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1
00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:03,579
Kinda lonesome back here.
2
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,649
Yeah, little help.
3
00:03:07,650 --> 00:03:08,650
Ok.
4
00:03:08,899 --> 00:03:11,303
Just, I have to keep
my hands on the wheel.
5
00:03:13,290 --> 00:03:14,320
Excuse me.
6
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:17,830
Dopinder.
7
00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:18,519
Pool.
8
00:03:18,644 --> 00:03:19,554
Dead.
9
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:22,660
Nice.
10
00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:24,830
Smells good, no?
11
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,166
Not the daffodil daydream.
12
00:03:26,291 --> 00:03:26,869
The girl.
13
00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:28,770
Yes. Gita.
14
00:03:29,270 --> 00:03:30,609
She is quite lovely.
15
00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:32,839
She would have made me
a very agreeable wife.
16
00:03:33,140 --> 00:03:34,140
But...
17
00:03:35,210 --> 00:03:37,979
Gita's heart has been stolen
by my cousin Bandhu.
18
00:03:38,980 --> 00:03:42,520
He is as dishonorable
as he is attractive.
19
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,889
Dopinder, I'm starting to think
20
00:03:45,890 --> 00:03:47,819
there's a reason I'm in this cab today.
21
00:03:47,820 --> 00:03:49,359
Yeah sir, you called for it remember?
22
00:03:49,383 --> 00:03:51,747
No, my slender brown friend.
Love..
23
00:03:52,372 --> 00:03:54,183
Is a beautiful thing.
24
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,530
When you find it, the whole world
tastes like daffodil daydream.
25
00:03:57,870 --> 00:03:59,469
So you gotta hold onto love...
26
00:04:00,670 --> 00:04:01,769
tight!
27
00:04:01,970 --> 00:04:03,409
And never let go.
28
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,560
Don't make the same mistakes I did.
Got it?
29
00:04:05,785 --> 00:04:06,364
Yeah.
30
00:04:06,452 --> 00:04:10,009
Or else the whole world tastes
like mama June after hot yoga.
31
00:04:10,310 --> 00:04:12,649
Sir, what does miss mama June taste like?
32
00:04:12,673 --> 00:04:14,113
Like two hobos,
33
00:04:14,114 --> 00:04:15,849
fucking in a shoe filled with piss.
Ok, enough.
34
00:04:15,850 --> 00:04:18,189
I can go all day, Dopinder.
The point is, it's bad!
35
00:04:18,690 --> 00:04:19,690
It's bad.
36
00:04:20,890 --> 00:04:23,029
Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
37
00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,329
Oh, that's because
it's Christmas day, Dopinder.
38
00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:27,960
And I'm after someone on my naughty list.
39
00:04:28,270 --> 00:04:29,960
I've been waiting one year,
three weeks,
40
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,330
Six days and...
41
00:04:31,940 --> 00:04:34,370
14 minutes to make him
fix what he did to me.
42
00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:37,709
And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?
43
00:04:38,210 --> 00:04:39,440
This shit...
44
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:03,870
They won't disappoint.
45
00:05:04,330 --> 00:05:05,699
They'd better not.
46
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,169
And what about next month's shipment?
47
00:05:08,870 --> 00:05:10,109
There won't be one.
48
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:12,250
You're not the only one
with a war to win.
49
00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:14,680
That won't do.
50
00:05:17,780 --> 00:05:21,750
See, we've had this small disruption
to our supply chain...
51
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:26,990
We'd appreciate your patience.
52
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,160
Ok.
53
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,730
We'll deliver in full
the following month.
54
00:05:37,630 --> 00:05:38,910
Pleasure doing business with you.
55
00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:44,010
Fucking mutant.
56
00:05:54,350 --> 00:05:55,819
Oh, shit!
57
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:57,519
I forgot my ammo bag.
58
00:05:57,820 --> 00:05:58,989
Shall we turn back?
59
00:05:58,990 --> 00:06:00,159
No, no time.
60
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,859
Fuck it. I got this.
61
00:06:02,060 --> 00:06:04,201
9, 10, 11, 12 bullets,
62
00:06:04,426 --> 00:06:05,359
or bust.
63
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,390
Right here!
64
00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:10,969
That's... $27.50.
65
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:12,869
I never carry a wallet when I'm working.
66
00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:14,639
Ruins the lines of my suit.
67
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:17,209
But, how about a crisp high five?
68
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,439
Ok.
69
00:06:18,540 --> 00:06:19,809
Merry Christmas.
70
00:06:20,610 --> 00:06:24,149
And a convivial Tuesday
in April to you too, Pool!
71
00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:46,412
Oh, hello.
72
00:06:46,726 --> 00:06:48,369
I know, right?
73
00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:52,270
Whose balls did I have to fondle
to get my very own movie?
74
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:53,679
I can't tell you,
75
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,140
but it does rhyme with polverine.
76
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,599
And let me tell you,
77
00:06:57,812 --> 00:07:01,349
he's got a nice pair of
smooth criminals down under.
78
00:07:01,950 --> 00:07:05,319
Anyway, I got places to be,
a face to fix and...
79
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,020
Bad guys to kill.
80
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,260
Maximum effort.
81
00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:26,370
Cock shot.
82
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,250
Rich corinthian leather.
83
00:07:38,150 --> 00:07:39,959
I'm looking for Francis!
84
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,860
Have you seen this man?
85
00:07:52,170 --> 00:07:53,270
Yanky, yanky!
86
00:08:25,970 --> 00:08:27,970
I've never said this,
but don't swallow.
87
00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:50,689
Shit.
88
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,060
Did I leave the stove on?
89
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,679
Now, breaking news.
90
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,849
A multi-car collision turned shots fired
91
00:09:14,850 --> 00:09:16,749
on the crosstown expressway
this morning.
92
00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:18,789
Gridlock has kept police
from the scene.
93
00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:21,459
Residents are advised
to remain in their homes.
94
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:23,220
The assailant appears to be armed,
95
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,829
dangerous and wearing,
96
00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:26,060
A red suit.
A red suit.
97
00:09:26,930 --> 00:09:27,959
Deadpool.
98
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,558
Negasonic! Come!
99
00:09:29,783 --> 00:09:30,854
We have mission.
100
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,069
Colossus, wait up.
101
00:09:34,270 --> 00:09:37,309
I've given Deadpool
every chance to join us,
102
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:39,470
but he'd rather act like a child.
103
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:42,140
A heavily-armed child.
104
00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:46,249
When will he grow up and see
benefits of becoming x-man?
105
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,279
Which benefits?
The matching unitards?
106
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,280
The house that blows up
every few years?
107
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,389
Please.
108
00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:53,489
House blowing up builds character.
109
00:09:54,290 --> 00:09:55,920
You ate breakfast, yes?
110
00:09:56,230 --> 00:09:58,859
Breakfast is most
important meal of day.
111
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,320
Here, protein bar.
112
00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:03,029
Good for bones.
113
00:10:03,630 --> 00:10:06,100
Deadpool may try to break yours.
114
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:15,710
Get out of the way!
115
00:10:46,110 --> 00:10:47,110
Wait!
116
00:10:47,610 --> 00:10:49,709
You may be wondering,
why the red suit?
117
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:51,950
Well, that's so bad guys
can't see me bleed.
118
00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:54,419
This guy's got the right idea.
119
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:55,850
He wore the brown pants.
120
00:10:57,650 --> 00:10:59,919
Fine! I only have 12 bullets.
121
00:11:00,020 --> 00:11:01,589
So you're gonna have to share!
122
00:11:01,690 --> 00:11:02,990
Let's count them down.
123
00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:23,880
Shit.
124
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,680
Motherfucker!
125
00:11:30,050 --> 00:11:31,190
10! Shit!
126
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:32,720
Nine. Fuck.
127
00:11:33,190 --> 00:11:34,190
Eight.
128
00:11:34,214 --> 00:11:35,190
Shit-fuck!
129
00:11:39,130 --> 00:11:40,060
Bad Deadpool.
130
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,181
Seven.
131
00:11:42,706 --> 00:11:43,694
Good Deadpool.
132
00:12:05,790 --> 00:12:07,230
Someone's not counting.
133
00:12:07,854 --> 00:12:08,654
Six.
134
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,778
Cinquo.
135
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:36,450
Four.
136
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:39,750
Gotcha.
137
00:12:41,590 --> 00:12:43,090
Right up main street.
138
00:12:47,060 --> 00:12:48,029
Three, two
139
00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:49,800
Stupid! Worth it.
140
00:13:16,390 --> 00:13:18,130
I'm touching myself tonight.
141
00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:20,429
Francis!
142
00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:21,800
Francis...
143
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,030
What the shit-biscuit!
144
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:27,770
Where you at, Francis?
145
00:13:36,780 --> 00:13:38,080
You're not Francis.
146
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:46,510
Really?
147
00:13:47,024 --> 00:13:48,473
Rolling up the sleeves?
148
00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:00,069
You're probably thinking,
149
00:14:00,093 --> 00:14:02,200
my boyfriend said
this was a superhero movie,
150
00:14:02,210 --> 00:14:03,669
but that guy in the red suit just turned
151
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:05,709
that other guy into a fucking kabab!
152
00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:10,579
Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero.
153
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,749
And yeah, technically this is a murder.
154
00:14:12,973 --> 00:14:15,219
But some of the best love
stories start with a murder.
155
00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:18,389
And that's exactly what this is,
a love story.
156
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:19,850
And to tell it right,
157
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:22,059
I gotta take you back to long before.
158
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,590
I squeezed this ass into red spandex.
159
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:28,029
Look, would it help if I slow it
down for you?
160
00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:30,799
I didn't order the pizza.
161
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:34,739
Is this 7348 red ledge drive?
Are you Mr. merchant?
162
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:38,239
Yeah, the Mr. merchant
who didn't order the fucking pie!
163
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:39,410
Then who placed the call?
164
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:40,880
I did!
165
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,779
Pineapple and olive?
166
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,249
Sweet and salty.
167
00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:49,619
The fuck are you?
168
00:14:49,620 --> 00:14:51,219
The fuck you doing in my crib...
169
00:14:51,620 --> 00:14:52,620
Is it burnt crust?
170
00:14:52,644 --> 00:14:54,119
I... god, I hope not.
171
00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:55,105
Man look,
172
00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:56,659
if this is about that poker game.
173
00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:58,729
I told Howie, I told, I told him that...
174
00:14:59,630 --> 00:15:00,635
Look, just...
175
00:15:01,049 --> 00:15:02,729
take whatever you want.
176
00:15:02,930 --> 00:15:03,969
Thanks.
177
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,269
Sir, before you do anything to him,
178
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,200
do you mind if I get a big tip?
179
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:10,939
Jeremy, is it?
180
00:15:11,140 --> 00:15:12,270
Wade. Wade Wilson.
181
00:15:13,140 --> 00:15:15,979
That is a no go on the tiperoo, Jer.
182
00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:18,049
I'm not here for him.
183
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:19,780
I'm here for you.
184
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,580
Ok, well dodged
a big-time bullet on that one.
185
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,889
Is not out of the woods yet.
186
00:15:26,190 --> 00:15:28,519
You need to seriously ease up
on the bedazzling.
187
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:30,620
They're jeans, not a chandelier.
188
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,759
P.S. I'm keeping your wallet.
You did kinda give it to me.
189
00:15:32,860 --> 00:15:34,759
Ok, just look, man,
can I have my Sam's card...
190
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,029
I will shoot your fucking cat!
191
00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:40,430
I don't really know what that means.
I don't have a cat.
192
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,400
Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?
193
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:48,409
Anyhoo, tell me something...
194
00:15:48,710 --> 00:15:50,164
What situation...
195
00:15:50,989 --> 00:15:52,549
isn't improved by pizza?
196
00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:54,849
Do you happen to know
a Meghan Orflosky?
197
00:15:54,850 --> 00:15:56,280
Getting that right? Orflosky?
198
00:15:56,304 --> 00:15:57,490
Orlovsky?
Yeah?
199
00:15:57,803 --> 00:15:58,803
Good.
200
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,289
Because she knows you.
201
00:16:01,490 --> 00:16:02,248
Jeremy,
202
00:16:02,373 --> 00:16:04,010
I belong to a group of guys who
203
00:16:04,235 --> 00:16:05,559
take a dime to beat a fella down.
204
00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:07,429
And little Meghan,
she's not made of money,
205
00:16:07,430 --> 00:16:08,629
but lucky for her...
206
00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:10,260
I got a soft spot.
207
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,469
But I'm a...
A stalker.
208
00:16:13,270 --> 00:16:14,539
Threats hurt, Jer.
209
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:17,909
Though not nearly as badly,
as serrated steel.
210
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:21,409
So keep away from Meghan.
211
00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:22,510
Cool?
212
00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:23,740
Yes. Yes, sir.
213
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:24,849
Then we're done.
214
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:27,349
Wait. We are?
215
00:16:27,350 --> 00:16:28,419
Yeah. We're totally done.
216
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:31,049
You should've seen your face.
217
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:32,689
I didn't know what to do.
I was so scared.
218
00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:33,820
Soft spot, remember?
219
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,459
You even look in her
general direction again.
220
00:16:37,460 --> 00:16:38,959
And you will learn in the worst of ways
221
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,900
that I have some hard spots too.
222
00:16:43,030 --> 00:16:44,500
That came out wrong.
223
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,770
Or did it?
224
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:00,720
Meghan?
225
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,010
You've heard the last of Jeremy.
He's sorry.
226
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,160
No frigging way.
227
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,329
Should've brought my roller blades.
228
00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:15,760
Show these kids how it's done.
229
00:17:15,870 --> 00:17:19,069
Oh. And that's why we do it.
But mostly the money.
230
00:17:19,070 --> 00:17:21,039
Hey, think you could fuck up my step-dad?
231
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,960
I give a guy a pavement facial,
it's because he's earned it.
232
00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:25,770
Hey, wait!
233
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:28,909
You're my hero.
234
00:17:28,910 --> 00:17:31,180
No, no, no, no. That I ain't!
235
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,280
Nope. Never will be.
236
00:17:36,290 --> 00:17:37,589
Fuck you, Wade.
237
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:41,160
I'm just a bad guy who gets
paid to fuck up worse guys.
238
00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:44,259
Welcome to sister Margaret's.
239
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,829
It's like a job fair for mercenaries.
240
00:17:47,230 --> 00:17:49,469
Think of us as really
fucked up tooth fairies.
