Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,915
Testing. Testing.
2
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:56,470
Testing over the credits.
The credits that no one cares about.
3
00:00:56,698 --> 00:00:58,259
"We're the business people.
4
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:02,309
"We want our credit before
the film starts, 'cause... "
5
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:03,597
Anyway.
6
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:05,896
The story you're about to see
takes place in a world
7
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:09,271
where the human race has never evolved
the ability to tell a lie.
8
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:11,352
This is a typical town in that world.
9
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:15,982
As you can see, people have jobs and cars
and houses and families,
10
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:18,825
but everyone tells the absolute truth.
11
00:01:18,954 --> 00:01:22,663
There's no such thing
as deceit or flattery or fiction.
12
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,907
People say exactly what they think,
13
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,414
and sometimes that can come across
as a bit harsh.
14
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:30,086
But they've got no choice in the matter.
It's their nature.
15
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,004
Look, I'm not coming in to work today.
16
00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:34,466
No, I'm not sick.
I just hate it there.
17
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:38,170
Your baby is so ugly.
It's like a little rat.
18
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:43,092
I just took one of the biggest poops
of my whole life.
19
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,266
What are you ordering?
20
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,596
So if you're a chubby,
little loser like this guy, for example,
21
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,352
that's Mark Bellison, by the way,
22
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:52,901
then you're all alone
and at the bottom of the pile.
23
00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:56,196
But later on in the story,
his luck's gonna change
24
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,490
when he tells the world's first lie.
25
00:01:58,577 --> 00:02:01,068
He doesn't even know it himself yet.
26
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:03,279
So look forward to that.
27
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,131
Don't blow this.
28
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,139
-Hi!
-Hi.
29
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,689
You're early.
30
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,563
I was just masturbating.
31
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:36,270
That makes me think of your vagina.
32
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:40,108
I'm Mark. How are you?
33
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:41,612
A little frustrated at the moment.
34
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:45,821
Also, equally depressed and pessimistic
about our date tonight.
35
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,455
Sure.
36
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:49,453
I'm Anna. Come on in.
37
00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:54,000
Just wait there.
38
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,627
I need to finish getting ready.
39
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,549
While doing that,
I might realise I'm still horny
40
00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,593
and try to finish masturbating
without you hearing.
41
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,025
I feel awkward now about being early.
42
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,398
Yeah, I'm disappointed that you're early
43
00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,525
and not really looking forward
to tonight in general,
44
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,607
but the thought of being alone
the rest of my life
45
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,489
scares both my mother and me equally.
46
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:25,948
Sure.
47
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:42,920
I'm thinking you've started masturbating,
'cause it's like it's too quiet.
48
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:47,007
And you said you were gonna
try and do it without me hearing.
49
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:54,515
I'm worried the restaurant I've picked
isn't expensive enough for you.
50
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,276
It's all I can afford
51
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,103
in my situation.
52
00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:03,031
I know I'm in my 40s,
53
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,618
but I haven't got any
financial assets to speak of.
54
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:11,331
Also, my boss said
he's probably gonna fire me this week.
55
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,707
I just masturbated.
56
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:23,426
That makes me horny.
I hope this date ends in sex.
57
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:24,753
I don't find you attractive.
58
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,173
Shall we?
59
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:29,929
Yeah.
60
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,011
-After you.
-Thanks.
61
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:41,861
-This is not as nice as I remember it.
-What are we gonna talk about?
62
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,109
Hi. I'm threatened by you.
63
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:47,034
Mark Bellison. Table for 2.
64
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,202
Of course. Come with me.
65
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,617
Thank you.
66
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,539
Thank you.
67
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,710
-Plastic.
-I'm very embarrassed I work here.
68
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,166
-Hi.
-Hi.
69
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,592
-Hello.
-And you're very pretty.
70
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,048
That only makes this worse.
71
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,380
Can I get you two started
on some drinks?
72
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,340
-Yes.
-I'll have a Budweiser, please.
73
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,426
I'll have a mango margarita,
74
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:16,059
and I'll probably have 3 more drinks
by the end of the night.
75
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,560
-Your sister?
-No.
76
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,267
-Daughter?
-No.
77
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,477
She's way out of your league.
78
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,107
Thank you.
79
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,988
Shall I ask you
some questions about yourself?
80
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,243
Yes.
81
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,332
How do you spend your days?
82
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,579
I get up at 8:00 in the morning
83
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,707
because the noise from my alarm clock
interrupts my sleep.
84
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,631
And I lean over and just turn it off.
85
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,958
Turn it off.
That's more specific than I thought.
86
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,463
-What did you want to know?
-Just...
87
00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:49,592
-Well, do you have a job?
-I have a job in an office.
88
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,968
-What do you do?
-I'm an executive.
89
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,174
-Do you enjoy that?
-No.
90
00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:54,305
But I enjoy the end result of the job,
91
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:55,932
which is money.
92
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,809
And also the hours are pretty good
for the amount of money I make,
93
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:02,776
which I spend on things I like,
such as clothes and hiking and drinking,
94
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,774
even though I know it's bad for me.
95
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:08,403
But I'd rather just get all the money
and not have to work for the results.
96
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,858
Sure.
97
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:12,785
Tell me something about you, though.
98
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,784
You already know a lot about me.
99
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:18,538
You know I'm good-looking
because, well, here I am.
100
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,540
And you know that I'm successful
101
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,997
because you've seen my apartment
and the clothes that I'm wearing.
102
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:27,342
And you know I'm happy
because I'm smiling.
103
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,631
-Are you always happy?
-Usually.
104
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,715
Some days I stay in bed, eating and crying.
105
00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,310
-There you go.
-Thank you.
106
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:41,481
-I had a little sip of this from right there, so...
-Okay.
107
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,318
You guys ready to order
or do you need a moment?
108
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:46,732
I'm good.
109
00:06:47,223 --> 00:06:50,407
I'll have the Caesar salad with chicken
because I think I'm fat,
110
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:53,326
but I also think I deserve
something that tastes good.
111
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:56,071
I'll have the fish tacos
'cause it's what I had last time I was here.
112
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,827
It's all I know.
113
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,867
Great. I'll get those 2 started.
114
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,710
If I gave you my number, would you call me?
115
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:03,954
No.
116
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,923
Sorry. It's my mom.
117
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:11,344
I think she's probably checking on the date.
It won't take long.
118
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:12,679
Hello.
119
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,014
Yes, I'm with him right now.
120
00:07:15,644 --> 00:07:19,182
No, not very attractive.
No, doesn't make much money.
121
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:22,764
It's all right, though.
Seems nice. Kind of funny.
122
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,269
A bit fat.
123
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:28,362
Has a funny little snub nose.
124
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:33,275
Kind of like a frog in the facial area.
125
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:34,530
Yeah, but...
126
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,779
No, I won't be sleeping with him tonight.
127
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,205
No. Probably not even a kiss.
128
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:42,538
Okay. You, too. Bye. Sorry about that.
129
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,291
It's all right. Don't think twice.
How is your mum, all right?
130
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:48,044
-She's all right...
-Great. That's...
131
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:57,223
Thanks for going on this date with me.
132
00:07:57,686 --> 00:08:01,224
You're way out of my league,
and I know you only did it as a favour to Greg
133
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:04,848
and I'll probably never
hear from you again, but...
134
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:08,352
I had a better time than I thought I'd have.
135
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,985
But I won't really know how I feel about you
till I'm a little less drunk.
136
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,281
-Sure.
-Yeah.
137
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:17,407
Well, call me tomorrow
if you still like me when you're sober.
138
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,074
I might.
139
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,622
Thank you for kissing me on the cheek.
140
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:25,828
I know you didn't have to do...
You're very pretty! Good night!
141
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:32,543
First used roughly 4,000 years ago
on Celtic chariots,
142
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:39,349
was, for the most part,
unchanged by man until the late 1800s.
143
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,937
Hi, I'm Bob. I'm the spokesperson
for The Coca-Cola Company.
144
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,481
I'm here today to ask you
to continue buying Coke.
145
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:48,104
I'm sure it's the drink
you've been drinking for years
146
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,730
and if you still enjoy it, well,
I'd like to remind you
147
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,277
to buy it again sometime soon.
148
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,693
It's basically just brown sugar water.
149
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,148
Haven 't changed the ingredients much lately,
150
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:57,279
so there's nothing new
I can tell you about that.
151
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,235
Changed the can around a little bit, though.
152
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,866
You can see the colours are different there,
153
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,073
and we've added a polar bear,
so the kids like us.
154
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,875
Coke's very high in sugar,
and like any high-calorie soda,
155
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:09,420
it can lead to obesity in children and adults
who don 't sustain a very healthy diet.
156
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,169
And that's it. It's Coke.
It's very famous. Everyone knows it.
157
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,718
I'm Bob. I work for Coke.
And I'm asking you to not stop buying Coke.
158
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,090
That's all.
159
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,840
It's a bit sweet.
160
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,099
Thank you.
161
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,693
Hold the elevator.
162
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:45,032
-Hey, Mark. How's it going?
-Hi, Frank. Not too well.
163
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:48,618
I went on a date last night with a girl
I've had a crush on for years,
164
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,294
and she'll most likely never call me again.
165
00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:54,795
And I think I'm getting fired today.
How about you?
166
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,837
I'm not too great, actually.
167
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,547
I've been throwing up painkillers all night
168
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:05,102
because I'm too afraid to take enough
to actually kill myself, so...
169
00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,147
See you tomorrow.
170
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,148
If I'm not dead, then sure.
171
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,613
-Good. That's settled, then.
-All right. Have a nice day.
172
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:18,780
Cheers.
173
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:40,428
This isn't natural!
None of this is natural! We're all animals!
174
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:43,507
Why am I wearing clothes?
How do you people live like this?
175
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,055
Why is there all this concrete?
176
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,853
I woke up this morning and realised,
not only do I not love you,
177
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:51,431
but also the thought
of sleeping with you sickens me.
178
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:54,233
That should make me not love you,
but it only makes me love you more.
179
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:10,708
I just don't want to go in there today.
I just don't, you know?
180
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:17,212
All of Lecture Films' productions are written,
filmed and edited on this very lot.
181
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:21,261
In fact, this building is
where Lecture Films' talented writers
182
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:25,215
scour the world's past events
for the most dramatic,
183
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:28,802
entertaining and even hilarious moments
from world history,
184
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:32,981
which are then turned into scripts,
handed over to our world-famous readers
185
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:37,276
to read off of teleprompters
and then filmed for your viewing pleasure.
186
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,651
Now, if you'll just follow me over here,
I will give you a sneak peek
187
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:43,905
of Lecture Films'
upcoming summer blockbuster,
188
00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:47,658
Napoleon: 1812 to 1813.
189
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,907
Coming soon from Lecture Films,
190
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:55,462
screenplay by Brad Kessler
and starring Nathan Goldfrappe,
191
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:59,166
Napoleon : 1812 to 1813.
192
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:03,094
And so Napoleon invaded Russia
193
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:07,299
with a brute force
of nearly 700,000 men behind him,
194
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:11,887
armed with muskets
and supported by cannon brigades.
195
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:14,893
Crippled by disease and hunger,
196
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,851
Napoleon's men persevered.
197
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,732
It was then that...
198
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:20,902
Look, everyone.
199
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:24,482
There's Mark Bellison,
one of Lecture Films' very own screenwriters.
200
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:28,069
Mark is one of Lecture Films'
least successful screenwriters.
201
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,780
I also hear he's most likely
getting fired today.
202
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:34,993
Let's go to the editing bay, where we can
watch them put the final touches
203
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:39,548
on the upcoming Lecture Films feature,
The Invention of the Fork. Right this way.
204
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,055
Morning, Shelley.
205
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,181
Hi, Mark.
206
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,481
I realise more and more every day
how overqualified I am for this position
207
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:59,309
and how incompetent you are at yours.
208
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:00,901
Any messages?
209
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:04,607
Anthony is coming up within the hour to see
if he can get up the courage to fire you.
210
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:07,443
If he can't, he said
that he'll definitely do it tomorrow.
211
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,949
Anything else?
Any messages not to do with being fired?
212
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,904
Well, I told everyone
you're getting fired this week
213
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,536
and they shouldn't expect
their calls returned,
214
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:14,991
so no one left any messages.
215
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:16,872
Okay. Next time...
216
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,703
I don't think there'll be a next time.
217
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,834
...take the message,
just in case I don't get fired.
218
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,085
You're almost definitely getting fired.
219
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,508
Yeah, but I'm still here now, so...
220
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:25,880
Seems like a waste of time.
221
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,052
No, it's not.
222
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,803
You're getting paid for it, so let's
take the message in case I don't get...
223
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,804
-But everyone knows that you are.
-Hasn't happened yet.
224
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:35,432
Okay. But everyone knows you are.
225
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,724
I'll be in the office, don't...
226
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,105
Okay.
I'll be searching for new jobs on Craigslist.
227
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:43,982
You should probably
just get on with your work.
228
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,064
No, thank you!
229
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,416
Anthony?
230
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:14,096
Come in. What?
231
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:19,814
Come in.
232
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:27,401
Well, you look really depressed today.
That's gonna make this so much harder.
233
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:29,323
-Anthony, don't fire me.
-Mark.
234
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,321
The 1300s, they're so boring.
235
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:36,076
And the last 2 scripts
you turned in were depressing.
236
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,623
They were about the Black Plague.
237
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,951
It's the 1300s.
What am I meant to write about?
238
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:43,459
It's not totally your fault, Mark.
You got stuck with a tough century.
239
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,040
-No, no, I can make it work.
-Mark.
240
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,500
Just give it up.
241
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,883
Nothing new is gonna
have happened in the 1300s.
242
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:54,716
At Lecture Films, we just want to take
the big-name readers of the day
243
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:59,225
and have them read the stories
that people know and love.
244
00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:01,560
I'm having...
245
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,525
Can I... Do you mind if I...
246
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,273
-I come back and do this tomorrow?
