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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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The good news is...
I always land on my feet.
6
00:03:16,436 --> 00:03:17,841
Ugh, foot.
7
00:03:19,321 --> 00:03:21,216
The age-old question...
8
00:03:21,241 --> 00:03:24,281
How badly does the
patient wanna survive?
9
00:03:28,023 --> 00:03:29,495
Never give up.
10
00:03:29,519 --> 00:03:31,427
Never surrender.
11
00:03:42,272 --> 00:03:43,943
100...
12
00:03:43,968 --> 00:03:45,747
99...
13
00:03:45,772 --> 00:03:47,380
98...
14
00:03:47,405 --> 00:03:48,779
97...
15
00:03:57,651 --> 00:03:59,841
If I'm to tell the whole truth...
and why not?
16
00:03:59,866 --> 00:04:01,458
I got plenty of time...
17
00:04:01,646 --> 00:04:05,427
I was born Richard Pinzetti
in New York's Little Italy.
18
00:04:05,686 --> 00:04:08,189
All I ever wanted was to be a surgeon.
19
00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:13,125
My father, an old-world greaseball,
20
00:04:13,149 --> 00:04:15,873
would laugh and tell me to get
him another glass of wine.
21
00:04:16,779 --> 00:04:19,856
He died when he was 46, and I was glad.
22
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,879
I always had luck on my side,
23
00:04:21,904 --> 00:04:24,129
present circumstances notwithstanding,
24
00:04:24,154 --> 00:04:26,000
but I'm not really worried about that.
25
00:04:26,024 --> 00:04:28,598
As I said, I always land on my feet.
26
00:04:28,623 --> 00:04:30,107
Anyway, a poor kid from the projects
27
00:04:30,131 --> 00:04:32,512
getting to college was no easy task,
28
00:04:32,537 --> 00:04:35,320
so I did what any other
able-bodied kid would do.
29
00:04:35,435 --> 00:04:37,149
I played sports.
30
00:04:37,490 --> 00:04:38,551
But let's not forget,
31
00:04:38,576 --> 00:04:40,129
being a surgeon was all I ever wanted,
32
00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:42,085
so I figured a scholarship
would get me in the door,
33
00:04:42,109 --> 00:04:44,144
and the world would be my oyster.
34
00:04:44,169 --> 00:04:45,614
And you know what?
35
00:04:46,638 --> 00:04:48,457
I was good at it.
36
00:04:48,482 --> 00:04:51,116
So I became quarterback,
but let's face it.
37
00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:52,531
A doctor's hands are his life,
38
00:04:52,555 --> 00:04:54,084
so I'd wrap them before every game.
39
00:04:54,108 --> 00:04:55,603
Then I'd soak them after.
40
00:04:55,627 --> 00:04:57,018
A lot of my teammates would rag on me,
41
00:04:57,042 --> 00:04:58,333
call me chicken shit,
42
00:04:58,358 --> 00:05:01,889
mostly this big zit-faced
asshole named Howie Plotzsky.
43
00:05:01,914 --> 00:05:04,239
But living on the streets,
making connections,
44
00:05:04,264 --> 00:05:05,872
getting to know people, you know,
45
00:05:05,897 --> 00:05:08,028
any asshole knows how to die.
46
00:05:08,053 --> 00:05:10,031
The thing to learn is how to survive.
47
00:05:10,055 --> 00:05:11,688
So I slipped Ricky Buzelli 10 bucks
48
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,966
to make Howie's mouth disappear.
49
00:05:14,674 --> 00:05:17,141
Ricky obliged and brought
me three of his teeth
50
00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:19,040
wrapped in a bloody paper towel.
51
00:05:19,247 --> 00:05:20,524
Can you imagine the damage
52
00:05:20,548 --> 00:05:23,527
I could have done to my
hands busting his face?
53
00:05:23,551 --> 00:05:25,081
In med school, while the other suckers
54
00:05:25,105 --> 00:05:27,997
were running themselves
ragged trying to bone up,
55
00:05:28,022 --> 00:05:30,050
between waiting
tables and buffing floors,
56
00:05:30,075 --> 00:05:31,708
I kept the rackets going...
57
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,779
Football pools, baseball pools.
58
00:05:33,803 --> 00:05:35,367
I stayed tight with the old neighborhood
59
00:05:35,391 --> 00:05:37,611
and made it through school just fine.
60
00:05:39,844 --> 00:05:41,028
I didn't get into pushing
61
00:05:41,052 --> 00:05:42,568
until I was doing my residency.
62
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:44,640
I was working in one of
the biggest hospitals
63
00:05:44,665 --> 00:05:46,056
in New York City.
64
00:05:46,081 --> 00:05:48,966
At first, it was prescription blanks.
65
00:05:48,991 --> 00:05:50,140
I'd sell a tablet of 100
66
00:05:50,164 --> 00:05:51,599
to some guys from the neighborhood
67
00:05:51,624 --> 00:05:54,271
along with writing samples
of 40 or 50 doctors.
68
00:05:54,296 --> 00:05:56,605
Then they'd turn around and
sell them for 20 apiece.
69
00:05:56,630 --> 00:05:59,872
Speed freaks and nodders, they loved it.
70
00:06:00,484 --> 00:06:02,653
Speaking of which,
71
00:06:02,910 --> 00:06:05,879
I finally woke up shortly after dark.
72
00:06:05,904 --> 00:06:08,124
Wait, have I mentioned
73
00:06:08,148 --> 00:06:10,536
I haven't had anything
to eat in four days?
74
00:06:14,554 --> 00:06:18,465
Day fucking three...
Haven't seen another soul.
75
00:06:18,490 --> 00:06:20,583
A bunch of stuff washed up
over the last few days,
76
00:06:20,608 --> 00:06:22,966
and I've taken what I can,
between that and the shit
77
00:06:22,990 --> 00:06:24,966
that I got off the useless lifeboat,
78
00:06:24,991 --> 00:06:26,624
but it could be worse.
79
00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:30,353
At least I'm here, and I'm not her,
80
00:06:30,377 --> 00:06:32,544
poor whoever she was.
81
00:06:32,867 --> 00:06:36,226
Then this gull landed on one
of the rocks on the island.
82
00:06:36,251 --> 00:06:38,498
It just stood there looking at me
83
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:41,028
with its fucking black eyes.
84
00:06:44,494 --> 00:06:45,703
Aaah!
85
00:06:51,834 --> 00:06:54,928
The sound actually gave me
great satisfaction.
86
00:06:54,953 --> 00:06:57,028
I carried it back to my camp,
87
00:06:57,053 --> 00:06:58,725
and before I even plucked a feather,
88
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:01,443
I dumped iodine all over the laceration.
89
00:07:01,468 --> 00:07:04,474
The last thing I need
now is an infection.
90
00:07:04,499 --> 00:07:06,235
No driftwood or vegetation for a fire,
91
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:10,200
so I guess it's seagull tartare.
92
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:21,224
100, 99...
93
00:07:22,739 --> 00:07:26,614
98, 97...
94
00:07:30,255 --> 00:07:32,943
January 29th, day four.
95
00:07:33,267 --> 00:07:35,590
The only reason to keep Gloria here...
96
00:07:35,614 --> 00:07:37,247
That's what I call her...
97
00:07:37,271 --> 00:07:39,594
Is that she attracts the gulls.
98
00:07:39,618 --> 00:07:41,217
But I don't know how
much more I can handle.
99
00:07:41,241 --> 00:07:44,392
Jesus, the stench...
100
00:07:44,416 --> 00:07:46,567
her body baking in the sun.
101
00:07:47,146 --> 00:07:50,329
Found a few things in the
suitcase I could use.
102
00:07:50,353 --> 00:07:51,572
Not much else to do,
103
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,966
so I'm gonna keep
writing my life's story.
