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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,097 --> 00:00:02,893 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 2 00:00:03,528 --> 00:00:05,838 This kills me. "Sasquatch stole my phone"? 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,740 What's Bigfoot going to do with a phone? 4 00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:10,276 - Go on Tinder? - He can't go on Tinder. 5 00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:11,512 His profile picture would be too blurry. 6 00:00:11,513 --> 00:00:14,280 How can anyone be stupid enough to believe in Sasquatch? 7 00:00:14,314 --> 00:00:15,681 I mean, what kind of bonehead would... 8 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,283 Oh yeah, right, I forgot. You believe. 9 00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:19,548 Well, I wouldn't say I "believe" believe. 10 00:00:19,583 --> 00:00:21,487 I'm just open-minded to the possibility 11 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,222 of a huge, hairy, primordial primate 12 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,324 strolling through the countryside undetected. 13 00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:27,165 I'm sorry, but I won't be getting on board 14 00:00:27,339 --> 00:00:29,863 - until there's some proof. - Oh, sure, but you believe in gravity. 15 00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:32,865 - Pardon? - Gravity. You've never seen it. 16 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,434 You can't hear it, you can't feel it. 17 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,302 If I pushed you off a roof, you'd feel it. 18 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:39,172 You can't smell it. At least you can smell a Sasquatch. 19 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,774 It's like a diarrhetic skunk, according to eyewitnesses. 20 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,378 - And nose-witnesses. - How about unicorns? 21 00:00:44,379 --> 00:00:46,546 I hear they smell like lavender and fresh muffins. 22 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,280 You believe in them too? 23 00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,295 You're thinking about which one would win 24 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,897 - in a fight, aren't you? - It's too close to call. 25 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:08,434 ♪ You'd think there's not a lot going on ♪ 26 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:11,871 ♪ Look closer baby, you're so wrong ♪ 27 00:01:13,119 --> 00:01:15,222 1x02 - Sasquatch Your Language 28 00:01:15,257 --> 00:01:17,910 ...and then, just when you think Prince Hadduron 29 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,745 is going to sign the declaration of peace, 30 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:23,749 he spins around and... sklop! chops off Lord Farnax's head. 31 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:26,519 - Can you believe it? - I can't even understand it. 32 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,921 I know! What's his motivation? 33 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:32,458 No, I don't understand the words you're saying. 34 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,360 I don't watch your stupid War Monarch show. 35 00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:38,564 It's not War Monarch. It's Throne Strife, 36 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,699 and I can't believe you're not into it! 37 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:44,437 - You're such an Elflock. - Yeah, that's me in a nutshell. 38 00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:47,740 Hey, Hank. I was hoping you'd come in today. 39 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,776 - Really? - I know. Sounded weird to me too. 40 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,479 What's up? Oh, can't reach the top shelf? 41 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,948 No. Jerk. Do you have a jigsaw? 42 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,917 How's a puzzle gonna help you put milk away? 43 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,820 How about you just shut your question hole and listen? 44 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:01,955 I'm planning a little something to trick Brent, 45 00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:04,958 - and I could use your help. - O-Oh, I-I don't know. 46 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:07,660 Tricking? That's a slippery slope. 