All language subtitles for 2x08 - Ten Little Warlords

Gabrielle, wake up.

It's all right, it's me.

Xena you know, I don't know
if I'm gonna get used to this.

It's so weird having
your best friend

in the body of your worst enemy.

Could you dye your hair?

Hey! It's only a suggestion.

Joxer?!

Quick response good!

Next time I test you defenses,

I'll make even less
noise on purpose.

What are you doing here, Joxer?

I'm here to deliver
a message for Callisto.

I thought she might be interested.

I mean, uh for,
uh Xena, the, eh did

you get the hang of this yet?

About half the time.

Why would I want
Callisto's messages?

Burn it.

Not this one.

How often do you get

a personal invitation
from the God of War?

Ares sent out ten scrolls;

one of 'em's for Callisto.

Ah I've got it around
here somewhere. Hey!

Is that it?

who are you supposed to be,

a fierce warrior trapped
in the body of Gabrielle?

Ares didn't send this invitation;

he knows Callisto's dead
and I'm in her body.

But, I'd like to know
who did send it and why.

So would I; when do we leave?

Gabrielle and I
leave at first light.

With all of the warlords
passing through, Joxer

the people around
here may need you

in case a panic breaks out.

my presence would inspire
confidence, wouldn't it?

Well, thanks,
Callist uh Xena

Relax, just go with it.

Right.

There's another one.
His name's Tegason.

And the human wall
walking toward him?

Who's that?

Some piece of work, huh?

So, what does that make it now?

Five so far?

And these two are bitter enemies.

When they meet,

it's like throwing oil
on a raging fire.

Let's go in there and find out

why Ares sent for them.

You could you could
put the pinch on

one of those bastards and just

calm down.

Now, let's see what happens.

Yuck where were they raised,
in a barn?

Wait.

Some raging fire.
Look!

They're teaming up.

I'm gonna follow.

Yeah, let's go in there and
start kicking some a...

Gabrielle, what, did you
sleep on a rock again?

Go get something to eat
and try and relax.

Fishcakes, fishcakes,
lovely fishcakes.

Six for a dinar, six for a dinar.

Fishcakes, lovely fishcakes lovely

fishcakes, dearie, six for a dinar.

Fishcakes?

Would you like one?

They're really good.

They're good, but a little bony.

Mine are scrumptious,
and ten per dinar.

Ten.

Twelve per dinar, dearie.

Twelve.

His are as chewy as seaweed.

Hey, she's my cust...

She's my customer.

I wanna fishcake!

No, they're mine!

Lady, I was here first!

Put me down!

I ordered the lobster!

Where's my fishcake?!

All right, where's my bargain?!

Who started this?
More warlords?

No, them.

Callisto!
Spare us!

We don't want any trouble!

Her! Forget about her!

Me, on the other hand.
Why, I

Gabrielle.

Xena, let me go,
I can stop 'em.

You can't stop everyone come on.

All right!

Innocent people turned violent;

bloodthirsty warlords on

their best behavior.

What's going on?

Barkeep!

You got a couple of thirsty
customers over here.

See what happens when the
God of War takes a holiday?

Well, more like,
forced retirement.

Hello, Xena.

Oh, what's the matter?

Don't you recognize an old friend?

Ares.

In a time of ancient gods...

...warlords...

...and kings...

A land in turmoil
cried out for a hero...

She was Xena...

a mighty princess,
forged in the heat of battle...

...The power...

...The passion...

...The danger...

Her courage will
change the world...

Ten Little Warlords

Ares, are you telling
me you're mortal?

I don't believe you.

Humililating, isn't it?

But what self-respecting god

of war would do this?

That's great 'cause I've
always wanted to slap

Get away from me!

Pain.

So that's what it's like
not so bad, really.

Hah, you like it, huh?

Well, there's plenty more
where that came from.

Put some wine on that cloth.
Press it to your cut.

Up you go!

Who did this to you?

Zeus?

All I know is someone
stole my sword.

It must have been while

I was preoccupied
with you and Callisto.

The next thing I know,

I'm down here, exiled, deposed.

Ah, you're breaking our hearts.

Gabrielle, give us some room.

OK but if you need
any back-up, you yell.

Out of my way!