104
00:07:54,409 --> 00:07:57,147
At least it keeps my
mind off my stomach.
105
00:07:57,172 --> 00:07:59,060
Well, sort of.
106
00:07:59,085 --> 00:08:00,994
I had enough socked
away from my adventures
107
00:08:01,019 --> 00:08:03,515
as an intern and resident
that I could've set myself up
108
00:08:03,539 --> 00:08:05,193
in a practice on Park Avenue.
109
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,372
Then Lowenthal gets pinched,
110
00:08:07,397 --> 00:08:08,833
fucking sheep.
111
00:08:08,858 --> 00:08:10,418
They wave five years
in front of his face,
112
00:08:10,442 --> 00:08:12,075
and he coughs up half a dozen names,
113
00:08:12,099 --> 00:08:14,247
mine right at the top of the list.
114
00:08:14,272 --> 00:08:16,562
There were a few other deals,
including prescription blanks,
115
00:08:16,586 --> 00:08:18,794
which I didn't entirely give up.
116
00:08:18,819 --> 00:08:21,729
It's funny; I didn't really
need that stuff anymore,
117
00:08:21,754 --> 00:08:24,146
but it's hard to give up
the extra sugar, you know?
118
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,469
So what did I do?
Threw a couple people to the wolves.
119
00:08:26,493 --> 00:08:27,958
Nobody I liked, though.
120
00:08:27,983 --> 00:08:30,738
Everyone I gave to the feds
was a real son of a bitch.
121
00:08:36,606 --> 00:08:38,067
Killed another gull today,
122
00:08:38,091 --> 00:08:39,620
same way I killed the first.
123
00:08:40,928 --> 00:08:43,450
I was beginning to get
scared there for a while.
124
00:08:43,475 --> 00:08:46,178
It is strange how you can
feel the vitality surge back
125
00:08:46,202 --> 00:08:48,310
when there's something in your stomach.
126
00:08:48,335 --> 00:08:50,147
263...
127
00:08:50,172 --> 00:08:52,083
264...
128
00:08:52,108 --> 00:08:55,044
265.
129
00:08:55,867 --> 00:08:58,190
No place like home.
130
00:08:58,214 --> 00:08:59,467
Oh, and did I tell you
131
00:08:59,491 --> 00:09:02,318
I had about $350,000 worth of heroin?
132
00:09:02,343 --> 00:09:04,083
New York street value.
133
00:09:04,108 --> 00:09:07,438
You know what
it's worth here? El zilcho.
134
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:11,135
Yeah, sort of funny
if you think about it.
135
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:19,729
I wanted my shingle back,
and it was gonna cost me big.
136
00:09:19,754 --> 00:09:20,972
I had some money stashed away,
137
00:09:20,997 --> 00:09:22,561
but I decided I'd take a chance,
138
00:09:22,586 --> 00:09:24,115
try and double or triple it.
139
00:09:24,140 --> 00:09:26,681
That's when I went
to see Ronnie Hanelli.
140
00:09:27,061 --> 00:09:28,841
Ronnie and I played football together.
141
00:09:28,866 --> 00:09:31,361
When his kid brother decided
on internal medicine,
142
00:09:31,385 --> 00:09:33,236
I helped him get his residency.
143
00:09:33,261 --> 00:09:35,650
Anything for someone from the block.
144
00:09:35,859 --> 00:09:37,735
He went from neighborhood
enforcer to law school,
145
00:09:37,759 --> 00:09:40,082
set up a shop above the Fish Bowl.
146
00:09:40,107 --> 00:09:42,111
I knew Ronnie would
have something for me.
147
00:09:42,136 --> 00:09:43,786
"It's dangerous," he said,
148
00:09:43,811 --> 00:09:46,756
"But you always could
take care of yourself."
149
00:09:51,302 --> 00:09:52,599
Hey!
150
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,806
I'm here!
151
00:10:10,837 --> 00:10:12,885
I flew to Thailand as a tourist.
152
00:10:12,910 --> 00:10:14,991
My Chinese friend had the merchandise,
153
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,579
and I took it to a guy named Ngo
154
00:10:16,603 --> 00:10:19,064
who pronounced it to be
very high-grade stuff.
155
00:10:19,088 --> 00:10:21,722
After three weeks,
I booked passage to San Francisco
156
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,758
on the cruise ship Monrovia,
157
00:10:23,782 --> 00:10:27,162
first-class cabin all the way.
158
00:10:27,648 --> 00:10:29,937
This guy, Ngo,
arranged for two customs officials
159
00:10:29,961 --> 00:10:32,491
to wave me through,
so getting on the ship was no problem,
160
00:10:32,515 --> 00:10:34,286
and Ronnie Hanelli had
arranged for a boat
161
00:10:34,310 --> 00:10:36,323
to pick up the bag that
I tossed over the side
162
00:10:36,347 --> 00:10:39,084
just before we docked,
so I was looking for a cook
163
00:10:39,108 --> 00:10:40,706
or a steward who
could use a little cash,
164
00:10:40,730 --> 00:10:42,156
keep his mouth shut.
165
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:43,582
Then the ship sank.
166
00:10:50,966 --> 00:10:52,546
Aaah!
167
00:10:54,227 --> 00:10:56,229
Well, fuck me.
168
00:10:57,678 --> 00:10:59,173
Okay.
169
00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:00,726
Honey, I'm done.
170
00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:03,669
No, no, don't get up.
171
00:11:04,271 --> 00:11:06,905
From where I sit,
I can plainly see the letters,
172
00:11:06,929 --> 00:11:08,562
every single one of them.
173
00:11:08,586 --> 00:11:10,357
Could have used your help.
174
00:11:10,381 --> 00:11:12,622
Took me damn near all day to spell it,
175
00:11:12,904 --> 00:11:15,136
but another plane
ain't gonna miss me...
176
00:11:15,161 --> 00:11:16,864
I mean, us.
177
00:11:17,181 --> 00:11:19,262
If there is another plane.
178
00:11:20,943 --> 00:11:25,061
You know, darling,
my foot has been throbbing constantly,
179
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,683
and the swelling and discoloration
180
00:11:26,707 --> 00:11:28,888
is getting more and more advanced.
181
00:11:29,604 --> 00:11:32,146
I think we may have to amputate.
182
00:11:32,541 --> 00:11:34,341
Shit.
183
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:37,384
All I can think about is
what Mockridge used to say
184
00:11:37,408 --> 00:11:39,041
in basic anatomy.
185
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:41,181
"Sooner or later," he'd say,
"The question comes up
186
00:11:41,205 --> 00:11:43,489
"in every medical student's career...
187
00:11:43,514 --> 00:11:46,530
How much shock trauma
can the patient stand?"
188
00:11:46,555 --> 00:11:47,704
And he'd whack his pointer
189
00:11:47,728 --> 00:11:49,051
on the chart of the human body,
190
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:51,397
hitting the liver, the kidneys,
spleen, the heart.
191
00:11:51,422 --> 00:11:52,986
Cut to its base level, students,
192
00:11:53,010 --> 00:11:55,126
the answer is always another question.
193
00:11:55,150 --> 00:11:57,818
How badly does the
patient want to survive?
194
00:11:59,663 --> 00:12:03,669
So I have decided to amputate my foot.
195
00:12:03,951 --> 00:12:05,791
The good thing is,
I have matches, a needle,
196
00:12:05,815 --> 00:12:08,645
thread from the sewing kit,
and 2 kilos of painkiller,
197
00:12:09,058 --> 00:12:11,661
although hardly the type I'd prescribe.
