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1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:04,738
Theorizing that one could time travel
within his own lifetime,
2
00:00:04,947 --> 00:00:08,325
Dr. Sam Beckett stepped
into the Quantum Leap accelerator...
3
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:10,202
and vanished.
4
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,626
He awoke to find himself
trapped in the past,
5
00:00:17,876 --> 00:00:20,963
facing mirror images
that were not his own...
6
00:00:21,046 --> 00:00:25,551
and driven by an unknown force
to change history for the better.
7
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:30,681
His only guide on this journey is Al,
an observer from his own time,
8
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:35,352
who appears in the form of a hologram
that only Sam can see and hear.
9
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:39,982
And so, Dr. Beckett finds himself
leaping from life to life,
10
00:00:40,065 --> 00:00:42,985
striving to put right
what once went wrong...
11
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:46,071
and hoping each time
that his next leap...
12
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,740
will be the leap home.
13
00:00:54,204 --> 00:00:57,207
So, what did the cop say?
14
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,628
Probably said you should
get yourself a dayjob.
15
00:01:03,255 --> 00:01:05,299
Hey, buddy. What did you do?
16
00:01:05,424 --> 00:01:07,384
Escape from a home for
the comedically stunted,
17
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,845
or just the hopelessly stupid, huh?
18
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,307
Stay with me, will ya, Davey?
19
00:01:13,432 --> 00:01:16,977
Uh, yeah.
Well, this-this cop said that...
20
00:01:17,519 --> 00:01:19,438
- Yeah, he was haulin' you in.
- He was haulin' me in,
21
00:01:19,521 --> 00:01:21,190
and-and I was...
22
00:01:21,273 --> 00:01:23,233
- Naked.
- Naked.
23
00:01:23,775 --> 00:01:24,985
And, uh...
24
00:01:25,068 --> 00:01:27,029
You were...
You were holding the sheep.
25
00:01:27,946 --> 00:01:29,865
And then you said...
26
00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:34,536
"Oh, boy"?
27
00:02:51,863 --> 00:02:55,117
Oh, boy, oh, boy. How do you like that,
ladies and gentlemen?
28
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:57,619
Davey's got a new routine,
and he forgot to tell me about it.
29
00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,372
Thank goodness one of you
got a new routine.
30
00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:03,250
Hey, buddy, you wanna come up here
and do a show by yourself?
31
00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:05,127
I bet you do a lot of
stuff by yourself, huh?
32
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:08,088
Hey, who the hell do you think you are?
33
00:03:08,213 --> 00:03:12,134
So, anyway, there I was,
standin' in the bushes, naked...
34
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:15,512
- Joey, please. Sit down. Sit down.
- Holdin' a sheep.
35
00:03:15,637 --> 00:03:19,808
And this cop comes up
and he says to me,
36
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:23,687
"You know, you just can't
stand around like that."
37
00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:26,023
And-And I said, "No, no, no.
38
00:03:26,148 --> 00:03:30,986
"It's okay because,
you see, it's sheep season."
39
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,864
What'd he say?
40
00:03:33,989 --> 00:03:37,242
See, I said, "No, it's okay,
it's sheep season."
41
00:03:37,659 --> 00:03:39,286
Have you lost your mind?
42
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,790
Well, I get it.
43
00:03:43,915 --> 00:03:46,918
- Sheep season!
- Oh, we're dead.
44
00:03:47,044 --> 00:03:48,503
No, this is worse than death.
45
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,756
Maybe they should just throw dirt
on us so we know we're dead.
46
00:03:50,881 --> 00:03:53,050
So, have you nice folks
drunk up your minimum yet?
47
00:03:53,175 --> 00:03:55,385
It'd be worth it to leave early.
48
00:03:56,428 --> 00:03:59,181
I had the same problem
with the police once...
49
00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:02,726
- Not tonight. We've lost 'em.
- No, really. I was harassed by the police,
50
00:04:02,893 --> 00:04:05,187
and all I was doin'
was walkin' my little poodle.
51
00:04:05,354 --> 00:04:07,648
Look, uh, lady, this is
a professional act, okay?
52
00:04:07,773 --> 00:04:09,900
- That's a matter of opinion.
- Look, buddy,
53
00:04:10,025 --> 00:04:12,069
I got enough people up here
makin' fools of themselves.
54
00:04:12,194 --> 00:04:14,321
You wanna be a jerk,
you do it on your own time, all right?
55
00:04:14,446 --> 00:04:16,740
Yeah, my little poodle,
her name was Tis,
56
00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:19,993
and, oh, she was the cutest
little teacup you ever did see.
57
00:04:20,118 --> 00:04:22,537
Well, I let her off her leash
to use the, uh...
58
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:25,624
Well, to go to the, uh...
You know.
59
00:04:25,749 --> 00:04:28,335
Out of nowhere
comes this big old black cat,
60
00:04:28,460 --> 00:04:30,629
and it races by, and Tis...
Boom...
61
00:04:30,796 --> 00:04:33,048
takes off into the bushes,
right after her.
62
00:04:34,049 --> 00:04:35,926
This is a sad story.
63
00:04:36,051 --> 00:04:39,346
Yeah, well, I go into the bushes
lookin' for her.
64
00:04:39,471 --> 00:04:42,140
Of course, though,
I wasn't, uh, naked.
65
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:46,603
- Well, you can't have everything.
- Yeah, or else you'd be gone.
66
00:04:46,728 --> 00:04:48,188
Look, I'm warnin' you, okay?
67
00:04:48,313 --> 00:04:50,691
So, let me ask you
this one question, though.
68
00:04:50,816 --> 00:04:52,943
Did-Did you have
a sheep with you?
69
00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:55,529
What are you talking about?
70
00:04:55,654 --> 00:04:59,199
N-N-No, he's right.
I didn't have a sheep.
71
00:04:59,324 --> 00:05:02,786
But I was just comin' out of those bushes,
right about the corner,
72
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,996
and I was callin' my dog,
when all of a sudden...
73
00:05:05,122 --> 00:05:07,541
this policeman comes up to me,
and he grabs me,
74
00:05:07,666 --> 00:05:10,293
and he arrests me,
and he hauls me in front of the judge.
75
00:05:10,419 --> 00:05:12,295
- What for?
- For steppin' on his act.
76
00:05:12,421 --> 00:05:16,675
N-N-No. For solicitin'
with the purpose of prostitution.
77
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,593
Well, it doesn't surprise me.
78
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:21,596
Well, it surprised me!
I mean, I wasn't.
79
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:27,936
I was just standin' on the corner, callin'
my dog, sayin', "Here, Tis. Here, Tis."
80
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:31,273
Oh, keep the girl. You creeps
need somethin' funny in the act.
81
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:32,983
That's it. I'll kill him.
82
00:05:34,484 --> 00:05:37,779
- We're doin' a show here, okay?
- Who the hell do you think you are?
83
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:40,824
How 'bout a little respect, okay?
Who the hell do you think you are?
84
00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:42,534
Thank you and good night!
85
00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:46,496
All right, let's have a round of...
a round of applause...
86
00:05:46,621 --> 00:05:49,833
for the comedy stylings
of Parker and MacKay...
87
00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:53,837
and our own, uh,
Frankie, uh, Washarskie!
88
00:05:54,171 --> 00:05:57,048
I don't get this. Why would you
pick tonight to come on stage with us?
89
00:05:57,134 --> 00:05:58,880
- We were dyin' out there.
- You don't get this?
90
00:05:58,935 --> 00:06:00,003
And you... You...
91
00:06:00,028 --> 00:06:02,119
Obviously you were dying,
and that is why I went up on stage.
92
00:06:02,163 --> 00:06:04,681
It was not the right moment.
You have no sense of comedic timing.
93
00:06:04,814 --> 00:06:06,733
What the hell happened
to you out there?
94
00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:08,226
- Uh, well...
- Yeah...
95
00:06:08,351 --> 00:06:11,021
What was that fight, your impression
of Joe Louis on a bad night?
96
00:06:11,146 --> 00:06:12,981
- I was saving you.
- Me?
97
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,275
I don't think you should have
tried to hit that guy.
98
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,402
I wouldn't have had to if you hadn't
have put the broad in the act.
99
00:06:17,569 --> 00:06:18,487
Broad!
100
00:06:18,653 --> 00:06:20,947
- I thought she was pretty funny actually.
- I saved your butts.
101
00:06:21,072 --> 00:06:22,949
Yeah, that was 'cause Davey
lost his timing.
102
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,660
Oh, yeah? Well,
what was your excuse for being a "smuck"?
103
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,329
Not even close.
104
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,206
Look, look. Uh, guys...
105
00:06:29,331 --> 00:06:32,042
I think that you should just
keep your feathers out of Davey's nose...
106
00:06:32,167 --> 00:06:34,669
and go back where
you belong... waitin' on tables.
107
00:06:43,053 --> 00:06:44,846
I thought you were funny.
108
00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:48,099
Oh, what difference
does that make? Mack hates me.
109
00:06:48,558 --> 00:06:51,728
Well, from the looks of things,
Mack hates everybody.
110
00:06:51,853 --> 00:06:55,524
I cannot go back to waiting
on tables. I just can't.
111
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,484
Look, I-I tell you what.
112
00:06:57,609 --> 00:06:59,277
As soon as he calms down,
113
00:06:59,611 --> 00:07:02,113
we'll all sit down and we'll
talk this whole thing through.
114
00:07:02,239 --> 00:07:03,865
Oh, come on. You heard him.
115
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,910
I mean, he does not care
whether I am good or what.
116
00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:10,288
I mean, all he cares about
is himself. God!
117
00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:13,500
He is the most selfish,
self-centered egomaniac
118
00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:15,836
I've ever had the misfortune
to meet in my life!