Not usually so contentious, is she?

Damnit, I like it!

I would've switched you back
into your old body, but,

I lost my sword.

Too bad not that you don't wear

Callisto magnificently.

I just hope she's being
as good to me in Tartarus.

Oh, she's behaving.

So, who sent for the ten
warlords in your name?

I don't know.
But I'm gonna find out.

Who do you have to punch

to get a drink around here?!

Here, take my invitation.

I don't want your invitation.

I want you to help me
get my godhood back.

And why would I do that?

Well, I could put you
back into your old body.

Come on Xena,

you must miss staring into those

baby blues every time
you pass a mirror.

My body doesn't
make me who I am.

My deeds do and I
don't plan on letting

the God of War back in business.

What is this?
Fish fry?

Give me the good stuff.

What do you think's
happening to your friend?

To these pathetic villagers?

Without a sitting God of War,

peaceful people have lost the

self-discipline to
control their anger.

Come on, huh?

I rest my case.

Just so you know,
you've got thirtys.

If that's true, how come
I haven't lost control?

That's the really
interesting part.

You see those who have learned
to channed their anger,

just get more and more focused.

But people who have no
experience with violence

totally lose it.

Come on, Gabrielle, let's go.

Good idea.

Oh, you may despise me, Xena.

But a godhood is a sacred trust.

Oh, you'd love to live in
a world without war,

I know that.

But, without me, you're about
to experience a world

without peace for anyone, anywhere.

Now, you just think
about that, Xena!

What a loser.

Let's get back to the action.

What do you say?

You're right, you know.

You can't trust Ares.

Now, here there are many
gods on Mt. Olympus,

and there's got to be one
that can help switch

you back into your own body.

Of course, you know,
he won't make it,

not with those warlords.

Who wouldn't want to make their
rep by wasting the God of War?

Or ex, or otherwise?

I hope that it's slow

and painful a taste of
his own medicine.

Try and get some sleep.

Who can sleep?!

Now, I know what
it's like to be you!

It's it's exhilirating!

Always alert!
Ready for a fight!

Trouble could break out anytime!

Gabrielle, get a grip.

You lose control now and
there's no turning back.

You seem to be controlling
yourself pretty well.

I've lived with anger longer.

Like it or not,
it's part of me.

Get your hands off me.

Do you remember that poem,

'Elysian Fields,'
you used to like so much?

Every time you feel angry,

I want you to recite it.

Elysian fields,
calm and green;

love-birds singing,
so serene.

Gabrielle I didn't
mean right now.

I am boiling mad,
right now, at you!

I've got this
overwhelming desire to

just knock you upside

your irritating blonde!

I want you to wait
here, tomorrow.

I'm going with Ares.

You're what?

That's my decision
end of discussion.

Get these buckets out of
my way, you filthy scum!

Yes, sir.

Now we have
two invitations.

One small rule, Ares insists
all weapons be left behind.

What if we're attacked?!

Ares insists!
Refuse you don't sail.

How do we know it's really

Ares that sent for us, anyway?

Tell us that!

Why not say who I am.

They should pay me
the respect I deserve.

You wanna find out
who's behind all of this,

I'd keep a low profile,
if I were you.

Callisto, I'd heard Xena
sent you to Tartarus.

Well, as you can see rumors of my

demise were greatly exaggerated.

I always said Xena
was over-rated.

Next time I see her,

I'm gonna kick her butt!

If anyone's gonna waste
the Warrior Princess,

it'll be me understand?

Don't touch my armor, please.

This is hand-pounded.

What do you want?

I heard you were looking for
the world's greatest warrior.

Well here I am.

You're the greatest,

Well, we'll soon find out.

No, no he's mine.

I'm glad you're
here now pretend

you're afraid
of me and run away.

Why?

You can guard the
dock once we're gone.

Just don't hurt me, Callisto.

Warriors,

Ares has prepared
a short introduction.

Welcome, I look forward to

meeting you all soon.

That is nothing like my voice.

Before sailing it occurs to
me the rules I've set forth

may make sharing close quarters

on a crossing a tad uncomfortable.

Let me assure you,

the prize at the
end of your journey

will more than compensate.

You see, I intend to retire,
and name my heir.