198
00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:14,558
It's been four days of no food,
199
00:12:14,583 --> 00:12:15,767
and if I wait any longer,
200
00:12:15,791 --> 00:12:17,803
I run a greater risk of fainting
201
00:12:17,827 --> 00:12:20,530
from a combination of shock and hunger
202
00:12:20,554 --> 00:12:22,291
in the middle of the operation.
203
00:12:22,315 --> 00:12:24,184
Then I would bleed to death.
204
00:12:24,209 --> 00:12:26,528
This may be my last entry.
205
00:12:26,553 --> 00:12:28,817
But I think I'm gonna make it.
206
00:12:29,494 --> 00:12:31,541
But don't I always?
207
00:12:31,565 --> 00:12:33,371
And they really are
doing marvelous things
208
00:12:33,395 --> 00:12:35,752
with artificial limbs these days.
209
00:12:35,776 --> 00:12:38,356
I can get along with
one foot quite nicely.
210
00:12:38,917 --> 00:12:43,691
Okay, time to see if I'm as
good a doctor as I think I am.
211
00:12:50,791 --> 00:12:54,357
I'm close to digging the
stitches out with my fingers,
212
00:12:54,381 --> 00:12:57,183
letting the blood flow into the sand.
213
00:12:57,418 --> 00:13:00,431
Anything to be rid of
this maddening itch.
214
00:13:04,147 --> 00:13:09,714
So I count backwards from
100 and snort the heroin.
215
00:13:10,194 --> 00:13:13,066
I have no idea how much I've snorted,
216
00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:16,621
but I've pretty much been
stoned since the operation.
217
00:13:17,342 --> 00:13:19,451
It depresses hunger, you know?
218
00:13:21,078 --> 00:13:22,572
Weird.
219
00:13:22,823 --> 00:13:26,264
I'm hardly aware of being hungry at all,
220
00:13:26,289 --> 00:13:29,147
like this distant gnawing.
221
00:13:29,444 --> 00:13:31,767
I could easily ignore it,
222
00:13:31,792 --> 00:13:33,608
but I can't.
223
00:13:34,352 --> 00:13:35,985
Gotta eat.
224
00:13:40,772 --> 00:13:42,957
Huh? No.
225
00:13:42,981 --> 00:13:45,076
No! No!
226
00:13:46,174 --> 00:13:47,341
Help!
227
00:13:47,365 --> 00:13:48,515
Hey.
228
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:59,005
Lobster, mmm, garlic bread...
229
00:14:00,689 --> 00:14:05,387
Oh, mother's lasagna,
230
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:08,535
prime rib, peach melba,
231
00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,814
onion rings.
232
00:14:11,838 --> 00:14:13,139
Hey.
233
00:14:14,574 --> 00:14:16,233
Richard.
234
00:14:18,099 --> 00:14:19,904
You need to eat.
235
00:14:19,929 --> 00:14:21,424
I'm right here.
236
00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:25,178
Let's face it.
237
00:14:26,287 --> 00:14:28,392
I might be better than nothing.
238
00:14:29,787 --> 00:14:32,075
What are your alternatives?
239
00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:42,469
It's fourth quarter,
down by three, third and long.
240
00:14:42,494 --> 00:14:44,752
Pinzetti goes back to pass.
241
00:14:45,355 --> 00:14:48,436
I was convinced it was gonna fly off,
but it didn't.
242
00:14:48,461 --> 00:14:50,439
The pain from my stump was excruciating,
243
00:14:50,463 --> 00:14:52,889
but this asshole bird
strutting back and forth
244
00:14:52,913 --> 00:14:54,201
with its meaty breast thrown out
245
00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:57,072
like some avian general
reviewing his troops,
246
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,757
my insides tightened with hunger.
247
00:14:59,782 --> 00:15:01,463
100,
248
00:15:01,488 --> 00:15:03,865
99, 98...
249
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,971
98...
250
00:15:06,996 --> 00:15:10,078
I couldn't afford to miss,
couldn't commit
251
00:15:10,103 --> 00:15:12,254
'cause I couldn't afford to fuck this up
252
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:15,041
because if I did,
I knew exactly what that meant.
253
00:15:15,353 --> 00:15:16,913
Gloria.
254
00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:24,368
It's the race of the cripples.
255
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:29,071
No, no! Don't you fucking dare!
256
00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:38,260
Would have gotten there faster,
257
00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:39,694
but my hands...
258
00:15:39,719 --> 00:15:41,697
must protect the hands.
259
00:15:41,721 --> 00:15:43,837
I may need them again.
260
00:15:45,643 --> 00:15:47,138
Gloria.
261
00:15:47,908 --> 00:15:50,361
The storm washed her away.
262
00:15:56,632 --> 00:16:00,302
I've... I've amputated the other foot.
263
00:16:01,948 --> 00:16:03,494
Strange...
264
00:16:05,037 --> 00:16:07,791
All through the operation,
265
00:16:07,816 --> 00:16:10,553
I was drooling.
266
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:14,158
Just like when I saw the gull,
267
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:17,197
drooling helplessly...
268
00:16:18,861 --> 00:16:21,009
like an idiot.
269
00:16:21,243 --> 00:16:24,828
I'm out of food, and I have no choice.
270
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:28,786
It tastes like cold roast beef...
271
00:16:28,811 --> 00:16:31,286
cold roast beef...
272
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:37,309
cold roast beef...
273
00:16:47,677 --> 00:16:49,558
Oh, look at that.
274
00:16:49,582 --> 00:16:52,747
I'm beginning to feel half-human again.
275
00:16:53,068 --> 00:16:55,218
Half-human,
276
00:16:55,242 --> 00:16:58,794
or maybe a quarter-human,
277
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,466
or an eighth.
278
00:17:10,831 --> 00:17:11,959
Ugh!
279
00:17:14,727 --> 00:17:16,284
It's day 18.
280
00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:20,216
I noticed the storm washed
away my "help" sign,
281
00:17:20,544 --> 00:17:23,168
along with what was left of Gloria.
282
00:17:23,193 --> 00:17:26,160
That was three days ago, I think.
283
00:17:27,457 --> 00:17:29,762
Have I been that stoned?
284
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:32,535
I need to watch it, cut down my dosage.
285
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,746
What if a ship would have
gone by while I was tripping?
286
00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:42,401
Need... Need to protect the hands,
no matter what.
287
00:18:06,533 --> 00:18:09,167
Took off my right leg at the knee.
288
00:18:09,230 --> 00:18:11,035
Lost a lot of blood.
289
00:18:12,681 --> 00:18:16,558
The pain was excruciating
in spite of the heroin.
290
00:18:18,187 --> 00:18:20,808
Shock trauma would have
killed a lesser man.
291
00:18:21,963 --> 00:18:24,965
How badly does the
patient wanna survive?
292
00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:29,023
Let me answer with a question.
293
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:32,089
How badly does the patient wanna live?
294
00:18:37,139 --> 00:18:39,805
"Doctor, was the operation necessary?"
295
00:18:42,879 --> 00:18:46,100
I dreamt about Phil
Hammersmith's barbecue pit,
296
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:49,622
sitting on his porch at dusk
with drinks in our hands
297
00:18:49,647 --> 00:18:52,300
talking about surgical procedures
298
00:18:52,325 --> 00:18:54,500
or golf or something.
299
00:18:55,879 --> 00:19:02,499
The breeze picks up the sweet
smell of roasting pork.
300
00:19:04,648 --> 00:19:06,629
Sweet Jesus...
301
00:19:07,336 --> 00:19:10,384
The smell of roasting pork...
302
00:19:15,140 --> 00:19:17,957
Took the other leg last night.
303
00:19:19,594 --> 00:19:22,277
I couldn't stop my hands from shaking.
304
00:19:22,636 --> 00:19:25,546
So much blood under my fingernails.
