All language subtitles for Columbo.S06E01.Fade.In.To.Murder.DVDRip.XviD-SAVANNAH.English

What do you think?

I think that I had better
try and help you.

Would you?
Oh, that would be an honor.

Detective Lucerne
helping me.

Wait till I tell my wife.

You. Hands up.
No noise.

We still think it was
premeditated, don't we?

Oh, I don't know, sir.
What do you suppose?

And here I thought
you were in shock.

You thought
I was confused.

You're right.

Perhaps scared.

You're amazing.

If you tell me that one more
time, I'm gonna kill myself.

That's ridiculous.
Is it?

Half-a-dozen people have
already attested to the fact

that I was nowhere near the Baker
home on the night she was killed.

Not one of those
six people realized

he was listening
to a recording.

Not one of those
six people realized

that vague illusion
moving behind the screen

was not you at all,

but someone else.

A fascinating theory.

You know, some people think you're the
most brilliant detective of our times.

I tend to agree
because, as it happens,

you're absolutely right.

Yes, I did kill
Mrs. Baker.

But for all your
vaunted brilliance, Lucerne,

there's no way in the world that
you can prove what I've just said.

Ah, the other half
of the team.

The gentleman whose
silhouette impersonated you so well

behind the screen.
It's Joseph, isn't it?

It'll be a treasure
to pill you, Mr. Lucerne...

I'm sorry!

"Treasure to pill you?"

He was all right
up to there.

Replace him.

Claire,
don't you understand?

The studio doesn't
pick up one cent

of this extra tab
on Ward, we do.

You and I, we produce the show.
We own it.

This extra money for Ward
is coming out of our pockets.

Why don't you just
let me handle that?

Now, gentlemen,

may we continue?

Who does Ward Fowler
think he is?

Now, look, Claire.

As representative
of this studio

I will not stand
for this precedent.

There is no actor in the
business who is irreplaceable.

Claire, Ward Fowler is not the
first actor on this network

to win an Emmy,

and he's already one of the highest
paid performers in television.

If we give in to him now...

Now, say you
don't give in to him.

He walks.

Then what are you
going to do?

Without Ward Fowler, there isn't going
to be any next year for this show.

And because of Ward Fowler,

Detective Lucerne has the
highest rating in television.

Sid and I have given you a show that has
been a winner year in and year out.

But

Ward Fowler is the show.

As the other half and rather
silent partner of this team,

I'm afraid I have to go along
with my wife.

Try to look
pleasant, Ward.

You're supposed to be pleased
when you get a raise.

How many times
must I tell you that?

Do you enjoy
insulting me, Claire,

as much as you enjoyed
making love to me?

Or more? You didn't use
to think I was so bad.

Well, I, didn't
used to think.

Neither did I,
if I remember.

You do remember?

What a tribute.

You know, I don't buy this
hell-hath-no-fury act of yours.

I just think it's your way
of blackmailing me

and feeling wronged
all at the same time.

And, you know,
it's so wasteful.

'Cause I'd give you
anything you asked for.

Just 'cause you asked for it.
You know that, don't you?

I know you invented me
and I'm still grateful.

I get a little bored
with this kind of talk.

You give me what I want because
there's nothing you can do about it,

and that's
the only reason.

Otherwise, darling,

grateful or not, you wouldn't
give me the sweat off your

personality.

Joe! Joe, those were
marvelous night scenes.

Wonderful!

Thanks, Mrs. Daley.

Now, Ward, you just keep
remembering that I invented you,

all of you,

and I only take half
for my trouble.

Just half.
Off the top.

Buy the silver, the usual way.

You're quite
the little dictator.

You know, you sound like that
show we did last August.

The one where we tried to make
the murderer sympathetic.

Oh, yes. That was because
the blackmailer

was so dictatorial
and vicious.

Well, I wouldn't
dwell on it if I were you.

You wouldn't make a murderer,
not even a sympathetic one.

That much personality
you don't have.

Excuse me.
There's a call for you, Mrs. Daley.

Where would you
like to take it?

Mrs. Daley's gonna take the
telephone call in my dressing room.

Thank you.

Where else would Mrs. Daley
take her telephone calls?

No, that's all right,
Cathy.

Yes, I can make
the 9:20 preview.

But I... No.
I'll have to leave from the office.

I have tons of work to do.

No. You thank Mark for me, but
he is Ward's gofer, not mine.

And, besides,
I don't like cheeseburgers.

All right, sweetie, I'll stop at
Tony's on the way to the preview

and get a sandwich.
Yes, I will.

See, tell Sid that he's sweet, but he should leave.
I'd rather go alone.

Okay, thanks. Bye-bye.

Sid is having an affair
with his secretary.

It makes him
so considerate.

It's boring to have
so much attention.

Is there anything
that doesn't bore you, Claire?

Mmm-hmm.
Silver certificates.

I would paper my bedroom
with them if I could.

I wouldn't
put it past you.

Where would you
put it?

...
trail in the top half of the inning...

The third inning already.

Yeah, I was held up in traffic, Ward.
I'm sorry.

Look, if you have something
else to do, just let me know.

Oh, but I don't, honest.

I've been looking forward
to this game like crazy.

Good. You know how I hate
watching these things alone.

Here,
I'll get you a drink.

Hey, I've been on the wagon
for eight months, Ward.

That's a world's record
for me.

Huh, Ward?

Back in Kansas City, you'll
recall, earlier this week and...

One drink isn't gonna turn you
into a pumpkin, you know.

...Out there. Here's the wind,
the pitch and the swing

and a high, pop fly
on the infield.

Settling under it, the shortstop,
Jones, who makes the catch.

One away!

Los Angeles with one out,
a tie game at three

and here comes first baseman,
Tony Eberly...

Uh-oh.
We're in trouble.

Eberly's up.
Automatic out.

What're you talking about?
He's a good kid.

Couple more years,
he'll be right there.

No way.
He can't hit in a clinch.

Are you kidding?

Wanna put your money
where your mouth is?

Yeah.

Ten bucks says
he gets a hit.

You're on.
You got it.

Swings into the wind-up
and here's the pitch.

Fastball, high.
And taken by Eberly, it's ball one.

Ball one.
If he gets a walk, no bet.

Eberly digs in.

Waves that bat back and forth.

Brenner leans in,
gets his sign from Kowalski.