241
00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:52,029
Except we knock out the teeth
and take the cash.
242
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:55,099
You'd best hope we never see
your name on a gold card.
243
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:56,969
Buck! Liefeld.
244
00:17:57,470 --> 00:18:00,379
Hey, Wade!
Wade Wilson, patron Saint of the pitiful.
245
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:01,339
What can I do for you?
246
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,279
I'd love a blow job.
247
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:04,679
Oh, god, me too.
248
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,810
The drink, moose knuckle.
But first...
249
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,519
Hey, and I ain't taking
any babysitting money, all right?
250
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,089
Make sure that gets back to Ms...
251
00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:13,659
Orlovsky.
Yeah, her.
252
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,090
You sure?
253
00:18:15,890 --> 00:18:18,259
You know for a merc,
you're pretty warm-blooded.
254
00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:20,029
I bet you let the kid off easy, too.
255
00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:21,799
He's not a bad kid, Weas.
256
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,629
Just a little light stalking.
257
00:18:23,630 --> 00:18:25,269
I was way worse than him
when I was his age.
258
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:26,899
I was traveling to exotic places...
259
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:29,669
Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville,
260
00:18:29,970 --> 00:18:31,669
meeting new and exciting people.
And then...
261
00:18:31,670 --> 00:18:33,670
Killing them.
Yeah, I've seen your instagram.
262
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,409
So what was special forces doing
in Jacksonville, anyway?
263
00:18:36,410 --> 00:18:37,609
That's classified.
264
00:18:37,910 --> 00:18:40,049
They have a wonderful TGI Fridays.
265
00:18:40,150 --> 00:18:42,449
All right, Kahlua, Baileys and...
266
00:18:42,650 --> 00:18:43,919
Whipped cream.
267
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,650
I give you a blow job.
268
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,919
Why do you make me make that?
269
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:49,389
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.
270
00:18:49,790 --> 00:18:52,129
Take that over to buck please
and tell him it's from boothe.
271
00:18:52,153 --> 00:18:53,159
Little foreplay.
272
00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,529
Remind me what good
will come of this?
273
00:18:55,630 --> 00:18:57,499
I don't take the shits.
I just disturb them.
274
00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:58,799
Boothe!
275
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,399
Easy, man.
Hold up! Hold up!
276
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,470
What you want?
277
00:19:04,070 --> 00:19:06,094
Cheers. To your health.
Fuck you.
278
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,839
Come here, you fat fuck!
279
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,240
That's a new stool.
280
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:16,850
Stay the fuck down.
281
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:21,419
Took his ass out!
282
00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:22,989
All right, move.
Move, move, move.
283
00:19:23,090 --> 00:19:24,260
Buck, go rest.
284
00:19:25,690 --> 00:19:27,050
Boothe got hit then went down.
285
00:19:30,730 --> 00:19:33,170
Yeah, he's still breathing.
286
00:19:36,010 --> 00:19:37,339
Nobody wins today.
287
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,039
Nice try, Wade.
288
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,579
You got me.
I picked boothe in the dead pool.
289
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:42,740
Who did you pick?
290
00:19:42,950 --> 00:19:44,249
Yeah, Wade, about that...
291
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:46,279
No.
292
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,120
You did not bet on me to die.
293
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,289
You bet on me to die.
294
00:19:53,590 --> 00:19:55,459
Motherfucker,
you're the world's worst friend.
295
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,589
Well, joke's on you.
I'm living to 102.
296
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,729
And then dying.
Like the city of Detroit.
297
00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:01,193
I'm sorry. I just...
298
00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:02,829
I wanted to win money.
299
00:20:02,830 --> 00:20:04,129
I never win anything.
300
00:20:04,130 --> 00:20:05,130
Whatever.
301
00:20:05,230 --> 00:20:07,370
Soldiers of fortune, drinks on me!
302
00:20:09,470 --> 00:20:11,240
Domestic, nothing imported.
303
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,510
Baby, are you sure you wanna
shoot your whole wad?
304
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:22,420
Tight.
305
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,619
Vanessa.
Wade.
306
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,720
What's a nice place like you
doing in a girl like this?
307
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,230
I'd hit that.
308
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,499
Buck, you best apologize before...
309
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,699
Yeah, that.
310
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,669
Say the magic words, fat Gandalf.
311
00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:40,499
I'm sorry.
Breathe through the nose.
312
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,769
I don't have a filter
between my brain and my...
313
00:20:42,970 --> 00:20:43,970
Ok.
314
00:20:44,770 --> 00:20:46,479
Hakuna his tatas. He's sorry.
315
00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:49,240
Get out of here.
Go. Go cast a spell.
316
00:20:49,350 --> 00:20:51,550
Hey. Hands off the merchandise.
317
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:54,820
Merchandise?
318
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:56,349
So you...
319
00:20:57,850 --> 00:20:59,219
Bump fuzzies for money?
320
00:20:59,220 --> 00:20:59,862
Yep.
321
00:20:59,987 --> 00:21:01,113
Rough childhood?
322
00:21:01,290 --> 00:21:02,559
Rougher than yours.
323
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,029
Daddy left before I was born.
324
00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:06,230
Daddy left before I was conceived.
325
00:21:07,530 --> 00:21:09,099
Ever had a cigarette put out
on your skin?
326
00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:10,599
Where else do you put one out?
327
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,869
I was molested.
328
00:21:11,870 --> 00:21:13,669
Me too. Uncle.
329
00:21:13,670 --> 00:21:15,639
Uncles. They took turns.
330
00:21:16,140 --> 00:21:17,669
I watched my own birthday party
331
00:21:17,670 --> 00:21:18,869
through the keyhole of a locked closet...
332
00:21:18,870 --> 00:21:20,270
Which also happens to be my...
333
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,424
Your bedroom. Lucky.
334
00:21:21,449 --> 00:21:23,140
I slept in a dishwasher box.
335
00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:25,449
You had a dishwasher.
336
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:26,849
I didn't even know sleep.
337
00:21:26,850 --> 00:21:28,779
It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags,
338
00:21:28,780 --> 00:21:30,250
brownie mix and clown porn.
339
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,420
Who would do such a thing?
340
00:21:37,090 --> 00:21:38,262
Hopefully you...
341
00:21:39,087 --> 00:21:40,354
later tonight?
342
00:21:42,130 --> 00:21:43,130
Hey what...
343
00:21:43,408 --> 00:21:44,511
can I get for...
344
00:21:45,436 --> 00:21:47,789
$275 and a...
345
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,039
A yogurtland rewards card?
346
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,810
Baby, about 48 minutes of
whatever the fuck you want.
347
00:21:55,310 --> 00:21:56,880
And a low-fat dessert.
348
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:06,620
Did she just put
a gift card in your mouth?
349
00:22:07,790 --> 00:22:09,620
It's time to put balls in holes.
350
00:22:10,890 --> 00:22:12,490
You said whatever I want.
351
00:22:13,100 --> 00:22:14,199
I get it.
352
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:15,799
You love skee ball.
353
00:22:16,100 --> 00:22:18,369
Apparently more than you love vagina.
354
00:22:18,370 --> 00:22:19,730
That's a tough call.
355
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,100
I just wanna get to know
the real you, you know.
356
00:22:23,110 --> 00:22:25,109
Not the short-shorted,
two-dimensional
357
00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:26,970
sex object peddled by Hollywood.
358
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:28,379
Balls in holes.
359
00:22:29,292 --> 00:22:30,379
Balls in holes.
360
00:22:30,380 --> 00:22:31,909
Prepare to lose tragically.
361
00:22:31,910 --> 00:22:33,534
Bring it, big man.
Ok.
362
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:41,619
The limited edition.
363
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,712
Voltron, defender of the universe ring,
364
00:22:44,037 --> 00:22:44,989
por favor.
365
00:22:45,190 --> 00:22:46,359
Ok. Here we go.
366
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,599
Had my eye on this sucker for a while.
367
00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:52,830
And I will take the pencil eraser.
368
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:56,639
Ok. You are now the protector
of the planet arus.
369
00:22:57,140 --> 00:22:59,139
And you can erase stuff.
370
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:00,309
Written in pencil.
371
00:23:00,910 --> 00:23:01,979
My lady.
372
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:05,010
Well, I hate to break it to you
but your 48 minutes are up.
373
00:23:06,020 --> 00:23:08,519
Hey, how many more minutes
can I get for this?
374
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:13,089
FYI, 5 mini lion-bots come together
to form one super-bot so...
375
00:23:13,790 --> 00:23:15,012
Five mini lion-bots?
376
00:23:15,537 --> 00:23:16,789
Three minutes.
377
00:23:16,890 --> 00:23:17,711
Deal.
378
00:23:17,736 --> 00:23:19,999
What do we do with the remaining
two minutes, 37 seconds?
379
00:23:21,030 --> 00:23:22,030
Cuddle?
380
00:23:26,340 --> 00:23:27,899
How long can you keep this up?
381
00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:29,240
All year?
382
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,450
Happy Valentine's day.
383
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:50,859
Happy Chinese new year.
384
00:23:51,060 --> 00:23:52,290
Year of the dog.
385
00:23:57,470 --> 00:23:58,569
Relax.
386
00:23:59,270 --> 00:24:01,440
And happy international women's day.
387
00:24:05,970 --> 00:24:08,540
No. No. No. No.
388
00:24:11,380 --> 00:24:12,450
Happy lent.
389
00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:19,049
Wade?
Sorry.
390
00:24:19,150 --> 00:24:20,250
Happy Halloween.
391
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:21,890
Happy Halloween.
392
00:24:31,430 --> 00:24:32,800
Happy Thanksgiving.
393
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:36,240
I love you.
394
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,209
If your left leg is Thanksgiving,
395
00:24:42,310 --> 00:24:44,110
and your right leg is Christmas...
396
00:24:45,010 --> 00:24:46,680
Can I visit you between the holidays?
397
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:50,780
That sweater is terrible.
398
00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:53,319
But red looks good on you.
399
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:54,759
Red's your color.
400
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,190
Brings out the bloodshot in your eyes.
401
00:24:57,190 --> 00:24:58,289
Listen, I've been thinking...
402
00:24:58,290 --> 00:24:59,629
Really?
403
00:25:00,130 --> 00:25:01,899
About why we're so good together.
404
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:03,429
Why's that?
405
00:25:04,130 --> 00:25:06,938
Well, your crazy
matches my crazy.
406
00:25:07,063 --> 00:25:08,065
Big time.
407
00:25:09,370 --> 00:25:09,805
And...
408
00:25:10,230 --> 00:25:11,509
we're like two Jigsaw pieces you know...
409
00:25:12,310 --> 00:25:13,409
the weird curvy edges.
410
00:25:13,410 --> 00:25:15,880
You put them together and you
can see the picture on top.
411
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:17,510
Right.
412
00:25:18,210 --> 00:25:19,249
Wade.
413
00:25:19,850 --> 00:25:21,779
There's something I've been
meaning to ask you.
414
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,150
But only because you haven't
gotten around to asking me.
415
00:25:27,220 --> 00:25:28,260
Will you...
416
00:25:29,460 --> 00:25:30,920
Stick it in my...
Marry me?
417
00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:35,530
Jinx?
418
00:25:37,300 --> 00:25:38,469
Where were you hiding that?
419
00:25:38,470 --> 00:25:39,499
Nowhere.
420
00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:42,099
They say one month's salary. So...
421
00:25:42,300 --> 00:25:43,339
You mean?
422
00:25:43,340 --> 00:25:44,400
I do.
423
00:25:44,410 --> 00:25:45,470
That's my line.
424
00:25:48,910 --> 00:25:50,409
I love you, Wade Wilson.
425
00:25:51,310 --> 00:25:52,810
You're supposed to... So that's a...
426
00:25:52,820 --> 00:25:53,820
Yes!
427
00:25:54,980 --> 00:25:55,980
Yes!
428
00:25:58,190 --> 00:25:59,650
I feel just like a little girl.
429
00:26:04,990 --> 00:26:07,329
What if I just held on and never let go?
430
00:26:07,330 --> 00:26:09,860
Just ride a bitch's back,
like Yoda on Luke.
431
00:26:10,570 --> 00:26:12,300
Star wars jokes.
432
00:26:12,940 --> 00:26:13,970
Empire.
433
00:26:15,470 --> 00:26:16,939
Jesus Christ.
434
00:26:16,940 --> 00:26:18,540
It's like I made you in a computer.
435
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:23,840
Hey.
436
00:26:25,150 --> 00:26:26,150
Perfect.
437
00:26:30,290 --> 00:26:31,649
Let's see. All right, wee break.
438
00:26:31,950 --> 00:26:33,020
Shake it, yeah.
439
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:40,490
Here's the thing.
440
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,960
Life is an endless series of train-wrecks,
441
00:26:42,970 --> 00:26:45,469
with only brief,
commercial-like breaks of happiness.
442
00:26:47,370 --> 00:26:49,970
This had been the ultimate
commercial break.
443
00:26:52,510 --> 00:26:53,809
Which meant it was time to return,
444
00:26:54,010 --> 00:26:55,909
to our regularly scheduled program.
445
00:26:55,910 --> 00:26:57,040
What the...
446
00:26:57,650 --> 00:26:58,980
Oh, my god. Wade?
447
00:27:05,150 --> 00:27:06,289
You're clowning.
448
00:27:06,990 --> 00:27:08,189
You're not clowning?
449
00:27:08,590 --> 00:27:09,839
I sense clowns.
450
00:27:10,140 --> 00:27:13,090
People react to news of
late-stage cancer differently.
451
00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:16,099
There are certainly options
we can look into.
452
00:27:16,100 --> 00:27:17,870
New drugs are being developed every day.
453
00:27:22,670 --> 00:27:23,939
So what do we do?
454
00:27:24,340 --> 00:27:26,539
Surely there is something we can do.
455
00:27:27,940 --> 00:27:30,479
My uncle Ivan was diagnosed
with thyroid cancer,
456
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,079
and there were all these new
experimental drugs from Germany.
457
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,479
Vanessa's already working on plan A, b,
458
00:27:35,580 --> 00:27:36,980
all the way through Z.
459
00:27:37,590 --> 00:27:41,059
Me? I'm memorizing
the details of her face.
460
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:43,920
Like it's the first time I'm seeing it.
461
00:27:44,330 --> 00:27:45,459
Or the last.
462
00:27:45,460 --> 00:27:46,529
Mr. Wilson...
463
00:27:47,130 --> 00:27:48,159
Mr. Wilson?