119
00:07:15,961 --> 00:07:18,839
Now ask her what she really
thinks of the guy.
120
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:22,592
- How do you really feel about him?
- Oh, I'm crazy about him.
121
00:07:22,717 --> 00:07:24,553
- I knew it.
- You're kidding.
122
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:29,558
No. I mean, you know Mack.
He can be so sweet.
123
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:33,061
When we first started going out,
he used to hold my chair...
124
00:07:33,228 --> 00:07:37,649
and help me with my coat and light my
cigarette, and I don't even smoke.
125
00:07:37,774 --> 00:07:40,902
And then you offered to give me a shot,
and he turns into a futz!
126
00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:42,529
Close.
127
00:07:42,654 --> 00:07:45,615
Look, you're
a very funny lady, Frankie,
128
00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:49,202
and I don't think you should let Mack
or-or anybody else tell you different.
129
00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:51,496
- You really think so?
- Yeah.
130
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:54,024
You can make me anytime...
Uh, laugh.
131
00:07:54,165 --> 00:07:57,878
- Make me laugh, anytime.
- So you just dry your eyes...
132
00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:00,297
and forget about waitin' on tables.
133
00:08:00,422 --> 00:08:02,757
Tables? All you idiots can go
back to waiting on tables!
134
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,759
What kind of a stunt was
that with the customer?
135
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,469
No one swings on
a patron of mine!
136
00:08:06,595 --> 00:08:08,680
This is Lou Collins,
the owner of the Cocono Club...
137
00:08:08,847 --> 00:08:11,474
Mack was nervous about
trying me out in the act tonight.
138
00:08:11,544 --> 00:08:12,828
Where you're on the payroll...
139
00:08:12,916 --> 00:08:14,717
And where is that
idiot partner of yours?
140
00:08:14,811 --> 00:08:16,646
- With your partner, MacKay.
- Oh, well...
141
00:08:16,771 --> 00:08:19,274
- By the way, you're in the Poconos.
- You mean Mack.
142
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:21,318
What other idiot
partner have you got?
143
00:08:21,443 --> 00:08:23,278
The Cocono in the Poconos.
144
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:24,446
I, uh...
145
00:08:24,613 --> 00:08:27,324
And I'm not considering you,
because you deserve better.
146
00:08:27,490 --> 00:08:29,576
Deserves better than what?
147
00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:31,870
You don't get any better
than Parker and MacKay, buddy,
148
00:08:31,995 --> 00:08:36,416
and you are damn lucky
to have us in this two-bit, rundown...
149
00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:38,460
All right. Now look, Mack...
150
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:41,922
Sam, it's 1959,
and you're about to get fired.
151
00:08:42,047 --> 00:08:44,966
- ...hole in the wall of a dive!
- You're fired!
152
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:48,136
- I'm fired.
- Thanks for the advance warning.
153
00:08:48,803 --> 00:08:51,723
- You got all the warning you need.
- Not you...
154
00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:54,726
- You can't fire me. I got a contract.
- Watch me. I'll do it again.
155
00:08:54,851 --> 00:08:56,770
Wait a second.
Why don't we just talk about this, okay?
156
00:08:56,895 --> 00:08:58,355
You're fired. How was that?
157
00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:01,858
- Oh! Mack, no!
- Mack, no! Easy...
158
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,112
- Al, what am I gonna do?
- Nothing.
159
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,530
What do you mean, nothing?
160
00:09:07,656 --> 00:09:10,367
'Cause in about five seconds,
Carlo DeGorio is gonna come up the stairs,
161
00:09:10,492 --> 00:09:13,370
- and his guy is gonna say...
- Hey, meatheads!
162
00:09:15,914 --> 00:09:18,124
Mr. DeGorio wants to talk to youse.
163
00:09:18,249 --> 00:09:22,712
Mr. DeGorio, your son sang terrific
tonight. I mean, like father, like son.
164
00:09:22,837 --> 00:09:25,840
How would you know?
You're back here yelling at the comics.
165
00:09:26,007 --> 00:09:28,677
Sweetheart, why don't you go,
uh, powder your nose?
166
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:31,554
Ooh, I'd like to help her
powder her nose,
167
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:33,556
- and her chin, and her neck...
- Joey, please.
168
00:09:33,682 --> 00:09:36,476
Mr. DeGorio says I should apologize
for funnin' with you out there.
169
00:09:36,601 --> 00:09:39,145
Well, somebody ought to teach you
a little audience etiquette.
170
00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:40,355
Come on, Mack.
171
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,565
Why don't you guys just curtail
your conversation for one moment?
172
00:09:42,691 --> 00:09:45,819
The name's DeGorio,
Carlo DeGorio.
173
00:09:45,944 --> 00:09:48,655
Of the Las Vegas Golden Sand.
174
00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:51,157
- I'd like to make you an offer.
- Offer?
175
00:09:51,282 --> 00:09:52,742
You'll like this part, Sam.
176
00:09:52,867 --> 00:09:55,161
Two weeks at the
Golden Sand in Vegas.
177
00:09:55,286 --> 00:09:58,373
- Oh.
- Vegas? The main showroom?
178
00:09:58,456 --> 00:10:00,166
See how you do in the lounge first.
179
00:10:00,291 --> 00:10:02,544
- They are not available.
- What?
180
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:05,338
- They, uh, work for me.
- You just fired us.
181
00:10:05,463 --> 00:10:07,507
- Wait a second.
- I got a contract for another three weeks.
182
00:10:07,632 --> 00:10:09,592
- You just fired us.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
183
00:10:09,718 --> 00:10:12,387
Why don't you guys work out
the details between yourselves, okay?
184
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,639
And I'll see the three of you
in Vegas Friday.
185
00:10:14,764 --> 00:10:16,099
What do you mean,
the three of us?
186
00:10:16,266 --> 00:10:18,560
I mean I like the girl.
Got a problem with that?
187
00:10:19,394 --> 00:10:22,355
- No problem.
- Good. I'll see you in Vegas.
188
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,816
And me and you,
we'll have dinner when you get there.
189
00:10:24,941 --> 00:10:27,277
- Oh, I don't know.
- No problem.
190
00:10:27,402 --> 00:10:29,029
Didn't think so.
191
00:10:29,821 --> 00:10:32,991
No problem? No problem?
No prob... No problem?
192
00:10:33,116 --> 00:10:34,743
You got a problem.
I got a contract.
193
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,036
You fired us!
194
00:10:36,161 --> 00:10:37,620
You cannot tell that man
I'll have dinner with him.
195
00:10:37,746 --> 00:10:39,372
- Who says I fired you?
- We say!
196
00:10:39,497 --> 00:10:41,291
You're workin' for me,
you do whatever I say.
197
00:10:41,332 --> 00:10:43,418
- Now just relax.
- It's your word against mine.
198
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,712
For you?
I thought we were partners.
199
00:10:45,766 --> 00:10:48,506
Davey and I are partners. You?
You're a pain in the neck.
200
00:10:48,631 --> 00:10:49,924
A pain in the neck?
201
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,634
And you're stuck here
for another three weeks.
202
00:10:51,801 --> 00:10:54,721
Can it, Lou. You fired us.
We're goin' to Vegas.
203
00:10:54,846 --> 00:10:56,890
The reason we're goin'
to Vegas is because of me.
204
00:10:57,015 --> 00:10:59,687
I got a deal! Three weeks!
205
00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:02,729
And I'll sue for breach.
206
00:11:03,271 --> 00:11:05,523
Comics! I give 'em a shot
at bein' a star...
207
00:11:05,648 --> 00:11:09,110
- You're on a real roller coaster here.
- What is goin' on here, Al?
208
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:11,138
Do you believe these people?
They're nuts.
209
00:11:11,205 --> 00:11:14,699
And that guy DeGorio... I mean,
he's right out of some movie or somethin'.
210
00:11:14,783 --> 00:11:17,243
Well, he's very well-connected
with the family,
211
00:11:17,368 --> 00:11:19,871
and Ziggy says there's
a 90.5% chance...
212
00:11:19,996 --> 00:11:23,291
that he's the reason that
the raging bull there disappears.
213
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,835
I hate it when you say "disappears."
214
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:27,754
- Well, he vanishes.
- Oh.
215
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:32,634
Uh, May 2, 1959, MacKay...
Macklyn MacKay...
216
00:11:32,801 --> 00:11:36,888
vanishes right after Parker, MacKay and
Washarskie have their opening debut...
217
00:11:37,013 --> 00:11:39,307
- Wait, wait.
- In the showroom in Las Vegas.
218
00:11:39,390 --> 00:11:41,935
- Who's Washarskie?
- She's gotta change her name.
219
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:45,480
- What happens?
- I don't know. He was never seen again.
220
00:11:45,563 --> 00:11:49,609
In Italian, we say he's probably
sleeping with the fishes.
221
00:11:49,713 --> 00:11:51,903
But of course there's
no fishes in Las Vegas,
222
00:11:52,028 --> 00:11:53,655
so he's probably sleepin'
with the scorpions...
223
00:11:53,738 --> 00:11:56,324
or sleepin' with the centipedes
or rattlesnakes, coyotes...
224
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,700
Okay, I got the picture.
225
00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:00,078
I can't listen to another word of this.
226
00:12:00,161 --> 00:12:02,288
You have to listen to many,
many more words of this,
227
00:12:02,313 --> 00:12:03,898
because we have to
work on our act.
228
00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:05,458
- Act? What do you mean, act?
- Prairie dogs...
229
00:12:05,483 --> 00:12:07,293
You're not part of my act.
230
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:11,798
Howdy, folks. This is Lucky Buck...
231
00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:15,176
Sam, do you know
what the secret of comedy is?
232
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:18,847
- No, and I don't wanna know.