Here's the wind
and here comes the pitch.

Swung on and a high fly ball, foul and
drifting into the stands in leftfield.

One ball,
one strike to Eberly.

Here's the wind, here comes the pitch.
Swung on and missed.

Ooh, he had
his best rip at that one,

but he swung through a fastball,
knee-high on the inside.

Brought it in under the fist,
did Whitey Brenner.

And so the count goes
one and two on Eberly.

One out,
no one aboard for Los Angeles.

Brenner looks in,
gets his sign.

The outfield deep around
toward leftfield.

Here's the wind
and here comes the pitch...

Wahlberg
sprinting around first

and he comes into second
with a stand-up double.

So we swing into the top of the fifth
inning, and we're all tied at...

You gotta mix it up a little.
You gotta live, sweetie.

Tony. Tony, for ten years you
have been trying to corrupt me.

What can I do?
I am a purist.

So will you please wrap up my
sandwich and on the double

because I have to be
at a preview in ten minutes.

Ah, it is a pity m'lady.

Cast out these beautiful
morsels from our life...

Tony. Tony!

You are auditioning
again for me, Tony!

Please, I told you...

Let's play it simple.
No noise.

You. Hands up.

Hey, is this a joke?

Quiet, shut up!
What have you got? Cash.

Hey, she's a friend of mine.
Shut up, I said!

Open the cash register.

I already made a deposit
this morning.

That's all I got for you.
I swear to God, take it.

The guy
across the street...

Turn around.
Put your hands up.

You, move ahead.
Move around.

Hold it!

Put your hands up.

My hands...
Up. Higher.

Walk to the door.

Please, don't.

I said walk to the door.

Ward?

It is you, isn't it?

Move to the door,
Claire.

You're wrong.

I know you.

You're not the type.

Keep your hands up.
Higher!

Why should I do
what you tell me to do

if you're going
to kill me anyway?

Because if you do as I say,
maybe I won't.

Well, this is one mess you're going
to have to clean up for yourself.

I am going to lower
my hands now and leave.

Good night, Ward.

A double in the
bottom of the sixth inning by...

...has given Los Angeles
a 7-5 lead

and we're ready to go
in the seventh inning.

Leading it off will be
Vince Carr.

Whitey Brenner was relieved by
Kowalski back in the fourth inning

He's into the wind-up
and here comes the pitch.

Carr swings and misses.
It's 0 and 1. A good fastball.

Carr hitting.231
on the season.

Seventh inning
here in Los Angeles.

A beautiful night and
the score is 7-5, L.A.

The wind and the pitch
and a high fly ball to left...

And here comes Scooter
D'Agosta in from the bullpen.

It's a critical spot, now.
Bases loaded.

We got two outs
in the ninth inning.

And the game is 7-6.

D'Agosta has won four
and lost three on this season,

has eight saves.

He's a...

From Brenner
and the count now is full,

three balls, two strikes
on Tony Eberly.

We're tied at three in the
bottom of the third inning...

Mark! Wake up!
You're missir the game!

Hey! How can you
fall asleep?

Eberly's got the count
to three and two.

...And a high-fly ball, sliced
down the right field line.

Fair or foul? It's at the foul pole.
It's a home run!

You just lost ten big ones,
fella. Pay up.

The dope finally made it.

Oh, what a head.

Come on.
You'll sleep it off. Okay.

Okay, okay.
There you go.

I should've realized
you can't take the stuff.

I'm sorry, Ward.

Just a few minutes.

He's had trouble getting
his curve ball over tonight.

1- 1, the count.
The pitch to Johnson...

Swung on, a line drive.
Base hit into leftfield.

Johnson circles at first, the throw
comes into second, he holds at first

with a solid base hit to left.
And with one out, a 4-3 lead,

Johnson at first base, and
here's catcher, Phil Baxter.

What have you got, Morella?

Hey, Lieutenant.

We're gonna wanna ask him some more
questions before you take him in for x-ray.

You bet.

Got us a dead lady and one
pretty beat up deli owner.

What happened?

Robbery. Guy comes in all bundled
up like a downill racer.

Comes over to here,
lady's over here.

Tony's behind
the cash register.

Takes her money, grabs the
money out of the till,

shoves Tony up
against the oven.

He starts
pistol-whipping him.

The lady
must've started to go

because Tony heard
the guy yell, "Don't move."

Went back
to pistol-whipping him,

the lady must've really got
scared and started to run.

The guy came out,
shot her in the back.

You got an ID?

Almost celebrity,
you might say.

You ever watch a show
called Detective Lucerne?

Are you kidding? We never miss that show.
What a detective.

Claire Daley.
She produced it, she and her husband.

Here's her wallet, Lieutenant.
Money's gone.

Didn't bother
with anything else.

Oh, sir?
What's that fella's name?

Tony.

Tony!

Excuse me, sir.

My name is Columbo,
Lieutenant Columbo.

Do you think you can answer
a few questions?

Yeah, sure.

I'm a little scrambled,
but go ahead.

Now, I know this fellow
was all covered up,

do you remember anything
that might set him apart?

Like his size or the way he
walked, the way he talked?

This guy came in.

He was cool
as a cucumber.

Wearir a blue parka,

and a red ski mask.

A little taller than those bottle
of olives on top of that counter.

Not a big guy,
about your height.

Average height.

Well, that's right,
average height.

Or a little shorter.

Or shorter.

Well, that's about it.

She was a sweet person.
We go back ten years, Lieutenant.

There we are.
Two weeks after I opened up the place.

What a soul
this lady had.

Find him,
Lieutenant, please.

All right, kill the noise!
Let's have quiet, please!

Roll 'em.

And action!

Jimmy, Jimmy.
Let's go in tight.

Tight, tight.
I'm as tight as I can go.

Get down!
We're shooting a movie.

Get down.

Get down.

Cut! Cut!

What is this?
Who is that?

Let's move it.
We've cut.

It's a little too late
to be careful, sir.

I'm sorry, I...

Oh, what is going on here?

Will somebody get
the security guards?

I can't tell you
how sorry I am, sir...

Would you mind
very much, sir...

...for making this disturbance.
I really can't tell you.

My name is Columbo.
I'm from the police.

We're ready when you are.
Lieutenant Columbo.

No, that's all right, Danny.
Just hold on a second.

It's all right.

Never mind
the security.