Yes one of you will become
the new God of War.

Naturally, Ares plans
on naming me.

Play your hands right,

and I'll choose my lieutenants
from one of you

I still say, why would the God
of War strip us of weapons?

There's more to this
than meets the eye.

I lost track of my kill
count years ago at the

siege of Asponica some battle.

I personally smashed the gates

at Asponica that blowhard

wasn't even there.

If you think the world
has seen bad times before,

just wait till one of
them gains my mantle.

It couldn't be anymore
heartless than you.

I was born a god imbued with
the responsibilities of a god.

No mortal who gains possession
can handle the power.

Well, excuse me.

Don't expect him
to say anything.

Last time he met Xena,

her chakram severed his voice box.

He had a dirty mouth.

You hate her,
don't you, Callisto?

Well, you'll like this story.

I once beat her so bad,

I had her begging for mercy.

I heard she broke your
belt with her chakram,

and you ran away with
your behind showing.

Someday.

You know, there are certain

advantages to being trapped
in the skin of a psycho.

If looks can kill,
then Callisto has it

down to an, ah art.

What is this infernal
throbbing in my head?!

It's called a hangover,
it's the price

we mortals pay for
drinking to excess.

And prey, why, is it
called a hangover?

'Cause, pretty soon you're gonna

hang your head over that rail?

What are you looking at?

A pitiful excuse for a warrior.

You and Virgilius never
met on the battlefield.

Afraid I haven't
had the pleasure.

He's awesome committed,
decisive, totally ruthless.

He does me proud
I'd watch out for him.

Well, I didn't know
you cared, Ares.

You're so used to pulling
everyone's strings

and inflaming their passions.

How does it feel depending
on me, of all people?

How do you feel?

Allying yourself to
the best friend and

the worst enemy
you've ever known?

What was that?!

We'll find out.

Gabrielle, you sure Xena

wants you following
her to the island?

Of course she does.

Now, just shup up and go
over there way over there.

Charming.

There's only one person
I know that would

stage a sideshow
like this Sisyphus.

I thought Hades had him

pushing a rock uphill for eternity.

Yeah, well he's quite
an escape artist.

Greetings, all.

I see a familiar face
who wasn't invited.

But welcome
nonetheless, Ares.

He's Ares.
Then, who are you?

An imposter a conjuror with
no real powers to fear.

The infamous Callisto

what a pleasure it is
to finally meet you.

Don't forget I died

and descended
into Hades'domain.

I'd say my return is something

more than a mere parlor trick.

Over here, everyone!

You stole my godhood!

True but you're free to
win it back if you can.

My offer is simple.

While escaping from
the Underworld, Ares'

sword just happened
to fall into my hands.

Anyone of you may claim it.

In return for providing
the new God of War,

I shall be granted immortality.

I claim the sword, me Virgilius.

Nice try!
I'm afraid the powers

that-be require a small
test a competition.

What kind of competition?

A duel to the death at sunrise
with that monster out there.

It's called the Baracchus.

The godhood of war is
an object of worship;

it shouldn't be put up as a
prize in some silly contest.

Oh, I promise you, defeating
that monster won't be silly.

You'll all be provided
with weapons.

Whoever slays the Baracchus
wins Ares' sword.

It's that simple.

Nothing's ever that simple
with you, Sisyphus or, so

I've heard.

Don't try to look for the sword,

Callisto;

you won't find it.

Not that anyone was
thinking of leaving,

but the boat's gone.

Ah! That's it!

Joxer can swim back.

That's from Xena.

You think you can go
off with Ares,

Joxer?

Stop sneaking
up on me!

Xena told me to
guard the dock,

and I figured she
meant this one.

Now, come on, the
castle's back that way.

The castle is that way.

That was the wind, right?

Yeah sounds like it's hungry.

Six!

If somebody kills the
Baracchus before me,

I don't even get a turn!

Anybody has a better
system, let's hear it.

And what number did
you draw, Callisto?

Number one.

I'm number two,

but I won't settle
for second prize.

Come on,
get her later.

Gagnon just moved up
another five notches.

A spirited exercise.

Now, I suggest you conserve

your energies for tomorrow.

There's food waiting for
you in your rooms upstairs.