47 00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:10,696 Not tricking, exactly. More of a hoax. 48 00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:13,333 Hoax? That's a rich man's lie. 49 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:14,534 No, it's not lying. 50 00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,269 It's just... It's like play-acting. 51 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:17,870 For entertainment purposes. 52 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,273 Well, I did do a little acting in high school. 53 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,909 I was in an all-male production of Reservoir Dogs. 54 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:25,578 I remember. You were the waitress. 55 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,947 Hey, why are you guys named after colours? 56 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:31,651 Mr. Pink, Mr. Blue... more like "Rainbow" Dogs. 57 00:02:31,653 --> 00:02:34,320 I didn't have any lines, but I improv'd some stuff. 58 00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:36,489 They were wrong to cut you. 59 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,924 If you start now, 60 00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,560 you could catch up on all the episodes in about a month. 61 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:43,429 It would mean watching 12 hours a day, but doable. 62 00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:45,765 Because this conversation isn't wasting enough of my life? 63 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,900 Are you guys talking about Throne Strife? 64 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,669 He's talking. I'm glazing. 65 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:52,705 I love Throne Strife! Did you see the last episode, 66 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,907 when Prince Hadduron spun around and... 67 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,510 ...chopped Farnax's head off! 68 00:02:56,511 --> 00:02:59,445 - Ugh. - Yeah! It looked just like that. 69 00:02:59,573 --> 00:03:01,941 - Hi, Brent. - Hey, do you believe in gravity? 70 00:03:01,942 --> 00:03:04,844 Well, it's helpful when it comes to pouring things, 71 00:03:04,845 --> 00:03:07,397 - so I suppose I do. - Sasquatches? 72 00:03:07,398 --> 00:03:09,849 Did I black out and miss a chunk of this conversation? 73 00:03:09,850 --> 00:03:12,618 I knew it! You don't believe in Sasquatch either. 74 00:03:12,619 --> 00:03:14,319 Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down and start over. 75 00:03:14,321 --> 00:03:16,622 - You know what it is? - Still no. 76 00:03:16,623 --> 00:03:19,458 You're from the big city, and when you grow up in the big city, 77 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,761 it closes you off from anything that isn't completely concrete. 78 00:03:21,763 --> 00:03:23,229 You have a concrete mind. 79 00:03:23,230 --> 00:03:24,497 And now you're insulting me for no reason? 80 00:03:24,498 --> 00:03:25,765 You're a product of your environment. 81 00:03:25,766 --> 00:03:28,301 - I forgive you. - Well, bless you, Father. 82 00:03:28,302 --> 00:03:30,703 Now, could I grab a coffee to go? I've got to get back to the station, 83 00:03:30,704 --> 00:03:32,772 because Wanda isn't around for some reason. 84 00:03:32,774 --> 00:03:35,975 Maybe she got kidnapped by a Sasquatch. Serve her right. 85 00:03:35,976 --> 00:03:38,744 You know, I don't find that very funny at all! 86 00:03:38,812 --> 00:03:40,513 Okay... 87 00:03:40,547 --> 00:03:43,382 Not my best joke, but sheesh, lighten up. 88 00:03:43,917 --> 00:03:47,520 And there's the other one. Hey, these look pretty good. 89 00:03:47,554 --> 00:03:50,423 Huh? Uh-oh. I made two left feet. 90 00:03:50,424 --> 00:03:52,258 Just flip one over. 91 00:03:52,260 --> 00:03:54,393 Then you'll be walking in circles. 92 00:03:54,428 --> 00:03:56,930 I'll take over from here. You go rest your brain. 93 00:03:56,931 --> 00:04:00,500 ...but if Lord Zolwort marries the Dark Duchess, 94 00:04:00,534 --> 00:04:02,936 - there will have to be a treaty. - Ooh. 95 00:04:02,937 --> 00:04:06,305 I'm so glad to have someone to talk to about this stuff. 96 00:04:06,340 --> 00:04:09,575 You know, this may be a little awkward, but... 97 00:04:09,610 --> 00:04:11,844 There's a Throne Strife cosplay convention in the city, 98 00:04:11,879 --> 00:04:14,948 and you want me to go with you, and I'd love to! 99 00:04:14,949 --> 00:04:17,216 That was the opposite of awkward. 