305
00:19:25,571 --> 00:19:28,949
I remember the anatomical
models from med school,
306
00:19:28,974 --> 00:19:31,995
but I can't even look down...
307
00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:34,106
No. No way, no...
308
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:35,738
No how.
309
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,597
But I get it.
310
00:19:39,061 --> 00:19:41,350
I know... I know what I need to do.
311
00:19:43,031 --> 00:19:46,355
What they're doing with
artificial limbs these days,
312
00:19:46,379 --> 00:19:48,606
I could be good as new.
313
00:19:48,631 --> 00:19:51,613
I could come back to this
place and tell everyone
314
00:19:51,638 --> 00:19:55,881
that this... that this is
where it happened.
315
00:20:05,432 --> 00:20:07,480
Don't dare,
316
00:20:07,504 --> 00:20:09,022
but no choice.
317
00:20:10,704 --> 00:20:13,372
How do I tie off the femoral artery?
318
00:20:13,397 --> 00:20:16,256
It's as big as a highway up there.
319
00:20:17,436 --> 00:20:20,862
I just wish I could stop drooling.
320
00:20:24,072 --> 00:20:26,360
There's nothing left of my face
321
00:20:26,384 --> 00:20:28,624
but a skin-covered skull.
322
00:20:28,649 --> 00:20:31,255
I must be insane by now.
323
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,325
I'm a monster.
324
00:20:38,155 --> 00:20:39,995
Nothing left below the groin,
325
00:20:40,019 --> 00:20:41,306
just a freak,
326
00:20:41,330 --> 00:20:44,068
a head attached to a torso
327
00:20:44,092 --> 00:20:48,241
dragging itself along
the sand by its elbows.
328
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:53,215
A crab, a stoned crab.
329
00:20:56,138 --> 00:20:58,565
They say you are what you eat, right?
330
00:20:58,589 --> 00:21:03,092
So I haven't changed much.
331
00:21:10,679 --> 00:21:13,139
Been seeing my father.
332
00:21:14,087 --> 00:21:17,204
When he was drunk,
he lost all of his English,
333
00:21:17,228 --> 00:21:21,210
not that he had anything
to say, dipstick.
334
00:21:21,235 --> 00:21:23,002
I was so glad to get out of your house,
335
00:21:23,027 --> 00:21:26,553
you fucking piece of shit,
know-nothing loser.
336
00:21:26,859 --> 00:21:28,491
I made it.
337
00:21:28,515 --> 00:21:31,149
I walked away from you!
338
00:21:32,829 --> 00:21:36,568
Left hand washes the right.
339
00:21:36,749 --> 00:21:39,054
Don't let the left hand know
340
00:21:39,078 --> 00:21:41,159
what the right one is doing.
341
00:21:41,183 --> 00:21:44,024
One potato, two potato.
342
00:21:44,048 --> 00:21:45,681
Who cares?
343
00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:48,477
This hand, that hand,
344
00:21:48,501 --> 00:21:52,528
good food, good meat.
345
00:21:52,553 --> 00:21:54,403
Let's eat.
346
00:21:55,715 --> 00:21:57,717
Ladyfingers...
347
00:21:58,350 --> 00:22:01,928
They taste just like ladyfingers.
348
00:22:03,205 --> 00:22:05,908
Ladyfingers...
349
00:22:05,932 --> 00:22:08,249
Fingers...
350
00:22:08,763 --> 00:22:11,085
Fingers.
351
00:22:22,993 --> 00:22:25,000
_
352
00:22:25,297 --> 00:22:27,485
_
353
00:22:31,105 --> 00:22:36,105
_
354
00:22:37,983 --> 00:22:40,211
_
355
00:22:40,604 --> 00:22:42,649
_
356
00:22:42,860 --> 00:22:45,774
_
357
00:23:00,750 --> 00:23:04,657
I'm only trying this
because I'm so bored,
358
00:23:04,681 --> 00:23:07,532
I wish I was dead.
359
00:23:13,220 --> 00:23:14,439
Hi, Twitter.
360
00:23:14,464 --> 00:23:16,373
Wanna know what I'm doing?
361
00:23:16,398 --> 00:23:21,266
Oh, how to say this in
280 characters or less?
362
00:23:21,578 --> 00:23:23,917
Screaming inside.
363
00:23:24,094 --> 00:23:26,664
Oh, my, didn't that sound melodramatic?
364
00:23:27,324 --> 00:23:28,577
Let's try this again.
365
00:23:28,601 --> 00:23:30,613
Hello, Twitterverse.
366
00:23:30,637 --> 00:23:33,616
I am Blake, and Blake is me.
367
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,821
What am I doing? Counting seconds.
368
00:23:37,437 --> 00:23:40,969
Only about, uh,
50,000 more until we finish
369
00:23:40,993 --> 00:23:45,111
what is hopefully the last
family trip of my life.
370
00:23:47,654 --> 00:23:50,150
It's been all downhill
since we got to Colorado,
371
00:23:50,174 --> 00:23:53,024
and I don't mean on my snowboard.
372
00:23:53,049 --> 00:23:56,086
We were supposed to spend the
break boarding and skiing,
373
00:23:56,111 --> 00:23:58,607
but it's too cold and
won't stop snowing,
374
00:23:58,631 --> 00:24:01,161
so we had to go to plan B.
375
00:24:01,185 --> 00:24:04,544
What's plan B?
Oh, I'm so glad you asked.
376
00:24:04,568 --> 00:24:07,650
Plan B is Mom and I
face off in a contest
377
00:24:07,674 --> 00:24:12,379
to see who can make the other
cry hot tears of rage first.
378
00:24:12,403 --> 00:24:15,762
She is the bitch queen of Bitchtopia.
379
00:24:15,786 --> 00:24:17,453
Our van is looking like the setting
380
00:24:17,477 --> 00:24:20,802
for a cage match duel to the death,
381
00:24:20,826 --> 00:24:23,908
all of us jammed in
together for three days.
382
00:24:23,932 --> 00:24:25,668
Who will emerge alive?
383
00:24:25,692 --> 00:24:28,499
Place your bets, ladies and germs.
384
00:24:28,523 --> 00:24:31,541
Personally, I predict no survivors.
385
00:24:38,118 --> 00:24:40,165
You know what bitchy
thing she said to me
386
00:24:40,190 --> 00:24:42,030
a couple hours ago?
387
00:24:42,054 --> 00:24:44,101
She said the reason that I hate Colorado
388
00:24:44,125 --> 00:24:46,586
is because I can't blog about it.
389
00:24:46,610 --> 00:24:48,899
She's always saying
social media is more real
390
00:24:48,923 --> 00:24:51,707
for me and my friends than the world.
391
00:24:51,995 --> 00:24:55,481
For us, nothing really happens
until someone posts about it.
392
00:24:57,224 --> 00:24:59,874
She says the internet
is life validation.
393
00:24:59,899 --> 00:25:01,371
Validating what?
394
00:25:01,396 --> 00:25:03,947
I told her I only have,
like, 40 followers on here,
395
00:25:03,972 --> 00:25:05,812
so the only thing it's validating
396
00:25:05,836 --> 00:25:08,159
is that I'm a total loser.
397
00:25:10,461 --> 00:25:12,060
Then she says people do social media
398
00:25:12,084 --> 00:25:14,363
because they're scared to die.
399
00:25:15,018 --> 00:25:17,065
Ooh, so deep.
400
00:25:17,089 --> 00:25:19,412
She said no one ever blogs
about their own death.
401
00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:22,760
No one's status ever says, "dead."
402
00:25:22,784 --> 00:25:24,624
People go online to hide from death
403
00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:27,696
and wind up hiding from life...
Crap like that.
404
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,905
She ought to write fortune
cookies for a living.