464
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,829
Take your time to process this.
465
00:27:52,230 --> 00:27:54,230
It's important not to do anything rash.
466
00:28:05,610 --> 00:28:08,379
Now, if I were a 200-pound sack
467
00:28:08,380 --> 00:28:11,050
of assholes named Francis,
where would I hide?
468
00:28:36,410 --> 00:28:38,149
A hush falls over the crowd
469
00:28:38,350 --> 00:28:40,649
as rookie sensation Wade W. Wilson.
470
00:28:40,650 --> 00:28:44,280
Out of Regina, saskatchewan,
lines up the shot.
471
00:28:46,090 --> 00:28:47,290
His form looks good.
472
00:28:49,690 --> 00:28:54,129
And that's why Regina rhymes with fun.
473
00:28:54,230 --> 00:28:56,429
Ladies and gentlemen,
what you're witnessing.
474
00:28:56,453 --> 00:28:59,000
Is sweet dick-kicking revenge.
475
00:28:59,970 --> 00:29:01,269
Giving him the business.
476
00:29:01,670 --> 00:29:02,800
Incoming!
477
00:29:04,010 --> 00:29:07,670
This is taking unsportsmanlike
conduct to a whole new level!
478
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,019
Looking good, Francis. Well rested.
479
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:16,680
Like you've been pitching, not catching.
480
00:29:17,290 --> 00:29:19,220
Ringing any bells? No?
481
00:29:24,260 --> 00:29:25,490
How about now?
482
00:29:29,430 --> 00:29:31,630
Wade fucking Wilson.
483
00:29:34,170 --> 00:29:35,519
Well, hello, gorgeous.
484
00:29:35,543 --> 00:29:38,069
Yeah, like I got bit
by a radioactive shar-pei.
485
00:29:38,470 --> 00:29:40,770
Yeah. And whose fault is that, Francis?
486
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,509
Yeah, time to undo what
you did to this butterface.
487
00:29:43,710 --> 00:29:45,049
Please, you should thank me.
488
00:29:45,550 --> 00:29:47,179
Apparently, I made you immortal.
489
00:29:47,180 --> 00:29:48,719
I'm actually quite jealous.
490
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:50,820
Yeah, but this ain't a life
worth living, is it?
491
00:29:52,190 --> 00:29:53,097
Now...
492
00:29:53,511 --> 00:29:54,732
I'm about to do to you,
493
00:29:54,820 --> 00:29:57,460
what limp bizkit did
to music in the late 90s.
494
00:29:59,430 --> 00:30:00,490
Dad?
495
00:30:03,830 --> 00:30:06,599
I think we can all agree
that shit just went sideways
496
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,240
in the most colossal way.
497
00:30:09,500 --> 00:30:11,169
Well, maybe not the most.
498
00:30:12,670 --> 00:30:15,380
This is my most prized possession.
499
00:30:16,340 --> 00:30:17,340
Wham?
500
00:30:17,450 --> 00:30:19,309
No, no, no. Wham!
501
00:30:19,710 --> 00:30:22,920
Make it big is the album that George
and Andy earned the exclamation point.
502
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:25,749
So, am I supposed to just smile
503
00:30:25,850 --> 00:30:27,219
and wave you out the door?
504
00:30:27,232 --> 00:30:28,719
Think of it like spring cleaning.
505
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,059
Only if spring was death.
506
00:30:30,260 --> 00:30:32,629
God, if I had a nickel for every time
507
00:30:32,630 --> 00:30:34,529
I spanked it to Bernadette Peters.
508
00:30:35,230 --> 00:30:36,460
Sounds like you do.
509
00:30:37,470 --> 00:30:39,399
Bernadette is not going anywhere,
510
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,099
because you're not going anywhere.
511
00:30:41,500 --> 00:30:42,500
Drink.
512
00:30:42,524 --> 00:30:45,409
You're right. Cancer is only in my liver,
lungs, prostate and brain.
513
00:30:45,410 --> 00:30:46,640
All things I can live without.
514
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:50,579
You belong here at home.
515
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,558
Surrounded by your Voltron
and your Bernadette,
516
00:30:53,583 --> 00:30:54,574
and your me.
517
00:30:55,063 --> 00:30:56,063
Listen,
518
00:30:56,220 --> 00:30:59,614
we both know that cancer,
is a shit-show.
519
00:30:59,903 --> 00:31:03,289
Like, a Yakov Smirnoff opening for the
520
00:31:03,290 --> 00:31:06,960
spin doctors
at the Iowa state fair shit show.
521
00:31:07,260 --> 00:31:09,553
And under no circumstances,
522
00:31:09,678 --> 00:31:12,624
will I take you to that show.
523
00:31:13,900 --> 00:31:15,500
I want you to remember me.
524
00:31:16,940 --> 00:31:18,839
Not the ghost of Christmas me.
525
00:31:19,140 --> 00:31:20,970
Well, I wanna remember us.
526
00:31:20,983 --> 00:31:23,009
I swear to god, I will find
you in the next life
527
00:31:23,033 --> 00:31:25,649
and I'm gonna boom-box
careless whisper outside your window.
528
00:31:26,150 --> 00:31:27,250
Wham!
529
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,390
No one is boom-boxing shit. Ok?
530
00:31:36,590 --> 00:31:37,990
We can fight this.
531
00:31:41,260 --> 00:31:43,360
Besides, I just realized something.
532
00:31:44,270 --> 00:31:45,152
You win.
533
00:31:45,377 --> 00:31:48,600
Your life is officially
way more fucked up than mine.
534
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:54,740
I love you.
535
00:32:06,420 --> 00:32:07,420
Wade.
536
00:32:09,690 --> 00:32:10,759
Weas.
537
00:32:11,260 --> 00:32:13,359
You look like you need
a blow job and a shower.
538
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:15,699
Though courtesy calls
for the latter first.
539
00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:17,460
How about three shots of patron?
540
00:32:17,470 --> 00:32:21,299
Or how about triticum aestivum,
wheatgrass.
541
00:32:21,300 --> 00:32:22,639
Excellent for the immune system.
542
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,739
Jesus Christ.
You sound like Vanessa.
543
00:32:24,740 --> 00:32:26,019
Here, check it out.
544
00:32:26,043 --> 00:32:28,809
She's sending away for all these
colorful clinic brochures.
545
00:32:29,510 --> 00:32:31,409
I'm sure they're all FDA approved.
546
00:32:31,710 --> 00:32:32,435
Chechnya?
547
00:32:32,460 --> 00:32:34,634
Isn't that where you go to get cancer?
548
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,549
You got China and central Mexico.
549
00:32:37,850 --> 00:32:40,219
You know how they say cancer in Spanish?
550
00:32:40,243 --> 00:32:41,150
No.
551
00:32:41,860 --> 00:32:42,889
El cancer.
552
00:32:43,590 --> 00:32:45,059
I could have guessed that.
553
00:32:45,860 --> 00:32:47,229
Look how happy you look here.
554
00:32:47,430 --> 00:32:48,999
Mind if I keep this? Put it up,
555
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,097
so I can remember,
556
00:32:50,122 --> 00:32:51,523
when you looked alive.
557
00:32:51,900 --> 00:32:53,599
At least now I'm gonna win the dead pool.
558
00:32:53,623 --> 00:32:56,700
Now that you're gonna die
tragically of cancer.
559
00:32:56,710 --> 00:32:58,410
I got it, Weas. Thanks.
560
00:33:01,010 --> 00:33:03,709
And, that guy over there
came in looking for you.
561
00:33:03,710 --> 00:33:05,449
Real grim reaper type.
562
00:33:06,650 --> 00:33:08,680
I don't know. Might further the plot.
563
00:33:12,690 --> 00:33:13,690
Boothe.
564
00:33:13,790 --> 00:33:14,790
Wade.
565
00:33:20,260 --> 00:33:21,390
Mr. Wilson.
566
00:33:21,700 --> 00:33:22,899
How can I help you?
567
00:33:22,900 --> 00:33:25,569
Besides luring children into a panel Van.
568
00:33:25,670 --> 00:33:29,439
I understand you've recently
been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
569
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:30,540
Stalker alert.
570
00:33:30,564 --> 00:33:32,509
It's my job. Recruitment.
571
00:33:33,510 --> 00:33:36,540
I'm sorry you've had such a tough go.
572
00:33:36,950 --> 00:33:39,409
But you're a fighter. Special forces.
573
00:33:39,410 --> 00:33:42,119
41 confirmed kills.
574
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:43,680
One every seven weeks.
575
00:33:43,690 --> 00:33:45,219
Same rate most folks get a haircut.
576
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:47,989
It's to wash the taste out.
577
00:33:47,990 --> 00:33:49,586
It's tough to forget being so...
578
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:51,559
impressive.
579
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,590
And now you spend your days,
580
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,499
sticking up for the little people...
581
00:33:55,523 --> 00:33:57,099
Yeah, people change.
What do you want?
582
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,730
I represent an organization
that may be able to help.
583
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:06,339
What if I told you
we can cure your cancer?
584
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:11,010
And what's more, give you abilities
most men only dream of?
585
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:16,579
I'd say that you sound
like an infomercial,
586
00:34:16,580 --> 00:34:18,749
but not a good one, like slap chop.
587
00:34:18,750 --> 00:34:20,489
More shake weight-y.
588
00:34:20,490 --> 00:34:23,359
The world needs extraordinary soldiers.
589
00:34:23,383 --> 00:34:25,389
We won't just make you better.
590
00:34:25,690 --> 00:34:28,560
We will make you better than better.
591
00:34:29,700 --> 00:34:30,960
A superhero.
592
00:34:31,270 --> 00:34:32,028
Look,
593
00:34:32,953 --> 00:34:34,123
agent Smith,
594
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,439
I tried the hero business
and it left a mark.
595
00:34:36,740 --> 00:34:38,710
But if I ever hit fuck it,
I'll look you up.
596
00:34:41,780 --> 00:34:43,579
Shit. We're within 500 yards of a school,
597
00:34:43,580 --> 00:34:44,810
so you may wanna, you know.
598
00:34:49,650 --> 00:34:50,820
His drink's on him.
599
00:34:56,490 --> 00:34:57,820
What did he say?
600
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:22,519
Hey, what's going on?
601
00:35:23,220 --> 00:35:24,820
Hey. Sorry.
602
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,219
I had a Liam Neeson nightmare.
603
00:35:29,420 --> 00:35:32,030
I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter
and he just wasn't having it.
604
00:35:40,170 --> 00:35:41,205
Hey...
605
00:35:42,219 --> 00:35:44,409
they've made three of those movies.
606
00:35:45,510 --> 00:35:48,210
At some point you have
to wonder if he's just a bad parent.
607
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,959
The worst part about cancer
isn't what it does to you...
608
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:08,899
But what it does to the people you love.
609
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,099
Who knew if this guy could save my life.
610
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,940
But I knew there was only one way
that I could save hers.
611
00:36:19,670 --> 00:36:21,940
Isn't that what superheroes do?
612
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:38,390
Ok. Let's pro-con this superhero thing.
613
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:43,129
Pro! They pull down a gaggle of ass.
614
00:36:43,130 --> 00:36:44,599
Local dry cleaning discounts.
615
00:36:44,623 --> 00:36:46,669
Lucrative film deals,
both origin stories and
616
00:36:46,770 --> 00:36:48,530
larger ensemble team movies.
617
00:36:49,340 --> 00:36:51,839
They're all lame-ass teacher's pets.
618
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:53,609
You know, I can hear you.
619
00:36:53,610 --> 00:36:55,095
I wasn't talking to you.
620
00:36:55,720 --> 00:36:56,679
I was talking to them.
621
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:58,479
Stay right here.
622
00:36:58,980 --> 00:37:01,049
You've been warned before, Deadpool.
623
00:37:01,250 --> 00:37:04,980
This is a shameful and
reckless use of your powers.
624
00:37:05,090 --> 00:37:07,119
You will both be coming with us.
625
00:37:07,220 --> 00:37:08,430
Look Colossus,
626
00:37:08,531 --> 00:37:11,159
I don't have time for the goody
two shoes bullshit right now!
627
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,090
And you are?
628
00:37:14,730 --> 00:37:16,429
Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
629
00:37:16,630 --> 00:37:19,729
Negasonic teenage...
What the shit?
630
00:37:20,030 --> 00:37:21,930
That's the coolest name ever!
631
00:37:23,270 --> 00:37:24,600
So what, you're like...
632
00:37:25,025 --> 00:37:26,009
his sidekick?
633
00:37:26,110 --> 00:37:27,439
No. Trainee.
634
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:28,739
Let me guess.
635
00:37:28,752 --> 00:37:30,480
X-Men left you behind on what?
636
00:37:30,605 --> 00:37:31,604
Shit detail?
637
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:32,929
What does that make you?
638
00:37:32,953 --> 00:37:35,179
Pretending you're not here,
negasonic teenage warhead.
639
00:37:35,180 --> 00:37:36,549
Can we trade names?
640
00:37:36,650 --> 00:37:38,149
Can we go?
641
00:37:38,150 --> 00:37:40,489
Look! I'm a teenage girl.
642
00:37:40,590 --> 00:37:42,789
I'd rather be anywhere than here.
643
00:37:42,890 --> 00:37:45,089
I'm all about long sullen silences.
644
00:37:45,090 --> 00:37:48,729
Followed by mean comments,
followed by more silences.
645
00:37:49,030 --> 00:37:50,279
So what's it gonna be?
646
00:37:50,604 --> 00:37:52,269
Long sullen silence.
647
00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:54,470
Or mean comment?
Go on.
648
00:37:56,170 --> 00:37:57,540
You got me in a box here.
649
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,639
We can't allow this, Deadpool.
650
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:02,039
Please, come quietly.
651
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:04,409
You big chrome cock-gobbler!
652
00:38:04,410 --> 00:38:05,459
That's not nice.
653
00:38:05,483 --> 00:38:07,110
You're really gonna fuck this up for me?
654
00:38:07,220 --> 00:38:11,580
Trust me, that wheezing bag
of dick-tips has it coming.
655
00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:14,019
He's pure evil.
656
00:38:14,720 --> 00:38:15,720
Besides.
657
00:38:16,534 --> 00:38:18,033
Nobody's getting hurt.
658
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,299
That guy was already up there
when I got here.
659
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,330
Wade, you are better than this.
660
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,200
Join us. Use your powers for good.
661
00:38:31,210 --> 00:38:32,269
Heads up.