100 00:04:17,251 --> 00:04:19,752 - Hey, Oscar. - Hey yourself. 101 00:04:19,753 --> 00:04:21,454 I guess with Emma hanging out with Davis 102 00:04:21,488 --> 00:04:23,456 and Davis hanging out with Emma, 103 00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:25,925 - you and I have to hang out. - No, we don't. 104 00:04:25,926 --> 00:04:27,960 Well, it beats talking about goblins and muppets! 105 00:04:27,962 --> 00:04:30,463 So... if we're going to be hanging out... 106 00:04:30,531 --> 00:04:32,933 - We're not. - what kind of stuff are you into? 107 00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,967 Sports? Huh? What's your favourite team? 108 00:04:34,968 --> 00:04:36,435 The Boston Bruins? 109 00:04:36,436 --> 00:04:39,772 - The Winnipeg Jets? - The Zipyer Lips. 110 00:04:44,344 --> 00:04:46,044 This is going to be great! 111 00:04:47,314 --> 00:04:49,816 Shh! Quit giggling. You're going to wake Brent up. 112 00:04:49,817 --> 00:04:53,319 Oh, you scared, Hank? Scared of the 'Squatch? 113 00:04:53,387 --> 00:04:55,588 Rrrrgghrrrh! 114 00:04:55,622 --> 00:04:57,490 Quit freaking me out! 115 00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:59,025 - Ho! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 116 00:04:59,026 --> 00:05:00,893 Ughhh! 117 00:05:00,928 --> 00:05:03,495 I could have got a jigsaw from anyone. 118 00:05:04,398 --> 00:05:05,698 Drop me off at Oscar and Emma's, 119 00:05:05,699 --> 00:05:08,768 - then pick me up in a couple hours. - What? Why? 120 00:05:08,769 --> 00:05:10,636 Emma's going to help me with my cosplay outfit 121 00:05:10,671 --> 00:05:12,605 for the Throne Strife convention. 122 00:05:12,639 --> 00:05:16,309 You know we're not like volunteer firemen. This is a real job. 123 00:05:16,343 --> 00:05:18,945 Emma! I'm going out. 124 00:05:18,979 --> 00:05:22,315 - Hi, Oscar. Emma home? - How should I know? 125 00:05:22,316 --> 00:05:23,749 Hey, Oscar. Where you headed? 126 00:05:23,750 --> 00:05:25,651 I'm going down to the corner of Shut-Up 127 00:05:25,686 --> 00:05:29,858 - and Mind-Your-Own-Business. - I'll give you a lift. 128 00:05:30,324 --> 00:05:31,457 Hey, Hank. 129 00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:33,926 Uh... Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, hey, Brent. 130 00:05:33,961 --> 00:05:36,762 You okay? You look like you maybe killed a guy 131 00:05:36,763 --> 00:05:38,831 and hid his body and then forgot where. 132 00:05:38,899 --> 00:05:41,768 - I wish that's all it was. - If something's bothering you, 133 00:05:41,769 --> 00:05:44,804 - best to get it off your chest. - Uh, well, it's just... 134 00:05:44,838 --> 00:05:46,739 - Hi, Hank. Whatcha doin'? - Nothing. 135 00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:48,874 I didn't say something. Or anything like that. 136 00:05:48,875 --> 00:05:50,711 Oh, Wanda, I'm glad you're here. 137 00:05:50,712 --> 00:05:53,980 I'm dying to tell you about the tracks I found around my house. 138 00:05:54,014 --> 00:05:56,983 - What manner of tracks? - Well, don't laugh, 139 00:05:56,984 --> 00:05:58,417 but they look like Sasquatch tracks. 140 00:05:58,418 --> 00:06:00,886 - No! - I know! 141 00:06:00,887 --> 00:06:02,722 But I can't be a hundred percent certain. 142 00:06:02,789 --> 00:06:05,024 That's because they're... 143 00:06:05,025 --> 00:06:07,460 Let him finish, Hank. Why aren't you convinced? 144 00:06:07,461 --> 00:06:09,395 There weren't any discernible dermal ridges, 145 00:06:09,429 --> 00:06:11,831 like fingerprints. All the quality tracks have them. 146 00:06:11,832 --> 00:06:13,400 If there were dermal ridges, 147 00:06:13,401 --> 00:06:15,835 I'd be a hundred percent sure they were authentic. 148 00:06:18,505 --> 00:06:21,040 - Ugh. - Hasn't this gone far enough? 149 00:06:21,041 --> 00:06:23,943 This is slow slogging and my hands are cramping, 150 00:06:24,011 --> 00:06:26,812 but it'll be worth it once I... Aah-ow! 151 00:06:26,813 --> 00:06:29,815 - Dirty son of a... - That hurt? 152 00:06:29,850 --> 00:06:31,752 - Put your thumb down here. - No. 153 00:06:31,753 --> 00:06:34,620 - Put your head down here. - No. 154 00:06:38,112 --> 00:06:39,686 Come on. 155 00:06:39,687 --> 00:06:42,189 I'm trying to get to know you a bit better here. 156 00:06:42,463 --> 00:06:45,365 You must have some hobbies, interests... 157 00:06:45,433 --> 00:06:47,500 Hobbies are stupid and interests are boring. 158 00:06:47,502 --> 00:06:51,171 Hey! Are those supposed to be tomatoes or grapes? 