405
00:25:29,929 --> 00:25:33,288
I told Mom, no,
the reason I hate Colorado
406
00:25:33,312 --> 00:25:37,779
is 'cause I'm stuck with her,
and it's all way too real.
407
00:25:52,089 --> 00:25:55,872
One more hairpin turn,
and my stomach's gonna blow.
408
00:25:55,897 --> 00:25:59,382
Seriously, my contribution to
this glorious family moment
409
00:25:59,407 --> 00:26:02,974
will be when I barf on Eric's head.
410
00:26:03,238 --> 00:26:06,355
If we wind up in a snow bank
and have a Donner party,
411
00:26:06,379 --> 00:26:10,419
I know whose ass they'll be
chewing on first... mine.
412
00:26:10,444 --> 00:26:12,153
Of course, my survival
skills would amount
413
00:26:12,178 --> 00:26:15,025
to Twittering madly for
someone to rescue us.
414
00:26:15,050 --> 00:26:18,125
Mom would make a slingshot
out of rubber from the tires,
415
00:26:18,150 --> 00:26:20,611
kill squirrels with it,
make a fur bikini out of them,
416
00:26:20,635 --> 00:26:23,165
and be super sad when we were rescued.
417
00:26:23,189 --> 00:26:25,650
Dad would go out of his mind
418
00:26:25,674 --> 00:26:28,446
because we'd have to burn
his books to stay warm.
419
00:26:29,989 --> 00:26:31,828
Eric would put on a
pair of my leggings...
420
00:26:31,853 --> 00:26:33,141
Not to stay warm,
421
00:26:33,165 --> 00:26:35,902
just 'cause my little brother
wants to wear my leggings.
422
00:26:36,056 --> 00:26:37,283
I wrote that last bit
423
00:26:37,307 --> 00:26:39,216
'cause Eric was looking
over my shoulder.
424
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,081
The sick bastard said wearing
my leggings is the closest
425
00:26:42,105 --> 00:26:45,187
he'll probably come to
getting laid in high school.
426
00:26:45,211 --> 00:26:47,396
Mom taught him to knit while
we were snowed in here
427
00:26:47,420 --> 00:26:48,984
in happy Colorado,
428
00:26:49,008 --> 00:26:51,607
and he knitted himself a cock sock.
429
00:26:51,631 --> 00:26:54,127
He's completely gross, but I love him.
430
00:26:59,156 --> 00:27:02,170
It's snowing in the mountains,
but not down here.
431
00:27:02,194 --> 00:27:04,413
Goodbye, beautiful mountains.
432
00:27:04,437 --> 00:27:07,924
Hello, not-so-beautiful Utah desert.
433
00:27:09,166 --> 00:27:11,800
Now Eric is trying on my leggings.
434
00:27:11,824 --> 00:27:13,215
He's so bored.
435
00:27:13,366 --> 00:27:16,921
Mom thinks it's funny,
but Dad is stressing.
436
00:27:16,946 --> 00:27:18,944
I dared Eric to wear
a skirt in the diner
437
00:27:18,969 --> 00:27:20,498
when we stop for food,
438
00:27:20,522 --> 00:27:22,293
and I promised him that if he does it,
439
00:27:22,317 --> 00:27:25,055
I'll invite a certain
hot goth girl chick
440
00:27:25,079 --> 00:27:26,435
to the pool party in April
441
00:27:26,459 --> 00:27:29,714
so he can see her in her tacky bikini,
442
00:27:29,738 --> 00:27:30,992
even though I don't like her.
443
00:27:31,016 --> 00:27:32,476
There's no way he'll do it.
444
00:27:32,500 --> 00:27:34,374
Oh, my God, he's doing it.
445
00:27:34,398 --> 00:27:36,342
Oh, my gosh, Mom can't stop laughing.
446
00:27:36,366 --> 00:27:39,276
Eric saves the day!
447
00:27:39,300 --> 00:27:40,691
Although now I have to invite
448
00:27:40,715 --> 00:27:42,762
that goth girl to the pool party.
449
00:27:42,786 --> 00:27:43,970
But she probably won't come.
450
00:27:43,994 --> 00:27:45,823
I think sunlight burns her.
451
00:27:47,446 --> 00:27:50,356
I was actually glad to be
with these people right now,
452
00:27:50,380 --> 00:27:53,531
and for, like, three seconds,
I liked Mom,
453
00:27:53,555 --> 00:27:55,913
but then she had to go
and ruin everything.
454
00:27:55,937 --> 00:27:58,812
I seriously barely glanced at my phone,
455
00:27:58,836 --> 00:27:59,986
and I guess, like, the waitress
456
00:28:00,010 --> 00:28:01,401
was standing there or whatever,
457
00:28:01,425 --> 00:28:04,059
waiting for my order,
and I didn't notice,
458
00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:06,027
and Mom had to trot out her stories
459
00:28:06,051 --> 00:28:07,407
about being a waitress herself
460
00:28:07,431 --> 00:28:09,892
and how demeaning it was
not to be acknowledged,
461
00:28:09,916 --> 00:28:11,601
just to rub it in.
462
00:28:11,945 --> 00:28:14,034
And she can be, like, completely right,
463
00:28:14,059 --> 00:28:17,107
and I can still hate how
she makes me feel like shit
464
00:28:17,131 --> 00:28:19,484
every chance she gets.
465
00:28:20,299 --> 00:28:23,812
Don't tell her I said she
was completely right.
466
00:28:23,837 --> 00:28:25,797
Smug bitch.
467
00:28:29,373 --> 00:28:32,111
Now Mom's berating Dad
because some detour
468
00:28:32,136 --> 00:28:35,978
he accidentally took added
100 miles to our trip.
469
00:28:38,669 --> 00:28:41,614
Eric, I am psychically willing you
470
00:28:41,638 --> 00:28:45,135
to find some reason to get off the road.
471
00:28:45,159 --> 00:28:46,964
Put the leggings back on.
472
00:28:46,988 --> 00:28:49,932
Say you have to pee, anything, please.
473
00:28:52,649 --> 00:28:54,952
No, no, no, Eric, no!
474
00:28:54,977 --> 00:28:56,249
When I was sending you psychic signals,
475
00:28:56,273 --> 00:28:57,802
this is not what I meant.
476
00:28:57,826 --> 00:28:59,906
Even Mom doesn't wanna stop.
477
00:29:00,039 --> 00:29:01,358
Write it down, kids.
478
00:29:01,382 --> 00:29:04,878
First time in two years
we've agreed on anything.
479
00:29:04,902 --> 00:29:06,880
Ugh, Dad is being a prick now,
480
00:29:06,904 --> 00:29:08,261
says, "Well, I could use a break
481
00:29:08,285 --> 00:29:10,677
from being in the car
with you jackasses."
482
00:29:10,701 --> 00:29:11,782
Thanks, Dad.
483
00:29:11,806 --> 00:29:13,633
Love you, too.
484
00:29:17,260 --> 00:29:20,204
Yeah, this looks super popular.
485
00:29:20,228 --> 00:29:22,551
#Sarcasm.
486
00:29:22,575 --> 00:29:23,932
Circus of the Dead?
487
00:29:23,956 --> 00:29:26,452
More like Circus of the Lame.
488
00:29:27,330 --> 00:29:29,903
The ticket guy looks really sick...
489
00:29:29,927 --> 00:29:32,182
Not funny sick. Sick-sick.
490
00:29:32,206 --> 00:29:35,158
- How you doing?
- He smells, too.
491
00:29:35,183 --> 00:29:36,643
Mom says to be sure to keep doing
492
00:29:36,668 --> 00:29:38,532
whatever you're doing on your phone.
493
00:29:38,557 --> 00:29:40,052
She wouldn't want me to look up and,
494
00:29:40,076 --> 00:29:41,884
I don't know, see something happening.