- The secret of comedy is...
233
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,598
- Al, I don't care.
- Timing.
234
00:12:20,682 --> 00:12:22,225
How come you don't care?
235
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:25,520
- Because I'm not funny.
- You're not supposed to be funny.
236
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:28,398
- You're a scientist.
- Well, thank you for sharing that.
237
00:12:28,523 --> 00:12:32,944
And if you tell me that you were a
stand-up, I'm gonna... I'm gonna... pow!
238
00:12:33,027 --> 00:12:37,615
You can't pow. I'm a hologram.
And, no, I was never a stand-up.
239
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,325
- It's a miracle.
- Now listen.
240
00:12:39,409 --> 00:12:41,995
You are the singing half
of a comedy team.
241
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,413
You got Davey's charts.
242
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,249
All you have to do is learn the
songs, and you fake the routines,
243
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:48,877
and then you save Mack
from whoever he's tickin' off,
244
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,753
and bingo, you leap out of it.
245
00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:52,338
What else could possibly happen?
246
00:12:52,422 --> 00:12:54,591
- I could not be funny.
- Well, we got Ziggy.
247
00:12:54,716 --> 00:12:56,593
- Ziggy is not funny.
- I know.
248
00:12:56,718 --> 00:13:00,013
But Ziggy has tapped into
the greatest comedy teams of all time.
249
00:13:00,138 --> 00:13:03,099
Who's he got? "Live from Rome,
it's Nero, on the steps of the..."
250
00:13:03,224 --> 00:13:06,728
No, no, no. We got Laurel and Hardy,
Abbott and Costello, Martin and Lewis,
251
00:13:06,811 --> 00:13:10,231
- Burns and Allen... the best.
- Al, there are three of us, okay?
252
00:13:10,315 --> 00:13:13,026
- The Three Stooges.
- That's not funny.
253
00:13:13,151 --> 00:13:15,445
Besides, I don't know
Dave and Mack's routines.
254
00:13:15,570 --> 00:13:17,280
That's okay.
They don't know 'em either.
255
00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:18,464
What?
256
00:13:18,489 --> 00:13:20,325
According to Ziggy,
the reason they bombed...
257
00:13:20,450 --> 00:13:23,578
was because Mack tried to
force Frankie into the duo
258
00:13:23,661 --> 00:13:26,122
when he should have
created a trio.
259
00:13:26,247 --> 00:13:29,209
Oh, I see. And someone in the
audience didn't think they were funny,
260
00:13:29,334 --> 00:13:30,835
so they killed Mack.
261
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,921
- That makes a lot of sense.
- Ha, ha.
262
00:13:33,004 --> 00:13:34,631
What makes sense?
263
00:13:34,756 --> 00:13:38,301
Hey, isn't it my turn to drive yet?
I mean, what time is it?
264
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:40,011
- 0400.
- Oh, 4:00.
265
00:13:40,094 --> 00:13:42,138
You've been drivin' for 10 hours?
266
00:13:42,263 --> 00:13:46,392
Look, why don't we pull into,
uh, Gallup, whatever that is?
267
00:13:46,517 --> 00:13:48,686
We'll have a cup of coffee.
268
00:13:52,357 --> 00:13:55,235
Mack, you wanna come in
for some coffee? Mack?
269
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,695
Why don't we just let him sleep?
270
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:04,202
When I was waking up, I heard you say
something about Mack getting killed?
271
00:14:04,494 --> 00:14:06,537
Oh, no, no, no. Mack?
272
00:14:06,663 --> 00:14:09,540
No, no. I was just
saying to myself that...
273
00:14:09,707 --> 00:14:13,962
that if Mack didn't help us work up
some new routines that include you,
274
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,505
that the audience
would kill him.
275
00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:17,715
Us. Comic talk, you know.
276
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,386
No, Sam. The comic is
trying to kill the audience,
277
00:14:21,503 --> 00:14:24,931
and if he can't do it,
he dies on stage. Get it?
278
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,478
You sit anywhere
your little hearts desire.
279
00:14:30,561 --> 00:14:33,606
I'm gonna get you the best cup of coffee
this side of the Rio Grande.
280
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:38,069
- You know, you're right.
- About what?
281
00:14:38,152 --> 00:14:42,991
Well, there's no way that I can
work into "Mr. Show Biz" or "Heroes."
282
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,034
Sure you can.
There are lots of women heroes.
283
00:14:45,159 --> 00:14:48,079
- There's no reason why you couldn't...
- Okay, everybody. I'm here!
284
00:14:48,579 --> 00:14:50,915
Let me get a shot of the room.
Hold still.
285
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,750
Beautiful.
Let me get a picture of you.
286
00:14:52,875 --> 00:14:55,378
Great. You just look at this in a minute,
and I bet I got you in it too.
287
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:59,465
Okay, coffee for everybody!
Put it on the big guy's check.
288
00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:02,135
Oh, you know what? I have a question
for you. Is that your truck outside?
289
00:15:02,260 --> 00:15:04,304
- Yeah.
- Really? The big red one,
290
00:15:04,387 --> 00:15:06,222
with the beautiful lettering
that says Raymond's Refrigerating?
291
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,432
Yeah.
292
00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:10,351
The one that's sitting in that
enormous puddle of milky brown stuff?
293
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:11,936
It's my ice cream!
294
00:15:12,061 --> 00:15:14,022
Hold it, hold it.
I was just kiddin' with you.
295
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:17,650
That's a good way to get your heart started
in the mornin', ain't it, big guy?
296
00:15:18,693 --> 00:15:20,528
You think you're funny?
297
00:15:21,237 --> 00:15:22,655
She laughed.
298
00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:26,784
Well, maybe it won't be so funny if you're
lookin' out of the other side of your face!
299
00:15:26,868 --> 00:15:30,413
Listen, uh, you gotta excuse my brother.
He was just released from an asylum...
300
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,569
- The other side of my face?
- And he's not real good...
301
00:15:32,594 --> 00:15:33,468
Yeah!
302
00:15:33,493 --> 00:15:35,692
Dealin' with people right now,
but soon he'll be fine again.
303
00:15:36,753 --> 00:15:38,338
You better lock him up.
304
00:15:38,463 --> 00:15:41,215
I'd like to thank you
for your kind observation...
305
00:15:41,299 --> 00:15:44,802
and let you know that we're doing
everything we can to restrain him.
306
00:15:47,305 --> 00:15:50,141
Some people don't have
a sense of humor, you know?
307
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,393
You know, you might have
come up with something just now.
308
00:15:52,477 --> 00:15:55,188
We could do a bit about me
escaping from an asylum.
309
00:15:55,313 --> 00:15:57,565
- Why do you do that?
- Do what?
310
00:15:57,648 --> 00:16:01,277
Why do you act like a geek
so Davey has to come and save you?
311
00:16:01,486 --> 00:16:03,363
What am I supposed to do,
wait for you?
312
00:16:03,488 --> 00:16:06,032
Oh, I suppose you think
that only men can be heroes.
313
00:16:06,157 --> 00:16:07,200
Yes, I do.
314
00:16:07,325 --> 00:16:09,494
You know, women are quite capable
of taking care of themselves.
315
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:11,829
But most of 'em
didn't even know that in '59.
316
00:16:11,913 --> 00:16:14,624
We don't need you
to come running to our rescue.
317
00:16:17,168 --> 00:16:18,711
Hey, that's very funny.
318
00:16:18,836 --> 00:16:21,589
- Women can take care of themselves.
- Yeah, right.
319
00:16:21,672 --> 00:16:23,232
Don't do that to me.
320
00:16:23,257 --> 00:16:25,009
- Oh.
- I mean it, Mack. Stop it!
321
00:16:25,134 --> 00:16:27,970
All right. All right. Now come on.
322
00:16:28,638 --> 00:16:30,181
Why don't we just...
323
00:16:30,306 --> 00:16:34,602
Why don't we just concentrate on what
we're gonna do on stage tomorrow night?
324
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:37,313
We are not doing
anything tomorrow night.
325
00:16:37,438 --> 00:16:39,941
Parker and MacKay are
going on stage, okay?
326
00:16:40,024 --> 00:16:42,318
- Uh, and Lane.
- Lane?
327
00:16:42,443 --> 00:16:44,612
Well, you see, I like that
better than Washarskie.
328
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,240
- So do I.
- Women are not funny.
329
00:16:47,365 --> 00:16:50,576
- What about Gracie Allen?
- She has George Burns.
330
00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:52,787
- Elaine May.
- Mike Nichols.
331
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:54,622
- Lucille Ball.
- Desi Arnaz.
332
00:16:54,739 --> 00:16:57,450
- Fanny Brice!
- Nicky Arnstein.
333
00:16:58,126 --> 00:17:01,003
What? Well, I've got
Parker and MacKay.
334
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:05,800
N-O. Look. We don't need you.
We don't want you.
335
00:17:05,883 --> 00:17:10,179
We don't even think we may want you.
And if we did, we wouldn't. Got it?
336
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,390
- No.
- Sam, you gotta make this work.
337
00:17:12,473 --> 00:17:15,560
He's got only 32 hours and 23 minutes
before he makes his last performance.
338
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:16,811
Look, Mack.
339
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:19,063
DeGorio's not gonna let
us go on without her,
340
00:17:19,147 --> 00:17:20,606
so we might as well
start thinkin'...
341
00:17:20,690 --> 00:17:22,775
- about how to make this act a trio.
- Right!
342
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,444
Order up!
343
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:29,282
Okay, look. She gets five minutes
with us, but that's it.
344
00:17:29,490 --> 00:17:32,034
Wait a minute. That is one bit.
345
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:35,830
I mean, I want at least three with you guys
and one by myself or I'm not gonna do it.
346
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:38,541
- You think you can blackmail me?