159 00:06:51,173 --> 00:06:53,306 Tehhh! Pretty weak effort! 160 00:06:53,341 --> 00:06:55,375 They're grape tomatoes! 161 00:06:55,377 --> 00:06:59,045 But you must like something. Movies? Books? 162 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,782 - Birdwatching? - Too loud, too quiet, too nosey! 163 00:07:02,817 --> 00:07:06,086 Hey! Pick up after your stupid dog! 164 00:07:06,087 --> 00:07:08,588 What the hell do you think this is, potato salad? 165 00:07:08,589 --> 00:07:11,124 Aha! You do have a hobby, Oscar. 166 00:07:11,125 --> 00:07:13,026 It's being a crotchety crank! 167 00:07:13,028 --> 00:07:15,929 He wasn't picking up his dog's dump. 168 00:07:15,963 --> 00:07:19,265 It was literally in his hand the whole time! 169 00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:22,502 Your outfit is coming along great. 170 00:07:22,536 --> 00:07:24,938 Thanks. Not sure if you can tell, 171 00:07:24,939 --> 00:07:27,006 but I'm a warrior of Sheffling. 172 00:07:27,041 --> 00:07:30,344 Of course I can. Can you tell that I'm Draxella, 173 00:07:30,345 --> 00:07:31,878 Queen Mother of the Lizardians? 174 00:07:31,879 --> 00:07:34,447 - You totally nailed it. - Really? 175 00:07:34,448 --> 00:07:37,218 - Because I don't see any bowing. - Sorry! 176 00:07:37,219 --> 00:07:39,018 Ring kiss. 177 00:07:39,053 --> 00:07:40,753 Scepter smooch. 178 00:07:41,389 --> 00:07:43,022 Damn straight. 179 00:07:43,023 --> 00:07:46,292 So I complain a bit. It's good for the community. 180 00:07:46,293 --> 00:07:47,894 I tell idiots they're idiots, 181 00:07:47,895 --> 00:07:50,463 the idiots thereby learn they're idiots, it's win-win! 182 00:07:50,464 --> 00:07:53,299 I'm just saying, I think you complain too much, 183 00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:55,168 and you're too loud right out of the gate. 184 00:07:55,202 --> 00:07:57,470 - Too yelly. Is that a word? - See? 185 00:07:57,471 --> 00:07:58,471 See what? 186 00:07:59,907 --> 00:08:02,142 You just complained about my complaining. 187 00:08:02,176 --> 00:08:03,576 Yeah, but that's... 188 00:08:03,577 --> 00:08:08,595 - I-I-I'm just... - Feels good, doesn't it? 189 00:08:09,250 --> 00:08:11,885 - Hey, you staying for another? - Ah, I don't think so. 190 00:08:11,886 --> 00:08:13,086 The one bottle of red wine they have 191 00:08:13,087 --> 00:08:14,421 has been sitting open since Christmas. 192 00:08:14,422 --> 00:08:17,424 Come on. I could tell you all about the Sasquatch tracks I found. 193 00:08:17,425 --> 00:08:19,492 - Really? - Well, no, not really. 194 00:08:19,493 --> 00:08:22,295 Wanda is screwing with me, so I'm screwing with her right back. 195 00:08:22,329 --> 00:08:23,596 Going to make her jump through a few hoops 196 00:08:23,597 --> 00:08:26,599 because no one screws with the screwmaster. 197 00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:29,269 Hey, what sounds better, "screwmaster" or "screwmeister"? 198 00:08:29,303 --> 00:08:31,003 I wouldn't Google either of them, 199 00:08:31,005 --> 00:08:34,340 but listen, are you totally sure those footprints are fakes? 200 00:08:34,375 --> 00:08:36,376 Yeah. That's an odd question. 201 00:08:36,377 --> 00:08:38,912 I just... Oh, I'm sorry I got upset earlier. 202 00:08:38,913 --> 00:08:40,281 I didn't want to say anything 203 00:08:40,282 --> 00:08:42,449 because I was afraid you'd make fun of me... 204 00:08:42,451 --> 00:08:44,551 I've never told anyone this before, 205 00:08:44,585 --> 00:08:49,088 but a long time ago, like, years and years ago, I... 206 00:08:49,089 --> 00:08:52,963 saw a Sasquatch. 207 00:08:53,294 --> 00:08:56,896 Oh, my god, they killed Lord Farnax! 208 00:08:58,332 --> 00:09:00,633 Emma! We're out of jam! 209 00:09:00,701 --> 00:09:03,303 - There's marmalade. - Aah! Holy hell. 210 00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:05,572 Did you spend the night? In our kitchen? 211 00:09:05,573 --> 00:09:08,074 No. Got here early to finish up our outfits. 212 00:09:08,108 --> 00:09:10,477 Emma's faith gown is really on point, 213 00:09:10,544 --> 00:09:13,595 but the jewels of Jalagra won't stay on my battle cup. 214 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:16,049 "Joodles, jebagas"... speak English! 215 00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:19,319 There's no English in the forest of Mellador. 216 00:09:19,321 --> 00:09:21,421 And there's no me in this conversation. 217 00:09:21,755 --> 00:09:23,157 Hi, Oscar. 