
1240
00:56:51,719 --> 00:56:54,153
My best friends do not recognize me.
1241
00:56:54,153 --> 00:56:56,866
I kind of like that aspect of
not saying that I'm hiding,
1242
00:56:56,866 --> 00:56:59,769
but it's a different persona
and a different side of me
1243
00:56:59,769 --> 00:57:02,052
that I can get across to people.
1244
00:57:02,052 --> 00:57:04,444
The drag community is a very loving group.
1245
00:57:04,444 --> 00:57:06,518
It's sort of like they
feel that they have to
1246
00:57:06,518 --> 00:57:08,485
protect one another and
help one another because
1247
00:57:08,485 --> 00:57:10,217
they're discriminated by people
within their own community.
1248
00:57:10,217 --> 00:57:13,772
Not by everyone, but
there are those people who
1249
00:57:13,772 --> 00:57:15,619
discriminate against the drag.
1250
00:57:15,619 --> 00:57:18,021
For a group that already has
the tinge of discrimination
1251
00:57:18,021 --> 00:57:20,928
against ourselves from
the communities at large,
1252
00:57:20,928 --> 00:57:22,660
it's discouraging to see that
1253
00:57:22,660 --> 00:57:25,004
we're discriminating against each other.
1254
00:57:25,004 --> 00:57:26,351
This is one persona.
1255
00:57:26,351 --> 00:57:27,810
When this comes off, I forget about that,
1256
00:57:27,810 --> 00:57:29,315
because that's not who I am.
1257
00:57:29,315 --> 00:57:31,825
I'm James and when I put
this on, then I'm Janet.
1258
00:57:31,825 --> 00:57:33,293
I'm two separate people.
1259
00:57:33,293 --> 00:57:35,608
Once she comes off, she's in a box and
1260
00:57:35,608 --> 00:57:38,909
I'm back to being a regular Joe Shmoe.
1261
00:57:38,909 --> 00:57:42,144
I'm not as masculine as a
lot of guys out there but
1262
00:57:42,144 --> 00:57:45,061
I'm still a guy once she comes off.
1263
00:57:48,035 --> 00:57:50,920
- [Narrator] The art of drag dates back to
1264
00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:53,885
the earliest days of the gay community.
1265
00:57:53,885 --> 00:57:56,303
In the 1930s, this
nightclub was all the rage
1266
00:57:56,303 --> 00:57:58,562
with both gays and straights.
1267
00:57:58,562 --> 00:58:02,210
- Within gay male culture,
there was a celebration at
1268
00:58:02,210 --> 00:58:05,542
being able to defy gender roles.
1269
00:58:05,542 --> 00:58:09,386
Gender roles were seen and
arguably still are seen,
1270
00:58:09,386 --> 00:58:11,123
as very oppressive, very limited.
1271
00:58:11,123 --> 00:58:14,243
They already knew they were
excluded from the mainstream
1272
00:58:14,243 --> 00:58:16,032
because their sexuality
didn't fit the role.
1273
00:58:16,032 --> 00:58:20,187
They have, then, freedom to
also play with gender roles.
1274
00:58:20,187 --> 00:58:22,804
- Camp is making fun of a
kind of a failed seriousness,
1275
00:58:22,804 --> 00:58:26,527
so for those who take their
gender expression very,
1276
00:58:26,527 --> 00:58:29,545
very seriously, for
example, poking fun at that
1277
00:58:29,545 --> 00:58:32,463
and showing that their gender
expression is just as much
1278
00:58:32,463 --> 00:58:35,727
a performance as anyone else's.
1279
00:58:35,727 --> 00:58:38,143
- People who go in drag often,
1280
00:58:38,143 --> 00:58:41,167
although they are embracing the
feminine part of themselves,
1281
00:58:41,167 --> 00:58:43,750
do so with a masculine bravado.
1282
00:58:48,967 --> 00:58:52,745
They're embracing both
sides of their sexuality.
1283
00:58:52,745 --> 00:58:54,628
(upbeat pop rock music)
1284
00:58:54,628 --> 00:58:57,028
- It wasn't that there seemed
like there was something
1285
00:58:57,028 --> 00:58:59,289
better on one side of
the fence than the other.
1286
00:58:59,289 --> 00:59:00,985
I think it was more being
able to find a place where
1287
00:59:00,985 --> 00:59:03,584
I was comfortable being
perceived by others
1288
00:59:03,584 --> 00:59:05,447
as I was perceiving myself.