-Well...
247
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:10,528
No, I just got nervous about firing you.
I just don't do well with confrontation.
248
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,906
Hey, maybe... Maybe if I just sleep on it.
249
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:16,703
Well, then I'll be thinking,
"Will he fire me, won't he fire me?"
250
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,749
-You're fired.
-I am fired, yeah? 'Cause I sort of...
251
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,043
Yeah. Oh, boy.
252
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,593
Mark, I woke up this morning,
sober, and realised that,
253
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:33,262
while I did enjoy your company,
254
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:36,557
based on your looks, your financial situation
and your position in life,
255
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,635
I have no interest in you romantically.
256
00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:41,061
I'm just too far out of your league. Anna.
257
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,895
Is that 'cause you just got fired?
258
00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:48,023
And 'cause I just got an e-mail
from a woman who...
259
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:52,574
Yeah, my favourite part was when she said
it was based on your looks.
260
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,575
You read my e-mail?
261
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,618
Yeah. Everyone's read it.
262
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,867
It's the best one you've had all year.
263
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,323
Not for me.
264
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:03,000
I'm gonna get a snack. Do you want a snack?
265
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:15,429
So?
266
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:19,225
I loathed almost every minute
that I worked for you.
267
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,806
So, what are you gonna do now?
268
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,688
I don't know.
269
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:26,857
But I don't hold out much hope for the future.
270
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:29,902
I don't have a lot of hope for you either,
but I wish you good luck.
271
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,525
-Bye, Mark.
-Bye, Shelley.
272
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:32,696
-Mark!
-Yeah?
273
00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:34,444
-Do you mind if I talk to you for a second?
-No.
274
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,742
-I heard the news they were firing you.
-Yeah.
275
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,491
-That must be hard.
-Yeah.
276
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:42,665
Well, I just wanted to say goodbye,
and I've always hated you.
277
00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:44,458
-You've always...
-Hated you.
278
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:47,161
-I didn't know that.
-Yeah, a lot of people knew it.
279
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,588
-What, you told other people you hated me?
-Yeah.
280
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,336
I even turned some people against you.
281
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,543
Is that why you came over to talk to me?
To tell me you hated me?
282
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:56,004
No, I came to say goodbye to you,
283
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,508
and the rest of it
just sort of happened on its own.
284
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,090
Came out, yeah, sure.
285
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:02,928
I always knew that the Black Plague
would never work as a movie.
286
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:06,101
You're an awful writer,
assigned to an awful century.
287
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:08,065
And you're a little man-bitch.
288
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:09,771
Man-bitch.
289
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:13,605
But I've always been threatened by you
290
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:16,027
because there's something about you
that I don't understand,
291
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,450
and I hate things that I don't understand.
292
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,950
But you'll always be a loser.
293
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,789
And I'll always be more successful
than you in nearly every way,
294
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,707
and that's just the way it is.
295
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,036
And Shelley thinks you're
an overweight homosexual.
296
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,792
-No, I never said that.
-Thank you.
297
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:32,210
I said, "Fat faggot.
298
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,963
"Fatty, fat faggot."
299
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,134
I stand corrected.
300
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,553
And I was upset with
"overweight homosexual."
301
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,301
Doesn't matter.
Either way, you're a dumpy little queer.
302
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,597
Mark, try to enjoy your loser life.
303
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:46,804
He's awesome.
304
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:48,306
Well, no.
305
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,976
Your opinion. Bye, Shelley.
306
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,652
I look forward to never seeing you.
307
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:09,160
Mrs. Johnson, you have got
to take your medicine.
308
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:17,009
-Hi.
-Are you here to abandon an elderly person?
309
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,338
I already have. Martha Bellison, I'm her son.
310
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,594
It's good you're here.
She's not doing well.
311
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,346
You should say your final goodbyes today.
312
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,844
Yeah. Someone says that to me
every time I come here.
313
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:29,597
She's at the top of our death pool.
314
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,031
You look like my dead son!
315
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,530
Each day is worse than the last.
316
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:46,031
I'm on pills that make everything orange!
317
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:58,884
Mum, this is so depressing.
At least look out of the window.
318
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,211
Telly's broken.
319
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:01,383
It's not broken.
320
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,806
You probably sat on the remote
and changed the channel again.
321
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:04,973
Yeah, you have, look.
322
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:07,393
Gotta put it on channel 3
for the satellite to work.
323
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,472
I don't understand anything you just said.
324
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,978
That makes me scared and angry.
325
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,901
Lost my job today, Mum.
326
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:19,401
I'm in my 40s,
and I'm alone with no prospects.
327
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:23,572
Things aren't much better for me here.
But could be worse.
328
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,903
We could be homeless.
329
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:29,165
Don't you wish you could change things?
330
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,585
Don't you wish you weren't such a loser?
331
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:35,079
Well, I don't think I'm a loser.
332
00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,422
You are, Mum. Definitely.
333
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:39,166
We come from a long line of losers.
It's not your fault.
334
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:40,751
You're a...
335
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:42,761
A loser.
336
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,677
I love you, Mark.
337
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,008
I love you, too, Mum.
338
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,936
Good luck with finding a job, eh?
339
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,353
I'll go.
340
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,687
Shut up!
341
00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:01,864
Haven't even got a job.
342
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,288
-Hi.
-I'm here for the rent.
343
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,787
Yeah, I was gonna come
and talk to you today. I got fired yesterday.
344
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,130
I know. That's why I'm here for the rent.
345
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:21,546
-Yeah, I haven't got it.
-How much do you have?
346
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,377
I got about $300 left in my bank account.
347
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:26,430
-The rent's 800.
-I know. I haven't got that.
348
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:30,305
Then you're evicted.
You got one day to get your stuff out of here.
349
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:32,553
Well, how am I gonna do that?
350
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:34,889
You got $300. Rent a truck.
351
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,238
What can I do for you today, sir?
352
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,657
Just been evicted from my apartment.
353
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:49,654
So I have to withdraw whatever I've got
in my account to move my things out.
354
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,990
Think I have to close my account.
355
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:54,993
Probably gonna be homeless. Mark Bellison.
356
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,415
Unfortunately, sir,
the system is down right now,
357
00:20:57,506 --> 00:21:00,998
so I'm not gonna be able to perform
an account closure until it's back up.
358
00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:04,093
But I can help you with a withdrawal.
How much would you like to withdraw today?
359
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,922
-All of it. Whatever's left.
-The system is down, sir.
360
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:10,008
Can you tell me
how much is in your account?
361
00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:13,181
Sir?
362
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:18,682
$800.
363
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,359
Sir?
364
00:21:25,743 --> 00:21:27,699
-$800.
-Pardon me?
365
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:29,534
I have $800 in my account.
366
00:21:31,048 --> 00:21:33,114
The system just came back up.
367
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,040
-System seems to be back up, guys.
-Thanks, Jill.
368
00:21:35,169 --> 00:21:39,412
Just a second while I access your account.
You said you were withdrawing 800, correct?
369
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,334
Wait a second.
370
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:44,417
It says here that you only have
$300 in your account,
371
00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:46,919
but you said you wanted to withdraw 800?
372
00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:48,341
Yeah.
373
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:49,717
I apologise, sir.
374
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,592
It seems our system has made a mistake.
Let's get you your $800.
375
00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:55,265
Did you want large bills or small?
376
00:21:55,898 --> 00:21:58,514
-Bills, large.
-All right, here you go.
377
00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:03,603
That's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, $800.
378
00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,570
Is there anything else
I can do for you today, sir?
379
00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:08,149
Sorry for the inconvenience.
380
00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,646
-What are you doing here?
-Paying my rent.
381
00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:58,248
Come on!
382
00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:06,003
Today, I stumbled upon something that
no man has ever stumbled on before.
383
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:09,798
What I've done, they'll write about
in history books for generations to come.
384
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:15,516
And yet, moments ago, it was unfathomable,
not only to myself but to mankind as a whole.
385
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:16,804
It's hard to describe.
386
00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:21,147
And it was as easy as...
How do I explain this?
387
00:23:21,275 --> 00:23:24,642
I said something that wasn't.
388
00:23:27,948 --> 00:23:31,987
I said something that wasn't. I...
389
00:23:32,494 --> 00:23:34,735
What's the word for it?
There is no word for it.
390
00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:37,446
Of course there isn't. I invented it.
391
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,161
Watch this. Jim!
392
00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:45,045
What?
393
00:23:46,175 --> 00:23:48,336
My name is Doug.
394
00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:52,798
-Your name is Doug?
-Hi, Doug.
395
00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:58,180
That's so weird I never knew your real name.
Doug is good. It suits you.
396
00:23:59,188 --> 00:24:00,519
Come on!
397
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:02,392
What's my name?
398
00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:03,730
-It's Doug.
-Doug.
399
00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:06,100
No, it's not! It's Mark!
400
00:24:06,195 --> 00:24:08,151
-Your name is Mark?
-Hi, Mark.
401
00:24:08,238 --> 00:24:10,854
-Mark suits you even better.
-Marko.
402
00:24:12,076 --> 00:24:14,362
Okay, you're not getting it.
403
00:24:14,703 --> 00:24:15,988
Marko.
404
00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:19,155
-I'm black.
-I knew it.
405
00:24:19,249 --> 00:24:21,035
You're very light-skinned, but I can see it.
406
00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:24,080
-I always wanted a black friend.
-Me, too.
407
00:24:24,338 --> 00:24:25,578
I'm an Eskimo.
408
00:24:25,714 --> 00:24:26,749
Fantastic!
409
00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:28,247
Yeah, I've never seen a black Eskimo.
410
00:24:28,384 --> 00:24:29,419
I'm a pirate.
411
00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:31,883
-I didn't know they still had those.
-Are you a dangerous pirate?
412
00:24:32,012 --> 00:24:34,253
I'm a lion tamer, and I'm wearing a wig.
413
00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:36,051
Aren't you scared you'll get bitten one day?
414
00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:37,593
That's a fantastic wig.
415
00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:39,808
-I invented the bicycle.
-I love your work.
416
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:41,851
Can I get a discount on a 10-speed?
417
00:24:41,939 --> 00:24:44,681
I'm a one-armed German space explorer.
418
00:24:44,775 --> 00:24:45,855
When's your launch date?
419
00:24:47,069 --> 00:24:49,025
That's a very lifelike prosthetic.
420
00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:50,819
This is incredible.
421
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:53,773
Come on, let's up the stakes a little bit.
Come on.
422
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:57,572
If you could make the world
the way you wanted it to be,
423
00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:00,450
what would you do?
424
00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:05,292
If you could change anything,
if you could do anything,
425
00:25:05,421 --> 00:25:07,036
what's the first thing you'd do?
426
00:25:07,131 --> 00:25:08,746
If I could do anything?
427
00:25:08,882 --> 00:25:10,418
Anything at all?
428
00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:12,257
Anything at all.
429
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,171
I would touch girls' boobs.
430
00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:18,426
Yes.
431
00:25:20,769 --> 00:25:22,100
And maybe have sex with them, too.
432
00:25:22,487 --> 00:25:24,143
Agreed. That, too.
433
00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:28,686
Okay. Let's try that.
434
00:25:31,447 --> 00:25:33,438
-Where are you going?
-Out.
435
00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:52,790
Don't look at me. I'm not attracted to you.
436
00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:55,046
-No, listen.
-Don't bother. I've heard it all before.
437
00:25:55,137 --> 00:25:58,629
The world's gonna end
unless we have sex right now!
438
00:26:01,477 --> 00:26:05,846
Do we have time to get to a motel,
or do we need to do it right here?
439
00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:10,691
Motel.
440
00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:15,486
Help me get my dress off.
441
00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:17,360
Hold on, wait, wait.
Let's get to know each other first.
442
00:26:17,493 --> 00:26:19,779
No! We have to have sex.
The world is going to end!
443
00:26:19,870 --> 00:26:20,950
I don't even know your...
444
00:26:21,038 --> 00:26:22,744
Think of the children!
Think of the little babies.
445
00:26:22,831 --> 00:26:25,538
Let's have a drink.
You look like you'd like a...
446
00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:27,999
-$10 for a beer. That is...
-Don't you understand?
447
00:26:28,087 --> 00:26:30,123
-We are all going to die!
-This isn't right.
448
00:26:30,214 --> 00:26:32,170
Well, of course this isn't right,
the world is going to end!
449
00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:33,497
We have to have sex right now!
450
00:26:33,892 --> 00:26:36,755
Hold on. Hi, NASA. Yeah, it's me.
451
00:26:38,931 --> 00:26:41,047
I'll let her know. That is good news.
452
00:26:41,183 --> 00:26:42,593
-Now.
-Thank you.
453
00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:44,633
World's not gonna end. We don't have to...
454
00:26:44,728 --> 00:26:47,344
-We're gonna live!
-sex.
455
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,562
We're gonna live!
456
00:26:49,691 --> 00:26:52,353
Thank you! Thank you!
457
00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:57,688
-I've gotta go.
-Can't you stay?
458
00:26:57,783 --> 00:27:00,195
We've been through so much together.
459
00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:12,290
Well, that was one of
the worst experiences of my life.
460
00:27:12,714 --> 00:27:15,296
Did you invent a new kind of bike?
461
00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:18,717
What else would you do?
If you could do anything.
462
00:27:19,805 --> 00:27:22,046
-Boob.
-No, we've done boobs.
463
00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:25,056
What's the next thing you'd do?
464
00:27:26,936 --> 00:27:29,428
Well, what would you do?
465
00:27:31,900 --> 00:27:33,481
I'd get money.
466
00:27:35,237 --> 00:27:37,228
I'd get all the money.
467
00:27:38,907 --> 00:27:39,942
Come on.
468
00:27:40,075 --> 00:27:42,407
-Where are we going?
-On a trip.
469
00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:43,950
I'll drive.
470
00:27:47,624 --> 00:27:49,660
I shouldn't be driving.