- Yes.
347
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,460
So why don't you just get down, okay?
348
00:17:40,585 --> 00:17:43,921
Both of you. Now sit down and let's
start working on something, all right?
349
00:17:44,046 --> 00:17:45,965
- Let's try and come up with somethin'.
- Good. Do a bit.
350
00:17:46,001 --> 00:17:48,629
- Some kind of a bit, yeah.
- Uh, Steve Allen's "Man In The Street."
351
00:17:48,672 --> 00:17:50,143
A bit about a man in the street.
352
00:17:50,168 --> 00:17:51,821
- With Supergirl.
- Yes. With Supergirl.
353
00:17:51,846 --> 00:17:53,514
You're a reporter.
You're interviewing people...
354
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:54,891
I'm a reporter,
355
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,143
I'm on the street and I'm interviewing
people, and today I bump into...
356
00:17:57,226 --> 00:18:00,104
two super people... persons.
357
00:18:00,271 --> 00:18:02,106
- This is nuts.
- You got a better idea?
358
00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:03,983
- Give me a minute.
- No. Sit down.
359
00:18:04,108 --> 00:18:08,738
Okay. Now listen to me.
Hi, I'm Dave Parker. Hi.
360
00:18:08,863 --> 00:18:12,742
And I'm here today, your man
on the street, interviewing with...
361
00:18:13,242 --> 00:18:16,204
Supergirl!
Supergirl, yes.
362
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:18,414
- So, Supergirl, tell me...
- Hey, hey, hey.
363
00:18:18,539 --> 00:18:20,500
Hey, hey. If you're gonna
do that weird crazy stuff,
364
00:18:20,625 --> 00:18:23,044
you'd best give me my ketchup
and do it elsewhere.
365
00:18:23,294 --> 00:18:26,088
Well, you did us a favor.
The coffee wasn't that great anyway.
366
00:18:26,214 --> 00:18:28,257
Oh, yes it was.
The coffee was great.
367
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:31,260
Come on, Sam. Keep it goin'.
You gotta make this act work.
368
00:18:31,385 --> 00:18:33,554
Hey, hey. This is Dave Parker here,
your man on the street,
369
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:36,516
and, uh, I'm here today,
chatting with...
370
00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:41,103
- Oh. Supergirl!
- Supergirl. And?
371
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:45,858
- And I'm, uh, Superman.
- Aha!
372
00:18:45,942 --> 00:18:49,195
So tell me,
you-you-you Supers, uh,
373
00:18:49,278 --> 00:18:51,155
what's an average day
like for you guys?
374
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:55,159
Well, we usually like to start the day with
a big, heapin' bowl of Kryptonite cereal.
375
00:18:55,243 --> 00:18:56,285
Ha-ha!
376
00:18:56,322 --> 00:18:58,365
No, not Kryptonite.
That would kill 'em.
377
00:18:58,610 --> 00:19:01,707
- Two points for the big fella.
- Uh, he-he's right.
378
00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:05,586
- Well, not if we're super people.
- Ah, she's right.
379
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:07,547
Especially if you're super people.
380
00:19:07,964 --> 00:19:10,341
Keep it goin'. Keep it goin'.
Keep it goin'.
381
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:13,427
Tell me this though.
How do super people, uh...
382
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:15,555
- Have.
- Ha-ha-have...
383
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:16,847
- Sex.
- Sex?
384
00:19:16,931 --> 00:19:18,599
- Davey!
- Al!
385
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,518
You know, that's the way
my mind works.
386
00:19:20,643 --> 00:19:21,686
Um...
387
00:19:21,811 --> 00:19:23,521
You see that?
She can't handle it.
388
00:19:24,313 --> 00:19:25,690
This is the real world, kid.
389
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:29,068
In the real world, grown-up people like
to hear about grown-up things like sex.
390
00:19:29,151 --> 00:19:31,904
Oh, yeah? Well, if doing "smutz"
is what this act is all about,
391
00:19:32,029 --> 00:19:33,406
you can just count me out.
392
00:19:33,531 --> 00:19:36,242
- "Schmutz."
- I won't do it!
393
00:19:36,367 --> 00:19:38,578
Yeah? Well, that's because
you can't do comedy.
394
00:19:38,661 --> 00:19:41,497
If you were a real comedienne,
then anything you did would be funny.
395
00:19:42,206 --> 00:19:44,375
And now I am supposed
to take a lesson...
396
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,669
from Mr. "I can't keep my
fist out of anybody's face
397
00:19:46,739 --> 00:19:48,122
"'cause I'm so mad at the world"?
398
00:19:48,212 --> 00:19:49,422
Mad at the world?
399
00:19:49,547 --> 00:19:51,924
Is this because you want so
desperately to be funny, but can't?
400
00:19:52,008 --> 00:19:54,719
You know what your problem is?
You hate women!
401
00:19:54,802 --> 00:19:56,679
Oh, so now you're Sigmund Freud.
402
00:19:56,804 --> 00:20:00,266
I'm not Sigmund Freud, but I am a comic.
Why won't you give me a shot?
403
00:20:00,391 --> 00:20:02,393
Why are they doin' this, Al?
404
00:20:03,553 --> 00:20:05,305
- They're in love.
- What?
405
00:20:05,396 --> 00:20:07,315
Yeah, sure.
They're crazy about each other
406
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,565
but they haven't got a
clue how to handle it.
407
00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:11,235
- No, no, no.
- Yes.
408
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:15,698
I had the same thing goin' with my sec...
second, third, fourth... my fourth wife.
409
00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:17,533
Yeah. Oh, she drove me crazy.
410
00:20:17,658 --> 00:20:19,368
Al, look at them.
They're gonna kill each other.
411
00:20:19,493 --> 00:20:20,995
Now what am I gonna do?
412
00:20:21,078 --> 00:20:26,250
Oh, I... I would take her and grab her
and kiss her real hard.
413
00:20:26,334 --> 00:20:28,669
Oh, get out. I'm supposed to
get them to kiss each other?
414
00:20:28,753 --> 00:20:30,671
- Uh, yeah. Yeah.
- Get outta here. Look at them.
415
00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:32,590
Let me do it!
That's what I'm saying!
416
00:20:32,645 --> 00:20:34,235
I'm talking.
Would you listen to me, please?
417
00:20:34,290 --> 00:20:36,177
- Kiss her real hard...
- They're never gonna kiss each other.
418
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:37,637
And then she would stop talking.
419
00:20:37,762 --> 00:20:40,014
Kissing is the furthest thing
from their mind right now.
420
00:20:40,056 --> 00:20:42,475
- She what? Oh. All right. All right.
- She would stare into my eyes.
421
00:20:42,558 --> 00:20:45,811
So, I wanna ask you this one question:
How do super people kiss?
422
00:20:45,936 --> 00:20:47,480
- What?
- Kiss.
423
00:20:47,605 --> 00:20:48,606
- Kiss?
- Yes.
424
00:20:48,731 --> 00:20:50,775
I wouldn't kiss her if she was
the last woman on Earth.
425
00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:53,653
- You probably don't even know how to kiss.
- Oh, yeah?
426
00:20:55,196 --> 00:20:56,572
Sure, she does.
427
00:20:56,697 --> 00:20:58,658
Hey, no! Hey, wait a minute.
No, no, no. Not him.
428
00:20:58,741 --> 00:21:01,327
Him! No, you're not supposed to ki...
He's supposed to kiss you.
429
00:21:01,952 --> 00:21:03,079
Huh?
430
00:21:03,204 --> 00:21:05,748
Oh, so that's what
this is all about, huh?
431
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:06,999
No, it's not.
432
00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:09,377
You want a little "Wham, bam, thank
you ma'am," you do it on your own time.
433
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:12,380
You slept with him, didn't you?
Not with me, but him you sleep with!
434
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:14,347
- What?
- Do something, Sam!
435
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:16,269
- Do something?
- Do something!
436
00:21:16,294 --> 00:21:17,826
I did something.
It was the wrong thing.
437
00:21:17,903 --> 00:21:21,657
I know it was the... Look. Look.
This is not how it was supposed to happen.
438
00:21:21,764 --> 00:21:23,391
Yeah, I'll bet. Look.
439
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:26,018
Just lose the broad or get
yourself another partner, okay?
440
00:21:26,143 --> 00:21:28,229
- What are you talkin' about?
- Mack!
441
00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:29,855
We can't just...
442
00:21:31,607 --> 00:21:33,067
Mack. Open the...
443
00:21:33,192 --> 00:21:35,111
I don't believe that
you are so immature...
444
00:21:35,236 --> 00:21:36,570
Get in the car.
445
00:21:36,654 --> 00:21:38,614
Oh, thank you.
What a wonderful idea.
446
00:21:38,698 --> 00:21:40,741
You're welcome. Get in the car.
447
00:21:44,161 --> 00:21:46,330
Oh, boy.
448
00:21:55,256 --> 00:21:59,135
We're gonna do the first two shows
at 9:30 and 11:30...
449
00:21:59,260 --> 00:22:01,512
with the ring curtains closed.
450
00:22:01,595 --> 00:22:03,514
Then at 2:00 and 4:00,
451
00:22:03,597 --> 00:22:07,101
we're gonna open 'em up to the
pits to pull the customers in.
452
00:22:07,309 --> 00:22:11,063
Then, uh, at 4:00 you can get in here
and run light and music cues with Charlie.
453
00:22:11,188 --> 00:22:13,023
Okay, all right. Terrific.
454
00:22:13,149 --> 00:22:15,609
Charlie's our, uh, stage manager.
Anything...
455
00:22:15,735 --> 00:22:18,487
Anything he can't do for
you, trust me, I can.
456
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:20,573
That's fine, Mr. DeGorio.
Thanks very much.