1289
00:59:05,447 --> 00:59:08,859
I think the question I
hear a lot from people is
1290
00:59:08,859 --> 00:59:11,007
"Why did you decide to become a man?"
1291
00:59:11,007 --> 00:59:12,927
And my answer is always
that I always felt like
1292
00:59:12,927 --> 00:59:14,468
I was one already.
1293
00:59:14,468 --> 00:59:17,705
I never would have thought
that the differences between
1294
00:59:17,705 --> 00:59:20,745
testosterone and that set
of hormones affect your body
1295
00:59:20,745 --> 00:59:24,068
and estrogen and those set
of hormones affect your body.
1296
00:59:24,068 --> 00:59:26,741
I would have been like, oh
I'm sure it's not a big deal,
1297
00:59:26,741 --> 00:59:28,985
but it is and it's a huge deal.
1298
00:59:28,985 --> 00:59:30,825
Your sexuality is incredibly
elevated in a way that
1299
00:59:30,825 --> 00:59:34,908
I had never experienced
my sexuality ever before.
1300
00:59:36,068 --> 00:59:38,969
My aggression was really
elevated in a way that
1301
00:59:38,969 --> 00:59:41,828
I hadn't expected and that
I hadn't ever experienced.
1302
00:59:41,828 --> 00:59:44,665
I can't believe guys walk
around like this all the time.
1303
00:59:44,665 --> 00:59:46,223
How do they not feel like crazy people?
1304
00:59:46,223 --> 00:59:47,305
I feel like a crazy person.
1305
00:59:47,305 --> 00:59:51,108
I probably cried like, four
times in the last eight years.
1306
00:59:51,108 --> 00:59:52,548
I lost my--
1307
00:59:52,548 --> 00:59:54,948
I wasn't able to do it anymore.
1308
00:59:54,948 --> 00:59:57,222
If I got hit in the face or something.
1309
00:59:57,222 --> 00:59:58,687
(chuckling)
1310
00:59:58,687 --> 01:00:01,268
After I started taking testosterone,
1311
01:00:01,268 --> 01:00:02,446
people would be like,
1312
01:00:02,446 --> 01:00:03,588
"What's wrong with you?"
1313
01:00:03,588 --> 01:00:04,745
And I'd be like,
1314
01:00:04,745 --> 01:00:05,865
"I don't know but I'm really pissed.
1315
01:00:05,865 --> 01:00:06,985
"I can't explain it to you and
1316
01:00:06,985 --> 01:00:08,363
"I don't think I should have to.
1317
01:00:08,363 --> 01:00:09,486
"I'm just pissed."
1318
01:00:09,486 --> 01:00:11,129
I felt really almost a
little bit sad about losing
1319
01:00:11,129 --> 01:00:12,947
that ability to communicate.
1320
01:00:12,947 --> 01:00:16,367
All of a sudden, I couldn't do it anymore.
1321
01:00:16,367 --> 01:00:18,585
I felt like my vocabulary got cut in half.
1322
01:00:18,585 --> 01:00:20,548
I could feel it but I couldn't explain it
1323
01:00:20,548 --> 01:00:22,148
and I don't know why.
1324
01:00:22,148 --> 01:00:25,049
It just kind of went away.
1325
01:00:25,049 --> 01:00:27,129
I think that we value masculinity so much
1326
01:00:27,129 --> 01:00:29,225
more in our society than we do femininity.
1327
01:00:29,225 --> 01:00:32,265
There's male privilege,
which just happens.
1328
01:00:32,265 --> 01:00:34,068
It's people who will look you in the eye
1329
01:00:34,068 --> 01:00:35,608
when they talk to you.
1330
01:00:35,608 --> 01:00:37,246
That doesn't happen for women.
1331
01:00:37,246 --> 01:00:39,545
When you talk, people will listen to you.
1332
01:00:39,545 --> 01:00:43,465
When you have an idea, people
will believe that it works.
1333
01:00:43,465 --> 01:00:47,632
You're constantly rewarded
for masculinity in this way.
1334
01:00:52,534 --> 01:00:55,352
Even in other kinds of
communities, like dyke communities,
1335
01:00:55,352 --> 01:00:58,014
butches are rewarded for
being more masculine.