Okay.
Take five!

You'll have to excuse me,

Lieutenant Columbo.

I'm terribly sorry.

How can I help you?

Oh, that's very nice of you, sir.
I appreciate that.

After what I did.
Gee whiz.

Where was I?

This is
a little difficult.

I'm looking
for a Mr. Daley.

Sid Daley?

He wasn't at his house last night
and he wasn't there this morning,

and they just told me
at his office

that they don't know
when he's gonna be in,

so I was wondering if,
you know,

I thought maybe somebody here would
have an idea where he might be.

Yes, this is
about Claire, isn't it?

Yes, sir.
Yes. I'm afraid it is.

I heard about the shooting
on the radio.

And I still... I still can't...
I mean I...

I can't quite...

I keep expecting her
to walk in through the door.

I know it's silly for
me to think that... No.

You want
some ice?

No, no, no, no, no.
But she was something special to me.

I mean, everybody felt that,
but she was.

I wouldn't be won'th a damn
today, if it wasn't for her.

And it was
more than that.

She was my friend.

Hey.
Take it easy, Ward...

Exactly what time
did it happen, Lieutenant?

Last night, sir.
About ten minutes to nine.

Ten minutes
to nine.

God knows
what I was doing

when she could have
used my help.

Alone in my room, probably,
with some idiot script.

You were not, you were
watching the ballgame with me.

I was? A ballgame?

Oh, God. I hope I wasn't.
I was alone. I hope I wasn't...

But you
werert alone.

Listen, Lieutenant,
he's upset.

He's nervous,
you know?

And he...

Mark, for God's sakes!
Will you stop it!

This isn't one
of my shows!

This actually happened.
Claire's...

Claire's dead. Now, will you take
that soup and get out of here.

I can't take
anymore today.

Look, all I meant
was you...

Will you just
get out of here!

Sir...
And stay out!

Sir, he didn't
mean any harm,

if you'll forgive me
for saying so, sir.

I sometimes have a silly effect
on people, you know what I mean?

Just being a police
lieutenant, you know.

At least,
I hope that's why.

Yes, I'm sure it is.

Your friend, sir.
He was just trying to be nice.

What?

Oh. Him. No, no.
He wasn't trying to be nice.

He was trying
to fix me up with an alibi.

Then it wasn't true?

What, Lieutenant?

I... Excuse me.
I keep swimming in and out of myself.

Well, you know,
that's what happens, sir.

It's kind of like
being in shock.

Maybe you ought to sit down
for a minute, sir.

I am not in shock.
I don't need to sit down.

What was it
that you asked me?

Well, sir, it was only
what you said

about being
fixed up with an alibi.

I mean, did he
have a reason to?

Lieutenant, would you mind
speaking clearly?

Did who have a reason
to do what?

Make an alibi, sir,
your friend.

I mean, were you watching the ballgame
at ten minutes to nine, sir, with him?

Oh, I see. Well...

Yes, I suppose I was.

I don't have
an exact memory

about time,
that's why I have Mark.

And if he says
I was, I was.

He's very responsible
about time.

That's what makes him
a superior gofer.

You think she was murdered,
don't you?

I beg your pardon,
sir?

You heard me.

Yes, sir, I did.

I mean...

Yes, I do think it was
a premeditated killing, sir.

I mean, I think the robbery was
staged to cover-up the murder.

How did you know,
sir?

Why else
would you be here?

It could be just
a routine check, sir.

No, Lieutenant.

They don't send a police
detective stumbling around

asking silly, fake-innocent
questions on a routine check.

I know that
from my show.

Well, silly, fake-innocent
questions like what, sir?

Like, "Mr. Daley
wasn't at home last night.

"He wasn't there this morning.
They told me at the office.

"Said they didn't know
when he'd be in,

"and I was wondering"

"if anybody here had any idea
where he would be."

A man
on a routine check...

Your chair, sir.

...Just asks for Mr. Daley.
Thank you.

Well, you're
absolutely amazing, sir.

You're right.

And here I thought
you were in shock.

No, you didn't.

You thought
I was confused.

Perhaps scared.

And probably
playing for time.

Amazing.

What makes you think
her murder was premeditated?

The usual thing, sir.

Little facts that plain
don't fit, you know, sir.

Anything I hate, it's one
of those little facts.

Doesn't ever seem to matter
how small it is, either, sir.

It could be this big.

Like he left
the credit cards behind.

I mean, why does a street
robber grab money from a wallet

and leave the credit cards?

They're won'th a pretty good piece
of change on the black market.

You see what I mean, sir?

Credit cards. What else?

Oh, there was
an alligator bag.

A diamond ring.

I doubt very much if a robber in
a hurry, on the edge of panic,

is gonna take the time to pull
the ring off of Claire's finger.

You mean, sir...

You mean, if she was dead,
he couldn't get it off?

Well, she is,
I believe, isn't she?

Well, yes, sir.
But he could have asked her for it first.

Before he shot her.

I remember Claire trying to get
that ring off at a party once.

Some silly game people
were playing.

She couldn't.
Not even with soap.

And you can check that out
with her husband.

He was the one that asked her
to take it off.

He was on the other team.

Boy, when you say you studied,

you aren't kidding,
are you, sir?

Well, then, what about
the alligator bag?

An alligator bag
that is six years old

is apt to be worn-looking.

It doesn't look
like it's won'th very much.

It probably isn't.

How do you happen to know all
that much about her bag, sir?

I gave it to her.

Well, that takes care of that,
doesn't it?

Right. Well,
I guess, then

there's only
the credit cards, sir.

If the killer is an idiot.

I beg your pardon, sir,

I don't quite follow
your meaning there.

Well, you don't
kill a woman

and then sell the credit cards
with her name on it.

The police have been known to
bribe fences before, you know.

Well, of course.
I'm sorry, sir.

I should've thought
of that myself.

Jeez, I guess you're right,
aren't you?

Not a lot to go on,
is there?

Cup of coffee?

Sir?

Except the panic.

The panic?

Yes, sir. I might have
something in this area.

See what you think.

Mrs. Daley was shot
at a distance of 30 feet

and she was shot
in the back.

Are you with me
so far?

Yes, I think
I can grasp that.

Now,

Tony...

He's the owner
of the deli.

He said that the killer
was "cool as a cucumber."

That's a direct quote, sir.