457
00:22:20,698 --> 00:22:22,700
I'll fill in Mack
on the setup, okay?
458
00:22:22,825 --> 00:22:25,578
Hey, you do that. And, sweetheart,
you look like you're starvin'.
459
00:22:25,703 --> 00:22:27,621
What do you say
the two of us grab a little lunch?
460
00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:29,874
- Well, I...
- No, no, no. I insist.
461
00:22:29,999 --> 00:22:32,334
Tell you what.
We got a bunch of new, uh,
462
00:22:32,452 --> 00:22:35,349
sketches that we're
gonna break in tonight.
463
00:22:35,463 --> 00:22:38,048
Isn't it gonna be, uh, tough to rehearse
without Mr. MacKay?
464
00:22:38,132 --> 00:22:39,884
Him? Well, see, he...
465
00:22:40,009 --> 00:22:43,262
Yeah, you know... You know,
Mack has never been to Las Vegas before.
466
00:22:43,387 --> 00:22:46,682
I-I saw him earlier. He-He's checkin' out
all these one-armed burglars.
467
00:22:46,807 --> 00:22:48,476
- Bandits.
- That too.
468
00:22:48,559 --> 00:22:50,853
- Do you, uh, gamble much?
- No, never touch the stuff, really.
469
00:22:50,978 --> 00:22:52,897
- I was talkin' to Miss Washarskie.
- I'm sorry.
470
00:22:53,022 --> 00:22:57,401
It's Turner. I changed it again.
No, I really haven't done much gambling.
471
00:22:57,485 --> 00:22:59,195
Actually, I never learned how.
472
00:22:59,278 --> 00:23:01,197
Then we're gonna have dinner
after the first show,
473
00:23:01,322 --> 00:23:04,658
and I'm gonna give you a personal lesson
in how to roll the dice.
474
00:23:04,784 --> 00:23:06,243
Well, I really should...
475
00:23:06,368 --> 00:23:08,704
Have dinner with me tonight.
Good, that's settled.
476
00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:10,623
That's a great idea.
Thanks for askin' us.
477
00:23:10,706 --> 00:23:13,542
Listen, we gotta get to work or we're
never gonna be able to pay you back...
478
00:23:13,667 --> 00:23:15,336
for the money that you spent on
bringin' us out here, you know?
479
00:23:15,361 --> 00:23:17,338
Trust me.
You'll be able to pay me back.
480
00:23:17,463 --> 00:23:19,757
And if you don't wanna sing
out of another orifice,
481
00:23:19,882 --> 00:23:24,720
I suggest you don't join the young lady
and I for, uh, dinner tonight.
482
00:23:24,845 --> 00:23:26,639
Got that? Understood?
483
00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:29,183
Bring an appetite.
484
00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:33,562
Why do I get the feeling that she's
gonna end up being the main course?
485
00:23:33,687 --> 00:23:36,565
Why do I get the feeling that I'm
gonna be the main course?
486
00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:39,777
Uh, don't-don't worry about him.
I-I'll think of something.
487
00:23:39,860 --> 00:23:42,988
And what about Mack? He hasn't spoken
two words to us since last night.
488
00:23:43,072 --> 00:23:45,574
I mean, what are we gonna do?
489
00:23:46,158 --> 00:23:48,786
- I-I don't know.
- Well, you go on in less than seven hours.
490
00:23:48,869 --> 00:23:50,871
Mack still dies.
We don't know how or when,
491
00:23:50,996 --> 00:23:53,123
but the why has got
somethin' to do with DeGorio.
492
00:23:53,207 --> 00:23:54,875
Maybe you should talk to him.
493
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,628
- Well, somebody better.
- Maybe he's just right about me,
494
00:23:57,753 --> 00:24:00,840
and I should just go back to
the Cocono's in the Poconos,
495
00:24:00,898 --> 00:24:02,242
forget about the whole thing.
496
00:24:02,275 --> 00:24:04,218
- I love that cute rhyme.
- No.
497
00:24:04,319 --> 00:24:05,737
Well, I'm breaking up the act.
498
00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:07,763
No, you're not.
As a matter of fact, you're...
499
00:24:07,847 --> 00:24:09,497
You're making the
act much better.
500
00:24:09,557 --> 00:24:11,851
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are. Now listen.
501
00:24:11,976 --> 00:24:14,186
There have been a
whole lot of duos,
502
00:24:14,270 --> 00:24:16,921
but there's never been
a successful trio.
503
00:24:17,565 --> 00:24:19,525
- I don't know...
- We could be the first.
504
00:24:19,608 --> 00:24:21,110
We will be the first,
505
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,761
if I can just figure out how
to make Mack understand...
506
00:24:23,863 --> 00:24:26,574
that the reason he can't
stand you is... because...
507
00:24:26,699 --> 00:24:28,784
- He's in love with you.
- He's in love with you.
508
00:24:28,909 --> 00:24:30,578
- Love?
- But with Mack,
509
00:24:30,703 --> 00:24:33,747
arguing is like the adult version
of pulling pigtails.
510
00:24:33,831 --> 00:24:36,458
See, a lot of guys like Mack,
they kind of like, uh...
511
00:24:36,584 --> 00:24:40,170
Well, they think that loving
and fighting are kind of the same.
512
00:24:40,296 --> 00:24:42,756
- Yeah? Well, it's not for me.
- Me either.
513
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,593
Look, you said
you were crazy about him.
514
00:24:46,802 --> 00:24:49,346
You... may have to teach him
how to love.
515
00:24:49,430 --> 00:24:52,141
- But he's so angry.
- Yeah, well...
516
00:24:52,224 --> 00:24:54,643
After six years of therapy,
he'll be fine.
517
00:24:54,768 --> 00:24:56,729
Look, you, uh,
go back to your room, okay?
518
00:24:56,812 --> 00:24:58,105
Get freshened up.
519
00:24:58,188 --> 00:24:59,982
I'll find Mack.
We'll have a heart-to-heart.
520
00:25:00,107 --> 00:25:01,848
Just make sure you're back
here for the 4:00 rehearsal.
521
00:25:01,984 --> 00:25:03,319
Okay.
522
00:25:03,444 --> 00:25:07,990
Oh, and Davey?
Uh, don't tell Mack that I love him.
523
00:25:08,365 --> 00:25:11,911
Oh, no. I'll...
I'll let you do that.
524
00:25:12,411 --> 00:25:14,079
Okay.
525
00:25:17,374 --> 00:25:20,628
Okay. Okay, Dr. Jung. Huh?
526
00:25:20,711 --> 00:25:23,797
You tell me what's wrong with Mack
since you know so much all of a sudden.
527
00:25:23,923 --> 00:25:28,260
Okay. According to Ziggy,
uh, Mack has a pattern, see?
528
00:25:28,344 --> 00:25:32,765
Whenever he gets close to success,
he changes the act.
529
00:25:32,848 --> 00:25:36,018
Uh, it was Leonard and MacKay
in '55,
530
00:25:36,143 --> 00:25:39,271
it was Bonner and MacKay in '56,
and now it's you.
531
00:25:39,396 --> 00:25:41,273
- But, um...
- But, um?
532
00:25:41,398 --> 00:25:45,319
The bottom line is,
Mack is afraid to get close.
533
00:25:45,444 --> 00:25:47,905
- I thought you said he loved her.
- Yeah. Oh, yeah. He does.
534
00:25:48,030 --> 00:25:50,032
It's the Woody Allen theory.
535
00:25:50,149 --> 00:25:54,119
Uh, "I don't like myself, so if you
like me, you must be a horrible person."
536
00:25:54,244 --> 00:25:56,163
Or maybe that's the
Groucho Marx theory.
537
00:25:56,288 --> 00:25:57,581
Am I missing something?
538
00:25:57,665 --> 00:26:00,292
Uh, no. Mack is a little kid.
539
00:26:00,376 --> 00:26:04,296
He needs... He wants attention,
but he can't handle being close,
540
00:26:04,421 --> 00:26:07,508
so does all these crazy things
to get people to pay attention to him.
541
00:26:07,591 --> 00:26:09,176
Which is why he got
into show business.
542
00:26:09,301 --> 00:26:10,469
Yeah.
543
00:26:10,594 --> 00:26:14,162
Then a woman like Frankie comes along...
He wants her. She wants him.
544
00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:15,766
Right, right, right. So he...
545
00:26:15,891 --> 00:26:19,269
He's afraid of her, so he starts
this huge fight to protect himself.
546
00:26:19,353 --> 00:26:20,479
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
547
00:26:20,604 --> 00:26:22,982
Yeah, that keeps Frankie off
balance and keeps him in control.
548
00:26:23,107 --> 00:26:25,526
Right. And out of a
relationship that could possibly
549
00:26:25,651 --> 00:26:27,528
make him happy for
the rest of his life.
550
00:26:27,653 --> 00:26:30,030
Mmm. Go to the head... of the class.
551
00:26:30,364 --> 00:26:33,075
All right.
So I'm obviously here to make sure
552
00:26:33,158 --> 00:26:34,785
that Mack and Frankie get
together, right?
553
00:26:34,868 --> 00:26:36,870
Well, Ziggy says that
there's a 90% chance
554
00:26:36,954 --> 00:26:39,248
that if you play Cupid
the act can be a success,
555
00:26:39,373 --> 00:26:42,793
and Mack doesn't end up as plant food,
and you leap outta here.
556
00:26:42,876 --> 00:26:45,087
- Okay. I'm gonna go find Mack.
- Okay.
557
00:26:50,718 --> 00:26:54,221
It had been a long time since
I'd had a heart-to-heart with a friend,
558
00:26:54,430 --> 00:26:56,265
especially over a woman.