1336
01:00:58,014 --> 01:01:00,174
The same thing happens
in gay male communities
1337
01:01:00,174 --> 01:01:03,454
that butcher, bigger, stronger,
more straight-acting men
1338
01:01:03,454 --> 01:01:07,715
are more sexually valuable
than feminine men.
1339
01:01:07,715 --> 01:01:12,094
I feel like I had to grow and
learn how to become a man,
1340
01:01:12,094 --> 01:01:15,315
just seeing how we
teach men how to be men.
1341
01:01:15,315 --> 01:01:18,296
I think I had to learn the
same way as everybody else did.
1342
01:01:18,296 --> 01:01:20,115
How I sat and how I walked
and how I talked and
1343
01:01:20,115 --> 01:01:21,736
all these things that I felt like,
1344
01:01:21,736 --> 01:01:23,992
if you do these things,
that's what makes a man.
1345
01:01:23,992 --> 01:01:27,475
If you pay for dinner or if
you take up lots of space
1346
01:01:27,475 --> 01:01:31,075
with your body or if you act like you know
1347
01:01:31,075 --> 01:01:34,574
what you're doing all the
time, then that's what men do,
1348
01:01:34,574 --> 01:01:36,171
so that's what I'm gonna do
and it didn't feel right and
1349
01:01:36,171 --> 01:01:38,355
I didn't know why.
1350
01:01:38,355 --> 01:01:40,831
It wasn't until I started
being able to be in
1351
01:01:40,831 --> 01:01:42,920
gay male spaces that I
realized that there were
1352
01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:46,878
a hundred million other ways
of experiencing maleness
1353
01:01:46,878 --> 01:01:49,678
and masculinity than what
television or billboards
1354
01:01:49,678 --> 01:01:51,896
or sports or whatever said.
1355
01:01:51,896 --> 01:01:54,739
You could touch each other, not
in a sexual way necessarily,
1356
01:01:54,739 --> 01:01:57,777
but just like you could be
friendly and funny and silly
1357
01:01:57,777 --> 01:02:01,800
and affectionate and genuinely
care for another man.
1358
01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:03,736
I was like, oh my God, you
can do all of these things.
1359
01:02:03,736 --> 01:02:06,536
But I wasn't allowed to
do any of this stuff and
1360
01:02:06,536 --> 01:02:08,318
all of a sudden it was like
permission to be able to.
1361
01:02:08,318 --> 01:02:10,499
No, you can do whatever you want.
1362
01:02:10,499 --> 01:02:14,798
- [Narrator] Jack Malebranche
lives in Portland, Oregon.
1363
01:02:14,798 --> 01:02:18,381
He works for an exercise
equipment company.
1364
01:02:21,214 --> 01:02:22,636
Jack is also an author.
1365
01:02:22,636 --> 01:02:24,155
He's written a book that takes head-on
1366
01:02:24,155 --> 01:02:26,076
the issue of gay masculinity.
1367
01:02:26,076 --> 01:02:28,977
Androphilia, a Greek term
for love of maleness,
1368
01:02:28,977 --> 01:02:31,537
angered some critics in the gay community.
1369
01:02:31,537 --> 01:02:35,090
- I don't believe that gay
should be the defining quality
1370
01:02:35,090 --> 01:02:36,934
that you associate yourself with.
1371
01:02:36,934 --> 01:02:38,737
There are a million other
things that I can be
1372
01:02:38,737 --> 01:02:40,175
at any given time.
1373
01:02:40,175 --> 01:02:44,337
Making gay the primary
one is counter-productive.
1374
01:02:44,337 --> 01:02:48,153
It puts you forever in a
small group that separates you
1375
01:02:48,153 --> 01:02:50,534
from other people and
separates you from other men.
1376
01:02:50,534 --> 01:02:55,158
I share more interests with
other men than, in many cases,
1377
01:02:55,158 --> 01:02:56,658
I do with gay men.
1378
01:02:57,537 --> 01:03:00,556
Why should I limit myself by
clustering around this gay
1379
01:03:00,556 --> 01:03:04,131
community and making that the
center of my whole identity?
1380
01:03:04,131 --> 01:03:07,196
Mainstream gay culture is
a celebration of fashion,
1381
01:03:07,196 --> 01:03:09,356
the kind of music that 14
year old girls listen to.
1382
01:03:09,356 --> 01:03:11,014
It's the kind of thing
that housewives would like.
1383
01:03:11,014 --> 01:03:14,636
It's not something that
you'd associate with men.