So that means that when Mrs.
Daley tried to run,

that's when
he lost his cool.

See, that's when he panicked
and he shot her.

But he hit her
right in the heart, sir,

and at the distance of 30 feet
while she was running.

Now, that's hard
to do in a panic.

What do you think?

I think that I had better
try and help you

because you're going
to ask me to, aren't you?

You did it again, sir.
You read my mind.

Would you?
Oh, that would be an honor.

Detective Lucerne
helping me.

Wait till I tell my wife.

Somebody
asking for me?

Oh, Sid,
it's all right.

This is Lieutenant Columbo
from the police department.

This is Claire's husband,
Sid Daley.

Sid, what can I tell you?
You know how I...

How I felt
about Claire, huh?

We're ready, Mr. Fowler!

Yeah. Yeah,
I'll be right there.

Whoops!

We're hooked.

I'm terribly sorry to have this
happen at such a tense moment.

Mr. Fowler, we're ready!

I said,
I'll be there.

I'd better watch this,
Lieutenant. Do you mind?

What's the story, huh?

We're
running a little late, Sidney.

Let's move it, huh?

Lieutenant,
what about this robber?

Do you have
any leads?

Well, sir...

The truth is, it seems to be
a little bit more complicated

than a robbery, sir.

Oh?
What the Lieutenant is saying

is that he's come
to the conclusion

that Claire may have been murdered
and the robbery may be a cover-up.

Murdered?

That's insane.

Don't you think you should have come
to me first with this, Lieutenant?

Well, I tried to, sir.
I've been looking for you ever since last night.

I was with my lawyer
last night.

We meet for chess
once or twice a month,

and last night turned out
to be a marathon session.

We didn't quit
until five in the morning,

so I stayed over.

Thank you, sir.

This friend,
sir, the lawyer,

where can I
reach him?

Is this
a grilling session?

What am I?
Some kind of suspect or something?

Nothing personal, sir.

I have to ask
these routine questions.

Well, his name is Leo Hart.

But I think you're gonna
have trouble contacting him.

He took the plane
for Rome at noon.

We're ready to roll.

Let's do it then, huh?

Mark! Why don't you entertain the
Lieutenant while we shoot this.

I'm sure he's
seen this, anyway.

Seen it?
He was in it.

Yeah, you know,
Ward is right.

Time is my business, you know,
and I always know it.

Oh, boy,
am I hung-over today.

I'll be glad
when this day's over.

Hey, what time you got,
Lieutenant?

11:00 on the dot.

Are you kidding?

Jeez, I paid a thousand
smackers for this watch.

I lost five minutes
overnight.

Do you mind,
sir?

I have never seen a thousand
dollar watch before.

Boy, that must
be solid gold.

That's platinum.

Oh, no wonder
it looks so different.

Well, there's nothing wrong
with your watch, sir.

You have
11:00, too.

Yeah, but it should be
five minutes past eleven.

I always set my watch,
you know, five minutes fast.

You know, you're always racing
against time 24 hours a day.

Excuse me, sir, are those
men members of your crew?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
They're with us all the time.

Good. I think I'll have
a word with them.

Thank you very much
for everything.

Excuse me, sir.
Lieutenant Columbo, LAPD.

I wonder if I can have
a word with you?

We're gonna have the
hotel in the shot, right?

Everything.

On the master, right?

In the master, right.
Okay.

This is where...
He comes up right here.

Can I ask you this?

What now?

This is just the way
we discussed it.

This we do on stage...
This is on stage three, right?

Right. Stage three.

How long do we stay there?
Two days at the most. Then we go to four.

Well, what I wanna know...
Would you make a note of this, Cathy?

What I wanna know is do
we really need this set?

Excuse me, sir.
I don't wanna interrupt you.

Is that the
shark from Jaws?

Yeah, I believe it is,
Lieutenant.

That's the one that they
used in the picture?

I think so.

Well, that looks
different to me.

I can't help that.

If we do scene 31
on stage four...

Could they have two?

I... You know, because
in the picture...

Lieutenant...
at the end, it got all mangled.

Lieutenant, I know you didn't
come here to talk about sharks.

I'm pressed for time.
What do you want?

Well, I just wanted
to ask a couple questions...

We got wardrobe
in five minutes.

I can give you
two minutes.

Fine.

Thank you
very much.

I understand, sir,

that you and your wife
were living apart.

That's true, Lieutenant.

We haven't been close
for some time now.

Would you
know, sir,

whether or not
she was seeing somebody?

I don't mean
to get personal,

but somebody whom she might
be emotionally involved with?

Claire was devoted
to her work, Lieutenant.

She wasn't any more
interested in lovers

than she was
in her husband.

It made for a pretty
miserable marriage.

Well, still, you must've
gotten along pretty good.

I mean, you were
partners in business.

Partners?
That was on paper, Lieutenant.

Claire fought me
on everything.

She had to have things
done her way.

If I said white,
she'd say black.

All you have to do is take a look
at this new Ward Fowler contract.

Paying an actor that kind
of money is insanity.

Now, wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.

Are you saying that you didn't
wanna pay him that money?

I think they should
have turned him down.

I think he would have folded.

But Claire argued me
right under the table.

I was an idiot
for giving in.

Now, if this show takes
a dip they'll drop it.

I still don't understand.

You and your wife
were partners.

Now, isn't it
to her best interest

not to give him
all that money?

In anything involving Ward,
she always took his side.

Forgive me
for asking this, sir.

I seem to remember stories

that at one time
they were pretty close.

Are you suggesting
that their relationship

was still pretty close?

Yeah. But not the way you
mean it, Lieutenant.

Oh, sure, they'd
had a big romance,

but by the time I came into
the picture, it was dead.

But that didn't mean
that Claire was finished

watching over Ward's career.

She stopped being a lover
and she became a mother.

Sent him off to have
his teeth capped.

Made him drop ten pounds.

Showed him how
to comb his hair.

It sounds like
she was proud of him.

It was ego.

Claire's ego.

You learn.

Lieutenant Columbo.

No problem.
No problem.

Lieutenant Lucerne.

I just wanted
to fill you in, sir.

Right.
What have we got?

Nothing.

We still think it was
premeditated, don't we?

Oh, I don't know, sir.
What do you suppose?

Well, I suppose if that's your
instinct, then it must be right.