559
00:26:56,598 --> 00:26:59,518
The problem was, Mack wasn't a friend,
560
00:26:59,852 --> 00:27:04,064
though there were moments...
brief moments... I liked him.
561
00:27:04,606 --> 00:27:05,983
Frankie, on the other hand,
562
00:27:06,108 --> 00:27:08,402
deserved a lot better treatment
than Mack knew how to give.
563
00:27:08,610 --> 00:27:12,281
I couldn't help wondering whether
putting them together was for the best.
564
00:27:17,661 --> 00:27:19,246
Got a second?
565
00:27:21,415 --> 00:27:22,583
Hit me.
566
00:27:22,708 --> 00:27:24,710
I would,
if I thought it'd do any good.
567
00:27:26,628 --> 00:27:29,590
I got nothin' to say to you, Davey.
Hit me again.
568
00:27:29,715 --> 00:27:32,092
W-W-Wait a second.
You don't want another card.
569
00:27:32,217 --> 00:27:36,346
Why the hell not? Because you got 18.
He's probably got a face card.
570
00:27:38,474 --> 00:27:39,975
Hit me.
571
00:27:41,018 --> 00:27:42,936
- Bust.
- Don't you ever listen to anybody?
572
00:27:43,062 --> 00:27:46,023
Yeah. Anybody who doesn't
stab me in the back.
573
00:27:50,319 --> 00:27:52,529
Why don't you just admit it,
all right? You love her.
574
00:27:52,654 --> 00:27:56,283
- Take a powder.
- You love her and you're afraid of her.
575
00:27:56,784 --> 00:27:58,911
Why the hell would I
be afraid of a broad?
576
00:27:59,036 --> 00:28:01,955
Because she's beautiful,
she's intelligent,
577
00:28:02,081 --> 00:28:03,832
and she's not afraid
to stand up to you,
578
00:28:03,916 --> 00:28:05,709
even though you act
like an ogre sometimes.
579
00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:07,795
Just because she's got you
wearin' sheep for glasses
580
00:28:07,820 --> 00:28:09,270
doesn't make her
tough or talented.
581
00:28:09,308 --> 00:28:11,151
- Or beautiful.
- So she looks good.
582
00:28:11,223 --> 00:28:12,715
Come on.
You're crazy about her, right?
583
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,345
You're nuts.
584
00:28:15,010 --> 00:28:17,304
If I'm so crazy about her,
then how come we always fight
585
00:28:17,429 --> 00:28:19,473
every time we're together
for more than five minutes?
586
00:28:19,598 --> 00:28:21,725
Well, as far as I can tell,
it's because that's the only way
587
00:28:21,809 --> 00:28:24,228
you know how to relate to a
woman you're attracted to.
588
00:28:27,815 --> 00:28:31,777
- Yeah, well... She... You...
- Yeah?
589
00:28:32,069 --> 00:28:33,612
Why the hell'd you
have to go and kiss her?
590
00:28:33,642 --> 00:28:34,769
Actually, she kissed me.
591
00:28:34,808 --> 00:28:36,031
Why'd she have to kiss you?
592
00:28:36,156 --> 00:28:37,407
Because she was trying
to get your attention.
593
00:28:37,533 --> 00:28:39,451
Oh, she got my attention.
Now everything's ruined.
594
00:28:39,535 --> 00:28:40,953
Nothing is ruined.
595
00:28:41,036 --> 00:28:42,830
Look, Frankie is the
kind of a person...
596
00:28:42,955 --> 00:28:45,749
Mack... Look, Mack,
she knows how you feel about her.
597
00:28:45,874 --> 00:28:48,627
What she doesn't get is why
you treat her like she's...
598
00:28:48,752 --> 00:28:50,337
Like what?
Like I'm smart?
599
00:28:50,462 --> 00:28:53,090
What happens if she finds
out I'm crazy about her, huh?
600
00:28:53,215 --> 00:28:55,217
Then she-she'll go out with
me, and then...
601
00:28:55,342 --> 00:28:56,969
Then we're really
gonna like each other,
602
00:28:57,094 --> 00:28:59,054
and then we're gonna wanna
see each other all the time,
603
00:28:59,138 --> 00:29:01,098
and then maybe we're gonna
end up gettin' married,
604
00:29:01,223 --> 00:29:04,351
and having kids, and then...
And then we'll buy a house.
605
00:29:04,476 --> 00:29:06,395
That's when the trouble
really starts, too,
606
00:29:06,478 --> 00:29:07,896
'cause there'll be
fights over the bills,
607
00:29:08,021 --> 00:29:10,649
then the anger and the hatred,
and then, bam, ends up in divorce.
608
00:29:10,774 --> 00:29:12,818
The next thing you know,
we don't talk to each other ever again,
609
00:29:12,901 --> 00:29:14,403
- and the kids...
- Mack,
610
00:29:14,473 --> 00:29:16,453
why don't you start by
asking her out again?
611
00:29:16,508 --> 00:29:17,656
What?
612
00:29:17,698 --> 00:29:21,243
Before you ruin your kids' life,
take the first step: Ask her out.
613
00:29:21,577 --> 00:29:23,996
But not until we work everything
else out on the act tonight
614
00:29:24,079 --> 00:29:26,181
before we go look
like nerds on stage.
615
00:29:26,244 --> 00:29:27,438
Like what?
616
00:29:27,463 --> 00:29:30,353
Never mind. Look, look. Let's just go
find Frankie and work on this thing.
617
00:29:30,419 --> 00:29:33,338
Give ourselves a chance.
What do you say?
618
00:29:35,007 --> 00:29:36,967
- Okay.
- All right. Come on. Let's go.
619
00:29:37,092 --> 00:29:39,386
I, uh...
I came in here for a reason.
620
00:29:44,516 --> 00:29:46,602
Hi! I'm Dave Parker,
your man on the street,
621
00:29:46,727 --> 00:29:49,521
- and I'm here today with...
- Supergirl!
622
00:29:49,646 --> 00:29:51,356
And I'm Superman.
623
00:29:51,481 --> 00:29:54,026
So, uh, how do you
two superheroes have sex?
624
00:29:54,151 --> 00:29:56,320
Um, vertically.
625
00:29:57,279 --> 00:29:58,822
- Switch.
- Now walk.
626
00:29:58,853 --> 00:30:00,407
- Now walk, walk, walk.
- Oh, that's good.
627
00:30:00,490 --> 00:30:02,117
I like it. Yes, I like it.
628
00:30:02,242 --> 00:30:03,911
- Yes.
- Ooh!
629
00:30:07,206 --> 00:30:10,626
Go out. Get like somebody
in the audience. Yeah, that's it.
630
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:15,672
If Burl Ives married Milton
Berle, they'd be Burl Berle.
631
00:30:15,756 --> 00:30:17,216
Why do you even bother thinking?
632
00:30:17,299 --> 00:30:18,550
- Hey, it's no bother at all.
- Ha.
633
00:30:18,666 --> 00:30:21,169
Why was Ben-Hur a her
if he was actually a him?
634
00:30:21,303 --> 00:30:23,013
H-U-R not H-E-R.
635
00:30:23,096 --> 00:30:24,681
There you go again,
moving your vowels on stage.
636
00:30:24,806 --> 00:30:26,183
- I got one for you.
- Yes?
637
00:30:26,308 --> 00:30:27,851
If you're still listening.
638
00:30:47,621 --> 00:30:50,082
Okay. Okay, we open in 20 minutes.
639
00:30:50,207 --> 00:30:51,833
- 9:30's your curtain.
- Okay.
640
00:30:51,959 --> 00:30:54,086
Okay, I'm gonna take a
shower and stuff like that,
641
00:30:54,169 --> 00:30:55,837
and I will see you
guys back here.
642
00:30:55,963 --> 00:30:58,090
- Uh, Frankie? Um...
- Yeah?
643
00:30:59,132 --> 00:31:01,051
I just wanted to tell you, I...
I thought you were...
644
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,330
You were really, really great
in that, uh, superhero sketch.
645
00:31:04,471 --> 00:31:05,914
You did? Really?
646
00:31:06,056 --> 00:31:08,016
Yeah. It just...
It needs a little...
647
00:31:08,433 --> 00:31:11,186
Uh, you're gonna be...
No, you're gonna be great tonight.
648
00:31:11,270 --> 00:31:14,398
Thank you, Mack.
That means a lot comin' from you.
649
00:31:15,732 --> 00:31:19,903
Look, um... I, uh...
About what I said before, I just...
650
00:31:19,987 --> 00:31:22,322
I wanted to tell you
that I'm-I'm sor...
651
00:31:22,406 --> 00:31:25,200
Um, I'm s-s-sor...
652
00:31:26,118 --> 00:31:27,452
I'm sorry.
653
00:31:27,536 --> 00:31:30,497
Oh, it's okay.
I knew you didn't mean it.
654
00:31:31,290 --> 00:31:33,625
- You did?
- Yeah, I did.
655
00:31:35,669 --> 00:31:37,129
Frankie, um...
656
00:31:37,254 --> 00:31:40,382
Look, I've been crazy about you ever since
the first time I saw you at Cocono's,
657
00:31:40,507 --> 00:31:43,176
and-and I've been tryin' to find the words,
but every time I do, it just...
658
00:31:43,302 --> 00:31:45,262
It's hard, 'cause I...
I can't. I stumble.
659
00:31:45,387 --> 00:31:48,432
No, I know. Look, let's just...
start over.
660
00:31:50,434 --> 00:31:55,439
Ah, I love happy endings.
Don't you?
661
00:31:55,522 --> 00:31:57,774
- Let's leap outta here, huh?
- Yeah.
662
00:31:58,108 --> 00:32:00,152
Well, if Macky and Frankie...