218 00:09:23,158 --> 00:09:25,992 And here's Officer Flapgum, on top of it. 219 00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:28,678 - On top of what? - Your big, dumb, 220 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:31,940 fully grown adult partner is in my kitchen, sewing 221 00:09:31,941 --> 00:09:35,201 Halloween costumes so he can pretend he's on some show. 222 00:09:35,236 --> 00:09:36,670 The old shows were better... 223 00:09:36,671 --> 00:09:39,072 Milton Burlesque, The Honeydrippers, 224 00:09:39,106 --> 00:09:42,108 Make Room For Beaver... Not this weirdo crap 225 00:09:42,109 --> 00:09:44,310 that Emma and Davis are on about. 226 00:09:44,345 --> 00:09:45,478 Davis doesn't go on about it. 227 00:09:45,479 --> 00:09:49,463 He goes on and on and on about it. 228 00:09:49,498 --> 00:09:52,285 - They should call it Drone Strife. - Heh! 229 00:09:52,286 --> 00:09:54,020 Hey, you're pretty good at complaining. 230 00:09:54,022 --> 00:09:57,323 - I am? - Yeah. You got the gift of the grouse. 231 00:09:57,324 --> 00:09:59,425 What else don't you like about that stupid show? 232 00:09:59,460 --> 00:10:01,628 Well, I hate how Davis mocks me 233 00:10:01,662 --> 00:10:04,430 for not knowing the magic words to some wizard's spell. 234 00:10:04,465 --> 00:10:07,250 - There ya go... - Meanwhile, if we ever have to fill out 235 00:10:07,251 --> 00:10:10,036 some form, he's like, "Karen, what's my phone number?" 236 00:10:10,038 --> 00:10:12,239 That's good stuff. 237 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:16,109 - Let's go share your gift around town. - My gift? 238 00:10:19,146 --> 00:10:20,548 You can't say "I saw a Sasquatch" 239 00:10:20,549 --> 00:10:22,015 and then just leave it at that, 240 00:10:22,016 --> 00:10:24,217 like you said "I own several spoons". 241 00:10:24,219 --> 00:10:26,553 - Spoons? - See? Now you need to know more. 242 00:10:26,554 --> 00:10:28,254 Okay, fine. 243 00:10:28,255 --> 00:10:31,024 Don't go spreading this around, but yes... 244 00:10:31,025 --> 00:10:33,226 I saw a Sasquatch as a teen. 245 00:10:33,228 --> 00:10:37,363 - How do you know it was a teen? - Because it had acne. 246 00:10:37,398 --> 00:10:39,532 It wasn't a teen, you goof. I was! 247 00:10:39,567 --> 00:10:41,668 It happened back in summer camp. 248 00:10:41,702 --> 00:10:44,103 I was maybe 12 or 13 years old. 249 00:10:44,105 --> 00:10:47,674 It was late at night. I had to pee really bad, 250 00:10:47,675 --> 00:10:50,109 but it was dark and creepy in the woods, 251 00:10:50,177 --> 00:10:53,346 - and the outhouse was so far away. - Don't tell me you left the tent. 252 00:10:53,347 --> 00:10:56,316 - I crawled out of the tent... - Oh, my god. 253 00:10:56,317 --> 00:10:57,750 and headed for some bushes nearby. 254 00:10:57,751 --> 00:11:01,421 I was just about to drop my PJs, when I saw a silhouette. 255 00:11:01,423 --> 00:11:03,757 It was huge and upright, 256 00:11:03,758 --> 00:11:06,092 with glowing yellow eyes. 257 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:09,762 It glared at me, made some low guttural sound, 258 00:11:09,830 --> 00:11:11,497 and then slowly walked away... 259 00:11:11,498 --> 00:11:14,567 walked, on two legs, into the woods. 260 00:11:14,602 --> 00:11:16,569 I didn't even finish my business, 261 00:11:16,604 --> 00:11:19,138 I just pulled up my PJs and ran back to camp. 262 00:11:19,140 --> 00:11:21,274 I would have finished my business the second I saw it, 263 00:11:21,275 --> 00:11:24,777 - pants or no pants. - Don't joke. It really freaked me out. 264 00:11:24,778 --> 00:11:27,714 It still bothers me to this day. 265 00:11:27,748 --> 00:11:28,748 What? 266 00:11:28,749 --> 00:11:31,784 It's just... I mean, it's a compelling story, for sure... 267 00:11:31,785 --> 00:11:33,519 Story? You don't believe me?! 268 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,222 I'm just wary that you might be screwing with me here. 269 00:11:36,223 --> 00:11:38,458 Oh, you hypocrite! You get all worked up 270 00:11:38,459 --> 00:11:39,460 because Wanda won't believe this stuff, 271 00:11:39,461 --> 00:11:41,503 but you won't believe me? 272 00:11:41,538 --> 00:11:43,797 But, you see, that's exactly how you'd play this 273 00:11:43,798 --> 00:11:45,832 if you were screwing with me. 274 00:11:50,639 --> 00:11:52,705 I can't keep up these late-night shenanigans. 275 00:11:52,740 --> 00:11:55,208 - I'm exhausted. - So am I. 276 00:11:55,209 --> 00:11:57,644 But why are you even up? I have to be here for work. 277 00:11:57,645 --> 00:12:00,313 You have no job, no responsibilities, 278 00:12:00,347 --> 00:12:03,517 - no hope, no future... - I can't sleep. 279 00:12:03,518 --> 00:12:05,618 I'm too stressed about this web of lies. 280 00:12:05,653 --> 00:12:07,520 Web? It's one thing. 