My instinct
about Claire,

and I don't have
any clues to go on,

is that she was
what they call,

I believe the term
is victim-prone.

Some people are,
you know?

And Claire, well,

Claire was given
to taunting people.

She was a born victim.

She was the kind
who asks for it.

In her marriage,
in her life...

Quite possibly
in her death.

That's fascinating,
sir.

You've got quite a way
of putting things.

Especially about Mrs. Daley.
Let me ask you, sir.

Could you maybe
tell me more about her?

Not much.

But you're right.

About what, sir?

What you're thinking.

I was lying before.

I didn't like
Claire very much.

I haven't for years.

Which doesn't mean to say

I wasn't shocked by the news
of her death, I was.

And I was still a little bit shook
up when you first walked in,

so I said whatever sounded
right to a detective.

Some other detective.
Not you.

Please sit down.

- Properties, a glass for the
Lieutenant, please. - Yes, sir.

You had me absolutely
fooled, sir.

Really?

Scout's honor.

Even after you asked a few
questions around the set?

Thank you.
Our fights, Claire's and mine,

werert always discreet.

And some of them
were overheard, I believe.

You must have been
told by the crew.

You know how people talk.

Yes, I do.
I know exactly how they talk.

But gossip doesn't mean
anything, sir, does it?

One way or another.

I mean, we still don't have
anything to go on

except the fact that the killer
hit the bull's-eye from 30 feet.

If he hit the bull's-eye,
Lieutenant.

What do you mean, sir?

I mean that there's
as good a chance

of a man hitting
the shoulder

as there is
of his hitting the heart.

Which leads us
to another theory.

We're going to assume
that our man is a robber,

with no prior intent
to kill anyone.

And we're also going to take
into account the fact

that a bullet
aimed high at the back

has a better than 28% chance

of killing the victim
by hitting a vital organ

in a crime
that is not premeditated

by a robber who is not
an expert marksman.

Now, what do you think
the odds rise to

if the man
is an expert marksman.

Do you think an ex-mercenary,
a kid hung-up on guns,

excuse me, a former policeman,
shoots still targets?

No. Part of being
an expert marksman

is hitting a moving target.

And a man who is accustomed to firearms
enough to be an expert marksman

is often
in a situation of panic.

That's brilliant, sir.

That's very impressive.

No wonder you solve
more crimes than I do, sir.

Oh, wait a minute.

Wait a minute, sir.

I forgot.

Forgot what?

The dress.

The what?

I think I can show you
what I mean, sir.

Excuse me, sir.

Would you draw a circle back there
right around the area of the heart?

Don't press too hard, sir.
I don't wanna ruin the coat.

Now what?

Now I drop my hands.

Do you see what happened
to that circle, sir?

When I dropped my hands,
the circle dropped, too.

Now, when I first saw
Mrs. Daley's body,

I noticed that
she was wearing

one of those
tight-fitting dresses.

And that the bullet hole
in the dress

was about an inch below
the actual wound in her body,

which meant that she had
to be holding her hands up

when she was shot.

And she couldn't be
running away, could she?

I mean, with her hands
standing like this.

No one runs for their lives
with their hands straight up.

So, either she was walking
with her hands straight up

or she was standing still
with her hands straight up

when the gunman
shot her in the back.

Very well done.

But I wish you had said
something before about this.

It would've saved us
a lot of time, wouldn't it?

Well, we're back to our
deliberate murderer, aren't we?

And this time
there's no doubt about it.

Really, Lieutenant,
really well done.

Ward, the car's ready
to leave for the back lot.

This is what the
police artist came up with.

Not much help, is it?

No help at all, sir.

I shouldn't have
wasted your time.

Well, I'll just
let myself out.

Thank you very much.

Where is the...
Oh!

There's the door.

Lieutenant, where do you
think he got the costume?

Well, funny you should
mention that, sir.

I've been asking myself
that same question all day.

There's a couple
of odd things about it.

Neither the parka
nor the ski mask

have any markings on them.

No way to trace them

and they were cut
to ribbons, anyway.

You certainly
lock yourself in here, sir.

And very smart
to do it, too.

Oh, here we go.

No, that doesn't work
either.

You think he mutilated
the disguise

because he was afraid
someone might recognize it?

Exactly, sir.

Boy, do you and I think the same way.
It's amazing.

Isn't it?

I wonder, sir.

Is there a trick
to unlocking this door, sir?

I can't seem
to manage it.

Everybody has
trouble with this.

Thank you very much,
sir.

Oh, did I mention
the mask?

That it was slashed?

No. That it had
makeup on it.

The lab
turned it up, sir.

Where would he find a mask
that had makeup on it?

That's a very good question.

I believe you know
the answer.

I believe I do, sir.

We could be looking
for a woman.

Precisely.

We've assumed all along
it was a man,

but it's possible
we were wrong.

Particularly
in the light of this.

Oh, I'm relieved
to hear you say that, sir.

I thought
you were going to say

it was impossible
because of Tony.

Tony... He's the owner
of the delicatessen.

Saying that the voice
was a mars.

But, the below average height

and the fact that
the voice was disguised

and it was
muffled by the mask...

All indicate at least the possibility
of a doubt as to the gender.

The lab is going to be running
some more tests on that makeup,

so I'll report tomorrow.

You should be on salary,
sir, with these hours.

I feel I am.

Good working with you.

Thank you.

I guess I just
got carried away, sir.

I hope you don't mind.

No, no. It's all right.

These shoes, sir,
they're really terrific.

Now I know why, Lieutenant
Lucerne, he always look so tall.

Yes, well, I would appreciate

a certain amount of discretion
in that matter, Lieutenant.

Public image, you know.

Oh, right, sir.

Oh, well,

you don't have to worry
about a thing, sir.

As far as I'm concerned,

you're four inches
taller than I am.

And that's the end of it.

Thank you,
Lieutenant Columbo.

My pleasure,
Lieutenant Lucerne.

Sir, I got the second
lab report on the mask,

so I hurried
right over.

Yes?

It turns out that it
probably isn't a woman, sir.

You see,
it was actor's makeup.

Not the kind of makeup

that women use in the street.
Pancake.

Women very often
use a brand of makeup

that's made up for actors
like pancake.

I, for example,

use precisely
that product myself.

Yes, sir.
I know.

Yes. I'm sure you do by now.