663
00:32:00,269 --> 00:32:02,313
If they're all lovey-dovey and
everything's gonna be fine,
664
00:32:02,355 --> 00:32:03,864
- the trio's gonna be a hit, then, uh...
- Yeah.
665
00:32:03,989 --> 00:32:05,365
I should be leapin' now, right?
666
00:32:05,490 --> 00:32:08,410
Yeah, I... I don't have a
good feeling about this.
667
00:32:08,535 --> 00:32:10,412
Why not? What's goin' on?
668
00:32:10,495 --> 00:32:12,451
- Well, I...
- What?
669
00:32:12,581 --> 00:32:15,667
Kind of have the same feeling that
Pandora's mother must have had...
670
00:32:15,751 --> 00:32:16,877
Frankie.
671
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:19,004
- When she opened the box.
- I have a little somethin' for you.
672
00:32:19,713 --> 00:32:21,840
I'd like you to wear it when
I take you to dinner tonight.
673
00:32:21,965 --> 00:32:25,844
And anything else you'd like
to wear under it is, of course, optional.
674
00:32:26,553 --> 00:32:29,765
Well, here 'tis.
Come on, baby. Try it on.
675
00:32:29,890 --> 00:32:32,309
- You son of a...
- No, Mack!
676
00:32:33,185 --> 00:32:35,979
Easy, easy.
Mr. MacKay.
677
00:32:36,605 --> 00:32:39,900
You just made
a very big career mistake.
678
00:32:42,110 --> 00:32:44,488
You're just like every other woman
I've met in my whole life.
679
00:32:44,571 --> 00:32:47,115
You're just... just a user.
Another damned user!
680
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,118
- Mack.
- Mack! Mack, I wasn't...
681
00:32:51,119 --> 00:32:54,206
Sam, you changed history.
Now they don't go on tonight at all.
682
00:32:54,331 --> 00:32:58,794
And Mack's body is found
in the desert...
683
00:32:59,378 --> 00:33:01,380
in 1982.
684
00:33:02,172 --> 00:33:07,135
And 1985. And 1989.
685
00:33:09,096 --> 00:33:10,931
He's lizard food.
686
00:33:15,435 --> 00:33:17,229
Why is this happening?
687
00:33:17,312 --> 00:33:20,774
Because Mack's fuse
is shorter than his lifeline.
688
00:33:21,274 --> 00:33:24,152
What am I gonna do?
Look, you gotta talk to him, okay?
689
00:33:24,236 --> 00:33:26,186
You tell him you had
nothin' to do with DeGorio
690
00:33:26,279 --> 00:33:27,864
and his cockamamie
dinner fantasy.
691
00:33:27,948 --> 00:33:29,491
What if he doesn't listen to me?
692
00:33:29,616 --> 00:33:31,493
He's in love with her.
He'll never listen.
693
00:33:31,576 --> 00:33:32,953
You make him listen.
You tell him.
694
00:33:33,078 --> 00:33:34,955
I'm gonna go find DeGorio and try
and straighten everything out.
695
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,374
But in the meantime, you make sure
that he's here for the show, okay?
696
00:33:37,499 --> 00:33:39,543
Now get going. Go.
Go, go, go, go, go!
697
00:33:39,626 --> 00:33:42,504
Okay. I'm gonna go back
and run some scenarios,
698
00:33:42,587 --> 00:33:45,215
and maybe Ziggy
can piece together what happened.
699
00:33:45,715 --> 00:33:47,634
Uh, no pun intended.
700
00:33:47,717 --> 00:33:49,428
I'll see ya.
701
00:33:51,888 --> 00:33:56,518
Mack! Mack! Come back.
I want to talk to you.
702
00:33:56,601 --> 00:33:57,936
Just go away.
703
00:33:58,061 --> 00:34:00,564
No, no, no, no, no.
Not until you listen to me.
704
00:34:00,689 --> 00:34:03,108
I don't have to.
My eyes have seen the whole picture.
705
00:34:03,233 --> 00:34:06,027
No. I love you, Mack.
Damn it!
706
00:34:06,111 --> 00:34:10,824
I did not have any intention of going out
with DeGorio or anyone else.
707
00:34:11,700 --> 00:34:13,827
I'm just not buyin' it, Frankie.
708
00:34:14,286 --> 00:34:15,454
Why don't...
709
00:34:15,537 --> 00:34:18,039
Why don't you and Davey just go
out there and make it work, okay?
710
00:34:18,123 --> 00:34:20,667
I'm goin' on my own. I don't need him and
I definitely don't need you. All right?
711
00:34:20,750 --> 00:34:22,127
Yes, you do.
712
00:34:22,252 --> 00:34:24,045
I can make it on my own.
713
00:34:24,588 --> 00:34:29,718
Okay. Okay, you have the talent...
714
00:34:29,801 --> 00:34:33,096
and God knows you have the guts.
715
00:34:34,055 --> 00:34:38,768
But... who you gonna
come home to, Mack?
716
00:34:40,770 --> 00:34:44,816
I... I've... I've got... my plants.
717
00:34:47,110 --> 00:34:49,988
Why are you always running away?
718
00:34:52,157 --> 00:34:54,534
You think you understand me,
don't you?
719
00:34:55,327 --> 00:34:56,703
You think you...
720
00:34:56,828 --> 00:35:01,065
You think you know why I keep a safe
distance away from women like you.
721
00:35:01,666 --> 00:35:03,251
Yeah?
722
00:35:03,502 --> 00:35:05,670
Yeah? Well, you...
Well, you don't.
723
00:35:05,837 --> 00:35:08,757
You don't understand this much
about what makes me tick.
724
00:35:09,591 --> 00:35:15,347
Well, I think I understand
that when you were a little kid,
725
00:35:15,430 --> 00:35:19,142
maybe those big muscle guy creeps...
726
00:35:19,267 --> 00:35:23,688
used to pick on you and beat up on you
'cause you were a wimp.
727
00:35:24,231 --> 00:35:27,484
And the only way that you could
protect yourself and save your butt...
728
00:35:27,609 --> 00:35:30,654
was to make 'em laugh and be funny,
729
00:35:30,779 --> 00:35:32,697
and God, you've been
doin' that for so long,
730
00:35:32,781 --> 00:35:35,367
you couldn't stop if
you wanted to now, huh?
731
00:35:38,328 --> 00:35:40,664
See? You don't know
anything about me.
732
00:35:44,584 --> 00:35:46,962
Why don't you listen to her, Mack?
733
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,007
You don't understand, Davey.
734
00:35:52,259 --> 00:35:54,261
I'll tell you what I understand...
735
00:35:55,679 --> 00:35:58,974
that you're gonna throw away
your career...
736
00:35:59,057 --> 00:36:02,769
and a chance at a great relationship
in one fell swoop.
737
00:36:02,852 --> 00:36:04,563
And for what? For the...
738
00:36:05,146 --> 00:36:09,067
For the chance to show
that everybody else is wrong?
739
00:36:09,609 --> 00:36:11,444
What are you talkin' about?
740
00:36:11,945 --> 00:36:16,157
It just seems to me
like you set everybody up to fail,
741
00:36:16,283 --> 00:36:21,121
so that when things go wrong,
it's never your fault.
742
00:36:22,581 --> 00:36:25,667
Don't destroy us
before we've had a chance.
743
00:36:26,209 --> 00:36:31,423
You gotta trust somebody, Mack.
Trust me.
744
00:36:40,765 --> 00:36:42,851
Okay, okay.
Enough of the mushy stuff.
745
00:36:42,934 --> 00:36:45,353
Come on. We got a show to do.
746
00:36:45,478 --> 00:36:48,148
- What about DeGorio?
- I'm not worried about him.
747
00:36:48,231 --> 00:36:49,774
Well, you should
be worried about him,
748
00:36:49,858 --> 00:36:52,861
'cause I don't know a whole lot
of dead comics with great careers goin'.
749
00:36:52,986 --> 00:36:55,155
- He's not gonna kill me.
- Oh, yes, he is.
750
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,532
Ninety percent chance
he doesn't make it to the opening show.
751
00:36:57,657 --> 00:36:59,284
- Where's your tux?
- It's in the dressing room.
752
00:36:59,409 --> 00:37:00,744
But I gotta take a shower.
753
00:37:00,869 --> 00:37:02,912
No, no. No showers.
We're not takin' any more chances.
754
00:37:02,996 --> 00:37:05,040
Now you go get ready
and meet us backstage.
755
00:37:05,123 --> 00:37:07,125
Well, I thought you were
gonna talk to DeGorio.
756
00:37:07,250 --> 00:37:09,169
Well, nobody can find him.
757
00:37:09,294 --> 00:37:12,547
His odds are going up, Sam. He still gets
killed, but the time frame is shifting.
758
00:37:12,672 --> 00:37:16,676
Listen to me. I told his henchman
to meet us backstage between shows,
759
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,137
okay, and we'll talk peace.
760
00:37:19,220 --> 00:37:21,556
Now just go get dressed,
all right? Hurry up.
761
00:37:28,063 --> 00:37:31,316
Oh, I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
So how do I look? And be honest.
762
00:37:31,399 --> 00:37:33,360
Be totally honest,
'cause I think the beads are too much.
763
00:37:33,485 --> 00:37:35,445
Will you just relax?
You look gorgeous.
764
00:37:35,528 --> 00:37:38,114
- Sam, you gotta get outta here.
- We gotta do the show.
765
00:37:38,231 --> 00:37:39,949
Okay, as soon as the
opening act is done.
766
00:37:40,075 --> 00:37:41,493
DeGorio's gonna grab Mack.
767
00:37:41,618 --> 00:37:43,161
Look, maybe we shouldn't go on.
768
00:37:43,316 --> 00:37:45,819
I don't know who's more nervous,
Frankie or you.