281 00:12:07,522 --> 00:12:10,324 I can't take it. My stomach's a web of knots. 282 00:12:10,325 --> 00:12:11,658 Have you ever seen a web? 283 00:12:11,659 --> 00:12:13,660 I have to tell Brent about our Sasquatch hoax. 284 00:12:13,727 --> 00:12:16,162 - You keep your yap shut! - Yeah? Or what? 285 00:12:16,163 --> 00:12:19,265 Or... I'll tell Brent about how you've been hoaxing him 286 00:12:19,266 --> 00:12:22,368 - with this Sasquatch stuff. - What? No! 287 00:12:22,369 --> 00:12:25,371 No, don't tell! I'll play ball. 288 00:12:26,607 --> 00:12:28,842 Oh, you guys! You will never believe this! 289 00:12:28,843 --> 00:12:30,643 You shouldn't either... Ow! 290 00:12:30,678 --> 00:12:31,778 Do go on. 291 00:12:31,779 --> 00:12:34,181 I saw fresh tracks this morning. And guess what? 292 00:12:34,182 --> 00:12:35,882 Loaded with dermal ridges! 293 00:12:35,916 --> 00:12:38,451 The deepest dermaliest ridges anyone's ever seen. 294 00:12:38,485 --> 00:12:41,154 Ha! Well, I guess that cinches it. 295 00:12:41,188 --> 00:12:43,256 - Yep. Almost. - Almost? 296 00:12:43,257 --> 00:12:44,457 Well, it's spring, right? 297 00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:46,693 That's mating season for the Sasquatch, 298 00:12:46,695 --> 00:12:50,263 so naturally anyone would expect to hear some mating songs, 299 00:12:50,297 --> 00:12:52,365 long, howling mating songs, 300 00:12:52,399 --> 00:12:55,601 between and 2:00 and 4:00 a.m. Then I'd know for sure! 301 00:12:57,271 --> 00:12:59,172 This is a web! 302 00:12:59,239 --> 00:13:01,952 Huh? 303 00:13:04,478 --> 00:13:07,548 Hey, Won. When are you going to get some bananas 304 00:13:07,549 --> 00:13:09,716 that aren't 70% black spots? 305 00:13:09,783 --> 00:13:12,218 These look like a Dalmatian with jaundice. 306 00:13:12,286 --> 00:13:14,587 - Am I right, Karen? - Uh, yeah! 307 00:13:14,588 --> 00:13:18,558 And those apples look like they belong in a seniors centre. 308 00:13:18,592 --> 00:13:22,495 They're old... and wrinkled... 309 00:13:22,529 --> 00:13:25,601 - kind of sad. - They're mangoes. 310 00:13:25,636 --> 00:13:29,268 - Oh. - Yeah, well, her point still stands! 311 00:13:29,303 --> 00:13:32,238 Get some fresh stuff or I'll never buy fruit here again! 312 00:13:32,239 --> 00:13:35,408 Good. Enjoy your scurvy! 313 00:13:41,348 --> 00:13:43,416 I suppose we could have changed into our outfits 314 00:13:43,417 --> 00:13:45,919 - once we got there. - Sure, we could go halfway 315 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,421 and look like totally uncommitted newbies. 316 00:13:48,423 --> 00:13:50,924 - Is that what you want, Emma? - No. 317 00:13:50,925 --> 00:13:53,493 - Is that what you want?! - Settle down. 318 00:13:53,494 --> 00:13:57,363 Sorry. To the darkened forests of Mellador! 319 00:13:57,397 --> 00:14:00,065 - Seriously. - Sorry. 320 00:14:00,934 --> 00:14:03,202 I kind of blew it back at the fruit stand. 321 00:14:03,237 --> 00:14:05,939 Complaining is like a muscle... it's weak at first, 322 00:14:05,940 --> 00:14:09,408 but if you keep exercising, it gets big and strong, 323 00:14:09,443 --> 00:14:14,279 and pretty soon you're kicking sand in people's faces at the beach. 324 00:14:16,950 --> 00:14:18,650 Dude! What the hell? 325 00:14:18,685 --> 00:14:20,620 I can hear that god-awful rap-hop 326 00:14:20,687 --> 00:14:23,689 spilling out of your head even with these earplugs in! 327 00:14:23,724 --> 00:14:26,292 - It's Hall and Oates. - I don't care what you're haulin'. 328 00:14:26,293 --> 00:14:27,693 You're going to get yourself killed 329 00:14:27,694 --> 00:14:30,863 riding around with your ears plugged in traffic. 330 00:14:30,864 --> 00:14:32,564 Traffic? 331 00:14:40,307 --> 00:14:42,608 Just because there aren't any vehicles 332 00:14:42,643 --> 00:14:44,977 doesn't mean there isn't any traffic. 333 00:14:45,045 --> 00:14:48,279 Uh, that's exactly what that means. 334 00:14:49,516 --> 00:14:52,318 Kid's right. That made no sense. 335 00:14:56,532 --> 00:14:58,332 Ah! Stop doing that! 336 00:14:58,333 --> 00:15:00,568 Just here for a coffee. That's all. 337 00:15:00,569 --> 00:15:02,103 So anyway, on another topic, 338 00:15:02,104 --> 00:15:03,537 when you saw your Sasquatch, 339 00:15:03,538 --> 00:15:06,140 were you surprised at how flat his head was? 340 00:15:06,174 --> 00:15:08,476 - Pretty flat head, right? - Mm, not really. 341 00:15:08,477 --> 00:15:10,211 Actually, his head sort of rose up into a cone. 342 00:15:10,279 --> 00:15:12,213 Yes! It's called a sagittal crest. 