1384
01:03:14,636 --> 01:03:18,438
As they become progressively
involved in gay culture,
1385
01:03:18,438 --> 01:03:20,473
they just move further
and further away from
1386
01:03:20,473 --> 01:03:23,334
what it means to be a man.
1387
01:03:23,334 --> 01:03:24,977
They become unable to
relate to other men and
1388
01:03:24,977 --> 01:03:27,194
I think that's unhealthy.
1389
01:03:27,194 --> 01:03:30,236
In the gay community, and
this is why I think effeminacy
1390
01:03:30,236 --> 01:03:34,236
defines gayness, is that it's
okay to be effeminate but
1391
01:03:34,236 --> 01:03:37,435
your masculinity is always
going to be in question.
1392
01:03:37,435 --> 01:03:40,611
We give straight men a wide
range of how they can behave.
1393
01:03:40,611 --> 01:03:43,494
They can be nerdy little
IT guys who don't really do
1394
01:03:43,494 --> 01:03:46,614
anything traditionally
masculine at all but
1395
01:03:46,614 --> 01:03:49,570
because they're straight, we
give them their masculinity.
1396
01:03:49,570 --> 01:03:51,915
They automatically get their man card,
1397
01:03:51,915 --> 01:03:54,452
whereas I think homosexual
men have to work for it.
1398
01:03:54,452 --> 01:03:56,577
The measure of a man should
be in his accomplishments.
1399
01:03:56,577 --> 01:03:58,636
I'm not a man because of how pretty I am,
1400
01:03:58,636 --> 01:04:01,057
or because of my great new outfit,
1401
01:04:01,057 --> 01:04:04,837
I'm a man because of what
I've done and who I am
1402
01:04:04,837 --> 01:04:07,218
and what I stand for and
what I talk about and
1403
01:04:07,218 --> 01:04:09,398
I don't really see, in gay culture,
1404
01:04:09,398 --> 01:04:12,657
any trend towards making that the goal,
1405
01:04:12,657 --> 01:04:15,798
to center your life around
your accomplishments
1406
01:04:15,798 --> 01:04:18,358
and your values and
your sense of integrity
1407
01:04:18,358 --> 01:04:20,277
and your sense of honor.
1408
01:04:20,277 --> 01:04:23,777
(upbeat percussive music)
1409
01:04:25,014 --> 01:04:27,857
- Masculine cultures have
had same-sex sexuality
1410
01:04:27,857 --> 01:04:31,734
involved in them ever since
the beginning of time.
1411
01:04:31,734 --> 01:04:35,334
Prisoners, sailors, all
sorts of cultures of men
1412
01:04:35,334 --> 01:04:38,454
have had sex with one another
but it wasn't really until
1413
01:04:38,454 --> 01:04:42,496
the 1940s when you started
to have a self-identified
1414
01:04:42,496 --> 01:04:46,579
gay male community that
was also specifically and
1415
01:04:47,478 --> 01:04:50,594
self-consciously masculine identified.
1416
01:04:50,594 --> 01:04:53,194
- As the soldiers returned
from World War II,
1417
01:04:53,194 --> 01:04:56,214
these port cities like
San Diego, Los Angeles,
1418
01:04:56,214 --> 01:04:59,137
San Francisco, New York,
soldiers would stay there.
1419
01:04:59,137 --> 01:05:00,876
Having discovered each other,
1420
01:05:00,876 --> 01:05:03,078
started living and forming communities.
1421
01:05:03,078 --> 01:05:06,036
You started to see
increasingly the adoption of
1422
01:05:06,036 --> 01:05:09,254
these masculine working-class forms.
1423
01:05:09,254 --> 01:05:11,414
You saw gay motorcycle clubs.
1424
01:05:11,414 --> 01:05:14,130
You could see pictorials
and the popularity of
1425
01:05:14,130 --> 01:05:15,777
those types of magazines.
1426
01:05:15,777 --> 01:05:19,457
Beat poetry, this kind of
masculine self-positioning
1427
01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:22,696
that did not necessarily
excluse homosexuality and
1428
01:05:22,696 --> 01:05:26,174
you also saw a political
movement that was looking for
1429
01:05:26,174 --> 01:05:30,472
legitimacy largely through
normalcy and masculinity
1430
01:05:30,472 --> 01:05:32,976
was seen as one of the ways
1431
01:05:32,976 --> 01:05:36,134
in which you could be well-adjusted.