471
00:27:49,918 --> 00:27:51,749
But I don't care. I'm trying to hit bottom.
472
00:27:54,965 --> 00:27:57,297
Here comes bottom. Pull over.
473
00:27:57,426 --> 00:27:58,791
Just stop.
474
00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:05,806
All right, do me a favour.
Let me do the talking, okay?
475
00:28:05,934 --> 00:28:07,265
I think I'm gonna puke.
476
00:28:07,394 --> 00:28:08,804
Do not puke in front of
an officer of the law.
477
00:28:08,937 --> 00:28:12,100
Don't tell me not to puke
'cause that'll make me puke more.
478
00:28:12,733 --> 00:28:14,974
Hello, Officer. How are you?
479
00:28:15,944 --> 00:28:19,107
Well, I'm relieved
you're not a couple of black guys.
480
00:28:19,239 --> 00:28:21,230
There's a much higher probability
that I'd be jumpy,
481
00:28:21,325 --> 00:28:24,112
shoot you without provocation,
and then I could lose my weapon.
482
00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:25,700
That's good.
483
00:28:25,787 --> 00:28:28,028
-I don't want to go to jail.
-He doesn't want to go to jail.
484
00:28:28,123 --> 00:28:30,364
Have you been drinking
and operating this motor vehicle?
485
00:28:30,459 --> 00:28:32,996
-Yeah, a lot of drink.
-Well, then you're probably going to jail.
486
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:34,459
I'm gonna need you
to breathe into this for me.
487
00:28:34,588 --> 00:28:36,044
Officer, you don't need to do that.
488
00:28:36,131 --> 00:28:38,372
I'm gonna say that,
judging by the look of this car,
489
00:28:38,467 --> 00:28:39,752
you can't afford my bribe.
490
00:28:39,843 --> 00:28:41,458
Why? How much do you charge?
491
00:28:41,595 --> 00:28:42,801
5,400.
492
00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:44,419
That's a lot.
493
00:28:44,514 --> 00:28:46,880
That's too much, I think. Why so high?
494
00:28:46,975 --> 00:28:49,432
I have an expensive cocaine habit.
495
00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:51,475
But, you know, it's more than that.
496
00:28:51,605 --> 00:28:56,269
I feel like when I set the price up higher,
it takes it out of the realm of petty crime
497
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,191
and helps me preserve
my sense of personal integrity.
498
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,686
Sort of feeling of self worth if you're... Yeah.
499
00:29:00,822 --> 00:29:02,028
Well, it was nice chatting with you.
500
00:29:02,157 --> 00:29:05,820
Anywho, I'm still gonna need you
to breathe into this for me.
501
00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:08,820
You're gonna wanna blow, not suck there.
502
00:29:17,347 --> 00:29:20,084
Yeah. That's pretty much off the chart.
You're drunk.
503
00:29:20,175 --> 00:29:23,713
-You're going to jail. Step out of the vehicle.
-I don't want to.
504
00:29:23,845 --> 00:29:26,257
Sir, I'm gonna ask you to exit the vehicle
one more time.
505
00:29:26,348 --> 00:29:27,633
-Might as well.
-I can't.
506
00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:31,717
All right! That's it! Get out of the car!
Come on out here! You're drunk!
507
00:29:33,063 --> 00:29:35,054
-You should be ashamed of yourself!
-Officer.
508
00:29:35,190 --> 00:29:36,396
I'm gonna think about this later.
509
00:29:36,525 --> 00:29:39,141
-Officer. Listen, no, no, no!
-Sir, please get back in the car!
510
00:29:39,236 --> 00:29:41,693
Listen to what I've got to say.
511
00:29:42,489 --> 00:29:44,025
He's not drunk.
512
00:29:46,827 --> 00:29:48,613
I've made a terrible mistake.
513
00:29:48,704 --> 00:29:51,491
I do this sometimes. I get a little...
514
00:29:51,581 --> 00:29:52,741
It's the adrenaline.
515
00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:55,707
Well, actually, it arouses me.
516
00:29:55,836 --> 00:29:56,916
Sexually?
517
00:29:57,546 --> 00:29:59,036
-That...
-I'm so sorry.
518
00:29:59,172 --> 00:30:01,584
Please. Please let me help you.
519
00:30:01,717 --> 00:30:05,676
Can you forgive me? Did you eat something?
Is it food poisoning?
520
00:30:05,762 --> 00:30:08,845
-You'll drive?
-Yeah. Good idea. Thank you.
521
00:30:08,932 --> 00:30:10,138
Sorry.
522
00:30:11,685 --> 00:30:12,925
That was awesome.
523
00:30:13,061 --> 00:30:15,768
-Stop laughing. I'm gonna be sick.
-You're gonna be fine.
524
00:30:16,097 --> 00:30:17,262
Good.
525
00:30:17,399 --> 00:30:19,685
-Where are we going?
-To get rich.
526
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,867
What are we doing here?
We don't have any money to throw away.
527
00:30:34,958 --> 00:30:36,823
We're not gonna throw it away.
528
00:30:36,918 --> 00:30:39,079
-Good luck.
-Thank you.
529
00:30:39,212 --> 00:30:40,827
-Hi.
-Hi.
530
00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:42,002
Chips, please.
531
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:44,297
There's a very good chance
you'll lose all this money here tonight.
532
00:30:44,426 --> 00:30:46,291
-I know.
-And even if you happen to win,
533
00:30:46,428 --> 00:30:48,965
there's an even better chance that,
in the long run, we'll win it back.
534
00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:51,088
-I know.
-Some of the games are fixed,
535
00:30:51,224 --> 00:30:53,306
-like the ones that use computers.
-I know.
536
00:30:53,435 --> 00:30:55,391
-Good luck.
-Thank you.
537
00:31:02,069 --> 00:31:03,275
-Hi, guys.
-Hi.
538
00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:07,146
If I could be a stripper, I would,
but I'm not attractive enough. Drinks?
539
00:31:07,282 --> 00:31:10,945
We'll have 2 beers, and we'll take them
over there at the roulette table.
540
00:31:11,078 --> 00:31:12,113
-Cheers.
-Come on,
541
00:31:12,204 --> 00:31:15,367
roulette's the stupidest game of all.
It's all chance. There's no skill whatsoever.
542
00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:17,118
It's all right, I'm feeling lucky.
543
00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:19,541
-You've never had a lucky day in your life.
-Just watch.
544
00:31:19,628 --> 00:31:22,119
Get your bets in.
545
00:31:22,214 --> 00:31:25,547
The house always wins in the long run.
546
00:31:25,634 --> 00:31:26,965
Because of the zeroes on the board,
547
00:31:27,052 --> 00:31:30,294
every bet is slightly favoured
towards the house.
548
00:31:32,808 --> 00:31:34,469
35 black. No one wins.
549
00:31:34,559 --> 00:31:37,471
Look at that unusual thing, I've never...
550
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:42,143
It's gone now. I'm on 35 black, by the way.
551
00:31:45,612 --> 00:31:47,318
We have a winner.
552
00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:49,237
Good job!
553
00:31:49,449 --> 00:31:50,655
Congratulations, sir.
554
00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:54,826
I just won the major jackpot on that machine,
but no money came out.
555
00:31:54,913 --> 00:31:56,403
I'm sorry about that, sir.
556
00:31:56,498 --> 00:32:00,832
Let me get that fixed for you.
And can I say congratulations, sir?
557
00:32:00,961 --> 00:32:02,167
Thank you.
558
00:32:02,254 --> 00:32:06,088
We've got a major winner here.
Would you open up the vault?
559
00:32:08,593 --> 00:32:11,835
This is the most amazing night
of my entire life.
560
00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:13,761
Think how amazing it would be
if you didn't smell of vomit.
561
00:32:13,849 --> 00:32:15,180
I know.
562
00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:28,105
Mark, how's it going?
563
00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:30,694
Good.
564
00:32:33,326 --> 00:32:35,282
How's it going with you?
565
00:32:35,370 --> 00:32:37,031
Pretty awful.
566
00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:40,614
I was up last night
researching on the Internet,
567
00:32:40,709 --> 00:32:44,042
like, suffocation suicide.
568
00:32:44,671 --> 00:32:47,879
I think that's what I'm gonna do tonight.
569
00:32:48,717 --> 00:32:49,706
Later.
570
00:32:51,845 --> 00:32:53,051
Frank.
571
00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:56,463
Yeah?
572
00:32:56,975 --> 00:32:58,511
Don't do that.
573
00:33:00,312 --> 00:33:02,223
Why? I mean...
574
00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:05,472
You know, I'm miserable.
I don't think anyone would care.
575
00:33:05,567 --> 00:33:07,023
I'll care.
576
00:33:07,402 --> 00:33:09,734
But you're a loser,
which doesn't really count.
577
00:33:09,863 --> 00:33:13,230
Things are gonna be okay.
578
00:33:13,325 --> 00:33:14,405
They are?
579
00:33:14,493 --> 00:33:16,825
Yeah. You're gonna meet someone.
580
00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:18,823
You're gonna be happy.
581
00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:24,332
I shouldn't kill myself?
582
00:33:24,419 --> 00:33:26,080
Definitely not.
583
00:33:29,090 --> 00:33:31,832
Okay, so I don't need to kill myself.
584
00:33:34,086 --> 00:33:35,672
I thought...
585
00:33:35,764 --> 00:33:38,927
I thought that like... That suffocation idea,
586
00:33:39,059 --> 00:33:41,596
I thought that was like
a really good idea, you know?
587
00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:42,675
It wasn't.
588
00:33:46,107 --> 00:33:48,018
My night's opened up.
589
00:33:49,277 --> 00:33:51,689
Do you wanna hang out or something?
590
00:33:52,180 --> 00:33:53,441
Not really.
591
00:33:53,573 --> 00:33:55,859
It's all right. It's okay.
592
00:33:55,951 --> 00:33:58,533
No! Good idea.
593
00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:02,620
Let's hang out. I'll see you tonight.
594
00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:04,572
I'll see you tonight.
595
00:34:05,794 --> 00:34:07,204
Cool, okay.
596
00:36:04,037 --> 00:36:05,117
Hello, this is Anna.
597
00:36:05,205 --> 00:36:06,285
Hi, it's Mark.
598
00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:09,202
Hi, Mark. Didn't you get my e-mail?
599
00:36:09,542 --> 00:36:11,157
The one about not being
good enough for you?
600
00:36:11,252 --> 00:36:12,287
That's the one.
601
00:36:12,379 --> 00:36:14,165
Yeah, got that, cheers.
602
00:36:14,255 --> 00:36:18,624
Listen, the reason I'm calling is
I want to ask you out on another date.
603
00:36:20,553 --> 00:36:21,588
Why would you do that?
604
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:25,969
Well, I found out I can pretty much
have my life the way I want it.
605
00:36:26,351 --> 00:36:28,387
Congratulations! I gotta go.
606
00:36:28,478 --> 00:36:29,513
No, wait.
607
00:36:29,604 --> 00:36:33,813
Listen, I know you said you didn't wanna go
on another date with me, ever,
608
00:36:33,900 --> 00:36:38,485
but I'm different now.
I think I'm in your league.
609
00:36:38,571 --> 00:36:39,651
Are you better looking?
610
00:36:39,739 --> 00:36:43,402
No. More powerful.
I think you have to see it for yourself.
611
00:36:43,493 --> 00:36:44,528
Have you been to the gym?
612
00:36:44,619 --> 00:36:50,285
No. I joined a gym, but just...
Things have changed for me.
613
00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:51,615
I think you'll hardly recognise me.
614
00:36:51,710 --> 00:36:52,790
Did you buy new clothes?
615
00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:55,835
No. Sorry, can we just meet up? It'd be best.
616
00:36:55,922 --> 00:36:59,380
You did admit yourself that,
you know, we got on.
617
00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:04,257
If you had an okay time, then please say yes.
618
00:37:04,347 --> 00:37:08,010
I'm just asking for one teensy,
weensy little date.
619
00:37:10,562 --> 00:37:11,972
Okay, fine.
620
00:37:12,188 --> 00:37:13,428
Fantastic.
621
00:37:15,024 --> 00:37:18,391
I'll pick you up tomorrow, about 8:00?
622
00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:21,978
Most likely, though, this will be our last date,
so just know that.
623
00:37:22,073 --> 00:37:23,938
Yeah. Great.
624
00:37:24,033 --> 00:37:25,068
Okay. Bye!
625
00:37:26,578 --> 00:37:27,784
Bye!
626
00:37:27,871 --> 00:37:29,281
Hang up, Mark.
627
00:37:29,372 --> 00:37:30,407
Bye.
628
00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:38,537
...proudly presents
The Industrial Revolution.
629
00:37:38,631 --> 00:37:41,589
Hello, I'm Angelo Badsmith.
630
00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:44,634
Come, watch me read
about the exciting events
631
00:37:44,721 --> 00:37:47,428
that took place during
the Industrial Revolution,
632
00:37:47,515 --> 00:37:52,305
written by the most beloved and esteemed
screenwriter of his generation,
633
00:37:52,395 --> 00:37:54,101
Brad Kessler.
634
00:37:54,189 --> 00:37:58,649
I don 't think anyone can write
a better screenplay than Brad Kessler.
635
00:38:03,364 --> 00:38:04,399
No?
636
00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:30,672
Hey!
637
00:38:30,767 --> 00:38:33,224
Did you come to beg for you r job back?
638
00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:34,517
Everybody!
639
00:38:34,604 --> 00:38:36,310
That's the loser that thought
the Black Plague
640
00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:37,682
would make an interesting film.
641
00:38:37,774 --> 00:38:39,981
Hey! Good luck, douche bag.
642
00:38:42,529 --> 00:38:44,861
-You can't go in there.
-I've got an appointment.
643
00:38:45,348 --> 00:38:46,813
Then go right in.
644
00:38:47,992 --> 00:38:49,948
Talk to you later.
645
00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:53,611
Hi. That was the head of the studio.