343 00:15:12,247 --> 00:15:13,548 But how did you know that? 344 00:15:13,549 --> 00:15:15,983 Wait, are you just trying to trip me up 345 00:15:16,018 --> 00:15:18,866 - because you don't believe me? - No. No, no. 346 00:15:18,901 --> 00:15:20,555 I'm just... I'm making casual conversation 347 00:15:20,556 --> 00:15:22,057 about what you think 348 00:15:22,058 --> 00:15:24,492 your creature's arm-to-torso ratio might be, that's all. 349 00:15:24,493 --> 00:15:26,594 I kept that a secret for so long 350 00:15:26,596 --> 00:15:28,396 because I didn't think anyone would believe me. 351 00:15:28,463 --> 00:15:30,891 Then I finally share it with someone I think I can trust, 352 00:15:30,926 --> 00:15:32,566 - and this is what I get? - I'm sorry. 353 00:15:32,567 --> 00:15:34,001 The hoaxes and pranks 354 00:15:34,002 --> 00:15:35,870 are swirling around hot and heavy out there. 355 00:15:35,904 --> 00:15:37,305 I'm just trying to watch my back. 356 00:15:37,306 --> 00:15:40,110 Yeah, well, now you can watch mine. 357 00:15:40,375 --> 00:15:42,510 Sick burn. 358 00:15:43,512 --> 00:15:45,346 That skateboard kid kind of rattled me. 359 00:15:45,380 --> 00:15:47,315 I-I can do better than that. 360 00:15:47,349 --> 00:15:50,217 - Well, here's your chance. - Oh, no. 361 00:15:50,218 --> 00:15:53,287 Oscar, we can't. 362 00:15:53,355 --> 00:15:56,124 Hey, kid! You got a licence to operate that thing? 363 00:15:56,125 --> 00:15:59,527 I don't know, but I sqwozded the lemons myself. 364 00:15:59,561 --> 00:16:02,997 - Typical. Write her up, Karen. - She's just a little kid. 365 00:16:02,998 --> 00:16:06,067 Well, at least give her a good scare. Cuff her and rough 'er. 366 00:16:06,068 --> 00:16:07,902 Am I in twubble? 367 00:16:07,936 --> 00:16:11,205 No, you're not in twubble... I-I mean, trouble. 368 00:16:11,206 --> 00:16:12,907 You are doing a great job. 369 00:16:12,941 --> 00:16:15,610 - You disappoint me, Karen. - I don't care. 370 00:16:15,611 --> 00:16:19,080 I'm okay with telling a grown man he's got wrinkly mangoes, 371 00:16:19,081 --> 00:16:21,082 but I'm not going to shake down a five-year-old girl. 372 00:16:21,116 --> 00:16:23,284 Complaining knows no age or gender. 373 00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,619 It's blind, like Lady Justice. 374 00:16:25,687 --> 00:16:29,923 You're either all in or you're out. What's it gonna be? 375 00:16:33,562 --> 00:16:36,030 I'll take one glass, please. 376 00:16:36,721 --> 00:16:40,668 I choose positivity over negativity. 377 00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:43,138 This is terrible! What'd you make this with? 378 00:16:43,139 --> 00:16:44,939 Fresh-squeezed diapers? 379 00:16:49,444 --> 00:16:54,149 - Gwow up! - Oh no... I've become you. 380 00:16:54,150 --> 00:16:56,850 Keep dweaming. 381 00:17:00,295 --> 00:17:02,163 I can't believe we have to stay up again 382 00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:03,865 to make stupid mating calls. 383 00:17:03,932 --> 00:17:07,168 Besides, what do Sasquatch mating calls even sound like? 384 00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:09,003 Probably loud, because they're big, 385 00:17:09,005 --> 00:17:11,905 but at the same time, they're trying to be sexy, right? 386 00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:14,508 So maybe it's like... 387 00:17:17,112 --> 00:17:19,880 That's sexy? This isn't romance. 388 00:17:19,881 --> 00:17:21,482 It's propagation of a species. 389 00:17:21,483 --> 00:17:23,852 It's about power. It's like... 390 00:17:28,156 --> 00:17:30,157 He's never going to get any action like that. 391 00:17:30,192 --> 00:17:31,492 No, it's like, uh... 392 00:17:33,295 --> 00:17:36,397 Huhhh! Huhhh! Huhhh! 393 00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:39,333 - Whatcha doing? - Nothing! Hank hurt his foot. 394 00:17:39,368 --> 00:17:40,401 When? 395 00:17:40,402 --> 00:17:42,003 Gah! Ow! 396 00:17:42,004 --> 00:17:43,571 I mean... 397 00:17:43,572 --> 00:17:47,441 I see. Well, I can't wait for tonight. 398 00:17:47,476 --> 00:17:49,877 Between the mating calls and the fresh scat, 399 00:17:49,879 --> 00:17:51,178 it's going to be exciting! 400 00:17:51,179 --> 00:17:52,381 - Scat? - Yeah. 401 00:17:52,382 --> 00:17:54,181 Like, wherever legitimate tracks are found, 402 00:17:54,216 --> 00:17:56,083 there's always some fresh scat. 403 00:17:56,151 --> 00:17:58,853 You know, poo... flop... 404 00:17:58,854 --> 00:18:01,822 - dumplings... - That's it! I'm done. 405 00:18:01,857 --> 00:18:03,190 There's no way I'm handling fresh poop 406 00:18:03,191 --> 00:18:05,860 - just to pull off a hoax! - Me neither! 