662
00:38:32,270 --> 00:38:33,739
Be a superhero.
663
00:38:33,740 --> 00:38:34,609
Listen!
664
00:38:34,922 --> 00:38:37,279
The day I decide to become
a crime-fighting shit-swizzler,
665
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:40,579
who rooms with a bunch of other little
whiners at the neverland mansion
666
00:38:40,580 --> 00:38:42,956
of some creepy, old, bald,
667
00:38:43,170 --> 00:38:45,219
heaven's gate-looking motherfucker,
668
00:38:45,620 --> 00:38:46,689
on that day!
669
00:38:47,290 --> 00:38:49,689
I'll send your shiny,
happy ass a friend request.
670
00:38:49,690 --> 00:38:52,159
But until then, I'mma do
what I came here to do.
671
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,959
Either that or slap the bitch outta you!
672
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:56,229
Wade.
Hey.
673
00:38:56,230 --> 00:38:57,399
Zip it, sinead!
674
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,460
Hey, douche-pool!
675
00:38:58,670 --> 00:38:59,970
And I hope you're watching...
676
00:39:04,710 --> 00:39:06,170
Quite unfortunate.
677
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:11,480
That does it!
678
00:39:16,250 --> 00:39:17,420
Canada!
679
00:39:19,050 --> 00:39:20,119
That's not good.
680
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:21,289
Wade, please.
681
00:39:21,290 --> 00:39:22,489
Cock shot!
682
00:39:24,190 --> 00:39:26,029
Oh, your poor wife.
683
00:39:26,030 --> 00:39:27,760
You really should stop.
684
00:39:31,330 --> 00:39:33,430
All the dinosaurs feared the T.Rex.
685
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:40,570
I promise this gets
worse for you, big boy!
686
00:39:40,780 --> 00:39:42,439
This is embarrassing.
687
00:39:42,740 --> 00:39:44,409
Please, stay down.
688
00:39:45,410 --> 00:39:48,010
You ever hear of the one-legged
man in the ass-kicking contest?
689
00:39:48,020 --> 00:39:49,419
Do you have off switch?
690
00:39:49,420 --> 00:39:51,180
Yeah, it's right next to the prostate.
691
00:39:51,190 --> 00:39:52,319
Or is that the on switch?
692
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:53,320
Enough!
693
00:40:03,030 --> 00:40:05,299
Let us go talk to the professor.
694
00:40:05,300 --> 00:40:07,169
Mcavoy or Stewart?
695
00:40:07,170 --> 00:40:09,400
These timelines are so confusing.
696
00:40:10,810 --> 00:40:13,369
Dead or alive, you're coming with me!
697
00:40:13,370 --> 00:40:15,239
You will recover, Wade.
698
00:40:15,240 --> 00:40:16,940
You always do.
699
00:40:21,350 --> 00:40:23,447
You ever see 127 hours?
700
00:40:23,572 --> 00:40:24,804
Spoiler alert.
701
00:40:28,690 --> 00:40:29,760
Oh, my god.
702
00:40:29,900 --> 00:40:30,760
Nasty.
703
00:40:34,161 --> 00:40:35,880
There's the money shot baby.
704
00:40:36,730 --> 00:40:38,460
Are you there god?
It's me, Margaret.
705
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,940
Rock, meet bottom.
706
00:40:52,350 --> 00:40:55,479
And when life ends up
breathtakingly fucked.
707
00:40:55,780 --> 00:40:59,489
You can generally trace it
back to one big, bad decision.
708
00:40:59,990 --> 00:41:02,389
The one that sent you
down the road to shitsburgh.
709
00:41:03,190 --> 00:41:05,589
This? Well, this was mine.
710
00:41:06,890 --> 00:41:08,059
Mr. Wilson.
711
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:13,699
Nothing warms my heart more than
a change of someone else's.
712
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,040
You finally hit fuck it.
713
00:41:17,110 --> 00:41:19,139
Just promise you'll do right by me.
714
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:21,609
So I can do right by someone else.
715
00:41:21,910 --> 00:41:23,009
Of course.
716
00:41:23,810 --> 00:41:25,810
And please don't make
the super-suit green.
717
00:41:26,850 --> 00:41:28,210
Or animated.
718
00:41:34,860 --> 00:41:36,390
Move it! Keep moving.
719
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,239
This place seems sanitary.
720
00:41:51,340 --> 00:41:53,339
My first request is warmer hands.
721
00:41:53,940 --> 00:41:55,248
And Jesus,
722
00:41:55,473 --> 00:41:56,764
a warmer table.
723
00:41:59,010 --> 00:42:01,110
We should really come up
with a safe word, fellas.
724
00:42:01,220 --> 00:42:02,850
I'm thinking pork and beans.
725
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:08,350
Easy.
726
00:42:10,490 --> 00:42:12,560
Aren't you a little strong for a lady?
727
00:42:13,530 --> 00:42:14,860
I'm calling Wang.
728
00:42:18,970 --> 00:42:20,269
What's up with the matches?
729
00:42:20,370 --> 00:42:23,300
Oral fixation or just a big Stallone fan?
730
00:42:24,570 --> 00:42:25,770
Patience Angel.
731
00:42:26,870 --> 00:42:28,170
All in good time.
732
00:42:28,580 --> 00:42:30,380
Are you here for
the turndown service or what?
733
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:33,349
We have another talker.
734
00:42:33,373 --> 00:42:35,310
I'm just excited about my
first day at superhero camp.
735
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:36,920
Shut the fuck up.
736
00:42:40,860 --> 00:42:42,690
Mr. Wilson, my name's Ajax.
737
00:42:43,860 --> 00:42:45,189
I manage this workshop.
738
00:42:46,990 --> 00:42:49,959
My welcome speech used
to be full of euphemisms like...
739
00:42:50,260 --> 00:42:51,599
This may hurt a little.
740
00:42:51,900 --> 00:42:53,869
This may cause you some discomfort.
741
00:42:53,970 --> 00:42:55,269
But I've grown blunt.
742
00:42:56,270 --> 00:42:58,700
This workshop is not
a government-led program.
743
00:42:58,810 --> 00:43:00,209
It's a private institution,
744
00:43:00,233 --> 00:43:03,022
that turns reclamation projects
like yourself into men of...
745
00:43:03,647 --> 00:43:05,804
extraordinary abilities.
746
00:43:07,550 --> 00:43:10,320
But if you think super-human
powers are acquired painlessly...
747
00:43:11,890 --> 00:43:12,890
wrong.
748
00:43:13,290 --> 00:43:14,650
I'm injecting you with a serum,
749
00:43:14,674 --> 00:43:17,059
that activates any mutant
genes lurking in your DNA.
750
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:19,173
For it to work we need to...
751
00:43:19,198 --> 00:43:20,291
subject you to...
752
00:43:20,516 --> 00:43:21,608
extreme stress.
753
00:43:27,070 --> 00:43:28,193
You've heard that whole,
754
00:43:28,218 --> 00:43:30,324
make an omelet break
some eggs bit, right?
755
00:43:31,110 --> 00:43:32,669
I'm about to hurt you, Wade.
756
00:43:33,570 --> 00:43:35,739
I was a patient here once
myself, you know.
757
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:38,909
The treatment affects
everyone differently.
758
00:43:39,510 --> 00:43:41,949
It made Angel inhumanly strong.
759
00:43:42,650 --> 00:43:43,872
In my case,
760
00:43:44,097 --> 00:43:46,074
it enhanced my reflexes.
761
00:43:46,860 --> 00:43:49,790
Also scorched my nerve endings,
so I no longer feel pain.
762
00:43:51,990 --> 00:43:53,072
And in fact,
763
00:43:54,097 --> 00:43:55,554
I no longer feel anything.
764
00:44:04,270 --> 00:44:05,575
Thanks! Thank you.
765
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:07,239
Thank you.
766
00:44:07,340 --> 00:44:08,779
You have something in your teeth.
767
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:11,779
Right in the middle there.
Just, I don't...
768
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,880
A little nugget of romaine
lettuce or something.
769
00:44:17,220 --> 00:44:18,790
It's been bothering me for a long time.
770
00:44:21,220 --> 00:44:22,289
Made you look.
771
00:44:22,390 --> 00:44:25,889
Hey, is Ajax your actual name
Because it sounds suspiciously made up.
772
00:44:25,990 --> 00:44:27,511
What is it really? Kevin?
773
00:44:27,836 --> 00:44:29,299
Bruce? Scott?
774
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,099
Mitch? The Rickster?
775
00:44:31,700 --> 00:44:33,169
Is it basil fawlty?
776
00:44:33,570 --> 00:44:35,030
Oh, joke away.
777
00:44:35,540 --> 00:44:38,239
One thing that never survives
this place is a sense of humor.
778
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:40,209
We'll see about that.
779
00:44:40,210 --> 00:44:41,570
I suppose we will.
780
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:44,240
He's all yours.
781
00:44:44,550 --> 00:44:45,709
Oh, come on.
782
00:44:46,310 --> 00:44:47,710
You're gonna leave me all alone here.
783
00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:49,480
With less-angry Rosie O'Donnell?
784
00:44:53,720 --> 00:44:55,419
This is how it's going to work.
785
00:44:56,020 --> 00:44:58,929
Adrenaline acts as a catalyst
for the serum so...
786
00:44:59,453 --> 00:45:01,290
We're going to have to make you suffer.
787
00:45:03,230 --> 00:45:04,196
If you're lucky,
788
00:45:04,220 --> 00:45:08,670
the mutant genes will activate
and manifest in a spectacular fashion.
789
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,740
If not, well we'll have
to keep on hurting you...
790
00:45:17,580 --> 00:45:20,410
In new and different ways
each more painful than the last.
791
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:24,720
Until you finally mutate.
792
00:45:27,050 --> 00:45:28,090
Or die.
793
00:45:35,100 --> 00:45:36,629
You mean a bucket list?
794
00:45:36,630 --> 00:45:38,299
Like a fuck it list.
795
00:45:39,100 --> 00:45:41,899
I'd really like to light a spliff
off the olympic torch.
796
00:45:42,300 --> 00:45:44,239
Pass it to me right after.
797
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:45,653
Let's not forget,
798
00:45:45,778 --> 00:45:47,539
naked tandem base-jumping
799
00:45:47,563 --> 00:45:50,140
with the wnba's Sacramento monarchs.
800
00:45:50,550 --> 00:45:53,449
Anything on my bucket list
would involve public nudity.
801
00:45:54,750 --> 00:45:57,580
Finally, giving Meredith
Baxter-Birney a Dutch oven.
802
00:45:57,593 --> 00:46:01,450
No. Receiving a Dutch oven
from Meredith Baxter-Birney.
803
00:46:05,230 --> 00:46:06,930
Making banana pancakes...
804
00:46:07,655 --> 00:46:08,954
for my kids.
805
00:46:12,630 --> 00:46:13,730
Vanessa.
806
00:46:18,270 --> 00:46:19,809
I wanna see Vanessa.
807
00:46:20,610 --> 00:46:22,039
You're lovely.
808
00:46:22,140 --> 00:46:23,785
I don't know about anyone else but,
809
00:46:23,910 --> 00:46:25,133
I'm touched.
810
00:46:25,510 --> 00:46:26,549
We were just joking.
811
00:46:26,550 --> 00:46:28,680
No, no. It's ok.
812
00:46:30,150 --> 00:46:31,519
I encourage distractions.
813
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:34,519
Wouldn't want you giving up
on us, now would we?
814
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,760
Hey, don't take any shit
from him, Cunningham.
815
00:46:37,690 --> 00:46:39,029
How tough can he be...
816
00:46:40,230 --> 00:46:41,830
With a name like Francis?
817
00:46:43,630 --> 00:46:44,660
Francis?
818
00:46:44,870 --> 00:46:46,469
That's his legal name.
819
00:46:47,170 --> 00:46:49,940
He got Ajax from the dish soap.
820
00:46:52,570 --> 00:46:56,240
F, r, a, n, c, i...
821
00:46:59,780 --> 00:47:02,450
Snagged the dry cleaning tag
off your lab coat.
822
00:47:04,590 --> 00:47:06,789
FYI, I could probably get you
the superhero discount.
823
00:47:06,990 --> 00:47:08,559
You are so relentlessly annoying.
824
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:09,589
Thanks.
825
00:47:09,590 --> 00:47:11,020
Never heard that before.
826
00:47:11,021 --> 00:47:13,690
Why don't you do us all a
favor and shut the fuck up?
827
00:47:14,300 --> 00:47:16,360
Or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut.
828
00:47:18,130 --> 00:47:19,729
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
829
00:47:19,730 --> 00:47:22,999
See here's the problem with
round the clock torture is that,
830
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:25,940
you can't really step it up from there.
831
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:29,910
Is that what you think?
832
00:47:36,350 --> 00:47:38,720
If this doesn't unlock
your mutation then well...
833
00:47:39,620 --> 00:47:40,719
Nothing will.
834
00:47:41,420 --> 00:47:44,459
Now, what we're going to do is lower
the oxygen concentration in the air,
835
00:47:44,460 --> 00:47:46,859
to the exact point you feel
like you're suffocating.
836
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,929
If your brainwaves slow
meaning you're about to pass out.
837
00:47:51,230 --> 00:47:52,430
Then we'll turn up the O2.
838
00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:56,369
If your heart rate slows meaning
you're able to catch your breath.
839
00:47:57,170 --> 00:47:58,569
We'll turn it back down.
840
00:47:59,570 --> 00:48:00,939
And that's where we'll leave you.
841
00:48:01,340 --> 00:48:03,109
Right there.
842
00:48:03,610 --> 00:48:05,879
Oh, and I thought
you guys were dicks before.
843
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:07,710
You know the funniest part of this?
844
00:48:09,220 --> 00:48:11,580
You still think we're making
you a superhero.
845
00:48:12,390 --> 00:48:15,820
You. A dishonorable discharge.
846
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:18,060
Hip deep in hookers.
847
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:20,530
You're nothing.
848
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,460
Little secret Wade.
849
00:48:24,270 --> 00:48:26,099
This workshop doesn't make superheroes,
850
00:48:26,112 --> 00:48:27,799
we make super-slaves.
851
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,039
We're gonna fit you with a control collar
852
00:48:31,052 --> 00:48:33,009
and auction you off to the highest bidder.
853
00:48:33,810 --> 00:48:35,509
Who knows what they'll have you doing?