646
00:38:56,292 --> 00:38:58,374
Why are you here?
647
00:38:58,461 --> 00:39:03,376
Well, when you fired me,
I was seriously depressed.
648
00:39:04,092 --> 00:39:05,832
-I knew it.
-But...
649
00:39:06,386 --> 00:39:09,469
I went for a walk, right out of town.
650
00:39:09,556 --> 00:39:14,266
And I came across a desert,
and I fell asleep under a tree, palm tree.
651
00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:17,810
I don't do well
with other people's life-changing stories.
652
00:39:17,897 --> 00:39:22,186
And then when I woke up,
I saw like a thing sticking out of the sand.
653
00:39:22,277 --> 00:39:26,896
And I unearthed it,
and it was an ancient chest.
654
00:39:26,990 --> 00:39:29,356
Really old. 700 years old.
655
00:39:29,450 --> 00:39:33,284
And in that chest was this.
656
00:39:33,371 --> 00:39:34,451
What is it?
657
00:39:34,539 --> 00:39:37,827
It's a never-before-heard event from history.
658
00:39:38,585 --> 00:39:40,291
When does it take place?
659
00:39:40,378 --> 00:39:41,493
1300s.
660
00:39:41,588 --> 00:39:42,998
Come on, no, Mark!
661
00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:46,923
Mark, I've already told you,
we don't do Black Plague movies here!
662
00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:51,003
It's not about the Black Plague!
It's not just about the Black Plague.
663
00:39:51,097 --> 00:39:54,055
It's about... Can I just read it, please?
664
00:39:54,767 --> 00:39:57,383
Get excited. Don't tap, get excited.
665
00:39:57,478 --> 00:39:58,843
Get very excited,
666
00:39:58,938 --> 00:40:05,434
because this is one of the best discoveries
667
00:40:05,528 --> 00:40:08,691
man has ever discovered.
668
00:40:08,781 --> 00:40:10,021
And you can be part of it.
669
00:40:10,116 --> 00:40:12,732
Yes, but is there a movie there?
670
00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:16,445
The greatest movie
Lecture Films has ever made.
671
00:40:18,374 --> 00:40:19,955
Start reading.
672
00:40:22,128 --> 00:40:27,668
"On the very first day of the 14th century,
a momentous occasion occurred.
673
00:40:27,759 --> 00:40:33,550
"It began like any other day.
The sun rose, babies began to cry.
674
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:37,053
"But all of that was interrupted
when a giant, flying spaceship
675
00:40:37,143 --> 00:40:41,978
"crashed down from the skies
and landed in the heart of Babylon."
676
00:40:42,065 --> 00:40:43,100
What?
677
00:40:47,511 --> 00:40:50,820
Get everyone in here, right now.
We got a big one.
678
00:40:51,207 --> 00:40:53,068
Please, Mark, continue.
679
00:40:56,704 --> 00:40:59,821
"The ninja army unleashed
a giant fireball
680
00:40:59,916 --> 00:41:03,909
"and brought the robot dinosaur
to its knees, saving Mars, Earth
681
00:41:04,045 --> 00:41:08,505
"and the nude Amazonian alien women,
all in one sweeping motion.
682
00:41:08,591 --> 00:41:10,377
"The Earth was saved.
683
00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:14,882
"Jebediah and Aleena were allowed to marry
by alien King Wanglor.
684
00:41:14,973 --> 00:41:18,591
"It was to be the first human
nude Amazonian alien woman wedding,
685
00:41:18,726 --> 00:41:20,887
"and no expense would be spared.
686
00:41:20,979 --> 00:41:24,346
"All of Babylon and Mars were invited
to join the celebrations.
687
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:27,147
"The wedding was held
on a brisk summer's day on Mars.
688
00:41:27,235 --> 00:41:29,021
"And all of the survivors
of the Great Ninja War
689
00:41:29,112 --> 00:41:30,818
"and the Black Plague were present.
690
00:41:30,905 --> 00:41:35,274
"They feasted and danced and laughed,
and it was a joyous occasion.
691
00:41:35,410 --> 00:41:37,025
"The moment the bride and groom kissed,
692
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:40,487
"King Wanglor performed
a mind-wipe on all the humans,
693
00:41:40,581 --> 00:41:44,494
"thereby erasing all knowledge
of these events for about 700 years,
694
00:41:44,585 --> 00:41:48,123
"until one day,
a great writer by the name of Mark Bellison
695
00:41:48,256 --> 00:41:53,592
"would stumble across them in the desert
after being fired by his crap boss, Anthony,
696
00:41:55,596 --> 00:42:00,681
"and mocked by Brad and Shelley,
2 huge douche bags.
697
00:42:01,602 --> 00:42:06,096
"Lecture Films would go on to make
the picture, and it'd be a huge success.
698
00:42:06,190 --> 00:42:09,853
"And Mark would become very wealthy
and famous from it."
699
00:42:22,165 --> 00:42:24,781
What are you gonna call this, Mark?
700
00:42:27,045 --> 00:42:28,160
The Black Plague.
701
00:42:31,966 --> 00:42:34,423
I want you to start immediately
'cause I think this could be
702
00:42:34,510 --> 00:42:36,671
the best screenplay ever written.
703
00:42:37,204 --> 00:42:38,465
It will.
704
00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:42,970
It will be the best screenplay
ever written by anyone.
705
00:42:52,528 --> 00:42:53,813
Well...
706
00:42:55,031 --> 00:42:57,522
I guess congratulations
on selling your script today.
707
00:42:57,658 --> 00:42:59,740
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
708
00:43:01,996 --> 00:43:05,113
Tell me something about your family.
I don't know that much about you.
709
00:43:06,542 --> 00:43:09,329
We're sort of what you'd call unlucky.
710
00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:10,785
My dad was an alcoholic.
711
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:12,086
Sad.
712
00:43:12,173 --> 00:43:16,257
Drinking got to a point where he lost his job,
and with a family to support,
713
00:43:16,344 --> 00:43:18,380
he had no choice
but to turn to a life of crime.
714
00:43:18,513 --> 00:43:20,049
What kind of crime?
715
00:43:20,181 --> 00:43:23,048
Burglary. Houses, mainly.
716
00:43:30,399 --> 00:43:31,479
What are you doing here?
717
00:43:31,567 --> 00:43:33,523
It's Monday at noon.
You're not supposed to be at home now.
718
00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:35,602
If you must know,
I'm incredibly stressed at work.
719
00:43:35,696 --> 00:43:37,732
I've come home early.
I'm having a bit of me time.
720
00:43:37,865 --> 00:43:39,230
More importantly, what are you doing?
721
00:43:39,367 --> 00:43:40,982
Well, I was gonna rob your house.
722
00:43:41,077 --> 00:43:42,408
I don't like that idea. Not a fan of that at all.
723
00:43:42,537 --> 00:43:44,277
Well, I'm not gonna do it now
because you're in.
724
00:43:44,372 --> 00:43:45,452
And do you know what's gonna happen?
725
00:43:45,540 --> 00:43:47,030
I'm gonna call the police,
you're gonna be arrested.
726
00:43:47,125 --> 00:43:48,786
Well, I'm just gonna leave,
and you don't know my name.
727
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:50,207
-What is your name?
-Richard Bellison.
728
00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:51,704
Good to meet you.
729
00:43:51,796 --> 00:43:54,833
You've got 2 options. Option 1,
I send the police to your house, right?
730
00:43:54,924 --> 00:43:57,256
Arrest you there, embarrass you
in front of your neighbours.
731
00:43:57,385 --> 00:43:59,797
Or option 2, you just come in
and wait for the police here.
732
00:43:59,887 --> 00:44:02,048
-No, I'll wait.
-Yeah?
733
00:44:02,140 --> 00:44:04,597
-Come on in then. Do you want a cup of tea?
-Yeah, that'd be great.
734
00:44:04,725 --> 00:44:06,886
He spent the last years
of his life in jail.
735
00:44:07,562 --> 00:44:08,847
I never really knew him.
736
00:44:08,938 --> 00:44:13,102
But I've been blessed
with some luck as well in my life.
737
00:44:13,234 --> 00:44:14,974
I had a wonderful mother who raised me.
738
00:44:15,469 --> 00:44:17,776
-That's sweet.
-She's great.
739
00:44:17,905 --> 00:44:18,894
Where is she?
740
00:44:19,031 --> 00:44:21,067
At an old people's home.
741
00:44:21,701 --> 00:44:24,943
But I'm gonna get her out of there tomorrow.
742
00:44:26,038 --> 00:44:27,073
I'm gonna get her a mansion,
743
00:44:27,206 --> 00:44:29,071
so she can spend
the rest of her life in luxury.
744
00:44:29,208 --> 00:44:30,698
That's nice.
745
00:44:32,086 --> 00:44:34,202
-Compliments from the chef.
-Thank you.
746
00:44:34,297 --> 00:44:36,709
I don't know what's wrong with him today,
but these just look awful.
747
00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:37,879
They look fine to me.
748
00:44:37,967 --> 00:44:39,878
Well, you're stupid.
749
00:44:45,933 --> 00:44:47,093
I was thinking.
750
00:44:47,226 --> 00:44:51,310
Now I'm obviously rich and successful and...
751
00:44:51,439 --> 00:44:58,402
Maybe I'm in your league
and that we could be together, romantically.
752
00:44:59,572 --> 00:45:01,608
What would be the point?
753
00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:05,070
We might enjoy it.
754
00:45:07,955 --> 00:45:11,789
Well, I do like you
and I do enjoy your company.
755
00:45:11,918 --> 00:45:13,749
And if we were to get together and procreate,
756
00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:16,919
I would like the offspring
that are carrying half my genetic code
757
00:45:17,006 --> 00:45:20,544
to be well taken care of, financially stable.
758
00:45:20,635 --> 00:45:24,344
I also think you'd make a good father
and a good husband, which I like.
759
00:45:24,472 --> 00:45:25,803
Fantastic.
760
00:45:27,016 --> 00:45:29,098
Unfortunately, none of that changes the fact
761
00:45:29,185 --> 00:45:33,770
that you'd still be contributing
half the genetic code to our children.
762
00:45:36,275 --> 00:45:39,813
I don't want little fat kids with snub noses.
763
00:45:41,614 --> 00:45:42,820
Sure.
764
00:45:46,202 --> 00:45:47,487
Sorry.
765
00:45:48,162 --> 00:45:50,198
Hello? Speaking.
766
00:45:52,667 --> 00:45:53,622
She what?
767
00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:56,955
Mum?
768
00:45:57,046 --> 00:45:59,788
They just called me. What's going on?
769
00:46:00,174 --> 00:46:03,712
They said I'm probably gonna die tonight.
770
00:46:03,844 --> 00:46:05,004
What?
771
00:46:05,137 --> 00:46:07,253
Hello, there.
I was just coming in to check on her.
772
00:46:07,348 --> 00:46:08,633
You must be Martha's son.
773
00:46:08,724 --> 00:46:09,930
What do you mean, she's gonna die tonight?
774
00:46:10,017 --> 00:46:12,884
It does not look very good.
She suffered a major heart attack.
775
00:46:13,020 --> 00:46:16,763
Her heart is very weak.
Her pulse is not very strong.
776
00:46:16,857 --> 00:46:19,724
Her blood pressure is dropping rapidly,
777
00:46:19,860 --> 00:46:24,729
and she will probably suffer
a fatal heart attack sometime tonight.
778
00:46:24,865 --> 00:46:27,902
Yes. Still going to die.
779
00:46:30,913 --> 00:46:32,574
Side note,
780
00:46:32,707 --> 00:46:36,120
it's fajita night downstairs in the cafeteria,
781
00:46:36,210 --> 00:46:40,249
so you might wanna grab yourself
a little bite down there after Mom dies.
782
00:46:40,381 --> 00:46:41,541
Okay?
783
00:46:47,096 --> 00:46:50,008
I'm so scared, Mark.
784
00:46:50,099 --> 00:46:55,389
People don't talk about it,
but death is a horrible thing.
785
00:46:56,230 --> 00:46:58,687
One minute, you're alive,
786
00:47:00,026 --> 00:47:02,768
and then just like that, it's all gone.
787
00:47:05,448 --> 00:47:07,188
This is it, Mark.
788
00:47:08,909 --> 00:47:12,242
Few more hours like this and then
789
00:47:15,374 --> 00:47:18,116
an eternity of nothingness.
790
00:47:23,758 --> 00:47:24,964
Nurse!
791
00:47:29,347 --> 00:47:31,383
Her vitals are dropping.
792
00:47:32,016 --> 00:47:35,099
I'm so... I'm so frightened.
793
00:47:37,188 --> 00:47:38,428
Mum.
794
00:47:46,447 --> 00:47:49,109
Mum, listen to me.
795
00:47:49,784 --> 00:47:51,445
Listen carefully.
796
00:47:51,786 --> 00:47:54,949
You're wrong about
what happens after you die.
797
00:47:57,124 --> 00:47:59,035
It's not an eternity of nothingness.
798
00:48:01,962 --> 00:48:05,295
You go to your favourite place
in the whole world.
799
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:10,965
Yeah. And everyone you've ever loved
and who's ever loved you will be there.
800
00:48:11,097 --> 00:48:12,712
And you'll be young again.
801
00:48:12,807 --> 00:48:16,140
You'll run and jump
like you used to and dance.
802
00:48:16,227 --> 00:48:17,967
You used to dance.
803
00:48:21,816 --> 00:48:23,556
There's no pain.
804
00:48:28,322 --> 00:48:29,778
Just love.
805
00:48:33,285 --> 00:48:34,650
Happiness.
806
00:48:35,996 --> 00:48:38,328
And everyone gets a mansion.
807
00:48:39,333 --> 00:48:42,621
And it lasts for an eternity. An eternity, Mum.
808
00:48:48,008 --> 00:48:50,090
Say hello to Dad for me.
809
00:48:51,512 --> 00:48:53,298
Tell him I love him.