1432
01:05:36,134 --> 01:05:38,396
After the Kinsey studies came out in 1948
1433
01:05:38,396 --> 01:05:40,053
and then in 1956,
1434
01:05:40,053 --> 01:05:43,494
there was a much more
widespread understanding that
1435
01:05:43,494 --> 01:05:46,694
many more men were engaging
in homosexual activity
1436
01:05:46,694 --> 01:05:48,534
than was previously thought.
1437
01:05:48,534 --> 01:05:50,577
They couldn't always tell who
was a homosexual just based
1438
01:05:50,577 --> 01:05:54,518
on whether or not a man was,
for example, effeminate.
1439
01:05:54,518 --> 01:05:57,334
By the 1960s, you were
starting to see the growth
1440
01:05:57,334 --> 01:06:00,956
of leather bars and this
almost market segmentation
1441
01:06:00,956 --> 01:06:05,115
within gay male bar culture
and one element of that
1442
01:06:05,115 --> 01:06:08,854
is explicitly about a
kind of masculine and
1443
01:06:08,854 --> 01:06:11,234
even hyper-masculine pose.
1444
01:06:11,234 --> 01:06:13,777
- [Narrator] In 1964, Life
Magazine even featured a cover
1445
01:06:13,777 --> 01:06:17,478
story investigating the secret
world of the homosexual.
1446
01:06:17,478 --> 01:06:20,198
The article states that
patrons of a homosexual bar
1447
01:06:20,198 --> 01:06:22,914
in San Francisco wear leather jackets,
1448
01:06:22,914 --> 01:06:25,036
make a show of masculinity and
1449
01:06:25,036 --> 01:06:27,777
scorn effeminate members of their world.
1450
01:06:27,777 --> 01:06:30,118
It also warns that for
every obvious homosexual,
1451
01:06:30,118 --> 01:06:33,836
there are probably nine
near-impossible to detect.
1452
01:06:33,836 --> 01:06:36,876
Artist Tom of Finland helped to embellish
1453
01:06:36,876 --> 01:06:39,536
this new-found hyper-masculine look.
1454
01:06:39,536 --> 01:06:42,598
Tom's homoerotic art appeared
in various publications
1455
01:06:42,598 --> 01:06:44,681
as far back as the 1950s.
1456
01:06:45,878 --> 01:06:49,356
- He wanted to give his
brothers some type of
1457
01:06:49,356 --> 01:06:52,553
masculine identity as men
because society, at that time,
1458
01:06:52,553 --> 01:06:56,918
they would not even
qualify us as being men.
1459
01:06:56,918 --> 01:06:59,653
He drew just beautiful men.
1460
01:06:59,653 --> 01:07:03,014
Their bodies were just stylized enough.
1461
01:07:03,014 --> 01:07:04,374
They had a certain look.
1462
01:07:04,374 --> 01:07:05,996
The way they looked at each other,
1463
01:07:05,996 --> 01:07:08,678
the whole game and the dance of it.
1464
01:07:08,678 --> 01:07:11,894
We like intrigue, we like mystery,
1465
01:07:11,894 --> 01:07:14,931
and he would actually put all
of that into his drawings.
1466
01:07:14,931 --> 01:07:17,356
Masculine men having sex with each other.
1467
01:07:17,356 --> 01:07:21,158
He presented an image and
we took it and made it ours.
1468
01:07:21,158 --> 01:07:25,158
- Masculinity became one
of the ways that gay men
1469
01:07:25,158 --> 01:07:28,075
could find one another by emulating
1470
01:07:29,295 --> 01:07:32,071
the object of their own desire.
1471
01:07:32,071 --> 01:07:35,878
Then, you have, of course,
the sexual revolution and
1472
01:07:35,878 --> 01:07:39,958
out of Gay Liberation
comes the Castro Clone.
1473
01:07:39,958 --> 01:07:43,674
The irony of the Castro Clone, of course,
1474
01:07:43,674 --> 01:07:46,641
is that you're supposed to
be displaying this sort of
1475
01:07:46,641 --> 01:07:49,457
natural masculinity but it
takes a great deal of effort
1476
01:07:49,457 --> 01:07:51,558
to get it precisely right.
1477
01:07:51,558 --> 01:07:54,038
- [Narrator] Bob Davis
experienced the era of
1478
01:07:54,038 --> 01:07:55,814
the Castro Clone firsthand.