495
00:29:42,561 --> 00:29:44,159
The only thing that's
gonna happen here
496
00:29:44,183 --> 00:29:46,298
is one of us is gonna get the plague.
497
00:29:46,323 --> 00:29:48,990
Mom just told Dad that
I'll love the circus
498
00:29:49,015 --> 00:29:51,615
'cause it'll be just like the Internet.
499
00:29:51,639 --> 00:29:53,651
YouTube is full of clowns, she says.
500
00:29:53,675 --> 00:29:55,239
Facebook is full of fire-breathers,
501
00:29:55,263 --> 00:29:57,379
and blogs are for people who can't live
502
00:29:57,403 --> 00:29:59,728
without a spotlight on them.
503
00:30:00,165 --> 00:30:02,523
I'm gonna tweet, like,
five times a minute
504
00:30:02,548 --> 00:30:04,904
and make her insane.
505
00:30:04,928 --> 00:30:08,942
Come on. Don't... There we go.
506
00:30:08,966 --> 00:30:11,704
The usher is a weird old guy.
507
00:30:11,728 --> 00:30:14,156
Dad says he looks like Mickey Rooney,
508
00:30:14,181 --> 00:30:15,880
whoever that is.
509
00:30:15,904 --> 00:30:18,469
Uh, he has on a hazmat suit.
510
00:30:18,493 --> 00:30:21,127
He says it's so he won't get bitten.
511
00:30:23,429 --> 00:30:25,614
It is dark as hell in here.
512
00:30:25,638 --> 00:30:28,755
I almost fell twice
getting to our seats.
513
00:30:33,834 --> 00:30:36,901
Ugh, this circus reeks.
514
00:30:36,925 --> 00:30:39,628
I don't know what I'm smelling.
515
00:30:39,652 --> 00:30:41,320
Are those the animals?
516
00:30:41,420 --> 00:30:43,872
Call PETA and the fire marshal.
517
00:30:43,897 --> 00:30:45,841
It's totally claustrophobic.
518
00:30:45,865 --> 00:30:47,188
We're so squished in,
519
00:30:47,212 --> 00:30:49,630
I don't think we could
leave if we wanted to.
520
00:30:50,939 --> 00:30:53,661
Oh, wait, they just flipped
on the spotlight.
521
00:30:53,686 --> 00:30:54,919
Showtime.
522
00:30:54,943 --> 00:30:57,888
Beating heart, restrain yourself.
523
00:31:02,674 --> 00:31:07,690
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Circus of the Dead!
524
00:31:07,715 --> 00:31:10,245
Well, that got Eric and Dad's attention.
525
00:31:11,387 --> 00:31:14,006
Did I mention there are
zombies in clown outfits,
526
00:31:14,031 --> 00:31:16,393
chasing her around?
527
00:31:17,173 --> 00:31:19,323
Whoa, they almost grabbed her.
528
00:31:19,347 --> 00:31:21,014
Ooh, she's quick.
529
00:31:21,038 --> 00:31:23,327
She says she's been a
prisoner of the circus
530
00:31:23,351 --> 00:31:25,536
for six weeks and survived
531
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,573
because she learned the stilts fast.
532
00:31:27,597 --> 00:31:29,747
Says her boyfriend couldn't
figure them out, fell down,
533
00:31:29,771 --> 00:31:31,922
and then he was
eaten on the first night.
534
00:31:32,206 --> 00:31:34,062
This is not a joke!
535
00:31:34,086 --> 00:31:36,478
She walked right up to the wall under us
536
00:31:36,502 --> 00:31:39,723
and begged someone to pull
her over and rescue her,
537
00:31:39,747 --> 00:31:42,864
but the guy in the
front row just laughed.
538
00:31:42,888 --> 00:31:44,806
Eric is yelling that he'll save her.
539
00:31:44,831 --> 00:31:46,212
- I'll save you!
- He just stood up
540
00:31:46,236 --> 00:31:47,731
and is flexing.
541
00:31:47,755 --> 00:31:50,492
I hope he doesn't get
a cramp in his one ab.
542
00:31:50,516 --> 00:31:53,009
Mom says she can't take us anywhere.
543
00:31:53,034 --> 00:31:54,496
Uh, promise?
544
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,154
Because I would like to be
nowhere with these people
545
00:31:57,178 --> 00:31:59,815
for the rest of ever.
546
00:31:59,938 --> 00:32:03,573
The skank mistress had
to run away in a hurry
547
00:32:03,598 --> 00:32:07,544
before Zippo the Zombie
knocked her off her stilts.
548
00:32:07,568 --> 00:32:10,478
It's actually all very
well-choreographed.
549
00:32:10,502 --> 00:32:13,343
You can totally believe
they're trying to get her.
550
00:32:13,367 --> 00:32:16,138
Here at the Circus of the Dead,
551
00:32:16,162 --> 00:32:19,728
we always begin things with a bang.
552
00:32:23,203 --> 00:32:26,010
Eric says he has fantasies
about a certain goth girl
553
00:32:26,034 --> 00:32:28,225
putting him in a rig like that.
554
00:32:28,250 --> 00:32:30,774
Ugh! #Ew.
555
00:32:30,798 --> 00:32:32,362
This show would actually
be a great date
556
00:32:32,386 --> 00:32:33,466
for the two of them.
557
00:32:33,490 --> 00:32:34,778
It's got a hint of sex,
558
00:32:34,802 --> 00:32:36,297
a whiff of bondage,
559
00:32:36,321 --> 00:32:38,360
and it's really, really morbid.
560
00:32:38,874 --> 00:32:41,508
Hmm, they just put
a zombie in the cannon.
561
00:32:48,733 --> 00:32:49,965
Yuck!
562
00:32:49,989 --> 00:32:52,658
They pointed the cannon at
the crowd and fired it,
563
00:32:52,682 --> 00:32:56,616
and fucking zombie
parts went everywhere.
564
00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:58,421
The guy in the row in front of us
565
00:32:58,446 --> 00:33:01,839
got smashed in the mouth
with a flying shoe.
566
00:33:01,863 --> 00:33:03,427
He's bleeding and everything.
567
00:33:03,451 --> 00:33:05,395
Hello, lawsuit.
568
00:33:05,419 --> 00:33:07,051
Fucking yuck.
569
00:33:07,075 --> 00:33:09,330
There's still a foot inside the shoe.
570
00:33:09,354 --> 00:33:11,991
It's totally realistic-looking.
571
00:33:12,184 --> 00:33:13,851
The guy sitting in front of us
572
00:33:13,875 --> 00:33:16,682
just walked off with
his wife to complain,
573
00:33:16,706 --> 00:33:18,684
same dude who laughed
at the ringmistress
574
00:33:18,708 --> 00:33:19,966
when she asked for help.
575
00:33:19,991 --> 00:33:21,169
Part of me wants to leave,
576
00:33:21,193 --> 00:33:23,413
but the rest of me is
watching this unfold
577
00:33:23,437 --> 00:33:26,588
like a car wreck I can't unsee.
578
00:33:29,512 --> 00:33:34,838
Ugh, Dad had a zombie lip in his hair!
579
00:33:34,862 --> 00:33:36,978
I'm so glad I didn't eat lunch.
580
00:33:37,002 --> 00:33:40,986
It looks like a gummy worm,
and it smells like ass.
581
00:33:41,661 --> 00:33:44,008
Naturally, Eric wants to keep it.
582
00:33:47,579 --> 00:33:49,953
Yay, a lion!
583
00:33:51,499 --> 00:33:55,211
This next act is the cat's meow.
584
00:33:55,469 --> 00:33:59,414
Aww, I am still girl
enough to like a big cat.