810
00:49:00,980 --> 00:49:03,141
-Go on.
-What else happens?
811
00:49:03,858 --> 00:49:05,018
Mum.
812
00:49:05,693 --> 00:49:08,355
I'm gonna see my mother again when I die.
813
00:49:08,446 --> 00:49:10,778
Will you tell us more, please?
814
00:50:43,624 --> 00:50:44,739
Hi.
815
00:50:45,376 --> 00:50:46,491
Hi.
816
00:51:44,768 --> 00:51:48,511
Excuse me. Excuse me...
817
00:51:50,149 --> 00:51:51,434
There he is! That's him!
818
00:51:54,486 --> 00:51:56,351
Is there only one place you go when you die?
819
00:51:56,447 --> 00:51:58,312
Will everyone who has ever died be there?
820
00:51:58,407 --> 00:51:59,487
What's this place called?
821
00:51:59,575 --> 00:52:01,156
Will I get to have sex with people there?
822
00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:02,449
Are there shopping malls?
823
00:52:02,536 --> 00:52:04,527
What about smoking?
Can we smoke up there?
824
00:52:06,832 --> 00:52:07,912
Hi.
825
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:11,117
They're saying you know something different
about what happens after you die.
826
00:52:13,213 --> 00:52:17,547
24 hours ago, Mark Bellison was
just your typical nobody writer.
827
00:52:17,635 --> 00:52:20,377
Today, people are saying
he has new information
828
00:52:20,471 --> 00:52:23,008
about what happens after you die.
829
00:52:23,649 --> 00:52:24,930
This is bad.
830
00:52:25,017 --> 00:52:28,384
I just need to get... I know, I'm sorry.
Pardon me. Pardon me, please.
831
00:52:28,879 --> 00:52:31,312
Excuse me. Excuse me.
832
00:52:32,900 --> 00:52:34,140
Quick.
833
00:52:34,276 --> 00:52:35,561
Come in.
834
00:52:36,236 --> 00:52:37,442
Yeah.
835
00:52:40,949 --> 00:52:42,780
Just tell me what you told your mom.
836
00:52:42,868 --> 00:52:44,733
I don't think I should. Anything can happen.
837
00:52:44,828 --> 00:52:47,786
I've got to keep my mouth shut from now on.
Why did I...
838
00:52:47,873 --> 00:52:50,831
Whatever you said
obviously affected a lot of people.
839
00:52:50,918 --> 00:52:52,579
I mean, I don't think you have
the choice to keep it in.
840
00:52:52,670 --> 00:52:54,331
Yes, I do. I could walk out that door now.
841
00:52:54,463 --> 00:52:57,045
I could get on the first plane to Namibia.
No one knows me there.
842
00:52:57,132 --> 00:53:00,750
Just tell me what you said, Mark.
Please, just tell me.
843
00:53:00,844 --> 00:53:04,803
My mum was dying, she was scared,
she was shaking all over,
844
00:53:04,890 --> 00:53:08,257
and she said she didn't want to
just enter a world of nothingness.
845
00:53:08,352 --> 00:53:12,186
So I said, "You're wrong about what happens
after you die."
846
00:53:12,690 --> 00:53:14,772
And I told her, I said,
847
00:53:15,776 --> 00:53:17,607
"It's not a world of nothingness.
848
00:53:17,695 --> 00:53:20,732
"You go to the best place ever,
where all your friends are
849
00:53:22,825 --> 00:53:24,190
"and you have an eternity of joy."
850
00:53:25,994 --> 00:53:27,734
I made her happy.
851
00:53:32,918 --> 00:53:34,704
How do you know these things?
852
00:53:34,795 --> 00:53:36,205
Well, I...
853
00:53:37,656 --> 00:53:39,292
That makes me happy.
854
00:53:40,551 --> 00:53:43,714
You have to tell them everything you know.
You have to. It's too big.
855
00:53:43,804 --> 00:53:46,136
Listen to me, you don't understand.
The things I told my mum...
856
00:53:46,265 --> 00:53:48,677
Didn't you say that it made her happy
to hear them?
857
00:53:48,767 --> 00:53:50,598
-Yes.
-And how did that make you feel?
858
00:53:50,686 --> 00:53:52,392
-Good.
-So imagine how it would feel
859
00:53:52,479 --> 00:53:55,312
to do the same for all of these people.
860
00:54:01,363 --> 00:54:02,728
Okay.
861
00:54:04,783 --> 00:54:06,489
I need some time.
862
00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:11,286
You sure I should do this?
863
00:54:12,124 --> 00:54:13,864
Of course you should.
864
00:54:13,959 --> 00:54:17,793
Mark, what you know
is gonna change mankind forever.
865
00:54:19,131 --> 00:54:22,168
It's the most important thing
the world has ever heard.
866
00:54:25,596 --> 00:54:27,382
I'll let you work.
867
00:54:41,153 --> 00:54:42,689
Come in.
868
00:54:44,948 --> 00:54:46,609
I brought pizza.
869
00:54:47,367 --> 00:54:49,198
How come you never told me
we all get mansions?
870
00:54:49,286 --> 00:54:50,776
-I didn't...
-Just let him keep working.
871
00:54:50,871 --> 00:54:52,611
It's one thing that you invented
the bicycle, but...
872
00:54:52,706 --> 00:54:54,947
Just keep working, don't worry about...
873
00:54:55,042 --> 00:54:58,034
I've known him for a long time,
and he never told me that.
874
00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:03,043
-I got plain, and I got...
-That's good.
875
00:55:03,217 --> 00:55:06,801
I got another plain.
876
00:55:09,556 --> 00:55:11,547
In London, England, they wait.
877
00:55:11,683 --> 00:55:16,552
In Rome, Italy, they wait.
In New York City, they wait.
878
00:55:16,688 --> 00:55:18,804
The world has come to a standstill,
879
00:55:18,899 --> 00:55:21,140
with everyone
at their televisions and radios,
880
00:55:21,235 --> 00:55:22,896
or here on this lawn,
881
00:55:23,028 --> 00:55:27,067
waiting for Mark Bellison to come forth
and tell the people what he knows.
882
00:55:46,552 --> 00:55:47,667
Hi.
883
00:55:50,389 --> 00:55:51,925
I've finished.
884
00:55:54,268 --> 00:55:55,678
Are you ready?
885
00:55:56,937 --> 00:55:58,227
I guess so.
886
00:55:58,522 --> 00:56:02,106
I wish I had something better
to put these on, though, like tablets.
887
00:56:02,192 --> 00:56:04,353
Or just even better paper.
888
00:56:10,075 --> 00:56:12,157
-That feels better.
-Good.
889
00:56:12,911 --> 00:56:13,946
Just...
890
00:56:14,955 --> 00:56:16,695
Just tell them what you know.
891
00:56:16,790 --> 00:56:19,748
-Good luck out there, man.
-Cheers.
892
00:56:30,804 --> 00:56:31,793
24 hours ago,
893
00:56:31,930 --> 00:56:34,717
Mark Bellison was just
your typical nobody writer.
894
00:56:34,808 --> 00:56:37,720
Today, people are saying
he has new information
895
00:56:37,811 --> 00:56:40,473
about what happens after you die.
896
00:56:56,121 --> 00:56:57,611
Sorry.
897
00:57:00,959 --> 00:57:02,324
I guess
898
00:57:03,170 --> 00:57:07,664
you heard about the stuff
that I told my mum the other night.
899
00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:09,877
That's why you're here.
900
00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:12,171
I know some things,
some very important things
901
00:57:12,304 --> 00:57:15,137
about what happens to you after you die.
902
00:57:16,725 --> 00:57:19,011
Everything you need to know
903
00:57:19,144 --> 00:57:21,556
is written on these pizza boxes.
904
00:57:31,114 --> 00:57:32,604
"Number 1,
905
00:57:33,033 --> 00:57:36,696
"there is a man in the sky
who controls everything.
906
00:57:38,538 --> 00:57:40,175
"Number 2..."
907
00:57:41,208 --> 00:57:42,744
What does he look like?
908
00:57:43,176 --> 00:57:47,119
Tall, big hands for making stuff.
Good head of hair.
909
00:57:47,214 --> 00:57:48,454
What ethnicity is he?
910
00:57:48,548 --> 00:57:52,006
He's a new type of ethnicity.
911
00:57:52,094 --> 00:57:55,211
He's a mixture of all our ethnicities.
912
00:57:55,305 --> 00:57:56,715
-Does he live in the clouds?
-No.
913
00:57:56,807 --> 00:57:58,138
-Can we see him?
-No.
914
00:57:58,225 --> 00:58:00,841
He lives higher than the clouds,
too high to see him.
915
00:58:00,936 --> 00:58:03,268
-So he lives in space.
-Not that high.
916
00:58:03,397 --> 00:58:04,512
So then the thermosphere?
917
00:58:04,606 --> 00:58:08,394
Sorry, people. I've got a lot to
get through here. Can we just...
918
00:58:08,819 --> 00:58:13,313
Man lives in the sky, you can't see him.
He controls everything. Cool?
919
00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:15,572
Good. "Number 2,
920
00:58:15,742 --> 00:58:19,610
"when you die, you don't disappear
into an eternity of nothingness.
921
00:58:19,746 --> 00:58:22,579
"Instead, you go to a really great place."
922
00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:25,040
"Number 3,
923
00:58:25,127 --> 00:58:28,585
"in that place, everyone will get a mansion."
924
00:58:34,302 --> 00:58:38,045
-What kind of mansion?
-The best mansion you could think of.
925
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:40,256
I was thinking of a horrible mansion!
926
00:58:40,350 --> 00:58:41,635
Well, no.
927
00:58:41,768 --> 00:58:44,225
It's the best mansion you could ever think of.
928
00:58:44,312 --> 00:58:47,395
Not the one you're thinking of
right now, but ever.
929
00:58:47,482 --> 00:58:51,896
Whatever the best mansion is you'd like,
that's the one you're gonna get.
930
00:58:51,987 --> 00:58:53,693
"Number 4,
931
00:58:53,780 --> 00:58:56,692
"when you die,
all the people you love will be there."
932
00:58:56,783 --> 00:58:57,943
Will they have their own mansions?
933
00:58:58,035 --> 00:59:00,401
Yeah. Of course. Everyone gets a mansion.
934
00:59:00,495 --> 00:59:01,655
What if I want them to live in my mansion?
935
00:59:01,747 --> 00:59:05,365
Well, that's fine. They'll leave their mansion.
They'll come and live with you, won't they?
936
00:59:05,459 --> 00:59:08,622
-What happens to their mansion?
-I don't know. It goes back on the market.
937
00:59:08,712 --> 00:59:10,794
Can we... "Number 5,
938
00:59:12,257 --> 00:59:16,170
"when you die, there will be free ice cream
for everyone.
939
00:59:16,428 --> 00:59:20,797
"All day and all night,
whatever flavours you can think of."
940
00:59:21,183 --> 00:59:23,720
-Even bad flavours?
-Why would you think of bad flavours?
941
00:59:23,810 --> 00:59:25,801
You just said every flavour I could think of.
942
00:59:26,196 --> 00:59:28,683
No. I just thought of vanilla and skunks.
943
00:59:28,774 --> 00:59:29,980
Well, don't eat that, then.
944
00:59:30,067 --> 00:59:32,183
I just thought
that chocolate sauce was diarrhoea.
945
00:59:32,277 --> 00:59:35,861
Don't put that on the ice cream, then!
What is the matter with you people?
946
00:59:35,947 --> 00:59:38,654
Can we... Please. "Number 6,
947
00:59:38,742 --> 00:59:42,200
"if you do bad things, you won't get to go
to this great place when you die."
948
00:59:42,287 --> 00:59:44,073
Where will you go?
949
00:59:44,623 --> 00:59:47,160
A terrible place, the worst place imaginable.
950
00:59:47,250 --> 00:59:49,081
What constitutes a bad thing?
951
00:59:49,169 --> 00:59:52,127
Awful crimes, rape, murder, things like that.
952
00:59:52,214 --> 00:59:54,045
-Is punching someone bad?
-Yes.
953
00:59:54,132 --> 00:59:56,839
-What if they're trying to hurt you?
-Well, then it's fine.
954
00:59:56,927 --> 00:59:58,383
-Is cursing bad?
-No.
955
00:59:58,470 --> 01:00:00,802
-What about being late for work?
-No, that's...
956
01:00:00,889 --> 01:00:04,552
I mean, you might lose your job
if the boss doesn't like it,
957
01:00:04,643 --> 01:00:06,679
but it won't affect what happens
to you after you die.
958
01:00:06,770 --> 01:00:09,762
What about if you forget to feed your dog?
959
01:00:10,023 --> 01:00:12,184
Well, then, if you forget, I mean,
it's bad for the dog.
960
01:00:12,275 --> 01:00:16,359
If the dog dies, it's bad, but it's not...
I mean, don't do it on purpose.
961
01:00:16,446 --> 01:00:20,564
Don't buy a dog just to starve it
for a laugh, but... Can we...
962
01:00:20,659 --> 01:00:23,867
If I do just one bad thing,
do I go to the bad place?
963
01:00:23,954 --> 01:00:25,069
No!
964
01:00:26,706 --> 01:00:28,867
You get 3 chances.
965
01:00:29,417 --> 01:00:31,533
3 bad things and you're out.
966
01:00:31,628 --> 01:00:32,708
Like baseball!
967
01:00:34,131 --> 01:00:36,873
Sort of. So, anything else?
968
01:00:37,050 --> 01:00:38,085
Yeah!
969
01:00:38,176 --> 01:00:41,168
-Please, can we just move on?
-No!
970
01:00:41,513 --> 01:00:43,094
We have to know everything that's bad.
971
01:00:43,181 --> 01:00:44,671
Yeah.
972
01:00:47,144 --> 01:00:48,224
Fine.
973
01:00:48,311 --> 01:00:49,642
Is it bad to wear pants?