This is getting annoying.

We gotta find something
to bind that wound.

Come on.

See I told you this drainage

pipe would lead
right into the castle.

No you wanted to
storm the castle.

I wanted to try the drainage pipe.

It was me!

Me! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me!

You know what?

That is so typical of you to
say something like that.

What's the matter
with you, anyway?!

What is the matter with me is

what I might do if
you don't shut up.

It came from that way.

I think we should go this way.

Oh, no! We go that way.

No, no!

You're gonna walk
right into the monster!

Yes! He's really rubbing
me the wrong way.

Oh, look, the weapons
our host promised us

how generous.

A dagger and a mace
to kill the monster.

It doesn't take
an oracle to see

that Sisyphus expects
us to use them

against each other.

Take your shirt off.

What?

Well, you're in her body

but you still have your touch

warm, firm, passionate,

yet at the same time, gentle.

Now, Callisto she's all animal.

You know, she starts
like a cold fish,

but you press the right
buttons hold on,

it's quite a ride.

Mind you, my experience
with her is rather unique.

She was in your
body at the time.

When I get my body back

I gotta remember
to take a long bath.

You know, when we were

downstairs fighting I saw that

old sparkle in your eyes, Xena.

Even being in Callisto's
body can't hide that.

You enjoyed it.

What surprises
me is I didn't.

You know,

it's always come easily,
the the bloodlust,

the hate this is the first time

I've had to suffer
the consequences.

Spare me, Ares.

You don't trust me?

I can't blame you,

after all I've put you through.

But a taste of mortality
has really opened my eyes.

And, who knows?
Once I regain my sword,

maybe things
will be different.

A kinder,
gentler God of War?

We both know that's
not gonna happen.

You changed why not me?

I never lied to you, Xena.

Deceived, manipulated, yeah

but a god need never lie.

But that's just it, Ares

you're not a god anymore.

So as much as I'd like to

believe you even
if you believe it

all bets'll be off once you
get your godhood back.

And that's if you do.

I think you might
be surprised about

the change you can inspire
in a man or a god.

So that's where
I put that thing.

Sorry for the interruption.

I trust you're not looking
for an escape route.

No, your sword.
Knowing Sisyphus,

he probably has it
hidden in plain sight.

Sure you don't
want it for yourself?

You'd make a magnificent
Goddess of War.

Forget it, Ares.

How'd you get to
be a god anyway?

Don't they have some sort
of character requirements?

You miss the point.

For the job I have,
my character's perfect.

You know where
you would shine?

As Goddess of Desire.

I said, forget it, Ares.

Well, you'd be back in your

old body and get to live forever.

With you?
I'd rather die.

This time,
I take the feet.

I'll bet he was happy;

he died with his
sword in his hands.

Now let's find your sword.

'Love-birds singing so serene.

We live in peace and love.

Stop doing that.

What did I do?

Joxer it pains me to tell
you that, all day long, I have

fantasized about
ripping your heart out!

You know you don't have to

explain to me what
you're going through.

I understand it completely.

Matter of fact,
when I was your age

Oh, shut up! Shut up!

Hey, it's just that
kind of bloodlust

I have to deal with every
day on a regular basis.

To live in peace
and love like the gentle

Whereas, people
like you innocent

and sweet don't have
that kind of bloodlust.

Whereas, I am the
picture of self-control.

Come back here,
you little winged thing.

I'm gonna rip your wings off

and mash your little body to pie...

You've snapped, haven't you?

Come on!

Oh, you want a piece of me?

Here, you come one, you

worthless piece of a Centaur.

Look let's not try to kill

each other until after
I slay the monster, OK?

All right but I can't
wait much longer.

Neither can I.

It's right down this way;
just stick with me,

you'll be all right.

Someone's coming.

When the door
opens, attack!

There it is.

Now when I open
the door, take him by

surprise and show no mercy.

We were right they
were perfectly matched.

Now, they're perfectly dead.

Another new experience.

I, uh I guess it's fear.

No, that's surprise you'll
know when it's fear.

Look, Xena, if I don't
survive till morning,

you must claim my sword.

I told you, I don't
wanna be a goddess.

Just remember the consequences

should it fall
to those animals.