854
00:48:36,210 --> 00:48:39,010
Terrorizing citizens,
putting down freedom fighters.
855
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:43,449
Maybe just mow the occasional lawn.
856
00:48:44,950 --> 00:48:47,020
What the fuck is wrong with you?
857
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:54,559
You're never going home after this.
858
00:48:55,660 --> 00:48:57,300
Now there's a brave face.
859
00:48:58,830 --> 00:49:00,570
Wait, wait! Wait. Wait.
860
00:49:02,770 --> 00:49:06,570
Seriously, you actually have
something in your teeth now.
861
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:09,939
Enjoy your weekend.
862
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:12,240
Weekend? Back up.
863
00:49:12,250 --> 00:49:13,380
Weekend?
864
00:49:54,990 --> 00:49:57,089
Did I say this was a love story?
865
00:49:57,290 --> 00:49:59,690
No, it's a horror movie.
866
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:17,879
Fucking hell.
867
00:50:18,380 --> 00:50:20,949
Looks like someone lost his
shot at homecoming king.
868
00:50:21,650 --> 00:50:23,279
What have you done to me?
869
00:50:23,380 --> 00:50:25,832
I've merely raised your stress levels
high enough to...
870
00:50:25,957 --> 00:50:27,149
trigger a mutation.
871
00:50:27,250 --> 00:50:29,119
You sadistic fuck!
872
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:31,389
I've cured you Wade.
873
00:50:32,390 --> 00:50:34,329
Now your mutated cells
can heal anything.
874
00:50:35,030 --> 00:50:37,360
It's attacking your cancer
as fast as it can form.
875
00:50:39,030 --> 00:50:41,030
Yeah, I've seen similar
side effects before.
876
00:50:42,940 --> 00:50:44,000
I could cure them...
877
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:49,240
But where's the fun in that?
878
00:50:51,650 --> 00:50:53,650
Now I'm gonna shut you
in again Wade.
879
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:57,550
Not because I need to.
880
00:51:01,820 --> 00:51:03,490
Because I want to.
881
00:51:17,970 --> 00:51:18,970
Oh, well.
882
00:51:19,570 --> 00:51:20,610
Go ahead.
883
00:51:23,780 --> 00:51:25,440
Oh, you smell like shit.
884
00:51:28,850 --> 00:51:29,919
Motherfucker.
885
00:51:30,420 --> 00:51:32,080
Hey, hey, hey.
It's all right, it's all right.
886
00:51:33,820 --> 00:51:35,319
I think we owe him that one, yeah?
887
00:51:35,820 --> 00:51:36,961
You take off.
888
00:51:37,386 --> 00:51:38,214
Go on.
889
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:39,990
Off you go.
890
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:52,500
Quick question.
891
00:51:55,140 --> 00:51:56,210
What's my name?
892
00:52:02,980 --> 00:52:04,220
Didn't think so.
893
00:52:06,150 --> 00:52:08,720
Sorry, Francis. My lips are sealed.
894
00:54:05,540 --> 00:54:06,669
You don't want to kill me.
895
00:54:06,870 --> 00:54:09,010
I'm the only one
who can fix your ugly mug.
896
00:55:05,930 --> 00:55:07,100
What's my name?
897
00:55:13,670 --> 00:55:14,770
Wade.
898
00:56:22,110 --> 00:56:24,710
I didn't just get the cure to El cancer,
899
00:56:26,750 --> 00:56:29,150
I got the cure to El everything.
900
00:56:33,020 --> 00:56:34,650
But there was only one thing,
901
00:56:35,260 --> 00:56:36,920
that really mattered.
902
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:07,390
Come on, let's go.
903
00:57:12,860 --> 00:57:14,690
That must to hurt.
904
00:57:16,430 --> 00:57:18,330
Thank you so much.
905
00:57:29,940 --> 00:57:32,179
God, he's so fucking gnarly.
906
00:57:32,180 --> 00:57:33,549
Look at his face.
907
00:57:33,750 --> 00:57:35,379
Oh, my god. Poor guy.
908
00:57:36,080 --> 00:57:37,219
Honey, don't stare.
909
00:57:37,220 --> 00:57:38,380
Freak.
910
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:02,339
No way. I'm not making
her life as ugly as mine.
911
00:58:02,340 --> 00:58:04,509
Come on Wade, it can't be that bad.
912
00:58:04,522 --> 00:58:06,079
Bullshit!
913
00:58:06,380 --> 00:58:07,767
I'm a monster inside and out.
914
00:58:07,792 --> 00:58:09,373
I belong in a fucking circus.
915
00:58:09,497 --> 00:58:10,778
Wade, Vanessa loves you.
916
00:58:11,103 --> 00:58:12,504
She doesn't care what you...
917
00:58:14,020 --> 00:58:15,189
Do you like what you see?
918
00:58:15,190 --> 00:58:16,190
No.
919
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:18,389
You look like an avocado
920
00:58:18,390 --> 00:58:20,959
had sex with an older,
more disgusting avocado.
921
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:21,620
Yeah.
922
00:58:21,645 --> 00:58:23,623
Not gently like it was hate fucking.
923
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,129
There was something wrong
with the relationship,
924
00:58:26,130 --> 00:58:28,069
and that was the only catharsis
925
00:58:28,070 --> 00:58:29,769
that they could find without violence.
926
00:58:29,970 --> 00:58:32,369
And the only guy
who can fix this fugly mug,
927
00:58:32,370 --> 00:58:35,009
Is the British shitstick
who ran the mutant factory.
928
00:58:35,022 --> 00:58:36,239
And he's gone.
929
00:58:37,140 --> 00:58:39,909
Yeah, well you gotta do something
to remedy this because as of now,
930
00:58:39,922 --> 00:58:41,762
you only have one course of action.
931
00:58:41,786 --> 00:58:43,149
Damn straight.
932
00:58:43,250 --> 00:58:45,119
Find Francis.
Star in horror films.
933
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:46,120
What?
934
00:58:46,121 --> 00:58:48,189
Star in your own horror films.
935
00:58:48,290 --> 00:58:51,920
Because you look like Freddy Krueger
face fucked a topographical map of Utah.
936
00:58:53,130 --> 00:58:54,790
Here's what I'm actually gonna do.
937
00:58:54,900 --> 00:58:57,409
I'm gonna work through his crew
until somebody gives up Francis,
938
00:58:57,510 --> 00:58:59,999
force him to fix this,
then put a bullet in his skull,
939
00:59:00,100 --> 00:59:01,769
and fuck the brain hole.
940
00:59:01,770 --> 00:59:04,300
I don't wanna see that
or think of it again.
941
00:59:04,413 --> 00:59:07,009
But, the douchebag does
thinks you're dead, right?
942
00:59:07,110 --> 00:59:08,546
Yeah.
That's good.
943
00:59:08,660 --> 00:59:09,809
You should keep it that way.
944
00:59:09,810 --> 00:59:11,309
What like, wear a mask?
945
00:59:11,510 --> 00:59:13,550
Yes. A very thick mask.
946
00:59:13,551 --> 00:59:14,734
All the time.
947
00:59:15,150 --> 00:59:18,119
I am sorry, you are haunting.
948
00:59:19,020 --> 00:59:20,819
Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
949
00:59:20,832 --> 00:59:22,319
Like a testicle with teeth.
950
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:23,859
You will die alone.
951
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:25,620
I mean, if you could die.
952
00:59:26,330 --> 00:59:28,390
Ideally, for others' sake.
953
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:29,429
That'll do.
954
00:59:30,030 --> 00:59:32,322
All you need now is a suit
and a nickname like,
955
00:59:32,435 --> 00:59:33,829
Wade the Wisecracker.
956
00:59:34,130 --> 00:59:35,550
Or Scaredevil,
957
00:59:35,775 --> 00:59:37,094
Mr. Neverdie.
958
00:59:37,900 --> 00:59:39,000
Oh, shit.
959
00:59:39,570 --> 00:59:40,570
What?
960
00:59:41,540 --> 00:59:43,579
I put all my money on you and now,
961
00:59:43,692 --> 00:59:45,179
I just realized I'm never gonna win the...
962
00:59:45,180 --> 00:59:46,280
Dead Pool.
963
00:59:50,180 --> 00:59:52,480
Captain Deadpool.
964
00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:55,350
No just...
965
00:59:55,460 --> 00:59:56,789
Just Deadpool, yeah.
966
00:59:57,290 --> 00:59:58,759
To you, Mr. Pool.
967
00:59:59,460 --> 01:00:02,300
Deadpool. That sounds like
a fucking franchise.
968
01:00:16,580 --> 01:00:18,840
This shit's gonna have nuts in it.
969
01:00:19,350 --> 01:00:20,980
Where's Francis?
970
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:36,060
Where's Francis?
971
01:00:44,970 --> 01:00:47,110
Seltzer water and lemon for blood,
972
01:00:48,210 --> 01:00:49,407
or wear red.
973
01:00:49,921 --> 01:00:51,093
Dumbass.
974
01:01:09,700 --> 01:01:11,330
Don't make me ask twice.
975
01:01:12,570 --> 01:01:13,929
Where...
976
01:01:14,130 --> 01:01:15,969
is Francis?
977
01:01:16,670 --> 01:01:18,400
He made me ask twice.
978
01:01:18,510 --> 01:01:20,370
Is the mask muffling my voice?
979
01:01:25,310 --> 01:01:26,950
Where's Francis?
980
01:01:29,420 --> 01:01:31,350
Where the fuck is Francis?
981
01:01:40,030 --> 01:01:43,229
You're about to be killed
by a zamboni.
982
01:01:43,330 --> 01:01:44,560
Where's Francis?
983
01:01:46,030 --> 01:01:47,369
No! Please!
984
01:01:47,670 --> 01:01:50,600
Oh, god! I'm so sorry!
985
01:01:51,670 --> 01:01:54,170
Oh! You little spider monkey!
986
01:01:57,440 --> 01:02:00,350
Where... is... Francis?
987
01:02:02,150 --> 01:02:03,349
This is confusing.
988
01:02:03,350 --> 01:02:04,579
Is it sexist to hit you?
989
01:02:04,592 --> 01:02:06,349
Is it more sexist to not hit you?
990
01:02:06,350 --> 01:02:07,828
I mean, the line gets real...
991
01:02:08,053 --> 01:02:08,745
blurry.
992
01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:10,900
Where is Francis?
993
01:02:12,490 --> 01:02:14,559
Tell me where your fucking boss is
994
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:15,829
or you're gonna die!
995
01:02:16,430 --> 01:02:18,160
In five minutes!
996
01:02:28,210 --> 01:02:29,610
Don't hesitate to call me.
997
01:02:45,530 --> 01:02:47,330
Nice to see you, Jared.
998
01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:50,229
I'll take the footlong.
999
01:02:50,630 --> 01:02:51,700
Fully loaded.
1000
01:03:07,350 --> 01:03:08,879
41 confirmed kills.
1001
01:03:09,080 --> 01:03:11,350
Now it's 89. About to be 90.
1002
01:03:12,220 --> 01:03:13,349
Mr. Wilson?
1003
01:03:13,350 --> 01:03:14,350
Ding-ding.
1004
01:03:15,260 --> 01:03:17,559
You're looking very alive.
1005
01:03:17,760 --> 01:03:19,520
Only on the outside!
1006
01:03:19,830 --> 01:03:21,489
This is not going
to end well for me, is it?
1007
01:03:21,490 --> 01:03:22,790
This is not gonna end well for you, no.
1008
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:24,159
Where's your boss?
1009
01:03:24,260 --> 01:03:25,760
I can tell you exactly...
1010
01:03:27,430 --> 01:03:28,631
Oh you'll tell me.
1011
01:03:28,756 --> 01:03:29,623
But first...
1012
01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:31,569
You might wanna look away for this.
1013
01:03:32,170 --> 01:03:33,670
Now this little piggy went to...
1014
01:03:35,580 --> 01:03:37,680
Thank you, agent Smith.
1015
01:03:41,510 --> 01:03:42,580
Taxi!
1016
01:03:44,120 --> 01:03:46,020
Hop in! Great day for a ride.
1017
01:03:48,290 --> 01:03:49,730
And we all know how this turned out.
1018
01:03:53,560 --> 01:03:54,790
You weren't meant to see that.
1019
01:04:02,700 --> 01:04:04,470
There. All caught up.
1020
01:04:12,550 --> 01:04:13,649
We're here.
1021
01:04:15,150 --> 01:04:18,520
Sorry about bleeding in all your garbage.
1022
01:04:24,690 --> 01:04:26,790
Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
1023
01:04:28,860 --> 01:04:31,159
Some kinds of anger can't be managed...
1024
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:35,043
Like the kind where your year
long plan ends with the wrong guy
1025
01:04:35,068 --> 01:04:36,587
getting dismembered!
1026
01:04:37,340 --> 01:04:38,448
That said,
1027
01:04:38,673 --> 01:04:41,795
when it comes time to licking
wounds there's no place like home.
1028
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:44,579
And I share that home
with someone you've met,
1029
01:04:44,580 --> 01:04:46,949
the old blind lady
from the laundromat, Al.
1030
01:04:47,350 --> 01:04:49,049
God, I miss cocaine.
1031
01:04:49,250 --> 01:04:50,329
Her.
1032
01:04:51,230 --> 01:04:53,819
Fourth-wall break
inside a fourth-wall break.
1033
01:04:54,220 --> 01:04:55,238
That's like...
1034
01:04:55,663 --> 01:04:56,843
16 walls.
1035
01:04:57,320 --> 01:04:59,833
She's like Robin to my Batman
except she's old,
1036
01:05:00,158 --> 01:05:02,277
and black, and blind.
1037
01:05:02,730 --> 01:05:04,359
And I think she's in love with me.
1038
01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:07,570
Wait, pretty sure Robin loves Batman too.
1039
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:19,280
Al?
1040
01:05:21,610 --> 01:05:22,810
Morning sleepyhead.
1041
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:26,680
It smells like old lady pants in here.
1042
01:05:26,690 --> 01:05:28,689
Yes, I'm old. I wear pants.
1043
01:05:28,690 --> 01:05:30,259
But you're no lady.
1044
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:32,520
So comfy.
1045
01:05:33,830 --> 01:05:36,890
Upside of being blind,
I've never seen you in crocs.
1046
01:05:36,900 --> 01:05:38,429
You mean my big
rubber masturbating shoes?
1047
01:05:38,453 --> 01:05:39,453
Yes, I know.
1048
01:05:39,930 --> 01:05:41,499
Downside of being blind.