974
01:00:50,113 --> 01:00:51,428
What the...
975
01:00:53,608 --> 01:00:58,944
No. There is no hairstyle
that can put you in the bad place.
976
01:00:59,030 --> 01:01:00,395
We've been through this.
977
01:01:00,490 --> 01:01:05,655
The main ones are things like hurting people
physically, on purpose, okay?
978
01:01:05,745 --> 01:01:09,988
Taking their stuff, doing things
to people they don't want done,
979
01:01:10,083 --> 01:01:12,620
murdering people on purpose.
980
01:01:13,170 --> 01:01:15,001
Okay. "Number 9,
981
01:01:15,589 --> 01:01:17,921
"the man in the sky who controls everything
982
01:01:18,008 --> 01:01:21,045
"decides if you go to the good place
or the bad place.
983
01:01:21,136 --> 01:01:23,627
"He also decides who lives and who dies."
984
01:01:23,722 --> 01:01:25,929
-Does he cause natural disasters?
-Yes.
985
01:01:26,474 --> 01:01:29,341
-Did he cause my mom to get cancer?
-Yes.
986
01:01:29,436 --> 01:01:31,927
Did he cause that tree to land
on my car last week?
987
01:01:32,022 --> 01:01:35,389
-Yeah.
-Did he kill my dad with that heart attack?
988
01:01:38,153 --> 01:01:39,233
Yeah.
989
01:01:44,618 --> 01:01:46,279
I say fuck the man that lives in the sky!
990
01:01:50,040 --> 01:01:51,200
Yeah, that guy's evil!
991
01:01:51,291 --> 01:01:54,533
That guy's a coward, hiding up there
doing bad things to us.
992
01:01:54,628 --> 01:01:55,788
Why doesn't he do it to our faces?
993
01:01:55,879 --> 01:01:58,461
We have to stop that evil bastard
before he kills us all!
994
01:02:02,802 --> 01:02:04,918
Wait, wait, listen.
995
01:02:05,972 --> 01:02:10,215
The man who lives in the sky
and controls everything
996
01:02:10,310 --> 01:02:13,222
is also responsible for
all the good stuff that happens.
997
01:02:14,648 --> 01:02:18,232
He's the guy that saved my life on that
fishing trip when the boat capsized?
998
01:02:18,318 --> 01:02:20,650
-Yes.
-Did he capsize the boat?
999
01:02:20,987 --> 01:02:22,067
Yeah.
1000
01:02:22,155 --> 01:02:24,897
He killed my grandmother
and left me those millions of dollars?
1001
01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:26,447
You bet yeah.
1002
01:02:26,576 --> 01:02:29,784
So, he's the one
who cured my mom's cancer?
1003
01:02:30,121 --> 01:02:31,327
Yeah.
1004
01:02:31,498 --> 01:02:35,662
So, he's kind of a good guy,
but he's also kind of a prick, too.
1005
01:02:35,752 --> 01:02:38,744
Yeah. Right, but check this out, okay?
1006
01:02:38,838 --> 01:02:42,831
"Number 10, even if the man in the sky
does bad stuff to you,
1007
01:02:42,968 --> 01:02:47,177
"he makes up for it by giving you
an eternity of good stuff after you die."
1008
01:02:49,474 --> 01:02:52,841
As long as you don't do any of that
bad stuff that you mentioned, right?
1009
01:02:52,978 --> 01:02:55,765
-Yeah, of course.
-So it's kind of a test.
1010
01:02:56,022 --> 01:02:57,102
Yeah.
1011
01:02:57,190 --> 01:02:59,522
Well, that's everything I know.
1012
01:03:07,534 --> 01:03:10,025
How do you know all these things?
1013
01:03:10,161 --> 01:03:12,322
Because the man in the sky told me.
1014
01:03:12,414 --> 01:03:14,826
Yeah, well, how come we're just finding out
about these things now,
1015
01:03:14,916 --> 01:03:17,328
millions of years into our existence?
1016
01:03:17,419 --> 01:03:20,832
I don't know. He forgot.
Got... Seen all the stuff he does?
1017
01:03:21,047 --> 01:03:22,412
Thank you.
1018
01:03:29,472 --> 01:03:31,383
Think that went well.
1019
01:05:00,814 --> 01:05:03,851
Cheers, cheers.
1020
01:05:33,346 --> 01:05:35,007
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
1021
01:05:46,526 --> 01:05:51,771
Did I ever tell you about the time
I saved a baby from a burning building
1022
01:05:51,865 --> 01:05:54,527
and there was a bear, and...
1023
01:05:54,617 --> 01:05:56,027
Wait, there was a burning building
and a bear?
1024
01:05:56,119 --> 01:06:02,206
Yeah, well, I heard a baby crying
and so I ran in there through the flames,
1025
01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:06,035
not caring about my own safety,
got the baby, jumped out.
1026
01:06:06,129 --> 01:06:07,869
It was the second storey, jumped out.
1027
01:06:09,090 --> 01:06:11,297
I landed, baby safe. But then this bear...
1028
01:06:11,384 --> 01:06:13,090
-Wait, how did you survive?
-Well, let me tell you.
1029
01:06:13,178 --> 01:06:14,918
No, how did you survive the jump?
1030
01:06:15,013 --> 01:06:16,844
I've seen you twist your ankle
crossing the street.
1031
01:06:16,931 --> 01:06:21,265
Because on this occasion
I landed in something soft.
1032
01:06:21,352 --> 01:06:22,387
So...
1033
01:06:22,479 --> 01:06:23,810
What did you land in?
1034
01:06:23,897 --> 01:06:25,228
-Jam.
-Jam.
1035
01:06:25,315 --> 01:06:29,308
It was a barrel of jam.
It was a jam factory on fire.
1036
01:06:29,402 --> 01:06:30,892
Probably what attracted the bear
in the first place.
1037
01:06:30,987 --> 01:06:33,228
-Right.
-You haven't heard of that?
1038
01:06:33,656 --> 01:06:37,274
The burning building, baby,
bear, factory, jam incident?
1039
01:06:37,368 --> 01:06:38,483
Shoot, no.
1040
01:06:38,578 --> 01:06:41,365
Yeah, classic. So, I land.
1041
01:06:41,581 --> 01:06:45,324
This bear is coming toward,
big, lumbering, eating machine
1042
01:06:45,418 --> 01:06:47,830
like that happy chap over there.
1043
01:06:47,921 --> 01:06:49,912
-What, sleeping, ugly fatty?
-Well...
1044
01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:52,088
-He's not happy.
-Well, how do you know?
1045
01:06:52,675 --> 01:06:55,667
What do you mean?
Look at him. He's a loser.
1046
01:06:56,763 --> 01:06:59,254
You can't tell that from
just looking at the guy.
1047
01:06:59,349 --> 01:07:02,091
He could be the world's greatest poet.
1048
01:07:02,685 --> 01:07:04,596
Well, he probably is a loser. Bad example.
1049
01:07:04,729 --> 01:07:08,096
But I'm saying, it doesn't have to be,
just by...
1050
01:07:09,025 --> 01:07:11,687
Okay. What do you see
when you see this fellow here?
1051
01:07:11,778 --> 01:07:13,109
Short, sweaty, bald guy.
1052
01:07:13,196 --> 01:07:14,606
-Right.
-Hi!
1053
01:07:15,406 --> 01:07:17,112
He's carrying a briefcase.
He's in a hurry.
1054
01:07:17,242 --> 01:07:19,858
He's probably off to
a really important meeting.
1055
01:07:19,953 --> 01:07:22,114
He's probably a high-powered businessman.
1056
01:07:22,247 --> 01:07:24,033
You see more than I do.
1057
01:07:24,123 --> 01:07:26,705
Well, because, if you look...
1058
01:07:27,794 --> 01:07:29,785
What do you see when you see those guys?
1059
01:07:31,631 --> 01:07:35,123
2 nerdy losers in hats?
1060
01:07:35,301 --> 01:07:38,919
Yeah. Good. Good observational skills.
1061
01:07:39,097 --> 01:07:45,093
But what I mean is, look beyond
just their appearance and look at them.
1062
01:07:45,562 --> 01:07:48,304
They're holding hands. They're in love.
1063
01:07:52,485 --> 01:07:54,646
Hey, do me.
1064
01:07:54,988 --> 01:07:58,230
I mean, just what do you see?
What do you see in me?
1065
01:07:58,324 --> 01:08:00,610
You're pretty.
1066
01:08:01,077 --> 01:08:02,237
You've got a wonderful smile.
1067
01:08:02,328 --> 01:08:05,820
-Well, that's what everyone sees.
-I wasn't finished.
1068
01:08:06,749 --> 01:08:09,912
You're the sweetest,
most caring person I know.
1069
01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:13,166
And you've got a freckle there
I've never told you about how much I love.
1070
01:08:13,298 --> 01:08:15,084
You usually smile,
1071
01:08:15,174 --> 01:08:18,837
but sometimes you spend your day in bed,
eating and crying.
1072
01:08:18,970 --> 01:08:22,133
You'll hold someone's hand
after their mum...
1073
01:08:25,143 --> 01:08:28,306
You're the most wonderful person
I've ever met.
1074
01:08:32,984 --> 01:08:35,566
What do you see when you look at me?
1075
01:08:40,867 --> 01:08:43,700
You're chubby and you have a snub nose.
1076
01:08:45,496 --> 01:08:47,157
Yeah. That's about it.
1077
01:08:52,920 --> 01:08:54,410
You're smart.
1078
01:08:56,507 --> 01:08:57,917
You're kind.
1079
01:08:58,843 --> 01:09:01,550
You're the sweetest man I've ever met.
1080
01:09:02,388 --> 01:09:06,222
You are definitely
the most interesting person I know.
1081
01:09:06,392 --> 01:09:08,553
And you are fun to be with.
1082
01:09:09,228 --> 01:09:11,560
And you see the world in a way
that nobody else sees the world,
1083
01:09:11,689 --> 01:09:14,396
and I like the way you see the world.
1084
01:09:15,234 --> 01:09:17,395
And you're my best friend.
1085
01:09:17,904 --> 01:09:21,192
You make me happier
than anyone I've ever known.
1086
01:09:29,791 --> 01:09:32,624
-Why can't we be together, then?
-Because of the whole genetics thing.
1087
01:09:32,752 --> 01:09:35,209
Little fat kids with snub noses.
1088
01:09:38,591 --> 01:09:43,051
It's a shame that being rich and famous
doesn't change your genetics.
1089
01:09:44,597 --> 01:09:46,428
Because I love you.
1090
01:09:49,811 --> 01:09:53,520
Does being rich and famous
change your genetic material?
1091
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:02,315
No.
1092
01:10:02,865 --> 01:10:07,655
It doesn't. Our kids would be
little fat things with snub noses.
1093
01:10:13,876 --> 01:10:16,538
Thanks for that, Jim.
Next up, Mark Bellison.
1094
01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:17,664
Does he deserve all the money and fame
1095
01:10:17,797 --> 01:10:20,834
or is he just some fat loser
who hears things from the man in the sky?
1096
01:10:20,967 --> 01:10:22,082
I say fat loser, Bob.
1097
01:10:22,176 --> 01:10:24,838
It's as simple as this, Jim.
Just look at the guy.
1098
01:10:24,971 --> 01:10:27,713
He's fat, he's stupid-looking.
What else do you need to know?
1099
01:10:28,182 --> 01:10:30,093
And what about the hundreds of people
camping out on his lawn?
1100
01:10:30,184 --> 01:10:32,140
I mean, don 't those people have jobs?
1101
01:10:32,228 --> 01:10:34,014
Maybe they're all fat losers like him.
1102
01:10:36,315 --> 01:10:37,725
Stay tuned, we got weather in 5.
1103
01:10:40,153 --> 01:10:42,815
And then write, "The duck flew all the way
to Alaska to meet up
1104
01:10:44,073 --> 01:10:47,065
"with his friend
who was a polar bear who lived there."
1105
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:49,401
-"And the polar bear..."
-How many of these have you had?
1106
01:10:49,495 --> 01:10:51,986
Doesn't matter... "The end."
1107
01:10:52,832 --> 01:10:55,414
-That's a strange ending.
-It is, isn't it?
1108
01:10:55,501 --> 01:10:57,412
And you want me to take this over
to Lecture Films?
1109
01:10:57,503 --> 01:10:58,788
-Yeah.
-Okay.
1110
01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:01,087
Tell them to film that one this week.
1111
01:11:01,174 --> 01:11:02,380
Okay.
1112
01:11:03,384 --> 01:11:05,045
Tell them it's for kids.
1113
01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:07,134
Kids will love that, won't they?
1114
01:11:07,221 --> 01:11:10,008
Bears and ducks in cars.
1115
01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:13,807
-What's that?
-It's a birthday card for you.
1116
01:11:13,895 --> 01:11:16,011
-You want it?
-Thank you.
1117
01:11:16,697 --> 01:11:19,184
I came to tell you that I can't
watch a movie with you tonight.
1118
01:11:19,275 --> 01:11:21,391
-Why not?
-'Cause I have a date.
1119
01:11:21,486 --> 01:11:23,067
Who with?
1120
01:11:23,946 --> 01:11:26,562
-Brad Kessler.
-Brad Kessler?
1121
01:11:27,200 --> 01:11:31,034
You know what I think of him.
I think he is the world's biggest douche bag.
1122
01:11:31,120 --> 01:11:32,735
-To you. Not to me.
-Yes.
1123
01:11:32,830 --> 01:11:34,115
He's very sweet and kind to me.
1124
01:11:34,207 --> 01:11:37,574
Well, of course he is. Look at you!
A shark would be sweet and kind to you.
1125
01:11:37,668 --> 01:11:39,329
-It would?
-No, it wouldn't.
1126
01:11:39,796 --> 01:11:42,458
Do not get in with a shark.
It will just... I was just...
1127
01:11:42,548 --> 01:11:45,210
-But don't go out with him.