1479
01:07:55,814 --> 01:07:57,756
- My first day in San Francisco,
1480
01:07:57,756 --> 01:07:59,878
we went to the opening of
the gay softball league.
1481
01:07:59,878 --> 01:08:02,454
Gay men playing softball, playing sports.
1482
01:08:02,454 --> 01:08:03,916
Who knew?
1483
01:08:03,916 --> 01:08:06,236
I thought where in the hell am I?
1484
01:08:06,236 --> 01:08:07,069
Holy Lord!
1485
01:08:08,056 --> 01:08:09,958
You know, it was like halleluia.
1486
01:08:09,958 --> 01:08:13,254
It was the first generation
of gay men who were living
1487
01:08:13,254 --> 01:08:16,076
open and out and free
and they were basically
1488
01:08:16,076 --> 01:08:18,409
embracing their masculinity.
1489
01:08:19,516 --> 01:08:22,097
- [Narrator] However, the joy
of this new-found expression
1490
01:08:22,097 --> 01:08:23,217
was short-lived.
1491
01:08:23,217 --> 01:08:25,213
The onset of AIDS took a devastating toll.
1492
01:08:25,213 --> 01:08:28,797
A new ideal of gay masculinity emerged,
1493
01:08:28,797 --> 01:08:30,934
centered around circuit dance parties
1494
01:08:30,934 --> 01:08:32,816
springing up around the country.
1495
01:08:32,816 --> 01:08:35,094
- Circuit culture is, in some ways,
1496
01:08:35,094 --> 01:08:38,415
a reaction against both the
vulnerability represented
1497
01:08:38,415 --> 01:08:41,756
by HIV and AIDS and the Castro Clone look.
1498
01:08:41,756 --> 01:08:45,937
It's a much more explicitly
ripped, heavily muscled,
1499
01:08:45,937 --> 01:08:49,373
less hair, more explicitly youthful.
1500
01:08:49,373 --> 01:08:52,156
- It was a reaction
within the gay community.
1501
01:08:52,156 --> 01:08:54,253
They didn't want to be
associated with AIDS.
1502
01:08:54,253 --> 01:08:55,676
Enough was enough.
1503
01:08:55,676 --> 01:08:58,577
What's a better metaphor
for being pure and untouched
1504
01:08:58,577 --> 01:09:01,926
and undiseased than shaving
your body and being pristine.
1505
01:09:01,926 --> 01:09:05,494
- [Narrator] But, the hirsute
man was not gone for long.
1506
01:09:05,494 --> 01:09:07,734
Nowhere in the gay community
are traditional masculine
1507
01:09:07,734 --> 01:09:11,814
traits more revered and
celebrated than among the Bears.
1508
01:09:11,814 --> 01:09:14,598
The Bear movement began in the late 1980s.
1509
01:09:14,598 --> 01:09:16,696
- I think it was just big
guys who weren't mainstream
1510
01:09:16,696 --> 01:09:18,998
When it all started back in the day.
1511
01:09:18,998 --> 01:09:21,409
So much is caught up into
magazines and what the look is
1512
01:09:21,409 --> 01:09:23,958
supposed to be in the gay community and
1513
01:09:23,958 --> 01:09:25,841
how you're supposed to be and you know,
1514
01:09:25,841 --> 01:09:27,457
the reality of it is we all come in
1515
01:09:27,457 --> 01:09:28,737
different shapes and sizes.
1516
01:09:28,737 --> 01:09:30,300
We've just got to be
proud of what we have and
1517
01:09:30,300 --> 01:09:31,537
where we are in our lives.
1518
01:09:31,537 --> 01:09:32,737
We all can't spend 16
hours a day in the gym
1519
01:09:32,737 --> 01:09:34,094
to be that perfect guy.
1520
01:09:34,094 --> 01:09:36,377
- I was Mr. San Francisco Bear in 2005.
1521
01:09:36,377 --> 01:09:40,281
If it weren't for Bears, I
probably never would have
1522
01:09:40,281 --> 01:09:42,683
come out because I didn't fit into
1523
01:09:42,683 --> 01:09:44,261
gay society anywhere else.
1524
01:09:44,261 --> 01:09:45,781
Bears have always been
about just inclusion.
1525
01:09:45,781 --> 01:09:47,538
Everyone just kind of hangs
out and accepts everyone else.
1526
01:09:47,538 --> 01:09:49,365
- I love that song where beauty magazines
1527
01:09:49,365 --> 01:09:51,024
only make you feel ugly.