407 00:18:05,861 --> 00:18:09,598 Oh, yeah... I could have just got you to do it. 408 00:18:09,599 --> 00:18:13,267 - Dammit! - Game, set, and match. 409 00:18:13,269 --> 00:18:15,569 No, game, Squatch, and match. 410 00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:18,572 No, game, Sas, and Squatch. 411 00:18:18,574 --> 00:18:21,108 Yeah, they're all gold. 412 00:18:21,176 --> 00:18:26,247 - There goes the screwmaster. - He prefers "screwmeister". 413 00:18:28,717 --> 00:18:30,651 How much further? 414 00:18:30,686 --> 00:18:33,055 Not far. Maybe you should have a nap. 415 00:18:33,056 --> 00:18:36,058 Ah, too excited. Let's have a snack! 416 00:18:36,059 --> 00:18:38,392 I prepared some Throne-Strife themed treats. 417 00:18:38,394 --> 00:18:41,395 There's Ribs of Ragnarok, which are really just beef, 418 00:18:41,396 --> 00:18:45,099 and Bloodbred... jam on buns, 419 00:18:45,101 --> 00:18:47,401 and a thermos of hot Stormbroth. 420 00:18:47,403 --> 00:18:51,272 - What's Stormbroth? - The Torgon army drank it in Book 5. 421 00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:52,974 Ah. I've never read the books. 422 00:18:52,975 --> 00:18:54,909 I've only seen the shows. 423 00:18:54,911 --> 00:18:58,112 Oh, Emma, you really must read the books. 424 00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:01,249 Right, well... maybe one of these days. 425 00:19:01,251 --> 00:19:03,251 You simply can't fully appreciate 426 00:19:03,253 --> 00:19:05,753 the breadth of the Mellador universe 427 00:19:05,787 --> 00:19:07,487 without the originating literature. 428 00:19:07,489 --> 00:19:10,925 "Literature". Let's not get too snooty, professor. 429 00:19:10,927 --> 00:19:13,428 I shan't. I don't want to make an enemy 430 00:19:13,429 --> 00:19:16,030 of the Queen Mother of the Lizardians 431 00:19:16,064 --> 00:19:19,171 and have her poison me like she did King Staymick. 432 00:19:19,206 --> 00:19:21,176 - What? - After she found out 433 00:19:21,177 --> 00:19:22,937 he was her long-lost brother, 434 00:19:22,939 --> 00:19:24,438 who was actually her stepson. 435 00:19:24,439 --> 00:19:28,475 It was in book number... Oh. 436 00:19:29,945 --> 00:19:32,947 - Why are we stopping? - Why do you think? 437 00:19:32,948 --> 00:19:35,082 You want me to drive? 438 00:19:37,352 --> 00:19:38,954 Your highness! 439 00:19:38,955 --> 00:19:42,790 You can't just leave me here like a lost Gelderlane! 440 00:19:42,792 --> 00:19:45,359 Can I have the Stormbroth? 441 00:19:59,374 --> 00:20:02,981 Oh... my... god! 442 00:20:10,118 --> 00:20:14,888 Thanks for the ride, Brent! Jerk. 443 00:20:17,619 --> 00:20:19,664 I mean, I couldn't believe Emma would 444 00:20:19,665 --> 00:20:21,465 just strand me on the highway like that. 445 00:20:21,466 --> 00:20:22,833 It was a total betrayal, 446 00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:25,002 like how Prince Wexling of Massacronia 447 00:20:25,070 --> 00:20:28,839 back-stabbed the Crimsonites. Oh... sorry. 448 00:20:28,907 --> 00:20:30,841 I'm going on about Throne Strife again. 449 00:20:30,909 --> 00:20:32,511 You don't hear me complaining. 450 00:20:32,512 --> 00:20:34,845 - You want another glass? - If you're buying. 451 00:20:34,846 --> 00:20:36,947 Another round, Sally. 452 00:20:36,982 --> 00:20:38,616 Thanks, Officer Pelly, 453 00:20:38,617 --> 00:20:42,853 and thanks for letting me know I had to use sugar. 454 00:20:43,421 --> 00:20:45,923 Gah! Honestly! 455 00:20:45,924 --> 00:20:47,558 Next time, you get a knife in the neck. 456 00:20:47,559 --> 00:20:49,026 I'm here to apologize. 457 00:20:49,027 --> 00:20:51,862 I saw something last night that sort of rocked my world. 458 00:20:51,897 --> 00:20:54,999 I won't go into detail, but I'm sorry I doubted you. 459 00:20:55,067 --> 00:20:56,767 I believe you saw that Sasquatch. 460 00:20:56,768 --> 00:21:01,003 Oh, that? Ah, I was just screwing with you. 461 00:21:06,646 --> 00:21:08,013 ♪ I don't know ♪ 462 00:21:08,014 --> 00:21:10,515 ♪ The same things you don't know ♪ 463 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,681 ♪ I don't know ♪ 464 00:21:15,749 --> 00:21:18,851 ♪ I just... don't know ♪ 465 00:21:20,854 --> 00:21:23,355 ♪ Ooh ♪ 466 00:21:23,423 --> 00:21:25,123 ♪ It's a great big place ♪ 467 00:21:25,147 --> 00:21:26,847 ♪ Ooh ♪ 468 00:21:26,860 --> 00:21:28,900 ♪ Full of nothing but space ♪ 469 00:21:28,935 --> 00:21:30,696 ♪ Ooh ♪ 470 00:21:30,764 --> 00:21:33,539 ♪ It's my happy place ♪ 471 00:21:33,683 --> 00:21:36,273 Visit us at cornergas.com 472 00:21:36,374 --> 00:21:39,474 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 37323

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