-Why not?
1128
01:11:45,551 --> 01:11:48,588
-Well, he's an excellent match for me.
-Well, don't sleep with him.
1129
01:11:48,679 --> 01:11:50,886
-Why not?
-What? You were going to?
1130
01:11:50,973 --> 01:11:52,258
If I don't sleep with him,
1131
01:11:52,350 --> 01:11:54,887
then he'll find another acceptable mate
who would sleep with him.
1132
01:11:54,977 --> 01:11:56,342
-Then I'll miss out.
-No, he won't.
1133
01:11:56,437 --> 01:11:58,598
-Yes.
-No, no, no...
1134
01:11:58,689 --> 01:11:59,769
You haven't thought this through.
1135
01:11:59,857 --> 01:12:01,643
Because if I was going out
on a date with you...
1136
01:12:01,734 --> 01:12:03,270
And if you were attractive, like Brad.
1137
01:12:03,361 --> 01:12:05,693
Yes. Well, why...
1138
01:12:06,113 --> 01:12:09,731
But I would... I would lose respect for you...
1139
01:12:09,826 --> 01:12:11,987
if you slept with me on the first date.
1140
01:12:12,078 --> 01:12:14,114
I would because I...
1141
01:12:14,205 --> 01:12:16,412
Just chat, just talk to him, sure.
1142
01:12:16,499 --> 01:12:18,364
But, listen, do not, whatever...
1143
01:12:18,459 --> 01:12:21,826
Let him know
what a wonderful person you are just by...
1144
01:12:21,921 --> 01:12:25,459
Verbally, not with... Because he will then go,
1145
01:12:25,591 --> 01:12:28,833
"Oh, I... I want to date her...
I want a second date."
1146
01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:30,259
Do not...
1147
01:12:30,596 --> 01:12:35,511
Do not have sex with anyone
unless you are married to them
1148
01:12:35,852 --> 01:12:37,308
is the rule.
1149
01:12:38,688 --> 01:12:39,973
Settled.
1150
01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:43,305
-Okay.
-Good.
1151
01:12:49,365 --> 01:12:50,525
What's this?
1152
01:12:50,616 --> 01:12:52,652
Birthday coupon for sex.
1153
01:12:55,705 --> 01:13:00,790
It's a coupon for birthday sex.
So it's sex with you 'cause it's my birthday?
1154
01:13:00,877 --> 01:13:02,617
What do you get the man
who has everything?
1155
01:13:04,714 --> 01:13:06,545
-Sorry.
-Forget about it now. Sorry, I didn't know.
1156
01:13:06,632 --> 01:13:09,374
-No, no, no, stop.
-We're not married.
1157
01:13:11,971 --> 01:13:14,007
Which is what you just said.
1158
01:13:14,098 --> 01:13:17,090
Do not sleep with anyone
unless you're married to them.
1159
01:13:17,935 --> 01:13:21,644
That's what I said. But hold on, though.
What about the coupon?
1160
01:13:21,731 --> 01:13:24,518
-The rule is...
-Yes, I know what the rule is.
1161
01:13:24,609 --> 01:13:26,224
So we can't...
1162
01:13:26,319 --> 01:13:28,731
The coupon, it's just such a...
1163
01:13:28,821 --> 01:13:30,277
-Rule.
-Such a shame to waste it.
1164
01:13:30,364 --> 01:13:31,649
-But, I mean, you know...
-It's too bad.
1165
01:13:31,741 --> 01:13:34,198
It is, it is.
1166
01:13:34,285 --> 01:13:36,776
Now I can't redeem sex with this.
1167
01:13:37,121 --> 01:13:40,204
So you'd like what?
What am I gonna get you now?
1168
01:13:40,291 --> 01:13:42,657
Can't have sex with you.
1169
01:13:43,294 --> 01:13:45,785
You probably just prefer socks, right?
1170
01:13:45,880 --> 01:13:48,667
Yeah. Shitty little woollen ones,
instead of sex.
1171
01:13:48,758 --> 01:13:49,793
Hello?
1172
01:13:50,384 --> 01:13:51,590
He's coming.
1173
01:13:52,595 --> 01:13:54,426
Well, why have you invited him here?
1174
01:13:54,513 --> 01:13:56,378
I didn't. It was his idea.
1175
01:13:56,474 --> 01:13:58,305
I bet it was. It's my house.
1176
01:13:58,643 --> 01:14:00,554
-Anna.
-You are so handsome.
1177
01:14:00,645 --> 01:14:02,181
I know.
1178
01:14:02,772 --> 01:14:05,889
-Mark. You look like trash.
-Your opinion.
1179
01:14:05,983 --> 01:14:07,268
Let's go have some fun.
1180
01:14:07,360 --> 01:14:09,772
-Not too much.
-Hey! What are you doing with that?
1181
01:14:09,862 --> 01:14:11,648
That is a coupon for birthday sex.
1182
01:14:11,739 --> 01:14:13,320
-With you?
-Yes.
1183
01:14:13,407 --> 01:14:15,523
But he doesn't want it
because we're not married.
1184
01:14:15,618 --> 01:14:17,825
-He'd rather have a pair of socks, right?
-Can I have it?
1185
01:14:18,212 --> 01:14:21,496
Sure. Of course, we'll have to
get married to use it.
1186
01:14:21,582 --> 01:14:23,664
Well, maybe we just will.
1187
01:14:24,502 --> 01:14:27,665
Well, don't... I'm not happy for that. What...
1188
01:14:29,882 --> 01:14:31,793
I'll call you later.
1189
01:14:40,726 --> 01:14:42,266
I thought we'd celebrate tonight.
1190
01:14:42,561 --> 01:14:44,973
Today I was handed
a very impressive promotion.
1191
01:14:45,064 --> 01:14:48,556
Not only am I the head writer
of the coveted first century,
1192
01:14:48,651 --> 01:14:51,393
but today I was handed the reins
to the 18th, 19th, and 20th centuries.
1193
01:14:51,487 --> 01:14:53,899
-That is exciting.
-It's very, very exciting.
1194
01:14:53,990 --> 01:14:55,480
No other writer's ever had
that many centuries,
1195
01:14:55,574 --> 01:14:58,236
let alone 4 of the most popular ones.
1196
01:14:58,369 --> 01:15:01,202
Mark's never had more than one century.
1197
01:15:01,414 --> 01:15:02,824
Mark also has the man in the sky
1198
01:15:02,915 --> 01:15:04,325
telling him stories
no one's ever heard before.
1199
01:15:04,417 --> 01:15:06,749
Yes, but does he look like this?
1200
01:15:06,877 --> 01:15:12,213
Does he have my genetics?
My confidence? My charisma?
1201
01:15:13,342 --> 01:15:14,582
-No.
-No.
1202
01:15:16,178 --> 01:15:17,588
I'm gonna send that bottle back.
1203
01:15:17,722 --> 01:15:21,840
Not because it's turned, but because
I want to appear discerning and powerful.
1204
01:15:21,934 --> 01:15:23,014
Yes, sir.
1205
01:15:23,102 --> 01:15:24,592
Also, I think we're ready to order.
1206
01:15:24,729 --> 01:15:27,596
She will have the small Caesar salad
because I don't want her to get fat.
1207
01:15:27,690 --> 01:15:30,932
And I will have the filet, rare,
because it's expensive,
1208
01:15:31,068 --> 01:15:33,605
it tastes good, and I'm important.
1209
01:15:33,946 --> 01:15:35,026
Excellent.
1210
01:15:35,114 --> 01:15:38,777
I understand why you want me to have
the small Caesar salad, but I am very hungry.
1211
01:15:38,868 --> 01:15:41,951
-Maybe we could add some chicken.
-No, no, no...
1212
01:15:42,038 --> 01:15:44,871
We both know that one day
you're going to lose your looks.
1213
01:15:44,957 --> 01:15:47,869
You know, get old, wrinkly, ugly.
1214
01:15:48,627 --> 01:15:52,540
Why throw a weight problem on top of it
with delicious, fatty chicken?
1215
01:15:52,631 --> 01:15:54,246
Of course not.
1216
01:15:58,103 --> 01:16:00,795
I'm sorry. That must be my mom
calling to check on our date.
1217
01:16:00,931 --> 01:16:03,263
She's very controlling and impatient.
1218
01:16:03,350 --> 01:16:04,635
Let me talk to her.
1219
01:16:04,810 --> 01:16:06,641
Okay.
1220
01:16:09,523 --> 01:16:12,310
Anna's mom, you're on with Brad Kessler.
1221
01:16:12,443 --> 01:16:14,910
Yes, your daughter looks beautiful.
1222
01:16:15,488 --> 01:16:18,195
No, she hasn't blown it by boring me.
1223
01:16:22,620 --> 01:16:24,861
Okay, you're annoying me now.
1224
01:16:25,164 --> 01:16:27,246
Your voice is shrill. Goodbye.
1225
01:16:27,333 --> 01:16:28,539
Sorry.
1226
01:16:32,463 --> 01:16:33,828
Thank you.
1227
01:16:45,309 --> 01:16:48,016
You know, you are a
near perfect match for me,
1228
01:16:48,145 --> 01:16:51,353
physically, genetically,
socially, economically.
1229
01:16:52,316 --> 01:16:53,305
I agree.
1230
01:16:53,400 --> 01:16:54,936
And a large part of me just wants to bag you
1231
01:16:55,027 --> 01:16:56,983
because Mark's in love with you
and I enjoy watching him fail.
1232
01:16:57,071 --> 01:16:59,562
Why do you hate Mark so much?
He's a really good friend of mine.
1233
01:16:59,698 --> 01:17:00,904
Because he's a loser.
1234
01:17:01,033 --> 01:17:04,696
I'm the one who should be living in
a mansion and talking to the man in the sky.
1235
01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:09,531
But I can have the one thing that he can't.
1236
01:17:09,708 --> 01:17:10,993
You.
1237
01:17:11,335 --> 01:17:13,041
Because you are sensible.
1238
01:17:13,212 --> 01:17:15,294
You want to marry a strong genetic match
1239
01:17:15,381 --> 01:17:18,589
and maybe one day
have children that aren't...
1240
01:17:19,051 --> 01:17:21,417
Little fat kids with snub noses.
1241
01:17:22,513 --> 01:17:23,753
Exactly.
1242
01:17:24,348 --> 01:17:25,884
Exactly. Yeah.
1243
01:17:41,907 --> 01:17:44,899
The man in the sky,
in his infinite wisdom,
1244
01:17:45,035 --> 01:17:49,654
has told us that we can do 2 bad things
and still get into our mansion.
1245
01:17:49,748 --> 01:17:50,783
So I say to you...
1246
01:17:50,916 --> 01:17:54,500
No. I won't move into your mansion with you
when we die. You're really smothering me.
1247
01:17:54,587 --> 01:17:58,171
The more you push me away,
the more attracted I am to you.
1248
01:17:58,257 --> 01:18:00,213
Out of the way, fatty!
1249
01:18:00,593 --> 01:18:02,083
Hey, you're Mark Bellison.
1250
01:18:02,219 --> 01:18:04,084
Yeah. You gonna apologise?
1251
01:18:04,221 --> 01:18:05,552
For what?
1252
01:18:23,115 --> 01:18:25,231
-Who wants another drink?
-Yeah, please.
1253
01:18:25,326 --> 01:18:26,941
I'll take one.
1254
01:18:28,621 --> 01:18:29,952
Thanks.
1255
01:18:31,248 --> 01:18:32,613
What's going on?
1256
01:18:32,750 --> 01:18:34,615
What, I can't be depressed
1257
01:18:34,752 --> 01:18:37,789
'cause I've got a big house
and loads of money?
1258
01:18:37,922 --> 01:18:39,913
What about you guys?
Are you happier, at least?
1259
01:18:40,007 --> 01:18:41,747
Since the man in the sky?
1260
01:18:41,842 --> 01:18:44,208
-Yeah, definitely.
-Very happy.
1261
01:18:44,303 --> 01:18:46,760
Are you still lonely?
Have you found someone yet?
1262
01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:49,463
-No, I kind of gave up on that.
-Why?
1263
01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:54,594
Well, because I was thinking
that if I get eternal happiness when I die,
1264
01:18:55,022 --> 01:18:58,514
that'll be really great because it's eternal,
1265
01:18:58,651 --> 01:19:00,607
you know, so you can't really beat that.
1266
01:19:00,694 --> 01:19:02,980
So I'm just really happy
that that's gonna happen.
1267
01:19:03,113 --> 01:19:06,025
So until then I think I'm just
gonna stick with the alcohol
1268
01:19:06,158 --> 01:19:10,993
and my little apartment and just kind of
hang out by myself and drink and watch TV.
1269
01:19:11,330 --> 01:19:16,120
That doesn't sound like a happy life.
That sounds like a long, miserable one.
1270
01:19:16,210 --> 01:19:20,203
Well, no, it won't be that long,
because the more I drink, the faster I'll die.
1271
01:19:20,339 --> 01:19:22,250
And I'm just waiting for that mansion,
you know?
1272
01:19:22,341 --> 01:19:24,673
That's what I'm talking about.
1273
01:19:25,552 --> 01:19:26,962
Brilliant.
1274
01:19:29,473 --> 01:19:31,839
You call him on the phone,
on a telephone?
1275
01:19:31,934 --> 01:19:34,141
No, I just... He's speaking to me now.
1276
01:19:34,228 --> 01:19:35,843
-Is he saying something?
-He is, yeah.
1277
01:19:35,938 --> 01:19:37,644
Well, would you please tell us
what he's saying?
1278
01:19:37,731 --> 01:19:39,596
He's saying,
"Why are you speaking to that idiot? "
1279
01:19:39,692 --> 01:19:41,648
And I'm saying back,
"I'll give him a chance... "
1280
01:19:41,735 --> 01:19:44,147
There's got to be something better on TV
than this.
1281
01:19:44,238 --> 01:19:46,695
Wait, Mom, don't change it.