1049
01:05:42,100 --> 01:05:44,270
I hear everything in this duplex.
1050
01:05:47,310 --> 01:05:48,539
Sit on a stick.
1051
01:05:48,540 --> 01:05:49,540
Bactin?
1052
01:05:49,580 --> 01:05:50,580
Yeah.
1053
01:05:51,227 --> 01:05:53,024
Bactin should do it.
1054
01:05:54,780 --> 01:05:56,579
How's that kullen coming along?
1055
01:05:56,580 --> 01:05:58,680
Ikea doesn't assemble itself, you know.
1056
01:05:58,690 --> 01:05:59,917
You're telling me.
1057
01:06:00,342 --> 01:06:01,689
I don't mind the kullen.
1058
01:06:01,690 --> 01:06:03,519
It's an improvement on the hurdal.
1059
01:06:03,543 --> 01:06:06,659
Please. Anything's an
improvement over the hurdal.
1060
01:06:06,860 --> 01:06:10,359
I'd have taken an hemnes
or a trysil over the hurdal.
1061
01:06:10,960 --> 01:06:13,829
Oh no, I didn't get excited
till I saw the kullen.
1062
01:06:14,130 --> 01:06:14,999
Screw, please.
1063
01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:16,569
Here? Now? Just kidding.
1064
01:06:16,570 --> 01:06:17,739
I know it's been decades.
1065
01:06:17,740 --> 01:06:18,900
You'd be surprised.
1066
01:06:19,610 --> 01:06:20,770
Pretty grossed out.
1067
01:06:30,850 --> 01:06:33,789
I wish I never heard of craigslist.
1068
01:06:34,490 --> 01:06:37,419
And I quote, looking for roommate,
blind to life's imperfections.
1069
01:06:37,420 --> 01:06:40,589
Must be good with hands or would you
rather I build the Ikea, and you pay rent?
1070
01:06:40,590 --> 01:06:42,260
Why such a douche this morning?
1071
01:06:43,030 --> 01:06:44,329
Let's recap.
1072
01:06:44,330 --> 01:06:46,529
The cock thistle that
turned me into this freak.
1073
01:06:46,730 --> 01:06:48,330
Slipped through my arms today.
1074
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:51,000
Arm.
1075
01:06:51,700 --> 01:06:54,869
Catching him was my only chance to be
hot again, get my super sexy ex back,
1076
01:06:54,870 --> 01:06:57,139
and prevent this shit from
happening to someone else.
1077
01:06:57,340 --> 01:06:58,250
So yeah,
1078
01:06:58,264 --> 01:07:00,493
today was about as much
fun as a sandpaper dildo.
1079
01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:04,050
Hash tag drive by.
1080
01:07:21,900 --> 01:07:23,930
Found out who our friend
in the red suit is.
1081
01:07:26,370 --> 01:07:27,939
Fucking Wade Wilson.
1082
01:07:29,040 --> 01:07:31,640
I suppose I'd wear a mask too
if I had a face like that.
1083
01:07:32,050 --> 01:07:33,710
I only wish I healed the same.
1084
01:07:37,650 --> 01:07:38,317
Still,
1085
01:07:38,742 --> 01:07:40,243
we'll put him out of our misery.
1086
01:07:40,520 --> 01:07:41,819
On our terms.
1087
01:07:42,020 --> 01:07:43,590
Right. And when he heals?
1088
01:07:44,820 --> 01:07:45,920
He can't.
1089
01:07:46,030 --> 01:07:48,059
Not if there's nothing
left of him to heal.
1090
01:07:48,660 --> 01:07:49,728
You know it's funny.
1091
01:07:51,042 --> 01:07:52,514
I almost miss the fucker.
1092
01:07:54,000 --> 01:07:55,300
I like a challenge.
1093
01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:58,269
But he's bad for business.
1094
01:07:58,970 --> 01:08:00,510
Now let's go find him.
1095
01:08:05,110 --> 01:08:06,709
Tylenol PM?
1096
01:08:06,710 --> 01:08:09,510
You can stick that
where you stuck the bactin.
1097
01:08:09,620 --> 01:08:11,979
I raided my stash
of wisdom tooth Percocet,
1098
01:08:11,980 --> 01:08:16,050
and I am orbiting
fucking saturn right now.
1099
01:08:18,860 --> 01:08:20,829
But I appreciate the gesture.
1100
01:08:21,830 --> 01:08:23,064
Am I crazy,
1101
01:08:23,389 --> 01:08:26,229
or is your hand really small?
1102
01:08:26,430 --> 01:08:28,470
About the size of a KFC spork.
1103
01:08:30,370 --> 01:08:31,900
I get why you're so pissy.
1104
01:08:32,610 --> 01:08:35,609
But your mood's never gonna brighten
till you find this woman,
1105
01:08:35,610 --> 01:08:36,870
and tell her how you feel.
1106
01:08:36,894 --> 01:08:38,479
What do I keep telling you, Mrs. Magoo?
1107
01:08:38,503 --> 01:08:39,809
She wouldn't have me.
1108
01:08:40,510 --> 01:08:42,149
If you could see me, you'd understand.
1109
01:08:42,150 --> 01:08:43,479
Looks aren't everything.
1110
01:08:43,480 --> 01:08:44,619
Looks are everything.
1111
01:08:44,620 --> 01:08:46,219
You ever heard David Beckham speak?
1112
01:08:46,720 --> 01:08:48,950
It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium.
1113
01:08:49,060 --> 01:08:50,619
You think Ryan Reynolds got this far
1114
01:08:50,620 --> 01:08:52,389
on his superior acting method?
1115
01:08:52,490 --> 01:08:53,659
Love is blind, Wade.
1116
01:08:53,660 --> 01:08:54,660
No.
1117
01:08:55,860 --> 01:08:56,999
You're blind.
1118
01:08:57,800 --> 01:09:00,669
So, you're just gonna
lie there and whimper?
1119
01:09:00,770 --> 01:09:02,869
No, I'm gonna wait till this
arm plows through puberty,
1120
01:09:02,870 --> 01:09:05,110
and then I'm gonna come up with
a whole new Christmas day plan.
1121
01:09:05,810 --> 01:09:07,069
In the meantime,
1122
01:09:07,070 --> 01:09:08,670
you might wanna leave the room.
1123
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:11,280
I bet it feels huge in this hand.
1124
01:09:16,080 --> 01:09:17,879
So, the doctor says, the bad news is
1125
01:09:17,880 --> 01:09:19,130
you don't have that long to live.
1126
01:09:19,154 --> 01:09:20,689
So the patient says how long do I have?
1127
01:09:20,713 --> 01:09:22,250
The doctor says five.
1128
01:09:22,760 --> 01:09:23,989
The guy says five what?
1129
01:09:24,490 --> 01:09:27,690
The doctor says, four, three, two...
1130
01:09:35,540 --> 01:09:36,830
Can I help you ladies?
1131
01:09:39,670 --> 01:09:40,840
Oh, I do hope so.
1132
01:09:44,940 --> 01:09:47,699
I heard you might be able
to point me in the direction of a...
1133
01:09:47,824 --> 01:09:49,003
friend of mine.
1134
01:09:49,680 --> 01:09:50,750
Name of Wade Wilson.
1135
01:09:52,120 --> 01:09:53,149
Sorry.
1136
01:09:53,450 --> 01:09:54,890
I don't know the name.
1137
01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:04,230
Hey, you're not supposed
to be behind the bar.
1138
01:10:08,230 --> 01:10:09,599
I've seen this girl.
1139
01:10:10,200 --> 01:10:11,699
Francis: This must be Vanessa.
1140
01:10:11,700 --> 01:10:12,900
I've heard so much about you.
1141
01:10:17,410 --> 01:10:19,279
Sweetheart, you might wanna
look around.
1142
01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:22,450
This isn't really the place
to do something like that.
1143
01:10:23,880 --> 01:10:24,919
Easy Angel.
1144
01:10:25,620 --> 01:10:26,780
Put the little man down.
1145
01:10:28,690 --> 01:10:30,219
We have everything we need now.
1146
01:10:30,820 --> 01:10:32,020
You sure?
1147
01:10:32,630 --> 01:10:35,029
You don't want any clothes
that are not monochromatic?
1148
01:10:35,630 --> 01:10:38,030
Have fun at your midnight
showing of blade II.
1149
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,800
Thanks for having my back, guys.
1150
01:10:48,770 --> 01:10:51,139
Wade, we have a fucking problem.
1151
01:10:51,140 --> 01:10:52,609
And by we, I mean you.
1152
01:10:53,870 --> 01:10:55,309
I can't believe I'm doing this.
1153
01:10:56,050 --> 01:10:58,980
So is there a word for
half afraid, half angry?
1154
01:10:58,990 --> 01:11:00,649
Yeah, afrangry, I guess.
1155
01:11:01,150 --> 01:11:03,019
Have you decided what
you're gonna say to her?
1156
01:11:03,020 --> 01:11:04,289
Fuck me!
1157
01:11:04,290 --> 01:11:06,190
Maybe not start with that.
1158
01:11:12,130 --> 01:11:15,399
Hey, coming onto our stage right now.
1159
01:11:15,600 --> 01:11:17,800
Give it up for chastity!
1160
01:11:21,610 --> 01:11:23,909
Or as I like to call her, Irony.
1161
01:11:23,910 --> 01:11:26,040
Better find her fast before numbnuts does.
1162
01:11:26,050 --> 01:11:27,679
How do you know she's in here?
1163
01:11:27,680 --> 01:11:30,350
Because I'm constantly stalking that fox.
1164
01:11:55,810 --> 01:11:58,979
Every time I see her,
it's like the first time.
1165
01:12:00,080 --> 01:12:01,880
Especially from this angle.
1166
01:12:25,810 --> 01:12:27,100
You can't buy love,
1167
01:12:27,110 --> 01:12:29,710
but you can rent it
for three minutes.
1168
01:12:32,850 --> 01:12:35,150
You weak motherfucker!
1169
01:12:36,220 --> 01:12:37,280
Come on!
1170
01:12:38,380 --> 01:12:39,849
Come on, get it together.
1171
01:12:39,850 --> 01:12:41,620
This isn't about me,
this is about Vanessa.
1172
01:12:45,960 --> 01:12:47,090
Here we go.
1173
01:12:49,900 --> 01:12:51,360
Maximum effort.
1174
01:12:55,000 --> 01:12:56,070
Vanessa.
1175
01:12:58,740 --> 01:13:00,339
Someone out back asking for you.
1176
01:13:00,740 --> 01:13:02,510
Something about, an old boyfriend.
1177
01:13:30,140 --> 01:13:31,270
I knew it was you.
1178
01:13:33,070 --> 01:13:34,910
The weird, curvy edges.
1179
01:13:36,680 --> 01:13:38,410
Like a Jigsaw puzzle.
1180
01:13:48,420 --> 01:13:50,390
You have Wade Wilson to thank for this.
1181
01:13:59,330 --> 01:14:00,930
Hey. Hey! Where'd she go?
1182
01:14:01,670 --> 01:14:03,030
I saw her head to the back.
1183
01:14:03,040 --> 01:14:04,400
Go get her, tiger.
1184
01:14:27,360 --> 01:14:29,560
Fuck. Fuck!
1185
01:14:32,360 --> 01:14:34,199
Motherfucker!
1186
01:14:34,200 --> 01:14:35,329
Wait, wait. Let's... just...
1187
01:14:35,330 --> 01:14:36,399
Cock juggling...
1188
01:14:36,400 --> 01:14:37,469
We can talk about what we're gonna...
1189
01:14:37,470 --> 01:14:38,499
Jiminy! Fuck face!
1190
01:14:38,500 --> 01:14:39,939
Ok, or you can hit that.
1191
01:14:39,940 --> 01:14:41,739
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck! Fuck!
1192
01:14:41,740 --> 01:14:43,109
No, no.
All right. Hey!
1193
01:14:43,210 --> 01:14:44,979
Fuck! Fuck!
Hey!
1194
01:14:44,980 --> 01:14:46,109
Fuck!
Hey...
1195
01:14:46,510 --> 01:14:48,810
Relax. Relax. Ok.
1196
01:14:49,120 --> 01:14:50,410
Ok. I think that's a good start.
1197
01:14:50,420 --> 01:14:52,480
Oh, I'm gonna rip his motherfucking...
1198
01:14:52,490 --> 01:14:53,549
Wait.
1199
01:14:53,750 --> 01:14:55,219
Find it! Find it.
What?
1200
01:14:55,220 --> 01:14:57,089
I'm gonna get angry.
Ok. All right.
1201
01:14:57,090 --> 01:14:58,959
All right. Ok. All right.
1202
01:14:58,960 --> 01:15:00,259
Here. This is Vanessa.
1203
01:15:00,260 --> 01:15:02,289
What? No, wait. It's Francis.
1204
01:15:02,290 --> 01:15:04,399
He wants you to come to him.
1205
01:15:04,423 --> 01:15:05,099
What is that?
1206
01:15:05,400 --> 01:15:06,660
That's the shit emoji.
1207
01:15:06,684 --> 01:15:08,899
You know, it's the turd with
the smiling face and the eyes?
1208
01:15:08,923 --> 01:15:11,340
I thought it was chocolate
yogurt for so long.
1209
01:15:12,040 --> 01:15:13,069
I need guns.
1210
01:15:13,270 --> 01:15:14,400
Ok, which ones?
1211
01:15:14,410 --> 01:15:15,539
I need all the guns!
1212
01:15:15,540 --> 01:15:16,810
All right. Ok.
1213
01:15:37,460 --> 01:15:39,100
That's about 3,000 rounds.
1214
01:15:40,030 --> 01:15:41,999
We all know what I can do with 12.
1215
01:15:42,400 --> 01:15:44,569
Hey, hey, careful with that,
Ronnie milsap!
1216
01:15:44,570 --> 01:15:45,740
We're downrange.
1217
01:15:47,210 --> 01:15:48,669
I was gonna spend the night
1218
01:15:48,770 --> 01:15:51,409
assembling the borje,
but this is holding my interest.
1219
01:15:51,810 --> 01:15:54,609
I told you, we're going with
the urvaj, not the borje.
1220
01:15:54,822 --> 01:15:56,710
Get it through your head
or get out of fuck town.
1221
01:15:56,723 --> 01:15:57,412
Shit.
1222
01:15:57,737 --> 01:15:59,204
That's all the pieces in the house.