769
00:37:46,414 --> 00:37:48,583
Oh, no. Wait now. Now Ziggy...
770
00:37:48,667 --> 00:37:51,503
Now Ziggy's sayin' that you
do have to go out and perform,
771
00:37:51,628 --> 00:37:55,048
- because Darryl F. Zanuck...
- Huh?
772
00:37:55,131 --> 00:37:58,468
Is in the audience,
and he's gonna sign you to a contract,
773
00:37:58,593 --> 00:38:00,428
and then that's how
you meet your wife,
774
00:38:00,553 --> 00:38:03,431
and you have three kids,
two girls and... Oh, boy.
775
00:38:03,556 --> 00:38:06,059
- Darryl Zanuck?
- What?
776
00:38:06,184 --> 00:38:08,061
Uh... Uh... Nothin;
777
00:38:24,994 --> 00:38:28,498
Ladies and gentlemen,
a nice hand for Maria Rose!
778
00:38:28,748 --> 00:38:32,502
Yes! Nice job, honey.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
779
00:38:32,577 --> 00:38:34,754
the luxurious lounge
here at the all new,
780
00:38:34,879 --> 00:38:36,923
fabulous Las Vegas
Golden Sand Hotel...
781
00:38:37,048 --> 00:38:41,302
is proud to present the comedy
of Parker, MacKay and Fields!
782
00:38:41,428 --> 00:38:43,138
- Lets give 'em a warm welcome.
- Fields?
783
00:38:43,263 --> 00:38:45,432
Oh. Well, I liked Fields the best.
784
00:39:01,281 --> 00:39:03,575
Thank you. You're very, very
kind, and you're well-dressed.
785
00:39:03,700 --> 00:39:04,743
Hey!
786
00:39:04,868 --> 00:39:06,870
Now how about takin' all that off?
787
00:39:09,247 --> 00:39:10,582
I oughta belt you.
788
00:39:10,707 --> 00:39:12,667
Well, you don't have to.
I got a cummerbund.
789
00:39:13,251 --> 00:39:16,588
That's a nice look too. Did they
give you a set of bagpipes with that?
790
00:39:18,214 --> 00:39:20,300
Yes, they're in my pants.
791
00:40:05,178 --> 00:40:09,849
My brother was just released from
an asylum today, and before we...
792
00:40:11,309 --> 00:40:15,021
Before I marry you,
I only thought it fair to...
793
00:40:15,438 --> 00:40:18,942
show you our horrible family... tree.
794
00:40:21,194 --> 00:40:24,697
Oh, Leonard, you poor man.
795
00:40:25,615 --> 00:40:27,909
Uh... Uh, what a painful secret.
796
00:40:28,034 --> 00:40:30,745
But you know,
your secret is safe with me.
797
00:40:30,829 --> 00:40:33,206
It will never leave my lips.
798
00:40:35,250 --> 00:40:36,668
Is something wrong, my dear?
799
00:40:36,751 --> 00:40:40,839
Oh, no. It's just that those were,
uh, plastic grapes.
800
00:40:42,757 --> 00:40:45,426
I love plastic grapes.
801
00:40:46,553 --> 00:40:49,389
It's okay, you see,
because Arnold loves plastic.
802
00:40:49,514 --> 00:40:51,182
I love anything plastic.
803
00:40:51,307 --> 00:40:53,977
He... He loves anything plastic.
804
00:40:54,102 --> 00:40:56,855
He really does. And I think...
805
00:40:56,938 --> 00:41:00,525
that he really likes you too,
my dear.
806
00:41:00,608 --> 00:41:04,028
I really like you.
I really, really like you.
807
00:41:27,276 --> 00:41:28,803
We've been Parker...
808
00:41:28,928 --> 00:41:30,930
MacKay...
And Fields!
809
00:41:31,139 --> 00:41:32,765
Thank you.
810
00:41:48,398 --> 00:41:51,234
The fabulous comedy stylings
of Parker, MacKay and Fields.
811
00:41:51,367 --> 00:41:52,827
Let's bring 'em
out one more time,
812
00:41:52,952 --> 00:41:55,622
with a big round of applause for
Parker, MacKay and Fields.
813
00:41:56,205 --> 00:41:58,791
Ho! Yeah!
814
00:41:59,125 --> 00:42:00,919
You can't do this.
I'm in the middle of a show.
815
00:42:01,044 --> 00:42:02,670
Sam, they're snatchin' Mack!
816
00:42:02,754 --> 00:42:05,465
Two big ugly guys with noses for faces!
Hurry up!
817
00:42:05,548 --> 00:42:07,467
They're takin' him down the stairs!
818
00:42:36,663 --> 00:42:39,666
All right.
Everybody hold it right there.
819
00:42:39,749 --> 00:42:43,044
Now look, this ain't got nothin'
to do with you two.
820
00:42:43,169 --> 00:42:45,546
This is between Mr. MacKay
and Mr. DeGorio.
821
00:42:45,672 --> 00:42:48,257
So if you two would just get lost
and forget about this,
822
00:42:48,383 --> 00:42:50,468
I'd be more than happy
to let you keep breathin'.
823
00:42:50,593 --> 00:42:52,303
Sam,
you're all gonna end up dead
824
00:42:52,428 --> 00:42:54,806
unless you do something about
this right here and right now.
825
00:42:54,931 --> 00:42:56,933
You know, killin' us
isn't gonna solve anything.
826
00:42:57,058 --> 00:42:58,726
Who said anything
about killin' anybody?
827
00:42:58,851 --> 00:43:02,271
Oh, so you brought the terminator
and his evil twin as an escort service?
828
00:43:02,397 --> 00:43:05,483
Look, if we could just have a
conversation with Mr. DeGorio,
829
00:43:05,566 --> 00:43:07,151
I'm sure we could
work all this out.
830
00:43:07,276 --> 00:43:11,322
And, uh, what makes you
so sure of that?
831
00:43:11,698 --> 00:43:14,867
Joey, it's not too bright
to shoot off a gun in the club.
832
00:43:16,077 --> 00:43:20,123
Mr. DeGorio, if you kill Mack tonight,
833
00:43:21,332 --> 00:43:24,544
sooner or later someone
is gonna report him missing,
834
00:43:24,961 --> 00:43:27,213
and then everybody's
gonna know it was you.
835
00:43:28,047 --> 00:43:33,553
Missing and dead are very different
things, Mr. Parker. And no body...
836
00:43:34,470 --> 00:43:35,930
means no charges.
837
00:43:36,014 --> 00:43:38,641
He's right, Sam.
Hassles, but no charges.
838
00:43:38,975 --> 00:43:40,893
Yeah, but don't you see that...
839
00:43:42,645 --> 00:43:45,565
none of this would've
happened at all if-if...
840
00:43:45,857 --> 00:43:47,316
if you... if you...
841
00:43:47,442 --> 00:43:48,776
- Me?
- Yeah.
842
00:43:48,901 --> 00:43:50,987
Be careful.
This is a life and death situation.
843
00:43:51,112 --> 00:43:54,157
Yeah, if you had-hadn't
come on to...
844
00:43:54,448 --> 00:43:56,205
Mack's fiancée.
845
00:43:56,409 --> 00:43:58,077
Whoa. What was that?
846
00:43:59,370 --> 00:44:02,415
Um... That's right, Mr. DeGorio.
847
00:44:02,540 --> 00:44:05,501
See, that's why I didn't wanna
go out with you, because...
848
00:44:05,877 --> 00:44:08,421
because Mack and I are...
849
00:44:11,883 --> 00:44:13,551
Engaged.
850
00:44:14,177 --> 00:44:16,846
Yeah, we're very, very engaged.
851
00:44:24,187 --> 00:44:27,732
Well, why didn't anybody tell me
these two were engaged?
852
00:44:31,277 --> 00:44:33,780
Frankie, sweetheart,
853
00:44:33,905 --> 00:44:35,740
I wish you the best.
854
00:44:37,241 --> 00:44:42,080
MacKay... Don't ever hit me again.
Now come here.
855
00:44:42,163 --> 00:44:44,582
We're gonna have the
wedding at this club, on me.
856
00:44:44,707 --> 00:44:46,375
I'm gonna take you
down the aisle.
857
00:44:46,459 --> 00:44:48,920
We're gonna have a band, a party...
Joey, I love weddings!
858
00:44:51,881 --> 00:44:56,677
Well, you did it, Sam, and, uh...
You got somethin' on your face.
859
00:44:56,928 --> 00:44:58,471
Uh...
860
00:44:58,679 --> 00:45:01,015
Frankie and Mack go on
as MacKay and MacKay
861
00:45:01,099 --> 00:45:03,059
and they have a successful
nightclub career.
862
00:45:03,142 --> 00:45:06,521
They even have a couple of
Broadway hits that they write.
863
00:45:06,687 --> 00:45:11,651
Then they... They move to Connecticut,
and, uh, they're still married today.
864
00:45:11,692 --> 00:45:14,904
What-What are... What are...
What are you gonna do with that pie?
865
00:45:16,572 --> 00:45:18,825
Sam? Sam?
866
00:45:19,951 --> 00:45:23,704
What are you thinkin' of do-do-doin'
with that pie, Sam? Now, come on.
867
00:45:23,913 --> 00:45:25,623
Sam, what are you...
What are you...
868
00:45:25,706 --> 00:45:28,209
What are you gonna do with that pie, Sam?
You wouldn't...
869
00:45:33,548 --> 00:45:35,133
Um...
870
00:45:35,591 --> 00:45:37,343
Say good night, Gracie.
871
00:45:58,322 --> 00:46:00,032
Hey, sailor.
872
00:46:02,952 --> 00:46:06,289
The ocean makes me feel so sexy.
873
00:46:13,588 --> 00:46:15,256
Oh, boy.72910