That's my very good friend.
1282
01:19:47,182 --> 01:19:50,366
Please. I know all your friends,
and they're nothing like that.
1283
01:19:50,452 --> 01:19:51,487
What's that supposed to mean?
1284
01:19:51,578 --> 01:19:54,695
It means just because
he's talking to the man in the sky
1285
01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:57,998
doesn't make him good enough
to be your friend.
1286
01:19:59,753 --> 01:20:02,369
What if I wanted him to be
more than just my friend?
1287
01:20:02,464 --> 01:20:04,420
Man in the sky forbid.
1288
01:20:04,591 --> 01:20:06,206
It would make no sense.
1289
01:20:06,302 --> 01:20:09,169
Mark Bellison is who the man in the sky
chose to speak through,
1290
01:20:09,263 --> 01:20:11,174
but that doesn't change the fact
that he's still a loser
1291
01:20:11,307 --> 01:20:12,638
and your kids would be, too.
1292
01:20:12,725 --> 01:20:15,307
-Well, he is more than just that.
-There's nothing more than that.
1293
01:20:15,394 --> 01:20:18,306
Losers are losers. That's all they'll ever be.
1294
01:20:18,397 --> 01:20:19,728
He is...
1295
01:20:21,025 --> 01:20:25,610
He's smart, he's funny,
and he's kind, and he is loving.
1296
01:20:26,447 --> 01:20:30,531
And he makes me feel special.
He makes me happy.
1297
01:20:30,617 --> 01:20:33,905
You are going to be
with the person who's right for you,
1298
01:20:33,996 --> 01:20:36,453
the person who'll give you
the kids you've always wanted.
1299
01:20:36,540 --> 01:20:38,656
Someone like Brad Kessler.
1300
01:20:39,710 --> 01:20:41,917
Hello, Brad. One moment.
1301
01:20:43,505 --> 01:20:46,588
-Speak to him. Don't blow this.
-Mom!
1302
01:20:51,096 --> 01:20:52,131
Hello.
1303
01:20:56,226 --> 01:20:57,557
Hi, Brad.
1304
01:21:07,571 --> 01:21:09,232
I miss you, Mum.
1305
01:21:11,283 --> 01:21:13,365
I know you can't hear me.
1306
01:21:13,994 --> 01:21:17,327
I know you're not up there in a mansion.
1307
01:21:18,457 --> 01:21:21,164
You're right here in the ground.
1308
01:21:22,586 --> 01:21:26,044
And I'm the only person in the world
who knows that.
1309
01:21:27,549 --> 01:21:29,164
And I'm not happy.
1310
01:21:29,259 --> 01:21:31,170
I did all this, but...
1311
01:21:32,262 --> 01:21:34,298
I'm not happy because
1312
01:21:36,016 --> 01:21:39,008
no one listens to what they really want.
1313
01:21:41,939 --> 01:21:44,476
That's why I'll always be a loser.
1314
01:21:46,026 --> 01:21:48,438
That's why I'll always be alone.
1315
01:22:46,753 --> 01:22:47,959
Mark.
1316
01:22:49,673 --> 01:22:51,334
You look awful.
1317
01:22:54,094 --> 01:22:55,675
Can I come in?
1318
01:22:57,014 --> 01:22:59,801
-Haven't seen you much lately.
-Yeah, I know.
1319
01:23:00,184 --> 01:23:03,176
I've been busy with work and things and...
1320
01:23:04,521 --> 01:23:08,309
Also, I tried calling you
and you never answer your phone.
1321
01:23:11,445 --> 01:23:14,232
-Did you know I was getting married?
-Yeah, I heard.
1322
01:23:15,741 --> 01:23:20,576
That's why I came over here, actually.
I wanted to give you this invitation.
1323
01:23:27,461 --> 01:23:28,951
Don't do it.
1324
01:23:29,254 --> 01:23:30,915
The wedding is tomorrow.
1325
01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:33,088
Please, don't marry him.
1326
01:23:36,678 --> 01:23:39,670
-I hope you'll come.
-Why?
1327
01:23:42,476 --> 01:23:44,842
Because it would make me happy.
1328
01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:48,561
Being around you makes me happy.
1329
01:23:48,649 --> 01:23:49,934
Then why are you marrying him?
1330
01:23:50,025 --> 01:23:54,018
I only have a certain amount of time
that I can find my ideal genetic partner,
1331
01:23:54,112 --> 01:23:56,444
have the children that I've always wanted.
1332
01:23:57,616 --> 01:23:59,197
You know that.
1333
01:24:02,579 --> 01:24:04,115
One day, Mark,
1334
01:24:05,165 --> 01:24:09,659
I'll be wrinkly and old, ugly.
1335
01:24:09,836 --> 01:24:12,122
No, you won't. Not to me.
1336
01:24:17,553 --> 01:24:19,418
You'll never be ugly.
1337
01:24:21,723 --> 01:24:23,554
You're confusing me.
1338
01:24:31,608 --> 01:24:34,975
-Please take this.
-Have a nice life.
1339
01:25:08,979 --> 01:25:10,935
Enjoying your ice cream,
you fat loser?
1340
01:25:14,901 --> 01:25:16,016
Stop that!
1341
01:25:19,323 --> 01:25:21,689
It's okay. Forget about them.
1342
01:25:24,911 --> 01:25:26,401
What's your name?
1343
01:25:26,496 --> 01:25:28,157
Short Fat Brian.
1344
01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:32,207
Well, Brian.
1345
01:25:36,089 --> 01:25:39,627
You are so much more
than just short and fat.
1346
01:25:44,306 --> 01:25:47,218
See? You're Brian with the Great Smile.
1347
01:25:48,769 --> 01:25:50,054
Thanks.
1348
01:26:05,494 --> 01:26:06,654
Greg!
1349
01:26:06,912 --> 01:26:08,322
Sorry!
1350
01:26:08,747 --> 01:26:10,578
Keep the noise down.
1351
01:26:11,583 --> 01:26:13,244
Fat, ginger...
1352
01:26:16,171 --> 01:26:17,456
Shut up!
1353
01:26:56,294 --> 01:26:58,376
You haven't lost yet, man.
1354
01:28:08,533 --> 01:28:09,693
Loser.
1355
01:28:12,078 --> 01:28:15,696
We are here today,
sitting in this building,
1356
01:28:15,791 --> 01:28:18,077
to share in the wedding
of Brad and Anna,
1357
01:28:18,210 --> 01:28:20,451
2 attractive young people
1358
01:28:20,712 --> 01:28:25,331
who have come to the conclusion
that this wedding will be mutually beneficial,
1359
01:28:25,425 --> 01:28:30,215
that their genetic match-up will be
most likely to produce favourable offspring
1360
01:28:30,305 --> 01:28:34,890
and a lifetime of financial stability
and physical security.
1361
01:28:36,561 --> 01:28:41,100
Brad, do you agree to stay with Anna
for as long as you want to
1362
01:28:41,441 --> 01:28:43,932
and to protect your offspring
for as long as you can?
1363
01:28:44,319 --> 01:28:45,479
I do.
1364
01:28:46,112 --> 01:28:50,446
And Anna, do you agree to stay with Brad
for as long as you want to
1365
01:28:50,575 --> 01:28:54,067
and to protect your offspring
for as long as you can?
1366
01:29:00,752 --> 01:29:01,958
I do.
1367
01:29:02,629 --> 01:29:08,169
Before I pronounce these two man and wife,
is there anyone here in this building
1368
01:29:08,260 --> 01:29:12,003
who believes they offer
a better genetic match-up to either party?
1369
01:29:18,144 --> 01:29:19,224
Me.
1370
01:29:21,773 --> 01:29:23,138
Come on, Mark.
1371
01:29:23,275 --> 01:29:27,234
I mean, look at you.
How can you possibly be better than me?
1372
01:29:27,612 --> 01:29:29,273
Because she's happy with me.
1373
01:29:29,406 --> 01:29:32,898
If she were happy with you,
what is she doing standing up here with me?
1374
01:29:32,993 --> 01:29:36,201
She thinks her kids deserve
the best possible start in life.
1375
01:29:36,288 --> 01:29:37,619
And she's right.
1376
01:29:37,747 --> 01:29:40,409
Yeah. And do you know
what that makes you?
1377
01:29:40,500 --> 01:29:41,706
You're a sperm donor.
1378
01:29:44,963 --> 01:29:46,828
She's my best friend.
1379
01:29:47,924 --> 01:29:49,505
I thought I was your best friend.
1380
01:29:49,634 --> 01:29:51,420
Not now. Let's...
1381
01:29:53,847 --> 01:29:55,462
And I love her.
1382
01:29:56,600 --> 01:29:58,136
Don't do this.
1383
01:29:58,435 --> 01:29:59,925
Don't do it.
1384
01:30:01,187 --> 01:30:03,519
Is this what you really want?
1385
01:30:03,857 --> 01:30:05,267
It's the way of the world, Mark.
1386
01:30:05,358 --> 01:30:08,270
Why? Why does it have to be?
1387
01:30:08,862 --> 01:30:10,773
Who says your kids will be better than mine?
1388
01:30:10,864 --> 01:30:14,982
Who says that a strong jawline or
a fast metabolism or a muscular physique...
1389
01:30:15,118 --> 01:30:16,278
He's also taller.
1390
01:30:16,369 --> 01:30:18,360
No, I know, but I'm just...
1391
01:30:19,831 --> 01:30:21,617
Please, man, I...
1392
01:30:23,001 --> 01:30:26,084
Who says those traits will make your kids
better than mine, or happier?
1393
01:30:26,171 --> 01:30:27,786
I'll love our children.
1394
01:30:27,881 --> 01:30:28,961
And who says you'll make a better husband
1395
01:30:29,049 --> 01:30:32,086
just because you come from
a more privileged family
1396
01:30:32,177 --> 01:30:34,338
or a better genetic line?
1397
01:30:36,306 --> 01:30:39,890
She's a prize on your arm.
And your kids will be, too.
1398
01:30:41,353 --> 01:30:42,513
Anna.
1399
01:30:44,189 --> 01:30:47,681
If you tell me this is what you really want,
I'll go.
1400
01:30:50,904 --> 01:30:51,984
Is this what you really want?
1401
01:30:52,072 --> 01:30:54,734
Well, now, it's not up to us
to decide what we get in life.
1402
01:30:54,866 --> 01:30:58,484
-That's up to the man in the sky.
-I'm talking to her.
1403
01:30:59,537 --> 01:31:02,654
Why don't you just ask the man in the sky
what he wants for Anna?
1404
01:31:02,749 --> 01:31:05,456
-Surely he knows best.
-She knows what's best.
1405
01:31:05,543 --> 01:31:07,659
Just tell her
what the man in the sky wants, Mark.
1406
01:31:07,754 --> 01:31:11,667
Why don't you tell me
what the man in the sky wants for us, Mark?
1407
01:31:11,758 --> 01:31:13,669
Just please tell me.
1408
01:31:16,429 --> 01:31:17,544
No.
1409
01:31:33,405 --> 01:31:34,394
Are we married yet?
1410
01:31:34,531 --> 01:31:37,113
-Because I have plans later.
-There's a few...
1411
01:32:02,809 --> 01:32:04,549
Mark, wait!
1412
01:32:06,312 --> 01:32:10,100
Why don't you just tell me
what the man in the sky wants?
1413
01:32:11,443 --> 01:32:13,229
-I did a bad thing.
-It's okay.
1414
01:32:13,319 --> 01:32:16,652
-You're allowed 3.
-No, you don't understand.
1415
01:32:18,908 --> 01:32:21,069
There is no man in the sky.
1416
01:32:25,248 --> 01:32:27,409
Why did you say there was?
1417
01:32:30,003 --> 01:32:34,042
I couldn't stand the look on my mum's face
when she was dying.
1418
01:32:34,299 --> 01:32:36,961
And things just escalated.
1419
01:32:39,471 --> 01:32:42,383
But how did you say something that wasn't?
1420
01:32:42,474 --> 01:32:45,637
I don't know, I just did. I just can.
1421
01:32:46,102 --> 01:32:48,218
But when I asked you if being rich
1422
01:32:48,313 --> 01:32:51,601
and successful and famous
changed your genetics,
1423
01:32:51,983 --> 01:32:54,224
why didn't you just say yes?
1424
01:32:55,320 --> 01:32:57,436
'Cause it wouldn't count.
1425
01:33:00,325 --> 01:33:01,485
Mark.
1426
01:33:04,412 --> 01:33:05,743
I know what I want.
1427
01:33:10,293 --> 01:33:13,080
I want little fat kids with snub noses.
1428
01:33:20,512 --> 01:33:22,002
I'm your man.
1429
01:33:35,360 --> 01:33:38,022
So that's it. I got the girl.
1430
01:33:38,530 --> 01:33:41,772
Anna and I are very happy together,
by the way.
1431
01:33:41,866 --> 01:33:45,529
She still doesn't fully understand
how I said or did all those things.
1432
01:33:45,662 --> 01:33:49,496
No one does. I'm still the
only person who can tell a lie.
1433
01:33:49,624 --> 01:33:52,787
Actually, that's not entirely true.
1434
01:33:55,713 --> 01:33:57,499
What do you think?
1435
01:33:59,008 --> 01:34:00,714
That looks good.
1436
01:34:03,513 --> 01:34:05,629
It tastes so good, Mommy.
1437
01:34:06,015 --> 01:34:08,882
-Your best yet.
-I'm so glad you like it.
1438
01:34:15,733 --> 01:34:17,974
I don't know where to start.
1439
01:34:18,486 --> 01:34:22,820
Just start on the bread, maybe,
then work my way up there.
1440
01:34:23,366 --> 01:34:27,735
You eat that. You liked it so much.
Why don't you eat some more?
1441
01:34:29,539 --> 01:34:30,449
He loves it.
1442
01:34:32,000 --> 01:34:37,800
Subtitles: Arigon
112535
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.