1223
01:15:59,228 --> 01:16:00,139
No, no, no, no Come on.
1224
01:16:00,164 --> 01:16:01,284
Let's go. Cough it up.
1225
01:16:01,920 --> 01:16:03,090
Up, up, up, up, up.
1226
01:16:04,720 --> 01:16:05,859
Down, down. Down, down.
1227
01:16:05,960 --> 01:16:07,020
Fuck you.
1228
01:16:08,830 --> 01:16:11,230
45 Cal. I like it.
1229
01:16:13,570 --> 01:16:14,600
Wade.
1230
01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:17,319
I'd go with you but...
1231
01:16:17,744 --> 01:16:18,994
I don't want to.
1232
01:16:21,818 --> 01:16:22,718
Hey...
1233
01:16:23,440 --> 01:16:24,440
Listen Al...
1234
01:16:25,510 --> 01:16:27,179
If I never see you again,
1235
01:16:28,180 --> 01:16:30,219
I want you to know that
I love you very much.
1236
01:16:31,620 --> 01:16:32,657
And also...
1237
01:16:33,801 --> 01:16:36,619
there's about 116 kilos of cocaine
buried somewhere in the apartment,
1238
01:16:36,643 --> 01:16:39,160
Right next to the cure
for blindness. Good luck.
1239
01:16:45,200 --> 01:16:46,530
You wanna get fucked up?
1240
01:16:56,510 --> 01:16:57,880
Put her down over here.
1241
01:17:08,250 --> 01:17:09,390
Go on then.
1242
01:17:11,990 --> 01:17:13,123
Thanks, dickless.
1243
01:17:13,348 --> 01:17:14,413
And I mean you.
1244
01:17:14,990 --> 01:17:17,011
Well. You're a talker too.
1245
01:17:17,036 --> 01:17:18,123
You and Wade.
1246
01:17:18,200 --> 01:17:20,029
I've been trying to tell you assholes,
1247
01:17:20,053 --> 01:17:21,529
you've got the wrong girl.
1248
01:17:21,530 --> 01:17:23,230
My old boyfriend, he's dead.
1249
01:17:23,240 --> 01:17:24,689
See, I thought that too.
1250
01:17:24,914 --> 01:17:26,524
But he keeps on coming back.
1251
01:17:26,810 --> 01:17:27,969
Like a cockroach.
1252
01:17:28,170 --> 01:17:29,339
But uglier.
1253
01:17:30,540 --> 01:17:31,425
Now,
1254
01:17:31,950 --> 01:17:34,103
I may not feel but he does.
1255
01:17:35,180 --> 01:17:37,220
Let's see how he fights
with your head on the block.
1256
01:17:46,060 --> 01:17:47,520
Ripley, from alien 3!
1257
01:17:48,160 --> 01:17:49,730
Fuck, you're old.
1258
01:17:51,560 --> 01:17:53,729
Fake laugh. Hiding real pain.
1259
01:17:54,030 --> 01:17:55,369
Go get silver balls.
1260
01:17:55,370 --> 01:17:56,691
You guys going for a bite?
1261
01:17:56,816 --> 01:17:57,839
Early bird special?
1262
01:17:57,940 --> 01:18:00,700
Like there's something wrong with
eating before sundown or saving money.
1263
01:18:00,710 --> 01:18:03,640
No, you know that bad guy
that you let go?
1264
01:18:04,680 --> 01:18:06,009
He's got my girl.
1265
01:18:06,610 --> 01:18:08,149
You're gonna help me
get her back.
1266
01:18:08,450 --> 01:18:10,149
Wade, is that you?
1267
01:18:10,173 --> 01:18:11,819
Yeah, it's me, Deadpool,
1268
01:18:11,843 --> 01:18:14,450
and I got an offer
that you can't refuse.
1269
01:18:17,460 --> 01:18:18,459
I'm gonna wait out here, ok?
1270
01:18:18,560 --> 01:18:20,810
It's a big house. It's funny
that I only ever see two of you.
1271
01:18:20,834 --> 01:18:21,770
It's almost like,
1272
01:18:21,995 --> 01:18:23,964
the studio couldn't
afford another x-man.
1273
01:18:26,500 --> 01:18:28,929
And that is why, in my opinion,
1274
01:18:29,042 --> 01:18:31,669
the movie cocoon is pure pornography.
1275
01:18:32,970 --> 01:18:34,639
Who brought this twinkly man?
1276
01:18:34,640 --> 01:18:36,739
Twinkly, but deadly.
1277
01:18:36,740 --> 01:18:39,340
My chrome-penised friend back there,
1278
01:18:39,350 --> 01:18:41,149
has agreed to do me this solid.
1279
01:18:41,173 --> 01:18:45,479
In exchange, I said that I would
consider joining his boy band.
1280
01:18:45,480 --> 01:18:46,749
It's not boy band.
1281
01:18:46,750 --> 01:18:48,189
Sure it's not.
1282
01:18:49,190 --> 01:18:51,119
So, any luck winning Gita back?
1283
01:18:51,620 --> 01:18:53,920
I tried to hold on tight, Mr. Pool but...
1284
01:18:54,230 --> 01:18:57,759
Bandhu is more craftier
and handsomer than me.
1285
01:18:57,783 --> 01:19:00,300
Well, I think you're pretty darn cute.
1286
01:19:06,140 --> 01:19:07,200
Dopinder.
1287
01:19:09,110 --> 01:19:10,170
What was that?
1288
01:19:12,140 --> 01:19:13,755
That was...
1289
01:19:15,269 --> 01:19:17,823
Bandhu in the trunk.
1290
01:19:18,380 --> 01:19:19,749
Ban who?
1291
01:19:19,773 --> 01:19:21,368
My romantic rival Bandhu.
1292
01:19:21,493 --> 01:19:22,519
He's tied up in the trunk.
1293
01:19:22,520 --> 01:19:24,289
I'm doing as you said, DP.
1294
01:19:24,290 --> 01:19:26,189
I plan to gut him like a tandoori fish,
1295
01:19:26,213 --> 01:19:28,490
then dump his carcass on Gita's doorstep.
1296
01:19:29,400 --> 01:19:31,159
I did not tell him to do that.
1297
01:19:31,160 --> 01:19:32,046
Absolutely not.
1298
01:19:32,071 --> 01:19:33,760
It got lost in translation.
1299
01:19:33,770 --> 01:19:37,069
Dopinder, this is no way
to win Gita's heart back!
1300
01:19:37,070 --> 01:19:38,199
I'm so proud of you.
1301
01:19:38,223 --> 01:19:40,439
Drop Bandhu off, safe and gentle-like.
1302
01:19:40,440 --> 01:19:41,509
Kill him.
1303
01:19:41,510 --> 01:19:43,470
And then win Gita back.
1304
01:19:43,680 --> 01:19:46,440
The old fashioned way
with your boyish charm.
1305
01:19:46,550 --> 01:19:47,850
Kidnap her.
1306
01:19:49,450 --> 01:19:50,650
He's super dead.
1307
01:19:56,160 --> 01:19:57,689
I presume a crisp high five?
1308
01:19:57,690 --> 01:19:59,459
For you? 10.
1309
01:20:00,260 --> 01:20:03,029
Ok guys, let's get out there
and make a difference.
1310
01:20:03,430 --> 01:20:04,900
You know what to do.
1311
01:20:06,300 --> 01:20:08,170
Knock them dead, pool boy!
1312
01:20:10,170 --> 01:20:12,240
Time to make the chimi fucking changas.
1313
01:20:13,570 --> 01:20:15,309
Not often a dude ruins your face.
1314
01:20:15,310 --> 01:20:18,309
Skull-stomps your sanity,
grabs your future baby mama.
1315
01:20:18,310 --> 01:20:19,979
And personally sees to four
1316
01:20:20,003 --> 01:20:21,979
of your five shittiest moments.
1317
01:20:22,480 --> 01:20:23,530
Let's just say,
1318
01:20:23,855 --> 01:20:26,804
it's beginning to look
a lot like Christmas.
1319
01:20:39,600 --> 01:20:40,600
Hey.
1320
01:20:41,100 --> 01:20:42,200
Where's your duffle bag?
1321
01:21:01,220 --> 01:21:02,489
Bandhu?
1322
01:21:04,190 --> 01:21:06,259
Leave a message
and have a happy day.
1323
01:21:06,260 --> 01:21:07,520
God damn it!
1324
01:21:07,630 --> 01:21:09,189
I'm gonna do this the old fashioned way.
1325
01:21:09,190 --> 01:21:10,219
With two swords...
1326
01:21:11,033 --> 01:21:12,843
and maximum effort.
1327
01:21:13,770 --> 01:21:14,870
Cue the music.
1328
01:21:30,920 --> 01:21:33,019
Wade Wilson!
1329
01:21:33,920 --> 01:21:35,249
What's my name?
1330
01:21:35,650 --> 01:21:37,850
Oh, I'mma fucking spell it out for ya.
1331
01:21:40,230 --> 01:21:41,259
Go get some.
1332
01:21:41,283 --> 01:21:42,329
Superhero landing.
1333
01:21:42,330 --> 01:21:43,559
She's gonna do a superhero landing.
1334
01:21:43,660 --> 01:21:44,730
Wait for it.
1335
01:21:49,230 --> 01:21:50,399
Superhero landing!
1336
01:21:50,800 --> 01:21:52,250
You know, that's really
hard on your knees.
1337
01:21:52,274 --> 01:21:53,969
Totally impractical.
They all do it.
1338
01:21:54,270 --> 01:21:57,439
You're a lovely lady, but
I'm saving myself for Francis.
1339
01:21:57,540 --> 01:21:58,839
That's why I brought him.
1340
01:21:58,840 --> 01:22:02,180
I prefer not to hit a woman,
so please put...
1341
01:22:09,290 --> 01:22:09,990
I mean,
1342
01:22:10,315 --> 01:22:11,914
that's why I brought her?
1343
01:22:13,790 --> 01:22:15,959
Oh no finish your tweet.
It's not... that's...
1344
01:22:15,960 --> 01:22:17,259
Just give us a second. Yeah.
1345
01:22:17,283 --> 01:22:18,700
Hey you hashtag it...
1346
01:22:20,430 --> 01:22:21,570
Go get her, tiger.
1347
01:22:29,440 --> 01:22:32,280
I so pity the dude who
pressures her into prom sex.
1348
01:22:33,410 --> 01:22:35,010
All right, then.
Fire!
1349
01:22:46,630 --> 01:22:48,359
Finish fucking her the fuck up!
1350
01:22:48,360 --> 01:22:49,459
Language, please.
1351
01:22:49,460 --> 01:22:50,690
Suck a cock.
1352
01:23:16,620 --> 01:23:17,820
Look away, child.
1353
01:23:18,920 --> 01:23:20,060
Look away!
1354
01:23:27,670 --> 01:23:28,470
Wait!
1355
01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:29,800
Wait!
1356
01:23:30,140 --> 01:23:31,169
Cease fire!
1357
01:23:31,270 --> 01:23:32,369
Cease fire!
1358
01:23:32,670 --> 01:23:34,300
Fellas! Hey! Hey!
1359
01:23:35,540 --> 01:23:38,779
You only work for that
shit-spackled muppet fart.
1360
01:23:39,380 --> 01:23:41,240
So, I'mma give you a chance....
1361
01:23:41,550 --> 01:23:43,210
for y'all to lay down your firearms,
1362
01:23:43,234 --> 01:23:46,280
In exchange for preferential,
bordering on gentle.
1363
01:23:46,490 --> 01:23:47,521
Possibly...
1364
01:23:47,946 --> 01:23:49,674
even lover-like treatment.
1365
01:23:51,890 --> 01:23:52,890
Fine.
1366
01:23:53,060 --> 01:23:54,360
Commando!
1367
01:25:06,370 --> 01:25:07,500
Teabag!
1368
01:25:11,870 --> 01:25:12,870
Bob?
1369
01:25:13,870 --> 01:25:14,870
Wade?
1370
01:25:14,894 --> 01:25:16,370
Oh my god, I haven't seen you since...
1371
01:25:16,371 --> 01:25:18,280
Jacksonville. Fridays.
Since TGI Fridays.
1372
01:25:19,480 --> 01:25:21,109
Well, what the hell!
1373
01:25:21,710 --> 01:25:23,180
God, come here you.
1374
01:25:25,450 --> 01:25:27,149
How are the kids? Good?
1375
01:25:27,350 --> 01:25:29,189
And Gail she still fixing
that tuna casserole?
1376
01:25:29,213 --> 01:25:31,519
So good. But bad for the waistline,
1377
01:25:31,520 --> 01:25:32,880
if you know what I'm talking about.
1378
01:25:39,400 --> 01:25:42,729
Your... on the left.
You are beautiful woman.
1379
01:25:42,730 --> 01:25:43,900
That is so sweet.
1380
01:25:45,140 --> 01:25:46,200
Thanks.
1381
01:25:58,450 --> 01:25:59,920
Does he write you notes too?
1382
01:26:00,021 --> 01:26:01,819
He's such a romantic.
1383
01:26:02,420 --> 01:26:03,820
Don't worry, baby. I'm coming.
1384
01:26:05,020 --> 01:26:06,160
Fire!
1385
01:26:13,770 --> 01:26:14,770
Hey!
1386
01:26:15,530 --> 01:26:16,600
Climb on!
1387
01:26:53,570 --> 01:26:54,770
Motherfucking.
1388
01:27:06,490 --> 01:27:08,950
Motherfucker should have
worn his brown pants.
1389
01:27:11,720 --> 01:27:12,920
You were right, beautiful.
1390
01:27:13,460 --> 01:27:15,330
Red really is my color.
1391
01:27:16,130 --> 01:27:17,159
Wade?
1392
01:27:17,260 --> 01:27:18,329
Don't worry baby.
1393
01:27:18,730 --> 01:27:20,529
I'mma get you out of that shit-box.
1394
01:27:21,130 --> 01:27:23,469
What better way to crawl back
inside that head of yours?
1395
01:27:24,070 --> 01:27:25,199
You never left.
1396
01:27:25,500 --> 01:27:27,339
But you did, asshole!
1397
01:27:27,640 --> 01:27:29,070
Deep breath, darling.
1398
01:27:30,640 --> 01:27:31,710
Oh, wait.
1399
01:27:32,840 --> 01:27:34,340
Wrong choice of words.
1400
01:27:37,580 --> 01:27:39,379
I hope they blocked pain
to your every last nerve.