I never thought I'd admit it,

but you're the right
man for the job.

Too bad 'Callisto, Goddess of
War' has a ring to it or

should I say, 'Xena'?

Now, how can you
be in Callisto's body?

This must be
your doing, Ares.

Well, Xena,
I do hope it is you

who goes up against
the Baracchus.

Oh, and good news two more

warlords have dropped out.

Which puts you two steps
closer to getting someone else

to push that rock
in the Underworld.

Isn't that right?

Is that what this so-called
contest is really about?

No it's about
winners and losers.

Ares, don't!

Thanks for dropping in.

Get me down!

Oh, great!
Sisyphus,

I'm warning you!
Xena!

Xena!
Do something!

The walls are closing!

Are you all right?

I've been hanged, swung
over a fire, and nearly

shishkabobbed on
razor-sharp spikes, yeah!

How do you mortals

get from day to day?!

You know?!

Give me the sword!

I'm gonna waste that monster.

No, a warrior never
gives up his sword!

Oh, knock it off with
the warrior crap;

now, give me the sword!

No! A warrior's sword is
he never gets bored with

I can't stand it anymore!

Warrior this, warrior that!

All right, what's Callisto want?

Careful, it may be a trap.

It is a trap and
Sisyphus has set it.

But we can stop the
killing and call a truce.

While you slay the Baracchus
and win the sword

I don't think so.

Don't be fools.
Listen to her.

Behold the once-fearsome

Ares Callisto's new lap-dog.

What a pitiful sight.

Enough talk.

We decided three against
two were better odds.

And two against
one even better.

Next?

I wouldn't turn my back on
your new partner, Virgilius.

You can't both be
the God of War.

Prepare to feel the might
of Joxer the Invincible!

My sword!

That's it?!
That's the Baracchus?!

Suck on this toothpick for a while!

Somebody's gonna pay for this.

Look at me, now!

If I had my sword,

I could settle
this in a heartbeat.

I know where Sisyphus hid it.

This is what everyone's
looking for.

Strange this is the first time

I've had blood on my hands.

Xena use the sword.

Slay Ares before he slays you,
and you win.

What about that monster, Sisyphus?

The monster's dead!
I killed it!

Meet Joxer

the new God of War!

You may bow.

Gabrielle, Joxer.

What are you doing here?

It's a long story.

Now Xena, are we
gonna fight, 'cause

I'm ready.

And I wanna taste blood.

Now, forget the monster,

it's a big noise-making
thingamajig like him!

Whatever, I conquered it.

Conquer this!

OK.

I knew it.

All you ever wanted to do

is pit warlord
against warlord.

You wanted my sword
for yourself, didn't you?

'Send me ten of the very
best warriors, ' Hades said.

Hades!

I'm gonna have
a word with him

when I get back to Olympus.

'When the last dies
and replaces you,

then, and only then,

will you win Ares' godhood.'

Ares, duck!

You saved me.
I won't forget.

Yes, you will.

He's ba-ack.

Sisyphus give my
regards to Hades.

I couldn't have done

it without you, Xena.

But as for mortality
you can have it.

It's your loss, Ares.
For a while,

you weren't just mortal
you were human.

Wait a minute.

You promised
that Xena would

get her body back
if she helped you.

I did, didn't I?

Wait!
You can't betray her!

Come back!

Oh, Xena.

So, Ares is back
where he belongs.

But you're still in
Callisto's body.

It's wrong.

At least people can control
their anger again.

Hey! Last one on
the boat has to row!

Then, why do I still
feel like killing him?

Xena if Ares doesn't keep his word,

and he doesn't switch you back

I'll be there for you,

no matter whose body you're in.

Even a snake-haired gorgon monster?

I'll be there;
I just won't look at you.

Gabrielle, I'm proud of you.

You felt the anger
but you fought it.

It takes a lot more strength

to resist the violence
than to surrender to it.

Thank you. Now,
if I can just survive

the boat-ride
with Joxer, I'll be fine.

Trust me, you'll be
fine and so will I.

Xena,

it's you, right not Callisto?

It's me.
Go on, test me?

Whose bodies are worse being
trapped in than Callisto's?

A snake-haired gorgon
but not by much.

It is you.