1528
01:09:51,024 --> 01:09:54,763
Beauty is like, masculine
or just being who you are.
1529
01:09:54,763 --> 01:09:58,143
- [Narrator] Dozens of
Bear events are held
1530
01:09:58,143 --> 01:09:59,941
around the world every year.
1531
01:09:59,941 --> 01:10:01,859
One of the biggest is Lazy Bear.
1532
01:10:01,859 --> 01:10:05,584
- The most masculine guys you
ever see are pretty much here.
1533
01:10:05,584 --> 01:10:06,683
- Yeah.
1534
01:10:06,683 --> 01:10:08,901
- A bunch of us were walking
through the Hard Rock Casino
1535
01:10:08,901 --> 01:10:10,181
and some guys were,
1536
01:10:10,181 --> 01:10:13,846
"What are you guys, a union or something?"
1537
01:10:13,846 --> 01:10:15,815
We look like a bunch of fucking
plumbers or electricians
1538
01:10:15,815 --> 01:10:17,194
and that's fine.
1539
01:10:17,194 --> 01:10:18,732
You don't get beat up on the street,
1540
01:10:18,732 --> 01:10:20,374
and you get free beer.
1541
01:10:20,374 --> 01:10:21,734
It confuses people.
1542
01:10:21,734 --> 01:10:25,553
- [Narrator] Thousands of
gay men trek every summer
1543
01:10:25,553 --> 01:10:28,454
to the forest town of Guerneville
in Northern California
1544
01:10:28,454 --> 01:10:31,372
for a long weekend of
drinking beer, dancing,
1545
01:10:31,372 --> 01:10:33,090
and just being with men.
1546
01:10:33,090 --> 01:10:34,774
- Everyone has a good time
with the Bears because
1547
01:10:34,774 --> 01:10:38,374
they can be themselves and
not have to put on the airs
1548
01:10:38,374 --> 01:10:39,873
or put their guard up.
1549
01:10:39,873 --> 01:10:41,814
- This is one of those parties
where you don't have to come
1550
01:10:41,814 --> 01:10:43,612
and suck your gut in for
the entire five days.
1551
01:10:43,612 --> 01:10:45,996
- The nature of the environment,
1552
01:10:45,996 --> 01:10:50,337
the fact that it's the
mountains, the beautiful scenery,
1553
01:10:50,337 --> 01:10:52,976
it's cool, just all of
that just puts you at ease
1554
01:10:52,976 --> 01:10:56,476
and so if you are at ease,
you're more readily available
1555
01:10:56,476 --> 01:10:59,217
to make friends with as many people
1556
01:10:59,217 --> 01:11:00,940
as you can possibly make friends with.
1557
01:11:00,940 --> 01:11:03,436
- You express your
friendship and your love for
1558
01:11:03,436 --> 01:11:06,936
your fellow men openly, it doesn't matter.
1559
01:11:10,239 --> 01:11:14,336
- There's something masculine
about the whole kind of
1560
01:11:14,336 --> 01:11:16,336
hairy man kind of genre.
1561
01:11:18,272 --> 01:11:20,572
- I like muscles and hair
and it's just like big
1562
01:11:20,572 --> 01:11:22,572
and masculine and butch.
1563
01:11:23,594 --> 01:11:25,112
I don't know why that is but it just is.
1564
01:11:25,112 --> 01:11:26,976
- I don't think it necessarily have to
1565
01:11:26,976 --> 01:11:29,893
have body hair to be a Bear.
1566
01:11:29,893 --> 01:11:31,572
I think it's more the
whole masculine trappings,
1567
01:11:31,572 --> 01:11:34,576
the way they dress, like to drink beer,
1568
01:11:34,576 --> 01:11:37,536
and go out and have big meals.
1569
01:11:37,536 --> 01:11:40,192
- You go into the bars at
the different Bear events,
1570
01:11:40,192 --> 01:11:44,794
you feel a machismo, a macho
kind of feel to these guys
1571
01:11:44,794 --> 01:11:49,354
and you know, they may
not be macho all the time,
1572
01:11:49,354 --> 01:11:52,993
but there's something
about their masculinity,
1573
01:11:52,993 --> 01:11:56,554
there's something about them
being together as a group
1574
01:11:56,554 --> 01:11:59,216
that really just makes it so powerful,
1575
01:11:59,216 --> 01:12:01,733
unlike any other group, I think,
1576
01:12:01,733 --> 01:12:04,096
any other culture in the world.