No, but the point here
is something else, sir.

You see,
the lab found traces

of four different shades
of makeup on that mask.

And women, you know, they don't
usually change shades that much.

So, in the light of that,
sir, I got to thinking.

Where did it lead you
to this time?

A guess, sir.

A professional
makeup man?

Right, sir.

And then
to my makeup table.

Oh, no, sir.
No, sir. No.

I only came here
to see you. Honest.

I was just fooling around
with the shoes

just to pass the time for something
to do until you came in.

No. I didn't look at another
thing while I was here.

That means
you didn't have to.

You already
know something.

Where did you look?

Guess, sir.
I'll give you three guesses.

The studio wardrobe
department.

You got it in one,
sir.

That's absolutely amazing.
You're right.

The parka
and the ski mask.

That's where they both
came from.

And the gun?

Come on, sir.
You're putting me on.

You know that guns don't come
from the wardrobe department.

Of course.
How stupid of me.

No, that's
the prop department, sir,

not the wardrobe department.

How does a smart man
like Lieutenant Lucerne

make a mistake like that?

Because you're not talking to
Lieutenant Lucerne at the moment,

are you, Lieutenant?

You're talking to Ward Fowler.

Well, what's
the difference, sir?

The difference is Ward Fowler's
under suspicion of murder.

And a man
under that kind of threat

is apt to make mistakes.

He's apt to get rattled.

Well, who ever said
anything about Ward Fowler

being under
suspicion of murder?

Lieutenant Lucerne did.

He did?

Well, how did he come
to that conclusion, sir?

He had to face
the same fact you did.

What fact is that, sir?

There are only four people who
could have murdered Claire.

You mean the four people
who knew

where Claire Daley
was going to be that night.

Exactly! And only one of those

is instantly associated with
makeup, wardrobe and props.

Well, now, let's see.

Mrs. Daley
took the call

from her secretary
in your dressing room

when she said that
she was going to...

Oh, what's his name, sir?

Tony's.

You know Tony, sir.
He's the one who...

If you tell me that one more
time, I'm gonna kill myself.

Sorry, sir.
Have I said that before?

So the number of people
who knew

where Claire Daley
was going to be that night,

her secretary,

Mr. Sid Daley,

Mark...

I'm curious
as to how Mark knew.

Well, sir, Mark offered
to bring her a cheeseburger

and she told her secretary
to tell him

that she not only
didn't want a gofer,

she didn't want
a cheeseburger, either.

And that she was going to get
a sandwich over at Tony's.

And she said to tell
her husband the same thing.

I see.

Well, no you don't, sir.

I mean, you must
have seen before.

Because you were
in the room

when she took the call,
werert you?

She made it from
this dressing room.

I don't know.
I'm not sure.

I'm not in the habit of listening
to other people's telephone calls.

I didn't know that Claire
was going to Tony's.

You didn't, sir?

Absolutely not,
Lieutenant.

Then how did you know, sir, that
there were only four people

who knew where Claire Daley
was going to be that night

and how did you know
that you were one of them?

The same way
you did.

I asked Claire's secretary
and she informed me

that the call was made
from my room.

You did, sir?

Oh, yes, I did,
Lieutenant.

Oh, that's
very good, sir.

Thank you, Lieutenant.
I believe you meant that.

Oh, I did, sir.

I'd say we make rather
a good team, don't you?

Yeah. Sort of like Sherlock
Holmes and Watson, sir.

No, no, no,
no, no.

More like Sherlock Holmes
and Sherlock Holmes.

Well, what I mean, sir,
is the way I see it,

I'm working with the highest
paid detective in the world.

It's not as high
as it sounds.

Not when you have to pay out
as much as I do.

Well, I gotta get
to work on Sid Daley.

Boy, it's hard to find
someone in Rome, sir.

Yes, I imagine.

But his story has to be checked
out just like anybody else's.

Oh, by the way,
sir,

did I mention that we found the
gun in the prop department?

No. What you said was that was
where you were gonna look for one.

Oh, that's right, sir.
Right.

And you didn't wanna
jump to conclusions.

No good detective
should.

Was there anything
on the gun?

Anything like
what, sir?

Fingerprints,
what else?

Oh, right.
No, I don't think so, sir.

The lab is
still running tests.

By the way, sir,

why do you think
he put the gun back

and threw away
everything else?

Perhaps because he didn't have
time to get rid of the gun safely.

Guns are very easy
to trace.

And the prop room

may have seemed
the safest place to him.

I think
you hit it again, sir.

Ready
when you are, Mr. Fowler.

Be right there.

Oh, sir, if you didn't think
I was gonna be in the way,

I would love to...

No. Not at all.
Be my guest.

Oh, thank you very much,
sir. I appreciate that.

Excuse me, sir.

I don't wanna
appear grabby,

but do you think I could
have one of these, sir?

Certainly.
As many as you want.

That's the usual
publicity nonsense.

Ward Fowler this, Ward Fowler that.
Nothing.

Nothing to you sir,
but to my wife...

Boy, she's gonna
be tickled pink.

But blend it on.
All right.

No. I mean blend it,
especially on this side.

Oh, I see.
All right.

Like that?

I can't tell.

Oh, am I in the way, sir? Oh, forgive me.
I didn't mean to intrude,

That's all right,
Lieutenant.

That's remarkable.

Yes, sir.

Remarkable
how you do that, sir.

My wife would like
to have you around.

Thank you, Lieutenant.

You know, this bio, sir,

it doesn't say
anything about

when you were
first discovered,

and what you were doing
when you were discovered,

who discovered you.

I'm going to have
a little chat

with the publicity department
about that.

Come to
think of it, sir,

it was Mrs. Daley
who discovered you, wasn't it?

Now, Lieutenant, I told you all
about that with great emotion

and in great detail
the first time we met.

Well, that's what I mean, sir,
it should be in here.

Excuse me, Kenny.
Thank you.

Where were you
and when...

Lieutenant, why don't you
just ask me

what it is
you wanna know?

Where did Mrs. Daley
discover you, sir?

That's something even
my wife doesn't know.

It doesn't say anything
here in the bio.

It doesn't even say whether Ward
Fowler's your real name or not.

And that's something any Lieutenant
Lucerne fan would wanna know.

Why don't we
stop pretending

that I'm brilliant and you're
simple for one moment.