585
00:34:00,922 --> 00:34:03,280
Oh, that's a really sad-looking lion.
586
00:34:03,304 --> 00:34:04,937
Not fun.
587
00:34:05,927 --> 00:34:08,734
They're opening the cage
and sending in zombies,
588
00:34:08,758 --> 00:34:11,453
and he's hissing like a housecat.
589
00:34:11,750 --> 00:34:14,152
Damn! Lion power, whoo!
590
00:34:14,177 --> 00:34:17,812
Ew, not so much cheering now.
591
00:34:18,015 --> 00:34:20,332
He's got one,
and he's tugging out its guts
592
00:34:20,356 --> 00:34:23,748
like he's pulling on the
end of a tug-of-war rope.
593
00:34:23,773 --> 00:34:25,647
They're sending in more zombies.
594
00:34:31,194 --> 00:34:33,724
Oh, gross!
595
00:34:33,748 --> 00:34:38,312
The zombies are passing around
organ meat and hunks of fur.
596
00:34:38,926 --> 00:34:42,023
It's awful! Oh, I feel sick.
597
00:34:44,310 --> 00:34:47,566
Dad saw I was getting upset
and told me how they did it.
598
00:34:47,590 --> 00:34:49,706
The cage has a false bottom,
599
00:34:49,730 --> 00:34:52,433
and they pulled the real
lion out through the floor.
600
00:34:52,457 --> 00:34:54,987
Oh, you really get
swept up in this thing.
601
00:34:55,011 --> 00:34:57,865
And now, who is brave enough to join me?
602
00:34:57,890 --> 00:34:59,405
Now the ringmistress is back out
603
00:34:59,429 --> 00:35:01,442
asking for a volunteer.
604
00:35:01,466 --> 00:35:02,960
Uh, hard pass.
605
00:35:02,984 --> 00:35:06,471
That person is definitely
contracting herpes.
606
00:35:08,818 --> 00:35:11,148
Mm, where'd Eric go?
607
00:35:11,486 --> 00:35:14,317
Probably went to
barf after that lion act.
608
00:35:16,109 --> 00:35:17,906
WTF?
609
00:35:17,930 --> 00:35:21,047
The fire swallower just came out.
610
00:35:23,626 --> 00:35:26,156
One of the men in a hazmat suit...
611
00:35:26,180 --> 00:35:28,607
Fuck me! They just stuck
a torch down his throat,
612
00:35:28,631 --> 00:35:30,436
and now he's burning!
613
00:35:31,737 --> 00:35:33,059
He's running around with, like,
614
00:35:33,083 --> 00:35:34,440
smoke coming out of his mouth
615
00:35:34,464 --> 00:35:36,338
and fire coming out of his eyes
616
00:35:36,362 --> 00:35:38,962
like a jack-o-lant... Oh!
617
00:35:38,986 --> 00:35:42,805
They just let him burn to
death from the inside out!
618
00:35:43,335 --> 00:35:46,348
That's the realest thing I've ever seen.
619
00:35:46,372 --> 00:35:48,143
What's even realer is the corpse
620
00:35:48,167 --> 00:35:49,835
after the hazmat guys
621
00:35:49,859 --> 00:35:51,929
sprayed it down with
a fire extinguisher.
622
00:35:51,954 --> 00:35:54,633
It looks so sad and shriveled.
623
00:35:55,347 --> 00:35:57,187
Oh, ringmistress is back.
624
00:35:57,211 --> 00:35:59,396
She's really weaving around.
625
00:35:59,420 --> 00:36:01,610
I think something's
wrong with her ankle.
626
00:36:01,836 --> 00:36:04,366
She says someone from
the audience has agreed
627
00:36:04,390 --> 00:36:06,507
to be tonight's sacrifice.
628
00:36:06,531 --> 00:36:09,958
She said he will be the lucky one.
629
00:36:13,261 --> 00:36:16,724
Oh, no! He did not!
630
00:36:16,748 --> 00:36:21,418
They just wheeled Eric out
cuffed to a big wooden wheel.
631
00:36:21,442 --> 00:36:23,450
Did he just wink at us?
632
00:36:23,799 --> 00:36:25,526
Oh, psycho.
633
00:36:25,550 --> 00:36:27,948
Go, Eric! Whoo!
634
00:36:32,936 --> 00:36:34,189
They hauled out a zombie
635
00:36:34,213 --> 00:36:36,537
and chained him to a stake in the dirt,
636
00:36:36,561 --> 00:36:39,940
and there's a box in front
of him full of hatchets.
637
00:36:40,634 --> 00:36:42,784
I don't like where this is going.
638
00:36:48,601 --> 00:36:51,378
Someone screamed like
they got it in the head.
639
00:36:51,403 --> 00:36:53,105
Obvious plant.
640
00:36:57,792 --> 00:36:59,145
Everyone's laughing now.
641
00:36:59,169 --> 00:37:00,630
The lion scene was a little grim,
642
00:37:00,654 --> 00:37:02,597
but we're back to funny again.
643
00:37:02,621 --> 00:37:06,118
Eric is spinning around
and around on the wheel.
644
00:37:06,142 --> 00:37:07,740
I think he's gonna yak.
645
00:37:09,245 --> 00:37:12,363
Ooh, I am not as brave as Eric.
646
00:37:18,665 --> 00:37:21,135
Dad says it's a trick. He's fine.
647
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:24,035
Says he'll probably come
out later as a zombie.
648
00:37:24,194 --> 00:37:26,137
All a part of the show.
649
00:37:27,746 --> 00:37:30,279
Oh, yep. Looks like Dad's right.
650
00:37:30,304 --> 00:37:33,145
They've promised that
he'll reemerge shortly.
651
00:37:33,169 --> 00:37:35,285
Ugh, Mom is wigging.
652
00:37:35,309 --> 00:37:37,529
She wants Dad to go check on Eric.
653
00:37:37,553 --> 00:37:40,704
She's starting to go nuts...
So embarrassing.
654
00:37:40,728 --> 00:37:43,880
Says that guy who got hit by
the shoe never came back,
655
00:37:43,904 --> 00:37:46,434
and I don't really see what
that has to do with Eric,
656
00:37:46,458 --> 00:37:49,471
and besides,
if I got hit by a flying shoe,
657
00:37:49,496 --> 00:37:51,284
I wouldn't come back either.
658
00:37:51,863 --> 00:37:54,596
Mom bullied Dad into checking on Eric.
659
00:37:54,621 --> 00:37:56,612
Sanity restored.
660
00:37:57,503 --> 00:38:01,167
This is why Eric volunteered.
661
00:38:01,192 --> 00:38:04,724
With the fishnets and all,
she's very goth-hot.
662
00:38:04,749 --> 00:38:07,909
- This is it, folks.
- She's being weird.
663
00:38:07,934 --> 00:38:09,767
If I go off-script, they don't let me...
664
00:38:09,792 --> 00:38:11,378
She says if she goes off-script,
665
00:38:11,403 --> 00:38:13,149
they don't let her out of the ring.
666
00:38:13,174 --> 00:38:15,014
- Who cares?
- But she doesn't care.
667
00:38:15,038 --> 00:38:17,011
- I twisted my ankle earlier.
- She twisted her ankle
668
00:38:17,035 --> 00:38:19,052
and knows tonight is her last night.
669
00:38:19,077 --> 00:38:20,784
Tonight is my final show.
670
00:38:20,809 --> 00:38:22,780
- Says her name is...
- Gail Ross.
671
00:38:22,805 --> 00:38:25,162
And she went to high school in Plano,
672
00:38:25,186 --> 00:38:28,103
was going to marry her
boyfriend after college,
673
00:38:28,128 --> 00:38:29,684
says his name was Craig,
674
00:38:29,708 --> 00:38:31,595
and he wanted to teach.