1577
01:12:04,096 --> 01:12:07,429
(upbeat pop rock music)
1578
01:12:12,437 --> 01:12:14,274
- [Narrator] As each gay
man defines his ideal
1579
01:12:14,274 --> 01:12:16,176
of what it means to be a man,
1580
01:12:16,176 --> 01:12:17,876
the issue of masculinity lies at
1581
01:12:17,876 --> 01:12:19,914
a crossroads for the gay movement.
1582
01:12:19,914 --> 01:12:22,314
- The big push in sort of
the relationship between
1583
01:12:22,314 --> 01:12:25,216
gay people and the majority
culture in the last decade or so
1584
01:12:25,216 --> 01:12:26,799
has been let us in.
1585
01:12:27,877 --> 01:12:30,714
It's basically giving up the sort of
1586
01:12:30,714 --> 01:12:33,593
separate aspects of gay culture.
1587
01:12:33,593 --> 01:12:35,696
People of my generation, at least,
1588
01:12:35,696 --> 01:12:39,012
are not sure it's such a great
bargain and are also dubious
1589
01:12:39,012 --> 01:12:42,735
as to whether or not the
people who want that will
1590
01:12:42,735 --> 01:12:46,576
really find out that it's
giving them what they want.
1591
01:12:46,576 --> 01:12:49,696
- Through marriage, through
domestic partnership,
1592
01:12:49,696 --> 01:12:51,916
through adoption, it's
much easier to assimilate
1593
01:12:51,916 --> 01:12:55,157
into heteronormativity if
you're straight-acting.
1594
01:12:55,157 --> 01:12:58,517
- The other big thing is the
unanswered question of whether
1595
01:12:58,517 --> 01:13:02,471
or not we as a community
will solve the ways in which
1596
01:13:02,471 --> 01:13:05,991
we are stereotyped or
oppressed by simply rejecting
1597
01:13:05,991 --> 01:13:09,237
gender diversity and embracing more normal
1598
01:13:09,237 --> 01:13:11,157
forms of masculinity.
1599
01:13:11,157 --> 01:13:12,981
I think over and over again,
1600
01:13:12,981 --> 01:13:16,293
we see that kind of
pressure to be as normal,
1601
01:13:16,293 --> 01:13:19,408
whatever that means, as possible.
1602
01:13:19,408 --> 01:13:22,232
- Part of the process of
becoming a gay male is
1603
01:13:22,232 --> 01:13:25,834
to unlearn some of the
stereotypes that were imposed
1604
01:13:25,834 --> 01:13:29,953
upon us and to sort of
relearn it so that we can be
1605
01:13:29,953 --> 01:13:32,474
masculine in a wide range of ways,
1606
01:13:32,474 --> 01:13:35,135
to incorporate some of the
ways that we learned but
1607
01:13:35,135 --> 01:13:38,506
also to learn new ways,
to be constantly changing
1608
01:13:38,506 --> 01:13:40,794
and evolving those as they occur.
1609
01:13:40,794 --> 01:13:42,533
- There's nothing to me
more appealing than a man
1610
01:13:42,533 --> 01:13:44,896
that's so comfortable in his
own skin that he can embrace
1611
01:13:44,896 --> 01:13:46,813
all parts of who he is.
1612
01:13:48,415 --> 01:13:51,473
- Every time that we try
to assert that one kind of
1613
01:13:51,473 --> 01:13:54,256
gender expression is the most
normal or the most important
1614
01:13:54,256 --> 01:13:58,597
for gay people, we push others
to the side and so the key
1615
01:13:58,597 --> 01:14:02,214
is really, I think, for
all of us to explore
1616
01:14:02,214 --> 01:14:06,373
what it means to be gay
men in the entire range of
1617
01:14:06,373 --> 01:14:09,754
gender expressions that we
have available to us and
1618
01:14:09,754 --> 01:14:12,033
to not obsess over trying to find out what
1619
01:14:12,033 --> 01:14:16,255
our real gender is but to
allow for the possibility that
1620
01:14:16,255 --> 01:14:18,757
gender can change over
time and it's flexible
1621
01:14:18,757 --> 01:14:21,354
and it's fluid and it's fun.
1622
01:14:21,354 --> 01:14:24,937
(high energy upbeat music)
1623
01:14:25,335 --> 01:14:35,335
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