I'm gonna confide
something in you.

Anything you tell me, sir, it's between us.
Like the shoes.

Lieutenant,
my real name,

so help me,
Charles Kipling.

And you're the only one
who knows that.

Now, Charles Kipling was
in a little bit of trouble

when Claire
first found him.

Actually, I was doing
theater in Toronto.

Claire and I hit it off big, she
thought I had a great future,

she persuaded me
to leave Canada.

And that was
the beginning.

The trouble straightened
itself out, of course.

But I've always been
a little sensitive about it.

You understand?

Oh, I certainly do,
sir.

Lou, Lou, I'm talking,
but you're not listening.

There's
no money in the budget.

Lou, will you believe me?
There's no money.

Look, that's the way it is,
take it or leave it.

Good. Good.
You got yourself a deal.

What is it this time,
Lieutenant?

I'm a very busy man.

There was no one
out there, sir.

It's all right.

So I just came in.
Congratulations.

Congratulations
for what?

I heard you came into
a lot of money.

I see. You heard
about my little windfall?

Yes, sir, I have.

Lieutenant, if you think
I knew anything about this,

you're wrong.

My lawyer called me
and told me

my wife's safe deposit box

was practically layered

with receipts for these
silver certificates.

I'll be damned if I can
figure out how she did it.

I think the government's gonna
have a little trouble, too,

because she never
declared them as income.

She kept the certificates in a
numbered account in a Canadian bank.

And it all goes to you,
right, sir?

And it all goes to me.
After taxes.

Including a few lovely IOUs
from Ward Fowler.

Is that so, sir?
That's surprising, isn't it?

Considering all the money
he makes.

I never question good fortune,
Lieutenant.

All I know is that getting
along with Ward Fowler

is gonna be
a lot easier from now on.

What about a drink?

That's amazing
how she kept it from you.

Well she did.
I just found out about it.

Yes, sir, I know.
Your accountant told me.

Oh. Well, good.

Then that's it, huh?

Yes, sir, that's it.

Oh, there's
one more thing, sir.

Mr. Hart
is in Rome.

He's gonna be back in his
hotel room in a little while.

Before I talk to him,

were you really playing chess
the other night?

Lieutenant, let's get it
straight right now.

I was not with Leo Hart
the other night.

But I wasn't busy
killing my wife, either.

Yes, Mr. Daley?

Molly, would you come in for a minute?
I need your help.

Molly, would you please
tell Lieutenant Columbo

where I was
on Thursday evening,

the night
my wife was killed?

The truth.

Mr. Daley was with me,
Lieutenant.

We left the office
together

and we were together

in my apartment
until the next morning.

It's the truth.

Yes, madam.

I believe it is.

Good afternoon,
Lieutenant Lucerne.

I suppose you came here
for a confession.

Well, you're not
going to get it, sir.

Because

you don't have
the facts, sir.

Wait a minute.
You're gonna love it.

Let's see
what we got here.

All right.

I don't know why
you started laughing.

Here.

Good afternoon,
Lieutenant Lucerne.

I suppose you came here
for a confession.

Well, you're not
going to get it, sir.

I'm just silly, sir, but that
machine, that is really fantastic.

How much, roughly,
would a thing like that cost?

Oh, about $3,000.
Not counting the camera, of course.

Three thousand?
Dollars?

Why, I can get a new car
for that. Not that I need one.

Lieutenant,

you have something
to say to me, don't you?

Yes, sir. I'm really sorry
to bother you like this, sir.

But just a couple of questions
before my report on Sid Daley.

It doesn't look like
he could have done it, sir.

He was with a girl
and she confirmed it.

I see.

I tell you what.

Let's you and I discuss
what I have to tell you first.

And then we can both
interrogate Ward Fowler.

You see,
as Lieutenant Lucerne,

I have a rather unpleasant
idea taking shape in my mind.

Brandy?

Thank you, sir.

What might that be, sir?

Well, that might be...
And I'm speaking strictly as Lucerne, of course.

Of course.

It just might be,
unlikely as it may seem,

it just might
conceivably be

Ward Fowler
is the man we're after.

You mean the murderer?

Exactly.

No.

Yes. I know this comes
as a shock to you.

But let's think about it.

Let's examine
the possibilities.

Well, if you say so, sir,

but I don't see where there
could be possibly a motive.

Why would Ward Fowler
wanna kill Claire Daley?

It's Claire Daley
who made him famous.

That's what I
was wondering and then

I got to thinking
about the IOUs.

Oh, did you, sir?

Yes. Oddly enough I did.

I'm speaking as Lucerne,
of course.

Yes, of course.

Half a million dollars
in IOUs. Wow!

I couldn't help wondering why,
with all the money

that Ward Fowler makes,

he could owe
Claire Daley that much.

And then it hit me.

What hit you, sir?

Coffee?

Thank you.

Did you happen to see
a show last August

that had to do with a man who was
being blackmailed by a woman?

Oh, yes, sir,
I did see that show. Yes.

He shot her.

Exactly.

Why would Claire Daley
blackmail Ward Fowler?

And then how?

That's where I'm gonna need
your help, Lieutenant.

Have you, by any chance,

checked with
the Toronto police by now?

Yes, yes,
as a matter of fact, I have.

I thought maybe you had.
And they told you...

They told me that
Charles Kipling was an alias.

And that's when
you decided to have

Ward Fowler's fingerprints
checked with the FBI?

That is absolutely right, sir.

You're amazing.

Yes, it turns out that Ward Fowler's
real name is not Charles Kipling.

It's John Snelling
and you're a...

He's not a Canadian.

He's an American.

And he went to Canada

after he deserted
during the Korean War.

There you are.
There's your motive.

How would it look if
America's favorite detective

were known to be
a Korean War deserter?

Or hadrt that
occurred to you?

Oh, yes, sir,
it did occur to me,

but there's something
wrong with your thinking.

If you'll forgive
a criticism, sir.

I look at it this way.

If Ward Fowler's career
was ruined,

she wouldn't be able to blackmail
him anymore, would she?

He wouldn't have
anymore money.

And on top of that,
the show would fold.

And it would be her show.

Do you understand
my point, sir?

I mean, does
an intelligent woman

go and destroy
her only means of income?

I don't know. Does she?

It's what that character did
in the show last August.

That's the implicit threat
of every blackmailer,

"Pay me or I'll ruin you."