1401
01:27:39,580 --> 01:27:40,720
Because I'mma go looking!
1402
01:27:41,990 --> 01:27:44,219
I hear you grow back body parts now, Wade.
1403
01:27:44,620 --> 01:27:45,719
When I'm finished.
1404
01:27:45,820 --> 01:27:47,420
Parts will have to grow back you.
1405
01:27:47,530 --> 01:27:48,690
Good one.
1406
01:27:49,660 --> 01:27:50,990
Yep, that was a good one.
1407
01:27:51,600 --> 01:27:52,660
Let's dance.
1408
01:27:53,900 --> 01:27:55,129
And by dance, I mean...
1409
01:27:55,130 --> 01:27:56,670
Let's try to kill each other.
1410
01:28:50,960 --> 01:28:53,059
Fine. Fists.
1411
01:28:53,360 --> 01:28:55,090
Oh, sounds like your last Saturday night.
1412
01:30:17,180 --> 01:30:19,280
Asshole!
1413
01:31:15,500 --> 01:31:17,099
Hang in there, baby!
1414
01:31:17,100 --> 01:31:18,100
Wade!
1415
01:31:18,324 --> 01:31:19,324
I gotcha!
1416
01:31:22,410 --> 01:31:24,870
I got a plan.
You're not gonna like it.
1417
01:31:35,120 --> 01:31:36,290
Shit! Shit! Shit!
1418
01:31:42,160 --> 01:31:44,830
Don't worry.
I'm totally on top of this.
1419
01:32:00,710 --> 01:32:01,740
Damn it!
1420
01:32:02,780 --> 01:32:05,780
Maximum effort!
1421
01:32:48,030 --> 01:32:49,090
Thanks.
1422
01:32:54,030 --> 01:32:55,570
Just take it slow.
1423
01:33:06,080 --> 01:33:08,850
Oh, my god! That was so...
1424
01:33:39,640 --> 01:33:41,349
There are no words!
1425
01:33:42,350 --> 01:33:43,283
Me and you,
1426
01:33:43,508 --> 01:33:45,905
are headed to fix this butterface.
1427
01:33:46,650 --> 01:33:47,720
What?
1428
01:33:50,260 --> 01:33:52,389
You stupid fucking idiot.
1429
01:33:53,390 --> 01:33:55,215
Did you really think
there was a cure...
1430
01:33:56,929 --> 01:33:58,003
for that?
1431
01:33:59,930 --> 01:34:00,999
What?
1432
01:34:01,300 --> 01:34:02,400
You heard me.
1433
01:34:04,070 --> 01:34:05,130
No.
1434
01:34:05,340 --> 01:34:06,370
No!
1435
01:34:13,910 --> 01:34:14,585
So,
1436
01:34:15,010 --> 01:34:16,634
you mean to say,
1437
01:34:17,520 --> 01:34:19,170
after all this,
1438
01:34:19,895 --> 01:34:21,513
you can't fix me?
1439
01:34:22,390 --> 01:34:24,519
It sounds even stupider
when you say it.
1440
01:34:24,520 --> 01:34:26,459
Like the kind of stupid who admits
1441
01:34:26,460 --> 01:34:29,230
he can't do the one thing
I'm keeping him alive for?
1442
01:34:33,500 --> 01:34:34,960
Any last words?
1443
01:34:37,200 --> 01:34:38,430
What's my name?
1444
01:34:39,370 --> 01:34:40,500
Who fucking cares?
1445
01:34:40,510 --> 01:34:41,570
Wade!
1446
01:34:43,210 --> 01:34:45,079
Four or five moments.
1447
01:34:46,080 --> 01:34:47,080
I'm sorry?
1448
01:34:47,104 --> 01:34:49,540
Four or five moments,
that's all it takes.
1449
01:34:50,180 --> 01:34:51,250
To?
1450
01:34:52,150 --> 01:34:53,480
Be a hero.
1451
01:34:55,520 --> 01:34:58,319
Everyone thinks it's a full-time job.
1452
01:34:58,420 --> 01:35:00,720
Wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero,
1453
01:35:00,730 --> 01:35:02,160
go to work a hero.
1454
01:35:02,490 --> 01:35:03,790
Not true.
1455
01:35:04,400 --> 01:35:09,329
Over a lifetime, there are only four
or five moments that really matter.
1456
01:35:10,230 --> 01:35:12,669
Moments when you're offered a choice.
1457
01:35:12,670 --> 01:35:15,239
To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw,
1458
01:35:15,440 --> 01:35:16,670
save a friend...
1459
01:35:17,510 --> 01:35:19,779
Spare an enemy.
1460
01:35:20,680 --> 01:35:22,240
In these moments.
1461
01:35:23,010 --> 01:35:25,919
Everything else falls away.
1462
01:35:26,420 --> 01:35:29,019
The way the world sees us.
1463
01:35:29,420 --> 01:35:30,490
The way we...
1464
01:35:34,630 --> 01:35:35,660
Why?
1465
01:35:37,030 --> 01:35:38,799
You were droning on.
1466
01:35:39,100 --> 01:35:42,060
Sure, I may be stuck looking
like pepperoni flatbread.
1467
01:35:42,170 --> 01:35:44,399
But at least fuckface
won't heal from that.
1468
01:35:45,200 --> 01:35:47,569
If wearing superhero tights,
1469
01:35:47,870 --> 01:35:49,669
means sparing psychopaths,
1470
01:35:49,670 --> 01:35:51,639
then maybe I wasn't meant
to wear them.
1471
01:35:51,740 --> 01:35:54,079
Not everyone monitors a hall like you.
1472
01:35:54,380 --> 01:35:55,479
Just promise.
1473
01:35:55,880 --> 01:35:57,893
Yeah, I'll be on the lookout
for the next...
1474
01:35:58,318 --> 01:35:59,449
four moments.
1475
01:35:59,650 --> 01:36:00,680
Oh, shit.
1476
01:36:01,190 --> 01:36:02,480
Now if you'll excuse me,
1477
01:36:02,905 --> 01:36:04,113
I'm just a boy,
1478
01:36:04,790 --> 01:36:06,689
about to stand in front of a girl.
1479
01:36:07,190 --> 01:36:08,389
And tell her...
1480
01:36:08,490 --> 01:36:10,459
What the fuck am I gonna tell her?
1481
01:36:10,560 --> 01:36:11,428
Well...
1482
01:36:11,842 --> 01:36:13,344
you better figure it out.
1483
01:36:15,370 --> 01:36:16,629
I can't even tell you...
1484
01:36:16,630 --> 01:36:18,199
I deserved that.
That too.
1485
01:36:18,223 --> 01:36:20,269
No, no, no, no, no,
maybe, maybe not the nethers.
1486
01:36:20,370 --> 01:36:21,440
Start talking!
1487
01:36:24,010 --> 01:36:25,179
I'm sorry.
1488
01:36:26,080 --> 01:36:27,409
I'm so sorry.
1489
01:36:28,310 --> 01:36:30,810
For everything,
I'm sorry for leaving...
1490
01:36:32,350 --> 01:36:34,449
I'm sorry for not
cowboying up sooner.
1491
01:36:34,450 --> 01:36:36,289
It's been rough couple of years.
1492
01:36:36,290 --> 01:36:37,350
Rough?
1493
01:36:45,130 --> 01:36:46,660
I live in a crackhouse.
1494
01:36:48,200 --> 01:36:49,330
With a family of 12.
1495
01:36:51,270 --> 01:36:52,739
Every night we spoon for warmth.
1496
01:36:52,740 --> 01:36:55,409
Everybody fights for Noelle.
She's the fattest.
1497
01:36:55,710 --> 01:36:57,270
There's nothing that we don't share.
1498
01:36:57,580 --> 01:36:59,443
Floor space, dental floss,
1499
01:37:00,268 --> 01:37:01,704
even condoms.
1500
01:37:09,790 --> 01:37:11,290
So, you live in a house.
1501
01:37:20,800 --> 01:37:22,930
I should have come
and found you sooner.
1502
01:37:25,340 --> 01:37:26,669
But, baby, the guy under this mask,
1503
01:37:26,670 --> 01:37:28,670
he ain't the same one
that you remember.
1504
01:37:33,610 --> 01:37:34,840
You mean this mask?
1505
01:37:54,900 --> 01:37:56,130
And this one.
1506
01:37:58,140 --> 01:37:59,840
In case the other fell off.
1507
01:38:02,740 --> 01:38:05,209
All right. Yeah, just...
1508
01:38:05,210 --> 01:38:06,809
Like a band-aid, just give it a...
1509
01:38:06,810 --> 01:38:09,049
Owdie 5,000.
1510
01:38:09,150 --> 01:38:10,280
Wait, wait, wait...
1511
01:38:12,150 --> 01:38:13,320
Are you sure?
1512
01:38:15,250 --> 01:38:16,320
I'm sure.
1513
01:38:28,830 --> 01:38:30,200
Yeah.
1514
01:38:36,870 --> 01:38:37,910
Hey.
1515
01:38:40,550 --> 01:38:42,279
After a brief adjustment period,
1516
01:38:42,780 --> 01:38:44,380
and a bunch of drinks...
1517
01:38:46,250 --> 01:38:47,380
It's a face...
1518
01:38:52,590 --> 01:38:54,060
I'd be happy to sit on.
1519
01:39:01,670 --> 01:39:02,983
I'm not the same,
1520
01:39:03,208 --> 01:39:04,799
underneath this suit either.
1521
01:39:05,300 --> 01:39:06,300
No.
1522
01:39:06,740 --> 01:39:08,439
Super-penis.
1523
01:39:08,840 --> 01:39:10,439
Come on, Wade.
Language.
1524
01:39:10,840 --> 01:39:12,410
Young one is present.
1525
01:39:13,410 --> 01:39:16,340
What did... What are you still doing?
Get out of here.
1526
01:39:16,365 --> 01:39:17,949
Go make yourself useful!
1527
01:39:17,950 --> 01:39:20,819
You, go be a really
big brother to someone.
1528
01:39:20,820 --> 01:39:23,156
Tell beast to stop shitting
on my lawn and you...
1529
01:39:23,281 --> 01:39:24,619
chicken noodle,
1530
01:39:24,620 --> 01:39:26,519
nothing compares to you.
1531
01:39:26,520 --> 01:39:28,120
Sinead o'Connor, 1990. Sorry.
1532
01:39:28,630 --> 01:39:29,734
That's all right.
1533
01:39:30,259 --> 01:39:31,484
You're cool.
1534
01:39:33,330 --> 01:39:34,929
What in the ass?
1535
01:39:34,930 --> 01:39:36,715
That was not mean.
1536
01:39:36,940 --> 01:39:38,400
I'm proud of you!
1537
01:39:38,500 --> 01:39:41,569
We will make an x-man of you yet, Wade.
1538
01:39:41,670 --> 01:39:42,969
You know for a second there,
1539
01:39:42,970 --> 01:39:44,809
it felt like we were
three mini-lion robots.
1540
01:39:44,810 --> 01:39:47,240
Coming together
to form one super robot.
1541
01:39:47,880 --> 01:39:49,279
There's a stupid.
1542
01:39:49,280 --> 01:39:50,280
Yeah.
1543
01:39:53,680 --> 01:39:54,723
And now,
1544
01:39:56,048 --> 01:39:57,875
for the moment I've
all been waiting for.
1545
01:40:01,790 --> 01:40:02,790
Come here.
1546
01:40:12,800 --> 01:40:13,644
Wham!
1547
01:40:14,369 --> 01:40:15,964
As promised.
1548
01:40:28,820 --> 01:40:29,820
See?
1549
01:40:30,120 --> 01:40:33,089
You don't need to be
a superhero to get the girl.
1550
01:40:33,690 --> 01:40:36,389
The right girl will bring out
the hero in you.
1551
01:40:36,990 --> 01:40:40,329
Now, let's finish this
epic wide shot. Pull out.
1552
01:40:40,630 --> 01:40:42,329
There we go, that looks nice.
1553
01:40:42,330 --> 01:40:44,569
That's gonna be about the only thing
that's pulling out tonight.
1554
01:40:44,770 --> 01:40:46,900
Who doesn't love a happy ending?
1555
01:40:48,010 --> 01:40:49,269
Until next time,
1556
01:40:49,370 --> 01:40:51,609
this is your friendly neighborhood
pool guy singing,
1557
01:40:51,910 --> 01:40:54,409
♪ I'm never gonna dance again ♪
1558
01:40:54,410 --> 01:40:57,080
♪ the way I danced with you ♪
1559
01:40:57,904 --> 01:41:00,404
By LESAIGNEUR
Sync & corrections November 2018
1560
01:47:07,790 --> 01:47:09,150
You're still here?
1561
01:47:11,960 --> 01:47:13,192
It's over.
1562
01:47:13,817 --> 01:47:15,184
Go home.
1563
01:47:16,760 --> 01:47:19,229
Oh, you're expecting
a teaser for Deadpool 2.
1564
01:47:19,230 --> 01:47:20,960
Well, we don't have that kind of money.
1565
01:47:22,070 --> 01:47:24,699
What are you expecting?
Sam Jackson to show up?
1566
01:47:24,900 --> 01:47:25,823
Eye patch and...
1567
01:47:26,448 --> 01:47:28,293
Saucy little leather number, go
1568
01:47:28,470 --> 01:47:29,170
Go, go.
1569
01:47:36,550 --> 01:47:38,310
But I can tell you one thing,
and it's a bit of a secret.
1570
01:47:38,420 --> 01:47:40,880
For the sequel, we're gonna have cable.
1571
01:47:41,490 --> 01:47:43,849
Amazing character.
Bionic arm, time travel.
1572
01:47:44,050 --> 01:47:45,219
We have no idea
who we're gonna cast yet,
1573
01:47:45,220 --> 01:47:46,350
but it could be anybody.
1574
01:47:46,360 --> 01:47:47,989
Just need a big guy with a flat top.
1575
01:47:47,990 --> 01:47:49,789
Could be Mel Gibson,
Dolph Lundgren.
1576
01:47:49,790 --> 01:47:52,029
Keira knightley.
She's got range. Who knows.
1577
01:47:52,230 --> 01:47:53,499
Anyway, big secret.
1578
01:47:53,700 --> 01:47:55,729
And don't leave your
garbage all lying around.
1579
01:47:55,830 --> 01:47:58,230
It's a total dick move.
1580
01:47:59,140 --> 01:48:00,140
Go.
110199
Can't find what you're looking for?
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