675
00:38:31,620 --> 00:38:32,894
Nice backstory.
676
00:38:32,918 --> 00:38:35,392
I'm impressed with the
attention to detail.
677
00:38:35,417 --> 00:38:39,026
Now she's saying that
she's sorry for all of us.
678
00:38:39,335 --> 00:38:42,178
She says that they take our
cars and dispose of them
679
00:38:42,203 --> 00:38:44,526
while we're in the tent and that,
like, every year,
680
00:38:44,550 --> 00:38:48,772
12,000 people vanish on the
road with no explanation.
681
00:38:48,796 --> 00:38:51,950
Their cars turn up empty or not at all.
682
00:38:51,975 --> 00:38:53,674
No one will miss us.
683
00:38:53,698 --> 00:38:54,675
Creepy.
684
00:38:54,699 --> 00:38:56,405
Oh, here's Eric!
685
00:38:57,115 --> 00:38:59,749
His zombie makeup is really good.
686
00:38:59,773 --> 00:39:01,889
Most of the zombies
are black and rotted,
687
00:39:01,913 --> 00:39:03,925
but he looks like a fresh kill.
688
00:39:03,949 --> 00:39:05,513
Still got the hatchet in the neck.
689
00:39:05,537 --> 00:39:08,374
And that looks totally fake.
690
00:39:08,399 --> 00:39:11,100
I just said he's not very
good at being a zombie,
691
00:39:11,125 --> 00:39:14,003
and Mom told me to be supportive.
692
00:39:14,028 --> 00:39:15,316
Seriously?
693
00:39:15,340 --> 00:39:17,811
He isn't even trying to walk slow.
694
00:39:21,366 --> 00:39:24,290
Oh, shit, I hope
that's part of the show.
695
00:39:24,983 --> 00:39:27,351
He just knocked her down.
696
00:39:27,523 --> 00:39:31,676
Eric, Eric, Eric!
She hit the dirt really, really hard.
697
00:39:31,701 --> 00:39:34,093
Oh, no. You fucking...
698
00:39:34,117 --> 00:39:36,233
They're eating her
like they ate the lion.
699
00:39:36,257 --> 00:39:38,719
Eric is playing with her guts?
700
00:39:38,743 --> 00:39:40,721
He's going totally method.
701
00:39:40,745 --> 00:39:42,205
Fucking gross.
702
00:39:42,229 --> 00:39:43,585
And to the 80 new followers
703
00:39:43,609 --> 00:39:46,036
I've gotten tonight,
you're fucking gross, too.
704
00:39:46,060 --> 00:39:48,004
You guys will be
disappointed tomorrow
705
00:39:48,028 --> 00:39:50,404
when I go back to tweeting
about my breakfast.
706
00:39:50,429 --> 00:39:52,111
#Boring.
707
00:39:58,348 --> 00:40:00,154
Zombie cheerleaders?
708
00:40:00,190 --> 00:40:01,982
They're making a human pyramid,
709
00:40:02,007 --> 00:40:05,660
or maybe I should say
an inhuman pyramid.
710
00:40:05,685 --> 00:40:08,160
They're surprisingly
good at it for zombies.
711
00:40:08,386 --> 00:40:09,508
Go, team!
712
00:40:09,532 --> 00:40:11,949
I wonder if they have
a zombie spirit stick.
713
00:40:12,362 --> 00:40:15,996
Be aggressive. Zom-bie aggressive!
714
00:40:16,504 --> 00:40:19,967
Eric is climbing the pyramid
like he knows what he's doing.
715
00:40:19,991 --> 00:40:23,039
He's up high enough to grab
the wall around the ring.
716
00:40:23,063 --> 00:40:26,318
He's snarling at
someone in the front row.
717
00:40:26,342 --> 00:40:28,423
I didn't know he was such a good actor.
718
00:40:28,447 --> 00:40:30,596
I wonder if they gave him,
like, backstage training...
719
00:40:38,111 --> 00:40:40,434
This is really dangerous.
720
00:40:40,459 --> 00:40:41,816
It's so dark,
721
00:40:41,841 --> 00:40:44,440
and lots of people are
screaming and running around!
722
00:40:49,020 --> 00:40:52,121
I can't say anything, or they'll hear.
723
00:40:52,505 --> 00:40:54,713
We're being very, very quiet.
724
00:40:57,136 --> 00:40:59,109
We're off I-70.
725
00:40:59,133 --> 00:41:02,433
Mom says exit 31, Utah.
726
00:41:02,458 --> 00:41:04,700
Never mind. Mom says we're in Arizona.
727
00:41:04,725 --> 00:41:05,840
Gosh, she's always correcting me.
728
00:41:05,864 --> 00:41:07,462
Damn it, Mom!
729
00:41:07,486 --> 00:41:10,524
_
730
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,611
The crowd... Oh, God, that smell.
731
00:41:22,881 --> 00:41:24,548
They were all dead.
732
00:41:24,572 --> 00:41:27,482
The people in the stands were all dead
733
00:41:27,506 --> 00:41:30,865
except for us and a few others.
734
00:41:30,889 --> 00:41:33,454
The corpses were roped together
735
00:41:33,478 --> 00:41:35,628
to the seats, like rotting mannequins,
736
00:41:35,652 --> 00:41:38,966
and we couldn't tell
because it was so dark.
737
00:41:43,315 --> 00:41:45,277
It's quiet now,
738
00:41:45,593 --> 00:41:48,400
less screaming and growling.
739
00:41:48,424 --> 00:41:52,231
They're dragging people
into piles and eating them.
740
00:41:52,255 --> 00:41:56,028
The man who got hit by the
shoe earlier walked by,
741
00:41:56,052 --> 00:41:57,858
but he's a zombie now.
742
00:42:05,199 --> 00:42:07,347
Just Mom and me now.
743
00:42:07,372 --> 00:42:10,214
I love my mom. She's so brave.
744
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:13,410
I love her so much, so much.
745
00:42:15,951 --> 00:42:19,506
I never meant any of
the bad things, not one.
746
00:42:23,990 --> 00:42:26,263
I'm so scared.
747
00:42:27,898 --> 00:42:30,646
They're searching to
see if anyone is left.
748
00:42:34,159 --> 00:42:36,113
We're here waiting for help.
749
00:42:36,138 --> 00:42:39,347
Please forward this to
everyone on Twitter.
750
00:42:39,378 --> 00:42:42,482
This is true, not an Internet prank.
751
00:42:50,183 --> 00:42:51,738
Oh, God...
752
00:42:53,163 --> 00:42:54,465
It was Dad.
753
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,053
He went by,
754
00:42:59,078 --> 00:43:02,611
and Mom sat up and said his name,
755
00:43:02,636 --> 00:43:07,065
and... and oh, God, not Dad!
756
00:43:09,273 --> 00:43:12,079
Mom? Mommy?
757
00:43:18,912 --> 00:43:21,217
Mommy!
758
00:43:21,373 --> 00:43:25,530
Mommy!
759
00:43:35,646 --> 00:43:39,441
_
760
00:43:39,787 --> 00:43:44,301
_
761
00:43:44,707 --> 00:43:48,754
_
762
00:43:49,025 --> 00:43:53,754
_
763
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:57,817
_
764
00:43:58,511 --> 00:44:03,106
_
765
00:44:04,288 --> 00:44:07,950
_
766
00:44:09,172 --> 00:44:13,489
_
767
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:18,059
_
768
00:44:19,090 --> 00:44:23,309
_
769
00:44:24,923 --> 00:44:28,770
_
770
00:44:29,052 --> 00:44:32,895
_
771
00:44:35,832 --> 00:44:37,661
Aaah!
772
00:45:02,105 --> 00:45:05,241
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
55453
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