Can I ask you
a question, sir?

Why don't we just
ask Ward Fowler

if he was being blackmailed
or not?

I asked him.

And?

He claims not.

He claims he has
what he calls a weakness.

And this weakness
has cost him a great deal

and Claire Daley was kind
enough to lend him enough money

to cover
his rather extensive losses.

And do you
believe him, sir?

Taking your argument for him
into account, I think so.

I'm not sure. Do you?

Well, it's hard to say,
isn't it?

I mean,

taking your argument
against him into account.

I mean, you know, he had
an awful lot to conceal.

Did you know that?

For example, the Army unit that he
deserted from was the artillery.

He was an expert marksman.

I checked on that, too.

He never told me that.

You see?

You never know, do you?

On the other hand,

Ward Fowler has an alibi.

He was with Mark during the
whole time during the murder.

And that alibi is ain'tight.

Is it as ain'tight
as Sid Daley's?

Oh, I think it's more, sir.

I mean, a girl
that you're gonna marry

is much more apt to provide
an alibi than a gofer.

What do we conclude
from this interrogation?

Ward Fowler denies
having a motive,

he won't admit
to having means,

and he can prove that
he didn't have opportunity.

So that leaves us
with Sid Daley.

That's a great third act line,
isn't it?

"That leaves us
with Sid Daley."

Well, I think this has been
very helpful, sir.

Thank you very much.

I certainly
appreciate it.

Oh. One more thing, sir.

We got something else on the gun.
Did I mention that?

No, you. Didn't.
What, Lieutenant?

A thread sir.

From the parka?

No, sir.
We haven't traced the garment

from which
the thread came from yet, sir.

Lieutenant, if I were you,
I'd get a search warrant

for all four people involved.

Yes, sir. That's just exactly
what I've done, sir.

In fact...

Could you
open this, sir?

I still don't have
the knack.

I would like for us to know,
Lieutenant, the meaning of this.

Sid, please.

He asked me where you were, Lieutenant.
I hope it's okay that I told him.

May I ask what this
was all about?

Oh, there's
the sweater.

Does it match up
with the thread?

I think so.

We gotta take it down to the
lab, though, Lieutenant.

It's the only piece of
clothing that even came close.

I don't know what you're
talking about, Lieutenant,

but I do know that suspicion is
being deliberately cast on me

and I can guess
by whom.

Well, sir, I won't deny
that Lieutenant Lucerne...

Will you stop calling him
Lieutenant Lucerne?

He's a television detective.

You can't conduct an investigation
based on his suspicions.

Well, sir. I did have a reason
beyond his suspicions.

You see, the gun
that killed your wife, sir,

had a little piece of thread
that got caught on the trigger.

I'm afraid, sir,
that that thread

came from this sweater.

A thread from my sweater?

Yes, sir. Mohair.

And the lab said
navy blue mohair.

And I remembered that was
the color of the sweater

that you were wearing
the first day that I met you.

The morning
after she was murdered.

But that's incredible.

Yes, sir,
I agree with you.

But I've always had
a good memory for colors.

Bravo, Lieutenant.
Even I didn't remember that.

Didn't you, sir?

My goodness,
that's funny.

You see, because
one of the reasons

that I remembered
the sweater

was because you got
hooked on it that day.

Following
our discussion, sir.

Supposing Lucerne
was right before

when he got the idea that
Ward Fowler was our man.

Supposing Ward Fowler had planted
that thread on the gun himself.

I don't quite follow you.

Well, sir,
supposing you...

I mean, supposing Lieutenant
Lucerne was right,

and Claire Daley
was blackmailing you

like in the TV show.

Lieutenant, I thought we agreed
that I had what you called

an iron-clad alibi?

Ain'tight, sir, that's what
we actually say.

Yes, sir, but you know
as well as I do

that you could have
rigged that alibi.

It was very brave of you, sir,

to show me
the videotape machine.

You certainly like
to take a chance.

And I always wondered,
of course,

how two drinks could have
given Mark such a hangover.

I figured it was
phenobarbital.

And then he would be out.

And you'd be able
to tape the game,

and go over to Tony's,
and kill Claire, and get home,

and then wake up Mark.

And he would be
disoriented and groggy

and guilty
about drinking.

And when you saw
the ballgame on TV,

and it looked just about the same
as it did when he passed out,

he'd be glad to assume he'd only
been out for a minute or two

instead of the hour and a half
that had actually passed.

And you changed his watch,
didn't you?

And then you changed it back to the
right time after he was asleep.

That was a mistake, sir.

You shouldn't have set it
to the correct time

because Mark always keeps
his watch five minutes fast.

I wondered about that.

A thousand dollar watch just doesn't
lose five minutes overnight.

Is that it?

No, sir. There's also the
height of the criminal.

He's about my height.

And your height

without the platform shoes.

And there's
one other thing, sir.

You're a crack shot.

Endlessly fascinating,
Lieutenant.

But as Lieutenant Lucerne
would say,

"Where there is no proof,
there is no criminal."

Fascinating,
notwithstanding.

But I think, sir,
I have the proof.

Here.

What proof?

Lieutenant, there are
no fingerprints on that gun.

You said so yourself
this morning.

This has been a rather silly
demonstration, Lieutenant.

Well, you're absolutely right
again, sir.

The killer cleaned the gun
of all incriminating prints.

But the thing is,
he forgot something.

Forgot what?

Well, sir, you know that this
gun was only used as a prop.

So, of course, it was never
filled with anything but blanks.

That is,
until you stole it, sir.

And in order to
kill Mrs. Daley,

you had to remove the blanks
and insert real bullets.

There were no prints
on the gun

because you
wiped the gun clean, sir.

But there is a reason that
the lab report took so long.

You remembered
to clean the gun.

But you didn't remember to do the
same thing with the bullets.

Damn!

I had to forget something.

That's always
how the third act ends.

You see, I've had
no rehearsal as a murderer.

I'm, after all, a detective.

Yes, sir, but

you did kill Claire Daley,
didn't you, sir?

She was a blackmailer.

And I killed her.

And up to now,
I'm glad I killed her.

And I believe
that in this killing

the murderer
has the sympathetic part.

Does that satisfy you?

Yes, sir.
That satisfies me.

Lieutenant, you would do me
an enormous favor

if you stopped calling me sir.